Sex With Emily - Best Of: Winner, Winner, Sex Before Dinner

Episode Date: March 20, 2021

Sex can get stale but today I focus on ways to keep it fresh. In this Best Of episode, I share some sex hacks that bring back spontaneity in easy and creative ways. I share new uses for pillows, ideas for games you can play anywhere, and tricks to make doggy-style even better.I answer your questions about how to know if you should end a long-distance relationship, why prostate orgasms feel so good, and what to do if your partner’s porn habits lead to problems in the bedroom.For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We have date night. It's gonna be going to dinner and I'm so full. We don't have a sack, so we get too drunk or we get too tired. Have sex before dinner. So the sex happens and then you go out to dinner and you're satiated from the sack. You're not thinking about it anymore. And then go out and have a great night. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a bygone day. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

I hate to say it, but here's the truth. Without an effort in prioritizing your sex life in a relationship, it's going to get stale. It's going to get boring. In today's best of episode, I share some easy sex hacks that improve intimacy and bring back to spontaneity in creative ways. I give new uses for your pillows, ideas for games you can play anywhere and tricks to make doggie style even better.

I also answer your questions about how to communicate to your long-distance partner that you need more attention in the relationship. Why prostate orgasms can be amazing and what to do if you were your partners porn problem is creating problems in the bedroom. Alright, if you haven't checked out our new website, you should do that. We're able to put together all of our years of posts and articles to make it easier. Plus, we have a new post, 14 books to add to your sex ed library. So I looked through my vast collection and I wanted to cover everything from enhancing your orgasm to new position guides, breath work, boosting your libido, demystifying the clitoris,

and a couple of enlightening memoirs. So no matter what you're interested in, there's a book for you so check it out at sexwithemily.com. All right, intentions with Emily. For each episode, let's set an intention. So when you're listening, what do you want to learn? What do you want to get out of listening to this episode? How could it help you? Well my intention for you is to give you simple, easy things to try in the bedroom. Next time you want to mix things up and help you think outside the box. Alright everyone, enjoy the show. [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

Sex Hacks. So why sex hacks? Well, this is a concept I would think about for a while, because there's so many ways that you can really be creative when it comes to sex, to orgasms, to foreplay, just to making sex work for you and not against you. And I know I give a lot of tips on the show, but I thought like a sex hack. Like, how can we hack into your sex life and just enhance your intimacy, boost your sexual confidence, add more pleasure to sex.

So I just love hacks in all walks of life, but with sex, I realize that my life has sort of been like the way I have sex, I'm just always incorporating sex hacks. For example, here's one that you can use today. Think about your bedroom, okay? The bedroom, hopefully you got pillows on your bed, right? I have a lot of pillows on my bed.

And I don't know if you have memory foam pillows, but these are the best ones to use for what I'm talking about. So pillows are great to use during sex, and they can like change the entire game. So if there's certain positions, for example, if you're on the bottom and you were like your pelvic to be up a little bit more so I can hit your G-spot or just hit different spots or see what it feels like and guys can do this too, place a pillow underneath your butt or your lower back because then

your pelvic is at an angle and this way when your partner penetrates, you're just going to feel it hitting that spot and you can play with the pillow as well. If you're lying on your front, you can also put a pillow under your stomach which works great for rear-entry positions. And honestly, I was just talking about this in the office a few weeks ago, and I realized that I'd forgotten to do that lately. And I was like, oh, so I was having sex recently. I'm like, oh, hold on a minute. I grabbed my memory of home pillow and sure enough, made a huge difference. Just for a certain position, different partners, and like I said, missionary sex does not have to be boring.

You can also play with toys in a different way, play with different vibrations. So for example, I always talk about different toys that I love. And some of these are in the videos, but I was thinking like a penis ring. Like let's say that's a great couples toy, and I've talked about the pivot by Wevi. The pivot is great because it's a penis ring, so you wear it during sex, but it's an amazing literal vibrator. So I always use it when I travel because then I have both and you can you know use it that way or it's great to put like a bullet vibe on your cheek or under your chin when you're performing oral sex because then

your tongue and your cheek and your mouth is shaking like a vibrator and we all know how amazing vibrations feel. So another one you guys, if you want to hack a threesome, I know that's your top fantasy. It actually is a top fantasy for men and for women. So a great way to pretend you're having a threesome that actually sees if you can actually handle a threesome is to narrate it, to use sex talk, to talk like you're having a threesome when you're actually having sex with your partner. So go something like this. Yeah, she's this woman's here. I see her like licking you and touching you and you're licking her breast or she's at

top of you or whatever it is. And you like play out the scenario in your mind like you're having a threesome and I'm telling you, I cannot talk about the importance of Jordy talking about. In fact, there was a piece I was quoted in for men's health that got picked up everywhere and they just loved this one headline and they said this is the one thing that women want more of during sex and it was already talked. And the truth is it does you guys there's something about speaking sexy words to your partner and describing what's happening because you know our brain is largest sex organ so the

more you can feed that and a great way to do it again you guys use a threesome use what's happening in the moment describe different scenarios that you think are hot and it's a great way to test the waters and see, like, oh, that was hot. Maybe that's something I would be into. And another great way is to also watch porn. Watch three some porn together. Because if you're like, I don't know how to describe it, I've never had one.

You could watch some porn together, and then describe what you saw. Because that's the other hot thing about having an actual threesome is that I know a lot of couples like to swing or play with other people, and then when they're having sex they actually retell the stories over and over again. It's like using your dirty talk is like a sexual narration of your fancies and the other great thing about narrating something that's happened or something you want to happen is

that for those of you get stuck on dirty talk you're like, I don't know what to say anymore. I told them to F me harder. I told them to grab my ass. But when you have like a scenario that you guys can get into and kind of play back and forth, it's really hot and you don't have to make it anymore. I told him to F-me harder. I told him to grab my ass. But when you have a scenario that you guys can get into and play back and forth, it's really hot. And you have to make it up because it's something that you actually talked about or you saw or actually happened.

Games are also a fun way to add a little spice and a little something spot-native to your sex life. And there's a lot of fun games, like sexy games in the market that actually help you with your relationship, help you figure out what your partner's into, what you're into. There's a game called Monogamy, which is like,

it's a board game kind of looks like Monopoly, but it's spelled Monogamy. And that shakes things up when you're in a sex ride. So it's kind of like Monopoly. You work your way towards hot sex. What helps you communicate, adds little romance. You use like the purple cards for passionate actions. You know, the red cards are really spicy hot

And so if you're a game couple and you like sit down you guys play Scrabble or backgammon Why not play a board game like this? That's actually you can it's a real game Someone's gonna win someone's gonna lose but like the loser might have to do whatever the winner wants in bed Another one spicy dice. This is a really fun for like for for play with your partner They're so easy you can take them wherever you go. You can, if you're a dinner, you can do it. Let's play with this. Let's set up our for play for later

because there's three separate die and each one has a purpose. So one has places to have sex, like in the bedroom, in the living room, in the car, and the other one has places on the body. And then the last one has actions like kiss, tickle, lick. So you roll it and it could say like, kiss, ear, in the bedroom. And you're like, okay, start with kissing my ear. So it's a fun way to start like, hey, we want to sex tonight.

I don't feel like wondering if he's going to initiate or she's going to initiate, you just play some games. And remember, couples that play together, stay together. My last sex hack that has seemed to be really popular lately, especially with friends who are like, we have date night, it's gonna be a bunch of dinner and I'm so full, we don't have sex, we get too drunk, we get too tired, have sex before dinner. So the sex happens and then you go out to dinner and you're satiated from the sex, you're not thinking about it anymore and then you go out and have a great night. So that was a very popular one, I thought that was kind of an obvious thing, but apparently it's not. So have sex before dinner.

Let's talk about doggy style. Because why not? Because I know a lot of you love doggy style position and I was recently quoted an article that I think you guys will like because listen, we've got limited sex positions, right? I mean, there's base positions, right? Like doggy style and missionary and there's a few others and then with there's variations on them. So I think people like positions get boring. So here's a few tips to make doggy style more intimate. These tips work for any two people, two men, two women, two non-binary people, a heterosexual couple.

Whoever you are, these doggy style tips are for you. And I think that, again, doggy style is the go-to position for a lot of couples. I think that a lot of men love that it offers a really good view and they're in control of the depth and the speed of the penetration. But how do you make it more intimate? How do you make it so everyone's really connected during this position?

So some tips I have, the sandwich doggy style position. So if you're the receiver, you're lying flat in the bed, and you're stomach with the legs closed, So some tips I have, the sandwich doggy style position. So if you're the receiver, you're lying flat in the bed on your stomach with the legs closed, and then your partner gets a top view and your partner's legs are outside of yours as your partner enters from behind. So this position is less about like thrusting in and out and it's more about really connecting with your partner.

And also for women having your legs closer together, if you're on the bottom line on your stomach, it offers tighter friction, which can make it more enjoyable. For women, I know that this is something that I had to learn later in life, but I'm so glad I did that you can easily pump your kegge muscles and your pelvic floor muscles and tighten it, and it can feel really, really good.

So, offers tighter friction when your legs together together, and also your partner's hands are free to jave over your hands or hold your hands, and also your partner's face will be close to the back of your neck, and, you know, they can whisper, sweeten that things in your ear, the neck is a killer, a rogina soon. So that's a fun variation of it. There's also the rear view. So if you're thinking, oh, God, doggie style, it's just, you know, we're not looking at each other

and it just feels so alone, you can actually make eye contact. So here's a little upgrade. When you're in a typical doggie style position, turn your necks, you can connect visually and look into your partner's eyes as you are, as the thrusting is happening. I think that we're afraid for eye contact a lot during sex

because it just makes us vulnerable. I think eye contact in a lot of ways makes us vulnerable. You know those people you meet even not that you want to sex with, but you meet out in the world and you're like, why aren't they looking at me? I think we're all afraid of it, but many of us can't be. But there's a great intensity and closest that comes when you actually can look into your

partner's eyes during sex. So this might be the connection that you need during a doggy style to take it to the next level. Also you guys, another doggy style tweak is to make sure that everyone's getting, having a good time and getting off because a lot of times for women, it doesn't, if you're the receiver, you're not going to have as much clitorial stimulation as you'd like. So this is why it's great when your partner has their hand free. You've got two hands free, and you want to make sure that your breasts and clitoris are easily accessible

for either you to touch or hopefully your partner will touch, stroke them. He can use a vibrator, he can hold them at palm of his hands, he can hit all those aridges zones, your clitoris, the vulva, your pubic mound, all those things. So when he's thrusting it out, it can bring you both to a really great orgasm. So you don't have to forego your pleasure in doggy style. So I help this makes a lot more sense for you and makes it a lot better than before. Because it's not necessarily common sense. In fact, a lot of things aren't.

Okay, I'm going gonna take a quick break, but when I come back, I'm talking to Lindsay, who's worried about her husband's masturbation. Okay, we have Lindsay. She's 29 from Canada, and she feels like her boyfriend is giving all his energy to porn, and maybe she's just a chore. Hey, Lindsay. She's 29 from Canada and she feels like her boyfriend is giving all his

energy to porn and maybe she's just a chore. Hey Lindsay, tell me what's going on. I'll give you a quick background. So my husband and I have been together for about three years. In the beginning of our relationship, he admitted to me like that he was masturbating like five times a day and we were still having sex like twice a day So it was like a basically a machine A little time went by sort of having some rectal issues So he took down the amount of masturbating he was doing and that helps a little bit But he started realizing he had some issues corn maybe so he scaled it back

but he started realizing hatching issues, corn maybe, so he scaled it back. Mom's three short, as time's gone by, it went from being a lot maybe like four days a week, we would have just sex in, I guess, what you'd say, an average sort of general missionary, kind of, you know, married, we were like, intimate. Sort of like typical, but then maybe a couple other days a week, we would have some more fun and like do some exciting things and I

Express to him how much I enjoyed that and then now it's been like just the same time of day the same position every single time and I feel as though when I'm away or if he's on his trips that he goes away quite a bit I feel as though when I'm away or if he's on his trip, that he goes away quite a bit, I feel as though he's masturbating several times a day and I just started to feel very better and angry at the situation, so. Have you talked about this?

A lot. I would say like we communicate overly about it, like a lot and not overly in a bad way. Like I don't want to, if to do an issue that he feels pressured or anything like that. I'm just trying to give you space to kind of because we're on our own journey. You're on your journey with this, figuring out a new sexuality because he never really had a lot of long-term relationships. I was just giving him space, but I'm wondering it's like, we're sorry there anything I should be doing?

Yeah, it sounds like you really, it sounds like now you're building up resentment. And so it sounds like the tactic, but I love that you're talking about, and I love it. You said, Ron, our journeyman, you go to you, I'll do me. But since you guys are in a relationship together and you're committed and you're married, I feel like this is something you have to work on together. And so, I mean, you said you're just having like missionary sex in the morning and that's all that's happening

and then the masturbation thing. I'm wondering like, does he know specifically what you need and how to please you? Because I feel like we're talking a lot about what his needs and that you're working with him, but like you want something else and how have you been able to communicate that with him? I know you don't want to question.

Yeah, but you need to certain things from him. For sure. Yeah, like I have said, little things. Like, I like just the, even just really general things, Emily. Like, me saying, like, I like doggy style. You know, I mean, like, dog feels really good for me. And I feel as though he's having ED issues in other positions more.

Oh, okay. And I feel like something I like, he used to like fun, choke me, fun, fun. Right. And that was kind of like something we know we would do. And like I said, express several times. And like I really like that. Not every time. But okay, I really enjoy it.

And I've always been very vocal. And it's just disappeared. Right. So you think it is ED. So maybe he's afraid that if he vocal and it's just to appear. Right. So you think it is ED. So maybe he's afraid that if he moves, he's just going to lose it all together. Is that what's happening? So it's more about his own performance anxiety because that's kind of what happens a lot. Just wondering how it, why it would have changed and if he's masturbating a lot or he's

sneaking mass, not that the masturbation is anything wrong with that. But I don't understand. Have you actually said to him like, these are the things I've been wanting? And I mean, do you ever try to get in a joggy style? Cause you can do it too. You can kind of lead him along. Yeah, and I definitely need to take responsibility to do that more, but I do find,

because he ends up like, he never loses it. But he'll get softer and he gets really insecure, even if he's remotely soft. Right. I've expressed him, I'm like, been with people before. What happens? Women are not. Oh my god, it's getting, I have no problem. We don't trip up on it like they do. Yeah, guys are like, oh my god, my penis is malfunctioning.

Like, what do I do? I can't live right? Like, everything's falling apart. So I feel like it sounds like you guys are of great communication, which I love, but I also think that you've got to take it to the next level now. And I think sometimes it's more than one conversation. Like you might have let him know a few months ago. I liked when you choked me and then you get in the moment and he's like, it's just easier to do missionary. So maybe you need to like give him a plan for it.

Like literally say like, let's talk about what I deserve and how can we do this together? I don't even know what's going out of them, but like he's like, I'm not sure how to do it or what you want. And then tell him again, like, if he gets soft for a second, like, that's fine. Like, you could go down and you give him a blowjob. There's different things that you could do. He's in his own head. It sounds like a lot of the fact that he's not willing to waver from this one position since you've been married for what three years. We've been together for two. We've only been married for three years. Okay, for years. So whatever it is, it's like the conversation that you're having, it sounds like it needs to be fine-tuned towards your needs and his needs.

He's masturbating five times a day, that's a lot. And then having sex with you twice a day. So I'm wondering if there aren't other things going on with him? I don't know how you just stop that. If there's some other sexual trauma in his past, sexual, I don't know because I'm not seeing it, but there might be some other things going on that you guys could kind of try to work through at your own, but maybe seeing a sex therapist, we can't always solve all these things on our own.

So, if you guys could also like having more connected sex and more intimacy, because it sounds like it's sort of mechanical right now, and you might need some more like staring in each other's eyes, breathing together, like really touching and connecting in an intimate way. Because that also when you do more of that stuff, like when you're looking at each other's eyes or you're breathing together, you can't do anything but be focused on each other. You can't go inside your head. You know what I'm saying? Because you're connected.

So I would start playing with some of those things. So you feel like you're getting your needs met as well. Yeah, 100% and I just need to work on growing. Like, I'm so used to men in my life taking so much control of these things. I've never been an issue for me in the time. I think it's always been like, because I get really nervous, because I'm just never done that in my life. Right.

I get it. I'll say things like in another conversation and I'll be vocal about that, but when it comes to the actual time, I'm like, I don't know where I'm going. I know you're like, how do I do it? How do I move? Right, exactly. So you're both in your head. So what would be really cool is if you have this exact

conversation with them, you're like, I talked to Emily, or whatever you want to say, I realize that I want to initiate to, and I'm nervous. And so then it's kind of like you're both being vulnerable together. And then you're like, so when we have sex next time, I actually want to move into doggy style, I want to do whatever, and that makes me nervous too.

And then if you talk about it, it's out there. And he's like, okay, I get that. So maybe I can move this way and you move that way. And it's like, you have to just like, these things that you're saying to me are the exact things you have to say to him. So it's okay, you say, I might be clumsy, it kind of makes me nervous.

And the fact that you've even said that, just know that might not go so smoothly the first time, the second time, you might laugh. But the more you do it, you talk about it, you take all the power away and all the anxiety and then you'll be able to come together, hopefully come together and also come together on having sex that works for both of you.

Hey, Lindsay, you got it. Okay, thank you so much. You're so welcome. I have a lot of work to do that. Yeah, it's a lot of work, but it's fun homework. Okay, Lindsay, I do too. I feel good about this. Thank you, Lindsay. Have a great night. I feel good about this. Thank you, Lindsay.

Have a great night. Thanks for calling. Bye. Thank you. Bye. Here's why I always say communication is a lubrication, because so many of our sexual challenges are around finding the right words to communicate, and not only that, continuing to communicate and taking it to the next level.

So, as we think, well, I talked about it, and therefore it's done. And my partner's just going to understand what I'm saying. And I think when we really tell our partners the things that we think we cannot say, that's really when the vulnerability happens, the connection and enhances intimacy. So say those things you guys, life is too short for bad sex. So the sooner you address whatever it is on your mind with your partner that you trust and love, the sooner you'll be having amazing sex, the sex that you want and that you deserve. All right. We have Christopher. He's 40 from Missouri and he wants to talk about pegging

orgasms. Hey, Christopher, I'm so glad you called. Hi, Emily. Thanks for calling me. I appreciate it. Yeah, it's so nice to talk to you. So tell me about what's going on. About 15 years ago, I've always been into anal play. And about 15 years ago, I was having anal sex with myself, just using a dildo. And I had an orgasm something like I'd never had before. And since then, my wife and I have eight years. She's more than willing to do this to me on a regular basis,

the pegging. My question is, what kind of orgasms am I having? Because I've looked it up online, and I can't find anything that compares to it. Tell me about the orgasms. Yeah. Well, first of all, it's multiple. I mean, back to back, no more than two, three minutes apart.

Amazing. Sounds great. Yeah. And it's extremely intense. As you know, I know I would describe it. It's my entire lower half, my abdomen, my stomach muscles, everything just henses up and it's like it's trying to push back. I know when I do this to myself that if I don't hold on to the toy that I'm using,

I will push it out. My wife has said the same thing that when this is happening and she can feel it, she feels that the toy is pushing back against her. It's not painful by any stretch of the main thing. It's very enjoyable. I'm just curious. It's probably because you're flexing your sphincter muscles.

So it's kind of like that your whole area is like just flexing and tensing. So it would make sense that you'd be pushing it out, right? Because that's kind of like you're flexing and tensing and relaxing and you're pushing it out. So that makes sense. So I think you're just you're having a prostate orgasm. It's very different than having an orgasm

with ejaculation and it sounds like it's full bodied and the more you have them, you're having multiple orgasms. It sounds like it's epic. So, are there any problems with it? Are you just wondering like what? No problems at all whatsoever. I mean, it other than having to kind of be prepared for it a little bit outside of that,

there's no problems whatsoever. I just didn't know, like I said, I looked up online and watched other videos of guys having these types of orgasms and they typically have semen coming out and I don't. I have urine. Right. So that's what I thought. Okay, so that could be like fluid from the prostate or because you're not erect, so

that's probably why it's not semen coming out. And it seems like it's urine, but it could just be fluid for the prostate because you're not a rat. So that would be what it is. So I feel like that is common, you know, that it wouldn't be the same kind of orgasm you used to, but it's all an orgasm. And it sounds like you're having a really great one, which I always tell men, experiment, why not?

It could be this amazing sensation. I think men should just take a gander. Go back door. Check it out. And I think you're going to be inspiring so many of my listeners. Yeah. And it sounds like over time too, they've gotten better and more intense. And frequent.

And good for you. Right? So you find a willing partner or your wife, It sounds amazing. Have you got a prostate exam? No, I haven't had one for probably close to 20 years. Okay. I think it's important to start getting one now. They're 40 get checked out I always look at that doctors. So it's a good thing to do, but keep having fun. I love it. You're inspiring all us all right Appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. Bye, Christopher. Bye.

Okay, guys. So if that's not reason enough, I'm always telling you guys, if you haven't explored, it's not a must. You don't have to. However, I feel like the tides have been turning and people ask me like, what's change was sex in the last, you know, 13 years we're doing the show. And I think that men are more open to experimenting with prostate play because, hey, what if you start to have multiple orgasms in your whole body shapes and you need to call me and say, Emily, I'm having these amazing orgasms.

I don't know what they're called. Wouldn't that be a great problem in quotes to call me about? So I send you all in that mission this year. If you choose to accept this challenge, go play with your prostate. All right. Coming up, I'm talking to Ashley, who's having challenges in her long-distance relationship. I'll be back after this quick word from our sponsors.

We have Ashley, she's 23 from New York, and her boyfriend doesn't seem to know how to show affection in their long distance relationship. Hi, Ashley. Hi, Emily. Hi. So thank you for calling. Tell me about what's going on with you and this relationship.

Sure. So overall, he is just not really that affectionate guy. It's kind of harder since I did move from Texas to New York and he has a lot going on like he's still in school, he's kind of in trouble with a DWI so he has a lot of like meetings and things that he has to stay on top of. And like I realized if I was in his position all of that stuff would probably come first like to figure out my life and move forward. But I keep trying to tell him, like, you know, maybe it's just not the right time for you to have a relationship

because it leads me to feel like not really like second choice or second option, but just like not really the focus. Not that I need to be like. No one stands. No one stands. Like it's secure. You guys you guys were together wait let me just get this straight there you guys were together for how long a year and then you you moved to New York and he's still in Texas is that it you've been long distance for like six months and then I moved okay so six months together in college and now you're in New York and it's been long distance for how long eight months okay okay so you said to him hey I get it you're busy the York and it's been long distance for how long? Eight months. Okay.

Okay. So you said to him, hey, I get it. You're busy. The DWI, you got to take care of yourself and then what did he say? And he just says, like, you know, I do need to do all this stuff, but I don't want to lose you. Okay. And I don't think he tries to make it seem like I need you to get through this, but I have

been like really supportive of him because it kind of has brought him down. I don't think he's trying to like guilt me into staying with him by saying like, you know, if I lose you through this, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I don't think he understands that. What do you want? I'm going through all this stuff. But Ashley, tell me what you want right now. Do you want to be in this relationship

or do you think that a little break would be good for you? I've told him, like, you know, we just need to take a break. Do you think about what you want? Because what I need is for you to show more attention, affection, whatever. As we all do, by the way, we all need that. So cool.

OK. So right now, we are on a break because I just want him to figure it out. Like I'm not really at a point where I just need to jump into another relationship. Like I'm okay with, you know, taking a little bit of time figuring things out. Okay. Like ever since I was like, okay, you know, like I'm on a break, you're on a break, do whatever you want. I don't really care. And he, it's just like a switch went off. And he's calling you every day. He's face timing, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear you answer what happens. Don't understand why it took me to do this for him to realize what I would say. You know, because sometimes they say, you don't know what you got till it's gone. I mean, this is a classic response. And so I feel like, yeah, he's gonna lose you

and he wants to keep you. And I get that. You hear that this is kind of like a typical thing that kind of happens. And I don't know why it happened. I'm sure he really cares about you, but he was really afraid that he was losing you so he came back around.

I don't know how long this is gonna last, but what I'm asking is, is this make you feel better right now or are you still sort of like, ugh, I'm not so sure. Cause what I'm seeing as Ashley is your 23 years old, you just moved to a fabulous new city. You have a boyfriend who's long distance

and he's giving you attention now, you're FaceTiming now, you're on the phone. I feel like not that you need to go out and have a relationship right now, it doesn't sound like that's what you want, but I also do want him to be holding you back from kind of just being you and getting acquainted to a new city in a new life.

Do you have any plans for you guys to be in the same place anytime soon? Yeah, so we talked about him moving here whenever he graduated. And that could happen and that's again another year from now? Yeah. Right. So I'm just giving you perspective, I know it doesn't feel the same, but you're 23 years old. And do you want to be in a long distance relationship for a year where you're in this place?

I don't know, I feel like it seems like a great guy. You guys can still keep talking. He knows how to fill you up right now when he thought he was gonna lose you, but unless you know for sure, like he's the one and you guys love each other. You've been together a long time and he's definitely moving to New York, but you were together four months and then you moved away and now it's tense. And I just feel like there's not enough evidence, enough data that I want you to be spending the next year, like on the phone, trying to negotiate a relationship

when you could be out living your life. Yeah, you're right. That's my God. Okay, sweetie. So I think you got to just kind of do you right now. It's a great time to be, to be young, to be single, to be in New York. And I don't think you need this long-distance drama. Yeah, do you have any advice for like what I say to him? I do this because I keep saying the

same thing like we're just at different places in our life right now. He can't give me what I want. And he just like pushes back on that. And you gotta just say, you know, you have to be tough and you gotta be sweet. You gotta tough love. You know what babe? I've really thought about it. I really care about you. I think it's best for us to have distance right now. And we need to have this space. I think honestly the best thing to do is not talk for a few months. Like I would say like three to six months without contact. Although I understand that you're also each other's support system,

but you just have to hold strong. It sounds like he's a sweet talker and he's gonna know how to say everything to get you back. No, you've made this decision and you just got to say it and be honest, tough, and tell the truth that you need the space. And just be honest, but you can't cave. You got to stick with what you decided. And I'm telling you, it's gonna be hard at first because you're each other's support system.

But once you get through this and you stick to your guns, you're gonna feel so much better. I promise and you're going to have a whole new life that opens up. I see it. Okay, Ashley? Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah, I feel like you already know this. So, um, so just do it. Be strong. You got this. Thanks, Ashley. Good luck to you. Enjoy New York. Okay. Bye. Thank you. Bye, Ashley. Few interesting things that this brought up here. First of all, you guys, long distance relationships. If you are in a long distance relationship and there's no room,

like you don't know if you're ever going to be in the same city again or when it's going to happen and you haven't really been together that long, you really should kind of take a's no room like you don't know if you're ever going to be in the same city again or when it's going to happen and you haven't really been together that long. You really should kind of take a look at that. I don't love the idea of having drama and problems in long-distance relationships unless you know that there's a clear break when you guys are going to be together. Also, it sounds like there's a little bit of communication challenges around here because Ashley is a big heart. You can tell she cares so much about her boyfriend, but she's saying, well, I think this is good for you

to have the space, but really, it's also about her and her needs. And I think it can be really hard for us to kind of stand up for what we want, what we believe in, because we don't want to hurt anyone in the relationship. But I think once we do that, we stick to our guns, we say what we need, what we want. Like, it's not like there's a right way, a wrong way to do it, but speaking your truth and what you really feel

and you want no one can argue with that. So that's what I'm hoping for Ashley and that's I'm hoping for all of you in your relationships. That's it for today's episode, see you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review of every lesson of podcasts and share this with a friend or a partner. Leave me if you got something out of this, they will too.

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