Sex With Emily - Best Of: Jealousy in Retrograde

Episode Date: December 9, 2017

On today’s throwback show, Emily is giving her best tips on proper communication – in the dating world, long term relationships, and of course, in the bedroom. Emily, along with Anderson, reveal some surprising statistics about contraception and libido, as well as how many people actually hook up at the gym. Plus, Emily helps listeners dealing with jealousy, orgasm dishonesty, and opening up your partner to something new in the bedroom – all through the best lubrication: communication! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: SKYN, Adam & Eve, Magic Wand , System JO Jellies Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's show is all about stepping up your communication, both in the bedroom and in the dating world. And I'll also be answering your emails about jealousy, masturbation, and so much more. Thanks for listening. Eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our secret institutions Betrubized they call them a bygone day Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kinda cute The girls got everything Oh my! The women know about shrinkage

Is it a common loa? What do you mean like laundry? It's drinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information, go to sexthemely.com. Check out all the crazy good stuff happening there. Send it for a mailing list. If you don't, that's crazy. We put up blogs every day and Twitter and Instagram at Sex Family.

Let's get all that out of the way. I went Facebook. We're good time everywhere. So listen to how my day started. Let's do it. I woke up and I had irrational fear that I had bedbugs in my apartment. Are you doing meth?

No. Meth thing to do. To think you've bedbugs? Yeah. Meth foxes always think that they have like bugs in my apartment. Are you doing meth? No. Meth thing to do. To think you've bed bugs? Yeah, meth, meth foxes always think that they have like bugs on their, on their body. No, I've never in my life thought. Like, that's why it's so now that I have 12 hours of retrospective, it was really irrational.

I'm embarrassed that I like called the landlord. I was labor. Okay, so a friend of mine just recently had bed bugs. And I actually had 20, when I was backpacking through Thailand I've experienced bed bugs. I was sleeping in the in the jungle in Malaysia. Those are jungle bugs No, no, they were bad. I was on a mattress. I had bed bugs. Yeah, cuz it was like a hut where you like one of those salt links where you go Okay, so I'm sad passing I got there bed bugs and they were all of my body and like they they still scars and it was painful and then I and they were all in my body and they still scars. And it was painful.

And then I also had this scab on my, like a scar on my back, like a bug bite from like a spider bite from a few nights ago or something. But I didn't know what pain it is. This is recent, this is recent, this is sad with jungle. So I woke up here, the jungle 20 years ago. So I always think about bedbugs. Then my friend just got bedbugs,

which is like the most horrific experience. That's not your friend anymore. Well, you have to like get rid of everything. You can't have friends with bedbugs. You have to put stuff in like surround wrap and set it to the most horrific experience. That's not your friend anymore. You have to like get rid of everything. You can't have friends with that. You have to put stuff in like surround wrap and set it in the drug that, okay, then there was little spins of sound, but there's little spots, spots of blood on my, like where I was sleeping.

Uh-huh. And that's what the bed bugs look like. They leave these little. They do. And it was like three of them. And I was like, well, is it that scratch I had the other night from this bug bite, but I didn't notice. Like it was a spider bite, a separate bite, which really was.

Like, you can get little bites. Do you get those ever? No, I'm pretty bite free. Really? Okay, so this is what I'm saying. All the drugs in my blood, I didn't know if it was a spider bite or a, I had no other things to bite. So then I got really scared.

And then I had, like, so I looked at the bite again and I had like two little, and they say you three dots. So the point I'll Google it Which is such a mistake and my bed looked like and this is a new three in a row They call it breakfast at dinner so I call by landlord I'm like do you have extra Mary like we've never had that problem. I'm like shit So I go and yell You're a horror skavis so they come in like 20 minutes they show up and I'm like I'm really nervous They're turning over my couch wait Wait, turning next show up?

Yeah, no, like somebody, the exterminator. Right. Two guys, they're like, hello, ma'am. They got great reviews. This is like, they come in and they're like, go in my bedroom. They got the, they got the mask on and the thing and they're like turning in the sheets over like, do mind if we open some drawers. Oh no.

And I'm like, oh no. You're like, they're vibrating already. Why not? Because here's the thing. I have a storage bed, bed right which means I have a mattress with like eight drawers Underneath it because I've lived a very small place. So I'm like um Yeah, and then I there's he speaks Spanish primarily and I said yes But if I have sex toys when you open you go. Oh, no, don't worry. It's okay. We've seen everything You know, so they said I'm going oh my god and they're like flipping and I'm just going do see anything to say that I'm really nervous

Irrashly and no I'm not doing meth or drugs. No, it's like a real- It's a meth move. Dude, I wish, that sounds fun, but. So they're searching, and then he's like, oh, it's okay, man, I've seen it all. And then I'm like, well, how frequent is it common? He's like, well, there's been an outbreak lately,

and I'm like so panicked. He's like, and then it stopped, and they think, what about this? They're like conferring, and I'm watching them, and then they come out, mm, and then he'd stop and they'd think, what about this? They're like conferring and I'm watching them, and then they come out to the living room and they flip over the couch. And he's like, oh, and he points to something and goes, there's one.

No. And I'm like, oh my God. And I'm like freaking out. He's like, wait a minute, let me take it outside. And he goes, don't know, man, that's that's that one. I'm sorry, that's not a bad one. What was it? It was a, like a, it was a, what do you call it?

Like, take a look. Did he hear you mean it? No, it was like, it was like a little tiny, like a bump that happened to the top. It was a, like a, it was a, what do you call it? Like a, the case you mean it? No, it was like, it was like a little tiny, like a bug that happened to have a bug. There was a button. There wasn't a bad bug. It wasn't a bad bug. So then I said, well, where do people,

like how can I prevent it? And then it turns out I don't have bed bugs. And he's like, you're clean, it's good. And I felt a little crazy that I, because I have these three little bites and then the little blood from the, and I'm busy, it could have been there for there for three I didn't notice it and I freaked out So then I said he goes well you just got to be careful. You know where you sleep and who you sleep with

And then no, no, I'm a sex like I'm a doctor of sex. I don't sleep around good news No bed bugs, but bad news you probably have HPV. He's just be careful who you sleep with and who you bring around like he's giving me Wait the term in ex-girls thing. He's just be careful who you sleep with and who you bring around. Like he's giving me, but the term next guy, so he's going to think he's going to go, well, you got to know who's sleeping over. You're a Mexican accent, it's, it's got awful. We'll just tell you that, okay. You sound like an Indian person or something,

but yeah, that's bad times, I'm like the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, he's lecturing me out getting bed bugs in the future because I might be sleeping around because I have so many sex toys. Did I tell you that my seven, eleven guy was giving me guilt trips about buying too many too many cigarettes and And here yeah, he's like I worry about you

So I found a new 7-11, but didn't you quit? Yeah, there's a few months ago Oh, of course, but if the term next guy is giving you a sex advice That's bad. Because I love it. We save what sex toys. And he gets a pay. And he's like, well, you gotta be, no, he's got no bucks. He's so known, but the, the, the, the, the toys. Well, I would love when he said I'm opening drawers. Did you, did you pay him and, and Dildos?

I paid him like $50. I got, it was fine. But that was a weird way that my day started. I know where it was. It seems, it seems sort of out of character for me. Because I'm not a hyper-conductor. I've never, and I don't like, You do over things.

You do over things. No, but I'm not about like things that I'm, I've never doing it in a lifetime. You do over things. You do over things. No, but I'd not about like things that I'm not, I worry about things that most people don't worry about. Like I don't worry about the normal things. Most people don't worry about that. That's how my day started, which was a good time. And yeah, but I'm good, no bed bugs. And I'd also, so.

If I hugged you, so I'm glad you have no bed bugs. I know, if it's not why that'd be terrible. You brought me food too. I know, that was a long other thing. You're welcome. But I'm glad there's no bed you brought me food too. I know. Thank you very much for that. You're welcome. But I'm glad there's no bed bugs in all of the food. I just discovered this California chicken cafe, which I'm always starving.

I have a hard time. People are like, do eight. Yes, I eat. I love food. I'm working on getting the food into the mouth. I'm trying to work in finding places to have food. Come to find out two and a half years I've lived in my place a block away.

The California. I knew it. my place, a block away. The California. I knew it. I thought it was just chicken. Check California kitchen, California chicken cafe. No, it's fresh, it's delicious. So I was the deal. I was doing an after disaster with one of my other shows, right? I was doing a podcast over at the world famous improv,

Hollywood improv, where you did your 10 year anniversary show, right? About an hour ago, I was doing it with my co-host, my coronal as well as Tyler White in there. And you were sending me texts and it was interrupting the show, right? I'm like, sorry guys, hold on, I gotta an hour ago. I was doing it with my my my co-host my carano and as well as Tyler white in there and You were sending me text and it was interrupting the show right then I'm sorry guys hold on I got a check that in I'm like Emily's texting me and and then Karano go and I said she's getting me some kind of chicken salad And then Karano my co-host goes is a California chicken capping and I'm like, yeah Do you know places the best and these days and then the show became about this guy damn place for about five minutes before I finally got him off of it. I just discovered it.

He's like, you gotta get the coloslo. It's the best. The Chinese coloslo. Why do you get so many? Okay. Because it was in a rough video. Here's the point. Now let's continue in a rough video.

Okay, but here's the point is that I was so mad at myself because in now, I'm happy that this all comes down to me. My mom always says to me, open your eyes, pay attention. That this has been right there. It has all the food I like and it's been there for two years. So now I'm very excited about it and happy to share that I love that I love when you find out about something new and being it right around the corner I spit that out the mask. Don't do that. Okay, so enough about my day. You're bed bugs

I'm changing a lot though. I'm getting food in the stomach taking care of my health You were doing that for a while. You know what? Methads don't put food in their stomach No, no, no, it's it I don't, it's last minute, but now I'm realizing the point of my chicken cafe story was that my mother has always said to me, open your eyes. You don't pay attention because I am very focused on. I told the story. It's been a while and but I told the story.

I went to visit your role. She has a very concerned look on her face right now. Okay. What's that? Don't be so concerned. It's a good story. It's actually not a great story, but you had a beautiful little office on Hollywood Boulevard.

Yeah, right? Almost like right on Hollywood in Ireland, which is one of the most famous intersections in the world. There's a cool location. I went to visit you there. Well, it's still there, but not as close as that. I went up and I said, a lot of the girls was saying hi to you and they're dildos everywhere and vibrating toys. It was a fun time. People were walking by, kind of like looking and it was a scene. And I look at your window and you had this beautiful view of like the back of a hotel and the pool. And you could see people like like tourists lounging

by the pool, like you know, living their dreams out. And I'm like, oh my god, that's so cool. You can look at that right there. And you're like, what? What pool? What are you talking about? I'm like the giant thing right outside your window. You're like, I've never seen that before.

I've never looked out the window. I've never looked out this window before. And it was a giant window. I know. It was like the whole thing was the window. That're like, I've never seen that before. I've never looked out the window. I've never looked out this window before. And it was a giant window. I know. The whole thing was the window. That was the big thing, it was the view. And not only that, a friend had been there when I first looked at it and said,

did you see that you can see the Hollywood sign? And the Hollywood sign, right there. There's a whole scene right at your window and sure that it's like the view. 50% of what you're paying was for that window. Never look. And you never even look. So there was a computer in front of you instead.

So I'm saying, is that opening my eyes now? No now more things my whole life I was open your eyes up your eyes now Kale for it. It kind of pissed me off but now I wanted to share it with you tonight. I can't wait to have it. So my eyes are more open. I'm gonna be polite though and wait till the show's over to eat it. Yeah me too. I'm starving. Um okay that is funny. Yeah I forgot you point out the pool. I got to open my eyes. I got to pay attention. So which I'm doing, but let's talk about. You got any sex in the news? Oh yeah, thanks for asking, that's really good to understand. Did you know that one in four people admit

to having sex at the gym? Wait, at the gym? At the gym. Which is admit to having sex, water at the gym? Yeah, of course you hear about people having in the sauna, like in the gay and men's bathroom and women, but this is the thing. Apparently that 2000 adult surveyed, 25% have been successful on their mission of having

sex in the gym, 10% carry condoms with sex specifically in mind, and of those victorious in their efforts, 47% were women. And also, near the cross trainers, 45% of women said this is the best machine for putting the moves on men due to how it makes their butts look. What, wait, what? Guys prefer the lat pull down. Like women, women are showing their lats.

Dude, don't like lats. They do, I get compliments on my lats all the time, but maybe because they don't want to know what else to compliment. What is the last time someone came up to you and said, hey, nice lats. You know, they usually say like nice, they say nice triceps. Those are very different from last.

But my back lats are here, I get it, but people are like, even nice back. I have muscles. I gotta do push ups and stuff. Is this while they're? No one says lat specifically, but they mean that area. Okay.

So what I don't understand is, we're there having sex. So over 80% of people who have had gym sex use an app to do so. So maybe they were like, I'm with a gym, you're with a gym like on Tinder. Wait, there's an app? There must be a gym app, but who knows?

49% of their were straight, 31% gay, the rest bisexual. But like, I don't know where they're, I mean, it says the sauna, not necessarily in the sauna or the steam room, but where are they having sex? Yeah, I'll get it, cause I go to the gym all the time.

I've been going to the gym so I've been doing it. I've never seen, now granted, I don't notice things, but I would say- It's like, like 12 different gyms in my life. At least. I've been going to see now granted I don't notice things but Like 12 different gyms in my at least you know, I've been members of at 12 different gym I've been a member to gyms and I can't imagine any of them where I like squash ball court No, but there's giant glass. I mean there. I know where do you do the gym people work in there I know he's the sharpest people like they probably wouldn't really care if you like went into like the empty like

Exercise room to have sex empty, but you know what there is exercise room to have sex. But I wonder what they're having sex because this big class. It's basically you want to never go to the gym again because it's already has so many germs. And now there's gonna have to worry about semen on my stairmaster. It's slippery too. On the cross-trainer, stairmasters.

What's across-trainer, is that the Nordic? Oh, it's called the elliptical. Elliptical, the one where it spins around. I like that one. Easy on the joints, though. I don't know. And I'm always weirded out by people hitting on me at the gym too when that used to happen,

but I don't belong to a gym now. Hey, baby. But you're a nice laugh. You're a gym person and you see someone you have a lot of common got me every time. And also it did. What if they can't see anything nice, say that I have nice laughs.

Nice laughs. But I find that strange too because I feel like I've logged my hours of the gym, never seen anyone. But it's okay. So you're complaining for not getting hit on? I'm curious, no, I get hit on the gym, but no one said like, and I've got condoms in my gym bag.

And you're, oh, no one's ever had to pay me. No one they've laid out me in the gym, but no one's been like, let's go take a spin, if you know what I mean. Yeah, no. Okay. Okay, silly, but here's another one that's my satisfaction. No one's like, let's go take a spin if you know what I mean. Yeah, no. Okay. Okay, silly, but here's another one that's more important. Ready?

What could be more important than banging on the peel? You know what I mean? This might be inspirational for people. Does it do with your health? Couples who use contraception, contraception, are three times more likely to have sex, any kind of contraception. And it's probably because is it John Hopkins did the search research,

and they said, that people, it's open to one of the top schools in the county. He said it separates sexual pleasure from the responsibilities of pregnancy. So, research researchers conducted the study, analyzed data, filled up by 210,000 active, sexually active women, and they said that women between the ages of 20 and 29, those who were more educated, those who wanted children in the next two years were more likely to

have sex in the previous four weeks. So women wanted better, healthier, safer sex by separating sex from pregnancy and child bearing. Contrassoption has that. Knowing how often women have sex and what role contraception plays can give us a better understanding of how our meeting or family planning goals of improving access.

The point is, if you know that you're, okay, right. If you use contraception, you're more likely to be more confident that you're not worrying about right. If you use contraception, you're more likely to be more confident that you're not worrying about getting pregnant, like you're on it, like you're a person who's like responsible, you're concerned about your sexual health, and then you're more likely to have sex as well. Because you're responsible.

If you're using a condom, chances are you don't know the person that well. And new sex is always the best sex and you have more sex when it's new. So you think these women are a little easier? Well, I'm just is always the best sex and you have more sex when it's new. She's the easier man to a little easier. Well, I'm just saying that chances are the people that are wearing the condoms are having sex with people that don't know that well or new partners and you do have sex with new partners more often than you do with somebody you've been with for a long time.

I think that's a factor. You know what I mean? It says couples though who use contraception, which I probably didn't really get to that part because it just started getting stuck. Did they define couples? You know what I mean? Anyone who bangs might be a couple and you're an opposite. though who use contraception, which I probably didn't really get to that part because it's just started to get stuck in. Did they define couples? You know what I mean? Anyone who bangs might be a couple and you're an opposite.

So it's she explained that women have many reasons for not using the method above. Women also reported because they were having infre- Women reported not using contraception because they're having infrequent sex. I don't know. The point is, I don't fucking know. The point is. Take this is annoying article and I wish that I read the fact. Contents, well, the annoying thing is that it

lit lead with couples. The best part is that it is true that if you're responsible to say people use sunscreen or less likely to probably have sun, get skin cancer. Like people who wear sunscreen are more apt to be at the beach. Then go to the beach. But you know, I just help your responsible people. I may just think you don't care like this woman. Okay, you see that bucket next to you. No, the condoms. Yeah, that's been the forever they're probably expired. care like this woman okay you see that bucket next to you no the condoms Yeah, that's been the forever their probably expired no no do you see like it was full

I mean it's a big it's probably it probably holds about a gallon maybe two gallons of condoms And it was full to the brim when I got set down there about six months ago You can see it's about one eight to the way I love that Full I'm glad that people are taking a lot of this should be more Today though if this is our studio Oh, let's do a poll let's figure it out And no one in this room who works in here is taking those. Somebody's some little sex scene is coming in here when we're when love line or you and I aren't in here and they're taking a start experiment or something. I kind of want to put like a shrimp. Let's do it.

A little camera. You do that. I said a camera. I love it. Okay. I'm going to tell you this about condoms. I love skin condoms as you know, they're my favorite Do I always say that we got to it's hard to understand you went out of spell it Skin at me. Oh, because I was looking at those kind of I see I get okay. I love that people are taking condoms But I know I'm just saying to you they're like the orange ones and they're probably expired. Like I just, I worry about people taking rando condoms. Rando condoms. And I'd rather have people just like come to my office and take condoms because I just don't,

I don't know, there's some times that aren't great. And that's why condoms get a really bad rap because people have bad experiences with condoms. And they, or in their mind, they think it, you know, they can't get hard, they can't stay hard, it's sexistness, good. It's like themselves out. But I agree that there are condoms that don't for you.

And they don't work for you. And you don't like it, but there are condoms that will, so keep searching, it shouldn't be a reason not to use. Right. What are you doing, you're eating? I mean, what are we doing? We're not eating on the program? What is that you're eating? It's orange.

It's an orange squash puree. This is chicken gavic. Okay, so here's the other story. My mom always says, she's always trying to guess. She was trying to get me to like, just pick up a rotisserie chicken. Get some squash. You can steam squash.

You know, easy to do. You put in the microwave. It's really good for you, which I've never done. They have squash and chicken rotisserie, which is stuff I like and fresh salad, and it's, I'm just like, I'm just like, it was right there. I was hungry, eating.

Yeah. I like your mom. I love my mom too, and I'm just like, mom, guess what, they're squash. Next door. I can't imagine this ever, me ever having an opportunity to bring this up on any of your other shows.

Have you, Adam Sandler? I grew up with, I love an Adam Sandler on, on Saturday Night Live and I loved, I mean, Billy Madison, which has become a cult favorite of a lot of people, you know, I'm a movie guy. And he used to come out with these comedy albums, like every year, where he had like sketches on them and whatnot and he did voices and he had songs.

That's where the Hanukkah song came from. I love the Hanukkah song. And the lunch lady song, I don't know if you remember that one, but one of his sketches, and I think it might have been recurring, it might have, he might have done it on one of his sketches, and I think it might have been recurring It might have he might have done it on a few different albums, and I'm sure a lot of your listeners have probably heard it But he did this like old Jewish grandmother who was very sexual and she would be like she'd be like talking to her kids like hey Johnny, yeah, what's your big girlfriend come over and put in take out your cock and balls and play with them

Oh, mom come on. That's gross. stop it. It will go on like that for three. And it sounds like I could see, yeah. Like, that's so funny. Someone in the Emily, Emily, that's my mom. Family tree. Yeah. She like, she can't have an orgasm. Jifress trash smoking pot or anything.

I wish she could get a little stoned. That was her only sex advice. She's not even a stoner. She was like, you just told you to smoke drugs. One time she was like in college when I hadn't orgasmed yet, I was a late bloomer like many of you. But how many of your listeners do you think have actually gone to their mom's? Hey mom, I can't do it.

Well, I'm, we hadn't even talked, I just knew that I could talk to her about it. This is why I worry about so many people with sex education because my mom always said, talk to me if you have questions, but I was never like, hey mama, and I didn't know what the questions were that I had, and it didn't occur to me ever to touch my vagina. And masturbate. And so when I started having intercourse, once I was in college, and my friends were all talking about these crazy orgasms, I'm like, the Orga what? They're like, you know how to do it? You don't masturbate. I'm like, damn. And then my mom was like, really? You're so stressed out, Emily, just maybe you should like smoke a joint and chill out have one, but she doesn't even that was her random advice

Sorry, I was looking for cock-a-boss Can't you make some squash? Climb. Do you have any emails? I do but first but first cock-a-boss hold on Did you find it? Maybe play with your cock-ain' balls for a while. I'm just gonna eat mom. Alright, and then maybe a little lady. Play with your cockin' balls for mama.

I don't- I can see something like that somewhere in the Emily family tree. I just find it. That's weird. This is a thing called Google, it's an app. Dude, I love Google. Okay, but before I get to the amazing killer emails from my listeners, can we have, I want to have a Hanukkah song is my favorite, but it's a thing.

We're going to take a quick break and give a shout out to our amazing sponsors. We love them. Thank you for supporting them and we'll be right back. Now I've got emails. Okay, everyone. Thank you for emailing me. at sexwithmley.com and you know I love hearing from you and I love getting your emails and I love that your supporters. Also great to include your name, how old you are where you live. You're sex.

And you're sex. You're male or female. Because it's tough to tell sometimes, every week I say that. Yeah, it's like Sam. Yeah. Hi Emily, I've been listening to your podcast for over a year now via iTunes, and it's helped me immensely. I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 42. And he has self-diagnosis and self with retroactive jealousy.

What? He's jealous because, though I am much younger, I've had many more lovers than he has. And as a result, he's constantly comparing himself to my past experience. That's classic, Raj. Classic. Classic, Raj. R-A-G. R-A-J. Retracted, Jettelsey. Yeah.

He constantly goes, bombard you with questions. Has me recall stuff I would rather not think about. How can I help assure him that I love him and I don't compare him to my past? Thanks, Jenis. Okay, it sounds like your boyfriend is soup first. Oh, let's get this, Anderson.

The age difference, she's 24, he's 42. Yeah, he's. Boyfriend sounds really insecure. And he let's get this Anderson the age difference. She's 24. He's 42 Yikes, boyfriend sounds really insecure and he's actually kind of being a massacre I'd say he's torturing himself with your past experiences as a way to keep his self worth lower and to keep you feeling guilty The turn of retroactive jealousy, which he like pulled out his ass. He's all actually referring to retrospective jealousy Oh, look at that. It doesn't even know shit or retro retrograde jealousy. I mean, he's not that often kidding. I'm not slamming your guy here and we're trying to help. I actually am not usually that negative. So as we talked about a few weeks ago,

then I'm very positive. You see the positive, then I will. Yes, but he, you're referring to his constant often obsessive painful thoughts and the curiosity regarding a partner's past relationships and or sexual history is this retro retrospective jealousy. That makes my point. And they're notorious for asking the

partners too many questions and then they replay it in their head. The same Jell's thoughts. It's like a mental movie in their mind over and over and over again. Overthinking the condition rather than taking necessary steps. What are the necessary things? They cannot put the jealousy behind him. So, this isn't looking for me. It's not looking good for me because he's probably had these issues for a while.

This is how he does relationships. So no amount of reassurance of how loyal you are and how great you are is going to put this to rest for him. I deserve a feeling. He's not sitting and talking to me and face to face. This has been going on. He needs some intensive therapy. And even then his issues might not be solved right away because I'm sure that this is think about it. Like tell me again, tell me again. Oh, and then the I can't make her feel bad. Right. It's like a bad tooth that he keeps good

messing. I can't tell you. I was a cuckolding two and away when men were there's something to it. And and I have a lot of experience with this. I hate to Use this yeah, it's and it's from my own personal experience I'm you have jealousy not your way. It's not the guy. It's the relationship For the most part because I've had this with some girls Absolutely and other girls not at all and it depends on the relationship and now that I'm older and I can look back on those relationships where I did rear its ugly head because it is awful. I mean, I would obsess.

And a lot of the time it had to do with drugs, I was on Stimulance and One Not, which made it much worse. Math? Math and cocaine made it much, much worse. I would like really, really focus in on things. Like you'd hear one thing. Like, let's say I was just,

okay, like a girl slept with a guy named Mark and I was obsessing about Mark and I hated the idea. I would imagine him like getting the toucher and seeing her in a certain way. And it was always like she was the victim. And like it would get to the point where like I would see and you don't realize it, but Mark is everywhere like Mark four. Yeah, and I would see the name and I would be and then it would just propel me onto that

thought where I couldn't get out of that thought and I would be thinking about it and I would beg for details. I would need to know more, torture myself, torture this poor girl. And it was really looking back on it, all those relationships that happened in probably about three or four, I hate to admit it, three or four relationships I got that bad with these girls.

I was also rescuing them from something because they were victims and I was almost like the dad or the big brother, and they were my girlfriend as well, which wasn't a good match. But were you resenting them because you were rescuing them? I was, I got so bad at some points, and I was actually jealous of myself.

I would go back, like this one girl I was with her for two years, and I maybe longer. And I remember going back thinking that when she first met me, like she slept with me too soon, and what was she doing? Why would she do that? She's better than that and I was like jealous of myself It was insanity, but then I was I couldn't win. I was in a relationship too and other good relationships Were like they did have I don't want to you know say that they had a dad, but they came from Daddy's

They had therapy or they're you know, they're more secure with themselves They didn't victimize themselves or put themselves out, they're to be victimized. I didn't feel like I had to protect them, and I was healthy, healthy in those relationships. So, okay, let me understand this. So it was like the wounded bird thing. And then you felt there was more of a protective thing that was just like, I wanted to keep them,

or were they kind of the kind of women who wanted you to be jealous? They're like, oh, this one's a game bar. I wasn't a couple of those, but those were the worst. Okay, so really, this was about you thing. It was all me, it was all me. It wasn't like, oh, this is what I'm talking about. I wasn't a couple of those, but those were the worst. Okay, so really this was about you think. It was all me. It was all me. It wasn't like there. In high school, I was with the girls that wanted me to be jealous. And they'd like like to see me get in fights for their honor.

You know, it made them feel special. No, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about like I was trying, looking back, it's quite clear that I was trying to protect these girls. And they had a lot of them more like, they had been sexually victimized before I came to the rescue. But now like your wife can just be like, Hey, Mark, or you know, this guy can't make me. You and I'm so sure with her. But I also think it's maturity and picking the right people.

You're right. Certain people do trigger jealousy. But this guy's my age. Yeah. So he needs to know what the really young girl and I'm wondering if maybe they're right me some parallels here. I think there's also when I was doing it looking back on it, it's clear as day now that the relationship wasn't right and I was trying to sabotage it from within as well.

So perhaps he realizes that he's got some kind of guilt because the age difference he knows that it's not gonna last long term and he's trying to implode it. Yeah, it might be and he just has some kind of condition where he just can't want to torture himself in some way. But yeah, there's a lot of reasons why we we choose our thoughts. Yeah, we choose our lives because our thoughts We can't. They can't. They can't. They can't. They can't. They can't learn too. Yeah. Well, it's a lifelong process to learn. So anyway, I got behind like a mark three van in traffic. I couldn't control my thoughts. I was thinking about mark. What if you just out like park here? Would you like that?

No, if it didn't control my thoughts. I was just thinking about Mark. What if you just sat like Park here? Would you be like, that's good. No, if it didn't have to ride. So anyway, I think you're, what do you know? I think that you're young, genus, you're young, you can have a lot of experiences. You don't need this kind of negativity

early in your dating life, okay? How do you get a wife to self love? Dear Emily, doctor Emily, well, thank you very much. I love giving some respect to her on here. Yeah, whatever. I mean, seriously, he respects him more than like the terminator who came over. The terminator, oh, you're talking about the exterminator. He's trying to give me sex. He's telling me that I should change my ways. He's just going to want you yelling to get out. I'm a sex doctor.

I said, I'm like, I'm a doctor. Uh-huh. Dear Emily, how do I approach the subject of self pleasure, aka masturbating to my wife? She's never in her life gone solo, to which I believe her. She's come out of her shy shell being with me and has eased into trying new things in the bedroom, except taking matters into her own hand. LOL.

I really believe that it would make our sex light even better with her discovering new heights within her body. Thank you in advance for your advice, Tim. He wants to spife to self pleasure, as we a lot of men do. I mean, women, we hear this a lot from men that like I don't understand why my partner doesn't masturbate because we also know that that would give her pleasure and it might have help her have more orgasms when she's with him, but there could be a lot of things going on here here Tim. That could be blocking her desire to touch herself. She could have shame, associated masturbation, religious beliefs, like overall disinterest,

lack of know-how, and you've mentioned that she's been coming out of her shell, so it could just be a slow process. She needs to work up to. But pressuring her, believe me, is not the way that it's gonna happen. And I'm curious why you want it so badly. Is she not orgasming during sex?

Does she not know what she likes? So a great thing if you discussed beforehand, my favorite, mutual masturbation. You show her how you like to touch yourself. She can observe and help her get more familiar. She must know, you know, you could even just play a game like this, it's feel good, does that feel good? Get some Lou, get some candles, you know,

and help her get into her body. They'll just whip it out and like force the the mutual masturbation. But let her come around at her own time, but no woman wants to be pressured because masturbation is a very, also very personal thing. So I'm wondering why she tells you she doesn't want to. So who knows, it could be something happened in childhood.

Hi Emily, another email. New email. Do you want to talk about masturbation more? Smooth transition. I enjoy talking about your mom and masturbation, but let's move on to the next thing email. I think super linear. I like it.

It's not like you. Let's do it. Okay. Hi Emily, I've been with my current partner for eight months and I've still never orgasmed through intercourse. That's a check. I've before, yep, only by myself.

I've never, ever with other guys either, even being in long-term relationships, I've tried everything, even doing it alone, and it seems that it cannot be done vaginally, even when stimulating on top. Do you think she's tried double penetration? She said everything. She's a liar. You don't start with the double. I feel like I want to be honest with them, but I feel like it will break him if I tell him I've been faking it. I just don't want to disappoint him, but it's only fair for me and him. How do I approach

this easily? I'm nervous. Love your show. Alex and Melbourne, Australia. Alex, Melbourne, Australia, if I'm not right, if I'm not right, if I'm not right, if I'm Melbourne, it says Alex Melbourne, Hi Finn, Australia, Perenzo, Australia, on iTunes. Here's the point, Alex. This is sticky. Fake fake, fake. No, I always say don't ever fake orgasms because you're certainly not

because that's the service yourself or the part that you're with. And you want to have a feeling, a fulfilling sex life, and you like this guy, so you want to have a feeling, a fulfilling sex life, and you like this guy. So you want to be honest, however, I don't think that you need to come out right away and say, guess what, honey,

I've been faking it the whole time. What if she just stops faking it? Sometimes little omissions are, you know, okay, in a racist ship, but, and then just never has one again. Yeah, she's just like, I used to, and now I'm not. Let's work on this. Well, how would you want it to be handled with you?

Because I have some ideas here, but let's say you've been with a woman for how long they've been together eight months. Eight months. And she was like, ah, ah, Anderson, ah, and then I'm giving you a point. She's like, ah, bitch, so good. Ah, oh my God, my toes. And then like eight months, I just think, my toes. Guess what? Yeah. I've never actually faked everyone.

I feel betrayed. I feel like I don't, I't, I look at her and I'd be like, it's like I don't even know you, man. Would you break up with her? No. Well, it depends on how hot she was, you know. But every guy friggin' ends every sentence with it depends on how hot she was when you're talking about it.

Hey, months, that's still new. That's still strange. Right. I would watch the sign fall episode with him and then be like, so what do you think? Which one? The one where Elaine admits that every orgasm she had with Jerry was fake.

It was fake, that's a great one. Yeah, I'd be like, see, can you bring it to the level? Because they were saying, right, because every guy says, no, every woman's orgasm with me. And then you're like, guess what I do? That's not true. It's Jerry's like, what about the panting and the breathing and the moment?

And she's like, fake, fake, fake, fake. Yeah, can you find that? Okay. So here's not true. It's Jerry's like, what about the panting and the breathing and the moaning, which is like fake, fake, fake, fake. Yeah, can you find that? Okay, so here's the thing. This is what I recommend to you, Alex, is that you can tell him, like, first of all, you want to start the conversation in a neutral area. His pride's available, his pride is involved. Little omissions are fine, but don't have this in the bedroom.

You can tell him, hey, listen babe, I want to be honest with you, it's really hard for me to reach orgasm from sex alone. And sometimes I feel like I almost get there, but I can't quite get over the edge. And everything feels amazing. You're so great at oral kissing, give them some, let them know what you really love about them.

And it's not that I have an enjoyed sex with you. I just think we could try something different. You know, that there's some moves I think that we could try that might really get me there. And so that's where you need to start. And also, mutual masturbation again, it's great. You say that you, luckily, you've had work as a member. And she knows how to do it to herself too.

Yeah, here's the thing, so why not use your fingers? So just be like, because maybe it will think some women don do it to herself too. Yeah, here's the thing, so why not use your fingers? So just be like, because maybe a thing, some women don't want to rob themselves. And sometimes a penis can be distracting that bit. Well here, yeah, the penis is distracting and most women don't orgasm in her course alone. 30% do. So honey, you're fine.

It's just a matter of like, you know, just saying, you know what, sometimes if I got almost got there, but this one would give me killer orgasms. Let's try this. And like, bring in your vibrator, bring in your hands, bring in your lube, you know what, sometimes if you like to almost get there, but this one would give me killer orgasms. Let's try this. And like, bring in your vibrator, bring in your hands, bring in your lube, whatever it is that gets you there. But a great thing too is mutual masturbation. It's kind of like a sexy show and tell,

like candles, you watch each other. And once he learns and he's watching, and he knows that they get you there yourself, he can learn how to please you manually, because most women require more collateral stimulation. Let's just be honest. You can be the good learner, yes. Yeah, I mean, some guys are not the same.

I'm not the same. The painting, the moaning, the screaming. Faye, faye, faye, faye. I'm stunned. I'm shocked. That's awesome. Jerry was shocked. Love Jerry. He was stunned.

She gave me a second chance. She gave me a second chance. And then it didn't happen, right? He couldn't get it up. I remember that time. Time fell this dough. It's still brilliant, correct? Oh, it is. Absolutely.. We said the wife and I stood in line a couple months ago Oh my god, you went to that for five hours to go see the pop-up Jerry's apartment. They rebuild the house

I was a hulu ad essentially on Melrose here in Hollywood and it was worth the five hours start pouring rain I was right in my house and we said we stood in that hole. How are there people in line in the rain me? They recreated the same exact house. Yeah, it was the exact apartment and we stood in that corner. How are those people in line in the rain? Was it amazing? Was it amazing? They recreated the same exact house? Yeah, it was the exact apartment. It was like standing in his apartment. We literally were standing in his apartment. It was weird, it was fantastic.

I mean, there's like Versace, but it was like, sign felt house, that's not right. That's cool. Okay, well thank you Anderson. What's going on with Cinematics, your new podcast this week? Cinematics this week. Last week, I know we did,

we haven't recorded this week yet. Last week we did the new Disney movie, The Finest Hours with Christopher Pine, which actually know what wasn't that bad considering this time of year, Basel and True Story, it was actually packed and it was about an oil tanker that could slice than half by a big storm. We also covered all of the Oscar shorts, pretty much all of the Oscar shorts, some of which were great. One of the Oscar shorts, Emily, made me cry. One of them made me immediately watch with my wife again the next day.

That's animated and it's available on Netflix and I'll let you know where you can find that and how you should watch it on Netflix. The Oscar shorts, they don't get much love but they're actually, they're amazing. They're playing it a few theaters around the country right now. I've always loved the shorts. It's good service you're doing there.

Okay, so yeah, well thank you everyone for listening and keep checking out our podcast. We've got two a week. Subscribe to them. And also if you like the show and you're like, God, that was really cool. I learned something today. Be awesome. If you could iTunes, give us a little five stars or two or one. Well, you know, if it's one, you just supply a stop listening, why torture yourself. But if I would be great. And thank you, everyone. And op-think you Madison thank you Lori thank you Anderson and Thanks so much for listening. Oh wait. I'm sorry in the after disaster I told the story about how I still I bought a hot skateboard off to

Heron one heads two guys that are trying to buy heroin I bought a skateboard by mistake From them. It's a double story. Okay, check it out check it out. I asked you guys I know you love them. Okay, thanks Check it out. Check it out. Check it out. Check out his podcast, you guys. I know you love him. Okay, thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithamlee.com.