Sex With Emily - Communication is Lubrication: Scripts For Your Sex Life

Episode Date: July 2, 2014

On today’s show, Emily demonstrates her top mantra: communication is lubrication. Emily compiled a list of the most popular questions she gets asked from listeners and teaches communication skills those sticky situations. If communication is a tough subject for you, don’t worry, she give you a script for that.Subjects include: How do I talk about anal sex?, How do I talk about erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation?”Emily shares the most effective ways to ask for more oral sex and encourages women to be open (and honest) about their orgasms.So, what do you do if your partner doesn’t want to go down on you? How do you ask a new partner about STIs? And, of course, how do you stay out of the dreaded “friend zone?” Emily explains why you need to approach these touchy situations and how to do it right. Emily’s panel of female truth-tellers today include her assistant Lauren and her intern Carolyn. The women discuss common issues women deal with during sex, but don’t ever talk about.Both women share the truth about their own romantic lives. Emily coaches them with scripts to deal with their current relationship challenges and also helps her listeners with their toughest questions. The Sex With Emily women contribute specific tips on how to ask for what you want in and out of the bedroom. You don’t want to miss this.  Send your questions , comments & fantasies to: [e-mail]’t get enough SexWithEmily?Subscribe on iTunes and never miss your bi-weekly Sex With Emily podcast…Special discounts for listeners of Sex With Emily: Use coupon code GVEMILY20 for 20% off at Good Vibrations and coupon code EMILY for 20% off my Aromatherapy Massage Candle and DownUnder Comfort at Emily& Tony.Go to Promescent to make love longer.Increase your stamina with the #1 selling sex toy for men, Fleshlight.Stop by Hustler Stores in Hollywood for all your kinky needs- Don’t forget to mention “Sex With Emily” at the counter for 20% off your purchase.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, it's Emily from Sex with Emily. Thanks everyone for listening to the show and I just want to thank you for supporting our sponsors. You'll help keep this show free. So have you ever had that not so fresh feeling down under? I created a solution called down under comfort. Well, what is it? It's a cream to power to form a formula that keeps you fresh and dry all day, which means you'll always be ready for action. It's fermenting for women. It can be used anywhere in your body. It prevents sweat stains, chafing, and then not so fresh feeling. You're probably thinking, I know, hey, I'm, I start with this morning. I'm still clean. But guess what? Poor hygiene is the number one complaint about sex ferment and women, especially now that the weather gets hotter. Do your balls, your breasts, your whole body gets sweaty? I was in New York last week. My breasts, I've never had that experience, that humidity. I whipped out my down under comfort. I put it on and I was no longer sweating from head to toe. This stuff works. It keeps your intimate areas fresh, dry, clean, ready for action all the time. Most people

never think they need a product like this until they try it and they can't leave without it. We already sold out of it once. So, go to emelientowney.com, use coupon code Emily for 20% off down under comfort. That's emelientowney.com, use code Emily for 20% off your order. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

The girls got a hair standard. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Mollie? What do you mean, like, laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Thanks, everyone, for listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com and you can check out all of our podcasts, sign up our mailing list, which you actually really have to sign up for at my own list. Because I have been complimented lately,

wherever I go, we were like, oh, you know what, I get so many emails only, but I actually read yours. Like, some people that I really respect, because we all get news letters, whatever, I send you tips every week. And they're interesting and they're informative,

and it's not spammy or weird. So sign up for that, you'll also get the report when you do that, the five biggest mistakes you're making about if you're a man or a woman. And also, follow me on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram, all that stuff at sex with Emily, because I love hearing from you.

And I love, it's been great lately. I've been getting like so many questions from you guys. It's been crazy. Feedback at sexwithemily.com, or on my Facebook page, and we try to answer them all. We really do. I try to get to all your questions because I want to help you.

And this show is going to really get to your questions because let me tell you about this show. I compiled a list of the top questions I get asked. And I'm going to give you all a little script here, a script for each situation, for sticky situations. Pun intended, I suppose, because some of these situations are kind of sticky. The questions I get asked are a lot of times scenarios that you're not quite sure how to talk to your

partner. How do I bring this up? What do I do about the situations from bothering me? Emily, you know, what do we do? And here they are. So some of the things are like, how to get out of the friend zone? How to bring toys in the bedroom? How to ask for what you want in the bedroom? And, you know, how to know if your new partner has an SDD? How to get more overall sex? How to spice things up? We're gonna cover all of these today on the show with some scripts.

We're actually gonna do a little bit role-playing and I've got some amazing guests here today. I've got my assistant Lauren. Hello. Hello, and I've got Carolyn, my intern. Hi there. Hello, hello, and we are just, you know, we do talk about sex all day long in the office, right?

I mean, it's hilarious. Like when we shut our doors open sometimes, and we forget, we're like having like screaming matches about blow jobs, and people are like, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, bring it out. Like no, we love it. Like the guys are on the hall, like it's like, let's sing to a born.

We have a good time. So I thought we should bring it to everyone here. So you can hear kind of how these conversations go down and really some of the best things to say when you do get in some of these situations and this again is incorporating some of the top questions you ask me so you know how to deal with them. So I'm just gonna, I didn't tell him I was doing this

but Lauren, I'll start with you. Is there a sticky situation that you've been in lately that you've been wanting to address and haven or anything that you did address that worked? Oh, well one of my recent sticky situations is I've been I think a hooking up I guess for the guy for the last four or five years all in and off. Great friend of mine, but I don't want a relationship at all. I don't want a relationship at all. And I know some, for some people, that talk about what we are is their sticky situation, but my sticky situation was how do I avoid that talk or how do I maneuver that talk so that I can keep doing what I'm doing. Yeah, and I think you just got to say, tell him, you got to say to him,

right now I'm not looking to be in a relationship. I really cherish the time that, I love being with you, it's amazing, it's great, but I can't give you a full on commitment right now. I'm focusing on my work, my life, building my new life in Los Angeles. And, but it doesn't mean that I don't still want to see you. Is that good?

Yeah, I definitely, because he's definitely one of those straight up people. And I feel like you have to tread lightly with different people. And that is very to the point. And he's, Hello, I mean, I get it. And honestly, I mean, I've had to add that,

I've been in that same sticky situation. The, you know, having the talk, what are we? And I'm like, we're just hanging out. And then that's not, that doesn't usually go very well, because typically they want to know about the commitment and all that, but just be honest with your burner. So, okay, Caroline, you're up next.

Any sticky situations, situations you've been in lately or anything you want to talk about that you haven't lately with your burner? Oh my gosh. I'm one of those like, I don't play games kind of girls. And I'm pretty of those like I don't play games kind of girls and I'm pretty straightforward with how with with my needs and what I want so I mean lately You know sex with my partner's great, but I might want more oral sex and so my way of asking for that is

Go down on me now, please So I'd love to have a little bit of an etiquette lesson from you. Is that work? Um, you know, actually, surprisingly, guys don't like being told what to do all the time. Right. They really don't. Yeah, guys can get a little touchy about it. It's like I am an assertive woman, especially in bed, and it works sometimes and it doesn't in others so I definitely I had my

boyfriend tell me look I'm not a sex toy at one point. Wow because we'll get one because I'm like game three of them yesterday. Yeah it's fine I have tons. No so I actually think I need a little lesson on how to phrase that's a good one. That is a good one. So when he does it does he do it for long enough and it's to your pleasure to your you have an orgas. So when he does it, does he do it for long enough and it's to your pleasure, to your, you have an orgasm? Yeah, he does it. Well, you know, I am one of those, again, one of those kind of girls that I don't really,

I would rather have an orgasm from intercourse and I like oral sex is for play. Okay, so he's a warm up. So he definitely will go there and for as long as I want him to. I mean, and he would yeah, he's that's what you may go to warm up like you need to warm up. Yeah, right. Okay. So maybe you could say something like I got it would feel you know, even just saying in a way like babe, I can't wait to have you inside. It would feel amazing though to have you to feel your lips on me or to kiss me or to go, yeah, I would love, if you went down to me right now, that would be so hot.

Yeah, I would tell him how it makes you, how it's gonna make you feel rather than ordering him, or be like, you know, I, if he tried, so is it usually the point that he kinda just tries to have sex with it away and you're not warmed up yet? And so that's why you want it? Yeah, I'd say so, I'd say that, you know, we do four play, but oral sex is not always part of our four play and sometimes I wish it was.

So I think if I add in a little more of that feminine energy that you that you seem to exude rather than saying, okay, hi, could you do this for me now please? You got to be a little softer sometimes because then he's good because then they do know because it's thing is that men are pleasers and so especially around sex they get so particular like if a guy ever hears anything negative about like his penis or how he performed it will stick with him for like his life is like I women like feel about their weight or other things like for men so if you criticize it you're thinking I and he probably gets upset by maybe maybe because he's thinking, oh, I messed up. About pleasing her, she's ordering me around and like, I'm already doing it.

You know, who knows what it is? He's feeling like he's not. Definitely. And the last thing. And then the last thing you want is to give them a complex. Like, oh, they're not, I, I, I, I, I'm not doing it well enough. And it's like, no, it's not about that. I want you to do it more.

Or you know what you could do? You could tell, well, we already talked about that. We're going to get into this next, but you could text them like, I've been fantasizing all day about your tongue on my pus ear. I might feel a little more confident, dirty talking in the text message. That's the great deal. Why do you need help? I'm really thinking about how it feels when you go down to me, or I've been thinking about you going down to me all day. You ready to know? Do it now. Text him right now. But yeah, things like that, like softening up, I mean, again, it's different with every partner.

I mean, I had a guy, I actually made this into a little stand-up routine I did once, who we went out for a long time, and he did the whole like weekly, you know, flapped his tongue around for two minutes, and that was his idea of oral sex. And I was like, really, like, I didn't even, like, two minutes, and you could have, like, got me glass of water. We could have started two minutes later, like, that did nothing for me even think two minutes and you could have like got me glass of water we could have started two minutes later like that did nothing for me in that two minutes and so finally it was never I mean our sex was okay even

it wasn't even that great I stayed with them for too long it was a long distance relationship but besides that point one time I decided to and we were dinner because a lot of times it's good to talk about these things when you're not in the bedroom and I said so what's the deal, yo? Is it that? I'm just curious, because I definitely did my part. Like, I gave him the other jobs that rocked his world. So he said, and they seemed to.

But he said to me, I said to him, so, all sex. I have a question for you about like going down to me. Because I noticed that like it doesn't happen that often, and I'm curious, is it that maybe you want to know more about what to do and what would I really like? Because I'd be happy to tell you, or is that you just don't really like it? And he said, no, it's just not my thing.

And I was like, no, you're not my thing either. And I walked out the dirt, no, I didn't end it that quickly, I should have. But soon after that, I knew that I'm not sure that you can talk a guy into tomatoes, right? Like if you like to manage a heat man, you can be like, try the tomato, try the tomato. Like you love it, you love it, like you don't like him. You don't like him.

And so maybe he's just a guy who doesn't like it. And I was giving him an out there because I think a lot of guys might not do it for a reason A, that they just, they're like, God, everyone's different. Don't forget. I'm so confusing. That's why I try and give a lot of tips about oral sex on the show. But for him, he just wasn't into it.

And I think that's kind of sad because I don't know, if it's just like women, we all have had experiences sexually that weren't so pleasing. And we think, I never wanted that again. Like a lot of women have very bad post-traumatic anal sex disorder, where like the first time a guy tries to have anal sex with them, they just stick it in without loob, not warmed up, and women are like, I hate oral sex.

And then you think, well, I would say, let's try it again. Maybe the partner who's more sensitive, and you slow down, and you use loob, and you might like it. But I'm wondering with these guys with oral sex, this is the first time it's ever, it ever happened to me, but I think there are guys who just aren't that into it And I wonder if they also maybe had a bad experience. I have a rule for that and My rule is and I tell my friends this to when I'm dating I won't go down on a guy until he goes down on me So just to avoid that in college. There's a lot of guys who say oh, yeah Like yeah, they got and they they will not go down on you like at all and so

Now I won't go down on a guy until he's gone down on me and I know for sure because how that to me It would suck. It's like oh, you don't like going down. I've just been giving you all these blowjobs Now what do I do? I have to keep giving you these blowjobs. Not that I don't like blowjobs. Right, right cuz we like I mean I believe guys like some women don't like them, but we get into it, because we know it gives you pleasure, it gives us pleasure. That's a great, that's a good one. Yeah, I just don't like that it's one side

at that point, and it's like, okay, you're expecting this up me, but it's like, well, I don't want my little socks on. Exactly, the blowjob is like so much fame, like it's all about the blowjob, but it's never about like, or, you know, kind of lingus. And it's the same way, like, for, I also, I don't like to,

analingus, I think is the word. I don't like giving, but I like receiving, which is something where I'm like, okay, well, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna do it if I expect it of you. Like, if I expect it, I'm not gonna like, you know, I don't wanna not do it. So if a guy's like all into it, I- Like how like you're in it, I mean.

But I don't like doing that. I think that's dirty. So what did you do with other? No, no, no, I just, I, if they do it to me, I let them know right away. Like not during sex, but I let them know. Like, you know, I love it, but just so you you know because I have my last guy I just he was all about he was all about it and he kept trying to embed trying to get me to do it and I was just like no no no no no no no yeah I literally

like slipped out of bed and I was like nope nope nope nope like soft shit and I was like I just know right okay and then was he cool with that? No, he was cool with it. Okay, so that's a good thing. At least you talked about it. Yeah. No, it's not your thing. Off limits, I understand for a lot of people that's just not that pleasure but all.

We are gonna get into how to talk to your partner by having you know sex, because that is one of the top questions we do get asked. Those are some good examples. So I was gonna go back to, oh yeah. So the the world sex thing is that it just always confuses me like I think that a lot of men, if you are one of those guys, you're like, I don't like go back to oh, yeah, so the the world's next thing is that it just always confused me Like I think that a lot of men if you are one of those guys are like I don't like them a jaina

They're smelly at about experience. Whatever it is That I think that you can have a positive experience maybe if you try it again Or you try it and realize that you are giving her a lot of pleasure and then like I guess just a lot of guys Just they it turns them on too to see her so turned on but you can't Everyone's wired differently so some guys just be like watching the clock and be like okay It's been five minutes, you know like madness would probably do that or something And be like I'm done. Yeah, I think that if you want it you have to be willing to give it You definitely and and like Lauren if you aren't willing to give it then you got to be honest about it

Exactly. Don't expect it. And don't expect it. And again, there's some women who don't want it. There's someone who don't want it, or there's sex, and there's some guys, believe it or not, who don't love blood jobs. Not many, but there are. Yeah, there are. There's a lot of guys who are like, I can't actually eat that way, or I just, I don't like it,

rather just, you know, I call it, or come too quickly that way. So they just don't like it, which, you know, and again, women, there's a lot of women who are, um, multi-agasmic, who are super sensitive, and they actually don't like the feeling of it, and, there's a lot of women who are mother of gas make who are super sensitive and they actually don't like the feeling of it and then there's some women who also have insecurities about their bodies. And so in which case, I know I have a lot of guys who also

email and say, hey, I want to do this type of harder and she won't let me. What do I do? And so I think in that situation, you can just, you know, kind of get to the bottom of it with her and just say, God, I would so love to taste you. And she said, no, no, you can ask her why. I say, well, what is about it bottom of it with her and just say, God, I would so love to taste you." And she said, no, no, you can ask her why.

I say, well, what is about it? Does it not feel good? And she, you know, you might just try to ask questions, get more information. Again, this isn't, it's not always in the bedroom. It's not always the best place to have these conversations. But there's guys who miss it, too. They're like, I have been with the partner in Walnutme. So again, it could be because of her own insecurities.

I have a guy friend who was just with a woman recently, and which I think this is so bizarre, but she told him. He was trying to go down her and she told him that the last guy she was with said that she had an odor that wasn't very good, wasn't pleasant. And so we had to go to all these doctors and take these herbs and do all these things and so she was, really insecure about it. And she shared that with my friend. And so he went out on her and did it.

And he's like, yeah, well, there was a little something but he kept going. So there were, because a lot of times women do have an odor and you can't, typically it's like something that if you've been with them for a while and then it just starts and it wasn't there before. She might have like an infection like bacterial vaginosis or there's certain things so you might want to say babe something's a little different down there you might want to get checked out so if that is that's another

script you're really going to talk about but there's so many things to talk about but you might you gotta be honest because but if she's always that way you know you could try showering before sex things like that but there's some people that just have some orders you might not like someone else might love her odor, you know, I don't know. But the point is, is that this woman, this guy says something to her that just made her never wanted again. And it's crazy that someone, one person could like ruin oral sex for you for the rest of your life. Like, oh, yeah, that's terrible.

I'm gonna tell you another story. It's about a penis. So I was eating a guy a while ago and he was with a woman. It was kind of something that was an emotionally abusive relationship before that. And his penis, I got to tell you, it was really nice. The point of it was, I'm like, you have a great penis. It was nice size. And it was beautiful. Yeah, I was like, your penis is so amazing.

It was thick and big. It was good. It was like, not that it has to be big. It was like, it was a knife for me. I really liked it. And he's like, really? He's like, because my ex just told me that her last boyfriend was so much bigger

and was so much better. And he, like, and this was like 12 years ago, he dated this woman or something like 10 years ago. And he was carrying it with him that like he had this like bad penis that wasn't able to please him. I was like, oh my god, like I was good. I would, and I don't just compliment your penis

just to make you feel better. Like, I really like this penis. And so this woman, one comment, like 10 years earlier, because she was trying to hurt him, he still didn't like his penis that much. So what I'm saying is, I don't know, I'm just like, don't be hurtful to your partner. And also, don't write off certain sexual things in action

because of your first experience with them, because maybe try it again. And also, your own insecurities and self-esteem. Yeah, don't let that stuff go. Don't let anyone ruin sex for you. Sex for you. Yeah. I was actually embarrassed when I first started. I didn't like oral sex at the beginning, like receive a lot.

Yeah, a lot. Yeah, because I was, I'm very sensitive and so and guys didn't really know they were doing the growing fast and I thought it was just not good, I thought it was not fun and I'd get embarrassed because I would, I, you know, spaz while I'm right. And then, you know, it was, it was a bad experience for me. Because guys don't notice slow down often because they go too fast. And, you know, oral sex is something that, you know, we all love. Right.

We should love and now I love it. I used to think that I didn't. Because, right, you can call it, a lot of guys are not as experienced. And so that's why you should keep listening to the show, so you know how to do it. And you need to start slow with oral sex. And then speed up and then change it.

But, and again, everyone was different. But most women, if you're starting out, and you're just going down there, do not start quick, fast, licking like a crazy person, right? We don't like that. OK, so we can get into some of our scripts here. Oh, well, I guess the first one we kind of talked about is how to ask your partner to perform more oral or anal.

So the anal section is a big one. I get to hear from guys all the time, both on section down the anointing on my love line. We probably get one call a night. People are saying, how do I get my partner to do it? And so I think the first thing is just to opening up and say, you know, again, anal sex is the thing that you, I think we already covered oral, right?

But anal is something that you really can't just go shove it in. You gotta start talking about it and just say, like, you could start with your finger, you could start touching around that area. You could start thinking if you're a heterosexual couple, or you're a man, you could just start rubbing her, that area around her, but her opening,

and just see how she feels, because she knows you're getting close to it. Women don't like, like, surprise, like your finger just going in there. And then if she seems to like, not pull away, not get scared, you could try with like one new some blue, try with one finger.

That's how you should start. And this is the way to physically try. And if she's like, no, no, no, I don't want that, I don't do it, then you know. She's not that into it. But this doesn't mean that the back door is closed forever. It could also mean that she had the post-traumatic anal sex experience.

It was a bad one. Then you could talk to her and say, I'd really like to try anal sex if you had it. What do you think about it? And she might say, I've really like to try and all the talks if you had it. What do you think about it? And she might say, I've tried it a bunch, I hate it. She might be close for business or she might tell you she had bad experience or she might say she never had it.

And so what you should do is a caring partner, be like, I know what I'm doing. I'm going to use lots of lube. I'm going to stick. I mean, at first we'll start with my fingers. And for women, you need to breathe and slow down. But I think the first thing, again, with anal is you just got to talk about it. And you can't demand it. I think what a lot of guys do wrong is like, I want to f- you in the ass.

I want to do it. I just want to do you. And women might have some fears around it. They might not like it. So that's not going to get you more sense. Yeah, that was scary to me. And I like anal. Right.

And those words right there. Right. Oh, really? Yeah. OK, see? So guys do that because you think it's going to turn us on. I just can't wait to do that. And it's scary.

So you don't want it. Because if you want to get your way, you don't want it to shove it in or just talk to her like that. I'm going to do it. I can't wait to do it because I'd say, I don't know if it's the majority, but a lot of women have some issues around it, right? Or have some not issues, but some hesitation or trust and

I mean, do you relax? Yeah, I've never had anal sex, but if someone ever wanted... Is this Caroline my intern? Yeah, Caroline. I would just want to know that they had put a little thought into it and they said, you know, look, like I've either done this before or I'm reading about it, I'm listening to sex with Emily and learning about it. I've bought Loop. I know this isn't going to happen over the course of one night.

Like, I want to work on this with you because you're so sexy. This or that, you know, just come a little prepared. Exactly. And you can, another thing to do is that's a great point. Again, you all heard this from our mouth. Like, we don't want to be forced into it. Another thing if a woman's not Hasn't tried it this I talked this so many other night. That was the party. I told you guys I went to where like every person pulled me aside

And I had like the most intense sex questions ever and I'm like it was it was very funny But this is one woman was like he wanted to try a butt plug because she had never ate all sex I'm like that's actually a good get like a thin little butt plug That's another way to try it and see if you like it. If you've never had, you know, AinoSax, just go to goodvibes.com, use coupon code Emily. And check out other butt plugs, because that's used to do with that too, but then she could get used to a little thing in her butt, and she feels with a bigger thing in her butt. So play around with it.

That's a good script. I think we got it. Yeah. I think so got it. Yeah. I think so. I actually had the really bad experience of someone just shoving it in. And I cried and I blood. And it was cool.

Oh no. That's awful. I had that post-traumatic stress or sex. I just made that up a right. Didn't you write? And then what happened was it years until you... It was probably like two years until I even wanted to try it again. Because would you like drunk or something? Or he just...

Yeah, I was drunk and he was like, I told him later and he was like, I thought you were down for it. I was like around that area and I was like, yeah, she's just going for it. But I was drunk and I was just like, totally unexpected. And it was not fun. Right, so you guys, you're to here. Just be careful with it and try lightly. If you want to get your way in the situation, and she might even learn to love it too,

but you got to move slowly. OK, but first now I'm going to give you a little word from our sponsors here. So thanks everyone for listening to this show. You know I love being able to help you have the sex life and the relationships you deserve. And I want to give you the best show possible twice a week. So I appreciate you supporting our sponsors who help keep the show free and available to

you. So I know a lot of you out there live in the LA area or you might come down your often, the Hustler Hollywood store should be your main destination. Or one of your top destinations because it's an amazing store you walk in. It's this incredible experience. They've got toys, erotica, sexy laundry. Most of all, it's the easiest way to find answers you've been looking for to spice up your sex life. Hustle or Hollywood is the perfect date night spot if you're in a relationship. You can just browse their section of sexy products and see what both get you turned on. So they've all these movies and toys. I mean, they have so much stimuli in there. And it's actually, even if you're

just go there just to check it out, they have like a cafe and like their drinks or hilarious. It was like the creamsicle blowjob pop. I don't like that. They're all their coffee. It's just a great place. Then it's that blowbar. And it's a great thing if you've just been wanting to spice it up, but you it's hard for you to speak in a sticky situation. It's hard for you to talk to your partner. Just go and see what you both like. And then you can start the conversation going from there. If you're single, going by some vibrators for more so solo play, Hustle Hollywood loves you.

My sex zombie listeners want to make your sex life better. So when you're, whether you're single in a relationship, they are offering a 20% discount if you just mentioned sex with Emily when you're checking out the legendary store. So it is the Hustle Hollywood store on Sunset Boulevard mentioned in sexual family, but also I'm teaching a workshop there on July 16th, 2014 from 8 to 10 at night. So you got RSUP, go to my Facebook.com slash sexual family, you'll see it on the events page, RSUP yes, it's called How to Blow His Mind, and you're going to love it.

It's going to be fun. We're going to have gift bags and drinks and all good times. Okay. My other sponsor I have to thank, of course, because then I think you're all going to thank them too when you try it. It's flashlight. It is the number one sex toy for men for a reason because it actually, you feel the pleasure of having sex anytime, even when you don't have a partner or if you use a flashlight.

It is the most popular sex toy for a reason for man because it simulates the sensations of sex and it's engineer to look and feel like the real deal. A lot of people say it's even better than sex, but I'm not saying you're never gonna want to have sex again But you will have mind-blowing orgasms mix up your solo play. You can try their stamina training It'll help you last longer and if you're at a long distance relationship or you're just out of as much sex as you want, I just wanna try something different than your hand. You gotta check out the flashlight because everyone I've given to like, guy friends, a trial, no, I don't know.

They freaking love it. And so, I don't have a penis. I would try it if I could. It is, let me know how you feel about it. Go buy it. Go to sextoeummy.com slash flashlight. That's sexwithelement.com slash fleshlight to get your fleshlight now and email me if you how much you love it. Feedbackatsextoelement.com.

How to talk to your partner when they won't address issues that they're having in bed? The elephant in the room. The elephant in the room. So there's a lot of guys, for example, I'm not blaming all men, but they are premature ejaculators. They come a little bit too quickly. They think you're not going to notice or something, or they just don't talk about it, right? I didn't notice that you just came before. I even knew that your penis was inside me, or whatever it is. There's also guys who have erectile dysfunction, they get hard, then they get soft, they get hard, they get soft, and they don't want to talk about it because it's just, again, it's so hard for people to even talk about sex in the first place, but she knows it's going on, so you might as well talk about it.

Also, there's a lot of prescription drugs you might be on that can also cause erectile dysfunction, a lot of men taking antipressants, they actually can't ejaculate. And I think Carolyn, you had a great script for this. Yeah, actually, I've been in both situations as have most women really. Yeah, guys. I'm not going to hate you for it. We just wait if you don't talk about it.

Exactly, exactly. I'm not going to judge you on this one time or this couple times even, especially when you handle it like a man. And actually, a couple of years ago ago I was hooking up with someone and the first time that we got together he said look I'm gonna be honest with you I'm taking anti-depressants I might not have an orgasm throughout the course of this experience but I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure you have an orgasm throughout the course of this experience, but I'm going to do everything I can to make

sure you have an orgasm. And it blew me away. Like I thought it was so cool. That's so great. Yeah. And then you know it ended up being a great experience. And three years we hooked up. And I actually cite that guy.

I have cited him to other guys and said, look, man, like there was this one guy that handled it well and you can do it too. Right, exactly. Because I just think that guys are just embarrassed and they don't know how to deal. So that's a great example of how to deal with it. Yeah, I was just straightforward and honest. And as long as you say, as long as you really truly believe, I'm going to look out for you in this situation, I might come too quickly or not at all, but you're going to be taking care of. Right. You're, whoa, like, I'm still look out for you in this situation. Like I might come too quickly or not at all, but you're gonna be taken care of.

Like, whoa, that's like- I'm still enjoying it, because a lot of women might feel insecure that they can't make him ejaculate, they're thinking, oh, I'm not trying to- Okay, I can get you out of that. Because if you're not telling her why you can't ejaculate and that's why, she's just gonna be thinking that you think she's fat and not gonna bed or something,

because women always have insecure. I'm just kidding, I think she's, you think that she's not gonna bed and you're not sexy. Or whatever it is, you need to talk about this stuff. So just bring it up to our confident and assuring and reassuring, like you said you said it, you just say, listen, or if you know that you come too quickly, you could mention it before

but just maybe after the first time, which is easy to have you to say, yeah, that happens to me sometimes and I just wanna make sure that you are pleased. So, then you go down in her, then you, then you use your fingers, or whatever you have to do, whatever you have to do to make sure that she is pleased. And if you do have one of these issues like PE, you can also work on that. It's not like, it's not something that you just stick with, you can also try to promise

that you've heard me talk about that. It's the only FDA-achieve approved treatment for premature ejaculation. Can we talk about how to bring promescent into the bedroom? That's a great idea. I have wanted to do that. And even as working for you, I find it difficult to bring it up to a guy

because I know he would flourish if he just had you know the chance to be around you know science and products and and but it's still it's like how do I not offend right oh my god so he always comes a little bit too quickly well no it's not even that it's it's because promise and also if you want to last a little bit longer right it's not even right you're right thank you for clarifying that it's if you last five and you want to last ten if you last ten minutes you won the last 10, if you last 10

and if you won the last 20 or more, it can double how long you last. That's a great question. And I think you can say, babe, I, well, you have the great excuse of blaming me. You can just say, you know, I got this, because, you know, this great product and I think all of you can actually, you know what?

Fuck it. Everyone can use this excuse. I was listening to this podcast and she was talking about this thing. I mean, I always say use a third party. Like, there's this great new thing called, you know, called Promescent and I think it just, I want you to try it. I think it'd be cool.

You can like last as long as you want in bed. Cause what it does, it works with light decay and it's a slightly desensitizing feeling to your penis. It doesn't mean you can't feel anything. You put it on 10 minutes before Sex and it doesn't transfer your partner. She won't even so she doesn't want to even know you're using it But a lot of women do buy it for their partners and it just helps you less longer You can still ejaculate all that stuff

But it just it's kind of amazing like guys are like it rock my world and change my sex life because there's an orgasm Get to because you probably want him to less longer, because it might take you 15 to 20 to orgasm and he ejects the hits at five or 10. So I would just say, I've got this cool thing that I got, you know, and it's called for a mess in. I want to try it and see what it feels because then, you know, maybe you can,

does he ever feel bad that he doesn't less long enough? I have gotten that, like, oh, sorry, like I'm sorry about that. And then there's nothing wrong, like worse than- Oh there's nothing wrong like worse than oh sorry that never happens it's ever happened before that one. Yeah sorry about that it's like you don't even have to say you're sorry man just acknowledge that it happened and do the rest of the work and you can even use this excuse by having promising if you go to Emily's workshop,

Promessant just told us today that they sent us over a whole bunch, a whole box for us. Oh, they did? As gift. I always get part of our gift bags. So you will be walking home with some. Yeah, and it's like, it's, I mean, it's pretty, well, they've trial sized bottles and they're big rolls.

But yeah, go to my workshop and get a bottle. So that's good. So this is like, how do you bring a permission? So I would just would just say I've got this you know, do you want to try this? This will help like last long. I said it takes me a little longer to orgasm And this will help you last longer. I think it could be fun to try together. I think it would be cool Yeah, I'm a little bit of the ego like and always start with like I love having sex together like I love I've been thinking about having sex through all the time. I've got, or you could say, I've got a little treat for you when you got here, make it seem like it's something,

you know, I've got a treat for you. And then he gets there, and you're like, this can help you last longer with alpha side effects of like biagra or anything like that. It's make it fun and playful. Yeah, turn it into a toy rather than kind of a medicine. Right. Yeah, exactly.

So you could do that. You could do that. It's an accessory, not a band-aid, always. Exactly. It's a little accessory. So that would be a good way. And then what about, like, so if a guy also doesn't, I mean, I've been with guys too, who don't, we're just trying to talk about,

we want to discuss the issues, he never ejaculated. And he wasn't on meds, but the first three or four times I was with him, I was like, I've never had this problem. It's called delayed ejaculation when a guy just can't take some a long time to ejaculate. And that's really common. But I found it strange that he didn't bring it up. He's like, no, I'm good. I'm good. But of course, I'm thinking, oh, I'm not good. So see, when you're not talking about things, you are sending mixed met like by not talking about it, it's getting worse. So sometimes again, it's like ribbon off the band-aid and just being

like babe, sometimes I just don't ejaculate or sometimes I get softer or I, but I want to make sure that you're pleased and the main thing is just making sure that you are pleasing her, whether it's through toys, your fingers, your mouth. If you come too quickly, don't say this never happens because believe me we've all, we don't believe you. We say it's okay. Maybe the first time for some guys, the first time they're with a new partner, it happens because they're with a new partner, it happens because they're really excited. Oh yeah, and like a quickie never heard anyone.

Oh yeah, and it's not like horrible. But yeah, it's not like the first, and if it's the first time you risk them on, like I don't think you have to get into the little thing, but if it's ongoing and you're gonna be with this person, you should definitely just say, this is something that I deal with, and I'm working on it,

and you should be working on it by doing your caggle x right if you're premature ejaculator. Not just saying you have to use Probescent caggle x or sizes. The Stop Start method when you master it to the point of no return. And then you stop right before you ejaculate. You can also use the flashlight has a stamina training.

So there are things you can do with any of these issues, guys. You can work on it. So try to work on it. how are they working on it? I mean, I was eating a guy who was a premature regulator like a lot of time ago, which is probably why I started the show because I did it in for two years. But he kept saying he was working on it.

And this is before I didn't knew any of the stuff and he wasn't, like he bought it. We bought books, we were doing things and he just never worked. I think did you do your exercise? Or do you know, if we could do them together and like he just never did. And I was like, I mean, that wasn't the only reason, but he said he was gonna make efforts towards making

a better ending it. So what are out female issues? Women who don't, do you think there's ever issues that you guys wanna talk about that you don't wanna talk about with guys? I think it's a really good idea for women to let guys know that they're not gonna have an orgasm every time I have sex. That is a great one.

Yeah, and okay, that's not an excuse to not give her one. Just because we're women, right, not to try, but sometimes it's just not gonna happen. Yeah, like I know, I mean, personally, I can have an orgasm through intercourse, through oral sex, and I work on it. But if I have like two drinks or three drinks, I mean, it's like not gonna happen. And I've told my boyfriend, I said, look, like I wanna do this right now, like this is gonna be great,

but I'm probably not gonna have an orgasm. And it's okay. So I think also being open about your orgasm and just being. That's really true. That's a great one. Yeah. And if you're open, he's going to be more open.

Yeah. Guys are really obsessed. I mean, I know I'm telling you one thing. Like make sure that you're pleased or. But it's okay if you don't. It's okay if you, like, yeah. I'm saying if this is an ongoing thing and you never think about her pleasure,

but you just keep coming or you keep getting sought harder or soft and you don't really try. But this is a great point that a lot of women we truly enjoy sex, even if we don't have an orgasm. Not every single time they're in duke there. Very true. Very, very true. There's so many other sensations and things that we feel and it's not the sure thing. Like for men, it's pretty much the sure thing, but for women like when they're with a new partner or we had a few drinks or were stressed or anxious, which is why you should always start with a massage at the beginning because anxiety is a huge killer. People's sex drive and ability to orgasm. But guys get so tripped up on it that like

that the woman doesn't and that's our women fake it, which they should never do because then they're sending you the wrong message that you're the king of the universe and you're not. She just let you know you should let him know that you're not an orgasm. It's fine. Okay. I had a sticky situation that I always never know what to say if you're about like know, you're with someone and you're on your period. Oh, that's a great one. Oh, God, we're going through all these in the office. We're showing that one. Um, right. What do you say? It's awkward. It's like, you don't want to like, I mean, I'm sure you might even feel awkward listening to

the show right now. Just the word is like, right. It's very, I feel like you don't want to discuss it with. Yeah, the period is like so mysterious to man like they don't I don't know what they think it is exactly So I think that's interesting when do you tell him like do tell him at the beginning of the night? Are you like a dinner? No, you don't want to be a buzzcal Yeah, I'm like that's I've been in the situation where I'm like making out things are getting like warmed up and then I say You know what though? I'm on my period. I and it's like what I've started doing now that I'm older is I say, but we can still have

sex. You know, and I just like stroke the ego and just like calm the calm the nerves. Like it's not a big deal. Like it's not like it's like towel down. I love period sex. Yeah. I'm hornear when I'm on my period. Okay. So that's really good that a lot of women are horny when they have their other period

So it's just a but you're it's a matter of telling them I love these do you like having sex on your period too? Um, I like having sex. Yeah, and If I'm on my period and if I'm if I'm if I'm feeling good then definitely and like I think in the past it used to stop me from having sex Right, because you're afraid the guy's gonna get yeah. Yeah, I was afraid the guy was gonna be totally freaked out. But it's like, I am a woman. I have a period, you know, it's like, it's like, yeah, you should know that. You know, and I mean, I'm dating men. Right. And it's like, I'm not dating like guys or the whole, you know,

that are gonna be freaked out by the fact that I have a problem. And there are some guys who are even older and freaked out. Okay, so first of all, period, the script, I think, is just when you start heating up, you just be like, you just say, oh, when you start to like, on, do your pants, be like, I have my period, I say, I have my period.

Like, it's the first time you're with someone when you have your period. Say, it's that time of the month, I have my period. But I'm cool. Yeah. And see what they say. Because there's some guys who are not cool with it, who are like, I don't want the mess or it grosses them out.

Yeah, that's why you're telling them. You're telling them? You can choose, they have a choice. You can always put a towel down. I always think it's so weird to bring that up. I always say, oh, I'm run the Crimson Wave. Are you right? I'm the one who's the most famous reference.

What is it my aunt Flo came to visit? I hate the old kind of stuff. I just feel like as soon as it comes up, it's nothing in the room as sexy anyway. Oh, see, but that's true, but okay, let's change that for you. You can just don't make it like, oh my period would be like, I have my period, but I'm so turned on right now.

Yeah, and I think it's also a good excuse to try something new, right? Like another kind of four play. Right. You can use your sex toy. Yeah. You don't want to. Or I'll be the cantileural. Or you could say, I'm, and I'm say, yeah, I have my period, but I'm, I'm so turned on. What about that? And then that him, are you, are you afraid that he's going to maybe say no, or he's not going to understand or do you, I'm actually at that point where like, you know where most guys that I meet, they're like, yeah, and?

Right, that don't care, right? Yeah, right. But yeah, it's just like, I don't wanna stop the momentum. The flow. Yeah, I don't wanna stop the flow for the flow. I know, it is a thing. Yeah, I mean, the momentum, like stopping the momentum, like that's like, you're going to like,

get a bathroom and put your time on. Like that, you're like, gotta put it thing. Yeah, I mean the momentum like stopping the momentum like that's like Yeah, you're gonna get a bathroom and put your time on that's like that. You're like gotta put it right Yes, there are a lot there are you can always put a sheet down I mean, I think that's something cool to do. So if you're at his house, you don't want the sheets to get dirty But there are some guys who just like okay, then I'm off like I've heard guys say I'm out if you're a period I don't want the blood. I don't want to see it and I'm not gonna make judgment There's some guys are like I don't care bleed all over the place. I you know, I love it So it depends on who you're with. I think if you're guy, you know, it's good to be more open about it I think women feel safer with men feel safer when their guy is cool with it

Especially if they're cool with it now There's women who don't want periods actually there. There's women who are like no way doesn't feel good like I know the first day of my period, I do not want anything near me. I don't even want to see a man that day. I hate all men that day. But the second day of fine, but the first day of it's hard, I have cramps that I want to. But then after that, I'm cool.

And I've been with guys who are like, bring it on. And I've been with guys who are like, like this really OCD guy dated in San Francisco is like literally the second we're gonna be like, in the shower, like throwing us both in the shower, like not in the sexy way. And my sheets are dirty, like, oh my god, this is gross way. Is this the same guy who asked you to stop talking after eight?

No, no, that was a different one. He sounds like the same person. Right, he would be always like, I just didn't talk too much for him. Yeah, so my boyfriend used to tell me, can we not talk so much after eight o'clock a night before eight o'clock? What is this, like, are we at a hotel or something or like a dorm? The rules, no talking.

So yeah, that would be the way, just like, I appear to, and if you're a guy, let her know that I'm cool, that's cool, babe. I still, that's the bother me at all. That's the bother you just like, let her know if you're one of those guys that are cool with it, let her know. Because we all kind of wonder, is he gonna be weirded out? Just mean we're not gonna have sex tonight.

Yeah, definitely. And it shows that you're more open. Yeah, and when she already knows that it's gonna be awkward, she knows what she's saying is awkward. So it won't be awkward back to her. Be chill, be cool about it. Yeah, like, you know, nobody. Yeah, I've seen them say that time and month,

or you're just saying it in my period. Or sometimes they know beforehand because I've, like, you know, nobody. Yeah, I sometimes say that time of month, or you're just saying it in my period, or sometimes I know beforehand because I've been like, so it's such a bitch I'll wake up on thing. Okay, so the next we covered that pretty much, that was a good little impromptu one. We literally have like a list of a million, but I know you guys don't want to listen to me for 16 hours.

How to talk about STIs, STDs, and protection. I get asked this all the time. People who are, sorry, in a date again, after being in long-term relationships, or just people who are just hooking up a lot, and they want to know, how do I make sure that I'm protected? One in five people in the United States has an STI. 80% of people with general herpes

aren't even aware where they have it. In most women and some men, there are virtually no symptoms of STIs. Not only can a part of it, not tell if someone has it, you guys, but the person with the STI doesn't know they have it. That's really tricky. What you do about that, there are laws now about transmission contagious sexually transmitted diseases and some states limit these crimes to the transition of HIV while others include HIV and other, like you, if you told your, so basically breaking it down, if I was,

we were having sex and you told me, we were about to have sex and I said, do you have herpes or do you have an STI and they said, no, I don't. And then we have sex. And then I get a contract one. You could go to jail or be. You can go to jail. You can get fines. There's a lot of restitution payments to the person. And then there's also that I saw was really interesting.

Sex offender registration. It could be a sex offender if you lied about it, but you have to be able to prove they didn't know. And so what we're saying in here is a lot of times you just don't know. So even if, and then again, we're all talking about like, you did they get tested? They said, yes, how do you know they're not lying? And even if they get tested, maybe it's sex with someone last night before you saw you. And you you don't know so all I can say is Use protection use condoms and get tested regularly Exactly you can go to free clinics you can go to plan parenthood

Don't they even have tests that you can get do yet on your own? I think they actually do have those you can buy them now, right? I told my boyfriend the other day was like, you know, it helps to have like a little touch of OCD because I have been tested like every six months like for the past like at least five years. Right. Good. You know, it helps to worry a little bit, you know, and if you know, go with a friend, go

with your partner or just go alone. Plan parenthood does it for so cheap. Right. And, you know, or you could get it done, you can get it done for free. Right. Go to your doctor, yeah, at Google, I mean, clinic, every city has a clinic, but how do you talk to your partner if you have one?

Oh, yeah. So, okay, well, first of all, if you, this is before you, I'll tell you, I'll tell you good sir about this one, but if you, if you really don't know and you don't know that you trust this person and, and, and, and hopefully, you know, if you're with someone for a while and you do trust them and maybe they, I mean, I don't know that you trust this person, and hopefully, you know, if you're with someone for a while and you do trust them, and maybe they, I mean, I don't know, and he's walking out with a laminated like medical record that says, yes, or like, we're keeps the voice know from their doctor that says, you're good to go. I mean, it's really hard to prove it, which is why I don't want to give my idea, my iPhone

app idea, but it's hard to prove it. It really is. So again, just use condoms, use protection, be careful and keep getting tested and be honest. Now, what if you do have herpes? What if you do have something and you know it and you're taking something because, you know, how do you tell your partner? And I was with a guy that I just, I never ended dating him and honestly this wasn't why, but we had been on a few dates and we were making out and it was like getting, you know,

maybe we were just like filling around, like doing a little bit and he said wait I just I said I have ties to him and he goes I have herpes. I take you know daily medication because you could take daily medication that oppresses it and I just wanted you to know that like it wasn't even like we were about to have sex that day but it was so real and honest and it was like because thank you for telling me because it really doesn't trip me out like if I used, and you shouldn't freak out if you have it either, like use protection, take medication, if you're not having an outbreak,

you're much less likely to transmit it, and it's even have outbreaks again. But I love that he would just like hands down here as a deal, because I was dating, oh, the OCD guy coincidentally, I made his medicine cabinet, like just getting something like in his bathroom, like not snooping, just, and there it was. It was okay, you were snooping.

Yeah, I know I've snooped, but it was the, you know, the daily, the valve tracks. The valve tracks, and I was like, how was he not telling me, like he's taking a daily thing, and we were like, he's doing that, but he didn't tell me,

and we've been seeing it the other while. He could have gone to jail But it's also interesting to know that if you do tell someone and they are they know and you you pass on your STI to them they cannot You can't get in trouble. Okay, you can't at all. You legally you cannot get in trouble if you've informed them Right, okay, so, that's just, um, and honestly, it's again, one in five people have it. It's so common if you know and you want to be with this person, they're going to find your valve tracks or whatever, anyway, they're going to figure it out.

You might as well just be honest and tell them. Okay. Next, sticky stitch. How to bring toys into the bedroom. This is, again, we're trying to give both sides of the equation here for men and for women. Men don't be freaked out by our toys. I can't say it enough. Once you try it you will actually see why women like their toys. It's not because they want you inside of their penis because it just can help take them places that even if your penis had 16 double D

batteries in it it would not, are they D's that they're going to these it would that's a broad size aren't they like these? Wouldn't do that it wouldn't like you can't it's just toys are fun to use together Once you try it realize that a vibration is actually feel good in your penis and your balls and you're like it But if you're a woman that's saying you're like God, I just need my vibrator I like to use it during sex because a lot of women just can't have an orgasm during sex. Just tell them that you want to show them, that you want to communicate with them and say, I've got this great fun toy.

Just got it. I want to show them. Make it, again, it doesn't have to be these heavy conversations. I've got this great new toy, and I just want you to see, I want you to use it on me and see what it does. It'll blow your mind. I'm first start up thing I love having sex with you our sex is amazing and I got to show you this killer new toy that I just got this killer toy

I have it's gonna be I always wanted to use it with someone and I think it'd be really fun to use together during sex Definitely how could you say no to that? Yeah, and let them know that it's not because they're lacking in in the area But it's that you want to enhance the awesome sex life. You're also having together You can also another tip to bring it in is to go shopping together at a store like if you're in LA go to Hustler stores Or good vibes in San Francisco Actually told a friend to do this recently not a friend someone I work with I would spend and he actually went to the Hustler store friend, someone I work with, I work with his friend. And he actually went to the Hussar store with his girlfriend and the next week he's like, I did that and

we bought some stuff and he's like, because he didn't know, he's like, she's really regazzing, but we want to try toys and we don't know what to try. So they just went and they actually bought like a little bullet. So he's like, thank you. Like, then, then they'd been together like a year and a half, but they were looking at the porn and they, so it's like bringing in a third party if you are embarrassed talking about just go somewhere where it's available. And then.

Yeah, make it a date night and, you know, get out there and maybe part ways for a little bit see what you come back with. Maybe it's something similar, maybe it's something different. I like that idea. That's a good one. Yeah. We have 10 minutes in the store,

come back with something for the other person. Exactly. Exactly. The shopping cart games when you have like everyone fill their cart, you've like five minutes, you can get whatever you want. So that'd be great thing. You also have a blog, top five vibrators for couples. I have a bunch of vibrator blogs, but check them out.

We vibe four is a great one, the Mimi. Check it all out. The other thing is, should we get to this for the last one? Do we have time? We're good? Okay, one more real quick. Is, do we complete that one? Sex toys? I mean, no, we talked about them recently, but...

I think so. I think women shouldn't be ashamed about it if that's what you need. And guys, just, I really hope that... Open up. Open up. Yeah. ...because I'm telling you guys, like, once they try it, my experience, guys, you've never tried it

because believe it if you're with me, you're gonna use some toys. It's part of my job, I gotta test them out. They get into it, they're like, where are your toys, bring them around. Guys who were hesitant, guys who were scared or like, holy moly, this thing is so cool because you're using it on your own,

your control on seems kinda, it's cool. So you like the vibrations as well. My line for getting a guy to use a vibrator in bed is that I say what you suggested to say. I was like, oh, I just got this new toy. Let's try it out. And I say just like that, just kind of like. Grab it in the moment.

Grab it in the moment. And like just very assuredly confident. And so when they're like, oh, I'm like, oh, you've never tried a toy. And there's a little part of me that kind of feels a little guilty for being like, oh, you so when they're like, oh, I'm like, oh, you've never tried a toy? And there's a little part of me that kind of feels a little guilty for being like, oh, you've never. Right, right, right.

It makes them feel like. Yeah, it makes them feel like, oh, I see her sex games all up there. I got to like, and then that's how I got, that's how I got the last two guys to start, you know, use toys and they were very hesitant and now both of them know where my toy drawer is. They go into your toy drawer and they plan out.

I know, this guy was dating was like, okay, he would tell me when I was coming over. He's like, bring this, bring this, and bring, he'd be like, he texted me a list of which toys he wanted. I really get it a monster. I did. Because it can, can we get some more of those and whenever the nipple clamps,

I mean, the whole thing, it's fun. It's like, sex is all about spicy enough and keeping interesting. So, don't forget about it and just talk about it. Okay, how to get out of the friend zone. This is a really popular question. We get asked often by men because women, they're, they're interested in someone. And we all know is women. Let's be honest. If a guy suddenly wants to be our friend, we don't think he wants to sit around and play video games. Is that true? And I think that's true. I mean, you kind of know.

You know that like, you know, yeah, but in the back of his mind, he wants to bang you, but he's pretend he's being your friend. So don't even start out. I mean, I get some people just like, you start out work and you are friends. And then, so how do you get out of the friend zone? Don't let it carry on so long with this person.

Let's see you guys always go to drink after work or you, it's been going on for a month or every day you eat lunch. You got to get yourself out of it. You got to ask her out and say, let's go to dinner, you wanna get drinks tomorrow night. And then, if you're in a few-in-situation, just go for the kiss. Don't ask, that's nothing, we're talking about earlier. What happens when you guys ask for a kiss?

Can I kiss you? Do you mind if I kiss you? You have to see me on the board. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boner killer for the lady. Yeah, yeah, I have a friend and she's going on like three or four days with this guy and he's asked her repeatedly at the end of every day, can I kiss you? And you know what she says? She

wants to, but she says no. That it's not hot. It's like go for it. So if you're in the friend zone and you're like, oh my god, we will be friends anymore and she's going to be upset. Let me tell you something. First of all, you don't really want to be friends with her because you want to kiss her. So you're going to be upset. And I've had guy friends and it's work sometimes. You've tried to kiss me and I'm like, no, I'm not into them. And then I am it. Like, we kiss and it's great. Or they try to kiss me.

I don't want to kiss them. But I'm not going to end the friendship because we already know is women. There's going to come a point where that's what you're thinking or you want to try it anyway. So be aggressive. Be assertive. I mean, not aggressive, but aggressive sounds like I hate saying be aggressive. But be assertive and go for it. Take yourself either and let her know that you're interested.

Yeah, and instead of saying like, can I kiss you say, I want to kiss you. Right, or I'm going to kiss you. I'm going to kiss you right now. Right, that's how I like right now. Right, and another way to get, yeah, just start. Well, I'm a lady who makes the first move and I trust me, I've had a couple different lines, but that tends to be the one, I wanna kiss you right now. Wow, yeah, that's hot,

we're talking about you right now. Yeah, yeah. I'm all in the nonverbal signs. Okay, so- When I have a guy friend who I'm like, in two, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna make this happen, cause it's not always that we see you And we like you right away

It's we see you in your mind attracts us and all of a sudden wow I'm really into him. What do I do we've been friends? I It's us to the lingering eye contact always works Always letting like you know laughing but holding that eye contact a little too almost almost a worse uncomfortable And I think that kind of that's right, almost, almost where it's uncomfortable. And I think that kind of... That's right, so that's how you let him know that you're interested.

Yeah, and it kind of creates this little spark that people, like I think, it's the uncomfortableness that kind of makes you feel like there's something there. You're so right. And it's never failed me. I do it all the time with guys, and that I've been friends with, and they respond right away. Like, it all the time with guys and that I've been friends with and they respond

right away. Like it's not always what you say. It's like the low or the lower voice. Right. You know, right. Make her know that you aren't a that's a good one. I had a guy. It's so funny, Lauren, because I totally forgot about this that the guy dated years ago, we were friends. We were working together. And one day it just, he held my gaze for a few more seconds than he ever had and I, it was on after that. I was like, wow, I never, ooh, something switched at that moment, you're so right, never know that. You still remember that.

No, it's been years, okay, that's a great point. Yeah, and I think go for it, like male, female, whatever, go for it once, maybe twice, and that's it. Right, if they turn your way twice, you're wrong, but you're not. What's the worst thing that happens? You get rejected. Yeah. Well, we've all been rejected. We've all been rejected. Or you're going to be friends with her. And that's it. But that's what you got to do. Don't talk about your relationship and I'm afraid this is going to spoil the way I want to. We don't want to talk about that. Just try it. So these are some

sticky situations. If you have any more questions for me that I didn't answer here, and I'm sure you can check them all out on my podcast or just email me. I love hearing from you all feedback at sexathome.com. Please follow me on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and all that stuff. I love it. It's all sex with Emily and I'm also do love line which is a podcast actually and it's live in some cities, but you can check out that podcast as well and on every Thursday night. And thank you so much, Carolyn and Lauren, you guys are awesome. Thanks, it's been really fun.

And thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemleak.com. Hey, thanks so much. How everyone enjoyed the show. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. And one of the reasons you're able to listen to us for free is because of the incredible people at GoodVibes.com. They carry all the best

sex toy brands. You can get the Vibratex, the Dalia, the Vibratex Rabbit habit which I love. You can even get the strongest, the strongest, most orgasmic vibrator all the time. The Magic Wand, you've heard me talk about that one. Anything you want, aren't of the sun, goodvibes.com. Use code gvmly20. You get 20% off. You can check out all my favorite toys. You can also go to sexlmly.com, click on the good vibes banner. But go support them.

They're sex positive. They're friendly. They got the best toys ever. And check it out. You'll like it. And thanks everyone for listening to the show. 2car.com is changing car buying forever. Yes, every day true car users receive

negotiation-free guaranteed savings. Some features aren't available in all states. In the first three months this year, over 126,000 cars were sold by the TrueCars certified dealer network. TrueCars saves an average of $3,000 off MSRP. When you're ready to buy a car, just follow these three easy steps, which I'm actually

about to do, so I'm doing all of these. First, go to truecar.com and find out what other people played for the car you're looking for. Make sense. Then register at truecar.com to see upfront pricing information and lock in your savings. Third step is simple. Just print out your true car savings certificate and take it to the true car certified dealer for a better hassle-free car buying experience. Remember, every day true car users receive negotiation-free guaranteed savings.

Save time, save money, and never overpay because that just sucks. Visit truecar.com today, that's truecar.com. to socks. Visit chewcar.com today that's chewcar.com.