Sex With Emily - Curious About Anal?

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

If anal play sounds like something you'd have to grit your teeth through, I want to change your mind about one thing first: a painful first try isn't your body's final answer. It's usually a sign something was rushed, unprepared, or out of your control, not proof this isn't for you. In this episode, I'm walking through my five-step, comfort-first framework for exploring anal: getting a real yes before anything starts, setting yourself up for success, warming your whole body up first, moving in layers instead of straight to penetration, and learning to actually read your body's feedback. I'm also busting a few myths along the way, including the one that penetration is the goal at all. Pleasure, not performance. Let's get into it. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. CONNECT: Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/⁠ X: ⁠https://twitter.com/sexwithemily⁠ Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily⁠ TikTok: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily⁠ Threads: ⁠https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily⁠ WANT MORE? Visit the Website: ⁠https://sexwithemily.com/⁠ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: ⁠https://sexwithemily.com/guides/⁠ Text With Me: ⁠https://sexwithemily.com/text⁠ Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: ⁠https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe⁠ Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to ⁠http://sexwithemily.com/coaching⁠ to apply! This episode is sponsored by: Bellesa: EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE Rose suction toy with their order! ⁠https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/emilymorse-podcast⁠ ============================= Chapters: 00:00 Cold Open / Welcome to Sex with Emily 01:24 Why Your First Time May Have Hurt 02:08 The Five Step Framework (Meet Dr. Emily) 02:56 Anal Isn't All or Nothing 03:44 Your Nervous System Is the Real Sex Organ 04:07 The Two Rings of Muscle, Explained 04:49 Step 1: Start With a Real Yes 05:28 The Receiving Partner Is Always in Charge 06:00 Step 2: Set Yourself Up for Success (Hygiene) 06:41 Lube, Toys, and the Pre-Talk 07:17 Step 3: Warm Up Your Whole Body 08:22 Step 4: Move in Layers, Not Pressure 09:59 Step 5: Listen to Your Body and Talk About It 10:51 Busting the Biggest Anal Myths 11:11 Recap: The Five Steps to Try Anal Comfortably 11:58 Outro & Where to Find More Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One question I'm asked all the time is, Emily, what products do you actually recommend? And that's exactly why we created shop sex with Emily. Every product in the shop is something my team and I have personally researched and tested or recommended because we genuinely believe it can help you of better sex, stronger intimacy, and just more confidence in the bedroom. Whether you're shopping for yourself, your partner, or both of you, we've made it easy to find products that actually work. head to shop sex withemly.com and discover your next favorite bedroom essential. Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli-me meat products for always 375. And get life brand pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each.

At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready, with a whole world and more. Hey everyone, welcome to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily Morris, and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. whether you're looking to improve your relationships, have better communication, explore your desires, or simply have your best sex ever. You are in the right place. Before we jump in, make sure you're following me everywhere.

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If you're curious about anal play, but the whole idea sounds like something you have to grate your teeth and get through, I want to change your mind about one thing right away. Now, a lot of people who think the reverse day anal play may be reacting to the version they experienced. It was rushed, they were underprepared, or it was just out of their control. Or they tried it once, it hurt, and they assumed their body had given them a final answer. Pain is your body's way of saying, slow down, change something, or stop. And sometimes the issue is more time, more arousal, more lubricant, or more control.

And sometimes your body's telling you that this is not for you. all the responses deserve to be respected. In this episode, I'm giving you a five-step, comfort-first way to explore anal. By the end, you'll have a framework for preparing, beginning, and recognizing which sensations can be normal, knowing when to stop, and keeping penetration from becoming the goal. I'm Dr. Emily Morris. I have a doctorate in human sexuality, and I've hosted one of the biggest sex and relationship podcast, Sex with Emily, in the world for over 20 years.

I've spoken with thousands of people about sexual questions that can feel vulnerable or intimidating. Before we get into the five steps, I want to explain why so many people have a painful first experience with anal. Because once you understand what's actually happening in your body, all of this starts to make a lot more sense. The first thing I want you to know is that anal isn't just one thing. It's not all or nothing. External touches anal play. A finger can be anal play. A toy can be anal play.

A toy can be anal play. Penetration is just one option and honestly it is not the finish line. I think we get into trouble when we treat penetration like it's the goal instead of actually asking what feels good. I think we get into trouble when we treat penetration like it's the goal instead of asking what actually feels good because pleasure, not performance, is always the goal. So many of us perform and when I say perform, I mean we do it. We think. our partner's like or we do it because we feel pressure, but I only want you to do what feels good for you. And here's something else I want you to remember. The most important sex organ involved here isn't actually the anus. It's your nervous system. If you're lying there wondering, are they going to

go too fast? Are they going to push? Is this going to hurt? Your body's already protecting you, and that's exactly what it's supposed to do. A body that feels pressured tightens. A body that feels safe has a chance to relax. So there's a physical reason for that. The anus has two rings of muscle. The outer one is something you can consciously relax and the inner one isn't. It's involuntary. You can't force it open and you can't wheel it to relax. It responds to time, to breathing, to arousal and most importantly, feeling safe. And I always tell people to think about stretching a tight muscle. If you yank on it, what happens? It tightens even more. But if you slow to down and you breathe and you move gradually and slowly, eventually it starts to soften on its own.

And that's exactly the approach we're taking here. Everything else I'm about to share builds on that idea. All right, step one. Start with a real yes. Now this step happens before anyone even gets naked. Ask yourself, am I actually curious about trying this? Or am I doing this because I feel pressured because I don't want to disappoint my partner because everyone else is doing it because I feel like I should. Those are very different motivations. And if it's not a genuine yes, it's a no. And no is a complete sentence. This isn't about convincing yourself to tolerate something. It's about exploring something you're genuinely interested in. Well, if the answer is yes, then let's make one thing really clear for the beginning. The receiving partner is in charge.

You decide the pace, the depth, when to pause, when to stop. And everyone agrees out loud that stopping is always okay. Now that may sound simple, but it changes everything. Because the moment you know and your body knows and your nervous system knows, I can really stop whenever I want has much less reason to stay guarded. And this goes for all the sex we're having. Make sure you always feel okay stopping and starting again or just stopping completely. You're in charge.

If you love this podcast, well, you have to come experience the best sex ever tour. It is sex with Emily, completely unfiltered and in the room with you. We're talking sex, dating, relationships, desire, all the things we're thinking about, but don't always say out loud. There's live Q&A, anonymous confessions, there's audience games, there's lots of laughs, and yes, you can finally ask me the questions you've been dying to ask. But there's a bigger reason I'm doing these shows. I think we need to save sex.

We're having less of it. We're more disconnected than ever. And so many of us are struggling with desire and intimacy and dating and how to actually talk to each other. And truly, that's what I've loved most about these shows. When we're all together in a room talking and laughing about the things we usually keep private, you realize, oh, everyone has questions. Everyone has stuff.

I'm definitely not the only one. Because great sex isn't just about sex. It's about connection. And we could all use a lot more of it right now. Our next stop is Nashville, September 29th at Zanies with more cities coming. Go to Sexwithemly.com slash events to get your tickets and see where we're headed next. Remember, you can also check out our merch at shop, sex withemly.com. We've got some really cute save sex merch and more is coming soon.

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Retails for $99, but you get it for free. All you're going to do is click the link in the episode description or head to BBVibs.com slash Emily. That's the letter B, B, V-I-E-S dot com slash Emily. BBVibs.com slash Emily. Purge. Step two, set yourself up for success. Okay, let's answer the question everyone secretly wants to ask.

What about the mess? Honestly, for most people, using the bathroom beforehand, taking a shower, basic hygiene, that's enough. You don't have to overcomplicate it. Some people choose to douche, some don't. And if you do, you just need plain lukewarm water. You don't need any chemicals. don't overdo it because too much can irritate the tissue. And here's my biggest advice.

Put a towel down. Bodies are bodies. A little mess completely normal. Sex is messy and it's fun. Please don't let fear of perfection keep you from exploring something you're curious about. Now let's talk about the practical stuff. Loeb. Have plenty of loob.

More than you think. Honestly, if you're using a toy, make sure it has a flared base. Always, because you don't want to get it stuck inside. It must have a flare. base. Always use body safe materials. And before you start, spend two minutes having conversation. So what's on the menu today? What's off limits? What's our stop word? What protection are we using? It doesn't have to be a big production. It just creates enough safety that neither of you has to make decisions in the middle of the moment. Step three, warm up your whole body. Now, this is probably the

biggest mistake people make. They go from kissing to anal. Like zero to anal. That doesn't work. You don't do that in about 90 seconds. No, no, no, no, no. Your body needs time. Start with whatever already turns you on, the stuff you'd already do, kissing, you know, oral sex, dirty talk, a vibrator, whatever helps your body feel relaxed and connected and aroused. Maybe you already want to have an orgasm first. Think of anal as something that gets folded into the sex you're already enjoying, not the main event. And then, once you're genuinely aroused, only then, can you slowly move towards external touch? Lots of loo.

Did I mention loo? Slow breathing, no rush, and just stay there as long as it feels good. And here's something I really want you to hear. If external touch is your favorite part, wonderful. You don't have to graduate to penetration. There isn't a prize waiting for you. So if that's where your pleasure lives, that's a complete sexual experience, full stop.

Step four, move in layers. Think progression, not pressure. Maybe today it's just external touch. There's a lot of sensitive, you know, feelings outside the anus that can feel, a lot of sensitive nerve endings outside that can feel really good when touched. Or maybe another day it's just one finger or another day it's a small toy. Maybe penetration never happens. That's okay.

But at every step, I want you to pause, check in, let your body adjust, the receiving partner decides whether to stay exactly where they are, go back, move forward, or stop. That control is incredibly important. I can't tell you how many times someone has told me, Emily, I tried anal once, it hurt, I guess, I hated it, I'm done. And then when I ask a few questions, I dig deeper, I'm like, well, how much did you warm up? How much lube did you use?

Did you feel completely in control? And almost every single time the answer is no, not really. And that doesn't mean everyone will end up loving anal. Not everyone loves everything. I don't know any sex act that every single person loves. Some people won't. Also, perfectly okay. But it doesn't mean a painful first experience isn't always your body's final answer.

Pain is information. Now, sometimes it means slow down. Sometimes it means change something. And sometimes it means stop completely. Listen to it. Listen to your body. But my main point here is, I don't want you to rule anything out because you weren't, like, it wasn't done in a way that is like the correct way that could actually lead you towards more pleasure.

Step five. Listen to your body and talk about it. Your body's going to give you feedback. It always does. We just have to learn to listen. Now, some sensations are completely normal, a feeling of fullness or pressure, needing a minute to adjust and breathe. those are all invitations to slow down and check in. Sharp pain, severe pain, bleeding that continues, numbness,

like pain that sticks around afterward. Those are signals to stop. Maybe seek medical help if you're bleeding, like stop. Pain isn't something you're supposed to push through ever, ever with any kind of sex, with anything. And afterward, talk about it. What felt good? What surprised you?

What might you do differently next time? What would you skip entirely? Those conversations build trust. And trust is what makes every future experience feel so much safer. Now, I want to clean up a few myths while we're here. Pain shouldn't be the expectation. Just relax, not helpful. Spit is not enough lubrication.

And penetration isn't what determines whether anal play was successful. You know what does? Pleasure does. Did you feel connected? Did you feel safe? Those are the things that matter. So if you're curious about stepping into anal play, remember these five steps,

start with a real yes, set yourself up for comfort, warm up your whole body, move in layers, and let your body's feedback guide you, not your expectations, not your previous experiences. I mean, maybe you'll discover

that anal become something you really enjoy. And maybe you'll decide, nope, not for me. Both are completely healthy outcomes. Because the goal was never to prove you could do it. The goal, this is important, the goal was to discover what actually feels good in your body. And that's really what good sex is all about. Staying curious, communicating, exploring, and listening to your body.

And remember that pleasure, not performance, is always the goal. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Follow me on all social media, sex with Emily. You can also check out my website, sex with Emily.com. And please subscribe to the podcast, which is available on all podcast platforms

as I had into my 21st year. You can find them all. Also, I'm going on tour. If you want to check it out, go to sex withemly.com slash events. Don't forget to check out our website for all my favorite sexual health and wellness products and subscribe to our newsletter.

Thanks, everyone, for listening.