Sex With Emily - Coming Out, Your Next Vibrator and Bi-Curious Fantasies

Episode Date: July 1, 2020

On this Mashup podcast, guest John Hill, host of The Feels on Radio Andy on SiriusXM, comes back to catch up with Emily about moving in with his boyfriend during COVID. They get into how John came out to his religious parents when he was younger. And of course, a convo with Emily wouldn’t be complete without mentioning taint stimulation at least once, right?In the second half of the show, Emily takes a call from a bi-curious man who’s wondering how to bring up those fantasies with his wife of 38 years. She also talks to callers about picking out the right vibrator, how size doesn’t really matter and shopping for toys with your partner.For more information about John Hill, visit:For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I had peers in high school where we knew each other were gay but they were torn to it. And I was like, get over it, we are gay. I've been having these fantasies lately and I always want my wife to do me in the butt with a dildo or, you know, one orgasm is like way not enough. Great, I've never caused but I like, you're talking sex toys and exactly part of my problems. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily.

Find me Monday through Friday from 5 to 7 Pam Pacific on Series XM stars for even more awesome sex talk calls and segments. It's a great time. Also follow me on all social media. It is Sex with Emily across the board. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Betrubize they call them in a fight on date. I'm very excited. Can you tell? I am excited because the amazing John Hill is here. John, if you don't know, you got to listen to his show. He hosts the fields on Thursdays on Radio Andy and Coase of Andy Con live Mondays and Wednesdays on Radio Andy. Channel 102 on Series XM.

John, there's so much to cover. It's been a while. I feel like I even seen you. And so I mean, really, we were talking cock rings last time. Malve was good. We hugged. Hello.

And now on Zoom. And now we're on Zoom. I guess you can't really, yeah, part of being in your, like, den, you know, with all the products and the, you know, the feel is, you know, we're going to have to just imagine that over the two. I know. I can see the most unsexy sound is happening outside my window.

There's ducks that are, if it's taped from the grove and they're like being, they're having a duck fight outside my window. A duck fight? Maybe they're making. Is it duck-ladies season? You know ducks, I'm not sure if you know this, but ducks are rapists. No, I had no idea. The only, the only mate through rape

and they, and the female duck vagina has evolved so that it's harder to penetrate her. So it's this amazing scientific thing, Google it. I'm not, I just realized. You just rape, they just rape all the time outside your window. It's this amazing scientific thing, Google it. I'm not, I just realized I just made that. You just rape. I just rape all the time outside your window. It's horrible. It's really, really, really bad.

So like, I wish I actually could here right now. I could tell you from my professional opinion, is it actually rape? So you're saying they don't have consensual sex. The ducks. They do not. No, they're, look it up. They, they made a very horrible,

poorly violent way. And so, but it up. They made a very horrible, poorly violent way. And so, but it's amazing because the male ducts dick is like a corkscrew. And the females, the giant, the giant, it has evolved over thousands of years to be, to corkscrew the other way so that it's harder to rape her because that's how nature works.

Anyway, I don't want you. That is how nature works. I'm fascinated with this sex lesson. I had no idea. Just learn that sex school. Yeah, I know. And it's near the Grove, which I'm near there.

So I've never heard the violent docs, but I'm going to keep it down. So I think it's good. So speaking of sex, how's your relationship? It's still like in the honeymoon phase, I believe we're approaching. Actually, we are six months now.

Well, that's the best time. That's a sweet spot. Things are still awesome. Yeah, things are great. As you know, we were thrown into quarantine and had to live together before we really even knew that much about each other. So we had to move in together. Why do you have to move in together for quarantine? Because I had been exposed, and I had exposed him, and so we isolated together while we were all, you know, everyone was isolating. So we stayed in the same apartment.

So we kind of had done this in reverse. So now we're kind of, he's gone back to his apartment, and I'm in my apartment, and we go back and forth, which is how you start dating and then you move in together. But so we've kind of done it reversely, moved in together and now we're kind of sharing space, you know. Okay, so tell me, see, I feel like that actually something I wanted to talk, I have a lot of things to talk to you about today, but that is one thing because quarantine two things

happen. Well, many things happen, but for some couples, they're like, we're out, peace out. This isn't someone I want to be with. Or you're like, okay, we really want to be together. So we've got to move in. Which, it's kind of soon. And I feel like that could go awry. I mean, I was going to ask this question funny.

You said this, has living with someone during quarantine. Has it broken up your relationship or helped your relationship? I've heard a lot of relationships have broken up. So then you got the honeymoon phase kind of cut in half a little bit. Then you said it was gone. I feel like it's not that. We knew immediately that we loved each other and that it was going to be good regardless. So we were like, we can handle,

we have handled insane things already. So we knew from the beginning, we were like, oh, you know what? I like you, I love you, no matter what, we will talk through whatever. And I think now the six month period is like, the time when you're like, now we have to really communicate about who the person is and how we're gonna function

in this relationship. And I feel like that's when you're my age, I'm 42, it's a beautiful thing because it's not like, oh shit, you're this way. It's like, oh, that's your thing that's what makes you you. And I can deal with that by communicating, like I'm like you always say communication, it's a vacation, and I'm not always saying communication is overpatient. And I think we always make a point to do that.

We need to do that. Sometimes you get lazy, you forget, you kind of get in your routine. It's so true, like once you get older, it's like you know that I feel like in my 20s, I would spend way too long in relationships. And then now, after, it's like you've been together a year now, because it's six months

like if you've lived together. So now I always feel the year mark. You're like, okay, like I know, we know who we are. We know ourselves. We're not changing that much. But you know, I love him so much. I like him so much. I love how I say it.

The fundamental things about him are there. So I don't really how to say it. The fundamental things about him are there. So I don't really care about any other, you know, superficial things that may happen or may annoy or whatever. And I just for the record, and definitely the more heimingance person, it's a very patient-loving guy. But I think like, it's still honeymoon phase for us.

I get it. A lot of people did great stuff. They were like, I'm out of here. They're like, I'm out of here. But you said something, what are people hooking up now? It's a whole thing. So since quarantine ended, we've been in end. You know, it's like phase two or whatever it is.

I feel that people, there's two camps. First of all, there's the people who have been hooking up a lot like underground. There was this great article in the LA Times a few weeks ago about people who are like, how can I not have sex? And so they're posting on Reddit. And they're like having orgies. And they're, so there's some people who are underground having sex.

That's people. Then there's people who are quarantined and they're like, I'm doing like the dating apps are full. There's so many more people online now dating. And I think that people are just like, I'm just gonna do it. So I do think, because we listen, we are humans,

we can't live without touch and sex for very long. It's not healthy. It's not good for mental health. Yeah, you're right, exactly. I mean, the whole point of, all the people that call into your show and talk to you. And I had on my friend Patrick Rogers from Grindr on my show, just to talk about what's happening with gay guys in particular.

And it's like, look, it's probably happened. They don't endorse that. They don't say, go look up, because it's not really safe. If you got to keep six feet away from someone, it's definitely not safe to go find some anonymous person that you have to sex with them. But, you know, if we know anything about gaming and people in general, not to make it just about gaming.

But people in general, you know, people in general, you know, it's that they're gonna do it. And you just have to drill, no, unintended drill into people that they have to be as safe as possible. And, you know, maybe maybe they're, you probably offer alternatives like, like, cam work, cam work, mutual masturbation. You could use that coquering that I gave you. If you happen to have it, it's by Wevibe and it's for, do you know that you can use it with an app? If I share that with you. I do know that I have it in my, um, bathroom and I see it

every time I open it to get the Q tips and, um, it has a remote and you can just kind of, it's a vibrating one. And what I like about that cockpit of all the other ones. Um, but what I liked about it was that it, it, it, it, it drops down onto the taint. Yes. And I like that. I like that, um, the taint. It's true. It has a little ball down there that vibrates on the taint, which I feel like was a, um, that was a, that was a wonder. Yeah, that was a, that was a surprise in a treasure. You're like, oh, delight. That's my, is that my taint? Knock, knock, knock. Well, there's another one

next time I see you. If I ever see you in the series, like some studios, delight. That's my, is that my taint? Knock, knock, knock. Well, there's another one next time I see you. If I ever see you in the series like STEM studios, which we'll be back soon, there's one called the Verge, which actually now that I know that you're taint friendly, just like that. It's another kind of cockering, but it's a little bit bigger, and it can go, your balls can go in it.

So if you so choose, and it actually is made to sort of tickle the taint Wow We always talk about concrete. Yeah, I We weren't going we've other things. Are you like a touchy guy like do you know your level language? Have we talked about this? We have talked about this. I definitely do I am an affection. I am an affection. I think I I love to have to be touching my boyfriend at night. Yeah, touch.

I'm definitely one of my loved languages. Okay. The other one is what? It works. Works. Access service. Oh, you're ex of service. No, I'm not.

I'm not. That's a hard one. But I want to be more like that because I think that's that's nice. I don't want to do shit. But I like to shake it. But is that your boyfriend is that his love language? Because when I have a partner whose love language is acts of service, that's a hard one.

Because you're like, let me think ahead how I can be of service to this person. When I'm so busy, I have to make you dinner at time. Feel gas in your car. I mean, I've got to touch you. Yeah, I'm just, you know. I like to do things like, and I also like gifts, I like to give like a nice note or a nice,

I think, you know, I kind of have a little bit of all of those love languages, but yeah, I don't want to, you know, go like, rewire the electricity in someone's place. Right, right. As long as someone takes care of it. I think so.

My dog is growling, so I think he agrees with you. Um, John, you want to hang out? We're going to take a break, but do you want to hang out? Yeah. All right, we're going to take a quick break. Stay tuned. So, John, I wanted to ask you, because it's still pride month, in honor of this. I think Village Doze about you're coming out story, because I'm curious.

I think that you've been getting people this might be the time. They're like, I'm going to come out. And I know it's just not like a one time thing. It's a process, but I've never asked you this before. I know we've covered a lot about sex, but if you're comfortable, John Hill, we're coming out story. I don't even know how it happened. I don't know anything. Well, okay. Gosh, I can make it so long or so short. Let's see. So the long short of it is, I always, I always, always, always, always, always, always always always always and that was a gift from the good Lord above

I didn't I was not tormented. I tried I dated girls a little bit, but I was not like oh my gosh confused I told you those confused but I was lying. I knew I was getting but I'm from San Antonio, Texas I as I grew up in a very strict religious Christian home. And I'll start by saying there's a lot of that that I grew up with that I take as a very positive at this point in my life in terms of spirituality. And there was a while where I really presented that, but actually I'm taking it and using it as a positive stuff.

Now, but that being said, it was was a like no co-ed swimming, no dancing, no drinking, no women could speak, in church, no instruments, and just a very like straight laced show up, say hello, go home, and then go back later that night and go on with the night. So it was very, the people call it the foot loose religion. It's the best. Right. Okay. No music. No, nothing strict. No. Like we were saying, but we didn't like play instruments and go crazy.

But I always remember this game full on now to put in perspective. When I was graduating, I graduated in the 96. The time was, you know, it was Clinton. It was sex scandals, all over the TV. And sex was a topic. So it wasn't like, I had to come out to people in high school. I had come out to a couple of friends. I also had, this is very important. I grew up doing theater in San Antonio and I had some really good role models,

doctors who were gay and they did community theater on the side for fun, married guys who, you know, did community, and I didn't, I wasn't around this like Hornet's nest of pedophiles as my mom thought that it might be for this, you know, 13-year-old to go to a new community theater. So she went down with me and she was like, wow, you know, these guys are so great. We didn't really talk about it, but like she saw how great these guys were. So I had great role models and I was like, oh, when I grew up, I can just be gay and it's going to be great. Coming out story, I went to LA. It came here to California to Pepperdine University that year. 1996, I graduated that that May, came here in September. I

came here like with Barry like who you're I wanted a boyfriend. I didn't want sex. I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted to fall in love heartbreaking deep like John Hughes movie love. That's when I was. Yes. And I got it. The minute I got here at college I knew it. Love it for sight. My Of course. Yes. And I got it. The minute I got here at college, I knew it. Love it for sight. My first boyfriend. So he's phone love that first semester of college. So keep that in mind. First semester of pepper dine. We're in a fun place to go from Texas, from from no music and no dancing Texas. However, it is the same religion as mine. That's true. Charge. Okay. So it was really good. I didn't give a shit. I was in

Alabama. And I was used to hiding the fact that I was gay, although people totally knew, and I didn't take that point care. I didn't give a shit. Because in my mind then, though, I thought I will never tell my parents because it's out of the realm of their... They're like no way. Okay. Her views, out of their purview. So just because they had no reference for like dealing with, you know, having someone in your family be gay, they just didn't we didn't know anybody. Right. Except for those people in community theater, but they were kind of separate. Right. Tell in love with this guy, there's a lot to tell about that. And I'll skip to the fact that I start,

you know, when you're first year at the college, you go home for Thanksgiving or to go to the school. Go home Thanksgiving, go back to school for finals, come back for Christmas. I came home for Thanksgiving and we were not a tech, we weren't rich, we weren't like a tech savvy, like we had one computer that year and it had email on it and I had a university email address and I wrote my boyfriend we were having high drama, I wanted

the class, you know, I was getting my high drama and we were in a like not a fight but I was kind of, he was, he was a huge drama queen and kind of like struggling between, you know, me and like this guy, he had had a relationship with before and I wrote him the email to end all the emails on my dad's desktop. So you can tell where this is going. Yes, like AOL in the 90s, everyone's sharing a thing, right? And it was, and I made sure that I, that I, I, I, exactly, for me. So I signed, I signed out of that shit, right signed out, and I signed out 50 times.

Of course. But the email popped up. And while I was back to the finals, so in between this Thanksgiving and finals period, there's quite a few things. They found the email, my parents found the email, and they read it, and there is no mistaken what the email was about.

It was very clear that I was in love with this boy, and we had, it was kind of irrefrens. The time. And the parents don't know at this time. They don't, they have no suspicion that little John Hill. Well, he's in doing stuff. Theater is theater friends. You know, I don't know. They, no idea. Are they just canned? When, well, okay, so I skipped to that part. When I came home, they sent me down and they

were, they were like, you were playing with fire, you're dancing with the devil. You're literally said the thing. And I was, and I laughed and I was like, you guys, how do you not know? How do you not, how have you not known? I thought it was just something we hadn't really talked about. Yeah.

Just Broadway musical theater, dance, my entire life. And they really, I don't know. I can't speak for them, but they really were rocked. And I mean, rocked to the point of tears. And their lives were kind of really yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For a second.

But my response was last year. I didn't, I didn't feel bad. I was like, oh my god. Like, and then I said, I end. I said, you guys, I'm okay. I make good grades. I do okay. I'm exactly the same.

It's just the, you know, I like everything the same. Don't, I don't know. They're religious. Like, okay. So. Well, they were thinking my soul would be lost forever. Of course. So that was sad. Okay. But here's my question. So now that you're fine with the parent come wondering about we hear from listeners all the time they grew up in a very religious home. And I believe that when you have these messages growing up, you're still a part of you that

maybe it's still, I don't know if it's still writing you or your parents or your community. I don't know, I just think it's hard. So first off, I love your confidence that you've been able to celebrate yourself and own it because that is not an easy thing to do. I just always knew. And most people, and I knew gay guys in high school

that I had peers in high school but we knew each other were gay, but they were tormented. And I was like, get over it. We are gay. And that was, that is literally a gushed ironically from God that I was confident enough to know like I am gay. And I was so gay when I finally was talking to my parents, I was like, here's what I can

tell you. I respect you as my parents, I love you, but there is zero chance of me changing, zero. And they said, we want you to go speak to a counselor who's like a reformation counselor. I went twice, I lied and said, You're not really gay, can you go live in this? Can you pray the gay away?

Yeah, and I was like, I'm in a way and I said, I have to be honest with you. I will never be straight, but because I respect you all go and I went and it was just the dumbest thing. And I was like, you guys, what do they do?

Like I want to know what they do when you go there and they're like, what do they do? What do they do? Like, I want to know what they do when you go there and they're like, okay. Well, I didn't, yeah, they whip up the Bible. You're right, I mean, yeah, I'm glad. I'm glad. And I had grown up memorizing the Bible. And so I knew what was the Bible about being gay. And it's just like, oh my goodness, like, okay.

But so they talk about the Bible and they say, this is what the Bible says about it and you say, well, good for the Bible. Okay, go on to Bible, good for you. And but like, it's not changing. I'm gathering through them. Yeah, well, I think John, that's very strong. I mean, I feel like you know yourself.

I mean, I feel like there's so many tormented stories that we both want to change gender person at my school. There's a way. Yeah, there's an out transgender girl in our school. John, she was amazing. She didn't give a shit. She worked at the year of piercing pagoda at the mall.

And it was John's, and we were like, she was like, she was John's, we were like, what up? Jasmine, what's that? And it was not a big thing. Even to people, she wasn't bullied. Like we were, it was kind of an interesting time in Texas at that point. Yeah, it is.

And I think it like, yeah, that is an interesting time. Trying to think about the 90s. We were just kind of coming out of coming out. Like I feel like it became more common and more accepted, but not in our parts of country. And not a lot of the people who are listening, who are listening to show, there's still in places where it's not as common to come out. John, you've got many gifts. Thank you for being here. Anything else. Can people find you like, I will tell you this, tell me everything. What can we do to find more

John Hill in our life? I was hacked by Twitter, so don't worry about Twitter, we're figuring that out. But follow me at John Arthur Hill on Instagram, do that, but also Julia Cunningham from the Just Kagel Show. See, and I are going to do chart flashback. I believe it's going to be on stars. Go to my point. The link is in my bio. I believe it's in Julia Kineham's bio as well, but my John Arthur Hill, that's J.O.H.N. Arthur Hill on Instagram. The link is in my bio. Sign up for doing chart flashbacks.

Which is a game we've played. Do you hear that duck? Yeah. You hear that? That was your parting duck, the fucking duck. Different. So, what about the link in my bio? We're doing chart flashback.

It's the funnest game in the world. We played it for five years, ever since, or longer. And we're going to play it on Zoom. You can watch. It is so fun. Watch, play along. I'm so excited. It is Wednesday, four p.m. Pacific, seven p.m.

So right here, as far as perhaps, perhaps, right before me. I think they're going to cut it and put it on the surface, but for now it's a series, it's gonna be a videoed series section moments, but definitely sign up for a spot and watch it on Wednesday of December. And the field. And the field is for this. Also, you can find it at such families.

Our Instagram, we do a little story. You can see the handsome, intelligent, John Hill. Thank you for being here, John Hill. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you.

I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you.

I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm so happy to see you and your partner can find your orgasm. Let's talk to Mike 59 in Texas. Hi Mike. Thanks for calling. What's the name of it? Great Mike. What's going on with you? I've been married for about 38 years. I'm in 59 years old. Fixed to be 60.

We used to have a great sex life, but lately our sex life is going to crap pretty much. You know, I mean, we have sex once in a while, but I've been having these fantasies lately and I always want my wife to, I'm gonna say this, do me in the butt with a dildoer or, you know, yeah, yeah, and I've been wondering, you know, I even think about what it would be like to suck another man's dick. So, yeah. I don't know, I want to talk to my wife about this, but I don't know. I want to talk to my wife about this, but I don't know how. Great question, Mike. Well, I'm thank you for calling in with this because I mean, I know that sounds, I mean, thank you for sharing that because it's really common, Mike, that

people have fantasies. You've been with one person for a long time and it's come up for you now. So yeah, let's let's talk about this. So here's the thing. You've been together for 38 years. It's a long time. And so where I would start is I wouldn't lead with I've been thinking about sucking another man's penis. You never want to lead with that stuff. No, I wouldn't tell her that. Well, you've come to the right place.

So this is what I recommend, Mike. So is it actually just having a conversation with your wife about your sex life? So just like, hey, I'm curious, you know, like tell her how we like to start these conversations is I've been thinking about our sex life lately and I know, you know, maybe we haven't had a lot of sex lately and I still want to be great lovers to each other.

It's still so important to me, the sexual health of our relationship and I'm wondering, is there anything you fantasize about? Is there anything you've been wanting to try? What's the hardest moment we've ever met her about her? I've asked her about her fantasies and she pretty much gets mad about it and You know, she don't really want to talk about it And I she knows about my fantasies. I mean I was offered her three sums and you know, I'm love her all kinds of stuff

And I try to talk to her about it but she won't talk about it. Okay. The thing is, is that this has been together so long that for so many people and they don't you know maybe it was the way she brought up or you guys would have a lot of practice in it, I can understand that or I hear there's a lot that people that aren't comfortable with it. They're not you know just it feels still wrong somehow to talk about your sex life even though that's so intimate

and so important in a relationship. So it really is a practice. I think there's different ways to talk about it. I mean, she your age as well. She's in her, she's in her 50s, late 50s. Yeah, she just turned 59. Okay. So we're about the same age.

I'm six months old. Okay. Yeah, I mean, the thing is it's really important. So I guess it's hard to change when you've kind of your whole life. You've been like, I'm not talking about it. But I think that there's a way of saying it. Say, you know what? I know that this is uncomfortable for you.

But it's really important to me that we continue to be sexually healthy. And for me, that really looks like having conversations about it and exploring. And I know we haven't been having as much sex lately. And I believe that it's because we, you know, we need to explore. And we make, you're not alone. Like couples who have been together as long as you have, they, we crave variety. We want different things.

What we wanted 10 years ago, 20 years ago, we don't know now. And the thing is, Mike, and why I will always, you know, every night have calls and have this job, which I love is because I'm just getting people to open up and realize it. Like, this is something that you need to talk about all the time and a relationship. And if you haven't, you know, got to start now. So, you know, I just think it's that.

It's just letting her know why you want to know, like about her fantasy and why it's so important. I know my studio is Yeah, well, we were younger. I mean, it's used to be into all coming. We used to use toys. We used to, I mean, all kinds of stuff. And now she don't even like to use toys. It's just like she cut

off one day, she threw everything out and that was it. Like she didn't give me a bowl of jobs anymore. So, you know, really. Oh, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, Oh, Mike, I mean, this is the thing, I mean, maybe she went through menopause and our sex drive, taking nose dive, and that happens with women. You know your wife better than I do, and people learn differently. So a lot of couples listen to this show together.

I have tons of podcasts I listen to, maybe she would read something or there's some great blog posts. We have our articles. You can find that would allow her to see that it's actually really important for her to participate. You can't just opt out of sex in a relationship. It's like saying, I'm no longer taking care of the kids. I'm no longer taking out the trash. I'm no longer making, you know, it's like, it's just not, I just, you know, but I know

that that's again a practice. She's going to have to understand that. But I, you're not wrong in wanting what you want. Mike, even if she's, you know, not in that page right now. And so other than that, I mean, I wouldn't give her up for anything. You know, I'm not saying that I want to turn gay. I'm just saying that I'm not curious. And I'd like to experience different things. And, you know, at my age, I mean, of course, when, if not now, when, well, Mike, again, though, so would you think if she's not into sex at all, you could. I do think she's not in the sex at all.

Okay. Well, listen, I've heard, you could say to her, I know that, you know, I love you. We're not going anywhere, but I have been curious. And I've had some fantasies. And would you be open to me exploring them? Because I have needs that I need to get met. And I would she be open to it. Now I can't, I don't know.

I mean, I can just picture and you're like, oh, that's horrible. I don't know your wife. And so I don't think it's the game that you're good. I don't know your wife. And so I don't think it's the guy that you need to live. She wouldn't go for any of that trust me. I've actually told her that, you know, I've got fantasies. And I want to know your fantasies.

And hell, she won't even tell me what she fantasies about. Yeah, she might not have any. Some women don't have fantasies. And that's why I mean, I didn't have fantasies. I had to like figure out what turned me on and what like I had to work at that you know I hear you talk about you've been with women you've been with me and I mean we're I'm assuming that you're by you were by curious and you want to see things and yeah yeah I've been figuring you know you know I read all this thing online and say oh it feels good when they stick and a deal to up their button, you know, guard their wife

screws them and you know, I fantasize about all that. Yeah, well you like it's common. Listen You have a prostate. I know a prostate. I had a prostate. I will be doing that all day long because doesn't mean you're gay There's so many men it means that you're like curious and you have the sexual organ and you want to explore So maybe your wife would get on board with that, would she get on board with penetrating you? Well, I've, like I said, I mean, she used to, we've had a toy and I've stuck it up my butt for and I think it turned her on and she kind of pumped a little bit and you know, and then that was over. And now, and once you throw away the toys, I keep texting her stuff like,

I'm gonna go to the dirty store here and get something for you to do me. I know that all this turns you on. And she never answers me back about anything. So I don't know if I should or I shouldn't. You know what I'm saying? Well Mike, I think that you have an answer. I know, Mike, and I don't think overtax them.

We know that she's just like, oh, God, I don't want to respond to this because she's been so shut down sexually probably for a while. You know, we have to keep our pilot like lit as women if we're still not feeling it. So it's like masturbation and being sexually healthy. So you don't masturbate. Trust me. Sounds like she's not doing anything, and that's not okay.

No. So, I'm sorry, Mike, because that's uneasy. Listen, you are not, you need to get your needs met as well. And so, maybe it's changing the conversation from just saying to her, hey, I'm gonna go buy a dildo, to, hey, we gotta have a talk. Like, and this is the talk that you have,

not when you're drinking and not in the bedroom and not next time she, you know, we got to have a talk. Like, and this is the talks that you have, not when you're drinking and not in the bedroom and not next time she would, you know, says no to sex. It's like, however you have a conversation with her in a place that where you are, you know, kind of like relaxed and there's not, you know, about a lot of stuff going on and you know, there's distractions. You just have, really need to talk to you about something serious and I really miss our intimacy.

I really miss our connection and I know we haven't had lately and I really, our intimacy. I really miss our connection and I know we haven't had it lately and I really, it's really important to me that I continue to be sexually healthy and I'd like you to be with me on this journey. And so again, she's going to see what she says in that way and tell her how it makes you feel when you feel disconnected or how it makes you feel like you can't, you know, that there's a part of you that's missing and that you need this because you do need it, Mike

And I hear it in your voice and I want you to have that and again you've been with her for 38 years This is about education. This is about continuing to have a talk with her and letting her know how important it is to you and so Mike, I don't know. We've got a lot of stuff on our website a lot of blog posts about this I want to help you with this But I would just try to have a really heartfelt conversation with her and listen, what does she need? Maybe there's some resentments, I don't know. Maybe she's like, well, not having sex because that time you blah, blah, blah.

But Mike, find out more, be a good listener, and then call me back to have a conversation tonight, call me back tomorrow. They're calling me back next week and we'll have you get the next step. Just try to have a different kind of conversation with her, okay? Thanks for calling Mike, I appreciate you. Let's talk to Ella, 31 in Oregon.

Hey Ella, what's going on? Hello. Thanks for calling. Hi. Hey, great, I've never called, but I was like, you're talking sex toys and exactly part of my problems, but. I have you guys, you know, what's going on?

So I currently am just bored with my vibrator and it's really the only second one I've had. And at the same time, I've been like in the past sort of three years. I've had a lot of dryness, some pain during sex and I only can never sort of get off clitorally and so I'm just sort I guess I'm sort of like I want something new and I've listened to you sort of talk about like the intensity because I'm like maybe I need to work on my kegels and I've heard you talk about the womanizer and I'm like that sounds great and I'm an analyst so I'm like, that sounds great. And I'm an analyst. So I'm like, I don't know sort of what to do.

I've got them all. Okay. So there's a lot to unpack here, Ella. So yeah, you've been listening. So you know all the toys. So I think, okay, so really the thing, how often do you paint and what kind of paint? Is that's what kind of goes start? I spoke a little wrong when I was speaking, but I've been listening to you for years, so I'm

also like, I haven't had sex in three years, the pain was before that. I think, you know, like I work with my acupuncturists in naturopathum, you know, sort of my libido and all these other things. The pain was more just like when sex kind of like how you're just talking about like burning thing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

So really then it's more about literal stimulation and maybe strengthening your pelvic floor. So what vibes do you have now that you're tired of? I just have the wee vibe. The wee vibe, Rae, I think it is. It's like for fun. I'll leave you in turn. I'll leave you in turn. I'll leave you in Raive I think it is. It's like for fun. It felt like ten different. I thought it because I thought I wanted to work on my G spot, but I never use it for that.

You know what's funny? I, so I love that. I call it the G spot GPS, the Raive. We're talking about the Raive by We vibe. And it actually is a really cool toy for stimulating your internal nerves. I am telling you, Ella, I'm the same that I would get an internal toy.

And the truth is, the most popular toys are actually literal toys. So there's way more literal toys on the market than there are internal toys. And those are more popular because the majority of women are just going to have orgasms to their clitoris. And so that would make sense. But what I found was, because even before I started this job, if I got an internal toy, I was never inspired just to like stick it in. And so what I learned to do is that when it helps to have already have like a literal orgasm or to already be aroused. And so having that, like, since even having an orgasm first because then it becomes, you know, the blood's flowing,

we make it a little wet, more wet and turned on. And so that's when I've been inspired and sometimes I use two at the same time, like I'll use, and this is how I experienced my first blended orgasm was using a clitoral toy and the rave. So, so I would still keep going with it and just make sure you use Lou, but did you, so you don't actually have a clitoral toy.

You have the rave, which is the juice for the term. Yeah, I got a tip. Oh, okay. So are you sensitive? What kind of pressure vibration do you like on your clitoris if you've tried that before? I feel like I like a lot. Like, even when I'm trying to use the wee vibe, I'm like, there's just not enough power.

Well, because it's internal. It's an internal one. So that's why you're right there isn't. That's probably why. Okay, so there's a few options for you. So we have a new one that we just got that is by, it's called new sensual and they make this bullet vibrator that is really powerful and it's waterproof and it comes in this cool little case

and it's just a bullet, so it's a bullet vibe. Do you know what I mean by that? It's like a, you know, it's, it's, so I like bullets for more direct, little stimulation. I also recommend one of my favorites is the Wevibe, is their touch and the touch is great because why I love the touch is because you could kind of fit it is the Wevibe. Is there a touch? And the touch is great because why? I love the touch is because you could kind of fit it in the palm of your hand.

And something else I learned through my own self pleasure is that it wasn't just my clitoris. It was my labia. Because that's also the clitoris, you know, has legs. It's not just the clitoris, it extends, you know, into your labia and also, you know, behind your labia internally. And so anyway, that would constimate all of them

and it's powerful. That's what I would recommend right now. Yeah. So try, I also love the J.J. Meamy. I'll give you one more. And then the Meamy is one of my first love that's also a great one. I would check them all out of my site.

But I think you need to go with a bullet or one like, those are similar. The J.izis you and the touch are both kind of palm size great to use with a partner or yourself. I'm actually all our great to use with a partner. Does that help? Okay, those are good suggestions. Yeah, definitely. I was like I feel so lost. I'm like I don't know what to work on if I'm only going to pick one. Yeah, there you go. And you can get it. Call me back. I'm here. Let me know.

Thank you. Thank you. All right. Let's talk to Daniel 31 in Illinois. Hi, Daniel. What's going on? Thanks for calling. So I've been in a monogamous relationship for a very long time, very satisfied.

I really love my partner. I think the world of her. And would never, ever in a million years cheat. Totally out of the question, and I'm completely focused on building a life with this woman. At the same time, I have a pretty big dick. And I wish that there was a way for more folks to know that. I think part of this is tied to my psychology and kind of internal reward structure being really attached to external validation. I think for better or worse, like societal programming has kind of tied being successful in the sexual arena to that kind of physical aspect. So just curious how

you would think about that. Obviously, this isn't like, there's no infidelity going on. There's no desire to do anything like that. Right. But I think it's interesting. Interesting. Yeah, no, Daniel, thanks. I have a few things to say to it. First off, is that you said that this is how society is, it was a good dress that's

one way, one. The first thing is that you say this is how society views it. So if I'm a great lover, like we value a large penis in society. And I'm here to tell you, as an expert, that's actually not 100% true. In the sense of not every person who's with a penis is like, that's the most important thing. And I think you actually said they're better lovers is the parts that I want to hone in on.

And that is also not necessarily true, especially you said you're with women, you're with a woman. And for many women, the penis is not where all the magic happens. Being a great lover is so much more than your penis. It's about how attentive you are, how much you want to take care of your needs. Do you give her pleasure, orgasms, do you listen, do you want to fulfill her fantasies, do you kind of figure out what those are? That's what an incredible lover is.

Not so much about the penis, and I can tell you 15 years of experience with all the colors and emails and shows and all the things, it's always been about, how do I talk to my partner about this? How do I get my needs met? How do I, you know, so that's the first thing. And the second thing is Daniel, about you saying that that's, you have this external reward system.

And I really love how you've taken the moment to kind of think about like, why do I want this? But I would also say like, I don't know how that would be how thick as you're not a cheater, but letting anybody else know whether it was like sending a dick pick or, you know, letting a neighbor know or somebody at work is gonna backfire and it's not gonna be probably get the reward

that you think it's going to. So I would ask you, what are you really needing right now, Daniel? Like what like you have a lot of success, you're in a good relationship, everything's going great, but they're still like it, something that you're craving right now. You're craving this external, external something. And typically that's, I would say, yeah, do you have an answer to that? What do you think? Well, I was just gonna say you know I heard you talk about the Buddha a little bit and it's interesting. I've been exploring Buddhism kind of on and off for the past year

I was raised Christian So it's a very new kind of school thought for me, but the reason I've been exploring it is I believe I need to execute a shift in my mindset from external validation to internal validation broadly throughout my life, not just in this particular arena. So I don't know if I have an answer, but when you phrase the question like, hey, what do you need?

That's kind of the thing that pops into mind. This broader rebuilding that I'm going through. Well, Daniel, I love that you said that because, yeah, I would say it's hard with the Buddha and like the universal love suffering that we're all going to suffer and that what's that about is if we're suffering, most of suffering comes because of our unexamined thoughts, right? So the whole thing about, so if you've been curious about it, what has really helped is, and this is a universal is meditation, is journaling, but going back to meditation, what that does is that allows us to actually do the deeper work and the

inner work that I think you're craving, because you said it, Daniel, I was going to say that a lot of our int, a lot of these stuff that we crave externally, I need validation, I need money, I need the car, the wife, the family, the house, the job, actually doesn't fulfill us. Like once you get there, it's never that fulfilling. This is also something that's sort of a, you know, a trope. But then what happens is once we, you know, try to do one of this work, we realize that when we do the inner work, that it's more about connection and relationships and gratitude. So I think you're on a great track, Daniel. The first step is researching it and being like, oh yeah, you know, maybe there's something

here of this Buddhism. Yeah, I appreciate it, Dr. Emily. I know the sound of, you know, kind of goofy and I appreciate you taking the call seriously and... No, absolutely. I'm good food for thought. Yeah, good. Thank you, Daniel.

Thank you for calling. This is a great call, really. I appreciate it. I think that helps good. Thank you, Daniel. Thank you for calling. This is a great call, really. I appreciate it. I think that helps a lot of people too. How about that? I mean, yeah, I could have been like, come on. You can tell everyone, you know, big penis, and you're going to send it around. I just pictured him like flooding everyone's inbox with dick picks.

Never a good idea. I said, an unsolicited dick pick. But really, that's just, I love that. I mean, it's so, that is another universal truism. That's, you know, there's so many ways to say like, that's what we are seeking is within us. Let's talk to Bill and Barbara in Colorado. Hi. I Emily. Hi. You guys calling together? We, we say hi Barbara. Hi. Hi Barbara. We're driving and we got so tired of listening to all this news. I listened to volume a lot and 106 and then I moved up to 108 and we just started listening and in the last 10 minutes, in the first call we had was a lady looking for a vibrator. And my wife and I, she can't believe I'm actually calling, okay.

But, can you believe I'm calling there? We're on 108. We're on 109. But anyway, keep going. We're on Star's Blur channel. Well, no, not now, I'm sorry. That's okay, just a anyway keep going. We're on stars. We're on channel. I'm sorry. That's okay. Just, you know, a branding thing here.

All right. All cool. Yes. One on nine. But anyway, I just wanted to let the people out there know that, you know, what I've heard you say what we've heard you say is after 20 years of marriage and kids, you know, we started being more open and going into the adult shops and really asking questions and doing some research to find out what the best products are

for particularly my wife. And it's really pretty easy, they're pretty open. At my age, it's hard to satisfy her for a long period of time so these vibrators have come in great. And so anyway we just don't care that. I'm a huge fan. I love first of all I love and couples calling together when I saw Bill and Barbara I was like we're talking to Bill and Barbara because it's very fun to talk to couples and I love

what you're saying and it's super inspiring and I agree like what a fun date night go date night. Go to a sex toy store, see how they've changed. I think people still picture when I grew up in Michigan, Bill and Barbara, there was this sex toister. It was like off the side of the road, like off the highway. And it was like, yeah, to go there and you're like, oh, God, like it was some kind of weird place. But now they're like, they're really helpful. They have body-safe materials, there's so many toys. So what did you get? Do you remember what you got? Oh yeah, I don't know. So I will tell you, without, you know, making it sound like we're total addicts.

So I would never judge. You would never judge, okay? No, you just started listening, but that's kind of my jam not to judge you okay good well you have a great voice and and I will tell you all this crazy stuff going on in the world there's gotta be something else besides COVID and and the other stuff so here we are with you but anyway

we had a evolved its e-v-o-l-v-e-d I'm sure you've heard of it. It's a vibrator, it was called a wild orchid. It had the two buttons on the side, and it worked great. Well, the dog found it and tore it to pieces. Hey, what happened? I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I've never heard of before.

I happened to go up into the bedroom and there was all over the floor. So what happens next is we end up having to go to a couple places and we found one that was evolved because I really believe in that product. They have worn piece and all that stuff and they've had like a little toothbrush as the

clitoris piece you know you know what i'm talking about and i'm not it's not a two okay what they got it's got the regular long you want to explain it okay well it's got the long you know it's got the piece for the vagina and then the other piece that goes on the colatoris has looks like a little it's got a little it rotates

circularly. oh i think it might be the one that i have right i was looking at it that like the um the zoomio does it look like a toothbrush because it rotates the little tip rotates around? yes yes i love that because it rotates a little tip rotates around? Yes, yes. Yes, I love that because it's a pick points. Yeah, tell me everything. Yes, but I will tell you this without getting too carried away. We bought one of those wands, where you just, you kind of rub it on the clitoris piece.

Right. It has like the best of anything for her yeah was it like a magic one like it's a big one and you're going on and yeah i know go ahead and no you go build your your very i love this no i want a one doesn't excellent to go on to the category of vibrators for

literal simulation the ones and they're just excellent. I mean, if women have more challenges around orgasms, they just want more than one or they just want it to be a little easier. It's the real deal. You know what? When you said if a woman wants more than one orgasm, my wife went ear to ear because one orgasm is like way not enough. And well, I'm just telling the truth. And so, like I said, I can't, you know, I'm one and done, but that's why we have these toys for her. But I will tell you the other thing about the one, the other side can be used as a vibrator.

Oh, wow. I don't know which one it is. That's a, oh, you mean because it's supposed to or you flip it around and use it as like a, No, no, be considerate. No, it vibrates as well. The handle, I have no idea which one this is, but it sounds fabulous.

You guys are a good time. Bill and Barbara, you are a good time. Don't be embarrassed Barbara. I know you just joined me here on SARS-109, but I'm here five nights a week, five to seven PM. I'm live right to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person.

I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I mean, you don't know who you're getting, you know, who might be coming over, you know, we're not the youngest people in the room.

Mm-hmm. Right. So what do you do? Well, first off, I want to make sure that you're both on board. Barbara, I can't hear you, but are you on board with it? Are you interested in having another a third? I don't know yet. All right. So that's always. Okay, well, you convinced her and then call me back because here's the thing. Bill, after all these years, who was like, how do I get my partner to have a threesome? How do I get my partner? It doesn't really happen that way because you don't want to convince

your partner into doing something that they're not quite, they're my made up on and so so I get it because some people are not sure but they're like maybe so my next step for you would be for both of you to sort of fantasize about it and all of your playtime maybe you can do some like dirty talking around like I'm picturing this other person to be picturing a man or a woman or other I'm picturing a woman I really never asked her yet are you picturing a man or a woman? Well, okay, well we have to settle on the sex. That's for sure. Yeah, you think I see that. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation.

That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a big conversation. That's a night. But this is a really good conversation to have.

Because now you know, right? It means so now you guys can talk about it. Maybe it's one time it's a man. The next time you have a woman, right? It's only fair. It doesn't mean you're gay. They'll be a lot of men are like, oh no, I can't imagine it. But really, just unless you, I don't know what you're into, but I think for some men,

like, she can tell you more about her fantasy. You know it would be fun if you went home tonight and you wrote down each one of you like described to each other. Maybe you write down or not what the fantasy looks like. Like what she pictures with the other man being in and then you picture the other woman and then yeah, that's hot. I think it can be.

Cause you guys are in a good, you're solid. 23 years, you're buying sex toys. If you feel comfortable with that. Oh yeah, we're solid. But you know that's a good idea. We could write it, you know, kind of compare notes. Compare notes, write it down. Yeah, whatever works. It's really hot too. So what I say is that for a lot of couples who are trying to have a third.

Before you just go out and do it, I love that I roll playing it. Dirty talking, talking about it, and then you get let it sit with you and see how does that feel. Does it make me jealous? Does it turn me on? What elements of it are great? And then then you go from there. But you don't jump, you don't go from zero to three some.

No. No. No. All right, Bill, Barbara, thank you. Okay, Bill. Barbara, do you want to say anything? No, I'm good. Okay, thanks.

Stay in touch. Lots of love. Take care yourself. All right, business with Emily. Find me Monday through Friday from 5 to 7 pm Pacific on Siri Sex HM stars for even more awesome sex talk calls and segments. It's a great time.

You can find more at sexwithemily.com slash SXM. Also follow me on all social media. It is sex with Emily across the board. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. It was a good for you. Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.