Sex With Emily - Best Of: Sexting, Cheating & Summer Flings

Episode Date: July 16, 2019

On today’s throwback show, Emily & Menace talk about why summer is the hottest season — and they’re not just talking about the weather. Plus, they answer your emails.  The two give ways to beat the heat in and out of the bedroom, as well as whether or not sunlight can make you more attractive. Then, they answer emails about how to find your confidence when striking up a flirty conversation, what you might expect from an age difference relationship, and how to stay faithful when a cheating opportunity presents itself. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Zumio, pjur, SiriusXM, BTL Emsella Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, we're Thanks for Listening to Sex with Emily and today's show! Fun summer date ideas for couples and singles. If you think summer is just for lovers, think again. Thanks for listening. Why is that mock our sacred institutions? Betrubized, they call them a bygone day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand.

Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here, I'm so drunk.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. Check out our website, sexwithelmoo.com Because you can easily subscribe there. You can subscribe to iTunes. I'm here with Menace.

Hi. What's going on? How are you? Good. What are you saying about iTunes? I listen to everything that you tell me. So now, if you go to my website, there is a subscribe thing on the banner. But now when you click on it, you can download it on Google Play, SoundCloud, and then you can also listen and Spotify and of course iTunes.

Hi, dude. The more places available, I know. We already got ranked in all these places. It was just like a few weeks because I just, I want people to easily be able to digest podcasts, our podcast. And also I appreciate everyone following me on Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram, which is all at Sack of the Emily. And I was, I was like, I just follow me. It's fun. It's a good time. But then last week you mentioned the bikini shot.

Yeah. So if you haven't heard, and people know that there's more shots. Oh, there's more shots. Well, let's recap real quick. So one of the last shows that I was on with you, I mentioned that you finally put up a bikini pick on your Instagram, which is Instagram.com slash sex with Emily. And I just slightly, you know, mentioned that that it finally happened for all you listeners that have been waiting for years and years and years. There is a bikini photo available again at Instagram.com slash sex with Emily.

And apparently, people were really into that. They listened, and they went there, and he said, hi, that's fun. Yeah, that was funny. But now I'm gonna have a picture of me in a muzzle on the mic, maybe. Oh, yeah, so that's my thing. So I've been doing the show with Emily for 10 years,

and it's not just me, because she always thought that I was a jerk, and I'm just making this up, and it was all hookah's focus. But to get Emily to talk directly on the mic is- A whole time. Freaky Matt. It's hard because I move around.

I forget the mics here. So I'm like leaning over my hands are talking. Have you hear the beginning of the drunk podcast which you can look up? The very beginning. We're doing that every day now. Yeah, the very beginning of the drunk podcast. You hear the frustration of me trying to explain to Emily to talk directly onto the microphone.

But I would love to put together a muzzle microphone for you that would do- But it's like my face is just a touch, I can't move, I can't look left, I can't look right, I'm just in and in. And we'll take a picture of that and put it up on your Instagram. Yeah, that's awesome.

But I was saying also that Anderson was here. We do. So it was Anderson and he was saying the same thing. So it's not just me. I know. I hear you. I hear you. And also, okay, one more thing when you're there, subscribe to our newsletter because we do give good newsletters and I think that's right. Oh, and Facebook.com saw a sex family. Yeah. About $8 million followers. Yeah. I feel like we should have like a Facebook party and then do the Facebook live thing So that's what I really want to get you on next. So we have your own office space. You can definitely set that up here

Leave a rock in new studio. It's been we should take pictures of it that and put that up Do it because they're gonna kill our go ahead. Oh, so I hear Rumblings that we talk about Vegas too much I can't help that I'm Just in my other like oh, we open every show men's going to Vegas and you're dead and I'm like I go to Las Vegas. Okay, how about this this weekend. I'm going to Mexico is that okay with everybody? Yeah, I think so that's fine. That's a little different. We'll write in your life. I'm sorry And then after I go to Mexico I go to Vegas again. So what are you doing Vegas? No, what are you doing?

I'm going to USC 200 in Vegas, but I'm going to reveal, yeah, Riviera Maya. Oh, that's awesome. Maya Tulum, you're flying by Tulum. That's great. It's gonna be fun. Like a romantic vacation with your girlfriend? Just a fun vacation.

We don't do romance, it's so true. I was going to have Rose Petals delivered to your room and it's people on your bed. We would have barfed and knocked them off the... I think maybe that's why you need them, but that's good for a week or something. Uh, no, just a couple days. So today's show, summer, why summer is a great time for sex, for dating, for love, because you...

Okay, and I started thinking about this, man, is all you California people born and raised, like you and Madison, Laurie, literally all my friends and everyone who works here, you're like big F and deal. It's the same. I got a job. Why do I care about summer? But let me tell you a little story, okay? For most of the world, we have this thing called winter. Oh, what? And we even have snow. No. And I grew up in Michigan where it was, you know, you get like 20, so college, for example, my prime dating years, you know, you get like 20, so college, for example, my prime dating years, you know, when I go there. And it's like, it would be like, you know,

20 inches of snow for like six months where I couldn't find my car. I would have to walk to school like down these like streets that they just dug tunnels underneath and I'm wearing layers of clothes, right? And it's freezing all year round. But then summer comes along. It's like May, right?

On campus. And it's like the first day of clothes, right? And it's freezing all year round. But then summer comes along. It's like May, right? On campus. And it's like the first day of summer, a snow is melting into like 60 to 5 degrees, and everyone's outside. Because all of summer long, winter long, you don't see people. You're like rushing by. I was like, I've got like masks on.

I've got like long underwear. It's not exactly. You don't meet anybody. And then, oh, there's this one day, every year, and you're outside, you're like, wow, like the sun is shining. And everyone looks so cute. Like the guys are in shorts, the girls are in sun dresses.

They're like, where have these people been? Oh my God, I'm so, and you just feel good, because the sun is good for your, like, it's their tone, it's good for your brain. And everyone just, it's happier when it's summertime and you, you know, the days are longer. But isn't, isn't there like a term they use on the East Coast or something like that where people

hug up for the winter or something like that? Yeah, like people shack up for the winter boyfriend or something. Yeah, and then they're single in the summer. Yeah, well that's what I'm talking about. This shows all about why I, and I started thinking about it, it is great to be single in the summer because there's so many more fun things to do. We're outside. We just feel better by ourselves, we're exercising, we're going to take, we like have friends, we're like having barbecues, and being outdoors, the weather does make

a difference, that really does impact. And I just wanted you all to know that all you California people, because I am a California person now that we've suffered, and there's a lot of people like it's a huge thing. Yeah, oh, well, they should just come to California. I know we're really lucky though. I just want to tell you about my suffering and why it's still as big deal. Well, you love it here now, right? Totally. Has it helped you though in the summer to date? Oh, yeah, for sure. No, I mean, even living in California. Okay, I'm saying that it's just,

it is true. Look, I feel that this is... I feel like there's a huge fight in America. I feel like we all really wanted to stay on the couch most time. I think that that's the pull. Like if we have a choice usually, even if it's a fun party, we're like, but I really just want to stay on the watch Netflix. That's the easy thing that's the default. As in the winter, you can do that.

Or when it's not as warm, but this time, like everyone's having parties and people are inviting you to things or you can have people over Go for walks do things like that and it's just there's just more opportunity to be social and I find myself sometimes even having to push myself, but I realize lately when I do go out I'm always glad that I that I do and they especially just the last even the last few weeks because it's been warmer here and night that I I've met a lot of people and it's just that I don't have many of you guys and I feel like every time I do it so I'm just trying to urge people to like I don't want to go out a lot but I do it and I actually am always glad that I do and just get off the couch with people because it's just that

person is not going to just like drop down your chimney. Uh huh. And then also, I tried to Vegas never hurts. Do it, it's funny to show. That's transient. So I hope I've got some guy. And then I talk about me somewhere in your hometown who also likes outdoor music festivals in the summer,

who also likes going to those, you know, the summer concerts. Like everyone is like park, you know, somewhere in the park or Shakespeare in the park. Like even if you don't freaking like Shakespeare, like sit outside with your friends and have a bottle of wine, like do that. That's where people are.

Look at you pushing the relationship, like, meet up for a long term. Yeah, I do nothing about going to Shakespeare in the park and I'm saying you should be walking down the aisle. I'm saying, I mean, I want to go to Shakespeare in the park to save my life. But it's fun. But it's so, so.

Because I pay attention, I'm just like drinking and eating. Yeah, but if you want to go hook up and have some fun, go to, Disneyland. No, good guy. So no, I just, see, you got me all tripping off the vaguest thing. I'm sorry, I'm talking about vagas all the time.

But then, so I was just there recently, and then so the guy that I was hanging out with, it was one of my co-workers, he opened up Tinder, and he just like swiped and like I caught it on video within 15 seconds how to match. Yeah, no, it's true. It is the day the day we have to.

And then one of my other co-workers went, was walking to check out, right? And he was on the app and then he got a match, went back upstairs, got a blow app and then he got a match went back upstairs Got a blowjob and then came back down the person was in the hotel. Yes And then checked out all within probably Well, I don't understand. What did she get out of it? I don't know This is just my thing like I'm not saying a lot of women don't get pleasure

I'm sure we had a hook up and probably could have been very exciting for her But I feel like women just like give out blow jobs and I was like candy. Yeah, that's awesome. Don, don't get pleasure. I'm sure we have to hook up and probably could have been very exciting for her. But I feel like women just like give out blow jobs when I was like candy. Yeah, that's awesome. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. I'm just saying, did he go down on her for 25 minutes? How? I didn't ask that one.

Probably not. I just don't know if she's seen that information. Well, you know what, it's a great story. Hey dude, just go down on her. But vacation hookups are very fun. I'm just, what? Vacation, I've just never been the like, I'm gonna give you a random blow job girl

because I know that it would blow their mind. And I know that like don't just give it to anybody like just friends people like now people I love I'm not gonna like or people I am attracted to or no more than five minutes. Yeah, I give a killer blowjob Anyways, I I wouldn't have first tell you what I don't do well And there's like so many things that I would take up the entire show, but that I'm pretty confident Okay, so we've got the hat we're gonna get more into summer stuff because I've got some clever ideas for it. Cool. Tell me. Not yet.

We've ever do sex in the news first. Why do you push a white human being along? You're picking something, making me so anxious. My bad. Because I was not anxious today. Let's talk about Vegas more. Dude, I want to go with you to Vegas. No fucking joke.

But no one will let me talk about it. Okay. Menace. Yeah. I've tag about it. Okay, menace. Yeah. I've talked about telling. Tell me. Did you know that if you send dick picks, you're probably insecure? Um, well, I guess I'm not insecure because I don't send dick picks.

Well, there's a new study and it says, while some of us enjoy the art of sexting, others attempts at virtual foreplay come off more humors than sexy and others stay out of the game altogether. We've mentioned this in the past couple shows somewhere. We had a conversation. Who were we talking to? I asked. I was like in Vegas. I think we were underneath the circus.

Yeah. We're in Vegas. I had a buffet somewhere. No, but the thing was, I asked. Can I be saying ever? No, no, no, no. Oh, yes. It's like, yeah. I I asked Never no no no yes

In the history of dick picked I mean the person like I'm on the fence. I don't know if I like him. He was really sweet with nice kids and then boom There's dick big. He's like he's the next he's my next husband now I think maybe there's never pushes the needle one percent out there Maybe I think I think you have a better chance of getting laid saying, hey, do you want to go see a movie tonight? Or just setting a f-ing dick pic. I think you're right.

Yeah. But there's more dick pics. All right, tell me more. I need it for the science. Okay. Behind takes. So they started college students, where it's all going down about their sexting habits, how they behaved in their romantic relationships, including how scared they were that their

partners were going to leave them. And how much they feared their partners, weren't happy with them, and how stressed out they were about dating. And their sexting reflected that. So people who send sex, nudes, pictures of videos, and videos themselves in lingerie,

and other suggestive photos, i.e. dick pics, felt less secure in their relationship. God damn right. right? So they're doing that to like get their Where are they? study that's obvious right even It doesn't even have to be sexually lingerie it can be the constant effing selfies that people put out on the internet Because they're insecure and they need people you know to say all you're so good looking and make them feel better. Is that wrong? Because I actually wanted to take

a selfie right now. I mean, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not looking at your Instagram. It's not like that I'm saying, but there's some girls that are like five a day. No, I know, I know. It's a whole thing. But what I'm saying is there's nothing wrong that either because let me continue.

Avid sectors, sex with the goal to attract or keep a partner. And those people also, you know, mean they have your walls up. And so they're like, I'm way, I'm going to send you my, you know, penis. So feeling insecure about relationship, maybe unhealthy, but sexting in a relationship is actually very healthy. So if you're in a relationship with somebody, It actually can help improve your relationship. You, they show, studies show that people who sex with their partners more often

and they can send the dick pics in Laundry if your partner would like that. They have sex more often, they have more motivation, they're more inspired. So, you know, it can help with in a relationship but if you're in a relationship that's unstable, needy or you're just dating and you're randomly sending,

you know, scrat shots. Yeah. My neck overwell for you. We're getting pictures taken to this right now in the background. Blow job spray. Madison, what kind of pictures are you taking? Probably terrible photos of me and awful. Yeah.

So, so what, here's a takeaway from this study. Is that, again, and I'm not going to say that just women give up men do things too sexually. I was thinking the blow jobs earlier, but I do feel like there is this thing that women and men think, well, if I send this photo, I do this thing that they're gonna like me more. And I just think, you know, why show all your cards at the beginning?

Like, why do you need to like be sending all this up to get, just to have the person like you get to know you in person, whatever, and then like when you're dating have to get just to have the person like you get to know you in person whatever. And then like when you're dating, it's great to send something like that. But I just think that just randomly sending you out to the guy you met at the bar, and then you get home and you're drunk

and you send a sexy photo, I'm not sure if that's doing for you, except for saying that, hey, you know. Yeah, and you're kind of implying, oh, hey, I'm easy. And then you might do the thing where he goes, oh, yeah, this girl is easy. And then he'll be like super aggressive

just trying to get into your pants and you're like, wait, that's not what I want. Right, I'm just saying why lead with sex if you don't have to. And I'm not like a Puritan, okay? I'm not saying that. I didn't feel like, you said that was sex to be married for 10 years. It happens, I'm just saying that if that's not what you,

you don't want someone to be thinking, I mean, we're already thinking that. The reason why you probably gave the person your number is because you're gonna bang at some point. But like, you know, like we have like build up, not what you don't want someone to be thinking, we're already thinking that the reason why you probably gave the person your number is because you're gonna bang at some point. But like, you know, like we have like build up, have some appetizers first. Yeah.

It's insane. I feel you. You feel? Okay, so that's all I have for sex and news, cause we got a lot of good stuff today to cover. It's a chop fall. What's happening, tell me everything. Single for summer.

All right. That's really important. You're single for the summer. Dude, I'm single for the century. You need to go on a world tour. I'm actually on this whole new, I really truly am inspired by you living in the late, took a little while to kind of get my groove going.

I moved here, worked, been so busy. And you moved here and you were a girlfriend. Like you were like, you had your U-Haul and then you had your girlfriend next to you in the car. But that's like, you're done. But I moved here, I picked up, and at a few friends here and there, but you know, I moved here for Sex of the Emily,

and it's been amazing, but I wasn't like, I was hard to do it all, right? So now I'm in this place where things are good, we're sitting here in our studio, and I'd like to start to grow more and meet people and there's a lot of people. So if you want to go out with Emily, hit her up on Instagram.

Yeah. Sex with Emily. I have guys that hit me up on my Instagram, trying to, hey, put in a word for Emily. I'm like, go hit up Emily yourself. Like, what the FD want me to do? Really they do, you know, you don't want to go down that road.

You don't want to do it. You don't want to do it. You don't want to do it. You don't want to go down that road. You don't want to do it. You don't want to go down that road. You don't want to do it. You don't want to go down that road. You don't like to. You're like, do it. Self some trouble, raw, non-ske. No, but I'm into it. And it's funny because I was also at the friend's last night and she was like, you know, here's something I need a name for.

Because obviously I'm like, dating. If you are single right now and you're like, I can't meet anyone, but I won't date on mine. I just think that's silly. To me, it's like saying, I really want to lose weight and I've done everything out there. You know, like I, I eat, I cut back on one, I eat and I'm not drinking soda anymore, but I won't I, I eat a cup back on one, I eat,

and I'm not drinking so much anymore, but I won't work exercise. I won't, it's like you gotta do it all. Also, I, you haven't done everything if you don't act if you don't move your body. I mean, you definitely have to do online dating because I think people, I mean, at least in the West Coast,

people have become less and less approachable. Like, why is this person, even talking to somebody in public, people are throwing off saying, why is this person? Even talking to somebody in public, people are throwing off saying, okay, this person is weird. And it sucks because like, I don't know, 20 years ago, like everybody would be open to have a discussion

with a random person. But now like we're so effing shy, we have to talk through cell phones. No, that's true. I do believe that especially, you know, we're younger generation maybe who didn't we have to talk through cell phones. It's true, I do believe that, especially, you know, younger generation maybe who didn't ever have to develop any of those skills about talking that it is harder, but I do think that yeah, so the dating online

and then let me just close that bracket, is that she was like, well why don't you, because I feel like I need to term all my friends, like four of my single girlfriends. They get them, bumble, they get them, Tinder, they get them, hinge, and then like two months later, they're like, I deleted all the apps, I couldn't take it anymore.

And then, I see him again, they're like, I'm back on bumble. And I'm like, what is this, I need a name for people to go off and they go back on, they go up and they literally like delete the app. And so I was like, you know, it's just like, but why don't you do it? I'm like, well, I meet people, which I do, but I'm like, also, I haven't been looking and I thought, you know what though, well, I am going to get into some few I'm like, also, I haven't been looking and I thought, you know what, though,

well, I am gonna get into some things that I am doing this summer that you all should do that, you know, I think that it's great up to you, to be people, why not just have a profile? You don't think I'm obsessed with it and crazy, but there could be people you wouldn't normally meet. I do want to ask all these people that are on these apps, what is your end goal?

Like, so with your friends, what is their end goal? Or is there a- It depends on the friend. I mean, some of them just, most, I guess they'd like to get into relationships. They do? Yeah, they do. Like, you know, I think my guy friends more it's want to get laid, but my, not all of them.

You know what changes? I would say people want a relationship, but why are you asking? Because it seems like this end, because in a way, it shoots itself in the foot because you're thinking, oh my God, the joy is people. But then that whole bigger bigger better deal thing kicks in and you're like This girl's amazing. I could see her the one. I walked on the aisle my mom's gonna love her

But wait no the other one right, so you know you really just have to decide what what you want And I think a lot of people date without knowing what they want and which I've done a lot in my life Like I think I just didn't know, and I think I knew what I wanted a person, but I was like, I've never looked at it like I want the marriage and the traditional kids, but now I would like a partner. You know?

Because I don't want people getting off these apps because they're constantly just talking to too many people and it's taking up too much of their time. I want them to get off that because they've actually found somebody, you know, and then it's just, are you talking to all these people because you'd love the attention and it gives you something to talk about, you know, are you actually really, truly looking for somebody?

No, no, they're looking for somebody, but I think what happens sometimes is, you know, there's no perfect science here. You go on a few bad dates. I think you can get overwhelming too. Like, you get, and they're like, I'm just going to meet, you know, there's no perfect science here. You go on a few bad dates. I think you can get overwhelming too. Like you get in there, like I'm just gonna meet, you know, and then they just kinda get, but I think if you don't take it too seriously, and get too caught up in it,

like we get obsessed with text and just like check it every day, and it's gonna be good. It's gonna be fine. Let me find something. Oh my God, I've not been on my Tinder and so long. Oh, let me open it. But the point is she's like,

why don't you do it? I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna fire that bad boy back up. I don't even know what to open. Jesus, I've been opened it in so long. Yeah, I'm not even logged in. Why am don't you do it? I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna fire that bad boy back up. I don't even know what to open. Jesus, I've been opened it in so long. Yeah, I'm not even logged in. Why am I letting you do this? Because it's so much fun.

Dude, hold on. Let me see who's nearby. No, I. Because I never get to see Tinder. Oh my god, now I'm authorizing it. Oh my god, this is so dead. This is like the dead is that it's coming up. I've seen this in years.

Okay, this is happening. Because what I'm saying is, putting myself out there. Yes, we're doing it right now. It's cute. Oh geez, seen this in years. Okay, this is happening because what I'm saying is putting myself out there. Yes We're doing it right now. Oh, geez. Okay. Don't do anything wait. I swipe right if I like somebody Heart no, he's cute now. They're gone forever when you swipe away. I'm so nervous for you doing this right now I'm checking but there you go sunset some rainbows. Maybe I'll be going to South Africa with him barf Madison, how do I get rid of this one? Come here? Wait, no, I got it don't worry

I'm gonna think okay fine you do that, but um the other thing is people are just in a better route in the summer like I feel like I feel like the longer days. It's warm. You don't have to worry about stuff There's you don't worry about you know scraping off your car You don't do it working jacket. Yeah, you feel free worry about stuff, you don't have to worry about, you know, scraping off your car, you don't have to worry about jacket. You feel free, it improves your mood, vitamin D from sunlight, major spike in serotonin. It's not just orgasms, it give you a spike in serotonin. And also like women, it says that we stick to, okay, so here's a deal. Not only does it give you, you know, make you feel good? But vitamin D, uh-huh spike in testosterone for men

Yeah, for women They secrete a hormone that stimulates sex drive that stimulates their sex drive So it's called MSH. So truly like when they talk about seasonal effective disorder That's up. This makes a difference. So we're feeling better. You're going out there, you know, you're exercising more, you'll feel better by yourself. And there was a match survey and you know, match.com is like, I can do match. You want to get on my match next? I've been there in 16 years. 73% of you will find others more attractive during summer than any time of year. Okay. So don't blow this summer like sitting inside doing what you were doing all year yeah

Women are more likely to respond positively to flirtation and give out their phone number on sunny days. This is all true So how can you really take advantage of this summer? How can you seize this summer and make it like the sexy one the sexiest one like what are you people good? Because I'm gonna do stuff, I'm gonna come in here every week, Matt, what are you doing in my Tinder? What? Nobody has my phone in their hand that long ever,

except for Madison, maybe. Handsome. Come on. Wait. Dude, what are you doing? As this guy, he wants to go to Outdoor Con. All right, I found one out of like 45. Who is he?

Oh, and he matched with you. How? I've been out in a year. is he oh when he matched with you How I've been out in a year okay dude? What if I know him he matched He need match to okay wait Send message. I don't want to send a message yeah, you do. Huh? He likes you. Oh dude dude. See I read hooked you up. There's a future husband. He's got a picture I don't know what happened I keep keep going though. Yes, I won't do it mine all right all right, see, I already hooked you up. There's a future husband. He's got a picture. I don't know what happened. I can't get this stuff. Keep going though, because I won't do it right now. Okay, so free movies in the park.

Do you ever go to those free movies here in LA? They're so fun. They have them everywhere too. They used to have them in the club. They look fun, but no, because you're like slightly overweight, sitting on the ground, effing sucks. Bring a comfy chair. Bring one of those last chairs. So music festivals, so many go to them. like slightly overweight, setting on the ground, effing sucks. Bring the comfy like chair.

Bring one of those chairs. So music festivals, so many go to every time two is the country fairs, they've got the farmers market. It's like people through friends. Right. So that's why you should have. So here's a thing on Facebook. Do you get invited to like a gazillion events on Facebook? You've got a lot of friends on there.

Yeah. All the time. And I think people invite you to things, and I don't even know if I forget to look, and look at those invites and be like, you know what, I met this person at a party a year ago, I know him through work, I'm gonna actually go. I don't know any of their friends,

and I'm just going to bring a bottle of wine and see who I meet, because you're right. One of the best ways to meet people, just like Tinder, what you're doing there, apparently I have some connection with them usually, right? Through Facebook, oh that's Hinge. That's Bumble, right? Oh, B. I haven't done yet. That's so So that's what my friend was doing on bus. She's on bumble and she was like why aren't you on bumble because it's yeah because I

Women get this bumble is the Dominating app right now. I think as far as swipe apps go and bumble is an app where they have it every city That it's just you match you just have to put your age, your range that you're looking for, geographical desirability. And also, if you match, you both like each other, the woman has to send the message first, but she only has 24 hours to do so or he's gone. Oh, wow. However, one time you can extend it.

I know this is my friends. You can get a 24 hour extension and then they're gone if you can extend it. I know this is my friends. You can get a 24 hour extension and then they're gone if you don't deal. So in a way it puts the power back in women's hands who feel like maybe there's a lot of people reaching out to them and they're not into. So I know a lot of people like it. Dude, my hand hurts.

There's so many duchess on that. There's nobody to get. So you didn't match anybody, just that one. Just that one guy. I get on my hands, don't waste it. See, I'm way more picky. Let's set up my bumble after. Okay.

So yeah, I mean, I think that you're right. It is I've met, most people I've met, either just, I've met them just out and about, my last way of front I met like looking for apartments, but typically it's through friends of friends. Even if it's like an event that a friend is throwing, like there's, you know what I mean? You're like, like minded people,

you'll meet parties and stuff. But if there's something that you always wanted to do in your town, you're like, last summer, I was a Hollywood bull. I was like, I've not been to the Hollywood bull. I can say, you know, I went to a concert there. So like, have your personal bucket list of what you want to do.

Every city has its like, every city has something that you can tell you everything. And then if you're like, yeah, but no one will go with me, find a friend right now and like, have him hold you accountable. You can't just leave stuff open ended. Like, oh, yeah, we should hang out sometime. Make a date in time. It's true, for everything in your life.

And so I work on that. And so I'm doing that now. We did make a date for another drunk podcast. We did. We did. And the thing is, again, I've met some of the coolest people in the most random place. Like where?

Like the laundry mat. My coworker met his wife at the grocery store because he wasn't afraid to pretend that he didn't know anything about fruit. Oh, which one do you think would be the best blah blah? And then they strike double conversation and they ended up dating and then... He did the pretend I don't know about fruit then?

Yeah, and it worked. Like, are these mangoes ripe? And they were married for years, yeah. That's good. Is that easy? It is that easy. No one because no one really does talk to anyone anymore. No, they don't.

And especially extremely attractive women because people are so, the guys are so shy to talk to anyone anymore. No, they don't. And especially extremely attractive women because people are so, guys are so shy to talk to that. Is that what's happening? Why no one's talking to me? Yeah. It's kidding. Yeah.

I don't know how it goes for guys. But the other thing is your body, here's a deal. It's like your body language too. When you're out, are you on your phone? Are you open to like, you know, meeting people? Are you like, look, like, just think of it this way. It's kind of like a little meditation.

When you leave your house next time, just to go like, I don't care if you're picking up your drive cleaning, you're going to the coffee store, you're going wherever, staples. I love staples, office buzz. Just to say, you know what, I'm gonna leave my phone in my bag, and I'm going to, or wherever, my pocket, and I'm just gonna like, for the next hour

that I'm running these errands, I'm not gonna look at my phone, or I'm sitting in this wherever I'm going. And just like see what happens, you're gonna have to like make eye contact, look around. And your body language will be much more open rather than being like hunched over. And I realize that even though I'm always telling you, we've been, you know, a lot of dating tips shows, but that, you know, that's why it's important to make coming to do things. Because if you go out, for example, like during the week, you're like, but I always, like, I go to a different lunch place for work every day, or my co-workers,

and I go out and do, you're in work mode then. Like, you're also rushing around, you got that tense, you know, maybe you're late, whatever, but on the weekends, or when you have an intention of going out with friends, like, you put your phones away, and you like, make yourself just more open and available, rather than like, if you're like,

oh, I never be a hero, but I work all the time. Well, rather than like, if you're like, oh, I never be a hero when I work all the time. Well, this is like when you're out, make that under here. I'm putting my phone away. I know you're not because you're taking selfies, but most times make yourself like your body language look around, smile. Huge.

Huge. Who smiles? Nobody. Say hi. But do you know what I'm saying? I just feel like that too, because I was like, I'm in a work event. So I don't meet people in that one.

You just find everybody put yourself out there. Back him, don't. Nothing bad is gonna happen to you. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and be right back. Okay, do you, how do you feel like reading emails right now from the people? I love hearing from the people where they're from, how they listen to the show, and what their age is.

And they don't have to say the real name if they don't want to. And you know what I love when we said, I got a little upset. People weren't including their age. All of a sudden, you were like, hey, I said you'd email, I hear my age. Like they listen. Oh, cool.

You listen, they, you. The listeners, thank you so much. Always. Thanks for emailing me to be back at sexwithemily.com. And I'm excited you so much. Always. Thanks for emailing me. Bebecketsexwithemily.com. And I'm excited to introduce a new feature. You can call and leave your question for me by voicemail. Oh, yes. And your message is selected.

We'll play it on the show and I'll answer it live. So the number, eight, one, eight, ask, S-W-E-1. That's eight, one, eight, ask, as in sex with Emily one or eight one eight two seven five seven nine three one Same same because people don't use that sex wishes. Well you I'm gonna call put on a voice You should I'm like we're gonna get masterbaters everything. We're not saying you should And there's some ground rules on the website you can check out to with the number. Why please don't know Well, you're going to you that'd be actually funny if I didn't know is you if you like an impersonator and then Yeah, I don't want to give any idea that there no be real people. We know if you're not real and we will cut you

Yeah, I mean don't we just don't know what's right. Okay, I'm gonna read evils So thirsty needs a little blow jobs, right? You stay thirsty the thirstiest That means that means like I can't get laid right? No. Thirsty. Horny? Yeah, horny. I hate that word her.

I've never, yeah. I hate the word horny. I hate thirsty. I hate thirsty. I hate thirsty. I hate thirsty. I hate it. Like desperate thirsty.

That means I've imagined Tinder dude on my desk. Hell yeah. Can you see if he wrote me yet? Okay. Right hand, just kidding. Okay. Dear Emily, I just started going out at a few dates with this new guy, who my friend introduced me to.

He's 28 and I'm 22. The six years age difference doesn't seem huge, but in my 20s, it still feels pretty far away. He's very casual, introverted, polite, and seems like a gentleman because he's only ever kissed me good night and never got hands-y or anything like that. Somehow I feel like I want to

take a different approach when it comes to dating because honestly I kind of suck at it. Is there a recommended timeline that you go by when getting to know someone new like the sexual partner's talk, religion, when it gets to see you drunk? I know she's just thinking a lot about how to date right, you know she wants to do it right. And how soon is too soon to get in bed with him? And if I do, does the age difference mean that he is more mature about these sort of things when does a 28 year old guy what does a 28 year old guy expect from a 22 year old girl Jasmine from Peoria Arizona. Jasmine first of all.

We got people all over. I love it. I love it too. I love it. See that name is so happy we Arizona to know that. I feel so connected. She doesn't second too. I love it. I love it too. I love it. See that made us so happy we are zoan to know that. I feel so connected. She doesn't second dating. I think you're being very thorough, Jasmine, so don't beat yourself out. Whenever we're trying something new, we all think we beat her so hard to get through those voices. I suck, Warren, I'm out of this.

You're 22. So no, you don't suck, and I like that you're being thoughtful about it. Yeah. Yeah. What's your thing? You're like, you're 28. She's 22. She wants to know what's it Yeah. What's your thing? You're like 28 to 22. She wants to know what's it like? What's going to think in as a 28 year old man, it was easier to have sex. So you, as he might expect having sex sooner than maybe then you want

because I remember when I was 22, it's like, oh, we had a date for a while before we had sex, but by the time I was 28, it was like, oh, we had a date for a while before we had sex, but by the time I was 28, it's like, oh, we've already been hanging out for a week. Three days, three days, two days, whatever. But do you think that's the age thing or that things have changed? I think it's age, I think also you become less shy as you get older, of just putting out there on what you want, or having the confidence to go and do what you want. But what about 20, or like, but she's 22. So I think that like,

I think 22 is much different than 20. Right, exactly. But do you think that this guy's thinking, oh, she's, like, she's wondering what he expects of her. What I think is that we get this question all the time from women and we get it from everyone actually. People want to know what is the recommended timeline? Like when should I sleep with them,

when should they meet my parents, how many times a week should we have sex? People want all these numbers around sex to make them feel normal and doing the right thing. But I'm gonna tell you, the only right thing you can do is listen to yourself and what truly feels right to you in the moment. So I'm not gonna give you a magic number

because it's different for every person and every relationship. So it makes me feel like you're ready to have sex and don't have sex with them. I'm not sex with them. But it was the first question, did I hear that right? She says, what should I ask about number of sexual partners?

Well, I was gonna get into that. That should be, epic never. Never, exactly. I was like, okay, never ever. I see this is actually a public service too. Honey, don't ever answer that question. Don't ever ask that question. How would he love you, Subway?

It means nothing. It means like, it's like, it never serves you. I don't think, I think it is sort of a 20s thing, maybe internet people's keep asking it, but it's like maybe you just lose count and you get older, but the point is it doesn't matter because it's a lose, lose conversation because for women and again, I'm gonna be like,

I'm gonna use some stereotypes here, but typically their number, if it's too low, the guy could think, she's gonna be judged, right? People are using that to judge, they're never going high five. It's gonna be like, you haven't set with a lot of evil or you set with too many in your study like no matter what that number is They're gonna know when needs to know this and for guys. Oh, he's a player. Oh, I'm not experienced enough It's what the woman's gonna think from his number and oftentimes you tell a partner and then they throw back in your face

And they like you move and they don't they can't get out of their head We're a guy just think about penises all the time. I used to say this, if you say I've slept with eight guys, all he's gonna see is like eight penises standing behind you now when you're going down and I'm, I mean, I'm just trying to, maybe. It's just real, that's the picture. I'm trying to put the picture in your head

that it's real tough. That it's not, this conversation doesn't get you anywhere and it only elicits really like controversial emotions and feelings to people. So what I suggest you do if someone asks you that question every so you know what, all I'm thinking about now is the having sex with you which is really awesome. Done.

The only time you should talk about your sexual pass is if you have an STD or an STI, let them know that. That's it. But also she wants to like, you know, alcohol wise, when does she get sloppy drunk? And I like this because mostly we'll get sloppy drunk many on the first second date. And I think if you can, it sounds like you've got a good head in your shoulders, you know, two drink minimum for you or one drink, whatever your limit is because

what happens is we drink a lot sometimes and we make poor decisions that we might regret. Our inhibitions go down, we're like, oh, just have a little sex here, a little blowjob, whatever. Which again, no judgment, if you feel great about that, you're like, I was into it. Why not? I'm so great. Do that. Do what feels good, but again, if you have a history of you wake up in the morning and you feel bad about it, I wouldn't recommend it. So I think just take this slow, you're going to know what feels right to Jasmine. You just will. And I'm not gonna give you any rules just to figure out what feels right. And the age difference, I don't think so. He knows you're 22.

I don't think that's a good idea. I get in your mind, it seems really a little bit. Who cares, and who you want to my, my thing is who the hell cares what he's expecting. There is no like, she's 22, therefore, no, no. Just be you, don't worry about it. Hey Emily, I love the show. 36, I live in the Chicago land area. Sounds like Disneyland, Chicago land. It't worry about it. Hey Emily, I love the show. 36. I live in the Chicago

land area. Sounds like Disneyland, Chicago land. It's all one word. And I've been happily married for over 11 years. For the past past few months, however, my thoughts have been on another woman. Oh, no. This woman graduated from the same high school classes. Me and we initiated some friendly chit chat in a Facebook group. Ah, Facebook. What's going on? What's going on? Older people. Dude, Facebook. 20-year-union. So scandalous. I mentioned this on the show.

We have a lot of new listeners, but I had a really good friend. An amazing guy married two kids, awesome house, awesome job. And his effing wife one day comes to him and says, I reunited with my high school boyfriend on Facebook, and I'm leaving the state to go be with him. I've heard this too. And I'm telling you, it's always the grass is always greener, it's enticing, it brings up all the old good memories. You never think of the bad ones on why you broke up with this person.

Don't do it. I mean if you have an amazing life right now Stick with it stick with it and then forget about this person why destroy everything that you have For somebody that you're talking on Facebook with right exactly not worth it because Facebook is you're looking at their life And they've everything you don't because the grass is greener. That life is edited on Facebook. They show you everything that's great and they tell you everything that's great on Facebook. Not the bad things. And it's also just the tillation of like, you're with your, well, let me finish the story here. Okay. Okay. So, but it's part of it. All right.

So he's in a Facebook group because of 20 year high school reunion. This one out for a week, they were flirting flirting, when she, on more than one occasion, mentioned how she was divorced, didn't have kids, and was actively looking for the right guy, and the guy she described sounded a lot like me. I realized I developed quite the crush. I decided I wasn't comfortable feeling this way about another woman, so I stopped talking to her.

For a couple of weeks, it worked but then the feelings resurfaced, and they are strong. Like I said, I'm happily married, and love the sex when it happens, which is only like once every couple of months. See, that's why you're enticed by the person. You should be focusing on what's happening in your relationship. You do? That's it.

This thing is just drawing you away. Dude, you know, how many guys and girls are out there, you know? It doesn't matter. Right. Exactly. You're going to have the same issues and the same problems. How many guys and girls are out there? You know? It doesn't matter. Right, exactly. You're gonna have the same issues, the same problems, and this sexy cheerleader, you remember my school, is not gonna,

might not be having sex with you in three months either. Like I'm just telling you, there's issues with everybody, every relationship, but it's not even, you're not gonna have sex with it anyway, but I'm just saying we always think that it's gonna be better, it's gonna save us, or it's a distraction from whatever we're not dealing with in our life. Yeah.

Okay, but it also goes the other way. Let's say it's a totally different situation. Maybe you have a miserable life and you've found somebody through Facebook, then cut it off immediately with that person that you're with because you only have one life. You only have one life. Why are you wasting every single day being somebody somebody that you don't wanna be with? If anything, this could be like a great wake up call. But let's finish just real quick.

I'm sorry. But no, I'm getting excited too. Very passionate about this. I know. Because I don't want people messing up their lives or some shiny object online. Right, there's always gonna be a bright, shiny object. There's always gonna be something that seems to be

more enticing, the bigger, better, deal, the better option that's going to give you everything that whole, you know, that whole, that deep thing inside you that can't be filled, guess who has to fill it? You, with love, self love, and there's not going to be anyone else that's going to make you feel better than you already do now, because you got to work in yourself and your relationship, but that's a whole, that's back to this. So, he's only having sex a few times a month and he thinks this has probably contributes to him thinking about the other woman. I agree. But I don't want to do anything that will ruin my marriage. So my question is, how can I forget about the other woman?

I've never met her in person, so if he didn't even know her high school, knows her in the group. So physically, I haven't made, I haven't made and won't make any mistakes. I'm not okay with the idea of emotionally cheating. I wanna forget, go back to my wife. Thanks for your advice, keep the great work in gym. So I think gym sounds like a good guy cause he caught himself early.

He's actually emailing, saying that like, I don't want this to go on. And I think you gotta cut off all contact with her. Don't be friends with her on Facebook, see,saw conversation. And take all this energy that you've been like using to obsess about this woman on Facebook and channel it into the relationship with your wife.

And like heal that. Having sex every three months, not okay. I'm gonna say that number is not okay. Cause couples need the intimacy. Like you need to be connected on that level. And like, that's a number that's just like, then what are you guys doing? And have you talked to her about it?

It's great to like, whittleway hours on Facebook of seeing what could be when you've got this relationship here that needs some repair. And relationships are about repair. They are about rebuilding all the time. So it's okay. Sexual frustration, all this stuff, that's why she's appealing. So how you to forget about her,

is every time you're thinking about her, think of what can, do I appreciate about my wife? What can I do for my wife right now, and how can we work on this? Because if you don't take action now, there's gonna be another woman, you know, who pokes you on Facebook. Yeah.

P.S. people still poke on Facebook. Do you get poked? Do I? I'll try. I don't even look at that. Right. Well, I don't either, but sometimes no, but like I'm not looking for pokes, but then when you go to your thing, it'll be like, so and so poked you not every day. Once every three days, they still have the poke. Ready for another email? Are you sure? Did you just want to? No, I'm down. Okay. Hi, Emily. I'm 24 years old and I've never been in a long-term supportive, genuine relationship.

I would really like to be until someone comes into my life in that capacity. My goal is simply to meet and date people casually. I was overweight and had a terrible, terrible acne as a kid, so my confidence is shaky at best. This is my biggest issue when it comes to approaching and talking to you guys, I think, or cute. I'm not into the bar scene. Don't know where and how else to meet guys.

I'm worried if I'm not putting out the fuckable vibes for lack of a better word. And I'm 100% willing and able to, I won't get late, so she's willing to it, but she thinks that she's got to put out some certain vibe. What advice do you ever both meeting guys and striking up a conversation? Alaina, I tune subscriber 24 from Texas.

Nice. So I am not a fan of the term like, effable vibes, I'm not gonna swear I got in the show. Profanity is wrong, no. I'm kidding, but if you're trying to like, if what you're saying, Alaina, is that you're trying to put out there like, Alaina, is that, you know, you're trying to put out there, like, I want to get effed, you know, that's a whole bunch

of different issues because that means that you want to feel desired right now that you're not feeling like you're enough and that there's some way that you got to act or move in the world that's going to make you feel better by yourself. And that's not going to happen. The one, you are talking about though, is confidence, and that's something you need to be able to put out there. Because in your mind, you still have these limiting beliefs that you'll always be the overweight girl with pimples and that everyone else is gonna see you this way.

And this is what's holding you back, is that that's how you're still seeing yourself. And you're like, well, I gotta put myself out there as like the sexy woman. So you gotta change the your own narrative and the story that you're telling yourself about yourself and how you build your confidence and so much of it has to do with those negative voices in your head, those stories in your head that are like, guys don't like me, I'm not in a bucket, I like that.

And we don't even realize it until we think about it. You're like, wow, that's really negative. You know, and you can catch yourself in that moment. And this takes practice. But like in the moment, if you say something negative or you're thinking of self, you know, defeating thought, say something positive. Like, God, I'm, I'm really glad that I have, you know, these shoes, these great new shoes are allowing me to walk to my car right now.

Or, you know, I have this great front, I'm having dinner with, like be grateful in affirmations and also say good things, but what do you love about yourself? There's gotta be all have things that we don't like. That list is often longer than the things we recognize. We love, but maybe you love your sense of humor. Maybe you love the way your,

maybe you love the way your tongue can slide across your lips, and you do this sexy smile to the guy. I don't want this. Yeah, but it's always overthink things, I know nothing. But what I'm saying is you maybe you don't do this, man, is like, do you ever beat yourself up or have things in your head that like defeat,

like what defeats your confidence, do you think? What, I mean, so many things, I mean, daily. But how do you get over that? But mostly you don't come so how do you move like when you hear those thoughts or whatever it is that makes you feel bad. What do you do? I think about everything that is good. And let me tell you this in emotion like I thought it only lasts a minute and a half. But so many times we get caught up in it and it could take us down for days like And this is all about practice. So, you know, you don't necessarily go, you don't need to go to bars for like

the opportunity to meet someone. There's single men everywhere. So again, this is about practicing talking to people. And just that skill of like having practice, having conversation, telling stories with people that you're not necessarily like looking at sex with, is a skill that you build over time and it's practice. So practice all this stuff.

There's a lot of signalized everywhere and just get comfortable talking to people. You're 24. You probably live in a very populated area. For some reason, I was reading this email. I'm like, Madison, she's from El Paso and it doesn't say El Paso anywhere. Oh, really? And I don't know why. I don't even know where that is.

I was like, you and El Paso. So like, what are your hobbies? This is for everyone. Do you remind? Maybe you know me. She's an El Paso, and I'm like, where did you get El Paso? And I'm like, you're right.

So find something to build your confidence. And, we can look around, just put her email in Facebook. I don't want to stalk the list. I'm just saying, maybe let's see if you're right. Oh, dude, we'll do that after the show. I'm sorry. But anyway, I hope that, you know, I know that's helpful. So, like, just, you know, you got this, okay?

Cool. Practice, love it. This was good. I love it. It's always great being here with you. So great being with you too. We do appreciate the listeners. Thank you so much for listening.

I hope everyone knows how much. Like, I get in my heart like every day. This is when I'm feeling, oh, you know, my car is broke down and my, whatever is going on in my life, or I'm sad. I think I am doing like something that I've always, that I want to do and I love that I can like help people with their sex lives and that I hear from you all and you're like, it changes your life. Like I was out there night meeting a fan who's like, oh my god, I listened to your breakup show and I finally had the curtain. So this is why I do it. And so I love you all and I'm grateful. And thank you for listening and telling a friend about the show and just yeah.

Faithful. Love you. Thanks. Thanks you. Thank you Madison. Thank you, Laurie. Thank you Jamie. And thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. you