Sex With Emily - Best Of: Phantom Os and Breastgasms

Episode Date: December 2, 2015

In this throwback podcast from 2013, Emily and Menace are here to help you discover new ways to experience pleasure that you might not have thought of before. Whether you’re having difficulty climaxing coitally or communicating your sexual concerns, Emily has answers for your every sex issue!From nipple nibbling to breast cupping to light pinching and licking, Emily provides detailed directions on how you (or your partner) can achieve the elusive breastgasm. It might take practice, but it’s worth every tickle and flick! She and Menace also answer an email from an expert-level masturbator who has found himself unable to orgasm during sex, and help another listener step up his sexual communication with his wife of 17 years.From phantom orgasms to nipple orgasms to self-induced orgasms, this classic show is firing on all climactic cylinders. Learn some new tricks and tips for upping your O game in this classic Sex With Emily episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I'm Dr. Emily Morse from sexwithemily.com. Do you want to last longer in bed? Promessant is the only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation. One in three men suffer from premature ejaculation, but they don't have to. Go to promessant.com to give the desensitizing spray that will allow you to have the sex you deserve. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on me.

Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sexage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information go to sexwithmwe.com. We can check out all of our podcasts, sign up for a mailing list, which you should do. I'm not gonna spam you, I'm not gonna give you email address, I'm just gonna give you really good information that's gonna rock your sex life,

just like I do on the show. So yeah, thanks everyone for listening, subscribing and iTunes, following me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, sex with Emily and everywhere else here, social media, mind, romes, you will find me. I'm here with menace today in the lovely city of San Francisco. Hello. Hello. Thank you for visiting my city. It's great to see you. I know. I'm sad. It's actually in my car is outside. I was here for the new

opening of the Good Vibration store in Palo Alto, which is a beautiful store. I was in town for another work thing and I thought, this is it. I've got the rest of my furniture in my mini Cooper. There was a few things left, and I'm out of it. I'm not a citizen of San Francisco anymore. And it feels, you know, I don't know. It feels good. It feels like the year that I've lived in Los Angeles

has been really, really good for me. Like, good for business, good for my life, and good change, but I love this city. It's so in my heart, and I love seeing you. But you did get reminded how much it costs the freaking live here. It is so, oh my god, that was terrible. We were outside, and we both had to put money

in the meter. It is 25 cents for every four minutes. Okay, yeah. Do people, can you, okay, people, because I know my mother like in Michigan, like I'm going home next to you to Michigan. Like, like, you get like an hour for a quarter, or 30 minutes for a quarter, and my hat,

a quarter, four minutes for a quarter. Like it's, yeah. Oh, we have to go down and plug our mirrors again. We do. It's ridiculous. Anyway, San Francisco, and it's blowing up, right? With all the tech stuff happening. So, you know, it sounds pretty in Los Angeles,

it's not as whatever, but you know. I feel that Los Angeles is actually, they stop making buildings there after the 70s. And I think it looks so throwback, at least the areas that I go, I go to like Fairfax and stuff like that to the shoe stores. So, by Jordan's and stuff like that. But, and you know, it's, it's crazy. The amount

of money it costs us live in San Francisco. And for what you get, I was in Florida just recently in Orlando just talking to people and they're, I was just telling them about the plastic bag situation where you can't get past the plastic bags in San Francisco or paper bags. No, no, no, no, no, you can get paper bags, but you have to spend 10 cents per bag. Right. It's crazy. It's crazy. They outlawed the outlawed bags.

So I probably be moving in Los Angeles soon. No, but even in Los Angeles, they outlawed bags. Not in every town like West Hollywood, you can get bags, but in Hollywood, you can't answer. But yeah, targets like 10 cents for a bag. I forget. And the problem is my car is filled with those goddamn bags, but I forget to bring them upstairs.

And then by the time I have stairs to target in LA, it's upstairs, it's thing. And I'm like, I don't want to go back down. And I hate for the bags. It's really annoying. But you know what? It's just like relationships. There's like pros and cons to everything. Like the traffic and like there's certain things you know, you just learn where you can live with and what what kind of lifestyle you want. What kind of person is that partner you want to be with, make you happy in all the ways they need to be happy? And in the ways that they totally bum you out, can you live with those things? And that's how I feel about the cities.

Yeah, I think I'm just gonna have an affair with both cities, so for a while, but that's me. But I was in Orlando and some sex with Emily listeners tweeted me and said welcome to Orlando. They did? They listened to the podcast, yeah. So what's up to everybody in Florida? I love that. Yeah. They saw that you were tweeting about it. Yeah. I'll be in Missouri soon. So what's

up to everybody in Missouri? What's up with the Missouri? That's amazing. I love that they tweeted you. Yeah. You're a menace on Twitter and then menace on Instagram. And yeah. And I'm sex with Emily and all those places too. You're gonna be a Michigan. I'm gonna be a Michigan. Yeah. Are you free to go back? I'm a little exactly. I'm so afraid I got really sick this summer in Michigan. I ended up, I was home for five days in a month. Oh, why were you saying, is that why you were asking me why I'm afraid or were my afraid because of the weather?

Well, I totally forgot you went back to Michigan and you got sick. I'm sorry about that. And when you were talking to me and you got sick, I didn't really think it was a big deal. When you were texting me, it wasn't really big deal. But it was, it was a big deal. When you're texting me, it wasn't really big, but it was it was a big. That was huge deal. Yeah, the pneumonia. It's serious. I would have flown out there. Oh, you're so sweet. I swear to God. I dumped the guy I was dating because he didn't care and he would not have flown out there to see me.

Yeah, that's what it's right. That was a while ago. When I was talking, you were just playing off like, I know, but I got sicker and sicker. But why was it I say are you afraid to go back because you know you were on the television show bravo on bravo right misadvised and I I assumed that you haven't been back since and you know all the stuff and then there was this guy that you were hanging out with on the show right I'm gonna see him you want to see him in Michigan. Yeah, because we go to this.

Oh, do you know that he just texted me and asked me to go away with him on occasion? A, B, I go to Michigan every year and there's just a party that happens this time of year that everyone goes to that I know. And I think he's probably going to be there. But I thought he was, I honestly, if I was him, I might have been a little bit upset on the way I was portrayed on the show. He was cool with it. Yeah, in fact, which is so interesting.

What does it mean to him a star? No, do you understand in Michigan? He has like a hundred women hidden on Facebook. Okay, so if you guys see this, I was in the show in Bravo called Misadvised. You can download an iTunes for like five bucks, right? If you want to watch season one, sexy, interesting show, reality show, if you want to see how I live my life. And he was this guy, my crush from when I was like in fifth grade

and we get, we hook up and get, we get back together, we reunite after all these years, we're going through the divorce, whatever. Final scene, we kind of blow out. I shouldn't tell you everything that happens, but whatever. So more so friends and it was kind of a weird thing. However, a lot of women objectively say,

that guy look like an asshole, like a lot of people. Like you're asking me right now. The dude got like a hundred chicks on Facebook were like, hi, are you the David? And then he like bang two of them. So I'm like, good for you. He totally hooked him up. I hooked him up.

I'm like, you look so bad, you look good. And then you got laid, you got your dick sucked because you look like an asshole. Because those are the women who date the bad boys. And I don't understand why I've never been that girl. Like if a guy is a dick to me like you're a bad boy like not attractive I'm not hard I'm not Tradon it's not interesting but a lot of women go for that and I'm not saying that David is a bad boy the guy in the show with me he's not but he looked that way

I'm sure he was so you know what just the crazy you told you hooked him up because he was just recently divorced when exactly you Exactly. You put him out there. Now he became, and you know, if he was stuck here in San Francisco, he might be a little bit miserable because it's a, you know, it's a big pond, but in Michigan, he was probably a superstar. Oh, superstar. He's so happy. He could print out his own.

I'm putting him on the goddamn map that guy should be happy, right? Even if he was a map too, we had fun on that show. It was good. So long ago. Not so long ago. It feels like it was a long time ago. It was in this room, actually. Stitcher Studios. Download the app. Listen to it on that show. It was good. It was so long ago. Not so long ago. It feels like it was long time ago. It was in this room actually. Stitcher Studios. Download the app. Listen to it on your iPhone. The podcast is really easy that way. Okay, so today's show. I'm just going to

read the emails because I've been getting so many emails lately from all of you and I'm trying. I really want to answer every single one. So thank you for emailing me at feedback at sexwithemlee.com. Okay, men who can't orgasm during sex. This type of scum I'm a lot lately. So dear Emily, I just started following you and the podcast are great. I'm a 20 year old male and I find it hard to climax during oral sex and sexual intercourse.

For example, my first time that ever that ever had sex, I could not climax at night or the morning after. I've heard that masturbation affects climax and also I read on men's health that you should masturbate at least twice a week. I've conflicted reading. So what should I do? Thank you, Emily. Sign Cody.

Okay, so Cody, if you orgasm easily during masturbation and you become accustomed to that experience, it can affect when you orgasm during intercourse. However, it's totally fine to masturbate, especially can affect when you orgasm during intercourse. However, it's totally fine to masturbate, especially two times a week. I mean, most guys lie guys masturbate every single day. Maybe you can practice masturbating and beating in different ways to orgasm. For example, instead of moving your hand, quickly up and down, try slower movements and mix it up. You may also need to find the right position to ejaculate in. Most people, most guys have a favorite position and we meant that this is easier to orgasm in like doggie style for

example or anvil position, which is missionary position with her legs over your shoulders. A lot of guys can orgasm that way. So maybe you need to have sex with someone for a bit to figure out how to orgasm you're 20 years old. I'm not sure how much experience you have, but in the meanwhile, when you're with a partner, don't be afraid to explore mutual masturbation and using your hand, well, she gives you a blowjob, so you can also do that as well. So if you are, like you said, that you're able to climax no problem when you're masturbating, so I would, like again, just mix up the different techniques that you're using. I think you're still figuring out your body and maybe during sex, you know, it's just,

it's harder for you to masturb it because you're so used to one way. So I would just again start adding some variety to your masterization practice. And what would you say to that? Use your human brain. Come up with fantasies. Your fantasies. You're most crazy scenarios in your head that probably will take you to that point.

When he's with art, when he's having sex with Art, and you can't masturbate, so what you do, so come up with the crazy supermodel or whatever, check your, have her, whatever guy, what do you guys think about? What? You're like, you're so funny. No, but you're saying come up with some fantasy

to get in there and use your imagination. That's a great point, Minus, because I don't have a penis. I don't know what goes on with you guys, only I can like, rent your penis for a day. I would love to rent your penis for a day. Would you let me? And also one more thing, if you have a problem, if you have the opposite problem, which a lot of men ejaculate sooner than they'd like,

they can also check out ProMesson. It's the only FDA-approved treatment for lasting longer in bed. So if you go to ProMesson.com, you get more information, click on the banner, you just click on the banner on taxis with Emily, it actually, and the thing is that a lot of men, they eject they too quickly, but it's not even that some men just want to last a little longer than like, they might not be a minute men, but it might be like six

minutes, but their girlfriend takes 12 minutes or orgasms, so you can use this spray on your penis and shoot, she doesn't even know you're using it. And you can feel everything and just stay hard longer. So check out from us if you wanted to that, which is pretty cool. For some people who have that issue, you don't have that problem. Do you miss?

No. Would you tell me if you did? Probably not. No. Okay. If we haven't talked about your penis enough, I'm going to talk to you about the fleshlight, which is the number one sex toy for men, because it really, well, it just really is. It's the only one

that you want. It is a masturbation sleeve. I've been talking about this for over a year and a half now, and I know you guys are all loving it because every guy got one is like, oh my God, where has it been my whole life. And it's not because you're not having sex, it's not because you're dissatisfied with your sex life. It's just like how I have a million vibrators or someone would have two, it's fine. You should have something as well. They just feel a little different than sex, just as good as sex,

and a little different than your hand. And also if you want to last longer in bed, the stamina training is awesome. So do me a favor, because I love you. And if you love me, go to sexistme.com, click on the flashlight banner, use code Emily, and you get a free bottle of the award-winning flush loop. Okay, hello, Emily.

I've been following your show for a few months, and I can really see that my sex life has improved. I've been together with my girlfriend for a while now, and since I'm a nice guy, the hardest time for me is when she has her period. She loves giving BJs, and she keeps me very happy, but I want to return the favor. Until now, I give her a massage, but I want to do more. You've talked about some breast orgasms, and I've searched your archive for information about this, but I don't feel like it gives enough information. Can everyone have a breast orgasm?

How long until you get there? How do you move your hands and mouth? Key up the good work regards Larry. Larry, I'm so glad your sex life has improved from the show. That makes me so happy. Okay, and I love that when she has a period, I thought you were going to say the hardest time she has a period because she's gone in Vinovitch and she's bloody or whatever, but you're saying you're such a guy, Larry, that you're saying, she's giving me blow jobs and I want to please her and I might want to give her a Nippel Organ, a breast orgasm which is the second most common type of orgasm. Did you know that? I didn't know it was the second. Yeah, second most common orgasm is breast and not every women can have them know. So she said you hate those women. I hate those women who are just like, oh,

oops, I had orgasm within two minutes and no way. I was riding my bike when I was eight and I had one and I haven't stopped ever since. Some women of orgasms really easily. I'm just not one of those women. It's hard, but it's not like easy. No problem And I know I've not a breast, but I'm working on the breast orgasm. In fact, I got some nipple clamps from good vibes. I've never played with them before, but I like different sensations on my nipples. Like this is what I think about the nipple Well, I should get back to the answer and then get back to my nipples and after this I this, I will talk about my nipples. So, stay tuned. First, Larry says, can everyone have a breast orgasm? I don't see the reason why not, every woman. Most women, I think, do not. However, I also believe like in everything in life, if you tried having a nipple orgasm, like if you were like, I'm going to work on it, I'm going to put a lube on it, I'm going to,

I'm going to have my partner rub it, I'm going to do it myself, I'm gonna work on it, I'm gonna put a loo on it, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have my partner rub it, I'm gonna do it myself, I'm gonna use vibrations, I mean play with your breasts and your nipples and figure out what turns around. So she might be able to, she might not, but you might as well try. I mean, I believe if you do the right thing to them and every woman is different, she might just have one. How long until you get there?

Again, different with every woman. Some woman can have a breast orgasm after 10 minutes, she might want another woman, you might have to work on her for an hour. And then how do you move your hands and mouth? Again, this is really different with all women. But the trick to the breast is that you always want to start a lot slower.

So like I always tell them, I go five times slower than you think you normally would. And softer. So maybe you want to cut her breasts first. Like, cut them on the sides and start rubbing the sides. That feels really good to women's breasts. And then slowly start moving your fingers around her ariola, around her nipples,

and see how she starts to react. You can like your finger or you can use some lube and make it and see if she likes a little wet, you can blow on it. So I would say you can nibble, nibble on the nipple, a lot of women like that, and then see how much she can take. Is she moaning? Is just she say, ouch, if she says ouch, don't you can nibble, nibble on the nipple, a lot of women like that, and then see how much she can take. Like is she moaning?

It's just she say, ouch, if she says ouch, don't do the nibbling, then just do the licking, you know. But some women really like their nipples like pinched and and and some women can just have orgasms from you. I'm the nipples. If you just go around and around with your tongue. So I'm telling you, you got to experiment with everything I just said. You little you, you, you some fingers and don't squeeze them and don't like really hard and plumb but you know the nipples

can take some more you know some more toughness but the breast just start off soft and gentle. So the same part of your brain that gives you sensations to the vagina actually brings sensations to the breasts and that's why women can have breast orgasms. So may also there you can make the nipples tense by placing your fingers on each side of the nipple. Push down slightly and slide your fingers apart. Move the breasts in slow circular motions. Start gentle, take her knee and how she likes them touched.

And then also like I said, you can use her tongue. And then when her nipples get a rack, which happens, as you know, man, it's with women's nipples, you can harden your tongue and flick it back and forth and slowly take it in your mouth and then begin to suck and nibble. This also, this is what I like, people like, I like, suck and release her nipples while inhaling. So it creates this like, I see sensation. You can also put an ice cube in your mouth

and you can suck in a nibble. Those are a lot of nibble tips. Have you ever met the woman who had a nibble? I had a breast orgasm? Yes, I have. And what were you doing, Tor? Do you remember? It wasn't that much. You're right.

She was at it, right? She just, yeah, someone who can just just have it. So it didn't really take that much work. Really? Like, did you just touch it or did you just think, do you remember what you did? Yeah, just, you know, touch it, you know, pinched a nipple and stuff like that and the thing is Damn it What?

I don't know if she's married or whatever, but I really wanted to ask her because since then she had breast enhancement. Oh, and you want I would never if I could have an orgasm through my breasts I would not I would not yeah, I just want to know if if's, I mean, it might be, you know, kind of weird after, you know, many years saying, oh, hey, I just want to call and ask you, can you still have a nipple orgasm after your rest implants? But maybe I should, I'll have a resistor. Yeah, why don't you just tweet her? I should, uh, and she's not much on. Hey, baby, you get those new blur.

So I'm down for some women. Once they get involved with the guy that they totally forget about the internet and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, that's true. It's kind of hard to keep tabs on what's going on. Right, and she might be insulted if you want to know. And I always know the instant a chick has become single again. Yeah.

Because then they're all over the internet. They are right that day. It is disappear for years and then suddenly they're okay. The profile picture like the whole thing. Right. That's what happened. You got to read it. Super dictable.

Now men do the same thing. And I can tell when people are about to break up too. How? I can tell because you know when they first get together, there'll be a picture of both of them in the photo, then the timeline will be always pictures of them, like out somewhere, and then slowly, it's like back to the future.

When Marty McFly started disappearing from the photos, slowly the guy will start disappearing from the photos. I noticed that too. And then boom, he's gone. Yeah, exactly. Relationships status game over. Exactly. That's why people you should not put your relationships status on Facebook.

You don't want everyone's going to know. Although I said it came out two years ago, it's funny. I got interviewed by the New York Post the other day. They wanted to know why it's so common that people break up off the holidays in December. And there was actually a study that came out. The most recent study I could find was a Facebook study that came out in 2010 that said that the two weeks before Christmas were the all-time high for people breaking up

because Facebook measured, you know, people's, like, most of them relationship status, all-time high the entire year. And the 25th was like the lowest. Like, no one is doing it on that day. You're either gonna dump them before the 25th, they're gonna dump them after. But it is a big time a year. Like, people, the motions run high. They, they, you know, they don either going to dump them before the 25th, they're going to dump them after. But it is, it is a big time of year.

Like people, the motions run high, they, they, you, they don't want to buy in presents, they don't want to go home with their family again, or they just like, they're like, is this the part they're re-evaluating or like? They're year, you know, they walk in. Exactly. They don't want to go into the new year, yeah, with a nuke with someone. So what you're going to say, you're, I think, you're going to ask you, it's probably like the gifts and stuff.

Exactly the gifts. I love. But I was with you you is probably like the gifts and stuff Yeah, exactly the gifts I love I love it. I was with you all year and I still didn't want to be with you I'd still get you a gift that's just a guy. Okay, how many months do you have to be how many How many months do you have to be with someone before you to buy my gift or how long do you think like if you're dating someone for three weeks Do you get him a gift on Christmas? I tell stories to you. I feel so bad Would you know so bad so it's like did you know? I feel so bad. So it's like, what am I like really first real girlfriends in like high school?

We get together a week before Valentine's Day. And I just like, I thought it's a week before Valentine's Day. We're barely even together. She got me all this stuff of Valentine's Day. I didn't get her anything. Oh, I feel still bad. Today, do you remember her name? Send her some flowers. No, what's up, Tina?

You're in high school. She's in Florida, I think. Right. Right. You were just there. You could have brought her something. Oh, yeah, I should have brought her something. I think she's buried. Oh, well, it happens.

Yeah, I know. We all do stupid things when we're younger. But I feel bad about it. I know. I feel bad about it. It's okay. That's good to eat so bad. Yeah, you probably won't do it again But it's hard what I'm saying is though like right now like I've been dating someone for A month Yeah, oh, you still got you got it. What do I get on? What what a month gift? But guys don't really care. No, sometimes care some guys here. Well, they're for gin as I'm a really committed

You know, I mean, I just I want to leave I'm a really committed. You know what I mean? I just want to leave the country for a month. That's what I want to do. No, I just get them. I'm going to go away though. I think by myself on a vacation over Christmas. Yeah, that's what I think. OK.

Are you serious? You're a month where? I don't know. Yeah, I actually, no, no, no, no, no, not a month. I'm going to go for a week. Go to Jamaica. Yeah, why'd you make a? I don't know.

When? Oh, you want me to come with you on your trip? Let's go to Jamaica. You hardly want me to come with you on your trip? Let's go to Jamaica. You hardly want me to come with you on your trip. So are you really going to go there? Yeah. Okay, cool.

Okay. Ooh, okay, this question. Okay. This is a common question. How do I get my wife to be more sexually open? Dear Emily, my wife and I have known each other since we were 18 and have been married for 17 years. Ever since we started having sex, my wife has never liked foreplay and only wants vaginal missionary intercourse.

In 20 years of knowing her, menace of psychs, give her a minute, give her a minute. I think she's let me go down her twice, never for more than a few minutes, and very rarely lets me use my hands and fingers on or in her. She sounds like a gift. She used to go down to me or give me hand jobs from time to time, but now rarely touches my penis at all.

She never wears any of the laundry I've given her over the years and very rarely makes a move. I mean, sex is pretty much arranged and agreed as we brush our teeth and get ready to say goodnight. Although she's beautiful, she's petite 5, 325 pounds. I know she has a lot of body image issues and sees herself in the worst light. I also know that motherhood really makes her physically immensely tired and she constantly suffers from a lack of energy. I tell her all motherhood really makes her physically immensely tired and she constantly suffers

from the lack of energy. I tell her all the time how wonderful and beautiful she is and I think how sexy and desirable I find her, but I think she thinks I'm patronizing her. She never talks about sex, but I fear she's not enjoying her sex since all I do is enter an orgasm several minutes later. She commented a few weeks ago that it makes her

uncomfortable when I try to go down in her or do other things. That conversation started when I asked her to give me a hand job. My request did not go well. I just feel like our sex life is so limited and that she would enjoy it more if she'd let go a little selfishly. I also wish she'd show more desire towards me and interest in doing things to pleasure me. What can I do to help her loosen up and get her to enjoy sex? Thanks, Steven. Well, Steve, this is a happy one because first of all,

this is probably the most common question I get asked. And this is a show I just did a few weeks ago with, you know, Dr. Drew Pinsky. His wife, Susan Pinsky came on my show and actually talked about their marriage. It was a very insightful, open interview that she did and she revealed a lot because basically the show was about mismatch libidos. This is what we're talking about. He wants it more than she does. She wants it more than he does.

How the hell do couples reconcile this situation? It happens. And of course, the first, you know, six months to a year, you're with someone, you're in the ripping your clothes off each other, can't keep hands on my God, sex is amazing, I'm sex every day, but it doesn't last forever, so what do you do?

And then things settle into place, and you realize, oh, I need it every day, she needs it once a month, what do we do? So if you wanna listen to this podcast, it's very interesting because Susan's and we talked to her for 30 years and she went through a lot and did not want sex for about 19 years after she had triplets. So she went through it.

So, but that's a whole other story. A little bit, because her thing was about hormone replacement theory, but the first thing I have to say to you is, you guys have been together for 17 years, since you were 18, so if I do the math, you're 35, I think. So, Steven, you've never talked about sex. So there's a lot of time that has passed with you guys.

I mean, I think that this is sort of in crisis mode because it sounds to me that, you know, you're not even saying that everything else is great in your relationship and all this stuff. But the fact that she doesn't want to have sex and she's not open, that might just be who she is. But I also think that you have to, that if it's been ever since she got kids and she's tired or body image, she might need to go into some therapy.

She should first think she should do is get checked out by the physician. She might have hormone drops after kids. This is what happens when she's in Penske is that she had early menopause and her hormone level was often. She didn't until she had hormone therapy, pelvis, pellet therapy, all of a sudden started feeling amazing. But she's married to a freaking doctor and they couldn't figure it out. So there could actually be something medically going on with your partner, with your wife.

And that's always the first thing, like is she taking meds, is she taking birth control as she had any depressants, all these are libido killers. So we have to first rule out or figure out if there's any physical thing going on. Okay, so then once you rule that out and she just says, no, I don't like sex, I believe that you have to also then, Steven, spend some time talking to her in a way.

Now, when you just ask a woman for a hand job, you just say, hey, babe, I want a hand job? Of course she's getting reactive way because you haven't warmed her up and you don't know what she needs from you. She doesn't want you to go down under. She doesn't, do you ever ask what she does want? Maybe she wants a foot rub.

Maybe she wants a back rub. Maybe she doesn't feel appreciated by you because I'm making this up. Maybe she used to bring her flowers all the time and you don't bring her little gifts anymore. And to her, those gifts meant the showed love. It's different in every relationship. Or maybe you never ask about her day

or maybe you don't take the trash out when you say you are. I don't know what it is, but there's something going on here where you guys are not connecting. And you've been together for so long and you've never talked about sex. So I do want to say that I do believe it's time for couples therapy for you guys. And maybe you should even see a sex therapist

but I would stop with couples therapy because usually couples therapy, usually the sex issues in a relationship stem from some underlying thing has happened. So you started to pull away. Maybe it was after kids, you know, maybe the kids it was to understand you kids. It's really hard to like, you know, make time for sex. But it sounds like this is lots of years and lots of miscommunication. She doesn't like the same things that you like.

Maybe she had sexual trauma when she was a little, I mean, we don't know. I think that if you want to save this marriage and you want to stay together, you've got to get intimate and serious in your conversations with her before you can get that way sexually. So I would recommend therapy

or if you feel that you guys have good communication on your own, which I'm not so sure about by email, you can start talking or about, you know, what does her and her on sexually. What are her fantasies? Does she ever have any? Does she ever think about sex? And you know what a simple thing to say to her is,

babe, what's the most memorable time that we've ever had sex together? What one time six-centred had? And she might say that time that we were away and Jamaica for the way we know who knows, maybe you need a vacation. So find out where she lives on the sexual compass and start to find out more information. Yeah, I was just going to say two things, kind

of going back to doing, doing things for maybe being more spontaneous and surprising her, not really playing out things like, hey, I'm, you know what, I want to take you, we're going to go do this, we're going to go do that. I know not, you know, every couple of money might be tight. Sounds like you have children, you know, just be creative and come up with different ideas and, you know, just be, have, have a couple surprises in the, your back pocket. It's true. And then also, I, it sucks because he only talks about sex.

I wonder like what her demeanor is during the day. It's just like the day to day. And I mean, if she had a, if she has a bad, a bad attitude at home, I'm like, and with what he's talking about, I'd be so miserable. Right. I'd be miserable.

And it's kind of hard when a person has a bad, bad mood constantly, like to turn that around. Exactly. Well, that's why I'm saying because there could be some kind of depression she's going through. It could be some, I mean, there could be so many things going on. I mean, it could be diet and nutrition. I mean, I don't know what it is, but yeah, if she's a bummer to be around and he's not

getting his needs met, couples just like brush us under the background. That's why I love people emailing about this because I really want to help help people because I do think and again listening to this you not for the Susan Pinsky show I mean it was so interesting how she mean they had triplets Can you imagine three kids at once and then like just like not you know like trying to work on their sex life Having kids and having all this stuff going on in your life means it's really really hard But they stuck together and they found a solution and I'm just like like, how do you do it? How do you do it? Because so many couples can't. They have too much time passes and the issues get so deep and they don't work on them.

And then they're like, yeah, hey, so when you go on a cruise, yeah, I just want to just get back to this. Yeah, I want to cruise through the Caribbean. And when you go on the cruise on every cruise line that I know of and that I've been on, they pair you up with different couples. Like I guess they go through your profile and like how old you are and stuff like that. So every time you go swinging, they pair you up with couples when you go to have dinner. So you don't sit at dinner by yourself.

You sit at dinner with other people. Okay. And so we were two other couples and one of the couples Girl the girl in the couple was such a downer like everything which is can change tables I mean if we want to but like the other couple we were with were cool And then the husband of the girl was he was really cool, but it just her What you do just negative about just everything like, you know, oh, things, how, how much stuff cost or like she's like, what do you complain about?

You're so lame. You're bringing me down. It's just like you're a bus kill. I'm like, how, I mean, how can you be around something that's just a bus kill? Exactly. Interesting. The day to turn it around. Right. And if I couldn't turn around something that's just a bus school? Exactly. It's interesting to turn it around.

Right. And if I couldn't turn around that person's mood, I, sorry, I would be out. Right. I, I, well, I couldn't be with anyone with a thing who bring, yeah, negative energy and brings me down. Maybe it doesn't even realize anymore. Maybe, or maybe some people they get off and like,

trying to make the burn happy. He's like, I'll make our happy. Just like women are like, I'm going to change them. Guess what people, the person are dating right now, they're not going to change. They're absolutely not going to change. The only way they might change is if they say, do you know what? I'd like to change. I'd actually like to change in this one area. But if you're thinking that you've got some Jedi mind trick that's going to change them, it's not going to happen.

It's the same thing with drug users. Can't tell not to right. Can't tell them they need to stop doing drugs. They have to realize that they have to realize that they have to they have to they have to have to hit the rock bottom. So I think that's a really important message. So that's what we got time for today. Everyone check out everything I got going on at sex with Emily dot com. Tell your friends. If you guys are liking the show and you're enjoying your love and say, hey, guess what I learned on sex with Emily?

We love to have more listeners. We'd love to hear from you at feedback at sex with Emily dot com. And also you can also get me on my Facebook page like my Facebook page. Sex with Emily Instagram Instagram Twitter sex with Emily. What else is there? Google plus? I mean, do you use all that stuff? Minus Snapchat? I'm on everything. What's the other one? Oh, fine. Have you started doing vine yet? I will find old man. But I'm doing vines now. Oh, you are. It's old. It's old, but whatever. It's been around for a while. I will find old man. I'm doing vines now.

Oh you are. It's old. It's old, but whatever. It's been around for a while. I know, but now it's not. It's not. Okay, well I'm doing some vines. What if people that do do vines are really creative.

I know. They're super fun. I know some people in LA, so I'm going to be doing some stuff with them. So anyway, check out Menace, MENAC. Yeah, on Instagram and Twitter. Instagram's always my favorite because the visual aspect. Right. And if you want to see the Caribbean, I have over 20 beautiful photos of that.

Oh. And check out our other stuff. I'm, oh, I'm going to be doing really cool. If you're into like big bands like Arcade Fire. I love Arcade Fire. Who else is going to be Queen's Stone Age, AFI, who you you just hung out with I just hang out with them in love and just over like 20 other bands Lord Who she has a giant song right now called royals on December are just following me on Twitter. I'm gonna tweet out here in San Francisco

I'm not so sick of but I'm doing a national Webcast where I'll be interviewing all these bands live backstage at a concert for two days. So, that's cool. I'll tweet it out. I know it's not sex. Maybe I'll ask some of the bands. People on the show listen to music.

You don't just care about sex, right? People? Yeah. Oh, yeah, like big bands like Phoenix, like huge bands. No, I don't want to. If you want to go, but they're having the same concert in LA. You should just go. All right, I'll go to that one.

Okay. But yeah, if you wanna check that out, I will between out some links. Be a good way for you to get to anything. For our friends, yeah, I do. I'm going to waste, if I take it to be live in the area. Live in the Bay Area. If you don't just watch it online,

you can, you can tweet me questions and I will ask the band the questions. God, man, it's so multi-purpose functional, multi-functional, man. Okay, everyone, thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. It was a good for you. E-Mommy, feedback at sexwithemlee.com. Hi, I'm Emily from Sexwithemlee.com.

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