Sex With Emily - Dating, Mating & Pulling Out

Episode Date: February 24, 2016

On this show, Emily addresses everyone’s favorite fly-by-night contraceptive practice: the pull-out method. Is it really as reliable as people think, or have we all been withdrawing for naught? Emily answers a listener’s request to get in depth about the effectiveness of the “pull and pray” and tells us what she really thinks about bailing before you bust.Then, she and Anderson serves up suggestions on how to find your dating “home base,” how to approach a third for your fantasy threesome, and how to find your social stride after a big break-up. Plus, Emily shares stories from her weekend at the Grammys, including how she was almost forcibly removed from the premises. Whether you’re looking to open up your sexual relationship, narrow down your dating grounds or increase your knowledge of safe sex practices, Emily has got the guidance you need on this show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Okay everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show I'm giving advice to help you navigate the tricky waters of online dating, three sums, commitment issues, and more. Plus we're getting deep into the topic of the pull-out method. Is it really as reliable as it seems? I've got the answers, so keep on listening. But first, by now, you all know me pretty well. You know I love new experiences, but I also love my favorite things that I always come back to because I know I can trust them. Here's a good example, the magic wand. If you will listen, you might remember that I actually had a hold drilled into my nightstand, so my magic wand was always plugged in and ready to go when I needed it.

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Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a bygone name. Hey, Aveline, you got a boy from? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy.

I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy.

I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithendly.com. We can sign up for our podcast. You can easily subscribe. We do two a week, which is pretty amazing. We upload every day blog posts, videos, everything. Everything that we can to give you the information and the power to have the best relationships

and sex that you want. That's what I'm all about. And there's some things happening here. I'm now on Snapchat, because who isn't? Found me at Sex with Emily on Snapchat, at Sex with Emily on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook.com slash sex with Emily and also our YouTube channel.

There are sex with Emily everywhere. Love it, thanks everyone for for listening I'm here with Anderson Yo yo what up I don't even hear me oh there I am I hear you baby how you doing I'm doing good how you I'm good this is late it's like we've ever done this is 12 it's 12.40 a.m. yeah it is it's like 3.40 a.m. back in New York I know how about that yeah I like it though it's kind of close. Is it Bartley who's getting later right now? Oh, no So I it's good to see you. How would you trip? It was good the wife was sick So she couldn't come to any of the shows, but Denver a beautiful town. You went to go see we

We know I can't really know I'm a dead fan. I don't know we won in 20 of your listeners. Probably no wein Not a massive fan, but they're big for me. Yeah. I love them. That's good. Well, it was a good time. I got your dog Stanley. It was awesome. I mean, if you missed any portraits, selfies of Stanley and myself. I was, you know what?

I'm going to be honest with you. I'm like an old Jewish mother when it comes to like my dog Stan. And I was looking at Instagram and whatnot. I was throwing a few things on my own on there because you know, I was on vacation like you do. And I saw a couple of your Valentine's day Instagrams and videos and whatnot. And I could be looking for my dog,

and I'm like, wait a minute. I'm sorry, the dog. She loves the dog. And the dog's not to something happen to my dog. No, but the dog was on there eventually. Okay, yes. Yeah, but sorry about that for Valentine's Day. Because we already did the video,

we did some fun videos with the office, and Stanley was not there the day that we did it. But I hope you had a good time time Valentine's Day and all that. Valentine's Day. Not until next year to hear you say Valentine's Day. That's why Michigan X and comes out. There's another thing I got announced here. The March 10th at the Hollywood improv.

Remember we were at the improv before. I'm doing a show, The Love and Sex Live in the improv with myself and Brian Howie of the great love debate. We're doing a live show there. the love and sex live in the improv with myself and Brian Howie of the Great Love Debate. We're doing a live show there. I'm March 10th and it's gonna be amazing. It's a live podcast and Come See Me. It was a really good time and we just check back on my social media all that for more information

how to get tickets. I think you probably just go to the Hollywood Improv. Hollywood Improv.com and they have all the different calendars and what do you think they're doing? It's really fun live show. I'll be there. I wanna hang out. What time? Yeah, it's seven to nine. Live show, I'll be there. I want to hang out. What time?

Yeah, it's seven to nine, I think. So I'll be able to. There's a slip chance. You realize this. Do you realize this? What? There's a slim chance that I might be doing one of my shows up in the attic, like right.

No way. For our floral to the actual main thing. Which one? I see a Hollywood improv. No, but which podcast do you do? I'll be able to disaster. We've been doing in Mike's, my chrono's office up there. And we have to kind of be quiet,

and then we get loud sometimes, and I'm sure that the audience can hear us. That's so funny. Could I come up there and make a special appearance? Do you guys think that's ever? Ah, rarely, rarely. But that would be fun. That would be hilarious.

So yeah, we're doing that, and then you could also be recording a podcast. I pretty excited. I didn't know that you were doing a... We just planned it. We just planned it like yesterday. So I'm very excited to tell you because I had such a blast at my 10 year anniversary show.

Sweet, you're telling jokes? You're gonna be a prop comic, you're gonna bring Dildos up? I might bring, you know what? That's a great idea. We are debating because the great love debate is a great podcast too and they talk about why they're still single, debate single in America, all this stuff, that's what they do,

these things all over the country and they talk to people about being single and dating and all that stuff. So it's a good time No, I think so no sponsors time match calm. She's sponsored. They should sponsor damn. Let's give them a call I don't know if they're not but I had a big week. I went to the Grammy. Uh Grammy the Grammys Moniz come and she's like how are the Emmys? I'm like the Grammys it was fun. Yeah, I mean I've never been to orcho as I Did even I thought you check my Instagram. I was supposed to picture that now. Did you pass all the religious zealous out front?

No, I didn't. Every year they're out there. I missed them. I went four years in a row. You did? I used to go to the Grams all the time. I didn't know that about you. It was amazing though.

I mean, it really was to be there, watch the performances. I mean, I, you know, I- Which one? Which one? How you almost got kicked out? Yeah, I almost got kicked out. The debut, two days before, there's something called the Radio Remote at the Staples Center.

To zoo. It's a zoo. All these radio people come. Like I was there with Dr. Drew and we go to talk. There's like 25 radio stations and we go in, we talk. We do the promoter show. And then afterwards, there's actually their rehearsals. They're in the act for rehearsals.

Yeah, because Friday, the real estate center. So we go and there was like VIPs who go watch the rehearsals in like a cavernous staple center, there's like 20 of us in there. We walk in and they're like, okay, listen, put your cameras away, there's guards, there are you can't take pictures. And we walk in and Justin Bieber is practicing. And I'm like, so first thing I do Yeah, I pull my phone because I'm like because my niece right she loves Justin Bieber everyone's got a niece

I love so some people this is what happens I pull out and the second I pull it out this gargant what your phone away like immediately I mean like literally a media like Right, you know that means what he was checking. Yeah, you think he was You think like me looking at you then he says to me said it God damn it and the problem is I shouldn't say this But I thought I turned my phone off But I didn't think the video cuz the LB so I have 11 minutes just to be a lot for it Well because I was so nervous, but you hear the conversation of Dr. You're going Emily what are you doing can't we got trouble in the guard?

And you're like you don't think that everybody's got a niece or a daughter's 12 years old so I kind of got in trouble But 11 minutes I got 11 minutes video of Justin Bieber and Ron. You guys need to do something with that. No, I think so much trouble. No, I was so grateful to be at the Grammys. I don't want to allow me to be the picture. Not doing it. Not doing it.

But it was funny, but the Grammys were great. I mean, the thing is, it's, you're sitting there for three and a half hours though. Yeah. I don't think I've sat still for three and a half hours since like SATs or something. Where are the best musical acts across the street? What do you mean with a prostate? A few times that I went, like they'd be like, and now we're going to like Deadmau 5,

and Deadmau's would be across the street at the Nokia Center. And they could write in a video. The best, one of the best part was, well, there were some great parts. I like to David Bowie tribute. I like, you know. How about it when Adele's Mike fell into the, yeah. Yeah, that was good.

She cried about it the next day, yes. Did she cry? Did she cry? Did she cry? Dravy? Well I saw I saw something I don't know and I don't know I'm the interweb that she was like. That's a bad joke. I know. That's terrible. I'm sorry. No, it's your tail. I love Adele. I'm a dick. I'm sorry. It was it was a good time. It was a great time and I was honored to be there and it was fun. So yeah, that was a Grammy's but speaking of the Grammys, I got some sex in the news. Oh, I love it. Let's do it. Which is very inspiring for me. Listening to music out loud, you have more sex. And you're happier. There's a study. And this is a real study. If you listen to music in your home, you will have more sex. They say music is

a language of love and now there's a study to prove it. Sonos commissioned the research project using their own gear along with Apple's iPhones and the Apple Watch. So it sounds like, oh, this is skewed, but I'm going to get to that part because it's really not. Music led to 67% more sex. They rounded up 30,000 people in the United States, what, UK, Germany. It showed that listening to music out loud as opposed to in your headphones is good for lovers with 67% more bedroom fun time happening compared to those who don't

play any tunes. Also found 47% in the study were likely to say I love you and 24% felt more moved to say I love you by the songs they heard. And 99% probably called their partners Babe. Yeah, hey babe. And they also found that music to family and friends together. They were happy overall, had more sex, families were happier. The act of listening to music together made a difference.

So by online, if you have your Hab more sex, listen to music. And I believe that when I remember to listen to music when I'm home, rather than just the voices in my head, it does make me happier. Can I tell you that I had a routine for many, many months where I'd wake up and listen to like spoken word on my phone, like an app for my stupid Pittsburgh Penguins hockey team,

and I was just listening to news about the penguins every morning, and it stopped working. They just don't have it anymore, so now I'm forced to listen to music, and I hate to admit it, but I'm happier. I think I'm a little dumber, but I'm happier. No, that's good. See, I listen to like podcast and radio and listen to hard-storm, but now I'm gonna listen to more music music. Music just like I try like when I get my car I'm like listening music instead of talk radio because talk radio will make it mad, but I want to be informed I know be two I feel like I don't a lot of time to get far so when I'm working out and listening to like podcast and listen to news

But I'm gonna listen to music now because it definitely want to be happier and you want to bang more. I definitely want to bang more I need some bang in my future. Well, I'll study, especially with the whole out loud rather than ear buds. Yeah. How does that play? Because it's bringing you together. If you're having sex together, you're in the home and you're all listening. I think maybe you're just putting it in your ears.

I mean, it probably still can make you happy, but I think it's the act of listening to it together. But I always, we go in a home, going out like family friends are listening to music and I thought it was always so nice. It was like classical and I was like,. I was like that's really it's calming Oh, that's nice. Oh sweet. Sitting around my family wasn't happy. They should listen to music Damn it. It's another thing to get my mom. My mom always says add to the list

We're old enough. We remember like having the old Record player and like we'd go in the fat family albums and like pull out and act I remember pulling out Michael Jackson's thriller and putting it on The record player in my house and you'd have to listen to it with everybody else. Right, exactly, it's different we're on now. We're all so in our own heads. My brother jumped up and down next to it to make it skiff, like stop it.

Oh yeah, that's the news I got for you because you got a lot to cover today. Pull out. I have a little mini-tap pull out method. I love that. Exactly, if you would go and answer an email about the pull out method, as a foreign birth control, someone emailed to me and I received an interesting feedback.

I thought I'd go a little deeper into the topic of pulling out a.k.a. the withdrawal method. Hi, I'm Bolly G. I discovered your show and I love it. I'm going to try to catch up on all the older episodes, so I'll probably be emailing you a lot more. I download the podcast with my iPhone and it's episodes. I'll probably be emailing you a lot more. I download the podcast with my iPhone and it's great. I can list it without using any data. That's a good point, everyone.

Side note here. People think you need to use your data. Just download it. And sign in for me. You got to Wi-Fi at the home. You just download it. I do have a lot of time. I'll download a few podcasts.

Okay. I love how knowledgeable you are and I've already learned so much. And I was surprised to hear you say the pull-up method is completely ineffective though. I've been using that for most of my life. And for me, it's been effective. Maybe she's turned. I also have friends that use it and have been affected for them. I don't know if you're being hyperbolic

to encourage safe sex, but I feel you misleading listeners about this based on my experience. Hope you're not mad. Love Calvin 34 Manhattan. Wait, is that a dude or a girl? It's a dude, I think. Calvin, I'm not mad love Calvin 34 Manhattan. Wait, is that a dude or a girl? It's a dude I think. Calvin, I'm not mad at Calvin, Calvin, I'm mad at you at all. I'm just concerned for you.

I'm concerned for Calvin and his friends, his free will and free ball and free load and... Free load and yes. Friends, because I understand the appeal of the pull-up method. And I gotta be honest, when I was young, I'd been done the pull-up method before I knew all the complications. It's easy. Way better than the pull up method. And I gotta be honest, I was young, I've done the pull up method before I knew all the complications. It's way better than the pull up wall. It's easy. It's free. Everyone's doing it for women. It can seem definitely attractive

because you don't have to take the pill and have all the side effects. You know, you don't have to put your body through that. And there's no side effects, you know, but here are the side effects, you know, but here are the side effects. SDDs, pregnancy. Yeah, for guys though, they might like it because they like going to conms. I understand that. And it requires a little preparation. I'm understanding this, Calvin.

I'm understanding why it's easy and you're lucky. But according to bedcider.org, which is a bedcider.org, which is an amazing site. If you guys have any questions about, I recently discovered this site. If you have any questions if you're on a birth control pill, or you're using any method all they've extensive data on there, about every form of birth control that you're on, different kinds of pills, and what the side effects are. So if you have any questions, go to bedcider. But in the most recent US national survey,

5% of couples said they were relying exclusively on pulling out as a way to prevent currency, right? And if you count couples using another method, plus pulling out like birth control or IUD, about 10% of couples use withdrawal. But just because other people doing it does not make it safe. All right, let me catch up here.

So 5% are using just the pull out, at 1 and 20, and then 10% are doing pullout plus. Plus. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so I stated my views on the withdrawal method, and I wasn't just being hyperbolic, really, to make a point.

I gotta be honest, it might be better than nothing, I get that, but it's not the most effective form of birth control at all, and it can be super risky, especially those for lack of experience, because the truth is it does not protect protect you against STIs, STDs, HIV, pregnancy, bacteria, and bacteria and viruses can be present and pre-com. That lovely pre-com. It's that pesky pre-com that we're going to the pesky pre-com. I mean, I'm going to get and pre-com. Right. That lovely pre-com. It's that pesky pre-com, that rule is a-

The pesky pre-com, and I'm gonna get into pre-com. Leaky false. And it might not be as much if you've been tested, you're in a long-term relationship, you might not have to worry as much about SDGs. But if you're single and you just started dating someone, put that goddamn condom on. I mean, seriously.

Especially nowadays with Tinder and everything, and you know what I mean? Oh my God, and don't ever, I'll never forget this when some people friends of mine actually smart people They've said well, I know the person. I know the guy wouldn't lie about her. She wouldn't lie. Yes. Yes They might lie, okay, and it's not as easy as it sounds because according to research pulling out is 90 there's the known I'll tell you this It is 90% 96% effective when it's done correctly. Every time, but unfortunately, do it correctly, do what it means, do it correctly.

Nobody forget does it correctly. We'll pull out. Yeah, this is what you gotta do to do it correctly. At the height of your sexual rouse, or we'll let everything's amazing, not too really not too late. The guy pulls out, doesn't interrupt the orgasm that usually happens during ejaculation, everything's great. But the guy has to be able to tell exactly when he's going to

ejaculate and have the discipline to pull out on time before he ejaculates. And for guy to know ejaculatory inevitability, not so easy, the point to return. And this is from the Mayo Clinic. You always like to knock my source sometimes for every hundred women who use a pull-up method, 28% will become pregnant. Wow. That's a 72% success rate. That's like a C-.

28% do get pregnant. Yes. Like would you purchase a car that had like a 72% and if you were to leave it in, if you were to leave it in, I bet like only 60% of those that you get in. What happened if you're doing it right?

Exactly. Would you be satisfied like, you know, if you have like a C minus, you know, in college or like a restaurant at a C minus rating, you wouldn't go, okay? So let's talk about the pre-com because there's a lot of like people's debates, they go, there's no C even in pre-com,

but there's a rumor saying that it doesn't contain sperm. I don't know who started up with the results in study show. A third of the sample they collected still contained live sperm. I thought there was even more. I thought there was like super sperm. Right. Or super.

No, I mean, the thing is that they couldn't prove that pre-com will get you pregnant, but findings prove one important thing that it could. It can't say it will, but it could. So even if you're a master, masterful pulling out, and you've got it, you said a little pre-com. You don't know that you have a pre-com, right? The other thing the people say is they interrupt

so pleasure, no, I'm not gonna be as good, because withdrawal is the ultimate sexual interruption, okay? Have you ever had one of those, what are those experiences where it's amazing, right? And you're about to come and she's about to come and you're like, oh my God, like we're gonna come together and you're like, I'm gonna gonna pull up but you just don't

That's really hard to right so if you're go to method you can't have simultaneous orgasms And you can't focus on your partner because you're worried that you're gonna come and you got to pull it out So like just use protection because you know But you're thinking is like I got to evacuate and then you can't have the can of the multi-organism you can have the simultaneous and Couples who use this method say that they're more anxious during sex. What? The pull-outers?

The pull-out, yeah. Yeah. Well, I can see why, because they're trapped. So, you know, do that. And also, and then I want to say though, here's what it might be okay for. Couples who are using withdrawal and combination with other methods of birth control, but again, will not protect you again at the SED is just pregnancy. Right.

Many who have a lot of self-developed discipline, like a lot, and they're very, very in touch. Right. But they could still tell it's all pre-com. I'm just trying to like give you like- We follow those guys sexual ninjas. Like they know they can completely control when they finish. And there's very few of those guys. No, when you might be drinking, you might be really caught up in the moment.

It feels really good. Oh, this one time, drinking, you might be really caught up in the moment. It feels really good. I'll just one time, she's about to get her period that doesn't know. So Calvin, it's your life. I am not the pull-out police. I'm not gonna say don't pull out. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not policing your home.

But they don't call it the pulling prey. Have you heard of call it the pulling prey? Pull-out prey. Oh, pull-out prey. Pray, she's gonna be right. Do you own any pull-out babies? There are so many friends who've been pregnant as well. So Calvin, you're lucky. Do your friends? Do your friends tell their kids their total mistakes? Like, dude, pray. Pray. She's gonna go, do you own any pull-up babies? There are so many friends who've been pregnant as well. So Calvin, you're lucky.

You're friends? Do your friends tell their kids their total mistakes? Like, dude, you were not. I forgot, I prayed to our honeymoon. She's like, pull out, it doesn't work. She called me like a month later. Love me. That's what we call you.

Exactly. And can I just tell you? Yeah. That I was so, I was excited when we were in the parking lot before we did the show tonight. When you told me they were gonna be doing this topic because I actually had a long discussion with a wife about the pullout method,

and I was talking exactly what Kelvin was talking about, because for years I've been hearing the hyperbole of its 0% effective, and I've always thought that was absurd, and you finally put that to rest by saying it's 96% effective against pregnancy, which I get that it's 0% effective against STDs, but when talking about pregnancy, it's obviously somewhat effective against STDs, but when talking about pregnancy,

it's obviously somewhat effective. And the wife and I were talking about a little bit in the in the security line of the airport. No, no, I didn't say that. I said, it's nice. I said, it's 96% if you do it right. Right. Meaning you pull out exactly the right time. Yeah. But you can still get that, yeah, you can still get pregnant with the precom and all that. But I came up with an analogy and she was very upset and she told me to stop talking about sex in public. She doesn't like when I talk about sex at all. But you know, I was whispered and I didn't like that.

We were in the big line for security at the airport. But I'm so I forget why I came up. But I get I heard somebody or we saw an ad or something. The problem is that you're pulling off your shoes. Maybe because of the shoes. I don't know. But I'm like, you know what? And I thought about it.

And I couldn't wait to talk about it on the after disaster. But I'm talking about it with you. Perfect. I said, here's why that's not true. disaster, but I'm talking about it with you here now. Perfect. I said, here's why that's not true. You go to the gas station, you put the nozzle in, you pay for like $40 worth of gas, you do a couple pumps, and then you just start spraying your car with the gasoline, you're not gonna blow

dry down the street. You're not impregnating your car. Your car is going to run out of gas almost immediately. If you spray your entire car with gasoline rather than put it in the tank, so that's what that was my argument for pullout method works. Yes.

But what about the pre-come? But you know, your car can go a little bit for a little while. If you have Prius, you're probably gonna drive for a while. So the Prius might get pregnant. Exactly. So I just want to clarify that because you know,

Calvin, but I'm saying good, good for you and your friends, but this could still happen. And if you're cool with having a pullout baby, you know, keep going. And that it might have HIV. Oh, but this could still happen. And if you're cool with having a pull-out baby, you know, keep going. And that might have HIV. Oh, terrible. Oh my God. That is a hip baby.

You went down dark roads. I don't mean to. Okay. Let's get into the email. But first, you know, why don't we give a shout out to the people who help keep this show free so you can listen to it. And also who make amazing toys. So the genius design team at Wevibe, they've done it again. The brand new Nova by Wevibe is quite simply a dual stimulation superstar.

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We talked a lot about it. There was four of us in the office who tried it, and it's fun to hear people always like our shows, we've like four women, like one toy. We talked about a bunch of four women, three toys, and just find out like what, how we all felt differently about it. The Nova has easy use controls.

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You've got to try to do it. It's really powerful. Oh my god. Go to sex with mwe.com. Look for the Nova banner. And then you go to we vibe, use code Emily. Check out. You get a very special discount. Oh, you guys should make a little video of you guys using the we vibe as like like horseshoes. And you should have a dildo standing up and you should be playing horses. Because they look a little idea. Yeah. yeah, you guys will not this we vibe, but this one does have a little circle in the end of it But the we've been for plus yeah, it's like a you shape. Yeah, like a horseshoes. Exactly. That one that's the four plus That's what they're known for their number one couples vibe. Oh, I love all their toys But this one's their new ones we reviewed it and you'll all of it cool. Okay emails. Thank you everyone for emailing me

I love it and I love that you guys have been listening and including your name. How will you are and how you listen and where you're from? Totally helps us. Right? And your sex life and your sex male female. Okay. Hey Emily, thanks for the podcast. It's awesome. Listen to your podcast with Jordan Harbinger as we speak. He stated that you should make the bar your home base. That's cool and all, but I don't drink. What's another place I can make home base? I'm so confused. Thanks, Cody. I'm going to explain to you.

Okay, here's a deal of the home base, but this is what Jordan meant. It's like, it's that place that you feel comfortable and confident. Like, everybody knows your name, kind of like Cheers. That's the new and new Cheers. I think the older guy does. Right. you feel comfortable and confident. Like, everybody knows your name, kind of like cheers. Does anyone know cheers? I think the older crowd does. Right. No, it's kind of like a place where you go into like your local coffee shop or a restaurant

if you know your friend works there. The perk. The perk? That's friends. I'm a friend. I'm a other old friend. Exactly. Hey, where are you walking, everyone knows you.

So, that's what it means. A place where you know someone, you feel comfortable, you have confident and you just feel like yourself. So, Jordan was like, what a bar, your local bar, it can be your local restaurant, coffee shop. Massage, probably, where you get a happy ending. You wanna take your date there. So, it could be your coffee shop, a smoothie place,

a gym, a dog park, hot place, the people when I had my dog in San Francisco. I went there like three times a day, and it was like my posse, like I had my people. And then I started dating the sky, and I brought them to the dog park, and I was like my posse like I had my people and then like I started dating The sky and I brought them to dog park and they I was really cool But then when you guys break up you need a new dog park and your dog said I need a new dog and a dog park a new boyfriend But it was messy, but the point that's the point of it So it's just the point that you'll feel more self-assured when you approach women if you around your friends and people know you

Hey, Anderson what's going on? Hey, and you got this woman, you just, you put it, he's automatically. For sure, that's why I was confused. I didn't, I didn't hear the beginning when you said that they were with somebody else. And yeah, he's like, was, what, oh, Jordan Harbinger, I did a great podcast if you wanna check out. Oh, that guy, the Jordan guy.

Yeah, the art of charm. And he gives a lot of great dating advice for guys. And he was saying like, one of his tips was like, have a home base, like the bar, where you go to, and have a nose of a name, that kind of thing. So it's all about feeling comfortable and more comfortable, the more comfortable you are

as we all know, the more, we feel like more of ourselves that we can talk, confident, but backfire with guys too. I used to go to this one bar wherever we're in NewMe and drunk an idiot to be like, another girl I understand where to go but. Oh, that's the worst. You gotta be careful, like bars especially late night.

Yeah, can't believe it every week. You're in here with a different one. Take thanks, dude. Yeah, you're drunk, friends. You're absolutely right. The bar can totally backfire. In fact, I've had that with guys I did. You know, cause girls get shardy like,

oh, I just want you to know, like your girl's really kind of cock box someone. Right. He's been here before. He's here all the time Like people just open up their mouths. Mm-hmm guys do that too. They do right? Yeah, I was so almost about to hook up with this girl and this guy friend of mine who I thought was a friend of mine I guess he liked the same girl and like we we weren't in the same circle anymore

But it's a guy that I went to high school with but we're friendly in high school I found the girl to stop talking to me and I found it like six months maybe a year later I like it was really heartbreaking because I really like this girl and that this fucker had told her that I had herpes no no serious yeah and she broke up with you then no we like we are dating we went out three or four times and then she just stopped for turn of the world well she sucks too I mean if just she thinks that I have herpes she just stopped you know what I mean yeah I'm still looking for that guy

you can't that's terrible people do say though We're essentially now with like everyone like posting stuff online. That's just not true You get debated people just they go with their smoke. There's fire like sometimes there's truth and things that you read people believe that stuff Sorry, they have you that bitch. She wasn't worth it. Yeah, I've she you know what? I Ronically, I bet she might have given me herpes, you know, I might have them now because maybe she was projecting because she's like She didn't want to face her own her be syndrome Maybe she was dumb and thought she could get double herps, you know, yeah, people are dumb like that. So true Okay

Three sums picking up women for three sums Keep one over tall order it is and also did I mention feedback at sex with Emily commas where you can know you mommy Dear Emily me my boyfriend had been together for over four years. He's 48 and I'm 26. We've been to a nude resort a couple times. We're planning to host a nude party. This National Nude Day coming up. When is National Nude?

July 14th. Where are these people calling, emailing from? I'm sorry. I don't know if it says yet Let's say you've opened my eyes and opened our horizons We are both very open and loving people and would like to try new things however. I'm very shy And it's hard for me to flirt or hit on people any advice I'd like to have more three sims actually with my boyfriend And I'd like to be the one that gets the girl if you know what I mean I want to feel the rush and the exhilaration of asking going forward and getting it and the enjoyment

that we get from the memories that we make of it. Any advice we greatly appreciate it as we begin this new year and try new things. I'm always open to new adventures. Thank you and much love Alice. Okay, Alice, first of all, you guys go to nude resorts. I would think you would find a third there, but I get what you're saying. I told you understand the thrill, like I don't know, I'm not a dude, but I understand the thrill as a woman too, but like I wish I could get that, like go in and like hitting on a woman, like a beautiful woman at the bar, and asking to come home with you, like meet your boyfriend, like I don't know, I guess I've never done that, guys do that, more so, but I can see as a woman

that you wanted to. Okay, I get that. But I think it's a great thing to work up to, but you might want to just build your confidence by like chatting up open mind people, open mind to people who you know will be open to the people, to the idea. Like the people at the nude resort.

Or like you're like mine of friends. Because then you're not being shot down right away which could also hurt confidence which we hear from guys not that men and women don't women don't hang out with people but men how many emails do we get from guys who are like I don't know the confidence I was rejected so that's one thing just go where you you know where you know people and you know that they might be open to it. There's also apps like plenty of fish, okay, cupid. They make it possible now for couples to search for unicorns. You know the unicorn.

What is a unicorn? The unicorn is like a single woman who is unattached and who's kind of ready to have a threesome, ready-bearing. They call it the unicorn. I thought it was the G spot. What? The car of G spot they call it the unicorn. I thought it was the G spot. What, the car of the G spot? No, the unicorn.

No, the unicorn's like a woman who's like single and ready to mingle. For me, like the G spot is also unicorn and the Lafayette con because I can't find it. I can't find it, you can't find it. Really? I've alluded to that many times. Anyways, back to the unicorn, that is the perfect one.

Right, exactly. There's also a surrender, which is a new app. It's three NDR and FET life. They could also be great resources. And then I don't know where you live, Alice, you didn't say, but if you attend local workshops, like here we have the pleasure chest in the stock room, I don't know where you live, but there's often

sex toy shops, hustle or Hollywood. That could be a great place to find resources, learn about local swimming parties, and just keep your eyes open. If you're at a bar, though, and you see a woman that's like attractive, I mean, I've had women talk to be at bars all the time and I'm like, I don't know what a party's

just strike up a conversation. And the other thing, just like I tell guys, don't go in with that like feeling that this has got to be the one and I got to close the deal. I mean, being a woman talking to another woman, you know, just start talking like how you would talk to a friend and see what happens and think of how you'd want to be approached. Because you're a chick, you're another woman, you know, to start talking like how you would talk to a friend and see what happens and think of how you'd want to be approached.

Cause you're a chick, you're a woman, have some drinks, get to know her and then see how she feels. You know, she's single, you might say, yeah, you know, do your boyfriend know, oh, well, I've got a boyfriend here and we've been thinking, you never know, a conversation, have you drinks to get open up?

You might say, or she never knows, she might end up coming out with you in the car that night. Right? Worst thing that happens, she says no. You know what, I don't know about this one. You don't die somewhere, Jackson, you what? It's, she says she's shy, but she's all about being new.

She usually new people aren't in the being shy. I know. Well, I think she's probably nervous about approaching a woman, but practice makes perfect. But here's the other thing. I'm not even gonna get into your age difference either. 26 and 48, they've been in there for years. But it seems like they're happy and it's working.

So I'm not even gonna touch that right now. I'm just gonna touch on the topic at hand. I mean, because age sometimes only number and there are couples that it works for. Right. So I'm not gonna go there. 26, 40. 20.

That's 22. Yes, different. 20. That's 22. Yes, different. I got a 20. You got a 20-year-old daughter. He could. Yeah, easily. Wait, yeah, he give me his grand, or grand kid. Her grand kid.

I mean, if they live somewhere where that, you have young kids, yeah, totally. But I like that you guys are open to expressing things and I get it, but I'm just gonna give you the same advice that you know, you got to have confidence. So, practice, practice makes perfect. And you know what? Put yourself out there.

Here's the other thing, doesn't do you at a bar. Start practicing talking to people. Three times a week, when you're getting in line for coffee at the gym, wherever you are, work. Talk to people you don't know. Yeah. I hate when people talk to me. Well, nobody does it anymore though,

because everyone's on their phone all the time. I know it's so depressing. A lot of the time I found the right mood, I was like, hey, nobody does it anymore though because everyone's on their phone. They're phone. I know it's so depressing. No, but a lot of the time I found the right mood. Like, hey, how you doing? Hey, what's going on? Hey, you're using this thing, man. Just like that kind of thing just makes everything go so much smoother. You know what I mean? But she also has this July 14th big nude party that she's having, right?

On a new day. Yeah, she had big new days, shit, six months practice, four months. Yeah, exactly. Six months of practice. It's a goal. You'll find someone by that. I feel really good about the Salis. Keep me posted and I'm so glad you found the show and you love it. Let me know how it goes, because I always want to know. I was, I was loved to do like some people like,

people always email me and they say, you change my life, you get creative advice, which why do this? But sometimes I want examples like what specifically happened or follow up if things worked. Exactly. Yeah, because you want proof. You want, you want proof. Yeah.

You want some kind of like illustrated actual like. Like when Kelvin gets to go up and pregnant, like I want to know, she got pregnant because you kept pulling out. Could you forget? Like it seems like there's just the two of us in this room or like when you're at the show. I do sometimes forget. How do you work, you think? You think that they obviously they can't show up with a door naked.

So they're going to be wearing something on the way over there. Is there a room that they go to change in or do they just come in the Like winter in winter. Yeah, they just immediately stripped down to the clothes to have cubby holes A lot of probably have robes they bring your own robe Fancy the party is so many questions. I have so many questions too, but I feel like a nudist place It sounds like it was like a nudist one of those vacations where everyone's new, but I think you can like What if you meet someone like a swung and you want to get their number something? You don't you don't phone on you have cars. I was crazy. What yeah, I don't know

What do you put the card? Do you put your phone if you're naked? It's all that because everyone's so addicted to the phones, but I could imagine they might have a no phone policy Because you don't need pictures Emily might be there saying but my niece I love the news My niece loves me and doesn't be bar. I should send her this, but not among us in the video, not the new, not a newt either. Yeah.

I want her to email you back after the nude party. Me too. I want to hear, yeah, I want to hear how this goes down and again, just start practicing, but I do want to hear how the new party. I want to go to a new party. This is my year of experimenting again. Like when I started the show 10 years ago, I did a lot of, the last first five years,

experiential things. Went to swing parties, got my clitoris robbed by the people. What? I went to that one day. I did a lot of stuff, and I still do sometimes, but I'm going to be doing, I have some things coming up, which I can't tell you about right now. Really? Yeah. I should go to a new, I've been invited to these new party things, up, which I can't tell you about right now. Really?

I should go to a new job. I've been invited to these new party things, but yeah, I'm ready to get back in shape. I'm pretty good. But that is great motivation to get in shape. Right. If you got like a mandatory nude party, you can't suck it in. You're nude. Yeah. I think I might just go there the way I used to go to this place in San Francisco.

I went to have you're been to like a nude place. It's called Harbin Hot Springs, which is really sad because it burnt down a few months ago. But no, it's sad. It's been around for, God, so many years in Northern California, like two hours north of San Francisco. And we used to go there by friends, like in our 20s,

we went and it's new to optional, but they have these hot springs, right? And you go in the hot and the cold. And people would be naked, men, women, and it's not, and you go there, and you, they give you beads if you don't want to be taught, if you don't want to hit on you. So we were these beads, so guys would not talk to us sometimes, but sometimes we would take them out, we'd forget to wear the beads, and then sure enough, guys just sit. Oh, yeah, like flies on and when you got the beads on you're trying to cover your Never exactly. Yeah, it's kind of weird. Really? That would be not white on rice. That's a lot. That's why I wanted to fly the rice. What is it? What?

White on rice. I only like poop. No, I'm poop. No, I'm so sorry. So that yeah, um, yeah, it was really good time But it was uncomfortable for I was like, oh, I've never been naked, but um, I did that. I should that again Put it bird down. Well, I think they can build around the hot springs. I doubt the hot springs themselves actually burned. No, but the whole area. A whole area of the earth. Yeah, well, the whole resort. You got massages, new massages, of course. No, I had a phone on them, I called 911, so they fired a part

when they come because they were wandering around the ball. Exactly. All right, email. Yeah. Okay, Hamley, I'm a 21-year- old female and I listened to you during work on iTunes. Oh, but you're doing really well work. So a little over a year ago, my ex boyfriend and a three and a half years broke up with me. He was mostly an sexually abusive person.

And that obviously took a toll on me since he broke up with me. Yeah, both emotionally and sexually. Since he broke up with me, my life made a 180 and I began to sleep around the following months. Now I have my life born order and I'm starting to actually date without sex as my main focus. But I feel that I get bored with people easily.

Or I find little quirks about them that end up being deal breakers. I understand I've major equipment issues. However, I don't know what to do about it. My main questions are, should I take a step back out of the dating pool and just work on myself more? Or should I keep at it, pushing through the quirks and see what happens? I was listening to different strokes for different folks, which is one of our podcasts, and you

mentioned how you went with your gut and how you feel about your dates. Well, my gut is always putting up red flags, but I feel it could be wrong sometimes. If that makes sense, please help me with this. I just wanna lead a normal dating life. Thanks, XX Jordan. Okay, Jordan, there's a lot in the same outfit because I think you should do both.

I mean, I think you have to work on yourself. You never, ever, ever stop working in yourself. And we do some of the great work on yourself when we're dating because oftentimes people are a mirror onto our, our, ourselves, onto our own issues. And we can, you know, if you're a good communicator and you learn how to talk about things, you can really, you know, look at it as practice. You can do some duty dating, which is when you kind of make your force yourself to go at people that you wouldn't necessarily go out with that aren't maybe aren't your type, just to kind of get the experience. And also you might surprise yourself. I mean,

you were in abusive relationship and so you might be attractive to guys like that. And so to force yourself to go at someone maybe once, even twice if the date wasn't that great and you're not trusting, you know, you're saying your gut goes back forth and I get it. I might say trust my gut, but I also say, you know, we all kind of second guess. So don't overthink it and don't hold yourself back. And maybe would force you to push yourself through those like those little red flags, like those little naggy ones and be mindful because some red flags, which are like little noises, they might be a barrier from like actually getting her to commit. Right.

Should be like, oh, I don't like the way you like, you know, chooses food, which can't be annoying, I admit. He's too nice. He's too nice. It doesn't sexually abuse me. And you might be coming up with stuff to protect yourself from getting hurt again, which I totally understand. Because chances are she has a broken picker, as they say. Picker is broken. She's a track to the wrong pe As opposed to a broken packer.

Types of guys. Exactly. So, right, people do that. We are attracted. We have patterns in their life. And they sabotage the good relationships because they don't feel like they're good enough for these relationships, which is very sad.

And I see it happen to a lot of people that I'm very close with. Right. And it sucks. Because it's, it's, um, the familiarity is what they know. And also, at times, we recreate patterns from our childhood. Right. Of it's, it's, um, the familiarity is what they know. And also, all the time, we recreate patterns from our childhood. Right.

Of how our parents treated us. We don't even know that we're doing it. It's just a trauma from the child who'd become the vows in and then. Exactly. And so these are pedophiles. You think there is some of that and why you allowed yourself to stay

in a subusor relationship? There might be some therapy. Yes. I think there definitely has to be some therapy work. Especially how long was she with them three years? Three and a half. You know, there are some therapists that specifically deal with trauma, but the thing about dealing with some trauma, whether it was just in your relationship or

childhood and the relationship, is that we often think that it's just going to go away, that we can fix these patterns on our own. But with something as severe as trauma, you just, you might not be able to do it on your own. You probably can't. And I'm a huge fan of therapy. So the other thing is that I would, the concern that you have though, like let's say you're like, oh, but I didn't like this or like that. Do you have a friend or somebody that you trust, like not just like your yes friend, but like it even could be like an aunt or someone you work with. I don't know that you just trust.

And you could kind of bounce it off and be like, God, you know, it's kind of weird the way he opened up the gas container and the gas tank on his car and the way he plugged it in, maybe think plugged in the gas, maybe think it, I don't know, people think it the weirdest red flag. I don't like the face that he makes when he pets his cat. That's a better example.

Yeah, you know what I mean? Yes, I know what you're saying we we can come up with all of these things. So just check yourself because you might also be preventing yourself from meaning right, guys. Did she say how old she was? No, she failed one of the laws here. Oh, 21, 21, 21, 21, yeah, you know what she didn't settle in down anyway. Jordan, you're not a failure. Yeah, Jordan here, okay. Dating around. Thank you for bringing that up. You were this guy for three years. You're 20 years old. This is the time to date.

This is the time for you to figure out what you want. So I would say no, work on yourself, but date. Why don't you just date people to get to know people and don't even have the notion you should not be getting into a relationship right now. In fact, I'm gonna tell you, don be getting into a relationship right now. In fact, I'm gonna tell you, don't get into a relationship right now. And you're not sleeping around.

No. You're gonna go out and date and experience yourself through other things. Exactly, exactly. And build friendships and maybe wait to have sex. You said, you also said that you started sleeping around and that is not, I think that sometimes can be a bandaid and maybe it makes you feel better temporarily.

But a lot of times, I just like, I actually like dating. I like meeting people. I like having conversations. I love learning about people. Actually, I think I'm a really good data. You've been doing it a while. I've got a lot of experience dating. And so, I don't think, I don't know that you've couldn't meet issues, but I think you're figuring out what you want and you're learning how to date again So I would date but proceed with caution You were changed your type like you're like a type and they changed or oh, yeah, I was dating the wrong types Forever until I met my wife similar types always the same

Yeah, I always trauma past like no father and I was the rescuer every single time really you took care of them every every Every relationship I had I don't I can't every not ever girl I slept with necessarily But yeah every relationship where I I swoop in and I try to be the protector ridiculous and you Consciously recognize that and then you try to change it or just a lot of time I would but I'd I'd actually love them So I wouldn't like you know think about it and by the time that I actually realized it was too late. And yeah, looking back, I wasted a lot of years of their life in my life too.

Yeah. But that's how you learn. And you like also that she's 21 years old. And I think all of the sooner that you recognize these patterns that you have, we all have them. Yeah, but that means she's been in the relationships. And she's been in a relationship. 11, 16 or 17, right? So she's been in the relationships since like she's been in a relationship since 16 or 17 right so she's very

And experienced and she she might be like a serial I'm a monogamous serial data, right? So she might be looking for that next thing to cling on to and sleeping with that everyone in between that Yeah, just settle down right settle down. Yeah working yourself Builder friendships. Yeah, my friends are like get me through. I love my people. So I think that's all we got time This was fun. I like this late night thing. Yeah, it's hot at first. I was like, I don't know. I'm sweaty You sweaty. There you go. Oh, it's just M likes to have it hot in here. It gets tropical. I do keep it hot in here Baby gets me in the mood. Oh, well, thank you. And also your podcasts to the Maddox Cinematics is my new film podcast. Yes, and we cover, actually, I just saw one today.

It's called Triple Nine. It's by a very good director named John Hillcoat, who did Lawless. Emily, I don't know if you ever saw Lawless or the road, but it's a really good movie. And it came out on Thursday, I mean, in February, which is weird, let me, can you? Yeah, Tony, you know what I love about your podcast?

Is that, is that you, it's the movies that are coming out that week. Yeah. So if you're like thinking this weekend, I really want to see movie, what should I see? Our show comes out Wednesday and we're going to cover the food from that Friday. And they get an iTunes and all that.

It actually someone tweeted me and asked me for your podcast link. It's cinematics. It was just kind of hard to spell, but it's like cinema than addicts. It's with one-a-day. I tweeted it on the week-week. Like drugs, like addict, like or addicted to cinema. I like it.

But I got to actually turn my head and read the, it's such a good Cast and usually February is a bad month for movies, but this is this was a really good movie. I need to go see a Little guy say that every damn line is starting Casey Affleck to a to a tell edge of four from 12 years this late Anthony Mackie Aaron Paul from For a let's cook bitch from breaking bad. Oh Oh, I'm gonna go see it and Woody Harrelson as well. I love Woody Harrelson. I got high with them once. Back that in second Kate Winslet in triple

nine. She plays a badass Russian Jew. You've never seen Kate. Oh my god. That's so not Kate Winslet. Wow. Okay. No, I'm excited. Okay. This is good. I'm gonna. Hi. What? I know it's that funny because like yeah. Do you guys talk about cheers? Nope, it was um, he was in San Francisco. God, it was like 10, 15 years ago and he was doing a play. And you know, he's a big stoner and I'm not right. I had smoked a lot then and I uh, yeah, I went back to his house. What's this to you? I was actually a popular for the Gravel dead. And the, some other people, you forgot. No, I didn't forget.

I just pussed and said, no. Where the mayor is going. But I never, not a mayor, but a politician who actually was in charge of, he's like, oh, I have $5 fine. And he was like, getting high. It was crazy. But, I'd go or fine.

Why? Damn, it's good. I like to get high. $25 fine. But, I had never seen anyone like, I mean, I could barely hold, like, you know, I was like, one, I hadn't smoked, like, in forever. And I'm sure that Woody's got some like,

oh my god, I mean, the whole time, he's like, smoking bongs with it, like, little of like, three hours, I was like, watching, like, how are you still alive? He's a nice guy. Yeah, yeah. So, he's been doing a lot, he's about to have his own weed license in Hawaii.

Really? Like, how was he not dead, like, I guess, people could handle some people could. I can't. Also, real quick, sorry, the film vault, which is my main film podcast. I did two film podcasts. How do you even have time for me?

I barely have time. But we're doing, this is our big episode, Oscar locks. Our top five Oscar locks, a lot of people have Oscar, betting pools and whatnot. So on the film vault, Brian and I, we bring you, because we've seen everything. So we'll talk about what movies are most likely to win what's gonna win I don't know my research yet, but do you're glaring on a caprio. That's the layup. He's gonna win best actor that good

He is that good right? I love it. He deserved a nomination, but forget wins everything. Yeah, no, he doesn't he very rarely wins awards He's because nominee of everything. Yeah, it's true. And he sleeps with everyone. Okay. I love it. Help me doesn't pie. Hope you I'm sure he doesn't pull out. He for sure he is protection because he doesn't have like a knife. He's got no kids, right? Or he's sterile. Or you got snipped. Without any kids. Mmm. Leo. Okay. Thank you. I understand. Thank you.

I love you. And thanks everyone for listening and for checking me out. And I'll come check and move. And I'll come see you in March 10th at the. Hollywood. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Seven to nine. Yeah. March 10th, seven? Seven to nine yet, they'll come to level in after. Please.

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