Sex With Emily - Dealbreakers: The Fatal Flaw

Episode Date: April 5, 2014

In this episode, Emily breaks down Dealbreakers, what they are and how to avoid them.Emily and Menace catch up starting with sharing their stories from Las Vegas in anticipation for Emily's upcoming sex toy show. Emily's listeners rave about the Fleshlight - yes there are amazing sex toys for guys. In sex in the news, a golf tee in butt stunt goes wrong for a playboy model. A new walk of shame kit saves women from humiliation from the stride of pride or maybe sets a man up to deal with those rough "morning afters". A listener writes to Emily with crippling pain during sex which could spurn from anti-depressants. Another listener's wife is completely uncomfortable discussing sex or her low libido regardless of the man's extensive efforts.The duo get into the show topic Dealbreakers: the fatal flaw. What are common deal breakers people experience everyday? What really should be considered dealbreakers? Emily talks about supposed dealbreakers that can actually be resolved. Emily and Menace discuss the type of dealbreakers they've experienced and what traits of theirs might be seen as dealbreakers to their past and future partners. Finally, Emily lays down her big tips on how to avoid dropping a deal breaker on your next date. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I'm Dr. Emily Morse from SexWithEmily.com. Do you want to last longer in bed? Promessant is the only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation. One in three men suffer from premature ejaculation, but they don't have to. Go to promessant.com to give the desensitizing spray that will allow you to have the sex you deserve. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day.

Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm off there. So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and anything in between for more information come to sexwithalley.com. We visit our podcast, sign up for our mailing list,

and sign up for mailing list, actually, because you're going to get the biggest mistakes that men are making in bed, and the biggest mistakes women are making in bed, and you might find yourself there on that list, and there might be some tweaks you want to make. But also, better than that, you'll be added to our mailing list where I will not spam you, but I'll just send you some interesting emails every so often that will help improve your sex life and your relationship and check out our content. We've got great blogs, we've got videos, we've got a lot of interesting things happening there.

So when you go to our website, it helps us too, and we enjoy having you there. And we enjoy listening to podcasts. And I am here with Menace, who is finally in Los Angeles, and we'll be joining me again once a week doing a show. Hello, Emily. Hey, do you know what do you know What's crazy? Tommy is

Speaking about content. Did you post any photo galleries from your trips to Vegas? You have been going I'm sure you've talked about it since I'm not been here, but you've been going to Vegas like crazy. I know I Know it. It's actually on the list. We have a we've done some videos I was three times in Vegas. I gave the keynote at AVN, the adult video awards, like the Oscar Porns. And I did a bunch of videos there. So if you go to my YouTube channel and subscribe, you'll see some videos on there. We also have a photo album of a bunch of sexy hot photos that we're still going to post on our Facebook page and also our website. And yeah, it was, I'm going to Vegas at the end of the month. And it was crazy.

I felt like you're always in Vegas now. I know, I'm going at the end of the month again. And it was amazing. I mean, I've never been to EVN and it was crazy. Like, I felt like a virgin there. I felt like I was like the tame one. Usually I'm in the exact same way. Whoa, it's like there's porn stars

who are like squirting all of the time. Well, I was looking at your Instagram feed and then it's just like these porn stars all over I know it's kind of hot. Yeah, they're But no, it was really really fun giving out awards But I got so sick in January because at three psych probably everyone's like yeah, that happens at avn and Vegas Yeah, I think you get sick anyway when you go to Vegas But it was and I gave the keynote speech which were in the process of editing it was an hour and a half long

So I'm not gonna make you all sit through it. I know I talk for an the process of editing. It was an hour and a half long. So I'm not going to make you all sit through it. I know I talk for an hour and a half. You talk for an hour and a half. No one left. No one fell asleep. No one left. Nope. And people keep emailing you about it.

So I'm going to get a little snippets of that up for you as well. But yeah, it was an honor to be a Theavian and to be in Vegas and speaking and doing all that stuff and meeting all the porn stars. We've had a lot of shows with porn stars. And you haven't been here with us. Well, you need to. You can't be here. We have the porn star shows. But we're having a lot of different guests coming up and stuff too. But yeah, Vegas was good. Are you going back to Vegas soon? I am for a bachelor party. When?

I am going. What is it? The the almost the last weekend in April. Okay. I'll be there. And we're probably going to to Spiritment Rhino. Oh, if you ever been. That's like the premieres of strip club. And then we're probably gonna get a table and just, you know, make it rain. Now when you're that drunk, can you get into all the strippers

that you still don't like? No, I'm just gonna go there and make sure my, because I'm just gonna be starting my new radio show. By the way, I'm here in Los Angeles because. Thank God. I got a job on a new radio show called The Woody Shouts can be on alt 98 seven every single morning in Los Angeles. You can stream through the I Heart radio app, but yeah, it's gonna be my first week after I do my new job and then I'm gonna be in Vegas.

So I can't get like crazy and trash and stuff because I'm gonna be on my second. How can you be in Vegas and not be crazy trashed? Because you know me because work is way more than the Horsley Man and Showbiz. But yeah, but I'm gonna make sure all my friends get crazy and trash and, you know. Do you need any like special treats for the, for the, for what?

I don't know, Bachelor bags. I don't know. It's not like no. It's not like bachelor parties. Yeah, bachelor parties is like, oh, like penis popsicles. You do want a giant pop. Can this tie? Do you want a boob cake? No.

I got a boob cake cake pan. My friends, all they want is alcohol and like dollar bills do go to the shirt club, which I just see this thing. OK, shirt clubs are great. Shout out to all the shippers that, you know, make money and drive. That's the first phrase. But for men, I just don't get it, you know,

it's not like you're taking the chick home at the end of the night, you're not. But some guys do and when they or think they will. Oh, do they encourage them because that is like the one-percent. I know, this is like our own thing. This is like the one percent. And don't think you're gonna be that guy

that's gonna take him home. If you're the guy that's taking him home, you best have like a ton of money in the bank. I'm sorry. And if you're the guy that takes her home, please don't call me and of money in the bank. I'm sorry. And if you're the guy that takes her home, please don't call me and say, but she really, really liked me as soon as she was really into me.

Yeah, because she wanted your money, she wanted your interview buyer dinner, whatever it is. But again, if that does get you excited and you love it, then more power to you. For me, I don't get it. I'd rather spend, well, what is it? 30 bucks now to take a girl to the movies and then you could potentially have sex with them after.

Right. Potentially. Potentially. Potentially. Potentially. I think that's a better investment than just throwing money out. But a lot of men they get off of they, like, look in that they win men and they say, really do believe.

Like, I can't tell you how many guys are talking. Like, I know she's a stripper, but she was really like the way she looked at me and she gave me her number. Oh, and those Vegas strippers will do. They are on another level. Like, I would just give them money just because they're so good at it. I know.

I'm just really, I want you to teach me how to do business. Because you guys make a ton of money. Yeah, they can talk. It's crazy. We should totally, we've always talked about doing a Vegas show. Now that I'm here in Los Angeles and we're super, super, super close to Vegas, we need to do a Vegas show. You want to come with us in a few weeks, we're going to the International Londry Show. I, March 31st.

March 31st? Yeah, it's starting the week though, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. You could totally do it, you're not even working out yet. Yeah, okay, I'll think about it. It's kind of fun. Okay, we'll talk about it. It'll be awesome. So I go to the, yeah, so anyway, it was a very exciting month,

but then I got sick, which you know I never got sick, except for I did get sick this summer, and now I'm getting sick again, and then I got a cushion last week. But anyway, but we are going to the International Enduretio, which is lingerie, but it's also like, cute, but I mean, I don't know, it's just fun. It's all the crazy sexy toys on the market,

the latest and greatest things, just, and you think everyone, industry is like freaky crazy weird, but it's not. It's all the crazy sexy toys on the market, the latest and greatest things. And you think everyone in the industry is like freaky crazy weird, but it's not. It's like fun cool people. It's the latest and greatest toys. And a lot of my sponsors are there. And you know, I actually, fleshlight, have you ever had used a fleshlight, Mattas?

I haven't, but you know, the Joe Rogan podcast, they would always talk about the fleshlight. Okay, so what do they say? They say it's amazing. Yeah, it is okay. So the flesh light is the best male sex toy. And I've heard about the flesh light for years, it actually looks like a flesh light.

And then inside of it, it's like a vagina. It feels like you're having sex with something. And it's, you can wash it out. You can use lube with it. It's very discreet. And the thing about the flashlight is, I had heard about it, and I think a lot of men think, oh, toys are for women, I've got my hand,

but it's a whole different experience. And if you want to do any stamina training, maybe you don't last long enough, I bet it just, and believe me, I've said this before, I want to have a penis for a day. And if I had a penis for a day, I'd have sexed a lot of women, I'd get a few blow jobs, and then I would use a flashlight

for the to put me to bed at night. Because really, it's amazing, so I just got an email about it, because I've been talking about it. Dear Emily, I heard your recent show about sex toys. At the end, you mentioned the flashlight, and it discounted when one orders through your website. Well, my way of fizz away for about six months on business, and I've gotten pretty lonely. I've never used a toy in my life, but decided to give the flashlight a try. Wow. It sure is made our time apart more tolerable. My only complaint is I'm not getting out of the house very much.

Thanks for the advice and a discount David V from Burlington, Vermont. So go to sexwithemlee.com slash fleshlight and check them out. I gave one to my sound guy in Vegas because they sent me a bunch. I was like, I want my guy friends to try it out because I really want to know. And he's like, Emily, he's a mayor for 20 years. He's like, I would leave my wife if it could go for flesh. Yeah. But anyway, if you want one for fun, man, I say I have a crush. My penis, if you haven't, if you haven't, if you haven't listened to the last podcast, my penis is have been in trouble. It's healing. There's no stores on it or anything like that. I just had surgery on my penis. It's

unbelievable story. Check out the last podcast. Check out the last podcast. Exactly. Talk about his penis. Okay, and I'm glad you're you and your penis are here in LA in good spirits. Okay, sex in the news playboy Model Seuss for 500,000 after golf tee and butt stunt goes wrong. What? Did you see this picture? It's from TMZ. Look at her butt. Look at that bruise.

Oh, wow. It's the most massive bruise. So former playboy, my list, Dixon, is suing playboy and radio coasts, having Kevin Klein for golf stunt gone wrong. Dixon said she suffered permanent injuries after she was convinced to lie under stomach, have a golf ball teed up between her butt cheeks and allowed Klein to take a swing at it. Ouch. Footage shows Dixie going along with the stunt only to have Klein badly miss, nailed her

in the butt cheek. Dixie was laughing at first and Klein in the city didn't swing very hard, but the photo tells real sorry. This photo is so scary, gnarly. In addition to the massive wealth, the model damaged her hip ligaments and nerves as a result she's suing for more than 33,000 in damages. Well, that's not that bad. No, I think it'd be more than that because, whoa, her butt. I mean, look at it.

This is even better. Walk of shame kit for women includes dress, sunglasses, flip flops, and more for $34.99. A new product promise is to save women from the humiliation of walking over one night stand. The walk of shame kit or the stride of pride kit that my feminist friend has told me, comes to the note to says, call me on one side and thanks for nothing on another, simplifying the whole experience even more. All of the items showed stowed in a compact canister

small enough to fit in your purse on a night out. It includes a breast cancer wearing a spray slit, part of the procedure is a good breast cancer, shops and hotels have the option of buying the kit's wholesale, and it also has what is it having? It has a dress flip flops, a backpack, sunglasses, a pre-pasted toothbrush, wipes, and the call-don car, call-don-call card. Okay. wipes and the call-down card, call-down card. Okay, the cancer thing is awesome, but I mean, how much of a whole bag are you

that you actually need a kid? Exactly, and what if a guy is like, what is that, bitch? You seem to be sleeping over? Yeah. I know, it probably won't sell very much, but I thought it was kind of funny. Okay, we can get into some emails,

and then we're gonna talk about deal breakers because it's always been one of my favorite topics, and especially lately, because I feel like there's so many people who either stay in relationships too long for lust and not for love and they, when you're in lust, which is usually the first six months of a relationship even to a year, you love this person, the sex is great, you're connected, you're fair-monged, you're hormones, everything's going wild, you're adrenaline, but it's not as easy to see what the red flags are and what's going wrong.

And what might be your dear biker, you might not even notice it because you're having great sex, so we're good into that in a moment. But first we'll answer this email. So, and also, thanks everyone, email me. Feedback at sexacuzelmy.com and also on my Twitter and Facebook

sexathelene. I'm menace is menace. Just menace. Just menace. Follow me on Instagram. That's my favorite. Instagram is faves. Dear Emily, I'm really sad about sex in my body since I feel like it's a toss-up between being in serious pain or having a sex drive. I've been on antidepressants for years and can't stop using them doing due to depression and anxiety. I also have disabling period cramps, so my gyneau has been a medication that helps. And it's actually stopped the periods. I can function and not have to miss days of work now, but I have no sex drive.

I feel awful that I can't get my husband what I want to, but I also want to be crippled in pain and in depression. I get really angry at Viagra slash men's libido boosters and since I know there's nothing like that for women I don't know what to do. How can I have sex and not being awful pain? Thanks for running such an awesome website and podcast love Amanda Dequila marijuana What else not always honey? I got to tell you that it's a bummer Well, first of all honey you're on antidepressants and antidepressants

that it's a bummer. Well, first of all, honey, you're on antidepressants. And antidepressants will just kill your sex drive. A lot of them. The SSRIs, which are like prozac, paxil, zoloft, the traditional ones that you've heard about, yeah, those they do. And it's very rare. Sometimes your doctor tries to match with other meds. It'll bring it back. It doesn't. So I'm not sure if you've tried well butrin. That's a popular one for any depressant that actually doesn't have as much of the sexual side effects, but you're also having all this pain. So any kind of taking medication, you're

going to have pain. And it is a bummer. There is no FDA-approved male hormone therapy for women with sexual problems. But some doctors do prescribe creams off label for some women. So there might be some hormonal therapy you can talk to your doctor about,

but the major problem with this type of treatment when it is a side effects, which could be acne and excess body or facial hair. So be mindful of your diet, sleep, and exercise can also help restore your libido. That's just one thing is like, I'm hearing a lot lately about hormone therapy and hormone people, because doctors are so quick

to give you drugs. When a lot of times if you're suffering from a depression or anxiety, it could be something with your hormones. I'm wondering Amanda, if you're also on the birth control pill, because women in times just didn't even think about it. They're like, I'm on the birth control pill, I'm on antipräsins, I'm taking this, add villi every day or whatever,

and they don't realize that all these things could slowly be like chipping away at your sex drive. So I don't want you and your husband to be in a bad place either, because he will start, you know, feeling like, I really want to start having sex life partner. So I would start to, you know, talk to other doctors, see what they can do to play with your meds,

and see what you can do. Now also estrogen changes. So to stop the pain, you can also try water-based lubricants. If you're having pain during sex, ask your doctor about prescription medicines to fight dryness, and then also stress is one of the biggest killers of people's sex drive. So if you take the focus off of having sex sex and maybe you spend more time with foreplay,

I'm wondering, a lot of times I say to women, it's like going to the gym. You don't want to have sex, you don't want to go, you don't want to go. And second, you put your shoes on, you get out the door, you get there, you're on the treadmill for like 30 minutes. You think it's going to be five. You're like, I do that sometimes, I'm just going to work out for five minutes. And then you go for half hour. Sex is sometimes like that.

Once you get going with it, you'll be happily surprised that you did and your husband will be happy as well. So maybe if you, again, communicate with your partner, I always say again because on every show I talk about how important it is to talk to your partner about sex the second it arises. This shouldn't be something that you keep from him. I hope that you're keeping him aware of what's going on in your life and you're not just rejecting him sexually. But you can spend more time on floor play.

Maybe he could, you know, perform oral sex on you that's not a very aggressive act. He's licking around you. You could use a sex toy on your clitoris. You could do a lot of other things that could maybe get you in the mood. You could also do mutual masturbation. You could get him up with a blowjob or a hand up. There's other ways right now where you're trying to figure out the pain and the beds and the libido that you can still be intimate with your partner.

Because once that goes, it can be really hard to get it back. Yeah, and then the drugs, my buddy had problems with that. Either he couldn't even get it up because of the drugs, and then when he switched to different drugs, I don't know what the names of them were, but he could just go forever and never have it or the other as well. Yeah, people met in antidepressants.

Yeah. For sure, they go and go and go. And yeah, they can't, but then they can't have an orgasm. It's like, it's like this, it's just total bless, it's just total curse. They're blessing and curses from the universe antidepressants. Yeah.

Because when you're severely depressed, you just, you can't get out of bed, you want your life to be over and it's horrible. And then you take a pill and you're like, oh my God, everything's amazing, the whole world is beautiful. But I can't have an orgasm. Yeah, and then, you're like,

you know, go back to men and Viacara and all that stuff. I was reading recently how guys are just like, oh, deeing on it, I mean, by just taking too much and then they got to get their penises amputated. Really? Guys, you need to be careful. Like something perfect? No, there is nothing perfect when you're using drugs and there is no female vag or yet because it's a women for women, it's psychological. We need a lot more like stimulation and stuff when it's super tricky. You guys are so complicated. I know. We are so complicated as true.

Rule is my life. Okay, go ahead. Okay, so dear Emily I've written you the past about big difference between my sex drive high and my wife's low and effort to learn more about What I can do to help raise her interest desire and pleasure. I've tried opening up our communication about sex and your wallet This is not really gotten me anywhere because my wife does not really like talking about sex She's brought up with sex being dirty or taboo mentally wife does not really like talking about sex. She was brought up with sex being dirty or taboo mentally. So I think she approaches issues of sexually, of sexuality fairly immaturely and does not let herself explore sex and be sexual, i.e. to her to be sexual is to be a slut.

When I bring up topics like I recently asked her to show me with her own hands and fingers how she liked to be touched. She just misses those conversations very quickly like she's annoyed by them and continues to tell me those things aren't important to her. Is my wife's attitude about sex unusual? And is her discomfort with talking about it? Something that a lot of women share? If she's honestly happy and gets pleasure from our pretty limited sex life,

I will totally respect that. But I can't help to think there's more out from there, out there for us. Love your show, signed Stefan. Okay, Stefan, this is a very common thing. Miss Match libido's, he wants it more than she, she wants it more than him, and a lot of couples get together

and they just don't want sex at the same time, same rate, same frequency. But I love everything that you're saying here is like everything I would tell you to do. I would say communicate with her. I would say try different things. I would say have her show you how she likes to be touched. But we're talking about some issues here where she feels like a slut. This leads me to believe that it has something to do with her upbringing and some

messages that were continually blasted to her through either her religion or upbringing. And that she just isn't comfortable in her own sexuality because either she was told that it was wrong, it was dirty, like you said, it was taboo, that she'll go to hell. I mean, people have told a whole bunch of things. And maybe she hasn't been with anyone who has slowly showed her how sex can really be enjoyable and open up.

So your wife's attitude about sex, you ask me if it's unusual. It is not unusual. It's fairly common for women who are brought up in environments like this or who just don't feel comfortable around sex. But it's also really difficult for you because you're trying to grow it.

And it's hard to get women to like, if she's been like this her whole life, it can be really challenging to get her to open up. And so I'm thinking there's some other issues going on here besides just the things around sex. And I'm wondering if a little couples therapy might not be due the trick where you guys can talk about sex in a really safe place.

And maybe she's had some, you know, inzazz or some issues early on in life. Maybe she's just a pain in the ass. No, man, ass. Maybe she doesn't like kids dump her ass and get with somebody else. If she's on meds, yeah. I mean, the thing is you've got to get in the ass. No, Matt. Maybe she doesn't like kids dump her ass and get with somebody else. If she's on meds, yeah, I mean, the thing is, you've got to get to the bottom of it, stuff in because this is what I can tell you.

She's not going to change on her own. It sounds like you're doing everything you can and what you're doing though, isn't working for her. So, you're using a language. It's you talking or saying, can we try this? Could you try that? But if she's got this huge wall up around sex, she's not going to bring it down for you just by you talking to her. So I think that you might need this as a call for therapy, a little group group there, couples therapy, or

sex therapy. But I'd say couples therapy, they, couples therapy. You know, don't, you know, what every vibrators I tell you to buy, and porn to, but this is not where she's at. And don't deal with it for like 15 years. Exactly. OK, I'm done. And then you're just going to want to go like horror around with a bunch of 20 to 20. Exactly. People don't change unless they want to change.

And people sit in relationships for way too long and thinking that people are going to change, which leads us to the topic of our show. Yes. Which is kind of a change for you. You won't? No. I have a dammit.

I know that. I have a dammit. I know that. You're like my longest relationship. You still haven't changed for me. God, dammit. But this is kind of, this is deal breakers. This is those things, you know, the catch. That's a particular individual cannot overlook and ultimately outweighs any redeeming quality.

The individual may possess. My mom, as you know, I love, she was going to be a great coach. She always calls it the, God, what did I say to her mom? I'm just talking about this other day, the fatal flaw. She's like, oh, I'm like, because I always have, I always, every guy, date has a fatal flaw. She's like, what's his fatal flaw? So this is just something that you just cannot deal with in your partner. And a lot of times, you know this in your head, but you think, oh, they might change. Oh, this is going to happen. But never date someone on their potential.

Don't date someone on how you think they're going to be. Date them on how they are in the moment. So some common deal breakers, can you think about that? But sometimes, sometimes women, you hear this all the time because once they get married or something like that, they totally change. They become like a super slut, too. They won't even do anything at all right after they get married or something like that, they totally change. They become like from a super slut to they won't even do anything at all right after they get married.

I mean, you have our that women stuff giving BJs after they get married. I've heard that. Yeah, but I also think that that's what the second that starts happening is when you start talking about your sex life because the reason why she might be shutting down also when you have kids, you don't want to have sex right away.

But people don't speak the same love languages. So for example, if you come home with your boner and your hat and horny for her and she's like busy or she's got a lot of work, she's not even turned on yet. She's going to keep pushing you away because she's going to think every time you approach her, you want sex. So for those couples who the woman changed, she just wants sex, I wouldn't totally blame it on her. I would blame it on the couple's communication about why she doesn't really want sex anymore.

This does not have to be a deal breaker. You can try to work on it. But couple so many times think it's going to change. They don't work on it. Ten years go by and they're still not having sex and they wonder what that will happen. And it happens, it happens too. Do you guys guys change too? All the time.

Yeah. They do change. A lot of people change. That's why you're not going to agree with me. Okay. But I'm going to tell you why a lot of it. change a lot of people change that's why you're not gonna you're not gonna agree with me Okay, but I'm gonna tell you why a lot of it why a lot of it why guys change to we're like always not having sex with me Ever because sometimes you I don't care and I know it's hard to believe But no matter how hot you are if you are a pain in the f and s guys are not gonna wanna sleep with you. I know this is a concept that's blowing a lot of people's hearts. Is it when you get married?

Huh? Usually when girls who are hot and just lie there and think that their whole life is coming in. No, no, no, you see it and I'm listening to me. Oh, you're right. All right, the thing is, if you are a pain in the ass, like, you know, just like, you know, oh, you can't make decisions or something,

it's just, it's hard, it's difficult to deal with you on a daily basis outside of sex. So, guys, won't want to have sex with you, no matter how hot you are. And I know this is blowing your mind right now, because you never- But girls don't want to have sex with a guy, how he is if he's a pain in the ass too, so doesn't go both ways? Uh, no, I think, I think a women, even though, like, uh, guys are super douchebags and you know that he's a big douchebag, women will still sleep with that guy, I believe.

I like a little bit, but they- Yeah, but see, but they will still sleep with him. Guys. Guys sleep with a hot chicken to us, right? Yeah, and I'm not saying that doesn't happen too, but guys are more, this is what women don't understand. Like, oh, but you see, like couples break up and like some guy stopped sleeping with some super hot girl that's out of his league. And

then I'm like, dude, why would he break up with her? Because she's a pain the ass to deal with, you know, that's like more. You think all women are kind of a pain in the ass? No, I don't. I'm, I like giving, giving a hard time. I know. But I see you're saying, I mean, I guess. I mean, if anyone was a pain in the ass, or else she's like, I know, because some guys think if I could just get, you know, Jiselle, Jiselle,

even if she wasn't married to sleep with me then my whole A.V. perfect. And, you know, you find a hot girl in the room and not find a- She's like crying every five seconds. I would never have to say that. You know, find a hot girl in the room and I'll show you guys a tired of effing her.

Yeah. It's true, I guess, whatever you're saying. See? I guess. So, now I get it. I'm just saying it goes to say both ways guys the type of effingers. Yeah. It's true, I guess, whatever you're saying. See, I guess. No, I get it. I'm just saying it goes both ways. Okay, common deal breakers. For example, if you're dating someone who's overly flirty, they neglect you publicly,

they scold you publicly, which is all forms of disrespect. They lie, there's no chemistry, sexual otherwise. Why the hell are you with this person? If there's no chemistry, jealousy, that's a really tough one. Why the hell are you with this person? If there's no chemistry. Jealousy, that's a really tough one. Have you ever dated a super jealous person? I haven't, but I've dated the other ones. Which one?

Flirty. Flirty, overly flirty, which is, yeah, totally. I don't know how guys could even deal with that. They can't. They neglect you publicly. You neglect them publicly. You neglect your girls publicly. You neglect them publicly. You've neglected girls publicly. You've had girls neglect you. I've had it both ways. Yeah. Okay. They lie. You've had

liars. I've had liars. Yes. Okay. Missed direction pre prioritization. Okay. Where does your relationship stand on your priority list? If it's after friends, parents and law and neighbors and maybe you need to take another look at that list, that's another thing. So if your relationship is someone who's a deal breaker, if you're prioritizing the relationship and you're putting it up there at the top of your list, but they've got a million other things

and you're like, Bobman list, and you guys are not meant to match. So lack of communication could be a big deal breaker. They don't back you up, they don't support you. F that noise. Overflowing expectation. They criticize you. They disappear. A lot of guys disappear and women, but there's always like the disappearing man. If you're on this, it's like it's an phenomenon. Guys, you're like, you see with them, it's amazing to love you.

And then like, boom, they disappear. I've had a, I had a girlfriend disappear on me. Oh, you did? Yeah. Did you kill her? She like in the ocean. No, no, no, no, no. We're cool now, but it was just like, and I think a lot of it was my fault too, because when you live in the city of San Francisco, you don't really need a car. So I didn't have one. And then so my girlfriend at the time, she lived outside of the city and it's like such

a ordeal, you have to go over the bridge and stuff. And I think she was just tired of going. Coming to see me. There could be people who are very geographically undesirable. Yeah, and apparently happens a lot here in Los Angeles because it's huge. Yeah, it's huge. It's one of the worst places, worst traffic cities in America. I can't date anyone who lives more than eight miles away from here.

Yeah, and then so they won't. No, but I wonder if people around here are like area snobs from me. Yeah, and then so they won't. No, but the other people around here are like area snubs like crazy. Yeah. Like how so? Like which place? Well, if you live in a certain area, like, oh, really, you live there.

And the places can be like amazing, you know? And then you're like, people are deep ag. Like who cares where you live? But San Francisco is like that too sometimes. Area snubs. Well, San Francisco. Yeah, people are always like that.

Like, oh, you live in the Michigan area. Yeah, but everywhere now is like that too sometimes. Areas knows well, Sarah Cisco. Like oh, you live in the Michigan. Yeah, but everywhere now is like in San Francisco. I'm so glad I'm living there anymore. I never thought I'd say that. Don't move there now. I got it all shaking off. I mean, you have to make, right now, a lot of people are listening to us

across the country and across the world. To be middle class in San Francisco, you have to make a minimum over $100,000 a year. You individually have to, not like household or anything like that, you have to make over a hundred grand to be middle class. That's crazy, that is crazy. You can't buy house unless you have over a million dollars.

Oh yeah, that's crazy. So that's why I got that out. So, right, okay, so then other deal, what would you say some deal burgers are for you? Well, I already kind of expressed it, like, wanting a pain in the ass, like, constantly. Which is the most one you meet. So I want to be in your girlfriend

because she probably isn't. She's not paying in the ass at all. No, not at all. You know, go, hey, I'm gonna go here and go do something. She's like, child. Okay, cool, have fun. You know, and, hey, I'm gonna go here and go do something. She's like, okay, cool, have fun. You know, and I've dated girls in the past

or like something's always happening. Like, oh, hey, I'm gonna go here to this event with my friends. And suddenly there's like always some drama happen. Just so happens to happen while I'm out doing something. Oh, and they need you to do where are you? They need me. They want me to help you. Are you going to be back?

This girlfriend, she's like, whatever, just go do your thing. I don't care. Right, good. That's perfect. For school, that's what I need. That's exactly what I need to do. I need a guy that's like, what do you do? Where are you going?

Can I see you? I can't date anybody ever again that's dependent on me in any way. Like, I can be dependable. I will always be there for somebody that I'm dating, but I just can't have somebody that needs me for some reason every single day of my life because I will die.

Right, no, I understand. And I think especially these days, our generation is just like, we're still used to being independent and there's so many things to do. And people are working more men and women that you just, you know, you know? But some people love

up someone to rely on them. So we're kind of more similar. You sound like me. Honestly, you sound like me right now. It's a weird, man. It's a change. Yeah, but you don't commit for shit. I'm committed, but I don't commit

to completely dependent on someone and I don't want them to depend on me. And I'm not saying this is not, okay, because you're always gonna take everything I say in a bad way. But you, especially when you say like that. Well, I gotta set it up

because you're instantly gonna get mad at me. I'll take you ahead. But I think that you, it's always, it's always about you and every relationship because you're broke but because you're trying to build your empire. Right.

I thought about me, it's about me trying to survive and not relying on them. So I can like, I don't know, we go back to this thing where we've always talked about in past couple years and it was brought up on the television show that you're on, Misadvised, which you can download right now on iTunes if you want to see it misadvised. And it was a big part of the show that some point in life, your mother told you, to never

depend on a man which is fine but you've taken it to the extreme where it affects every single relationship that you're in and you don't focus on the other person at all. I do focus on them when I'm with them. I just I just don't have as much time to put into a relationship as they would like. I'm trying to make a living here and there was one hang out all the time. There was one story if I could share it. It wasn't even a guy, it was just a friend, a friend of yours, not a guy that you were dating,

that really stood out to me. Why, why are you preaching? I'm just making a face that I don't know what it is, yeah? That really stood out to me that you, and it's gonna come off like you're self-absorbed. That's what it sounds like what I'm saying. But it's like, it's all about you because you're so worried because you need

to take care of yourself. That's a situation you're not self-absorbed. Okay. But you told me a story about a friend who lost a dog and he was very worried about that dog and he was freaking out and that he was like, oh, we gotta go find this dog. And you're like, oh, now the dog is,

it's okay, let's go do something else. Like you didn't care. I'd say for an understood dog, I thought we'd just come back. No, but it's just like, that was something that was in need and you weren't really tripping off it, you know? And then I'm just like,

if we look, he has the child, I don't remember the story. Oh, yeah, he did. That's why you're crazy. I really don't. I remember, when was this? This is, you told me the story years ago, but do. That's why you're really don't. I remember when was this? This is you're told me this story years ago but it really likes to doubt. Oh no. And then so he was like but he was like really upset about his dog and he thought I didn't. I remember I remember I was like 20

yeah I got to his house and they go my dog right now and I literally it's like kids until I had a dog or I had a friend with a dog, I didn't grow up with dogs, I didn't grow up with kids. Just defending myself with the story. That it was our first date, I showed up at the house and his dog like ran out and I think I just got there and he was like, we have to go by my dog. And I think I was like, well, doesn't your dog come back?

I just don't think I understood that dog, it sounds really stupid. Like I didn't know dogs, I didn't know kids until I had my own dog and kids. But it wasn't self, but why is that self? Okay, so what's your point in that? Like that one is like, that point is say that I don't put other people's needs

as I don't understand other people. That's so not true. But I think that's what happens in relationship with you. I've observed it. What, that I don't take care of their needs at all? That, you know, it's all about you. I don't find their dogs. You don't find you know, it's all about dogs. I don't find their dogs. You don't find their dogs, and it's all about you.

And it's not all about you because, you know, that you love yourself and yourself absorb. It's not that at all. It's not that at all. Yeah, it's all about me trying to survive. Yeah. It's if they want, it's all about, I would not say, it's all about me, Menace.

I would say that, typically, the issues I've run into is that they would like to, like most normal people, spend more time with me and build a relationship. Whereas I'm working a lot and doing a lot of different things and I can't actually prioritize that over if I've got work to do. I can't prioritize that or relationship. It's not that I don't sit and help them and listen to them. It's not like I walk in the door. I'm like, how about me?

What about me? What do you think about this? What do you think about that? Like I'm not self-absorbed like that. Like if I'm in a relationship, like I'm a really good friend and I'm like in friends and relationships. So I think that's wrong. The dog story. The whole thing is wrong. It's like your secret hate. Well, that's a secret hate for me. It comes out as making secret hate. What are you talking about seeing? This is what you say. You die of two or two. I say it might be all about my gender rather than their agenda, but I lay off my agenda very early on. And that is that I agenda is that I can't see you all the time,

and I can't commit. And you're totally upfront about that. That's why some people that are looking from the outside. Why is she never in a bar? Yeah, that's why. Because that's not the right person for you, and that's why. And then that would be like a deal breaker for me. Right.

I would be. Right. So we would never date. Never. Right. That'd be good. That'd be awkward. Yeah.

It'd be kind of good show sometimes. But that would be awkward. So okay. So anyway, deal breakers, what did you talk about? So there was an old poll that it's unsexually Emily and it showed that these were the deal breakers for a lot of people or what made them anxious about a date showing up with that a plan 7% splitting the bill 20% talking about their ex 33% rude to the waiter 40% and I have to agree that that first of all if you're rude to the waiter, to hate their mother, whatever it is, they're rude to anyone,

then that's typically how they're gonna treat you. Yeah. And that's very true. Talking about your ex in the first date, not a great idea, or even the second date, it's like, unless it's in context, and like the old do get sometimes people have kids, and they're like, oh my ex and I are in a good place,

but if it's really just like that bitch, she did it. No, first date is not, I'm not saying you need to fake it. I'm not saying you need to be all sunshine, but just talk about like what you're passionate about your life, your things. Don't dredge of the past. Splitting the bill, I'm sorry guys, and this might be like, I'm a feminist,

but there's something about those like three little words, or it's actually four words when he says back to, okay, let's split it. He really does, she doesn't want you to say yes. Just dude, if she's the alpha, just split it, do not take her money and do not take her credit card. Next time, have her pick up the bill, but if US for the date, have her pay.

She's offering, she doesn't really wanna pay. I don't care, it's not a money thing. It's not how much money she has or how much money you have, but just like on the first date, first few dates, I believe if US drought, you should pay. And also, I, she's 20 years, I mean, here's a little tip. I totally believe 100% a guy should always pay. And I think I've, you know, I try to always pay as much as I can, no matter what, as long as I am in a relationship. But it's always nice that they at least offer. But if the guy goes,

So you want them to do the reach, right? Yeah, and if they're really sure they offer, then I was like, oh, that's pretty cool. I'm never ever gonna let them pay. Right. But that's pretty cool. But then if a guy goes, oh, okay, then. Right, I always offer your right.

That's true. And I know this sounds so messed up. This sounds so messed up because I offer too. I do. Or I'm like, you know, but you know, sometimes you just know they just put down their cards or like, but I think that. But I think that makes you look good. Right.

Then I don't look like a total like I'm out there, like a gold digger or whatever. But I just think even in the first few, you can start splitting it down the road or she takes you, you take him, but the first three days don't do that. These are deal breakers and the reason we're talking about this is because I think that it's so common that we all fall

into similar dating patterns or dating riots or we stay in relationships too long and I think if you get really really clear on what you will put up with and what you won't put up with so if you take a look at your relationship right now and what's bothering you so maybe maybe she, you know, she's really messy and she leaves her socks on the floor or maybe he's, you know, always late and it drives you insane. You're like, why is it the ever on time? These are the kind of things that you can kind of work on. They're not necessarily deal-breakers. And so that's okay. You can be like, babe, you know, start coming here like an hour earlier. You know, I need you to, you know, this is really, talk about however, things like if someone doesn't respect you,

they neglect you, they make you feel bad about yourself. After you hang out with them, you feel worse. Now a lot of times people accept that like the woman who did it's a bad boy because maybe they grew up and maybe that's how their parents read them. They're used to feeling that way. They don't even feel bad about yourself, Emily. I'm sorry.

Yeah, you just said I was about myself, which isn't. And you know me, I'm the first to look at myself, but I'm not a selfish person. And that's not what I'm gonna be able to feel bad about yourself, Emily. I'm sorry. Yeah, you just said I was about myself, which isn't. And you know me, I'm the first to look at myself, but I'm not a selfish person. And that's not what I'm saying, see? That's why I try to lay it out and say that you are not like that. But you still, see, that's immediately what you went for. Should we rewind this? Because I don't think that that's what you said.

What? That's not what I'm saying. Like, see? What you say, I get it. I'm like, what, I'm showing you. I remember, like, are you here? Like, I didn't know that What? That's what I'm seeing. What you say, I get it. I'm like, what, I'm showing you remember, like are you here? Like I do whatever. So this is what I'm saying.

Is that, is that, is that, I'm happy that I'm here now. Yeah, I love you, I'm here. I forgot, I'm not abused as much and you're not here, but it's fine. So I get to, We like gets too real on here, that's what I'm saying.

We like, it's too real on here, that's what I'm saying. We like, it's too real on here, that, that, that, look at the relationship you're in now and look at if you're dealing with one of these deal breakers, like you feel bad, they're criticizing you, they've cheated, they have a substance abuse problem,

this isn't, I think that's right, so these are things that, unless they wanna get help, they're not gonna change, okay? So you are in a relationship with a fatal flaw or a deal breaker, but if they're little things that are bothering you, those things can change. Even if you don't like the way a person dresses, I remember dating a guy once,

like I was like in my early 20s, and I'm like, my Haiti wear shorts and this shoes. She's like, buy them and you're just like, go take them shopping. You have to draw, you have to remember,

you feel, look at what you can live with and what you can't. And again, don't date on potential. Don't date on what they could be, but date in the moment of what you're dating, take a real look at your relationship, and don't spend too much time in it. If you feel like it's right and it's one of these deal-breakers because people really don't change unless they want to and typically they don't. Anyway, yeah, that's what I got, Manus, what else? What else? Say something

nice, you need to get three nice things to me before we leave. Three nice things? Yeah. One, I love you,, in your suite, and you are caring to all your friends. I don't know about in your relationships with men. But it's your friends and everyone you've always loved your friends. A lot of friends that you have, I don't like, and you have defended them. Okay, that just took away your friends. No, no, no, but you've defended them to the end, so that shows that you are a loyal person. Right. So that's number two.

And this is taking too long. And number three, you put up with me, so you know that you have a heart of gold. That was selfish right back at you. Okay, anyway, so I forgot to say this show is brought to you by Max for Men. It's a product line all about increasing male pleasure, attraction, and performance. And their products are super reasonable too. They're just really cool. They have a great shave gel.

They have an oral sex gel. They have like really like interesting men products that are very well made with fair moan attraction qualities. So go to max4Mend.com or you can click on the banner on the stack of the Emily site use QBunko Emily 25 and you get 25 25% off max for men. That's the number four dot com That's all about that men is so we'll come back next week and maybe you can think about those three nice things You'd like to say to me. Yes. I will I'll come back with at least four. Oh, yes

How about that? I really love you and I'm glad you're here I love you and I had a concussion last Yes, I will. I'll come back with at least four. Oh, I guess that's about that. I really love you and I'm glad you're here. I love you. And I had a concussion last week if that's why I'm cranky. I know. And I wish you would go to a doctor about it, but you don't want to. I'm fine.

Do I look like I have a concussion? I don't know. I feel fine. OK, everyone. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter, sex with Emily, and my page and all that, and Instagram, sex Menace is just menace people don't have to spell your name a lot M-E-N-A-C-E Right and subscribe to us and iTunes just do it like go there

It's easy because then you'll never miss another sex at Emily show again check out my website support my sponsors Please because that helps me be able to bring the show to you for free So you get to enjoy it and I can do more and more shows. So I appreciate that. And thanks for everyone listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.

I'm Emily from sexwithemily.com. Crazygirlproducts.com carries unique, fairbone infused products that make you feel sexy and confident. I'm crazy about their wannabe naked shave cream. It's made perfectly for your more intimate areas. No shave bumps or ingrown hairs. Use coupon code Emily25 for 25% off at crazygirlproducts.com.