Sex With Emily - Best Of: New Year, Better Sex

Episode Date: January 1, 2020

On today’s throwback show from the SWE vault, Dr. Emily & Menace are talking about how to have the best sex and relationships possible in the new year – plus, they answer your questions.They share some secrets on making a relationship work and why compromise is the name of the game, recommendations on sex toys to use with a partner, and what to do when you’re dating someone with a crazy family. Plus, how to balance your sex life when you’ve got busy schedules and getting past jealousy after an infidelity. Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemilyFor even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. We are starting off the new year by answering your emails that you sent at feedback at sexwiththemely.com. We've got a long year ahead of us and my goal is to give you the guidance you need to have better sex and relationships. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

The girls got a hair standard. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemle.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts, sign up for our mailing list, which you should do a lot of you've been doing that lately and I've been getting great feedback and I love sending you a newsletter once a week

with some important tips and tics and tics, no tics and trips to... I don't want any tics. Dude, Menace, I haven't talked. I know. I'm video. It's happy new to everyone. Just nervous that I'm around. That's why. Oh yeah, you make me so nervous. I'm seeing you. I'm here with Menace. Hi. This is our first show, 2015. Happy for your new year. It's crazy. And thanks for all the people hitting me up on Twitter and Instagram and all that saying that they're excited that I'm here. I love that.

I don't know if I give any good feedback or input on the show, but I think they just like that I poke at you. You give me a real stuff that I maybe wouldn't and you give me a shit about stuff that isn't even relevant anymore, but that's cool. If you guys are entertained by him poking fun at me. That's awesome. And you do give good advice from time to time. No, but I'm happy to see you. And I hope this is going to be a great year.

I'm feeling good about it. I really am. I feel like a different person, actually. I took time off. So did you, what were you going to say? Honestly, no, I got a whole different vibe from you when I saw you today that you're a different person. Cause usually like, when I see you before a show,

it's just like this crazy, like Tasmanian devil, mess of a person, even though I still love you. But just like all over the place, you know, and now you just seem like really focused and relaxed. I don't know what the hell's going on, but just keep on doing that. I am, I am, well thank you. I don't know what the hell's going on, but just keep on doing that. I am. Well thank you. I appreciate that. And I have to say, well I finally took some time off.

I went away for almost like 10 days with my family, which normally people go with their families and get any notification from the vacation, but you know, family's pretty chill. Yeah. I went to Florida. I was with my mom for five days at her place, and then I went to my brother in South Beach with my nieces. Have you ever been in South Beach? I haven't, but I... It's crazy. It's like Vegas on steroids.

No, Orlando is not. The rest of Florida is all interesting. That's where always other weird thing people cut off of people's heads, and find it floating in swamps, and something, or they do weird shit. But let me tell you about Miami. It's like South Beach is kind of like Las Vegas, but it's kind of like, I mean, really everyone's beautiful,

working out, like it's very, I mean, it's kind of materialistic and everyone, like it's about the nightclubs and like everyone's just really flashy and but it was a freaking great time. We're on the beach, I went running every day and the other thing is I've been meditating twice a day. I've always been in done meditation, like been in done meditation about 10 years ago,

but it never was part of my day to day practice as I always wanted to be. And it's every day, twice a day for 20 minutes. And I seriously think it's really helping me be clear and focused. And I feel relaxed. I think also, I mean, most of all, it's really just the time off

because I haven't had a vacation in a million years So it was good. And I'm so excited about everything this year and about the shows because this is actually going into our 10th year of doing sex Thenly, I mean kind of started 2005. Yeah, 2005 and 2005 and so I've been thinking I actually just created a Survey because I want to, like this year, I know you like the shows that I love that you've all been listening, but I wanna take them to the next level and I want you all to be really happy

and I wanna hear from you. So it's a survey that I'm gonna be tweeting out, putting on my website, putting the news that are all that stuff, however you find me, it's sex with Emily across the board on Facebook and Instagram, Twitter. And it just like takes you like three minutes to answer a few questions about what they want to hear,

what they like, what they don't like, what you like about menace, all that stuff. Or you don't like about menace, and I think it'll help us make better shows. So I feel good, how about you menace? I'm great, I'm loving living here in LA, as I've said in past podcasts, doing a morning show. I, for some reason though,

even though our morning show is doing really well, you know, I have one year left on my contract. So I don't know what's up, you know, up after 2015. Wow. Who knows? Have you been here? You're yet?

About nine months. Wow. Yeah. Oh my God. Okay, so. I, we're getting amazing support on the show that I do. The Woody show? The Woody show the Woody show Yeah on alt my needs, I'm if you live in LA, but can't think it's a podcast too

No, yeah, you just search the Woody show on anything. We don't we don't sound about bonus Yeah, it's not about boners or sex you're not gonna learn how to you know pick up women or anything like that If you're really in a pop culture and talking about right all kinds of stuff, but you don't know if it'll get renewed So yeah, so yeah, so right now 2015 is just about having fun and you know doing the best that I can you always have fun though You're in Vegas or Disneyland Yeah, you guys should all of us fell medicine Instagram only just to see that he's either in Disneyland or Las Vegas like every day And he's the hardest working person I know and I'm not sure how he does all of that. He's menace, right?

Yeah, just menace and ACE which is funny. So you're talking about traveling over the holidays. I went back to San Francisco, visit family, but on Christmas day, I flew straight to Hawaii, to Wahoo, and I went all over the island. And believe it or not, I was walking out a restaurant with my girlfriend, and then about five minutes later,

I get a notification on my girlfriend and then about five minutes later I get a notification on my Instagram saying that hey I'm a sex with Emily listener I just saw you outside the restaurant. I wish I could have got a photo and I wrote them back I'm like why did you say hi they're like oh it was it was too late I was like I couldn't believe it as a family listening to why. That's so cool. What a no, sex with only listener. You know, that happened. That's awesome, man.

It's you're still recognizable too. That's, yeah, this is really weird. You are, I don't think that I am, but. You know you are, you've got the look. And you're on billboards over. Besides, I know your glasses, your thing, your menacisms, that's funny. I know I get bummed because there are a bit of a few times

where I've been out and I'm like, I just saw sex with only, like I'm a woodhouse, I get forever 21 or something. And this is a minute, it was like a few years ago. And so it was like, I just saw a set or a year, I just saw sex with Emily, like I remember what time I was like at Forever 21 or something. And this one was like a few years ago. And so it was like, I just saw a set or a year ago. I saw sex with Emily and I'm like, why don't people think they can't say hi? Like we're like some, like, like, like no paparazzi, no hallo.

I was like, I love you. If you like the show and you listen, oh my God. I'm gonna say hi, please. Say hello. I felt so bad because I would love to talk to a person. But that's so cute. How they're doing.

They recognize you. Yeah, that was really cool. So. Cause we were on a television show together too. Yeah, on the TV. On the TV. On the TV, which was a good times. Yeah. And so, this show, so many minutes,

you know how we love hearing from our people. We're gonna be answering your emails. We've been getting so many great emails lately. So, feedback at sexwithemley.com and man, our Facebook page is blowing up. People love our Facebook.com slash sucks with Emily Page because we put up really useful tips and tricks and all that stuff on there and people ask questions

through there as well. So you can do it that way. And so these are some of the topics we're gonna cover and then also sex in the news of course. How to get your girlfriend interest in sex toys. Man, just for going on listen to this one. Sex tips for busy newlyweds, a guy can't stand as girlfriend's family, jealousy,

out of practice with sex and just not having enough sex. Those are some of the topics we're going to cover on the show. Okay, sex in the news, menace, the window for online dating is now. Okay. So if you resolved to find love in 2015, I've got some bad news for you. Your window of opportunity may be a whole lot smaller than you think According forecast from math.com and plenty of fish two of the countries largest dating sites a single most popular time for online dating The window when the most people sign up log on poke around will be January 4th From roughly 5 to 8 p.m Zeus which is another dating Oh, yeah.

I had some friends hooked up off of that. How do you, I guess people just do them all now, right? I was like on Zeus. These are, yeah. Don't everything. Everything, why not, right? They say that it's the most traffic time was on Sunday after New Year.

So in terms of, so it says that in terms of the number of fish in the sea, it's all downhill from there. Exaggeration matches 2.4 million North American users and plenty of fish is 90 million worldwide. So you can finally find a date, but across the board, dating sites see way more action between New Year's and Valentine's Day

than any other time of year. So you've got like two months right now. So millions of people, like New Year's, but it's kind of hard waking up that day for New Year's. This isn't really an alarm for you, you get up at 3 a.m. But I mean, it's freaking rough that first day back and everyone wants to talk to you because everyone puts everything off in December,

but everyone's like, cons are planning going back to work. And now they're like, I'm gonna go online and date. Oh, there's also a spike in post holiday searches for porn. I'm sure. Everyone's searching for porn and it also has to do with the drearious of the winter months and wait a minute. There was probably a lot of breakups during the holidays and then they were looking into porn. Exactly. Because that's a good

break up time because people don't want to buy gifts and stuff like that. Totally. So then they're online. Exactly. I always think that people break up over the holidays because they don't want to buy gifts, so whatever break is the dumping season, it's kind of more like spring. So yeah. But I don't know. Sometimes if you're like, I'm kind of into this person,

like you really want to go to other families and have some fun. I want to start a new year and new life without you. Exactly. Clear everything. Do you make resolutions? Uh, now, I don't really, I mean, we actually, without you? Clear everything. Do you make resolutions? No, I don't really, I mean, we actually, as some friends of mine, we're talking about reflections,

you know, instead of resolutions, like reflecting on things and how you can make things better than actually, but not like saying, oh, we're gonna, you know, do this or do that, you know? Just, that's good, kind of, because resolutions. The thing about resolutions is if you just say something like I'm gonna quit smoking or I'm gonna find love,

it's so you have to have goals. You have to measureable and strategic goals that you're like, I'm going to go on three dates a week or I'm going to approach the heatball lines so you can have it measurable. That's how you're gonna succeed with your resolution. But if you just say, I'm gonna lose weight, it's not gonna happen.

It's gonna be fine love, it won't happen, but you gotta change your behavior so these things are more likely to happen. I think one thing I'm gonna do that I did set a goal was I'm gonna be on this radio station Santa Cruz like on the weekend. Well you are? Yeah, but I can do it from that way.

No, like you're on a little show? Big show, I don't mean little. No, no, it's like a little too much. Oh, it's so cute, you're cute, little little no no it's like it's like it's just playing music and then talking about something big that's fun so hopefully that comes together I already talked to them and everyone said okay so hopefully half moon bay station no not half moon bay Santa Cruz why do you think half moon bay yeah well it's pretty close to half moon bay so if you're listening to Santa Cruz, I might be on a stage.

What station? You can't say? Not yet. Oh, geez. Why do you always do that? You always drop things and then not really dropping them. You can't hate it. But that's cool. I'm happy for you.

Follow me on Twitter. It's funny, because people love you, like, menace, you've been on the radio for like 10, like in San Francisco too. Everyone's like, you're with men, the people who just tune in or they don't know, like, oh, you work with menace? Like, they all know you from the,

you were online, what's the fun? Well, I did radio in, in San Francisco about how maybe 16 years? Oh my God. Yeah. It's crazy and you're so young. Okay, the one thing I was going to say before I finished the article on Facebook about dating is that you'll like this menist because we used to have a thing.

We used to talk about changing your relationship status and how I'm against it. Always. Yeah. People don't need to know your biz. But it says that people are far more likely to change their relationship status in January or February than they are at any other time of year. Yeah, they're probably coincides. I mean a lot of people probably get together with somebody around Valentine's Day. Like I screwed up once when I was at high school. I got with the girl, I think I've probably talked about the

show before since we've done it together so long. But if you heard it for the first time, here you go. I hooked up with this girl a week before Valentine's Day in high school, and then on Valentine's Day, she got me a bunch of stuff, and I'm like, we've only really been together a week. I wasn't expecting anything. Didn't get anything. anything dude your mom's a florist. I know I know Dude how hard is that?

Totally screwed up. How did you screw that up? I feel like you're like 16 year old kids. I know guys always mess that stuff I know what's messed up too is because For some reason I don't know why I didn't get flowers that time But my mom would always hook me up. She would give me like giant bags of like single roses and I'll give them out to all the girls at school. Oh my God, that's sweet. I loved it.

The pimp, yeah. Dude, that is so pimp. They used to say that in my high school, you could pay a dollar, it was a good, fine, good thing, and you give them like, and then they cut the cheerleaders or whatever would come around and deliver them to the room. And you're so happy, and like a guy would send you on.

I'll just have like crazy roses. So like all the girls that didn't get a rose that day, I would hook them up, you know, the stormy rose. You've always just had such a big heart, really, truly. You break them a rose. Yeah, there's a rose since you didn't get anything else. Okay, so here's the more about porn and the holiday spirit. A lot of people took some time out from all the presents and food to watch some porn over Christmas

Yes, because we are a a very Christian culture and a sexual culture. Let's see according to porn hubs annual release of their search and traffic results over the festive period They say that people were searching for it But if it makes you feel any better about a banning family time in favor of masterbending alone in your room on December 25th, at least porn lovers got into the festive spirit. So you know, milk, do you know that milk is like the top search term on? It is why.

Always, I know you're like, I don't wanna bang someone. No, but it's true, it's always milk. Well now people were searching, here's the naughty Santa's helper. That was the number one search term. It kicked milk out of the way. What, so you must have brought that up. So you must have brought that up in like pop culture or something like that. No.

Then people started searching. There was a list of them. Listen, it makes sense because when else are you going to look for Santa related porn. But it's a heck of a lot weird to try it out in mid-June and also on the list a lot of step relative related incest searches because Chris is the time for extending family coming over. That's kind of disturbing. list, a lot of step relative related incest searches because Chris is the time for extending family coming over. That's kind of disturbing. Except if they're coming over and overstuffed, which probably doesn't refer to how you

feel after eating too much turkey gross. Wow. I know, like, oh, sexy stepdad, like, uh, but here's the album mentioned. So not only were they searching for Santa's helper, Christmas F, they were searching for it. Just Christmas F. Yeah. Mrs. Clause. So people want to see Mrs. Clause

getting double penetrated apparently, or something, and Black Santa, people who are looking for a multicultural Christmas. Wow. Yeah, Black Santa, well they're thinking, you know, he might have a nice shawl or something. I do have another 32, I think a lot of people probably got electronic devices for the holidays, like an iPad or a Kindle Fire,

like some new phone, so they're probably testing out what the porn looks like on their new gadget. Right, it used to open up Yahoo or whatever, now it's like, how's my porn looking? Yeah, how's the U-Porn? Is it crisp and clear on my new device? I know. Exactly. Well, I'm glad that everyone got into the holiday spirit somehow. But, you know, here's the thing about serving for porn. It's like, and we've talked about this, and men and women

do too, but for guys, why would they take time off? They do it every day usually, and it has nothing to do with if they're in a relationship or not. You're going to need some release and they do it. So there's nothing really wrong with that. It's not like Christmas, you can't do it. It's not like the land, I guess, if you give up something, but it's it's fine. Keep your habits going that make you happy, unless it's obsessive and you have a problem with it and then we'll talk. Okay, there are seven people who had worse sex than you in 2014. All right. These are all like the top news stories when we hear all the weird things, people getting stuff, things stuck in their vagina. Oh, yeah. The woman, number seven, the woman who had a sex toy inside her for 10 years. Yes. I don't know how she didn't know that.

The teen who simulated oral sex with a Jesus statue. Oh, not good. That's good. Anyone who tried to get better at oral sex by licking their phone and app claimed it could improve oral sex skills. All people have to do is lick their phones. Dude, wouldn't that ruin your phone? The saliva? I don't think it would ruin it. Okay, so you're licking your phone and it's like measuring your...

Dude, that is not how you learn how to give a blood job or oral sex on a woman. You need to listen to sex to them. You fall for that stuff all the time. That's hilarious, don't you? Like charge your phone in the microwave and then explode. Like people fall for internet stuff. They do.

They do. They do. Exactly. Okay, the man who just loves pull raps a little too much. This man has been arrested three times for having sex with pull raps. Yeah, I heard about that guy. Okay, Alaskans, a survey revealed that the average time

Alaskans spend having sex is between 20 seconds and one minute. They're cold. I don't know. You think they'd want to do a little more to warm up? No matter. It's a country of, it's a state of Minuteman. Maybe I met these people from Alaska and they just seemed so goddamn miserable. I can understand why I'm not. And you know, speaking of freezing menace, I realize I think like moving to LA, it's been two years for me now. I think I've just been thawing out for two years.

Yeah. It was freaking freezing there. I mean, it was 50, it's between 48 and 53 degrees every single day. And no one tells you that when you moved to California. I mean, you grew up in Northern California, but I, young girl, come moving there for Michigan, thought California, palm trees, sunshine.

That always happens. And it's, yeah, the tourists go there. But I live there for a long time and I just realized like today's 86 friggin' degrees in L.A. And I feel like I still am like, oh my God, it's warm and I do feel like everyone's like, I like L.A. I'm like, well, the weather's great which seems cliche but the truth is, it really makes a difference.

Yeah. And you're mine, you're, yeah, everything. Like it's healthy, it's good for you. A little sunshine. Okay, and also an 84 year old man who invited two 17 year olds to his house, he met them through a sugar daddy website, the 17 year olds, attacked him, tied him up, and robbed his house.

That's your biggest fear. Yes. Well, because when I've already tried to talk medicine to trying bondage, he's afraid of something that's kind of distilled as wallet. My wallet's afraid that something's going to be a fire. I'm still as wallet. My wallet's going to be gone. All kinds of things. And the number one, the couple who got suctioned

together while having sex in the ocean, they ended up going into more rooms so they could be separated. Yeah. Those are the people. So if you think your sex life kind of sucked in 2014, these people had a way worse. publicly.

And a public and a public manner. There was a, oh, what was it? I was, I was hearing about this article of like crazy stuff that people got caught inside them in like 2014 and it was just insane stuff. Like, oh, there was this one more. This girl shoved the balloon into the guy's pee hole and then try to blow out the balloon and guess what it didn't really work out Oh my god, I think I got the virus. Yeah, can you imagine going to the emergency? Yeah, this other guy like tied weights to his weiner trying to make it larger which never works that does not work

And it like clinched down and he had a get it amputated His penis. Yeah, because he had it on for like a couple hours before he went to the emergency room. People really, okay. Like you don't need to do a whole lot. You can do keg exercise if you want to less longer and you want to have more orgasms and stuff like that, but really, there's all these sites about,

can I make a penis larger? What can I do? You can't do anything. You're not gonna get a penis enlargement. You can just work with what you have. Like we all work with our greatest assets, our greatest gifts and things about us that we're challenged with.

I'm telling you, if you're a smaller than average penis, there's a penis that you think is small and you don't like life will go on. You will find love. Things will be great. Don't forget, get your penis amputated this year. 2015, that should be your resolution, guys. Accept and love your penis. Then we got a call from this guy to call it just,

it's saying that he was checking a patient and was like putting whatever tools that they do in there. And found an eight ball in there, and then the eight ball rolled out and fell out. An eight ball, okay an eight ball from pool? Yeah, from pool. Like a black ape, inner. And shepe, okay, and Ape off of Poole? Yeah, from Poole. Like a black ape, inner. Yeah, yeah.

And she didn't know. She didn't know. A big, how do you not know that's like carrying a baby? Like that's huge. I don't know, but it was real. It was real, it was real, for sure. It was real. I know, people, you have to be really careful

when you're sticking your vagina. There's like four nose where people stick like wine bottles up there. Yeah, you go to Thailand and they like, you they they stick they shoot ping pong balls on the vagina Have you ever been Thailand? See those shows. Yeah, good times. They're very they're very dept at Making their That's why I'm saying the sex toys a gateway drug to To eight balls in your vagina. No, dude

Listen to me the sex toys are a prevention from you stick having to stick to eight balls in your vagina. No, dude, listen to me. The sex toys are a prevention from you stick, having a stick and eight ball in your vagina. If you get a really good sex toy, you won't have to stick strange things. Like, I'm a bringer here in the girl in high school who stuck like a remote control in our vagina and all that stuff.

Do you have a story? You know the rumors? Like, at a rumor, like maybe a hot dog in there broke off. Oh, God, people, let me just say about this. It's not, it's actually bad for you to mix the bacteria, like you're your vagina naturally regulates the bacteria in it, that we have natural bacteria in it. And if you mix anything in it, like sugary things,

we're like, oh, whipped cream might be great. No, you're gonna get an infection. And that ape, all God knows where it's been. Dirtle, now we know that it's've been but it's like dirty things are dirty You don't want to put germs in your vagina. I'm sure it wasn't like straight out of the package A ball. Yeah, no, it's like sitting there and like some dusty room It's like old guys like pool. It's disgusting that upsets me people So um, please don't do that. So leave and buy the sex toys that I tell you to buy because I believe and I know that

God I'm so this is my whole mission in life, that I do realize that the sex toy thing, when we started this, it was still kind of, I felt like I always had to explain, like, hey guys, don't be intimidated, it doesn't mean she's like, but you know, that she wants the sex toy over you, can't cuddle, it's not gonna replace you. But I feel like we've kind of moved past that,

we're more than 50, what is it, like, 52% of women have all had a sex story and of those, like, 70% tried with their partners. And like, I would say, like, guys, I had a good experience, had sex last weekend, just so you know. And I had a guy never used a toy. And of course, I'm like, I'm a gateway. Because you always talk about these toys.

Do, do, do, do. You have a suitcase full of them, right? Yeah, a house full of them. Yeah, I guess so. House full of them. So I'd we tried the the Jeju Mio, which is a cockering, which, you know, cockering is a brown forever. That you can men can use them to restrict the blood flow so they can last longer, a little bit, have some last longer, I'll say harder.

So now they may have been like in the last 10 years, they make them so they vibrate. So they're like round, they go on. There's a lot of different kinds. There's cheap ones, there's more expensive ones, but you know, screaming O makes one that like you just throw away. It's like disposable, but the Mio, the one I was talking about is rechargeable and it's like friggin', it's like a powerful vibe, but it feels awesome and it's like stretchy and

it's like one size of it's most. And it was a friggin' blast. Like you, it just does all these cool things because it it goes on the penis, then you can have sex. Like a normal sex. So it's hitting your clitoris, my clitoris, to be specific. But then you take it off, and it's like, it looks, it's just like a little ring.

So it looks like a ring. It shrinks back down. So it's like a ring, you put it on your fingers. You could still use it on your clitoris, nipples. You can use it on his balls. And I'm telling you, it's not that I've been, you know, okay, I haven't done this that many guys, but the guys that I have introduced vibrations

to their balls have never complained. They've liked it. And you can use it in your nipples, you can drag, it's just this really maneuverable, I don't know, it's called the Mio, I'm just kind of like a fine new obsession. This is something we've never talked about. Okay, go ahead.

As you're describing that, I'm thinking, so your external, not internal? The way that I orgasm? Yeah. I can do both. Oh, okay. But I, most women can, if they can do both, not most. It's typical for women to require a literal orgasm before they can have a G-spot orgasm, like a blended orgasm.

So like if I, my clitoris is stimulated enough, then I can, and then we're having sacks, I can have both, g-spot, clitoral, blended, whatever you wanna call it. And so that just like boom, it's like, it's freaking amazing. And so here's the thing, it's so- The external is just such a pain in the ass, by the way. Why? Because you have to use your mouth.

Well dude, this is what, because- It's so much work. It's work for you because you're thinking your mouth or your hands. If you, if I gave you one of these memes or this ring and you held it on your girlfriend for like five minutes, what would you care? You didn't have to do any work.

She had a crazy orgasm and then you bang her and maybe she'll have another one. So I don't understand like, I guess people guys, if they have gone on other heads, if you realize it actually in hand enhance and make your life easier, it's like your new assistant. It's your should be your best friend because it takes, if you don't enjoy going down

and you don't have time, let's say you'd quick ear, like oh my god, if I go down in there, it'd take 25 minutes or what does he always say, Matt, it's like whatever you're always like, kind of for eight minutes. But this thing just helps you. It's like your handy helper. It's like, you know, when you go to the gym

and you, you, what did you do to the gym to like make it more pleasant? You know, you put music on and it makes it go faster on the treadmill and you're like, oh, listen, music, that workout went by so quickly or you, you would hand, it enhances, it doesn't take away. All right. That's all I'm saying. So thank you for asking my orgasms.

How did you go front orgasm? Oh. Tell me you don't know yet because that would be fun. Yeah, I don't know yet. That's good. Fashioned. Okay, um, well, let's get into the emails that about the people and from the people about the people by the people, the first eight quick word from our sponsors, who I love,

and they will help keep the show free for everyone. First question. Emily, I'm one of, and one of your latest podcasts you have scripted for introducing toys into the bedroom, but you only did it on a girl's perspective. You were here for this, all right? Yeah. I've been wanting to try out getting a toy in the bedroom with my girlfriend, and I don't quite know where to start. Neither us, neither us, have ever had any toys, and we always jokingly say, let's go into sex shop every time we drive by one. Just wondering if there are any tips

that you'd suggest that we do. Thanks, Jay. Okay, Jay. Here's a deal. You're already halfway there. Next time, instead of saying, let's stop by the sex toy shop or driving by the sex toy shop or driving by the sex toy shop, just turn into the parking lot and do it because there isn't a better learning

experience for couples than to enter a shop together and explore everything that you've ever fantasized about because it can be, it's there, it'll provoke you. You'll see, you'll see a bunch of DVDs, they'll watch porn, there's every 200, the sun, there's lingerie. They have everything in there, and you can just walk around together, and be like, what do you think of this? What do you think of that? Let's try something,

and then you could really start to ask each other questions about what turned you on, and just buy one thing. I always say a good starter vibe, if you've never used a vibrator, is like the packet rocket. It's a great one. It's just a little tiny handheld vibe. If you wanted to, a vibrator, is like the packet rocket. It's a great one. It's just a little tiny handheld vibe.

If you wanted to, you know, it's like 20 bucks, you can also go to if you're in the barrier or online, it's good vibes.com. You can also just let her know that you want to see how much pleasure she can experience. And you think that trying toys together would be fun, especially if she jokes about it with you. It sounds like she's working against you on this. And so, you know, I think I didn't give you a script for this, but it's the same exact thing I said last time.

It's like, hey, I love our sex life together babe. It's amazing. And I think if we brought a little toys and then mix or something fun, little some props, it could go to the next level. Happy new year, let's take our sex life to the next level. That's what you do. Also, if you are in anywhere where there's a hustler store,

there's about 12, 11 of them in the country. If you go to a hustler store, you can tell them that sex with Emily sends you and you get 20% off your order. So, men, that's what would you say to that? If you wanted to, you don't want to try toys, but if you did, you just agree with me. No, I agree. No, I agree. I agree.

You know, I haven't talked to it after all this time. No, I, I'm gonna spray me something. You know, I'm halfway joking all the time. I know. The next thing though is about newlyweds. Okay, next question, because newlyweds have issues too. Hey Emily, start listening to your podcast and it's been great. I have a question for you.

Let me set up the scenario. My wife and I got married three months ago. We've been together for three and a half years. She's a manager for restaurants. Her schedule is all messed up. Someday she works 7 to 5.30, others 9 to 9, or even 3.30 to 1.00 or 2.00 am. My job, I work Monday through Friday 7.00 am to 3.30. Needless to say, we don't see each other a lot and that makes it tough on our sex life. We have sex maybe one or two times a month. For a newlywed couple, we should be having a lot more sex. So the question is, any advice how to get more? Thanks, Chris.

Well, Chris, I'm so glad you're asking this question because yes, yes, you certainly should be having more sex, especially as newlywed to me. I know you've been together three and a half years, but everyone should be having more sex than one time a month. If you're in a committed relationship, you should do your best and work on your sex life and work on whatever issues are preventing you from having sex so you're having sex more than once a month. So don't let this become the elephant in the room,

meaning don't let it be the one thing that you and your wife both know isn't happening and not talking about. And you are hoping in your mind that some miracle times are going to open up where you're obviously going to have time to have sex all day long because that just doesn't happen. It doesn't sound like it's going to happen with her schedule. So you need to talk about it and tell her that you, you know, again, whenever you have these conversations about sex and I'm going to start my resolution from 2015 to you people. I'm always saying

talk to your partner, communication is lubrication and And what I realize is that that's so easy to say, you're like, oh, yeah, I'll talk to them. But I think it's like that being able to actually sit there and have the words come out of your mouth and know what to say, like, you know you should do it, but you don't really know how. So I'm going to start putting more words around that so you have the right word. So I think when you talk to your body, you could say, you know, babe, I know our schedule is so crazy and I just, I miss being with you. I miss being with you sexually. I love our sex life and I really love connecting with you in that way and I miss it.

So I would say, Chris, say, what does she suggest? Ask her what she's just for as just say, like, what do you think about that before? Because here's that, that's A, right? And then the wrong way to be would be like, you're working on time, then you come home and you're tired. I mean, never have sex. I've been in a blow-dive since we got married. Do you know what that's going to make her do?

That's going to make her vow never to give you a blowjob again and get mad at you for 16 other things. So it's not just about talking about it. It's about talking about it in a way that is proactive and that isn't without blame, without anger, without hatred or threats. It's anytime you approach someone and you use like feeling words, like I've been feeling lately,

like, I really miss our sex life and this is what can we do about it and you make it an issue with both of you? You're gonna get a lot better results than just, you know, be cranky and complaining. Because so many guys I know also are in relationships that are like, yeah, I keep saying like, we're doing it tonight, we're doing it tonight, you know, and that's never gonna make anyone want to do anything, right? The second time I'm saying like, why? You know this yet?

Why? There's just different ways of asking for things. So also, and here's another thing Chris, I'm gonna say, maybe you need to schedule sex. And the first time I heard about scheduling sex, just like you and everyone else, probably is that you think that's a friggin' buzzkill. I'm gonna look at my calendar and be like, you know, pick up dry cleaning, drive kids a dance lesson, and have sex. You're like that, you know, whatever. But the truth is, if you know that you're having sex on Friday at 6 o'clock, then you don't

have to all week long be anxious about it and worry about it and think is she coming on or that. Then you know what's happening. You can start to think about it, get excited about it. Maybe you can have a little textual foreplay, text each other, some sexy things, and then you know what's happening. So you know, plan out, you know, I think date nights are super important for couples. And again, don't put the pressure on the sex.

You can also emphasize the need for connection and intimacy if she's feeling like she's just too tired or whatever stress for sex. That happens sometimes when you have a lot of stress. So you can just say, I just want to be together intimately. You can give each other back, or have a massage, or whatever it is. But I would plan out date nights a night where you know, and even if your schedules are changing, she'll know her schedule will be in advance. You can be like, okay, this week it's a Wednesday. and night where you know, and even if your schedules are changing, she'll know her schedule we can advance. And you'd be like, okay, this week, it's a Wednesday.

So, what do you think, Matt? That's because you have a crazy schedule. Yeah, I have a crazy schedule. And that you touched on what I was gonna say was, you know, what are you doing with your free time? Are you just staying home? Are you just sleeping in bed all day? And if fine things to go do, that gets her excited, you know, maybe go in bed all day and if fine things to go do that get gets her excited

you know maybe go in bed like what it's just going to dinner if it's you don't mean like to kill shots no I mean definitely whatever it is create a whole thing exactly like have a date because we get excited when we try new things together so yeah take her dinner what have you done that's been a fun night anything new unique uh you know she loves Justin Timberlake. We've got a Justin Timberlake show or it's like a concert or Just going to dinner at a nice place and stuff like that Even though I'm like really tired. I don't want to go out, but I still go and do it anyways, you know because She's been at home exactly and bored and that's one of the compromises you make in your relationship.

So it doesn't fall apart. Because if you had it your way, you didn't go for any of your home. I'll just be at the house all day. You would never leave. Never leave until I had to go back to work. Right, exactly. No, it's totally true.

And I get it. So it gets you out. And any couples who like, you know, we try something new together too. It's exciting and it would be good for me. Even if it's like going to the grocery store together, something like that, you have to just- Right, cooking together.

Just doing stuff together. I mean, every day I just want to go directly home into my bed, but my girlfriend wants to go run air in summer and then I go- You do, it's nice of you. I go with her. Yeah. Even though, like the last thing you do is being traffic.

Yeah, I don't want to go do any of that stuff, but I still go do it anyways, you know. That was just something that you guys had to talk about in the relationship where you just always compromise it. I just do that myself that I can't be like not see, not see it all day and then say, oh yeah, go run your errands. I'm just gonna be at the home sleeping and not doing anything. I would just want to be home and sleep.

Yeah. I feel like, yeah, and can you stop by Starbucks and then I'll see you in two hours because I'm taking a nap. Yeah, but you great time with that. See, I would just want to be home and sleep. Yeah. Yeah, and can you stop by Starbucks and you'll see in two hours because I'm taking a nap. Yeah, but you can't do that. You can. You got to cut from blitz. You have to do something.

You got to hang out. Absolutely. Okay. Next email. Dear Emily, I hate my girlfriend's family so much. I adore her son, even though he's a little bit bad at. He's a little badass. And her, and her, um, she and I have a decent relationship,

but her mother her aunt her grandparents make me want to give up and move on. I love her but knowing that they might be in my life forever scares me. I don't know what to do they're so judgmental start drama all of it all the time and I don't need or want the bullshit. Should I leave her and get my head straight and mentally prepare myself and maybe one day fix things or stick around and hope there isn't a bra one day. Thank you Tony. My recommendation on that is why do you even care that much what they have to say you know I mean it definitely if it like goes between you and her like talk it out with her like you don't need to be having to fight with the family or discussing anything with the family

Like who? Effin cares. I don't care. Right. You know someone is like some like uncle or Anna's upset with me I'm not gonna go and go talk to them. I don't I don't care Right. Well, I like cares about the relationship that I have with my girlfriend. Right exactly And but the family here's the thing but I want to say Tony's, they're like, welcome to the world of relationships, because when you get into relationship with someone, you don't only have to do with your crazy family,

not your idea with their family issues. So it's like a whole nother thing. So I'd be surprised if you didn't have this issue because there's always someone in the partner's family that kind of bugs you, and it can cause a lot of unnecessary strain in the relationship. So the thing that you have to do is Tony, first of all, she's your girlfriend, you're not married, you don't have kids, you don't have to go to every single family function just because she wants you to.

That's one thing. The next thing is families don't change. Your parents are going to change, her family is not going to change. So what you need to do is change your expectations or a family. Don't go into it thinking, oh, this year it's going to be great. I'm going to bond with the uncle. You know, no, he's still going to be the same drunk jerk that he was every year. So your expectations, expectations, he's going to change and limit the, so just be like, this is how it's going to be limit the time that you see them and set boundaries. Again, you don't have to attend every event. I have a friend who's been married for 15 years. Her thing with the in lot, that was their biggest strife

is her husband's family makes her crazy. Finally, she's like, you know what? I'm not doing the six days of Christmas, they want to do like, pretty Christmas post Christmas. She's like, I'm not the fucking doing that. And this is the first year she was finally, she's like, I had the best Christmas ever because she said no to the Christmas run

and the family does the whole thing. And she feels so much better because she's like, because a lot of us, we know we want to please our partner, we want things to run smoothly, we want to do the right thing, but being with their family 24-7 isn't necessarily the right thing to do. So you're not married. Also just think about it. Like if somebody in the family has a crappy comment towards you, like how does that really affect you? Right. They don't really care that much. Who cares? Yeah, I have a feeling Tony probably has issues

with a lot of people in his life. No, I mean if he's... Yeah, but I totally understand it. With when you're dating somebody, you deal with so many different personalities. Attach that when you're meeting her family or hanging out with her family. Absolutely. No, Tony, I don't mean you've issues. I just mean that that's a really good point,

Man, that you said that he wisey letting it get to him. Yeah. And if you just smile, turn away, you're like, there's the grandma in the living room, I'm going into the kitchen. You can avoid it, you know, you can just be high, smile, and let it roll for shoulders. People might say, oh, just talk it out, but people don't change, no matter what. No one ever, ever, ever, ever change. Sorry. I mean, let's say, want to change. That's amazing, but people don't change no matter what. No one ever ever ever ever change. Sorry. I mean, let's say want to change.

That's amazing, but you're never going to make anyone change Tony. So I would just say, I think that you just got to, you know, change our expectations. I don't mean to say you've issues with everyone, but the fact that he lets him get out of her skin probably means that he just really wants to look at you to work with the girlfriend. And she also might have a part in this because she might be putting undue pressure on him. She might be saying, you know, I need you here. I need you here. And you know what, you're allowed to say, I'm going to go to two out of four of those.

And again, if there's any issues, you talk it out with her. That's what I think. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I think so too. People, people got to talk about everything. So I'm talking about communication.

It's a lubrication. Your favorite line. It is my favorite line. And it's going to be my tombstone, even though I'm dead. I dead I'm talking to him dead, but it is gonna say communication is a lubrication Don't you forget would you visit me? Yeah, I'm just gonna I just want my dust You know spread okay I Don't know I was thinking like the Golden Gate Bridge or something, but I really don't care

I don't want anyone to visit me. They go. I didn't bring your flowers Whatever just like I have a good picture me listen to my podcast. I've done two thousand podcasts Yeah, that was a miss go, I didn't bring your flowers, whatever. Just like, I have a good picture of me. Listen to my podcast. I've done 2000 podcasts. This is what those amiss me in. I'll chop up your voice to say whatever. You would do that, wouldn't you? You'd just like say all this shit. You'd want to say to me all these years, you know what I'm saying?

That'd be so sweet. I'll make sure I'll spread your dust at the hustle club. Would you, would you, the hustle club? That's really what I want. Larry Flint would stand up and have a moment of silence from me. My parents would be really, really proud. Yeah. and have a moment of silence for me. My parents would be really, really proud. Yeah.

Just need a moment of silence for that depressing moment. Okay. Hi, Emily. I would love your advice. Three years ago, I found out that my husband was having an affair with one of his co-workers. This has been going on for three years and I had no idea. When I found out, he told me it wasn't a fair, is they never had sex only oral and had exchange photos of each other. I was completely gutted as I thought we had an outstanding sex life and relationship. I've forgiven him but I still feel unsure and vulnerable at times. We own a company together, he's the boss and deals with men and women, he's close relationship with his safety officer as she is female and at times I feel threatened

as they spend many hours together. Am I being a jealous wife? Or should I be on my guard? Regardless? I mean, if there's a history then, unfortunately you're gonna be on your guard for the rest of your life. That's what sucks.

Well, that's the thing. I mean, you made the decision. You're gonna stick with your husband and forgive him, but forgiveness doesn't come just because you and your mind decide you're going to forgive him. Forgiving someone and rebuilding trust takes work. And the kind of work I mean is marriage counseling, therapy, time, talking about it.

And if you just said, I forgive you, and you've moved on, and three years have gone by, and the same issues are flaring up again, you haven't done your work. So I think it's totally normal for you to feel scared and threatened in this situation because it's mimics what just happened two, three years ago. So you got to talk to him about it and share your feelings and I know you're probably thinking, oh, but he thinks I never let it go. Well, you know what? Because you probably haven't let it go because you guys haven't worked on it together. I'm assuming you haven't gone with everybody gather and worked on it because this haven't let it go because you guys haven't worked on it together. I'm assuming you haven't gone to therapy together and worked on it because this wouldn't be an issue that you're emailing me about. You would already

say, okay, babe, you'd have the language because what happens in therapy? I don't know. People think like therapies like I'm asking them to go to surgery or something getting their heart removed. No, I'm telling you that therapy is like the best work that you could do as a couple. And I do believe that every couple needs it at some point because you'll learn how to communicate with each other in the right language so these same things don't happen over and over again. So for example, when you first found out that he started spending time with this safety officer, what is she like a police officer?

It was a safety belt, whatever. Okay, cool. So you would have been like, hey babe, you know, you'd have words you'd say so this is triggering my feelings of insecurity and then you talk about it like the first time it happened, but now it's been a few months So I'm saying if you really want to rebuild and you want to trust them you need to find a therapist and it's not the hardest thing in the world And it's not gonna kill you. It's gonna make you stronger How fun with that what therapy? No, just like, Do you need therapy if you were at it?

Me? I see. Believe me, you need the therapy. Dude, I've had therapy momentary life. I know. I've got both gone to therapy more than I've gone anywhere else. You've been going therapy since you were like a kid, right? No, but I haven't gone in a few years, but I'm gonna go back.

I love therapy is a lifelong process. It doesn't have to be a beginning and an end. You can go for three years, you can stop for five, go back and different points in your life. You have different issues that come in your life. So it's always good to go. And the truth is, is that sometimes the best time to go to therapy is when you're not having a crisis, when you're not in crisis, and when you just kind of want to work on things. All right, fine. You could go if you want me to give you some news. I don't understand why you think I need therapy. You're just throwing that out there. No, I think you do. I mean, I think everyone does. Because you know why? I think everyone needs it. Because just like how you go to the doctor for a checkup,

you know, you go to the dentist to clean your teeth. Just might be good to have someone objective to go and, you know, talk to about some issues that have been floating around your head. Because the issues that we have, the struggles that we have, whatever insecurities are, or fears that hold us back, they don't change over lifetime if you, unless you work on them and you learn how to deal with them. So you're not gonna change your relationship

to whatever issues you have unless you go talk about it. It's all the same. So those are my words for the new year. Everyone go to therapy and I have lots of sex. Anything else, Monis? No, just make sure you follow the show on Twitter, Instagram. I'm trying to think it will be the best one.

There's this new one that I want to suggest. We'll mention in the next podcast where I want you to sign up and be on screen again. Why teasing? Huh? Okay. If you are on iTunes and you download a podcast and you like it, you might want to review it. Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you?

Email me. FeedbackItSex with Emily.com.