Sex With Emily - Damn, It Feels Good to Be Single

Episode Date: January 17, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is answering emails and helping you use your sexual confidence as a way to boost your self confidence. Emily helps listeners understand the importance of “repair” in a long-term relationship, the benefits of trying out a new “persona” during sex, even if it’s completely different than who you really are, why there’s never been a better time to be single, and the key reasons why people cheat – and it might not be what you think. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Shop With Emily, Fleshlight, Womanizer, JO Jellies Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on Today's show I'm answering your sex and relationship questions. Topics include the key reason people cheat, and it's not what you think. Why being single is now more powerful than ever. The importance of repair is a common theme throughout a long-term relationship. How to use your sexual confidence to boost your self-confidence, and the benefits to trying out a new persona during sex, even better if it's far from who you are outside the bedroom. All this and more, thanks for listening. Betrubized, they called them in a bike on me. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Emily? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information. Go to sexwithamlee.com.

We have every single podcast ever that I think I think all the podcasts in the last 13 years are on the website. We've got blogs on every topic in the world that you're thinking about. If you've got a question, we've probably answered it on a years or on the website and we've got blogs on every topic in the world that you're thinking about. If you've got a question, we've probably answered it on a blog or on a podcast, so check it out. It's easy to subscribe and all of that stuff. And speaking of asking questions and checking out the site, my favorite thing, ever, everything about sex with Emily is talking to you and is doing my show and being able to help you out with your sex and relationship and dating questions.

I love it and I love we've been doing call shows lately and those are really fun. What I want to put out to you guys is that we get so many questions here. We try to get to all of them if we can't and what I've been realizing, you know, over the years, it's happened some time. Does that lately there's been a lot of questions that we've answered a lot. We hear a lot of you want to find your G-Spot or you want to have more confidence in bed for women and for men or perhaps your mismatch libidos, you've been together for a while and you know, one of you want sex more than your partner and your how to spice

things up in a long-term relationship. I know your case might be a little bit different, your story, your life, but do search on the site. Check out the podcast and see we might have addressed it in the past. What would be interesting, if you guys can think about, maybe there's some new things you want do search on the site. Check out the podcast and see we might have addressed in the past. What would be interesting, if you guys can think about, maybe there's some new things you want to hear on the show, I'd love to hear if there's topics that you've got, God, I really wonder, I'd love to hear Emily talk about,

you know, particular subject, maybe you haven't heard me talk about technology insects or, you know, artificial intelligence and sex innovation, alternative relationships, maybe you're curious about opening up your relationship or how that really goes down, sex and spirituality, fantasies, kink, anatomy. We all know what's been going on in the news lately. It's all the sexual harassment claims

in the Me Too movement. And I wanted to know how I can help you clear up any confusion that you have around this topic, what's acceptable, What's not? You know, what now? What do we all do in this new climate that we're in? Whether it's professionally, personally, or even if you don't have a question again, if there's a topic that you'd like to hear or guess you went out of the show, I'm just

curious. It's a new year. New questions. So think about it. And submit your questions easily. Feedback at sexwithatme.com. You can text me, ask Emily to 7979, 7979. As always, you can follow me on social media.

It's all at sexwithMMA on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, and another great reason to check me out on social is that I'm always posting when I have a new show. So you'll never miss a show again. Okay, let's get into this. I'm gonna be answering some of your emails on the show and I've got some sex in the news.

Why people really cheat on their partners according to science? I found this to be really interesting, especially with the new year. Let's think about this. The study says, you're not cheating because lack of sex. I think we often believe that our partners cheat

because we're not great and bad or we desire, you know, more sex Elser, but the truth is it's not lack of sex. People seem to be cheating because there's a lack of an emotional connection with their partner. So there's actually top three reasons why people cited that they cheat, lack of love. They feel neglected and for a situational reason. So for lack of love, what does this mean? Well, it could mean your partner's feeling, a lack of appreciation, attention, and playfulness in your relationship that might have been there in the beginning. And a healthier approach to these things

is to put more of an effort into your relationship and communicating with your partner instead of infidelity. I would say if you're thinking of cheating and your eyes are going towards that sexy person in your office or the person you met at a party a few weeks ago, or whatever it is and you're turning away from your partner thinking, oh, I can just go have sex with this person

and I'll feel more love and I'll feel better. It really does matter. If you do owe it to your partner to actually recognize that you're having these feelings and then say, you know what, I'm gonna work on my relationship. I'm gonna work on a strange thing this bond. Is it too late or can I actually go in and start communicating about what my needs truly

are? So the other thing, the top reason was they feel feel neglected. When people feel neglected and unappreciated, that can lead to cheating. So when one partner feels rejected or hurt, they don't feel appreciated. Sometimes cheating just seems like this easy fix, while just cheating, I'll feel better. And I don't know if you ever cheated or you've ever had a quick fix of anything. A lot of times we regret that.

It doesn't actually last that feeling being with a new partner. You know, the guilt comes in and we realize, God, maybe there's something deeper going on. Usually there is something going on that's a lot more serious. As soon as we think they go, this is gonna solve all my problems if I just can only be with this person or make out with this person, but, you know, we've all had quick fixes

and we think, oh, typically, those are not the things that make us feel like we're actually living with our highest integrity and our higher self. The last reason we've all cheated is because it's a situational reason. Tell me what this sounds familiar. Well, I was drunk and I wasn't thinking clearly. I think that giving the excuse that you're drunk, I get it. We've all made mistakes when I was drunk and I wasn't thinking clearly. I think that giving the excuse at your drunk, I get it. We've all made mistakes and we're drunk and toxicated, but that's really not an excuse. Think about the true motivations behind why you're cheating. And your partner

might feel like, God, I'm not really loved. And this person doesn't want to be with me if they cheat when they're drunk. That's not always the case, but being drunk is not a great excuse. And we know, come on, we've all been me if they cheat when they're drunk. That's not always the case, but being drunk is not a great excuse. And we know, come on, we've all been drunk. We know what we're doing. And those seeds were already planted. You knew that you were open to cheating. I don't think there's people who thought, oh my God, I thought I'd never cheat.

And then I did a few shots and I ended up with bev as someone. So really, what this tells me is that it's really time for us to start checking ourselves and checking this relationship that we've signed up for. We kind of all default towards monogamy. I mean, that's kind of the only model that we see. And for a lot of us, the truth is choosing monogamy isn't right for a lot of people, or maybe it's not right where you're at in your life right now.

We get to decide what we want. So if you find yourself right now, it's the new year. It's a great time to re-evaluate our relationships and see where we're at. But if you're like, God, I keep cheating or I want to or you're actually maybe you're about to DTR define the relationship and you're thinking, you know what? I'm putting this talk off as long as I can because I'm not ready to be an agamist yet. Guess what? You get to decide. We all

get to define what we want and believe me. Your partner will appreciate the fact that you're honest, especially if you have in committee yet, and you're like, you know what, I'm not sure that I'm ready. That's okay, there's a lot more people now who are practicing alternative relationships and I think it is becoming more and more accepted and I'm not saying it's for everybody,

but the fact that, God, these cheating rates are through the roof, it's rampant and it's always been there, but I think that more and more and now there's more waste of cheat or meeting more people, social media, whatever it is. I'm just saying, don't put yourself in a relationship paradigm that was defined like 100 years ago that we have to all be monogamous, and that's it, especially when a lot of us are unsettled with it.

So take responsibilities for your actions, think before you cheat, and think about what kind of relationship you want. Next study, which also I found interesting, there's never been a better time to be single. Here's why I thought this was fascinating. I think that we've all been socialized to believe that we have to move towards monogamy to become a complete person.

But that's not necessarily the case. And I think you have to think about it. Don't feel pressure from society, your parents or what everyone else is doing, if you want to stay single for a while, totally okay. So some of the highlights of this study, which have never been said before, I was like, whoa, single people are actually having more sex than married people. How about that? I've never seen that one before. They always say married people have more sex. So that was interesting. And also, a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that you've higher self-esteem. It does show that beginning a relationship can improve our self-esteem if it's well-functioning

and stable, but that research after a year or so self-esteem can go down. And they're just showing that between single people and married people, there really is no significant difference in self-esteem. And finally, interesting point here that I love this one. Half a century ago, Americans who had not yet married wouldn't be considered real adults. And that is no longer the case. Marriage is no longer considered a key part of being an adult. Vecciples say that getting married was not an important criterion for becoming an adult. just no longer considered a key part of being an adult. Vecciples say that getting married was not an important criterion for becoming an adult. We no longer think that having a child is. So why I found this interesting is because I just think that a lot, especially with valentines,

they coming up, a lot of people just beat themselves off of being single. And I think it's wrong. Like, oh, you haven't met anyone yet. The first question I get asked, are you dating? Oh, you'll meet someone like it's bad, like it's wrong. I mean, I've chose to be single. Whenever I'm single, I'm choosing it. And when I choose, I want to be in relationship,

I'm choosing that as well. So remember, there's nothing wrong with you. If you choose to say single for a while, you're still gonna be happy, you're gonna be fine. You can still have sex. And I just think that what both of these studies show me is that we're really at a time now where we get to, really take a look at our relationships and define what we want and works for us. We get to set the

rules. We can decide and have real healthy conversations with our partner about what works for us and what doesn't. And you'll realize that when you are more truthful and vulnerable with your partner, like, and say, you know what, right now, I'm feeling amazing. And maybe we should be, you know, monogamous for a while. But what if something comes up later? What if I do go to track it to somebody when this honeymoon phase goes away? Then you actually set up a dialogue early on to prioritize these conversations around defining the relationship around sex and around what you really want out of a relationship. So it's cool being single and married and you guys get to decide. So happy

2018, do you and do the relationship the way you want to. Take a moment and think about that and I'm going to give a shout out to our sponsors, continue to support them so we can keep doing the show, bringing you amazing shows in 2018 and I'll be right back with your emails. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, I love it, I love hearing from you, you can easily text your questions, just text Ask Emily, all one word to 7979, 7979. You can also submit a question from the section of the Emily website via the Ask Emily tab and as always include the information that'll help me your gender, your age, where you live,

and how you listen to the show. This is from Michael 27 in Illinois. Hi, Emily. I've been married to my wife for three years and together for 10. She's my first love and my only sexual partner. I really messed up our relationship by neglecting her emotionally and sexually.

At the time, I wasn't aware of the damage I was causing her. Last year, I was sick the whole year and my behavior worsened. This period of my life served as an eye opener and I eventually recovered from my illness. As I felt better, I began to treat her better and tried approaching her sexually many times. Unfortunately, it was too late and now she's trying to move on. I love her deeply and I don't want our marriage to end. I've done many romantic gestures and I don't want our marriage to end. I've done many romantic gestures

and I've simply been sweet, supportive, understanding, everything I wasn't doing until my eye opening experience. What more can I do to help her heal from my mistakes and have an amazing marriage together? So here's a thing, Michael, I understand that for the last year, you know, you haven't been your best self and you're trying to make up to your wife. The challenge here is I'm not sure what was going on in your relationship beforehand.

You guys have been together 10 years and a lot of times resentments build up over time, which can be one of the biggest killers of relationships because we're not dealing with things. There's a lot going on. We build up. We don't know how to talk to each other. So, well, I think it probably has a lot to do with you being sick and what's going on the last year.

I'm sure that's a contributing factor. This might have been some issues and some challenges in your relationship that have been going on for a while. And so, it's really hard just to kind of, if she's been experienced, even let's just say it was last year, I wasn't there. But let's say the last year was particularly challenging for both of you.

That's a long time to be feeling that you're not connecting with your husband, which is how your wife has felt. And I understand that you're thinking, well, I did all these other things. I was withholding. I was distant. And now I'm going to shower her with love and appreciation, all these things she wanted. And it just doesn't seem like it's the best approach right now, because it's hard for her to receive from you. When she's been hurt, she's put her walls up, you know, she's probably been frustrated for a year or longer. It can be really challenging for her just because now you're there and you're available. So there's deeper work to do here. And I like that you use the word repair because relationships are not about

perfection. They're about repairing and they're about how you come back together. My top recommendation would be that I don't think you guys can undo this and repair this on your own. Do you actually do need therapy and a third party that can help you kind of untangle this web of resentments and damage that has been done? The thing I like here is that you said she's trying to move on. She hasn't moved on yet.

So I think finding a really good therapist, someone who specializes in couples counseling could be a great start for you. The great thing about couples counseling is when you go when you're in crisis or maybe she thinks she wants to leave, you guys have to repair anyway. In fact, I know a lot of couples who are getting divorced and they've had it affairs and they still go to therapy because it's a significant and obviously relationship in your life. We don't repair things even if we break up.

We carry that around with us. So I think that you guys still have room here to come back together and appreciate your efforts. I'm sure she does too, but they're just not landing how they need to. So I think again, find a great therapist right away and work on it. And let me know how it goes, Michael. The next email is Lorraine.

She's 27 from California. Hi Emily, I'm a new listener and I love your podcast. I've been with my boyfriend a year now and our sex life is great. However, now that we've talked about our likes and dislikes in the bedroom, he let me know how much she likes me being on top. The only thing is, I've only been on top a couple of times.

I'm very self-conscious because I'm plus-sized. My boyfriend is pretty thin and when I'm on top, not only do I feel like I'm squishing him, but I get kind of tired and out of breath. He wants me to go as fast as possible back and forth. Any tips I had to make writing him are pleasurable for me and him. Also, being on top makes me feel so vulnerable

in my stomach and all my other jiggly parts are right in front of him. I love your show. I hope you can help and thanks in advance. Thanks, Lorraine. Okay, so here's the issues I see going on here. It boils down to self-confidence in the bedroom. And we all have challenges in the bedroom

around like, am I doing this right? How do I look? So, but I understand that you just got this. You're in a good, really healthy relationship. You're having great sex, which I love, but hope he's thrown something new in that you're not quite sure that you even know how to do. And underneath that is this feeling that you don't feel great about your body.

The thing about being on top is you're in control. You're in a very vulnerable position and you're not loving your body. So I would say you could always wear something that makes you feel sexy. Like if you want to wear a sexy lingerie, you don't have to be naked, right? There are no rules. There's like I said, there's no sex please that you have to be naked, right? There are no rules. There's like, I said, there's no sex police that you have to be naked. Now, I'm not saying that to hide it, I'm not saying you should wear like a paper bag over

yourself. I'm saying, where what makes you feel sexy? Do you know? And when have you felt sexy? Because I'm throwing it here. I will, I don't mind how many times I talk about masturbation on the show. A lot of this work is an inside job. So no matter how often he tells you that you're sexy and other people tell you that until you truly feel great in your body and that you love

yourself, that's something I would want you to work on is when you're masturbating, when you're alone, like looking at your body and the mirror, dancing around your room, feeling great naked and feeling sexy. So again, when you're atop, this does put you in control of the motion, the depth, the penetration, and he can also last longer. And if you feel like overexposed, there are some modifications that you can rest your chest on his body and you can grind from side to side or in circles. Remember, and he wants you to move back and forth, he can grab your butt and he can move you back and forth. He can help you here.

You don't have to go at this alone, okay? It's just because you're in top doesn't mean he can't help you. So lying on top of him and for a lot of women that grinding position is actually how they orgasm. So that might feel really good. You can also pull the shoulders towards you so you guys are sitting up and facing each other, which is also less revealing and a little more intimate because you guys can kiss and your bodies are touching, your chest are touching and that can feel great.

As far as self confidence goes, just remember this. Sexual confidence helps you build self-confidence. So I'm gonna say again, sexual confidence is gonna help with self-confidence. So the more pleasure that you actually allow your body to feel in the bedroom, the more that you'll actually be able to relax. So if you can practice being in the moment during sex

and focusing on what's going on in the moment, rather than those thoughts in your head saying, am I jiggling? Is he looking at my thighs, what's going on? So moment rather than those thoughts in your head saying, am I jiggling? Is he looking at my thighs? What's going on? So the more you can say, you know what? I am feeling great pleasure right now and breathing into it and the less you're paying attention to your thoughts, the more your confidence will build.

If you find yourself drifting towards more negative thoughts about your body, again, put the focus on either what you're feeling or giving pleasure to your partner. So whatever we can do to get out of those negative thoughts. And I just want to say the study that I found very interesting because there was a study that said that women consistently overestimate their body size by much is 25%. And not only that, they vastly overestimate how thin men want them to be.

So I would say that cultivating confidence, like I always say, is the most important work you can do, self-confidence, sexual confidence. It doesn't happen by sapping your fingers, doesn't happen by just purporting on an act. It's actually real introspection, work, being self-aware, and it is a process. But I love that you're asking this

because it's never too late to start on the journey of loving yourself and loving your body. And at the end of the day, all you're going to have is better sex, so it's worth it. Let me know how it goes Lorraine. Thank you for emailing. Our next email is Madison. She's 22 in California. Hi Emily, I'm in a relationship with a guy 10 years older than me and we've been together

about a year and a half. He's a great guy. The sex is amazing. Our connection is strong, but there's always a butt. I'm having trouble with jealousy. He's very attractive and girls look at him constantly. our connection is strong, but there's always a bot. I'm having trouble with jealousy. He's very attractive and girls will get him constantly. About five months ago, I found 30 DMs he sent to girls

in social media and it crushed me. We've gotten past that and you promised it would never happen again, but I can't get it out of my head. I'm going to track to grow my 20s and I've only been in one other relationship. Is this something I should be worried about or am I overthinking? We have our ups and downs like anyone, but lately all of our downs seem to stem from this incident.

Thank you for your help, amazing podcast, Madison. Okay, Madison, this is a great question because jealousy, once we have an infraction in our relationship, you know, cheating or we find a flirty text, it's like there's a green-eyed monster. We never had it before and it's sucked up against us and it won't go away. I understand that. It's like, how can you trust again?

It feels like such a violation. I want you to think about this for a minute. The thing is, he didn't cheat on you. Let's say he cheated. I would say to a couple that's been together for a while, a couple, you know, you cheat, that you have to go to therapy to work it out. Here's the thing about cheating when someone actually cheats is that I think what we think is,

oh, well, we talked about it, I apologize, and my partner should be over it. But the truth is, there's some work that has to be done, and that work involves letting your partner ask as many questions and answering them truthfully, getting out all the details of the affair or the infraction or whatever it was so you guys can heal. And a lot of times you cannot rebuild trust without going to therapy and talking through.

Now this is you saw some sexy DMs. You found 30 DMs five months ago. You've been together a year and a half. Now I can understand that that would give you pause. That would make me nervous as well. When you say you're overthinking it, I just need to know is he able to talk to you about this in Intelligent ways? He sets you babe, you know, you were out of town or I missed you or you know why he did it or who were these people? Were they just randoms? Were they ex-girlfriends? Like, are you creating

to be a bigger thing? Was it one message, not 15 messages. And did he give you a reason why? Like, did he talk honestly and openly about why he did it? Did he say to you, sometimes I do that, or did he say, oh, did he lie about it? I'm just wondering how he handled it because you might have some unresolved issues here. There might be a reason why you can't get past it. There might be like truly something that is keeping you on edge about it and that you still need to have more information. So if he says, I'm not talking about it,

have a month ago, let it go. Mm, that makes it really hard to heal. So that's why I love when you guys call in too, because I can actually, this is one more thing, I'm gonna get back to this. When I said earlier in the show that I'd love to hear some different kinds of questions, I also love talking to you guys.

So when you check the box, when you send a question that you actually wanna be called on the show, it really helps me to get deeper into a lot of these. It really helps me help you. So I just love the calls. Okay. So a few times about jealousy. If you're relationship, let's just say you're saying you know what Emily, you know Madison, you're thinking you know what Emily, you're right. It actually hasn't been badly. This isn't my head. Focus on the good in your relationship. How great is it? What are the great things about your relationship? Focus on the positive. I don't mean like, oh, think happy thoughts and paint rainbows. I mean like, if your energy can only go towards

the like things he did wrong and why you're pissed and why you're jealous, well, no relationship is going to thrive in that way. So you, if you can try to think about what's actually going right now, that will help you. And just because you're jealous, it doesn't mean that anything is gonna happen. Now, we already know he had one infraction, but the more you're thinking about, is he doing this and is he cheating? Your thoughts aren't necessarily true. So, as long as we have to check ourselves.

And know that you deserve to feel safe and loved and trusted and to be trusted and to have trusted in a relationship. Jealousy is normal. It's gonna come and go in a lot of different kinds of relationships. He's 10 years older than you. You're in your 20s. Is this someone that you know you guys talking about the future?

Is this do you want the same things right now? Is he recently out of a relationship? You know, before he dated you, what do you really want? So again, a lot of times we can get caught up in this loop like you're like, I just want to not be jealous and I want him to just only be with me when I'm wondering are you guys compatible on other levels as well? Other things going on besides just the jealousy. And I do know some people who it's really, you know, it's not about the relationship. It's actually about a lot of time jealousy can come from childhood wounds.

It can come in things that are past. And so if you realize if you think, you know what, it was just a fews. And this has actually happened a few of my other relationships, Madison, that I would say maybe it's time for you to get some help and talk to someone about it as well. It's really hard to resolve these things on our own. So that's the thing with jealousy. It's a big one, but we can overcome it if we start to look underneath it. Next email, Sarah 29 from Texas. Dear Emily, I'm happily married to my 32 year old husband for the past three weeks. Congratulations. We've known each other for seven years now and dated for the first two and a half years, but weren't ready for marriage. We went our separate ways until we reconnected two years ago.

We're madly in love and couldn't be happier. But we're having trouble in the bedroom. I'm the type A responsible woman who gets shit done. My husband loves it, but this is the opposite of what he wants when it comes to sex. Sex is his basic dominant. He desires a submissive, sexy woman in bed, and he voices how incredibly attracted he is to me, but he wishes I would act sexier, which would turn him on more. I've our time because I don't know how to do that. I feel that flirting and acting is super sexy is awkward to me. And I'm having a hard time playing the two roles.

One of an ultimate power woman outside the bedroom and two has submissive slut inside the bedroom, which is what I want to do. Do you have any advice for me? I want to take on the role that will really turn my husband on and I feel I need to get guidance in the right direction. Thank you and happy new year. Happy new year to you, Sarah. I like this question because I think that, um, there are a lot of times our partners make partners make these things they declare things like I think it'd be hard if you did something in the bedroom

and we don't know where to start. And so I understand the conflict here especially being a powerful woman and you know it's why you're respected in the world and he's saying you know I want you to let go and you don't even know if you like it or not. So my only pause here is when you say that you really want to do something that turns your husband on. I don't want you to do anything just for your husband. I want to make sure that you're doing it because you're curious about it and you're thinking, well, maybe this could turn me on as well, even though you haven't done it. And it'll turn your partner on, turn your husband on. So again, I understand the conflict being a powerful woman letting go, but it does take practice. And so I would say as a woman

who gets stuff done, I'm going to give you some research to do. So maybe you just don't even really know what that looks like or what it would feel like. So I would suggest maybe you guys could do this together. Here's a few options. Watch some porn together. Some like, you know, some dominant, some misive, BDSM porn, you know, whatever turns you on.

You guys could read Arotica. He could tell you stories or explain to you maybe what makes him what turns him on. Like, maybe he can actually tell you, like, I want to put a blindfold on you or I want to handcuff you and I want to give you a massage or go down and you know, maybe he's got a scenario in his head so you can start warming up to the idea.

So you're not like walking into a new job without being prepared. I know you like to do, you want to know what's going on. And the other thing I want to say is the thing about being submissive is that you have to be vulnerable. It means being vulnerable, letting your husband really see you, and letting go of inhibitions. And vulnerability does not mean that you're weak, doesn't mean that you're not a strong woman, in every other part of your life. It just means that you're letting him take over in the moment, in the bedroom, and letting you feel new sensations and feel good.

And the other thing is that what we do in the bedroom and what we fantasize about, it's not going to define you outside the bedroom. So I don't think that your partner, you're he's going to see you as any less, or the world is going to see you as any less, or hopefully you won't be beating yourself up for it. But I think that you might actually really find that letting go and not having to be control and in charge might actually feel really, really good to you. And that's the fun part about sex. I mean, this is your husband.

You guys are going to be together. So why not play with it? It can be a total release, too, because think about it. You're dominant in every other aspect of your life. How great is it going to be to let go a little bit in the bedroom and let someone take care of you, which I think that your husband would really like to do? And so, I don't think that you have to know

the entire plan here and how it's going to feel, but I feel like you're in a safe relationship with your husband, so maybe do a little research, a little more sexy talking to him about what that looks like and then just try to let go. And don't be hard on yourself if it doesn't turn you on the first time, if you feel uncomfortable, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. And we don't learn new skills, we don't learn new things actually.

The first go around always, it takes practice, it takes time, it takes great communication and being open and honest and vulnerable. I would also recommend that you're open with your partner and say, God, it sounds sexy for me to be more submissive in the bedroom. And I love that you told me what turns you on, but tell me more about it. It can be really hot and kind of an affidiz yak when your partner tells you what turns them on in detail. So maybe like he can say to you, I'm picturing, you know, getting home and, and, you know, I've got this blindfold, I'm tying you up, or you're, you know, submissive to me because I'm going to, you know, spank you.

I don't know what he's thinking, but, you know, he can probably tell you an narrative that'll be pretty hot, and then you'll know what's coming. So, and you can also create it together. So, open up the communication, you don't have to do this alone. Remember, you got a partner in creating this explosive, erotic, sexy, sex life ahead of you.

So do it together, you guys are partners and have fun with it. Those were some good questions. I love you all, I love all your questions. I really do. I can't wait to hear from everybody. We have so many fun shows and things planned for you in the new year.

So thanks everybody for being part of the Sex the M.A. Family for listening, for reviewing the show in iTunes, for supporting our sponsors. you're all amazing. And I just love you, happy new year. Thanks for listening, was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemely.com. you