Sex With Emily - Best Of: Your Two Breast Friends

Episode Date: September 17, 2019

On today’s throwback show, Emily & Producer Jamie are bringing you a plethora of pleasure! And to start it off, they get into breast play, as well as the benefits they reap for both the giver & the receiver. They also give their sexy tricks on the favorite toys they love, why all day masturbation seshes are nothing to be ashamed of, and recognizing relationship anxiety. Plus, the ups & downs of the male refractory period. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by Associate Producer Jamie and we're talking sex, relationships, and everything in between. Tabics include specific tips to take breast play to the next level, recognizing relationship anxiety, and how to manage it and move past it, ups and downs of the male refractory period and moving from being a pleaser to actually owning your pleasure. All this and more, enjoy the show.

please are to actually owning your pleasure. All this and more, enjoy the show. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. Hey, girls, gotta have a stand. It's a lie. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common all of it? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so broke. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Aveline's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com and check out all of our amazing content. We would have every day. I'm proud of that fact. Our blogs and subscribe to the podcast that really

helps us. And I'm so glad you're all here today. Thanks for listening to the show. We've got a fun show today. And I've got a fun person sitting here with me. Jamie. Hello. Hi, Jamie. You all know Jamie. Jamie's with me for two years. We just had our two-year anniversary here at Sacks with Emily. We take that very seriously. Yeah, I can't believe it. It's been great. Start as little intern. I've gone through the ranks, you know, from intern to part-time to full-time. Yeah. And it's been amazing to watch you grow and change.

I feel like you are really just like killing it right now. And I'm so impressed and grateful for your time and your energy and chillness and always making me laugh. Yeah. I love you so much. I love you too. So I'm glad you're sitting here with me today because we've got a lot to cover and I want to talk about you and your experiences.

But first, let's talk about our October contest because October is not over until it's over. So I know that it's a big mod, Halloween. Jamie did a super cute video. It is really cute. It's on the website. So you can definitely check it out. It's our sexy tricks and sexy treats.

Exactly. You want to explain the contest? Yeah. So basically, we're taking Halloween back for the adults. Like, you know, kids love it. There's candy. They get to go around and all that stuff. But, you know, there's also an adult side to Halloween.

We dress up sexy. We get tap into, you know, sides of ourselves that we don't usually during the year. So, what we mean by like tricks, like okay, so do you have like a go-to move that you like, no, like makes every person you've been with go crazy, it makes you go crazy, do you have a position that you're like, this is a great position.

If you need like, G-spot simulation, or if you need, you know, P-spot simulation, or what have you, and then treat. So like, do you have like a pair of lingerie that you always like to wear? Yeah, like is there a sexy lingerie that you that you want to put? I was thinking about their digs. I had a date and I was like, oh, I haven't had that much underwear. Do I, nothing that I was having sex, so what makes me feel the sexiest? No, but I think my trick gives you confidence. It does give you, that's what I'm saying. Like I had to change out of my underwear that wasn't so confident building

confidence. Right. Okay, so lingerie. And then maybe you have a favorite toy you like to use. We wanna hear about that. Sexy tricks or treats? So just email us to your sexiest tricks or treats. Bye. November 1st. Exactly.

So you have all the way up until Halloween. So even if you can get inspiration on that night, do it sent to us email. Exactly. Feedback at sex with mme.com. So Jamie, speaking of sexy tricks and Exactly. Feedbackatsex with Emily.com. So Jamie, speaking of sexy tricks and treats, so you've been here for two years, do you mind if I reveal your age?

Yeah, that's fine, 24. You're 24, so when you started, you were 22. So you were 22, coming, you know, and you were always a girl that, you know, your friends came to you, you talked about sex and stuff. But now that you've been here for two years, what do you think that you've learned like your sexiest tricks or treats?

For example, we can take that put it in the sex with the Emily format. What have you learned here? I mean, I see that you've changed as a team member you've done a lot, but I'm not with you when you're having sex. I mean, in spirit. But what do you think has changed for you? I mean, I'm just like, I'm more confident in asking for what I want and like saying, hey, like, this is what I need you to do.

I mean, I don't say it like that. I say it's like, hey, I don't say, hey, what are you doing? I didn't teach you that. No, I was just like, you know, a way, it's, I've been able to like up my dialogue, I guess, communication wise. And that's like, I think the most important part.

And that's what everything follows with that. Also, I like to say for me personally I love being on top during sex and I've learned you know to really like use my PC muscles and clench and grind and that's how I can get my G spot orgasm even if the dude I'm with is not up to par. Okay, up to par meaning. Meaning like he's not doing much.

Got it. So talk to me about that for a minute. Was that something that you did before or you learned that kind of here through clent? Because it is true, women don't realize that those muscles that contract your kegoma muscles, those PC muscles, the same muscles that you use when you stop

and start the flow of urine, that's how you locate them, that those are actually the same muscles that contract when you have an orgasm. So when you're having sex and you tend to relax those muscles, yeah. No, I never like before had really, like I had done it randomly just because I'm like, oh, like, can you feel that? Does it feel good?

For the guy. For the guy. For the guy. But then like I started doing them, like I realized that when I get closer to climax, if I use those muscles, it actually helps me along to get there. Pump it up, yeah. And I didn't do that before, but then you talk about it a lot,

a lot of different things with that. And it works out for me pretty well. It's a great thing. I love that. So you're able to have more orgasms than frequently with a partner. Yes, exactly. Which is great.

And I've always liked sex, but I've always been like a pleaser, which is, I still like to be a pleaser, but now I'm like, I'm going to get mine too, for sure, especially because I'm single, so I have a lot of casual encounters. Yeah, mostly. Mostly. But you've had dabbles. I've had to dabble in emotions.

I don't necessarily like it that much. I do when it's good. So this is something that I kind of feel like it's changed, but then I also know that sex education is not where I want it to be yet. But just like you, I was a pleaser and I know that talking to younger women now and women of all ages that we still somehow are socialized that it truly is about the man's pleasure or your partner's pleasure and not about us. And I think we do that in so many areas of our life that we're pleasers and we're caretakers

and we're nurturing, which is part of being female. And I understand that, but when it comes to sex, I mean, I just love that that was something that you were able to take away. It's not that we're not pleasing the men. That's very important to our partners, but that we also have to take care of ourselves. Yeah, and I feel, people will email in and say, like, oh, is this selfish of

me? It's like, it's not selfish to know what you like, you know, like all of a sudden, it's not all about your partner. It's also about you. It's supposed to be like about each other, about your own experience together. So, you know, I'm always like, no, it's not selfish at all. In fact, it's just equality. That's what it is. It's equality in the bedroom and equality in the world

Well, we're getting there in the world. It's almost like if you're playing sports with someone like guy a big tennis You're like I'm just gonna let him win, you know, would you do that? No, no, it's up. I'm so competitive competitive right exactly. You wouldn't do that Why would you do it in sex? I'm just gonna not really like hit the ball over the net right now I'm just gonna have him do this thing. So that's great. You've gotten a boatload of treats here at Texas Emily. So what are your favorite accoutrements during sex or just in your whole sexual life,

a kidney-vivesturbation? I know you've got like every toy and product on the planet. You probably had to get a second home for them, but is there anything that you're like after two years is my go-to favorites? Yeah, well, I mean, masturbation wise, like the womanizer always always always the lips. We talked about this. It's literally lives under my pillow. It does. Which one? The one I sleep on. No, your mom's pillow. Which womanizer, there's so many,

but they're all sort of the same. Well, yeah, okay, so I've graduated, I've had like almost every version of the womanizer and whenever I get a new version, I kind of like leave the other one, like in case I don't charge the current one, I'm using, I'll use the other ones as backup, but I use the to go all the time.

I mean, it's, it's, it's lipstick one, looks like it right, the to go. Yeah, it's smaller, it's the lipstick one. It's really, it's like really easy to clean, which I also like. And like the silicone tip is a little bit deeper than the other ones. So I feel like it covers the clitoris a lot better. Right. Good. Yeah, I agree. But then sex wise, I've only used a couple actual like vibrating toys during sex. I really liked the pivot from webe, which is a penis ring. It's so good.

And to vibrates, it's really great. Especially because like I said, I like to be on top and grind. It's perfect for that. It is perfect for the grinding. Yeah. But then it vibrates. It does. It's a whole one size fits all.

Yeah, yeah. Use a loop though. I'm half to use a loop, yeah. And then I've also used the G vibe mini But I started out using it like during oral sex that I was performing Right, because you could kind of it's because it shaped the way it shaped it kind of looks like oh like I want to say a wishbone in a way Huh, it bows out. So like that it it's like circular at the bottom But then it like bows out. So it's like kind of like when you put your hands up,

like you're shrugging. Right, exactly. So if you just use that to stroke the shaft while you're like performing oral sex, like. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, don't you find that your partner's penis is like that. Yeah, like a lot.

Yeah, the vibrations feel good. That's cool. And then loobs, I know we have loops for days. Is there a loop? I just kind of grab what I kind of try them all out. Yeah. What I like, but it's always Joe, but I've got so many. Yeah, I really like the watermelon H2O1 that they have.

But then I also they have like, I really, like I tried it. I haven't used it during sex, but definitely I've tried it during masturbation. It's like they have this clits stimulant. I think it's called like Arctic or something like that. That's all the cool one. Yeah, so it's like, it's a cooling sensation ones. Yeah, so it's like a cooling sensation.

Like it's so it's like a buzzy feeling and it's cold. And then when you use your vibrator, it's like intensifies that. That just turned me out. That just got me like, yeah, that's really good. No, like sometimes I'm like, I literally like take a break, make a sandwich, go back to mat with rating.

I have days like that too where I'm like, I just can't stop. I'm just getting orgasms and then I leave the house. That's fun, James. That's lots of tricks. Okay, so Jamie, I just love you and I'm glad to see you all grateful that you're here. So thank you for sharing that. And so sweet.

I love being here. I really do. I like love this job. So glad. Yay, you're awesome. And now I want to ask you the five quicky questions. Oh, no, I'm being put on the spot. You are my god.

It's fine, you didn't ask me. Okay, Jamie, which your biggest turn on? A Cumer and Biceps. Biggest turn off. Cockiness, overly cocky, and that was pretty much it. Sexiest part of your partner's body or a partner's body. Okay, so besides the biceps. I have to say that it doesn't have to be defined

but that V area on a guy. And I love a good man, but a good man, but do you play with the butt like grab. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Love grabbing the butt. Yeah. I did not know this. Okay. What's the one thing you wish you could tell your all your future partners about your

body and your needs? Uh, I think like I know that some people would think that of course my breasts would come into play during sex a lot and they do sometimes, but like guys don't spend very much time on them and like, like literally, dude, if you spend like a good like, even three full minutes on my nipples, like you don't even have to touch my clip. Exactly.

It's like, it's like a hack. No, it is. Really? And Jamie's got amazing breasts. So I don't even have to touch my clip. Exactly. It's like a hack. No, it is. Really? And Jamie's got amazing breasts. So I want a nozzles. I want a nozzles, your breasts. We were doing our two-year anniversary. You guys can check it out Instagram.

We did some fun pictures, but like, you do have a great work. How do they just, how do they not? I mean, it's like, I don't really, mine are like, like, you can see, not that I want them to skip over it, but just they're there, but yours are like, I don't know.

Oh, I think guys are just, they're more lately, more guys are into the butt now. Right. But also I think it's just kind of like, they're like, oh, like they're visually pleasing. And they, but I don't think they really know like what to do. So what would you tell them? How would you describe what should a man do?

Again, every woman's different, but let's take your breasts, for example. If that guy spent three to five minutes on your breasts, how would he approach those breasts? I mean, you just start like obviously with making out, move down to the neck area, go down a little bit, and then you can suck on them, use your tongue, like flake it around. But let's be specific though, because if we're saying that guys don't know and I agree with you, that's not badshing men, it's just like, I think it's confusing. I think they're like, do I grab it? Do I twist it? So with his hands, with his mouth, you can like start like with maybe your hands on one and your mouth on the other.

Like, be very delicate and use just like two fingers, fingers, like your thumb and your index finger, that's what's called right. And you just like, lightly play with the nipples, play with that area. And then maybe use your mouth a little bit, use your tongue, kind of like use your tongue to caress and circle. Like you would with a clitoris. Exactly. And you just kind of play with a clitoris. Right, so exactly. And you just kind of play and like,

the clitoris upstairs. Yeah, and then pay attention to whoever you are with and how they're responding. And if they really like it, maybe suck a little more, maybe use a little more pressure, just kind of, even just like, literally like playing around with them, like using your hands, kind of massaging them. Mass The massage me underneath to I feel like the underside of the breasts

It's like kind of kiss that air like kiss the underside of it or to just kind of rub it like we're wearing bras all days I'm comfortable with that area. It could be really sensitive There's a lot of sensitive tissue just even around the breasts, too Yeah, and I think that if guys just like you know, just like take like I said and you always say like slow everything down So I think that's a big reason too why it's like guys kind just like take, like I said, and you always say, like slow everything down. So I think that's a big reason too, why it's like guys kind of like, even if like, I mean, I usually have partners that will like perform oral sex on me,

which is good, so there is foreplay, but it's like they still rush to get to that. It's kind of like someone just starts the movie in the middle and they go right down there, you're like, what happened? Like I'm just, I feel like it's a big, now that I don't believe me, oral sex is awesome, but I kind of feel like you just missed over the big,

like you kind of like say hello to my breasts. I feel like it's part of it, at least acknowledge them. Yeah, it's like, you know, it's like a pretender in an elevator and you need to like stop at each floor. Right. Pick up some pleasure on the way until you get all the way down to the lobby, which is the pleasure. And then you went to forgot something in your office,

you went to forgot something and you go back up. Yeah, exactly. You go back up. You go back up. But just don't totally skip. Exactly. That was great. Jamie, that was a good public service announcement

for the breasts. Now let's get some sex in the news. Ready. Okay. Good news. Relationship anxiety is normal. I mean, it is good news because it's normal, but it sucks that it's normal. Right. And I think that my thing about relationship anxiety is I feel like there's always going

to be a little bit of anxiety in a relationship. And I know that at the beginning of the relationship as well, like, especially these days, is he can text me, does he not text me? What did this mean in the text? Because people aren't even talking anymore. So there's so many more things to be anxious about, like that feeling when someone doesn't get back to you. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. The thing about relationship anxiety is, yes, it's normal,

but we're also gonna give you some ways to deal with it. Because I think we all experienced it at different points. Some people are more anxious than others, certain things can trigger you. But here's why, and here's what you can do about it. So there's a lot of reasons why we might feel anxious in a relationship. It could be childhood issues.

It could be from your past relationship you had with someone, like let me say someone cheated on you or that just wasn't a lot of healthy behaviors going on. So it could be lack of trust, fear of abandonment, questioning yourself, your compatibility. Am I good enough? Or are they too good for them? So I think that we always experience in a relationship some sort of unease about what

we're getting ourselves into. So that's normal. That's a normal part. But it's a real problem, I think, when it becomes debilitating. When you find yourself constantly obsessing about the relationship and it sort of takes over your life and you find yourself kind of be self-sabotaging as well. When you start to die your partner and you keep bringing it up, you're like, what did you mean by this? And I'm not trusting you. When really a lot of times, it doesn't necessarily have to do with your partner. But a lot of times, these issues have to do with ourselves. Welcome to the world.

It usually is about ourselves, because once we learn, and we really own our issues and our challenges, it can be easier to specifically weed out what's our part of the problem, and what part is our partner triggering us and how to have healthy conversations around it. So here's some signs that maybe you're anxiety in the relationship has reached an unhealthy level. This is kind of like when you start to engage in these behaviors that might push your partner away. So it could be obsessing over your partner's social media

accounts, maybe you're Googling them. You've got your friends doing some investigating. Have you done stuff like this, James? No, okay. So I have been in a relationship where I did have a lot of anxiety, but I was actually like, I don't like to obsess over people's media, social media accounts, but there would be, like I think everyone,

like sometimes at least, like they'll go and you'll check the Instagram page, you'll check the Facebook page, you'll see like who's interacting with, you know, my person. And so if you aren't trusting of them, you know, you'll read into things. Right. And I think that is, I think going through social media accounts is almost a way of self-sabotaging because you're looking for there to be a problem.

Right. Exactly. And then you're always going to find something because if your brain is already wired to think this person's probably on a date with someone else or cheating on me, you'll be able to see that if they put a picture of a sailboat up, you'll be like, why is he at the beach? Who's he at Tuesday? Exactly. Who's he watching that boat with?

You know what I'm saying? You can create any story in your mind. You can start to falsely accuse your partner of doing things that they didn't really do that you've no evidence for. So if you're feeling like you're anxiety about relationships, whether it's about your attachment to the relationship or you're just putting way too much time worrying about things. Here's some ways that you can overcome your relationship anxiety. First of all, pay attention to your behavior. How often are you jumping to conclusions about their behavior and do you really have sufficient evidence to support the fact that this person

maybe did something wrong? A lot of times, our fears around anything. It could even be a fear around work or friends. It has to do something that happened in the past it could even be a fear around work or, you know, friends, it has to do something that happened in the past. It could be a childhood memory, it could be something in the past with a past partner. So check in with yourself. Like, what's really going on here? So what you could do, exercise, I mean, for me,

exercise helps me so much with anxiety in all levels of my life. Exercising, it's not just because you're gonna feel better, like it does release, I mean, yes, you feel better about your, your body and your health and all that, but it actually does increase serotonin. So it actually does release those feel good hormones in your brain. And for me, like, I love working out in the morning. That's always been my thing because I just feel like it sets me for a good day, but also whenever you can get it in, it helps. Get it in in many ways. But I, I ways. But I just went back to the gym.

Yes. And I can't, unfortunately, I'm not a morning person, so I can't wake up before I end. No, I'm just thinking for you. Yeah, but I wish I could. I'd rather do that, because it's so busy after work. Anyways, I felt really great going back. I felt productive.

I felt just happier. I just felt like I could actually like be in a place doing something and not have to worry about anything else. And I could just like, you know, keep running, you know, I could just work out and like kind of like you, it's almost like a meditation without really getting into that meditative state. So that's great. It really is. I think it helps with a lot of things. And I have to say people are like, oh, but I have no time, I have no time. I mean, I think about Michael Moore, you know, Michael Moore, the film I got to be reading this years ago, that he was always, oh, he's always been overweight.

And he just started doing this 10,000 steps a day. And he lived some Michigan in Flint. It's freezing like rag up. And he was like, I'm just going to walk. So it's not even like you have to do anything, but he would, you know, probably use his Fitbit or his phone now that has his apps. And it's like, I know you guys have heard this from so many different sources, but it really does help just to get out and move and get outside of your head. And it just every time it works. Like, there's nothing. It's kind of like sex. that has those apps and it's like, I know you guys have heard this from so many different sources, but it really does help just to get out and move and get outside of your head and it just every time it works.

Like there's nothing, it's kind of like sex. You never really regret having sex with your partner and you're not gonna regret, start moving because it just helps clear your head. The other thing, positive self-talk. As much as you can, and this is also another practice, engaging in positive self-talk rather than negative self-talk. And this to me is a lifelong process, and I find myself a lot of times when I'll just

be thinking of the worst case scenario about things. And all of a sudden, I literally would be like, everything's fine, everything's good, and I'll even have a monitor in my head. Like, I've won that I always say like, all I need is within me now. Because I love that. Thank you. Oh my God. And I literally will just not even consciously know, I'll just keep saying that.

Like, if I'm going to bed at night and I'm feeling anxiety or I'm just driving somewhere worrying, I'm like, all I need, because it's true. Most of us have, we're our own worst enemies. And we have all the answers that we need. And all we need is inside of us and we can control it. So that's my mod. You can find something that makes you feel good.

Like, I'm OK. Be here now. Whatever it is, to kind of, and it's literally a practice that just gets your mind off of thinking these thoughts that can be sabotaging. This also increases serotonin as well, and this controls the part of your brain behind the frontal areas that are responsible

for attention, judgment, and impulse control. So if you find yourself being really judgey, and I do find this when I switch it, I'm like, I have no room there to be judgmental, to focus on other things, it just helps you reset. Also, take a step back. A lot of times in the moment, when we make impulsive decisions,

that's what can make us feel anxious. If you step back and you think, you know what, maybe I'm not gonna do this right now. Even if it's like picking up the phone to check your partner's Instagram account or to send a text to somebody that's in angry text like they say, you should always sit on it I believe that take a step back in the moment if you're feeling like you know right now

I don't think I'm in the healthiest place to to be doing things take a step back think about it pause also find ways to relax Yeah, how do you relax Jamie? I Like to listen to a lot of like just chill laid-back music I like to just like lay back in I have a jacuzzi at my house, so I like to use that to kind of unwind. Because I'm talking a lot all the time and people, I talk to my friends all the time, and they're always talking to me, and it's nice to just be in a quiet chill, quiet music,

just chill and sit by myself and just breathe. Yeah, that's good. It's important. I realized that too, I'm always important. I realized that too. I'm always going, I'm always talking. Even last time I was driving on homework, you saw me. I was so tired. I was like, I've never seen you look that time. I was exhausted. I was so tired.

And I was like, you know what? And there was a lot of phone calls that I had to return. A lot of things I need to do. And I thought, I'm just not. I'm shutting down. And I didn't talk to anybody. And it felt really good to take that time. So it's important.

And then finally, if you feel like your anxiety is just taking over, can help. See a therapist, I think everyone needs it at some point, but if you really find that it's just too much, talk to someone about it. Because the truth is that overcoming this kind of anxiety in a relationship and just like everything it boils down to having control over your emotions and your mental process. And that's why when I say, all you need is everything you know, we can control this. You're the one who's planting these thoughts in your head. You're the one who's planting these thoughts in your head. You're the one who's creating these scenarios.

And when you kind of separate that your thoughts are not you, you are not your thoughts, and you can control them. You can start to minimize your anxiety of relationships and just have healthier ones and more sex. Yeah, and I think, yeah, I think when you're exactly- Just throw the sex in thing. Yeah, exactly.

But like, it's hard to have sex when you're like full of anxiety and stuff like that. I think that sometimes two couples kind of have like those dry spell periods because if there's too much anxiety going on in there, it's like how can you like trust your partner and like relax and get into that mode of pleasure. Right. And you said something really important, I think, about music and about sound that I think that we underestimate the power of just having music playing or listening to something that really soothes you.

No, not the TV necessarily, but you know, and then also touch. So when you were just saying couples, it's like, can you guys listen to music? Can you touch each other? Because even if it's just massage and not sex or get a massage, like that really does help to calm down your whole nervous system. And smell, like some candles, all that stuff. Thank you, James. Thanks, thanks for having me. Of course, it's so fun.

Okay, so we're gonna give a shout out to our sponsors right now, you guys, thank you for supporting them. God, I love all our sponsors right now. I mean, I always do, but they're really killer. I mean, you've got some great ones. And we've got, I love the new Donna products. Oh, I like really neat to them. I need to find me someone that I can soothe in massage

and that can do that back with me. I really want to use them. Oh, I smell so good and I just feel like, I can use them alone, but I want to use them with a partner. I think about these massage candles or that they are such a great, Donna makes these massage candles. They smell amazing.

And the thing about a massage candle, it's like a tofer because I light it when I come over and work. I just light the candle. It smells amazing. And then if someone's coming over, you're like, oh, it's a fun little trick. You're like, oh, like, this is actually,

does that smell great? Yeah. Smells like chocolate mousse. But like, not like the gross fake chocolate. I know, that smells really good. And then you can pour it onto your partner and it's like warm oil. It's not wax. It's not like particularly super kinky.

It just feels like warm oil and you pour it in your partner. And it's like a little game, a little fun trick. That's a good trick. If you want to check out the Donna products, you can go to my sexwithmlay.com store or just check out the Donna banner on the website. Okay, everyone, thank you so much for supporting our sponsors. And we'll be right back with your emails.

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What's your email? What's your email? What's your email? What's your email? What's your email? What's your email? What's your email? text your questions to 7979.7979 and then you just text Ask Emily. It has to be one word to 7979.7979. You can also submit a question at sexwithemily.com via the Ask Emily tab. And as always, include your gender, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Hi Emily, I'm a new listener to your podcast and I love it. I'm 39 and single and I've never been married. I don't have single and I've never been married. I don't have kids and I've had some failed relationships.

Perhaps we all have. After not having sex for a year, I met someone online to hook up with. While I was on a minification, I've never done something like this before. I was really nervous but the sex was great. He was very giving and wanted me to be comfortable. There was a lot of kissing before, during, and after. And he stayed to cuddle. He didn a lot of kissing before, during, and after, and he stayed to cuddle.

He didn't say much, and I just love that. And he didn't say much while you were actually having sex. I don't have a lot of body confidence and I have body image issues, so it makes me feel better when I get verbal feedback. I feel like I held back a little. I was nervous, obviously. I texted him after he left.

I told him the sex was great, and I loved how gentle he was as he was very well in doubt. He replied, you're welcome. I sent one additional message, and I never heard back. I'm going back to the same town in a few weeks. Should I attempt to contact him? I'm afraid of being rejected, but I really want to have sex again with him,

and I want to be more free and more uninhibited this time around. What would you do? Thanks, Lynn, 39 South Carolina. Yeah, Lynn, okay, here's a deal. I don't love that he didn't text you back after your second reply and he was kind of rude like you're welcome.

And I just feel like yes, some people are challenged when it comes to texting, but I just feel like you're welcome and then not answering you back, you might kind of be setting yourself up for failure. I feel like the fact that you want to let go more and you want to have another like fling that there's plenty of guys in every single town. So I feel like you can find somebody else to kind of to hang with, you know. I mean, don't get stuck up on that this guy, like it was great sex because if this was me and the guy was just like, you're welcome. I'd be like, oh, why was it a privilege? Like,

it's just to me, to me, I would be like, nah, onto the next. Yeah, that's not very, that's not very loving. He could have been like, yeah, fun too. Like how hard is it to say? Yeah, like it. And your welcome is super, not cool. Okay. Yeah. And here's the other thing.

I got to be honest with you here, Linn, is that you hadn't had sex in the year. So in your mind, it might have felt a lot better than a, we kind of elevate things. If you haven't, you know, if you've been on a diet, or you've, whenever you restrict or take something away and you try to get it, it's so great. So I feel like, I don't know. No, I totally agree with you. Like you, you get wrapped up in like, oh my god, the sex was great. And then you think like, I really want to, like, you said that you

wanted to be more like uninhibited next time with him. And I don't think that to me, it doesn't sound like he deserves it. He doesn't, right. So I think you can totally let loose with someone else. And you don't have to be nervous. We all get in our heads, even me, especially when you're with someone new, especially if you haven't had sex in a while. But just know that there is better people out there. And there's going to be even better sex.

That's not the best sex that you're ever going to have. Exactly. And then also, to be honest, second time around, usually it's the novelty that makes new sex or, you know, one night stands feel really good. So I feel like, just go and also just go and have fun on your own if you don't feel like looking on the apps or finding someone, I think when you're on vacation,

you do have this thing, we were talking about this yesterday, I wanted to turn for a JB Camp with this vacation goggles. Yeah. I feel like when you go to a new town, everybody just, it seemed everyone's exciting and new and seems different. Like whenever I go to New York, I'm like, every guy here is so good looking. You know, people come to LA. I think we're just somewhere different.

So I think that maybe just take advantage of being somewhere new. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. Just be, you know, go out to dinner, meet some people and, um, be on a table to have someone else. That's how we feel and keep us posted. I want to hear our goes. Okay. Hi, Emily. My name is Marcus. I someone else. That's how we feel, Lynn. Keep us posted. I want to hear our ghosts. Okay, hi, Emily. My name is Marcus.

I'm 28 and live in Nottingham, UK. I've been with my fiance for over four years and the sex has always been great. After four years, we still have it two to three times a week. Our sex life is becoming more creative as well. We use toys, lube, and of course, our growing connection. Oh.

I have a question. I know. I love this. I have a question. I know. I love this. I have a question about the refractory period. Once I have reached orgasm, I'm literally done. I can prolong my orgasm to a point, but once it's happened, I have zero drive for what seems like the rest of the day, if not longer. For the first few immediate hours, I'll struggle to get in the direction.

I feel generally a bit sore after sex. I don't want to masturbate and it doesn't feel as good as the first orgasm. I better have noses and she doesn't initiate until the next day. I don't like this. I'd love for sex to be spontaneous and I'd love to have sex a few times a day. How can I reduce this refractory period and get an appetite for more sex sooner? Thanks, Marcus 28, Nottingham UK. Here's a thing Marcus, everyone's different when it comes to their refractory period. Typically men, in their 20s, they have kind of

a faster refractory period, but there's a lot of thing that comes into play like your age, diet, health, that you're in meds, exercise, are you drinking, taking drugs. And the thing that the only thing here that gives me pause is that you are your 28 years old, and I feel like the fact that the only thing here that gives me pause is that you are, you're 28 years old and I feel like the fact that you're experiencing pain after sex and that it's taking you 24 hours, it doesn't feel like that it should take that long and that there

should be pain. So I'm wondering if you're on any medication, if you know you drink a lot or smoke cigarettes, I mean that's all stuff that can affect the male erection because the refractory period, it's usually a few minutes to a few days and the older guys get it does take longer. And definitely there is a period where your body shuts down. Your body is an overdrive, the sympathetic nervous system which controls your fight of flight, kind of pushes your body to calm down. And that is what's happening.

But typically, when it also lowers your, um, oh, and it also, like, lowers your, like, neurotransmitters, like dopamine testosterone. And so that's what happens as well. And your serotonin spikes and takes a nose dive. And that's why guys often want to sleep after. But with, I feel like if you're you and your partner continue to kind of play around, maybe she gives you a massage or maybe you give her some pleasure that you should be able to, you know, typically get an erection again, at least that day. I just feel like maybe there's something going on. I mean, you know, it could just be the way your body is, but I would get checked out. And it's just the pain thing when you said that you have some pain. So when you say that the first few media

I was you struggle and you feel bit sore after sex, I'm wondering also how much you masturbating. So maybe also if you're masturbating a lot, I'm just wondering where that soreness is, is it internal is it on your shaft. So I just want to wear that soreness is, is it internal? Is it on your shaft? So I've got a few questions for you, but there are a factory period of mean. Again, it differs for all men, but the fact that you're having pain and it takes 24 hours, at least I would have, get checked out.

Hey Emily, I'm also Emily. I love to learn about sex and I want to be better at talking with my partner about what I'm learning. I don't want to come off to preachy-teachy and and Noodal sex freak. How should I start broaching this topic? So we're not just talking about it, but we're trying out some of the things we talk about. Thanks, Emily, 27, California. Well, Emily, I love that you want to talk to your partner about sex, and they're actually even asking how to improve upon the fact that you're even talking to them, because a lot of people don't even want to talk about it. So there's a few things here that we kind of some rules

around talking about sex that are important that we emphasize and location is important. So location and timing and tone. Yes. I would say those are some things to start with that you don't want to have in the bedroom, right after sex. Yeah.

You can say like that was amazing, that felt great, but you want to be like, I really think that we should try and all. to be like, I really think that we should try and all. Like, I just, or next time could you do this or that? I just feel like the bedroom is kind of for sex for sleeping. But if you are outside the bedroom, you know, I think it's great. Like a breakfast or...

You know, like if you're going to the laundromat or you're taking a drive in the car. Right. You're not making eye contact. It might be an easier time to talk about it. Timing makes sure, yeah, you're not stressed. contact. It might be an easier time to talk about it. Timing, make sure, yeah, you're not stressed. You guys aren't rushing around. And I would just say that my top advice for you, just to make it more of a conversation, that it's, I think that we can build it up in a head like, and because it is, it's a big

deal to talk about sex with your partner because it's such a charged subject and you really don't want upset him or hurt his feelings. And so I feel like if you're just like, God, our sex has been, you know, I love having sex with you. It's been really fun. And I'd love to, let's talk about some other things we could do. What are your fantasies or like, what are some things you wanna try or bucket list things that you, you know, go to a sex toy store together

and talk and listen to the podcast together. I know a lot of couples kind of use this as four play, sex only podcast, which I love. And you could also, again, make it more of a conversation. Like, God, I've been, when I was masturbating there day, I was thinking about you tying me up. Maybe that's when you're a fan of you. You could tell them that.

Like, I think that we all want instructions. Like, you want to hear what he wants. I'm sure he wants to hear what you want. So it's really just keeping it light and casual and fun and that you just want to, both of you, to have some pleasure. And also talking about sex can kind of lead to spontaneous sex. Yeah. Because maybe it'll turn your partner on,

you never know. And you could even just be like, hey, I was reading this article and it said, all these different, these tips to starting like anal play and I kind of got me turned on. I was thinking maybe we could try something like that. You could just say something like that, like, oh, I just saw it and it was fascinating

and I kind of got turned on and he might be like, oh, okay, I have no idea. Yeah, let's try it. I feel like you've since you've been having casual sex lately, have you, do you have any examples about how you've kind of brought things up lately, Jamie? I mean, if I've seen the person more than once and I want to try something else or I want them to do certain things, I'll be like, oh, you know how last time you touched me like this, or you spent more time using your mouth and your hands.

When you went down on me or something, that I really liked. You should do more of that. I would like that. Would you like it dinner or something? No, we were just watching TV. Right. You're just chilling on the couch. That's how you do it.

Thanks. Noted. It was casual. You just like chilling on the couch. That's how you do it. Like, thanks. Note it. It was casual. And he's just like, oh, I'll be right. I'll be right. Yeah. And then, like, I mean, and the thing that you have to remember too is that it's not like a one

time, and then he's going to get it kind of conversation. You have to like reiterate it. Because I mean, even me, like people are like, it's even like making plans with someone like, hey, we should totally go out to dinner. And you're like, yeah, we should. But then if you never talk about it again, are you really going out to dinner?

Right. Exactly. And you don't confirm the plans. You don't set a date. Exactly. So I think that we think that, well, I've talked to him about it. Or I've talked to her about it. I let her know once does not count.

It does not. No, people don't change that quickly. Good points. Hi, Emily. I love your podcast. I recently just started dating again. After you're swearing it off, I've met someone and we've hated off. I'm very self-conscious because I'm prone to vaginal, bacteriosis and yeast infections.

The idea of having someone touch me down there, even when I don't have an infection, scares me so much I don't want to have sexual contact with anyone. How do I regain my confidence sexually and emotionally? I don't want to push this guy away before even giving us a chance. Thank you, Julina 28 Seattle. That is a really good question. And so I'm wondering, do you know what has been causing your infections, your yeast infections

and your vaginal bacteriosis? Because there's a lot of different things that could cause that. It could be like the birth control pill could cause that. Or contraceptives can cause that if you have a lower immune system, if you've been taking antibiotics, if you've been wearing too tight of clothing, that's why cotton underwear is really important. I think we're all about these tight clothes these days, even like exercising a lot with tight pants can do it.

So I'm curious if you've found out what it could be, like so reducing moisture down there. So that's just, I mean, I'm assuming you've gone to a doctor and you've gotten help with that. So I would say that you gotta start to get back on the horse here, start having sex again and realize that like, now that you probably know what to do to prevent it, or you've gotten some more information from your doctor

that it's not as much of a risk or a fear perhaps. Yeah, and then I'm wondering like what it is that she's not as much of a risk or a fear perhaps. Yeah, and then I'm wondering what it is that she's scared of is she scared of feeling gross to her partner or gross to herself. Is she scared of them causing another reaction? Right, a good point. Do you feel like you still have the good bacteria doses can have a certain scent to it?

It doesn't smell great, you don't feel like great. So a good point, do you feel like you might have one and you don't know, or do you feel like you're going to catch it again? Yeah, so maybe, I mean, if that, if it's kind of like you feel like you just want to be extra clean, maybe you can just shower before you have sex, you can use like flavored loops, you know, so some Joe has like water-based loops, yeah. Water-based loops that will probably be okay with, because it seems like if you're prone to infection, you probably can't use too many types of lubricants.

Like Joe's agape, you can use that. That's really good. It has a lot of natural ingredients. And it's supposed to be for very sensitive people. So maybe that'll help. It just kind of depends on what is scaring you about these things. And but it's like, if you don't have an infection, then you should just get yourself in the mood.

Maybe you need more arousal and that will get you in the mood and maybe you won't be as scared. If you don't have anything at that moment, then you're fine. You're not going to be grossed out. You're going to be totally cool. It's not even something that you need to share with your partner. No, I will not share it with them. They don't need to know that either. And I think that's

a good point. Don't rush into sex. Also, Julina, if you're not ready yet, it's okay. Just to kind of, you know, go out with some guys and kind of fool around, do some foreplay, make out. We just gave you some great breaths. You know, just don't, I don't want to push you do anything until you're ready, but I do feel like if you're a rouse and turned on and you're with a partner that you trust and you feel safe with, that you're going to get your confidence back slowly. So right now you haven't even broached it yet because it's been a while since you've had sex. If you practice self-care and you are communicative with your partner and you really don't push yourself to go beyond where you're

comfortable, that you're going to be okay here in your confidence, we'll come back. Make sure you pee after sex. It's always important. Yeah, pee after sex. P before sex. Yeah, you know, just like... It's all important. Just in case. That's my other tip. When you say you don't want to push the guy away before giving us a chance, then just take it slow. You're going to know when you're ready. No matter what age, no matter where you're at, life is just Russian to sex because we feel like we should. And I just would like to kind of just let you guys know that we all have a choice. And that the getting to know someone and the build up towards sex over a few weeks or a few months

is totally okay and actually can be really, really hot and you're getting more information about the person that you're with and I think that the more time that you're with someone and you get to trust them and get to know them that this might not be as much as an issue for you, Juliana. Well, yeah, thank you, Jamie. Thank you. Happy two years. Thank you. I love you. Thank you for everything.. Well, yeah, thank you, Jamie. Thank you, Juliana. Happy two years.

Thank you. Thank you for everything. Jamie's also, she does videos, she's all the blogs on the site, or Killer, Jamie manages the writer, she writes blogs, we've got some great things up there, so. Yeah, the blogs are really cool. And let me know, email us feedback,

how you've been liking the titles lately. Oh, Jamie killed it on the titles, okay. I am dying. What was the the shlong one? I'm, there killed it on the titles. Okay. I am dying. What was the the shlong line? I'm, uh, there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a talk about some of them. There's a blog about, you know, the, uh, it breaks down the anatomy of the penis,

the different parts, like what feels good, all of that. And it's called Aino Shlong & Dance. A guide to the male member. That is one of my better ones. That was great. No, there was another time I look at the website. I kill.

I die. Yeah, five tips for a hand job well done. I love it. You know, six finger tips for better for play. Right. Someone gets that. I really like puns. I don't know if you guys can tell. Your punny and their good blog, so it's quality too.

Yeah, there is really good information in there. So if you haven't been checking out the website, like, you know, if you're, you know, whenever you're bored, just like, hey, like go get some few tips. You never know. It's good. I love it. Good work. Okay, well thank you. Thank you, everyone whenever you're bored, just like, hey, like go get some few tips. You never know. It's good. Love it. Good work.

Okay, well thank you, thank you everyone. I'll start remember files in social media, because it's a good time there. We're doing a lot of fun. Giveaways too, like we said, you can find out more information there about the podcast and everything. It's all at sex with Emily across the board. Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook.

And I love you all. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, intern Shannon. Thank you, Jenny, the latest member to our team, producer, Lark, and Michael. And I love you all thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, intern Shannon. Thank you Jenny, you latest member to our team, producer, Clark and Michael and I love you all. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithamely.com.