Sex With Emily - Best Oral, Worst Anal With Alex Cooper

Episode Date: December 11, 2020

Today I am joined by Alex Cooper from the Call Her Daddy podcast. Alex shares the details of her sexual journey from boring sex in high school to the evolved sex she’s having now. We explore what sh...e’s learned from dating the wrong guys and compare notes about how hosting a podcast affects our lives.We also get into Alex’s masturbation routine, cheating, her disastrous first anal experience, and she gets specific on why her new partner is so good at giving oral.Check out Alex Cooper's podcast Call Her DaddyFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 There's something again about him being so like I just wanted I don't care if you just worked out I don't care if you were just like literally pooping in the bathroom. I do not care. I want your vagina I love to test by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize, they call them in a fight on days. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. All right, I have a really fun show for you today. My guest is Alex Cooper, host of the Call Her Daddy podcast, which if you haven't heard
Starting point is 00:00:48 it, it's one of the most listened to podcasts on the planet. I also want to welcome new listeners to the show. And if you haven't listened before, just say no, Sex with Emily. This is my 15th year of the podcast. It's a judgment-free, open place to talk about all things, sex, dating, relationships. You can always send your questions to feedback at sexwithemily.com. I love hearing from you. Also enlisting back to this show, I was thinking about something that when I was talking to Alex,
Starting point is 00:01:17 I kept saying, well, I was a cheater. I was a cheater, and I thought, I might need to explain that more. So when I was in my 20s, I was serenal monogamous and I would go from two-year relationship to one-year relationship and I just had this sense that, wow, I'm just now ready to go from one relationship to the next. I certainly wasn't ready for marriage.
Starting point is 00:01:38 I had a lot of other aspirations. I wanted to build a career and I wanted to be free and travel and see friends. And so as a result of that, I cheated a few times. And then I realized, oh, it just really didn't feel great to me to be a cheater because it's not kind. And I didn't really know that I even had permission to just date a few people at once and be open and honest.
Starting point is 00:02:01 So my journey in doing this show has been exploring healthy communication. A lot of what we talk about is how to communicate with your partner in a healthy way about your desires, about what kind of relationship you want. You know, hey, traditional monogamy isn't for everyone, especially in your 20s. I'm not saying it's not for everyone,
Starting point is 00:02:20 but some people need to explore. Who are you? What kind of sex do you like? What kind of part are you on? What's important to you? And so that's sort of been my journey is figuring out who I was and who I am as a sexual being before I got into a relationship. So I just wanted to explain that to you, the cheating thing, and just a lot about who I am. I also have an awesome website, and that's sexathemly.com and we've got so many blogs and posts every single day. Maybe a lot of the questions you have, maybe they've
Starting point is 00:02:49 been answered on the site or definitely in another podcast. I've got thousands of them, so if you want to take a journey and go back and listen from the beginning, have a good time. So welcome to the show and today's show. So Alex Cooper, she walks us through her sexual journey, having sex in high school, trying anal sex in college, all the way until she's actually having great sex now, and what is a healthy relationship for her? She also gives tips about phase time sex, all right, intentions with Emily for each episode. Let's start off by setting an intention. What do you want to get out of this in this episode?
Starting point is 00:03:22 It could be how do two people have a sex podcast actually have great sex. My intention though is to show you how can you open up and try new things in your relationship, get curious about your own sexuality so you can feel all the pleasure that is possible in your body. Okay, survey. I have a new survey. It's our better sex survey sponsored by our friends at Pure, Pure Loop. And I just want to hear what you've got going on now.
Starting point is 00:03:48 Like what are your sex goals for next year? And there'll be prizes from Pure, Wevibe, Womanizer, Yarlap, and more. It is 12 days of sexness. I want to hear from all of you go to sexwithfamily.com slash survey. It's fun. For real, it's funfamily.com slash survey. It's fun. For real, it's fun. It's fun survey. It's going to get you thinking.
Starting point is 00:04:08 But also, if you have a question you want to ask me, you can call me directly Monday through Friday, five to seven PM Pacific. So talk to me every weekday. I can help you take the next step in your relationship. The number is triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. That's triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight,47, 8277. All right, enjoy the show.
Starting point is 00:04:29 Alex Cooper, I'm so excited you're here. I'm so excited. Alexandra Cooper from Call Her Daddy. You were on my show. How am I a year and a half ago? Yeah, wild. And you've been through a whole journey. So I'm curious, like, how was your sex life changed since then since I saw you a year and a half ago? Yeah. Like, it's up.
Starting point is 00:04:55 Oh my god. It's like you're changing, growing. Yeah, I think in the beginning, it was so fun to overemphasize the sexual things that we were doing. So like the gluck, gluck, I'm like, oh my god, this is how you give a blowjob. But I think as the show evolved, it sounds so weird, but my sex life kind of slowed down because, and that's why I'm here.
Starting point is 00:05:18 I'm like, let's talk to the queen herself because having a normal sex life when you have a sex podcast is so intimidating to men. And so navigating trying to go on a date and they know that you have this show. And some it's so funny when they pretend they don't know. They're like, oh, what do you do for living? And I'm like, you know, you know, you know what I do for living. It's definitely been a challenge. And like navigating it, I don't really, I sometimes I get nervous to go on dates now, which is so not like me,
Starting point is 00:05:48 because I'm like, how they expect one thing, and like I don't feel like doing cartwheels on a dick tonight. What about that? How about that? Exactly, because I've never, this is so interesting, because this has been, so I've been doing this 15 years. The journey has been the same exact thing. I've had sex less frequently,
Starting point is 00:06:04 well, especially in the last two years since I started the show on series, it's like, oh, now it's five days a week. It's like the more you talk about sex, the less it's easy to find someone because I do find that men are intimidated. And then there's all these expectations. But you learn to like navigate that. So, but, but it's funny that that's exactly where I've never met anyone in this. That's why it's like a mirror. And I'm like, oh, I want to help you. I want to figure it out with you. No, everyone listening, that's why I literally came to Emily
Starting point is 00:06:30 because I'm looking at you. And it is kind of stress inducing at times when I can tell, obviously, the right guy won't. But like, there are some men that expect me to do the wildest things in the bedroom. And of course, I love to do those wild things. But I want to do it on my time and my comfort and not feel pressured that,
Starting point is 00:06:45 oh, he's gonna go run and tell his friends. Like, that blowjob wasn't as good as she talks about on the show, or, you know what I mean? Exactly, this is it. This is what happens. So people, there is an expectation. You're like, I just want you to go down on me. I just want to cuddle.
Starting point is 00:06:57 I want to make out. So I feel like what's helped me is, I feel like I can tell. People ask me that they're like, what do your parents think? And are guys intimidated, thank you. You probably get that every day. All the time.
Starting point is 00:07:08 And it is, well, to back up a minute, it is true that I get all these emails from listeners. Oh, thank you. You've helped me. You've changed my life and I'm like, great. I'm not having a lot of fun. I mean, you're all having fucking awesome facts. I'm so happy you're all enjoying yourselves.
Starting point is 00:07:19 I am dry as the hard desert over here. Not having sex, maybe with my toys, but yeah, it's hard. I wanna hear about your dating life, though. Like what it evolved over the years. Okay, so what was it like when you first started this show? When I first started, I was dating somebody and I'm trying to think, I've been through so many relations.
Starting point is 00:07:36 Are you a long-term relationship girl? I was, so I used to be in my 20s. I was a long-term relationship. I go two years and then another two years and another two years. And then I was like, oh, I, oh, when I was a cheaterterm relationship, I go two years, and then another two years, and another two years, and then I was like, oh, I, oh, when I was a cheater too, someone who was a foreign cheater. I was a full-blown cheater.
Starting point is 00:07:51 I was a full-blown cheater, never got caught. Oh, love that. And then I was like, but this feels really shitty. And why am I getting together with someone? So what I didn't know, so I've had to learn on the job, so I didn't know all the things I know about sex then. I started the podcast because I was like, I do, and this was 15 years ago too,
Starting point is 00:08:05 but I don't know anything about sex. I was faking orgasms. I thought that sex was all about men's dicks, not my own pleasure. And so then when I started, I realized all the things that I was doing that were not working. I was like, oh, I can no longer fake an orgasm. Just be about them.
Starting point is 00:08:22 So I learned the first few times people said our guys in Tumanae date you. You say, you came out with, call her daddy, balls to the wall. Literally, you're like, this is what we're doing. I was always a little bit more, I didn't talk about people I was dating until it was more serious.
Starting point is 00:08:36 Anyway, I was in long-term relationships, I was a cheater to circle back. And then I was like, I actually don't want to be, I don't want to be a cheater. And I was never oriented towards marriage and kids. I just knew, that was never my jam. actually don't want to be, I don't want to be a cheater. And I was never oriented towards marriage and kids. I just knew, that was never my jam. It wasn't interesting to me, probably because of a lot of stuff growing up.
Starting point is 00:08:51 But that just, I was like, I want to build something. I want to change the world. I want to help people. So I wasn't oriented towards that, but then relationships, guys were always like, let's move in together. And I felt that men were always escalating it faster than I wanted, which is, I always kind of felt like the dude.
Starting point is 00:09:06 That is so interesting just to hold that because I've always felt that way. And I think that it is a weird dynamic because I know there are a lot of women out there and maybe they don't talk about it as much because girls would be like, oh, you think he's obsessed with you? No, it is. There is something where like because like you're saying you didn't have those things in mind, it does inherently then affect that you're not really trying to progress it past a certain point. And you don't even subconsciously notice that you're holding back. But then it sometimes that makes a man want to then move forward even more.
Starting point is 00:09:34 He's like, why isn't she trying to move in with me? Why isn't she leaving things here? And you're like, I don't, there's nothing past this for me. So that almost can help you, but also then hurt you in the long run. Because it's like, well, I don't want to get it. You don't even leave your toothbrush like nope I make sure that I and then I might because I'm my guy friends because I always have had like Guy friends and really good girlfriends
Starting point is 00:09:52 I had all the things and they used to be like yeah girls leave earrings at my house they leave things So I'll like so I'll call them. I was like never I'm literally excreting I'm like my house keeping it going like wipe this shit down. I was never here. I'm not leaving anything But you are right that there's a certain this is okay I'm like, my housekeeper is gonna go like, wipe this shit down like I was never here. I'm not leaving anything. But you are right that there's a certain, and this is okay, so this is a great teachable moment for many women listening or people listening who are whatever gender you are,
Starting point is 00:10:14 is that my friends used to say this to me, like, why are guys obsessed with you? Why do they want all this stuff? And I just think, I don't, and at the time now looking back on it, it's because when you're not available in a true authentic, I authentically didn't want to move it or I had my own life, my own things going on.
Starting point is 00:10:29 That is very attractive. It's so attractive. And I think that in the beginning of Call her Daddy, obviously the show we were pushing the boundaries of being so outrageous to show. Like, no, if men can do this, then we can do this. But what I remember telling women, and I know at first it doesn't sound healthy, but it was like, if you act so uninterested and you can kind of adapt a few of the male traits
Starting point is 00:10:54 in your brain, like, don't text him first and act like you don't give a shit and be like very inconsistent. I know some people like that's playing games and I don't want to play games, but it does work because then all of a sudden, guys are so used to women wanting to nest up and be together. And if you're not the girl that's like, hey babe, what are we doing tonight? And you're like, oh, I have my own plans.
Starting point is 00:11:14 I have my own thing. Men are super attracted to that. So you saying you weren't even trying to do that because that's literally in your mind and your soul what you were living. You didn't want to move forward. It is kind of beautiful to be like, Kable Ben, you can also watch as men are just slowly,
Starting point is 00:11:27 like falling in love with you and then you're like, wait, what? Because I have that in a lot of relationships. So what's happening now though? So I mean, we can talk about my journey in a minute, but like I've done it all, like I literally in a minute place now where I've actually gone full circle looking for updating someone, maybe get more serious, you know?
Starting point is 00:11:41 Well, that's interesting to hear from you. I'm like, because I do think a lot of women wouldn't be super open from you, Emily, because I do think a lot of women wouldn't be super open about saying, like, hey, listen, I have never looked at marriage like something maybe I want. And I think that women are scared to be that way. Men can say that, and it's totally normal,
Starting point is 00:11:58 but I commend you and I respect you so much for being like, yep, that's how I feel. Yes, it may be because of things that happen in your past, but at least you own it. And I think everyone listening, like it's like, that's such a good teachable moment. Like you don't have to always do what society tells us we have to do. We don't have to get married. You could have a child with someone that you're not married to and be so much happier than someone that is married. So that's beautiful. I think my relationships, I'm in therapy. So love it. And I look back on a lot of my relationships. And it's so fascinating because now I can be introspective looking like, wow, now I understand why I made
Starting point is 00:12:34 those decisions there for a while during the beginning of call her daddy. I was choosing actually really all my life. I was choosing men that I knew were assholes. I knew they were going to cheat on me. They treated me to my face nice, but I knew that they were being shady and I knew it wasn't gonna last. And I finally am getting to a place where I'm understanding why I did that.
Starting point is 00:12:55 And I think it's so important to get behind the roots. I'm so driven like you. I've always known I wanted to make it. I wanted to have some type of show and entertainment. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to make my own money. My mom raised me being like, you don't need a man to define you.
Starting point is 00:13:13 You're an independent woman. Although my parents have the most beautiful marriage and they're so in love, she's always been like, but you don't need that. You can be on your own. So I grew up and I've wanted to make my own living and do my own thing. And so men to me were more so just an accessory, a fun thing because I wasn't really looking for someone. And I know it sounds maybe a little selfish, but I was like, I don't think you can
Starting point is 00:13:35 bring half of what I already give to myself. I'm very full inside and I love myself and I'm really happy being alone. I love being alone. It's like my favorite thing. Same. So I think men sometimes, I'm like, I don't really want your company. And anything more serious to me is like, would just be a waste of my time. So I started picking guys that was more like a game. And I liked the game.
Starting point is 00:13:57 You liked the game. I thought you liked it. At the time you liked it. I did. I did. I think it's like, I love a challenge. And that was a part of it. And I loved just like fucking around
Starting point is 00:14:06 and just being a little bit manipulative and like cheating or whatever. And I thought it was, it was a thrill on the side of me grinding through my years of like being a division one athlete and working in the film department and getting to where I am now. Now, I have my show, I have my own money,
Starting point is 00:14:22 I can pay for it my own life. Now it's more about like, I don't really want to play the game anymore because I kind of want someone that can fill me up behind the scenes that someone's going to appreciate me and then also bring something to me that I don't have, which is a companion and someone to spend time with. So that's what you want right now. So they have to be additive. Right.
Starting point is 00:14:42 And you don't want the drama because when you're with them, you want it to be like, yeah, someone you can hang with, you don't have to think, well, I have to wait five minutes to text back or whatever it is. There's none of that right now. That's why I'm enjoying dating an older guy because I'm so being, having this show, I am so social media centric and it's like, leave him on red and don't answer his text and wait 10 minutes and then slide in someone's DMs and it's like, leave him on red and don't answer his text and wait 10 minutes and then slide in someone's DMs and it's like, there's such a blueprint to how to do it in what my age group so to date someone that's older
Starting point is 00:15:13 and it's like, I don't deal with you like not texting me back and knowing you're doing that on purpose. Like just be a girl. He calls it out immediately. I can love it. And I love it. It is so refreshing. But it has to be someone that I think I respect enough to be like, okay, I'm not it. And I love it. It is so refreshing. So lovely.
Starting point is 00:15:25 But it has to be someone that I think I respect enough to be like, OK, I'm not going to play the games with you. You find those people. So this guy you're dating is Liz and L.A. But you're not moving here, right? No. And it was here for me. I'm literally moving here, friendly.
Starting point is 00:15:38 Yeah, I think that it's hard because on top of exploiting my life or my show, and like you said, you hadn't really talked about the menu or dating in the beginning. And I have always done that. So it's definitely a very hard balance. People are always like, oh my God, Alex, you're moving to LA for a guy.
Starting point is 00:15:53 And I'm like, that couldn't be farther from the truth if he was moving to Canada tomorrow. I'm not moving to Canada. Like, just do whatever you want to do. Just do it. Because I know it's so corny, but we live one life. And I think that's been really hitting me hard in Corona. I'm like, yes, we gotta just do what makes us happy.
Starting point is 00:16:08 Exactly. And that's what I'm doing. That's it. I love that you're saying that. I moved to San Francisco when I was 21 from Michigan. I went to University of Michigan graduating. Got my car drove to San Francisco. Didn't know anybody.
Starting point is 00:16:20 It was very ballsy when I look back. I just saying it's like you, anything is possible. It was a dream and people thought it was crazy and I'm lucky because my mom was always like, I had a very similar mother. I was like, don't rely on you, want to take care of you. And if you're like, you come back, be safe. So then this happened later and I was like,
Starting point is 00:16:36 oh, I was in my 30s and I was like, I sex is still, what the fuck? No one talked about it. There was no podcast. There was no nothing. Nothing, you know. No, when I heard, I remember remember when I first started a podcast, I was so video focused because I went to film and television schools. So when I got the opportunity to start a podcast, I was like a podcast.
Starting point is 00:16:58 Like, it's like my dad's. Yeah, I'm like, look at this face. That's not a face for podcast. But it is nice. Sometimes when you don't have to wear makeup and you can just like, look at this face. That's not a face for podcast and stuff. No, no, come on. But it is nice. Sometimes when you don't have to wear makeup and you can just like, before it. That's true. At the beginning, I didn't have to. Oh, and now it's annoying. But I remember talking to, it was my cousin and she has always
Starting point is 00:17:18 been just like a little bit slower to progress sexually. And she said, I listen to Sex Family all the time. And I was like, what is sex with Emily? So I got that one before I even started the podcast. I started to look into you and I was so impressed with what you were doing for women because there's not a lot of people doing it. And it's so taboo to be like, no, you go in there and you get your orgasm. And honestly, who even cares about him for a second?
Starting point is 00:17:41 Like focus on yourself because we've been focusing on how to get a man off for so many years. So many years. Let's focus on our clits, ladies. Yeah, and they got off. Like the men got off, they're fine. They're good. Right, they're off to the clits.
Starting point is 00:17:52 So that's what I want to ask you, circling back, is that you, okay, so when you started though, you've been learning on the job to kind of, I mean, you were having sex, you've been having sex. You're like, I don't know, when did you lose your virginity? I lost my virginity, my sophomore year of high school. And I thought I was in love. He was truly that bad boy in high school,
Starting point is 00:18:11 that like your parents are like taking your phone and lock you in the house and being like, why does he have a DUI? He was like a senior, I was a sophomore, but I do have to say at this time, I was in love with him and he thought, but I wasn't having good sex in high school. That's why I'm always telling. But I wasn't having good sex in high school. That's why I'm always telling people I'm like awful sex in high school.
Starting point is 00:18:28 A awful sex. What I thought got better in college, but then not good sex in college when I got out of college is really when I started to. Which is a few years ago, right? Three years ago. Three years ago, four years ago. And so how did you add? This is what I think is going to be so helpful.
Starting point is 00:18:42 How did you start having better sex? What's been your journey? Okay. So what do you think? I think is gonna be so helpful. How did you start having better sex? What's been your journey? Okay, so I think for in the very beginning, when I was not having good sex, it really goes back to I being an athlete, I love I'm like a people pleaser. So like when my coach is telling me like yes, yes, yes, and I'm like, okay, I'm doing a good job.
Starting point is 00:19:01 So with regard to men, when I was in a bedroom with them, I was so hyper focused on one, my ego and my reputation, because I felt like I was always in situations where people were talking about what other people were doing. And the thought of someone saying I wasn't good in bed was just so horrifying to me, which I think a lot of girls are tearing up. I would be the best.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Literally, I would be the best. I will be the best. It's like, okay, relax. I would be the best fucking blowjob. You're right. Straight, and it's like, but then, so I would be the best fucking blowjob ever. You're right. Straight. And it's like, but then, so I started to really hyper focus on just the men. So I jokingly say it on my podcast, but it was kind of true.
Starting point is 00:19:32 I was like, I am going to be known for giving the best blowjob. It's like, I feel like I'm good at this. I was getting good feedback from the back. So I was like, I got started. You're right. Right. So for a while, even in college, I wasn't really expecting a man to even rub my clay
Starting point is 00:19:48 or eat me out. I was just going and he was just like licking my, like for a second. Yeah, yeah, and like spinning on a stick and what exactly? And so finally, I think when I got out of college, I really started to less so focus on the men who were leaving the bedroom saying,
Starting point is 00:20:06 like, best sex I've ever fucking had. And I'm over there like, really? Because I didn't even, like my clip wasn't even stimulated. It was when I kind of had my first, like, real boyfriend, my first real adult boyfriend. And we started to explore. And I think that exploring with someone and being willing to open up And I think that exploring with someone and being willing to open up with them, but also being comfortable with someone is so important when you- Feeling safe, right?
Starting point is 00:20:31 Feeling so safe, because I, yes, I was masturbating, but like I hadn't found a partner yet that was really doing it for me also. And I know it's like, it's on us first, but- Well, we were just, but- Yeah. The stuff I talked about, I was at Alex's podcast a few weeks ago,
Starting point is 00:20:44 okay, you guys should all check it out. But yeah, most people don't know that stuff at all. Responsible at all. They don't like literally this is why it's good to know that you've got on this. So you shouldn't have known because they won't fucking tell you at all. And I think that that's what's so discouraging to women. Everyone's like, why am I not having good sex? It's like, well, first, if you aren't having the best orgasms by yourself, then that's the first way to start obviously. But so with the boyfriend, we started to like explore and we were using toys and then slowly I just started to really
Starting point is 00:21:13 Realize how much hotter sex was when I was also enjoying it and not just I can still give an amazing blowjob Don't get me wrong. Hello Not compromised in the evolving of Alex Cooper. But then I was also like, oh, this is so hot when I'm on top and I'm rubbing my clip like this and I'm moving back and I'm like having the best orgasm while I'm also having sex, what a concept. So then after that really since I've been out of college, it's been kind of a mission of mine.
Starting point is 00:21:42 And I do think all her daddy has helped me sexually just I'm like Oh, I'm getting horny while I'm doing this episode. I'm gonna go have great sex But it also allowed me to just explore and to feel confident within myself to be like just go in there and get it Get yourself off and enjoy yourself and then after that I like having really great sex. I love it. Which is great when we come back I ask Alex about her first anal experience, so stay with us. So, tell me about what's the difference now? Is that you know how to move, you know what you like, you know how to organize?
Starting point is 00:22:18 I think, well, I had never had it, I had my first orgasm in college with an older guy, and I was like, whoa, what was that? I've never had that before, but I'm having sex, but I think my thing is I usually have specific men that I'm dating and I think that would surprise a lot of people. I don't judge women. I think it's amazing you should get out there and you should fuck freely and go have sex with as many people as you possibly can before you die if that's what you want. For me, I have to have some type of emotional connection with the guy. So I have had fewer partners than people
Starting point is 00:22:50 probably think I've had, but then with that partner, I go so deep into exploring everything with them. And so I was telling you, like, ask play and everything, I need to feel comfortable with a person to allow them to explore with me because I want to sexually be able to like really feel like there's no judgment. There's no, and especially with the show,
Starting point is 00:23:11 it is stress inducing to be like, is this guy gonna leave and go talk about how he just fucked the Colorado girl and it sucked or oh it was amazing, but she blah blah blah. It's like it's really straight, has that happened yet to you? I remember it was so crazy. I went on a date with a guy shortly into having this podcast.
Starting point is 00:23:30 And he was such a dick. And he looked at me and he was like, he was nervous. I think. And so it was kind of word vomit and he was trying to make a joke, but it was such a turn off to me. And he literally looked to me in the eyes and goes, you know, I'm just going to be honest. I mean, like my friends at work, they all knew I was going to go turn-off to me. And he literally looked to me in the eyes and goes, you know, I'm just gonna be honest. I mean, like, my friends at work, they all knew
Starting point is 00:23:47 I was gonna go on this date with you, and they literally told me, I mean, like, the last thing you have to do, if there's anything you do at the end of that night, you got a fucker. And I'm sitting there on art. This is a first date, Emily. Okay. I'm like, oh my God, I just took my first sip
Starting point is 00:24:04 of my vodka tonic, you can go fuck yours. I'm like, what? What did I just took my first sip of my vodka tonic. You can go fuck yours. I'm like, what? What did you do that? Did you get it? I looked at him and I kind of did one of those shocked giggles. Like, did he really just say that? Did you just, and then I looked at him and I was like, wow.
Starting point is 00:24:18 Wow, we didn't even get through the appetizer. And I have never done this in my life, but I looked at him and I said, I'm going to be really honest with you. I don't even want to the appetizer. And I have never done this in my life, but I looked at him and I said, I'm gonna be really honest with you. I don't even want to waste either of our times and go to the main course for dinner. This isn't gonna work and I'm gonna go. And he was like stunned had nothing to say
Starting point is 00:24:36 and I got up and I left because I just felt so disrespected. I was like, that's just kind of gross and listen, I can like take a joke and I can take it. But I got to a point in my life where like dating wise, I don't like put myself out there. If I'm not going to like enjoy myself and have, I'm not going to sit at a dinner and waste my precious time for a guy that's a dick.
Starting point is 00:24:53 Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Well, what the fact of the expectations, like you talk about sex all day, so clearly if we go to dinner, you own me that or I might everyone's, you said that to me and that's going to turn you on, but this is why I think you're helping people change a narrative and showing them that that's, that what it's all about, but it is tricky dating right now.
Starting point is 00:25:10 That is true. But this guy you're dating now, he's not. He's older and I think he's being in the industry. It's kind of cool to have someone that gets that, listen, the show is a show, and it is a heightened version of myself, but at times, I'm, you come here prepared with specific topics, you know? And so that's not like every, the show isn't me dictating my entire day life of me being like, oh, now I went to the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:25:34 So you're getting like highlighted versions, almost kind of like everyone's Instagram. Exactly. You see what people want to show you. And so as much as I've tried to open up and get real with people on my show, it is a show. And so the guy that I'm dating, I think, sees the difference and is able to have a genuine relationship with me, but also be so supportive when I'm like, going on that week and talking about how like I did have sex with someone and he's like, did you have anal? Because they said that you said you were going to have anal. My king. Oh my god. Lazy. So, okay, so I was jokingly saying that in vacation, we just went to the most for the- Let's cut it.
Starting point is 00:26:05 It's been 20 minutes. Okay, let's talk about anal. So I didn't have anal, we just went to the most beautiful resort in Cabo, and I was like, maybe I'm gonna have some anal. But, I, like we've talked about, we're gonna talk about on my podcast when I release it. I wanted to ease in, so we got some butt plugs
Starting point is 00:26:23 and there was definitely penetration into my butt hole, but it wasn't his penis. We didn't have full anal, but like he was, we were using that plug. We talked about yesterday's step, but well, you'll check out our podcast. Well, I'm just listening. You guys don't know me on this show.
Starting point is 00:26:39 I had a really traumatic experience with my first anal experience. I had this story. So I think it's so relatable. It's so bad. But even extremely. It's so good. So I'm a college being shady like Emily, I'm cheating.
Starting point is 00:26:51 And I'm dating this guy. He's a wonderful guy in Boston University. He's on the hockey team. He's super hot, luscious, whatever. But then I'm in Boston and I like meet a professional athlete. And I'm like, well, a professional athlete is better than a college hockey player. So I lie to him and basically tell him, I'm not home, whatever he finds out that I'm on
Starting point is 00:27:09 a date with a guy and he's all upset and that I cheated on him. So naturally, he's about to break up with me and we're sitting in my bedroom and I'm crying. I'm like, don't leave me, don't leave me. And he's like, I can't believe you did this. And so naturally my brain goes, how can I make him stay with me, anal? I was like, he's always wanted to have anal. What do I do?
Starting point is 00:27:27 I'm like, anal anal. So I just look at him and I'm like, do you wanna do anal? And he's kind of like staring at me shocked. He's never had anal in his life. Right, I wanna break up with you, but also you're about to give me the asshole. Like, okay, fine, let's give me the asshole.
Starting point is 00:27:38 And then maybe I'll do it, too. So I'm like, okay, great. So we start hooking up. Mind you, this kid had never done anal before. So all of a sudden I like, I get on all fours and I'm like staring at the wall, like ready to just like, I'm like, Alex, this is for, like this is what you get for cheating, you stupid bitch.
Starting point is 00:27:55 And so without lub, without warning, this man shoves his penis as hard as he can into my asshole. And I am, I have like, Vaisa Vigil, which is like, I get really, I can get really lightheaded if I see like, a needle or something like anything invasive happens to be sometimes I pass out. So I am, I feel this, I mean, I turn around and I'm like, get out, get out, get out, get out. So he just pulls it out as fast as possible. And I go to stand up and I just, I remember looking at him and then all of a sudden I just remember blacking out. I wake up to my college boyfriend pouring water on my face while googling what to do when girlfriend passes out from anal. And I am like get off me. Now I'm breaking up with you and he felt so awful. He's like,
Starting point is 00:28:50 Alex, I'm so sorry. And like you literally turn around. Oh my god. Of course, the manipulation. I'm like, this is so fucked up that you would put me through. That's and he's like, I love you. I'm so sorry. And he's like cuddling me. I'm like, well, that was easy. The moral of the story is guys, give them anal fake pass out if you cheat. And then he'll stay with you. But so it was traumatizing though. The moral of the story though is I was really traumatized for a little bit. I was like, I didn't want anal. We're all traumatized. We're all we've all been traumatized now by your anal experience. And people had variations about a lot of people like first time
Starting point is 00:29:20 was in college. We were like, doop, strunk, wrong hole. That should happen. So you were post traumatic anal. I was so. First time was in college, we were like, doop, strunk, wrong hole, that should happen. So what? So you were post-traumatic anal? I was post-traumatic anal. And you know, I never was, I was fine with not having anal. It wasn't something that I was dying to do,
Starting point is 00:29:35 so it didn't matter. But each boyfriend post that was like, why can't we do it? And I was like, I'm just like, not into it. It really took me a long time to just get over it. And I wasn't really interested until I started, one of my boyfriend started to like kind of put a finger in there. And I was like, oh, wait, I like this.
Starting point is 00:29:51 And then what I started to do is to ease myself into the idea because the guy that I'm dating right now, I actually really do want to engage in ass play. I just started masturbating and using like smaller butt plugs. And that for me was the start to getting back into not being afraid of anal. It's like training. It's like at the end.
Starting point is 00:30:11 It's like you're working yourself up to it. Which is what let's just cut to this right now is that if anal play what we're talking about is don't go from zero to anal. You wanna start with a finger, you wanna start with a butt plug. Your own finger when you're masturbating are getting tiny little butt plug and put it in and then see me. I feel tiny.
Starting point is 00:30:29 It's so fun too because I think a lot of girls get so nervous to do this even by themselves to try things. And I try to sympathize because I think if you're not sexually accepting with yourself, then you're, first of all, you're not going to be having good sex. But the minute you start to loosen up and open up and be in the bedroom by yourself, and I know it's something for some times,
Starting point is 00:30:58 like it is easier said than done for some women. Yeah. But the minute you, like, why don't just pick one night? I always tell some of my friends are like, I don't know why I just can't mass-write. I'm minute, why don't just pick one night? I always tell some of my friends, I don't know why I just can't master. I'm like, I can't start. I can't pick one night. Even if you get a little drunk by yourself, hang out, start taking pictures of yourself, get dressed up, just try it.
Starting point is 00:31:15 It's just like, okay, one and done. Let's just try it one night and just start masturbating and start using a butt plug. No one is going to know this is happening. Okay, nobody knows. We don't have to tell anyone, and then just go for it. And I think sometimes girls just need that little push to be like, what's the worst that's gonna happen? Exactly.
Starting point is 00:31:31 How are you gonna enjoy it? How did you get comfortable? Do you masturbate? Look, toys do you? I masturbate. I'm not sure if it comes from with that. Emily, I masturbate all the time. I'm masturbating right now.
Starting point is 00:31:39 I love it. You didn't show me the sex to the closet. I know. Oh my God. I love masturbating. I think that for a while, I was super reliant on just a vibrator. And then I remember wanting to be able to have sex and feel that pleasure without a vibrator. So I started to kind of get rid of toys for a little bit.
Starting point is 00:31:59 And I just wanted to figure out my muscles and my chest. So how did you, because people always ask me that, it's like, I love a toy. I think it's great to actually take it away. And I have an orgasm that quickly. It's not the 60 second orgasm, but how do you build it up? So how did you have that patient to do that? I, okay, so I think that at first, when I started to realize like, well shit,
Starting point is 00:32:19 like I'm not having the same pleasure in the bedroom. Sometimes if the guy isn't great at eating meal, or if he's not great at fingering, then as much as I'm rubbing my clip while we're having sex, I'm not really used to rubbing my clip because I'm not doing it when I'm alone. And I think a lot of girls always write into me being like, why can I only come with my vibrator
Starting point is 00:32:36 not during sex? And I'm like, well, if you're not using your vibrator during sex and you're using your hands, why not? Your body just being like, oh, your hands are here. So I think that I started to, sex and you're using your hands. Why not? Why not? Your body just feels like, oh, your hands are here. Right. So I think that I started to, I get super turned on when I am dressing up, looking hot, looking at myself in the mirror.
Starting point is 00:32:55 If I put on some lingerie, going to send a guy a picture, but then sometimes I'm like, I'm just going to take them for me. And taking pictures of yourself in like a hot outfit, I really do think you can start to like get turned on, place some music for yourself, have a drink, and I think that I started to just enjoy the idea of like, I wanted to feel so good for myself and not have a man here and not have choice until like, you're left to your own devices, which is your fingers. So that's where it started. And I think I was super patient because I would said enough time. I think sometimes. That's the thing.
Starting point is 00:33:26 It's like working out. People think they should just like, they should go out and be able to run a marathon. Like you run for five minutes, you run a mile. Right. So it's that. So then you just started to touch yourself. And I think sometimes I would start the night by like first I'd take a shower. And like I would take a shower and maybe I'd be like shaving and like touch myself a little
Starting point is 00:33:43 bit and then once I'm out of the shower. So it's like kind of the idea of edging, but it's like through like the hour that I'm preparing like I'm taking a shower. Then after touching myself a little bit, then I'm going and putting on some lingerie while I'm taking pictures. That's like a different sensory thing that I like to like watch myself looking hot. Then I'm getting in bed and like I'm setting the lights down and like I'm relaxing and like I sometimes I'll put a face mask and like I'm relaxing and like I sometimes
Starting point is 00:34:05 I'll put a face mask on like over my eyes so I can't see anything. I'll do it like just so that I'm not even watching myself sometimes. I'm just feeling and I think that sometimes for me makes it really hot because I'm just in my own world. And then I literally just start touching myself and I think again, you don't just go right for the clip like I'm rubbing my boobs and I'm touching my body. It's the senses. I love what you're saying because there's so many ways to stimulate our senses when you take away eyesight, for example, everything else becomes more heightened on your body so you can really pay attention to what feels good. How does it feel when I put one finger
Starting point is 00:34:41 inside me? How does it feel when I like tees myself down my leg? And those are the things that we just were so wired to rush through sex and to be paying attention to our partner wants and we don't look at ourselves. I also think sometimes it's really helpful to me that I like, it makes the process last longer is I think it's really hot when I'm masturbating to switch positions.
Starting point is 00:35:02 And sometimes I really like to get on my stomach and have a toy in me or just my fingers, but almost pretending in my mind, like I think about a guy that I'm super turned on by and you kind of are almost like using the toy as if he's from behind, like having sex with you, but you're controlling the pace.
Starting point is 00:35:19 And that friction on the mattress and the toy, I mean, it's just, there's so many different ways. No, it's so true. So you are simulating like they're there. So if you are worried that you can't come with a boyfriend like you are a partner, practice it. Yeah. Move. If you can get a toy and moving in all the different positions. So a lot of women, like if you always come on your back, try it on your stomach. If you haven't tried different
Starting point is 00:35:43 positions. So you put a toy or a dildo when you're in your rubbing, then when you are with that penis, you're rubbing up against it. And then it feels, you know what feels good. You know that you're practicing. You're your practice. Like everything. We need practice. Do you have an orgasm every time with this partner?
Starting point is 00:35:58 No. Well, it depends. I don't go in super pressured to, like in most men, I'd be like, okay, I don't really love sometimes the sex if we were having it, it's like more for him. So if I'm like, I wanna orgasm every time because then what am I doing here? But with him, we have different types of sex,
Starting point is 00:36:14 which is really hot. So like sometimes if like, I'm not, I know I'm not gonna have an orgasm. I still just like to connect with him. I feel very connected when we're having sex, which is like a turn on to me, also like emotionally and relationship-wise. But I have never in my life had a guy be better at oral sex.
Starting point is 00:36:32 And I, every time- What makes him good at oral? Can you explain? Okay. Like, it's good oral sex, Cooper. Okay, so number one, I always start with like this man couldn't be more vocal about like how much he is obsessed with my body and my vagina.
Starting point is 00:36:44 And so I think every man, it's like, if you can be super vocal with your woman 24, seven, even if she's not feeling great about herself, I'm breaking out right now. I was telling him that he's like, I can't even tell it doesn't matter. You are beautiful. So he starts her out the day constantly talking to me about sex outside of the bedroom. So it makes me super horny. That's for play all day. We'll talk about that. That is building it.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Because they don't see it later. The sex is top of mind. Yes. So like your partners comes home and they're like, why are I in the mood for sex? If you are all day long in connection about sex. That's I think that's one of the first guys. Like I've had men occasionally text me or look whatever, but it's not all day. And so he is definitely adamant about making sex a huge part of our relationship just in context of just talking about it all the time. I love it.
Starting point is 00:37:32 I just like, oh, we should fuck my day out of the night, but talking about me and my body. And okay, so that's the beginning. Then when he starts getting into oral, he always, always is like begging for it. And I think a lot of women are super insecure about their vaginas or how does it smell right now? There's something again about him being so like, I just want it, I don't care if you just worked out, I don't care if you were just like literally pooping
Starting point is 00:37:55 in the bathroom, I do not care, I want your vagina. So that makes me super relaxed as if I was by myself. I do have a partner before who would be like this about your one who's been like, I just want you to, I mean, it's a new thing. It's not like, I think I've had guys that are super sexual, but I've never had a guy be so adamant on making sure like she needs to know 24-7 that like I am like obsessed
Starting point is 00:38:17 and I want it all the time. And it's not in a creepy annoying like, hey, you're horny all the time way, because it's about me. And that's what I like. Like, I know it's not supposed to always be about you but it is not. But if you need to you need to you need the affirmations and safety so he knows that you're like words of affirmation or whatever your
Starting point is 00:38:32 love is. He knows I need to affirm her I need to make this. So with regard to him eating me out though he's so I feel so bad for men because I'm like how do I explain like He's so good at building up on the clip. So like, he'll start. So it's edging teasing. And so he'll start by getting me just super, super wet. And even just be down there and put a finger in while he's lightly just licking around the lips in and out of the labia, inside, outside,
Starting point is 00:39:03 even just around my thighs. And you can make a little tip right, teasing with his jaw, and tracing it around. So hot. And so that's going right for the clip. Right. And sucking onto it. Yeah, I'm like, what is going on?
Starting point is 00:39:14 That for me, it starts to get me in the mood. And a lot of times, he'll start by like sucking on my like boobs and going down on me. And something about that and like how into it, he is, it starts to get me turned on. So then when he's down there, and he's getting me super wet with his mouth the way that he rotates between like lightly sucking on the clip and then like swirling with his tongue on it and then like going down and dragging that down to like my labia and everything he's super slow and like very
Starting point is 00:39:42 meticulous about like every single detail of my vagina. He's not just focusing on the clip and I think I sometimes forget like it's not just the clip that has these sensory feelings. So it's like to engorge yourself in all of them that way that my whole vagina is like pulsating. Because there are 8,000 nerve endings and it's not just the clitoris. Yeah, I'm getting turned on talking about it. No, no, same. It's so hot. And I think also, it's hot sometimes for me
Starting point is 00:40:07 because I think some guys think, and then also be putting your fingers in or vagina and stuff. That is like, yeah, it feels good at times, but it feels better on the outside. So sometimes when he, yes. It's different by woman by woman. But something I really love is when he uses half of his tongue,
Starting point is 00:40:26 half of his finger on the clip. And he tries to move them in the same motion together. Those are two very different feelings. A finger and a tongue have different feelings. So he kind of incorporates those together. And I think that he's very good at feeling my body language. If something feels super good, I think a lot of men think they have to keep switching it up.
Starting point is 00:40:45 If she's like clenching, do not stop. Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop. And don't stop the exact motion you're doing. I hate when guys are like, okay, great. And then they start going 10 times harder. They move all around. I'm like, no, go back to that spot. Because I mean, they don't know where it was. But they're, it's a process that I love, and pay attention to our body language. Women, we are telling you exactly what we need.
Starting point is 00:41:09 We are showing you, but if you're in your head, worrying, am I doing it right, it's just the right way, but you're not gonna miss the cue, you're gonna miss it. So it's like he's, it's almost like I felt this way from the best oral sexes that when I'm with somebody, it's like they, well, I think that my body does speak now to them. I think that I've learned that my body
Starting point is 00:41:27 is emitting this information, but you gotta be paying attention to how I move it. I show it. But it's some people are too nervous, they're not focused, they don't have as much experience. So it sounds to me like this guy knows his way around. He definitely knows where. He made a comment to me.
Starting point is 00:41:44 It was in a joking way, but I was like, oh, okay, because he is friends with someone. He had had sex once. She was also in the industry and they're good friends now and it's like no romantic feelings, whatever, she's married now. And I guess he was talking to her and she was like, oh wow, I'm so happy for you
Starting point is 00:42:01 that you've found this girl, whatever. And she made a comment joking and basically saying, like, well, I mean, if you've eaten her out, then she's definitely gonna fall in love. And I'm like, so every girl in LA like knows that you are great at reading. Can we get him on the show? I know, I've been asking him,
Starting point is 00:42:16 I'm like, you need to come on. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is the best thing is that, well, maybe eventually. Who knows? But that you can learn to be great at oral and I am telling you in the planet that we are living in now that should be the asset you're working on. Try tonight. Go down your partner, pay attention to their body language, and figure out what works best
Starting point is 00:42:36 for them. We're going to take a quick break, but when we come back, Alex gives us her best tips for having unbelievable FaceTime sex. We could talk about some of the things that turn us off. Hey, my dick's hard. I'm thinking about you. We don't, if we're not with you, I don't want to hear about your dick. I want to hear what we're going to do to me is what we're saying. How much you love my pussy, what you're going to do, not that you're not going to get a blowjob or you're do to me is what we're saying. How much you love my pussy, what you're gonna do, not that you're not gonna get a blowjob,
Starting point is 00:43:07 or you're gonna get mad, but that sort of was what I'm not speaking for every woman, but mostly to know, like even with sexting. Right. I'm like, I hate sexting, because a lot of times men are sexting in a way that is so juvenile for me. I'm like, oh, your dick is hard,
Starting point is 00:43:24 and you wanna blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, bored, neck dick is hard and you want to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, bored. Like, also, I'm sorry, but sexting, listen, there is no way while you're sexting that you are going to be at the same exact time. Do like, face time sex to me is way better because you can actually be. Let's talk about that, right? Yes, because my thing with sexting is one half the time that you're sexting, he's like in the grocery store, and you're on your way to the park,
Starting point is 00:43:46 and you're not actually... You're not sure, right. So, and then also, it's like, if you actually are masturbating, what you're picking up your phone every five seconds and texting, like no, FaceTime sex. That's how you watch FaceTime sex, the rules for that. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:43:58 How have you made it? Because it's been long distance. Yes, it was. I never had really done too much FaceTime sex just because I didn't really care for it, and I'm like, I'm not really in too much FaceTime sex just because I didn't really care for it. And I'm like, I'm not really in the mood. Yeah, you better live and do it over. Yeah, I'm over.
Starting point is 00:44:10 And I would either rather come over or I'll just go do it by myself and I'll have to focus on the mic or like on the camera. But with him, I was starting to really, we were starting to make it like a night thing that we would like have a drink together. And then I would like go upstairs and make all call you right right back and then I'd go put the lingerie on. And then I'd call him and he'd see me the lingerie. And I think that it was so fun to feel connected. And like also to like kind of watch him jacking off all you're getting off. That would talk.
Starting point is 00:44:37 That's so hot. And I think a lot of girls get nervous about FaceTime sex though. Because they don't know the lights and how to stand. You were saying you practiced too. I practiced. You practiced. And I know what sounded psycho practiced too. I practiced. You practiced. And I know what sounded psycho, but I thought it was crazy.
Starting point is 00:44:48 I knew that's your episode. I think it was yours talking about how you, yes. I put my phone up. Yes. And I watched porn, like basically if I didn't wear that. I got your stuff. So basically, I know it's on so crazy and extra and like people were, like some people were shitting on me
Starting point is 00:45:02 for it and I was like, I don't care. As a girl wanting to, of course I want to impress my guy. And like I want to be like, ooh, like whoever I'm hooking up with, I want them to be like, she looks amazing. And she's like, looks like she's enjoying herself. But being the perfectionist that I am, sometimes I'm overthinking what I look like and then not fully enjoying myself.
Starting point is 00:45:19 So I want to be there because so many women are perfectionists and they're thinking about how do I look, how do I move, what's my orgasm face, is it sexy enough? That is not what's going to be sexiest for your partner. By the way, the sexiest thing is once you take the beat and you figure out when you are authentically turned on and aroused. Because men can feel that. They know it.
Starting point is 00:45:43 They can tell when you're faking it. They can tell when like, obviously there are some that are done, but like for the most part, they can be like, oh my god, I can literally feel her vagina like pulsating. I can feel it, right. Exactly. So I think that was the first step for me was like, I really wanted to go into it and enjoy myself. And so by what I did was I got into my lingerie.
Starting point is 00:46:02 I started taking the pictures and then I put my phone up and I opened my camera and I watched myself start to masturbate and I was watching myself in the camera and I have gotten the lights perfectly. So I felt good about myself. Even if he didn't call that night, I was enjoying myself watching myself with my toys, going in and out of me and all these things happening. I was enjoying it. Then when he called, I was able to continue that for myself.
Starting point is 00:46:27 And as much as it was for him because I looked great and I had my outfit on, I also then was able to just watch him as he was like touching himself. And then I could just focus on me. And like what I was doing instead of being like, oh my God, how does this angle look? Oh my God, is the lighting perfect? Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:46:41 And then you were actually really turned on. I was so turned on because I kind of felt like it was the elevated version of just masturbating by myself because for the first time I was like, wow, I'm really getting myself off and I'm really enjoying this and he happens to be able to now watch it instead of me and my mind being like, okay, how many more times am I going to put this fucking dildo in my pussy? And then it's he going to come great, Kaganite. That's what I remember I used to have FaceTime sex like that with this one guy and I was like just doing it for him and it was so boring.
Starting point is 00:47:09 It is boring. So now you're in this thing. Okay, so what's going on now because you're in LA and I know you had some questions because we don't have a ton of time. Right. I want to know how can we make sure that this is something are you looking what are you looking for now? I think that's the the hard thing for me right now is similar to what we said in the beginning. I feel a lot of times that I get to a place with men where I do know, although on my show sometimes I joke 24-7 and people don't know the true me, but like emotionally depth wise, I think a lot of men are extremely attracted to what I bring behind closed doors with regard to emotion.
Starting point is 00:47:47 And I have a psychologist as a mother. So like I was raised on all of it being emotional and being able to connect emotionally. So I think that I get with men and I get to a certain place with them where they're extremely not only sexually, but emotionally attached to me. And then I think this is where I have a hard time because I just don't know what I want because they're now ready to settle in. And oh my God, let's get married and all the things. And I'm like, um, oh God.
Starting point is 00:48:14 So that's the thing right now. I'm just figuring out what you, you're figuring it out. This is the thing. I think that's okay too. I think it's, I think I don't believe anyone should get married before the 30. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:23 And I think that you, now that you've just figured out, you've gotten rid of the athletes, and so if that wasn't serving you, you're with your first good guy. I think it sounds like. It's all I was saying. I think it might be good to just embrace it.
Starting point is 00:48:36 And embrace it. And who knows what it's gonna be, but when you're with him just being like honest about where you're at exploring your sexuality, remember? Well, you said, you got to a place where you were like, I don't really want to cheat anymore. That's where for me right now,
Starting point is 00:48:50 I was saying it to my listeners. I was like, I want to kind of, for the first time challenge myself and the challenge for Alex Cooper right now is let's engage in a fully healthy relationship. And that is wild to me because I haven't really ever been fully honest with a guy, not been cheating or not been doing things just because I know Phil think it's hot rather than for me.
Starting point is 00:49:12 This is the first time you've actually been like, look how much you've done. It's been like, you're not yourself. It's just, I know. I know. I'm married, guys. Nobody it is crazy. It's been like a few months, right? Since quarantine.
Starting point is 00:49:21 So, yeah. I think that's, so that is the journey to figure out what is healthy That's exactly where I got to Going towards that. I was like I was cheating I mean that was so long ago and then I was like oh, I'm open then I was in open relationships Then I was like swinging that I was in sex parties. I did all the things and then I think once you try all the different Things you kind of realize this is what I want. So right now being healthy being honest like it's a choice and the partners Who aren't looking for your clitoris? They're not going down in you. They're not making you feel safe and you are still playing games
Starting point is 00:49:52 That's not the only option you'll find your people the more authentic you are the more you are really you are But maybe I mean, I don't know how you need to go through the game I was gonna say I think it's so important sometimes Everyone's different, but for me, I wouldn't change any of that. I don't think I'd be sitting here being like, I'm kind of in the mood for a healthy relationship, had I not for so many years played the game and hung out with the fuck boys. Now I'm so excited to who knows.
Starting point is 00:50:19 Maybe I will go back to athletes or maybe I won't or, but for right now, this is working for me. So I'm leaning into it rather than like running away, like I usually have done in the past. Could make me happy. And therapy, you think has been really helpful for you too, because we're always talked about the importance of therapy. And if people, I don't need therapy,
Starting point is 00:50:34 it's gonna be crazy, it's gonna make you healthier. It, it's gonna help you understand your patterns. It has literally changed my life. And I'm not someone that on a daily basis is like having mental breakdowns and has anxiety and depression. Like I'm very fortunate that I haven't experienced those things, but I still need therapy. Like going into therapy, the days I will never forget when my mom told me there was one day I was like, I don't really need, I don't have anything
Starting point is 00:50:56 to talk about. And she was like, those are the best days because all of a sudden you think you don't have anything to talk about. And then you really start to get deep. And it was so true. It was the best therapy session I had. Yeah, the best time to go to therapy is when you're not in crisis. Because when you're in crisis, it's really, it's as you go through a crisis, and then you get out of your life,
Starting point is 00:51:13 well, I feel better now. A few, no, you can actually do the work that's not surrounding a crisis, and then you learn skills that help you for a lifetime. Yeah, I really encourage it. I think it's also, there's still, I think we're getting better, but a negative stigma around it.
Starting point is 00:51:25 And I just want everyone listening to know that you are not less than by going to therapy if anything. You are working on yourself and wanting to be a better person. And I think that is super commendable. Yeah. That's good, Alex Cooper. Wow. Wow, look at this journey.
Starting point is 00:51:40 We've been out. We speed talk about it. We do. We do. Alex, I got to ask you the five questions. We have to all of our guests. Yes. Okay, these are called our quicky questions. Alex Cooper, what's your biggest turn on?
Starting point is 00:51:50 If a guy is good at oral. Biggest turn off. If he is constantly doing the jackhammer and being like, you like that, you like that. I'm like, no, I hate it. I want to go home. What makes good sex? Passion and knowing each, like being in tune with each other's bodies,
Starting point is 00:52:08 not just having sex basically by yourself, and then there's another person having sex also, like being in it together. Something you would tell your younger self about sex and relationships. Don't overthink it and stress about it as much as you did. Like, just go with the flow because I wouldn't be sitting here if I like changed what I did in the past, like it all was worth it and I'm like dating a really good guy right now because of the fuck ups I had in the past. So don't overthink anything. What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? It should be messy and disgusting and all the things and don't
Starting point is 00:52:40 be focused on your body, be more focused on how it feels. Messy is good. Love it. OK, Alex, talk to everyone. Find you. OK, my Instagram is Alexandra Cooper. My podcast is Call Her Daddy. You can listen on Apple, Spotify, IHR, all the things. And then Call Her Daddy Instagram. Yeah. Thanks for being here.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Thank you. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Family. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast. And share this with a friend or partner. Leave me if you got something out of it, they will too. We really show on Tuesdays and Fridays and look out for a bonus episode every now and then. Find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. It's all at Sex with Emily. And I've been told I give really good newsletters, so sign up at sexwithemily.com and don't forget
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