Sex With Emily - Best Of: Multiplying Orgasms & Pleasure

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

On today’s show, I’m throwing it back to a question on everyone’s mind: how to have multiple orgasms. Yes, it is possible! I share in-depth tips for how you can prep your body and mind to make this goal a reality.Plus, I discuss how to make initiating sex an equal playing field while in a dom/sub relationship, ways to transition your sexting relationship into real life, what to do after getting caught having sex in public (by your parents!) and how to get your needs met when your partner is sexually selfish.For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.comShow Notes:Magic Wand Womanizer Je Joue  Uma  Mimi Ami kegel set  Dame KipB-vibe Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And this is one of those things that you can actually learn. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it can't happen. So the first thing is that you have to be patient and know that anytime you're trying, even if you're trying to masturbate for the first time, you're trying to figure out your G spot, you know, I had to figure it out on my own. It wasn't happening for me during the course. So just know that you've got to be patient and that is your ticket.

To multiple O land, you might have to put in some time. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on days. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

On today's show, I'm throwing it back to a question on everyone's mind, how to have multiple orgasms. Yes, it's possible. I promise, I share in-depth tips for how you can prep your body and mind to make this goal a reality. Plus, I discuss how to make initiating sex and equal playing field while in a dumb sub-relationship.

We used to take things slow in person with someone you've been sexting with, how to have sex in public without getting caught. And how to get your needs met when your partner is a little sexually selfish. All right, intentions with Emily for each episode. I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you to do the same. So when you're listening, what do you want to get out of this episode? How could it help you? Well, my intention is to help set you up for success the next time you're going out for some multiple o's.

We also have a great new article on our site, Ask Emily, How to Organize them during missionary. If you want to ask me a question, just call my hotline, it's 559 Talk Sex, or 559-825-5739. Just leave me your questions or message me. Sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Just include your name, your gender identity, location, age, and how you listen to the show. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. I need to fill you in on a little hack here.

I'd like to talk to you about multiple orgasms. So just so you know, I'm going to talk about this from the perspective of a vulva owner because I am one. But listen, the same principles apply to penis owners as well. Penis owners just have a longer refractory period after they ejaculate before they can get erect and then orgasm again. So there you have it. owners just have a longer refractory period after they ejaculate before they can get erect and then orgasm again. So there you have it.

There's a lot of women who say to me, I can only have one or it really hurts after I've never had multiple and this is one of those things that you can actually learn just because it hasn't happened to you, doesn't mean it can't happen. So the first thing is that you have to be patient and know that anytime you're trying, even if you're trying to masturbate for the first time, you're trying to figure out your g-spot, you know, I had to figure it out on my own. It wasn't happening for me during intercourse. So just know that you've got to be patient and that is your ticket.

Like if you want to have a ticket to multiple Oland, you might have to put in some time and that's okay. It's the journey because on the journey you're going to find that maybe your labia is really sensitive and there's other parts of you that really feel good. So that's okay. And then I'll still remember that a big part of it is you want to be present and you want to stay in the moment the whole time you're figuring this out. So if you are masturbating, let's say you do your normal masturbation with team. So the present, you're okay, the multiple night might not happen this time and you're breathing.

You want to breathe deep and make sure you have your first orgasm. Whatever you do it, have the orgasm. Take a deep breath after that. You can take your hands off or the vibrator or whatever you're doing and then start to like move your hands over other parts of your body. You can start touching your nipples. You can start touching around your clitters. You can rub like the inside of your thighs and just stay connected mentally and physically.

But don't like stay connected to your body. Don't be thinking is that going to happen. Is that going to happen? Spades, pay attention to the sensations. Like even after the first orgasm. Don't like, I think that we have a habit of shutting down after it because we've always been done after the first one. So just pay attention to what's happening

after that orgasm, breathe. You don't have to keep touching and then to keep touching your clitoris. And then think about your clitoris. Think about what could feel good to you. So that is the focal point for a lot of women that's where they have the orgasm. So if you explore new techniques for stimulating your stuff,

through indirect touch, like I said, other parts of the clitoris, varying your positions. Like for me, I know that I can have them, but then I can have my clitorial orgasm, but then there's my labia, and there's, there's like, it's very complex. So know you're clitoris, become clitorate about your own body, get a mirror, take a look.

Check out your clitoris, this is amazing, you guys. If you have a mirror when you're masturbatingating and you look at your bike before and after, even when you're starting, it's really hot. But then you're like, oh, there's my clitoris. And then you see after you've an orgasm, it comes swell, the cup becomes more engorged. I don't love the word engorged, which I'm going to say, it doesn't sound sexy, but it does. It becomes a gorge.

I can't get many questions. It could be how you're an gorge. Seeing the contractions. The contractions? The contractions actually pretty cool. Right. When you have an're in court. Seeing the contractions go through. The contractions? The contractions, actually pretty cool. When you have an orgasm, you watch the contractions and you see, like, oh my God, that's happening. And then you start to take your fingers and then you can kind of see where you're going. And you can kind of rub around and then play with like pressures and play with different

strokes. If you want like a lighter touch, maybe you want a vibrator that uses sex toy, you guys. If you normally have it, well, you could try a G-spot toy. You could try a Cliddle toy. Magic wand, I know for me, is like a personal record. I think it was like 23 orgasms. That's insane. And amaze. I mean, I don't think I ever made it out that night. I mean, how would you be? Like, how would your legs even work after that? They won. It was fun. I was like, I don't think I want to make a dinner. Sounds like a great time.

It was a good time, I got to say. I'm not missing anything right now. So really it's about teasing yourself, breathing, and knowing that it can happen. Working your keglem muscles. Very important, you guys. Your keglem muscles are responsible for your orgasm. Those are the muscles that are contracting. So when your doctor tells you or when I tell you strength in your pelvic floor, that's

what we mean. Do your kegels. I like to do, like, I'll use the womanizer to get the first one and then I'll use my hands after to get the next one. I like kind of- Right, because you already warmed up. Yeah, I've done that too because you're already going. That's great.

You could use the vibrator for the first one and then see like what else feels good. And of course, sex toys can be a great way to multiply your orgasms even more. So let's talk about using toys and with these multiple orgasms. So the magic wand, love the magic wand. I'm telling you, I had my first multiples using a magic wand, but I also had the J.J.U. products along with me. So here's a deal. For most velvet owners, it helps to have a literal orgasm first. Because then once you have your literal orgasm, you become more roused, there's more blood flow, and then you can use a G-Spot toy, and I highly recommend the Uma UMA by J.J.

Because the Uma is a really cool insertion toy, and it's a beautiful toy. And it's perfectly contoured to hit all those pleasure spots. You can even, and I've done this, use their Mimi Soft, which I also love the Mimi. It's a handheld external vibe. You can put that on your clitoris. You can put the Uma inside and Hello multiple orgasms. You can use the Mimi first, have the orgasm and then put the uma inside. They also have a

beautiful kegelset. Now let me tell you about this. Kegels, you know, no, doing your kegels exercises helps you build your pelvic floor muscles. Well, when your pelvic floor muscles are stronger, you can have more orgasms. And I love their keggel set because it comes with three different keggoballs. They're essentially weights. So you wear the first one and I've done this multiple times. There are three progressive weights. There's a soft weight in a single ball to a heart and more heavy double ball.

So the Ami, which is the name of their of their kettle set, it really helps because it's kind of like, think of it like your vaginas personal trainer. And that's what I did. When I was using it, I used the lighter weight that I moved up the next week. And I just wear these around when I'm working out. I'll wear it, you know, during the day at work. And because you're wearing them, and it does your kettleittles for you while you're walking around because your muscles are naturally contracting keeping them inside of you. So it's kind of genius, and I love their kittles set.

So that also will help contribute to more orgasms. Some other great products, Dane products are fabulous. They're a women-owned company, friend of mine, Alex, and they have this really cute new vibe called Kip and it's a lipstick vibrator and it's ergonomic. So it gives you either pinpointed stimulation and it's great for literal stimulation and I love, love, love. It's powerful and waterproof. And it comes in a travel-friendly package so you can bring it anywhere you go.

So those are some fun toys to play with and to help you get on your multiple orgasm spree. Let me know how it goes. Oh, speaking of multiple orgasms, of course you can anal eat counts as well. And I recommend if you've never done any anal play or you wanna get into some butt plugs and some fun things, B-vibib is all things anal all the time.

So Alicia's in the clear. Also, for the mind, started this business and her toys are so well made. They have a beginner anal kit. They have every kind of butt plug that you've ever thought of, anything about anal play. And they're also about education. So there's great information on their site,

and that is B-Vive. So those are some fun ones to get you started. Oh, the other tip, definitely use Lube. Yeah, oh, that's bad. Have you not heard that I obsessed with Lube? Change your mindset about it. Like, know that it can happen, and it will happen if you just have patients

and you breathe and you just explore. And so all the things I talk about, masturbation doesn't excite you, maybe a goal oriented like, let me see, we'd also like an experiment with, to have more pleasure. And nipple orgasms also very popular, you guys. If you have not had one,

it doesn't mean that you can't have one. So another fun thing is just like playing with your nipples and you do, like after you have an orgasm, I go up there because the clitoris and the nipples both share the same part of the brain, which is why a nipple orgasm is really possible for a lot of women, but they just don't know because they don't spend enough time touching it.

These are all the paths to pleasure, you guys. Multiple, if you have any more questions about it, you can totally call us, you can call us by anything, but I think you'll be amazed at all the pleasure that your body can deliver you just by having a little patience and a little fun and taking some breaths and that your body can deliver. You just by having a little patience and a little fun and take in some breaths and making your pleasure a priority.

Whether in a relationship or out of a relationship, your pleasure should be a priority, especially your sexual health and pleasure. Let's talk to Tristan, 36 in California, who wants to know how we can have his fiance initiate sex more in their relationship. Hey, how you doing? I'm good. How are you? Yeah, right? I'm all right. I'm coming up on my year anniversary tomorrow. Hey, how you doing? I'm good. How are you? Yeah, right? I'm all right.

Coming up on my year anniversary tomorrow. Oh, how many years? One year. One year. Oh, happy anniversary. I hope it was a good year. So has she ever initiated before? No.

OK. So here's the thing. A lot of women just never do. We're used to men doing it. It was never part of our thing. So she probably doesn't know how, really. Like she could, like she could think about it, but it's like maybe scary to her.

She wouldn't know where it started. She doesn't think like that. So what you could do is tell her, well, first of all, back up. Have you guys ever talked about your sex life? Oh yeah, we've talked about it. We thought about it. Okay, so have you ever said to her what, that's good.

Have you ever told her that you thought it'd be really hot if she initiated? Oh yeah, really so. Okay, and it doesn't happen. So here's why. She needs to know what that looks like for you. So Tristan, it might be as simple as like you kiss my neck, but tell her specifically what it looks like. Because she might be going, I forgot again, I'm not in the mood, I didn't know.

It becomes stressful, which I know my team's still in you because you're like, I've been doing it all year long. But for women, yeah, right, yeah. But it's really common. I get this question a lot. So this is my best solution for you is just to tell her specifically, what do you know what it would look like for you? Yes, ma'am, I do. Okay. Would you feel comfortable telling her? Absolutely. Oh yeah, definitely.

Okay. So that's all you. I don't know why I have it. Like, because we have any relationship where I'm the dumb. And, you know, we have all our toys, whips, stuff like that. But I backed off from that so much. Why? In a sense, I got tired of doing all the work.

Oh, oh, I totally get it. Okay, so Tristan, I get it. So here's the thing, you're the dumb, you're doing all the things. She doesn't think of it as work. Her brain isn't there. She's never had to do the work that you're talking about. So this is a conversation about her learning some new skills, essentially. And without you,

when you have to talk with her, you can't be like, I do all the work. I can't believe you don't mean that's the dynamic that you set up, right? That you both set up. So now it's like, you have to tell her, like, you know, it would make me feel really loved and really be such a turn on. If I came home and you were lying on the bed wearing this thing that I bought wearing the negligee and then you had the toys out and then you, whatever it is. And then she'd have a script, right? And then she could see if she likes it.

So that's all it is. And you're already at the frustration point, but just give her a little time here. And remember that then you can ask her what turns her on. How does she like it when you initiate the most? And you guys can figure out what your next level is. Make a plan on your anniversary. Why don't you guys write a sex plan for the year? When you guys wanna try, do a bucket list.

Exchange, say, let's play a fun sex game. Let's each write down three things you wanna try in the next year, you know? And like, have fun. By next quarter, we wanna be, you know, I don't know what, you guys want to do an anal. Swinging from the rafters. That's a fun anniversary thing to do, I think.

Figure out your sex plan. Prioritize pleasure this year? Yeah, Tristan, so there you go. It's all going to get back. Yeah, definitely. This is your year. You're so welcome. Happy anniversary.

It's the best gift ever, I think. What else you want? Talk about your sex life on your anniversary in a really fun, positive way. You guys can always email us questions, feedback at sexwithemily.com. Next up, we have Melissa, 53, and she's met a guy online who wants to jump right into sex before even going on a date. Hi. Hi.

Tell me everything. Well, so actually, he's been on a project and so he hasn't been in town for the last month. So we have been talking on the phone or in doing a lot of sex thing and I mean he's really hide about like the things he likes to do or wants to do and he's constantly reaching out to me throughout the day or in the evening and that kind of thing and he's like when I wrap up this project I love for the you know I'd like to take you out and all of that he gets by just like we've been through so much he's like can we just go ahead and jump into the facts and then go out the dinner and there's a part of me like oh I gotta you know I would love to but then there's a part of me like okay

you know you're being crazy yeah no, and you've never met him, right? Right. Okay, right, you sent an email, correct? Yeah. Did you? Yeah, emails and self-hands and all of that. Yeah, yeah, we got treatment, awesome. I think that you should go to dinner with him and you've never met him.

Just remember that. Sexting and words are just a tiny part of the whole equation. Like, with body language and actually seeing him in person and smelling him and the whole presence and you've got to see if you actually are going to want to have sex with them. So no to sex you for dinner. Not this time go to dinner see if you like him, meet him in a public place. You might feel totally different. So it feels really great that he asked that but

he's like, oh, that'd be great but that'll have to be our dessert. Let's get dinner. That's what I think. Oh, that's a good idea. OK. Desert. Yeah, get to know him.

We can wait enough. But through him, yeah. And then let us know what happens. I want to see if he's still like this guy. I know. We're going to say, if you can wait an hour. Yeah, exactly. We've never even met. Like, why do we go to jump right to sex, right?

No, I haven't by. Get some dinner. Get some food. And you see if you actually like this guy who's a great sex star. Believe me, I've dated many great textors, slash sexster, and then I realized I liked them more on the phone than I did in person. That happens.

Right. So, like, could you just go in the other room and sex me? Okay, you're so welcome, Melissa. Let's, let's, let's, let's go, guys. We'll be here. Remember you guys, the sex team, you never met someone, you don't know anyone until you meet them. let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's to actually have sex, whether you're in a relationship or not, or it's the first time at the better it is for the relationship and for the sex. We all love a tease. We all love the drawing out of the sex and the tension.

That can be some of the best part of sex. All right, we're going to take a quick break and we come back. We're on to your calls. Let's talk to Griffin, 22 in Massachusetts, who's tried having sex outside, but then he got caught by his parents. Hey Griffin. Hey there. How you doing?

When did that happen? Well, oh my god, it was bad. It was really, really bad. Okay, tell me when. All right. All right. So it happens. I would say a couple of weeks ago when the weather was very nice out and you know, we're having a lot of sex. So we want to, you know, make things interesting. So we're outside,

you know, there weren't a lot of cars around familiar neighborhood. So we're like, all right, let's get on top of the car and let's make it interesting. So I said, all right, she's down for it. We get on top of the car, we start fucking. And I'm near my house, but you know, thinking me like, oh, you know, there'll be no problems. And so I'm just on the top of the car naked fucking. Okay. Yeah. So I'm going to town and all of a sudden my mom and my dad pull up and they point right next to me. And they're asking, oh, what's going on? And my dad's laughing. And so I get off the car. I mean, we're caught at this point. Right. My mom's yelling at me like, Hey, but you were in your driveway of your home?

No, I was like the street over. And they were trying to get home. Oh, the street over at night? I don't know if you could go into another neighborhood. I mean, is that the street thing? I know, but still, that's how it went. I wasn't thinking that's the time, but it was daytime. That was the whole thing.

Oh, no. Oh, no. So what happened, Griffin? Your dad was laughing. And your mom, what? Oh, my mom is horrified because my penis was out. That's never a good moment. No.

What about your girlfriend? What was your girlfriend doing? My girlfriend just completely golfed the car, jumped into the car and was hiding and put No, no, no. What about your girlfriend? What was your girlfriend doing? My girlfriend just completely golfed the car, jumped into the car and was hiding and put on a sweatshirt, she put on my sweatpants. Oh my god, I would be dying. I would be dead if my boy, if I, yeah, but good on you for a little experimental interesting. Oh my god, my dad yelled at me.

My dad tried giving me hints after how I wasn't hitting it right was the worst part after it. I love your dad. He's like son. Son, let me talk to you about this. Don't do the jackhammer. That doesn't feel good to her when you are hammering her away like that. Well, you gave me credit because I was using protection at least.

Oh, there you go. So it's protection. I got it dumbed up. I don't want it dumbed up. Yeah, yeah, Griffin, you did good. I love the Griffin product condom for the outdoor spontaneous sex. But, you know, next time I guess we'll make decisions that's how they did the red.

That is an amazing story, Griffin. I love it. It was crazy. That is so great. So your dad's amazing. But really, I guess you got to be more, you know, father like son, like father like son. He gave you some tips. Oh my God. Griffin, that's a great. So how's your girlfriend doing? Is she recovered? Because I know if I was, I'd be like mortified.

I think at first, there's a little hard-fying and it was probably the last time we were fuck outside. But I mean, Benay said you I mean, it was an experience, it was a great experience. Okay, that was a great, and we joined it too. I feel like we were there with you. So now thank you for passing that along. You made our night. Oh, no problem, no problem. I mean, it was interesting. It was actually one of the best, you know, one of our best times, I've been shocked. I mean, it was warm out. I was feeling good. I mean, I went to town, or she loved it.

So maybe I didn't get to finish with the problem, but my parents saw my penis. But yeah, but I love it. It's going to be a good story. You'll never forget it. So, you know, and I'll never forget it either. I mean, don't let it stop you from having said crazy doing wild things, but now you've got something else to try. What's next on the bucket list?

Well, we've already fucked inside of a Chili's before. Inside of a Chili's? Like in the bathroom or just... No, I know the restaurant. That's cool. Okay, well you guys sound fun. Just, you know, be safe. Keep calling. You do, Griffin, 22 year old man. This is good, Griffin. We're all learning a lot from you. We all need to keep it interesting at all age at every time and every stage of the relationship. And it's not that hard. Just don't get caught.

Of course, I'm in my prime right now. You are, man. I gotta go get it. Yeah, Griffin. Griffin, do it with you. You grab your condoms and just fly into the universe and do you. He's like a superhero. All right, Griffin, thanks for calling.

You're the best. Call us back. Keep us posted. I love that story. Oh my God. I can see the dad like son, you know, son, really? Oh man, because we were, I was afraid, because yesterday we were talking about fantasies of people out. We were talking about sex in public.

That was our whole thing. That we did a little segment on it. And then I thought, holy shit, Griffin did it last night and he got caught. But he was doing it before us. Yeah. That's a great story. Next up we have Sherry 51 in Nevada whose lover can be pretty selfish both in and outside of the bedroom. Hi. Well, okay, thank you. I enjoy your show. Thank you very much. Of course. your show. Thank you very much. Of course. The problem I have is I've been dating the guy for nearly five years and he's very selfish. He doesn't reciprocate oral. I tell him the moves that I enjoy that will allow me to have an orgasm.

You've done it once. I'll remind him of tell him, oh, I really love it when you do that. I really love it when you do this. And he may or may not do it. Most times he won't, but I'm the type of lover where I'm very giving out to whatever it takes to make him you know come and get there. Right. And no, I got it.

Oh, long to the day. Yeah, of course. So Sherry, here's what the deal. So this is a really just so you know, like this happens a lot, right? You're like, I told him. I told him. And like, why wouldn't you do it? He loves me.

So here's the thing. He just does it even though you've told him. I think you want to talk about it. I know you have to talk to him about it in a way that he could actually hear. Like not just a one time thing, but like an outside the bedroom where you're like, listen, I really love you in our relationship,

but I feel that I feel so much more turned on and attracted to you when like when you go down on me, it feels so good when you, like, do this thing with your tongue. And I know that you know that because I've told you, and I'm just wondering, like, I feel like I need it, like, I require it, like, for play, like, not just suggested or requirement. So I'm curious if you have ideas around, like, why is there a reason maybe why that doesn't happen as much or tell me your thoughts about it? How do you feel about that? that that's what I need?

Well, I find that most of the, well, this is how it'll go. It's like four plays. Like he enjoyed me going down, so I do it. I enjoy it also. But then we have sex, and then it's over. If so, do you not have any more gussens? I've had one.

In five years? Yes. Sherry. Sherry. Sherry. There's an orgasm deficit going on. And we need to feel it. Sherry.

I just, I know. I enjoy everything else, but he's only. What else? I know. I'm X-1-5. He does it. OK. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I enjoy everything else, but he's only... What else? You know, brought me to the next one. He does it. Okay, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt, right? I'm going to give you, he's like a lot of men.

He doesn't know. Literally, he's never had a woman in his life share the information with him that women do not orgasm mostly during, and of course only 20% do. I feel like that's why, unless he's just, I mean, then I'm gonna say, is he selfish and other, is there other ways in the relationship that this feels familiar to you? Yeah.

Okay. Look, for example. Give, let's speak like that. Give giving, he doesn't go all out, Give, give, give, give giving. Um, he doesn't go all out, but enjoy. Yeah. Yeah. Right, right. So he's selfish a little bit. He doesn't really take care of your, he doesn't,

he doesn't take care of your needs. No. You don't feel nurtured by him. No. Right. So it's kind of like all it's all the things. So I don't know if it's just about the sex, but it's not and how long have you guys been together? Nearly five years.

And you're five years, yeah, you said five years, okay, and it's been happening, okay, so. So have you ever had any talks? Is this your guy like you're with them forever? Whatever that means or a long time. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like forever. No, I get it. I Yeah, well, I'm like, I'm like,

no, I get it. I enjoy having, I mean, he's like, guy and everything. I love him. But, and like I said, we have fun, we have a good time. I enjoy having sex with him. Right.

Okay, so maybe he just needs some little, like, I think he just needs some reminders here about what, like, here's the thing, he, there's information he doesn't have. And that is that, like, that's for play, like, it's, and I agree, like, Sherry, I came here, like, your generation, like, we just gave blow jobs,

like, that's what we did. I didn't expect oral sex and return, most men weren't offering it up. But it's a new time now, Sherry. And we require, like, all the studies and science and like, women, the we are told, and men believe it too, not their fault. Really, this is what we see that penetration

is the mess we're at. That's the main act. The main act is when his penis goes inside of you and oh my God, because that's the main act for them. Because women didn't know how to speak up as much about it. So I think that there's just gonna have to be like, I talk with him, you let him know, like I require these things, like oral and foreplay.

I do too, I'm actually, it makes me, and when you do it, I feel so good, so you're not like saying why I haven't you, and I'm mad, and why don't you know this, but you encourage him, let him know that it turns you on, it's actually something that's like an ideal, but you need, you require it. Foreplay, oral, and like you could like say,

and let me know what else you might need for me, but I think it's time five years in that we really have a great. I was driving along listening to the show And she was talking about couples and communication how important it is for them to talk about their sex life all the time But I realized we haven't talked about it much So I started thinking about what we could do to make it even take it to the next level and here's some thoughts What do you think what are your ideas? And then you might have to have it again next week. Don't be afraid to keep having these conversations with them if he's your guy. You might as well figure out if he can give you what you've

been giving to him because you deserve it. And you will find someone who demands they go down on you. Like they'll be like, I am not even putting my penis anywhere near you until I go down on you for 20 minutes. Exactly. That's what I want. Right, you should have that. You should have that. We should all have that.

I do, but it's okay. I do everything for him, I know. So he just got lazy. He doesn't have to think he has to. No one's ever given consequences. No one's ever called him on it. Maybe his mom took care of everything. You know, you're taking care of everything.

I don't know, but he just, I just like to give him the benefit of the doubt that we've grown up in a certain time in societal norms and no one ever called it out. And he's not listening to the show when he doesn't get it. So let's just try it out. Try some like, no, and but don't get like a apologetic. And don't, I'm sorry, because you're pleaser. It sounds like so am I, so I know. Like it's weird and awkward to state for what we take some while.

Like you gotta learn to set boundaries and ask for what you want. But you, I'm telling you, girl, you deserve this. And you gotta, you haven't had it for five years. One more time. I don't even know. Like I need you to move. I need you to have this conversation today. I know.

Yeah, you can call me back. You can just do the first step because it's going to be hard. I'm telling you not hard, but you don't often have these conversations. Most people don't, but just know that just once you start, you can't mess it up by speaking your truth and how it feels. And don't worry about hurting his feelings. I didn't say something.

You did. Okay, that's where it is. I did say something and that was really difficult for me to do and I felt good that I sped up at just nothing changed. Well because we don't, you know why? Nothing changes. No, we don't make behavioral changes based on one suggestion from someone. Like, you know, many friends told me that I should meditate before I did or maybe you should take a yoga, you know, like, like, go to the gym or eat healthy. Like, I know I shouldn't be eating gluten or whatever it is, you told him once.

Any change or twice. But to actually change behavior, you need to do some more explaining to him, Sherry, where you're like, this is why it makes me feel good. I actually, that's how I get turned on. It makes me feel loved from you. For whatever reason, he's not prioritizing your pleasure and he needs to.

And you're gonna find out soon enough if you are strong and have this conversation but in a loving way. And you see if anything changes, give them a month from now, because then you'll be in it for five more years. And I want I can't have you wait that long for another orgasm. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sure. You keep me posted. I'll be here. Thank you. Let me know. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review where every listener podcasts and share

this with a friend or a partner. Believe me, if you got something out of this, they will too. We released two to three episodes a week. Follow me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. It's all at Sex with Emily. If you want to ask me a question about sex dating or relationships, you can email me feedback at sexwithemily.com or sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. And check out my website.

We have so many articles on there helping you better sex. You can check out our guides at sexwithemily.com slash guides for free guides that will give you expansive tips and activities. Sign up for weekly emails because, hey, I've been told I give really good emails. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.