Sex With Emily - Best Of: Gratitude Is Sexy

Episode Date: November 27, 2019

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is bringing you a special Thanksgiving Holiday episode that’s all about strengthening your relationships through gratitude – in & outside the bedroom. She gives you a little lesson in partner appreciation & explains how often times it’s the little things that go a long way, why it is that we should all be extremely thankful for sex, & how to get through those awkward ‘relationship questions’ from family members that we all face each holiday season.  Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Okay, everyone. Welcome to this very special Thanksgiving episode of Sex with Emily. We are talking about how gratitude and appreciation not only on Thanksgiving, but gratitude and appreciation in your life and towards your partner will definitely strengthen your relationship and help it grow. And I'm going to tell you how on this episode of Sacks of Family. I'm gonna tell you how, on this episode of Sacks of Family. Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got to understand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common moment? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm so, so, so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com, which, oh my god, this is the week that you have to go because it's so exciting. It's the holiday season. Happy Thanksgiving to everybody. I'm grateful for all of you.

We're going to get into that tonight. Today's show is about how gratitude will really help. What is that noise, Anderson? It's a turkey, man's a turkey. Yeah, I didn't even get that was a turkey because you just eat them You don't hear them before they know. Oh now I'm not gonna eat that turkey this year. Thank you for for nothing Turkey is it absolutely turkey right? I have a Thanksgiving happy Thanksgiving to you. I'm grateful for you And grateful for you and this is also we're going to get into that because Here's a thing One of the biggest complaints from couples who are in relationships are just people in life like it work

Anderson says is all the time they don't feel appreciated for what they do They don't feel grad and they don't express also other people gratitude towards their partner and work and in life And a lot of us just feel that we go through life And we don't feel appreciated and we don't feel grateful sometimes and it goes both ways. No, no, no one's perfect But in a relationship it's so important or even with your friends or some of your dating or even some of your one-night stand with you know Being grateful and appreciative is important all around and we're gonna give you some tips tricks to you know improve it Because I have a relationship You get to tell us how to be grateful to one of the stands because that's something I

could have known to deal with. Be really grateful but don't be a douchebag at the end of it and be like, I'm never gonna call you, just be like, or be, be, you, you do. That was a really fun night. My intentions are right now. I'm not actually looking for a girlfriend but I had great time to don't let her sit around and obsess about you and like, is he gonna call? Just let it be known.

That's a way to be respectful towards your one night stand, don't you think? Yeah. Be honest with your intentions. I was always really uncomfortable and like, I've had lunch literally two years later, because I've made it like a friendship out of the one night stand, because I felt bad. Well, you made a friendship out of them right after?

A couple times, yeah. I got, we want to talk for a while, but then it's like phone conversations, then I'll be like their friends and- That's cool. No, because they weren't people that I wanted to see in the morning. You just help guilty, so that's odd.

So you know how you could have saved yourself. You could have been clear with your intent, but the problem is I suppose is that often, or tell me this, Sanderson, when does the one night stand bell go off? When is it like, I know this is a one night stand, and I know that it isn't, because that the reason why maybe you don't

know how to end it, because you're not sure, if you'll see him again, or by the time it ends, you're pretty sure. By the time I'm sobering up, usually. So it's always just a drunk and a one-night stand. A lot of the time, yeah. What if it's interesting? Or if she's doing things with me in the back seat, like my friend's car, like when I'm not even asking for it, and I just met her that night, it's like, oh, okay, so I'm not

going to see this girl, hopefully, after tonight. What? Because she's a little too aggressive. So girls should not be that forthcoming on the for on the date. Absolutely not. And many men. Now a lot of people have some with women men and it's first day in Kimmyrick. I mean, I don't advocate it.

Just because. You just don't advocate for marriage. I don't advocate for yourself. I just think that it's always better if you always have to. What you're, you know, think about is is there how many dates you do it or whatever? No, there's no rules. I'm not saying you should do it. Three dates for you.

See for someone. But I think that when you do have sex with someone too soon, it becomes a sexual relationship right away if they ever call you back, that goes for men and women or, but it's better to get to know somebody. And then you, like, the end, the best part about sex, as we know, is the anticipation and the buildup. So why not, make that last, get to know that person, because you have sex on the first date, then it becomes a whole sexual thing,

and then you don't really get to know. Every now and again, there is that immediate connection, and like you feel like you've known the person for years after the first hour of being in something, yeah. You really need to bone that first night though. Can't you just feel your boobs or something? Right, can't you just touch the boobs? Can't you just like, you know,

rob her over her panties or dry home? You're just light a candle and massage her down. I'm not telling, these people, you know what my guys friends are like, I got laid by your candle last night. I'm like, I know, it smells amazing. You got laid. Suggesting they bang the candle or they got...

No, they get laid because they like the candles and they're like, look at my Emily, my friend, Emily made this really cool candle and then they like, tear or feel it because you just, like I use it, here's the other thing. I use it every single night. I wear, we blow it out, I light it, or I'm getting ready for bed, blow it out,

and I pour it on my body as a moisturizer because it's coconut oil and soybean oil and natural. And it's moisturizing. So I don't wanna have a goddamn person to say masturbate. To massage you. To massage every night, or to massage me many night. Most, okay, let's just say that's most science I don't, but I use it every day and I smell and feel amazing and soft. I was gonna say masturbate to massage you to massage every night or to massage me many night most okay

Let's just say this most science. I don't but I use it every day and I smell and feel amazing and soft I just light it like three or four of them I put them on my window sill and women just come over They do they smell it. Yeah, I like on the street like the fact I in cartoons with the bacon up I do Everything's big and I'm just floating I hate bacon. Oh, there's like baking condoms. Okay. Here's a thing so bacon condoms Oh, yeah, there's bacon loob and You know that there are awkward Questions also coming up over the Thanksgiving holidays when you go home like or what are you doing?

I'm splitting it with the two crazy families my wife's in my own yeah Is that do you like them good times? Yeah, it's gonna be a lot of insanity Okay, I got it you know that the in-laws But there are some awkward questions like why are you still you know who you dating? Why are you like them? Good times. Yeah, it's gonna be a lot of insanity. Okay. I got it You know that the in-laws, but there are some awkward questions like why are you still you know who you dating? Why are you so single? Why is it not a baby? Right. That's the worst. Do you get asked that question? You must get asked that all the time my friends my parents and in-laws don't bother me at all my friends I think that's a really bad question to ask someone no one want okay I don't know anybody who wants to be asked that question who's trying to have a kid or not because they don't know when they're having it. They're going to figure it out when they do and they don't want goddamn pressure because all my friends who are

married without kids complain about the same thing. So there's a tip for you guys and Thanksgiving dinner. Probably could be a pushy mom and lawn just be like, hey, well, she keep, no, my mom and lawn is not. But you could say, hey, I've got a, I've got your daughter pregnant three or four times. She keeps aborting. It's not my fault. Exactly. That's a good one. That's a good one that's a great one that's that would be great conversation for Thanksgiving my family one time at Thanksgiving dinner my brother would be out the Kim Kardashian sex video like out of

dessert is that an up on his phone or he popped in a DVD he was like no he's like it was like when it came out he's like oh check out if you guys seen the Kim Kardashian my family so I need everyone crowd around? Yeah, it's funny. And it's such a typical sex with Emily, thanks. I know, but it's not family. Emily's all sex crazy. I just had that flashback, but usually I go home to Michigan this year, I'm not.

But I. Good, because last time you went to Michigan, you almost died. So don't do that. I won't do that again, exactly. So yeah, so it could be awkward, so good luck to everybody about that. And just be yourself, be open, and have a good time.

Relax. Thanksgiving is time to be open and have a good time relax Thanksgiving is time to be grateful and happy Also, follow me on Facebook and Twitter and all that stuff because you should and Instagram I know that you are all are everyone's on Instagram like that's the thing So if you're on Instagram and you like me and you like listening to me Don't you think that my Instagram at sex Emily is awesome as well And I'll have pictures and funny things that will make you laugh and think about funny things They have to do sex sometimes in relationships. Just do that and Twitter or sex family.

Okay, so here's the first thing. Today's show, like I said, we will be talking about appreciation and gratitude, get some of your emails that we can, but first I wanted to say that Thanksgiving is a very important time of year because we really do stop and we are grateful for what we have in our lives. Because honestly, we have a lot of gifts and blessings. We do, right? Anderson, like you and I, we sit around,

like this is hard and that is hard, but it's important to like, you know, we're lucky, we're here, we're healthy, we're happy. We've got to appreciate what you've got, put things in perspective. We've got to, right? We have so many wonderful gifts in our lives. And so that's why like with my meditation

that I'm doing now, twice a day, I always have three minutes of gratitude at the end where I'm grateful for things and it just makes like a lot better. So I have to say happy things to you know my listeners. I'm very grateful for all of you really for listening and for supporting the show and being a fan and I cry. I just that don't cry please. It's getting uncomfortable in here. I just learned today actually that it was a lady, I can cry. I just don't cry, please. It's getting uncomfortable in here.

I just learned today actually that it was a lady, a camera or a name, but she was actually one of the practitioners, the White House, for Thanksgiving to be held every year. And it was kind of an effort to heal the wounds of the Civil War and was Lincoln, President Lincoln, that put it into law. Back then, there was only a couple national holidays.

It was George Washington's birthday and Thanksgiving I believe Wow, I might have been one other woman to put in my mind I was sure to for the Civil War to let it go It was shortly after the Civil War and there was still a lot of strife and they they wanted to create she wanted to create a Holiday that's just about people getting together. Yeah, and it is being thankful for what they have exactly because we all you know Our mind, you know, we tend to go to a lot of times, and this is the way we're wired to go towards what's bad or what's wrong. And I think a lot of humans, we sort of suffer with that fact that our mind just has that, you know, that way of going, what is it called? Like just the negative.

Easy to get in that negative hole. Yeah, but like it's a Buddha. I said, like, there's a universal love suffering. So we all suffer in some way. We all do, but, you know but you know as long as we can just you know try to be grateful and happy, you know Happy to challenge sometimes but be grateful for what we have so I'm thankful for many things And I just want to say that I am like I said thankful for my listeners because it's been a lot It's almost 10 years like I have to do like an anniversary show or something, but I thankful that I actually got to Have a career doing what I love, like actually make a living and pay my rent. You deserve it.

You work really super hard. I know. I know. I know. I know. You're 10 years old. A lot of it involves pleasure and sticking things inside yourself, but you work very hard.

I do. I do work hard. And it's because it actually was like following your dreams. It was an idea that I had about helping myself really, which is something I'm ready about right now, but how it got started for glam, or I have a common glamor, by the way, on Sundays. But it's talking about how I started the show one of the reasons it inspired me was because everyone kept talking about

With great sex there having all the time having the best sex in my life I'm like, what the hell does that mean? So I mean you guys I don't know if you know the whole beginning story But that's how I started the podcast because I was like I don't think I've had the best sex and I don't think that everyone Even knows what good sex is and then relationships and the whole thing So it was hard and it was a long road probably bit about you know seven I think it wasn't make even make any money for last years until the last few years So it was hard and I had to give up a lot but because I love you all and I love doing it and it all happened So stick to your dreams is what I got to say and I ask people for advice more often You know things more than you do. Okay. I'm thankful for the perks of my job because I get to meet and

than you do. Okay, I'm thankful for the perks of my job because I get to meet and learn from so many interesting people and guests. We have good guests on the show. People with like alternative lifestyles, sex experts, occasional porn star. Whoever, who is your favorite guest? Who's your favorite guest? Who'd you learn from? I like that guy that you had on a couple weeks ago. He was awesome. David Lay. Yeah. What was it? The myth of sex addiction. Yeah. He was amazing. Because I was worried about that. I thought he was going to come in here and go, Hey, man, you know, it's not an addiction, man. And like, fight with Dr. Drew when he came in here earlier. I was like, I'm going from one word. And he like me too. And he kind of ignored me in the hall when I walked by. He was just talking to you. So I didn't like him. I hated him. And then within, you know, first 10 minutes of the show,

I'm like, this guy's awesome. Yeah, he's just turned right out. And he was great. Oh my God, that was great. So go check it out. David Lay, L guy's awesome. I like the guy a lot. He just turned right out and he was great. Oh my God, that was great show. Go check it out, David Lay, L.E.Y. Another perk is, okay. So yeah, I get to meet all these people and it's inspiring. We get a lot of, another perk, of course, is that I get. Like, my job is all about pleasure.

Like, I can experience pleasure, so I can teach you how to experience pleasure and it's reciprocal because the reason why I wanted to, you know, again, do this is to help everyone in better sex, which is like, the best thing in the world is sex, really, truly, what else is there. And I get sex toys, lubricants,

every other sex product, like you should see my office right now, Pajor, which is in my new favorite leaves that meet 100, I can't walk through my office. You bring some in? What? You bring some in? Yeah, I did, do you want a bottle? Do you need some?

I wouldn't. Okay, I actually need you to test some of it and do you think. I use it on my tires. It makes my tires efficient for a gas. No, you can't, for can sale my really nice, pejor, loopy, J-U-R, loop. It's amazing, check it. And no, it's just slide down the road. Dude, it doesn't help me.

So I test them all, you know, so you don't have to, because I only tell you about the ones you've tested and that I think are the best. Also, I'm thankful for my team. This is really what I'm most thankful for. And then we're going to get out with the stuff. I have a lot to say. But really, it's really tough for me. It's very, because I think, thank yous make me. No, but I am. So thankful for you, Anderson. You're so awesome. Like, I didn't know. We didn't know this would work. I'm like, Hey, we do the thing. And I love you. And you've been awesome. And you put in a lot of time. I always liked you. But we've never done like this together. And you've

been awesome. And my audience loves you. And you just have great insights and advice and you always show up and you're cool. Oh thanks. And for all the everyone that you hate and get mean to all the time, I feel like I'm at the bottom of that list if it ever does happen. Yeah you're right at the bottom. I'm just doing a list but you're at the bottom. I know but I like that. I know that I'm not the first person that you're gonna hate and I'm actually was so honored that you would like to meet because I know you don't like most people so thank you. And you ripped me off my couch from my wife once or twice a week, and it's really annoying having to leave my wife, but you would be the one of one of the very few people who I'd be actually excited to jump off the couch, leave my wife and come work with us. We always have a

very good time. And a good way, like not a way that would make sense. Totally true. I've got it. Thank you. I've been ripped off my couch by many people in this business and do not enjoy it. That is a very high compliment. It's actually coming from you. I appreciate that. Also, I have to thank my team that is amazing. Again, I've been doing this for a long time and it has 50. You've been going, I was going to get to the topic is that it's taken a long, right?

I could have had interns, I've had amazing interns over the years, but I didn't really have a staff that I could, again, to start up, I'm trying to do this thing. And now I feel like I have the most amazing team, Kimber and Madison, who you've met, who have two have been on the show a little bit. Kimber has, yeah, but they're just amazing. And I feel like my whole thing is just this is going to be an amazing year for us because we are going to be doing so many things that are going to even blow your minds and our minds as well.

So and I want to thank my intern Ruby and Anderson and Rune who helps out with the show and menace you as a show. And of course, my friends and family, you know, like that. I was going to get into all these things about sex, but I don't know where I'm just. Thank you for the clitoris. Thank you for the clitoris and thank you for- The testies. Thank you God for the testies.

No, I was just going to say this really quickly is that things in life I wasn't going to go on that long is that sex is something that we should all be fake for for because sex gives you orgasms. I'm going to do it quickly. Sex makes you happy. This is if you're not having sex, here's a thing. The brain releases all these feel good chemicals like endorphins and serotonin and dopamine. And when you've decreased stress because we're all

fucking stressed, you're like, oh, this is a good day. So I have more sex. Sex burns calories. So you don't forget the gym. Two hundred, it's like a treadmill. Okay, so careful. I'm kidding, go to the goddamn. Don't drink that water in the mic. What are you doing?

You're drinking in the mic, stop it. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh my God, okay, so I can't come myself off here. Can I? I can continue and then we'll come, we'll, we'll slow down. There's a reason why we just did that.

Okay, so it makes you happy. It does, it's like, it's like, it's like, pros act, but you just have sex. Can I continue and then we'll come what's the reason why we just did that okay? So it makes you happy it does it's like it's like pros act, but you just having sex okay burns calories like running on a treadmill or something You can have like an extra piece of pumpkin pie because you just had really good sex helps you fall asleep Everyone takes friggin sleeping pills who does not have a sleep problem raise your hand nobody right you probably do you know Talk about it. I take pills right exactly So if you have sex, it helps you fall asleep. So you're probably thinking it's like your computer screen or there's something else Collective stress in the universe where people can't sleep, but you have sex. Don't you fall asleep? More readily. Yeah, and you don't like it. Oh, not that that sounds wrong

Sounded wrong, but you don't like it when guys have fall asleep right after us because you want cuddle time. I just need About 10 minutes of cuddle time. If you can cuddle wall phone, honestly, yes, absolutely. I don't want to say a talk. I just want to cuddle for eight to 10 minutes. Sex gives us something to talk about with our friends, especially women. Like what would you do in your free time? I think like, you know, if we're not thinking about like what like girls are

thinking like Zach, our friend looks like naked, not that I do that. But my friends and I talk about sex and relationships. And we talk about like, what would you do? How do you orgasm all of that? What's the first question you ask? Like when you find out, a good friend of yours is hooking out with a new dude.

You kind of like know who of the guy. Right. And you know that they had sex last night. What's the first question you ask? Okay, this stuff goes down. This just happened to me yesterday. I'm like, okay, so how's sex? So like it's really, it's really good.

I'm like, do you have an orgasm? She's like, well, yeah, I actually always orgasm. I orgasm really easily. I'm like, do you have an orgasm? She's like, well, yeah, I actually always orgasm. My orgasm is really easy. I'm like, okay, you bitch. That's cool. And then she said that he was very generous, which means that he performed all sex in her, and she really liked it. And she said that she liked his penis. I think his penis, she said that.

And she said it was really hot, and he was really sweet, and she liked him. It was good sex. So penis was third. took you three things. You know, only if there's a penis problem, I would say, or like a remarkable penis does it come up. It depends who a bitch friend I'm talking to. What is remarkable? You know, like, oh my God, I was a black penis.

It was black as big. It was the biggest penis I've ever seen, or it was a curved shape weird penis, or he wasn't circumcised on it. That's a big deal, or he didn't have count on me. I don't know. If it wasn't run of the mill, right? Yeah, something wrong.

It had strange rash all over it. It smelled like cheese. That's right. It smelled like cheese. That was weird. Okay, so the penis, no, didn't. But that's what I asked him. Or I mean, it's my best way to house a penis.

Yeah. No, that's usually what I asked. Like, was it good? Was it whatever? But a lot of times, the first time you have sex with someone is not always the best. Can we get better? Also, sex is usually free. That's one of the things I'm grateful for, unless you pay for it online.

Or, I think you usually pay for it anywhere. Okay, so I wanted to talk about which I am already. How to appreciate your partner. We're not going to have one with the water. Okay, back up. So when I get to emails, I had a listener. So, you know, you all email me, which I love. Feedback at sexwithm.ly.com.

You can send all your relationship and sex questions, and I try to answer them on my show. If it's, you know, a lot of times your question might have been answered before, you could definitely Google it on my site. But the point is, and sometimes people just want to tell me what they like about the show or what they don't like, or whatever. I'm open. So, I got an email from a listener today, and she said, I will skip down. And sometimes people just want to tell me what they like about the show or what they don't like or whatever. I'm open.

So I got an email from a listener today and she said, I will skip down to the email portion of the show. She said to me, um, Hi, I love, love, love you and your podcast. But I can't stand when you take a drink of water on the show. It drives me effing crazy. Just had to say, Mackenzie. Thanks, Mackenzie. So I realized that I get really, first of all, I'm a thirsty person. I don't know what I talk a lot.

And so there is something called a cough button in radio. And whenever I have a guest command, I'm like, there's the cough button. However, and I used, I used it on during love line. I used it all the time, but for some reason, in this chair at the love line studio that I'm in, I didn't know that the cuff button was right in front of me, and not right next to me on the table where it usually is. So I came in tonight and I said, Annerson, got an email, she's pissed that I didn't, and I know it's annoying because I do it,

and normally I'm trying, where's the guy to the cuff button? And then I looked and it was right in front of me. I love how she started off The I love love love though. She let's yeah, she's like but I see and I love love love love that I Just waiting for the other shoe to drop which is the butt which you know is inevitable We're gonna be there and then there it should put a comma before the butt at least No, okay, then she's yeah, let's not drink right into that microphone Here you go, Mackenzie. I just did it for you, Mackenzie.

I'm going to start using the coffee. Just use and then now just to let the listeners know the cough button all it does is just kill her Mike and unplugging the Mike would do the exact same thing as well as just turning off the Mike, which is the exact same thing, which is right in front of the but you can do it. We'll just turn it off the microphone too.

Whatever. So I know what I say is I love Mackenzie. Here's the thing. If you like my show, but there's one thing that drives you crazy, you're like, okay, I hate when you say you're gonna cover something that you don't or you ramble or you cut off your gas. These are things that people complain about. You talk too fast. You cut off your gas. I don't care. Most I see 99.9% things are positive. However, I might not agree with you. I'm open to feedback. So I don't care. I'm confident enough. I know people. So if there is something that you think could have improved the show, might I agree? Careful.

Or that you're like, God, I can't let's do it anymore with the blood. Whatever. It might be good. I might take it on a rise, but I might tie the fuck off. Just kidding. I'm too nice You are you'll have one of your interns do it for you. Yeah, they'll do it. They're actually I hopefully I'm gonna try and don't do the mean mean bad cups Yeah, come to nice here. We go. So appreciate. Yeah, where the hell was I appreciate in your part? Okay, so like I don't remember you let me talk about water Appreciation is something that a lot of people like I, couples who are together rather like they don't feel appreciated. And I think in very different ways, men and

women don't feel appreciated. So do you ever feel like in your, either your current relationship or past that you feel that's familiar feeling that you can identify with that you just don't feel appreciated? Yeah, for sure. But at the same time, I've been like extra appreciated by people who were not right for me and they were like so guy damn codependent that that's one of the reasons why the relationship was bad beginning with because they're always doding on me and filling their entire life with like what I was and what I was about and didn't have any never mind. I'm going down a different road. No, but that's unhealthy as well.

Right, right, right. So it can be good and bad. Right, so you need a healthy, like everything in life. Yeah, I've been, you know, underappreciated and I feel like in my, in my current relationship and we talk about it. So can you give me an example or like just like you can make up like, like, I'm always getting the food and making sure that, you know, like, I will be at home and she's hungry and I'll go out and get food just for her like that's never happened for me. So I'm like that. I see, okay, so that makes total sense and does she say, but when you come back with the

food she says thank you. Oh yeah, she always says thank you and usually I get to watch whatever I want after that for at least a half hour or while she's eating that kind of thing. Got it. So I'm making it sound like our entire relationship exists on the couch. We do tons of stuff. I do, I'm just saying I have sex on the couch. But in a single way, I'm curious, so that's the kind of thing that could fester for so long. It does. And I'm like

a chick too. And I always comes up when we get in fights. Right. So did you ever and then if you so if you said you're a baby, it'd be so cool. One time you could just offer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then she'd get upset about that. Which you like, I thought you liked to do. Usually when we get in fights, I'm like, I'm not doing it anymore. And then I'll go maybe two days without doing it. And then I love to do it. You know what I mean? You love to do it. That's what I'm asking you. So in her mind, she'd be like, Anderson loves getting out of the house.

So it's just that you want her to offer you, would you like her to do something else for you? I'm just, I think I just picked fights. I picked fights sometimes, yeah. But you don't really, you wouldn't like it if she got out the way to set away for you. I'd feel guilty the whole time she was gone.

Okay, so this is like a weird genetic thing. Okay, so, so, but how would you? Okay, I get it. Appreciate it. But we got off the topic of appreciation. I'm sure you're saying you'd like to feel appreciate what if she didn't, but she does say thank you. So you've got a whole other issue going on. I know, but I get what you're saying, but do you know how you need to be? It's very appreciative. I feel guilty even bringing any of this up. Do you? No, no, I get it. That's a whole other issue. Do you feel like you appreciate her? Yeah, I'm kind of forced to because every time I anyone meets her, like my friends made her, they're always like, I don't understand why she's with you. Why? Why is she so much better than you?

That's what I always hear. So yes, I definitely appreciate. Right. Okay. But that makes her feel good because other people kind of, that's what I was going to say is that a lot of you will like to be validated. Compliments make people feel really good. And women and men, I think some guys either is that a lot of you will like to be validated compliments make people feel really good and women and men I think some guys either they don't like do you like getting compliments Anderson or they make me uncomfortable Okay, here's my question for you. I know that compliments make men uncomfortable But does it make you uncomfortable, but you'd rather get them than not get them? I'd rather hear about them second-hand

Hey, this person said this about you. Oh, cool. Okay. So I think that's true. Or maybe someone looks me in the eye and says, I really appreciate you for it. It makes me, I get a very uncomfortable. Okay. So it's an intimacy issue. So, okay.

So here's my question. You should see her. She's like sizing me up. She thinks she's like making a way. But not a lot of men feel uncomfortable by it too. And it's probably because of intimacy because I know the women, we love to be complimented, told that we look at or pretty or you think special.

But at the same time, careful, just last week you were saying never use that of the pickup line because they always hear that. No, I'm talking about a relationship. Right, right. Don't use it as a pickup line unless you're really hitting out. Okay, don't use a pickup line. But with your partner, I think that women

are in relationships where they don't feel sexy or beautiful to their partner. And the partner's thinking, oh, she knows that. I think she's hot, but if you're thinking it, just say it, or like your haircut or something, because women, we do a lot of crap that you guys don't have to do to look beautiful. It's beautiful.

So if you recognize it or appreciate it, we appreciate it too. So for men, compliments, I hear you're saying, so what I'm saying is like, what if you guys were out to dinner, right? And like the four of you would think another couple. And how about this compliment? Like there's a, she says, even your wife or a,

says, a table, oh my God, Ann Ruskin got like the, did the cool, his film just got it, which it did. Just got it to two film festivals. How cool is that? Like, would that make you feel better? Cause I think men kind of like public appreciation, like do you think that that would make you feel better? You would that make you uncomfortable?

Or would that make you feel good? Initially, it would make me uncomfortable. But it was actually logical. But it was actually logical. And I could actually speak to it. But there's other people around to witness what you've just done as well. I feel that men like to have that affirmation kind of more in public sometimes. Is a, you know, just more of a, like, it's like that validation.

It makes them feel like a man. I don't know. If you're wrong, but I think I think I'm not wrong because I'm never wrong. Okay, so no, I'm wrong a lot. So here's the thing. So no matter what you do, big or small, reinforce the positive acts

and you'll get more returns. Just say thank you. You know, walk the dog for you or they took your notification away. There's a lot of couples who they never appreciate me. I don't feel thankful. Also, you have to listen. Listening is a great tool for couples.

And I think that you might think that you're listening, but this goes for men and for women. And there's something to be said about having your partner's undivided attention. Like when they put down their cell phone, they put down their iPad, and they're like, hey, babe, what do you need from me right now? I'm here to listen.

Even if it's 10 minutes in the morning, or you need 10 minutes after work, and you just want them to listen, and you both need to vent, and you need from me right now? I'm here to listen, even if it's 10 minutes in the morning or you need 10 minutes after work and you just want them to listen and you both need to vent and you need to connect and can be intimate. But your partner always seems distracted and they're not really listening to you. It makes us feel unvalued and unimportant and not special.

So if you do pay attention to them, they feel, they opposite, they feel valued, they important, prioritize and special. So stop what you're doing and try to connect with your partner like even five ten minutes today. She's using her coffee button everyone to drink her water. I need a train. So for men, here's a thing for men. So you know it's typical that when a woman opens up to a man about things like maybe I came in from work and at a bad day. I had this happen, their partner and she's like, honey this and that and maybe it's even

something you've heard before. My boss was such a jerk and then this thing happened and I might not get this raised but I tried and this other bitch next to me and you know what I mean and women go out sometimes about the other friends. Oh yeah, I dated those, they're hard. Right? Or don't just when a woman has a thing and men naturally or proud of naturally are fixers. You just want to fix it like yeah, and you guys don't want to hear a Facillation you just want to unload exactly

So they want to help you in distress like that's part of being a man. It's your biology. It's how you're wired But a lot of times we don't want that solution We just want to process so you want that's how we want you to listen Just process with this babe. I'm so sorry that sounds really hard That sounds like it's not even if you're like I've heard the say times. And then another moment in time will be like you know what you should do about that thing but in that moment. Not in the moment. It's really frustrating as a guy. It's like watching you guys do a crossword puzzle and you're like it's seven across and it's like a president's name and a word for a penis. And I

don't know what it is. And like we know it's Johnson but we're not allowed to tell you in that moment. Exactly. We have to sit there and bite our tongue. It's tough. I know but you know it makes it it makes it it makes it off low It makes it all it's it's one a little course. No, I'm saying but this is what in us I'm talking about like biology or like men you want to fit like it's just our women We are naturally born Converting us we know but but even with our girlfriends we communicate we listen. We're not trying It's how we're wired. So that's what you come to the same, we all come to the same conclusion just at different times. Exactly. So for men, for women, when you have a problem,

many offers advice, like even if though we told not to, don't immediately object, and you can listen to it, and you can also think and for it, make and feel like, you know, I so appreciate your opinion about that. Because he just wants to fix it up, but then say, but I gotta tell you a little more and I would just appreciate if you would listen. And I think everyone who loves you can take that advice. Doesn't have to blow up into all the thing. And the more you confront these things in the moment as they're happening, the more likely you they're not gonna fester and get angry like Anderson does.

Like why don't you get my goddamn pizza up this time bitch. I would never get pizza, but she loves it and I get it for her all the does. Like, why don't you get my goddamn pizza up this time bitch? I would never get pizza up, but she loves it and I get it for her all the time. Okay, fine. I don't want to really good compliment is. What? You look at your partner and you go, you know what, you're so lucky I don't care about looks.

You're such a cool person. Looks don't even matter to me at all. Oh my God, that's a worst. How about like, I've said that a few times, but I was joking. I think they knew that I was joking. You think they never called you again? You're lucky, I don't care about looks.

Yeah, I was so in her looks, you can't. Like, I like guys, like, I have the best, this guy was getting me so many. Like, you had the coolest check. I have the best time with you. They've ever hung out with you. So cool. But like, that felt good, but I'm like,

but do you want to bang me? You know? Well, this is before the bang. No, it was after the bang. Well, then yes, he wants to bang you. I know he was tight going how fun I was. Cool. Oh, really?

You take it that way? Yeah. Because that's like the greatest compliment he can get. I'm actually not kidding. No, it was awesome. Like he was like, I actually never want to hang out with anyone, but I want to hang out with you. No, it was really nice.

That's what he's saying is like, you're like, even if you were a dude, even if I didn't want to bang you, I didn't want to hang out with you, which is a huge compliment. Right. That's true. Okay. So I guess that was a compliment. I felt really good about it. Don't get us, no. It was, it felt really good.

Okay, so for, here's the thing. So also, here's another thing, this is huge. Create your partner with enthusiasm. So when they walk to the door, instead of simply glancing up like, oh, it's you again, see you every night, make it a deal. Like, how did I kiss them, say hello, how was your day? And I know you're taking some of them that could be impossible and you're in the middle of something. But, you know, you're in the middle of something.

But you know, you're happy that they're there. And even if you saw him eight hours ago and talked to them the whole right home, you know, mean something to touch. Is that rhythm? Is that right? You gotta be careful. You do that, do kiss each other like, hello?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get up, help open the door, that kind of thing. I'm okay. I'm, you know, she's coming in the door, okay, I can see. She's in the keys. Well, no, there's like, she comes in through the back yard. So I see her coming across the grass. And I get's coming in the door or okay? I can see well No, there's like she comes in through the through the backyard. So I see you're coming across the grass And I get up and open the door. Yeah, I even paused the hockey game a lot of the time you pause the hockey game. I pause it

Yeah, that's really sweet and down stop and ask her about a day or do you go back to the hockey? Okay How are you? Then I tore the score and I tore it? zip it up it's time for the lock Women guy love a guy just want men to stop talking. Women want, guys want women to stop talking. She's quiet, I'm lucky. But yeah, a lot of time, it's just unload time when people get home from work and then just want to go right into all that.

Yes, and it's tough, but you got to just sit there and listen patiently. Sometimes women sometimes want a man, but I don't know if you guys who are just like me, but most of them aren't, but they want to talk or everything in process, you know. Okay, so, and okay, we come back. I'm going to give you some more tips about that, about how you can make sure that you're in the right things, so you can continue to have amazing sex this year. It's really, really easy stuff to do. Back to the show. What, Anderson? What do you want? What do you want? What do you want

for me for Christmas? And you're stocking? Follow the booze. I always get you booze. I know you think you're like, thank you. I like crown. I like Jack Daniels. I like all whiskers. Crowns better, right? I'm Canadian. I went to the half Canadian. I went to Bevmo and the guy thought I was like had some learning disabilities or something because my knowledge of alcohol and how old I am, I think you thought, I don't know the difference between scotch and whiskey and I'm probably an alcoholic and most doctors books and I don't know the difference.

I felt really ignorant about it. I was like, I know lines. You're such a sweet person. She's probably in a big bottle of booze. Thank you for everything you do for me. That's very sweet. What do you want from me? What do I get? I don't have nothing. I'm a Bible. You need a Bible there? You like I probably should. I should know. Yes. What a caran. You

will need some more religion. I I are some. No, I'm pretty spiritual. You know, spiritual. I hate anyone who says their spiritual is not spiritual. Anyone who says their sexual is not sexual too. I'm a very sexual person. No, you're a very useful person. What if they're about funny, why? I am so funny, everyone laughs behind my back all the time. No, but that's so you can't talk about it,

because then you're not. It's okay. So greet them with enthusiasm, which is important. And think about your part of her once in a while, because we all have needs, needs to be met, which is why it's so important to be selfless and cater to your partner every once in a while. So do the things they love to do, make their favorite meal, put on a movie they like even

though you really wanted to watch the hockey game. You know, like if you really hate it, you hate it, whatever you can go with turn on your iPhone and start texting your friends. Little tiny sacrifices will make them feel like a king or queen for the day. So it's worth it to think like one of the last time I made a little compromise that really isn't a big deal to me, that would make it part of a happy to you an example. And also this extends to like even people you're dating or work or life. Any little sacrifices you do that you think makes your partner happy?

Yeah, it's a constant. I mean, I'm one of those ones that I get happy by making other people happy so it kind of comes naturally, but also I got to get Like creative because I have one of these strange people that doesn't I'm married to a person who doesn't like to go out to eat Oh, that's why you're always getting up doesn't like to go see movies much either so it's kind of like what else you do Like in the movie business like that. I want to do is like see movies and go out to eat What is she like what does she like to do? She's likely she likes to see so I it's forced me to like find out I'm lucky enough that we live like in the Metropolis That is Los Angeles. So there's always something we were both born and raised here she and I

But there's still so many things we haven't seen but I'm sure that most people listening to this There's cool little things in your little town that you've never done. Exactly. We went on a tourist bus a couple weeks ago. That's so fun. And we got LA, we got a tour of Hollywood. And we lived here, you know what I mean, but it was still cool. That's really, was that her idea?

So she'd rather do things like that maybe and you'd rather go to movies. I'm much more traditional. I just like to try different little hole in the walls and this and that like food and drink. It's not like food. She doesn't like food much. She eats fast food. So it's a challenge, but you'll find things. But then every once in a while, you get the fast food.

Every once in a while, you just think, fun. Exactly. So it's not that, and you know this, when you got together with this person, or sometimes it's just, it doesn't to be deal-breakers that you can compromise. Also participate in their life, like, outside of your, like, something, like,

outside of the shared interests. So if it's like, are so to fantasy football, which I find so boring, but whenever I can try to pretend that I care, or you can sit with them, you know, favorite video games, exotic cars, whatever, ask your partner about it. Like now would you appreciate it?

Do you ever feel, can you even talk about your wife but like in past relationships that you like when the person you're dating shows interest in what you do? Yeah, at least they have to have interest in something. Right, but what about you better? what if they never asked you though, hey Anderson, tell me about your podcast or listen to it, how would you feel? That's a little scary.

So he's got After Disaster, which is a great, oh, also, sorry, I always film vault, amazing podcast. They both are about film. But what if you date, because this goes for dating, I'm just curious, and you were dating and she never said to you, so like, how'd you get into, you know, talking about film? Why do you love film? It would be a little scary. Would you be like she doesn't care about me?

Yeah like I'm just kind of a placeholder like she just needs like a guy in that position in her life and it doesn't really matter who she's not making an effort to know more about you because she obviously doesn't care right? Well our she does itself involved and doesn't which translates to I don't care about you because I only care about me. Right exactly So I would say that typically though even if you're in to continue to ask about those things too, right? But no, you're right. There are people who I know a lot of got well But goes both ways. Yeah, you know what people are weird though, too Like I'll talk to people who have been work like recently I went to this restaurant was really cool is really old and been there forever

I asked the guy how long he'd work there. He's like five years. I was asking some basic questions about the building. No idea. So sometimes people just don't think to ask questions about things that are around them, including their others. But he probably appreciated the significant interest. But he was just like he was, well, that wasn't a good example. That was a terrible example. But I'm saying, I mean, no, but I think that everyone likes the people who, I mean, I've always been someone that grills people. I probably go overboard. I ask a lot of questions. Here's a better example. I was dating a girl for probably six months and I have a film strip tattooed on my arm, right? It goes around and it looks a little bit like a snake some people think that this girl five months into the relationship

Somebody talked about the film strip on my arm. We're out in public and she goes, oh, that's what that is I always thought it was just like bracelets or something. I'm like, uh, she never asked about your title. She never asked about it. She's made an assumption and uh, it was a wrong assumption. And then did you jump or no? Uh, we, got like banged for another couple of weeks and then, like, taking interest, like you put this thing on your body, did you get for the rest of your life? You just think that someone who wants to get to know you.

Like, I knew her tramp stamp was a butterfly. I could tell. That's the way you first sign in the shape of a tramp stamp. But did you ever talk about her stamp? Like when did you ever say what you did? I asked her why many times. Really? Right, but she never asked about her. It's just interesting.

So you just want to listen. You just want to give and take. And also like, you know, for women, like if there's something that your partner for guys, that your partner is interested in that could seem trivial, trivial to you just make the effort and ask anyway. We all want to feel like the person that we're with cares about all aspects of our life and that you're listening. Also praise their accomplishments. I think that everyone has a deep rooted need to be praised and feel like their efforts are recognized. And I think that a lot of people

are withholding from that. They might think, like, oh, if I praise a part or too much, she's gonna get a baby. This is like early out. This is what men is always says, but it's just young. But no, I think you think so. If you tell a woman too much that she's whatever, she's gonna think she gets, but it's like, no. She's gonna think what?

Like she likes, this is like early out when you're dating, but I guess, but if you tell a woman that you're really into her, that you think you're really beautiful, she's gonna know that you're really inter than take advantage of you. That happened to menace. That must have happened to them once and for all. You have to do sped. It's one of those. No, I'm not. He's not. I love menace. What I'm saying is there is a school of men. A school of thought that

think that you have to be kind of douchey to be kind of a loof. You have to be able to hold your own for sure. I mean, you can't just be like a pushover and constantly like fawning over someone. Right, but I think that probably menace our risk. I think that this people do think this way, but all I'm saying is that we all the deep rooted need to feel like our efforts are recognized. We do.

No matter what we do, work, life, we're proud of it, right? And we want to feel like our partners seize our skills and talents and it's proud of us. And I really think that that's true. If you're part of it, they don't have a traditional job or your husband is a stay-home dad and you just built a new deck and you think it's awesome. You can say like, how did you do that? Or if she's home during the day of the kids, I don't know what not to be stereotypical. But you think people stop talking once or together. And it's just to show interest in what your partner likes makes them feel good as well.

So, right, don't you think? Yeah, even if it's not something directly that relates to you. Right, exactly. That was an individual. And I think for men, like, did he just do, like if you talk about like, did he do something great at work recently

or did he put up a new bookshelf? Like, don't just like think him. I think that men want to be praised. Bookshelf. And then they want to be bragged about to friends and family. So if you're Thanksgiving dinner and your guy's probably not going to speak up and talk about the fact that he just got a raise or he wanted to award at work, it would probably make him feel good in front of his family and women too. So if you brought it up, I think men like that more probably do agree or disagree. I do, but I'm stuck on bookshelf. It makes them feel validated or pre-serve through ego.

Hands in the bar low. You know how we call the glove box, the glove box? Yeah. Because people used to put their gloves in there back in the day. That's what bookshelves are going to be. Because there's not going to be any books in the near future. That's true.

And they're still going to be called bookshelves. So I'm like, our kids kids are going to be like, why do they call them bookshelves? What's a book? It's going to be awesome. Well, maybe those things just like store your stuff. No, they'll still call it like they do a glove box. I love that. I never thought of that before. I never thought either. You're genius. Offerroading is totally fine because I do that.

And you know what? If it's if this isn't coming naturally to you either and you maybe you should take a look at your relationship. Maybe you just don't care about the person sitting across for me much. Exactly. If you don't even ask what they're tattooed means. It's so true. This is this is all like really, and this is good for you just starting a relationship too. So the next time you go out, you know, ask, I think a lot of people,

I think they might not do it for several reasons. I think on the first date, a lot of people talk about themselves a lot because they're nervous and they don't, you know, I've got to have a guide. And people love to talk about themselves because they're an expert. So if you're a guy or a woman, whatever,

who's anxious or anxious like uncomfortable dating and you know, ask questions, where'd you from? Do brothers and sisters? I mean, you can go on on on. I do this all the time. It's not even because I'm nervous. I'm just actually really curious. So, and you know, it's, yeah, ask questions.

It's good. Makes you feel validated. And you get to know the other person sitting across from you too. If they just take the ball and run with it and they're just, it's an hour later, they're still talking about themselves. Hey, look at that person, that's what they are. Exactly. And then you know all the answers. Don't play koi and don't, but you must really be interested if you're sitting there. And also, you never know what you're going to learn from someone

either. So look at this opportunity to learn. And if you're like, I'm not interested in this person, just make sure there's a natural balance that can give and take when you're on dates and stuff like that. And also notice the small things. So like making a cup of coffee or remembering to tevo your favorite show, Tivo. Isn't it funny people say that Tivo? I still have a Tivo, so it makes sense. You do? Yeah, yeah. Do you use it? Yeah, they have an option with a direct TV. You could get, you can still get a brand new Tivo. I love my, I love Tivo more than TBR. My direct TV think it's filled up because I never watch TV. But why do you even have one to get rid of it? Because I put a dildo display case where your TV is.

I already have dildos like all over in other places that they shouldn't. Wait, I was going to say something else about my oven, but I don't have dildos on my oven because I don't have an oven. But last thing. That's where I keep your sex book. In your oven? Yes. Cool.

So wait, I was going to say that um, T-but wait, back up. So can my direct TV, can I get more memory on it? I just feel like we're way off road now more in the bookshelf. Okay. So also here's another thing guys. Yes. There's many like the genie. You should maybe look in the jeans. Just be text me that.

Okay. If you so again, do you guys holidays are coming up? Thanksgiving, be thankful if you want to appreciate your partner. Um, you know, just think of some of these things. Like I haven't told her lately that I appreciate this or that or you know, ask them some questions about things that you, because a lot of times I think, again, making assumptions, we make assumptions that they don't want to talk about it, so we don't ask, or we make assumptions that it's something that's too intimate, but I don't know, they'll let you know if it's too intimate, but I think a lot of times

it can be seen as not caring, so it's good to just ask questions and do that. And also, if you want to treat that person special, that special person in life to a luxury sex toy, they've been coveting again. I'm not good vibes. Never done this before. 25% out their entire site, this cyber, whatever, whatever Monday, the Friday of the Monday, and then Emily and Tony, 30% off everything,

aminttoney.com. So do that special thing too. So how are we doing Anderson? We are doing fine. And there's more stuff that you could do now to appreciate your partner. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I like it. It works for both ways too.

You can figure out by using something to tip to you this gift, if the person sitting across from you is wrong as well. It's not just about making your relationship better, it's maybe figuring out the relationships right. That's true too. God, we learned a lot tonight. Okay, Anderson, thank you so much. And I'm thankful for you and happy Thanksgiving.

And thank you everyone. Remember, go to my website, check it out, and look at all the great deals that I have and all the fun things happening. Senate for the mailing list. I love you all, grateful for you. Thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you?

E-Mommy. Feedback at sexwithmly.com.