Sex With Emily - Best of: Out of Your Head, Better in Bed

Episode Date: May 29, 2020

On today’s throwback podcast, Dr. Emily is taking your calls and helping you get out of your heads and into your beds—with tips of course!Have you been having trouble climaxing with a partner? Wondering how to find people to play with now that you’ve reached your sexual peak? What’s the secret to balancing a family life with a hot sex life? Emily talks callers through their bedroom dilemmas, and provides a few “Do’s” and “Don’ts” to perfect your dating profile. So whether you need help climaxing, swiping, or getting started with solo play, this show has the info you need.For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. If you've got a sex or relationship question, you're going to call me, right? This show is all about your calls. I love it. So today's show, the topics include finding a playmate to help you enjoy your sexual peak, trouble climaxing with a partner, balancing a busy family life with an even hotter sex life, turning casual dates into something more, and tips to get you started on your solo sex adventures. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information head right over to sexethamely.com. You can have a party on our website now.

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in the office, pretty freaking interesting. I have to say, it's like no other job. Check us out on Instagram and Snapchat and Twitter and Facebook. It's all at sexwithamilyfacebook.com slash sex with Emily. And that's why I got a slice. So I hope you're all doing well. And to February, I hope you all made it through Valentine's Day. You know, Valentine's is also a big break up day.

So a lot of you are thinking like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm going to pick up the apps. If you relapsed, I'll give credit to Ken for that statement. Ken who works for me. I'm like, what's it called? All my friends download the dating apps. They download Tinder and Bumble, and then all of a sudden a month later,

they're like, I deleted all the apps. I can't do it. And then three months later, they're like, okay, I'll send back on Bumble, it's a relapse, a relapse. So if you even if you re-appsed, and now you've downloaded the apps, I thought this story was interesting about how you can actually hire someone.

I'm gonna jump to sex in the news and give you some tips about your dating profile, but this is a story that came out that you can hire someone someone. I'm going to jump to sex in the news and give you some tips about your dating profile. But this is a story that came out that you can hire someone to curate your Tinder. So there's a British company called Fantastic Services. Usually dedicated to dispatching cleaners and handyman, but now they want to swipe through customers' Tinder profiles as well, and we get all the trash to find gems for you.

And so for a price, they'll do like 500 to 5,000 swipes, present its paying customers with a curated selection of ideal Tinder matches. And so they're like, it's funny that they're going to do your gardening, pest control, and handyman. Oh, and we'll swipe your Tinder. So that's not a bad thing. I want some of the times to swipe my Tinder too,

because I get exhausted by these apps. I like them. I do the same thing. I don't necessarily delete them. I like them. I do the same thing. I don't necessarily delete them. I just don't like turn them on. But, you know, I think if you're looking to find someone, I think the apps are great. And also, don't forget that when you're out in the real world, before the apps, that's

how we all did it, right? So there's great opportunities in real life, IRL, to meet people. And just remember, like a lot of us now are on our cell phones, we're not paying attention and we're not looking up and we're not making eye contact and I was just forgetting out of me Even talk to people and communicate so that's important to Because I'm sure you're out there in the world doing your things and also another great tip to when you're single It's good just let everyone know you know that you're single like not a desert way to have to walk out like a sandwich board But if you're talking to your friends, they're like, how are you doing?

You're like, yeah, I'm dating. If you know anyone, fix me up. Because they might not know in at that moment, but the next day they might hear someone and they'll fix you up. So just let everyone know you're single. Like when you're looking for a job, it works. So here's just some do's and don'ts.

Also, if you don't want to hire this service, it's also like cutting down your trees to sweat for you. Here are some tips for building a really good app, a profile, because I think a lot of us, we're not great at marketing ourselves. We don't know what looks good. It happens here all the time in the office. I'm like, isn't this a cute picture? And I'm like, nah, not so much.

We don't know. Sometimes you have a good friend you can ask, but sometimes there's just a few tips that you can follow that will help you. So I think a great thing is to post the best pictures that represent the things that you love. You know, like just besides like, oh, this is a really hot selfie of me, but if you like fishing or camping

or go into the museum and you got picture of you, or painting, doing something other than drinking with a red solo cup. I don't know, to me that's a turn off. If you're just drinking with your friends all the time, nothing wrong with drinking with friends. Love doing that, but I don't know. It's good to show that you're out doing things

in the world. So pick the best pictures that represent things you love. It's okay to pass it by friend. I'm really like, hey, what do you think of these photos? That's a bad thing if you're guy, ask your girlfriends, if you're girl, ask your guy friends, get that sample. Also, don't pick a shot of you and you're like five closest best friends as your default picture. Because if it takes me like a few seconds to like locate who you are, you know, like, wait, which one is this guy? Which one is this girl?

There's a good chance that like, I'm gonna swipe right past you and that's what happens. Like, I never understand when I'm going to swipe right past you and that's what happens. I never understand when I'm swiping any guys like three dudes or whatever, I mean who are you? I don't have a lot of time. They make these apps quick. They're like the fast food of dating. If I can't figure out what I want on this menu, I'm going to keep swiping.

So I don't need to see your friends, you know, I just want to see you. So that's a don't. Do provide a well-rounded bio. So you can pick your own style for writing like your bio. Like that's good. It should give like a good peak at like your personality, your interests, and like the life that you lead. And it's really good to be specific.

Like everyone likes hiking, biking, long walks on the beach. But to tell like a story, I think is much better. So to kind of say like, you know, like last summer, I got, you know, I was, where was I? I was on a safari and got chased by a lion. God, I love animals, but, you know, I almost had a near death experience. I don't know. I just think it's funny to like tell a story

that kind of gets people's interest to kind of explain your interest through a story or like last year I hit one of my, you know, peaks of climbing by one of my major personal goals of climbing Mount Everest because it taught me blah, blah, blah. Not like in a cheesy way, but more than just like a list. I guess I'm just saying get away from lists and just kind of like tell a story about what you like rather than like just listing, okay? Don't lie about your identity. Like people can Google you, they can find out, don't lie about your age, your name, your height,

we know how tall you are, your relationship status, any minute details of your life. Because it's like the worst way to start out a meaningful relationship is by lying. Like you're already a liar, right? And nothing says lack of confidence, then lying in falsehoods. So I think that you just got to be real, man.

They're real. Talk about who you are. Don't lie. We'll figure it out. Include your occupation. Like, only if you're comfortable with it. Like, you could say, I'm a doctor, but if you work in a very specific place, you don't have to list it.

But I think it's important, like, a lot of times you want to know, like, who you are, that you actually are employed, that you have a job. And if you're crearsling, you're passionate about, that you have a job. And if you're career's in your passion about, it's cool to do that. I've also read some studies that say like it's a lot of apps now want you to link to your social media. So if you feel comfortable, it gives you lend you credibility.

So linking to your Instagram or linking to your Twitter can kind of show, kind of make people feel safer and kind of look more, like, look a little bit more into who you are. So I think that that's, if you're comfortable with that, that's a great way to kind of round out your profile. Here's another thing. I said it came out that the people don't like people brag.

Which is confusing now, because I'm saying, like, you know, we all think, oh, I'm going to talk about my best thing. So if you like, you know, graduated, like, top of your class, or you have like a bunch of really nice cars or you know you want all these awards like that's great like maybe that comes later on like the once you get to know someone but I think that bragging is a huge turn off and that's one another reason why they said it's great to link to like social media and other things that will kind of substantiate those claims or will show those things about you rather than you having to tell them.

And also, don't write an autobiography or leave your profile blank. Like there's a sweet spot, okay? There's a sweet spot. No one wants to read a ton of things, a ton of word, like five paragraphs. And actually a lot of the bios just give you 500 words. But if it's too short, you come on, if it's lazy and cocky, maybe like, oh, does she just think she's hot or he just think he's super good looking that he doesn't have to write anything. But if it's too long, you're like, oh, I can't even read this, I gotta keep going.

So again, there's a sweet spot. Share what you're looking for in a relationship. Everyone uses apps in a different way, so it can be hard to tell. If you found someone that if you're on the same page, so if you're looking for casual partner, say that you're looking for a casual partner, it'll save you a lot of time, it'll save that person a lot of time. And if you're looking for something serious,

put that down. I'm looking for a serious relationship. I'm not looking for a casual hookup. It says, I appreciate when people put that down on their bios because like then I know, like we're on the same page or we're not. Also, do not, even though I'm leading a sentence with negatives, do not lead with the negatives. Talk about what you do like in detail.

You don't have to list all your dislikes off the bat. Like, don't you hate traffic in LA, don't you hate when chicks just ghost on you? I mean, you really, like, like, what? Jerry Savel. Don't you hate it when all this stuff happens, right? You're not Jerry Savel. And the same things goes when you share what you're looking for to partner.

Like it's okay to say like, you know, like, you know, hope you love dogs, because I love dogs too, or I really like whiskey. But like don't list like what you're not into. Like someone who's lazy and only sits on the couch or like, I had a guy who said like, I mean, I read a guy who's like, if you have a cat swipe right, you know? Like, I don't know. To me, that was like, if you have a cat, swipe right, you know? Like, I don't know.

To me, that was offensive. I guess if you've allowed these to cast, but just like, really, you just like cut out a whole bunch of like cat women. I don't know, it just seems sort of negative to me. Any way, even though I don't have a cat, I didn't like that. Now, I get what you're saying. Like, you might think, oh, but I'm just being funny here.

I'm just being honest. I don't like redheads. Like, swipe the other way. But this kind of makes you look like a rude, judgemental jerk. And I just don't like judgey people. Now there are judgey people or talk to judgey people, but I just don't think that's the right way

to live in the world. It's not gonna get you far in like work life. I can tell you that and I don't know. I just don't think that it's just I'm a sure way of living in the world. So you never know who you end up vibing with. Like what if the cat lady is the woman of your dreams, okay? So keep an open mind or at least a very open-minded

dating profile, okay? Do that for me. Okay, you guys, we're on to calls now. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show. I love that. So easy to submit your questions. Go to sectionoftheemily.com, click on Ask Emily tab,

fill out the form, hit submit, that is it. And there's an option to click call in, you know, so you can call into the podcast. And just include your, some information, like your gender, your age where you live and how you listen to the show. Can't wait to hear from you. Okay, we have Kyle, he's 35 from Baltimore and he's got some orgasm issues. Kyle's having trouble climaxing when he's with the partner and wants to overcome this dilemma. Hey Kyle, thanks for calling. Hi, thanks for having me. Of course, of course, tell me what's going on.

Okay, so I'm 35 and I only started having sex about 10 months ago. Okay. Which I know was really late in life and I've been meeting a lot of people online and I've had different sexual partners and I haven't been able to climax with any of them. Okay. All right, so do you masturbate? Yes. And you're able to climax pretty regularly every time. Pretty regularly, like 80, 90 percent. Okay, and how long does it typically take when you're masturbating? I don't know anywhere from five to 20 minutes or so I guess. Okay. And are you watching porn or are you thinking?

Most of the time watching porn. Okay. But ironically sometimes I'm thinking about my sexual encounters and climaxing from that. That's ironic at all. No, dude, that's old school. That's good. That's how you did before.

There was porn to watch so readily. Yeah. Yeah. So okay. So when you're with these parents, the few things that you're going on here, are you feeling like you're nervous when you're with them? I mean, no, you're having sex. So, like, is there just like anxiety in your head the whole time? Or you're thinking,

like, oh my god, I'm not going to come? You know what I mean? Like, what's going through your head? Yeah, kind of that. Like, is it going to happen? And actually, sometimes early on, when I'm with somebody, I can tell early on, I kind of psyched myself out and just go, I'm not going to happen this time. See, that's what happens. So, how about the first time you had sex, which was recently? Did you think that? You probably didn't think that. You probably thought that you would, right?

Because you had sex before. Sure. Sure. I probably thought that I think I thought that it was going to happen very quickly, you know. That's fine. OK. And then it didn't.

And then the next time you thought, OK, it's not going to happen. It's going to happen. And then you got yourself into this loop. So that could be part of it. That could be part of it is that you've got yourself into the situation where you're like, I don't know if I'm going to come and I won't and then you kind of like, it could be in your mind a lot of this, right? And you

kind of are in a cycle. Now, are you getting like sufficiently, you turned on by these women you're with? Yeah. Okay. You said, ah, yeah. I mean, not every, every, it varies like there's degrees of arousal, but Most of the time I don't have any trouble, you know staying around Okay, so you say rouse and you find them are you is there for play going on? Yeah

Okay, what kind of for play talked like what's I don't know. I know it's normal. I need to know that you know normal What tell me for you what's it. Normal as in kissing and heavy petting and some hand play and oral and stuff like that. Okay. So are they going down on you and you're getting aroused? Yeah. Okay. And then do you feel then that you might be able to ejaculate? No. Doesn't feel like you're getting close. Do you feel then that you might be able to ejaculate? No, I don't know. It doesn't feel like you're getting close.

Okay, so you heard start every sex. I mean, I'm just not sure here what's going on, because I don't know. I'm wondering if you've delayed ejaculation, but that's typically when a guy needs like, which is like a condition that some guys have. It's like premature ejaculation, but it's delayed ejaculation when a guy needs like 30 minutes,

at least of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm and ejaculate. And a lot of these like times happens because the guy is feeling anxious or it could be depressed, or it could be like reactions to kind of medications. Are you on any medication? No, no. No medication. Do you drink? No.

I don't. In fact, well, I mean, I'll drink during a day I'll have a drink. But in fact, I've never been drunk before. Wow. OK. Good. Have you had anxiety? Any anxiety in your life?

No. You're pretty chill, dude. You're a usual person. Right. I guess so. OK. I'm just wondering if that might be something that's going on with you.

Or maybe are these women that you've been with? Do you actually know them or is it more like one night encounters? Have you built a more of a relationship with people that you feel safe and that you trust? Okay, most of them are doing just one or two times sort of things. I've never really had a long-term stay-up relationship. Right. Okay. I've dated a few for maybe a couple of months,

but that's pretty much it. Okay, in the last 10 months, you've dated for a few months or before that. Right. Well, in the last couple of years, I've dated a few here and there. Obviously, I didn't have sex. Right. So what happened 10 months ago when you were like, okay, I'm ready to have sex now. I don't know, I guess I was just kind of tired of being afraid of it. Okay. And then it turned out to be like so not a big deal.

Right. Isn't that funny? Like the things that we fear so much? I was a big deal out that. But I'm curious when you said that you were afraid of it. Do you know where that came from? When that started, was there something that happened in your childhood? Was there anything you can point to? No, I guess I just always had anxiety when it came to the opposite sex because I grew up overweight, I was always a child-be-cated. And then when I finally lost the baby fat, I still had that sort of fact hidden mentality and I was always, you know,

and there just around winning. Right, right. And so now it's like actually happening after all these years and you just don't feel like you're the Kyle that you are today. Do you still think of yourself as that other Kyle? Cause it sounds like it's, you know, when you delayed, you know, you have sex, probably think about sex for a long time and it's the first time that there's like all this stuff going on in your head

That it that is built up, but it's become like this whole thing. So I'm wondering I have two things say like first of all Maybe it would maybe delaying sex with these people I know you've delayed sex for a long time But maybe some of these women find someone you really like like just got these we women without Having sex on your mind or at least having the intention of having sex right away, and find one of these women that you actually like, and go out with them a few times. And then like a lot of times, like kind of we need to trust in the safety and security and know it's actually a good person, that's like a one night stand, and you might feel

like more relaxed, like you don't have to perform or you don't do it perfectly, and you might feel like you're able to have an orgasm. If it's just like a worn off first time thing, that might not work for you. And you know, it sounds like it's not working for you. So I'm just saying like, switch up the snorkel, we actually know these women is like women and human and not just like, I'm not saying you're like objectifying them, but just kind of like in a safer place. With them, we're like, oh, I trust them and if I come, I come, if I don't come, I don't come. You know, but it doesn't like freak you out.

So that would be one second. And the other thing is like, if you feel like it's your anxiety and from the past, and I see yourself, therapy, not a bad thing. Not a bad thing, talk to to someone who's more experienced, like finding like a sexologist or a sex coach, like in your area, like in Baltimore, I might know someone, make you recommend. Somebody who specifically deals with men and these kind of issues, these kind of challenges in the bedroom. Because it's very specific, you know, I feel like this is

like a specific thing that's happening. You've waited while I've sex, having some issues around like, you know, that you were the chubby kid and now you're not and you're still kind of holding on to that. So I would try one of those two things. Have you ever had therapy before? some issues around like, you know, that you were the chubby kid and now you're not and you're still kind of holding on to that. So I would try one of those two things. Have you ever had therapy before? Talked to anyone about this?

I was considering it before I started having sex because I was like, I got to get over this hump, I got to, you know, I got to, I got to get over the hump and hump. But now you're having, I get it. And you're there. So you got to ever one up. You're like, oh, not a big deal, but there's still some things lingering lingering and I don't know if you want to like also get checked out by your doctor Because if it is like delayed ejaculation, there's a lot of things which is like a like there could be some things going on Have you gotten checked out by a doctor at all lately?

No, okay Was there any like cultural or religious stuff going on when you were a kid? Okay, all right. No guilt around sex at all. Okay, I mean I just think get checked out. I would go to doctor. You could talk to your doctor and tell him what's happening. Or also I could give you like we could give you some names of some people who I specifically work with men around this. But I think also 10 months is very long. Like a few I mean how many women do this happen with? months is very long like a few I mean how many women this happened with? Um, uh, uh, uh, date is doesn't. 13.

Okay. 13 women in a row. You have a, okay, and are you still masturbating regularly? Yes. Okay, here's another thing. What if you don't masturbate for like, what if you just take masturbation off the table right now and you don't masturbate for your next date for like a week or something. I think that would probably help. I think you should stop masturbating.

I think that take masturbation off the table and go out with someone that you actually like, make sure you like them before you get into the bedroom and then see what happens. Because it sounds like your masturbation routine is pretty healthy, healthy, it is healthy. So I would try that. If that doesn't work, I would go talk to someone because, hey, therapy helps everybody. Somebody who can specialize in this. But I also don't want to say you're like a huge problem or anything. I don't think that there's anything majorly wrong.

It's like a new experience for you. So I don't want to like pathologize it or like diagnose you here. But I'm just, I would try taking first, I think that's the best thing. Take masturbation off the table. So you'll be ready to go see what happens That doesn't work. I would try to talk to like a sex coach sex therapist Go see your doctor and see what happens from there. I can't be posted Okay, okay, okay, good luck to you. Thank you so much. Yeah, you're welcome. Bye Kyle Bye. Okay

That's interesting you either there is something called like delayed ejaculation that some guys can have. I can't tell you with Kyle some men have it. It's because they can have a lot of anxiety. There could be like, there could be a lot of causes for it if that's what it is, but again, I'm not a doctor. I haven't seen penis. I'm not in a room with this penis. I can't diagnose them, but it can be like, you know, there could be some health conditions.

That's why I think you should see this doctor. But also we get into our mind. You guys can see this like we, we, we, oh, block ourselves. We block ourselves, we have many orgasms and having pleasure during sex because we're thinking it's gonna happen. It happened last time. And so, you know, just learn to get out of your head

and focus on your body and all that stuff is some other advice I could give him. But I think, I think not masturbating is the first way to go. Don't we see how that goes? And we have another call. Awesome. Okay, our next call is Amon.

She's 36 from Los Angeles, and she feels like she's at her sexual peak. She's lucky, but wants a solid playmate to enjoy it with, looking for advice and how to find them. Hi, Amon. Hi. Hi, tell me what's going on here in Los Angeles with you. So, the short version is,

I, I'm just got her group back. And I'm looking for partners to play with and experiment with, but safe folks. And I just don't know how to go about doing that. Okay. So what have you tried so far? I've been on a couple of dating apps, so I've been on Bumble, and I've met a couple of folks off of there, and I'm now on setlice, and I haven't met anybody else on setlice yet. Okay, so you're looking for more of a kinky-year lifestyle lifestyle kink fat's life is kind of more of a kink thing right

yeah okay and you haven't met and you said you just got your groove back let's go back for a minute where was it something happened my group was not existent what was none existent my group got it You had no growth. Okay. Yes. Non-existent.

I had just been really dormant and really numb about living my life for a really long time. And going through severe depression, being bullied at work, just a lot of stuff going on. And so I managed to get through that somehow. I lost about 50 pounds and still going. And just feel like I have more vigor and I actually want to live and enjoy life. Great. And so I'm ready to explore. Okay, got it. Okay, so you haven't data for so how long was your break from dating or from having sex? It was really wrong. So I just met someone and had sex with them.

And before then, I had to have sex with 10 years. Okay, so you really get in your groove back. Don't be so hard on yourself now. Yeah, yeah. I love that you got your groove back. You lost weight, you're taking care of yourself, you're being healthy. And I would just first of all take the pressure off yourself.

And just like, it's not supposed to be like, amazing when you come out of the gate, first of all, like you got it, you really, getting the groove back, like you feel like it, but there's a process of getting the groove, like you're in the grooving back part. So I would just be like, you know, be out meeting people too, and like doing things that you love doing, if the apps aren't necessarily working for you,

are you out there, like going to do things you like to do? So here's the thing, I consider myself more of an introvert. So I am like the coffee shop bunny, if you will. I really enjoy that scene. I am a little apprehensive about going, you know, places alone, so I hear that that's the best way to meet someone. That's not something I'm necessarily comfortable doing.

Right. I know for myself I need to get out more. Yeah. And I know it can be like, I know what you're saying can be. Like, I'm not even going to tell you go to bars and stuff. But more like, you know, are there like classes you've been wanting to take or like with a friend even, you know? And there's lots of like, yeah, yeah.

Like I know it sounds silly, but really like I always take classes. Like it's fun to just kind of, there could be like a cooking class, there could be like a, sometimes these singles classes, I know there's lots of groups in LA that are like singles go, you know, cook or they scare, there's wine tasting

or they, you know, go hiking. And that might seem like, oh my God, I'm introvert, but if there's a bunch of singles there, you might just make some new friends, men and women. So it's like a group setter. And yeah, or if there's even single girlfriend girlfriend like bring her with you or single guy friend like that might just make you feel safer. But if it's something that you already like doing then you'll already feel like you're in your element. Because I'm more like the real

life thing too telling you I'm on the apps and I just get exhausted and like really did I swipe you to do swipe me and then you go way on Bumble and like they go you know like they evaporate in an hour like, like, it's like annoying. I think it's a full-time job. So I know that you're into it, but to me, you sound like you've got a great personality and that actually maybe you're not as introverted as you might have once been. I'm going to challenge you on that. And I'm going to say that you probably make friends easily and people really like meeting

you. And I know I have days where I'm like, I have not done nothing drive work and drive to work and drive home so why would I meet anybody you know and then I go out with a friend even if it's a girlfriend for dinner we go somewhere and you look around you're like there's a lot of people out and you just start talking you know it feels I think that that's just if you could say once a week I'm just going to do this so I'm going to go to a different coffee shop and hang out and I don't know what kind of work you do but do you like work in the coffee shop a lot? No, not usually. What I tend to do is just go in the morning before work

and read or a journal and have my coffee is how I kick off my day. Right, maybe go to a different coffee shop. I used to meet guys in the coffee shop all the time. I had one of my neighborhoods in San Francisco and I swear to God, I met like three boyfriends in a row. Like I get it. The morning, you see the same people,

but maybe like, if you know you love that morning routine, like try a different one, like a whole new set of faces. And like, look up on your book. I've met the coffee shop before though. But they ghosted me and I hate ghosting. I hate ghosting too, but we can't do anything about it. You never know who's gonna go. So it doesn't, like, it doesn't mean it's just stop you

from trying. So if the apps are working out, would say, try like, you know, I'm sure you friend, like say, like, what can we try? Like, look up like the single groups in LA. I can't remember what it is now. A lot of these apps have them too. Like, Bumble has one or maybe Tinder, like Tinder groups or Tinder player, Bumble play.

And like, even if it sounds like cheesy or not, you're jammed, like just, just freaking do it once and see how it goes. Try to do things that you love and then you feel good at. Yeah, and you'll meet that person. But, but again, this is new to you. It's been 10 years, so don't be hard on yourself. You're starting this again. And I love that you're feeling good. So I want you to continue to feel good. And this will feed it by being placed at your confident and feeling good.

You'll also track those people that will be attracted to you because you're going to get you're in your zone. Yeah. Okay. Try that that keep me posted Okay, good one. Thank you so much for calling. I think you got this you sound great I totally got this I think sometimes we just get into our like why aren't I meeting when why aren't I meeting one and I always say to you Well, like what if you don't differently like if you are taking the same route home from work every day Going to the gym doing the same exact things you probably not gonna meet someone right? going to the gym, doing the same exact thing. You're probably not gonna meet someone, right? You're not gonna meet a new person.

So try to make it up. I should have mentioned also, there is this app, happen, HAPP, and I think where it kind of geotags you if you are cross someone's path a few times. So if you are in that path, you're like, I'm not changing my route. You might find someone who's also on the app

and they're like, you guys, we're at Starbucks three days in a row, and I'll match you. OK, so now we're going to give a shout out to our sponsors. I so appreciate everybody for supporting our sponsors. You know I only talk about products and services and toys and things that I've personally used in my body, on my body, in my mouth, meaning like foods and stuff

like that, of course. But thank you for supporting them. I'm going to be right back. Okay, we have got Rachel. She's 24 from Michigan, my home state, and she's ready to go solo. She's finally ready to try her hand at masturbation. Get it? And it's looking for guidance and how to get started. Hi, Rachel. Hi. Hi. How's Michigan? Are you freezing your ass off right now?

Yes, I am. I'm Bunbill Levin Blanket. Oh my God. I totally got it. I know exactly where you are. Thanks for calling in. So tell me about this., you have not masturbated before? No, well, you know, I have a little bit of an update, but originally I had never masturbated before. I was really nervous to start. Okay. Yeah, I always knew awareness like that is quite normal to masturbate, like people do it all the time,

but I was almost too nervous. That was just a whole different area I had never explored before. I'm pretty sex positive in my relationship. So I'm not afraid to try new things, but for some reason doing things so low. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I hear this from women a lot, but you said there's an update. So have you tried? Yeah, so there's an update.

Okay. So, you know, I would honestly like sit there and like look at my hands and be like, okay, put your hand right there. You can do what you know and I could never do it, but I chatted with some of my girlfriends and they were like, you should really try a vibrator. Yeah. So, my boyfriend and I used sex toys all the time. So, I thought, okay, fine. So I went and got a vibrator.

Nice. And I honestly had to go in front of the heater because it's so cold in my shoes. So I get it. I get it. Yeah. I laid in front of the heater and I tried it out. So I've done a twice-peed.

Oh, it's awesome. And it's awesome. Okay, good. So it worked out. Yeah, an orgasm? Mm-hmm. Okay. Great. So worked out. Yeah, an orgasm? Okay. Great. I love this. This is great. Do orgasms with your partner during sex?

Yeah, so you know, I have multiple times, many times with my partner, but I had never orgasm to buy myself. Oh, right. Good for you. It was so new to feel my body react to it. I could actually feel the changes, whereas usually with my partner, there's other distractions going on, whereas when I use the vibrator, I could actually feel my body move and change. Wow, that was cool. That was cool. No, that is really cool.

See, that's what masturbation is about. Why I always say, it's so important. The most important work, especially women, we're just not as comfortable a lot of touching our bodies. Are we do it the same way over and over again? But the more that you learn your body and it sounds like you're very embodied, like you actually noticed that.

You were, it's like, I had an orgasm, what's for dinner, but you're like, wow, my body's shook in a different way. Or I, you know, you're really getting entouched. And that will also serve you well in your relationship as you, you know, when you're having sex with your partner, you might learn different ways that you can orgasm. That's cool.

So do you think you've gotten some of the nerves away from it? Now you get it. Now you looking forward to masturbation. Yeah. Now I'm not so nervous to try, but I'm definitely, I feel like I'm just starting to have sex. Like I don't really know what I'm doing to tell you the truth. Like I have this vibrator, but I'm like, well, I don't even know where to put it. I've been just trying to do different moves, but I'm realizing, okay, I actually like harder things rather than just like...

No, this is how you learn. This is good, okay? Yeah, so this is all new to me. Okay, so what kind of vibrator did you get? You said you weren't harder. This is too soft. Do you remember? Yeah, you know, so I'm in a long distance relationship. And my boyfriend bought this. It's called the Kiro. I think it's the Kiro.

Oh, the Kiro, yeah. Awesome. Wow, that's intense. I have the pearl of it. Yeah, you know, it was really intense because he really wanted to try this. And I had to be honest with him. I was like, I actually have never masturbated before.

Right. I know. That's a blow. I was like, I actually have never masturbated before. Right. That's a blow. That's like, that's advanced. So that's like, tell it to Donnex. Like, that's like, he's using the flashlight and you're using the thing and you can see it on him, right? Yeah. Okay.

So I took kind of by myself first to try it out. But that's going to hold. I got up, I'm updating you so quickly on this too. I asked you this question and then a couple weeks later, he's getting this toy. So, oh my gosh, I guess I'm right now. So yeah, I have this vibrator called Pearl. Okay.

And yeah. So the Pearl is like an insertable, right? It looks like a penis, is that it? It's like a... Yeah, it does. Okay, so yeah. But honestly, yeah, maybe you have tips on how to use a vibrator.

Yeah. Oh my God. Do I have tips? I absolutely do. So I would say, I would go, I would try to find a vibrator. Maybe it's like a literal vibrator as well. Have you ever had like a little like a little bullet or a handheld vibe like a the Wevibe Tango or the Wevibe touch? Those are great toys because I think for like starting masturbation first of all, atmosphere is everything, right? Like I think it sounds like you're in front of the heater, I get it, my mom always jokes, I spent my entire childhood in front of the heater, the space heater, like in Michigan, she didn't get my room.

You were always put in the blanket. Inside your space heater, yeah, that's all I did. No, I did the same thing, I get it, so would you have your own bedroom? Yes, I do. Okay, that's cool. So like I think like turning off your phone, setting the atmosphere like lighting candles like the sense, like, can feel really good, your favorite music. Thinking about like, you're locking your door, like, do you feel safe in your home? Like, I don't know if you live with your parents, so you live alone or?

Yes, well, I just moved back in with my mom just for a few months, So you know, I had to do this when she was at work. OK, that's fine. That dude, as long as she's gone, that's great. So I would say that getting into the mood is a bit just like sex. It's like you almost need for play with yourself, right? Like, you're not going to be ready to go. OK, let's master, babe. So do you ever watch porn?

Well, this is also something that I'm also aware of, and I'm intellectually want to get into, but I'm so nervous. I don't even know where to start You know, I would like to do it with my boyfriend, but try to Know I'm intimidated by it. Okay, so you know what's a great way my friend is it's like called lady cheeky And it's and there's a lot of good tumbler. It's tumbler porn So you go there and there's like a lot of gifts since I've it's kind of it's more female friendly It's called lady cheeky.com and you'll see a lot of these and stuff, it's more female friendly. It's called Ladychicky.com and you'll see a lot of these

just really cool, she curates it around things that women find really hot and sexual teasing and arousal of women touching themselves. It's just really beautiful images and sexy hot images. And then you click on them and then you can lead you to other kinds of images

and things that you might find. Amazon, you like this, you might also like this, and it'll lead you down a road. But it's not like you're automatically watching a hardcore porn film, you know, that you might consider intimidating. So you're just kind of like scrolling through some like pictures that are hot, and that might even get you going. So I would, or reading a Rottica, if do you like to read? I love to read. Oh my God. So you should find some like Rachel Kramer Brussels does something every year like the best erotica.

You know, if you like a candle, you could download it stuff like that and just like find some, like if you like to read then like reading those, have you ever read erotica? Um, no, I have it and I do love to read like I have a candle. Oh my God, dude. Just buy some like go to Amazon and buy like porn and see what interests you like erotica. I mean, not porn. And I would like download book and just start reading it and just like you read before you go to Amazon and buy like porn and see what interests you like a rotica I mean not porn and I would like download book and just start reading it just like you read before you go to bed and you might find your mind like oh now I'm interested

so it's really because when your brain gets on board with sex and your mind's on board like that's a big part of a razzle because if you're just staring there freezing cold in front of the heater with your hands I wouldn't want to masturbate either because it's like you're like no masturbate but the men they just think of sexy thought what's happens or a woman walks by and they're hard, right? Women don't, you're not wired that way. It's very different.

So that's what I'm telling you to put these things in place that would get you in the mood for sex or get you in the mood to masturbate. So don't be so hard on yourself that you just, you're nervous or whatever. It's like, once you start thinking these thoughts or find what stimulates you and turn you on, then you're just gonna naturally wanna start touching yourself and just gonna happen that way, especially because you want to. But I would also go get a bivariator that's not like a, like a dildo, like that one's like a shape like a penis.

I would get just like a nice handheld one, like a bullet that you could just put, like use your nipples, like tease yourself. Use lube, lube is amazing. I cannot stress enough the importance of lube during masturbation because it'll help you get more turned on. Like you take a few drops, you rub it in your clitoris, you like get some water-based lube,

like Joe, I love system Joe lube. We sell it on our website. Have it sent to your house in a brown bag, no one know. And you just like use a few drops, use the vibrator. Like I'm telling you, there's times I'm not in the mood and I just can't master it without loop. Like it doesn't even matter. Like it just gets you going.

So there's some tips. I think that, uh, think that you just, you know, those will help you for sure. Setting the atmosphere, using the loop. Yeah, thinking sexy thoughts, erotica, you got this. And you already know what we were guys.

Yeah, it's cool because I think I do it just need a little jumpstart to get in the mindset because before I was like, I don't even know what door to start. You think of a project, don't you? I get it, no I do it just need a little jumpstart to get in the mindset because before I was like, I don't even know what to start. You think of a project? I get it. No, I get it. I get it. Small steps.

Baby steps. I would go on Kindle right now to download a book that seems interesting to you. Maybe start reading tonight without the pressure of masturbation. Just see where it takes you. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Thank you.

You're so welcome, Rachel. Stay warm and hot. Cool. Thank you. You're so welcome Rachel. Stay warm and hot. Okay. Thank you. Yes. Bye. Bye. Oh my god. I was just taking back to like my childhood bedroom. Although I never even knew what masturbation was until I was 20, but I was just freaking cold in front of the space heater and I get it. You just don't want to leave that room. But I think it's interesting. Another thing I should have mentioned is that we do have some great masturbation tips on our website, sexwithemily.com. Like first time masturbation and little tips and tricks we talk about it a lot for women.

It's interesting because I think that we think we should just know how to do it, you know, and it just be natural. But for a lot of women, including myself, it was not. And it is not. It's a great question. Thanks, Rachel. Our next call is Franco. He's 23 from Chicago, and he wants to have a more active sex life.

He's having trouble balancing being a husband and father with being a spontaneous lover. And wants to know how to change things up high Franco. I'm going to have an actually 31. 31. Oh, okay Franco, 31 from Jersey. Gotcha. Okay, we have that all wrong. Do we have the other part right? Hey Franco. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Franco, 31 from New Jersey. Gotcha. Okay, we have that all wrong. Do we have the other part right?

Hey, Franco. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. Okay, got. Okay, so Franco, 31 to Jersey, and you want to have a more active sex life. Yes. Okay, cool. Hi.

Tell me what's going on. So, I mean, we have a wife from New Jersey working. She's a admissions rep. I'm a mechanic. I work two jobs. So we're working like 12, 16 hour days, and we've got busy working. She's a admissions rep. I'm a mechanic. I work two jobs. So we're working like 12, 16 hour days, and we've got a kid. We just bought a house.

So it's like kind of like passing each other. They kind of came to a long, and I didn't know what it began. I take a lot of your advice, and be for sex. No, you know, text messages, emails, and this, that, and the other, is just nothing to have. It's not working, I get it, man, yeah. But she actually seemed that I emailed you. And things have actually turned around for the better, so. Oh, really? See, this is so good.

So many couples actually listen to sex with Emily together and they feel like it changes their whole sex life. Because they're like like Emily said it. Like you guys are here now to talk about it. So that's cool. So she liked that you were working on this. I like that. Okay.

So tell me how old are your kids? Did you say you have kids? Yeah, your father. Yeah. So I have a four year old. Okay, a four year old, one child. Yeah. Okay.

And so yeah, that can be tough. So what happens when you start to have sex is like are you just not having sex? I mean we were doing it once a week like on a Saturday Okay, it was taking a nap and they're waiting for the laundry to get on it was it was the same type sex We would have every weekend. Yeah, I don't know. We're doing it for over five months Board I get it. I get it. Yeah, this is what happened to couples. This is why it's so good. There's a perfect time to be calling it

before you get way bored. So have you tried, like I always say, like, you know, it's great for couples to get like outside the house and outside the, you know, their normal routine. So have you guys had any talks about your sex life? Have you ever said like what, but like, do you know what she would find hot

or what you'd like to do that's different? You said you've tried some things. We talk about sex all the time and we're pretty open about things. I mean, we've given each other hall passes before and we've done things with other people in front of each other, but with our schedules, that kind of lifestyle doesn't exist. So it's just us. Okay. Have you so walked?

I'm wondering if I'm not, if am I doing enough? Massage is not talking about it with me. Maybe there's something else I could do. Well, I think that like the fact that you're talking about is great. Does she tell what kind of information you're getting back from her? What does she want?

She wants me to make love to her. I feel like I do that. But right. She does. You're not really present. Really? I mean, I don't know. Okay. I don't know. I'm not listening. Well, maybe you're not listening. I don't know. It's hard sometimes. But here's the thing. She's saying like, I want you to make love to me. You're like, dude, I'm here. I'm making love to you. Like, I want you to make love to me. You're like, dude, I'm here. I'm making love to you. Like, what do you mean? But maybe she means that she needs more intimacy from you

or she needs to feel loved by you in a way that she can't even explain. Like, is she let you know, for example, she wants to feel sexy or she wants to know that you think she's beautiful? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I get that. And have you told her that? Yeah. I mean, I tell her every day, she's beautiful. Oh yeah, yeah, I get that. And have you told her that?

Yeah, I mean, I tell her every day she's beautiful. And I'm always complimenting her body and we're full of weekend, so there's always growth and touching. OK. Is there other things? What about like helping around the house and stuff? Is she ever like, God, I wish you help more.

I wish I could, but I worked too many hours. Right, Right. It's like, I don't get home until 10 o'clock. Does she feel burdened, do you think? Yeah, I feel like it's kind of like the love language. Do you ever, do you know about the love languages? No, I don't. Okay, it's really interesting.

There's a book by Chapman, what's his name? Gary Chapman, he wrote a book. It's called The Five Love Languages, right? And there's a lot that we all experience love in different ways, right? So a lot of us like, I saw I asked if she wants to feel sexy and beautiful. So sometimes it's words of affirmation. And typically there's one or two that resonate, okay? So hear me out.

Words of affirmation. She might need like, there's words of affirmation, there's physical touch. She might want to be touched all the time, maybe you aren't touch her enough, but it sounds like you are. For some people, it's quality time. So she wants like Saturday night to be date night with no phones, no Netflix, no distractions, just the two of you.

She might want acts of service. She might want you to be emptying the dishwasher, filling up her car with gas. And then there's also gifts, okay? That's the one gift. She might want to be surprised with flowers or jewelry or you were just thinking about her, but I'm her favorite cookie.

So typically those are five ways that we all experience love. So for you, did any of those resonate with you? Like, God, I really feel love when she blank. Any of those, like, speak to you. I know we might need them all, but is there one that spoke about how you want love and then one for her how she might want love Yeah, that definitely does everything in quality like just helping you're out with more things especially with my kid and then just a quality time Yeah, so you think that's what she that's what she wants

Yeah, and you're you're not able to give that right now Yeah, like I said, I'm working on it. You're super busy, totally get it. So, no matter what you do right now, she's not feeling connected because she's pissed that you're not able to help with giving her time and helping her on the house. So, this is where the compromising comes in.

So, is there a way that you could maybe... I'm not sure what's keeping you from the quality time part, but could you have a date night, could you have a friend come and watch, you know, how much time do you guys spend away from your kid? Well, I've worked it out with my mother, like, we try to get Saturdays in, like a Saturday night, just go out for a couple hours or go out for a night or go out to the next morning. Yeah, that's amazing. Do you do that every week? Date night, like every Saturday? Well, we just started last weekend. That's amazing. We went to a Atlantic City.

Okay, that's great. So how was that? Did you guys have good sex when you were in Atlantic City? Yeah, yeah. When I got back home, I had a little mom out the house and everything there. That's great. Okay, so. Great, so that sounds like that really works. And then the service evening, if you can't do it, could you get some help maybe? Is there anyone you could come over or hire help to sometimes to do some things around the house?

I know money is a thing, but could there be ways that you could get some other kind of- Well, when I'm home on Saturday, I do as much as I can. I do my, I do laundry, I do my, her laundry, my laundry, my kids laundry, I clean the kitchen because I'm crazy about the kitchen bathrooms. I try to help as much as I put my laundry in. Right. I'm just throwing this out there as a thing. And do you know, and you sound like you're pretty happy with her? Like when I

talked to you about those love languages, what spoke to you? What do you feel like? How do you feel like you experienced love? Gives, do you want physical touch? Do you want words of affirmation? Yeah, more physical touch. It's not that affirmation. Okay. So you might just want to come up and start kissing you when you go from work or hugging you or cartel out of couch. And do you feel like you get that? Yeah, maybe you could let her know. I think you guys should listen this together. It sounds like you guys have a lot of chemistry and you're really connected.

I mean, you've been listening to the show. You know that I'm going to tell you like, try toys, dress up, exchange bucket lists about your fantasies. And there's all these things that actually do really work for couples. But maybe these are some things and you have a kid and you're both working and you said she's working as well. So maybe these are little things you guys could do throughout the day, like she could give you more physical tension and you could make sure that Saturday night, date night happens and see where that takes you. All right, yeah, that's how perfect. Thank you so much. You're so welcome. Good luck with this. You got this. Bye, Franco.

Thank you so welcome. Good luck with this. You got this. Bye, Franco. Thank you so much. Bye. I'm obsessed with the love languages. I don't think I talk about them enough on the show. I think we got to put this on our website. I think we should just work in progress, but leave it when we just do a link to it. Because the love languages to me, I mean, I've read so many

sex relationship books. It's just really cool. And I'm not saying it's going to solve every relationship in the world. But it is true that we all experience love in very specific ways. And we tend to give love in the ways we want to receive it. And it doesn't always work.

Like I've said this, I know for me, it's words of affirmation and physical touch. But if I'm constantly telling some guy, like, oh my God, you look great, babe, you're so hot. He's not going to think that that's love. And I'm thinking, why don't you tell me I'm hot and how great I am. I just say you can be a disconnect and typically your partner doesn't necessarily share your love language, which is cool. But if you learn it, it's just all about compromising. So I like that call of Franco.

They seem like they've got lots of love going on. They just need some space to experience love. Our next call we have Sean. He's 29 from Toledo and he's looking for more than casual sex. Sean's been actively dating but can't find a girl who wants to settle down with him and is wondering what he's doing wrong. Hey, Sean.

Hi, Emily. Hi. I'm so good. I want to help you here, man. Tell me what's going on. First I want to say thank you for answering my analinga question on Friday. You are so welcome. It is the year of anal, I swear to God.

I'm so happy to answer. You're a big thing, analinga is when we go, check, check. Analinga is now let's help you figure out the casual sex thing. So tell me what's going on. You're looking for girls in Toledo? Yes. OK. And I've asked quite a few girls out.

I would say it just seems like the girls I attract either want something other than a relationship, whether it's money or materialistic things from me or are not monogamous and I'm having trouble finding a woman who Actually, you know once we go out on a date just enjoys my company and not having ulterior motives Ha, that's interesting. Okay, so I'm wondering, how are you meeting these women? Some of them I've met online, and some I've met that I knew in person already.

Okay. The ones I knew in person I was comfortable and gave it a shot, and then it just, you know, was one of those two problems. And that's what I keep coming across. Okay, are you like throwing money at them kind of a to start off with? No.

Okay, so I'm just curious, because a lot of times it's funny that you see, it's interesting to me that that's how you see it. Because everyone's got their thing with women. They're like some women, you know, don't want things. You're some women, some women will call me, for example, to say, every guy just wants sex, or every, you know what I'm saying? Or some women say, like, every guy just wants to settle down.

I don't. So I'm just wondering what, you're going into the relationships, you're going into the dates. If there's anything that you're doing, or that you're bringing to the table that might, you know, be bringing this out in them, or also, if that's how you think about women already

and you're looking for that and maybe you're interpreting things that they do as thinking oh she's just out for money and maybe that's actually not not at all i mean i i take when i go out on the date i always pay and that's not an issue that's you know the gentleman nature I guess

you would say the old-fashionedness but at the same time then at some point I will get questions like hey can you help me out with some money or then you know when we're seeing each other for a little while, I'll find out. Yeah, I slept with somebody else and I just, I can't find somebody who's really paying for things like buying them flowers or buying them dinner or going out. That's not an issue for me. It's just somebody just expecting that they can asking from rent or something like that and to me, I don't think that that's about the relationship, you know? No, absolutely. So I think it might be about the women that you're finding yourself attracted to,

perhaps, is there something about you wanting to save women? Being attracted to a woman that looks like she might kind of need that kind of help. You know, there are certain types of women. I've never asked a guy for money in my life and I've needed money really bad. And I've never done that. And some women, there's the women I think you do and some women who don't. You know what I'm saying? And so I'm just, and I'm not, again, I'm not stereotyping women or on the world, like

that are like, everyone who's this way is going to want money. But I'm wondering if these are the kind of women they are attracted to. And maybe there's a different kind of type that you've been saying all that's not my type and you could look at and say you know what maybe i should try that type of woman i want to use you know has a job and she's got stuff she's got her stuff together you know twenty nine years old like i don't think it should be hard to find women who have like careers going that are in a healthy place

oh absolutely i definitely like somebody who has something going for themselves maybe he's been to college has a degree Oh, absolutely. I definitely like somebody who has something going for themselves. Maybe he's been to college, has a degree. You know, sometimes I'm attracted to a little bit more of a wild personality. Well, that's, yeah. That attracts me sometimes. I mean, that's sometimes something that I can't kick, but at the same time, I do like, you know, a girl who shares my common interest to the sense humor, funny, you know, things like that. It's all the basic.

But sometimes I'm like, I get it though, the wild chicks might be like, oh, she's so crazy, she's so whatever. And you know, she wants me to pay for her college education. So I feel like this might be a good time for like duty dating, do you know what that is? That's when you kind of go out with the woman with the woman that you're like, God, I don't really know like

I'm not really attracted to her in that way, but maybe I should just try going out with her like once and seeing how it goes Like seeing if I might like her even though she's not this wild girl, but I'm attracted to her There might be something else that I find and you just kind of like go out with someone that you think you might not be in to and you might be surprised. And then you go out with her second time, even if you're not so sure. And you give it like two tries. And you're like, I'm going to try something different because if you keep dating the same kind of women and this is the result you're getting, there's a lot of women in Toledo,

you know, there's a lot out there. And you're having these same exact situations happening. So I'm just thinking it's like your picker is broken. Like the women you're picking and this might be a way to shift it. I think it could be. I mean, I know sometimes I have a hard time breaking the cycle or changing things I do.

I mean, I try to change it up, but sometimes, I see that I'm just like, wow, this girl seems like she's a lot of fun. Right. You're chasing the fun girls who are like kind of crazy out there. Maybe they're parting a lot and they're great and bad and they're into your anal ingots and all that. So, no, but you're like, but then, you know, my while it's gone in the morning. So I think that it just might be, you know, you sound like a really smart guy and you

really want to find someone to settle down. So like, you know, the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again, you know, you're not, it's not working for you. So I would say like, just kind of go out with the woman that you like, and I'm not saying like forever, but just try it like you need to go out there 10 times, but just see how that works for you. You might be surprised because you're in this groove. And it takes a while. I'm not so great at changing behaviors either. None of us are. When you say it's hard to change, it's hard for all of us to change.

Just know that. You can soak out the crazy chicks and not saying you got to give them up, but maybe you want to pepper in some chicks that just seem more stable and interesting and smart and see where that goes. Just like as a crisis. Yeah, see if they surprise you and someone that might have that crazy side, but they don't lead with it.

Whatever you deem crazy. You know what I'm saying? They're not showing that, but believe me, it's in there. So if you gave them a chance, you went out, you went out to dinner, had some drinks, said you were like, oh wow, she's into this, you know, it's cool. I wouldn't have thought that.

I'm surprised by her. And that just might give you. The difference, I think, with me with the dating and the hookups is hookups, you know, you go right to sex, but dating I don't. I don't rush it. So, I mean, there's a difference. I mean, there are, there's just,

I don't know how to explain sometimes the wildness of the personality because I don't drink anymore. I quit drinking and partying. But, you know, sometimes about their personality, you can just see something about that. Right, no, I totally get it. And that's what's attractive to you.

So that's why maybe going get something that's a little less, you know, and maybe trying not to brush sex right away. Like waiting till you know someone, and like waiting, like going out a few dates, and like just seeing, like, you know, getting to know her and finding out more and feeling like, because for a lot of women,

they're not gonna want to have sex the right way because they want to feel safe and they want to feel like they can trust you and then they're gonna like let their free flag fire. Then they're gonna like show you there. So you might be thinking like, oh, she was a little tight on the first date but sometimes it takes us a while to open up.

So I would just say, kind of like when you're online, you're swiping maybe like swipe a different way for someone that you normally would just ignore and try going out with them. Because you speak a great way. Like I said, with the dating, I don't wanna sleep with somebody on the first date. That's good.

But the rule I have, I usually try and wait sometimes more than multiple dates. Okay, so that's working for you, but the people that you're dating, you have coming up with these two things, like nomenogamous, they want you for your money. And I think that could kind of be one in the same kind of person. You could find a woman who's looking for the same thing. And are you saying that you're dating profile that you're looking for a woman who wants to have something serious?

Are you leading with a girlfriend? You do say that. I mean, not in the first date necessarily, but I get to know them on the first date, and then that conversation will come up, and I'll obviously speak the truth on how I feel and what I want. Right. But what about in your app? Are you finding most women through the apps uh... i found some on the app and uh... and this may not be the greatest place to say found i found some people and like

craigswell yeah that's where you might find people like looking for money i don't know i'm not saying all craigsas likes is like that but it sounds like your split part of you want to crazy fun chick and then part of you like wants a serious relationship and so i just think you got to take step towards chick and then part of you wants a serious relationship. And so I just think you gotta take step towards that. And if you're on the apps, I would say if you're on Tinder, Bumble, whatever, you should say,

I'm looking for a relationship. I'm looking to settle down. I read the guys things. If they're looking for the guys you want, and I see the guys who are like, I'm just looking for a hook up. I don't swipe on those guys. All right, swipe, what is it?

I swipe left. But if I see guys looking for a relationship, you know, I'll swipe right. I think that is, it doesn't make you sound weak, it doesn't make you sound like you're just stating what you want. And then the girls who are looking for a good time, you wouldn't match with. Right. Yeah.

So, I think it's just the process that has to change. You're dating, you're selection, you're picker process. Not your pecker, your pecker. Yeah, I definitely agree with you on that. Okay, so try that and see how it goes. Just try it. I'm not going to do it, but I'm going to go out with her. And you might be surprised. Okay, because I don't think that everyone is like that.

One other question. Of course, go right ahead. It's another sexual question, but it's a medication question. Sure. So, I'm on multiple medications and I do take any depressants and I believe they make it for me unable to climax sexually. I've actually never climaxed from sex or oral sex. And I know it's medication I'm on and I've been sexually active for a long time. And it's never happened. And I don't know if it's a bad thing to say, but I say happened and I don't know if it's a bad thing to say but I say to women when they you know I tell them I had a time I say don't worry about it it doesn't happen if it does great but and I've gotten to that point and I don't know if that's a bad mindset to have about it but I just never happened. Yeah it never has happened so you're on any depressant and you said other I mean

yes SSRIs I'm sure you're like on an SSRI. I think bipolar, got it. Bipolar, got it. Antioxidity, all those things. Leaping medications and I take like eight different medications. Okay, that is going to do it. That is going to kill, you mean, do you still have a sex drive though? You still get turned on, you get erection.

Yeah, but the only way I can climax is for masturbation. Okay. Have you been on the same meds for a while? They change me here and there, but for the most part, yes. I've been on medication since I was four years old. Okay. Have you talked to your doctor lately, your psychiatrist, and tell him that this is going on? Yeah.

And though, some of times they'll say, don't take this before you have sex, or it shouldn't kill your sex drive. And at the same time,'ll tell another my primary in the hill say oh yeah this is your problem right well they're right it is the your problem that's a lot of medications and it a lot of times they can tinker with it so you gotta find a psychiatrist maybe he isn't the right one anymore like i'm telling you they all you're gonna get a lot of different opinions but this is you know i think that that they can kind of you can go

down and some medications and i. Sometimes things change over time. If you haven't updated or met with your psychiatrists lately, they could give you something that can counter some of the symptoms, some of the side effects that you're having from the medications. Because it would make sense that you could only do it during masturbation and maybe if a lot, part of it could be psychological because it hasn't happened in for you ever. So you're like like it will never happen

But I think a combination of talking to your psychiatrist psychiatrist or your primary it sounds like he's more on your side with this Or you need a new psychiatrist because any psychiatrist is gonna be like yeah, that's how it is by I'm not I don't love that because there's a lot of different kinds of medications again that you can take that can counteract the side effects Yeah, I mean he's usually the kind of psychiatrist who'll say, well, you need more medicine and I'll be like, I don't know. It'll give me something if I need it for some depression or tilt his first answers to up my drugs.

Yeah, I don't know if I like it. That's a God. You know what? Unfortunately, that's how a lot of psychiatrists are to up the meds, up the meds, and that's not always the answer. And so I don't know if you've been the same guy for a while, but it's great to get another opinion. I'm telling you, you could get a lot of different opinions

out there, and there's maybe one who's like specialty is like, yeah, I know that it kind of sucks a lot of these medications are gonna kill your sex drive. You won't be able to ejaculate, and hear something we can try. And like I know, that's hard saying, don't take this before you're gonna have sex, because then as you don't know when you're having sex,

you're like, God dammit, I took it to dinner. I took it this morning when I woke up. How do I know it's going to get late tonight? So to me, that's not a solution. So I know this psychiatrist has all your records and maybe you feel safe with him, but eight meds is a lot and a lot of times it's a cocktail. You've got to figure out what works and it doesn't work and it's not like it's just really not working for you. So I'm in agreement with you on there, and this guy I'm not particularly fond of. Me neither, to be honest.

Thank you. I'm glad you're with me. Yeah, I don't like these up your meds or don't take it in the morning. Maybe for some people that with their own relationship, they know we're having sex tonight, but you don't know so that actually is not a good solution. So I would talk to your doctor if he does,

I would try to get a second opinion, go see psychiatrist Tell him what you're on because the last psychiatrist do advanced training They're always learning reading about new meds like there's new stuff coming on the market and they'll be willing They'll want to work with you on this problem in summer like let me just write you prescription and get out and that'll be 350 bucks, you know, I'm saying so I would I would shop around and My primary he wants to put me on dialysis, but at the same time, I'm like, I'm 29.

No. You don't need another med. You don't need another medication right now. You don't need to have an erection. Actually, you're getting erections. Your problem is with ejaculation. So yeah, so he's wrong, too. You need a better psychiatrist.

And you know what? Here's the other thing. You can also have a phone consultation with them. I would talk to two other ones just because you go to another one doesn't mean it's gonna be right. But you got to shop around. Talk to them on the phone. I will. Okay good luck to you Sean. We got this. You got this. Okay. Thank you. Have a great night. Thank you so much for calling. Talk to you soon. Bye. Wow. There's a lot there. Okay. Yeah. Meds you guys. I'm telling you. So, this you don't even realize like these pills were on. I's a lot there. OK, yeah, meds, you guys, I'm telling you. So this, you don't even realize.

These pills were on. I think a lot of us take a lot of medications. And that's because we don't need them. But we have to monitor them. Sometimes we have side effects. They go away. Sometimes they come on later. And we don't know what it is for women.

We're not often worn to birth control and kill our sex drive. I get it. But just getting foreign about what you're taking taking a lot of times there's an alternative that you could take that could you have the same results but not at the same side effects. So don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about what you're on and making changes because none of us want to suffer with bad sex. And unfortunately all these medications are like, guess what?

You won't be depressed, you can be super happy now about your liver over oven orgasm, right? That's like, that's just depressing to me anyway. So, and yeah, sometimes you got your pickers broken. We have patterns. You always hear about women dating the bad guys and why does it happen? It's because you got to change your outlook and got to change your track to. You often said like, you said, I've often said like that guy that you think is hot across the bar.

You lack eyes with him and you want to walk towards him, turn around the other way, and go towards someone else. So, I'm just going to mix up our pattern. Thanks to my awesome team, Ken, Kristen, Elisa, Brian, our interns, and Michael. Thanks again to all my amazing listeners. This is a blast. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you?

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