Sex With Emily - Best Of: Porn, Polyamory & Perfecting Anal Play with Nina Hartley

Episode Date: March 26, 2016

In this classic episode of Sex With Emily, the iconic porn star Nina Hartley joins the show opens up about her start in porn, non-monogamy, feminism, and so much more. From handjobs to polyamory and everything in between, the nothing is off limits for this dynamic duo!Emily and Nina get into the nitty gritty details of uncovering your orgasm, discovering new fetishes and traversing the road to your anal pleasure. Believe it or not, there ARE wrong ways to go about sexual exploration, but these two have the sexpert tips you’ll need to make your journey a smooth and sexy one. If your sex life has hit a speed bump and you need a few pointers to clear your path to sexual fulfillment, this throwback podcast is not one to pass up! Get advice straight from a living legend of the porn industry, and of course, Emily, too! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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And to top it all off, they'll even throw in free shipping on your entire order. And no, they're not kidding. So check out adamaniv.com today for this special offer. Get 50% off one item when you type Emily for the offer code, PAN Checkout. When you do, you'll get three free DVDs, a free extra gift and free shipping. Just use offercode Emily at Adam and Eve.com. That's Emily at Adam and Eve. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions, Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute.

The girls got a hair standard, oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, but only? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information go to sexwithendly.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. You can also go to iTunes. Just download them off. I've got hundreds of podcasts on iTunes. My website at Sex with Emily I've got lots of information, informative blog posts

and videos and so much that you can learn there. And I just want to thank everyone for listening. And I'm really excited for tonight's show because I have an amazing woman sitting here in the studio with me. Nina Hartley. Hello. Hello.

You do. You do. You do. Yay, I love the clapping. That's amazing. She is. And Nina is, if you don't know, which I can't imagine, because everyone knows who Nina is, I feel. American pornographic actress, director, sex educator, feminist, author, you've been in how many films? In fact, 900. 900 films. And you're still doing films. Absolutely. At everything, you're activists, you've done so many things, and I'm so in awe of your career,

and all the amazing things you've done, and we're gonna talk about sex tonight. I mean, sex with Emily. But if anyone, I feel like, I should, I know, how about that? Even at awesome. I know. And we're gonna get into the stuff,

all the things that you've ever wanted, asking, and I feel like so many of my listeners, they need tips, they need advice, for keeping their relationships interesting, and how to have a spicy sex life. And I love oral sex tips. I always ask my guests and I feel like you would have really good oral sex tips for women and for men.

So we're gonna get into that, you know, sexy voice. And Anderson, are you paying attention or you Anderson are you there? So I'm here with Anderson as well. And he's making everything run smoothly. I make things sound good. You make things sound pretty. And you're not just a pretty face yourself.

You make you sound pretty. That's it. And I just make sure that the levels are good. It's all like it. No, but you're doing good. OK. So Nina, I don't even know. I was like, Nina, I think there's so many things

that Nina can talk about. And so I feel like, tell me what you're up to now. So, oh, for, well, yeah, tell me what's going on in your life now that you're excited about. What do you work on? Neenah.com, which is amazing. You have that URL. Right.

Neenah.com is my, my pay site and it's triple X. I do need to, I've been doing this 32 years since I started dancing in 30 years in porn. And I am now old enough to have children in their 30s. But as I tell the young people with whom I work, you know, I'm old enough to be your mother, but I'm no one's mother, so it's not creepy. Right, exactly. So I have been working pretty more energy into branching out just in terms of talking and

teaching, because I've been a feminist my whole life. And so I remember the early days of the conversation about pornography and sex and sexuality and sexual expression from the 70s and now I have 40 years perspective on how is that working for you. Right exactly. So I'm the age of a lot of young people's parents and so but I'm not a parent so if I'm not Ikey.

So I wanted to give back to the community. I want to talk to young adults about what I wish I'd known about sex when I was their age. What is, so when you say young, you're talking about people in their 20s. I'm talking about, for me, 18 to 30. I could eat, I'm 54, I could easily have a 30 year old child. Yeah. Without it being weird.

Right. And the fight had a child go out of high school. That person would be 30. I do my favorite playmates were born the year I graduated at high school and they're 35. It blows my mind, but I see them as peers because they're don't. What do you mean you're playmates, people that you play with, have sex with?

Right. I am not a monogamous person and I'm also queer. So I have a large circle of poly bi, queer, non monogamous, polymorphously perverse, big gets. But I live a basically open lifestyle and what people get confused about who are not this, why are these ways, they can use open an ARCHIC, with like no rules at all. Right. And what it really is, it's a kind of sexual orientation that works best when you keep

it within people of your like orientation. Right. So people with whom I play, and for me play is almost always some kind of sexual intention. Mm-hmm. It's not actual, genital contact. Are people who share my sexual values, my sexual outlook, most of my overlaps with sexual philosophy enough that we can cohabit the same space and share some kind of mutual good time.

And I don't try to do that with people who sexual values and boundaries. Don't mess with mine. And the biggest thing I could tell anybody as a young adult is figure out what, and this is what you can do alone while reading, you don't even have to do with anybody. It's just something inside yourself. What do I seem to be? I'm strongly pulled toward monogamy.

I'm strongly pulled toward nomenogamy, but I feel guilty about it because of what I've been told. So am I really monogamous and wanting a fantastical dream? Or am I actually a n-binochamist person burdened with guilt? So we have to investigate. So my playmates and they're 35, and they're born in the year I graduated high school.

I get the S out of dog. That's exactly. But I feel more alive than ever. I wouldn't go back and be 35 again if you paid me because at 35 I was entering the most unhappy period of my first marriage. But where I was craziest and most absolutely, I've been unhappily married, I'm happily married now, and I have insights I can impart to people, you know, and also the whole thing

about personal responsibility. Stop feeling I said to victim. I'm sure you talk about that with people all the time. Feeling like a victim in their own life. In their own. Especially if it comes to sex. Poor me, poor me. And, you know, pull up your big, pull up your big, big person panties.

Right. Exactly. And we're not talking about actually having been victimized, obviously, when I talk about violence. No, but we're talking about where, you know, where you, where you're doing the crazy, you're thinking about partners, you have this pattern that you act out again and again, you realize, and after the third time, it is you. Exactly. What's the common denominator here? Oh, okay, it's me.

I know. I fully blame myself for all of my mistakes now. Like, I think it's so funny among my relationships. I'm like, oh, yeah, this is my pattern. And people don't stop, they don't stop looking themselves. But I think it's interesting. So you've been, have you always known that you were nonmonodumist or when you were in your...

Yeah, okay. Well, if I'd had the words in high school, I would have recognized that I was as to quote read Mahalko a poly-by slut. I love read, read. You love reading, yes. You love reading about sex. And I never had a monodimist fantasy in my life. I always fantasized about them.

I never fantasized about him. And I always felt strange about that. So when it comes to sex, I feel like Spock. I just never, and if you have friends who are very, very strongly gay, they'll tell you, oh, I knew from first grade, oh, I knew since I was five years old. Oh, absolutely.

And you know people like that. Yeah, absolutely. I am not. So my sexuality is as strong and in bread and born in me as their gayness, but because I didn't have language for it, I didn't know that had to do with relational orientation. Or because Polly is and monogamous, separate from gay or kinky or bisexual. It's just how do you want to run your romantic life? And I'm very happy. I need a wide variety of people with whom I can be sexual. And I have a husband,

and people will say, Nina, if you're, why be married, if you're not going to be monogamous. Right. And I say, well, my husband's my through partner. So all the sex I have is intentional. Right. We negotiate it. We are doing it deliberately. It's not because someone got drunk. So each time I'm with someone, that's a beautiful bead. Maybe this is a carved ivory bead. This is a marano glass bead or this is a Hopi Indian bead. And I string all those beads on the through relationship I have with my husband.

And they, for me, that balances out. Right. And is he also, is he just he see other people as well? Nothing seriously. I'm I'm Pauli Amriss. He's non monogamous. Okay. But the orientations work well enough that that we can we can make it work. My primary when I got out of my first marriage, I knew I knew that I would be single until I was dead and have cats and lovers before I would ever consent again to be with a possessive partner. I've been struggling with my guilt over wanting a non-possessive partner for so long. I'm struggling over my guilt about desiring multiple people because person A

would get so hurt that I express an interest in person B because person A felt that my interest in person B therefore it meant less for him or her right and or you like b because you don't like me You like b because I'm deficient. It's like no. I like a and b and There's enough for everyone right from as a polyperson a is a is a Nothing else can be a and nothing else can be you and you can't they don't compete exactly So I if there's a for example example, another slender, attractive, accomplished, intelligent young brunette woman over here, who can rock the plaid pants, which I no longer

bother trying to wear. And if there's someone who on the surface of it looked a lot like you, I would not be confused because you're you, and she would be right her and so that so you vibrate the string In that harmonic resonance way and she and she can't pluck your string right exactly You were young and they're possessive and so I totally understand do you think that there's a lot of people do find that would be not My monogamous or polyamorous if they could but they don't even think that's an option because they have to. Do you think really like a lot of people are, you know, I think monogamy is an honest orientation.

I think a solid 20% of people are truly monogamous. One part is all they want and they're devoted their whole lives and it's not a burden and it really, it's what they are. They are it. They did. I met your it. They are it. This is it. I met your mother when we were 15, I fell in love and never looked at another woman's sentence. I've met enough couples like that to note that.

For some people is true. And then there is 20% of the people like me who are fully acclimated to a functioning, healthy, non-monogamous relational style and have a good partner and are okay with that. And the other 60% are struggling with some balance of it. So as not that I think more people would be non-monog, I think more people could be more open and fluid than are now if it were considered a healthy option.

Right now, you know, monogamy is the only thing that's helped healthy and normal immature and respectful. I would never put it with my partner. You let him do what? Right. You let her do what? It's like not letting. Right. So clearly, I can't be with someone like you. And I tried that. I tried very hard. I fail at monogamy. I completely. I hate to. I was, I ended up being a cheater, I ended up being a liar, I ended up with holding it was, it was, it was crazy. So but if what I really was why I want to strangle them, people would say, well, you know, I want other parts, but I don't want my part to have anybody else. It's like then you are too immature for this, you don't get to have the cookie because this

is a two way street. Exactly. Now, because in our culture, people get stunted emotionally at very young ages around sexuality and pleasure and what do I get to have in the world and then they grow up to be big people and they interact with another adult person and then a trigger gets pushed all of a sudden they're again a very young child and they don't want to have to deal with their stuff. You have to do it first, because I'm not going to it. I thought I was dating a grown-up.

Exactly. No, I understand. And I think a lot of people struggle with it. I myself, same thing. I, Minagami, has, it's never worked for me, really. And never. And I love hearing you say this because I still think I try to get into relationships where I am.

Not that I haven't been in, but I used to be a cheater. I'm a form-caater, because I don't really commit now. And if I do, I'm like, okay, this is more open. But it's something that I never wanted from a young age. I've never wanted it. And I kept thinking that. What's wrong with you for not wanting it? I'm like, one day I'll want to get married.

Well, one day I'll want to get, you know, it'll all happen. And it's so good, but no. At this point, it's just not gonna happen. I mean, I kept waiting. I have relationships and it doesn't. Right, I kept waiting for the to want kids. and it never, the joke now is that the factory they forgot to wind my biological fault. Exactly. That's what I always say. I don't have one. I don't have a lot of kids. I love them. I love them. But let's go back to your child. So you

grew up in Berkeley, California, which I just moved to LA from San Francisco. So my heart is still in San Francisco. Oh, it always goes. So what name of that? The name is growing up in Berkeley then. What were your parents like? Well, my parents are totally alt. My father was a blacklisted radio personality. So I grew up after he'd been black. He was my last people McCarthy got. And my mother, they had had a pretty modern marriage

and my mother was going back to school to get her masters and she had a job too. And so I grew up in a very avant-garde, female, red-winner, male, home keeper, household, 20 years before that was popular. So that was very difficult for everybody involved. I'm sure it must have been. So I was a youngest and so I had a lot of time

to myself to pursue my own interest my parents were all of the 60s deeply into therapy all caught girl I can tell you everything right you got and in 1969 they found Zen Buddhism and Started studying that seriously in 1973 they quit my mother quit her job and became that became full-time students And my mother is a senior priest became, became full-time students. And my mother is a senior priest at the Zen Center in San Francisco. Oh, she is? She still is? Oh well.

And so they found, they, I'm so grateful because being 1969, it could have been asked. Right. It could have been hard enough. I was going to ask if it was asked. It could have been signed by. Thank God. But that's what I was going to say to you. Thank God.

So then your parents are that. Excuse me. I'm sorry. What is asked I was going to say to you. Thank God. So then your parents are that and then you. Excuse me, I'm sorry, guys. What is it asked? Oh, Earnhardt Seminar Training. If I don't know, I'll let the people know. No, I'm glad you're asking. It was just like hippie.

With the first cult of personality, I'm okay. You're an asshole. Is that what I'm saying? You heard about things. Well, they keep you in the room all day to know when you're hungry and tired. And you need to go to the bathroom to break your ego. Yeah, I mean, it was like a spiritual people. Remember like landmark form.

I think people do that now. Well, I think landmark form is like a spiritual people. Remember like landmark form? Yeah. People do that now. Well, I think landmark form is a descendant of AST. It's kind of like, what about the thing where people screamed? That's primal scream therapy. My parents tried that. She thought he'd done everything.

It's Berkeley in the 16th. It's probably in the 16th. But seriously, like what else is the sex? Seriously, apparently the tears for fear songs shout, shout, let it all out. It was all about that. Oh, was it? Didn't know?

Are you just saying that? No, no, I can't really truth. It really did. It does work. So I was it? Didn't you just say that? No, no, I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, by my father's blacklist and the plan they have of themselves, 65 miles an hour into the brick wall.

And so they showed me that you can, a person can cast about and find the best way to make an honorable and meaningful life for yourself, according to your own needs. And for a protoqueer kid who didn't know that word yet, it was very, very liberating because part of what they also looked at was sexuality. And then there was a feminist movement where I got all the some of the source material because of these brand new ideas. And so there was before the anti-prinography feminist took over the whole branch of the whole wing of feminism, there was actually quite open discussion about sex workers' rights and women's bodies.

It was really great, very, so it was very empowering that the thinking about, but I was younger enough that I wasn't fully an adult. I hadn't become an adult in that environment. So I was reading people's projections on a utopian way of being around sexuality, young enough that I grew into it. And you lived it, you were living it now. And if I had had a little more FUFing F,

I would have not put up with some of what I put up with. I was a bit, I was a bit, I was quite codependent for a number of years. And so in my secret mind, I wanted to be braver, like Betty Dotson in my real life. I just couldn't quite break that pattern until I finally did it 40. It's like, oh, I'm holding myself back.

Right. It's always us holding ourselves up. We're the only ones holding ourselves back. I know absolutely that's true. So I want to go back to how you, so you went to school, you went to graduate from Berkeley and then you became a nurse or you went to university school. Oh I graduated from Berkeley High School. Which all my friends went to Berkeley High School are like they're the most interesting people. They're just they're like so my favorite people and they're parent. I mean the way they eat the way they talk they're really amazing. They're the most interesting people. They're just they're like some of my favorite people and they're apparent I mean the way they eat the way they talk. They're pretty cool people and I said I'm I'm friends with all the people I was in the theater department which was fabulous for me and I saw my first I discovered pornography when I was 14 and was reading the books by the bedside of this cool

70s swinging couple That I babysat for regularly and they had a water bed. Oh, of course. And they were spending to have 73, 72, 3 and 4th. The height of it I was so I found the joy of sex and the happy hooker, maybe want to be a prostitute that very day. And I still, you know, it's like, oh my gosh, wouldn't that be great if it were a

great business. You know, and you're educated, so I know some of the anti-prinography screed is what they don't like about it porn is that it portrays women as horse by nature. Setting aside for the moment that the reason you watch porn is to watch people in sexual action is opposed to any other kind of movie. I don't agree that I agree with them that not all women are quotes are hoarse by nature but she says raising her hand somehow. Right exactly. You know some of us are suited for this job. This so some of us are suited to be

law enforcement. Some of us are suited to be lawyer. Some of us are suited to be accountants and I'm suited to be a sexual intermediary. So when was your first sexual experience? Was it young? Did you start sleeping with people like men and women or was it? I knew at 14 that I was bisexual. I had the label bisexual. I knew I was exhibitionistic and a voyeur at 14 because I was seriously, I was speaking out information about sex. I could, I think the George sex came out very soon after that. And then I went to Mitchell Brothers as well. as well, and so that was before okay, so that was that was that was app So so I I've discovered pornography at 14 light right away And I looked like the first playboys I saw and anything depicting sex or bodies in motion and otherwise I saw I love looking at the naked lady that was just the most awesomeness thing in the world

So when the screen came down about objectification being wrong. I realized that that that line of thinking is just bullshit and based on nothing. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking like that. No, you could do whatever. I want to say what I'm talking about. So I walked, so Berkeley high school, between my home and the high school was an adult theater. The Mitchell brothers had a theater in Berkeley.

Okay, so Mitchell brothers is an iconic theater and separate stuff. It's kind of adult theater and the San Francisco And they had, well, the Mitchell Brothers theater in terms of go had everything. This was just a movie theater. No peep shows, no live girls, just just a theater. And so I boldly when I was six, seven, 17 walked into the theater to see a movie because I read the book. I wanted to see the movie. And I had an epiphany experience there. I was just struck with, that's what I wanted to do. Well, it was a porn film.

One of you, yeah, it was an autobiography. It was a flea. It was a hardcore porn movie. And you said, I want to do this. And I wanted to do it at 17. I was wearing overalls and a final shirt and Birkenstocks and granny glasses. I mean, full-on, seven, it's 1976.

So full-on, hippie, get up. And nothing sexual, I wasn't. was now in my mind. I had been thinking about sex with people for years, but I didn't actually have sex with anybody. So I was 18. And those experiences were as awkward as they ever are. But 18 my first girl girl, my first boy girl experienced and took me years to like to really learn how to like sex and took me more. You just need to be be any good at it. Then there's some people who are just like it, though. Why didn't you like sex if you're so you didn't know how to take it? I didn't. I like it mentally, but aha.

So yeah, my relationship to pleasure and my relationship to my embodied feelings were as shall we say nassiant and very immature. Okay. So did you you feel like guilt around it or did you feel guilty to deserve it? No, I just wasn't connected. I didn't know how to, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't connect it to my body. My parents were very intellectual. So, they were, we had conversations about feelings

and theories about feelings, but feelings. Right, about feelings, right? And so, no, no free discussion. There's no yelling, no screaming. It's just, it was just very German. Right. And so, I didn't, and more importantly. Did you have orgasms?

Like did you experience pleasure in that way? Well, I wasn't, I wasn't very, for me, even to this day, my interest in sex and my desire for sex is from the brain down. I, some people are very genetically motivated as in their crutches go feed me now. Get off of this chair, get get a shower go to a bar find me something to eat because I'm really hungry right thank you please go and I never have

for me I could totally stay in my head about sex all I love reading about it um theories about it you know message I just love science of it and the literature of it just fascinating to me but then it was you were more than totally in my head completely in my head when you more you were a performer, then when you started doing films, you started doing films. So I started stripping. When I was 23, I was going to nursing school. I went into a friend from high school. I'm still sorry, I didn't sleep with Ruby. She told me that.

The job she had, and I was like, that sounds like she was a stripper. This wasn't Mitchell Bros, but another club in San Francisco. She told me about Amateur Knight and I went to my then boyfriend who ended up being my first husband and it was a shared fantasy of ours. I was that kind of girl who wanted to be a poor no girl or be a sex worker. And so I didn't realize he was going to turn into a lunatic later. But he seemed very... Never do, unfortunately but he seemed very

angry. Can there be some kind of thing that you can like talk to their exes or there's some kind of personality test you give people before you get into a relationship, then figure out if you're really in a relationship. First, you have to have a relationship with yourself. So I did not know how to say things like, wow, did you mean to say that? Right. I don't agree.

Go back. What did you say? Oh no, I think you're wrong. That's a deal breaker I didn't know you could talk to people like that and so you don't like to learn skills and at the code dependent The person makes a big enough fuss over it. You're just gonna nod there and and you can think whatever you want You're not gonna you're not gonna say what and and he and my first boyfriend He said many things that in my mind like what and I, what? And I didn't know that you could, that you just supposed to say that. Right. Exactly. Exactly.

And you're supposed to say like, right, you should be. But in the beginning, he was very supportive and was hot for him that I wanted to be a, a peep show girl. So I did the amateur night with the whole other story. Am I one a job? And it was awesome. So you were amazing. Did you get naked on stage? Oh my god, naked on stage. And it was, it was a photo night, so amateur photo night. So by being on stage, the guys in the audience had cameras.

And I look at the, I had seen pictures from that night. And it's just for me, horrifyingly embarrassing, that I had a perm. And I dyed my hair dark. Right, but still. But still. But still. But still. And then I ended up getting a job at the Mitchell Brothers Theater.

And doing the lap, I love the lap dancing. I had a live show with a dildo. And so full nudity, full nudity, sex performance. And what I loved about it on people say, my guy, step closer, so dangerous. If you're an exhibitionist, a woman, that's the safest place to be. And that's where you go to get naked.

Everybody understands the rules. Everybody knows their sponsors. The guys don't think that you're being a cocktail because they understand that you're not going to go home with them. So they're not looking at you with hostility and look of she's not don't forget this nineteen in nineteen eighty three. I am dancing and the distabial sit on the edge of the stage and show my vulva to men who would stand sit there and wrapped wrapped in raptured and just transfixed and transformed. And look, I realize no woman had ever said, hey, try this.

I like this. Try this move. Here's what, here's what these parts are. Yeah, they know, they still don't. They still don't. That's where the sex of them lay, because I swear to God or where they watch your films and you do educational films on your site.

Brave hug, those, yeah, I think that I just, ugh, I just want to learn. They don't learn, they don't know that they've been ginosed, they've given, there's clueless. And every vagina there is different than they don't understand. They don't understand. And they're stuck watching mainstream porn for information, which is really sad because it doesn't teach you anything.

I see this all the time, mainstream porn. It literally looks like that doesn't feel good to her, but you're nowhere near her Cliterus. You really think she's having no orgasm right now. It's not happening. You know what I mean? It's like it's a movie. I know it's a movie. So that's how kids, but that's what I want to ask you. We're going to go back to what do you think? Because it just comes up all the time. Is it what? How do you think that porn today is impacting like young people who are learning about sex. Well, I think that's the only place for seeing sex. It's certainly impacting them in a way that is going to make good sex. That's much harder to get to.

If we could counter porn with actual age appropriate comprehensive sex education, that is safety and pleasure based. So before you're watching porn, you should be, you know, you know, you know, watch all the porn you want. Consumers. Not judging you for no concern. Consumers.

Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers.

Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. Consumers. experiences that I've had, I've consumed the media that I've had, I've had the media messages, into me that I've had, eventually when we're alone together in a room, it's just you and me,

and how am I going to be? Am I going to be a dipshit ignorant lame ass cunt? Or am I going to be a human who says, wow, you know what, I'm really uncomfortable now because this is new for me, or wow, you're really beautiful or golly. I'm really scared or you know what? I really like this idea back at the bar, but now that we hear I really want to keep my clothes on or you know what? Can we have some I can't wait to see whatever it is whatever it is. Because women think they get in a situation or I owe it to them or you bought me dinner or I'm too drunk and people just Don't go into that so so the if you as a person

So the if you as a person think that a human partner is going to like what a movie is doing, then you are not ready to have a partner in your bed with you. You have you're you're you need to back up and get acquainted with your own body and not talking guys. Here I tell women don't bother getting another person bed with you until you on your own can reliably give yourself a orgasm Preferably a couple away, but it's only one way reliably know that I can do this and here's what orgasm feels like to me And here's the things that I like and here the kinds of so I know me So I'm gonna drive the Ferrari first and I'm gonna take for the hairpin terms I'm gonna take it over to the do the do the you know the Don't do that and call up and like my boyfriend didn't give me an orgasm. I'm gonna take it over to the do the do the you know the Right, so women don't do that and they call up and they're like my boyfriend didn't give me an orgasm I'm like well, well, you know, it's not his job

I have an orgasm head you spent time alone with yourself figuring out your own body It's not no, it's not your job to give me pleasure It's my job to know what pleasure feels like to me and communicate with you helpful hints exactly to give you go down You know the left fork is a little better you helpful hints to give you go down, you know, the left fork is a little better. Um, just so you know, and that surprised me. Right. And so ladies, don't have a partner in bed until you are comfortable alone in your room with a locked door and a closed window naked in front.

Make a nice lighting. I'm not saying no one's going to know very well. We're going to love their love themselves with harsh overhead lighting, but with nice bedroom lighting, do the therapy, the journaling, the masturbation, the naked dancing until you are okay. You love your body, you love yourself, and you know how to get yourself there. It's so true. And then just get everything.

What kind of sexy clothes do, what kind of things do I have to wear to feel sexy? So if you need to wear a baby doll to cover your middle or a stockings, whatever, you find your own sexy space and own it and claim it and go, okay, fine, yay. So now you're at the starting line instead of being behind the starting line. Now guys, my advice to you is don't bother trying to get someone into bed with you until you can stay hard and happy for at least 20 minutes. Not baseball stats, not not not baseball stats not granny panties not no happy B or bad sensual voluptuous you know as Chris

Fox says get a good jerk on right and learn how to stay in stay pleasurably happy for at least 20 minutes bonus point if you do that drinking off with a condom because hey it's gonna feel different way with a condom triple bonus point for both genders if you learn to make friends with the back porch, which is strictly external anal play. Back porch, we're going to hang out in the back porch. You know, why don't we give a shout out to the people who help keep this show free? If you've listened to this show the last couple months, you've probably heard we talk about

a unique product called the womanizer. A while back, the owners of the company asked if they could send me wine to test out, which of course, you know me, I agreed to it. I own and review a lot of toys, and I was fairly confident I've tried every category of product around, but I was wrong. The womanizer was designed in Germany, and unlike anything else on the market, it indirectly stimulates the clitoris using suction. It's kind of like a sexy erythomometer.

It has a silicone cylinder on the face that you place over your clitoris, kind of like how a partner might use their mouth. And while it's on, you can vary the suction and move it around to create an amazingly intense experience. In fact, most women in their focus group achieve orgasm in one minute. That's right, a 60 second orgasm. You can just knock it out if you want. So I tried the womanizer and they were in kidding. It's amazing. The suction is adjustable and you can position it to create so many different sensations. The womanizer

is really in a category of its own and I suggest you check it out for yourself. Go to sexwithm.com and click on the womanizer banner for more information. How do you, anal, okay, anal sex huge right now? I mean, I feel like in the last 10 years, I don't even feel like you'll talk about like when I was in high school, ever it didn't come up, didn't know it, no guy ever like you'd been mentored there,

but now, and I do believe it's because of porn, that they think, oh, that that's what I'm, it's expected of me, men and women, right? I mean, well, certainly, and again, there is what we feel porn is quote unquote telling us, and then what I'm telling what I'm telling you Is you know that's bad again, you know I'm Don't learn to drive a car by watching Vin Diesel. We don't learn about spy craft by watching

007 and we don't learn about actual sex as a human person by watching porn We make it a couple of cool ideas with a human person by watching porn. We may get a couple of cool ideas with a wrist flip or something. But in the end, ladies and gents, good sex is sex that pleases both people and makes them go, you know what? That was really great. I'd like to see you again. I feel good after it, not bad, not guilty, not shame face, not apologetic, not sorry for it.

What about tips for people who have never had anal sex, but they'd like to, and they like a lot of guys, they email like, oh, I'm a partner too, and I'm like, have you ever tried it? What about, let's first talk about men and women, they've never had anal sex. How would you- First, the only people who should attempt anal pleasure are those who are sincerely interested in it for their own sake. So butts are like cats.

They must be coaxed and seduced every time. Right. But can you do your weeks away? You're just jumping forward a month. We're talking about our mental state. So butts must be coaxed and seduced every time. And they're mo you like cats. And they cannot lie.

You cannot make your butt relax. You cannot make it one at what it doesn't want. And butts also know that the butts know when what is touching them is paying attention or being a jerk, including ourselves. So if one wants to become more, one wants to investigate anal sex. First, one needs to invest in a high water, high natural fiber diet to make things all regular. Okay. If you have bowel issues or poop issues, diet. That's not going to be the thing for you yet. No, yet. Yeah. Thank you for saying yet. Thank you for saying yet. So first, so we're interested in anal play, first I have to be interested in it for myself.

I want it not to please. You can't do it to please anybody. It has to be because it's pleasing to you. It's like, oh, hey, wait a minute. Cool. So there's that. Then you read up about it. You read about it.

So you have some actual information. If you're a female, just in teramino's book is excellent. And if you're a male, Jack Morin's book, Animal, Precious and Health is excellent and just get acquainted with it and understand. Then you have to go through re-acquainting so much of the resistance to animal pleasure is cultural that just getting to the point in your life where you can take a after a shower,

everything's clean and clean, clean, clean. To get to the point where you can take a after a shower, everything's clean, and clean, clean, clean. To get to the point where you can touch the outside of your anus in a pleasurable way while touching the front of you and putting those two sensations together, that's 80% of the battle. And we're not even talking about anything penetrating. No, just touching, like, right.

Yes, we're just working on, because as we approach pleasure from our anuses, all the roadblock that's put up in front of us from our culture and our experiences, it's only for fags, bad, dead, dead, dirty, exit only. I'm always trying to get men in my show. I'm always just trying it. If you never, if you want to,

if you're planning it, you're missing it. Many of many gay men do not do anal intercourse. And many women, she says, raising her hand, are fiends for it. If you know how to, if you know how to make my butt happy, you can so. But how do you tell, okay, so did you learn all this? Let's go to your porn career. So when did that Mr. Brothers you're stripping? Right, I started my, maybe my first movie in 84, but in terms of going back to anal sex, I did, yeah, so I, so I, I, uh, didn't really get really, not, adept at it and really learned to like it

until I got with my now husband. And we followed Tristan Teremino's book, Ultimate Guide to Anal Effects for Women and the Anal Training Program. And the secret. Anal Training Program. Sign me up. Who wants to sign up for that?

Right, the secret to learning how to be, quote, unquote good at anal effects or enjoy anal effects. Anal pleasure is besides my personal reorientation of my relationship to my butt. That's my festering and in therapy and whatever else. So I get neutral. Okay. Cool. I'm okay with this now.

We can move forward with the partner. My job is to get okay with all of my parts. Your job is to get okay with your parts. And we bring two people who are okay. Maybe an experienced, but okay with their parts, able to communicate and listen to messages from your body. And we have a dialogue. So when my voice is learning how to do this, what we do even now, every time we make love,

we do something with my butt. We always play with it with gloves, fingers, I clean it out, and we do it with some kind of anal attention and a nice comfy plug. Every fourth or fifth time, my butt goes, more please. And my husband goes, well, all righty that, and we progress to anal end, of course. But we never, it's never, people think, oh my gosh, so I'm going to, we have to get his penis in my ass tonight.

It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, honey, pumpkin. That's when you get people going, well, you know, will we get drunk and see what happens? No, no, don't go back. Don't get drunk, right? Exactly, I was like, I had drunk, I remember I knew, I did have a one so I was really drunk. I was like, I only like it when I'm drunk.

You could only, nurse Nina says, you could only have drunk anal sex with an ongoing anal sex partner and you plan to be it's something you plan to do. I'm not saying that quote-unquote drunk anal sex can't be fun, but unless you set the playground up in a safe way, you're gonna end up with a nasty infection, ate an injury to your body. So many things could go wrong. So the our butts are always there. Right. And so we can circle around the issue of our pleasure

from it for as long as we need to. Eventually with the right partner. And circle around your anus. Yes. And yes, and massaging the sphincter. And don't even go near. And people think, well, I'm just going to have you ever had this happen for the guy, you know, he's petting your butt. And then he says, he's starting to go like and you really think I'm not going to notice right you really think I can't tell that you're a half an inch from my ass and you're trying to just until you learn to ask for it I would like to explore anal pleasure with you darling what do you say it's not on the table right you can't talk you don't talk somebody into

their butts right hey do I talk you into your butt? No, of course not. So to think, and so one thing I don't like about movies is that they never show any of the, because it's a fantasy. They don't show the preparation. So it appears to go from vaginal intercourse to, ooh, fuck my ass, boom. They don't know the 24 hours preparation she did.

They don't know that the warm-up she did and the makeup chair, they don't know what she did off camera because we don't know if all been edited out for your viewing pleasure. Exactly. Because it's a fantasy. So in real life, your smile is very very. And some days my butt really would like, my butt wants it, and my mind wants it. My butt goes, no, actually you don't. Right. But I do. No.

It doesn't your butt. It doesn't your entire body. It's so true. Oh my gosh. So, right? Right. The whole body. The whole body. Of the whole thing. You have to listen to you to be in touch. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Right. Yeah. The whole body of the whole thing. You have to listen to you to be in touch and you are very in touch. So you've done all these films. So I did. I did. I worked at it. Oh my god. Took me year. The nine mead these young women who are 18 years old, 19 and they've been digging in a course for three or four years. About 20% of the women in porn, they liked in a course. The first time they did it. It was

a slide. The body. Really did. They really did. No, no, they said, porn, they liked intercourse the first time they did it. It was a slide to body. They really did, they really liked it. They really did. They said, yeah, the first time they had it, it was fun. Men have been transported, they may have gone to, but it was like, this is fun. And for me, it took years for me to go, this is fun.

Years. Years, oh my god. Even after you were doing movies, it's like you still. Even after doing movies in my private, in my movies, movies, movies, movies, sex is always fun for me, because it's a performance.

And yay, this is awesome. In my personal life, first I had it, I was not happily married. So that was a roadblock to having good sex and private, it was my primary relationship, it wasn't a healthy one. So there's that problem. It's a lot of the cheating thing. Right, the cheating thing.

Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, I've done that too. So wait, so when you were doing porn, so did you, so did you? What did you learn then doing porn? What was your what did you learn about your body when you were having like you actually enjoying yourself? Oh, no, no, I know I the secret and I this is being a famous. I my One rule my two rules was do not cut school to make do not cut school to make porn Because I didn't I started in 83, didn't graduate till 85. And if I don't do it at home for fun, I will not do it on camera for money. And that's

a number two, three, the number three on the list of things I recommend to young women. If you don't do it at home for fun, don't bother doing it on camera for money because they don't pay you enough to not have a good time too. So whatever you see me do on camera, I do any way. And more. And there are plenty of things I do at home that I don't do on camera because, A, that's personal. And B, they're never going to pay me enough to make it worth my while to do that on camera. Do you have a phone love with anyone? I had a couple mad set crushes that I did pursue sex with them off camera. One, I think over the 12 years he was in the business, we got together off camera maybe three times

and always super amazing hot. And one guy really wanted really badly and his wife. No, no, it was clearly mutual love fast. It could have been my porn or husband forever, but his real life wife was not okay with the emotional. She was barely okay with the sexual contact, but when it started getting emotional because she was not emotionally non-monogamous.

She, you know, for her, for her, the fact that he and I had all crushed thing going, that was too scary for her. You know, I knew, he wasn't gonna leave her. I didn't want him to leave her. But she didn't, but people get so jealous. How was a dating man when they found out what you did and how you were working? Well, this is not really weird because I thought,

I thought, I thought, you get asked at times twang. I've never been single. So I went from my first relationship with a three-way relationship with my husband and his girlfriend. My first, my then husband and his girlfriend. That was 20 years.

And that's where I started porn. So we were swingers together. I did porn. I lived in a three-way relationship. Then I had that affair thingy and eventually left that marriage. I've always been very open about being in porn. So I've never, and I was single for all of my five months before I got serious with the person to whom I'm now married, with whom I had an affair, you know, but yeah, yeah, yeah, that that that that's how you can even have affairs because you're in places.

Well, but also I'm not, so I've never dated. I've never actually, I've never been quite a single. So if I'm ever without mate again, there's no dating. There's my circle of playmates and some, you know, like Reed, Reed hit the very special sweet spot in me. And I think he gets out a lot of people. And I love that he is generous with that part of him. And I wouldn't want, I wouldn't, with someone like Reed, how can, I'm not meant to be monogamous.

And I think if I'm ever quote unquote single as in I don't have to answer to anybody else, but me, I don't, but then I'm, I mean, the fucking heartily, I mean, you know, and so, and, and I also, I've also now gotten enough of a skin that I just will not tolerate jealous behavior into my direction. And you can't handle it. I don't care if you think of a bitch, you can go now. Just go. I think that's so good.

So I have to. And I knew that in my head at 18, because that's what the literature said, just be yourself. And I didn't know how to put that in. You weren't like everyone else, so it's hard to be yourself. Yes, yes, oh my gosh. I get't know how to put that in. You weren't like everyone else, so it's hard to be yourself. Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh.

I get it. I totally get it. I'm not like everyone else. How do I explain? I'm going to be like a person. But you look so normal, Emily. I know. That's a thing.

I look so normal. Right. I mean, I think I'm normal. You normal for you. But you know what I mean, but I look conventional. I look conventional, but I'm not. But thank you. Yes. But I think I'm, you know, people

are like, people expect I've done all these things. Okay, maybe I've done some of those things, but not as much as you think with probably more than the average person, but not right. But is it the fact that you're open to the idea that that makes you that much different than most people? It's not about behavior. It's about your attitude. Yeah. So I've always been so open, but also I grew up a Michigan. It was much more, you know, it's conservative. Yeah. Go over to Michigan. University Michigan. Okay, so my question for you. I put some Twitter down. You better all the time. Oh my gosh I was farting. Nothing got you on spartan. I know spartan. Yeah, go blaring. Yeah, love it Go over beans. It's so true Michigan's a good place to go up. It's very provincial. Yes

Yes, I put on Twitter today So I said so I'm sexually amlantwitter and your Twitter is at Neeneland. At Neeneland. Neeneland. It sounds like a fun place. So at some listeners, they had some questions for you. Oh, OK. OK. And so, but for, OK, here's the first one. Why she still, I said, if you have a question for Neeneland,

what do you want to ask her? Andrews G says, why she still has porn? And what's one of your top favorite scenes or experiences? Why do I do porn? Because I like having sex with people without having to date them, and I like having platforms to keep promoting my own sexual message and vision about sex. I think sex artist porn is awesome. And most memorable scene, oh man, I've had so... Almost captured on camera because some of my best, some of my most memorable things have been in Europe.

Lives, heterosexual sex performance in Europe and there's no camera. In this country, my, oh my scene was Gisley for Crashpad series episode 100 was very memorable because Gisley is a hot gender queer person. crash pad series episode 100 was very memorable because Jizz is Jizz is a hot gender queer performer who is a female bodied person but prefers the pronoun they and that day they consented to be submissive to me. Wow. What happened? Give me one.

Oh, good one. Snippet. Snippet. Oh, fisting her front hole. Fisting their front. Their front hole. Sorry, Jizz. Oh my god. Fisting their front hole. Oh, good one. Snippet. Oh, fisting her front hole. Fisting their front hole. Sorry, just, oh my god, fisting their front hole. Oh, you're very good using the right pronouns. No, so fisting their front. Okay, that's a good one.

But the strap on intercourse is awesome. That sounds great. Okay, so next one is from Tom Morris, 79. Does compare how fun porn was in the 80s and 90s versus the past decade? I mean, 80s was very fun and innocent. It's a very small community. So they worked with the same people over and over again. It was, had not yet started trying to mainstream itself. So it's still very insular.

It's a very little close community, like a little country club. You know, you work with the same talent all the time. You work with the same directors all the time. you worked with the same directors all the time. In the 90s was the big ginormous expansion. The bubble started in the 90s when we started getting mainstreaming and getting into mom and pop video stores and it was pretty digital. So these were the cassette tapes and so there were brick and mortar stores everywhere. And so that was a started.

Do you recognize you wherever you went all the time? Oh, they did. Well, especially when I was younger, I dressed in a more body conscious fashion. On my 30s, I got recognized a lot. And by the end of the 90s, the bubble, in the beginning of the digital bubble, and the, remember the ROM, R-E-N-R-A-M,

distant things. So that was the beginning of the push into digital adult and the first people into their course made a huge killing and retired like smart people. And then ever honestly since since 2002 2003 it's definitely been a downward spiral with the competition from digital and the piracy. And all the vast overproduction of subpar material off the 90s and the late 80s to the early 2000s. It's just 10,000 titles a year release, most of which were garbage. And after a while, I think the viewing public said,

you know, FU2. And porn also has become less special. Back in the day when I started. We had to go out and find it. It was special. You couldn't keep you could keep your kid away from it. You could keep yourself away from it. And now it's just so ubiquitous. I think it's losing some of it. I think some of the more extreme images are there trying to shock you because back in the day, just seeing intercourse was shocking enough. That was a no.

Exactly. That was a set basis. Well, and now it's like, wow, oh, God, that I've seen that. Exactly. Everyone's seen everything now. Okay. So I have some questions for you too, that I want you to. I talk on this lot on my show and I just, okay, so you, what advice would you give to you're with men and women, your bisexuals? So what would you give to straight girls who want to experience with other women and they have it yet, but they kind of want to? Like, what kind of, what advice would you give for them? Well first for lasting giggles you go to YouTube, you go to Garfunkelin Oats, the college try.

Okay. And just after you're dilaphing, first make sure that you are sincerely interested in women as a sexual partner and not just doing it again if they say for male attention or to be cool. Right. And last call, make out with the checks so your boyfriend thinks you're. Yeah, no, don't do that. If you're seriously interested in sex with women, then you can seek out, well, my, actually,

my movie, For Men or Women, my education will take me to a heartless guide for the Bikerious woman. Oh, awesome. That's so great. It's really great because the educational scene with the amazing Justine Joley teach a lot about hand techniques and the biggest thing there's girl girl sex on porno and then there is lesbian sex and girl girl sex is is usually pretty silly and lame and so Justine she looks like a quote unquote girl girl player by a total actual lesbian hand techniques and so

she's amazing to watch you like girl but I thought her actual lesbian hand techniques. And so she's amazing to watch. You like girl girl techniques. First, okay, well here's a good one. This is when we want some nuts and bolts. Nuts and bolts. You mean how that you're here? Okay, if you. I need the friggin tips. Well, the tip, the tip is to realize that a

phalus is a phalus is a phalus and a women's phalus is maybe in half an inch long and a guy's phalus is anywhere from five to seven into long. It's the same, it's the same thing. Right. So, and and a guy's phalus is anywhere from 5 to 7 inches long. It's the same thing. And also the visible phalus, the visible clit is only the phalus part of our sex organ. The woman's engorgement tissue, of course, is internal. And so women have as much internal clitoris as men have external,

the corpuscavernosum. So there's that internal so it gets very puffy so understanding that it looks like a little button but actually uh... three-dimensional phaelic object women experience top edges side we have a friend of we have a gland

we have the corona we have a shaft and we have everything that i've been as so and we're just lucky that i can find it but i think i would have left quadrants right credit thank you yeah that's it so it would win win win win win realize that it everything that a penis has. I know, and we're just lucky if you can find it. But then we're like, oh my God, we've got left quadrants, right? Right. Thank you. Yeah. So when men realize that a clip is just a teensy, tinsy, little short penis. And I'd so- 8,000 nerve endings, right?

So what I would do- Hand techniques. Hand techniques is you are behind her. I think he's on her back. Our legs are open. You're going to run your hands up her thigh until they meet with her vulva in the middle and you're going to press all the flesh together and If you wiggle it up and down so or toward the ceiling and toward the bed in a horizontal you'll feel

You'll look in between your fingers. You'll see you'll see her clip Glans back and forth between your hands. So that is a lovely warm Feeling you can reach for the clit I think I found it I'm gonna go right there. I'm like we don't even know what's at we know It's not going anywhere guess what it'll always be in the very same place men are so excited that they're actually exactly they could that they just go right for it and they were not even registered in the right before before before before yes before you understand before you hope what was going to be a hot date and you're under 35 just jerk off at home before you go out to calm down calm down you're going to get off before

the end of the evening let's just have some of it. So there's the squishing of the vulva between your hands. And what that does, of course, it places your fingertips on her or your pubic bone and your thumbs near what it's called, the in-troidis or the foreshet or near the taint. So the bottom of her

vulva toward her butt. So you press down with your fingers onto her pubic bone, you take your thumb, you deeply rub up the muscle till your fingers meet, you pinch, and you pull the flesh off of your pubic bone, and you let it go. And you dig your thumb just along, you opening all the way up the pubic bone,

you pinch, and you pull off, and you let it go. Do that all anywhere from four to 10 times times and you'll start to make fun noises. And if you look when you're pinching and you're pulling her flesh towards you, you'll see her clit move in there so you can go, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow,

wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow now. Yeah. But the, the, the, the long you can stay away from entering the introidus aka the whole, the better, more brownie point. So you take your thumb and you rub your thumb all around the muscle and you'll feel it in gorge. And in the beginning, her, unless she's been aroused for quite a while, could've been flirting all night and you've been dancing and she's already halfway there. I mean, if you go into the room and she's pulling off your clothes and saying,

fuck me now, you beast. Dude, dude, grab the condom and go. But if you're just... That's like we're not... If you've been grinding in the cab all the way home. Right. If she's telling you, please, please do this. You don't listen to me.

But if you're getting her in the mood, spend time learning vulva massage. You're going to talk about in the guided bicarious women, but pressing against the opening into the muscle around her top of her thighs, pulling on her lips, putting your thumb in the cleft of her vulva and pulling it up toward her belly button until it's a little bit tight, and then tell her to do her kegels, she'll jerk herself off, her cleft, so you apply tension to the top of her cle and she supplies Kegel Squeezing from the bottom and her clip will jump and that's like oh, oh she should do her Kegel as well

She's do you do yeah, yeah, she should do right exactly We even when she'd be doing Kegel's everywhere. I've an iPhone app called Kegel camp good for you No, you have to download my Android no not yet. It's okay. Awesome. What a great idea. Yes every day. It pops up You can say I want to do my key glitches every day at 11.30 a.m So every day my phone is a I And it's my voice walking you through it tense relax great. Oh my god

You're so clever. Why do I think of that awesome? And there's 20 levels and people men and women can do them and then men get to 20 More men do them then women that email me. They're like I'm at level 20 I'm like that mean the wet wash off. Yeah, they're like, I'm at level 20, I'm like, oh my god. I'm like, oh my god. That means the wet washcloth. We're talking, I know, level 20 is the wet hand towel.

Yeah. Hey. Well, you know, the key goes first, you know, the tissue, and then you get the dry washcloth, and you get the damp washcloth, and then you get the wet washcloth, and then you get the dry hand,

the dry dish towel, the damp dish towel, the wet dish towel, then if you're having stone, the bed spread. I love it. Yeah, the wet dish towel, then if you're Evan Stone, the bed spread. Love it. Yeah. I can't just just so important. There's a point for every minute. What about oral sex tips? Oral sex tips is for women for men performing sex on an old woman.

Oh, here's what here's what I'm pouring for. Actually, for people who want to perform oral sex for a woman who wishes to have oral sex performed on her and wishes to teach her partner a good technique. If you are not yet in a private place, send him to the bathroom, have him wash his hand fully well. When he gets back, make sure his hands are damp and smell of soap. Get out your hand sanitizer, do his hand again. Then you're going to ladies, you're going to suck the web of his hand, the way you like your vulva sucked. Oh, so show him. This is the best tip I've ever heard in my life. Okay.

It sucked the web of his hand the way you like your vulva sucked while looking him in the eye. Dive. If you want to brag about how good you are in the oral sex department and you're still in a place where you cannot be naked, have her go wash your hands and come back and you do this if you you know does the same thing Ladies if you are in bed and you are having your vulva sucked or attempted to suck In a very nice voice tone matters tone does matter tone matters tone really matters and say oh

Hey, give me your hand and start and then you take his hand and you say okay I'm gonna suck on that you do just do just what I'm Do to me what I'm doing to you. You'll have 100% better oral sex in five seconds Right because it's different for for every woman You guys can't even learn you can't you can't you can't you know Generally speaking you suck on her evolve the way you like her not yet hard cock sucked way way where she pulls The gets a glance much between her where you wait, where she pulls, gets a glance, smooshed between her and pulls on it,

when it's getting hard, it's okay to let women suck under cop before it's hard guys. Yeah. The important thing, all that's all that's... A lot of guys like you when it gets hard in your mouth. It's awesome. You'll never see in straight porn any soft dick sucking because that's not the fantasy.

Right, so. But it does exist in the world. And so if you're getting your vulva eaten and you want to improve your partner's technique, suck on their hand and say, ooh, caught what I'm doing to you. And he'll be better right away. A really great way to get excellent. Okay. So ladies, get on your right or left hip, whichever feels better to you.

And halfway under hip, lube up the sole of your foot with a nice silicone lube, and get it so he can rub his crotch against your foot. So the three things you have that, and while his mouth on your vulva, that will leave that hand able to reach up to your mouth. And so you say to him, sweetheart, suck me the way I'm sucking you, that will automatically start him pumping his cock against your foot.

It's a lovely, non-coital, no babies way to share lovely energy loop. That could be. And this is a good loop. So he's performing on you and he's still doing everything. But he's not humping the sheet, which can be rough. He's a hunt. And also don't forget all those, all those, all those accurate pressure points in your foot. So the foot is a very sexual item for a lot of people.

And it just feels really good. Some people just don't know that. They never know the meaning. They don't think they don't sexually know. And so, I'm someone who always tries to have a decent petty care. If I'm going to go to a place where I might be getting laid by strangers, because at home when it happens, right? At the home I wear high heels.

So, I thought at home it's sex is for me not barefoot thing, but in other situations, I want the options. I always make sure I have a nice petty. You know as many as petty's often as you can afford them, at least every three weeks if I'm just, I'm going to do it at home because that's not me. It's important you got this big guy's pay attention. Women pay attention. We know when I see guys getting a petty cure,

I love that psychuse. You know what ladies like. A nice well cared for foot. It's really awesome. That's true. That's a nice loop sometimes and you know until I I want to let a guy know if I was dating It's like you are gonna get off tonight. I'm not saying we're gonna fuck But you won't go home without an orgasm right exactly and one and so so lady If you want to start feeling less victimize the more in control before you drop Just say you know what I think you're I think you're hot and cute

I would love to get to know you sexually, just so you know, until further notice. And of course, isn't on the table, but other ways of having orgasms are totally on the table. And let's go have dinner. Right. And his son, so he's wondering, oh my god, will she want, she, are we, aren't we?

Dinner can then be, huh? Okay, non-coidal ways to be share naked time. They're side by side masturbation, which is 100% safe. There is oral sex with the foot. I love mutual masturbation, because then you get to see what they do, what you do is like the best thing in the world.

Do that first. Yeah, and also, and you know, why would you want, so people find it easier to just go ahead and fuck, because I can lay my back and I can leave my body. And the person can fall on top of me and our bodies will do it. And we don't have to be here with each other,

but mutual masturbation, or side by side masturbation or facing masturbation, I have to be here. Right. So, we build a safe sex, a safe first sex. If it can be safe physically, it's then it's scary emotionally because if I'm exposing myself to you and we probably have to go now. Right. No, we're good. We're going to go in a minute, but I have to ask you quick question. Yes, sex toys, what's your favorite? Sex toys. Sex toys, the plug-in magic wand

with the extension cord, at least a six footer, nice better. How are the new magic wand? Do you have the new one? I got a new one, it's fine. It just, and I, and the, the, every woman needs to find the

vibrator that works best for her. Right. Some lucky women don't need them at all. I know that, again, about 15% of women have such low or get the thresholds of vibrators are irrelevant to them. Make it tan. I love you and an envy of you. What else I'd say? I guess we are at a time

you know. Grant, I'm gonna come back. You're gonna come back on the show. I never coming back. Oh my God. I'm insulted. It's so fun. There's just so many other things to talk about, but I want to thank everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. I have a daily routine that keeps me grounded. Things I absolutely must do before I can even head out the door. And over the past few months, I added something new, the Intensity by Pormois. The Intensity combines two things I love and talk about all the time.

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