Sex With Emily - Best Of: Smooch, Suck & Pucker Up

Episode Date: May 25, 2016

This throwback show from 2014 is all about the importance of kissing. From the first light peck to the full body make out, Emily tells you how to pucker up like a pro and sweep any partner off of their feet. Emily and Anderson discuss some important “frenching” do’s and don’ts, swap awkward first kiss stories, and Emily shares her number 1 trick for creating your own perfect smooch! She also answers some listener emails: topics include how to stay hard during long foreplay sessions, making missionary more pleasurable, and what to do when pornography becomes a problem. You might think you’ve got making out down, but this classic show gives you those extra tips you need to become a master of the tongue tango. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, welcome to this episode of Sex with Emily's. Today's show is all about the importance of kissing. I know you think you've got it down, but today's show will give some extra tips so you can kiss like a pro. But first a word from our sponsor. Listeners and friends, they're always asking me how to spice up their relationships. They all want to know how to bring the spark back. One great way is to add in some variety. Well, our good friends at Adam andieve.com know all about that. AdamNieve.com is where you'll find all my favorite high-end toys like the Magic Wand and the Wee Vibetango as well as every formula of quality loob you can think of. You should all be using Loob by

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It's a sexy premium silicone pleasure ring. Rings are a great way to enhance intercourse, and if you haven't tried one before, this is the time. It can help guys stay harder longer while providing that crucial clitoral stimulation that most women need to orgasm during intercourse. Get your free ring, free shipping, free DVDs, and 50% off any item, go to atomoneef.com and use code Emily at checkout. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand.

Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information

go to sexwithendly.com. Go there right now. Put in your email address. I will not spam you. Plus, I send emails and they're really good emails. They give you some tips. People love reading the articles, just like you like listening to the show. So do that, please.

I'm here with Anderson tonight, the lovely Anderson. Hmm. How are you Anderson? Did you go to me and then take a swig? I'm so sorry you were drinking. I think something's wrong with the lurch. I'm, no, I'm drinking. Okay, so I do my hustle workshop, you know, in San Diego.

I sold it, yeah. And I was so bad. I kept, I feel like I was going to email my friend to the doctor today and be like, is there like some kind of thing when you're constantly dehydrated? Because I drink a lot of water. Okay, whatever. So I'm doing that.

So I'm drinking water. And also like us on Facebook, we need all the likes we can get because there's these mean people in the world who don't like sex and they're trying to take down our page. So the more support I get, I would appreciate it. And also, follow me in, yeah, in at Sex Family. Subscribe to us and review us in iTunes. Check us out, tell us what you like about the show or don't. And you can

also, again, email us feedback at sexathendly.com. Okay, a little bit sex in the news here. Sex is more important than love, according to these states. So Anderson, there's certain states where they say that sex is more important than love. Can you guess which states those are? New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta. Completely opposite. Really? Here's the thing.

So when it comes to finding mates, priorities vary widely by state. So the new book Data Clism, which uses data to examine human trends, shows that what each state prioritizes when it comes to sex and love. Somehow surprisingly, states that are politically conservative, such as Montana, North Dakota, Wyoming, tend to prioritize sex over love. But also, Ohio seems to be the outlier in the U.S. It's the only state that firmly prioritizes love over sex. So most states are somewhere in the middle,

but states in the North Central areas of the US seem to be firmly on the side of sex. And it's rather, it kind of says like, the explanation's kind of been all. If you're looking for people to have sex with in places like Pierre, South Dakota, like smaller towns, they are prioritizing sex more than elsewhere because they can't get sex anywhere else.

So they're going online and they're looking for sex. Like when we're in big cities, how do they get this answer? Like do they ask what's more important to your sex or love? Yeah, online dating. Yeah. Okay. Or is it like actually how much traffic there is on those sites? No, no. It's like, but because you and your profile like, okay, you don't know this, but you put like, are you looking for sex?

Are you looking for dating? They did a big survey. So in rural, less populated areas are looking for sex online because they can't find it on the street corner. And in LA, we can find sex anywhere, but we're more looking for love or New York or bigger cities. So we're probably all over. Oh, you're kind of right then. No, well, I was completely wrong because you said, stay, and I threw a bunch of cities

that you like, not right away. No, that word's hard, honey. Grade school. Life is hard. It's tough. I know, right? But we are trying to work and help people have like really good things in life, like really good sex.

So that study in my head, I just here, I just need to get me some fucking. Yeah, I know, really. Well, it's hard. I mean, I feel bad. I mean, I've even had friends who are smart, attractive, you know, talented, amazing one, but they lived in really small towns. Like my friend was going to vet school lived in like some weird place in Louisiana for a few years.

She's like, really, like she couldn't meet anyone. Like there was no one there. Like there's just no one. But the places you live, there's no, you just can't meet people. So that's why they did online. That's kind of bummer. She, you know, boyfriend like five years. And she's cute. It's not that. And she's cute. So I'm going

to just dive right into our topic of kissing because you know, when you settle into an intimate relationship with someone, like I said, kissing can be the first thing to go. And you don't it first thing that goes and you don't even realize it because you're like, it's the, you know, it's the warm up when you meet someone you make out, you have these long make out sessions and they're great. They feel amazing and then you can miss someone for a while and you just have sex and you don't feel like kissing because you got to brush your teeth and you just sit on your hands. But in reality, here's why kissing is important and why I'm devoting some time to this is because it's one of the components that can actively enhance your sex life and

women need kissing to warm up before sex or wind out after. You need it. We require it. But here's the other thing. When you kiss your partner, even if it was like a full body contact kiss, your body releases hormones that make you feel happy and more connected. So if you're just banging your partner and you're not kissing, ever, ever, ever, you feel less connected. So if you're just being in your partner and you're not kissing ever ever ever you feel less connected. It's your hormones that needs to feel more connected by through kissing. So you know when it go like but also when you're

a new relationship kissing is kind of like a first interview and if it goes badly you're like at game over and not gonna call them back but the thing is that you can actually work on kissing. So I would not write someone off if they're a bad kisser on the first date and I think a lot of people do a second date because kissing is something just like sex that you can work on.. So I would not write someone off if they're a bad kiss or on the first date. And I think a lot of people do a second date. Because kissing is something just like sex that you can work on. And so I'm going to give you some tips. And do you know that I write a weekly column for glamour?

I'm actually their first sex columnist. Since it's published on Sunday nights, see I'm ricking them. It's published on Sunday nights and glamour.com. So also, but this Sunday just came out glamour. And want to share with you along with some my tips and these are some kissing mistakes that you might be making before we get into the specific tips So tell me the sounds familiar You start out too strong you're in this moment of passion and it could be really tempting to treat your significant others mouth like a very strong magnet. But you've got to resist the urge to mall your partner like an animal from the get go.

Now sometimes you might win a mall your partner if you win them for a while, but if you just walk up and start malling them, like this is what I'm talking about, you get a warmest off, you've got to take some time. So it would force your partner to play defense for this make-out session. I'll be like back and up, we like really they're tongue they're attacking me like you feel. What are you looking at me for? What do you mean? Do not get it?

No, I get it. I hate the overpowering tongue. It's not a wrestling match. People do it though. I'm telling you guys. Not a winner. And I lose their own kissing. I know.

So if you're if you are one of these like overzealous people like like a teen or something you can't control your urges, always with everything. Like I can't emphasize this enough. You've got to start slow, a slow kiss, and the momentum will build naturally. Pay attention to the signals that the person or kissing are giving off. And then you'll know where to take the kiss to the next level.

So you kind of pay attention. It's like a dance. Because if you mall, it's all about you. You don't even know. Tongtango. It's a tongue tangle. I like that. it's like a dance. Because if you mall, it's all about you. You don't even know. Tongtango. It's a tongue-tango. I like that. It's a good game.

Start a iPhone app like that. What are the French call, French kissing? I know the answer. Did I just think that? They call it a lover's kiss. A lover's kiss. No, but what's it in French? Because I do speak a little French.

I'm trying to remember kissing. Bezier, Florin Thien. Yeah, I don't remember that. But, okay,ing mistake number two. You do not use your tongue. Here's a fact, a closed mouth kiss has never rocked anyone's world. Like the first time you got someone you kiss in,

like, then you're like, oh, we're just gonna kiss goodnight and it's we're gonna linger. But eventually you gotta open the mouth and get the tongues in there. Yeah, that's creepy, one of the close mouth. Yeah. Well, sometimes the first of these closed mouth. Yeah. Well, sometimes the first kiss is closed mouth. Yeah, but a bit lingers.

If it stays, if it's like a five, ten second closed mouth kiss. Yeah, there's a certain, like, you got to, like, right, there's a point in a return. You got to know that. Show some enthusiasm for your partner's mouth by using more than your lips. So some tips if you are not using your tongue and how to use it is you can softly glide your tongue over his, take his bottom lip in your tongue and how to use it is you can softly glide your tongue over his Take his bottom lift in your mouth and gently suck it. Have you ever had a woman do that? The bottom lip the bottom lip suck. I got the glips. It's pretty easy

Yeah, you know what as the guy and I think that I might speak for a lot of guys when I say this like I kind of just follow their lead like if they're like hard kissers I'll be hard back if they're very soft I just kiss the way that they kiss and I kind of just try and Replicate what they're very soft. I just kissed the way that they kiss and I kind of just try and replicate what they're doing. Well, it's funny. They say that because one of my number one tips for couples about kissing is because these are even if you're in a long-term relationship, short-term, if you love everything else, but you're like, God, I just, I wish you would just not stick as tongue-serve-deep down my throat, play a game. So you know what? I want you to do something.

Let's do this. First, kiss me the way I want you to do something. Let's do this. First, kiss me the way that you want to be kissed. I'm just gonna sit, I'm just gonna, you know, I'm gonna follow your lead. And then next, I'll kiss you the way I want to be kissed. And then you can kind of make an amalgamation of the two and become perfect kissers together, hopefully. You might have to do it a few times.

You know, that would work? No, that would be great. That would be good. I'd be like having you create your own kiss. That's unique to you. Oh, no, right would be great. That would be good. I'd be like, have a night and then create your own kiss. That's unique to you. Oh, no, right. And heartless. Because it's not like I'm asking you,

you have to do some crazy yoga pose or something or some commasutra thing. It's like you can learn how to back off with your tongue. Totally easy. Kissing mistake number three, you miss your target completely. So it's really nice to like pause mid-makeout to purposely like purposely like do the brushing of your lips across this cheek or forehead which is kind of nice to kiss around the face, or

ragenous zones. If not however it's not hot to let your lips wander from his mouth so that his chin, nose, cheeks are covered in absent-minded drool. So if your significant other is constantly having to redirect your focus, take the hint and laser in as-lapse. Have you ever had a wet sloppy kisser? You know, I'm sitting here just going back in my mind. So did you do a lot of making out when you're younger? You're a late bloomer, right?

Yeah, I was late bloomer. I can tell you that one of the grossest things in the world is the 13-year-old, 14-year-old makeup sessions. I was like the more I can tell you that one of the grossest things in the world is the 13 year old 14 year old Make out sessions I like there would be like a common pool of saliva that would Sometimes just grow up You know you're both and you're both so nervous and there's so much and you're just kissing for too long and It's so embarrassing. It is where you're both simultaneously embarrassed, but no one could say anything I remembered my first kiss now just now. Did you do this where you were we were kissing we were my friends like basement

It was a kissing party in seventh grade so I did kiss in seventh grade, but I didn't do much after that Was it spin the bottle? Yeah totally and we went a dark room and I remember kissing and our lips did not part and We just swirled our tongues around in the circles swirls kind of nice If it's short no, we never stop swirling. Yeah. Like everything insects. You got to use it out.

Both clockwise? We're just swirling. No, not for now. I felt like an hour. I lost ya. But it wasn't very romantic at all. I'm like, when's the swirling? That thirsty hungry, whatever.

OK, so that was my first kissing. I remember. OK, back to the basics. What was his name? God, was it David? I think it was David. His name was David, which would make sense. Okay, brother's name. No, Michael, but I've dated five Davids in the last two years. So his name was David only five. Just the last, yeah, two years weird, not like all full on relationships, but yeah, the last one actually called him

D five. I was like, you're D five. I'm sure that he appreciates it. Well, you know, you got a nice to know me. It's to love me or hate me. Okay. So, um, back to basics here. When it comes to kissing, especially with someone new, like I said, less is more. So, if you're so hot and bothered and turned on and you're going to like totally devour their face, you got to resist the urge. Because your tongue should not be inside the mouth the other the entire time. You got to use the tongue. You got to go in the mouth, but not the whole time. So again, start slow and then move your tongue into the mix and then pay attention like you do very well.

Anderson. So I hear to your partner and then you balance your styles together with theirs. Like I said, you can ask them to do it or you just try to balance. So here's here's how to kiss. So here's the basics. I want to break it down for you. Start with your lips slightly parted and this is, I just said it's kiss her, but this is be her hand. Kiss her lower lip with your upper lip. Spend some time kissing without using your tongue at first. It can seem really abrasive

if you stick your tongue right away. So I'm telling you is you got to use a tongue, but don't do it too quickly. This is how you warm up. You slightly apart your lips. So if the moment allows, stop kissing her and look at her before you continue again. Because that's intimate. Look in the eyes. Total turn on. Also for men, a warning you forget that your mouth is so much bigger than a woman's. So do not engulf her whole mouth with yours. Guys do that. And you're like, really, I can't breathe. There's a sly ball of me. So expert level, kissers, next level.

Really great kissers know how to tease their kissing partners. So you go in for the kiss right before your lips touch, you pull back. It's the tease that we talk about. This is a hot move because you send that anticipatory wave of excitement through your body, which is what we're all craving, and we don't have anymore in long-term relationships.

You pull in, you pull out. And when neither of you can stand it anymore, which is the ideal situation for sex always, going for the focus and gently sweep your tongue in her mouth, all right, mix it up. Okay, so then you can mix up. The key to a great make-out sash. Keep it from getting boring, like my guy in seventh grade. The Swirl. I never had in Swirl. I think he was not only

to visit a Swirl, it was like a one direction Swirl. It wasn't even like we should probably go the other way, but our lips never parted. We just swirled. We didn't know we were doing. So keep it from getting boring. Don't spend the entire time with your tongue chilling in our mouth or with light short kisses. You want to play around, mix up all these techniques. You alternate, you know, soft light kisses, long deep kisses, lots of tongue nibbling on the lower lip. A spontaneous lip bite can be hot, but not a bite that's going to make her bleed.

There have been some incidents. Yeah, because Ebola. Right. Yeah, Ebola. No blood. Everyone watch out for the blood. No, okay. No biting. Kits are lower lip and then lightly take it in between your teeth. Gently pull and then release. And a side note, that is a great tip that works on the clitoris as well.

You pull the clitoris out and then you're gonna be... Gently pull and then with your teeth. Elastic band it back. Gently gently gently. Pull and release. All right, careful guys. Gently gently gently pull and release. All right careful guys when you're talking about the glitter is in the I know that so very good. Make sure you find the guy that I'm glitter is first. Maybe the worst thing to be sued for. What? Looks like somebody sues you because they click up it off and they're like I heard Emily tell me to bite you there. Don't yeah exactly seriously. I didn't say

bite I said nibble as a nibble gently and not the first time okay. Sucking on your partner's lower lip is another great sensation, but don't get too rough. I'll give her or him a face hikki. Have you ever got a hikki? Yeah, they're the worst. It's been forever, but some guy tried to give me one recently as a really like you give him a you really gonna give me a kiss. It's such a like a guy that own you.

This is my mark. And he was so possessive with it. I hate it. I was like don't give me a hit. Like he's always afraid I'm gonna deal. There's like a long time ago, actually. Okay, so when I come back, I got to do a quick word from our sponsors, but this is what you got to do with the rest of your body during the juicy, juicy make-out suction.

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go to sexwithamely.com and click on the rabbit company banner. Use code Emily at checkout for a special discount. Okay, so people, here's the thing about the kiss. What do you do with the rest of your body? So now you mastered the kiss you're having this juicy makeup section Do something with your hands rather than just focus all your attention on the kissing like you might be worried like am I kissing a right? Cress or back Another Roger's own hold her waist hold her cup her face women love it when you cup their face so romantic You seeing all the movies trace the outline of her jaw hold her chin and direct the motion of her face

you can lightly pull the back of her hair delicately touch her butt maybe when she's grinding on top of your lying next to you so like you want to incorporate your whole body into the full kiss those are my kissing tips for you. Body kisses are good too. A body kiss? Kiss down the body? A hug. Oh, body hug. Okay, yeah, cuddles.

Do we have time for an email? Interesting. Ah, yeah, show us. Okay. Hey, we were talking last week. We were talking about a teasing. Yeah. We were talking about the anticipation of kissing,

like, coming in. Exactly. What about this move? This is a move that I would try and have a few and I would go in for like the kiss. Like, right when we're about to kiss, I'd back away. We're all over, go to sleep. What do you think of that? I would try out a few and I work up I'd go in for like the kiss. I'd write one more about the kiss. I'd back away. We're all over go to sleep What do you think of that? I would hate that but it's anticipation. It's a Yeah, but then you fall asleep and I need the car to roll over fall asleep right when you're like wanting to kiss

If you will back and fell asleep, I would leave in big game That the cheese is not like you depart you don't leave you don't go. Oh, I might touch your vagina But I'm gonna go home. No, but that thanks for thanks for asking. Okay, I want to do that. So anyway this is this is um this is a question here about uh for play. Hi Emily big fan of the show. Have a question regarding for play. I've heard you say many times that long for play sessions will make for more satisfaction for my partner. I've been amping up the for play just about every girl I've slept with seems all the more happier which is great. However, sometimes I find myself getting a little anxious to get to

the whole penetration part and I find myself getting slightly bored during a long session of foreplay. As a result, I lose my erection. Is this normal? Thanks Emily, love your show, Bob. Okay, this is totally normal. And just because I'm always talking about longs as to foreplay doesn't mean that it's only for the woman. So you can take turns. She can play with you too. She should know this. Just because you are performing all sex and horror doing something doesn't mean that she shouldn't be touching you. You could do the good old 69. And also foreplay doesn't have to be continuous. You can start foreplay, then you can have sex

a little bit, intercourse, pull out, keep continuing foreplay. It can be an ongoing thing, because if you feel like you're losing your erection, that's like a total buzzkill for you too. So, I think that you got to just mix it up. And again, foreplay, not just for women, but men too. So take turns and let her know.

I mean, I guess, you know, a lot of guys just say turn on the whole time because they get really turned on by her getting turned on, but maybe you're going a little bit too long and is she performing for play on you? Again, she could perform well, sex on you. She could, I don't know, play with her balls, whatever you'd like, your nipples.

So I think give you a massage. I mean, this gotta be equal opportunity here. What do you think, Anderson? Do you forget board of foreplay? You're like really enough already Do never No foreplay is cool. You're down with bored play. Okay. Do you remember this is about being bored up this woman who's bored on the bottom Missionary we're gonna mix up the missionary position

There's more to like It's easier for many women to achieve orgasm on top and Many women like missionary, but it's freaking boring and it gets boring It doesn't ever get boring for you. You're never like really missionary. You're just like yeah bring it I'm a Christian man He was the Lord tells me Okay, dear Emily when my partner and sex, I found myself getting bored. If I'm on the bottom and if I'm on the bottom and always end up on top, don't listen

to this Anderson, so you're wrong. Don't get me wrong. I love the control, but I feel he needs to have some as well. Is there anything you could do to suggest for more thrilling sexual experience when I'm on the bottom? So no, not every woman is climbing on top, trying to get her own goddamn orgasm. She's doing it. Some women want to stay on the bottom and enjoy it.

It's clearly stated that she likes being on top. She said her boyfriend pushes her on top all the time and she wants an enjoying missionary if you were listening. So here's some answers to you, Ella, about how to spice it up. The one that I talk about the most is the cat position, which is the coitle alignment technique. And you, even for your dog person, you would like the cat position, which is the coidal alignment technique. And you, even for your dog person,

you would like the cat position. So you have him scoot forward about three inches from the usual missionary position. You following me? He's scooting forward. Go to my, okay, first of all. So like he's even taller than me. Yes.

And on my website, there is a post called mixing up missionary or something like that. Just search missionary, it'll come up. So you can see the pictures. He should rest his body on you, moving slowly up and down and seven in and out. So it's an up and down, you're not going pound in and out, you're going rubbing in and out.

And you can also wrap your ankles around his calves to secure him in the position. So in caposition, you have the greatest chance of experience, a simultaneous orgasm with your partner, which is a double whim, because you're hitting a clitoris and you're rubbing bottom. Did you name this one? No, I didn't.

Why is it cat? Where's the cat? A little alignment technique. Ah, I see. Got it? C-A-T. Right. Yeah.

Then there's the anvil. That sounds like something you would hate. This can work for some women. Instead of just lying there, drape your legs over the top of the bottom. You could get this. You're lying there. Don't just lie there. Drape your legs over his shoulders while he kneels from above. This will increase the intensity of his thrusts while he hits your g-spot.

Because your leg is over your shoulders, and you can put a pillow underneath you which will even help him reach your g-spot. More readily. And it's super comfy. And you can put a pillow underneath you, which will even help them reach your g-spot more readily And It's super comfy and you'll be anyway to amazing orgasm Number three, I've got three friggin tips for it. I'll spice it up. So L.A. You're welcome The third one is the wrap around. Well, he's on top of you You wrap your legs around his whole body with your ankles crossed

So you're pulling them in this secures them in a missionary position while making everything tighter down there. Clench your thigh muscles together, rock back and forth of them. So you've got your legs, your round of back, your clenching, your rocking back and forth. You are rocking your G-spot and your clearest. Does that one have a name? The wrap around. Another baby monkey. What? The baby Around. It's another Baby Monkey. What? The Baby Monkey. Do you want to rename it in my next book? Because you know, like Baby Monkeys, like Wrap Around.

And it is like your baby monkey. And if you get up, you still be cleaning, don't you? Or like a qualifier? Oh, you're going to the kitchen to get to the knee. I'm still Wrap Around you. Hey, you talk about this as though the G spot is A, real, and B everyone has them. It is real. You don't think it exists? Yeah. Tell that to my vagina. Tell that to her vagina. It is real.

You don't think it exists. Tell that term of a Jaina. Say that again. Tell that to Madison again. I said, tell that to my vagina. Thank you very much. Tell that straight to Madison's vagina.

Is that part of the requirements to become an intern? As you must have a Jesus. No, I've had interns. Yes. Now, every single one of your interns. No, I've had interns who have never had orgasms until they worked for me And I'm very proud that I launched their orgasm. It's be clear that Emily didn't give them I They're their first orgasm. No, no, no

I did not give it to them. I explained to them how and or I give them the magic wand Which is kind of true. So what was the question? So G spots no, they're elusive there is debate in the community Medical community mostly by men that the G spot doesn't exist It's named ever Graffenberg He was named as main effort man and the truth is the whole region is kind of you know down there the Graffenberg is what the G spots stands for We got a German or Joe German Jew Graffenberg Graffenberg sounds like German so listen here. You're hitting me Graffenberg so hot

You're hitting Maca-Fanburg so hard. Not every woman has been able to find her due spot and not every woman will find, like not able to be able to orgasm internally. That's true. It doesn't mean that she doesn't have one or that doesn't exist. However, a lot of women give up because they're not able to reach it during intercourse. And so there's so many other ways women can reach it. They can use their fingers. He can use his fingers, whatever.

She's got a female partner. Fingers are great. Let's just say that. You let your fingers do the walk-in to find a g-spot. Just great toys. They're just g-spot stimulation toys. There's a whole bunch of ways. Why are we gonna do that?

Right. What are you talking about? Oh, you asked me about the g-spot. Dude, that wasn't even fine. No, I needed enough. Many people wanted it. I'm actually writing down graffinburg in my phone right now you know this I guess you okay I'm sorry I bet most people listen to this didn't know it was a graffin book well I guess

they wouldn't know that but they wouldn't and then people do question if it exists or not and the truth is that hope like for example the pelvic region if you're having sex the woman you're full around third putting your fingers inside of her from all sex if you you press down on her pelvic mound or pelvic, her pubic muscles, her pubic bone, her pubic bone, like above her pubic hair if she has any which, how it doesn't. If you, that is also connected, can be internally hitting her, her g-spot as well. So there's different ways to reach it so people can say, oh, it's all part of the same thing. You can hit it from the outside, is it? Yeah, absolutely. Deer Emily, I'm struggling with some aspects of my relationship.

I love my boyfriend of seven months. So we disagree on certain things. He insists on paying for everything in our relationship, despite the fact that I make more than him. I'm also in comfort with his dirty talk. He constantly calls me horror and slut. We are having sex. What should I do? Thanks, Sarah. What if you put rich and for what's wrong with her in slut? What? You rich or you rich slut? Sugar mama. Maybe she wants to be sugar mama not her slut. Um, I have to be

honest though, um, dirty talk is a subject that, you know, you need to talk to about you need to talk to them when you're not in the bedroom. And you don't have a lot of people are into it. How long does it last? How long is she doing with them? Seven months. Okay, that's not very long. I get it. People usually wait a little while to talk about things. And you just gotta tell them that that's not really, you know, my jam. Doesn't make me feel good when you say that in the bedroom. I love it. No, first you have to say, sex with you is amazing.

I love having sex with you. Your penis is so beautiful. When we're really getting on, I'm really turning on. And then sometimes you call them, you say some things to me. When we're having on, I'm really turning on and then sometimes you call, you say some things to me when we're having sex and it just kind of kills them with for me. So please don't do that. I would like it if you would no longer use those terms. Let them know that you are very satisfied and sometimes you're just going to comfort what things you says. Money. So, you know, what would you say to that? I mean, the thing is maybe she's like, horn slut, but there's other things like, oh, baby, that's so hot, you really turn me on your ass looks great

I don't know maybe she's like horn slut because she's obviously a feminist like most women many women and she's upset about the money thing Which is very very interesting because I always say men I tell men you know default towards paying and all that But there in a relationship and she wants to pay and I get it I Feel that way too when I'm with a guy. I will pay the whole thing But money can be so difficult to navigate in a relationship and she wants to pay it. And I get it. I feel that way too when I'm with a guy, I will pay the whole thing. But money can be so difficult to navigate in a relationship because, oh, God, money, sex, children, the biggest killers of people's relationships, and sex drives, because money is so charged, right?

It's actually for men, it can be a masculating if she makes more, if she makes more than death. If he makes less, yes. If he makes less. And, and he feels inferior. And they're very sensitive. So you have to approach this with caution, the subject with caution as well.

You can suggest staying in and maybe doing things that are don't cost as much, but you can also say, I'm only we're going to, we're only going to dinner tonight if it's my treat. And so ahead of time, before the bill comes to be slapped down on the table, you've already dealt with it ahead of time. You can also buy groceries, buy treats for his house,

make him feel good, but really, this is really, really touchy. So the fact is, he wants to be the man, which is sort of the male brain. I mean, part of it is paying for things, hunting, gathering, right? Anderson, you know, would you, would you dance a little bit all the time? To an extent.

But I mean, I think seven months, you can ask, just ask the dude, be like, what's this all about? Why do you have to pay for everything? This is not right. I'm not used to this. It makes me uncomfortable. Yeah, you know what I mean? Stop with a slut, horrible. You want to like about this email? Actually, Sarah, most of these emails are sort of fatal. And I would just want to say, it's not going to go anywhere. It doesn't sound like it's a good match. No, no, this to me is actually totally, this to me seems

totally doable. Like these are like it's a good match. No, no, this to me is actually totally this to me seems totally doable like these are like not a big. You can make more money than her. No, no, no, they can handle the money situation in a way that he still feels like he's the man in the relationship. She can find ways to make that he still feels like a man and he's cool with it and they learn how to compromise while she's going to pay. And also the dirty talk, I mean, maybe a lot of women liked it and she doesn't. I don't know. I just, that, that, that freaks me out. You think this is a fatal flaw? Any guy who's having sex with her and calling her a slut in a horror, I think they're, and demanding to pay for everything. Does he work around metals for a little bit?

He might, he might, but I don't know. It's like a snake. And it's only been seven months. So I think Sarah, you got to deal with this tomorrow. And yeah, don't wait and see. I just can't imagine caring about anyone enough to have sex with them. And then while I'm calling them slut and horror,

I get like dirty talk, but the slut, but there's a lot of women that are into that kind of thing. So I also like being spit. I don't know that he escalated. Like I wonder if the first date, he was like, oh, baby, you're my slut, you're my horror. Like usually you escalate to that, which I always have done a ton of shows on dirty talk

that you really shouldn't start with the slut horror. Things that are too out there to be. So you're down with being called the slut and horror. No, I did not say that at all. I said that there are many people who are down with that. They want to be called things that are even more extreme. Some people just want like, hey baby, that feels so good. When you're inside me, go, keep going. Don't stop. Feels amazing. Oh my god, I'm going to come. That's it. That's sturdy. So, you know, there's a range. So I wouldn't say you started out. A lot of passion behind that.

Oh baby, don't stop. That feels so good. And you just lost a lot of lessons. I wouldn't say you started out. A lot of passion behind that. A baby don't stop. That feels so good. And you just lost a lot of lessons. I wasn't. They're finished now and they're moving on to other things. I wasn't in my moonshot 30s. I had to be in the mood. Oh, it was good. Which one?

Suggesting that they came and now they're done. What I'm saying is this seems negotiable, but, but, right, if he is not respecting that you are a modern woman who's independent and makes you sure on living and doesn't want things to the better. And he's like, my wear the highway, then you're done. But I think what I'm saying is either way, she's gonna figure out very quickly if this is something she should live with or something she should. Just talk to him about it seven months in,

you should be able to talk. People don't talk about anything until it's gone crisis. You don't talk to a wall having sex. No, that's a worst time. When she's going to a slut in a horror, be like, yeah, you have to pay for everything. What's that all about, little man? Yeah. That's her dirty. They don't. Okay, cheap scare. Yeah. Hey, loser. Wins last time. You're past your peanut,

your pace up is shorter than your penis. That's a great way to call the relationship right there. No, never bring it up during sex. It's a bad time to give feedback. Unless it's like out your cum came my face and I can't actually see that I'm in pain. And now you have to pay for glasses. Okay. So, um, oh god, this is this porn and sex. This is a big one. Dear Emily, my boyfriend always says he's not that into sex, but I tell him I need it. We live together and he sure is me happy. However, I searched his internet history and he visits the porn site every day if not twice a day. What the hell? I try to show him I'm adventurous.

I've also on a separate occasion interrogating with questions on whether he finds me attractive or if he's cheating. We never seem to get anywhere. Please help me, Anne. Okay, Anne, you bring up such an important point right now. I'm just not for you, but also globally. There are a lot of guys that are just really into porn right now, and they are less interested in sex. Now, first of all, let me say this, a guy watching porn, totally normal, they actually need it.

A lot of guys are in really healthy relationships having amazing sex, and they actually want to watch porn more. That is fine. porn becomes a problem when it becomes a problem when you can no longer, you know, you're missing, you're not going to work. You actually can't have sex without the porn. You have, you're hurting yourself. It's you're ruining your relationship. That's when it's a problem. And it sounds to me, like, yeah, first of all, guys just don't clear their browser these days. Jesus people, but I'm kind of glad because people are finding out a lot of stuff.

So your boyfriend says he's not in the sex and he's into the porn. So what I'm concerned about is that he's doing it twice a day and I think that you actually have to confront him. You guys are living together and so you know you need to say to him, I want to know or first before you even bring up the porn, when he says he's not that into sex was he into sex, was he into sex at the beginning? Has anything changed about him?

Is he drinking more? Is he more stressed at work? I mean, honestly, when guys are worried about money, it's like they can't get a boner. It's like that. So if there's something going on, he might be using the porn as like a stress reliever. And he's saying he's not that into sex

because to become emotional intimate with you is just really stressful for him right now because he's concerned. He get also be taking some meds and all, you know, a lot of other things. But if he's telling you that he's like nodding to sex and you're trying to do it and of course you need it, you're so right. People who live together and are married are in relationships and they think that they put the sex on the back burner and they think, oh, it's not that important because we're best friends and we love watching movies together and you know, we take walks and he takes out the trash and I pay the bills bullshit. You actually need to have the sex because it connects you, it connects you intimately

and you need it. It's biologically speaking, you need to be connected in that way. The hormones, the connection. So sex is a priority. If you're not having sex, don't write it off like it's something you're going to do with tomorrow. So this is something you have to tell him not having sex, don't write it off like it's something you're gonna do with tomorrow. So this is something you have to tell him that this honey, we got to talk about this and I know you watch porn and I get that but I

We need to start having sex careful with the tone though. Don't come down like good Don't come down too hard. Don't put too much pressure And you know what guys go through phases too. Yeah, I know I know I know I can find a new site or something That he's really into you No, you should never. I'll be serious. And I don't mean to be aggressive right now because the truth is when you go into these first all sexes, I talk about it all the time, sexes, I touch you subject for couples and the reason I feel like I don't talk about it because it's so hard.

It's like how do we bring this up? It was good at the beginning. And honestly, it's like ripping a bandaid off. You just got to start the conversation and babe, I love you, I love living together, our relationship is awesome. But I know sometimes you say, like you're not really that into sucks and I am. And I think we need it, it's really crucial.

And so what do you think we could do to start, you know, having more sucks? You say you're not into it, but you know, I know you watch porn. And I know there's nothing different. I mean, I don't think that, you know, whatever. And then so do it in a very kind way. Tell them what you love about your sex life.

And if he says to you, I'm just not that into it done. I mean, you got to probe more. So when you say you're not into it, is that that you're not experiencing pleasure? Or maybe there's something else you want to try because I'm open, you know, did you want to buy some sex? Do you want to watch porn together? I mean, make it a very like positive conversation. Did you need to go on Tinder? What? I mean watch porn together? I mean make it a very like Paz and conversation. You need to go on Tinder. What I mean that's what she she can throw that in too

Like do I need to go out and find somebody else who will service no, she does not need to say that That's the kind of we meet if he I've had girls say that to me Really yeah, like I'm like I really feel like it like well. I should I just go find somebody else then Well, I guess if he says I'm not into sex, I never will be but then she should move out I'm sorry. I missed it. Are they married? They're they're lived together, but they're not married. They're not married could be the end It could be the end because honestly miss a couple who have mismatched the Beatles is is more common than not like I don't find out So afterwards because they usually pretty matched at first. Well, yeah, everyone's matched up exactly You could be magical. It was anyone at first the problem is if you happen to know your history

I wish there was like a, like, I some kind of form you to fill out before you like date someone long term, like what your history was sex to, typically like a three times a week or once a month, because then it could save you a lot of freaking heart rate heart rate down the road. It's really like a puppy. You don't know until it's grown up.

I mean, you could have a really sweet little puppy, but then I know, but this is history. You can go back and be like, yeah, I, you know, I've actually like having sex three times a week. And if you're with someone who wants to every day or once a month is fine with me But do you think that that changes from from relationship to relationship? No, I don't. I don't. Has that been proven or?

No, because I've been, you know, I can tell you from my own experience I've been like a two week guy guy with with certain girls and other girls I was like five times a week. But how long we with those fine times a week girls? Doesn't last very long. Exactly. So at the beginning of any relationship, you want to have... But I mean, I'm talking about, you know, past the first three months, past the honeymoon

phase. Right. I think that pretty much if you've been in a two-year-year relationship, you kind of know your libido. I mean, again, change is a way as you get older. Our sex drives change. So everything changes in our bodies. So I just think you have to have a serious conversation with them and and take this seriously

Like and please know that it is something that you have to focus on if he just blows you off and does that I don't know if just don't do just don't intuit that's on an answer So start very sweet like I said start about a conversation that's fun. You're gonna do something together You're gonna spice it up, but don't let them get away with it because it will wreak havoc on your relationship And that is all we have time for today So thanks everyone for listening have it on your relationship. And that is all we have time for today. So thanks everyone for listening. I've got two shows a week.

Anderson, you rock. Check out his podcast after disaster and the film, though, because they're amazing. I actually left my ass off, listening to... Well, I was talking about you. Yeah. Arguably poorly about you. No, you actually said nice things.

Believe it or not. And then you called me crazy, but that, but crazy is a lot. I love her. She's crazy. But I love her. But I'm like, I'm not a don't take offense that because you love me. I'm a good kind of crazy. So anyway, thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Hey, Mamma. Feedback at sexwithamlee.com. If you've listened to the show the last couple months, you've probably heard me talk about a unique product called the womanizer. A while back, the owners of the company asked if they could send me wine to test out, which, of course, you know me, I agreed to it. I own and review a lot of toys, and I was fairly confident

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