Sex With Emily - Best of: Sexually Awakened in Isolation w/ Nikki Boyer

Episode Date: December 26, 2020

Today we’re throwing it back to my interview with Nikki Boyer, host of the limited podcast series “Dying for Sex.” We’re talking about how you can explore and discover new pleasure even when things seem grim. She tells me how during times of uncertainty, a sexual awakening can do wonders for your self-esteem.While you can’t really go out and date right now, get inspired to open your mind to new sexual possibilities. Plus, I answer your questions about self-discovery, keeping a long-distance relationship alive, and using lube vs lotion.For more information about Nikki Boyer, visit: dyingforsexpodcast.comFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On today's show, I'm joined by TV personality and host of the limited podcast series, Dying for Sex, Nikki Boyer. And we're talking about how even when things seem grim, it may actually spark a sexual awakening. Plus, I'm answering your sex and relationship questions. Topics include, why during times of uncertainty, a sexual awakening can do wonders for your self-esteem. Maybe you can't go out and date right now, but some inspiration to open your mind to new sexual possibilities.

Sex toys for penises that allow for some easy cleanup and some tips to keep things spicy in a long-distance relationship. All this and more, thanks for listening. Into his eyes Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a bygone way Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken He thinks you're kind of cute

The girls got a hair stand Oh my The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so proud Being bad feels pretty good Isn't it common all of it? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com, intentions with Emily. For each show, I'm going to start out by setting an attention as you know, and it helps you guys do the same. So what I mean is like, what do you want to get out of listening to this

particular episode? It could be, wow, things are so uncertain now. Maybe sprucing up my sex life could be yelling. My intention for the show is to show you that even when times are tough, things aren't necessarily going the way you want them to, you can always work on your pleasure. All right, enjoy the show. Nikki Boyer. Hi. Three-time Emmy award-winning TV host.

You've done a lot of fascinating things in your career. Oh, thanks. Journal. Three time Emmy award winning TV host. You've done a lot of fascinating things in your career. No, thanks. Journalist, but right now we are talking about your new podcast. You're the host of Dying for Sex. Yes. And I just, I mean, really the topic of it, I mean, essentially your friend had a sexual awakening after being diagnosed with cancer and you thought, well, yeah, that's, that's

first of all, it's like death, like, where's it? Like death is like the antithesis of sex, right? Like I'm going to die and might as well learn to live. So, amazing. So, yeah, how did this all come together? Tell me where you're like, oh, yeah, that's sad, but amazing. And then a podcast. Right. I know. Kind of, that's it. Thank you for having me. And thank you for like opening up the conversation about this because I'm so excited about this project. And when Molly was diagnosed with stage four, the lack of the better word is terminal. So when she got that news, she decided it was time to do something really bold. And so she left her marriage of 15 years and moved out and moved very close to where I was living at the time.

Now mind you, this was the second time that she had been diagnosed. So she went through it the first time, double mastectomy, chemo, a lot of loss of everything, really that felt like her and her womanhood. So when she got re-diagnosed, she was like, I can't do it again like that. So she left her relationship, moved really close to me, and she was going on all these sexual journeys. So when we'd, I'd pick her up, because she never, you know, like she hates driving. So I'd pick her up and she'd be like, I've got to tell you what happened. And I just I remember there was a moment we were at a stoplight. And I was like, there's something here. This

is not the normal thing that people do when they get cancer. And they don't leave their husband. Right. And then I said, I'm out. And then I said, fact that this is not working. But I need someone to. So she said, I'm out. It's amazing. And then I said, I think this is a show. And in that moment I said, and I think it's called Dine for Sex. Like it all just went, woo. I mean, talk about one of the best, yes, exactly. So we, yeah, we just went for it and then started recording up. And so actually, we came up with the idea, we came up with an idea,

we started pitching it to people and then finally, friends of mine at this production company called bold souls said we should we should pitch this but we should actually record some recordings And then I brought those recordings to one dream who is amazing at storytelling, right? Like really digs in and goes there and my producers there just there to so awesome and And then we have this X episode series now called dyingine for Sex and Episode Five, just came out. Okay, today- Congratulations, everyone. We're checking out wherever you listen to podcasts.

Which is awesome. Isn't that nice? Yes, okay, so this is what, that's back up. So you are driving the car, stopping late, and you're like, wow, she's having a sexual awakening. What does that look like? Like how did you, how do you define sexual awakening? Because I think that so many people, you know,

I'm sort of saying earlier, like you don't have to be get a diagnosis to decide that you want to have a sexual awakening. I think that was, that's really important to know is like, why are we waiting for that news? Why are we waiting for something horrible and terminal to happen? I think that's part of what we're saying and this podcast is, let's not wait for that. And let's give ourselves, like, permission to just go for it. And what I love about Molly, she does that. And she also lets you in on the messiness of it. Like it's not always

pretty and it's not always nice and it doesn't always fill her up the way she thinks it's going to, but she's really open about that in her process, which I think is healing and part of the sexual awakening, don't you think? Yeah, absolutely. So what would you say? Because you've known her for a while. You probably want was in her marriage. Yeah. Okay, so you know her in the marriage. So you know her, like, what did that look like? Like what, what were the things that maybe some pride you, the first sex thing where you're like,

oh wow, this is a story. Like what was she telling you or this is a, so I think the moment that I realized this was like, not the normal, like I'm just gonna go on dates and make out with guys and have sex. It's when she started dipping into the fetish world and she was like, so there's a guy. He wants to come over and worship my feet world and she was like, so there's a guy.

He wants to come over and worship my feet. And I was like, that's it. She's like, yes. So there's this guy. He's really interested in like dressing up as a clown and then having sex with me. And I was like, what? I just remember my brain was, it was making sense, but I kept thinking this is this normal. I guess this is what happens.

So that's when I realized it was not just not much just sex. It was like fetishes and things that she was really open to because why not? Like she said, like, what's the worst thing that's going to happen? Like I was like, be careful. She's like, what are they going to do? Kill me. And one guy like she went over to the house and he just wanted to tickle. Like he wanted her to tickle him.

She didn't really know that was happening until it started happening. Yeah, that's it. So how did she do feel like her was was it feeling her I know it's not every situation turned out amazing, but how did you see the sexual connections like fill her up in a way? Well, I think people can look at this a little bit and say well, gosh She was pleasing them was it really about her and yeah, right? And I get that part of it But I think for her it was a a way of gaining control a way of using her body and

her was a way of gaining control, a way of using her body and a way that kind of had been robbed from her when they take your breasts away and they take your, you're just things that make you feel like a woman and the parts of you that make you feel sexy. I think for her it was like she wanted to use that. And so she did discover that through some of, you know, her escapades that sometimes it would feel, it would fill her up and sometimes she would feel empty and she kind of tried to navigate that, that sometimes it would feel or up and sometimes she would feel empty and she kind of tried to navigate that to see what it really was that she was looking for. So it wasn't just about the sex,

even though that's kind of the entry point, a lack of a better word, literally. She used that to kind of figure other things and heal some old wounds from her life. Yeah, you saw that she healed some trauma too. Like, how would you explain that process? Or, well, what was it she worked through? I think she was working.

I think she was raw. I don't want to give too much away, but I think she was kind of robbed of that thing that most of us get, which is exploring sexuality and sex on our terms as a young woman. She didn't really get that process. So I think this, in a way, was her sort of reclaiming that time that she didn't get in her youth. And she digs into that in a little bit in the episode that was released today.

So she goes into that, and so it was different. You know, people are getting a little bit judgy, I think, because they're like, well, how could she do this? And why? And I think where I go is to don't draw your line so deeply in the sand, like you never know what your capable or what you're gonna

want to do when things get really intense and hard. Yeah, I mean, it's your so right. People put out the hair sacks and they like put up so many ways, so many protectors around them. They're like, oh, that's wrong. This is wrong. I can't listen anymore. So, so to really say, no, I'm gonna actually suspend

belief, suspend my judgment and go into the podcast and listen, like, maybe I'll be inspired for something. Maybe I'll, like, I feel like that could be a lot of it, right? I mean, you must have been, how about you, Nikki Boyer? You're sex slave, but I'll be like, I don't wanna go home to my partner, and I'm super, actually, I wish you had a foot fetish. I mean, a foot row, like, did anything happen?

Like that. It kind of just sort of widened my idea of what people get to do. I did get a little judgy here and there in the podcast with certain things, like, I did get a little judgy here and there in the podcast with certain things. Like, I was like, ew, but I think now I'm looking back at it. I'm like, you know what, teach their own. I mean, certain things are too much, but everybody's got their way of expressing themselves.

So what it did for me is it just sort of broadened my spectrum of like possibilities. So I haven't really changed much of what I'm doing, but I'm open to it. Right, exactly. I have to be honest, my boyfriend would kill me if he knew I was seeing the live on the show. But there's a part of me now that's kind of interested, and maybe we can talk about this for a second.

I would love your opinion. Of course. I kind of like the idea now of like, where is him? The boy you're like watching. Like not being involved and not being in the room, but there's, and I know porn does that and chatterbait does that watching someone else. I don't know I think with your with your husband my partner. Oh my boy. No, that's really really common fantasy. Okay, absolutely Fascinated family. Yeah, I know everything's fine. You're all good. We all have fantasies and We're not gonna shame you're blame you. We're going to help you have that make that fantasy come true.

If you want to name that fantasy. No, but it's yeah, I mean, it is common because first off, it's just in general. Just in general. Are you with your husband? Yeah, I'd like to watch it with him. Oh, and I'd like to play party or sex part. Okay. See, I've never done it.

I've never been to any of this. I'm so fine. Welcome. Yeah. To it. Yeah, we can help you. There's a lot of different websites and play parties. I'm serious. I literally want everybody's like fantasies to come true.

I want to help. I want to help everybody. I just need to work in a navel book. That's such a negative connotation. But I want to like in a very healthy way. Of course, baby. That's what I'm saying. So is there anything that you sort of had a fantasy about that you indulged in and

in it and it didn't kind of meet up to the thing in your head. I'm afraid you deflected away from the voyeurism. Before you leave, I'm going to help you take the next right step towards the voyeurism fantasy. Has there been anything that I've wanted that I've been like, eh, take it or leave it? Well, no, you were like, oh, I'm interested. And then when it comes to fruition, you're like, well, that was way better in my head. Right. That's what I'm afraid of with the voyeurism. I'm going to see two bodies and I'll be like, well, that was way better in my head. Right. That's what I'm afraid of with the voyeurism. I'm going to see two bodies and I'm going to be like, nope. We're good.

Well, that's the best thing about it is that if you go to a play party, which meaning it's like they used to come swing a party, so you can get an invite or you can sign up and go on like a Saturday night and there's usually rules. Like, only couples can come and single women and there's not an obligation to have sex. So you and your partner can decide to go and just kind of show up and just see how it is and kind of ease into it. I find a lot of these parties are a lot like a regular party, but then eventually you look over and someone's having sex.

Like at first you're like, nice to meet you, my name is Nikki Boyer. I'm Emily Morris, how's it going? Closer on, and then like an hour in, you're like, is she giving him a blowjob? How is going on in this book? I know when my brain is exist, but to go is a whole different experience. And the thing is these parties are, like there's anonymity because no one wants to,

like I saw Nicky, and Harry, so I'm not gonna go. You're like, I don't wanna see my boss there, but then you're like, well, your boss was there. You're all at the sex party. So anyway, yeah, so I think that's that's kind of how it all works. Then you could leave. My question is what sexual fantasies of mine did I happen? I was like, no, check bucket list done. Don't do it again. I know it's really hard.

I mean, that's the second sexual spot I've been put on today. Like the sexual question that someone's asked me that I was like yeah, it was what This guy going to this retreat and we think about what would I be embarrassed to ask a partner for sexually in bed? Like what would I what do I want to fulfill sexually that I'm afraid to ask and I like? I don't know I really don't can't think of anything that went wrong like I've had Thrasms but then I boarded on before it was a bad threesome So like but I've had really good threesome's and then I've had like an almost threesome.

I was like, oh, this isn't going to be hot and I ended it. Oh, that's smart. Yes. Right. So much, I don't know if you had this Nikki in my life. I've had relationships where I've had sex with people that I, it was easier to keep going than to say no. That's because yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I might as well just give them a blowjob or might as well just have sex because I don't want to explain why I don't want to have sex, which is, I mean, I don't want to do those things anymore. And I encourage all of you not to kind of not do that anymore. Because once you learn what you want in bed, and what feels good, and you're really in touch with your body, you won't be able to just kind of pacify someone

just because you don't want them to feel better. Like, what about our own sexual needs? But I think in the past, I've just followed through with things actually that I wouldn't, but I, yeah. No, I can't think of anything that I did that. Yeah, I'm just wondering if the voyeur, I'm wondering if the voyeur is something

is just more of like a juicy thing to have in my head but maybe in real life I would be. I'd say what I'd like to know. The best way to find out, right? Here's the best way to find out. Okay. First, dirty talk at when you're in bed. Like right now I'm picturing us, we're at a party.

And tonight, like, you're looking at this couple and she looks over at you and we're watching them and then, you know, you start grabbing me and we're making out and you just sort of talk it back and forth to see, like, a role play. Yeah, yeah. Okay. To see how, if that's hot.

I think my boyfriend will be very happy with all this stuff. You can send him this. So, yeah, that's kind of like, how you dip your toe in the water, because, you know, many people are like, I don't know that I want to with all the stuff. You can send him this. So yeah, that's kind of like, how you dip your toe in the water, because many people are like, I don't know that I wanna go all the way there. Because a lot of people do have like

the threesome fantasies and stuff. And I'm like, well, first, don't just go out finding a third person tonight. Right, maybe. Roll plan. Roll plan. That's a really good advice. Thank you.

So that's that, okay. So what else, so do you have any more sex questions for me? I'm thinking about my own sex or your thing. Well, I always hear sexual communication with your partner. Do you think it's made you more like open? That's a great question. Actually, doing this podcast with Molly has sort of allowed me to go, oh, I hadn't even thought of that.

Or let me kind of push the envelope a little bit. So it has increased our sex. It has increased the communication around it asking for things But I'm I'm so exhausted right now from working so much that I come home And sometimes like my version of sex is like a hot bath and he rubs my feet like that's okay, too That is sex right? Yes We all get to decide what Collection looks like with our partner. Yeah intimacy that is intimacy

Yeah, but isn't it funny? I get what you mean like being exhausted partner. Yeah. Intimacy, that is intimacy. But isn't it funny, I get what you're like being exhausted all day because you're working on a sex topic, sexual. Yeah, and then you come home. And it's like the cobbler's kids have no shoes. I'm like, yeah, this guy, he's like no shoes, right? Because I'm always like, I'm tired.

I didn't have time for sex in the past anyway. Anyway, I mean, it loves that. It's ebbs and float. And that's totally fine. As long as you both get your needs met. Yeah. So then you talk about it, then it sounds like your sexual communication.

I think it's pretty good. I mean, we've been together for almost 11 years and going through this with Molly, I would bring things to him. I saw a lot of photos and masturbation videos and things that Molly would share with me. So I think there was a party made that was like, whoa, like that's a lot. There's a lot to take in there

for many, many different men. So coming home, I would be like, oh, I saw this today, experience this today, and it would kind of fuel things for you. Like, do you talk to him about it? Are you like, yeah, I did. You know, it's funny though, it's, I didn't find, I didn't find those videos and those pictures

to be that hot, okay? Because there was a little bit of like, that's gonna sound, I didn't find those videos and those pictures to be that hot. Okay? Because there was a little bit of like, that's going to sound, there's a little bit of desperation underneath it, right? When you come to it. I'll tell you more, like the dick pic was just a desperate-looking dick. The penis. That penis itself had this look.

Yeah. It's like, help me. Like, like, a chapidation. Do I really want this to be right like? Right. Then we're all, I'm saying this, you're saying I love this. No, it's not horrible, it's amazing. Everything's great.

Everything is great. I'm gonna add to the little bit of like, oh God, they're trying so hard. Like, I would literally, like this is so, like this is so, is that a problem? Are you holding it up?

I think it's so much happening here. Like, like, he's into it, boys. Like, relax. So there's a little bit of like, whoa. Like, don't, we don't, we don't, there's no four planning more. It's just a giant winger in, whoa. Like don't, we don't, we don't, there's no four-plany more. It's just a giant winger in your face. Like give it a minute.

Right. I don't know. No, we need it. This is the thing, women. We're not waiting, we're not sitting around going, go out right now, but I just love to get dick picker. Let me scroll through all my,

like we keep on maybe in our phone to show our friends. We delete them from our website, or DMs and Instagram, but yeah, there's something about that, women, we want a little bit of, you want to turn on, we want to warm up, just a bring. There's a thick pick that I did not choose to see. And I think Molly did that.

She learned through doing, through trial and error. Like a wiener right off the bat isn't my thing. Like I like a little conversation. She loves verbal foreplay and texting and photos of creases of bodies and things like that. Well, I love it. Yeah, so she figured out what she wanted. It was just kind of the process of dating, I think, when you kind of put yourself on a pat, you're like, okay, I do like sexting, I don't like dirty talk, or I don't

want to dick-pick-ever. But what I like is that in your podcast dying for sex that you use all the real like the texts and the images or the video or the audio and stuff. I think that's such a great. You feel like you're back there? Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like it's the real deal. It's a real story. It's not like a fabrication or an idea. Like it's the real story of Molly and her journey and it's messy and it's beautiful and it's not just about sex. It's about healing and it's about female friendships and just also figuring out what you want to do at the time you have left.

And when I keep saying to people is it's morbid, but we're all kind of dying. Right? Like, yeah. We don't know when someone's going to go. So why are we waiting for that diagnosis to sort of live our fullest life? So what are you dying for? What do you want to live for? Like, what is that in you?

So I hope that this podcast is not only fun and titillating, but it kind of makes you sort of look at your life and go, what am I doing? Absolutely. What do I want to ask for? No, Nikki, I think that is such a great point. And I feel like when something like that happens, I was going to ask you too, because having someone so close to you who's been sick, does it have you re-examined your life too in ways? Has it kind of made you like, I don't, I don't have time for this worry because who knows when, you know, what's gonna happen with life or? Well, I think I just am naturally a kind of like, I thrive on

control and anxiety and I'm trying to figure out how to let go of that. I think sometimes my brain and my body aren't quite synced up with like, let's relax, but I realize that the best way to practice that is just to be super present where you are and really mindful of where you are. Like when you're with people, just take a deep breath and really be with them and try to just quiet the noise. And if we could just practice that, yeah. This is nice. Well, that's like the punch line of every spiritual journey, every therapy, everything is like,

well, at the end of the day, we need to breathe more and be present. That's crazy though. That's the answer. We're so resistant to it. Yeah. Love. True. Like connection, love and intimacy and presence. Yeah. I believe at the punchline in life, like at the end of the day, at the end of our day or the end of our life, it's like, oh, I wish, oh, how about this? Not in the past tense. I'm so glad. I loved. I had sex. I gave

that I was as present as I could be with these precious moments I had on this planet. Yeah. And it's also a little bit of a... This podcast is a little bit about forgiveness, forgiving ourselves, forgiving other people, and healing those things that are holding on to that, that I guess anger, frustration, or resentment is just killing you, right? Right. It's a good life process to learn to release that stuff because it just stacks up and carries us around. So I think the story is super inspiring. Nikki Boyer, so you can check out the rest of it.

It's Nikki Boyer and IKKIBOYER, an Instagram and Twitter, NikkiBoyer.com. We'll put it in the show notes at sexwithmley.com. I have to ask you the five questions. We ask all of our guests. Nikki, where are this? Are you ready? Ready.

Biggest turn on. Confidence. Biggest turn on. Confidence. Biggest turn off. Ugh. Ego. What makes good sex? Oh, um, Loub. Yes, baby.

Something you would tell your younger self about sex and relationships. Be a little safer. Be a little safer. Number one, sex tip. Go for it. If you're thinking about doing some toys and play, like just buy the toy, bring it home and just go for it. Like just do it or order it on Amazon. Or sexzone.com.

Thank you for bringing it. Oh my God, I'm just getting a vibrator. You're right. Wherever you find it, we're gonna give you one before you leave. You get a parting gift. It is your way of doing it. I know, it really is. Everyone gets a gift.

You get a vibrator and you get a vibrator. I'm Dr. Emily, this is Sex with Emily. We're gonna take a quick break and we come back. We're gonna get into your calls. And thank you again for supporting our sponsors. We've got some great products to keep you connected right now and we would not be connected to you if not for them and they wouldn't be in business if not for you So thank you everybody for supporting them and we'll be right back

Okay, we have Stacy 35, 35 in Illinois. Just had a historyectomy and needs advice about how to get back into sex. Alright. Hey Stacey. Hello. Hi Stacey. Thanks for calling. Hello. Hello, you're on. So I had a total history of me about six weeks ago. I did keep my ovaries. Okay. But I'm just kind of nervous getting back into sex because my doctor didn't explain any, you know, sex because my doctor didn't explain any you know differences or they didn't oh really that's just oh yeah okay I'm so glad

you called so okay so it's you know it takes a while to get back into it to get back into sex it could take you know you're gonna I mean the doctor says it between four and six weeks is what they'll say. And that allows time for like scars to heal, like discharge and bleeding and all that stuff to stop. But don't put that, I don't want you to have that, like women after childbirth are like, yeah, six weeks, it's not always the same.

So just really pay attention to your body and like see how you're feeling. So I also think, you know, if you notice bleeding and all that, you should go back and see your doctor. You might. So I also think you know, if you notice bleeding and all that, you should go back and see your doctor. You might get a little bit, you know, do they tell you anything like side effects? Like do you might get sad or? I feel pretty good.

Right. I just, more questions about like, I didn't, you could know this until I research on the internet, like the vaginal cough that they make for you, how that affects like, start your sex life and orgasms and stuff like that, I don't understand that. Right, right, vaginal cuff.

Yeah, because when they take your cervix out, right. No, no, no, I know. But you're saying that they didn't, and they were like, there was nothing that you were told. So like, I mean, here's a thing. No, not a lot.

Okay, so you might have less interest in sex. You might, you know, you have to see what happens, but I feel like you still have orgasms, you have your clitoris, you're labia, you could be a little bit drier, you definitely want to use lube, you'll have sensations. I mean, I feel like, and how old you are 35. So, I mean, the most important thing is to, I think, I mean, I, to stay in touch right now with your whole, your sex life, your vulva, your vagina, like to still masturbate, doing your keg-gelexercises and working your pelvic floor is a really important part of the recovery process.

So do they tell you to do what are the exercises? No. Okay. So pelvic floor exercises are really, and most women, we kind of do them wrong. We don't really know how to do it. So I would recommend that you check out, like, there's like apps and stuff, or I have an iPhone app called Kegel Camp. You can look at how to do them online, but they're kind of like your, your pee-stopping

muscles, like when you stop and so the, the start of urine, it's like you tense and you relax. And so I would do those. And then I would just wait and see because the thing is for many women, like I think it's important to like, when you just wanna take it slow, and really you wanna keep your mind engaged. So I even think for you,

doing your kegels and keeping in touch, even if you're not feeling, so are you in a relationship? Yeah, I'm married. Okay, so I think just like continuing to be intimate with your partner and not making like sexes off the table because there's still things that you guys can do to stay connected. So I still like kissing, massages, playing with each other. When you start to feel it again, maybe you'd want to do...

Maybe not now, how are you feeling right now? Like the next week, it's been a long time. I mean, six weeks. Six weeks. Feeling pretty good. You're at the six weeks. Okay, so have you been connected with your partner? Because here's the thing.

Have you tried to have sex again yet? Not yet. I'm panoramic about that. So that's why I was calling to think because they didn't explain anything. So that's what I mean. Okay. No, I know. And I'm trying to like, I feel like that to go slow with your partner,

I mean, here's the thing. You might not feel anything different. How do you have any, do you have any changes? Have you looked in a mirror? Do you feel have you felt turned on? Have you connected to your husband since then? Yes. Okay.

You have not in our place, but. Well, what I would do is, because I don't want to, like, I want you to see how you feel. This is what I want you to do. I would love it if you do ever masturbate on your own. That's what masturbation is. I guess I love me, okay. So I would recommend that you, like, take a bath, get yourself into a comfortable place where

you're feeling relaxed and you masturbate and you take some time and you see, because it's kind of like getting to know what is happening down there. And I think you're going to find that probably not much is different. Like you're not feeling any pain right now, you think you've recovered and then feel that sexual, the sexual stacy that you are. And do that and then see how it feels. And then when you're with your partner again, your husband, you can just kind of take it slow and have them, you know, see how it feels for him to touch you,

use his fingers and just like everything. I always think, you know, it helps to go slow with everything. So getting back into it again, but I think that what you could expect is definitely have some lube, because you might be a little bit drier, a good silicone lube, and let him know, like communicate with him, because this is the most important thing to stay seen. And actually, if this, you know, you can always call back, you know, talk to your doctor if there are any side effects

that you've sexed, but it sounds like, you know, once you masturbate and do this, keep them in the lube. Like, you don't want him to be like, you will come back and you're all like, oh, I'm all healed, right? Let him know this process that you're going through, because I also think if you have expectations in yourself right now, like, oh, what if I can't orgasm or what if I'm all healed, right? Let them know this process that you're going through because I also think if you have expectations

in yourself right now, like, oh, what if I can't orgasm or what if I'm not as, you know, that's going to be defeatous, but if you let them know that, like, I want to take it slow, and here's what I'm going through, I think that that process alone of being transparent with him will allow you to truly relax into your body and just connect again and everything will go lots smoother. Okay, thank you so much. You're so welcome, Sacy, keepin, and let me know how it goes. All right, well we have Ryan, 29 from California, who wants to talk about sex robots.

All right, hey, Ryan, what's going on? Let's talk about it. Hey, not much just excited I'm living in the future, where all this stuff is existing. Right. You know, I thought it was interesting growing up as a guy, you know, you hear about girls having built those and all these options in the year. The guy you really just kind of have your hand. And but eventually I kind of discovered the fleshlight. Oh, okay.

Yeah. I think it was kind of like a discount one or a name brand one. Right. It's okay. But I tried it and I thought it was really thrilling. It was like kinky and almost like it was like a different you can use your imagination a little more. But and it's so it was great. But afterwards I you know you feel great but then you're like I got to clean this thing. I thought you were going to say that you I thought you were going to say

you felt shame. Like some men have orgasms and they like slap their kids. They're watching porn with like, I feel dirty. But what you're saying is you had a clean it. Yeah, I guess. I had this like task in my mind. I'm like, okay, I can't clean it like tomorrow. I have to kind of pay attention to this now.

It's kind of a mess that needs to be handled. Yeah, that's true. Which, you know, I guess it's kind of like sex because you kind of have to have that clean up phase afterwards. Yeah, but it was worth it. We have to clean up our toys. You guys women have to clean up our toys after every time we use them too. Because then it gets bacteria. Yeah, like true. This thing had like cracked and crevices and like, I honestly, it didn't come with instructions. I was like, I don't know how to clean this thing. It's looking forever. Oh my God.

It will be. Yeah. An option as a guy like that I'm not going to have to feel like it's more of a chore than it. Yeah. What else do we have? I mean, there are disposable ones. There's just tanga, T-E-N-G-A, they make disposable masturbation sleeves that you just

might want to buy. They're cheaper and you can just kind of throw it away after That's the easy fix and then yeah, there's just a people don't know what the flashlight is is it's like It kind of like they say it out of a penis, but it simulates like the real deal like it feels like with the ridges and the bumps It's like there's special patented material developed by NASA That's the whole thing with flashlight that it just feels like because yeah, many have their hands like what I need I got my hand, but Brian I love love that you checked it, they tried it. And you're like, yeah, that was kind of cool. And the other thing is,

too, you got it, because that first day, I couldn't do it without, I was like, oh yeah, I need to move it up. You gotta use loop. Yeah, and actually the flashlight, yeah, you gotta use loop. And I don't understand why men don't use loop every time they masturbate. We don't understand it.

I would want it every time. Isn't it just hard? It's like ever. Yeah. It's not a dry rub. It's not a dry rub. It's not a dry rub. It isn't dry rub though. But some men don't use lube. They don't use anything. I get you could use lotion, but I think you should use lube instead. I'm just saying, but also Ryan, the other thing is the flashlight makes a quick shot. It's called a quick shot. And it's a little smaller, but it's open on both sides. So you can just clean it up the old fashioned way. All right, Ryan? Yeah. I appreciate that. Yeah, there you go. I'm full of things for you. Also, the Hat Octopus is a cool toy. So no more pricey, but it's a Hat Octopus Pulse 3. It's like a half a master rations. It goes

around you. It's a toy. It oscillates on your frenulum. I love that Ryan's getting curious here with all the toys, so I'm just throwing them all out. All right, thanks Ryan. Thanks for calling. We even talked about the fleshlate in a while. I feel like five years ago, the fleshlight was, we talked about a lot more on the show, but like I love it. Fleshlight is cool for men to mix it up. If you're on the road a lot, you want to try something different than your hand. Like women, we've got so many toys, right? We can try different sensations. We've got all those nerve-renings to stimulate. Well, men, just because we have 8,000 and they have 4,000,

they still, that's still a lot of nerve-renings to stimulate. Yeah, I mean, it's a lot. And the cool thing about the quick shot, or I think they have the flesh. Flushed. Flushed. I don't know, it's escaping, right? The flesh skin.

Yeah, flesh skin. It's like you can use it with your partner and it just makes, it's like the? The flesh skin. Yeah, flesh skin. It's like you can use it with your partner and it just like makes, it's like the handy hand job helper. Yeah, it is, right? It's hand job helper. Yeah, use Lube and use the handy hand job helper. I know we're talking about flesh. Yeah.

I think the quick shot was also a hand job helper. Yeah, like why not? Have something to help speed it along. Why does do we think that sex has to be this whole like natural like nothing's, we don't need anything, condoms, Lube, toy, like it's just be it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,

it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,

it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, right so might as well get a toy that was meant for your dick to be in and not the vacuum such a good idea yes let's talk to Sarah who's 24 in Pennsylvania she wants to know how to keep a sex life going in a long distance relationship hey Sarah thanks for calling how can I help hi hi all right find myself getting frustrated I Yeah, how long you guys been together? Four years four years long distance and your 24 so since your 20 you've been in a long distance relationship Well, we were together for three years and then he went to med school. Okay. Got it Okay, so of course your first read you miss them right? Yeah, is there an end date where you know you're gonna be in the same city

We have one more year distance. Okay, so you're trying to keep it interesting while he's away. Yes. Okay. Well, I have to say that it's a good time if you're in a long distance relationship and you know there's an end Which I like because I don't mind until these long distance things and we don't know what we're gonna do We might just be long distance forever But it's great time to do this because there's so much great technology now that can actually keep you more connected. So do you guys ever do any like phone sex or sexing or FaceTime anything?

Do you ever do any that? We've done it a couple times and it's been good. Okay. I mean, I- There just hasn't been like that much to it. Right. Okay, well I think it'd be fun to set a date night with him when you're on FaceTime or Skype I mean, I like there just hasn't been like that much to it. Right. Okay. Well, I think it'd be fun to set a date night with him when you're on FaceTime or Skype.

And then you, you know, you have a date where you're actually like having dinner together or you're each having a glass of wine. And then you could have some, you could have some intimate conversations there like about your sex life. You could play a game. There's some really great games. You could each like pick a, you could, there's some online games or there's some cart,

like there's one called actually called monogamy, which we love. It's like monopoly, but monogamy. Even though you're not in the same place or there's some trivia questions you could ask to just get to know each other. There's like mad lips for sex. There's other things we have.

There's just fun board games. There's fun questions that you could get to know each other and ask intimate things about your sex life. You guys could fill out a yes-no-maybe list and Figure out what you guys both like to do in bed, you know get get more intimate like get start talking about things that you desire Maybe talking about things that you really love from your past and just kind of yeah have a real date You could also use toys to guys ever use toys because there's, we vibe makes toys that you could actually use

something called the We Connect app. And so he could be long distance and be controlling the toy with you in another city, another country. Oh, yeah. That's one. Yeah, I didn't know that was a thing. I know, right?

There's one called the Moxie, and it's so cool and it's like a wearable vibe. I mean, you could be wearing it out and about, and he could control it from anywhere on his phone. You guys, and they actually, in their app, they're reconnected up, it's kind of like a FaceTime thing. There's a video too. So you don't have to use the video function,

but you can, you could like call each other and you could be controlling it. But I feel like you're probably missing them because you missed the intimacy. And so there's a way you could like look into each other's eyes, have a conversation. Maybe you could, yeah, have some good conversations about your sex life.

I missed the touch. Yeah, well that's what's hard because you're not in the same room. So I mean, oh, what would you, how often do you see him? How about one some time? Okay. So I think it'd be fun to kind of, like anticipation is so hot.

Like that's the thing about long distance relationships is it is already is hot because you've that built in like missing the person and then the build up. But maybe if you start to kind of plan your next sex session together, like what would it look like? Maybe you're dressing up, maybe you're role playing, maybe you're using some toys together,

and then you both have something to look forward to. Would you feel comfortable talking to him about any of this stuff? Yeah, he's really open. Okay. I hope that's helpful for you. Thanks, Sarah. Thanks for calling. Let me know.

Thank you. You're so welcome. I think we've blogged too long distance sex. Do we have on our site? Yeah, there was like a few things. So just search long distance sex. I'm just going to leave. So long distance on our website, Sarah,

we've got a great post for you blog there that will help you out as well. It's a good time. Have the conversations. Yeah, and I think, I mean, it's good that they see each other at least once a month. Yeah, that's it.

That's good. Yeah, and then plan for the sex. Plan for something. Yeah, make it like an escapade. Yeah. I've always, I've never like, I don't do that enough actually. Like plan out a whole sexade. Yeah. I've always, I've never like, I don't do that enough actually. Like, plan out a whole sex session.

Yeah. I think you should. I'm going to. Well, I mean, plan out too, but eventually. Like, how would you plan it out? I would like figure out exactly my scenario would have all the toys out rolled up and have lingerie ready to go and be like, okay, hour one.

Right. Right. Like all, no penetration, all the other stuff. And then hour two, then let's get into that. And then hour three, let's like take a snack break. Yes. And then let's go. Yeah.

Or ventures, different rooms. I love, I love just like having sex and then eating something naked and then just going back to the sex. Me too. And then never leaving your house all weekend. It's been so long. I know. Same.

That's it for today's episode, see you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to this sex family. Be sure to like, subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. Believe me, if you got something out of it, they will too. We really show on Tuesdays and Fridays and look out for a bonus episode every now and then. Find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter.

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