Sex With Emily - Best of: Big Mouths and Better Sex (Talks) w/ Gil Ozeri

Episode Date: March 23, 2022

If you are someone who had substandard sex ed as a young person (all of us?), you are going to love this throwback episode with Gil Ozeri, comedian, actor, and writer for the very popular show “Big Mouth”. Growing up with adults who avoided the sex talk like the plague, Gil discusses the shame that can result...shame a lot of us still carry. That’s why “Big Mouth” (now in Season 5 on Netflix) takes the awkward experience of adolescence, demystifies it, and helps all of us get the answers we wish we’d gotten back then — while being super funny. If you’ve got a young person in your life, this episode is a must-listen. Gil and I take a dive into our own hormonal teen years, how to make sex ed more relatable, and tips for post-baby sex…because why not? I also take your questions: how to give a better blowjob, how to make FaceTime sex hot, and how to get your sexual connection back after the spark has died.For More Gil Ozeri:Website | Instagram | Twitter | Youtube | TikTok Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Getting away from the actual house might be good. Yeah, it's big. Because you start to associate, it's like eating in bed almost. Like you don't want to like have a sandwich in bed because you're like, that's where I sleep. Right. It's like maybe you don't like, maybe I'm associating my home with like just home life and work and you know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely.

And hotel would read like more like intimacy. It's true. That's a good point. And you can mess up someone else's sheets. Exactly. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

If you're someone who had substandard sex at as a young person, I think that's all of us, you're gonna love this throwback episode with Gil Ozeri. He's a comedian, actor and writer for the very popular show Big Mouth. Growing up with adults who avoided the sex talk like the plague, Gil discusses the shame that can result. Shame a lot of us still carry. That's not that shame is sneaky.

That's why Big Mouth, now in season 5 on Netflix takes the awkward experience of adolescence and demystifies it. And helps all of us get the answers we wish we'd gotten back then, while also being super funny. If you've got a young person in your life, well, this episode is a must listen. Gill and I take a dive into our hormonal teen years and talk about how to make sex ed more relatable and tips for post baby sex because why not? I also take your questions, how to give a better blow job, how to make FaceTime sex hot and how to get your sexual connection back after the spark has died.

Intentions with Emily for each episode, join me in setting an intention for the show. So what do you want to get out of this episode? How could it help you? I do it too. Well, my intention is to share an insightful conversation which shows how we can make sex education useful and fun for all. Please rate, review, sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show.

And my new article, Ask Emily, how do I tell my partner I've been faking orgasms? Is up at sexwithemily.com. Also check out my YouTube channel for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or message me. Sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Or call my outline 559 talk sex or 559 8825-5739. Always include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show.

Oh, totally cool to change your name if you want to remain anonymous. All right, everyone, writer, producer, and artist best known for his work on Big Mouth, Human Resources, Hashtag Black AF, Brooklyn 9.9, and Happy Endings. You can find him at GillOZary.com on Instagram at tallgillozeri and on Twitter and TikTok at gillozeri. Hi, gill. Hi. Hi. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited that you were able to come in because we're all obsessed. Oh, thank you very much. I appreciate it. I'm very happy to be here. Good, but it's great to see you. So for people who haven't seen Big Mouth, how would you explain Big Mouth?

I would say it's a show about some kids who are going through puberty and some of them are having a harder time than others. Basically the conceited show is that they can talk to their hormone monsters and monstroses who often have a direct them as to how to behave. And it's about dealing with that and dealing with puberty and dealing with all types of things that you sort of deal with around that age, around seventh grade.

So it takes you right back into animation, animated. Animated? Yes. And so first of all, it's everything that, we talk right in the show, but it's hilarious. But it does take you back to those moments and like the hormone monster, to me, what a brilliant way to describe to boys in seventh grade

who don't know why they're getting erections and how awkward that has to be are for women having their hormone monster. Why do you hate your mom? And like why do you hate everyone in the screen and yell? And like just on your boobs are growing and all the things that happen. And I just thought, this is probably the most brilliant thing

I've ever seen about sex ed for kids. and what do you think about parents showing it to their kids? I feel like they should at a certain age. I mean I've heard you know how awkward it might be to be watching that but I think the show is for young people too and also for adults and how to talk to their kids and stuff and if parents can watch it with their kids and get through some of those like hard subjects, then that would be great. That would be awesome. Because that's a thing that so many parents

always come to me, friends, people on the show that like how do we talk about it? And I know I had terrible sex at. I barely, all I remember is some kid raises hands that can use sex underwater. Like that's literally all I remember and nothing else. And then probably like the phallopium, too.

Yeah, I feel like no one ever spoke, like sex said was really, no one ever spoke to me about that stuff, especially my parents did not. It was like avoid, avoid, avoid the subject. And you know, part of that leads to, and something that we deal with in the second season, a big mouth is like shame and guilt over this stuff. And just talking about it, you know, it makes it easier to deal with. Exactly.

And like, it is true. And now, like, so what I'm doing now for a living is I take calls from people who are still carrying that shame, a lot of us have shame around everything we do, every time we have sex, we masturbate, we feel bad. And so it just, it comes, and then I, what I love is I'm big mouth is that it just, it shows exactly how they get starts

You know that you feel one part just takes one person saying like I can't believe you masturbated are you in a reaction? Right her boobs get big and you literally carry that you carry this around for the rest of your life and less You realize it. It's normal. It's like everyone else. There's nothing to be shame, you know Yeah exactly. I mean a lot of this season we started to Listen and read and watch videos from people like Brunei Brown who talk about like, you know, the difference between shame and guilt and like how guilt is like, I feel bad and shame is I am bad and how you can sort of turn all these terrible feelings that people put on you on yourself. And the only way

to sort of really deal with that is to talk about them with your friends and talk about them with your parents and your loved ones. I wish Big Mouth was around when I was a kid. I would, you know, I feel like I would be a more well-adjusted human being. Exactly, because it's that one scene in the second season when they're all, it's amazing. When they're, I think you did you write the final? I wrote the finale, yeah. The finale, right. Thank you thank you yeah well I should say when I say write it it's also like the writer's room it's everyone okay but your name came up first so what I'm saying is I was that scene I literally rewatch it

I was my boyfriend I'm like I do this when I get excited I'm like this is fucking bruh because it's like all the kids are like in the gymnasium I'm like, I do this when I get excited. I'm like, this is fucking brilliant. Because it's like all the kids are like in the gymnasium. I'm not even, no, I might butcher, but they were all having their word shame about something. Like, I'm worried that no one likes me because I said this thing. I'm worried that I was flirting with this girl or maybe I shouldn't have kissed this boy

and every single person had like this dark cloud of shame around them. Right. Which to me, like, was just brilliant to show that like all the things that we worry about. And as adults, we do that as we don't, we've all been to parties and things we're worrying about. And we're also susceptible to it too. I don't know how to say that, because it's just a brilliant way of handling it.

Oh, I appreciate that. Thank you. So what else is going on with you? Um, I'm writing. I just had a kid. Yeah, a baby. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Um, a good kind. Yeah, baby. Congratulations. Thank you very much. A good kind. She's not

at the devil incarnate, which is good. Okay, good. She's sweet. Her name is Nina. She's very cute. She just started walking. Oh, that's so fun. Yeah, it's really fun. Yeah, that changes everything. She likes to move stuff around the house, you know, from one side of the house to another. Like the furniture? Actually, yes. She pushes our coffee table all over the house. So yeah, we don't want it moved, but I don't know. I thought maybe she's a pension for decorating, and that'd be cool if he found out at one. So how long have you been with your wife?

I have 10 years. Oh, good. Yeah, at least 10 years. That's, that's, okay, great. That's good, right? So how's your sex like going out? Um, it's good. Yeah, you know, it's good. You know, it's a change after, you know, it's a change after, you know, at least 10 years. That's, that's okay. Great. That's good, right? So how's your sex like going out? Um, it's good.

Yeah. You know, it's good. It's a change after it's kid. Oh, yes. That definitely affects stuff. There's less time, and I would say that at the end of the day, I'm pretty much exhausted and so is she. So like to get, you know, to get it going is a lot harder.

It takes more effort. It takes definitely more effort. Yeah, cause what do you think you do hear about that often? About effort and stuff. Every single day. I mean, now we're probably getting a bunch of calls, but which is great, cause I've only been here at three nights,

but we talk a lot about this because what happens is, I think like you have a kid and people don't tell you this, that like yeah, they don't tell you anything. Literally nothing. Can you, can I curse on you have a kid and people don't tell you this that like you don't tell you anything literally nothing How can you I curse on here now? Yeah, fuck yeah, they don't say jack shit I mean they don't I feel like even about the birth process didn't tell us anything and then it's just like you're I just feel like every day. I'm like well. Oh, this is oh this is how it is yeah Yeah, I had no idea right so then the thing about when it comes to like, yeah, parenting, you're exhausted.

And then women, they go in from the hospital and their doctor will say, like, oh, you'll be good in six weeks. It's sex again. Yes. And for so many women that's just not the case, they still have pain, things are still healing. Yeah, I don't think I'd be, you know,

selling out my, or exposing my wife. She's got, she has a lot of like, foot pain and stuff. And it just, you don't want to do necessarily anything like sexual, if you have a ton of pain. And no one is like, no one told us that that might be a possibility. Do you think that's like a secret like someone's holding, they don't tell people

because they wanted to procreate it to her? But you know, it's also the best thing to have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it is, but I think they don't want to because they wanted to procreate it's really hard. But you know, it's also the best thing to have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it is. But I think they don't want to scare you. Right. Once you're pregnant, it's not, it's just like, you don't want to like onslaught of like fears and stuff.

Exactly. Your sex life will never be the same. Yeah. But that's not true. It will be. It'll come together again, or maybe it already is. But I just think that we don't talk about how women's bodies change.

And that, just that whole process that, you know, a lot of women were talking this earlier, they don't even know their own bodies, and I'm not saying this, I don't know your wife, but I'm saying typical of women. They don't even know that I was encouraging people, because on my Instagram today, it's at Sex with Emily.

On my Instagram, I had this post about women, just take a look. Take a look at your, could you pick your vagina out of a lineup? Because we don't often know what a look we're disconnected disconnected and we, it's just like, I just, I don't understand my body and then you give a baby, if it's a human that goes through your body, right? And then a whole human, and then you get your body back and you're like, well, I didn't know before.

And now it's like, I don't even know what to do. It's scary to do and it's like, it's easier to avoid stuff than to actually put in the effort. And I feel like, you know, if you can get over that hump, and just sort of put the practice in, then it becomes easier. But it is, it's hard to get over that hump. It can be.

For couples who are going through this, even if intercourse is uncomfortable sometimes, or they're not ready yet, that you can still, the intimacy is important. So even if you guys are mutually masturbating, or massage. Right, yeah, anything you can sort of do to get close. Like it's so easy also to like have like a hard day

and be like, I'm just gonna totally veg out on my phone or I'm gonna like go right to a TV show or whatever it is. And if you just sort of connect for a moment and who knows where it would lead. But like if you use that, you know, that moment to connect and say like, I'm gonna set aside this time for us as opposed to like, just checking out.

Exactly. You know, then it makes a huge difference, I think. It does, just to have that moment come home, you put down your phone or like, you're like, you're right, just that moment, you make eye contact. Yeah, because there's nothing you want more than like, you know, especially with the kid,

I feel like you're like constantly, you have to always pay attention. It's not like that's part of the work is just like mentally, you have to be like, okay, I have to make sure she doesn't fall off anything. I'm exactly. 24 out of seven. So like, you just wanna like veg out,

and if you can sort of like say like, okay, I know I need at least at some point to connect You know with her or with your loved one or whatever your Baby in the love yeah, no with your yeah with my wife. It's like it's so important to do. Yeah to check in It's awesome important. I'm just giving you advice here. No, but I've read I'll take it I will cuz no, I maybe we'll use it on a future season Oh my god, there's something to say about effort though, like putting in an effort and making sure you're there. Right, and prioritizing your relationship, because I think people think it's just magically work

and that you don't have to work on the relationship because we got married and we're in love. So let's focus on everything else. This is my other point. For people with kids, I find this a lot that they, they have kids and they're like, my kids are 10 and we've never had a night away just the two of us. Oh yeah.

So if you've relatives or someone who can watch and I know you're like, I can't leave the kid when she's one. Right. But having just one night, like a hotel room away makes it makes a huge difference. I have not done the hotel room thing and we should. I mean, we're hopefully going on vacation soon, but I mean, we've gone on like movie dates, but like getting away from the actual house might be good. Yeah, it's good.

Because you start to associate, it's like eating in bed almost. Like you don't want to like have a sandwich in bed because you're like, that's where I sleep. Right. It's like maybe you don't like, maybe I'm associating my home with like just home life and work and you know, you know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. And the tell would read like more like intimacy. It's true. That's a good point. And hotel would read more like intimacy. It's true.

And you can mess up someone else's sheets. Exactly. And someone else is going to bring you food. Yes. And just change in the location, because one of the big things for people's sex life often is mixing things. It's variety. Like people bored of everything.

Right. You do. So just trying one thing different or changing at the location. Because yeah, your bedroom's probably like diapers and things. Exactly. Yeah. Longer. Yeah. that's not hot stains yeah from like kids eating blueberries exactly right the whole thing is right so we're gonna have you go to a towel that's fun we didn't give you a night out towel but that would be fun

I'm sorry I'm sorry where's my car I should get a car in the gift pack exactly we the guy just call in and he said that um He's like, I don't know I bought my wife a really nice car and I told her if I gave this car that she owed me five blow jobs It's two years and I haven't got him. He's a transaction My love is a transaction exactly. I'm like love should not be a transaction. Yeah, so Yeah, so that's what I thought. So what else are you doing these days? So you're writing? How is that?

Like, do you just, do you write at home, you go to an office? I usually go to a coffee shop. I find it extremely hard to, I should get like an office or something, but I find it really hard to concentrate at home. There's just so many distractions, and I'm like, there's my baby, there's video games, there's like my wife, I'll just have a conversation

because I don't wanna work, you know? Exactly, no, I gotta get out. I have to get out. So what do you relate to in there? Which kid were you more like, were you more like, what's Andrew or Nick? Well Nick, part of me was like, tried to be funny so in a way like Nick,

but also very much Jesse, who I find to be like, my favorite character. Jesse. , yeah, Jesse, just I find to be like my favorite character. Jesse. Jesse, just because my parents got divorced, you know, around her age and the way she sort of acted out because of it is something that I went through and how she sort of slipped into, you know, depression and stuff like that. And so that sort of, I really, really connected

with her character. Yeah, she's such a good character. Oh, thanks. Yeah, yeah. You handled the depression scene. That was also in the final episode of our episode. That was, yes, that was. Okay, we talked about the next day

because how you had the weight of the world is really depression on her as a kid and how that feels. Like, I want to get up, but I can't. Yeah, yeah, how alluring it is. Yeah. And how alluring she makes it about like watching, you know, a friend's marathon and eating like, you know, ice cream and bed and stuff. This is really good.

Yeah, it's really good. And oftentimes it could be seductive, you know, as opposed to this, for example, the shame wizard who makes you just feel bad about yourself, or you might not want to come with him or hold his hand on the way there with the depression kitty it felt like it's someone you sort of were, is alluring and it looks better than it actually is.

At first, you go, oh, Ben and Jerry's, it's great for dinner, I feel like it makes you feel so good and then you're like, you can't eat it. And that was the divorce parents, really mixed marriages, the adopted child, all the, you could just relate to all, and you guys, I feel like you really covered everything

and it is relatable. And I remember like when I was 15, this is something that my mom and this kind of pisses me off but I've had a lot of therapy, so I've told her about this. But I was a 15 year old girl who was screaming at my mom, I hate it, I hate you, I hate you slamming the door, I was a 15 year old girl who was like screaming at my mom. I hate it. I hate you I hate you. I hate you slamming the door. I was really happy. Why did that happen? Were you guys like my parents were divorced? Okay, we married. Did that was that hard on you? Was it like an amicable? No, God yeah the whole thing my parents

I tended for my parents weddings for as 25. So he's got married divorce. My parents first got divorced And I was nine. I hope you liked hot dog wienies. If you went to four wedding. Oh right, they weren't fun weddings. No, they even have hot dogs. I wish that would have been fun. No, but even as a kid though, the first and then my dad, there was a lot going on, but I'd say it was nine

when my parents got divorced. And it was, yeah, it was just tough. And I remember, but I think what happened when I was 15 was more about just hormones. That's what I love is that my mom was like, you were such a nightmare when you're 15. I'm thinking, well, you guys got divorced and then you got remarried and I am. And 20 to 20 hormones. It's like a storm of shit that happens. Exactly.

I was an angry kid. Like my dad sort of, you know, left at that point, and exactly at that age, and I was going through like puberty, and I was like, I was angry. I didn't know how to direct this anger that I had at my father, and I was with my mom and sort of took it out on her, so our relationship kind of like,

was really tough for a while. It's hard, because if you're not talking about it with someone, you know, it's just, it's really tough. Right, it most people don't. We've most't plus your parents have your their own shit that they're going through Like you know my mom was yeah, she was trying to get out with another partner like her my stuff dead She was trying to make that work right exactly. It can't be available to you. Yeah, yeah, but you don't know that Yeah, I don't know anything that's going on and you don't know to ask for help either it's like no It's it's a thing and and I think that's something we sort And you don't know to ask for help either. It's like, it's a thing.

And I think that's something we sort of tried to focus on with Jesse there is that in order to get out of that sort of depression room that she has to ask her friends for help. Right, right, it's just so well done. I feel like we still don't teach emotions, like he's had a regulate emotions. And I share emotions.

Like there was a guy we talked to on one of our shows earlier who was saying that he actually wanted to be the guy and his group that started talking about emotions with his guy friends, because guys don't do it as much. Yeah, no. So there's also that. There's like societal stuff that just like added upon it. It's just like it's really hard to just be open.

I know, we can't. We're gonna be sh- yeah. So I think, I thought that was really good. So now you're gonna be so equipped to teach that sex ed to your daughter. Yeah, yeah, no, oh my God, I'm learning all the time. We've also had like people like Peggy or Instinct come talk to us and ship,

I don't know if you know Shafia's a loom. Do you know about her? No, Peggy, but not Shafia. She's also like a brilliant health educator, sex ed educator, as she talks about consent and stuff like that. And we did an episode about consent. And we talked to young people also all the time about what they're going through

and what it's like to be a teenager now because things have changed with social media and stuff. And it's always good to speak to people who are in the know and dealing with it. Exactly, that's really great that you bug yeah peggy orange scene her buff girls Was she was a consultant on it right that blew my mind yeah kids are going through now like in every So it's so much I'm like this is so much harder than when I went through to right and we thought it was hard But it's terrifying

And the sex and all the things. Yeah, thank you for your work It's really we love it. I think everybody's sick. I love to hear that. I love it. It's brilliant. Like it's big mouth and Netflix. I think, you know, take a look of your parents. See if you think it's appropriate for your kid.

And if you want to laugh, too. If you want to laugh your ass off of it, it was the other brilliant thing. Is it, I thought it was equally great for adults and kids. You could see, I'm like, oh, that was a joke for me. That the kids might not get it. Just like all of it. I'm impressed.

And if you want to find you, you want to they give out your social Yeah, I'm on at Gilles Erie on Twitter and At Gilles Erie was not available on Instagram. So I'm at tall Gilles Erie awesome I have five questions for you. They're my cookie questions. Okay, I'll try my best. Yes. Okay, what's your biggest turn on people? telling me That they're real people who are really into me what's your biggest turn on? People telling me that there are people who are really into me. That is so embarrassing to say.

I love it. No embarrassing. My wife is, she'll be laughing. Okay, good. We're all in there. So, okay, biggest deal breaker. Deal breaker, like in a relationship? Yeah, or a few minutes.

Yeah, deal breaker in a relationship. Disonesty. Okay. Sexy is body part two. But. Okay. You're go to first date. Go to first date.

Coffee shop. Sorry. You're already there working. Sorry. Sorry, yeah. Ladies do like a laptop. Exactly. Bring your laptop and make it happen.

What would be the top of your sex music playlist? Sex mood, okay. This is, I'm only saying what comes to my mind. This is so fucking embarrassing, holy shit. Because I use it in college and it's Lenny Kravitz. Oh God, but believe is that the song? Yeah, I think so too. I think so too.

Oh God, kill me, kill me now. Yeah, I do oh god kill me kill me now Yeah, I know I know the era. Are you a music person? And sometimes yeah, yeah, oh yeah, I am you are okay Yeah, I just into a little bit of a suggestion of anything that would not embarrass me no I really I'm trying to think we listen to I like like hip-hop. Okay. I really do when I'm having sex something like Something with a beat yet with a beat. Yeah. yeah, it's like you're running a 5k You know why I like it though. What you know why sex music is great because we all get so a lot of people get distracted during sex Oh my god music to listen to you're gonna at least you won't be as obsessive

See I have a tendency to make things try to make jokes which is not a good thing During sex. I'm like I'm sure I'm I'm like, I have an issue because I'm nervous or I'm like, I want to, I have to make jokes. That's how I sort of like diffused a situation. In your comedy, right? That's exactly, which is good in some areas, but in other areas, it's like, don't do that. I could. Yeah. Yeah.

You can be funny all the time, but not here. Not here, yeah, exactly. Or on the conversation. Okay. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having. I love this. This is so great. Yeah, we had it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yourself a favor. We're gonna take a quick break but stick around. After word for sponsors I'll be answering your questions. We've got Jackie, 24 from Boston and she's seeking some blowjob tips and feels abnormal for lack of sexual experience. Jackie, thanks for calling in. You've come to the right place.

Hey! Hey! What's up? So, basically, when I was a freshman in high school, I witnessed, you know, a lot of my guy friends talking about, girls they had hooked up with, and just kind of making fun of maybe like their preferences, bodies, something that we were having. That made me super insecure.

I avoided all hook ups, specks, all that for a long time. Now I'm 24. I've only had 2 different two different people, total of like three times. Up until a few weeks ago, I had never given a blow job and those insecurities are definitely a reason why I'm just so, you know, such an experience. And I wanted to see if you had any advice on how I can kind of get out of my comfort zone and how the better sex life. Absolutely. Well, first off, I love that you know that this is because you can kind of pinpoint it to the people in high school and not wanting to be that person that they talked about.

And so now you're like, okay, so let's go to it. So first of all, I think we have this notion that everyone should be so experienced and we should already know what we're doing, but you know, you're 24 years old. I think in your head, whatever you're thinking, that everyone's way far ahead of you, they're not. I just want you to feel better about, feel good about that. Know that like, this is the kind of thing like you learn on the job, penises are different, vulvas are different.

So if you kind of just rest into that knowing that like every time you face a penis, it's a new penis, it's a new day, they all want different things. I mean, there are some basic things I can talk to you about, blow jobs, but I want you to, I want to work on your anxiety around this first,

just knowing that like the number one tip, my number one tip of blow jobs is being into it and being enthusiastic, like wanting to be there. So just know that like that, and that's just like, I'm into it, I'm linking this, I'm trying, you know, and then asking for, you know, hey, how does this feel? So you're good, you're, so, but I am going to give you more tips,

but just know that you're starting from a great place. OK. That makes me feel better. OK, good. That's what we want to do. So we've got that. And so here's some important tips about a blood job. You want to make sure that it's wet enough, right?

So you have enough saliva, I think. Loop is great. Like have some loop by the bed. Have some loop with you. Sometimes our mouth isn't wide enough. So just so you have it nearby, you want it to be wet. And for so many blowjabs, your hand is like your best friend, like it's really not just about like your mouth going all the way down, like deep throughout the whole thing you see important. So the first thing is you want to make sure

it's wide enough. The second thing is that you want to make sure that there's enough friction. And so you want like you know, we can start with your hand going up and down and along the shaft and just putting your mouth over the tip. The tip is for a lot of guys the most sensitive part of the penis and also the freinulum, which is the spot where, and a lot of guys don't even know this, so I'm letting you in on something that they don't even know this. Where the tip meets the shaft on the other underside of the penis, right? So there's this little spot right on the shaft as it attaches.

So it's the underside and it's just like, it's kind of like how women have like a G-spot, but for men it's like this really sensitive spot. So when you're like, licking this penis, you can kind of focus on that area and move your tongue around. So really you want to make sure it's wet. You've got some friction with your hands, you're going up and down and you're like, you know, sucking on the tip, taking your mouth out and using, you know, licking it like it's the most delicious ice-cream cone you've ever had and you're into it.

Not like a fake into it, but if you have to fake it first, fine. And then ask for feedback. You're like, how is this? And I think it's really hot if you're vulnerable with a guy and you're like, I don't have a lot of experiences, but I want to give you the best low job ever. Oh, I really want to turn you on, tell me what feels good. And you're into it. You've already like, you're light years ahead of some woman

who's pretending that she knows everything when you don't. So ask them, do you like your balls played with? How does this feel? I think it's okay, because believe me, guys would rather have a good connection and get what they want as well. So you could learn a longer way, but no apologies.

No, I'm sorry. No, I don't know. More like, this is new. I'm excited. Let's do this. Tell me what feels good. Oh, OK. No teeth, too.

I like that part of it. Yeah. So. Yeah. It makes it seem less scary. Yeah, good. That's what I want for you, because it's really not scary. It's just a new thing.

You're going to get into it. You're going to learn to love it or like it. And you're going to be great. And also, you probably know a new thing. You're gonna get into it. You're gonna learn to love it or like it and you're gonna be great. So And then also you probably know the teeth thing that was the first thing I learned They're like no teeth. So you kind of just want to make sure that you're like mouth is going over your teeth You probably know that That's like BJ lore no teeth. Okay, you got this girl. Thank you so much for calling sex with Emily Okay, you got this girl. Thank you so much for calling Sex with Emily. Okay, bye Jackie.

You're so welcome. You guys, let's talk about sexual in, I'm putting this in air quotes, in experience. I think we all worry like, oh, I'm not experienced and I should know so much more. And I just think, can we all just get rid of that? You should be coming from some other place and you should know so much more.

Every time you're with a new partner, it's a new experience to connect with that person. And if you're in the moment, you're present, and you're paying attention to that person, the reactions, what they're into, you're asking questions, then that's gonna be the best kind of sex you can have with that person in that moment,

paying attention being put, not tripping in your head about what you don't know. Okay? So, love this call. Thank you for calling. Okay, we're talking to Nicole. She's 24 in Mexico Mexico and she wants to know how to make FaceTime calls more sexy

when you're in a long distance relationship. Hey, Nicole. Hello. Hello. Well, I gotta tell you there's good news right now because there's been several studies that have come out that have said it's the best time to be in a long distance relationship

that they actually work out more frequently than we think. And with today's technology, there's a lot more success. So I just want to tell you that the odds are in your favor here. Before we get started. Okay. Cool. So tell me what's going on. Tell me your question.

Okay. So I've been in a relationship with this guy for we're going on close to six months. We haven't met in person yet. We're going to in December. But every time we are on FaceTime and things get a little steamy or sexual, I feel like everything is focused on me, which I'm like, okay, I really appreciate that you're trying to get me off. But I want him to have fun too. And I am not so good at getting that started.

Yeah. And I don't know how to approach the topic of hey, I feel like you're not really participating like you should. Okay, yeah, no, I understand, but let me back up for a second so you have never met him in real life yet. Not yet. Okay, so it's all been FaceTime calls? Mostly? Yes. Okay, how did you guys meet? We met off of social media.

Okay. We ended up following each other through weird circumstances and then started talking. Okay. Well, it might be cool for you guys before you actually meet him to really get to know each other and kind of build intimacy without the sex stuff right now. So you could have like a FaceTime date where you both like you're having dinner, eat you're having

glass of wine, so it's like you're actually like having a real date, but you're sitting you know you're staring into your computer screens at each other your phone. And then you could have some conversations where you're really you know learning things about each other and you you could play a game, like you throw some really fun sex games, ways that you guys could you could kind of get more information and learn and connect in an intimate level like the emotional intimacy before the sex to find out more about each other. Because there's been a lot of build-up here at Zeems, and I would just love to sprinkle in some more of emotional connection. And then that might make it a lot easier for you to kind of

maybe want to give back. So that's just my suggestion. But I can answer your question as well. So I understand also that you've never, does that make sense to you or does that something that you're interested in? Oh, yeah, it does. It totally does.

OK. What would you like him to do? What would you like the result to be? You want him to get naked, you want would you like him to do? Like, what would you like the result to be? You want him to get naked, you want to tell him what to do? I mean, I feel like I'm not good at dirty talk. Right. Okay. I would like to get better at that and get him more involved and see more of him.

Right. Right. Get naked. Like, drop your pants. Yeah. Okay. And he's doing that with you right now. So he's like, hey, like you're hot, you know, I can't wait to touch you,

take your pants off, like is that, is that how it's going down right now? When you talk to him? Pretty much. Okay. And so you, I mean, because Dirty Talk is challenging for a lot of people, right, and then you don't met him yet

and you're staring to his eyes. So you don't even like, you can't even bury your, your head and his chest or your sex, you're like looking at him on So you don't even like, you can't even bury your head and his chest or you're like looking at him on the street. So that is another edge. So I mean, here's the thing about dirty talk. Dirty talk 101, because it's a comfort for a lot of people.

And it's the kind of thing where you could watch porn, you could read a radical, but you really have to find your own voice with dirty talk. But the good news is, my best advice for dirty talk is either you describe something that has happened in the past, is that you would like to happen in the future or something that you wanna happen in the moment.

So I think just saying, I'd be so hot, you're so hot, I love looking at your abs or whatever he's showing you, like take your pants off, I'd love to see your cock or whatever, you feel comfortable saying, whatever is actually true for you. You know, and then, but I don't know, like on FaceTime you met him yet

and the escalation of that, I think it's just, it might be awkward, just know that it might be, it's not gonna feel great. Like I don't think you're gonna do it the first time, be like, I'm a natural, the first sentence that comes out of your mouth, but it's about developing it on your own. You could also try in the shower,

be like, you've talked to him enough, you'd be like, okay, I know how this goes down. He's sitting in his room. I can see him from the way stop. And then you could just think about what would I want to say to him in the moment. Like, what are you feeling, you know, that you'd like to see? And then put words around that. And with dirty talk, another thing is talk a little slower, you know, a little bit of a deeper voice, but not like a, a, a, a, a, but you know, your own deeper, slower voice. And then just... Okay, see how he reacts to that. But I don't want you to do it just because you think that he wants.

I mean, if you really want to do it for him and you want to see him naked, that's awesome. But you said you want to give back to him, so make sure that it's something that you actually... You want for yourself. And that's just because you think that that's what he wants. You know what I'm saying? Of course. Okay. Cool. Well... Thank you so saying? Of course. Okay, cool. Well, you're so welcome Nicole.

Good luck with this and I hope it all works out when you guys meet each other in person. All right, okay, thanks. Thank you for coming. I'm so thankful. So when I first heard this, I thought, oh God, you guys haven't met yet, because I've, here's my thing.

If you meet someone online or wherever, a lot of people just have this, you know, they get into these whole relationships and we idealize people and we just assume that we create whole relationships, we've never met someone in person, we haven't like touched them and smelled them and we don't know about that fair moment and all those things. So meet someone as soon as possible before you stretch out the relationship. So that's what I want to vertical here, but kind of get the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy. And yeah, that's what I think Nicole. here, but kind of get the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy.

And yeah, that's what I think Nicole. Let's know how it goes. Alright, we're going to take a quick break, but stick around. Don't go anywhere. Afterward for our sponsors, I'll be answering more of your questions. We have Lydia. She's 28 from Seattle, and she feels a lack of sexual connection with her partner, not getting a lot of oral and there's a lot going on here. Hey Lydia, thanks for calling in. Hi, thank you so much Emily for talking with me today. Of course, tell me what's going on.

Alright, so my boyfriend and I are very in love and couldn't be in a more compassionate and playful relationship. We're both very open and honest with one another. Nothing is too taboo to discuss, especially sex, but unfortunately the sexual aspect of our relationship has gone pretty stale. And the reason is pretty delicate, and the soul-cr crushing phrase, is it in kind of comes to mind? Oh, okay.

Yes. Venus is definitely on the smaller side, but I'm not trying to stir up whether or not size matters because I've always been a believer in. It's not how deep you fish. It's how you wiggle your worm. Yes, I haven't heard that one. I've always heard not the size of the ship. It's the most in the ocean, but okay, I got you all right

That's a great one, okay? And although we have a whole like drawer full of sex toys and things just vice-sex up even our foreplay has kind of become Robotic. I find I'm only getting myself off with vibrators and we've been together for almost two years and he's never given me an orally stimulated orgasm. He goes down on me and vice versa, but it's been almost two years with me coaching him and guiding him and never really achieving the goal. And I've always been more than happy to give pleasure, but part of the fun lies in your partner giving you mind-blowing orgasm. Exactly.

When I'm only giving them to myself, it's like, part of the fun is gone. Absolutely, no, I totally get it. So I'm wondering, okay, so, so wait, I'm trying to understand, first of all, you're saying, the size of the penis we don't really think is the issue, it's more about, you really want some more oral satisfaction.

I think just him giving me orgasms period would be far from the bottom. I'm not picky here. However, I got the orgasms and I want it. So you said you've tried to explain to him though, right? You've explained how you want an oral or you've talked about it, right? Like how you'd like him to go down. Yeah, you know, I'll go into depth and be very thorough and explain what my needs are and what feel good and what doesn't and

Have you guys try to have a mutual masturbation? Yeah, we've done that before Plenty of times. Okay. Have you had have you had orgasms through oral sex before with previous partners? Oh Yeah, wow, okay, so it's been two years. What do you think it is? I've asked and I think oftentimes when I ask, he kind of gets kind of self conscious and he gets down on himself and he thinks he lacks the ability, even though I totally think he can do it. Right. He can. You can do it. You can do it. So okay. I think You can do it. You can do it. So, okay. I think I can.

Are you guys talking about this outside the bedroom or are you just giving him instructions in the moment? Yeah, more so in the moment. Yeah, so it might be that he's kind of in the moment going, oh, he can't really settle into it because it's waiting for the next marching orders, right? Like, to the left, to the left, to the right. So, I think we might have to kind of slow

this whole thing down with him, and maybe it's like the way that you talk about it, because it sounds like he really wants to please you, and you guys are in a very loving relationship. So I think just kind of mixing it up and maybe talking about it outside of it when you guys are like, you know, let's just talk about this oral thing, but I super attracted to you,

and let's just try to talk about this together. You could even master it, he's just talk about this oral thing, baby. I super attracted to you and let's just try to talk about this together. You could even master it. He's just watching. It's not even a mutual situation. He's just really watching what you do. But also just talking and saying, how would he best learn? Asking him a little bit more questions because clearly it's not working in the moment and you could tell him, I have the utmost confidence.

I know it's going to happen. Maybe it's the way I'm explaining it. And you guys could kind of like, yeah, take it outside of the bedroom and then, you know, talk about it and explain that you're your pleasure and how you like, so what do you, because I'm just trying to understand what you think if other people have done that before,

is it, does it feel to you in the moment that he's nervous and you're like, move your tongue this way and you're like, left and he's going, right? I, I definitely sense he's nervous like in the moment when I do that but before I do that no. Maybe we take this off the table for a little bit. I don't know how long this has been. I don't know.

You're like it's already been off the table but maybe there has to be some more connecting in other ways like maybe you also besides the oral some some intimate connections where you guys are like just you know Essential massage and you're like connecting in those kind of ways and then he can kind of feel like he's giving you pleasure In other ways and then going into the oral it's funny that because I'm actually a massage therapist. Oh I love it. I don't want to use the word decentatized, but so you don't want a massage. I'm just trying to think of what would be something. Oh my god, it's so funny. What would I really want to? I should just

marium-sus, my favorite thing ever getting a massage. But I think that it's more about like him, you know, if you're touching yourself and then like he can kind of like you're getting yourself turned on and it's not about him So then he's let him know that it's cool. You love him like an acasual like let's just try it again But I don't want you to be stressed out babe. I wait my whole life for you to for us to figure this out To take the pressure off of him and then he's kind of watching how you touch yourself So either using a toy or your fingers and then he's kind of following along You know, so yeah, cuz I'm not sure it might be in that moment thing, you're right.

Like I get nervous in the moment, so I'm trying to teach me something, you know, so use a toy. It's you. It's my thing. I think, oh, no, am I going to do this right? You know, so it's like, I think it's the way we all learn differently. So maybe he's visual without the pressure of it having happened because you're pleasing yourself in that moment and he's watching and you get asked questions.

You guys can make it fun. He could use a toy, you know, he could use a toy you know he could use a toy on you you could use a toy and then you go down to them after rather than it being mutual right yeah I think how about that how about you try some of that yeah lots of lube I mean yeah so that's right that's our suggest I think that a lot of times we just keep, you're saying it the same way and you're explaining the same way to them, but just kind of switching the way

you communicate might be the thing that works. So let me know how it goes. Actually, thank you very much, Emily. Thank you so much, Lydia, for calling. I appreciate it. OK, you guys, so you know, this is a really good point. I love this call because think about it. We often think that we've told our partners so many times

and they're just not hearing us, even just the art of the communication and saying something different or a different time. Some people are visual learners. Some people need to hear things 10 times. So just kind of, you know, rather than saying I'm beating them over ahead with it, think of how you can change the way you're delivering the message. And then there'll be more orgasms for all.

We've Chad. He's 30 in Utah. And he wants to know how to bring up sex in a positive way. Hey Chad, thanks for calling. Hey, thank you for taking me. Of course, I am here for you. Tell me what's going on. Yeah, so I actually have a really great relationship with my wife talking about sex. It's actually been really fun and kind of led me to your guy's

podcast and conversations just with her. But as I've listened to you guys, I actually want to have more of these conversations outside of just my wife, maybe friends or other couples. And so I wondered if you know had any experience and advice know how to get that with other people. I love this question You've heard you say that guys don't talk about it enough to each other either so they don't they don't God, Chad. This is like a dream question because this is gonna set example for so many people because we don't talk about it enough And you know, I always say be that friend that brings it up So now you're saying how do I bring it up? so do you picture yourself like hanging out with your guy friends? Yeah, even there like I think in past experience guys you know especially at a late high school

early college age it's more about you know the score. Yeah exactly. Who I was with now or I saw her nude picture. Yeah exactly. I banged her I didn't bang her. I want to bang her friend and a story. Yeah. So, okay Chad, this is great.

So, I think when you're talking to your guy friends, you could even blame it on me, my wife and I, we've been listening to podcasts and I realize, like, I talked to my wife, but I'd love to hear, like, let's talk about your sex life or how often do you sex or what's your sex life? This is what we've been doing. Well, how about this? I've been with my wife and, you know, we actually talk about sex in this way that's actually How about this? A bit of my wife, and we actually talk about sex in this way that's actually really helped us

that I'm wondering, do you and your wife talk about sex? So actually, you can start to talk about sex, asking them if they talk about sex with their partners. And then from there, you'll be like, yeah, well, what kind of thing do you talk about? And you can even share. So that's how it starts.

And seeing if they're comfortable with that, just saying, do you guys talk about it? And then your friend might just say, yeah saying, do you guys talk about it? And then your friend might just say, yeah, we do. Let them know. I think being authentic and being honest here and saying, you know what? I realize that it's really helped my wife and I, but I don't really talk to my friends about it.

Would you feel comfortable talking about it? Like about your experiences or, you know, what kind of information would you like to find out, Chad? Like, how do you see the conversation going down? Oh, like I mean, I'm interested in what you guys are talking about you know what's like masturbation habits. And even what they do to their spouse that or that they wouldn't wish they wish their spouse would be into. Or if they've talked about those type of things with their spouse and their things that are off limits in the bedroom or yeah, I know the kinks and the fetishes that I hear you guys talk about. Exactly. I think that's great. I think you know not everyone's going to be down with it, but I've found

in my experience that most people are when they hear what I do for a living they're like oh my god we don't talk about it enough. So I think you're gonna have a lot of luck in this department and you just want to start off like so what's your kink but just like hey, I gotta ask you something. I know we've never talked about this before, but I'm asking for a reason. I have found that talking about sex with my wife has really changed the landscape of a relationship and I want to know, do you've experienced with that? I think you'd be, you know, I always wonder, like what do other people talk about?

And then you're gonna see if they open up. And I think you'll just become a natural conversation. And what I love about this is that I think it actually really enhanced the intimacy you have with your guy friends. You know, I think that guys should talk about this more. So I love about this is that I think it actually really enhanced the intimacy you have with your guy friends. You know, I think that guys should talk about this more, so I love it. How does that sound? I like it. Yeah.

That sounds great. Good. And just, you know, keep asking questions, see if they're comfortable, might take them a second. And also, you could also let them know, like, you know, dude, I'm not asking for, you know, I'm safe. You know, I'm not going to be talking to anyone else about this. I just think that, you know, I'm not going for, I'm safe. I'm not going to be talking to anyone else about this. I just think that I'm not going to be sharing it. I mean, hopefully make that pack. Like a lot of my friends talk to me about their husbands or their wives, and I don't share it.

It's a safe place. You can let them know. I'm really just, this isn't about gossip. I actually think we could learn from each other. And I think that that would just be an incredibly brave authentic moment and could change your relationship. So yeah. I like it, thank you. OK, I like it too, Chad., and could change your relationship. So yeah. I like it.

Thank you. Okay. I like it too, Chad. Let me know how it goes. I love that. Okay. No problem. Thanks, Chad. How great day.

Thanks for calling sex with Emily. I love this. I love people listen to the show and then they call and they're like, I want to try that thing that you suggested. You guys, I think that we all learn from each other. And so to have a man calling up and saying, I really would love to hear what's going on in my friend's sex life, not for television, but just to learn is amazing.

So that made my day, thank you Chad. That's it for today's episode, see you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review where ever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily.

Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739.

Go to sexwithemily.com slash askemily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemlead.com