Sex With Emily - Dating Survival Podcast

Episode Date: January 14, 2015

Is your fear of rejection holding you back from fully embracing the dating scene? In this show, Emily teaches you how to handle rejection and how to bounce back an even better person because of it.So that cutie at the bar didn’t want to trade numbers? Or that guy on Tinder pulled the ghost maneuver? Emily gives advice on how to shake it off, stop the obsessing and view each rejection as a blessing in disguise. Plus, for those who have trouble just saying no, she shares guidance on how to reject ‘em with kindness.From missed online connections to shocking breakups to disappearing daters, Emily and Menace share tips to help you move forward from minor setbacks, toward better dating opportunities. Don’t miss this episode! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Is your fear of rejection holding you back from fully joining the dating scene? In this show, I'm teaching you how to hope for the best and prepare for the worst, how to handle rejection in any area of your life and bounce back. Thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Betrubized, they call them in a bag on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Mollie? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I so appreciate you guys supporting the show and my sponsors and the incredible people at Good Vibrations. That's right, goodvibes.com carries all the best sex toy brands on the planet.

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is the wearable Bluetooth vibrators that you can operate, like if you're in a long distance relationship, you can have, like, you can operate your partner's vibrator from, you distance relationship, you can have like you can operate your Partners vibrator from you know across the country. How amazing is that? Check them all out. Good vibes is the greatest toys if you go to my website sex with the ME.com Click on the good vibes banner use coupon code GV Emily 20 and you get 20% off all your purchases. That's good vibes.com coupon code GV Emily 20. Thanks for listening Kupenco.gov.com. Kupenco.gov.com. Kupenco.gov.com. Kupenco.gov.com. Kupenco.gov.com.

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Kupenco.gov. Kupenco.gov. Kupenco.gov. Kupenco.gov. Kupenco.gov. Kupenco.gov. Kupenco.gov. Kupenco.gov. Kupenco.gov. We have to get belonged, we got things to help you, and I love you off- Listening, and it's great to be here with Menace today. Hello! Hello, my darling. When we started the show, you were talking about, you know, Bluetooth devices and having, you know, sex with people across the country and stuff like that. That's, you know, something that I've been talking about in the show.

I'm here, I'm gonna say that! Four years! We could have been millionaires by now, but no, you never listened to me. You did say that years ago, but you called it the dump truck A. No, no, no, that's just my other toy. But I was just talking about like, I'm probably like seven years ago. I was like, wouldn't it be cool

if you're in one place, in one state, and then you're like doing something to somebody else in another, that's crazy. It is so cool. Oh my God, makes it. And Juju makes this in another that's crazy. It is so cool. Oh my God makes it. And Juju makes this new one that's coming out called the duo. And I have it on my phone. You should see that they have a watch that can

throw it to CES right now because my friend runs Oh my God. And he I'll show you these pictures. It's a watch that can control it. They have like apps on your phone. And so literally if we were in a relationship, menace like a sexual relationship I could be wearing the vibrator and I only wish oh menace. This is actually the perfect solution for you

You don't know so into using sex twice neighbor you haven't tried it yet But if you're away a lot with your you should be wearing it and you can just be like sitting at your phone Anyway, just be vibing around your phone. Oh, I can be back and be like Twitter, yeah. You can be posting a picture, getting off your girlfriend, it's awesome. That's amazing. But you should be right. I think like within the next two years, it's just gonna be like full on virtual reality,

wearing goggles and stuff like that. Because there's already these goggles out that are people that can buy for their house. That's all like 360, like virtual reality, crazy stuff, and Facebook can invest it in it. It's insane. People's where they can, God knows Google's where they can watch, like, yeah, it's called security. Optimize, or something like that. I know. Can you look it up? I forget the name of it,

say, but it's really cool. It's like, what does it allow you to do? I was thinking but it's really cool. What does it allow you to do? I was thinking, it's a good thing. You can still matter where, once you put on the glasses, no matter where you look, you see something. So it could be any type of situation. So I envision. No, I'm just going to ever leave their home.

Yeah, but I envision like, imagine both of you wearing these, right? And you can. He's talking to Madison sitting here. Yes, sorry, Madison. But I'm talking about like both of you could be wearing the glasses and live streaming each other, you know. What do you mean though like what would like for instance I'd be seeing what she sees and she'd be seeing what I see. Yeah, yeah, that totally can happen. I probably it can happen right now

when he's. Yeah, people are testing it, you know, everywhere. It's called the Oculus Rift. Yeah, Oculus Rift. It's crazy. They're not using it for sexual purposes yet, but I'm telling you, that's going to happen probably within two years. And the self-driving car, I'm telling you,

you're going to be on the freeway having sex in the back seat. That freaks me out. But actually, I do need a self-driving car because I should not be allowed to drive. As you know. You were talking about CES, which happens in Vegas, appeal don't know. It's the consumer electronics something show.

Yeah. That's where they show off all the gadgets and what's happening in the future. And they had one of the self-driving cars there. And one of the writers wasdriving cars there and one of the writers was trying to actually crash it and it wouldn't crash. Oh my God. That would be much better driving record than I have.

Yeah. Right? I mean, no, I'm not kidding. I would totally get that, but be scary. Yeah, so you could be like being guys all over the world through virtual reality and you could be in a car that's driving itself and road trips would be so much more fun yeah getting philatio right exactly yeah road head would be like yeah yeah you can just do you be much safer to do road head that would be the

biggest benefit I would think one of them I would love a self-driving car so the future is crazy the future is now but the problem is is that I think it's all great, a virtue, whatever, but people are not. People are losing their skills to actually have intimacy and communicate with people head on. No one wants to make a phone call, no one wants to, you know, talk to each other. Yeah, we're saying even outside of sexual stuff.

Yeah, just general. Conversation in real life, people don't know what to do. Like people are I amming each other and emailing each other like from cubicles two feet away. Yeah, you know, all the time. It's it's very true and I and I just think that a lot of people have like social anxiety and and and just any kind of anxiety about public speaking, you know public speaking and death are like two of the greatest fears that people have. People are afraid of dying and they're afraid of anxiety about public speaking, you know, public speaking and death are like two of the greatest fears that people have. People are afraid of dying and they're afraid of public speaking. And public speaking leads into, you know,

just even just talking to people or social anxiety. There's a lot of you that's why they drink a lot before they go out or people have a hard time in crowds, going to parties. And so now they're like, I can do it all online and I just think it's more and more technology where people are gonna lose that skill, lose that thing about social anxiety or any

kind of any kind of fears, which is actually what the show is about. It's the more you do it, the more you practice, like anything in life, it becomes easier. It does and it becomes more comfortable and no one's being forced to do it now. Like the first time, you okay, today's show is about rejection and about how to deal with it in any realm of your life. So, you know, it could be dating, it could be someone breaks up with you with love, it could be your fear of approaching a woman or a man, you know, when you see him on the street because you're afraid you're going to get rejected.

And the thing about rejection, like we always say, men, you always say, great, it's like, it's not going to kill you. Like to go up and talk to someone, you're not going to die if she says no or the worst thing that happens and you get better. But I think about it, like also working in their team and you know all about rejection We all day long and I didn't know that when I started that you know the first time I got rejected I did a pilot that they can pick up. I was Devastated, you know, I was like in bet. I was like I can't my life is over and then you just realized

Oh, that happens actually all the time. I'm like George, George Clooney, he had 13 pilots, I think, and Kippick thought before he had, yeah. Like, okay, mom, I got it, I got it. And now you do get it. And you get it. And it also being on, you know, so you get that it's going to be a reduction. And that it's just about, it's not about, you know, how many times you fall down. It's about how you get back up. And the truth is that the things in life, you know, I think our success in life is built on a lot of rejection, because it makes, if you keep going and you keep going and you don't stop yourself. So I think we all just have to learn to deal with it

and look at it as a gift sometimes when you get rejected. And how you can move forward from that and create the life that you want. Sound like a self-spinning speaker. Don't dwell on it. Don't dwell it, but I was gonna also say, oh, and also like the fear of speaking, I used to be terror when we did the live show. So men decided going on the 10th year of doing the show I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry then the whole time driving to the station, I would have this huge pit in my stomach.

It's scary. And now I'm like, I walk in, I don't think about it. You know what I'm saying? You get used to those things and you get better at it. So I believe that everything, you know, you didn't used to be afraid of being in the radio so I'm not gonna get scared. Yeah, I can barely speak.

They have to have to put the volume up all the way. Yeah, and now look at you, you can't shut up. So, I'm kidding. But I'm just saying- I still fumble when I have a lot of people looking at me at the same time. I do a morning radio show where there's three other people in the room.

And at any moment, I'm thinking that they're not interested in anything that I'm saying. And then I start fumbling over my words because they're all looking at me. Could you get in your head? Yeah, and I go crazy. I think we're all so afraid of being judged. And we think rejection is such a, you know, it's a death. It's we're also afraid of being judged and we think like rejection is like such a

You know, it's a death it's like our worst thing ever because we all have self doubt And so if someone rejects us we think they're right You know, you take out we take their side. Yeah, they're right they're rejected me and then we make up stories Oh, he doesn't want to date me. He didn't call me back because I said this, you know, I insulted you know His mother over dinner while what she did for living or he my dress was too short or I was really slutty or I drank too much. And most times things that we worry about aren't even really what's happening. So when you're sitting there on the morning show, you're awesome on the show. They're not thick and menace as a boring tool.

They wouldn't have you on, but in our minds, we tend to go to that place and it makes us nervous. Oh, and the worst person ever. Right. And the worst person ever, and they're right. So rejection gives a chance to like, you know, be mean to ourselves. But, and another thing too, believe it or not, rejection or even if they're into you, is awesome either way. Why? Because if you get rejected, you're not wasting any more of your time

on that person, you know? Exactly. It's a gift. Yeah. Because then you think they show you who they are, they're not into you. Yeah. You can be cool with them or not. And then you get to move on and move on to the next person. Exactly. You know, if you just stay in that, you know, friend zone or just

in that limbo, you don't know if they like you or not and you don't, you're too afraid to, you know, make that next move. You're going to waste so much time in your life or other opportunities that you can meet somebody else. And that's why you should, exactly, you're absolutely right. And so I always say, you're sometimes people, when you hear, we're gonna get into this in a minute,

but when you hear, you know, you're not in two dates, or the best dates, I thought he was the one, and then he didn't call. It's like, okay, well, better, he did you a favor, actually, because you thought it was great. It wasn't, this is gonna hurt maybe for a few weeks, but don't you know go you know Don't don't criticize yourself and think it's something that you did he showed you exactly We was maybe that into it's probably maybe as another girlfriend who knows what happened

It doesn't matter put that aside and move forward because so many people are in relationships for way too long Yeah, it should be over like in five minutes and they're together for three years So that's what the show is about. Reduction and I also want to say one thing real quickly is that this weekend, I'm going to be at the sexual health expo in Los Angeles. It's at the Sofita Hotel and I'm freaking excited about it because it's blowing up, man. Lots of people going. Sexual health at the Expo.com. I know it's a really cool hotel, swanky locale.

There's going to be sex educators speaking like really cool seminars. You can learn like not like seminars sounds boring. speaking, like really cool seminars, you can learn, like not like seminar sounds boring, they're like workshops, like how do you get Felatio, how to talk to your partner about sex, how do relationships mean every topic in the world. And then there's like parties at night, I'm giving the keynote speech on Sunday,

it's $20, gets two people in, and I just hope to see you there. I'd love to see meet people who listen to the show and just come learn some stuff. It'll be fun. So that's what I gotta say about that. And then we got a little bit of sex in the news. All right. What are you talking about?

So did you know, menace, cheating women prefer humor over sexual pleasure. Cheating women prefer humor. So they're not just trying to get their rocks off. They want to laugh their ass off. They want to have fun. Exactly. So you can laugh someone it's a bad, according to a study which found that cheating women look for humor over sexual pleasure. A study by dating website for attached people looking to cheat, whatever. It's like one of those sites that I'm going to mention, not even Ashley Madison, which I just mentioned. That's

good, Emily. Found a good sense of humor is the top turn on for 75% of women. This means all their husbands are just putting them to sleep or something. They found that being funny is more important than intelligence and oral sex. Wow. I beg the differ.

They didn't interview me for this study. The study shows that most women across the globe are for a funny man, but there's always an exception to the role with German and Polish women ranking intelligence over hilarity. Okay. I guess Germans just don't. But see, I think the funny guy is just fun.

You know, you're in a relationship probably not having fun. You know, you're bored. Or something like that. It takes you already to something. And then here's like some funny guy that's fun. And you know, you know, women, they see something shiny, they want to go after it.

Yeah, exactly. And that's what happens. But would a man ever leave his wife for a funny woman? No. He would never cheat. It'd be like, she's got a great ass. My partner, I'm tired of her ass, even if it was his way.

And that's the ass that I want. See women, we're much more flexible. And we know it's our brains to think, like if a guy, it's true that after you talk to a guy, if we know that's is what's attractive to me, isn't it? I'd say intelligence and humor, but they go hand in hand.

But it is cool too to get around a woman that has like an awesome personality, believe or not, coming from men. It is fun just to like have discussions with you, and stuff like that. But I don't, yeah, again, I don't think guys are really thinking about it in a sexual way. Right, exactly.

The problem is, and then they get with someone who they're really attracted to. And guess what? They're bored. Doesn't matter. The sex is going to change after a while after you're with everybody. You know, what's that saying? Find a hot woman in a bar and I'll show you guys tired of having sex with her. So, okay, so Brazilian women voted for oral sex, though, as the most important skill a man

should have. Well, Peruvian and Mexican women want their men playful and experimental. All right. So good looks will fade and sex drive may diminish, but seeing the light side of life is a quality that never gets old. A great sense of humor is a must for the majority

of cheating women, even if it's just for a fun fling. Listen, if you're cheating and you're going to one of these websites, I would say turn into your, turn towards your relationship, the time that you're spending on this site. This is a short fling. This isn't going to last for a long. It's like doing drugs for a night or something. And I like the fun of this that, you know, it's funny to think that women like funny, but

you should either break up with your partner and then go bang someone or, you know, not don't go on this website. Okay. Sexiest smells. Mmm't go on this website. Okay, sexiest smells. Not what you think. If you want to turn on the man, you may want to put your face in a pumpkin pie or rub some pizza grease behind your ears. I don't know about pizza grease, but pumpkin pies, that on.

Dude, that is the number one thing. Yeah. So, it says that the real signs of sex appeal, which is a book that just came out, looks how 46 different scents affected penile blood flow in 31 men. The study found the book finds that lavender and pumpkin pie individually not combined increased penile blood flow by 40%. That's a lot.

But she's pizza increased by 5%. So maybe you should wear lavender oil instead of peat degrees if you want the shirt thing. Not for me not lavender because my mother grows lavender. Oh, and it was making you think of your mom. Yeah, but the the pumpkin pie is definitely so good. It's not funny. The pumpkin, I mean it's just like it's really interesting. I always thought it was vanilla. I always heard vanilla. But okay, it also is a 30% of women found that vaginal blood flow was increased. It said 30, vaginal blood flow was increased by pumpkin pie smell as well, but the

winning combination was a scent of cucumber and good and plenty licorice candy, which increased vaginal flow by 13%. So I guess next time you go to the movies, you bring a cucumber salad and you get the good and plenty. That's kind of a weird combo. I think I'd be a little confused. I'd be like, am I healthy, having a smoothie or am I eating good and plenty?

But that's gonna increase your blood flow. So you should just pick a pumpkin pie with plenty of lavender, licorice and cucumber topped with cheese and tomato sauce. I guess the point is that pizza actually does do something. It's 5%, but not as much our things, but that's just pizza isn't get for you. Okay. Hilarious. Okay. Will you say something?

No, I was just gonna say that, you know, women give a guy a pumpkin pie. I don't know a guy that doesn't like pumpkin pie. I know women that don't. But how come they make pumpkin perfume? I mean, they make pumpkin spice latte. Starbucks, but now they're gonna, I am an entrepreneur, but if I had time to make something, I would make a, one of my candles, but gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it.

I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it.

I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna talk about it. we all have to deal with it in life. So what I realized doing the show,

when I first started, Manus, is that I didn't realize that every guy that I've probably dated in my life, you know, whether he, you know, however I met him, if he approached me at the bar, or he met, fixed up, it came up to me and I'm whole foods, whatever, it's because this guy had the guts to come up and ask me out.

And I didn't realize that the only guy, the most women go out with me nowadays, there's online dating, everyone's doing that, but really, there's all these, you know, are the guys who have the courage to come up and approach you? Well, there's all these really, really nice shy guys in the corner, kind of cowering because they're so afraid to talk to women. Yeah. And until I started doing this show, when I started hearing from thousands of men around the world realizing that this is like,

exactly, men's got a huge, how they didn't think about it. I was like, there's lots of guys around, but I know there's like a nice guy who, very, how many girls did you want to ask out in life that you didn't really have? Oh, so many. Right?

Guys, go through this. And typically, men are the ones who have to do all the asking and are dealing with the rejection. Socks. And so, you know, right, it does suck. And so I feel, you know, I feel for these guys and I get it that it's really what holds a lot of men and women back from dating because women are afraid to approach, they're also afraid of being rejected and putting themselves out there.

A guy could come up and say hi to them, and they just get, I have friends like this who get social anxiety. They're really attracted to a guy. The second they see the guy they like, I have friends like this who get social anxiety. They're like, they're really attracted to a guy. And the second they see the guy they like, they get on the nervous and flushed. And so, you know, that's also, it's because we're afraid that, you know, this could be something. And then there's a possibility of leaning the feature of the BK rejected. So, it's not necessarily because people don't know what to say, you know,

or they don't feel like they have much to offer. Again, it's crippling, crippling fear of rejection. You're crippled. Totally. So when women get rejected, I think they also blame themselves. Was I not pretty enough? Was I not smart enough? You know, and I think that when we start to think

these thoughts, it's never what you think. And even if it is, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You'll never know why this guy didn't call you back or this girl. And don't let it wreak havoc on your self-esteem. Because it's important to, we always, this, women are already so hard on themselves

for their looks and men are judgmental, or women are judgmental, we're all judgmental. And that if you, so I'm gonna go through some steps here about what happens and how to deal with it. But it is true that we tend to make up stories that will never be validated. We're never going to get the information that, you know, in our minds, we think, oh, it's because I drank too much dinner, for example. Well, he might

have not called you back because he actually got back to that with his girlfriend or because, you know, maybe he didn't like the fact that you were late and he actually had nothing to do with you. It doesn't really matter because you guys aren't meant to be together for whatever reason, but don't spend time over analyzing and thinking that you could change yourself and there's something wrong with you if you get rejected. Yeah. Yeah, just move on. Move on.

The quicker you move on in life from any kind of rejection, the quicker you will succeed in life. So because we all face it in life and I kind of think life is a series of rejections until we die. But the rejections are what make us start. It's true, like, not just rejections. I don't just mean in, it's like life, like you get rejected. And by rejection is a huge umbrella term. Like things don't always go the way you planned.

Oh no, that's all. And it's about what you do with the things that don't go your way and how you move forward. Yeah. Life is probably 90% rejection. And kind of, if it's not to be negative, because when I come back, I've got a quick word for my sponsor, I'm going to tell you exactly what to do in every scenario

and how to get over this stuff. All right. So you can go on and have a happy life. Happy your life than you're already having. Okay everyone, speaking of candles, I was talking about it early on my new pumpkin my new pumpkin spice latte candles coming out. No, really. Emily and Tony, I make these massage candles. Okay. I haven't talked about them for about a year. And I feel like I might not have a

reason to great job of explaining them because you, not a lot of people don't know what a massage candle is. And so I got to explain it to you because it's the kind of thing that you really need to experience and people freak out once they try them. It just looks like a kind of thing that you really need to experience and people freak out when they try them. It just looks like a regular beautiful candle that you'd have on your, you know, you can light it dinner, you can light it for atmosphere, you could have it next to your bed. It smells amazing, aroma therapy, gets you in the mood. But what happens is, it actually, when you blow out the candle, it turns into the most

luxurious massage oil. It's not hot, it's not waxy, it's not sticky, it's not going to burn your partner, but you can give them a luxurious massage and it really hydrates your skin, it's made of coconut oil and soybean oil and it feels amazing. And people even told me that it's improved their sex life because it's something new to try in the bedroom. Massage is always a great gateway for sex. And I had a reader say to me that email me and said,

my girlfriend was skeptical at first, but agreed to try the warm oil on me. First, and gave me a back rub. Then I was supercated and we had amazing sex. She could not stop talking about how good the candle smells and how great the massage oil feels. I'm convinced that the scent and the candle helped us through some of the barriers to sex that we have faced lately. Okay guys I

created these candles so you can have the best sex of your life so check it out go to emilyantone.com use code emily and you get 20% off your first purchase and you'll love them. And they're awesome. If you love it, you need another one. I do. Okay. Give it to me already. God. Come to my trunk after the shop. Okay. Blah blah blah rejection. I said a lot about that. I know I'm going on that because I really just want people to understand that we can we cannot, this is what I want to say. And then we're going. After we, the thing about rejection is it could be very bone crushing, right?

It's actually when it comes to love. It's like your knife goes through the heart when someone doesn't text you back, call you back, or if you're in love with them, even more so, like you're in a relationship. You think it might not. Worthy of love, it might not. Good enough, is it me that needs, do I need to change it, my problem? And the initial shock of rejection can make you feel like you can't breathe and you think, you know, I'm going to become someone else because this person doesn't like me. So what I'm saying is that if a relationship is done and someone rejects you, it's how

you move on. So dating is a numbers game. You just got to keep putting yourself out there and the possibility of being rejected looms sure does. And you will get rejected. You might reject it a hundred times, but you keep going and tell you meet someone and it is not going to kill you and I guarantee it makes you stronger. So let me move on to the tips of this. So let's say you're at a bar. All right, I'm at a bar. And you're chatting up someone and seeing things seem like they're going really well and let's see you asked for the number. Yes, check for a number. Okay.

And she says no. How would you respond? the ask a chick for a number. Okay. And she says no. How would you respond? It's a, okay, thank you. Right, okay, thanks, moving on, okay. Thank you. So, right, and then maybe you talked to someone else, hopefully. So I think, yeah, the best way to say, okay,

maybe you want to say you missed down a great time, but it was nice to meet you and move on. That's it. No, no, don't do that. Don't you think you're adorable? Okay, fine, just say's it. No, no, don't do that. They'll think you're adorable. OK, fine, just say, OK, thanks. Whatever, have a good night. And then there's a million other people in the bar.

Don't let this stuff get you down on it. There's no point in letting one misconnection ruin an entire night of being out and about. So the other thing is, the next one is like, it's an online dating ghost trick. How people kind of disappear online. So let's say you're messaging with someone, it's going great. You have the same case to movies.

You find out that you have the same dog, you went to church camp with their neighbor or something. And there's inside jokes. You guys, you already have a picture, you guys walk it down the aisle to get out of something. And the conversation goes on maybe for a while and things are great and you have plans to meet and then all of a sudden this person can't still to date. What do you do? Don't message them or talk to them at all. Stop it immediately. Yeah. If this goaster because they disappear, they don't respond, you know, to your less comeback. Don't sit there and over-analyze it and think, I shouldn't

have said this, I shouldn't have said that. Why did they talk? They didn't respond, you know, to your last comeback. Don't sit there and over-analyze it. I think I shouldn't have said this. I shouldn't have said that. Why did they tell? They didn't talk to her girlfriends for two hours about it. It doesn't matter. Don't message them. Delete them. Don't see if they've already been back on low.

They were on their account three minutes ago. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. And so what I'm saying is these things hold us back and we let it paralyze us. But the more you, the quicker that you move forward from these things, you just gotta let it go. You have no idea what was wrong, you have no idea what happened to him, and it doesn't matter. You didn't even meet this person, it really doesn't matter.

So keep on matching and winking and swiping and try to luck with someone else. So don't, you know, don't let go of things. Don't harp on things. I guess I just hear this all the time because you, we always talk about this, how women, and I will agree with you on this, that women tend to, guys don't really talk about it. You might be upset if a woman doesn't get back to you, but you're not gonna send an analyze over two hours

and show your friends the series of text messages and listen to it, listen to his voice mail and watch all the messages, this is what women do. And I'm telling you, it is a way, you could solve world hunger, really. With all the messages we went this is what women do. And I'm telling you it is a way you could you could solve world hunger really with all the time the women spent analyzing ridiculous and men dates and things that didn't go your way. So this happened and this is happening more and more online too I think that you get

interested in someone and then you're going through everything about them online. My picture was bad I knew I shouldn't put that photo up maybe you know it was the way I said this. Yeah. Who the hell knows? And even in life, bigger picture, the things that we worry about happening are the reasons why we think we got fired from the job

or didn't get the loan or didn't get the raise is not what you think anyways. So just let it go and work on yourself. And also, it's important to when things happen, like even if you get rejected from a job or something like to say you didn't get interview, you didn't get the job and the interview went well. There's nothing wrong with looking at it and saying, hmm, I wonder why, you know, maybe

I didn't get it and then going back and saying, you know what, I'm not going to dwell on this. I'm going to take all this energy that I could spend being really bummed out till it's like you're planning for a writing job. I'm going to go home and I'm going to write for hours and three hours today. I'm going to really improve on this skill. It's not that maybe it wasn't even that you were a bad writer, maybe they wanted a brunette instead of a blind.

It doesn't really matter. But the truth is, the more that you work on yourself and you put all that negative energy that you're thinking and improving whatever it is, your self-esteem, your skills, you'll fare better in the world. I believe, I believe you, Emily. You too. Okay. What? I believe I believe you Emily you do

Okay, what nothing what you want me to talk more? No, you don't talk no I totally believe everything that you just said What nothing no, I'm just breathing no You're thinking something no, I'm really not there was something else that I was going to look at me you're thinking something. No, I'm really not. There was something else that I was going to look at me. Hmm. Did you want me to say no, no, no, no, no, I was just, um, what? When you go off on a tangent and I agree with you, what more do you want me to say? Nothing at all. Nothing. I'm just reading. See, this is, this is the problem. And I think with your relationships. That I talk too much.

You talk for a lot, and if a guy doesn't talk back, you get very upset. I know you're so annoyed by my text messages when you like text message me so much stuff, and then I reply yes. That's how much I do. My brother, I will text him a whole heart felt like long, long, long, long, long, long. The longest he's ever text me is K.

Yeah. And then when I was meeting him in Florida over the break over Christmas, I was at my mom's before I went to go meet him and I said, really excited to see you. Can't wait to see you in a whole bunch of things. And he goes, can't wait either. K or K, can't wait either.

And my mom was like, that's really good for him. He has a, he's never texted that. Yeah, I think that's why he's so successful because he really doesn't spend a lot of time verbalizing things. Yeah, just straight to the point. Yes, no, maybe. Right. But I think you definitely need somebody that communicates and talks a lot in your life. Don't you think? Maybe communicates, but they don't need to talk a lot. In fact, I've had things where I think I have. They need to listen.

They need to be really good listeners. I've had times where I think I, first of all, not every guy could date me, because I do talk a lot. The famous story of my boyfriend who said, can you not talk after 7 o'clock at night before 8 a.m.? I know you have a lot of new listeners. You got it So I was eating guy for a while and We were this was years ago and we were dating and things were really you know

It's a good relationship, but after we were in it for a few months. He spent a lot of time together He's like all right. Try to have conversations like at eight nine nine like let's talk about that. Yeah Finally, what he said, Emily, could we just not talk from like 8 p.m. to 8 a.m.? Like I have like a no talk time. Amazing. I said, wait, there's no way I can do it. There's no way.

And I'm out. That's not my workout for them. But it's true. And then you know my family when I was little used to play a game. When we were on road trips in the car because they couldn't get away from me. They play a game and they'd say,

we're gonna play it as my brother and I, we're gonna play a game whoever talks first loses. I always lost. Oh yeah, I'm sure you did. I know, we were talking about that with my nieces and like, does daddy ever play this game with you? They're like, no. No.

Like how you don't talk too much. I don't think if I could be with someone who didn't talk, but I also have had moments of insecurities where I thought, God, I just talk too much the whole time. But I always, when I'm already when I'm dating, I'm like, I'm really good at, you know, I ask questions and listen, I'm like, I can listen to you.

But well, sometimes when I'm with someone, and I'm processing, I externally process a lot. That could be a challenge, Rainbow. Okay, there's the disappearing data. Yes. This is more men than women. And there's actually a lot written on this. It's talked about all the time why he disappeared. Guys just disappear. I mean, we're talking about you're having three, four dates. You could be together three months and he just vanishes. Women, not as much. Have you heard this before?

Have you ever disappeared on a woman? Uh, yeah, just like, you know, less than less communication until it's totally cut off. The slow fade. Yeah. So this happened, the disappearing data, you know, you feel like I want to file a missing person's report. Maybe he's in the hospital.

But remember that book he's just had that into you, like maybe he's in the hospital, maybe he had a work late, maybe his mom's sick. No, not on those things. He's just not that into you, and he's showing you that, because he disappeared. He's probably not dead, and even if he is dead,

you only know him for a few weeks anyway. No, I'm saying he might have disappeared, it just happened. So what you can do is you can either launch a full-scale manhunt, you can call him or just see me with your girlfriends, or take it as a blessing in disguise and move on to the next state, because usually we spend so much time

like I said over analyzing it, trying to figure out why he didn't call and it doesn't matter 90% of the time the disappearing act has nothing to do with you nothing at all again It's a favor So he's doing you favor he disappeared and it hurts because you're like we connected and even I've had ages people I like I didn't even like them that I liked them But it was okay and they don't call and it's like it's a production thing like why didn't even like them. I liked them, but it was okay. And they don't call. And it's a production thing. Why didn't you get back to me?

Is there a reason that I do something? So the sooner that you just realized that, you know, he's doing me a favor, there's nothing I did wrong. You could also, you know, nothing wrong with looking back at the dates and saying, okay, well maybe I, you know, maybe I did get a little too drunk. I mean, I'm trying to think of the infractions that really could piss off a guy

that you think, well, I know it was because I drank too much, but I don't know. I slept with them on the first date, which, you know, goes both ways. I don't have any strong opinion about it because there's a lot of people whenever I say, wait to have sex, which I do think is optimally the best choice to not have sex the first few dates because then it becomes all about sex but sometimes people bang on the first date. Lots of couples end up together for the rest of their lives after sleeping together the first day. I'm just saying whatever it is you could look at it and if it didn't make you feel good then you could change that behavior but don't assume that that's why it happened

because you'll never know. So just do that analysis and if there was something you know, yeah, happy about you can change it. Yeah. So it's also okay to say no to someone. Here's nothing about being rejected. I used to do this when guys would come to me. They'd ask me out. I felt like I had to say yes, give my number. I felt like I don't want to reject them. And I don't want them to, you know, and maybe women would do, maybe he seems like a nice guy, and a lot of guys don't come up

to such an San Francisco, ask you out. And why do we do that? Like why do we end up like saying yes to these guys that we're going to go second, third, fourth date, so I'm just three years? And this is from psychology today, psychology today says human beings, we don't like to reject people. We don't like to cause other people pain.

Rejecting undesirable dates may then be quite difficult to do. Perhaps harder than we anticipate, and this desire to avoid hurting others' feelings, maybe part of what leads us to start to build relationships with people who don't meet our ideals. So not everyone who comes up to you and hits on you whenever she does their say yes to you

because we don't have a checkup. Yeah. And guys do it too. They're like, oh, she's nice. I don't want her. She's cool. She's cheating on her on the side. He was just, no, I don't know.

But really, guys don't do typically guys they say decide in 30 seconds or less if they're going to see for someone. Yeah, pretty much. But you know, often girls aren't that aggressive, so you don't get put in that situation, you know, or she's saying, oh, you know, we should hang out and... Right. Yeah, what they should be, if you're really into a guy. You should approach them, because guys can't read the signs.

But this is my tip. This is what I do now. I don't say I've actually learned not to say, yes, people, I don't want to say yes. So I actually, because it's my job to help people give people more encouragement. I say, this is lately this happened to me. Thanks for asking me out. Thank you, ask for my number, whatever. Makes you feel so good.

I appreciate it. Not in place to date right now, but I think it's awesome that you're asking me out. And don't take this as a rejection or discouraging you from asking out other people. I know that sounds really silly. I even said, and like, and they keep doing it. That was awesome. Thank you so much for asking me and I'm telling you, I'm just not in the place right now, but keep asking them and I'll give them a little encouragement.

Nice. But one time lately, some guys like, hey, so do your boyfriend. And I was like, one point of advice though, don't start with the boyfriend thing. That's my face. I give him a feedback and I want to encourage them Okay, so here's what I want to tell you to do when they are rejected because this is the type of rejection Okay, so The person whether they say to you it's not working out whatever it is they could say to you, you know

I don't want to date you anymore. They don't call you back. It could be you didn't get the job Just bow gracefully I don't want to date you anymore, they don't call you back, it could be you didn't get the job. Just bow gracefully. Don't try to reject and say, convince them that they shouldn't reject you. The sooner you'll never win that argument, you'll never be able to convince them that they shouldn't reject you

if they don't want to date you again. You can ask for an explanation if it's just like a few dates or something or something happens and understand why. And this is how you'll learn that the rejection probably isn't about you. And it's not personal. We always think that it is personal,

and then our self-esteem takes the nose to eye, but it's disaster. So you can ask. However, if it's a matter of love, and he's like, I just don't love you, that's one that you just leave turn around. Don't look back. Get out of that one.

Also, if you get rejected online, or something happens, you have a bad date. You might want to take to bed with like, bed and jerrys and sit there for like weeks on end and be sad and cry and all the stuff and give up and delete all your dating profiles and let take about a cell Vasey. But I think what you should do is spend that time channeling all that energy that you were done

being depressed and upset. And I mean, you can do a night or two of that. But do things that make you feel better by yourself and grow as a person. So if online dating is pissing you off and get you down, then just say, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna tell two friends today that I'm single and they should fix me up,

because that's a great way to meet people. In fact, people either meet online or they meet your old friends. Yeah. Just like Facebook, to your friends. Like, I have people, you know, friends of. Yeah. Just like Facebook to your friends. Like, people, you know, friends of friends, it's like how you, whatever. So, that's what I suggest to get a rejection.

Also, just remember that practicing it makes perfect. It is a numbers game. It's a total numbers game. And by that we mean that there's so many fish in the sea, not to be good. But I just feel like we waste a lot of time in life, even with rejection over anything, getting down on ourselves.

And all the things, the worst case scenarios we imagine are not typically true. So the more that you go back inward and work on yourself, you will be able to deal with rejection. It does get easier. And I can move on and find someone that makes you happy. Yeah, you're not going to have any problems. Nothing bad's going to happen to you.

You're not going to die. No, you're going to end up finding somebody that you really like and you can hang out with. That's what's going to happen. That's going to be the end game. I agree, Ms. So it's sometimes it takes a little bit longer than others? Emily? Um, I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but it is true.

And I think about the people... Because I do, my heart hurts for the guys who are just like, I great guys. And I say guys because I think it is typically guys in their teens and 20, you know, sometimes it goes into later in adulthood, but they just can't. Yeah. And I'm just telling you that if you practice talking to women, whenever you're out, can you be women you're attracted to or not or men or whoever it is and you practice those conversation skills and you get off your virtual reality goggles or whatever and you start

learning beyond the world that you will feel more confident and get better at it and all that. Okay, that's what we got time for. All right. Oh, real quick question. Yeah, many. So if you're having a virtual reality, sex, yeah. With some person in another state, is that cheating?

Yes, you are. Absolutely. It is. It's almost worse. Like emotional cheating is almost worse, I think, that or a virtual cheating. Any of that. Yeah. People like, is this cheating? Is a blowjob cheating? It's all for cheating. Cheating.

All right. All right, minus. Okay, one. Follow minus. Where? Instagram. M-E-N-A-C-E on Instagram and Twitter. M-E-N-A-C-E where a lot of sex with Emily listeners like to reach out is on Twitter.

Totally. Yeah. Same with me. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, sex with Emily listeners like to reach out. Totally. Yeah. Same with me. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, sex with Emily. I love hearing from you. As always, you can email me your questions to feedback at sexwithemm.com. Also, I've got a survey that's on my website. I'm going to be tweeting it out. All that stuff, Facebook, and it'll take you two seconds to fill it out.

Two minutes. I'm not exaggerating. And it's 2015 is all going to be about taking the show to the next level, and I wanted to show you a show that you all love. So answer the questions and I'm really help. So thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. It was a good for you. Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.

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