Sex With Emily - Cock and Bull (Sex) Stories & Swallowing

Episode Date: July 18, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is revealing the common lies that people tell around sex – which we’re all guilty of telling at least one. Plus, she’s taking your calls. She discusses the lies men and women tell around sex – and why it’s better to just be honest. Then, she gives advice on what to do when you’ve tried to be sexually compatible, but it just doesn’t seem possible, tips on swallowing without gagging – with one you may not have heard, and how to love your body when you’ve got some asymmetrical anatomy going on. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: We-Vibe, Adam & Eve, Muse, SiriusXM, Promescent Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about the common lies that people tell around sex, and I think we can all relate to this because hey, we're all guilty of at least one. Topics include, from the amount of sex to faking orgasms to lessening your sex number, everyone has told a sex life. But here's why you should just be honest. So you've tried and tried to get on the same page as your partner sexually, but it just seems like you're not compatible. What do you do? Swallowing. How to do it without gagging and a new tip you may not have heard before.

And asymmetrical anatomy, learning to love your lovely labia despite what you see in porn. All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them a lie on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand.

Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? I'm not going to fall for a sound problem.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, please comment and subscribe on iTunes or were you ever listened to our podcast, you know, Spotify, Google Play, SoundCloud, iHeartRadio. It really helps us and we love when you subscribe and tell all your friends to listen. And you can also find me in SiriusXMRadio, stars channel 109.

I'm there Monday through Friday evenings, 5 to 7pm Pacific, and you can also get a free 30 day trial. If you go to sexathamely.com slash SXM, but you can still call into the show. Even if you don't have serious, it's tripplet 9478277 could essentially, I'm here just to help you and answer your questions. Also, fight us in all social media at the sexathamely across the board, and help you guys enjoy the show.

Here's a survey. I love a good survey. Here's what men and women lie about when it comes to sex. Mm, ah, ah, ah, ah. The most common lies. First, I thought, should we wait and see what people say if they can guess them, but we're gonna break it down for you and I can relate to these.

So here you go. Women's most common, sex lies. So lies they tell in their life around sex. I'm not even gonna start with the first one. That's a whole conversation. Faking and orgasm. OK, so we get what you do. We've covered that a lot.

Like, we've all faked it. Yeah. I don't actually know any woman who has not faked it. The reasons are because we want to please our partner. We don't feel bad. We actually know we're not going to get there. Yeah, sometimes you just know. You just just know I just easier to tap out in Live with the fake orgasm which is kind of easy to do.

It's not like a heart. There's so many harder things in the Fade orgasm. It comes so naturally like you're like sometimes you even Or actually I faked it in the past and I even believe myself. I was like that was so did I have an orgasm? Well, because sometimes there is something I haven't done it you guys just so you guys, just so you know, in 14 years since I started this show, I've never faked one, but I was a professional. That was the parameters for her starting her podcast. She couldn't fake orgasms anymore. Ever again.

Yeah, that was the first thing I've learned. Her pain treated herself. Yeah, it's like, what a lie. This service, and then your partner's going, I, every woman orgasms when they're with me. Well, yeah, because then she's gonna, he's gonna think, or she, whoever you're with. I think, you think a woman, okay, actually question.

Oh, do you think a woman would be able to tell if another woman was faking it? Because they know what it feel like it would go on down there. I think so. I believe that lesbians are less likely to fake it for sure. And I think we would know, and why would you? I mean, do you know how this opera,

you know you've been driving this car? And you think we would know, and why would you? I mean, do you know how this happened? You know, you've been driving this car. Like, you know what you're doing. And you know, like, you know, you're like, why would we? Why would you, if you're with a woman? You get it. You're like, girl, you know I get it. You're not gonna do that or whatever.

Here's your vibe. Here's the magic wand. So we do it. We wouldn't leave ourselves hanging. We wouldn't. No. I'm sure that everyone has faked it. Ever, I'm sure in all types of relationships,

this has happened. But is there something too potentially, not like full faking it, but in a way fake it till you make it like, sometimes when you feel like you're into that pleasure, you get closer? Well, yes. When you breathe and make more mones and you're really in your body, you can sort of almost get there and then you're over the edge and then you're already faking it. Sorry, my mom just texted me and she's like, you don't have to have sex tonight. sort of almost get there and then you're over the edge and then you're already.

Sorry, my mom just texted me and she's like, you don't have to have sex tonight. Oh. Oh. Your mom should just call in. I know. She really said it. Oh my God.

Let me just tell what your mom is having again. Laurie. Okay, I'm not saying she has to. I just, this is my goal for your daughter. I would like your daughter and Michelle here to go out and live their 20s in LA. Doesn't do, I was, sex was just, I need them to go out and meet you.

I don't wanna hang out with their friends that she's known forever, Jamie and her partner with the three people all day long. Going back to God knows where. We're in LA, we're in Hollywood, we're in West Chicago, make new friends, meet new people. If sex happens, amazing.

If not, just meet cool people that's what you do in your 20s. You go out, figure out who you like, who you are, and don't stay comfortable in your little place. That's all I'm saying, Lori. Yeah. I wish I had that kind of confidence everywhere. I want a pocket-sized Emily, just to remind myself,

like, you know what I would like when me and Jamie are out, be like, this is the mission. I've definitely channeled Emily during this before. That's what I need to do. It's consistently remind myself that you are with me. Oh. Yes. Because it gives me confidence when you're like,

I need you and Jamie go out and do this. You're an LA. I mean, she's like, oh, we're lame. And we're going out tonight. We're going to party. Because that's what you got to do. Handling Emily. Yeah.

OK, well, you do that. You can't be wrong. So then she's like, when she's up for the talk, I wish I could get her out of my pocket, okay. Well you do that. You can't hear all I wish I could get her out of my pocket Just I'll just put you on the side snooze button Just kidding. Can't snooze me. I know unfortunately. Here's the point Friday this weekend Like what could you do this weekend? What kind of where you stuck right now when you're like This weekend I kind of want to ask this person out.

I really want to have sex with my partner. God, I really want to use this new whip. I don't know. New toy. I should probably break up. Should I go on the second date? What is the one thing? Right now, because I can help you that you want to do this weekend or that you need a little

help. All right, we're talking about lies. What else? I have a headache. Oh, I mean, then you have, don't you have, if you keep saying you have a headache, like don't you have to pretend like you have a headache if you don't actually have one? Yeah, you do.

Why don't you just tell the truth? See, this is what I'm thinking if you flip these. Yeah, so why don't you just be honest every time? Yeah, when your partner wants to have sex and you do not, what if he just told the truth? I'm really tired tonight, but would you all be do that? But then why then you start examining? Why am I tired? What's what am I tired about? What is it that makes me and then let them know? But let's make a plan. This is the next step. I'm really tired every night you ask me. I think we should plan out for the weekend. Let's try Saturday

morning. We're going to set the alarm before the kids get up or make a plan around it. I have a headache, I'm tired. What can you do solve that? Tell the truth and then work on the problem. All right, what else? We have sex all the time. Why are you lying about that?

So this is like when their friends ask. Probably, I mean, because you can't, your partner knows how much sex you're having. You can't be like, we have sex all the time. I know. To your friends, right? Because we don't know what normal and healthy relationships look like. And since no one's ever told the truth about sex, just because we feel that it's wrong and taboo and no one asks us that to say that you don't have sex just seems awful. So we all just kind of pretend everything's great. It's the equivalent of like, how are you doing? I'm good. How are you?

You know, is that like sex is great? We have it all the time, don't you? It's a never talk about it. Otherwise, it's gonna open up more questions and that's probably what people are trying to overcome. Yeah, like do you think that people just say that because the sex life is really shitty? I think some couples do, but a lot of you are like,

yeah, we have sex all the time because the reason why is because we have some shame around it, we don't understand it ourselves and saying, saying, you know, it's saying, no, we actually aren't a lot lately. Which would help us off. We told this is what women are telling their friends. How great would it be if you're like, you know, we're struggling lately.

We're not having a lot of sex. And maybe your friend would be like, oh, well, we were just like you. But we started listening to sex with Emily. I don't know, We bought a toy. We started talking about it. We started, we bought some lube, and now we have sex all the time. We started role-playing.

I started wearing a dog collar. I like that one. Get got a butt plot. I don't know whatever it was that changed. And then you learned from your friends. Don't lie. Don't. This is the most common lies that women tell.

Sex lies. I don't masturbate. No, I just don't. I don't masturbate. No, I just don't. I don't masturbate. What? That one confuses me. Yeah.

And we might tell our partners that too. Maybe we tell our friends. I don't know. My girlfriend, we never talked about it. My friends, when I didn't even come up. But I do think there is some, there's shame around it because it's not normal at Syltaboo. If you never heard it, it's the right thing to say that you don't.

And then you get in a relationship and you say you don't because there's this unspoken thing that people think that if you masturbate, it's somehow cheating. Like people in their recesses, their mind still think that. So the safe thing when you're just starting to date someone, perhaps, like, oh no, I don't masturbate because that means that I'm already free. There's a confusion around what masturbation means. I remember when I was younger, and I really didn't, yet masturbate, I used to always be like,

well, I would just rather have someone else do it for me. But there would be nights, because I wasn't like, I was had this plethora of penis when I was 17. And there would be nights where I was super horny, and I would just sit there frustrated. And it's just, when I finally started masturbating, I was like, I could have been doing this the whole time. Right.

Like, I would just sit there like mad at myself. Well, Jamie, that's a no, but that's a, right. You're like, what's this? Who's he, but Jamie, it's so interesting you say that because you've come a long way in your years. In the sense of there's many women that have called in, friends of mine, wherever I go, they're like, oh, when I ask them to masturbate, I have to encourage women and remind them that it actually feels

good and it gives you pleasure, reminds you why you like sex, it gives you confidence, you get more in your body. They're like, well, why would I? I have a partner or I see my boyfriend once a week. We think it's somehow irresponsible or not normal to make us like it's wrong to give ourselves pleasure. I think that that's like against it. So now that's like all I do. That's all we do.

Exactly. I feel like it's already, sorry, it's okay. She texted me again and she said, okay, you can have a little sex. Just a little bit. I love her, a lovie mom. Okay. She's got to come in here. She's great. All right, let's get to the mom. Okay. Just gotta come in here. It's great.

All right, let's get to the men. Okay. Men's most common sex lies. I never watch porn. Like what? You're just setting yourself up for porn. You are setting yourself up for failure. If you say you don't watch porn,

and I think that a lot of men do, like they're like the right answer to this question is no. I do not watch porn. There's no, because we're so lot of men do. Like, they're like, the right answer to this question is, no, I do not watch porn. There's no, because we're so afraid of being judged. Men, and so I think how great if you could be honest from the beginning and just say, yeah, I do watch porn. Be honest about it. It's like, this is standard.

I'm gonna tell you that most men watch porn. They will do it before the relationship, in the relationship, and then you're going into a relationship with a bunch of lies, do you? Yeah, I feel like that would just take care of so many problems from the get go if you just were honest about the porn thing. Well, because most partners, well, I don't know about most,

some partners probably would be okay with it. It's more of the like you're lying and hiding it and going around behind my backs and getting, do people still get computer viruses? Everyone's well. Yeah. I mean, we're lying to protect ourselves, to protect our partners, egos,

maybe like our poor behavior in the past, or that we judge ourselves. Interesting. Yeah, I know. I thought I think this is so enlightening though, if we look at this and just think of it as normal to get into, it was a really stupid someone and be like, oh, I do, of course, yes, I do masturbate.

Tell me about, do you masturbate? And I'd love to see you masturbate sometime. That'd be really hot, we should do it together. Oh, nice. There you go, mutual masturbation. One of my favorite sex, it's like the fourth sex position. I love to eat wonders. One of the best pictures in your book is that page of mutual men.

Oh, that one really got to me the first time I saw it. I was like, oh, I had to put it away. I was like, oh my gosh. Oh, in the office. Yeah, I was like, I was going to put this away. It's for dessert and masquerade. Okay, so, right? Mutual masturbation is great.

You learn from each other. You see what your partner likes. And then you just, you don't have to lie about it anymore. It's all there. You learn from each other, you see what you're part in a lex and then you just, you have to lie about it anymore. It's all there. You get it all out. Clear all the stuff out. And then that way it makes it, if you ever get caught mass-bating by your partner. Caut.

Yeah. Like, you know, in the act, like it makes it, then they can be, oh, let me try. Hey, come try it. Right. Or you don't have to worry that they're going to catch you every time you masturbate. I think that for a lot of people, men and women, we feel shame after you masturbate, like there's something like we do it,

and I just picture men doing it, they're on their computer, and they slam down their computer, like, oh, disgust and pull their pants up, walk away. And that has to do with a lot of things, operating childhood, their father, moms gonna walk in, but then they repeat that in your marriage, and then your father, your wife's gonna walk in, your children gonna walk in,

no one's on your team We know you watch porn. This one's funny. Oh, oh Babe, no, I swear I usually last a lot longer. I swear it. No, this never happens. I last a longer So this just sets you up for failure because you know you don't last a lot longer and if you don't you know listen I think we get tripped up on this like we should last so I mean I think come on. We all know what isn't long. We all know what's not long enough. Yeah, and it happens So to say you usually last lot, I mean, we all know and we're fine like one or two or three times Then you gotta keep lying and you know what's gonna happen again

So if you're this guy and you're still working on it, you're like, yeah, I'm working on you know Go back to just pleasing your partner in the moment and I guarantee you if you don't get stressed out that you didn't last as long as you'd like to, and you can start this tonight, because I think this is going to change. If you never last as long as you want, then what if you just do this? Let's say you come too quickly. Go back to pleasing your, then you all you do is like, nobody deal. And I like, oh, sorry, came, don't, go right back to pleasing your partner. Like literally, like do not pass go, do not apologize, do not wipe it up, do not turn

on the television, turn to your partner, and then continue to please her, him, whoever you're with. Like, that's okay. I came to it. Let me go down in her, give her a few orgasms. And then it comes back because you're not obsessed with that you think you came to the last it. Right.

Right. Do you think this is just they just feel like kind of shame and down about them themselves? And that's why they just complete shut. They shut down. Don't think of sex as so linear. You can make out, you can have sex, you can go back to kissing, you could come quicker

than you want and then go back down into a partner, get our glass of water. And if you don't last that long, then just always make sure your partner finishes first. Because then that way, it's kind of like it doesn't matter. It's a matter. We're all happy. Right.

Then turn the TV on. Okay, so this one is for both people. They're so good. They're so good. But this is for both people. So is this on both lies for women and men. They never fantasize about sex with other people. Okay, I'm glad you're... Everybody does.

You all, okay, you guys, here's the other thing. You're all masturbating. Everyone's probably watching porn, and you are always fantasizing about someone else besides your partner. It happens to you more often than not. And to say that you never fantasize about sex with another woman,

this is the guy's biggest lies. Not true. I'm sure. I mean, you don't have to help me when you're doing it. Yeah, you're right now, babe, I'm picturing someone that's not you, and she's hot. Oh, so, no, don't do it in that moment. But do it, if this comes up, why don't we just assume

that it's true? And then when you guys are having healthy conversations about your sex life, like, so what do you went to? What do you fantasize about? What do fantasies do you have that you want to share with me that we could act out? That's healthy. I fantasize about you with another woman. Have you ever thought about being with women or men? You know, like, this is an open thing and then you never have to lie and say, you don't fit it. We all, eventually, at some point, in our relationship, some for people, it's right away, some of them might take, I don't know how long.

You will fantasize about someone else. So, know that and then work from there. And don't forget about it, it's normal. It's healthy. Alright guys, we're going to take a quick break and we come back onto your calls. Okay, let's talk to Mike who's 40 in Michigan. He said he's afraid of his own sexual fantasy. Hi, Mike. Hey, Emily, how are you?

Hey, I'm good. How are you? Tell me what's going on. Good. So you got a fantasy and you don't feel great about it. Yeah, first off, I do have to say that I appreciate you. You talk about your dad because I used to be an attorney. That's one day I decided I couldn't live my life six minutes at a time. So I gave it up to you. Not good. I went on to a lot more successful

than I probably ever would have been as an attorney. Yeah, okay, good. Thanks Mike. I love you. My deal is paying. Yeah. So my deal is, I met my wife and we're in our 20s. We actually met on a dating site back when we were all on it, you know,

phone, which is kind of crazy. But I remember. You know, my wife is, you know, extremely beautiful. And, you know, I think I wasn't like, she wasn't out of my league or nothing, but we're pretty similar. But as we're growing up, it's like, everybody's like out of my league or nothing, but we were pretty similar. But as we're growing up, everybody is like, oh my god, I think I was shimmering because you're money, this and that, you know what I mean? And so it's just constant, like, oh my god, you're so much hotter than you love a boss.

And I think I was kind of like married it down to like I have a family thing you know her being with another guy. Uh-huh okay. And that's kind of like what you know it that's like what I think about that gives me off. Yeah it's called cuckolding. Yeah. You don't want it. Okay no I get it I get it. So that's a really that's a common fantasy. Cuckolding is what we call it when you're picturing your wife with another man. So it's in its comments for a lot of different reasons, but it's in a way like, and I can see guys in Michigan because I'm from Michigan.

I mean, like, yeah, dude, she's so hot. I can't believe it. Look at you. Why is she with you? Because they don't know what else to say, but you hear that for 20 years and then you're like, oh my God, that would, and I get it. We kind of a right-assize sometimes things that we don't necessarily, we don't have any control of it truly.

So that's what happened. So you don't want it to happen. That's what, so what are you kind of stuck because that's what you keep fantasizing about or could you tell about it? I don't know if I don't want it to happen, but I'm sure about it to get happening. If I have a good, well, here's what you could do. I mean, there are couples who go through with it and they find it really hot. You guys have been together 20 years.

You know, and also just know there's two fantasies. There are the ones that we want to happen. And then there's the ones we just like to keep to ourselves. And we like to keep those and we're masturbating. Or we even can bring them into the bedroom and talk about it with our partner, but we don't really want it to happen. So I think you could try roleplaying it first, like with Dirty Talk with your wife,

like kind of be like, oh, I'm picking, like let her know if you guys have ever talked about your sex life, it's a great time. And be like, let's try some new things this month. Emily said it was masturbation month. Like I have fantasies, do you have any fantasies? And then you could start roleplaying it and say like, I'm picturing you with another man right now.

And then you can kind of get into it and see how that actually would feel. Maybe you could watch some porn with it. Like that's what I recommend. Like couples who want three sims or they want to open up or they want to swing, I'm like do not rush into any of this stuff like this stuff is like you got to talk it through with your partner, you got to you know test it, test the waters because you might find it you know really hot or you might yeah it could be really disturbing and you don't know which way it's going to go. So I would kind of play it out a little bit more. We've gone to, like, you know, just for two and a half years' cloud with no, like, we're not really going to do anything over block.

So you have gone. You've gone to. I don't feel like it's anything that she would really want to do. Okay. You know what I mean? Well, then maybe it could just be hot, fantasizing about it then with her if she doesn't want to do it, but you don't ever know. Maybe she would.

If we never know, but she might not want to and it can be tricky. So I think it's, you don't know until you talk to her about it. And you could also talk about, but it's a fantasy, like talk to her about some things. Maybe she's fantasized about it as well. So just kind of tread lightly, baby steps. We don't have to solve all of this in the first night. The first time you have the conversation, you know? What do you think that it's a product that's constantly here?

Oh, she's so much hotter. She's, you know, blah, blah, blah. I can't tell. Everybody wants that, you know? Honestly, there's a lot of different reasons. Why, how long have you had this fantasy? I mean, it's been like probably in the last few years. Like, it wasn't always there.

But it's hard to say that could be one of them. It could be, you know, there's a lot of other reasons why people have this fantasy. Like it's some kind of like pleasure and pain are so closely related. So perhaps there's a way that would be humiliating, but then that also could be erotic or it could be really pleasurable for you to see your wife or someone else. And that actually is the key reason or maybe part of it feels like, you know, so I don't know what it is for you And I guess it doesn't really matter like did it bother you and everyone was saying that I was a kind of like yeah

I know she's hot, you know, I think I think I think when I was younger bother me But as I've gotten older, it's like kind of flattering, you know, yeah, no, I think so I can't tell you why but I think that if it's you're calling in the radio show with this question I think it'd be fun to talk to about it. And keep it light and talk about your fantasies. And you don't have to say, I picture you having, because let me tell you that other thing. Cockroding, you're talking about wearing women's underwear

when you're straight, when you're in a relationship with a woman, like these are some things that come up a lot in the show. And I think you tread lightly, like you don't need to lead with, it could not make sense to her. Like you want me to talk to someone, what? Are you not attracted, like do you not want to have sex with me? Does this Like you want me to sex with someone? What are you not attracted to? Like do you not want to sex with me? Does this mean you want to sex with someone else?

You know what I'm saying? It could all be very confusing after 20 years. Not that she couldn't get there on her own. So it's more about just having a conversation with her about fantasies, about things she's been wanting to try. It's been 20 years. I want to kind of see how we can play together.

Yeah. Julie, did you want to say something she's yeah i have a question does she know that you've had this no she's okay so how do you think knowing her that she would react in if you had ever communicated that to her

i don't think she wants to do it i think you feel like you don't know bad hearing that you've had this fantasy in we doesn't know yet no no he knows her you know this wife if what you're fit like do you think that she might not like that you've had this fantasy are you afraid that she would not i think i think so she's okay with it in the fact i mean we've gone to

you said you want to put it out so you might be surprised you might be surprised i think she made it clear But at the same time, I think she's made it clear. Like, I don't want to have someone else with. But she made it clear, but she went to the club with you. So maybe she said that because that's what she, I think you guys have to have an authentic conversation because I think if she went to a strip club with you, or she went to a swinger club, and you never said it be hot,

that you're both afraid to say that you might want to dabble and that Experience something else is what I think because if she's in the door with you there Oh, but I'd never want to do it because you never said you're both afraid right now to say something I think maybe not the cuckolding but there has to be a really real conversation that happens Mike with you two Just like let's I we've been together 20 years. I love you, let's take this to the, I will never leave you. This is a mate, you can't tell me anything right now that's gonna be upset, however you wanna lay it out.

But I think that you both are afraid of the judgment from the other one, and so you're not moving forward with what you want, and I'm telling you, every relationship you've gotta work on your sex life. There's has to be something that has to change, if it stays the same, it's just gonna get boring and stale, and so couples have to continue to talk about it. So that's my homework for you, Mike. bring it up in a way that feels comfortable for you

When you guys are not in the bedroom. All right, let's talk to Joe 50 in Michigan. He's got a relationship question Hey Joe In Michigan. How you doing? Hi, I'm very Hi, how are you so good? How are you? I'm very. Hi. How are you? So good. How are you? I'm doing good. Good.

Thanks for coming. So, um, with that, let's try to keep it short. I've been married for 10 years. Okay. And, uh, relationships up and down. Five years were great, and the last five have been really rocky. And when it comes to sex, we're just kind of both going in separate directions. Okay. And I'm just trying to find a way to get her to respond to me a little more.

Okay. So, yeah, so, Joe, tell me like, so it's been 10 years. Have you guys, have you talked about it? Have you guys kind of, have you ever said, hey, it looks like our sex has been a little, you know, up and down and let's talk about it? Well, yeah, I mean, we've talked about it. It's just that, you know, I just don't think we're sexually compatible. Tell me why you think that. Give me an example. Well, I'm a little bit on the wild side and she's a little bit not as much and I would like her to be, but I understand. Give me a wild example.

Well, like going out date night, you know, pulling around a little bit, maybe, maybe in public. Yeah, yeah, sex and public. And it's just, yeah, she's got it. So, and you guys, okay, so, here's the, let me get to the real, I know. Yeah, keep talking, Jar, tell me a real thing. Do it. Do it. So we went through a spent where sex was maybe once every six months, if I was lucky.

So I've went down the porn route and now currently addicted to porn. And now currently addicted to porn. Okay, got it, Joe. Yes, okay. I have, I have ED issues and she feels it's her because I'm not sexually attracted to her. Okay. I think it. Yeah, it's more about the porn. Okay, Joe, thanks for calling on this because this is like, I can't tell you first of all.

It's really brave and so many men are like in the same exact position. So I love that you're calling with this because this is so common Joe you know so so here's the thing I yeah it is and so thank you for I mean really so have you trade if you take in a break from the porn yet I tried yeah if she finds me watching it she takes a totally lefty old yeah it's so misunderstood Joe did you Of course, yeah. It's so misunderstood. What's the reason we've been so sweet? Joe, did you guys grow up?

We're about to, well, let's watch it together. Yeah, go ahead. But no, I'm just wondering, like, okay, so you've been together 10 years. I'm just trying to understand that there's a lot going on now. And she, so it sounds like since the beginning, actually. You, she's, you guys have come from very different places,

like as far as, you know, just, her understanding porn and understanding masturbation, but I gotta be honest for you, most women, I grew up in Michigan, Joe, I didn't know this stuff. I'm glad I moved to California because I swear I thought it, I thought with my boyfriend when I moved, oh god, he watched a porn that's so bad

as the cheating on me, does it mean he's not into me? It's very common, so I understand why she thinks that, so that you're not doing anything wrong, but maybe because you had to hide it from her for so long, and the sex wasn't happening, it became kind of an addictive thing, right? And so, yeah, I get that. So this is what you got to do, Joe. Just try this and don't be yourself up, okay? But really the best thing with all the research says is that you really should just kind of just take a break from it. Like if you can't say I'm going to start

without it and then finish with it, or if you could just try to go cold turkey and be okay that maybe you won't ejaculate that time, or maybe you won't be as hard, but just to try and another thing to do, that I think would be great is when you're find yourself going towards the porn, say what is it that I need in this moment?

And how can I turn this energy of whatever I'm putting towards this point into my wife. How can I somehow think about her pleasure right now? What would she need to be turned on right now? Because I'm wondering, Joe, does she have orgasms? Does she do remember? Does she have pleasure from sex? Do you know what turns her on? Yes. Great. So like you may as well give me, yeah. It's just a lack of energy. She just doesn't have the drive. She's bipolar, so that doesn't help. She unmedicated or unmedicated.

Yes, she's medicated. And her sex drive is probably less than normal. But when it does happen, the problem is the ED issue. I think I can't get hard. Right. So, can you just, what if you just went down in there? Well, I wouldn't be supposed to do that. Well, here's the thing, Joe.

This is what I'm saying. If you can take that energy away from, do you like, do you have a perform or all sex on her? Like, you get pleasure from giving her pleasure, correct? So, Joe, maybe this might be some sort of selfless for a while, but what if you're like, do you perform oral sex on her? Like you get pleasure from giving her pleasure, correct? So Joe, maybe this might be some sort of selfless for a while, but what if you're like, I just wanna make it about you tonight? I wanna give you a massage. I wanna go down on you and I wanna give you pleasure

and I don't even wanna like, it's not about me. And I gotta be honest, when you take it off yourself and you're just focusing on her pleasure and her orgasm, first of all, you be amazed to see what happens with your erection might just come back. Because the reason why we have E.D. typically or P.E. is there's a lot of reasons yes, it could be because of porn, but most of it has to do with our head. Being in your head. Well if you're in your head thinking about your wife and her beautiful body and her pleasant

pleasing her and all these things, that just might help you. I know it will. I think it's going to be, you got to try something different. I think that'll help you get towards where you want to be. And I also think that maybe if it's been 10 years and you think no, she's never going to get it, she's still freaking out about porn and therapy, you know, therapy could help you guys too. I think the more honesty and authenticity you can have now with your wife and say all I

want to do is get back to you And this real and this sex with you like that's what I care about so much and I love you And I remember the first five years of them doing my best. I'm trying not to watch porn like I think you could be honest Joe I mean go not you don't say it all tonight. I have been out of it Why you guys listen to the show together you guys can listen to shows you can understand this is People women don't often understand when people are very confused about porn So I would just try to kind of you know pull back on the porn try to go cold turkey and the next time think to yourself Hmm, what could I do to please my wife now? That's my advice for today. You know I'm here every night Joe for you five minutes a week, okay?

So very good. Thanks for calling in and keep me posted. Thanks for calling, Joe. Melanie, 22 in California writes, Hi, Emily. I've been listening to your show recently and have become more confident in my own body and sex life. Despite this progress, there is one part of my body that I struggle to love due to its appearance, my vagina. My inner labia are uneven in length and it makes me feel very insecure when receiving oral or when it is in a well lit room and my partner can see it. Any advice on learning to love this about myself

would be great, thank you. Yes, okay, Melanie, I do have some advice for you. So all I want you to know this, first of all, I don't know where this, and we're looking into some men too, men don't love their penises, but let's talk about women for a second I know that with the advent of porn being everywhere and that we can actually see other women

We can see their labias their vaginas their vulvas that all of a sudden the last 10 15 years or so We've gotten into this like they should look a certain way and labias are all symmetrical and they're like all tucked in and They're super pink and it's like this perfect looking thing that Remember that the things that you see important are not necessarily a real perhaps women are casted for the way they they look and men for their large Repenuses, but I'm telling you let me just tell you this part Labias are not symmetrical like I don't even know where that came from I understand that love in your labia You're in a labia like no one and first, like no one, and first of all, no one's gonna notice either, not that it matters,

but just so you know the more confident you are in your body. Like the more you are like, you know, yeah, you're lucky you're gets to be going down to me. Even if that's in your mind, the more someone's gonna want to give you pleasure. And if there is someone who does judge you, I think we've all been teased before about something. I got teased, you know,

for being like a chubby kid in sixth grade, I've gotten teased before about something. I got teased, you know, for being like a chubby kid in sixth grade, I've gotten teased for, which I can't actually ever imagine. I was, I was, I was a little chubby. I mean, I've gotten teased for my voice. I got, we all, we've gotten teased. Yes. And I think those are not your people,

especially now as adults, let's just talk about this. Your person who is gonna, if they ever did say something, again, you just found out that they are not their person. But I hear this from people of all ages and I think we all, yeah, we have parts of our body that we don't love and I do think that media and like larger companies now, for, you know, clothing brands and websites,

they've all made it more like body inclusive. They've been more, you know, you see different body types and that, remember, I think it was Dove that started out having their campaign about different and now we've seen other companies follow suit, which is amazing. But the problem is for Volvo's, we don't see that.

There's not a lot of places for women to go to realize that they are totally fine, that you look just like ever. In fact, they're like snowflakes. If you look, we have a few places for you to go right now. The Volvo Gallery. We'll put this in the show notes. The Volvo Gallery on Instagram or their website is a great account to check out because you're gonna see that they're like

all beautiful and all different. But I get that me just telling you that isn't gonna be the way to get you there right away. But I just wanted to lay the groundwork there for you, Melanie. I mean, the other thing is, is that my challenge then for this month, why I think we can all get over it, is first realize that if you got to masturbate more in your own, you just do Melanie and everybody here who

have you a part of your body and you think I don't want someone to go down to me, I'm afraid they're going to look at it. The more that you actually masturbate and love yourself and even take a mirror to it, I'm just going to keep telling people to put a mirror up there until they finally realize that they should do it because I'm telling you that is a game changer. You could even use your phone, I should do it because I'm telling you that is a game changer. You could even use your phone, I think we all have our phones, and you could take a look and be like, wow.

When you start to touch yourself, you'll realize that your glitter is swells, and it all changes, and then you'll realize how amazing your body is there to give you pleasure, like you're clitoris, you'll realize that that's why this body part exists and it'll also give you more confidence. So the more confident you are in your ability to please yourself and have orgasms and pleasure, then when you're with a partner, you'll be like,

you know, it's kind of like when you master anything, I guess, like when you learn to be confident on a date, or you learn to be confident, I don't, wherever else speaking, or doing anything, you just don't think about these things anymore. So when you build your confidence by looking at it, realizing that you know how to move and you know what makes yourself feel good, you can even write in a journal, write daily affirmations. I love the vaginal idea. Daily affirmations, my labia gives me pleasure.

It's a part of me. I love myself. You'd be surprised at how daily affirmations work. They really, really do. Just saying these things, leaving notes around your house that make you feel good. It is a process, but I think you can learn to change your mindset. Definitely at 22, I don't know where this and any age really, because I think that what women don't realize is that our bodies change over time too.

Do you think now, because I mean mean there are women who have emailed in about this a while back even recently like just through all always women are emailing about this but like that are you know in their like 40s and 50s not as much usually people in their early 20s right right. I think it's like more problem because yeah yeah I do. We're seeing it now at a younger ages. Absolutely. I think that's the only way because I. Yeah, I do. Because we're seeing it now at a younger ages. Absolutely. I think that's the only way because when I read this, I was like, why did she think that's a weird thing

that you're in or that it's uneven? Like show me in even labia. They just, they move around. They change hormones, all these things. So, and I think it's because of porn maybe. I mean, probably, where else would you be like holding it? Also, I was thinking about this too, just now when Bush was more in porn.

In the president, but no. No, no, no, but when Bush was in office, I'm like, Jane, you weren't born. No, but when there was more pubic air, like in the magazines before, you couldn't even really see the labia. So no one would know. That's true too.

That's another great point. But now everyone's been. Now everyone's no. Now they're like, right, that's why I bring the bush back. Do you think that maybe someone had mentioned something? Well, that's what I fear that perhaps someone did say to her like, oh, it looks weird. Probably because that's someone who's 20-something, only saw something important. You realize that maybe they even tuck in a labia for certain scenes in porn and they're not

really having orgasms. Huh. Yeah. They do that stuff. Yeah, as they shoot the penis from different angles so it looks bigger. I just think you guys, I just want to help everyone learn to love themselves more. I'm just saying that like, if you commit every day this month, like for 10 minutes, I'm going to take a look at it. I'm going to be like, I love you, Labia. You're

going to get look in the mirror and look at yourself naked. These are all exercises. I mean, I learned this in my sex school. I'm my doctorate school. Like we had to do exercises where we went home and we'd look in the mirror and we had to draw our volvas and it made it sounds really silly, but it totally works. And you're like, I love every part of my body. Okay, we have Jen, 57 in Illinois, who wants to know how she could be better, better tolerate swallowing. Oh, okay. Hi, Jen.

How you doing? Hi. Hi. So, swallowing, not fun, huh? Doesn't feel good. Well, it's like the taste is just kind of not pleasant. Yeah. And it's something that he really, really loves.

He really gets off on when I do it. Yeah. And sometimes I will go into it with the expectation that that's I'm going to do it tonight. And I get to a point and I just start with the gag reflex. Yeah. Other times I'm able to do it. I wonder if you have any tips on how it can be more tolerable or pleasurable for me. I would say here I have a few tips for you.

Jen. Jen, Jen, Jen, few tips for you. Flavored lube. Amazing. Flavored lube. We have some bite depends it depends what your flavor, like you have watermelon, they have Joe makes. Our favorite is Joe.

They make some really great lubes that are flavor. There's watermelon, there's creme brulee. And so just do that. Like honestly, that's what it will taste like. And then you'll be caught up in the chocolate. You'll be like, oh my god, this is so good. So get a bottle of flavored lube. You can get like little ones and try out which ones you like. Also you could could use those Listerine strips. Those are a great thing to put on your

tongue and actually it feels can feel good to your partner. I have like a little tingly thing on your tongue because those last and then also a mouthwash by the bed can help. And then just trying to hold in your mouth too long when it's coming in. You just swallow it, right? But I think the flavored lube at least for for me and others we've recommended they're super psyched about that and then a Listerine strip kind of blocks everything out so yeah going into it I think with a plan like that would make it a lot Easier for you Jen okay what do you think yeah let me know goes okay thanks Jen thanks for calling Those are some workarounds it It works. It tastes good. I wish they still made those mask strips.

I used to not swallow when I was younger, just because I don't know. I was like, oh, it's gross. It's whatever, I'm not doing that. But then I realized though, the time that it took me to like hold it in my mouth and go to the bathroom to spit it out. It's like it's in your mouth for a long time.

You might as well just swallow it. If you're like, yeah, if you just hold it, you just, you just, you just do it. It's not good. It hurts to burn down. It hurts my stomach to swallow. It does. Yeah. It doesn't have the best reaction with me when I swallow. So it's not really like, I don't like the taste. I don't like, you just spit out. I, yeah, but like I try to do it like nicely enough to be like, give me one second. Like, you just go real quick and then come back because like every time I swallow it, I have like a really sick feeling in my stomach. Wow, I wonder if it's partly psychosomatic.

Maybe, I try to like eat things beforehand, so I'm not swallowing on an empty stomach. The first swallow in an empty stomach. Yeah. Healthy sex tip, don't swallow empty stomach. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think it's interesting. I don't know. I would have tried to be myself empty stomach. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think it's interesting. I don't know.

I would have tried to be myself into it. Yeah. But also, I've never not swallowed because I think I've told you this, but growing up, I thought, well, growing up, when we learned about low jobs in high school, I was like, oh, I thought you had to, I thought that was the right thing. Good girl, swallow, like, you just swallow.

That's the right thing. I didn't know there was an option. Just for whatever reason. Not lady, like, but swallow. That's a wreck. I didn't know there was an option to just, just for whatever reason. Not lady, like, but more like, then I'll be an A plus blow-dob student. Nice. You just swallow. You're an over-cheater.

I'm an over-cheater. I was like, I will swallow. I've never spit. Wow. I'm proud to say I've never won spit. But just because I didn't think that was, I was like, I'm a pleaser. I had a friend that would literally just spit

right on the floor right after. I don't care. I was like'm a pleaser. I had a friend that would literally just spit right on the floor right after I don't care I was like well, hey man. No, yes, yeah, I just go to the bathroom and Cut by the bed. I think it's easier to swallow and a lot of again You guys like a lot of the things you're gonna call in for a lot of its inner heads. I can help you move through it I can give you little hacks. Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, we have Melody, 63 New Jersey, who does have a tip for swallowing as well. Melody, tell me everything. Thanks for calling. Hi, can you hear me?

Yeah, I got you. OK, well, I don't know about the stomach problem. I don't have an answer for that, but for swallowing, just lift your tongue, because then you don't taste it. Lift your tongue, and then you just... So just where it comes, and just as it is coming, you just lift your tongue, and then you don't taste it,

and then you can swallow it right away. Really? Why would you... Oh, I guess you're taste buds. Oh, wow. That's a great... I just... That's a great swallowing hack, Melody. I love it. I hope Jenn is still listening. Wow Melody. I got I love my listeners. Thank you Melody

Wow, I mean never heard that so like Lyft so it was underneath your tongue like that and to the back Yeah, she's back. All right guys. Hope you enjoyed the show. Thanks for subscribing and sharing the show with your friends You know, we released three shows a week. I hope you're enjoying them. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? E-Nommy, feedback at sexwithemily.com.