Sex With Emily - Bondage, Threesomes & Golden Showers

Episode Date: May 16, 2023

All sexual fantasies have one thing in common: they trigger an arousal response inside our bodies, laced with erotic flavor. But how do you actualize your fantasy with a partner who’s wary of it? Even turned off by it? On today’s show, I’m taking your calls on this exact predicament. First up: when your partner wants you to drastically change your appearance for their pleasure, should you do it? Or when your partner wants to watch you with a third, how do you find that person? Next, if you’re not naturally dominant in bed, but your partner’s begging for it, how do you step into your power? I also get into urine fetishes (yep, like golden showers), how to introduce them to an otherwise vanilla sex life, and how to explore same-sex adventures in a hetero marriage.    Show Notes:Sex With Emily Book Tour: SMART SEX Event DatesPRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureSMART SEX PRIZE PACK (submit your pre-order proof of purchase at the bottom of the page, be entered to win the prize pack and everyone that enters receives a copy of my new and improved Yes! No! Maybe? Guide)SmartMouthFetLifeKasidieFeeldWomaness.com/Emily (code EMILY for 20% off sitewide) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So I'm of the mindset that I think P is for pleasure. I wondered what you thought about that. Okay, is this a trick question? Are you referring to urine? Yes. Okay, so you're saying, are you with somebody who has like a urine fetish? I have that. Oh, okay, O., OP is for pleasure.

You're listening to Sex with Emily, I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. All sexual fantasies have one thing in common. They trigger an arousal response inside our bodies laced with erotic flavor. But how do you actualize your fantasy with a partner who's wary of it?

Even turned off by it. Well, on today's show, I'm taking your calls on this exact predicament. First up, when your partner wants you to drastically change your appearance for their pleasure, should you do it? Or when your partner wants to watch you with a third, how do you find that person?

Next, if you're not naturally dominant and bad, but your partner's begging for it, how do you step into your power? I also get into urine fetishes, yep, like golden showers, and how to introduce them to an otherwise vanilla sex life, and how to explore same sex adventures and a hetero marriage. Intentions with Emily for each episode, I want to start off by sending an intention for the show, and I encourage you all to do the same.

My intention is to normalize unique sexual fantasies. Listen, we've all got things that excite us. I firmly stand by this saying, don't yuck my yum, and by the end of this show, I hope you'll feel more open to expressing your fantasies and listening to others express theirs too. Please rate and review sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show and check out my YouTube channel social media and TikTok. It's all at my YouTube channel, social media, and TikTok. It's all at sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. And if you want to ask me questions, do it.

Leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com slash ask Emily or call my hotline 559 Talk Sex or 559 8255739. Always include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. And you can change your name or choose to remain anonymous. Alright, there's a big announcement. I just released dates for my upcoming Smart Sex Book tour. I want to see you all.

Please come say hello. I haven't done anything like this before and I'll be doing live events in New York on June 13th, virtually on June 15th via crowd fest so I could actually talk to all of you. So no matter where you are, we're going to have a conversation. And I'm in San Francisco Bay Area on June 17th. I really can't wait to be all of you face to face. It's been a long time, am I right? It's time.

We'll be doing photo ops, a moderated discussion panel live Q&A's to answer all of your sex questions. And when you buy a ticket, you automatically get a copy of my new book Smart Sex. So we have an article live on our site with all of this info which you could also find in the show notes. And don't forget, if this episode speaks to you, I've got a whole chapter and kink in my book all about chororitic desires, common types of fantasies, and how it all ties into your sex, I cue. Lastly, this episode is brought to you by Smart Mouth, which is my latest daily obsession,

because basically it's a mouthwash that truly eliminates and prevents bad breath for 24 hours with just two rinses a day. And it tastes really good. They somehow make this process very adorable spot-while. I'm so into them. And I have to remind you that a lot of you say your biggest turn off is hygiene. So this is something else to put in your back pocket or you know in

your bedroom on your bedroom counter. You can find smart mouth in the oral carer aisle anywhere mouth-watch is sold or buy in Amazon today and of course we will link it in our show notes. enjoyed this episode. Let's talk to Garrett, 33 in Maryland. Hi Garrett, what's going on? Thanks for calling. Just a couple of questions. My fiance and I have been together going on six years, getting married in a few months. Texas good. We do a little bit of BDSM stuff, more on the lighter end, like blindfolds, some tying

up, but like pretty on the lighter end of things. And she's been talking about maybe like one kind of fantasy of hers or whatever, but like in connection with like when we're doing that stuff, like she would cut my hair, like with clippers, like kind of do it in like a sensual way, and not like necessarily opposed to it, it does sound actually kind of hot, like the way she'd do it, but every time we go to do it, I kind of chicken out. So I don't know like just how to kind of get into something you're not necessarily comfortable with. Yeah, it's such a good question. Yeah, like you want to please her, it could be hot,

but and the thing that makes you uncomfortable, like for me, I'd be like, what if you fuck up my hair? Like your concern is that, too, as well? Yeah, well, I think it's like that's kind of what makes it hot, like that she would kind of leave her mark. I have pretty short hair as it is, so it wouldn't be like I have a professional job, but like I can't do a mohawk,

but like just going bald or like a military thing wouldn't be uh... uh... that's not hugely you know inappropriate so it's kind of hot in the sense that like it can be her secret mark but also scary because it's even for guy at care uh... but you know she did it along with you know other types of for playing things i guess it could be hot but just kind of

sure yeah no totally girt i love this question let me tell you why because did it along with other types of four-playing things. I guess it could be hot, but just kind of have my own. Sure. Yeah, no totally, Garrett. I love this question. Let me tell you why, because there's so many times that our partners, you know, well, first off, congratulations on the engagement wedding. I love that you guys are talking about this stuff. Like, this is what I want.

Like, how great to get to the point where like, we know that we're into power play and role play and specifically, there's something that my partner wants to do that I'm not that into. So I say in these cases, you're like, wow, thank you for sharing that with me. That's hot. And then maybe you provide an alternative to that, right? Garrett, like, what if she shaved you instead of caught your hair?

What if you wore a wig? I mean, when I first heard that, I'm like, maybe a wig, maybe the part of it is that she's going towards your head. I think what I would also say to her is, what is it about this fantasy that turns you on? And then she could explain that to you. Well, there's a part of it that makes it feel kind of risky.

And I like, from there, figure out what would be another option. More in depth, she gets what's cool with you and what part of it doesn't make you feel less comfortable. And then you'd be surprised to find that cool with you, with what part of it doesn't makes you feel less comfortable. And then you'd be surprised to find that you guys will be able to kind of come to a compromise and find something else that's hot. Yeah, that's a good idea. And I think for me, like a part of me really wants to do it. Oh, okay.

Like, try anything once, but just like getting in the moment and then always kind of chickening out. Which is to have you a safe word. To have you a safe word. But it for some time. Oh, okay. Well, I think having a safe word, role playing it, where she's not actually cutting your hair,

so you do it at a point where she's not really doing it yet. And you're talking it through and saying, like, right now, like, I'm picturing, like, I have the shears out, and maybe in the shower, she starts to, like, kind of play with it, and talk it through. So if things aren't comfortable, but you're already getting close to it, you know, I think just role-playing it and also like trying a wig.

See if you know and see if you could actually do the actual thing. I think a wig would be kind of cool. Like put it on and then see, could I actually do this? And then, but I think talking about it again could just be hot saying, well what is it about this fantasy? What else could we do? But you're saying that you might actually be into it, so that's why I'm thinking for you, maybe it's a role play, maybe it's a, because if you're into it, then I want you to like test it a little bit more. So use the words, use the role playing,

try a wig, try it in the shower with like holding scissors or something. Could you try that out, Karen? Yeah, do you think like would it be, like I think it has, because when she first mentioned it, like this is crazy, but then it kind of warmed up to me, like, you know, like the more we talked about it, like, yeah, I could see that being actually hot, if done right, and like, if I got to the headspace to just kind of give in, um, yeah, absolutely.

Your hair grow. Is just she caught hair for a living? No, not at all. Okay, right. That's, see, that scares me. I'd be like, nope, we are funny and alternative. Do not mess with my hair. So has she ever caught her before?

Like that would make me nervous, but people do like knife play. People do a lot of different things, actually. People like throw nails through people's balls. I read that in J.J. Engle's book. But like, so people do shit, Garrett, I just feel feel like you I can't tell which way you want to go here But I think if you're not you don't seem totally ready yet So I think that talking to her about what her motivation is what in what how is she gonna feel when she's doing it? What are the things that are coming up for her the emotions the feelings and then figure out if you could find something else to do or like

Maybe the more you hear about it and the more you guys have a plan for it, and you have a safe word, that's why we have safe words. Red, yellow, green, super helpful, red is like stop, yellow is like, proceed with caution and green is like, that's hot, keep going. If you have a red, you say red, she has to stop, she can't cut another piece of your hair. That's a good idea. Yeah, okay, Karen. It's gonna be on the honeymoon.

Just honeymoon all bets are off, right? Yeah, you've already taken the pictures, you've already done things, you're away for while you're a dude, your hair grows back, probably quicker. Yeah, there you go, Garrett, but keep talking about it up until then to make sure you're ready. All right. Thanks, thank you. Of course, Garrett. Thanks for calling.

Let's talk to Jennifer 43 in Austin. What's going on? How can I help you? Then hesitating to call about this because I really didn't, I didn't actually think about it until we were talking about it this the other day. He was like, how could we do this? I have a boyfriend, I'm 43, he's 57, and he's never done anything out of the ordinary with anyone.

And I've been with women before in the past and all that kind of stuff. And he's in choose wanting to see me with another woman. So we've tried to go to some of the places that they have in our area to go to. But what he was asking is, what do you do when you're finished with them? And you don't want them to feel like, how do you say,

OK, we're done with you. Get out. Like in question. Like throwing the throwing the I mean I hate to say it like that But like you know because not that we're using them because it's enjoyable But I can ask this kind of people who are just like hey, okay totally listen Jennifer This is what you got to do especially if you're bringing another woman or a third anytime you're bringing a third into the relationship It's not so like willing they like hey you come over It's got to be something that you guys discuss ahead of time you meet the person there's and there's boundaries and then we're not interested in sleepovers. So we're just wanna play around and then we like to sleep together in our bed. And then they know.

And then there's not a weirdness. You're not like, um, you're ubers outside and then they're like, but I packed my pajamas. I guess you wouldn't wear pajamas to a threesome probably, but what I'm saying is, you just gotta lay all this stuff out, right?

We're just gonna play around and then we like to sleep together in our bed. And then they know. And then there's not a weirdness. You're not like, um, your ubers outside and then they're like, but I packed my pajamas. I guess you wouldn't wear pajamas to a threesome, but what I'm saying is you just got to lay all this stuff out

Right we forget that we got to prepare people because they don't know what's coming. So just saying it in a loving way Yeah, so then where do you find someone? Oh, that's another question. Talk about that with well That's a great question. How do you find the third first of all there's some websites out that with. Well, that's a great question. How do you find the third? First of all, there's some websites. That life is one of them. Cassidy, there's something called field, FE, F-E-E-L-D, and a lot of them have like platforms, apps that you can actually say we are a couple looking for a third. And there's a lot more things available right now. There's also play parties. They're might, you're at Austin, like I'm sure there's like a swing and scene there, people who are playing. So I would just start asking around and then seeing or looking on the apps to get started. I would also look

at meetups. Meetups for relationships are awesome. You can say meetup. I don't know what they're called like open relationships or meetups. Alternative relationships. There's a lot of them. So I would just say start doing that and then you find someone. Yeah, that's what you do, Jennifer. Maybe go to play hard. You can do it. Yeah. Do it. Okay, Jennifer. All right. Well, that's easy enough. I know I love it. Let me know it goes. I'll help you with all the steps. There you go. Easy. That's how you do it. And I don't recommend like your neighbor, your best friend, your office mate. Like I like it when there's not a lot of attachment to the person and they know that it's like you're getting off, we're getting off and then you go home. I think that's important. This is from Kelly, 21 in South Dakota. Listen to your episode on BDSM and brought up

bondage to my longtime partner. He then said he'd like to be tied up and for me to do whatever to him. I have no idea what kind of. He then said he'd like to be tied up and for me to do whatever. Tim, I have no idea what kind of stuff to do to him or how to be even sexy while dominating. So my question is, what are some appropriate things to do him while exploring new things? Okay, so I only have a few minutes left, but let me say this.

When our partner makes a sexual request, where we're like, I don't know what to do here, how do I dominate, what does that look like? Just know that, hey, it's okay that you don't know. Because how would you know? And, beat, it's okay to go back for a clarifying question. So, I think that sometimes we're so afraid when we make a demand to what we make

over Quest to our partner, or your partner says something, do us actually, we're like, okay, got it. And then we turn away and we're like, no, what? It's okay to go back and out, you know what? And you say, you know what, sweetie? I heard what you said about me wanting to dominate you and I would love to hear more about that. Can you tell me what that would look like? Maybe he's got some porn that he's watched. He has like a

scene and he's like this scene turns me on. And then Kelly you'll know you'll know where to go. We don't we don't do my readers because when he says tied up and do whatever damn tied up and spankum tied up and you know blindfold him like tied up and leave him for an hour you know tied up and tickle him. It's literally different for everybody and so I think that the good news is like tying up like you can use a necktie and you can buy a bondage gear. You don't need a lot of fancy things but you need to know like what's the scenario what's the scene, like, the who, what, where, when, why, like, what are you wearing?

Where are you? What's he saying? When does it happen? Like, give you a storyline. You know, I think we, talking about fantasies, we make it very difficult, we just kind of laid out there, but if we can give context to our partner and be like, okay, who, it's with me and you, like, when,

you can either tell them when you wanted to happen, or like, oh, when could be like, okay, who? It's with me and you. Like when, you can either tell him when you wanted to happen or like, oh, when could also be? Well, I first had this fantasy because I was watching a porn or my friend told me about it, you know, where paint the scenario. You know, why? You know, maybe he might say to you or if you're explaining to your partner,

the why could be that this fantasy is part of my fundamental, developmental arousal. This is the image I think about that turns me on and I would love to be the partner who could help me fulfill it and I think it would be really hot and tell me you're a fantasy. Find out more about what he wants and then we can talk about it. But I don't think you have to guess. I think it's already can be uncomfortable trying new things. So it's okay to ask in a loving way and just pick, oh my god, I'm soaked.

That sounds super hot. Tell me more. And then hopefully, Kelly, you'll be able to tell them some of your fantasies. How great will we're all getting our needs met? Don't go away because after the break, I'm talking with collars about cuckolding and golden showers.

You heard that right, and you do not want to miss this. Let's talk to Dean 60 in Oklahoma. Hi Dean, thanks for calling. So I was listening to a session that you did and you talked about different traditions, different kinks and whatnot. And I came away from that session feeling a bit left out. Okay, tell me everything. Well, so I'm of the mindset that I think Pee is for pleasure.

I wondered what you thought about that. Okay, is this a trick question? Are you referring to urine? Yes. Okay, so you're saying, are you with somebody Are you referring to urine? Yes. Okay. So you're saying, are you with somebody who has a urine fetish? I have that.

Oh, okay. O.P. is for pleasure. I thought you were like, it shouldn't be for pleasure. Okay, I understand. Oh, wow. So I think that is a... Good thing. Yeah, well, for you, it is Dean.

So, yeah, that is a common fetish urine're in play to have your partner perhaps P on you. Sure. Okay. Have you ever talked to your partner about that? Are you in a relationship? Yeah, actually, I mean, I've been married for almost 40 years, happily married. But you know, this has been a challenge in our relationship for many years. And my wife, she doesn't understand this

and you know, it doesn't really feel comfortable with it. So I just, you know, wondering if I was clear off by this or not. No, I mean, this is actually a, a common fetish, meaning like statistically speaking, this is something that we hear a, you know, it's frequent, aka golden showers. And so it is common and I would say that I also understand

that for many people, like in my world it is, I hear it, but I get that your wife might be off put by it, maybe, you know, might be something that she's not into. Have you ever asked her what her fantasies are? Because sometimes kind of getting into what she's into, kind of help her be a little bit more willing, because my recommendation for this is, if you want to execute on what you haven't and you've been with your wife for a long time, would be to do in the shower. That's my like fast track. That's my quick fix.

Well, I mean, it's been tried before. I mean, she, you know, there's been times that she's, she's, you know, she's paid for me before, but she's just never, she's just never comfortable with it. As far as, you know, trying to find out her desires, I mean, I search and I search. And she's, you know, she's a very plain vanilla when it comes to sex and I like sprinkles and cherries and nuts and you know all kinds of things. Yeah, I hear you. Was there anything that you can recall you've been together a long time that maybe gave you a sense of what she might be into? Or what, I mean listen, a lot of us just don't know what's on the table or we grew up in an environment where it was discouraged to actually think about sex, you know, other than procreation or it was wrong or we were shamed and unfortunately in a matter of old we get sometimes that stuff still what care, you know, we still hang

on to it. So, you know, I'm sure, yeah, she's probably been like this way for a while, but maybe there's a way to kind of tap into stuff that is dormant or just to let her know how important it is to you to continue to enhance your relationship sexually. So, I mean, I don't want to take up too much of your time, but I mean, just a bit of history in our relationship. We got married young, I think, as we got married, we were both excited and, you know, infused about sexual ideas and whatever and wanted to make the best of it.

And in my ignorance, I had no clue how to please a woman. And so I think the early years of our marriage, I think she was very disappointed. And, you know, I feel like, you know, she just chose to, you know, kind of ride that off and be satisfied with, you know, mediocre or whatever. And then in the last 10 years of our marriage, I've tried really hard to expand that. My greatest pleasure comes from giving her pleasure.

I wish I could get her to talk about her desires and her wants. And, you know, both conversations just never seem to go anywhere. Yeah, Dean, I hear you. You know, it's interesting. First of all, I love what you're saying here, because a lot of us don't know. I mean, Dean, you're not alone that so many of us, men, when we all don't know even how to be good lovers, like how would you know? You know, everything that we are told in the media or in movies is about more about mail pleasure, just about intercourse, right? It's just about like it's just about we don't see what's on the menu. So that makes sense that you were there, that you didn't know when you were younger. But now I think it's about reintroducing her to

if she's open to kind of looking at it is not so linear. Like I'm going to want to get in the bedroom and do all these things. But just finding out what actually gives her joy, what makes her feel more connected. What does she need from you, Dean, to feel that emotionally safe or to feel desired? Do you know, is it words or is it gives to she what you do more around the house? you know, is it, it's kind of like, does she have her master bait as she had pleasure in the past? She, I mean, she, she will sometimes, if I prompted it and I encourage her to, but, you know, I mean, I do, I do think that went on in the early years of our marriage when she was struggling, you know, for, for her own satisfaction. And then I just feel like she, she just kind of wrote it off.

We still have sex on a regular basis, but it's just, it's very, you know, plain vanilla. That's the term. Well, Dean, have you ever told her that, that you feel like you could have done better and that you know that she was frustrated and you really want to explore and find out what she's into. It's been a while. It's been a number of years. These conversations tend to come up, you know, at times when we're traveling alone or something or you know, have time together and whatever. Yeah. You know, I've tried to really address this with her and basically all I seem to be able to get out of her is just you know she's satisfied she's fine. And I would keep you know I have been in the recent years you know I've learned to really

find I've learned to really find a lot of my pleasure comes from you know from wanting to give her pleasure and wanting to satisfy her. I want to do that better. I think you've got to love this, and Dean, you've got to know that the sex conversation is not a one-time conversation. So, a few years ago, you said to her, I'm sorry, I wasn't a great lover to you, or you're bringing up once a year, that's not enough. We have to continue to, and you're right to say when you're on vacation, that's how we all love vacation sex.

It's like my two favorite words, like vacation sex. Like that is the best sex, but now you could create that, is you know, you know, going on walks together, finding things that you love doing together, and those are the times of the conversation when you're in a really good place with, you're having fun, you could say,

you know what babe, I wanna talk about our relationship and our sex life, it's really important to me to for us to continue to be great lovers to each other. And it sounds like it's a little bit of education too. So a lot of people listen to this show together. The next time we're on a road trip, I hear from couples all the time I find it so funny. They're like, my partner and I want a road trip for 12 hours and we've been in all your episodes.

I mean, sometimes it's a very hard conversation to have, especially if we didn't grow up with it. So to be able to kind of find other material, maybe there's something you read or that you see that you can bring up as a conversation with her. So it might help you, okay, Dean? Thanks for calling. I appreciate it. I appreciate you.

Let's talk to Christine 55 in California. So I have a friend of 30 some years and 23 years ago, we had a little girl on girl session that was great. Okay. And she was hoping that maybe we would try that again. So I have these, you know, my husband was cool with it because we've been married five years healthy, we're not doing anything weird on the side, but we've been recently talking about maybe having maybe a girl that I like that occasionally we can have in our bedroom,

but only for me, not for him. So, he's like, well, why don't we just see how things go with you and your girlfriend this week done? Right. I mean, I've seen her, you know, I've seen her that often because she lives back east. And to be honest, I wasn't into it at all. And I didn't know how to like, herter feelings, I want to herter feelings. So, it kind of did in a in obligatory fooled around with her. Okay.

And it was, you know, I faked it, it wasn't good. And I had no interest in going back there. So that was that. And then meanwhile, right around the same time that I knew she was coming out, I had answered an ad for a woman that was in my age group, found it interesting, found it, and then to smart. And we decided to meet, and it was like, kind of like all or nothing.

So all in that weekend. So my husband agreed that I could see this woman. We headed off great. We interacted on, you know, through cell. We had a nice dinner, and then we had a great physical connection and it was fun. All of that. Meanwhile, my husband now says he's not okay with me having any more private time with her and that only if she's incorporated into our bedroom.

So the kind of that's for rat and I wouldn't mind to be honest with occasionally seeing her and then still having that, but if that's not how he's going to go, then that's okay. I'll respect that. We don't. So you're saying that your husband wants to, the only, that he's saying now, I only want you to be with her if I can watch. Correct.

And the whole point was we kind of wanted to see this girl and I, we wanted to see if we were going to, you know, click in that department and everything just, it was really nice and sensual, you know, different in that department and everything just it was really nice and sensual, you know, different house that's been with the woman and she's, you know, has is looking to have a kind of boyfriend and all that so this is going to be like occasional but we decided that either way we wanted to be friends like girlfriends and whether it was sexual or not and now my husband is is like, well, I'm not okay with you. Having another one-on-one girl time,

if I'm not there, because I feel like, I know he's worried that it could turn into like a relationship. I can't say that for just one time. I mean, that's not gonna happen. I'm happily married. It was, you know, 30-send, I'm only okay with it. If I can be there and I can enjoy you having a good time and I'm there in the room. So that's where we're at. And how do you feel?

I don't know what you think. Well, I feel okay, but I feel like if I wanted to be with her, he knows it's not going to threaten our marriage, that I kind of feel like what I would want to be with her again. Okay. And it was so it's kind of like he changed the rules maybe he thought you came back and said you would be a good time and he started to get you know jellis so i feel it's like it's gonna happen so i did all that he seemed really turned on the news like okay now i'm gonna wait for you when you come home

then he wanted to have me to and i was was like, it's like I'm exhausted. I don't know. Yeah, then you're like, I'm exhausted. So it sounds like, okay, so I feel like you just have to have some more conversations with him, Christine, because it sounds like what's happened is, which is such a great example for people who want to like open up their relationship, whether it's with, you know, a third person or a threesome, this is what happens if people who open up their relationships.

It was the first time, and then you have to kind of have discussions and say, well, tell me like how it made them feel, maybe like listen to them without like protesting and just saying, okay, like how would it go down? How do you picture it? And tell me about your more about your fear that I would leave you for another woman.

Like just listen to them. I think eventually you might be able to just reassure him, but I think cause it's so new and you guys have been together for a long time i believe that to have someone else whether to woman or man like it's threatening and so i feel like if you you have two choices right now i think you could kind of wait and see if it settles a little bit and he's like oh yeah no now that i've thought about it i

guess it's okay if you want to go on another date with her because christine let me ask you you don't think that you would leave your husband for a woman do you oh no i mean i'll be honest i mean i was married for twelve years to the wrong man and there was no sex i would say uh... i could count on like one hand it was horrible because they're miserable together but um... i never even had like i didn't even have a vibrator right I mean, we're talking a dry spell. So I'm on hormone therapy.

I have a husband I'm attracted to. I feel great. We're totally happy. And because we're happy together, we're happy together in the bedroom as well. This just sort of was something that I mentioned to him. I had this woman thing a long time ago. Yeah, I might wanna try that again.

He seemed open to it. Now I'm like, I really like this woman. As a woman, I might want to try that again. He seemed a little bit to it. Now, I'm like, I really like this woman as a woman. I could be a friend. And I like her and the fact that I liked her sexually. I've got it. I think made of nervous. Okay. Christine, I understand that. So what I'm saying is you two choices, like you can kind of like, you know what? Let's just put this on hold for a little bit. Let's just kind of connect with, you know, which junior husband and you kind of maybe bring it up again in a few weeks or a month and just talk about it with him still and find out a little bit more

or you can agree to bring her into the bedroom. One time and see how that goes, if you really want to see her again. But I feel like it's something that you're both going to have to, you know, come to an agreement on. And I guess it probably feels unfair because you like change the rules on you, but he's truly expressing how it made him feel it made him feel

Threatened in a way it's a new behavior right when our partners change suddenly You have to have a little compassion form in that area. I think again It's more conversation than you have to decide would you be down with having him? Maybe if he saw you guys together once you'd be like, okay, you know what? I saw that I don't need to see it again. I see your relationship now. I'm not threatened But that's the thing about open relationships and all relationships. They're living breathing entities

that you have to continue to massage and nourish. And this will probably enhance your communication in every other area. If you could learn to kind of listen and hold back and like entertainers feelings and just kind of see where this goes. So I think it's a little bit more talking. Yeah.

So. Can I ask you a question that related to us about my girlfriend, she told me her biggest secret and she said that for the last 20 years or so, she had a boyfriend before she got married and he was fascinated by the idea of watching them have sex on occasion. So she calls it cuckolding or something. It is cuckolding. Yeah. OK, so like every year, maybe twice a year, the husband participates and wants his wife

to have sex with this man. She told me all kinds of stuff. And then, like an idiot, after all this, I told my husband about it. Now he's worried about the friends that I'm hanging out with. Oh, yeah. Listen to Midwest, you know, what do you think about that? I mean, I'm supposed to eat his own, but it's no. Cuckolding is a common fantasy. I hear it a lot from men. It's more from from men who want to watch their wives have sex with another man. They just get they get off on it. It's really hot for them to see you know yeah their wife getting pleasure there's a

little bit of them feel so bad that it feels good it's sort of a psychological thing my husband he was like I believe in the same to T.F. marriage and I said well how does it any different it's the same with you using okay with me being in a bed you may go but it's not from the same sex and it's the same thing though but it's the same thing to be honest it's it's actually into it sounds like he's into couple thing he wants to watch you with another woman is pretty much the same thing it is though he wants to watch you someone else in them for some men it's just

like it's like the stigma like of watching their partner that i can't believe i'm doing this but then it feels good there's a lot of different reasons why it turns on so he might just want to be like turn on by seeing you have pleasure i don't know yet so what it is but that's what he said he like but a book christine wouldn't that being me and you're myself why not though why not have a watch you'd enjoy yourself what about it don't you like oh i'm fine with that i think that's fine and he said he doesn't need to have any simulation or anything or

her touching him or anything is just about he enjoys me having pleasure and he wants to be a good husband All right, well, I think you can't go against listen you love your husband Kristine Thanks, you know, I think you got to just keep having conversations don't do anything without him knowing and continue to talk because I think more will be revealed You guys are gonna be going deeper and learning more about your connection with this but thanks Kristine Thanks for your call. I appreciate it good to hear from you. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh,

I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at SexWithEmily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559 825 5739. A go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to A-Cast for powering the Sex with Emily Podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. you