Sex With Emily - Best Of: Stop, Drop & Cuckold

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

On today’s throwback show, I’m discussing the ins and outs of a fantasy that has become a lot more popular: cuckolding or “hot wifery”. I share tips to bring up your fantasy with your partner, why people enjoy it, how you can navigate FFM and MMF threesomes, and what to consider before you dive into your next sexual fantasy.I also take your calls and answer questions like how to get over the jitters when you want to go to the strip club with your husband for the first time, and what to do when your partner has extreme separation anxiety when you leave town and why writing your own erotica can be incredibly hot (and even help with initiating sex).For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

People who have healthy fantasies have healthy sex like they're intertwined and so I think if you can, when I say to you, talk to your partner about your fantasies and you don't know, maybe together you figure out what the fantasy is. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation round sex. And today's throwback show, I'm discussing the ins and outs of a fantasy that's become a lot more popular lately. Cuckling or hot wifery, as it's called, I share tips to bring up your fantasy with your partner, why people enjoy it, and how you can navigate FFM and MMF threesomes, which is female, female male or male male female. How to navigate them, and what to consider before you dive

into your next sexual fantasy. So let's consider here. I also take your calls and answer your questions like how to get over the jitters when you want to go to a strip club with your husband for the first time. And what to do when your partner has extreme separation anxiety when you leave town and it doesn't go well. Would you get back?

And while writing your own erotica can be incredibly hot and help with initiating sex for covering a lot today. Oh, and you also hear my former producer, Jamie Chimey and every once in a while, and join the conversation, which is a fun one. Our intentions with Emily for each episode join me in setting an intention. I do it. I encourage you to do the same. You know, what do you want to get out of listing this episode?

What do you want to land with you so you could take it with you? Well, mine is to show you the sexy world of these common fantasies and get you ready for your next sexual adventures. I also have a new article. It's called Three Ways to Have an M-M-F-F-3 Sub. So check that out at sexwithm.ly.com. If you want to ask me a question on the show, call my brand new hotline.

It's 559, TalkSax, or 559-825-5739. Just leave me your questions, or just message me. Sexwithemily.com slash Askemily. Just include your name, gender identity, location, age, and how you listen to to the show and I'm so cool if you change your name you know All right, everybody enjoy this episode Gonna break down some fantasies for you just one tonight in this Continuing education that we do here on the show. It's fun to kind of highlight a fantasy every now and then. So this one is called Cuckolding and it's been around for a very long time. Cuckolding is essentially when a penis owner gets off and seeing their partner have sex with another penis owner. Usually one that's larger and mostly has to do with the humiliation aspect of

the other person being able to give more pleasure. So, an example might be like, you love seeing your wife having a lot of pleasure so much so that you want to see someone else give it to her. Someone that maybe can do it more than you can. Like, maybe he's even a greater lover. And there's something that we can be as observer and not the person involved that just turned you on. There's certain taboo aspect to it, and maybe your wife's giving you the go ahead

and you found someone who agreed to do this, and while the new person's having sex with her wife, you're staring at her, she's staring at you. She's vocalizing how amazing this person is, making her feel. So there's some reasons why this is popular. There's something under the umbrella of cuckolding for about like fantasies and voyeurism and group sex that cuckolding

like with your partner can kind of include all of those things. It's taboo. It is taboo, right? I mean, that's a lot of our fanny have to do with doing something that we're not supposed to do, right? So, for heterosexual couples that can kind of break the whole non-monogamy thing because monogamy is our standard here. And we all think that we should just be monogamous, but to kind of think, well, it's not really

cheating or it's not really cheating or it's not really, it still is monogamy if I'm in the room and I'm watching. Usually it just means that there is some a humiliation, degradation, denial aspect to it, whether it's in our minds or set aloud by our partner. If 58% of men, it said have this fantasy in like 20 something percent of women.

So it's common, I thought this, and we've had a lot of calls about this on the show and people even have this fantasy in like 20 something percent of women. So it's common. I thought this and we've had a lot of calls about this on the show and people even have this fantasy and they feel some guilt about it or shame or that it's really wrong but the truth is like couples who have actually practiced this have had a healthy sex life in the port of that it actually went down well it was executed well and there was positive side effects to it but so first you guys talk around beforehand more people than you think have this fantasy but but for some, it's a fetish, which means that you have its required each time you have sex. So you gotta discuss it. You gotta be like, it's just a thing I wanna try out or let them know what part of it,

like what you think it means to you and how it would go down, setting boundaries, and understand why you're asking for it, why you want it? The best you can, because the more you understand it, and the more you don't filter yourself, if you actually've gotten up the courage, which I hope you do, to talk to your partner about any fantasy, that's not the time to be like, I want it to be like, and then like, you're like, well, what do you picture?

What's the person look like? And you've thought about the man's penis and what it looks like, but at that point, you decide to shut down. And then you're left her scrambling for the details. Like, if you're going to talk about it, talk it through in great detail in depth, what does it look like to you?

Because I think this is why a lot of sex conversations with our partners doesn't go anywhere. Because we say it, we really need to have more sex. Okay, what should we do? Well, let's just put our calendar and then you don't do anything else. There has to be a lot more discussion, a lot more work involved.

And don't do it, listen, you don't wanna do it cause let's spice this up, let's invite over some dude to have sex with that. No, and make sure that you're always using protection, you guys, you got a protection and you got an exit strategy. You wanna have condoms on hand, make sure the person's joining you has been tested,

have a safe word, all the rules I have are bringing in another person or a few people into your relationship. And like, no one is gonna look like after. Like, is the person leaving? You have to do some kind of aftercare with your partner to feel more intimate again with each other. I think that's something that people don't think about enough.

Cause like, I've always thought about, so when it's done. Yeah. So what happens next? They're like, you're gonna be here in two minutes. that people don't think about enough. Because I've always thought about, so when it's done, yeah. So what happens next? They're like, you're gonna be here in two minutes. Yeah, like, how do you, is there a way? Because, no, I mean, you have to decide. Yeah. Because I guess I've always wondered,

like when we're especially in these kinds of situations, so this is like a couple looking for a third. So obviously the couple are very invested in themselves, and the third is like the person that's coming in to aid in some way. But I always think about like, how does the third is like the person that's coming in to aid in some way. But I always think about like, how does the third person feel? Right.

Well, I think that if you do it in a healthy way, no matter if it's a threesome or cuckolding or swapping, whatever, you have to like talk all of this through and you want to know the person enough because there's a thing, James, it's different every time you bring someone in. Like, let's say there was a third and you all had drinks together before you went in or something you met up before. And you're like, I actually like this person.

Maybe it'd be hot to like take a hot tub after and just have a few drinks and then you know, tell them we don't want to sleep over or is but still hang out. Or maybe it's someone that you just met online and you talk in the phone, you're like, we're just gonna have you there and then we're just gonna finish up

and of course, then we're gonna continue our evening. And you're gonna leave. You're going to leave, let them know. So I think you gotta break it down. You talk about it with your partner, but then you also like... Talk about it with the third person. Yeah, like, let them know the plan.

I think we're not good at that stuff. I think we just are like, well, we got the person here and now we don't know. So I love that you ask that question because that can be awkward. If you thought the person was gonna stay for a while for dinner and your husband's like, no, get him out of the house. If I was going to engage in something like this,

and I don't know who knows, but I feel like I would always be that third person. Like I wouldn't be the couple looking for. Yeah. So I would want to know, like what, do I just like Irish exit, like grab my clothes and leave? Well, this one time, I think it depends. It's one time I hooked up with a couple.

I did go home with a couple from the playboy mansion. Um, your story, by the way, what the hell? It was fun and I didn't know them, but I went on with them and we, it ended up being amazing and I slept in their bed between them and then I woke up in the morning and I was so I, you slept in between them? Yeah, it was cute. I did. Oh, well, the thing is so cuddly. So were they both big spooning you?

Or was it like a chain of spoons, like big spoon, medium spoon, little spoon? Think it was everything. All the spoons. All the spoons. Well, think of all the options. Usually there's just two spoons. When you had a third spoon, the possibilities are endless.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Ah, so. Oh, that kind of sounds fun. That's sweet. Yeah. So what if you just had a threesome for cuddling? I literally is all I want. Right now, my tummy hurts. I just wanted to bite over all my ex-boyfriends that were good cuddlers this weekend.

Hahaha. And like, there will be no penis. Just cuddle me. Cudddle me, cuddle me. Hahaha. But then they'd want a blow job. Okay, so the other thing I want to say about coupled thing before we get back to this is that do not try this at home.

Here's this announcement. If you are someone who has a lot of anxiety in your relationship around abandonment issues, you're worried, you know, you don't have great communication. Acting on a consensual non-mandogamous fantasy might not be your jam. It could be a negative experience. When I say you talk about it beforehand, your partner might be like, no.

There's different kinds of nose, though. There's the like, hey, I want to watch you have sex with another man. And she's like, oh, no, what do you mean that's crazy? That's probably going to happen. Unless you sit down, you explain it. You talk about why it's hot to you, why it turned you out. Like you need to do some work on your own before you bring it up. But then once they think about it,

you walk it through and then there could still be a, hmm, I don't think I can handle it. I think I'd be too jealous, right? I think it would be. So these are all the kind of conversations you have to have. Oh, okay, yeah, because I mean, I figure, maybe that's really what it is, people are like, so we never talked about sex and then it brought up

our sex life and I was like, I want you to fuck another man. Boom. I would be like, what, what the hell the hell? Yeah, yeah. Boom, exactly. This is the problem. This is not like, hey, we've never talked about our sex life in 22 years.

Would you mind having sex with the gardener? He's hot. Oh my God. Although I would. My gardener is hot. I swear to God. He can't be like, you know what would really help? He has to say, lift me.

I really, this is what I was going to say to Tim, is that, and everyone who's been in a relationship or you've never talked about it, I gotta put this out there. Love our sex life, love you, you're beautiful, you're amazing, our sex life's awesome. I've been listening to this show, what she's taught me is that sex doesn't get great, sex isn't actually even gonna work, unless we prioritize it and we talk about it,

and I've never been in a relationship, babe, that I've talked about it, if you, no, you neither, okay, cool, we're in the same place. And I don't even know what that really looks like, because I love you, and sex is great, but we gotta get in the same page with it. We gotta prioritize it. And I wanna find out, like, what turns you on?

Like, do you have any fantasies you wanna share with me? Do you ever think about being with another woman? Have you thought about that? Have you thought about having sex outdoors? Like, let me know, and she's like, well, yeah. Or, and Have you thought about having sex outdoors? Like let me know. And she's like, well, yeah. And then you just start having it. And you're like, I want to prioritize it.

So that's it. And then you can even do a thing where you say, let's swap a bucket list. Let's each write down three things that we want to try in the bedroom and swap that list. That's a great place to start. And then you keep talking about it. You keep talking.

And then you're like, you know what? One that I didn't have on the list. Now that we're getting off frisky and we're getting more sexual and we're opening up and we're prioritizing our pleasure and we realize that sex has unlimited potential and that that only can our friendship get better in this 25 year relationship,

but it's actually possible for our sex life to get better in 25, 30, 40, 50 years, if we just talk about it and prioritize it, what I want is too cuckold. That's when you build it. You build it, you don't just drop it, but it doesn't take long, you guys. It's okay if it's been 20 years or 10 years, or even six, you've never talked about it.

You can start tonight. When you're driving home, you can have that exact conversation. It's like, I don't know, it's somewhere, but it works, I guess. Even if you want to do it preventively, because you know it's great now, but you see what happens to people, don't talk about it, bring it up.

So you wouldn't put it on the initial sexual bucket list. You're like, start basic. Do not put it on the initial bucket list. This is what I'm going to, for most people, if they've, because most people don't know how to cuckolding. They don't. They would be like, what? All right.

I'm going to take a quick break, but when I come back, I'm talking to Sheila, who says her husband just turns into a jerk every time she goes out of town, doesn't know what to do. We'll be right back. being a jerk and she doesn't know what to do about it. I hate that. Hey Sheila, thanks for calling. Hi, how are you? Hi, y'all. Good. So good.

OK, tell me everything. I was a deal. OK. I went on vacation for nine days with my son. We had a great time. Everything was awesome. Came home. And did my unpacking, getting ready for school to go, rolling

again, and just everything. So Sunday got again. And, you know, just everything. So Sunday got home. After the whole day was over, I got all my stuff done. You know, got in the shower, got myself all nice and shade. I was like ready to roll with my hub. And we had the most amazing night. And then today, he's like being a total dickwad. And I'm so over it, like he's been a jerk. All right. He's been a jerk and dickwad and I'm so over it like he's been a jerk All right

Being a jerk and just like going on with I'm like dude. We had a blast Okay, Sheila wait hold on so you were gone for nine days with your son without your husband Okay, so you came back in the first time you saw him which was last night or so the other night right sunny night You said you had amazing sex you had amazing sex and oh my god. It was great great Because you guys it's like that's like the chemistry that's like the bonding thing, you had amazing sex, you had amazing sex and oh my God, it was great, great, great. Because you guys, it's like, that's like the chemistry, that's like the bonding thing, like you had to do, that was like eating, like you had to have great sex

because you've been separate, but it sounds like there's some, now he's like, okay, we got that out of the way, something happened. Is he being a jerk in a way that he's not been a jerk before? No, he kind of does this almost every time he go on vacation, but I'm at this point right now because I went with my best friend on vacation with her kids, my good and we had a blast and it was all awesome

And he's planning a vacation on his own. We do step together, too. Don't get me wrong But like this was just happened to be it worked out and I kind of feel weird and used and I feel like something's going on I don't we live in in tiny, tiny towns. So I know he's not like messing around on me. I know that's not the thing. Has this happened? I would find out about that. Exactly. Wait, has this happened? Has this happened every time you go away? Pretty much. It's either while I'm away. He turns into a total weirdo when I come home

or before. What's his love languages? Do you know his love languages? Is his love language quality time? No, his love language is, honestly, he's just selfish little man. Well, here's the thing. I'm just wondering. I love him so much. He's selfish. And he is. How long have you guys been together? We've been together for 17 years. Oh, okay. so it sounds like,

it sounds like there's some needs that might need to be filled when you're gone and you need some extra attention right now because you were gone for nine days and you might know how to tell you that he needs that from you and he might get bummed out when you leave it. Maybe it's quality, maybe he,

listen, when he craves time with you, even though you've been together for so many years, 17 years, like, right, that's a big change. Like to be gone for nine days, the house is full with you, even though you've been together for so many years. 17 years? Like, right, that's a big change. Like, to be gone for nine days, the house is full with you and your son and then you're gone. So he's having a reaction to that. And he needs something that like most of us, we don't articulate the things that what's going on, what he needs, he might not even know what he needs.

And maybe he just needs some extra time with you. Like, just the two of you, something special, that's just, I don't know, I don't know. I mean, it sounds like, if this, I mean, what I love here is that there's a pattern. You didn't call me before the trip and say, it was being a truck. I needed a hear this.

Yeah. I'm going to the grocery store right now because I was like, I'm going to the store. I'm going to the store. Oh, it just happened. Okay, perfect. Listen, you gotta go back. I'm gonna fight with him about it.

Okay, well, he doesn't even know either. He's probably cranky or gone. You missed whatever. We don't know what is, but go back. I'm gonna fight with him about that. Okay, well he doesn't even know either. He's probably cranky, you were gone, you missed whatever. We don't know what is, but go back. I'm glad you're leaving, because now you can go back and breathe. You can breathe in the car in my home, like deep breaths, like four in, four out, inhale, exhale, like that in every set.

And then it's going to be like, you know what, I don't want to fight with this. I'm so happy you're back. Let's just tell me what you need right now. And I'm like, I don't know, just let them tell me. Like try to have a different kind of conversation where you're listening and just kind of, you know, I'm well enough if you let him talk

and let him figure out what it is that he needs. You gotta listen. You gotta listen. I know we don't do that. I don't listen enough either. I get it. We gotta listen. I mean, I listen to you.

It's my job. Otherwise, I don't listen to anyone. So I just listen to you all. You're lucky. So yeah, you got it. Sheila, I feel you. It's a pattern. I see it.

Listen and then like literally call me back because I think that's what it is and then he'll figure it out And then you'll be fine and you'll actually have a breakthrough I think too because it's gonna be a different It's not gonna be one thing any What do you say intimacy? I think don't lead with that because then you'll never have the conversation that you need to have with him Yes, of course, you know, he's your husband if you want to have sex them after 17 years two nights have with him. Yes, of course. He's your husband. If you want to have sex with him after 17 years, two nights in a row, yes. Have sex with him tonight.

Have sex with him tomorrow night. I'm not going to never tell you not to have sex unless you're in pain. Okay. All right. I love you, Tushila. Thank you. Thanks for talking and out with me.

Yeah, girl, let's have a hair for her. Seriously, that makes so much of you out. Bye, Sheila. Thanks for calling. Let us know what happens. Okay, let's talk to Kenny, 34 in Arizona, and you called in about a month ago about his fantasies and he wants to report how it went after telling his wife. Hey Kenny, this is what I'm talking about. Hi.

Hi Emily. My wife and I had good sex, but you know, you can always make sex better. So, I went on on a limb and I bought a vibrator for Christmas and then I called in about a month ago and told you that I was writing down all these fantasies that I had. Yes. And I told my wife about it and she asked to read the book. Okay.

That I've been writing. Okay. And I come home from work the other day and I see her how I presented and everything and I'm like oh my god I know what to do from here now and it was amazing. Like she was set up. I don't know. Any of this would have happened if you if I didn't listen to you. Oh Kenny I'm so happy. That's amazing. She wrote it. You wrote it on a cut. Yeah, it was the best thing ever. I was the one every man to be like every person human right down your fan. It's so hot. If you were a writer, you even if you're not just. Yeah, I wrote about 20 different, you know, things that I

just had in my mind. And I like I i think i come up from work and skis i mean it just played out verbatim and everything that i i had a little bit of time and i think either you're gonna have to read part of it right now which i actually want to hear it if you have some on you i do i'm not kidding can you call back pick a chapter uh... but or tell me what the scenario is if you don't mind because you keep

saying you she was like wishy like on the bed waiting for you? What was the scenario that you knew that that meant she's down for sex right now? So I get home and I walk in and she's kind of like propped up on the corner of the couch on a sectional and everything and she's wearing a black lace bra with black lace fannings and her hair's down and it's in its over her chest and it's kind of just the carbon abreast a little bit and everything and she's just got this this seductive look in her in her eye and there's you know the ambiance is there the candles are going there's music in the background which kind of threw me off when I walk in the

door right because she's never done this before and I'm going you guys been together? How long have you guys been together? How long? We've been together for going on nine years, been married for six. Okay. So you had written about her sitting on the couch wearing black. Yeah, wearing black lingerie and everything. So it started out on the couch. It started out with four play.

Then sex started out on the couch. It started out with four play. Then sex started out on the couch. And then we moved from sex into into the bedroom and in this scene, I guess I you call it, I wrote about how she got her vibrator out. And then there was like mutual masturbation going. And it was so hot. Oh my God. This is genius. This is the most genius way anyone's ever gotten their partner to use vibrator. Because you made it hot, you wrote about it, and you could bought it for four months ago, and she never took it out of the drawer and, oh, keep going. This is good, you guys. She studied it. She studied it. she didn't miss a step that I wrote wow that's that's really hot after like the after the musical masturbation she

reaches under her pillow and grabs a pair of handcuffs whoa was that in the story too yeah that was all part of it everything she did the whole thing and wow and it was hot for both of you. Everything that I read out. Yeah, it was amazing. And then afterwards, when we're just both completely exhausted, we actually talked about it. Wow, about how great it was and then how much fun it was.

It was fun, wasn't that hard? It was fun. You guys got to play together again. You did something different than, you know, whatever was happening before this, probably just. Yeah, I mean, we just, you know, like it was definitely wasn't that. No, before it would like 98% of the time, I was always the one who had to initiate sex. Yeah. like 98% of the time, I was always the one who had to initiate sex and everything. And if that's the way it was going to be, then, you know, okay, I'm fine with that. But I told her, you know, it's okay for you to want to have sex with me. Right.

You know, yes, we want, we both want to initiate it. But she didn't know how to initiate it. So you gave her the plan. You gave her the tools. You like wrote it up a story. And she could have, and she was like, yeah, I actually agree, that's hot. I think a lot of us just, we all just want to know what to do. We all just want goddamn instructions.

How do I initiate sex? What is it turned on? What feels good? How do I give good oral? We just want an instruction manual and essentially you wrote out what felt good to you and now I'm hoping, Kenny, she is permissioned out to figure out what her fantasies are. I mean that maybe that was part of her fantasy, you know, who knows? You guys probably talked about this. Right. And I told her if there's if there's stuff that you know, if you have your fantasies

and everything, you can, you know, we can swap this and turn this all around again. Yeah. I think it's a whole new world. I mean, that's. It is. And before you came on the air, there wasn't a lot of sex talk and everything. I was two a degree. I was a little intimidated by my wife. I was like, well, what if she doesn't want sex tonight? But I really want sex.

And everything. I'm not going to force it on her because that's just rude. Right. So it was kind of like, okay, do I do this? Do I not do this? Or and everything that I was too much in my head. Yeah, exactly. That's our head. We all cockblock ourselves, you know, essentially we're in our heads. We really do. We are all in our heads. You're so right. You're like, you want to be good to husband, you want

to force it. So that's what was going on pre-sex definitely when you started listening, right? So you had been buried and it was just kind of like you were nervous to come home and what's going to happen and then you were, it was good you were having it once or twice a week or she wasn't initiating and now look at you. Christian Gray. Yeah and it was, yeah. So I mean it was it was. Fifty Shades of Kenny. Thank you Kenny. This is so inspiring. I hope I hope everyone inspired by this. Go write it down, share it and she was cool. Yeah, shades of Kenny. Thank you, Kenny. This is so inspiring. I hope I hope everyone's inspired by this. Thank you. Go write it down, share it, and she was cool.

Yeah, thank you, Kenny. That was, Kenny's my hero. That was amazing. So Kenny called in, months ago. How about a month ago? A month ago. And he's like, I don't know what to do. He started listening to the show in November.

Never heard anyone talk about sex. He was in a relationship like you. Most of you were in a relationship. We're like, ah, sex, it's good. We're doing it. I love my wife. I love my husband. I love my partner.

But it's okay. And they started hearing me talk about it. And then he thought, well, I'll buy her a vibrator for Christmas. So he buys her and I might buy her some of this. But he bought her a vibrator for Christmas. He did. And he calls in a month ago and he says,

Emily, I want to do a vibrator. She's not using it. And I'm trying to spice it up. And so I decided, I'm going to write it out, and he started writing fancies, like a rotica. And then I think at the point when he called, had he just given a tour, he wasn't sure what to do. I think he was asking, do I just give him tour?

And I said, I think you don't just land. I don't think you just say, here you go. I didn't know it was a novel at the time. I think you just first opened up and say, you know what, I really want to talk about our sex life and make it, like all the things I tell you, make it just first opened up and say, you know what, I really want to talk about her sex life and make it, like all the things I tell you off, make it great. And I guess she probably said, yeah,

I'd love to read what you wrote. And then she had some fuel and ammunition. She had some instructions, she had some guidance. She knew how sex works that in a way, this is why everyone loved 50 shades of gray, for example. Aronica is totally underrated. I think, and there's not enough of it. Because and you could write your own,

you guys no one's caring about your spelling arrows or you're great right, no one can, like you could speak it out into your phone. And what I'm saying is that 50 shades of gray, it wasn't that it was amazing, you know, well written book or novel masterpiece. It was that women were reading it on their own and they were hearing things and reading words about

being you know, many women have fantasies, the feminine fantasy, to be submissive in the bedroom. That's what we want to be locked up and used to hang into sometimes we do. We want to be spanked, but we want someone to be dominant over us. And so in that book that happened, you saw how can all have is very romantic and it was just accessible. I think it was the first book erotic on the iPad or whatever it was that you could hide it. But people got into it and it was words.

Brain is the largest sex organ. And so when we're just coming home to our partners night after night and we're like trying to figure it out, you want to part on initiate, we don't know what to do. A lot of times your partner's not initiating or they're holding back because we're in our heads and we're worried. So Kenny, he had to do all the initiating and he was worried that he had to do it wrong and still in this head anyway. So there's a lot of responsibility often

on one partner over the other. The other one's just worried that they're not and one's worried that they're doing it wrong. We're all fucking in our heads. We are putting ourselves in this sex crisis dungeon. Yeah, and I think the cool part about Kenny's situation is that he wrote it as kind of like about him and his wife. Yeah, and I think the cool part about Kenny's situation is that he wrote it as kind of like about him and his wife.

Yeah, exactly. So she was able to read it and literally put herself into that situation and like think about it from her own imagination because I think with watching, with some people who don't prefer watching porn is because they don't find the right kind of porn and then it's hard for them to see the people and then put themselves in that place. Yeah, that's a thank you, Jamie. He was like, wear that black underwear and bra

and put your hair in front of your breasts and I picture coming walking in the door and you're sitting on our couch very specifically and then we go up into the bedroom and there's hand cut. Like it's, and it was heard their names in it, so she didn't have to think worry that she wasn't blonde or she wasn't. And we go up into the bedroom and there's hand cut. Like, it's, and it was heard their names in it. So she didn't have to think worry that she wasn't blonde

or she wasn't, you know, particularly skilled in some place. It was like about the two of them, which I think that fantasy you guys is so healthy. It's actually people who have healthy fantasy, they've have a healthy sex life. It gets up, they're intertwined. And so I think if you can, when I say to you, talk to your partner about your fantasies

and you don't know, this would also be a great jumping off point with Kenny to say, maybe you're right with your partner together. Why don't you guys, if you guys are that kind of couple and you don't know, maybe together you figure out what the fantasy is. Mm-hmm. You're just trying to come up with ways

to do this thing to Kennyize it. After the break, Michelle wants to know what to think about before she takes her husband to a strip club. Don't go away. I'll be right back. All right, should we take this email? Yes, I've wanted to read this. Okay, so this is from Michelle, 50 in Wisconsin, dear Emily. I'm happily married to my husband for almost 30 years and want to take a two strip club

where we'll both get lap dances. We've discussed this for a few years, so why not actually do it? I have gone before, but never had a lap dance, and I always end up feeling uncomfortable, because there's not that many female spectators. I'm not into women, but I think it could still be a turn-on. I feel bad for the women working there, et cetera.

How can I get past that and just have fun? Oh, okay, I like this question. Okay, Michelle, it sounds like you guys have a really great relationship and I love that you've been talking about it and you want to do it together. I think that's great. Here's the thing.

You go to a store, you go up, think of it as like an experience. Like they're there to make money. They make money by getting slap dances. If you could just be connected with your partner, your husband, as possible when you got there, and just enjoy it. And just not work. Because during your head, what are we going to think? And you know, you're the spectators. No one there is looking at you and look at that. Everyone in a strip club is there. Believe me. If they are looking at anything, it is not you

getting a lap dance. They're looking at the women, they're looking at the dances. It is not about you. So that's one place where I think you could let yourself just get into this really fun, new experience that you've never done in 30 years. These are the kind of things that can truly spice up a relationship. One thing like this, and then you guys could try something else. The next time you have sex, you'll be talking about it in the bedroom. So I don't think it's gonna be a bad

for the women working there. I mean, these days, you know, she's a lot of strippers, I know, and dancers. It doesn't have the same connotations as it used to. There's a lot of different reasons, but most people I know dance, and they look back at those years when they were doing it as like fond years,

they made the choices, they made good money, and then they get out of it, or they're in forever, and it's a beautiful way to express themselves. I think you can't know. You can't know, and you can't bother yourself with. I think that this is probably one of the things that you probably do in your sex life overall,

and you're probably at your pleaser, I'm sure, and you're like a very caring woman with an open heart, and you're worried about everyone else around you, but your own pleasure. So you guys need to go to this gym club, and relax, have a couple drinks, just get into your body with your husband and have fun with it.

Where are you that sexy thing that you haven't worn in a while that you've been kind of holding onto, you've been waiting for a night and I would do you because let me tell you this, couples who try new things together and play together, they say couples who play together stay together. And it's true, because what I mean by that

is like, you guys need the novel team to keep yourselves connected. And when you do something novel in a relationship, whether it's true, because what I mean by that is like, you guys need the novelty to keep yourselves connected. And when you do something novel in a relationship, whether it's skydiving or going to a strip club or cooking together, that's all gonna fire those same love hormones, chemicals, and the sex chemicals that are gonna connect you, the bonding, and it's gonna be thrilling, the dopamine. And so that's what you need.

And this is kind of, I love that you're a little nervous about it, but let's just get you out of your head into the moment that there's no risk you're going for a night. And then you're going to laugh, Dan, so what if you really like it, and then you go home and you guys can talk about it and bet it becomes like your dirty talk. And it becomes like, remember that time we went,

and then maybe you'll go back, or maybe you'll learn how to give him a little laugh dance. That's really hot to like learn that's what I was doing in those strip dance, the Sheila Kelly, who does the dance workshops for women. They teach you how to, it's all women, but they teach you how to move and be in your body.

It's native like the S curve of your body and learning just how to walk and talk and feel sexy. And so that's what it's about, like being in your body and being in the moment. And it's hot to give your partner a strip tease. Give him a lap dance. That's perfect. Just they're gonna appreciate the gesture

and something different. This is another great thing to practice on your own. Like give yourself a lap dance. Like when you're at home and I'm tell you look in the mirror and like be sexy and look at yourself. Like how would you move? How would you dance? Yeah, I don't think you should dry run.

Don't dry, yeah. Don't dry run. Don't dry run. Because then you'll get in your head and feel the feelings about it. Practice. Definitely. Yeah, yeah. Don't dry run. Don't dry run. You can then get in your head and feel it. Yeah. Practice. Yeah.

Definitely. Yeah. Take those notes, you know, just like little mental notes of what they're doing on stage or on a lap dance and be like, oh, I liked what she did when she was moving that way. Let's see how it looks like. Yeah. Yeah. Take it into the bedroom and do it.

Exactly. When she's getting the lap dance kind of, you're like, oh, what she do here that feels good. Because really a lot of it is a feeling thing and what to do in the moment. So I think the more into what you can be and the more turned on you are in the lap dance kind of what you do that feels good because really a lot of it is a feeling thing and what to do in the moment so i think the more into it you can be in the more turned on you are in the moment the more your husband will be and it's going to be an awesome night Michelle so less know how to go so i was constant let's talk to rick in ohio hi rick what's going on thanks for calling not much i i just want to say it that i

am i i definitely am attracted to those sections, but I feel like I'm leaning more towards Matt. Is it possible to be, you know, bi-sexuals? Absolutely. Oh, bi-sexuals? Yeah, I mean, you can be attracted to men, women, all genders, and sexuality is a spectrum. Yeah, undefinedly. I... Dispectrum. I've definitely been with men, and I really enjoy being with men that i mean i at the same time i'm trying to live and that i i feel more corpus sometimes too wrong then

yeah i think that that's totally you know fine people think oh yeah there's i think what you're looting to is that people think there's no such thing as as being bisexual but like how could you tell a whole group of people that they don't exist? It's not a phase, it's not a thing, and I think that there's a lot of people who are bisexual and they just go through a lifetime of repressing it because they don't understand how you could be attracted to all genders. They might be attracted to trans people, they might, too, everyone. So yeah, Rick, has it been a problem for you or you're just wondering about the labels here?

Well, no, it hasn't really been a problem. I mean, like, for instance, I've been with a guy now for, you know, a good eight to nine years, but at the same time too, if I'm watching something like Dancing with the Stars or if there's a track to grow on, or a commercial, I find a track to, you know, I mean, I'm not going to dance around and not look, but I mean, no, it hasn't been a problem. And I'm not really into the labels or anything but i think that i feel like i you know catch myself

the double-climbed that time with both genders that's that's great that you allow yourself to do that you know people just don't and fact there's a lot of men who are attracted to men and they you probably know these guys and they and they feel such shame around it that they end up becoming you know homophobic they end up hating themselves so that they hate others who are gay.

So, you know, I'm glad I'm saying you're a good example, Rick, of men, of a man who's being totally, yeah, confer honest with yourself, you know, even at home, like I've got, you know, a plagiarism magazine, but yet I've got a playboy magazine. I mean, I've got, you know, I enjoy looking at both from time to time. Yeah. To me, I think that means that you are open.

And, you know, think about it. Everyone was paid attention to their bisexuality or that they could be, that sex is a spectrum, just like gender is in binary. You know, our biology. And so that's true that, you know, isn't either, that sex exists on the spectrum. But I think that, that's what Kinsey talked about, isn't either that sex exists on the spectrum, but I think that's what Kinsey talked about is that sex is a spectrum and a lot of us women are more likely to be on the, you know, four or fives when you think that one is straight. So, but I think that now that we're

giving people permission, we're giving people permission that there were more open. So, yeah, would you say, Mac? Have women been a little bit more open about that over the years, are there more women that are more like that? I think that women are more openly, women tend to be more bisexual. We tend to hear about it more. They tend to act on it more. Because I believe there's less of a stigma. And you're seeing it more in culture, and it's just more accepted overall.

And I think that's the most important thing. And I don't see this. Men don't see it as much, right? You can be bisexual. I think women have been that way for years though, right? I think that men and women have always existed on spectrum sexually, but I think there's more permission given to women and there's more celebration of women being bisexual than men. But I think it's always been the case, but I think for many men, they just keep it down

and they're so afraid of the repercussions. And our society says that if you're bisexual, you're just gay. So that's not fair for men. Yes, you're absolutely right that the stigma is there for men and not for women. I totally agree. I think maybe that might have been my original question. I just didn't know how to ask that. Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, that's it. But I think that now we give people more permission. This is why I, this is such a great, I love that you're calling in. But I think if you really give people permission to expand their minds and to think about it, that people could kind of go try something out, dabble in experiencing things actually with the other gender, but I don't think it does ran this year. Same gender. Exactly. Okay, I get that. Yeah, okay. Yeah, same gender, same gender. Exactly. Okay, I get that. Yeah, okay. Cool. I I experimented and I enjoy it. I like it. It's fun. Yeah. Good. Well, I'm glad that you found that

and you're with a partner who's understanding as we all should be. I want that. My biggest thing is I love sucking penis. It's the screen. Yeah, me too. But yeah, I've dabbled two with women, you know? So, but that's, you don't have to give it up. Here's the thing. If we could be more open about this thing and we could be more open about what we're actually attracted to and we didn't talk about like gender and we just were attracted to what we were attracted to, you know, now we call it like pansexual. People who are more open to anything, they're just attracted to whatever, whatever they whatever they might be attracted to whoever, whatever gender. And I think that's the

way to live. And I think that's where we're going now, Rick. I think that in society, much to much people's disappointment, many people won't be, this won't be a popular statement. But I think that now that there's more permission and there's more information and there's more education around, you know, sexuality being a spectrum and about gender not being binary or sexuality is not, you know, binary either. And so I think that just allowing people to see that it's okay to be attracted to what you want and who you want and just be honest and be open about it that we would then we would give others permission. Just like me, you talk about this right now, Rick.

I promise you was giving some other people permission to feel talk about this right now, Rick. I promise you, is giving some other people permission to feel better about their own choices, actually. Or maybe there's some people who have felt that they don't want to come out and now, by hearing this, they want to. They're thinking, okay, well, Rick's doing it. Rick's open. I'm okay. Thank you, Rick.

Thanks for calling. I appreciate it. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to I appreciate it. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review where every listener podcasts and share this with a friend or a partner. Believe me, if you got something out of this, they will too. We released two to three episodes a week,

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