Sex With Emily - Best Of: Best Blowjob Ever

Episode Date: March 14, 2023

Want to give 10/10 pleasure to a penis? Whether you’re giving or receiving oral sex to a penis, this episode is for you. From where to start as an absolute beginner, to upgrading your oral sex game, this is a comprehensive episode on the art of the blowjob. First, we’ll map the penis anatomy so you know what pleasure points you’re dealing with. Next, I’ll teach you techniques to build anticipation, tease, and make your oral sex that much more memorable: eye contact, how to use your hands, and the best lube for the job. We’ll also get into sensation play, testicle and perineum stimulation, and if swallowing or deep-throating is in the cards for you. (It’s totally OK if not.) Plus, I’ve got tips for dealing with anxiety when you’re the receiver. Don’t blow this episode off: your oral sex mastery starts now.  Show Notes:6 Ways to Improve Sleep for Better SexPRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureWhen it’s Time to Unplug, Plug in a Magic WandPodcast: Everybody Loves OralArticle: 6 Oral Sex Tips for Going Down on a VulvaArticle: Mind-Blowing Oral Sex in Under 5 Minutes: The Kivin MethodArticle: How to Give a Better BlowjobPromescent.com/Emily (use this link to automatically save 15% at checkout)Article: Ask Emily: How Do I Better Enjoy Oral Sex?This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/sexwithemily and get 10% off your first month. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I thought you had to swallow. I didn't even know you had an option to swallow when I was younger. I was like, I'm going to be the eight, blowjob student. I'm going to swallow. But it turns out, again, I've been with some partners who don't care so much if you swallow or I've been to a part of recently, do you want me to swallow or do you want to see it? Do you want to go other places? And you're like, I like to mix it up. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate

the conversation around sex. You want to give 10 out of 10 pleasure to a penis, whether you're giving or receiving oral sex to a penis, this episode is for you. From where to start as an absolute beginner to upgrading your oral sex game, this is a comprehensive episode on the art of the blowjob. First we'll map the penis anatomy so you know what pleasure points you're dealing with. Next, I'll teach you techniques to build anticipation, tease, and make your oral sex that much more

memorable. I contact how to use your hand and the best loop for the job. We'll also get into sensation play, testicle and perinium stimulation, and if swallowing or deep thoding is in the cards for you. By the way, it's totally okay if not. Plus, I've got tips for dealing with anxiety when you're the receiver. Don't blow this episode off. Your oral sex mastery starts now.

Intentions with Emily for each episode I want to start off Don't blow this episode off. Your oral sex mastery starts now. Intentions with Emily for each episode I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you to do the same. My intention is to help you feel confident and prepare for oral sex, no matter your level of experience. When you can approach it with a few tricks in your back pocket, you'll feel more enthusiastic and as you'll hear me say often, that's the number one quality you need to give your partner the best oral they can imagine. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show and my new article, Six Ways

to Improve Sleep for Better Sex is up at sexwithemily.com. Check out my YouTube channel, Social Media and TikTok. It's all at sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. And if you want to ask me questions, please do so. Leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com, slash ask Emily, call my hotline. 5.59 Talk Sex, or 5.59, 8.255739. As always, include your name or age where you live and how you listen to the show, and always an option to remain anonymous. Before we get into the show real quick, very exciting news, I'm coming out with a book.

It's called Smart Sex, how to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure. And here's what you need to know. It comes out, can be in your hot and little hands, June 13th. It's available to all major booksellers, but here's what I need you to do. I would love if you're like, of course, up by your book, Dr. Emily, then please, please, I beg you to pre-order it now. It's sexathomely.com. Just go to the drop down menu, select new book, and it's easy from there or go to the show notes, and also request at your libraries, indie bookstores. It just really helps that I want everyone to have smart sex. So thank you all.

I love you. I appreciate you for supporting the book and the show. Lastly, this episode is brought to you by Magic Wand. Okay, you know, I love Magic Wand. Probably my longest sponsor, because I love them, I think we love each other, to be honest, they've been around since 1968. It's one of the most in demand pleasure products out there. They've got the three models, the mini, they're rechargeable, the original,

I am obsessed with the mini, I use it for part-in-sack. I take it everywhere I go, I travel with it. And also, it is amazing on a penis. Let me remind you, Penis' love pleasure too, I travel with it. And also, it is amazing on a penis. Let me remind you, penises love pleasure too and they love vibrations. The mini feels great on the shaft, on the tip, on the balls, on the perinium. You just put it on a lower setting

and you're good to go. Please email me DME when you try this, okay? Enough said. If you haven't seen our article with Magic One, when it's time to unplug, plug it in a Magic One, check it out, sexelmy.com slash Magic One. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode. Before we get started, I just want to clarify some things about the term below job.

I don't love using this term because it's not very technical, it's not you're not actually blowing. And if you've noticed, you've been listening to this show, I use a lot of the, you know, if I'm talking about penis, I use a penis. I'm talking about vagina, I say vagina, or vulva, vulva. I just like to keep it to the terms that we all understand and that a ton of slang. So for the majority of this episode, I will be referring to the act as oral sex or oral sex on a penis. I don't know, I might be saying some blow jobs in here. It's a lot easier, but it's just something that I chose a long time ago when I started this just to kind of keep it with the official terms as I'm speaking about sexual acts. Also, this show is dedicated to all things oral when it comes to penises because we all

have so many questions about this topic. But remember, vulva's love oral sex too. In fact, I'm going to do a show just for vulvas, so don't worry about that. But at the meantime, please check out any of my previous podcasts. I had a podcast called Everyone Loves Oral that has a lot of vulva oral sex in it. Or my articles on my website, six oral sex tips for going down in a vulva and mind-blowing sex under five minutes, the Kivin Method. This is also going to be in the show notes, so don't worry about it.

And please remember oral sex should be reciprocal. If you are giving, you should also be receiving. Sometimes you're only room for one person to have oral sex. You don't have a lot of time. You know, I understand that. But overall, it should be equal. Like, you got oral sex out of Tuesday. You know, someone performed it and you should give it to your partner the next day.

You get what I'm saying here, right? Feels good for all of us. So everyone has to start'm saying here, right? Feels good for all of us. So everyone has to start somewhere, am I right? And if you've never given oral sex to a penis before, don't worry. I have everything you're going to need to know to really go at it like a pro. Let's just run through an anatomy course real quickly because I think it's important. Every penis owner is different, but let's just cover some general anatomy and erotic zones for penis owners.

Alright, the penis consists of the shaft, the glands penis, and the frenulum. The glands penis, the tip of the penis, is the head of the penis, has the most nerve earnings, and typically that can be the most sensitive spot. Now some penis owners, if they have a forest skin, they like having it pulled down to the base of the penis before stimulation of the shaft and the tip. You can also stimulate the frenulum, the frenulum, just think of it like your new best friend. That's the skin between the tip of the penis and the shaft. You can circle it or you can use your thumb and pinch it, the scrotum, the testicles,

so the scrotum, which is the skin surrounding the testicles, is a pleasure point that stimulates the testicles simultaneously. You can try pulling on the scrotum, experiment with rubbing and gently scratching the taut skin, especially over the testicles, or you can even just start with holding them in your hand and seeing how your partner reacts. Not everyone's going to like their balls played with. They just won't. The prostate gland is also known as the P spot.

Now the prostate gland is an internal organ located between the penis and the bladder. And you can stimulate the prostate gland from inside the rectum. Some people find it easy to locate the prostate with lube and a glove finger. But you can also use a sex toy like a dildo or a butt plug or a prostate massager. I'm just going to say here, doesn't make you gay, doesn't mean anything weird if you want to try, it just means that you have a penis and you also have a prostate and that can feel incredible when stimulated correctly.

Okay, the perineum also known as the taint. It's located between the base of the penis and the anus, that skin area in between. It hardens when the penis is erect, and you can try massaging the perineum with your fingers or place your palm over the perineum and just hold it there, and you could also use a vibrator over the hand when it's resting over the perineum, but this area again because it's indirectly stimulating your prostate, and there's just so many nerve ratings around there that could feel really good as well. Now the foreskin, not everyone has a foreskin, but it is that retractable role of skin covering the end of the penis.

Now this is only present for penis owners who are on circumcised, and I will, will, will be giving tips on how giving oral sex is a little bit different for uncircumcised penises later in this episode. So now we're going over the anatomy of the penis. Here are some other things to know before you blow. When it comes to oral and really any kind of sex, it's just hot to go slow. I think a lot of us rush to sex. We start making out, and then we go right for the genitals

or right for penetration, but just like everything goes slow. So don't go right for the penis. Start with kissing and massaging their entire body, their chest, their inner thighs, teasing their outer thighs, and really build up the anticipation by teasing and by touching. And don't be afraid to use your hands. In fact, I encourage it. and really build up the anticipation by teasing and by touching. And don't be afraid to use your hands. In fact, I encourage it.

Your hands are a huge part of a blowjob. Sucking on the tip of the penis while using your hands to stroke the shaft is a great way to stimulate the entire penis without having a fully deep throat, which I think is overrated. Plus, it works well to give your mouth a break in between. I also want to say, weather is better. There is nothing worse than a dry hand or a dry blow job.

And I love lube. You can get a bottle of flavored lube, which is delicious. We recommend a bunch on our website. Because some of it is like mint chocolate chip. And you're like, okay, this tastes good. I can give a mint chocolate chip blow job. So once you start giving oral sex, pay attention to your partner's reaction.

Is there breath changing? Are they moaning? You know, these are things that you can tell right away that are as eyes rolling back in his head, use these reactions as clues for what is working. And know that you can also ask him, like, does this feel good? Is there anything I can adjust? What do you need? So once you find a few things that work for both of you, just move between them and change the sensations to keep it exciting. There's also a great article by website titled How to Give a Better Blow job, which walks to do this process step by step. I'm going to give some more tips to really elevate your oral game, but remember,

when my top tips for giving great oral sex is enthusiasm. So make some noise and enjoy the act and you're all going to have a good time. So let's talk about elevating. Now, I just explain some of the basics. Sensation play. Oh my god, this is such a fun way to experiment during oral sex is playing with all the different sensations. So in addition to using flavored lube, which is really fun to do and tasty, try popping like a listerine strip or ice cube in your mouth before going down on a penis. And this will allow them to feel new sensations, making the experience even more exciting. You could also go from cold to hot like you could have an ice cube in your mouth, and you could breathe on it with your mouth.

So that's like a hot air, and then a cool ice cube. There's also warming loops and cooling loops. So anything that's going to deal with sensation and going to stimulate different nerve ratings is a good time. All right, go for the balls. See if your partner likes or not by starting with a very light touch. And then you can hold their testicles in one hand while you stimulate their penis with your mouth.

Gently massaging the balls in your hands. And then you could also try to swirl your tongue around their testicles. And then you could take and go in circles around each one or figure eights around both. And then you can gently suck them if your partner's not too sensitive. And you can like tuck one into your mouth.

Do you notice a theme here? There is a theme. And that theme is gentle. Be gentle. Okay? Next, apply pleasure to the perineum. So while stimulating your partner's penis with your mouth and maybe a hand, use your other hand to apply gentle pressure to their perineum.

Now this is the area between the base of the scrotum, or the balls, and their anus. And this area is packed with nerve readings. So they can feel really good when gently stroked, or pressed, or tapped with a finger or two. You can like tap it, press it, you can just hold it. I think it's going to be pleasurable for your partner if you've never tried it. But remember, they show you what they like. They're going to show you, they're going to moan, they're going to make a noise, you can tell, so you want to be connected, you want to be noticing. Make sure you keep noticing what feels good to them.

All right. Stimulate the funulum. Okay, so think about it. If you were a vulva owner, just lick and stimulate the funulum as if it was your clitoris. You can go up and down, side to side. You know, the Kiven Method works here too. This is a method for going down in a vulva, which you're going to have to check out on the website, which is a great article. But like, play with different speeds. It can be gentle, slow licks, to quicker movements. You know, there's

just different ways you can play with it. But again, yes, the funulum is the most sensitive part of the penis. It's actually where the foreskin was removed. So if you don't have foreskin, you have a front meal. And that's why it's so sensitive because it still has a rectal tissue there that has so many nerve endings in it. But you know, I was at the part I wanted to, front meal wasn't that sensitive. He's like, no, it doesn't really do it for me. So I'm telling you all, it is a, I'm giving you the general overview. And I want you to pick and choose what works here and try it on the penis of your life And see how it goes

But just because one penis like something doesn't mean all the penises are gonna like something Toys that's another way to elevate your sensation play if your penis owning partner has never used toys during penis play Oh my god You're gonna rock their world you can use a vibrating cock ring and move it along the shaft that can feel great. You can hold a vibrator to their frenulum or their perineum as you stimulate them with your mouth elsewhere. So think about all these sensations. You've got like a vibrator on their perineum. You could you could just have using your hand and then you can just take one of your vibrators even and just rub it up down their shaft,

tease around the tip, play with their frenulum. It doesn't have to be a special penis toy, it's just the act of vibrations. That's why I always say vibrators are for everybody, no matter what your body part. I mean, vibrations are gonna feel good. So, play with it with oral, you can even blindfold your partner,

so they don't know what's coming next. That's really fun. Okay, deep throating. Remember, you do not have to deep throat if you don't want to, but hey, if you're looking to simply relax your throat during the act and only go as far back as you can, that's great.

I think that deep throating is a little bit overrated. In my opinion, I think that it's a lot of what we see porn, like, like, there's this person gagging on your penis naturally hot. I don't want to hear it. Maybe I hear from a bunch of people, and that's not true. It's the hardest thing in the world. But I just don't like all these people giving oral sex and penis feeling like they have to go deep throat choke and throw up on the penis. I just think there's so many other fun things to be doing in the bedroom or wherever you're giving blow jobs and

That's just not one of them now listen if you are looking to Lesson your gag reflex because that happens just try taking a toothbrush to the back of your throat and like scrubbing your tongue for a few seconds Kind of like working out you just hold it back there in the back of your tongue. And then you just like, right to put it back to get it. If you do that for like a minute every day and you keep moving the toothbrush a little further back and a little further back, your ability to hold this position without gagging is definitely going to get better over time. Let's read an email. This is from Francis, 25 in Wisconsin.

Hey, Dr. Emily, some very inexperienced comes to sex and my boyfriend, who is very incredible understanding, is really wanting to do more with me, including me giving him a blowjob. He does go down to me and I really want to return the favor and pleasure him, but I have no idea what I'm doing.

Help. I get a lot of different variations of these questions for people who feel that they've never done it before. So obviously you'd be wondering how to do it or maybe you just feel insecure because you feel like your partner has been with people with a lot more experienced. And let me say this, there is a first time for everything. And what I love about this email, Frances, is that you are with a trusted partner who cares about your pleasure. He's already giving to you and I think that is really important. I'll say it again, I say this probably in every show

and I don't mind saying it and I hope you hear it. Being with a trusted partner makes a huge difference when it comes to having great oral sex or really any kind of sex. It's hard on a random, it's hard to have great sex with a random person. It really is. I mean, like they don't know your genitals, you don't know why they're really doing it, you don't know if you trust them. It's a whole thing, but you

or Francis are coming from a good place to the part who understands that you haven't done it before. And I'd say the most important part about oral sex, about giving oral sex, is enthusiasm. important part about oral sex, about giving oral sex, is enthusiasm. Show your partner that you're into it, that you're truly into it to being there with some mones and some noises, even smiles in between licking, make eye contact. You know, and I know it can be hard, and it's really, really, really hard to be enthusiastic about something you haven't explored before. But remember remember sex is supposed to be fun. And just remember this also. The penis, if you have some just like I don't know about penis or I have some fear on the penis, it's attached to this person that you really like. So instead of treating your partner as some

detached foreign object that you need to perform on, it just as much of your partner is say like their arm is. So your ultimate goal is to give your partner the gift of pleasure. Just as you would kissing them on their lips. So when you're licking, like think of it, like it's the most delicious ice cream cone you've ever had and you just don't want to drop of it to fall on the ground. And you can keep your tongue moving in a nice, slow, and steady pace.

You can also play with applying pressure through suction and pull your lips over your teeth so you don't actually scrape its penis, but you can also play with the suction in that, like your lips are kind of pierced and you can just be like sucking while licking. But this is, again, this is something that you're gonna experiment with

and you're gonna get used to it when she started doing it more. You don't have to remember all of these, but maybe just a few, as you're gone. You can even go back and listen to this episode a few times, because I'm giving you a lot of tips here. All right, then, Frances, you got this. Thanks for your question.

I know it's gonna help so many people. This is from Lauren and she writes, hey, Dr. Emily, I feel crazy doing this by knowing you'll probably make me feel much better and more confident. I have a weird situation. When I was 18, I had to get double jaw surgery. My jaw was literally wire-chot for about a month. I was still a virgin at the time and only had given it once.

After my surgery, I had a lot of healing issues with my jaw. It's painful and I have good days of bad days. My biggest issue that affects my sex life is that I just can't help my mouth wide enough to get around a guy's penis. It's so embarrassing. Sometimes it's fine because the guy's penis won't be that big, but recently I started dating someone and we've been having sex for the past few weeks and I've yet to give him a head because I'm so freaking scared that I'm going to hurt him and he's going to go off and tell his friends that he doesn't want to be with me. He's bigger than my ex though and I'm all for giving head but how do I have this

conversation with someone new without scaring them away. It's not that I can't give head. I just find that we want to get the majority of his penis in my mouth. There's a lot of pressure on girls to give good head and deep throat and it kills my confidence because I'm really very sexual and I want to make my part of feel good. I know if he doesn't understand my issue, he's not the guy I should be with, but if that's the case, I will have to have a conversation with you at another person at some point and I don't know how to bring it up. Thanks for reading this. I'm desperate at this point and I want to be able to be my fun sexual self. Well Lauren, thank you for your email. Thanks for listening to this show. I feel like you get what I was going to say is like if someone rejects you for something you want,

sexually, they're not your guy. But I also understand that you wanted people to have this conversation. As you should be able to have this conversation. First, you're going to take the pressure off yourself. You're being really hard on yourself. But I understand it's really nerve-wracking. And so, you know, I get it. There is a lot of pressure and all those things, but you're gonna do great, you're very sexual, you're gonna find ways to make this work with the right partner, I promise you. So as far as everything conversations with him, I think you have a conversation like I always say,

outside the bedroom, maybe when you guys are talking about whatever, something it's been, say there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. And so when I was younger, I had this surgery, I had my mouth literally wire-shot. I've learned how to give really great blow jobs, but with my mouth, I always go all the way around the penis, and I've got to get creative with things. And sometimes it's during oral sex, and or it's when I'm eating a hot dog, or when I'm eating a hamburger.

You know, you can just kind of make a joke out of it. Maybe you guys are at a meal and you try to bite something. It's a little bit too big. You say, oh, by the way, I sometimes have a hard time putting things in my mouth, but don't worry. Like I really want to please you or something like that. Like make a joke out of it so he knows. So I don't know how comfortable you are this guy,

but I think you guys, most people are not going to freak out when you are honest and vulnerable and real. Most people are going to be like when you are honest and vulnerable and real. Most people are gonna be like, oh, okay, tell me more because you guys, they don't know, like, he doesn't know what that means. I don't think he's gonna be, oh, God, you can't get a blowjob, I think he's gonna be, oh, this is interesting.

I care about this person, or, you know, thanks for sharing. I'm telling you, a great blowjob has a lot to do with hands, so I just wanna say that, not your teeth, but your hands. It's all about applying enough pressure, playing with the tip. You know, you could do the two hand and moves where you go up and over, swirl your tongue around his corona, you know, the tip. You know, that's where the ridge, the head meets the shaft, it has so many nerve endings.

You can, like, gently suck the tip of his shaft. You can work up to licking along the length of it. Lick his testicles. Well, massaging his shaft with your hands. You could also use something that's great, a helper for blow jobs, too. Go to our website, check out our store. There's like silicone blow job,

hand job, helpers that you could use over a penis. You could also stack your hands and top each other and form like a tube and then put your mouth at the top of the tube. So your mouth is at the top of the penis and then just you move your hands and up and down the penis for stimulation along the whole shaft without having to put all in your mouth. And you're going to find that so many more people are open to hearing your real stories and your vulnerabilities and they're not, but we're so afraid of being rejected that we hold all of these things in these, you know, we're only as sick as our secrets. And a lot of us hold so much in and it doesn't allow us to really flourish and be our real selves with anybody. So you're okay.

You're going to be fine. Next email is Adrian37 in South Carolina. Hey Dr. Emily, I love your podcast. I'm so happy I found it. I have a question for you, which is not as much an issue as it is just needing advice. First let me say, I love going down in guys. It's one of my favorite things to do in the bedroom. No problem, Zola in my past, I'm told I'm very good.

It turns me on so much. And honestly, I usually swallow. It's just easy to clean up that way. Well, I've been dating my boyfriend for over two years now and I love giving him a head. The only thing is, he comes for long periods of time and there's always a lot. I love that about him and he's never said it bothers him, but it's too much to swallow. And I kind of feel bad because of them that end up gagging on it. Even if I'm not swallowing, it feels messier. But I just wish I wasn't struggling with it and gagging and spitting it up because it's too much. I don't even try to swallow at all because I know I can't. I have nothing to do with the taste. Now listen, he's never asked me to swallow. He's just really happy to get a blowjob, but he loves

it either way. I just want to know if there's more options on to gag so much. Okay, listen, I think you're already doing it. Listen, sometimes you can swallow a little bit and not the rest. You can just swallow and let the rest come out. You could let some come out and then swallow a little bit. There are no rules here whatsoever. And I think that you're doing all the right things. I mean, if you're gagging on too much a jacket,

that I just say, then don't take it all in. You could also go a little bit deeper if you'd like, and have your partner just ejaculate in the back of your throat, but it sounds like there's a lot coming out, and I'm gonna guess that you've already tried that before. Now, it also helps to have a glass of water by the bed, some juice, some mouthwash,

so you can rinse your mouth after, and that can help with the swallowing process. But you sound like a really enthusiastic partner, Adrian, and your partner is very lucky to have you. You know, all I can say is you can make it a little bit easier, but you also shouldn't put the pressure on you. It's still a great blowjob. It's still okay to not swallow it all.

In fact, I've asked partners this before because that was like you, Adrian. I just always swallowed. I thought you had to swallow. I didn't even know you had an option not of swallow when I was younger. I was like, I'm going to be the A blow dub student. I'm going to swallow. But it turns out again, I've been with some partners who like, don't care so much if you swallow or I've been to a part of recently, do you want me to swallow? Like, would you rather

have me just swallow like back of my health when it's coming out? Or do you want to like, see it? Do you want to go other places? And he's like, I like to mix it up. So just like he likes to mix it up, I'm going to assume that your partner likes to mix it up. And there's no rules here. Remember, Adrian, there are no rules, except for to be attentive and kind,

and to also take care of yourself. Before we take a quick break, I want to tell you about another one of our longtime sponsors, ProMessent. Their delay spray helps penis owners last up to 64% longer in bed. For many of you that's like enough said, where can I buy it? Let me sign up. Right now I want to last longer in bed. But essentially if you finish sex before you want to,

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great ritual. You can have your partner apply it. You apply it within like a few minutes, you're tingling, you're waking, you're roused. So what I love is promising close the orgasm gap from both sides. You can get 15% off your order. If you go to promessant.com slash Emily, that's PROMESCNT.com slash Emily for 15% off. We just click the link in our show notes. When we're back, I'm giving you more tips for giving and receiving the best blow job ever. So stay tuned. This is from meta 25 in San Francisco. Hey Dr. Emily, I was wondering if you would like to have any tips for pleasureing a man

with an uncircumcised penis. I'm looking for penetrative and oral sex tips. The guy I'm seeing is super giving in the bedroom. We've not had full penetrative sex just yet. However, I'd like to be as giving as he is. I'm just really nervous. I'll hurt him or do things that are pleasurable for circumcised penises, but not for uncircumcised ones. We're new at this thing, so I don't quite feel comfortable asking what works best for him because I don't want him to feel embarrassed

by his uncircumcised penis. I also don't want to seem like a novice. Please help me. Thank you. First, let's just talk about the basics of an uncircumcised penis. What is that for a skin? It's a thin piece of skin that covers the head of the penis. So if someone is circumcised, the entire flap is surgically removed, leaving the penis head exposed. Now, if they're not circumcised, the four skins are going to grow as they grow. And you know, like most penises look like little mushroom heads, like they're drawn to resemble these heads? Well, an unrotracted four skin covers up that head,

so the penis looks like a smooth shaft. So now you want to be really gentle with the four skin because the four skin is packed with nerve endings. So uncircumstised people with penises feel more stimulation. The only thing is the foreskin takes a little bit of care. But in general, your uncircumcised partner kind of knows what they like and you can kind of follow their lead. In fact, it's great to do some mutual masturbation with a partner like this

because you can see how they actually touch themselves if that feeling that's been kind of making you nervous. So the thing about the foreskin is you want to make sure that you always have a lot of lube, feeling the foreskin slide around and we'll give you a hand dive or a blowjob, it can be really, really hot and also makes things a little bit smoother. And then also when it's inside of you, you know, you can get to feel the foreskin kind of going back and forth inside of you. And let me say this, a circumcised man has about 10 to 20,000 less nerve-riding than uncircumcised man in the head of his penis. There's really not

that much different that you have to do here. If you're good at a low job to somebody with an uncircumcised penis, it's going to feel good. There are so many nerve-riding, there's a lot more sensations you don't if you do as much like vacuum sucking or licking around, it's going to feel good. You kind of use that foreskin as going to be your friend. It's going to be helping you make things feel that much better. And once you start doing it, you're going to know what I mean. But trust me, and again, always pay attention to your partner and his reactions.

And you can always ask him for some tips, ask him how he likes to hold it and touch it and all that. But you're going to be great. And I appreciate this question because it comes up and I think it's important that we all know. There's nothing to be shameful about. I don't want anyone like, you know, nothing to be worried about. It's just another penis in front of you for the first time with some

lecture skin on it, a little bit of fun skin with a lot of nerve endings. This is from Avery 20 in Boston, Massachusetts. Hey, Dr. Emily and crew, first off, when I started listening to your show a meager three months ago, I was still doing deep work to overcome so much sexual shame. On Sunday, I made my sexual debut and I'm feeling really good about it. I have a few questions. I'm gay. Should I be using a condom for oral?

I feel that might be a major turnoff and also not a common practice, but I know that STI's can be passed through Oral sex. On the same line, I was so surprised I didn't like sucking a penis the first time. I kind of expected it to taste like something, but it was so bland. Any advice on getting more into that? Finally, I get bored easily.

If we've been kissing for 10 minutes, I get bored of that. If we're doing Oral, I get bored of that. I feel like it's partly that my partner's haven't been the most creative, but is it normal to get bored after well? You're the best. Thank you, Dr. Mlee. All right, well, Avery, congratulations on your sexual debut. This is so exciting. These are all great questions. Let's just tackle them one by one. Do you need condoms for oral sex? Listen, oral sex is less risky than penetrative sex, but you can get an SDI and it can't be transmitted through oral sex.

So, I'm going to recommend that you do use condoms or dental dams during sex. I know it's awkward, I know it's not going to be comfortable, but if you're worried about an SDI, it is the safest way to go. So, some options for protection. You can use condoms. Flavored condoms are great. Hey, flavored condoms might help you enjoy sex even more. I really like skin condoms because they are thin.

Condoms, they're durable, but they're thin so that you will have a lot more sensations. And listen, I know that you feel weird about the condom things, so you can literally say something like, I feel so much more comfortable using condoms during url, which means I'm so much better at it, which means I can be much more into it. Like, trust me, you'll love it. You can also make eye contact and give them a look like, I can't wait to get this on you. Rather than like sheepishly pulling out of condoms and like, I know it's weird, it's awkward, that's just not hot. But if you just pull it out and you just do it and you look at them as you're rolling it down their penis, deliver it in a confident way in a sexy way, they'll be into it. If you're bored, I think that you know, you got to be

patient with yourself, it was your first time. But I also think that there's some kind of connection. It's important to be connected to your partner because I think when you have a connection with them, you're not just checking off the list and giving a blowjob, you're going to be much more present and much more mindful and much more connected. I think that you're really in your head and you're noticing like, where am I going or why am I bored of the oral and bored of these are things you've never done before. So I just think that maybe there's a party that's a little nervous, maybe you saw some shame around it.

So just, you know, some mindfulness works and breathing will help you and know that you're just learning a new skill. And when you're with someone that you really care about and you feel connected with it, that you trust, I think you're going to find yourself way more into it. Okay. Good luck on your journey here. Thanks for your question, Avery. Okay.

So now we've talked a lot about tips and tricks to overcome some concerns and how to enhance your oral game. But I gotta be honest, a lot of penis and vulva owners alike have a hard time receiving oral sex. So many people for the pressure to orgasm from oral sex and to be able to orgasm right away. And then we get stuck in our heads because we can't orgasm and it becomes a whole thing. And I know how it is, you're like lying there watching the clock.

You're thinking about, is it really taking this long? Or you're thinking about what you're gonna have for dinner instead of like sitting back and letting go and surrendering and focusing on your pleasure. So let's get in and how to receive like a pro, all right? This is from Ryan 30 in Yukon. Hey there, Dr. Emily. I've recently been referred to your podcast by a good friend, and I cannot get enough.

So I'd like to start with the fact that I'm so very grateful. Thank you. Now into it. I've always had a hard time staying hard while receiving oral. I love receiving and giving, but I find myself much harder while giving. I am consistently trying to learn and develop as a lover, and my current partner really enjoys giving oral. I love it when she goes down to me,

such a turn on to see how she enjoys it. However, like mentioned before, I'm unable to say hard most time while receiving. A current workaround is a 69, which is kind of a win-win. However, I want to be able to say hard for her without needing her vulva in my face to do so. In my sexual past, I've climaxed no more than 10 times from oral, and most of those were

in a higher risk of being caught situations. So I'm wondering if you have any tips or tricks on helping me stay hard. I've also been visualizing and daydreaming about it while gently touching myself, envisioning me being hard and coming orgasm yet, when the act I still lose it. Thanks a ton, your show and the space you create for freedom of sexual expression is a breath of fresh air. Thank you so much Ryan for your question, I appreciate you so much. You really like receiving and there's some kind of thing that's happening in your mind

that it's hard for you to receive. Maybe in your life, you've always had to be the giver. You've always had to take care of things. You are a super attentive person. It doesn't feel good to have all the attention on you. I think that for a lot of penis owners, they were raised in environments where they have to be in charge. They have to know everything that's going on.

And when it comes to sex, well, they know the way around a woman's body. They have to know how to please somebody. They have to finish at the right time. They have to stay hard the whole time. They have to always be wearing and ready to go for sex. Do you realize how much pressure there is on the society of peniciners to be just

rare to go at all times and to hard? So I think that there might be some of that that I'm hearing here and we have to undo that conditioning. It sounds like you're with someone that you trust, but for everyone listening, it really does help to be with someone that you trust and you feel safe with. Now, is this something that you've talked to her about? Just talk to her about it and just to say, hey so that this happens might make you feel a lot better Or might make you take the pressure off yourself because you feel like oh she knows about this So it's no longer this like I got to say hard because I'm telling you if you're worried at all about what your partner thinks

She's probably not thinking about it. She just happy to give you oral and make you feel good. So We got a rewire some programming in your brain. And I'm telling you, breathing, breath work. Breathing breathing breathing is one of the most important things you can do during sex. In fact, I know someone who had very similar situations you, some of that I was actually with, and he realized that he held his breath the whole time during sex during when he was receiving all of it. And when you like really truly learn to breathe deep into your pelvic floor,

it calms down your nervous system and that allows you to truly like live back and relax. So you know what you're doing this visualizing of you being hard? I would visualize you breathing deep breathing. There's a great app called Breath and it's a free app in the app store and I download it and I just do three minutes of breathing every day. So it's a great way to practice. Just there are a lot of us are shallow breathers and so for my friend he was able to stay harder and ejaculate in ways that he wasn't able to in the past because he learned to breathe because when we're not

breathing oftentimes we're clenching and we're in our heads, worrying that something is wrong. I feel like the breath is also gonna help with the anxiety, because you probably have some anxiety around this. So do you know when it happens? Can you pinpoint like the moment that you start to lose your erection? Because I know the fear of that

is what's gonna actually make you soft. This is gonna take some work on your own. I'd love you to practice some mindful masturbation, practicing your breath, and the key is like understanding your own body, like during solo exploration, and then you can communicate your needs to your partner, because you're responsible for your own orgasms. So remember, all I'm hearing here is a little bit of performance anxiety and we all have it no matter what our body part. So I definitely want you to talk about it with your partner. You don't have to play cool. I believe that emotional intimacy is really, really sexy. If you practice some mindful masturbation while visualizing, receiving oral sex and breathing and sharing this with your partner, I think you're going to find in no time you're going to be able to have the kind of oral sex and receive the kind of oral sex and breathing and sharing this with your partner. I think you're going to find it in no time. You're going to be able to have the kind of oral sex and receive the kind

of oral sex you deserve. This is from Tom 51 in Alabama. Hey, Dr. Emily, how could I relax and get over my anxiety about Felatio? I've had some negative experiences with the oral on me. I'm larger than the average guy. And the past teeth and penis do not make good bedfellows. Now I'm going to relationship with an insatiable woman, a dream parter who wants to please me orally, and although she's amazing, I'm struggling to remain erect and enjoy it. We're talking about it, and she's patient understanding, and I feel like I'm letting her down. By the way, I have no issues with getting, maintaining, and erection, even climaxing multiple times in a session, but oral,, let's mind nemesis.

I love giving oral. Can camp out and live there 24-7. It's just her going down to me. Do you have any tips, thanks, enjoy your show, and appreciate all you do? Alright, well, we've already talked about some anxiety while receiving oral sex, but this is an important opportunity to talk about the importance of honest Communication during oral sex. What if you let her know that I really want to learn to receive Here's some things that happens to be in the past

Would you be willing to work with me on this and figure out what feels good and what doesn't because I'm really not sure And I believe that if you're with a partner that is interested in you and your pleasure She's gonna be down and she's going to be down. And she's going to be like, let's make this right. She's going to be wasting your time. And just like vulva owners, we get caught up in performative sex, pretending we like something we don't. Doing something that feels good to our partner, but not good to ourselves.

Penas owners also get performative pleasure, performative receiving. So just mown when it feels good. Give your partner honest feedback. This goes out to everybody, please be honest with your partners. It's okay to stop in the middle and say, oh, you know what? Can we take a breath for a minute? God, I really liked what you were doing up earlier

when you were swirling your tongue around. That felt really good. And I think we should just hold off on the hands for a minute. I mean, wouldn't you want to know? Like if you're getting a massage from someone, let's say you've gotten a massage or somebody's doing something to you, to your body. You know, and it doesn't feel right

or you want an adjustment, you want to tell them, sex is the same thing and I promise you all, it gets easier over time. You're gonna give feedback about a meal you're eating, you're gonna give feedback about maybe a work you're doing, a movie you're watching. Why can't we all just give some honest feedback about sex? Can we all start today? I think we should.

Jessica 28 in Canada. Hi Dr. Emily, I love your show. I learned so much. So my boyfriend and I use to have the best sex. I wouldn't be able to stop bragging by it to my friends. Here too speedy new positions and moves along with giving me more confidence in the bedroom. But recently, I went to go down on him, love going down on him, and he rejected me. As a woman, it's very hard to be rejected. This has happened every time since he won't let me go down on him. So I asked him one day, out of the bedroom, TTT, which means tibing tone and turf, why don't you like it? Did I do something wrong? And when I got good enough, he answered, I say, no, it's not a me thing,

but more of a him thing and didn't go on to explain. I find it very odd because the first year of our relationship, all I did was go down in him. He'd crave my blow jobs. He winds up talking about how good I am and how to give the best blow jobs in his life. I hope you can help. All right, well first, way to go using TTT,

Timington Turf, I love it, love it, love it. This sounds like a communication issue. I think you got help. All right, well first, way to go using TTT Timington Turf. I love it, love it, love it. This sounds like a communication issue. I think you got to talk to me again. And while I love that you did Timington and Turf, we gotta remember, tone. Tone is light and it's curious and it's asking questions. So it says I'm like, you know babe,

I know I brought this up last week. I'd like to know a little bit more about what is going on on with oral sex. I've noticed you aren't as enthusiastic about oral as it used to be. That's totally okay by me, truly. But I've got a growth mindset around sex, and I'd love to understand. So if you can give me some insight into the change, then maybe we can grow in this area together.

Maybe he has some anxieties around receiving oral sex. You can check out some articles we have to ask Emily how do I better enjoy oral sex? And maybe you know things have become more comfortable for him, but I just think that you got to have another conversation with him when you listen and you truly have to be okay with whatever you hear. The most of the time this stuff is not about us. It's not about something we did, it's not about our bodies. We always think it's something we did wrong. But usually it's about them. So let's find out and let me know how it goes. I can't wait to hear.

Thank you so much for your email Jessica. You've got this. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email.

So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.