Sex With Emily - Casual Sex Without the Chaos

Episode Date: May 12, 2026

On Today’s live podcast recording from April 9, 2026, I answer your real questions about masturbation, insecurity, kink, communication, and how to improve your sex life with curiosity and openness. ...We talk about why masturbation is a healthy part of a thriving relationship, how to overcome insecurities about sexual experience, and the importance of communication and exploration. I also dive into how to bring solo techniques into partnered sex, why self-consciousness during intimacy can kill arousal, and how to keep desire alive through changes in life stages. This episode is all about prioritizing pleasure, understanding your body, and learning to feel more confident in your sexuality. No matter your experience, there’s always room to grow and enjoy better, more fulfilling sex. Find LUCY near you at https://lucy.co/stores, or save 20% on your first online order at https://lucy.co/SEXWITHEMILY with promo code SEXWITHEMILY ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.  CONNECT: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to Sex with Emily 2:14 Masturbation in Relationships Isn’t Cheating 5:44 Kinks, Bondage & Presence 7:25 Inexperienced in Bed & Becoming a Better Lover 9:57 Solo Orgasms, Porn, & Partnered Sex Explained 14:13 Body Confidence During Sex 18:28 Emily’s New Book 19:40 Can Lesbians Enjoy Anal Pleasure? 22:06 Perimenopause & Low Libido 23:47 Why Some People Can Only Orgasm Alone 26:17 How to Be an Ethical “F-Boy” 29:14 Trouble Finishing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Okay, so if you've been listening to this show for a while, you know I'm not about random sex toys or gimmicks. I'm about tools that actually support your pleasure, your communication, and your connection. Well, that's exactly why we created the Shop Sex with Emily store. Everything in there is curated by me and my team, and these are products I trust, I recommend to clients, and what tell my friends about. It's what I talk about all the time. Whether you're exploring solo pleasure, looking to reconnect with a partner, or you really just want something body safe and beginner-friendly, we've organized it so you don't feel
Starting point is 00:00:29 overwhelmed. People love the dame pillow for supported sex. The Magic Wand Waterproof. Oh my God, it's so good. Cray Vesper, massage candles, Joe flavored loob, We Vibe Touch, clitoral vibrators. There's just so many things on there because pleasure shouldn't be confusing. It should feel empowering. You can check it out at shop.com and find something that supports where you are right now or just click the link in the show notes. Also, keep an eye out for curated collections coming soon. The Madamy Holmes bike for brain health supporting Baycrest returns on May 31st for its fifth anniversary
Starting point is 00:01:02 with a new start and finish at the Aga Khan Museum. Join thousands of cyclists as we take over the DVP and Gardner Expressway in support of dementia research and brain health. Writers of all abilities are welcome and both regular bikes and e-bikes can participate.
Starting point is 00:01:16 Bring your friends, family, or corporate team and make an impact. Register today at bikeforbrainhealth.ca. But know that masturbation is not a replacement for you in the relationship at all. It's really just a different kind of release. Because one of the biggest challenges
Starting point is 00:01:35 that we leave our body during sex, we're thinking about other things, work, the kids. When I define good sex as being an attentive, consensual, communicative, open lover, just because you've been with more people and more experience doesn't necessarily make you a great lover. It's just our own egos, our own judgments, our shame that we're somehow not enough for our partners.
Starting point is 00:01:58 The confidence doesn't come from I love every part of my body. It means I'm more confident because I'm allowing myself to be present. Thank you for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily. I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. This is my first YouTube live solely on YouTube and I'm doing a podcast for over 20 years. I realize that my most favorite thing to do in the world is to talk to all of you about your sex lives, your relationships, dating love, wherever you are stuck, wherever you have a question
Starting point is 00:02:43 because you know we don't talk about it a lot. There's a lot of shame. There's a lot of, there's a lot of misinformation. And so my mission is to get here and to help you with anything going on right now. So thank you, everyone, for joining me. You can ask me any questions you have. You can just put it in the chat, which I think I can see here. I'm not sure where to look on here, but I will look at, I know you're, I'm on, if you send your questions, I think I will see them. Let's see, there's a chat. Okay, I got it. Send your messages here, send your questions here. I can answer them. I also posted this on our other platforms and had some questions come in that I'm going to start to answer now. But know that if you have a particular question or you want
Starting point is 00:03:32 clarification, I'm going to be here with you for a little bit. Okay. So what do we got here? Okay. This is a really important question. Anyone here have feelings about their partner if they masturbate when you're in a committed relationship with them? Like you, maybe your partner said to you, I don't think you should have to masturbate if we're together. Why would you need other stimulation from somewhere else if you've got me? Anyone have that situation happen to them before? Well, I got a question that said, it makes me sad like I'm not doing my job because I caught my husband taking care of himself. So listen, this is so common because masturbation.
Starting point is 00:04:24 has historically been shamed because we sum out of these ideas that if our partner has to take care of themselves, it means that we're doing something wrong or we've somehow failed them, right? But know that masturbation is not a replacement for you in the relationship at all. It's really just a different kind of release, right? So it feels good to have a release that's just a release from stress, a way to feel more connected to our ourselves, but so often, most the time, it's not because they're not happy with you and it is not a replacement. And so for many solo sex, when we do this, is about relieving stress, regulating our nervous system, you know, just convenience. You're like, I'm actually kind
Starting point is 00:05:18 of turned on right now and I'm just going to take care of myself. And so, the real question I want to ask her is if you feel desired and connected and sexually fulfilled in your relationship with your partner, there's no reason to feel, which I get what you do, but I discourage you from feeling that it's taking away from your relationship or it's somehow making you lesser than. Reminder that masturbation is part of a healthy, thriving sex life. And it's part of being sexually healthy overall. It's not a competition. It's not taking away from you.
Starting point is 00:06:01 The most important thing here, I love that you sent me a question about it. But the next step would be to talk to your partner about it and say, listen, when I saw that you were, how did you put it here? Taking care of yourself. I'm going to be honest with you, babe. but my first feeling was that it somehow was taking away from us. And I've since learned through Dr. Emily at sex with Emily that that's actually not the case for many men. And so maybe you could tell me more about what's going on in the moment
Starting point is 00:06:36 when you want to masturbate or what you're thinking about or what happens there. Because then you'll have information that I think coming from your partner that would make you feel good. Now, I also encourage couples to masturbate together. Mutual masturbation is a wonderful way to explore together. So you're both feeling, you both know that you're going to get off, right? It can be really hot to see how your partner pleases themselves.
Starting point is 00:07:03 And it's just another sexy thing to put in your toolkit. I'm going to take it a step further and say, maybe you should masturbate together. Okay, I got another question here. and feel free to put your questions into the chats. So someone Rich said, Hey, Dr. Emily, my favorite kink is bondage, extreme bondage, ball gag, toes tied, hogtide. What is my opinion on that?
Starting point is 00:07:25 I appreciate it. My opinion is how wonderful that you know what turns you on. That's a wonderful kink. And I think it's completely acceptable, of course, and you own it. And just find a partner who's willing to play with you. So I think that that's really great that you know. here's the thing about kink is that kink if people just say kink they're like what does that mean is that
Starting point is 00:07:49 somehow is it wrong to be kinky or is it judgmental be kinky no i think that kink is a wonderful way to play i mean so much the opposite of kink is that we're just doing so oftentimes something that is predictable and it's what we do every single time and your sex life can become a little bit boring and a little stale after well but couples who engage in kink tend to feel more connected to each other tend to have a stay more present during sex because one of the biggest challenges that we leave our body during sex. We're thinking about other things, work, the kids, what we're doing after, you know, something happens, sex or at the end of the day or something happened earlier. But when you're engaged in kink play with a partner, you're fully connected and you are sharing an experience together
Starting point is 00:08:37 that you know, you're playing a game together basically. Someone's leading, someone's following, someone's doing the tie up someone's doing the tieing you know you're playing together so yeah my opinion on that is wonderful if you find a consensual partner so zed said what can i do if she has more experience than me thank you zed for that question so what can you do if your partner has more experience in you in the bedroom uh i love this question because let me tell you why oftentimes we're like oh this person has more experience than me and they know what they're doing. And then I feel less than, I feel anxious going into the sexual encounter. And it probably means that you're already starting out the experience feeling inadequate, feeling less than feeling shame about yourself. But being good in bed,
Starting point is 00:09:31 a great lover isn't typically or necessarily about the number of people you've slept with or having more experience. Anybody could be a great lover if they pay attention. They're curious. They ask questions. So you could learn what your partner wants. You can talk to them and say, this is my level of experience, but I want to be a great lover. Tell me what you like. Tell me what you're into. but very rarely have my greatest lovers been people who have had so many sexual partners. It's the one area, unless you've had really wonderful partners where you talked about things all the time and you expressed your needs, but just having a lot of people under your belt that you've had sex with doesn't mean your skills increasing.
Starting point is 00:10:24 And usually that might be confusing because you're like if you do something a lot, you a lot of hours playing a sport, cooking, studying, you get better at it. But when I define good sex as being an attentive, consensual, communicative, open lover, just because you've been with more people and had more experience doesn't necessarily make you a great lover. So I think you can just pay attention, ask her what she likes, and go from there. That's all you can do. And I think you're going to be probably even more equipped to be her great lover because you're ready to learn, you're ready to pay attention. So I love that question. Anyone else have another question here? I am going to prioritize these YouTube questions coming in, but I do have some more here that you guys sent in
Starting point is 00:11:14 earlier. But I love that you're all joining me because this is where the magic happens. That's right. Here's another one. You're welcome, said, do you think if a woman orgasms solo, to porn or by herself, that'll be harder to orgasm with a man. Well, first, let me say it's so important for women to learn to orgasm on their own. And in fact, the opposite where women don't orgasm on their own and they are relying on all their orgasms to come with a man, it's not usually as successful as a woman taking time to figure out her body first, which is why masturbation is such an important part of being sexually healthy, sexually evolved. And so, you know, solo orgasms and partnered orgasms are just different
Starting point is 00:12:12 experiences. There's not one that's better than the other. One doesn't cancel out the other. And the issue isn't that porn is going to ruin this person. It's just, just means that this partner might have learned a specific arousal pattern that might not have transferred into partnered sex. Because you know when you're on your own and you're masturbating, you kind of know you're not really thinking about your partner. You're not really thinking about, um, I wonder if these are plugged. Do I need to leave these on?
Starting point is 00:12:45 I can't tell. You're not really, um, you've just learned like, this is how I orgasm with porn, but it doesn't necessary take away the time with your partner. It just means that that's maybe more of your experience. So a lot of women can easily orgasm alone because they know exactly what they need to do. They know the pressure. They need the speed they need. They know how to fantasize. They know the exact stimulation and the exact way to touch themselves. But it doesn't mean that when they bring a partner along, that it can't be any different. The fix is if they do bring a partner in, there's more communication and bringing in what works for you solo into partnered sex. So masturbation is just
Starting point is 00:13:31 information. It is not a problem. It just means that like I love if a woman's taking time on our own to to masturbate and figure out what feels good to her. Like that's such an important unlock. And speaking from somebody who used to think that the only way I was going to learn to orgasm was with a male partner and that didn't happen that I took matters into my own hands and it did happen. And then I was able to show my partner exactly how I wanted to be touched, what worked for me. And that made me a much more like, you know, probably an exciting lover because I was like, you don't have to go around and figuring it all out on your own. Like, I know what I need. You know, I know a good jumping off point and then we could figure other things together. That's,
Starting point is 00:14:18 That's why they're very different soloed sex of partnered sex. But we shouldn't be pitting them against each other. Both of these questions sort of do that. Or they're like it's either or, right? Like either you masturbate on your own or you masturbate the partner or you orgasm to porn, you orgasm with the partner. It's like it's all part of the same thing. Like you could go for a run on your own and you could be on a training team and run with a team.
Starting point is 00:14:42 You're still running, right? Same thing for sex. You just kind of adapt. When you're running with a team, you might run at a certain pace. Like if you're on a run club, anyone ever been in a running club? You run, you run with the club, you run differently than when you're on your own for your Saturday morning jog, right? But you're still running.
Starting point is 00:14:58 So you're still arousing. You're still getting aroused. You're still feeling good. It's just that in one scenario, you've got partners there, any other scenario you're on your own. You've got to start thinking about sex that way. It's like we have all these rules around it that don't really make any sense that aren't really based in reality. It's just our own egos.
Starting point is 00:15:18 our own judgments, our shame that we're somehow not enough for our partners. So that's that. We'll be right back after I talk a little bit about our sponsor, Lucy. Okay, fair warning, this isn't for everyone, but I've been loving their nicotine gum lately. I've found that on those busy recording days, it just helps me stay centered, takes the edge off just enough so I can stay in that flow state and just really be present with you all. I love, it doesn't give me a frantic buzz, it's just too. just this subtle boost in my mental clarity and focus.
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Starting point is 00:16:47 brain interrupts with the least sexy thought. Wait, what about the mess? And suddenly, you're running through a mental checklist of how you're going to clean the sheets afterward. And just like that, you're out of your body and back in your head. That's why I love common confidential. They've thought through this exact scenario for us. If you love their massage butter like I do, you already know how good it feels. It's silky, rich, melts into your skin and really helps you slow down and stay present. But it's a lot easier to fully let go when you're not thinking about the cleanup. That's where their intimate blanket comes in. It's 100% waterproof, super soft and designed to protect your bedding so you can stay in the moment and actually relax into the
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Starting point is 00:18:22 What else? We got some more questions here. Anyone else want to send a question? Thank you for following me for a while. I hate Wands. Thank you for following me. All of you. I appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:18:34 Any other questions here for people watching? Okay, so I got another question that says, talk about a women's self-consciousness in bed and being naked in front of him. So I think that this question means that women are often in their heads during sex instead of in their bodies. I actually am releasing a podcast tomorrow all about this topic. The Sex Melanie Podcast Tomorrow is about why we term is disassociate during sex and why we often leave our bodies and are thinking about, do I look good enough? Am I doing the right thing? Is my pleasing my partner enough rather than being in our bodies?
Starting point is 00:19:11 if we're self-conscious, it's going to kill our arousal because our brain is focused on how I look instead of how I feel. And the big flip there is, how do I feel in the moment? Does this feel good? Do I like the way my partner is touching me, kissing me, you know, hanging out with me? Do I like how I feel? And since so many of us are so practiced in leaving our bodies and not paying attention to the actual sensations we're having in the moment, Like even if you take a moment, you're like, okay, my hands are on this chair, my feet are on the floor. I'm feeling this velvet chair.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Okay, like right now, I'm feeling my butt on the chair. I'm feeling my hands touching my laptop. Like I'm much more present when I'm paying attention to what I'm feeling. And that's what I encourage you to do during sex is to be like, when you're in your head, can you come back to your breath? Can you come back to the moment? You know, most partners, too, if there's. with you, I'm going to get, they're way less critical than you think. They're not judging you. They are so excited to be with you, you know? And we end up really hurting ourselves in relationships
Starting point is 00:20:25 when we're so friggin' worried what someone's going to think about us. And so I always think, and I know this after years of experience, that nobody's looking at our bodies the way we do. So the twist to that is when you let go of that worry, the confidence doesn't come from. I love every part of my body. It means I'm more confident because I'm allowing myself to be present. And I'm allowing myself to be present in this situation, this sexual situation, and it being present. And so therefore, I can feel more. and I can start to feel arousal building through my body.
Starting point is 00:21:08 I know exactly what I want to feel good next. But it's impossible to be thinking a lot during sex, like, am I doing this right? How does my body look? Is my partner attracted to me? Is someone going to walk in the door and feel at the same time? And the only way you're going to get better at being present during sex, is practicing. So my most helpful tip is to focus on the sensations you're having in the moment.
Starting point is 00:21:43 How do my partner's hands feel on my body? Going back to your breath, when you breathe slowly, in and out, you're immediately anchored in the room. Focus on how touch feels and focus on pleasure and what feels good instead of your appearance. Because this question was about self-confidence and being naked in front of a partner. Again, that is also an important practiced. Thank you, Ashland. He says he's your first live podcast for you. You've been a long-time listener. I should do this more often. Yes, really. I'm with you. I'm doing it more often. That's why I'm here. I'm actually here to do this more often. So thank you and tell your friends, I will be here more regularly. I'm so glad you're all here.
Starting point is 00:22:31 I figure why not drop in for a half hour, hour, once a week. We can have a chat, which is what I like doing anyway. And then we can post it as a podcast. And then you guys can listen whenever you want. Sound good? And always, you can pop your questions in here. And we've got one from I Hate Wands. This is cool.
Starting point is 00:22:55 I can show it on the screen. Do I have plans to write another book in the future? I do have plans to write another book. And I'm really excited about it. So the book I'm working on, I can't say much, but it's about a lot of the challenges that we're having around desire and sex right now, that a lot of people are in sexist relationships. They're losing the spark. Maybe they never even have the spark in the relationship. How many people have been in relationships? any of you been relationships where you just didn't have either you never really had it, you had it the first few months, or maybe you married someone for convenience and you love them
Starting point is 00:23:36 and they're your best friend, but you just don't have the spark. So that's the book I'm writing. It's about how to learn to prioritize attraction and arousal. And I believe that a lot of us have been desensitized to it. We're not approaching people. We're not meeting people. We've gotten afraid of our own bodies. We've gotten afraid of connection.
Starting point is 00:23:56 So that's what I'm working on now. Thank you for that question. Any other questions coming in? Okay. So here's some more. Can lesbians enjoy butt stuff? Yeah, everybody's got a butt, and everybody's butt can feel very good when stimulated.
Starting point is 00:24:13 Aino pleasure is all about our anatomy and our nerve eddings, which we all have the anatomy, and we all have nerve endings that can feel good when stimulated. It's not about sexual-oriented. at all. Anyone could enjoy it if they're into it. The key point is don't like feel like it's something you should do, but I highly recommend that people explore on their own. It's just another option. If it feels good to you, it feels consensual, feels exciting, just remember to experiment. Try it on your own. But yes, well, you're not even asking for advice. You're saying can lesbians? I'm sure lesbians do
Starting point is 00:24:47 enjoy it. I know they enjoy it. Pleasure is personal. It is not identity limited. It It doesn't mean anything about you if you like to be stimulated, anally or otherwise. The things that give us pleasure don't necessarily, yeah, don't mean that we, anything about our sexual orientation. Okay. Let's see what else we got here. Okay. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:25:12 Yeah, it's going to be a perfect book. I'm excited for you guys to read it. It's going to be really fun. Okay. What else you guys want to talk about? Listen, we've got some orgasm. questions I got into. Someone asked about penis size. You guys want to go there. What's the ideal penis size and girth for anal orgasms? Okay, that's a two-fer. There's no universal ideal size,
Starting point is 00:25:37 you know, at all. So for anal pleasure, it's more about, are you relaxed? Are you aroused? Are you communicating? How's your pacing? Are you using lots of lube? Figure is not automatically better. Okay, excuse me, I promise you that. And most people are going to enjoy anal any kind of anal play. If you warm up gradually, you use fingers and toys first, you don't just go right into anal penetration. It's about the angle and the positioning and the loops. I don't think, I know it's not about a particular size.
Starting point is 00:26:13 That is a personal decision. I can't tell you what size feels good for you, but anybody could learn to appreciate experience. excuse me, and have pleasure through anal sex. Okay, that's the truth. So, yeah. Someone said, is desire something that can be lost due to perimenopause? How do you get it back? Listen, every stage of life, our sex drive can change as women.
Starting point is 00:26:45 It can change in our 30s. It can change if we go on the birth control pill. Excuse me. It can change if we go on antidepressants. It could change in your 30s or 40s, 40s, 50s if you're going through paramedipause. It can impact desire. So, yes, it can. And libido changes come from a lot of things.
Starting point is 00:27:01 It comes from hormones. It comes from sleep disruptions, stress, vaginal pain, dryness, body image changes, all the things. But low desire does not mean your sex life is over. Just getting it back just means like you get curious and you address the symptoms that you're having. am I am I supporting my hormone health am I understanding what actually turns me on am I prioritizing pleasure again
Starting point is 00:27:28 am I talking to my partner about what I like I love Vylisi it is the only peptide that is approved for women's libido during perimenopause Vileisi you get a prescription of your doctor it's V-Y-L-E-S-I and it's a game changer What I mean is you just shoot yourself up right before you want to have sex and you start to feel that familiar sensation, that tinkling that arousal, and that can help a lot of women get in the mood.
Starting point is 00:27:59 It's a peptide and peptides are all the rage right now. People are all shooting themselves up with tons of things. So it's specifically made for women in perimenopause. So I recommend that. Someone else said I can only orgasm on my own, but never with partners. What do I do? I feel ashamed. Okay.
Starting point is 00:28:20 This is also a really common question. There is nothing to be ashamed of. This is really common, especially for people who know exactly how their bodies worked during solo sex. Because when you're on your own, you know, you know how to touch yourself, what you need to do,
Starting point is 00:28:36 how you should be sitting, where you should be, how you should be sitting, where you should move, what kind of toys you need. Like you're not thinking of anyone else. So it's really easy to be able to orgasm on your own. But when you're with a partner, it can mean you need more communication,
Starting point is 00:28:55 right? More specific stimulation. So how do you bring your solo techniques into partner sex? So it's really a great opportunity to normalize changes throughout your life with your age, your hormones, and the relationship dynamics. Because she also said here, that she's 53, but she never orgasms with their partner. So I think this whole talk about sex in your 40s and 50s being like so hard or so different. When I look at it and I talk to women, I think for many of them, it wasn't always easy anyway. Like they've never orgasm. She says she's never orgasm with a partner before. So your body isn't broken. There's nothing wrong with you. You just need to develop the right conditions when you're with a partner. You need to be able to say,
Starting point is 00:29:41 let's explore ways that I can have an orgasm. It might be through oral sex, through using toys, through having a certain kind of communication style of build up, arousal, something. So just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it's never going to happen. It just means that you haven't taken the time to figure it out. And that is a skill set with a partner saying, you know, I've never really been able to orgasm with a partner. Is this something that you'd be willing to explore with me? Could we do this together?
Starting point is 00:30:16 and I think a partner who really wants to please you, who really cares about you, is going to be down. I'm like, yeah, show me how. Let's fucking go. Okay, we've got, let's see. All right. So, what else we got? Any other questions here that I want to talk about? We've got some questions here, but I'm not sure what I want you to.
Starting point is 00:30:41 Okay, someone said how to be an ethical and considerate F-boy. So is that really an F-boy if you're ethical, ethical, and considerate? I mean, it's really all about being honest, being open, being curious, being real about your intentions. If you want casual sex ethically, you want to be safe and you want to be fuckable. So how do you make somebody feel safe? You are consistent. You are clear. You are honest.
Starting point is 00:31:07 You respect them. You treat them well. You do what you say you're going to do. Don't pretend you want a relationship. You don't. don't breadprum, don't talk about your future wedding, don't use emotional intimacy in a manipulative way. You know, you can be casual and not be careless. Remember that. You can be a casual partner and not careless. You don't have to be, you know, disrespectful of a partner. You can
Starting point is 00:31:37 treat them with with kindness and generosity and just being clear. Remember, clarity, clear as kind. So that's all really important. Any other questions about that? Any f-boys here? Anybody felt like they dated an f-boy? I never did because I just don't think I could handle somebody not feeling, it just was never attracted to me to be just someone who's like, yeah, I just sleep around with everyone else. Not that there's a judgment. It's just like, I want to feel special. I want to feel like you desire only me and that you're so into me and you think I'm such a, you know, incredible person and you make me feel really. safe. For me, safety's always been important. And what I mean by that is knowing that someone's
Starting point is 00:32:19 really into me and they really like me and they really want to be with me and they're consistent. Like all the things I said, I need that in a partner. I was never really interested, again, in not feeling safe and like worrying, are they going to call? Are they not going to call? Do they really like me? Like, that is just exhausting to me and isn't attractive to me. But I think a lot of us have wiring that's very different because of our upbringings that, or maybe we saw somebody model this, this inconsistent behavior that usually goes along with being an F boy, an F boy. And so it seemed you were attractive to this person because it seemed familiar, right?
Starting point is 00:33:04 It was familiar, but not necessarily healthy. I mean, I had other things going on in my childhood, but I didn't have that. So being with somebody who didn't make me feel special and that they wanted to be with me and thought that I was amazing and sexy and cool and all that stuff, that was more important than somebody who was like in and out and not showing me that kind of respect. Personally. All right, all of you. What else?
Starting point is 00:33:33 I think we answered a lot of these here. Anything else you guys got? Any other questions? Thank you all for being here. Someone said I get super turned on with my partner, but I have troubles ejaculating. What can I do to have with this? I feel like I'm in my head too much. Yeah, that happens a lot.
Starting point is 00:33:49 So, yeah. So anyone else feel this way that you get turned on, but when you have trouble, honestly, it just feels like, yeah, that's the biggest thing. When we can't orgasm, we can ejaculate, it's usually because we are in our head. We are in our head and we're worried about ejaculating or worried about not ejaculating or worried about other things. And so I feel like the biggest thing is that is like learning to be in your body during sex. Like we started out saying like, how can you learn to feel present when you are in your head thinking about things?
Starting point is 00:34:21 You can go back to what are the sensations feeling in my body? What am I feeling right now? What am I? What is it feel like to have my partner's hands in my body? What does it feel like to truly feel connected? What is happening in the moment right now that's turning me out? It's really just getting out of our heads and just breathing into our bodies. So, yeah, if you're ahead too much, it also, it's really helpful to practice getting out of your head not only in the bedroom, but it's a practice you can do throughout your life.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Like even if you're just walking, noticing the trees outside, noticing thinking about the noise, the sounds that you're hearing on the street, noticing the colors, you know, just the practice of being present and learning how to be. present throughout your life is going to make you easier to turn on in the bedroom. That's just what it is. But that's probably, you know, that is what it is, is that we think about it. You know, we can't ejaculate. We can't orgasm. I mean, the good news is that for many of us, it's not because you're broken or there's something wrong with you.
Starting point is 00:35:30 It's because of our head and our thoughts and thinking we're not doing enough and we're not enough but that doesn't serve us at all it really doesn't everybody i appreciate you all for being here so much are you all going to come back if i do this next week and bring your friends bring your questions you can let me know what you want me to talk about and how i can support you anything else yes i think you should all check out everything that i'm doing i do a new podcast sex with Emily, sign up for my newsletter, check out my store. I've got a great store on my site. I'm doing some coaching. I'm going to be going on the road and doing a tour. You guys all want to come join me in my tour. How about next week? I can come in. I can show you some things,
Starting point is 00:36:21 some toys. You guys can submit your questions ahead of time. That would be amazing. But I appreciate all of you. And I hope you have a beautiful day. And I'll be back next week. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. And if it was good for you, sign up for my newsletter. check me out on all social media and have a wonderful night.

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