Sex With Emily - Best of: Emily and Dr. Drew Discuss Porn Sex vs. Real Sex

Episode Date: June 17, 2020

On today’s throwback podcast, Dr. Emily and Dr. Drew do what they love most: taking listener calls! The two experts address common condom conundrums (how to stay hard!) and how to meet in the middle when it comes to mismatched libidos.Also, does your guy get his ideas of what sex should be like from watching too much porn and spending too much time masturbating? Are you stuck in a cycle of loving someone who has you in the friend zone, and if so, how do you move on? These specialists provide skillful responses to your most compelling questions and have a lot of fun while doing it. Join us!For more information about Dr. Drew, visit: https://drdrew.com/For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm so excited for today's show. I've got Dr. Drew Pinsky here in the studio and we are taking your calls. All your love and sex questions we're going to answer on. Thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block our secret institutions. Bet rule. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can check out all the amazing things we have going on here at Sex with Emily, follow me on social media.

Just because people have a pretty good time here. So you want to see what's going on? You want to see all the sex toys and the fun we have here? Birthdays? We've got a lot of cake this week. No, I not that interesting. That's not going to drive you there. How about the huge box of what did we get this week? Loobs. Pounds of loob. It was amazing. Anyway, it's all at Sackers Family across the board. You can also shop at my store on the website

and I just love you all. Thanks so much for listening. I'm going to welcome my guest Dr. Drew Pinsky. Hey there, it is fun around here. It's why I can't stay away. I know, right? I'm gonna keep coming back. The pounds of Lou, but special. Dude, don't leave that pond to Lou. I got a backpack for you. You would?

Yeah, Dr. Drew, it's so funny. So I never listen to my podcasts. So I've been doing it for 12 years. Yeah, I don't listen either. To mine, to anything I do. Ever? No, I've almost never. My wife listens to stuff, so I sometimes hear it

at the background, and I cringe. Right, exactly. But it's not even so much because my boy, I've already gotten over the fact that my boy says like this, and I say, I'm way too much, it's more like I was there, and I feel like I'm going to listen. Yeah, that was it. Do I really have an hour, or I want to listen to something else? Absolutely.

If you're going to, and if I were going to value it myself, I'd probably listen for five minutes ago, and I'd have many, many notes in five minutes, but that's the thing, and then I want to change everything. So I just it myself. I probably listened for five minutes ago. And I'd have many, many notes in five minutes. Well, that's the thing, and then I want to change everything. So I just don't. But then, so you're coming back, you've been on the show, you were on one other time. There were two other times. I'm sure it's twice. But the last time we had a really good conversation.

We had a party, that was a party. Like, that was fun. And then you saw me speak at the human gathering. That's right. You thought that stuff was interesting. Exactly. That's different stuff than we were talking about. Different stuff.

What I was going to say is, well, right, because that's what I wanted to talk about as well. I never listened. But I happened to listen to that yesterday. I was running. I want to listen to it because it was our top down loaded podcast because it was back over conversation. And maybe you tweeted it.

And it was really interesting. We talked about female, of course, I didn't remember all the details, but like female sexuality and what are the questions that women have to ask about? Why don't women know how to under-connect with their body, such? Yeah, yeah, that always mystified me. Right.

Still does. But we were starting like a movement. It was just a good show. So if you guys haven't seen that one, check it out. There is some new data, by the way, that sort of piles onto this. And it makes me think we're in a little bit of a, well, I know we're in a different historical moment here.

I think when anybody doesn't sort of feel that way, is not living in with rest of us. And some data came out of Connecticut that shows that women, although they don't say they evaluate potential partners so much by physical appearance, when they measure it now, it turns out they are. And even their moms are. So in other words, if you hold personality and character traits constant, he's nice, he's giving, he's thoughtful, he's blah, blah, blah. Hold all those things constant and show you five pictures of guys.

You will pick the better of them guy for sure. They say they'll do less than they would and the moms do a little less, but the same kind of thing. So I think in this age where we're bombarded by images of porn and pictures of beautiful people, it's not just affecting men anymore. So women have always complained like the body image stuff because of so many images. I think it's now translating fully over to men where they're getting these adonis complexes, right? They're worried about how they look. You're giving me shit for worrying about my diet before we do. I'm like, I got M&M's for us.

And you're like, don't leave me doing that. Don't leave me to that. Don't leave me to your side. It's our normal thing. I know, we do. But, and now the choosers are also being affected, I think. Like, the men have more, you think the men. We have them are being more choosy about who, with the physical care. But I feel like, I guess at women are like,

not that they would never have any. They always, they, in previous studies, it didn't show as much. And they reported less even than they're doing now. That's interesting. I wonder if it does have to do with all the social. I'm not sure what it does. Well, I would think that would always be the same with all B else being equal.

If empirically there's a photo of a better thing now. You're right, you're right. However, it seems to be more powerful now. All else being equal, right. And they're going to start to look at different age groups, things like that. But I think there's a little shift going on. That's interesting. Why not? Why shouldn't there be shifts in?

There's always shifts, I guess, going on that. That goes to what we wanted to talk about, which is that we are an embedded species. We don't like thinking about that. We like thinking about our individualism, we like studying individual brains, and individual systems, and talk about our individual experiences. But we are deeply embedded in a history and a social context. Exactly. And I'm thinking a lot about random. I met the guys that were starting it or who were a part of it creating it.

And they're like, oh, we're doing this thing tomorrow and then they asked what I did. And I said, I did this radio show. And I think I heard you on Love Line. Well, actually, Dr. Drew Speake and like, he's a good friend of mine. I'm gonna show up. And I was so blown away because I've heard you speak

so many times I've watched your show. I'm just love, love to say next to each other. I love line and I've watched your show at HLN, and I've actually listened to more your podcast than my own. And you were on stage and it was captivating because it's kind of like, the environment was sort of like set up like a Ted Talkie kind of thing, right?

It was kind of thought leaders. And I don't know how much they even told you what it was. I didn't even realize it. They had, they didn't, you know, always those things are very difficult to define. We're gonna change the world, those we're gonna do. We're gonna change the world.

But it was the consciousness though, in connection. And I do wanna get into it, but I did have another funny thought about it. I woke up a couple of days ago and I thought, you know what, scientists and physicians and engineers never do those kinds of conferences. We are too god damn busy trying to figure the facts out, figure the truth out, and apply it,

rather than we're gonna save the world here. We just discovered how to save the world., figure the truth out, and apply it rather than, we're gonna save the world here. We just discovered how to save the world. We're gonna go do it. No, no, no, we're actually trying to actually figure this stuff out. Are you saying you don't do the navel gazing kind of things where we're in trouble?

No, navel gazing, we don't, you never see physician groups going, we're gonna have a gathering, we're gonna figure out how to solve that. No, no, we're too busy actually doing it. And that was sort of what I'm like pulling. Like, why are they wasting their time? But you're saying, no, in general, the physician should be the ones who maybe who are gonna get the food. No, no, no, we're too busy actually doing it. And that was sort of what my point is. Like, why are they wasting their time? But you're saying, in general, the physician

should be the ones who maybe who are getting into it. No, no, they may be wasting their time. Or not, I don't know. You only find business people doing that as well. True. Because, right, because everybody else is too busy actually applying their skill and developing their craft and stuff.

And it was sort of what I was talking about too. Remember I was saying, you listen, it's one person at a time and it really changed one person. You have to have a lot of skill and a lot of wisdom, a lot of experience. I remember I was saying, you listen, it's one person at a time and it ordered to really change one person. You have to have a lot of skill and a lot of wisdom, a lot of experience. And they don't, they miss that part. They want to go solve clean water for the world, which I don't, I applaud them for. Absolutely.

I just, I didn't get any of that. I don't even remember that part. I'm not even talking about that. See, this is why you were there, but you, well, no, but this is the part I didn't emphasize because I was, I was afraid people were going to get turned off by that. I don't mean to turn them off I mean to say they're looking for something more they made a bunch of money and they're looking for something more They're I've seen a million of these guys right. I know all these guys Yeah, and they're like I know they're like I always get pissed off and like I do I I've been making a difference for a long time

And I'm very grateful to have that I wish I had your money. I mean, that would be fantastic for my family. But they're talking about philanthropy and giving back and then how they've had to do. It's grandiose, it's grandiose. And my point is, you really want to get that feeling of you dimonia, which is what I was talking about, which is a certain kind of happiness, you get it one person at a time.

It's recovering people have it, right? They have it like crazy. People that are in helping, but how do you get it? They have it like crazy. And they don't want to do that. They don't want to get the skill. They don't want to take the time. They don't get the patience. It's it's a really interesting thing. But you were talking and I don't want to discourage it from it because I want them to solve the

water problem for Africa. Whatever. They were talking. I was more about like it was about consciousness and it was about why I was talking about that. I was that. I was that that was it went on. Yes. Yes. Yes. A lot of people. I mean, no, because I told you people were talking about company culture. And I'm like, oh God, I even have a good company culture as everyone here happy. And there was some businesses, like, you guys slept for 20 of the sex toy concerts.

Oh, I see their point of the closet. They're always happy. Do I talk to my staff? You know, there was stuff like that. And there was about businesses and making connections. But you were like, on the, like, there was a moment in Valerie, your publicist, who's been with you for 20 years. I did not know she was there.

And then we both look at each other, run across the home, she's like, I've never seen him like this. So it was when you were on the floor, and you were like talking about how we were talking about what happiness, first of all. And you were talking about how it's a lousy thing, and there's all these books on happiness, and no one ever defines what happiness is.

And then you're saying, it's actually about, you know, you were saying that you're grateful, if you're grateful a few times a day, that's what, you know, can make you have to sign, think you're happy. And it also adds to happiness to you, yeah. It kind of adds to happiness. But then also when you were talking about, and this might be too much because we do have callers, we have things that we're doing. Okay, we're to wear the away from sex a little bit, but go ahead. But I don't know. I just when you were talking about your experience, I think it was with your therapy,

emotional, mode of therapy, is that what it is? You mostly focus therapy, so. Oh, God. And when she focused therapy, and you were talking about how you had the patient, and you heard the... Yeah, I hear these things, and I feel these things, and I must be all the time, yeah. And then that's, I think that's,

but it's at the embodiment, and it's the work, and it's so a lot of what people are feeling. They don't know what, even know what they're feeling and how it manifests in your body, and how you connect with people, and then you got on the floor and you were talking about our parents. You feel like if you're a parent,

you have to mimic back their emotions. Somebody got on your knees. Well, this woman was like, how am I going to be a great parent? I'm like, do this. Get down, down to your kids level. And I was trying to show and be face to face, let your body attune.

And when it does attune, guess what, your heart rate will mirror the kid's heartbeat. You're even your hip-ass. The pubular movements and your iris will actually mimic your kid and then just stay open and reflect back on your face and appreciation of what the child is experiencing. And that little model is in exchange that we can use in everyday life. The mirroring in our face, women do that almost automatically. They do. You're doing it a face, women do that almost automatically. They do.

They do. You're doing a little bit of right now with me. And I'm acutely aware of it because I had to really do a little bit pronounced as a male in order to set the boundary and to show that appreciation of what they're experiencing. And if you remember, I in Slevy rehab, the patients used to give me shit about it. They go, no, there is with that sad face.

And I'm like, no, I'm signaling. I'm signaling, it's a different, I'm not catching your feeling, but I am deeply appreciating your feeling and I'm signaling you. I'm not telling you, because telling goes to a different part of the brain. The signal goes to the deeper right side of the holistic embedded part of the relationship. It is that something that you think as a physician learned it or more through the therapy? I feel like you were talking about your therapeutic experience. It allowed you to connect more with yourself and then

with your patients and with everybody. I was talking about my therapeutic experience as a patient. I was talking about my therapeutic environment as a practitioner. And then I was talking about my disciples. The what's the word for all? Like the disciples? I was talking about all the people. What were Jesus' followers called disciples?

Disciples, yeah. There are disciples out there that I am their Saint Paul. There's a guy named Peter Phanaghi who's stuff I'm describing now is guy named Alan Shore, is a guy named Stephen Porgias, a guy named Dan Siegel, a guy named Pestel Kivandako Kwa, I forgot to mention it at the same time. These guys, I'm telling you, these guys have worked this stuff out and I listen and read their stuff like I'm reading the Bible It's I'm just I'm just in all of it and so it's because deep deep application. It's the next hundred years

I'm telling you so beginning of the next hundred years of understanding the human Under right and I think that a lot of well a lot of what we talk about is where we say in the unloving You should see it you should see a therapist you should go to therapy. You should do this you should do that people I don't know. It's like it's another it's another way of showing that, how much that experience people don't really get it. I go talk to myself and pay 300 bucks. There's lots of bad therapists. So many bad therapists.

So many bad therapists. There are therapies which have a bit evidentiary practice associated with them. They work, they work for short term problems. But really, I almost thought, I thought, I think I said this, we should have a different term for this sort of finding meaning, fully evolving mental health stuff. That's where it's all right, but I think that's not your thoughts. It is, but it's not mental health.

It's like mental evolution or something. It's mental realization. It's mindfulness. No, it's realization rather than health. Self-realization again, we're back to that. But this is important. I don't know. Okay, let's, this is what I just did.

But our crazy is comes out in relationships. No where does relationships come out more than, and no crazy is coming out in relationships. That's how we all need a little bit therapy. I have a hard time, I think, too, with people who dating someone who has in, and I think we have a lot of colors to say that we can help online,

but what I wanna talk to you about first is little sex in the news. I wanna talk to you about the dick click. The what? Oh, when you're ligament clicks. No, that's not the dick click. It's new, this was in the news today. You might have, you were probably doing 16 million

years ago. No, dude, listen to this. So there are plenty of male contraceptives in development at the moment, but a new switch device has been revealed that which maybe the strangest of the lot, a new device called the dick click works in the same way as the facectomy, but it's like an alternative. It operates via surgically inserted valves. Do you know this? And there's literally a click

on your penis that would, they could be like, I want this for a month, I want this for a month. It's not cool. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not fully inserted. It's not really drunk or something. I know, and reversible vasectomies have been tried a million times and they're sort of, hmm, they don't work or they do what they're talking about before. I'm like, do they work? They don't work reliably. And this is, this is a company that really doesn't have the research yet to say that I don't have to do. You see the pictures of it? Have you seen the pictures of it?

It's going with your hands. Why? Why they read. I don't know. Is that new? Are they read? No, I didn't even know. Do you have hands in cold when you put in the refrigerator?

Yeah. Do you have rainbows? Oh, I brushed my teeth. That can't be it. I brushed my teeth with the hydrocortisone by mistake earlier. Would that do it? No. That's pretty smart.

That's pretty smart though. No, your answer. Your answer was two. What's the same as two? When they get in the refrigerator freezer? During a break, we're going to seek your hands in the freezer and see what happens. They hurt when you get in the cold. Sometimes, yeah, but I avoid the cold like the plague.

Because your hands. Do you think I've that renounced in the world? That's what I think. That's what that looks like. Because they're red like that? I've never noticed that before. Oh my God, I don't know. It's pretty.

I don't know what it is, Drew. God, I'm glad it's not the high-pitched zone. I feel like hot there, like push them against, I don't mean, my arm is warm and yours. I am hot. Yeah. No, you're not. You're just your hands. Because they are warm. And I'm usually freezing. Your arm is warm and yours... I am hot. No, you're not. You're just your hands. They are warm.

And I'm using... You're freezing. I wish you could all see this. This is fascinating. Okay. Well, I'm feeling good. Good. It's for my hands.

The isolated thing is not a big deal. My mom has it. So it tends to be... I never had it, but now I'm just becoming my mother in every way, shape and form. I'm going to start talking like this. That is not going to happen. I promise you that's not gonna happen. You pass that window.

I don't know. Okay, so this thing probably would have a man won't want to take responsibility for this at all, but. But it's a good idea. I just wanna show you the switch, you guys. We'll put this on our website, but look at this. Yeah. It's like, put the switch in their scrotum.

Yeah, yeah. Literally, that's not an one. And, yeah, well, that kind of thing. Maybe we'll take responsibility then. Well, no, when you look at the penis implants, the penis pumps, they're kind of like device like this, but it's a lot of hardware. It's not a minor thing. It's a big deal.

So yeah, I had read about that and it started like, it's not going to probably not going to happen. Okay, none of this could happen. The male pill won't happen because the male pill will happen. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no is a change in certain way that helps it penetrate. So seeing either you're gonna interrupt with the movement of the tail or the capacitance, I think.

That's not true. And you think it's really gonna happen? Someday, someday. Yeah, I just feel like that we're spending so much time in the female pills and so like that. Yeah. So they're not gonna, the men wouldn't take it, they wouldn't be responsible.

I don't know. Okay, that's not a thing. Should we get some calls, or anything else going on in the world? Oh, oh, finally. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was just gonna say, finally, they have some, finally, they're admitting,

oh, guess what oral Contraceptus caused depression and female. Oh my god, they're just saying that they're just really sort of coming out with it in a big way. It's like no, how many times on Loveline do we say are you on the shot or you know, every day every right? Why don't they warn me? I would think that there's more information now, but now we know the fact. I mean, Anna, who's very back up everything. Oh my God, Anna. Did Anna have a problem with this? Anna, no, did I say Anna?

I thought this was you. Oh no, I said, and on the last show, no, but Anna, I don't know for Anna, but when I was on the last show, we were talking about how women have no information about sex, they're disconnected from their bodies, they younger girls, like when they're first having sex. So now?

Yes, we talk, you're like me, see, I didn't remember either why everyone loved this show. Yeah. Because everyone here loved it too, So I was like, okay, I'll listen. Yes, I ran. I'm like, I'm going to listen to the show. And I'm like, oh, this was pretty good. It would be talked all about how women don't under what I was talking about, though, was how mystified it makes me that in this day and age, how that's positive. That's what I said. I was upset because I upset because I had family and friends who have kids who are 17 and they're like, sex, I don't understand sex, I don't masturbate, gross.

And it hurts inside to be the penis, the condom, ew. And they don't understand, they don't understand sexuality, they don't understand why they should masturbate, they don't even know why they don't want to be vulnerable so they don't even want relationship with anybody. So they're just having sex to please the guy. Nothing's changed, because I felt that way. Yeah, you're right. And that means there's something biological in this, right?

And so we have to, there's a difference, and guess what, everybody, a man who under-different biologically. So you have to help them with that biology. You have to treat the men. You're trying to get them not to do something. Right. But you can't get them to stop.

And with females, you're trying to get them to engage with it. So it'd be a part of it. You know, it's funny. I saw something on your watch that show. Oh, this is this is way out of your demo, but Frankie and Yes, yes, I just because everyone's talking about it. Yeah, I've seen one episode. Okay, Susan loves the wife loves that show. And in there, they eventually get a vibrator business. They ride their eyes of a million times, the second, the third season, they really get into this vibrator business. And one of the character, a male, young male's female partner, they have sex, they do it for a long time.

She says it's great. And he leaves the vibrator behind the mom's vibrator device, which is supposedly this wonderful, super special device. They are super special. I'm sure something like that exists in your closet already. We'll get some treats. Yeah.

And, uh, and he hears her after they've had this long session masturbating and making a different sound and it freaks him the hell out. And I thought, oh, that is so much about the man. And he can't even confront you. He goes, look, how come I couldn't make it? This is like the man we want you to have the ultimate experience with our penis. Exactly. That's it.

How come you, I couldn't use it. He was like, so upset because she goes, oh no, no, it's not better. It's just different. We're like, okay, here's what I heard. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Exactly. And he wasn't my penis. My penis was not in the room. But we have, when you say it's different and it sounds more intense, we just hear, we missed out. We didn't hit it right. It's weird and we can't imagine, we can't, literally can't imagine that there is an equivalent experience That's better or good that's not about orgasmic intensity. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. Because we're fully in that sort of biological zone in our sexuality. No, that's true

Even though we appreciate the connection we like the intimacy and stuff in terms of the The orgasm part there's an orgasm. it's either intense or super intense and that's it. And if it's super intense and you weren't there and it was different, then the ego, it's the ego too. It's more than ego because it's not a language. But it's a language we don't understand because I still, as someone who tries to be very attuned to all that, I really don't understand.

I watched that scene, I have no idea what she's talking about and yet I, that's a real thing. I know that's a real thing. You say that it's a real thing. I really don no idea what she's talking about. And yet, I, that's a real thing. That's a real thing. I know that's a real thing. You say, because I really don't know what she's talking about. It would be like, if you used to say a flashlight, like a male masturbation sleep, I think all you could think about is like,

that's still your hand though. I mean, I guess a vibration doesn't feel good. You're just saying having an orgasm with a vibrator and a penis is not, what do you mean? No, see you don't understand my fingers. I never said what you don't understand. Right, right. Right, that's the craziness here. You have a matter for Mars, what, you don't understand my question. I never said what you don't understand. Right, that's the craziness here.

You have a matter for Mars, but we don't. Men will have more intense experience based on who they're with, novelty, what their eyes are perceiving, and what you're experiencing. Right. That's the rest, that's the, right, is there any other,

any other voice with the vibrator? I'd rather be with a man and like, more nor is the vibrato. I'm all the jealous. More nor is the vibrato. What are you talking? Maybe my orgasm is more, but maybe you said the orgasm sounded different on the team.

I know and you just said you make more nor is the vibrato. Sometimes my orgasm is just, and I'm jealous for your partners. I'm immediately jealous. I make a lot of noise. But the vibrato, look, there's another man sitting there. You know, Michael, what you're just, you'd be dealt with. Yes.

It's weird. And there's no reason. I understand it totally. But what about when you masturbate? Isn't it different? Like, no, it's just just what we're looking at. So we're looking at. Yeah, but then that couldn't be, but as a women are threatened all the time by male masturbating, they're like, I don't understand. We're not threatened. We're, we're hurt. We're disappointed, right? But women are disappointed all the time by the partners who watch porn. They're like, oh my god, they just want me to- They're threatened. We're not threatened.

We're like, why? Why? I'm hurt. Why can't I do that? Because you don't vibrate. But you just can't vibrate. Let's do it. There's actually ones that can attach your penis, your fingers.

We can turn your penis into a wrap, something around it. But then you guys won't bring it all together like that. No, we would. No, no, no, no. So you left and then we take it off and leave that here. Let me take it off your penis and right back out the door. I know. It's all very confusing.

Okay, we're going to take some calls. But this was, this is a good time. Right. I mean, it's, to me, it's like that we didn't talk about this at all and it did come out. No, I was just saying we talked about women in sexuality and how confused they are. But no, we, I know. But this is the, this is the difference that, but no, I don't think that's the difference. But this is the difference that is a perceptual difference.

It's different. And we're not teaching kids about any of this. Well, but it's the perceptual difference is so profound that we don't understand what each other are talking about. And here you and I are trying to open to it. And we can't do it because it is such a different experience for men and women. I know. So people have to go easy on themselves, I think, too, because it's like relationships,

they're going to be, it's going to be a challenge if you choose to be a member of that. But know. So people have to go easy on themselves, I think, too, because it's like relationships, it's gonna be, it's gonna be a challenge if you choose to be a member of that person, right? But that's just the sexuality part. I mean, you layer in all of our histories and psychologies and interpersonal craziness, then here we go. That's why I'm really happy living alone with my 16 libraries.

Truly and dating, and then I have a choice to go home. Okay, what an, anybody interesting? No, not yet. I'm like three days. I hope they're listening. I hope not. They are listening. Here's the problem. So I'm dating got. I'm meeting that if they weren't upset enough about knowing they couldn't give you the certain sound with their penis. Now they're truly crushed. Well done.

No, well, different sounds. It's like a big call. It was a little castraining ball bus. I never knew that. Women make different noises too. Like, you know, the evolutionary speaking wasn't it when they were with a man. A different man was like their meeting too. Like, you know, the evolutionary speaking, wasn't it when they were with a man, a different man, they're like, they're mating call. Like, the more sound lot, this, when they're made noise louder, screams, it was because their partner was coming home and they were like, you know, they were, like, we're talking like cavemen when they were people.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so that's why, like, it's all about like mating calls. Yeah, it is. So I'm like mating call with my, my vibrator. No, I don't think I'm going to hear it. But, but it's something that your that your actual mates are concerned about. They are listening, some of them, but I, because they find out what I do. I know.

And then they listen, and then he's like, so you're going to bring in, and he has a loob, or he's sent me like an emoji, he sent me an eggplant emoji as a joke today, of a date tonight. And then he's like, I wish there was a loob emoji. I'm like, we've never met, and you're talking to me about loob, but you've been listening to my podcast. How dare you. How dare you. So cancel? What are you doing tonight? I'm always getting you but you've been listening to my podcast. How inappropriate. How dare you.

So cancel. What are you doing in line? I'm always getting you to cancel dates, I don't know. I know. Okay, so, um, Drew, Dr. Drew.com, by the way, is it so we said everyone? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. I wouldn't have known that. Not listening to our answers.

All our podcasts. It's really interesting to listen. Yeah. Dr. Drew.com, you've a million podcasts, which just go there and. Oh, I got this life, got weekly infusion. We have Dr. Drew podcast, we you've a million podcasts, which just go there. Oh, yeah, this life got weekly infusion. We have Dr. Drew podcast. We have the Me and Adam podcast. So if you have anybody with fans of Love Line out there,

Adam, we're still together. There are. We're contemplating Mike and I are contemplating doing one. They've been a lot of people. Because a lot of people, like, Mike Hathaway, who is the other host. Yeah, a lot of people, but we have a lot of international listeners who might

I know about Love Line. So you guys are going to do, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe. You can just do it at the KBC, whatever it is. Yeah, we could, yeah, good point. Okay, good. Should we give a shout out to our sponsors

and we'll be right back. Thank you everyone for listening to this show and thank you for supporting our sponsors. We love them and we only like talk about people and work with brands and sponsors that we actually use, try, believe in and we hope you will, we're back. Okay, so we're gonna take calls, because we have people, our first call from Australia. And you've got these and waiting for us to call.

Fantastic. So let's do that. Jeremy's 23 from Australia and he's got some condom conundrums. Cool. Hey Jeremy, I'm here with Dr. Dupinski, my special guest. Just kind of conundrum and new phrase. Hello. It's good one. I need to be a little corner.

Kind of conundrum. The kind of conundrums. Hi, Jeremy. In the conundrum. Yes. How are you? Good hour, you. Hello. Thank you for coming from us.

Yeah. Good morning. You're our first call. Thank you. Just like to say, in a long time, this is my fifth time call. I love you work. So I'm talking about. You're first. Thank you. Just like to say a long time this is my first time call that love you work Thanks Yeah, and if it wasn't for listening to your podcast, I'd be doing everything wrong Oh

Exactly that's what we're talking about you can't learn from porn you can enjoy porn not gonna tell you what you're not gonna learn from Oh I did just have kind of You can enjoy porn, not gonna tell you what you're not gonna learn from. Oh, Jeremy, you found us. I did just have kind of my first sexual experience recently. And I think everything was going all right. You know, full play was really enjoyable for both of us. And then yeah, I go to put on the plastic and yeah, my bone, I just sort of- It just goes limp. That was a way. Okay. the plastic and yeah my bone just sort of just goes lamb eyes away okay she's

kind of she's kind of looking at me and I'm looking at it's really all good this happens this is we're gonna help you okay how do you how do you 23 and this was your very first very first attempt at intercourse yeah okay there's a door to little secret that the majority of men has the majority of men have some type of major sexual dysfunction in their first outing. It's just absolutely going to happen. And many times that's merciful for your female partners, provided it's not the latest generation. But you can have delay, you can have premature, you can have rectal dysfunction, you can have pain in any form of sexual dysfunction,

it's exceedingly common first time out and seemingly out of the blue Right, you don't feel anxious. You're having a good time and all of a sudden nothing's working that you have somebody else's penis all of a sudden Now right is that what it felt like? I suppose so yeah, yeah, wait this was just the first time I'm gonna be cleared up. This was just one time it happened. Is that what you're saying? I happened. Is that what you're saying? Or you're talking about a couple of times now. Okay. And so, Yeah, a couple times. So every time. Okay.

So, so the next time you were, it's going to happen again, it can make it happen again. Right. But, but a sum, a lot of men have difficulty,

a sustaining erection when they put it at condom on. That's just a chronic problem for some men. And we've always told people, we used to tell people on level. I what we tell them to practice. To practice.

I've shortened you practice skateboarding and surfing and a million other things. people, people who are on love line. What do we tell them? We would tell them to practice. To practice after a hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred

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hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred hundred for you and find one that's good, but practice putting it on and then practicing what it feels like having an experience with the condom on with your whatever, whatever, family devices you're using. No, I think that's a really good point. I remember that to practice with the condom because I think if you've had sex a few times and you remember like it does, it's true. The first time you came too quickly or you got limp and then you think oh, it's going to happen again. The other thing is I'm not sure what kind of condom using, but there's so many kind of condoms out there

right now that it could be the wrong size. You might not have enough lubrication. My favorite, you probably talk about skin condoms, SKYN, they're polyisoprene, they're non-latex. They are the best condoms. Is this a skin? Yeah, SKYN. SKYN.

I'm sure they have, they're by lifestyles, like lifestyles makes great condoms too, but they're like a, they're a brand underneath the lifestyle brand, and they're amazing. And so I think even just switching it up to get a variety pack online, go to my website, I think we have a bunch of them on my website, but you're a do-it-all Australia, do-it-all Australia.

I'm not sure, we do awesome. So check them out, try, is all this of getting new information, practicing, and getting new condoms, you're going to be fine. I'm so not worried about you. And by the way, your female partner, she doesn't care, is that what you're going to say? Well, she's either, it's having one of two experiences.

She doesn't care and she feels bad for you. But there's always a little twinge of, he's not that attracted to me. And they always have that weird, and it's never about that. In fact, they rectal dysfunction, if we're likely to occur when the guy is too attracted, too into it, the anxiety then makes you not work. That's true. She's thinking, perhaps you could be thinking, oh, he's not hard enough.

You got to reassure. You got to reassure. I can't repel. It's great because I'm so into you. Yeah, tell her how she is. I'm going to worry about the wrong stuff. Oh my God. That's what we can do another show on too. Body image, but it's true. Yeah, so she's not thinking about, I would reassure her. Tell her, you know, don't just ignore it if it happened three times the same person because she knows she was there. Yeah. You know I'm saying so yeah, okay. Good. Normally normally we In a course just you know it goes off the table and we just sort of play around instead. That's good. You spend a

Time practicing. Yeah, I love it. I try skin condoms. Yeah, yeah love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it don't like oral sex and like it. I don't even know who those women are. You've said that. They're very rare. They're very rare. I feel like it was the thing you made up. No, no, no, no. Because now other people are like, well, she must just, yeah, she must be. My field work.

My field work. My field work. Women, I know. I don't really think you made it up. You wouldn't make stuff like that. I might. Our next call is Amy. She's 29 from Seattle.

And her boyfriend wants more sex than she does. What? Never. Hey, Amy, this is Emily, and I have special guest, Dr. Drew Pinsky here. For both here to host. Hi, Emily, how are you?

Hi, I'm good. How are you? I'm doing well. Thank you. Welcome to the show. So, Miss Max, Missed Match, Sexual Desire, probably the most common problem that a couple ever get, sexually, anyway.

So, yeah. And the first thing to ask always is, what's he looking for and what are you looking for? What are the actual numbers? He would be happy with twice a day, probably, if not more. Oh my. I'm happy with, like, maybe four or five times a week. Well, that's, yeah say that's pretty fair. I would say normal.

But when guys go crazy like that, you know, that's pretty crazy rate. It's not, I wouldn't call it abnormal, but it's like, huh, even that guy's got an amazing engine, which some guys just do, that's just their rhythm. How old is he? 32.

But more often than not, there's something else going on. When it's really at that rate, we go, oh my God, how could you even physically do it? Then you worry about manic episodes, like you may have hypomanic, is he bipolar disorder? Anybody like that in his family? Nope, not that I'm a lero.

Okay, and then sex addiction is the other thing we kind of think about when somebody's really going added to a point where it's Physically like almost impossible now or it's just him and there is such a thing as just that at twice a day So yeah, I mean, does any of this resonate with you at all Amy because I feel like It's he how is it how is he handling when you're like no? I don't want to have a twice a day like is this a fight? Are you guys is he like that's cool like how are you guys dealing with this? twice a day like is this a fight? Are you guys is he like that's cool? Like how are you guys dealing with this? Um, it doesn't always escalate to a fight, but it definitely is a 10th area in our relationship.

And he takes it personally like he thinks that it's not like I don't want to be with him like why wouldn't I want that's every every time a woman says no to we always do we always do we always do and we we have to get used to it chronically because every one of us males gets in that position where their female partners are saying, no, God forbid if we turn them down once they've freaked the hell out. But we get used to it. What happens when you try to talk about this? It really depends, but he's really open. We've been best friends for over four years. We communicate really well, but it's hard for him not to been best friends for over four years. We communicate really well, but it's hard for him not to let his testosterone take over

and he gets kind of frustrated and kind of angry. And not like the violent way, but just like you can tell he's like, he isn't getting what he wants and therefore he gets frustrated. Really, it is about compromise. It's about saying like, you know, we gotta talk about this

because that's just not gonna happen twice a day, but maybe you have expectations about when it is going to happen. What do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you actually pull it off for him? So to speak. Um, probably right around four, five times a week. Well, okay, so, so I'm happy with. Yeah, but maybe you want to, you got to meet him in the middle a little bit, right? Maybe you got a middle.

No, no, that's what she wants. Maybe she's got to go beyond what she wants and do a little bit more, right? Five times. I mean, why should it be only what she wants? Right. Because like, yeah, I mean, so what would that be? That would be six or seven days a week. Yeah, I think you would, I think you would.

I guess I'm trying to balance and make sure I get like my personal time into like, I really like just going a bit earth. Yeah. You know what, there's some, I always, you know, I just want to do me. There was some research came out that show that partners will take sleep over sex most times. And I found that,

they will, what they'll take sleep over sex. They prefer, you know, when they're tired, they will, Oh, choose sleep over sex. And I thought to myself, that's a mistake. I understand it, I get it, but it's not, you need to prioritize your relationships. Well, I always think you gotta prioritize

your sex life in relationship. It really is important. It's just the guy you're gonna be with. You think you're gonna get married, have children, spend the rest of your life with them? Yep, that's the plan. Okay, well, that's the plan, and this is the most important thing.

So you're gonna have to try to mix sex, if there's a problem with sex in the relationship, there's gonna be problems all over the relationship. So I think you guys do have to find a healthy way without fighting, but really communicate, just say we've got to talk about this. If it's a compromise, or if it's like, you're not going to get it every time you want it,

but maybe it's like, you know, maybe it's 20 sun Saturdays or something, like the weekend when you're not tired, or you adjust the times, you get up a little earlier so you can sleep at night, but it is about compromising, it is about talking about it, so he doesn't get frustrated. He knows what to expect.

Scheduling sex, I always thought it was a horrible idea, but I know that it can actually work it, it could take a lot of the pressure off you, a lot of ham, so. But don't, don't, don't. This is the one I hate. What? Don't schedule it and then back down. Yeah, you can't bail on a sex date. You can't bail on sex date.

Right. Yeah, but I just think you have to find. You can't bail on the sex date. Right. Yeah, Greg, just think you gotta find a way of communicating to him about this in a healthy way without anger, without escalation. When you're not in the home, we're not having bad communication. And again, you need to step up a little bit and then you need to look at him honestly,

because there it is, he's sort of hypomanic. hypomania is not a bad thing, but, you know, our president's hypomanic. Does he masturbate? Does he masturbate? And on, right, and there are other things he can do to take care of himself. And ask him, like, hey, you need to take some some responsibility for your own sexuality too. You can't that one is

See twice a day to me is a little I'm sorry I would think like it is I don't think she's just set up to that I feel like she gets six or seven times a week. I bet he settles down number one I'm exhausted and then number two there's something we don't talk about I don't know is that that we shouldn't be burdening our partners with the totality of our sexual needs whatever that might be In other words, that's kind of unfair That's why the vibrator why you guys so upset that I'm using the vibrator without you wouldn't be burdening our partners with the totality of our sexual needs, whatever that might be. That's kind of unfair. That's why the vibrator, why you guys so upset that I'm using the vibrator without

you. No, it's what it sounds like when you do that. Don't listen. Sorry, Amy, we were talking about now vibrators men don't get whether they just feel different, not better than you. No, no, no. And I get you on yourself, love times. I think there's a way to talk to them about this.

That's like, you probably have the same conversation over over and over, and it's not going anywhere. So it's like taking it out of the house when you guys are like, you know, not in the bedroom, and just saying, listen, I love you. We've got to find a way to work this out through compromise, without you getting angry, buy them a flashlight, you know, get them time to masturbate, do his own thing.

So you're both like satisfied, which I think you can do. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think that's definitely the key. Okay, cool. Thanks, Amy. So glad you have to. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think that's definitely the key. Okay, cool. Thanks, Amy. So glad you have to tell to you.

Bye. That is a big, I would say that is one of the top questions we could ask about Miss, Miss, Miss, Miss, the Beatles all the time. It's men and women. And to me, it's bizarre that people aren't aware that that's likely to happen. They sort of prepare for it.

We're gonna have to figure it out and stuff. None of these things. People are huge fit, but they ask every day. Every day, it's gonna help them. That's why we're here on the planet. Okay, next cause, Marie, 33 from Boston. Every day, it's gonna help them. That's why we're here on the planet. Okay, next call is Marie 33 from Boston. And she wants to know how to have pleasurable sex during pregnancy.

Hi, Marie. I'm here with Dr. Dupinski, my special guest today. So we're both here to help you with this. Hi, good afternoon. Come on, do you? You work so good. So tell me what's going on. Yeah, and I'm super excited about the guest as well.

Yeah, it's good. Dude, she's excited about you. Yeah, and I'm super excited about the guest as well. Yeah, it's a good. Dude, she's excited about you. Yeah, you got it. Hey there. Hi. She may be one of that 1% I was just talking about. What?

OK, Drew's OK. Tell us what's going on. Drew's already jumping to conclusions about you here. OK, go ahead. Yeah, no worries. And first of all, can you hear me OK? I'm using my headphones that are pretty. You sound great.

You sound amazing. OK, great. So basically, so the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day.

You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day.

You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the day. You sound good for the full on ultrasound, everything with the baby is perfect. My health is great. So that is a huge plus.

But one thing we found out is I have a condition called placenta-previous, which... That's what I was afraid to say. That's the one time you gotta be extra super careful with all this. Right. Yeah. Huh.

Exactly. Have they forbidden intercourse because of it? They have. Okay. And plus that's a tell about it. Where placenta is where the placenta, it's not in the right position. Not right. It's in an unusual position.

So it lies over the cervix. And as such, if you stimulate the cervix, you can start bleeding and cause all kinds of problems. You don't want to disrupt the, the want to disrupt the attachment of the placenta. Right, so you can't, so yeah, you're, you're, you can't have intercourse, you're trying to figure out what else to do, right? I told you, this is somebody that likes intercourse.

You did say that, yeah. Yeah, I am. And this is somebody who orgasms with you. Do you orgasms through intercourse? Thank you. And she, and she has, so now, and she, and you have more than one orgasm typically, right? Um, typically one.

What? But I do, it is like a, a build like smaller orgasms up into like a, a bigger, like orgasm. Right. And is that, is any of that change during pregnancy? It has not actually, and, and it's got more. It's got more. I will say I do feel more stimulated. Yeah, it's going to get even, it's going to get even more in the third, you know, later

on. It has not actually and I will say I do feel more stimulated. Yeah, it's going to get even more in the third you know later on. But your question is about how you guys can really connect now that you can't have intercourse. No, here's the problem. You got a zero in this. She's in the category that doesn't really like the oral sex so much. You see. Do you not like oral sex? So I do, but not as much. So what I want to really get down to you is, you know, how I can I just feel so hold on so hold on so I'm sorry. This is that's why I brought this up. I was tease. Okay, when Drew and I were in love, I heard his whole life and love like he says that women. There's a lot of women who don't love

women not a little bit tiny minority. Tiny minority women. They prefer intercourse and the orgasm with intercourse more readily. And when they have, I thought you said there's women don't like oral that are super sensitive, they have multiple, multiple orgasms, they find oral sex unpleasant. That's the part I thought I thought I made up. This young lady is in the middle. This lady's in the middle. She prefers intercourse.

I told her, okay. True, let's. Everyone, they're all snowflowers behind me. They're all snowflakes. We talk about the legs so far. They're snowflakes. Do we die? Drew, let's look. Everyone, they're all snowflowers behind you. They're all snowflakes. We talk about the less of the snowflakes, yeah. We're done as our snowflakes, and we all have our own challenges, and they're beautiful.

Let's see what the problem is. She can't insert and can't do all this stuff that really gives a real orgasm. She can only do external stimulation, which is not as satisfying to her. Right. Exactly. Exactly. And also, I find, you know, I love my husband, Tadaz, and we have great sex, and we've had great sex throughout our relationship.

So this is the huge thing to lose that. And he tries to reassure me, it's not all about that. And I get it, and he's been really good about it. And for me, I feel like with that lacking, like without that, it may affect our relationship. No, no, no, no. See, that's what I wanted. No, no, no.

She's gonna be fine. Like, if you're okay with it. Good, good man, get their shit together when he is protecting you. And treating like the vulnerable person, you know, this vulnerable state you're in, if he's responding to all that, believe me, that his whole brain shifts into that mode.

So yeah, absolutely. I wouldn't, I mean, and also we also have a blog that we just put out our website, this be a Collina who works, me, she's actually pregnant and we just did a lot of toy recommendations and it's about a pregnancy sex blog and she might be put in the percent of pre-bething too. So people, you know, the kids, anyway, it gives you a lot of like ideas about which toys to use, which positions are more comfortable, but I really the other way around. Yeah, so anyway, it gives you a lot of ideas about which toys to use, which positions are more comfortable, but I really think, because in your email, you were saying when you

initially contacted, you were like, you were really worried about your husband. More than you, because you're kind of, you're okay, you're getting pleased, but I feel like, yeah, he's a good guy. He's fine. He's going to be fine. It's not going to damage your relationship. You're totally fine. That helps because I swear to God.

I have to, because I'm not able to give him the actual set and he reassures me. He's like, I'm fine. Like I can go wild without it. Oh, no. You said you're fine, honey. It's it. It gave him a blow. I give you the flashlight. We need to study this one.

She's like the perfect wife. She's perfect. I know she don't really. The whole email was about she's worried he's going to leave. No, no, no. Well, if that's your worry, that's then that's not leave, but it's going to ruin the relationship. Yeah. But she thought he's gonna be really upset.

I feel like there's a lot of other words to connect. But it's different when, it's different when you're just not into it. It's not like you have a headache for six months. Right, you have extremely important medical needs that are being attended to that are prioritized. And believe me, he will share that priority with people like us.

Yeah, fleshlips, low jobs, you're fine. He's gonna be happy. Hand jobs. Yeah, that makes it. Lots of loo. You're good. Yeah, I guess low jobs, you're fine. He's gonna be happy. Hand jobs. Yeah, that makes a lot saloon. You're good. Yeah, I guess I'm thinking. So thank you. We are doing those things.

And over the last couple of weeks, when this is just settled, I have felt better. But I feel like I did. I'm so glad that you responded because at least to my email, we feel like I feel like a lot of women out there have this or cannot have sex during pregnancy. That's true. They're wondering what else I can do.

It's just something that's not, I need to know this with a condition before I got sick. Yeah, exactly. I need to know. You guys have to figure it out. As you're going along, you're like, what? Trust me, there are many medical things out there. Many medical wondrous things. That's true.

It's waiting to interfere with your sexuality. Right. No, I know. Honey, just stick with it. Again, we have this great blog on our site. We just published and you should check that out. We'll tweet it out this week, but you can go to our website now. And I just wish you luck. It's a good for health. Yeah. And one thing, one thing for Dr. Drew is, um, or orgasms feel like my doctor doesn't seem to be worried about the orgasms with this condition. And yeah, if you

read something things online or like, oh, stay away from orgasming and I just want to know. I'm not an obstetrician, but that's not, it's usually the actual disruption, the mechanical disruption, rather than the contractions associated with orgasm. So unless you really have a very unstable placenta preview

and you certainly always ask your doctors or ask the nurse who picks up on their service, whatever, and just double check, but I don't think there'd be any problem with that. As long as you're not inserting anything. Yeah, no insertion for a little bit. Okay, good luck to you.

Bye, Marie, thanks. Thank you so much. Thank you. Bye. Okay, so there's your one, two percent. Maybe she's in the middle. But I've always said there's a middle zone too. No, I was just thinking of that middle zone.

Yeah, no, I did not. I can't, I know. I know, I know. I did not. I know. You just know the woman. Like before they speak, you know what her vagina. No. The vagina whisperer without that there's a being here.

Too many years on the radio. I know, I got it. Yeah, pregnant sex, it's like this whole mystery because when else would you study pregnant sex until you're pregnant? So what is the purpose of all this sex stuff anyway? If not to reproduce and have a pregnancy. There's that, that's one of the,

I'm trying to, to rule, that I just, like what am I doing in my life? What, I'm not having a kid. I'm not having a kid. What, your pleasure, and you're intimating all this stuff too, but it's my pleasure. But I've tied your blogging about it, because that's good,

because that's gonna give people that information. I've encouraged you over the years to do certain, well, just kidding, no, what? You have not encouraged me to do that. No, I've encouraged you to like, you know, to incur, what's the real looking for, including this conversation, things about medical conditions and sexuality, except because that's, you know, it's common. It's very common.

And the pain, a lot of women feel so much pain during sex. Yeah, and people don't think about pregnancy as a medical condition, but it is. It is a medical condition, right? That's what we're doing. And how he is, you know, pregnant. It's very interesting. We've got a lot of toys. She's keeping very busy.

What's the best one? What's, oh, she's tired. What's the best one? Best toy. Magic. The magic wand. It's magic. It's magic.

And the searing, and you try the wish yet, I'm obsessed through the wish. The wish. Get out of the closet, somebody. It's a big thing. Literally, it's like, the same Emily she was, oh my god, I got it. I got it. She closet, somebody. It's a base literally. Injamb Emily, she was, oh my god. I got to see what it is. It's a literal vibe, but it's,

do you know the clitoris has legs? Yes. Like there's the legs, the clitoris. The inter, so it's your internal and external, external, literal nerves. Yeah. And that's what I'm all about. It gets above.

Like the label you put, squishy and soft, it's by Wevibe. I'm obsessed with it. Remember, I love the J.J. Mimi? Yes. There's a mushy version of that. This is a mushy, bigger, more literally stimulating vibe that I would change my normal name to Wish. It's hope right now.

I was like, forget how about it's going to be Emily Wish. Okay. Morse. Is this rechargeable? Yeah. Do you want it? Yeah. We do it. Just don't lose the charger. Okay, should we, that you?

No. I hear from his wife, can we get a charger to things again? Just from Susan. Yes, you can't keep track of one charger. I know. So all these things you give us, if they don't have a problem. So put a label on it. If they're not battery operated, we quickly...

But they don't make the battery operate once or not. It's powerful and fun. Well, it's... powerful and fun. We've got R. He's 40 Miami and he feels stuck with dating and he's falling for women where he's clear he's not necessarily their first choice. Hi R. I know I'm here with Dr. Drupinski, my special guest today. So you've got two of us here to have you through this. Hi, how are you? Dating challenges.

Hi, what's going on? Well, kind of stuck in, I guess, the eternal friendship. The friends of. It is, yeah, I don't know if it's, you know, we've got a great chemistry. We talk a lot, I mean and this is one person in particular. Okay. We met through a dating app three years ago

and dated for a while, nothing really happened there. And she got back together with her boyfriend and there's a lot of relationship trauma a Vera that has continued on over. Okay. Over the two or three years. You're stopped thinking you're going to rescue her from that. Stop it.

You're after like a friend, she's going to treat like a friend. See, that's how you get into the friend zone as well. Start being a friend. Also, women put you in the friend zone. Once you're there, you are there. Yeah, but you could avoid. Yes, that's true. You're not going to get out of it.

Are like, are you in love with her? You think she's going to all of a sudden get through all this men's stuff and come to you because that probably won't happen. No, I mean, I even it does happen when it does when they retreat to the friend. It only lasts a few months and then really shatters the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, got to get out of, yeah, listen, I just feel like for guys, and this is a lot of your own work to do on yourself,

but really, when we see you as a friend, you're saying you're talking the phone for hours, and maybe you put the gas in our car, you do this errand, and you listen to your car. I'm gonna be a little harsher. I'm gonna look a little harsher. Because we're seeing a lot of this in millennials right now. And let's call it what is, it's stalking behavior.

That's what it is. It's stalking light. It's your your you're stalking her in hopes of cultivating a relationship one day. And she has no idea that's what you're doing. She just thinks you're the friend. And it is a little obsessive. It is an if you can settle for just friend. You want to be just a friend that's fine. But don't kid yourself that it's part because if you're cultivating if you you're grooming, no, but that's what it is. It's stalking behavior. I'm not calling it a stalker. Well, you mean I hit no, okay. It's stalking behavior.

I understand. It's not healthy for him. I don't want him stalking you. No, I think it's unhealthy for you. No, I understand for you that it is unhealthy to keep hanging out. Unless you're getting a laugh at him and she's helping you as well with your issues

and whatever it's going on with your life and it's like a mutually beneficial relationship. But if you're just kind of there, you're the friend, but you're waiting, you're pining away for her. And this is sort of a typical construct. It is typical construct. Which is the woman who goes after the powerful abuse of male,

repeatedly because of dad, that's a relationship with dad. And she keeps in the bullpen the guy she should be with and just keeps in there because she knows she should be and she needs that kind of connection on hand. It's to exploitate of the man. I don't want to, she's guilty too, but he's in the meantime falling for it and stalking. What do you think about this? How does that make you feel?

Does that resonate with you at all? I can see some of it. I mean, I definitely see her as a good friend and probably one of my best friends. I don't necessarily stalking, I think might be a little bit hard. No, I think it's just saying in general, like that the fact that it's not reciprocated. I'm saying it's a construct as a construct. It's stalking behavior. Not a stalker. You don't mean anything wrong with her. It's not unethical.

Yeah, it's just for you, it's that kind of behavior. It's an obsession. It's one day. And if you can just be her friend, then cool, be her friend. Then it's not anything. Yeah, is that what you're, was that your question?

This is kind of a pattern or was it for you that like a lot of women, or is it more about this one woman, your question? I think it's more this one woman. It's been three years. It's been a complicated relationship because it's not only, you know, we not only talk about ourselves and we don't really talk about her current situation. You know, we talk like really good friends, we check in with each other really.

Right. Then your friends, but there's no sexual energy that would make it a relationship. You're not going to, I mean, you're not going to, you're never even, but there's no sexual energy that would make it a relationship. You're not going to... You're never even... So then what's the question then? How can we help you? I guess I'm trying to emotionally move on. Yeah.

One, because that's kind of the hardest part is as I try to start dating. I always find myself just coming back to her energy, her attention. Right. So you got to pull back on that. You know, it's a safe thing for me. Right. Of course. So we sleep with our acts is, and you know, it's the same thing.

It's comfortable. It's safe. She knows you. You know her. But if you really want to be in a relationship, the more that you talk to her and the more that you keep her in your world, it's not that you can't be friends, but you're just going to have to ease, you know,'re just going to have to, you know, you're going to have to ease up on it. It's practice. And she has been a part of her life.

And I get it. But it's like, when I tell people, it'll break up with somebody. It's like, you can't keep talking a lot of time. And what do we tell people? Tell people to tell six months a year without talking to them. Don't talk on Facebook. Because it's like an addiction. It is like an addiction. It's the same part of the brain going on. Yeah. It is addicted. Exactly. You have to break it. You have to break the biology. And then you can go back and be okay. Yeah, but if you really are serious about our relationship, you do have to break it

with our, and I know it's really hard because you're close and intimate, but you're just going to have to, if you can pull back, that's great, but you probably do a cold turkey. Okay? Yeah. Yeah. I can see that. Okay. We've got some therapy, get some support. You have somebody in your corner really processed.

Huge fan of therapy. Yeah. If you have an therapy yet, just like go, you know, tomorrow. Oh, definitely. Okay. My emotional support group. Perfect. Okay, good.

Your emotional support group. You have an emotional support group already. Yeah, that's code for something. That's, yeah, what does that mean? Well, we've got a very good group of friends Okay, you know between health issues and personal issues. We just Let's go ahead. We just try to be the other what are the health? Yeah, what's your health? Okay? What are the health issues? Within the social circle there are members that are no no, we're we're about you. No, me, no. Okay. None whatsoever.

Okay. I'm just saying therapy. You know, your friends, I have amazing friends and family too, but therapy does it like nothing else? This has been something that's been in your life for a while. You know, it could be helpful. Okay. Okay.

Bye, Art. Thank you. Thanks for calling. Bye. Thank you. Yeah. Stalker. I guess I understand.

He's not a stork. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. But I have to use that language to get through to people. I think it does. It's true. Or we can use the addiction language. It's the same thing. You're addicted to this woman. You're, you know, you're craving. You're fine. You can't go break the habit. It is just like the breakup you got to do. Yeah. And it's the same part of the brain. I mean, I'm familiar with that part of the brain. And so I know what people are responding to that reward system. I mean, we were saying we heard so much. He's was 40. We heard we hear about this so much more now for men, young men, the show, millennials, men, more than women who were like obsessed with

their first love, their parts. They really are stalking those guys. Those guys are, let's see, that's what you're talking about. Those are the stalkers that we talk about. I didn't mean, I put my language carefully. Stalking behavior is not, you are stalking your UI stalker. It's like, I expect your behavior. I know, I mean.

I got it. It's on the spectrum of stalking. Yeah. Well, it's related to it. I got it. That's why I want people to think about that because it kind of wakes you up. You go, oh, that is kind of what I'm doing. Isn't it? I'm really not doing that. But if I did a little more, that's what that would be. But if you sing it as a mutual, they're both, you know, and then I'll do it. Well, let's see what happened. It is a dictated behavior, and it's true, even with friends, if you're tired to give up. I know, I want to protect him from this. I do too.

I think that was good. He woke up. I think he's going to wake up. I think we woke him up. Do we have Carmen 31 from San Francisco? I love San Francisco. Carmen and her boyfriend haven't had good sober sacks and they're both struggling to find her G-Spot.

Wait a minute, slow down. It's really sober sober. We're like using a whole year. down. It's really sober, sober. We like, like, you see? I don't know, we're gonna ask her. Carmen, hi. This is Emily and Dr. Drew's here with me, Dr. Drew Pinsky. You've got two of us here on the case today. Hi there. How are you?

Great. What's happening? So like Emily was saying, I, I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. And since the beginning, I would say about I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. And since the beginning, I would say about two to three months into it, he had opened up feeling sexually frustrated and was that mean? Pretty much telling me that was right. Exactly. So I asked him to elaborate and he pretty much told me that I wasn't aggressive. And I, hey, hey, hold on. I mean, he means you usually I'm thinking of I'm trying to translate through the

Young male prism. You see is he in his 20s still? No, we're both 31. Okay, so I'm imagining he means you're not initiating enough Well, that's the funny part because he's even admitted that I initiate more than him So then what does he mean? See this is what I've asked because he's not, I've asked him that. Like he's not into like the BDSM thing or anything like that, but he has trouble explaining

the aggression. I'm not sure. I know that he's been married before and his past relationship with his wife. They had a very abusive relationship. So I don't know if, you know, it's more like he's sex that he's referring to, but apparently I'm just, he wants me to take the lead sometimes, I guess, and I'm not doing it, even though I feel like I am. Can he be more extroverted? He's got to be more, like, could you watch

him porn together that shows what kind of sexual acts he's depicted, you know, he's, he's has in his mind or I'd like to, I mean, I really think this is, to me. Like, I'm thinking that you guys watch big little eyes. Did he like that kind of sex? See that? Oh, it's so good. That's funny. I've been wanting him to see that. Well, if it's that, if it's that, then run, air lift into a therapist.

You need some, right? You need some visuals here. You need, if he can't express it in words, which I can understand sometimes it's just hard to explain things that you're feeling or that you want, but it's not fair for him just to say aggressive. I want more of this. I want,'re feeling or that you want. But it's not fair for him just to say aggressive. I want more of this. I want, you know, and you initiate more than I do. To be fair, young men really have trouble.

We have tough things. But he wants, I'm so bad. I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I just wanna, it's hard for us to describe it sometimes. So I get that. But I totally agree with Emily. Watch things or you know, look at it. Would you like that?

Do you want this? How about that? Yeah. Kinda like poor things that like a kid. Like a little picture book. But I'm a little worried. I'm at it, would you like that? Do you want this? How about that? Right. Yeah. Kind of like poor things like a little picture. But I'm a little worried. I'm a little, are you nervous too, what you're going to find out? Not so nervous. I just wish he was more open with me about it because he shuts down.

He tells me that he's never had an issue in his past relationship with, you know, maybe a girl not climaxing or. Oh, you're not having an orgasm. Yeah, that's the other problem is I'm not having orgasms and I'm obviously not taking it with him and I'm explaining him this and he gets frustrated and he says that he's never had that issue before in the past and that I need to figure it out. Hold on number one. That's not true. That's not true. Yeah. How many partners has he had? You know. That's not true. That's not fair.

Not true. Yeah. How many partners has he had, you know? Um, he, he divorced about two years ago. And since that, he said he dated a lot. But I don't think he's actually seriously dated anyone since me. I think they're all been kind of, like, one or two people in his life. He doesn't know to stand how women work.

Women, most women don't have orgasms during a course. Yeah. Vast mature. 30% of the time. Only 30% do. He doesn't believe you. Does he not listen? You guys should just, this what you does he not listen you guys should just this are you do watch him porn listen to this podcast together a lot of couples find it really

helpful to listen to this podcast because so hard to hear he's not focusing on oral sex for you how you have a oral sex oh no yeah no oral sex he yeah he does a oral for me and I'm fine I usually get off like that it's more vaginal I cannot no that's you that's just the way you are if I do oral on him well that's I vaginal. I cannot. No, that's you. That's just the way you are. If I do oral on him. Well, that's a misunderstanding of that way too. Yeah. It's okay for him not to come from your blow job, but then you can't come during sex and

he still isn't gotten the memo, which everybody should know by now that women don't orgasm during the course. Most women have an orgasm with the oral sex. That's how they do it. Yeah, many. He's going to be, that's most women and he's going to be very disappointed out in the world. He's going to be, yeah. That's so ridiculous on his's going to be very disappointed out in the world. If he's only doing, yeah. That's so ridiculous on his way.

Yeah. And he doesn't want to work with you. I'm not afraid. He's like, told you to go figure it out. Like, I'm not loving this language. I know you're not worried about what he's going to find out. But I was feeling a little nervous too when you were saying aggressive, but it's not about initiation.

I think it is, I think it's all about the orgasm. I really think it is. It can be, it feels like. And so he thinks of she, the last of a male. Well, no, he thinks of she- Last of a male. No, he thinks of she can do what she needs to do. She'll have an orgasm,

but she's not doing what she needs to do. But she won't take it. She won't take it. She can't do anything, except give him, have him give her oral sex. That's what she can do. No, but he wants her to have an orgasm during penetration.

It's not gonna happen. Right, but he doesn't believe her. Right, right. So, God, I'm gonna be like, Google it, go to my website. I have a million blogs on there. I mean, this is just scientific. It facts evidence.

Women pull. The million of them have been done. That women, it's just, they just not come in. I mean, 30% can. And if those women, it's not every single time. But you could go looking for your G-spot together because you haven't yet. Though here's the other thing, sweetie.

Just because you haven't had it orgasm yet with him, doesn't mean you won't during it at all. I wouldn't give this guy that yet. Because that's for it. That's great. It's cool for this guy. He's got a first, really get it him. It doesn't mean it won't during it of course. I wouldn't give this guy that yet, because that's for, that's, that's, that's right. It's cool for this guy. He's got a first really get it right. It could be fun.

You guys could go doing it together. Like, you guys could be, but I'm just saying if she, then he'll be like totally focused on the memory. He won't let, you know, he's, I just know how he's going to be. He's going to be completely about that and, you know, all about fixing her and getting, making it right and why can't she? It's better to say go fix it on your own but but first though I'm saying focus on her pleasure and do that for a few months.

He does having the role that's not the problem. The problem is that she's not it's not like she's satisfied to know you not satisfied. I'm not satisfied because I can't come but like he he is very passionate and he does focus on me a lot but I would say honestly the last couple months though they have been purely quickies and that's been I think the most unsatisfied yeah and you see making sure that you're at least having another kind of orgasm when you do the quickies no not really okay well then that's the conversation you say with him say I can't explain this. Unlike your aggressive sex you want.

Guess what I can explain. During that quickie, I wasn't even turned on. I didn't see you walk in the room. You had an orgasm and I'm not even turned on. Yeah, I'm not. Let me translate for him. I know what he means back aggressive sex down. I know what he means.

He wants her to take control and do whatever she needs to do with him. So she has the orgasm. You can leave that 15 minutes or less. Well, whatever, but she's not taking control and showing him what he needs. He wants you to be riding on and top like in porn and having like three orgasms to top of his penis.

That's what he wants. I got it, you're right, you're, I think, yeah, he's watching porn, because I do that be aggressive, meaning be aggressive with yourself so you could make yourself calm on top of me. Exactly, or wear a photo. Because we got this, yeah, that's it, honey.

And you know what? Fuck him. Sorry. No, I'm angry. I'm angry. I'm angry. Yeah. Now I'm angry.

That's right. That's why I'm saying, don't go to the do-spot thing yet. Well, I just think that's a reward for him later, maybe. That's the female anatomy and the way women work. And like, it's not that simple. Like, he's not turning you on. He's not doing foreplay. Maybe he did at the beginning and now he's into quickies, but just do your thing.

Like, you know, and I'm not saying you can't learn this, I don't mean fuck, I never say that. That's really not something I would say. I'm sure he's a great, do you're making me all aggressive? Just like, you're a boyfriend, this is gonna be like me, tell him to fuck it out. No, but I really think that this, if you do love this guy, how long have you been together?

A year. Okay. I mean, I'd say the sex don't let it just this, you're going to keep having quickies and then you're going to have minute minutia's less of a quickie. Well, but the point is she, listen, all we need to do here's the bottom line here. Let's wrap this up. We got to wrap up. Drew's got to go. But the bottom line is bottom line is this Carmen, right?

Carmen, Carmen, the bottom line is, you're on it. Stanford, you got it right. We are backing you 100%. We support you. There is nothing wrong with what you're saying and what you're feeling. He's a little off base. He's been distorted by his marriage where obviously she was a different biology. And he thought, you know, men are porn, which doesn't help.

And what men think, they figure one woman out, they figure that's how they all are. That's, we do that as men. And you've got to bring him up into reality. And that's not his fault. But he needs, in the meantime, be much much more what would the word be empathic? I don't think that's quite I don't know he's reasonable just reasonable Yeah, he's got to be willing to know what he doesn't know He got to admit that there's some things that he doesn't know that he might be wrong in this case and to listen some podcast

We got you we're in your corner. Yeah, we got you carbon. Okay. I care yourself. Okay. Thank you Don't give out the fight. Bye. I like you have a great day We got you carbon. Okay. I care yourself. Okay. Thank you. Don't give out the fight. Bye. Bye. I love you. Have a great day. But I'm always always fun. I gotta go. Oh, Drew, so fun. I know. I'm seeing you. Thank you. We just go right back in our old mode. I know. We gotta come back. Come back soon. I want to check out. I've rejuiced podcast. Dr. Drew.com. Yeah, please check out our website. No, Twitter. Thank you for the we wish vibe. Whatever. The wish vibe. By we vibe. You're gonna love it.

I should give you some jolloo before you go. Okay.'ve let a backpack full of it you said oh yeah yeah whatever you want