Sex With Emily - Better Dating & More Sex-plaining

Episode Date: January 31, 2019

On today’s show, Emily talks about about how socializing can improve your relationship, inside and outside of the bedroom. She explains all the ways you can be likeable, while still remaining true to yourself. Plus, what to do if you’re dating a married couple, how to move beyond trauma, and ways to talk to your partner about your sexual desires. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Hot Octopus and SiriusXM. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about a few ways to socialize a little bit better to make you better at relationships. As well as having your relationships in the bedroom, as always, topics include, how do you become the most likable person in the room and still be true to who you are? So, you're dating a married couple. How do you manage that situation? What can you do to start getting past your trauma and into your pleasure? And ways to talk to your partner about your desire for more sexual exploration. All this and more, thanks for listening. That mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common with all of it? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithelm.com. You can check out our podcast, our blog posts.

You can answer our contest, you guys. We've got a lot of Valentine's Aces coming up. You can find it on the website or social media at Sex with Emily. You guys are going to want these goodies. You can also check out the podcast now where ever you listen to podcasts, we are there. And check me out on Series XM Radio Stars channel 109 Monday through Friday 5-7 Pacific 8-10 East. God, I love doing the show you guys. If you want a free 30-day trial, go to sexwithelm.com slash SXM, or you can still call in at those times, AAA947, 8277, because I'm answering your calls. Like I said, follow us on social media, at sex with Emily, everywhere. Enjoy the show. We wanted to talk to you about a few things that I

thought would cheer you up and help you in literally any life situation you find yourself in if you're trying to make friends date When you go on for the holidays you're meeting someone's parents for the first time relatives. This is how you do it How do you become more likeable person? Hmm we offer like God, you know going into a new crowd where I speak new people But I've got to have social anxiety. I think social anxiety, I don't know if people are talking about it more, or if it's just more common now because we're all on our goddamn phones all the time

that we actually have so many reasons not to socialize because we're ordering everything comes to us. I think it's a little bit of both. I think it's everything. But there are some things that I thought would just be great to remind you if you don't know this other already and how to become more like,

how to be just a more likeable person in life because I'm sure you are likeable your friends love you your family loves you but you ever meet you where you're like why didn't I hit it off number one thing I'm gonna tell you about is complimenting compliment others genuinely and often I think whenever you meet someone there's always something positive that you can find out about. There's always something that you're seeing about them that you could say, you know, like, I like your, the way you gave that speech. Let's say you're at a meeting. Like, I love the way you gave that speech or you're at a party.

I heard you were in charge of the cast-roll dip. It's really great. Or flattery, like, you know, be specific. Your comments, rather than, God, you're so pretty. Like, your eyes are such a cool color, those blue or green. When you're specific and you pay attention, when you sincerely appreciate something about them and you tell them, I mean, how good does that feel? That makes you super likeable when it's genuine and I think I automatically like someone who

likes me who found something charming in me, something, it just feels good. And compliments are like my favorite thing, even in relationships. Compliment me often. Compliment me. It's time today. Compliments will get you far. And one, it's a great conversation starter

because you notice, you make an observation. You notice it, make a comment on it, and then it can kind of spur you into that conversation. And two, it's gonna make that person who was also probably feeling a little anxious, feel better because they already are like, oh, they really liked my shirt. I like them for liking something about me.

Exactly, like God, they have good taste. They liked my shirt. Cause they, right? Yeah, I liked my shirt, though. Exactly, I like my shirt, and they like my shirt. So just remember that compliments go a long way. And then Jamie and I were talking about this before. And it's like, I often just do it.

Like if I like, I'll stop someone. I'll be walking. I'm like, I got a great outfit. I love that and I just, why not you guys? Be more genuine and be more abundant in what you're giving to people and it comes back to you. That is the truth. The other thing is ask more questions about others than you make statements about yourself. This is so key. We all like talking about ourselves, right? I know that we all like talking about ourselves, right? Like I know that we, we all do like talk about ourselves and that's I think why we often do talk about ourselves, but when you're meeting someone, you want to approach a conversation like it's not all about you, like, unleashing or revealing something, all these things about yourself, but know that like think about like it's a way to get to know people better. So asking questions about them and it's easy. Like if you meet someone, you're like, so tell me about yourself.

After you meet someone, like, remember what you learned about them. Like if I meet someone, I'm like, well, what do you love about your job? I'll often say to them. Well, I think it's all about the follow up questions too. Like follow up questions so that you're like genuinely interested in what the person has to say. And it kind of shows that you're actively listening, you're not just waiting for that person to shut up so that you can talk.

Exactly. It shows this genuine interest. And I've had to actually do, for me, and I didn't know that this was, I wasn't trying to bring the conversation back to myself, but a lot of times someone would say something, and be like, oh yeah, you know, some more of this one time, this happened to me

because I was trying to make whatever they said, feel more relatable, but I've realized that I don't necessarily always have to do that. Yeah, it's a fine line. It is a fine line between, and I know exactly what you're saying in conversation, it's a fine line, be saying like, like if someone's saying, well, I went on this trip

and our flight was delayed and they're telling you a story, you're like, oh my God, the same thing happened to me, and you take it back to yourself, because you're like, like if someone's saying, well, I went on this trip and our flight was delayed and they're telling you a story. You're like, oh my God, the same thing happened to me and you take it back to yourself because you're like, I want them to know that we are the same and we're relatable. Sometimes you just gotta let the person talk. They're telling you a story. They don't need to know that you lost. It also happened to you. That's a fine, but then there's that.

And then there's also, you really want to be relatable to someone because if they're having a problem or challenging it, you know, you could say, this might be useful to you. This happened to me as well, and here's how I dealt with it. So that's the distinction rather than just break your, that person who brings it back to yourself all the time just because that can be really annoying and make you less, definitely less likeable. I think it just feels like someone's not listening.

Assume that people have something to teach you. Now, I've been like, it's situations where I'm like, on a bad first date, I'm not at a fun party. I don't like where I'm at. I could be at the goddamn airport or something with a delayed flight, but the thing is, assuming life that everyone has something to teach you,

even if it's like reinforcing something that you already know, like, I don't wanna talk this person, let me try it. Yep, I have good instincts not to talk to people who are rude to the flight attendant or whatever it is. They do have to teach you and everything, you know, like I said, if you're going to bed date, no connection, you can learn. If they work in a field that you've never heard of, you don't know they got their

you're interested to ask them. Ask questions and, you know, I've learned a lot of my greatest lessons from the people I've met in my life. Mm-hmm. Asking for advice. So if you're with someone and you're like, it could be a date, it could be at a party, And I've learned a lot of my greatest lessons from the people I've met in my life. Asking for advice. So if you're with someone and you're like, it could be a date, it could be a party, it could be just being like, well, we all want to feel like we're helpful. So if you ask someone for wisdom or guidance, you're potentially going to receive some great

advice for yourself, but you're also making someone else feel good. Because I think when we all feel like we can be of service, like I love what I do here because I know, like it feels it's my life, like I love helping all of you. Like it's what gives me purpose. And I think that we all have a part of ourselves that want to, you know, be of service. We all crave to be useful and helpful and make a difference in the world in ways big and small. I feel like people constantly are probably though when you're out and they find out what

you do, they're asking you for advice I'm like I'm not working right now now. I actually can't help it's funny though. Yes Sometimes it's a bit much, but mostly I I still enjoy it out in the world But there are nights when I'm like you know it right now. I'm not working and I'm exhausted Do you have like an ulti like have you ever thought about just being like Kind of coming up with a different occupation for yourself. Oh, yeah, I do I say like I'm a producer or I just, I've said that for a long time.

Like a lot of times I'm in Uber, like what do you do? And I know because I've had the majority of my Uber experiences I end up giving them sex or relationship advice. Because I'm like, well they're driving. Maybe they want to listen to a podcast or a radio show or they just, I just like helping. But when I'm tired or whatever, I just, I don't tell them. But I've helped them any Uber driver.

That could be a show. all of them in the club. It could be. Literally, if you tell anyone, when you're like, oh, whoa, I've had a question. What do you think I should do about this? Should I break up with my girlfriend or not? Like, they full on, have pulled over and showed me texts.

Like, should I do this or that? You know, the other thing is that trying to, stop trying to impress, this is a tough one because I think a lot of us are defined by what we own, what we have, you know, what we've earned and we feel like that defines us. And so we think we've got to tell everyone else that we've got to make them envious of us because that's how we define ourselves or what we have, but that does not help facilitate really healthy connections.

So I think, think about it this way. Instead of telling people what you have or what you do, you can share with them what you care about. What gets you excited? What you think is interesting, rather than things that you've accomplished and things that you own. But just think about, it's kind of like sex in a way. If you're trying to like, perform during sex,

that's trying to think like, are you guys like, why are you telling me this? Like, but think about all these things. If you're trying to perform during sex and you're just doing what you've always done and instead of just being yourself, or you're like, I saw this important. So I'm gonna make this noise like a porn star.

And you're not being yourself. Like that's not gonna be genuine either. People truly, when you buzz word now, but it's true, authenticity. Authenticity means that you are being real and you're sharing an experience about your, you know, a commonality maybe that other people would share with you that what you love, your heart, your, your, what you think, what you believe in. That's how connections start. Not because you're fancy watch or car.

And honestly, I feel like a lot of people can spot out a bullshitter more than they think. Yeah. I think so. I can usually tell if someone's, you know, just fucking feeding me stuff, you know what I mean? Yes, and I think a lot more people are more in tune with that. Like you can kind of tell, like there's just this different feeling about a person when they're being genuinely, like, just cool in themselves and not throwing out all these things to be like, look how cool I am.

Exactly. And it's very much in L.A. that's interesting. In L.A. you see that when people are like, in this business, or I've got this deal, I've got this book, or I've got this thing happening. Like to me, I want everyone to be successful. I do, but I don't, I'd rather hear about what excited you about it.

Like when people just drop in things, or I've got this agent, I've got this manager, I've got this writer, like, I just never, even when I had the series show coming, I was like, I've got this show. I'm like, wait till you hear it. Like, but here's what I love doing. At the end of the day, I love how people with sex and relationships and then people will, you know, if you've done something impressive in your life or you're a good person, you know, people are going to know they're going to see, they're going to ask questions, like it all happened if you're genuine, if you're genuine, and, you know, people are gonna know, they're gonna see, they're gonna ask questions, like it all happened if you're genuine,

if you're genuine, and you know, people are gonna connect with you. I think these are like great tips for dating. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely for dating, on a first date, like you can always think of even it's bad, what could I learn from them? Let me just ask a lot of questions. Let me actually be honest about who I am, because I'm never going to... Maybe there's people who are different in this way, but to me, a guy in all of his

accomplishments and what he's done is never been the most attractive thing about him. I'm looking for a real chemistry attraction, but if they're just listing things, I think the same goes for everyone. I'm going to have to date. It's a practice being authentic and real. All right, guys, we're gonna take a quick break and when we come back, we're gonna get into your calls.

What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name?

What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? the way her name is Elite. She's 25 in California and she's dating a married couple.

OK, let's elite elite. Yeah, tell me everything. Hi, it's Elise. Elise, hi Elise. Elise. Yeah, so she reached out to me over Fett and Fett Life. Just for the listeners at home. OK.

Got it. And she's a sub and he's a dom and then I'm a sub. And basically my question is, what's the best way to develop a relationship with them both individually, but then also respect their relationship that's already established. Well, honestly, I think that this is a conversation that three of you have together. So if you are just getting to know them, what boundaries do they have set up in this relationship?

What are the values like, are you over there? Certain nights a week? Are they cool if you go out with the guy alone? You know what I'm saying? So it's more like finding out more about what's going to work for all of you because you don't want to piss anyone off. You don't want to be like, oh, well, I had a dinner with the husband to get to know him. And then she's like, we said you can't have individual meals. So it's really more about being authentic, I think, and saying, I really want this relationship to work. I've never done anything like this before. I've been like a third in a relationship, but I also for me to feel,

and I think what you're saying, at least, is that for you to really feel like you're a part of it, you want to have some intimacy with both of them. You want to build the relationships so you know them both, right? Yeah, so her and I would just be be friends like we wouldn't be intimate and then Tim and I would be oh, okay got it so I see okay, well, I think that then so who's it? So he's the one who sort of climb the shots are they both decided that you're coming in so this confused me So you're only having sex with him Yeah, okay and that with her because she

Is she gonna be watching is she gonna be be watching, is she going to be around? What's the what's their fantasy? Well, it's more like a D.I.V. is more like a sister life kind of thing. Right. Sister wife got it. Okay. Yeah. So she's okay.

I think you got to talk to her first. Yeah. And ask her what and she could probably tell you a lot about what her husband wants too. So I think that the whole thing about the sister wife is that you got you, she's really your go-to. I'd say she's your boss in this situation. So yeah, but then she also subs to not really sure how that plays into it as well, because

then he technically is the one that like has all the power. Well, I think, but that's sexually. I would think that in the, there must be ways that she's a dumb in the relationship. If she's the one who allowed this to happen, I would believe that maybe she's a dumb in other ways. Although I'm not, you know, I'm not really sure you're gonna have to talk to them about it, but I think either if you feel comfortable,

who initiated your contact first? Who's the one who you first talked to? He did? Okay. No she did. She did. Yeah, I think she's the one. You know, check in. So you guys have open communication, Sam, not really sure who would talk to first, but I want for me, it's teller what it's important to you. I would love to have this, you know, connection with you, make sure that we're all in the same boundaries and rules. And this is going to be the kind of thing I can tell you at least that you're going to have to keep talking about, like as this gets started, because you know, people can tell

you one thing, and then you might be there and they're acting totally different. So keep checking in so you can start making the good first steps to build that healthy relationship. So how do you feel about this? I have a question because there's a lot of you listening going, what? Sister wife? I don't get it. Like it's not really that known of a concept. So can you kind of explain what your idea of what's going to be happening? Um, yeah. Well, my mother's behind it is I really like the way that like puts me into

a relationship. Like, I have to go in very selfless and very mindful of them. And I like that. Like, I like that I can still have my knees met, but I'm also not a jealous person. So there's nothing that like, like, there's a couple of couples who like don't show pda in front of each other, but like we're not like that. Because I think that if he's better has been to her than he was like a good partner for me as well. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, it does. So are you gonna be living with them? I was kind of, he's in the military, so it's a little bit harder depending on where

the station, if they're off-base, they're on-base. Got it. Okay, well, it sounds like there's still some more information to find out, but I think that that, let me know how it goes. I'd love to hear more about this at least as it evolves, but just remember that you have to keep asking, even those things that you think you can't say or you can't ask. This is really like having three people in a relationship takes a lot more communication.

So I can't tell you specifically what it is, but I can tell you to ask and figure it out together. The three of you. Don't guess. Okay. Okay. Thank you, Elise. guess. Okay, thank you Elise. Thanks for calling to sex with Emily. This is Laura who's 28.

She said she's been with her boyfriend for 13 years and she can't seem to get in the mood. Hey Laura, how can I help you? Thanks for calling. Hi. Hi. So yeah, you know I've been with, like he was a, I lost my virginity with him, Q.H.M. and, you know, we have three kids, but it's just so hard for me to want to have sex with him.

And I know it's not that hard. And I know you're talking about confidence and stuff like that, which I know it's something I need to work on. I still have any confidence in myself, like in my appearance. And I know it's probably affected, but I feel so bad for him. And then I think I know what to do. No, okay, no, Laura, you've come to the right place. Welcome. Okay, so you guys have been together a long time, and you've three kids.

How old are your kids? Young kids. Eight, three, and five months. Oh my God. Okay, I mean, of course you don't want to have sex right now, and you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right.

Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. told me I'm beautiful all the time. You know, he's, you know, he's, I'm like, he's not perfect. Right. Right. He makes me feel, you know, beautiful.

But yet, it's just, it's me. Yeah. I look at myself and I just don't like the person staring bad. Yeah. No, I get it. It's confidence. So it's not that, you know, there's thing our partners can also affirm us and tell us we're beautiful all the time.

But self confidence is an inside job. We have to truly believe in it. We have to learn to love ourselves. So there's a few things here, Laura. I mean, you've been busy. I mean, first of all, you've been with them for 13 years. So anybody who's been with somebody for 13 years can tell you that they're not,

they don't want to have sex all the time. It's really hard to keep it interesting because you can't go back to how it was in the beginning when it was amazing and prioritizing your sex life. Yeah, exactly. And then we all like bemoan that time. And we wish we could go back. So first of all, I got to ask, have you talked to your husband about any of this?

Like that you kind of feel like you're not a, you know, he probably knows you're not in the mood. But have you talked about a plan? Not a plan. Like he knows and he kind of, and then we we all get into it, and like, you know, I got the kids and I feel like I self-salesed the challenge. Self-salesed the challenge, right? Yeah.

But like, when we actually do have time, it's like, I don't know when you do that. And it's just like, I don't ever want to have sex with anybody. Yeah. And he always wants that. Right. No, I get it. I still, so, so here's a thing, Laura, what sounds to me what's happened is,

you've been busy having kids. So you've got a lot of things here that are challenged, that we're gonna have to talk about, is that go first of all, please take the pressure off yourself and have some compassion and love towards yourself, knowing that 13 years with the same person, you're 28. Three kids, you know, young kids, and a five month old.

I mean, that's a lot to do. There's a lot of different things to unpack here. So just know that that wouldn't be easy for anybody. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing like, you know, you're not a bad person. You've been busy being a mom. So some things that could help, I think, are, making sure that you, that you still, the reason why

you don't want to sex right now is probably because you're exhausted. Your body probably isn't clearly not back to how it was, you're five months in. But then also, you just, it's like, we have to keep our pilot light lit, as I say, so there's probably part of it just doesn't feel sexual at all. And that would mean that like masturbating and making that time to like feel sexy again. Because what happens is your husband wants sex because you know that's how men are. He sees you, he gets turned on, but you've just kind of been shut down. And so there's going to have to be some rebuilding of your

confidence and your sexual confidence by letting him know that either talks with him that you just, you haven't been feeling sexy and that you'd like to kind of get back to that place. So work on some intimacy and some touching with him without maybe taking intercourse off the table. Because for women what turns us on a lot, like he comes and he wants sex, of course you're not ready for sex, you're exhausted, tired,

you haven't wand in a while, we need to get a rouse and turned on. So I think maybe bringing back some foreplay and intimate touch without the pressure of intercourse. Probably some of the things that turned you on in the beginning. And yeah, yeah. And then I also have this one thing. You just like, you know what, I was molested as a girl. Okay. And then the thing is, I cannot touch my breath. You can touch your body.

You can't touch your body. And I just have this thing, like I have this naturally gut feeling. And that's one of the things of the world, like I can't touch my breath. Oh. It would be breasts. Huh, okay, so I've had trauma. I just keep gut feeling. Oh, it would be breasts. Ha, okay, so if I trauma. I just keep gut feeling. Oh, wow, okay.

So have you ever had therapy? You know what, I actually have my first, what is it, hypnotherapy? Hypnotherapy yesterday. Okay. But what was the goal of it? Yeah. Is it a regular therapist that does, are you going there for specific purpose? Are you trying to quit something or change something?

No, no, it's self-confidence. And I can't be near like a man. I just do, like I don't trust men. Okay, well this, what I think would be helpful for you, Laura, is a kind of therapy called EMDR. I don't really know about hypnotherapy, I guess. I know some people think it could work maybe for quitting smoking and stuff.

I like the track you're going on, but EMDR is eye movement, desensitization reprocessing. And it's a really, it's a trauma therapy that works so well for people with sexual trauma. And essentially you go in and you talk about the trauma, but we do this thing called reprocessing and you hold these little buzzers in each hand

and they talk you through the trauma and you learn to you essentially rewire your brain. Because trauma is, it's really, yeah, and I would try to find someone near you that does this kind of therapy because it works wonders for people with trauma and you have to be in this therapy. The good news is this therapy works a lot faster

than talk therapy, but I think it's clearly this is what's going on among the other things of long-term relationship and not feeling sexual, but it sounds like you may have never felt that sexual or turned on since you've had trauma. And so I think that going to this kind of, and I love that you're already in therapy, so let's maybe try to mix up the therapy that you're doing and see if this could help you. Because trauma is real.

Okay. Yeah, so that might also help you. And it works pretty quickly, like a few months time, of really sticking to it. Yeah, because I'm sure that has to do with a lot of this. So let's start there, okay? EMDR, yeah. Okay.

All right, Laura, yeah. I think we can put a link. Thank you so much. Yeah, of course. Thank you for calling, Laura. And keep me posted. Get into this therapy. We can put a link in the show notes.

I think there's like a main EM, if you Google it, like an EMDR site we could put in the show notes that has like EMDR practitioners near you. And it's been around for a long time now, EMDR. I mean, maybe about 20 years, but I'd say in the last 10 to 15, it's been, oh, it's EMDR.com. I think it's become, it's like a lot of people

are saying not just myself, that it works wonders because if you are dealing with sexual trauma, no matter how old you are, and you know this trauma happened, it is having an impact on your sex life right now, and it's because our body has attached our brains have attached to the trauma and it's really hard to have a healthy sex life, and it helps you release it. And you know, there is some talking it for sure and talking it through. Unfortunately, it's not the kind of thing we can figure out ourselves. As much as we try to repress the memories and things that have happened to us with trauma,

it's a very specific animal that we just kind of got a rewire so we can have healthy sex and relationships. Okay, we have Adam, who's 28 in New York, and he wants to know how to deal with FOMO in his relationship Hey, Adam. Thanks for calling FOMO fear of missing out. I'm good. How are you? Good. Okay, so what are you missing out on? Honestly, I was kind of a late bloomer. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 25

should probably say I'm bisexual too. And a lot of it came from that, just hiding my sexual and everything. And this is my first serious relationship with a guy. And I just don't really feel like I got much of a chance to explore my sexuality completely in the form of this. Okay. We are monogamous.

Oh, you're monogamous, okay. Yeah, and he's... We've talked about like an at-three-some with a guy, because he's gay, and... doesn't want to come to do with girls unfortunately. Okay. I just don't really know. I forget very moved from our country, and... he shuts down a lot when we have like hard conversations, though. That's really tough.

So are you sure how long do you build with this guy, Adam? Two years. Okay. And you're certain you want to move across country with them right now? Yeah. I mean, we both, he needs to move for his job and I just kind of want to move in general. Okay. Cool.

Yeah. No, I get that. I get wanting to move. I just want to make sure that if you guys are having, yeah, hard, okay. Cool. The guilt's coming from the moves, you know, essentially. Have you tried to like, we were, when you say the guilt is coming from the move? Just moving and not letting him know how I feel.

Yeah, I think it's really important to let him know right away how you feel and tell him, you can, that's how you do it, you know, in a really loving way and just say, you know, I'm trying to, I know it's not easy to talk about these things, but it's really important that we learn to break through these hard conversations. And I see that, you know, my experience of you is that you shut down and that's really hard for me because I'm, I'm trying to feel safe with you and have these conversations because I know that's how we're gonna continue

to have a really healthy relationship. And I'm just, you know, what I would need from you is and you could kind of fill that in, like let them know what it looks like to not shut down. You know what I mean? So he might not even get what that means because he's probably been shutting down his whole life. Maybe his parents were shut down. That's typically how we learn and so maybe letting him know what what you need

Like as far as words are you know, does that does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, okay Can you tip some like out of deal with like being bisexual on them? No, I don't know like how do you get that part of your sexuality out? Well, that's the thing. The other partner. Yeah, I mean, you have to, you know, Adam, this sounds really important to me,

because when you started out saying that you're late, Bloomberg, you didn't have sex for your 25, and so you really only had a year. So you had a year, because you... Not even a year, and you got locked up. I got one of them like pretty much three months after I started having sex. Okay, so then how do you even know my bisexual?

Like, have you been with women? Yeah. Okay, so I think this is a super- Not at the awesome, totally done a few times. Okay, so I mean Adam, just know that you're told that you absolutely should be able to have this conversation with him because I don't want you to, if you're already having the FOMO right now that you're missing out then under that, you trust what your body is telling you, trust what your mind is telling you that you're going to need some more experience. Does he know that your bisexual?

Yeah. Okay. So, I mean, and the fact that you're monogamous, then there's got to be some kind of way that you can still be experiments. So, maybe being monogamous is not what you're going to need right now. And so, this is going to be a series of conversations that you're going to have with him. So, I would just start by saying that it's really hard for me when you shut down. This is how I experience it, and then continue to, when do you guys move?

Uh, I don't ever jump beside the sobby a little. I experienced it and then continued it. When do you guys move? I don't ever jump to side to stop you a little. Okay. When you got my house to close, you've got to. Got it. Okay, well Adam, I would try to, I know, I would try to have these conversations tonight when he comes home. Like I think that you know this too,

because it sounds like you just have this yearning and you start out saying it's phomole. I want you to have that too, because you started late in your words. Yeah, and see if he's how he reacts to that, because maybe he's had more experience and he thinks you're the one, and he's ready to be monogamous, but sometimes we go along with that, because it feels really... Yeah, and it feels good to be wanted and needed, and you jumped into monogamy, which I understand, but maybe that's not serving you right now.

And so maybe there's also a way to open it up. It sounds like it's not. And I want you to get what you need in this relationship as well. And that takes practice. It starts with conversation. Okay, Adam, you're right. You're right here. You're absolutely right to be wanting to have this conversation.

It sounds really healthy. And I love that you know what you need. Thank you. Okay, you're so welcome, Adam. Thanks for calling love that you know what you need. Thank you. Okay, you're so welcome Adam. Thanks for calling. Let me know how it goes. Yeah, I mean, that's got to be a difficult situation. Yeah.

When you do have, you know, your, your bisexuality and you start late and it'd be different if he had all of his experiences and he just was like, oh, I'm just with a man right now and that's cool. But just like, yeah. Like, yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's just, yeah, that's like, I did you already move, you know, I'm not gonna tell you one right away.

You should break up with someone. You shouldn't do this or that. I don't do that on the show unless it's like really serious abuse. So I wanted to hear where he was at, but I'm also saying that we often, it's a very common to like kind of just want to be loved and be with someone with an obviously. But if you know, when you're hard, you're having this craving, you're 28 years older.

You gotta, you know, you gotta go figure out how you figure out what you like and bed, what you're into is by having explored Tori sex. So if you say you were in Adam's situation right now and you are bisexual on the person that you're with like is only attracted to one sex and then you decide that you want to try to open it up. Would you then also like I guess it would be a case by case basis like have to because like then you're also still seeing other people beside your partner. So then would your partner even though they're not bisexual and they're just going after one sex would you allow them to see people as well. Yeah, a case by case basis. I have to see what his partner wants to do you know So they're not bisexual and they're just going after one sex, would you allow them to

see people as well? Yeah, a case by case basis. I have to see what his partner wants to do, you know, like maybe, yeah, maybe I guess you would have to, right? I mean, if your partner doesn't really matter on the gender of the person, if you both decide to see other people, I guess his boyfriend could see other men. And he said he offered up a threesome, but it sounds like maybe he's more curious about the woman in his body.

The woman in his face. Yeah, which I totally understand if he's, and he said he came out at 25 and then Locked this down right after you you know right away. So yeah, I think he knows his answer You know you got to keep exploring I think Thanks everyone for listening. I hope you enjoyed the show. Thanks to my amazing team Ken Samantha Julia Michelle Producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.

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