Sex With Emily - Best Of: Calling All Virgins – Your First Time Sex Guide

Episode Date: March 16, 2020

On today’s throwback podcast, Dr. Emily, along with Anderson, is giving you the tips you need for your sexual debuts! That’s right, this show from the SWE Vault is all about having sex for the first time. The two try to squash any qualms you first-timers may have around sex – from technique to what to expect to how to do it safely. Plus, innovations on period sex and an explanation of how “manspreading” might actually help you in the dating game. Who knew?Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemilyFor even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show I'm bringing you your first time sex preparedness guide. Might not be the most magical night of your life, but I'm telling you everything you need to know to make it the first time a little less sucky, and also answering your emails. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken,

he thinks you're kind of cute. Hey, the world's got to ever stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, though? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex for relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexfamily.com where you should, you know what you should do?

Oh my God, you should totally subscribe to the podcast. It's so easy to little subscribe button, has my face on it, then you can find it. And you know what happens then is that you get two shows a week, easily wherever you listen on your phone, and then you never miss another episode, which would be a bummer, right Anderson? It's such a bummer.

Yeah. It's just so easy, they just pop up bang, and they're a virtual too. It's like they're taking up space on your phone. They're not taking up space like the U2 songs that they U2 put on your iPhone. It's like getting a free subscription to like the newspaper of your choice sexual newspaper that doesn't take up any weight on your front lawn.

Exactly. You can look at it every day because you didn't really like I used to get in New Yorker. Exactly. You could choose to download it and listen, but that's what happens. So you don't miss it. We did one a few weeks ago dating after divorce. That was a good show we did. And one of your tips was don't date the bartender which was going to be my office.

Oh yes. It's true. The bartender. Why not date a bartender? Right above the hairdresser and right below the stripper. Right. Exactly. Which was interesting because we've had a lot of talks about that.

So check out that one. We've done a lot of good shows lately. It's been fun and things everyone for also just for for for listening to the show and following the show because we were like number six and I teen saw Super just very exciting. Six, overall. I know it was really exciting and yeah, it's been a good week. It's been busy.

I'm excited for the weekend. What about you Anderson? What do you two? Oh, have we talked about the fact that you're being baby yet? I think so. Yeah, we were mentioned last show. Okay, because I'm still really excited. I'm going to be excited.

When are we going to have it's a boy or girl? I don't know. Are you going to find out or you want to know this couple? Oh, yeah. You know what? You don you know any of these things How you're gonna be until you're actually right now you like pregnant so I like I used to think like I'd be kind of fun to have it a surprise on now. I'm like no, no, you gotta pay the no Nothing no, right you gotta know I'm gonna look at all pink or green

But you know on honestly that it won't be a real pregnancy until I can picture what kind of child I'm raising So it's big deal. I'm I look forward to the next two three weeks. What's the due date? October 13th, okay, which is my Which is the same day as my anniversary. Right on my anniversary. Oh man. She's gonna ruin it. We're gonna like make the kid think that we're celebrating his birthday or her birthday. Yeah, but it's really about us. That's a good one. I'm already trying to figure out what you just grew over the cake. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no me tonight. You're funny because you're like, did you ever, you were teasing me about something? But you always tell me. Yeah, cause I give him only shit, off air sometimes and then she, I heard that position a little bit,

a little different off air. Like you get a little bit more like touching go with me. Like, come on, I was giving you shit about something. Cause I'm so relentless. And I'm like, don't you have a big brother didn't he tease you? Yeah, he made me. Cause that's how I'm treating you like my little sister.

But with you, it's a slippery slope. And I know that you, you're always pretty gonna fall in hate zone. Well, because you, a lot of people, Anderson, let's be honest, fall in your hate zone. They can hear the love zone. Yeah, but you never get out of your hate zone. And I live in fear of the day I get in your hate zone.

You're not gonna get in my hate zone. Okay, because after all this time, I would've done it already, right? Yeah, you would've got in it last week at the, at Kronoshow when you were saying, a hashtag ball legal. I did not say that. I did not say hashtag ball legal. You did. It's okay, but you didn't fall in the hate zone. And a drop to fork and I was a little drunk. It was so fun. I think I was I was tweeting something. I was like, that's funny. Yeah. Yeah. She was doing that thing where she was

reading her tweet as she was writing out out loud while Mike was singing a song I like his singing by the way we need to go out more see that was fun Today we're talking about first time sex. We have a lot of emails from virgins They haven't sex yet. We're gonna get into that and I got some sex the news Everyone's been a virgin. Everyone's been a virgin and there's so much anxiety and pressure and stress If you're a boy and it gets stuck in your mom and you're coming out in the doctor has to jostle you back and forth I think technically you're actually having sex with your mom and the other one.

No, ew, Anderson. I mean, if you got a jostle back and forth, you don't ruin. Please don't ruin, I think. Don't implant these things into your brains, technically nothing there. But also reading your emails, and we got some sex in the news. The first news story, Anderson, is a period sex. Oh. No problem, because there's a whole new thing out there.

Plastic sheets. Nope. Things can get messy if you've sex in your period, so many couples avoid it. But the Flex company wants to replace outdated pads and tampons with a sleek, disc-shaped, blood blocker called the Flex Discs, which are worn during sex to prevent making a mess. So they put them inside of them. They're disposable. They can be worn up to 12 hours. They come in a stylish little packet hyperlogetic

Won't cause toxic shock syndrome and they you can register for every sample on the company's website But they say it's so shockingly comfortable that women tell us they forget their own their period when they're wearing it and You know, but people say and I think this too like they're marketing the hinges on the idea that people think periods are gross and that men You know women they all think they're gross. So, um, but the point is there are a lot of women, let's say, who don't want to, they want to have sex in their period, because a lot of times that's what we're turned on, but they're, you know, they don't want to bleed everywhere. They're not comfortable with it.

Maybe guys aren't comfortable with it. You see, well, honestly, personally, I don't like doing it because it's so messy on the sheets. Not like it grosses me out, even though the idea of what's actually happening freaks me out. It's fine. If I'm in love with the girl, if I have a relationship, I can do whatever. It's kind of a favor of time though. But I don't like, you know, we're in bed. I know it's the sheets.

That's the worst. And this is what's going to happen. There's like a bloody mask here. I know. But you see the right and on the wall here, girls are going to put this up there every time they have a period just because they don't like dealing with pads and whatnot. And that's going to be dangerous. I bet. Well, I hope that this is just supposed to be if you are going to put this up there every time they have a period just because they don't like dealing with pads and whatnot. And that's gonna be dangerous, I bet.

Well, I hope, this is just supposed to be if you're gonna have sex. I mean, yeah, temporary. But the thing is, women often want the most. So 25% of the trial sun ups are for men, it says too. But obviously some women and men don't mind periods, I mean, I don't know. I was with a guy once, he was like, eh, he jumped into the shower and he's gross. I was like, down with it. It was something like with orthodox Jewish people,

like, there's a lot of people in the same room during it. Like, the women gets relegated to a separate room in the house. For real portages. It's not a bad idea. I'd actually like to hang out with a girlfriend when I'm PM passing. Really?

Oh, so you guys all still together? Yeah, like the red tent, over the butt. Okay, what was that product called? It's called the Flex, but there's also one out called, what is it called again? No, no, no, there's one that we were just talking about recently. No, no, no, soft cups. That's been out for a while, similar product. But I think that if this is your thing, if you have a fear of a body mask or happening

and you're like, oh my God, because when you've been with someone and you didn't know and they're like, blood, so if you were going to have that. Yeah, well, the sheets and the thing. That's the thing, too. I wanted to do a new relationship. Yeah because you know when you've been with someone and you didn't know it and like bloods out everywhere that yeah well the sheets and the thing that's the thing too I wanted to do relationship or you can't get you can only have sex ever so often you don't see the person very often or you don't live you know when you're in your parents house when you're young right like that doesn't matter at all but when you become a grown adult yeah and you can schedule around it you just do yeah it's true but there's other wrong blood or period sex but if you make sure you're more comfortable then go for the flex

or you can also buy these soft cups that are out now. Because it's funny, because I was in a meeting recently, and they're like, have you heard of these soft cups? And they've been around for a while. But, okay, man-spreading makes a person more attractive when dating, according to a new study, to do what man-spreading is. Don't know what this is. I did not either.

Reflecting your personality in a handful of words on a hook-a-bap or during a speed dating session. Reflecting your personality, reflecting it, showing who you are, in a handful of words on a hook-up app or during a speed dating session is almost impossible. But simply having an open posture which sounds suspiciously like man-spreading like this. When your legs are open and you're like all spread out, in your dating profile photos or in real life can make a person more attractive. So when a guy are open and you're like I'll spread out in your dating profile photos or in real life can make a person more attractive. So when a guy's like you know he's like

his legs are spread and he's like taking up more space, man spreading. You're like penis. I get it. I've heard about the whole you know like the unspoken words that occur with body language and you're never supposed to have your arms crossed because it's like blocking people out. It's true though. Apparently it's true. But here's the thing when it gets the bottom, there's a study but women too, it says, who take up more space. No, now when their legs are spread naked, it's like if a woman's like,

yes, her arms out, just take it up more space. So an expansive posture is described as an enlargement of the amount of space the person is occupying is more attractive. This is a post-of-photo where the person's picture with their arms and legs close to their torso. So standing like that, not even crossed. But if I'm like, my arms are out,

but the problem is I'm so small that I couldn't take up a lot of space. She's got her arms stretched out right now, and she looks like she's in some kind of like, do I look sexy to them? Do you think I look better? Dancing free on the beach. What had a billify?

There's had, yeah, like that. The med adds exactly. And she called to basic instinctine instead of man spreading. I know. Well, that's what they said man spreading. It sounds awful. Sounds like man's favorite. I know, but when we get to study at three different levels, they watch speeddaters and they watch real life people

like judgedaters on a Tinder app and they had them look at photos of men and women. And the researchers, the researchers, I'm not drunk yet, the researchers believe that such body language is appealing because the brain associates it with dominance and openness. And Jesus. And Jesus.

But we make these, you know, then they showed people who met someone to be getting that they weren't attracted to and then showed a picture of a spread, eagle. No, man spread. Man spread, take a more space. Looking like a hockey goalie. Yeah.

So. It's worked for Jesus. He's got a lot of followers, a lot of people are calling it. That's so true, maybe it's a religious thing. It all goes back goalie. Yeah. So. It's worked for Jesus. He's got a lot of followers. A lot of people are on it. That's so true. Maybe it's a religious thing. It all goes back to Jesus. That would be.

You're so. He's ripped. Freaking right. Jesus was ripped. Chiseled. Okay, everybody. Here we go. Virginity.

Okay, I know that brings up a lot of fear and anxiety. A lot of men and women. You have not had sex at. And there's a lot of pressure to have sex. You have anxiety when you're about to have sex, you have anxiety before sex, you're not even close to having sex the whole thing. But the thing is, it's natural to worry about sex because you can't practice, think about interesting, like you can self-pleasure, but you can't actually practice the old in and out.

But you can prepare for it. So this is your virgin preparedness guide. So I decided to gather the most common questions I get asked. Everyone emails me feedback at sexwithalmy.com, which I love. And I just thought, first let's talk about the common things I get asked and how to prep for the first time and how to do the goddamn thing. Alrighty. But first, the Hyman Chronicles, the number one virgin. You're going to say the Hyman Crackin.

No, I just like to call it the Hyman Chronicles. Is what I was When you're when you do virginizing a girl you're essentially cracking that high, but you're not Never heard that term. That's I have cracking the hymen cracking the hymen. I've never heard cracking the hymen I've never cracked a hymen no, I'm not gonna talk about that, but yeah I would I would actually actively avert such scenarios There was a virgin you said no, cuz yeah, I would say like you know what? No one likes the first guy that divergenizes them. They're almost always assholes.

No, it's not true. I don't want to be like that. I don't like not hate the guy it's actually with the first time. Well, you don't hate anyone, am? That's true. Yeah. That's well. I hate some people I dated or not my favorite people.

I'm in chronicles. Okay, so the hymen and virginity are not mutually exclusive. Even if you think you're going to crack the hymen for it to really be a virgin, you think there's gonna be blood everywhere, but it is not an indicator of your virginity and it's not an adequate way of proving that girls stick things up there. Yes.

They go right, horses. Exactly, it is not a membrane that needs to bleed or be broken during intercourse. It's just like really, it's just like a small elastic fold of like mucus tissue. Mucus tissue. Say that 10 times fast. Think about it once. And so it's, it only partially covers a vaginal opening and can, but doesn't always tear off your stretch. So a lot of women, yeah, riding a horse, riding a bike when they're

little like, it might just tear. Like it could happen. So, you know, and fewer than half of all women bleed the first time So if you don't tear bleed like don't be bummed out. Yeah, like doesn't mean you're not a virgin and So and the idea what important knowledge? Oh, because there's a lot of dudes out there I know and then they hear that you're a virgin and then you have sex with them and if there's no blood What the fuck But more than half do not bleed. I don't think I blood the first time. I was swear to God, I was a virgin. I don't know if I bleed. But I did my worst is growing up, so I'm not sure why.

But you come, is you ride those? I didn't ride anything growing up. I didn't have an orgasm until like 20, two. Why do you think I'm here? Okay, the idea that a woman's first sexual experience is like this permanent, hymen-breaking challenge is just BS, really. And it's, you know, you think, like, the language too, the people talk, she lost her

virginity. He took her virginity. It's kind of, it's very misleading. I gave him my virginity. I gave him my virginity. Like, that's a bother to me. So just, the hymen thing, like, don't be all, you know, yes, you should still put, you can put down towels.

It's taking a blood. If you don't, you don't want that, but it might not happen, okay? So don't touch it on but it might not happen okay So what but it's like it's bloody blood. I feel like period blood. I think rarely though Couples are like okay. We're gonna lose over genetic now and thinking a lot of time that happens in the passion the heat of the passion Right, well, that's what we're gonna talk about to cover that because people are like oh, I wasn't prepared or you know And there might not be blood, but it should always be this sound That's how you can tell if she's about the cherry that might be the hackneyest joke I've ever done here I was a hackney joke. That's like my daddy the hackneyest jokes listen for this boys

Yeah, exactly okay. Here's a common virgin question Top in the cork of the cherry cracking that helmet But I can't remember if I was I'm trying to to, I mean, I don't know if I've read me, but I remember my story, but I can tell you the first time I had sex. I remember, I've never, yeah, I was dating guy for 11 months. I was a junior in high school, 17. He was a football player, very cute guy, and I waited 11 months, and then we had sex on his brother's water bed. I.

Yeah. Nah, not. And I don't even have those things in here. I know. How like 80s, that 90s, so. How long did it take us to realize it's just a bad idea? Oh my God. I don't know.

How did you have to do it? Good on this guy. This guy must have had a lot of experience. His brother is water bed. I know, but the guy who did the deed. He had set up with one other person. So he said a lot of times because I can I'd have a hard time having sex with my wife right now on a water bed. It's hard to remember. I remember I mean, I remember being in bed, but what happened was we had sex and it

was fine. Like I remember being like thinking it was a big deal. Wasn't the dark. I think he was dark. Yeah, think it was dark. How drunk were you? I wasn't drunk. I wasn't a drinker. I know I was got the drunkest I was last week when I was hashtagging in the middle of the show. Hashtag, well, little. Hashtag, well, legal. Why do I owe, because you've talked about the bald eagle? I was like, this would be funny if I hashtag his joke.

I'm sorry. I'm spingy out in the middle of the show. I'm sorry. So, then my boyfriend and I had sex and his boyfriend in the water bed and then went downstairs. What other thing about that? Well, what I don't think about that. Well, here's the thing.

We didn't tell the brother until the brother came home that night and found the condom in the bed. So apparently we didn't throw away the condom. Did you guys make up a story? So it was probably in the dark. It probably was, but like my boyfriend shouldn't know and did throw away the condom because he had sex before, not that I wouldn't know it. It's actually happening, especially with the first time.

It's like, oh my god, I can't believe this is happening. Nothing else matters. Yeah, it's been like, god damn you, asshole. I remember coming down screaming like you. It's actually my bed. Did you make up a story? How do you make up a story with like a used condom in the bed? Most of a year, it was, bro.

No, that's not what happened. But that's my story. Okay, here's a question. It's okay. And you have sex with him a lot after that? You know, I'm trying to remember. I think I did. It wasn't. I was just a real bad. It's okay. And then you have sex with him a lot after that? You know, I'm trying to remember. I think I did. I was to be a real good dad. I was to be a real good dad.

I was to be a real good dad. No, he wasn't. And to be honest, I wasn't either. I didn't know about orgasms. I never masturbated. I was a water bed. It was in the water bed. That was the first last time.

I think it was pretty good for 10 minutes. I didn't know. It was so simple. It was so simple. I didn't know. It was so simple. But like I forgot until I was like appearing for that. I'm like, oh yeah, the water bed. At least I'll sell those.

I want to be still by one. My brother had one too. I'm sure your brother did. I can see that. But I, yeah, I mean, I did keep having sex with them and then I just like, I don't really remember it because honestly, I didn't know about pleasure. No, doesn't it feel great?

I don't think it was really painful. Maybe it was little, but it was okay. I like did it and I remember thinking it was big. You know, like, oh my god, we had sex and it was like a big, we love you. I love you. And painful, maybe it was little, but it was okay, I like did it. And I remember thinking it was big, you know, like, oh my God, we had sex. And it was like a big, we love you. I love you. And then, I know, we were together for like a year or so and then whatever.

It's much better to hear that after your first time. I love you brother than I get out. Well, that's a thing. We're gonna cover some of the things because people like, how do I just have sex with anybody? But here's the first question I get asked. Am I a freak? Well, people I date think I'm a freak

because I'm a virgin. So when you do have sex, decide to have sex for the first question I get asked, am I a freak? Well, people I date think I'm a freak because I'm a virgin. So when you do have sex, decide to have sex for the first time, you just wanna make sure there's someone you trust, make sure you're comfortable, that you have a relationship of some kind with, I'm not saying you have to wait 11 months and being madly in love like I thought I was or in love.

But, you know, don't sleep with anyone who judges you or makes you feel bad about your sexual history. If you're a whistle one that you think is gonna make you feel like a freak and you don't feel safe with this person, the keyword is like safe and you know them, then like, don't do it. And even if you're not committed, just take this step of having sex with someone that you like,

no, because, you know, like, even if you're dating someone casually and you're like, oh my God, are they gonna think I'm a freak? Like, you don't have to let everybody know you're a virgin, but if you're with someone and you feel like it's going to that place, then let them know. And if they act weird about it, then leave. Like, if someone makes you feel bad,

you shouldn't be with them anyway. Like, you even got to tell them, Mom. Okay, well here's the other thing. That's the next question. How do I tell my partner, new partner, that I'm a virgin? So once you get to that point of having sex, I think if you want to tell them, tell them honestly, I thought you should know I'm a virgin

Like keep it light. Don't apologize about it. There's a fact you nothing to make excuses for Right, like you don't be like, I'm really sorry. I'm a virgin or can you be like like someone? It depends on why too, right? Like if you're if you're a virgin because You can attract the opposite sex and have anyone put it in that's a problem and you're probably ashamed if you're a virgin Because you haven't found the right guy or girl, that's on your terms. If you're a virgin because of religious reasons, that's on your terms too.

So it kind of depends on the words, you might have shame yourself, right? The person might call shame. That's true. I mean, do you think people shouldn't always tell? I don't want to say too much, but yeah. Like for you, it goes as a buzzkill and you were like, I can't.

Yeah, it was definitely a buzzkill in a few scenarios and then I found out afterwards a few times too. And I kind of was appreciative that I didn't know at the time, so it would make freak me out. I know, I understand that. I just feel like, okay, so maybe times have changed or for some people, I get it. You want to get over with and women are like, oh, or men just like, let's do it. But I still think it is a big moment.

And if you're worried about it and there's all this anxiety, like, it's best to be with someone, I think you want them to know, you know? It's gonna be a bigger deal for you, girl. It is a bigger deal, right? That's true. Like if it's not a big deal to say, it's a big deal, I want you to know it's my first time. I just think that you'll appreciate that,

but now you're telling all these women they're not gonna tell cause they're afraid of guys gonna frot with. I think there's a lot of guys out there that are looking to crack the hymen. That's true, Anderson was not. Yeah. So okay, the next question should I wait for someone special or just get over with? guys out there that are looking to crack the hymen. That's true, Anderson was not. Yeah.

So, okay, the next question should I wait for someone special or just get over with? I think make sure you're really ready and you're not just pressing yourself to check it off the list. Because you guys always remember the first one too. We do. I remember it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're all over.

I don't remember how I felt. I don't remember how I felt. I remember it as a very much high naked. But you remember number one for sure. Always, you always remember number one. So like, I, yeah, you remember it. I remember it. I remember it. I still think it's gotta be mean something even without a sex out there these days. It should be somebody you have feelings for I think right? Yeah, I didn't get that. I didn't get that. You had a bad you had a bad you had a First two times didn't even happen because one time I felt the girls but hole in a freak me out and I kind of left the room

You felt her butthole. Well, I was like, yeah, we're in the dark and I was kind of feeling around other than I'm like, that's her butthole I just felt like I'd all freaked out my left when I was like 13. You didn't know what I was waiting for you. That's so young. And then when I finally had a penitentiary sex, it was with a much older woman and it was not good looking back on it like she was saying things acting like a porn star. She was 22 and I was like 14.

She knew that you were. And my wife thinks it's still screwed me up to this day. I don't I probably well it was it you didn't want to do it No, I was into it. Of course. Yeah, I was down One time no, it was about 10 So why does she think it messed you up my wife because my wife likes to fuck with me. Oh, okay Yeah, but she still was trying to make you were raped as a child. Well, it is legal. Technically, you were right. I was like 14. How do you meet her? She was a I used to work at this place called porquies No, it was a place for a place for a place to start a foreshadow. It was a rib place We sold ribs and then she was like, hey come back. I'm gonna park you really good friends with the one of the owners

Daughters so that when they all we always hang out. I'd skateboard there. I was like the cool kid. She drove a Porsche. I was like the coolest kid in town for like a month and then I'm like, wow, this chick's got problems. What, what? I think she drank a lot. A lot. Kinda, she met the teacher Anderson.

You get along well. She used to call my school, say that she was my mom and have to come pick me up and then they pick me up and they'd have a 12 pack of beer in the back seat. And I drink driving, I of beer in the back seat and I drink Driving I'd be in the back seat drinking in her Porsche as she was driving with her friend to the court Where she was having her DUI hearings and then we'd all drink in the parking lot before we went in oh god Oh, she's so messed up. Oh, she porn start. What's she or she just having sex and porn start? No, I agree this best you up But I think a lot of things have messed you up. I'm not saying it's hard to isolate.

Yeah, I remember her saying things like about a huckna how wet she was. Like I get turned off and then you go to the bathroom. You're 14. Oh, you can't talk dirty. I don't like it. No, okay, good to know. That's what I good to know.

Cause I didn't get wet now. It's talking to me. I do things. Yeah, I don't like it. Now you're 14. Did she know it was your first time? No, I, well, maybe. No, that's because it wasn't.

I'd already been like, I just couldn't, most a lot of guys, I'm I think you know this, like they can't perform in their first time. They're too nervous. Right, I, well, maybe, no, because it wasn't, I'd already been like, I just cornered most a lot of guys. I'm not thinking, you know, this, like, they can't perform in their first time. They're too nervous. Right. Are they come quickly? Or they just can't get it to, and that's fine. Here's the thing. Also, guy, that's why you may want to tell your partner, because you might come too quickly or you might not be able to perform the first time. Anything with anxiety, think about whenever you're anxious about anything, you know, playing sports, doing something like you might mess up, you might not throw the ball.

Yeah, the first time it was actually in the middle of night on a lot of things occurred to get up to this point, but it was on tennis courts. And tennis courts in the middle of night. Yeah, yeah, pulling up her skirt, like I was trying to get there and I couldn't find it was awful. So it never actually happened there. It happened like a couple of months later with this 20-year-old. Oh, God.

So I had a bottle incident, the tennis court incident before... So you had two misses, and then you had the porn at the Porsche check, who is a DUI drinking inter-porsche? Yeah, she was hot, though. Have you had, I'm sure she was. No, I don't do that. Okay. Okay, so here's the thing.

Should you wait for someone special or get over with? Anderson just got it over with. Anderson, how that work for you. Pretty good. You don't need to do madly in love, but you should have some kind of trust. I mean, virginity is very loaded. Like I said, for a lot of people, make sure you're doing with someone who has your best interest. And if you're convinced, your breast interest, that you have to do it. I just got to get over it. Then just, you know, be prepared for what could happen. You know,

you might have regrets. You might have a crazy story 20 years later. You might not 20, 30 years later. I remember being a guy just wanting to get it done. Well Well, that's the thing and I think that a lot of guys do. And so, you know, this is kind of, I was gonna break this down to men and women, but a lot of this is universal. I understand guys just want to get over with, but I also think it's just, if you can, just wait here with someone

that you feel safe with and you feel like exploring and you want to, it's okay that she's okay if you or he or whoever it is, he, he, he, he, he, gay,, like okay, if you would jack the two quick, there's something. But there's like the first sex and there's also the first comfortable sex relationship where it's repeated. And it's probably the first sex.

Sometimes it's the same person, but a lot of time it's not. It's not. By the time you're actually having sex on a regular basis with somebody, that's a whole different thing. That's so much better too, like when you after that, right. And it wasn't with this guy. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it just wasn't great sex. But I don't think I learned how to

really have great sex until I understood my own body and how to move and masturbating and being with someone who like maybe feel comfortable. And now I'm just like, look at you again. Now I'm just like, water crazy. And so just remember there's no rules, just make the decision that's right for you you know but think about it and how can you tell if you're ready? It's another big question. There's not like a magazine quiz. I'm going to give you all to know if you're ready.

There are risks, STDs, pregnancy, there's psychological emotional risks. Look at Anderson. If you see person before you're ready, like someone who's not trustworthy, make sure you feel bad about yourself, it can cause stress and anxiety for your entire life. No, but sex shouldn't be the cause cause stress and anxiety for your entire life. Now, but sex shouldn't be the cause of stress and anxiety. It should be fun. So don't rush into it.

I know. So ask yourself these questions. How am I going to feel after this? Is this what I want? Am I doing for the right reasons? Do they want the same things? You have to be sure. I just don't want anyone to be pressured

into making this decision when they don't want to. Now we're going to give a little love to our sponsors. Question. What should I expect the first time? Many? Exactly. You should hear that noise. Anderson loves it.

Now we love it. Okay, people think the first time I think people still think it's gonna make glamorous and they'll be waterfalls and they're gonna say unicorns Like they've seen pretty in pranker X-Wah is 16 candles made times exactly I think people think that you know, but don't have unrealistic expectations because that's a rarely the case that you're gonna see rainbows Okay, it might be awkward. Here's what to expect it could be awkward. You might be nervous It could be uncomfortable for some's what it's expected. It could be awkward, you might be nervous, it could be uncomfortable.

For some women, there could be pain, discomfort, you haven't had anything inside you. So, anyway, I haven't organized in the first time. I wonder if women have organized in the first time. I'd be curious to know. But just stick with it, it gets better, okay? Will my partner be able to see my inexperience? That's another question.

I mean, probably, which is why you should tell him first. Like, is it worse that you came quickly or didn't get hard, but she thought that you already experienced or like, ham a virgin and I couldn't get harder. I'm sorry, what was the question? I said to you, you're like, yeah, don't tell, but what if you're a guy and you didn't perform

the first time, but you didn't tell the reversion? I want to use that as a excuse. No, I time, but you didn't tell that you're a virgin? I don't want to use that as an excuse. No, I'm saying if you don't tell that you're a virgin, but then you like, you suck at it. You suck at it. You probably should have told them. Yeah, I'm not. So, you know, it is a big deal.

I think it's a big deal. It's like milestone. Mastervation, virginity, orgasm, marriage, baby. It's a big deal. It is, but you know, it's such a mental game. I know. I don't know if you wanted it, and either one of your heads. You know, like, my whole thing, too, thing too is I pretend like I've been there before.

You know what I mean? With almost everything I do, I try and act like, oh yes, this is old school for me. Are you a Debbie Bullard dad? Not a big deal. We're gonna die. Like when I went to jail,

I pretended like I've been there numerous times before, you know, and I was just trying to act like big. We would draw, why are you in jail? That's not the point, but like, so when I first had sex, I was pretending like I knew what I what i was doing you all the interesting psychological coping mechanisms you gotta try and fake it right you gotta act like you know you're doing well i have to make it to make it um

which women should never fake their orgasms but yeah i think it's interesting just the way that you think about like how you say it like you think of a few of you said when you don't talk to him and you're like oh what if they died i pretend like that that they're dead for like two to three seconds. I'd be sad, I'm gonna say I had a minute. And then I'm like, oh my God, wait, no, they're not dead. And then I actually appreciate them for a split second. I can deal with them in the elevator.

I think whatever you have to do to be a normal function human is working. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever taken anybody's? No, I've never taken anyone's picture. You sure am? I'm sure. Yeah? No, I'm sure. I'm prime sure. I've never taken anyone's picture. You sure am? I'm sure. Yeah.

No, I'm sure. I'm prime sure. I've never taken one today. I bet you might. No. No. No, no. Why?

I'm not a T-anger, guys. No, they don't have to be young. Like a virgin? Like a virgin's coming all the shapes. You're right. Like a 40-year-old virgin. Um, I have not. But maybe I should take a, no.

I never thought I'd buy it, actually. You've never thought of it. I've never thought that I've never taken a guy's virginity. It's never been on my bucket list, but I'm not saying I wouldn't do it. Call the bucket list. A bucket list. But never have.

Because I'm sure that I always, I was a serial monogamous. I always had the serious boyfriends. That's so funny, because I don't see that in you at all. I know I got out of my system in my 20s. I literally had like five in a row, two nephews, two nephews, two nephews. Same with me. I was like, oh, so that. Yeah, I got off to high school, like five in a row, two nephiars, two nephiars, two nephiars.

Same with me. I was like, oh, so that. Yeah, like all the high school, like right after high school, yeah. I just think that you don't know what else to, you don't want to do. Like, you think, oh, I'm dating you, and then we like each other, we had sex, but I think now people are not committing as much.

Oh, no. Thanks, Tim. Oh, no, thanks, Tim. Thanks, Tim. Okay, so here's a few more things about it. Your mindset before sex. Make sure you're ready. Make sure you've thought about the pros and cons and you're in a clear mental state.

I'm just going to say this, best not to be blacked out drunk or too high. Like Emily might have been. Yeah, no, I wasn't to drink her. I wasn't even a stone. I wasn't anything that I was so type A. I think the lights are off for candles. Most people want to you guys to most people who are loose virginity while drunk. Or at least under the influence. Maybe I was yeah, yeah, for sure. But I'm saying like, you know, you're still

going to be drunk, baby, but you don't want to blacked out crazy. You know, you don't want to live with courage. You want to remember just like I remember the part about the condom. Self love, the best things you prepare, know your own body, know what you like. It really is so important. Like I don't remember the first time I drove, which is something that I do every day, you do too. Do you remember the first time you drove?

Only because I was a worse driver ever. No, I should not have gotten my license. Like I made like a left into the wrong lane. I went down a one way street the wrong way. Like the first day, I broke every, I was terrible. My point is there's so many first things you do here. I was the first week I was driving.

And most fun things you don't remember. Because you're too young or it's just tick, it's not memorable. Sex, you're always gonna remember that first time. And you don't want to be black out drunk. Cause you can miss it. Oh, that's sad for so many people, they're black out drunk. They don't remember the first time I get just never it was There I'm glad I wasn't yeah, I was a

Carthage I mean I drink yeah No idea. Oh God. I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm gonna cause me safe sex bring protection with you Even if you're on the pill brand condom you could get an STD remember that don't assume that you're partner well I remember my other boyfriend. Okay, so this is my boyfriend my junior year my senior year boyfriend He was going to be the second guy slept with we went we were dating for a few months and he came to my prom Mm-hmm. I mean at a hotel room and He didn't bring condoms dick and I was like

Not sleeping with you then for you like none for you and then I'm like let's get on McDonald's I was like, not sleeping with you. None for you. None for you. And then I'm like, let's get on McDonald's. I'm going to get to McDonald's instead. McDonald's, co-cranel. McDonald's. We just said McDonald's and didn't have sex

because he did a great one. So, I'll, guys, why didn't you guys go get a condom? I don't remember why. You know what, I don't remember why, like maybe nothing was open. Back in the day, there wasn't like 24 hour anything. Nowadays, I think condoms are much more readily available. Yeah.

Nicaret and condoms way more available than they were back then. Thank God. Thank God for that. And so despite what you think, plenty of people do get STDs, and this is not be a buzzkill, they get STDs, or get pregnant for their first time having sex. Their first time, because you think about it, if you're looking up at the first time, with a random, their randoms probably have insects with as many people as possible. It's true. And just because someone tells you that they haven't or they don't have an STD, just please work on them.

So they promise you it takes one person with one outbreak, or one drop of sperm for you to be pregnant. It's true, a little pre-com. A little pre-com. A little pre-com. For play, warm each other up beforehand. If you're a guy, you're really nervous, you're gonna be ready to go.

The night's here, you're excited, but if you are super nervous, just take care of her. Make it by yourself. Exactly. Take your mind of yourself, oral stimulation, kissing, touching. You don't have to rush straight for the sex, get to know each other's bodies and then take it slow during guys. I know you're excited, but just if you're worried about nesting long enough, take the pressure off your erection, put it on our pleasure, and take the pressure off your erection. How? Put the attention on her?

Oh, okay. On her breath. I thought you were physically like this. On her nipples. Okay. Women, take it slow, take the breath, pay attention to your body. If there's pain, please, please tell him to stop.

So, you stop. They'll probably like that too. Don't worry about that. Stop. If you're like, how that hurts, he's gonna think, yeah, I'm big. Yeah. Seriously. Really? And this goes for any time you're ever executive.

You are so many women experienced pain during sex and they just suck it up. Yeah, don't do that. Not good. You could have serious damage. You could hurt yourself. Just don't do it in like a weird turn-off, you way. Stop it, what do you think? Yeah, just be like, oh wait, that hurts. Yeah, say it in the sexy way. Or just say it, really.

That hurts you too. Communicate what you're experiencing. Use Lube. You guys, you know, I'm a huge van a Loub and here's the thing How wet you naturally are Does not necessarily indicate or how turned on you are every night stand? What every night stand every night stand. I want a Loub. That's all I want Is that too much to ask for like I don't think that's how much I like the question got their bibles and every night stand in a Bible in Exactly you should have a little thing of Lou right next nightstand in the Bible in the hotel exactly you should have a little a thing of Lou right next to those Bible at least in the hotels. I think that's brilliant. Yes. I know that's they give you shampoo shampoo

Give you soap why not why don't they get they know everyone's having sex in hotel. They do no idea Afterwards get the condom off your penis into the trash What are you condom or moot or not in the water bed? Do you tie the thing? What? When you take off the condom, what do you do? I don't know, I let her do it with her. I'm like, okay, take the trash out. What are you doing? No, but you take it off. I'd spend so long since I've used a condom in my mind. Right, I got it. Right, because you're married. I'm a married man. Um, and okay, so here's the emotion part. You might feel worried or guilty or exposed or who knows what you feel? You might feel like it. I hate it. I hate it. You tie it off.

You tie it off. Well, you can tie it off so you're just for it. You can't flush it. I flush. You know, just flush. Don't flush it though the trash. But you know, if you're weird or guilty, all this if talk to someone, talk to a person about it. You don't wanna get set, like Anderson

have a traumatic experience that like, you know, is purveys to press your life. So I gotta even tell my friend, I should have been bragging all my friends to even do that. Until when, until now? Well, I gotta, yeah, years later I talked about it, but like my friends are all the group that we hung out with none of them knew Like it was like secrets. I would think that as a 14 year old boy

It would be like you would tell everyone. Yeah, I was Everkiss until I was here again. I thought those rude sorry the market once and she gave me like a deer in the headlights Look like years later. Really? She remember do I can't even remember her never it doesn't matter. Okay. We don't even know her name although we could Google her. I was always very drunk too. I think she might be dead which would freak out. Oh, I would freak me out I don't know how much she wasn't on the road to safety and anyone that had sex with the idea of them being dead is creepy Oh, I think everyone's a lifestyle and fence it on Facebook. Yeah, um, okay Sorry, we got some emails dude death. Okay. Thank you for to them on Facebook. Okay. We got some emails. Dude, death.

Okay, thank you for emailing me feedback. Okay, those are my virgin things. I hope they covered it for a lot of you. Let me know if you have more questions. Just don't stress out. I mean, and make sure you're with someone that you trust. And don't feel pressure to have sex. Don't sweat it.

Okay, emails. Thank you for emailing me. Feedback at sex. The M.A. dot com. You all rock. I love hearing from you and I love, when you include your name, where you're listening from, how you listen, and your age, just so awesome.

Okay, hi Emily. I met this guy six years ago, we've been friends ever since. I've always been interested in him, but I didn't see my kiss type, so I never pursued anything. In the last few months, I've noticed that all things that make me think you want something more than a friendship with me. Like, handholding in front of our friends,

whispers in my ears, being close to my face during conversations and paying for me whenever we hang out. He even went 15,000 eight miles away to be exact, to do a few shows. And while I'm break between those shows, he came back and only wanted to see me, myself, and my family. What shows? Now I'm breaking between those shows you came back and only wanted to see me, myself and my family. What shows? Now I'm obsessed. I know, now he's a band guy, I don't know. Though I've noticed all his signs that I do see myself with him, I want to be at least

80% positive. He actually feels that way towards me before I pursue him and possibly get my feeling start. Is there any way to get him to divulge his feelings towards me first or do I have to jump in with both feet in hopes of not getting hurt? Help assist to out. Also great. Also keep up with the great podcast. Thanks. Tamika 29. Louisville Kentucky. That sounds like such a dude email, doesn't it? I listen to your shows on the podcast app. No, why?

The 80% thing. That's such a guy thing. I will not move forward unless I have 80% confirmation. That's 75%. 80% confirmation. I get it though. As a woman, I I get it, like no one wants to be rejected, okay, let's just, and he clearly, don't you think he sounds like he's interested in her for six years? Yeah.

If this was her father or her brother, would it make her super uncomfortable with what he's doing? Yeah, probably. So yeah, he probably does like you. And this has been going on for a long time and five and a half years of just being friends and now now he's just like, at the last six months, he's like, can't hold him for dates.

Either you've been downplaying it, and you're not realizing that maybe there have been signs there before or something has just started. Some switch. It does happen. It does happen. I hear a lot of guys say that girls can't grow on guys, and that's total BS.

Absolutely. Oh, you think that girls say that, oh, God, you don't think that- God grow on girls all the time. Like, you guys are like, oh, he's, he's not a factor to all- No, guys grow on me all the time. Yeah, you can have to with girls all the time. Yeah, you can have to with girls all the time. Guys, guys growing on girls, but I've heard a lot of guys say, hey, you know, you know,

in the first two seconds, and if you're ever going to want to bang this person, and girls have completely grown on me. Yeah, see? Cause you're like a chick. No, I think I get it. No, because they care. I get it. They do. I get it.

You're right. I think you're absolutely right. Girl, it's true. You get the one you get to do. It's the same reasoning why it is for women. You get to know someone in the smart. You get to be able to grow on this guy. Yeah, exactly.

So either way, you need to have a conversation. She could be light-hearted or something and just say, hey, so we weren't always holding hands before. We do a lot of hand-holding. What's to do with that? Why you hold my hand? Like, make a joke out joke out of it like hey, you keep holding my hand like just make it light make it like point it out because obviously kind of a weird a difference You know, maybe he's afraid to make the move so just I would just call it out like that because I get her 80% scared because I I would be scared I would be like I don't be rejected either he's just a player

No I would be scared. I would be like, I don't be rejected. Either he's just a player. He's into her. No, he came all the friends. No, I think of this. He came back. He only wanted to share his family. He all the sons are only, I think that you're pretty good at it. I would just say a light little like I'm good at this. I'm like, what's the handling? Why would you be holding my kissing me? Whatever. He did. What do you do? Can you talk closer? Close talker. Close talking. Hold in hand in front of her friends, too. In front of her friends and his friends. So I think it sounds good. And she does like him. You're like, sounds good and she does like him like a lot of I think you're thinking you wouldn't like you you said you're not as type I don't know what that means you sound hot sexy smart to me here's the 20% that it's not is that she's just really zeroing in on little things that don't even register in his mind you know what I mean right he just grabs her hand

real quick it doesn't think about it because he's comfortable with her. He's leaning in, whispering in her ear. Like maybe that doesn't mean anything to him, but she's focusing on it because she likes him so much. That's just a 20%. Yeah, that's true. That is 20% and you can be like, what are you talking about?

So that's why I think she just says, we're hoping that we never use to hold hands or just make a joke about it. How about this shit eye contact and then grab his dick and see what he does? Yeah, exactly. See if he pulls your hand away from the dick or he says suck it, bitch.

If he, I was gonna say if he looks away, he's not in. If he keeps the eye gaze, he's in. But you just want straight for the suck. Okay. I don't know what I came up with. But I think you know, and I think it's gonna happen the next time you see him.

You're gonna figure out a way to do this, but I don't think he likes you. And I want you to email me to go and happen. Yeah, listen up. Because I actually really want to know where I know. I'm very invested. Tameca. Let us know Yeah, I really do want people to let us know what happened. You say that but then there's like 30 people and you're like No, they don't tell me there are people are like you help me so much like well how we do need some updates on the show I want updates. Hey Emily I just started listening to your show. It's really helped me feel comfortable with my sexuality and learning things

I met a guy in Australia last summer. Hi, I'm Mike. I had to leave to go back to school in America. We've been messaging each other over the year and I left Since we left and I'm clearly interested in each other still. I want to break the news. I'm a virgin to him But don't know I know back to the virgin theme, but I don't know how to go about it I wanted to know before I moved back to Australia and meet up with him I'm 18 he's 19 just to give him some background love listening to you and the guests on your show and hope you're having a great spring X X Gabby. Oh Gabby. She's falling for the Down Under Under Under. She's enjoying the show and learning what?

It's not enough dude. State side. I don't know. This is what happens. You think it's a thing. They've been talking for a year. The accent's kind of cute. That guy called the show earlier. My question is you're going going on my pack. He's got an issue with a dick I think so you might want to clear. Oh my god. That was in your boyfriend called Gabby I say run for the else My biggest concern here is when you say break the news to him. It's not a bad thing like she's not breaking the dude I got to break the news. I'm a virgin right? Did you pick this one on purpose? Purpose because it all ties in together with it. Yeah, I wanted to have a little virgin topic here because yeah, and I think that she's sharing information about himself. So I think she can wait until she sees them

and that's what they may be ashamed of. Don't like, don't start emailing about your texting or post-taming. Oh, cry around. No, it's fine. You know what? He doesn't need to know until you see him. I mean, unless you feel like you have to, but you should break the news. So if you're going to apologize, nothing gonna apologize nothing apologize about got his handful with warm bats and the great bearer reef Because of El Nino. Yeah, he's got enough going. I he doesn't need to know about that And I really do think I'm that he might for the wrong reasons really fix it on the fact Oh, this American girls got there. I could crack the hymen You know what I mean? And and she he would want to do it for the wrong reasons.

If he's no furious at all, I keep going back to that movie, kids. I don't know if you ever thought kids back in the day. And I keep thinking of Tully, who is all he wanted to do was bang virgins. And that's all he did all day. He even said something to throw around. Oh my God, that movie was so disturbing. I never seen it.

After another virgin, after another virgin. And that's what I'm picturing when I'm picturing these guys finding out that they might have a shot at cracking the iron. Yeah, we don't know how he's gonna feel about it And I don't think you have to share it to your whistler one and you're comfortable. You don't need to break anything right? Don't do it. Okay, except the hymen gonna break that right break the hymen. Would you go break the okay? Crack the hymen Yeah, one more.

Dermally looking for a first-time purchase toy the spice up things in the bedroom Have a little child looking for quiet toy. Wondering if you have any reviews, slash comments on the fun factory, flash waterproof mini silicone vibrator, thank you, art. Very specific. This is gonna be you Anderson with the baby. I'm gonna have to bring you very silent discrete toys.

Okay, fun factory. Okay, so this one, I have not tried it, but fun factory makes great toys. It's modern looking, it's a mini vibe, and has a little insertable shaft. It's kind of like a rabbit-y shape, but it's small. If it's like a small rabbit, it's submersible in water. It's hyperlogetic, it means it's a good toy.

Yeah, and it's quiet. It's got 12 vibration programs, and it's their first time. It is a rabbit insertable. So it's not like a literal vibe, which I would often, if you want to use it during intercourse, a great thing to do. I mean, it's a small, this is a small ride vibe,

but I would also say that another discrete quiet one, the Wevibe Tango, it's discrete, and it's a bullet vibe, but it's completely waterproof. You can do the shower, and it's so powerful. It is like, it's great for literal stimulation, to tease your balls. You also has the pleasure mate set with this,

so you can take the little clitoral vibe and you can turn it into a rabbit vibe, where you can turn it into like a cock ring with this one, like it sticks in these little silicone sleeves that are really cool. I also like the Wevibe Touch. Those are two great clitoral vibes that are very quiet, rechargeable. they don't look like vibrators. You can leave around your kid, can see it, I'll leave a baby. They're probably not gonna be seeing it, but it's quiet and just great.

Doesn't look like a rattle, though. No. That'd be a problem. No, that would be a problem. That'd be so sick and wrong. That'd be so wrong. That'd be so wrong. That'd be worse.

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they're all right, they're curated and they're for the listener. I do never talk about anything that I haven't tried and that I don't like. Right. I'm not pushing. I'm not a pusher. That's what we got time for, Anderson. Tell me about you and your 16 podcasts this week. Yeah, I got. I'm still going to wait time for me. Other than this one, I got to. They've got've got as important cinematics got some really good movie two really good movies I'm talking about this week one is demolition with Jake Jellinhall, which is all about him coming to terms with losing his wife

Sounds really heavy, but it's hilarious. Okay. I've heard about this and more importantly hardcore Henry is a movie coming out that you guys It's everyone's gonna know about hardcore Henry. It's like a no movie you've ever seen before. Guys, especially, it's a 100% POV shot with a GoPro, and it is really good. No way, try the GoPro. Yeah, made by this crazy Russian, hardcore Henry is gonna be in your face.

Okay, so the Maddox, check it out. Cinematics. Okay, do it. Okay, thanks Anderson. Thank you. Thank you ever for listening. Thank you producer Madison and Lori and Jamie and Nina and all the great people. Thanks for listening. you producer madison and lori and jamey and me and all the great people uh... thanks for listening was a

good for you email me feedback at sex with andley dot com oh wait i did not say to follow me on facebook and twitter and instagram and youtube i'll take it all at the time that we have to do that that's so fine so fun love you all by you