Sex With Emily - Dating Habits and Oral Apprehension

Episode Date: December 19, 2019

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is talking about old fashioned dating rituals – what’s stuck & what’s changed. Plus, she’s answering your sex & relationship questions. She discusses trends from dating’s past, and whether it’s time to bring some of them back or if we’re better off, what to do when you’re newly single and are a bit apprehensive on random acts of oral, and how to handle things when you have an open relationship, but the secondary person wants you all to yourself.  Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show I'm talking about old fashion dating rituals. What stuck and what has changed? Plus, I'm answering your sex and relationship questions. Topics include trends from dating past. Is it time to bring some of them back or are we better off? You are at two fabulous dates of the guy only to have him tell you that he's not ready for a relationship. Is it salvageable? And you have an open relationship with your wife, but now the other person wants you all to themselves. What do you do now? All this and more, thanks for listening. Betrubized, they call them in a bike on day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. Hey, girls, gotta have a stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Emily? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com.

And also subscribe wherever you listen to this podcast, you can do that right now where you're listening. It totally helps. And find us on all social media. It is at Sex with Emily across the board. All right guys, enjoy the show. We found this interesting. I found this like a walk down memory lane.

There's some old fashioned dating rituals and I laugh at old fashioned because some of them I feel like these were around recently, maybe in recent, when I was younger, but I wanna see you guys think about this and are there dating rituals that you wish you you think that you'd love to come back that you'd like? Why don't we do that anymore or do you think there's a reason what they're gone or what do you know? What is your dating ritual? Okay, so back in the day I

Didn't even know it's a back in the day, but it said bad. I literally said back in the day and it said back in the day swear to God Manors were of utmost importance. Everyone felt special, not to say this doesn't happen now, but nagging didn't used to be so popular. So nagging was the whole thing that came about with the whole pickup artist community.

Like, I'm a nagger. I'm gonna tell her that she's, I, you know, that she, she looks funny when she laughs, or I'm gonna make fun of her hat or something. And then she's gonna like me because I'm being negative. But yeah, you guys remember when people were polite and they opened your door, they helped you with your jacket,

they put your jacket on, they, you know, they walked on the other side of the street. I still sometimes experience that, which I do actually really like, but it's so weird too, because it's not something that I ever consciously think about me walking on the outside of the street, but I'll be with someone and they'll move me over to the other side.

And I'm always like, huh, they're like, well, the car comes up. Like, I want to take the hit and not you. And I'm like, it's nice. Or if the car splashes up, you know, you won't get mud on you. Yeah, it's kind of feels nice, right? They open the door. The car door is like a big thing for me too, because it just never happens. I don't care if it doesn't happen when I take a big notice if it does happen.

It's over if it doesn't happen with me. Oh, I want a gentleman. I know exactly what I want. But a lot harder to find. I love you so much. A lot of guys never learn that though. If they didn't have a parent or a grandparent who's told them that, they're not doing it out of protest, but no one taught them.

I teach them. I'll mention it if they don't do it. You'll say, hey, you didn't open my door next time, can you? Because they're not going to figure it out. I will usually like if we're walking, if we're like holding hands, I'll guide them towards my side of the car if they haven't been doing it. Okay. Then they usually do.

Let's see if there you go. But you said you wouldn't go at them if they didn't, but you're willing to trade. Like if they are not somebody who catches on and they don't continue to do it, like, I, and if loves were like on a hike or something, but if we're going out to a nice dinner, like, I would like my door open, like, I just spent probably an hour and a half getting ready

to look nice for you. Right, and I'm exhausted. I can't open the door, because it takes so long to get ready. You feel like if you tell them that, though, so that way they know, because maybe they're not aware. They probably don't know why or what.

Like literally this generation we're in or this time, it really is old fashioned. I doubt that like, I don't think my parents, like I don't think my brother does that. You know what I'm saying? I don't think that my mom was ever like, open the door. I'm sure he doesn't. I guess it's just the family I come from.

Well, that's the thing. So your family of origin makes total sense, but then just letting him know, I'm just telling you now that a lot of guys are not trained in this kind of manner. They don't catch on. But if they catch on, I get it. Okay, so gentlemen, this is the other,

you guys, old-fashioned dating rituals, gentlemen came to call until the 1960s, men may visit, it's two ladies, how long do you get to know her and her family? And nowadays, you'd be like like you are not meeting my parents And so we're together for a year And we don't trust people to pick us up on the first date anymore, which I think is safe. I think it's safe to not have them, you know Pick you up at the house. I did have one

Guy like not intentionally try to meet my parents, but it was the guy that worked at actually System Joe, remember? Yeah. Yeah, so I went on, call him out. Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying which, I'm not saying which guy, but in other words, there was this like, loop company that we love and like, he was, you know, it's cool guy, we met at the like Christmas party. And he came to like, because I knew him already,

I was like, yes, you can pick me up. And he came at like, he didn't call me to be like, oh, I'm outside or anything. He like knocked on my door. I love it. And my dad opened it. And he was like, at the time, I was 23. And he was 32.

So it was just kind of weird for my dad to open the door to this guy that was like a lot older. And I was like, oh my god, I didn't know you were here. And it was the whole thing. I was like, I'm not ready yet. And I was like, oh, this actually happens. This is not a TV show. Yeah. That was like so oh my god, I didn't know you were here. And it was the whole thing. I was like, I'm not ready yet. And I was like, oh, this actually happens. This is not the show. Yeah, that was like so brainy bunch.

Yeah. I was like, oh shit. And so then I was like, this has been sufficiently awkward. Let's go. Right. But yeah, I know what you're saying. How do you feel about this? About guys, about.

Like, okay, like, bye bye. I guess this is back in the day when people like stayed with their parents since they got married. Yeah, I mean, I think you had to, because it was all about getting married at the time. It was like, I'm gonna get in with the parents. They have to prove who I am, and you wanna show that you're a good person,

and a good man, a good, you know, a good shooter for their daughter. So like, it was all about that. But I think nowadays, you know, we move away from our families, we're independent, we're waiting longer to get married. So I don't miss that. I think people could be a little bit more polite.

But I want to know too, it's all about men, like, because this is a very different time. But like, I don't know. Are there some things maybe that men wish that women would do that they're not doing? I'm just wondering. Call us, triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. I feel like not all women get dressed up for dates

and wear heels. And I feel like my friends say that, you know, a lot of times girls don't and they like when they do. So I really do. Okay, so I want, okay, Kristen and I have talked about this because I'll go out with guys and I'm wearing like,

I'm like, I know we're walking there. I'll wear like my cute tennis shoes and jeans. Not every time and she's like, you're going out of date, you should dress up. Do you care if your partner dresses up for a date? And we're in LA, maybe it's a little different and if you're like, I don't know, but I know, I guess it's anywhere.

If you're going out with someone on the weekend, I guess I wear nice shoes, but I don't always wear heels. One of my guy friends, that was like, he would definitely not date a girl if she showed up with tennis shoes. He was like, that would be the last thing. So that was like a hard, like.

But now everything is about tennis shoes. You see what you're saying? How about boots? Do they have to be heels? Like boots with like a, you know, not like a huge heel, but like, you know, like, you know, tennis shoes are you with for me, but I'm just saying. I'm mostly, I wear heels. He was like, if they were like dressed down, like wearing, you know, even leggings and they're

not trying to even try. It's not. I mean, I always try, but I don't know. I want to know, is that true? And do you guys care what someone wears on the first date? I always get at, or on any date, I always get asked this I don't know. I want to know, is that true? And do you guys care what someone wears on the first date? I always get at, or on any date, I always get asked this, like, what should I wear? But I feel like I always say we're something

that you feel good in. Triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. I've never once worn heels on a date. I do, it could have saved that. More in life. I've worn them in life. Remember how tall I was in New York. It was sexy.

It was six feet tall. I was like five seven. I wear like a five inch heel. I'm up there. I was talking up. It's literally like here's Emily's head. That's the funniest picture we post. I forgot about that.

Here's Emily's head. And then this is my head. It was up here. It was literally a full full. We'll put it down the story. It's funny. It's funny was like up here. It was literally I was like a full full put it on the story. It's funny. That was cute. Yeah. Okay. I want to know Triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven. Okay, so men brought flowers.

They had more competition back in the day because it made an effort to woo women and they'd offer a bouquet of blooms. I don't know, I like if someone shows up with flowers at the first date, but I have guys send me flowers a lot. I don't know, people still, I appreciate it, but it's not a requirement. I think, I mean, for me, like, I just would feel bad because I'm not gonna get, like, I'm not gonna keep the flowers alive.

I'm really bad at that. But flowers are easy. But I hear you're saying That's just cut them personally, but I know I mean, I think it's a nice gesture. I do I Love it. I mean it they had to stop on their way get flowers especially if they ask or like if you know, they know something that you like a type of fly or something Something like they're putting in the effort and then they're stopping on their way Hopefully to pick you up since they have it. I don't I love it. I

Know the flowers. I think it's really really sweet. I like it too. I Used to have a guy was dating years ago and every week he sent me bouquet of lilies. It was long distance But they're so beautiful. That is really I know it was like every week Lillies in your house recently. Yeah, so I got those from Alec for watching her dog, but it's just as nice. It's like, is there a man I don't know? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know everything.

My team knows that, but nothing happens without them knowing literally everything. Okay, you guys, what else? Couples top in the phone a lot. Phone conversations, you know, that's where I seek it to reveal and now it's all about texting, which I still have a hard time with.

I want to get up, I still want to talk on the phone. Yeah, if we're having like an actual conversation, I want to just call because it's just so much quicker. But then it like, that's why I don't like when people try to text me all day long. I'm always saying, like, oh, I'm sorry I was doing this because I'm like also like at our job, like I'm not, I can't, I don't have time. I know I love those texts from Jamie. Like, can we just talk?

Yeah. Yeah. And we call it. I know, I love those texts from Jamie. Like, can we just talk? Can we just call and we call it a day? That's what we do. Yeah, that's what we do. It's just a waste all the time. It takes to explain these things. You could just pick up the phone. Yes. What else?

You know what, me and Nick, we talk, so I have a commute. And so I will call them on my way home. And that's what, you know what? We actually, when we're talking on those commutes is when we actually get to share a lot of our feelings during that time too. It actually helps a lot. No, that's really great. Sometimes I, you know, at least I kind of wish I had a commute

sometimes only because I, that's when you make phone calls and you cannot connect other people. Oh my God. I love it because I take my conference calls. I take like any appointment calls I need to do. It's the best. Mine's like five minute drive. So I mean, that complaining, I don't like traffic,

but I never talk on the phone. Let's see, another one is, yeah. I was just gonna say, although anyone that talks on the phone with me, they know I'm in the car, because I'll be like, you're right out. Cause like, I'm like, do the 101, it's just terrible. I take the 101 and the 405, it's terrible.

Wow, I feel like it's a nice surprise when guys actually call though, because they don't anymore. You're right But do you think that in your generation perhaps are big young people in their 20s? Maybe they think like like calling like if you call something happened your lost That's what people some people think yeah, yeah, right? I know I think that you guys again

We all get to decide what works for us But if you're bum that your partner's not calling you or calling you too much tell me your preferred method of Communication is calls or text. I told someone I was dating a while ago, listen, I'm not gonna text you back. I'm not a great textor, so if I don't text you back, like let's just talk. And then we like talked once a week,

and we were seeing each other, and it was for me that was so much easier, and it was fine. Then I'm gonna worry, it's like one million texts I gotta get to at the end of the day. All right guys, you can call without anything, triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven.

We're talking about dating rituals, but then we turn it to anything with dating. What do you prefer that somebody wears on a date? Do you think if they're not making effort, like is there a dress code? Do you ever feel insulted? Are you ever insulted? You're like, he showed up in jeans

or he's wearing a holy t-shirt or she's, you know, not making an effort. Do you care? Are there dating rituals that you do appreciate? You practice. John, 52, Wisconsin wants to talk about his dress code when I'm going out with his wife on dates. Perfect. Hey, John, we dress 80s. We do our flannel shirts,

we do our sneakers and jeans. And yes, we do get ridiculed when we go into fancy restaurants, but we're comfortable. That's what you guys both like. What do you wear? Pardon? That's what you both like,. Like you wear... Pardon? Is that's what you both like you like the 80s?

Are you saying that's just how you dress because you like flannels and t-shirts and jeans? Yeah, help. And if we go out to a fancy restaurant, she's wearing a flannar shirt. I don't get offended. She doesn't get offended. No, you made it work.

You're not going to get a casual dress. Okay. I like No, you made a work. You're called casual dress. Okay. I like it. You guys have decided. That seems like kind of nice. You don't have to make it, you know, it's so easy if I get to wear a flannel or my sweats every day. All right, John, thanks for calling.

I appreciate it. There you go. You guys, you get to decide how about that. In your relationship, you get to decide. With your partner, you can discuss it. What works for you? What doesn't? Because what if you're make, I mean, the reason why I know you're like,

oh, I want to get dressed up, I've even had people I've dated, I was like, you're always so dressed up. And then, you know, I'm saying I'm like, oh, I'm, I've had them say that too, but I'm like, I like, I feel better about myself, honestly. When I'm in heels, I feel like my body looks better, I'm more confident, and when I really like what I'm wearing, and I feel like it exposes my shape

Well, like I just feel better about my stuff the most important thing is right where what you feel What makes you feel sexy what makes you feel good and comfortable you don't be uncomfortable walking around a date Can't stand being uncomfortable ever calls with anything triplet 947 8277 all right We have John 34 in North Carolina wants to talk about first dates. Hey, John, thanks for calling. Hi. Hi.

Tell me, hi. I was just going to say I have about the first date that I would tell you. I didn't really, I never really cared. I mean, I'm married now, so thank God I don't have to go to that anymore. But I never really cared. My thing was, I'd rather you wear something to counsel to you, because that means you can be more comfortable in situations, and you can have more fun. Yeah. All right, John. I hear you. I think that too, John. I hear you. I got you. You know,

this is what I'm thinking. Yeah, thanks for calling, John. Yeah, I think that everyone gets to decide. You know what I'm saying? Like, I bet there's all different ways to feel about this. But maybe if you're with someone and you're not sure talk about it, right? But I think ultimately we're something that you feel good about. Well, I did have a guy one time who was, I mean, I ended up, I ended up not ever going, meeting him or going out with him because there was other things that happened. But when you're planning to go out and he's just like, he told me,

like, make sure to wear your heels. And I'm like, I don't mind if a guy does it after we've been out a few times and is trying to be a little dominant, but I was like, I've never even met you, bro. Like, I'm wearing boots and you're gonna be fine with it. Like, that was just for me, especially because I was schlepping all the way to Pasadena.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I get it. I hear you. But if I like it when someone suggests what I should wear that skirt Before you make them Tell me what you want me to yeah, yeah, I hate making decisions about these things great Tell me what you think would be all I can make a decision about as my shoe wear yeah, that's great

But I'm like if you were like where he was like fucking fucking perfect like I would love it if they were like This is the dress that you should wear every day of my my life I wish I got a text where this way. You have this time we'd save in our life. Triple 8 947 8277. Alright Kelly, 50 in Illinois wants to talk about first date. Hey Kelly, thanks for calling. Hi. Hi.

Thank you. Thank you. So I am a recent widow in 2017 and I was with my husband married and living together and dating for 32 years. So that was a big portion of my life. And so I started, my girlfriends got together called an intervention, made a match profile for me on match.com. Okay great. They said so what are you looking for? I said there's nothing sexier than an educated man in a nice tie. Yeah. And they put that in my profile and I met this man and we arranged a date and he showed up in a tie with monogrammed sleeve. He was a few inches shorter than his profile that he was.

And he was a couple years older than his profile that he was. And his profile was at the top end of my range of what I was thinking. Okay. I was looking for, but wow, he had amazing man. Oh Kelly, this is a beautiful story. I love this that your friends were like, get out there. And then you spoke with what you wanted. I love a man in a suit too. Or tie, it's hot. And now I don't wear heels. Okay. Because that would make me... Oh, because he's shorter than you.

Yeah, you've got to do workouts. Yeah, maybe half an inch when we're barefoot. But, yeah, if I'm wearing heels and he's wearing regular shoes, it can be... But know, but you're okay with it, right? As long as he keeps wearing the tie. I'm okay as long as he shows up every day. Oh, Kelly, this is a beautiful story.

I'm so happy for you. You've got some great friends there. And I'm so glad you found a really great man. It's beautiful. Thanks, Kelly. Thanks for calling. I love that. We've dropped a lot of good tips tonight Yeah, I feel doors are gonna be open up everywhere. I hope so

Right call me that anything chip 8 947 8277 you have Leslie 57Y Oming She's about to go on her first date in 40 years. Yay. Leslie amazing her state in 40 years. Yay! Leslie, amazing! Yay! Tell me. I'm great. You're a vice.

I was married for almost 38 years. I divorced him. He's gone. He died. I'm just on my own. And I went out. I have an activity that I like to do. And I went and met him.

And he asked me out. Oh my. So we're going out Friday. Yay! Lastly, this is so great! So you started to... Yeah, oh my god, I'm excited. Are you excited? Are you nervous? How do you feel? I'm not nervous at all. I mean either. I actually went and hung out with him a little bit last night and just were bowlers going to Oh, fine. There you go You so you said in listening like you I always say do something that you're like doing already Right like go somewhere what there'll be other people there guess what they like bowling to and look at this I'm really excited. This is amazing. Thanks lastly. Yeah, how's it so great?

I told him I said I'm talking about clothes. I told him I'm casual. I don't like to dress up. I'm jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. And put it out there out front. Great. Great, Leslie. And he's going to be like, and you know what?

He's going to be like, great. I'm glad you told me. I didn't know if I should wear a tie, right? Like, I think it's just important for people to decide that. And maybe if he did, he'd be like, okay, but I like wearing this. You'd probably be fine, right? You're just saying, I'm doing me, which I love. Yep, lastly.

If you don't like me, that's your problem. I love it, lastly. I want to hear how the date goes. Call me next week. I'm really happy for you. Okay. Have the best time, thanks, lastly. I love this, you guys, it works.

See? It works. Some of this works I love this, you guys, it works. See, it works, some of this works. Proof, a lot of it works. Calls to anything, triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. Harry 54 in Illinois says, his wife always comes first. Hey Harry, thanks for calling. Hey Emily, I've called you a few times before. Yeah, I recognize your voice.

I love the bride. My lovely bride has not will not, and she does not touch the door. And if for some silly reason she gets to the door before me, she will stand there and wait for me to open the door. And I am originally from Arkansas raised by Southern parents, and that is just a way it is. Yeah, it is in the south for sure. I've dated guys and said, yeah, it's great, Harry. Right. If we're going into the house, it doesn't matter if she's getting to the car, she'll be

right there by the door because it's not like I would have monitored. I was just like, hey, that's my, that's my job, right? And you do good, take bags from her. Like carrying a gross reason all that. Oh, she's not allowed to touch those. That's what I want. I actually let's add that to the list, carrying all my shit. Just, I'm carried a lot of work. Yeah, I got so much.

I got four bags next to me. I just carry it. Yeah, OK, that's it. Yeah, no, I've carried a lot of work yet. That's what I got so much. I got four bags next to me. I just carry it. Yeah. OK, that's it. Yeah, no, I've got it. And then as far as, you know, a date and what we got, I would be happy as could be if she could just go out. Hey, let's go out.

OK, give me an hour and a half to get ready. And she will get ready. And she's always to the 9. Oh. She just went, if she was just like, okay, you look fine. We're just going to the cafe down the street. Nope, she dresses up for me every time. All right, and you appreciate it.

That's great, Harry. See, everyone gets to decide and that makes her feel good as well. And in every way, I try to make sure she comes. Oh, Harry, you're the man. So good to hear from you again. Thanks for con. Hi Harry. Hi favorite couple. Super star. Love him. Love him.

I want someone to carry my bags. Should I manifest that? Yes. Are you looking for a man or a cook rack? Oh, wow. I'm just gonna pop in here, a cook rack. Or just one of those things that you just roll all your groceries in all the time.

Oh, dude, I love those. I, because like my grocery store, it's like really close. Yeah, you need that. Didn't we talk about this? I never, because when do I ever go out and buy things that I actually can use? No, it is time to buy stuff that they need, but right, I like that. Um, okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we get back, we're gonna get into your questions.

We got some calls here, thanks for holding. We have a Darren, 52 in California, he's scared to go go down on random women now that he's fresh on the dating scene hey darren and i don't know that's scared of the little bit of a germaphone okay that makes sense that makes sense it was it was a pretty uh... you know it was a pretty regular thing with me my wife and uh... now that uh...

we are split and you know, just want to want to kind of talk it through. Okay, let's talk it through. So tell me what your concern is. The getting an STD. Okay, that could be. Oh gosh, I don't want to plant. I don't want to plant work. Yeah, we're easing your head. But what were your concerns? No, listen, we're together for 28 years. So, you know, there it was certainly and yes, my wife had had a couple of kids and what have you, but he she you know i guess some of the women that are probably in there

let's call it uh... thirty forty fifty you know may have had a little bit more uh... miles on them from multiple partners uh... and oh okay so in your brain you're like how many other mouth and penises have been here before and you are only with your wife So I understand that so here's a thing the vagina Right I get it so really it's just new new vagina like it's a whole new thing

So that's probably part of it to just anxiety about being with somebody new like you've only done that person So so it makes sense that you would just be kind of have some some trepidation about it. Or you just be kind of, huh, I haven't done this in a while. But I really don't think, I mean, listen, you can tell if someone, you can't tell if someone has like an STD or anything,

but you know, you can tell if they're, if they're clean, you know what I'm saying? Like you want to take a look, make sure you, you know, beforehand. And, and you can't, there are, you know, listen, there are some risks. It is true that you can get an STD. It is rare, but unprotected oral sex, herpes, and gunnery, and all those things. I don't hear those cases that often. I'm telling you, but it's possible. So I think, you know, it's good to like shower

beforehand. If you want to, too, if you're just kind of concerned about that, but really the vagina cleans itself. So, typically, most of us are very healthy, and we take care of ourselves. So, it's not like she needs to do sure, like she can wash off all the sex from the past. So, there's nothing like lingering, again, unless she has something,

and hopefully she would tell you. And you're not, it's not going to transmit unless she's having, like, a breakout. Let's say if she had herpes or something. So, you could also use a dental dam which nobody uses but they actually feel really good. I think people should. There's something called same day SDD to STD testing which is awesome. It's this really cool test. You just take it in that day. You take it that day. So to make

sure that you have your you know clean record and that she does too. So does that help me? I got my clean record today. What went to my doctor and he ran a whole panel and he said, now you got a baseline. Okay, there you go. So perfect. I mean, again.

I don't know if I wear that at the card around my neck when I'm taking girls out that, hey, you know, here I am, I'm clean. No, I mean, yes, but I wouldn't just whip it down on the first day and be like, look in my card. Cause I have a friend who does that, my friend Hernando, he's a sex doctor too. And he was weird, a party goes, look,

and he showed us his phone cause he had like results and he was showing the women and his clean results before like even knew if they got their phone number. And I just didn't think it was sexy. But yes, you should definitely let them know, like, in a way that when you know that you're with someone, okay, here's the thing, when you know that you're with somebody, Darren, that you're like, oh, this could go somewhere, like maybe second date or whatever it is,

you'd be like, oh, just so you know, like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm clean, you know, hopefully it, too, if you've been tested, that's how you have the conversation. I don't think you have to lead with it, like, on the first date. Right. What else, Darren? Yeah? You feel better? Okay. you've been tested. That's how you have the conversation. I don't think you have to lead within it. I got in the first date. Right. What else? Yeah, you feel better? Okay, I'm here for you. Let me know. Guys, yeah, as questions come up, I'm here. We got this email in from a Shelby. She's 23 in Canada. She says, dear Emily, I met an amazing guy a few weeks ago. Caught each other's eye at a restaurant as he walked out. My gut told me I had to go chat with him and give him my number. The chat was great. He text me the next day and planned a date for three days later. The date was effortlessly amazing. Conversations

flowed, kissed me after and fireworks ended dinner. He paid for the whole bill. I offered to split it. He declined. You can buy it next time. Pass forward. I asked him out for that dinner. We planned a date for a night. An hour before he texted me, couldn't make it rescheduled for the next day. I agreed. Text him again. He said he couldn't make it again. So I texted him saying that I respect myself and my time enough that I didn't appreciate being let down twice in a row. He was apologetic, got honest and told me that he just got out of a two-year relationship and wants to be single for a bill.

Help, what do I do? I feel that there's something special with this guy. I've gone no contact, but do you think he will come back? OK, no, OK, here's the thing, shall we? You're 23 years old. And listen, we've all been in some situation like this. You had an amazing first day and it felt like the best thing ever. And so, and you're like, oh my God, this connection.

We're meant to be. Everything's gonna be amazing. Oh my God. But honestly, it was one date. He showed you who he was. He was honest with you and said, you know what? I, I, I can't get into a relationship right now. I just broke up with someone. He did you a favor. Now, granddaily, you know what, I can't get into a relationship right now. I just broke up with someone.

He did you a favor. Now, granddad, you know, he canceled dates and that's really annoying. But I'm telling you when people show you who are they believe in when he tells you they is not looking for relationships, he's not. So I know you want to hold on to this connection and we want to make it like it's a whole thing. But I got to say, don't put all your eggs in one basket. You know, if you start dating other people

and you get yourself out there, I'm telling you, you're not gonna remember him in a few weeks if you're out there and dating and stuff, but I know you had a spark and you had a moment. And so if it's meant to be, he's gonna come back once he moves past all this other stuff. But I feel like, I like him, he's honest.

He said he apologized and said, listen, I'm not ready to date yet. I just got out of a relationship. So I understand why he got taken away by the first date, but sometimes we just we're not ready. It is timing Sometimes the timing is off So while he could have been a great guy, you know gods lays are not gods to Niles Oh, I like that. Yeah. Yeah, there you go Yeah, they're not like things don't work out right now, but just keep going with it I feel like we spend a lot of time and I've done this before so I'm telling you pretty much everything I talk about

I've done I've done all these things I've obsessed about someone I went on one date with or a few dates and why didn't work and they were so great and you played over Of your head. It was like the last guy you dated Shelby But you're 23 years old. I promise you that is you're gonna go out and have so many sparks with people and The sooner you go out and start dating again, the sooner you're going to have it. So I feel like after the two date cancel, I would be turned off anyways. I would just be like, no, I don't even care. Right. Two days, cancel is a sign. Like we make shit happen that we want to happen. You know, we take those things seriously and if we were into someone or into someone. So believe what he's saying and then move on from that. Have you ever had, like, so you've had a first date where you were just like, so, because

I've never had just like one first date that was that magical and then they disappeared? I feel like I have. I feel like it's familiar. Yeah. It's been a while, but I feel like there was someone where I was into them. And I think, I mean, actually, I do remember this was like, so long ago. It's like 15 years ago. And I think, I mean, actually, I do remember this. It's just like, so long ago. It's like 15 years ago. And I remember I really liked this guy, but I was such a, I wasn't playing the cool girl. I actually was like, I don't want to release a chip,

but I thought I was really cute. But I'm not looking for anything and I'm just being casual and dada. And we had a great date, but afterwards, like he told my friend who fixed up to like, she's not looking for anything and I am. So I'm not gonna fuck around with it. Like I think guys used to always be like oh that'll be fun

Maybe I was hang out with her like maybe she will change and then I never changed. I never really wanted it I was always kind of like the dude in that way so he was like no I'm not into it and then I was like He actually listen like because I did feel that but I was like but we were this great chemistry But he was like no I'm we're looking I think he was a little older than me and he was like ready to settle down. And so, what I wasn't gonna change, where I was bombed. I was gonna say, because I find it hard to believe

that someone wouldn't want to have a second date with you. So that's why I was wondering. I was like, how is that? I mean, I can't. But I get that, but that's good for him today. He even did, yeah, he was like, I know what I want. And you are someone who would not be going down my path. You're really fun. You're a good time, but you're not serious.

Well, he's always a good time. And I know it's ever said in Matt a good time. Like I think like if you called on my ex, it'd be like she was pretty fun. She's a good time. Good time, Sally. Yeah. I don't think there's a negative things. I don't know. We should call that. I'm surprised. I think like an ex would call in. Hasn't happened. I think a good reason. I think an ex doesn't happen either to me honest. That would be so fun. But my ex is called in.

Well, because you're friends with a lot of your exes. I have been to a lot of my exes. It's true. We've had some on the show. Do you call me if you're an ex? They cheerfully. Cheerfully, 9478277. Yeah.

I mean, all of a sudden, all the lines just line up. I do crazy Robert 45 in Georgia. He wants to know how he can get out of his open relationship situation with his wife and their female friend the friend confessed her love for Robert. Oh Robert. How are you Emma? Hey, I'm good. Thanks for calling. Okay. Tell me what what's going on. Thank you. Yeah. Good, thanks for calling. Okay, tell me what's going on. Thank you. Yeah.

So my wife and I have been married for 15 years. We've had a great relationship from day one. No problems whatsoever. Sex is good. The intimacy is good. The relationship's good. You know, best friends so many. We started talking about, you know,

fantasies and stuff one night. What would happen with this? What would happen that? And one of the things that she brought up was that she would like to see me with another female. And so through talking about that, not jumping into it, we started talking about things and ended up with a friend of ours that had gotten out of a relationship and was talking to our wife one night, you know, they went over and did the wine and, you know, wine and wine,

so to speak, you know, wine of the problems, that kind of stuff. And she said, you know, I wish I had a good relationship like you, y'all seem to have a good sex life. You have this have that, I wish I could get that. And my wife being, you know, open, she said, Hey, you know, I can have him come over and, you know, help you out some night. And it was, you know, one of those things that she said, Hey, this is what I want you to go do. I want you to go do whatever she wants to do, this kind of that. When you come back home, we're going

to have sex on that. So, you know, I've got her on me, so to speak. That was great for, you know, a couple times we got together as a threesome. We got together. I went one night to her house and we did the FaceTime deal and she got to watch from home. Then she went over and I got to do that from home. So, you know, everything's good so far. Now all of a sudden the friend is saying, I want you, I want you to leave her or I want you to do this. How long has been going on in the open relationship?

We have just started in the last two years with this. With this one, the same other. We saw a friend of ours. Yeah, I saw a friend of mine. No, no, no, no. I saw her for it. We talked about this before, and we went, you know,

friends of ours, friends of hers, that, you know, that we've seen not seen in years and kind of gone back for it. And had that, but this is the first one that we've had that is consistent on a regular basis. Everything's been off in a way, you know, in Arizona where she used to live

and Massachusetts, you know, where I stayed for a little bit. And but this one is the closest one to home. Uh-huh. And again, the problem is is I've spoken to her about this. She confronted her and she's like, no, you know, he's crazy, he just, you know how he plays. You know how he says this, says that. No, it's not that case.

And so it's gotten to a point of me saying that you've spoken to your wife. Well, you said that you've spoken to, you've told your, did you say that you've spoken to your wife about it? Are you talking to the woman about it and says that she's not in love with you? Is that what you're saying?

She's not. Well, that's what she's told. She's told my wife, no, that you know, I'm just joking. Right. And so I'm just at the point now to where, how do I get rid of it without her getting mad because I'm trying to get rid of a friend. Wow.

So your wife doesn't believe you, even though you've said it in front of her. She's, I've gotten, I've gotten the serious to the point where she's like, is she really, I've gotten to the point where I've actually recorded what she said the other night and let her listen and now she's like, okay, I thought it was kind of joking, you know, nothing seems serious about it because when I speak to her, there's she, she plays such a good story, the friend plays such a good story that you can't see that, You know, she's not looking at me all the time. She's not, you know how that thing started. I totally know. I mean, what does she say? She just says, I love you. Does she say I want you to leave your wafer? Does she just say she's in love with

you? Like what does she say? Absolutely. She says, I love you. Everything about you. I see how you take care of your kids. I see how you are towards her. And I that. Okay, well that seems unhealthy and toxic. Oh, my wife. Yeah, of course. So I think you just have to like, honestly, you have to have your wife on board with this. Obviously, and just say this is no longer going to work. And I think we have to kind of let go people wanting

through a break up what I tell them is like, I think you have to seize contact with her. This isn't healthy for your family either. So even though she's close by, I would, you know, I would not talk. I would unfriend on Facebook and all the, if you have friends in all these other places to social media because that's one thing we don't do is the social media. That's one thing. I think you just have to let her know that like you care about her.

This has gone too far and and it just can't work. So are you concerned about your safety at all? Does she seem like someone who's just going to be, you mean, she might be upset? No, I don't, I don't think so. One of the things I did find out today through conversation with her is that she apparently is getting a promotion at her job and she will be possibly moving. Well, that would be perfect. At least I have that to cross my. Yeah. I mean, I think you just have to you and your wife on a united front have to in a neutral place, go to dinner, not at anyone's home, and just say this has been, you know,

we've enjoyed our time with you, but we can know like now there's emotions involved, we just can't do it anymore. We can't have a relationship with you, and you know, we're sorry to hurt you in any way, and we respect you, and we'll keep this between us, and then go on your way. I think that's the only thing you can do. You need distance.

But that's yeah, Robert, you sound like a good man and that is definitely. That's one of the things that we talked about to begin with was we don't want to run into this kind of situation and that's why it was helping when we would go out traveling. Now, you know, obviously this is not something that hits its home and so I'm to the point now where, you know, obviously this is not something that hits its home. And so I'm to the point now where, you know, I don't know how she feels about it, but I'm to the point where I'm done with the whole thing. I would think this would be done. No, Robert, and you sound like a great guy because it could go the other way.

You could be in love with this other woman. So I think also I always recommend people like don't bring in someone you know. That's in your town. That's even a neighbor because it can get sticky. But it sounds like you guys are two good years and now it's time to end at Robert. So I just think be kind, be gracious, and then cut off ties.

All right. Thanks, Robert. Thanks for calling. Appreciate it. Wow, what a story. I know. But what a good, like they have more, right? Morels, he's telling the truth.

This woman's gonna go and after him. That you do run the risk. I'm not saying that open relationships aren't tricky, but I think that you got to handle it. You got to cut it as soon as you know. If you like this show, I love to hear it. You guys remember it so helps when you subscribe. Rate me five stars.

That helps on iTunes for sure. And if there's any topics you want to hear more about, you can email me feedback at sexwithaml.com. Thanks to my awesome team, Ken, Kristen, Alisa, producer, Jamie, and if there's any topics you want to hear more about, you can email me feedback at sexwithamlee.com. Thanks to my awesome team, Ken, Kristen, Alisa, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamlee.com.