Sex With Emily - Deep End of the Dating Pool with Girls Gotta Eat

Episode Date: July 27, 2019

On today’s show, Emily’s joined by Rayna Greenberg & Ashley Hesseltine from the Girls Gotta Eat podcast & they’re talking about efficient ways to date & how your sex life actually gets better as you get older. Plus, Emily takes your calls & emails. Emily gives advice on what it means to be a sexual person, perfect positions when you’re told you’re “too big,” & what to do when you’re bold in text & over the phone but extremely timid in person. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Womanizer, Adam & Eve, SiriusXM, We-Vibe.  Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com For more information on Girls Gotta, click HERE.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I can't with this idea there's some study that says in 42 minutes or less, men and women know if they want to sleep with you. Mm-hmm. That makes sense. And I thought, well, what if we just fucking send a alarm for 50 minutes into a date and be like, okay, so how do we think this is going? That's like some black mirror shit. Right? Yeah.

But why not? I think you're not vibing on any level. It's doomed. Okay. This is just what you're... I think when women, when men grow on women, quote unquote, it's because the woman has something that's blocking her, whether it's their looks, whether it's their level of success

what they make, but they do vibe with them. Like, the sex goes, we're so much better now. Right? I was out here dirty talking in my 20s. Oh, now I wish you could just something comes out of my mouth. I'm like, what? You co-girl. And then you're like, wow, who said that?

What do you say? Like, what? I think you have to just talk about it, guys, dick. Thanks for listening to Sex of the Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by Raina Greenberg and Ashley Haseltine from the Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. And we're talking about efficient ways to date and how your sex life actually gets better

as you get older. How about that? And I'm taking your calls and your emails. Topics and club, non-negotiables, are the only men for relationships or they can be applied to sex and dating too? Being a sexual person, what does that really mean to you? The perfect positions when you're told you're just too big.

Plus, you're bold over the phone and in text, but in person, you become extremely timid. What do you do? All this and more, thanks for listening. They call them in a bag on me. Hey, Emily. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com, because you're going to love our site if you haven't been there. Oh, also, find us at all social media across the board at Act Sex with Emily. And you can find me on Series XM Radio Monday through Friday from 5 to 7 p.m. Pacific on SiriusXM stars 109. And you can also call in, even if you don't have Sirius at Triple 8 947 8277 because I answer your questions at that time live, or you

can get a free subscription at sexwithemily.com slash SXM. It's actually 30-day subscription. Please, please. Also, guys, what else? I don't know, guess that's all. Enjoy the show. I'm very excited to welcome my guests. Podcasts, they also have a podcast.

This is the big podcast site. Girls gotta eat. Hi. Hi, welcome, you guys. Welcome, thank you for being on the show. Raina Greenberg and Ashley Hezlstein. Hezlstein. Hezlstein. It's fine

You got it right everybody gets a wrong. I'll go by both. Okay, but you guys so rain on Ashley Tell me girls. Got it. How did you come with that title? I met so I the show was gonna be about dating and relationships I have a food Instagram account, but um, we were trying to marry the two and then Ashley actually came up with the idea Um, got it. Yeah, it's was like, what's got to eat? We got to do what we got to do. We got to hustle. Okay, so tell me.

Okay, so I've listened to your show. I love it. I was like, okay, I was like, all the stuff, like the dating and how it's changed because you guys are in your 30s now, right? Early 30s. Allegedly. Yeah, so we're not making talk about age. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Because the last girl, let's just say are James in her 20s, we talk about things in her 20s. How has it changed right now? What's going on? What are you looking for like how is our dating life different in our 30s than our 20s? Yes, I think my standards are lower because I just the pool is smaller as you know the bar is low Do you really think it is yeah? You being New York in your 30s you'll take anything I do not think that's true. I mean, well, it's true.

Okay, why is that? Because they're all going for girls in their 20s, like I really have to understand this. I think it's a smaller pool of people. I think in New York, it's interesting. I mean, every city has their own breed of terrible. I'm sure in LA, there's a different reason why it's terrible everywhere.

I don't think they live in the worst town. Right, I think in New York, it's just every woman is so amazing, beautiful, successful, dynamic, works out every day, has hobbies. And the options are endless. But look at you, girls, women. Yeah, we're part of that. Girls, do you want to say girls?

Do you say women? We say girls. Well, the podcast says girls in the title. Exactly. I think girls got to eat. We try to say women. I try to say women as much as possible. I do too. I did that a lot, and then I came back to girls just easier,

but I get anyway. You're right. I'm saying. Yeah. We go between the two. Okay. I feel like, I don't feel like that's true. I feel like this is your negative beliefs

that you're telling yourself that there's no matter. And this is pretty sure with positive beliefs. Where'd you move from? From Atlanta, which I thought was bad, and that I moved to New York, and I was like, oh, I was so wrong. No, okay. So Ashley, I don't bad that I moved to New York and I was like, oh, I was so wrong. No, okay, so Ashley, I don't think that's true. I think that it, do you feel this too, because that's what you're going to keep finding is that there's no one here.

Okay, tell me why you thought. I don't think that there's no one here. I just think that, I mean, I think that we live in New York for a reason. I know. The most interesting, amazing men in the world live here too. I think that like the pool of men is incredible. I think the reality is when you're in your 30s, there are just less people. I would want to go to another city. Where do they go? No, I know.

I'm just, oh, I'm not. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just going to be up here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And people get married later. So there's kind of a never-land thing of like, you, there's no pressure to ever settle down. And it's a very like, reach the top next best thing. There's somebody better around the corner.

There's a better job around the corner. Like a better deal. There's like, you meet some woman, she's wonderful in every way. There's somebody that's like that woman, but a teeny bit hotter. That's the mindset. Right. But that's what people have been saying,

even before dating apps, they say like, oh, bigger, better deals. Someone's looking at a sushi in LA. People are looking over your shoulder. There's always something else. So, do you guys, here's what I want to know. Do you know specifically what you're looking for in a partner? Like, do you have your non-negotiables?

Are you still kind of in the dating, figuring it out? Are you ready to, he likes me. He comes on. You have to check him out, you guys. Good. No, okay. I'm just like, yeah, we also, right and I are, we're building this business. We are having a great time.

We're not really on a really, we're not really on a lot of pressure on each other. No, I know. Okay, so tell me what the show that you've been doing in our year, you've had this wild success, which is amazing. You guys are just like a gazillion podcasts right now and their podcast is killing it. And you guys have successful businesses and you're not really focusing on the dating thing, but your show talks a lot about dating. So in the last year of talking about dating,

how has it impacted your lives? I think it is really, we have a lot of guests on the show from a wide range. So everything from sex toy shops to therapists, to comedians, and from interviewing all these people, I think we've amassed such a wealth of knowledge about how dating works and relationships

and love and sex and all these things, and it's helped me to just relax. It's helped me to be less judgmental of other people's behavior. It's helped me to just be like, okay, maybe somebody's not into me, that's fine. Maybe I'm not their person. And it's not, I don't take things so personal as much as I can not their person. And it's not, I don't think it's so personal

as much as I get to know it. That's healthy, because don't you feel so okay? So we talk about this on the show. So let's say you go out to David, someone. And you probably hear from this from listeners, and they don't call you, right? You think it's a great day. It's amazing, and then you don't hear from them.

And then can you let that go, or do you think that you have to analyze it and wonder what happened? Like what have you learned from that? First that happens to you and maybe it has. Of course it happens to everybody. You know, and I think that's one reason why people love our podcast so much and we are in our 30s, but are we the listeners that range from, I mean, 18?

We've had girls be like, I'm in high school or like this is a little too much for you, but all the way to 50s and older. So everybody's dealt with that. I think it helps people here being talked about. You're like, oh, everybody's getting everybody's dealing with the same shit. Yeah. Of course. Of course. Yes. So what do you? But what I think we preach more than anything is to love your life and what you have going on. And then those things don't bother you as much. Like I think women put a lot of pressure on. I gotta find this guy. I gotta get married. I gotta settle down, so when these little things happen,

you freak out. So you're like, that set me back in this quest for my partner, and we're just like, no girl, get a career you love, get great friends, have a great job, have great hobbies, you have to love your life other than this man. Or because you'll, then that's, I mean, you can't have that be the one thing

that fulfills you. It's so true. So we just, I mean, Rain and I, we're lucky to have this man, because you'll, I mean, you can't have that be the one thing that fulfills you. So, it's so true. So, we just, I mean, rain and I, we're lucky to have this platform, but like, the terrible quote unquote stuff that happens to us, that happens to everybody, like we are able to laugh about it. It is the best, like,

broader, even more like a fear of this, or it sounds like this kind of, like this happened to me and then you guys are like, oh yeah, that's all, that's to have an everybody. And so you guys dating mostly on the app, so you meet people out when you meet them, even though there's no one.

No, I don't feel like that ever. I don't feel like there's no one. I'm just really, like, knowing everyone thinks it's terrible. Wherever I am, every relationship I've ever had, I've met people in person, and like through friends, through work, and like that, so I meet people a lot in real life. I actually never really fortunate to travel a lot,

to meet guys on the road. We get to see our ex-boyfriends on the road in my case, you know. Go ahead. That's fun to have an ex to date and an ex. I was telling Jamie, not to date, but to sleep with her. Yes, I used to have an ex to New York. I had one in LA. You haven't told me that's the role.

I had a man in every port. And like Jamie, I was like, I used to, but not it's been over the gap, married, whatever happened, but maybe they're divorced by now. But it was fun just to kind of show up. Just to show up for you. I'm sorry. But just to kind of show up, be like, yeah, it's. I'm here.

I'm here. I'm sexy. Yeah, I did it. And that's kind of, that was my goal for 2019 was to get a guy in every city. And so it could have been. It could have been. It could have been. It could have been.

It could have been. It could have been. It could have been. It could have been. It could have been. It could have been. It could have been. I'm still so happy. Like I'm head is LA next week. I'm like lining up my two stuff. Okay, where are you gonna be in LA next week? You have to go check out Ashing Raina. Cause you guys are not committed. Raina, well, no, we're not. But she's taking like a friend trip.

I'm actually not gonna be with her. Oh, oh. And I'm going to a friend's comedy tape and so I'm like kinda doing, got it. Okay, but Raina and I, we are in a committed relationship together. If that's what you are. It feels like you are.

It feels like you are getting that. Yeah, we have a marriage. We have like a business. I love it. It all works out were getting that. Yeah, we have a marriage. We have a business. I love it. It all works out. It does, right? Yeah, and we didn't really, it's funny because people are like, what's your origin story?

How long have you guys known each other? You must have been friends forever. But we really met and then started the podcast pretty shortly thereafter. And we always laugh because we never thought, can I be in business with this person? Do I trust this person? And I trust Ashley completely.

I was in Cuba for the last four days, so I was like really out of pocket. And I was like, I have a partner who I can trust to respond for me, represent me. I didn't know that that was gonna be the case. Yeah, so hard, you know. And a lot of times it's not the case. Absolutely.

Really not, like a lot of people to know that. I'm so glad you guys, so okay, when you go on the road then, so you'll be going on, where are you going next? Can you say where it's the scope? San Francisco, Portland, Seattle. Cute guys in San Francisco. Oh yeah. We've heard pop-up

of great San Francisco. I'll tell you what, they're gonna love you in San Francisco. We can't wait. And Denver, we have heard is good. Yes, Denver's like a thriving metropolis. Yeah, Chicago's not terrible. New York, LA.

New York, LA. Notauriously terrible. But isn't that bet? Yeah, I guess so. I mean, the guys, you're not in the apps or are you on the apps doing? I do hinge. Hinge is a good one.

Yeah. People like hinge, just quality, like I like the way it's set up. I can figure out someone's funny, kind of. So what's your rules on that now? How long do you have to know someone before you go out with them? But how long do you have to text,

do you text before you go out with someone? I would do for FaceTime first. Like one text each. What I would be. Right? Like literally, I'm not continuing a texting relationship with someone. I would do her face tag first. Like one text each. What I'd be. Right? Like literally, I'm not continuing a texting relationship with you. Do you tell people like, yeah.

We feel pretty strongly that there's no reason to get into these like long pen power relationships with the person on a dating app. So like, you know what, text back and forth, like a day, see if you vibe. Like I wanna see if I like your sense of humor, but like, I don't need to know like what you had for lunch and what you're doing at the gym today. Like I don't know you. So like meet sense of humor, but I don't need to know what you had for lunch

and what you're doing at the gym today. I don't know you. So meet up with me, have a drink, let's see if we vibe or let's dead this, but I don't wanna prolong this weird conversation cycle. Yeah, I'm on the same page, because if I've seen relationships work out, I have a guy friend that's, he's getting married,

he's engaged to someone he met on an app. It was one of those things of like, hey, I'm in Soho, he will be, they just met on an app. He was like, she looks like my type. Do you wanna meet right now? And they're getting married. He's engaged to someone he met on an app. It was one of those things of like, Hey, I'm in Soho. They just met on an app. He was like, she looks like my type. Do you want to meet right now? And they're getting married. So that if you're in the mood and it happens, that can work. Or, you know, I'll text with a guy for a day or two, see if I, if I'm feeling it, but how sex different now for you guys? Do your 30s and your 20s? Well, I'm better at sex. Yeah. I think I'm just less scared to ask for what I want. and your 20s. Well, I'm better at sex. Yeah. I think I'm just less scared to ask for what I want.

I think before, I mean, I've always enjoyed sex whether it ended in orgasm or not. I've always just enjoyed the whole act of it. I'm pleasing somebody else and all that. But I think now I'm just much more willing to ask for what I want, do what I want. Would you say so too? You too?

Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm in a little bit of a dry spell right now, but it's fine. It's funny. Yeah. I mean, I'm selectively, I mean, it's a purposeful guy. Yeah, I like that. I like that it has to be.

Yeah, right. You could sleep with a quim. I couldn't. Like, do you like my an? Wow, that was a great one. Oh, wow. Do you like the texture? That'll dry up quick. I like my an. Oh, that was a way out. I'm gonna air her jacket. That'll dry up quick.

You're like my aunt. I'm sorry, but if I was like, I'd like your aunt. You're so soft. I'm gonna use my words carefully. Make Snick. Change your mind real quick. They're so...

I'm in a relationship. Look at what I said. You gotta be careful out here. It's not listening. We already talked about her. You also need to be unlinked at this point because you need to do a job out here. It's not listening. We already talked about her. You also need to be unlinked in at this point because you need to do your job. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We just, sorry, sex goes. We're so much better now. Right? I was out here dirty talking in my 20s. No, no. I just don't know what you wish.

Just something comes out of my mouth. I'm like, what? You co-girl. I like high five myself. I'm trying to be like, wow, who said that? What do you say? Like, what? You co-girl, I like high five myself. And you're like, wow, who said that? What do you say? Like, what? Tell me.

I think you have to just talk about a guy's dick. Right? Yeah. Like, it's the best dick you ever seen. That's it, the best dick you can't say the biggest, because you guys know. You guys know if it's not the biggest, you know? Right, but if it's the best, that's objective.

I love that, that is so smart. Yeah. I got you. The best, the best. The best.. I love that. That is so smart. I got you. The best. The best. The biggest. Really? I know what I'm working on. I think it's not the biggest.

But it's just you can't stay stuff like that. If a guy was like, you can't speak into a protein about the penis. Two weeks I've ever seen a best. Okay, liar. In my case, it is. Here is a deal. I've doubled it. They are the biggest you've ever seen. Wow. Do you show them ever? Like, Dory's accent. But here is a deal. Yeah. I've doubled it. They are the biggest people I've seen.

Wow. Do you show them ever? Like, Dory Sax. Right. Not like for the show. You might be like, you're already a big following. You don't need to show that. Cut your eyes.

But they're amazing. I just, I don't know. He's like, you're like my aunt's sister. Please don't throw it. Show your tits. He's like the old bride. He's the most beautiful. He's like the old bride.

He's the most beautiful. He's the most beautiful. He's the most beautiful. He's the most beautiful. He's the girls back. We want to see their titties. You guys are amazing. Stop. Okay. What do you guys do though if you're, I've had a question because we talk about this lot.

How do you get out of a date if you're on a date, a bad date? We just talk about this stuff. What do you do? We just talk about this thing because I had Brandon began the podcast. I had this experience with this guy who was so rude to me. Like, had no interest in hearing anything.

I had to say he wanted to split the check with him, which is fine, I don't care. But I don't care. Like, had no interest in hearing anything I had to say, he wanted to split the check with him, which is fine, I don't care. But I don't care. I don't. I just, you know, honestly, I appreciate it if you offered to pick it up because you invited me, but whatever.

I don't mind my a couple of drinks. Okay. He made me go to an ATM and get cash out. Oh, good. You're like, dude, I have Venmo, whatever. Right. And then, well, also, it's my job. Well, it's my job to like, say out of the money coming out ATM, like he's bossed a boner. Yeah, no, no, also like it's my job. Well, it's my job to like

the sound of the money coming out ATM like you boss the boner. Yeah, no, no, no, it's just that we didn't fuck it the end of the state for sure. Yeah, but you wrote it out. I really wrote it out for work, you know, because I have to say now yeah, yeah, I was a good part of the story. I was really ashamed of myself that I wasn't just like, hey, it doesn't really seem like you want to be here and I don't really want to either. So like, let's just dead this. And I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't do that because it's hard.

It's next day. Yeah. Well, we were talking about that. Was it last night that there's this, I can't wait this idea. There was some study that says in 42 minutes or less, many women know if they want to sleep with you. That makes sense. And I thought, well, what if we just fucking send a alarm for 15 minutes and do a date

and be like, okay, so how do we think this is going? That's like some black mirror shit, right? Yeah, but why not? But why not and then we talk well then the guy might think why you might think it's going bad But you could be playful like okay, so you know, it's 50 minutes in so what do you think? I'm a good type like just kind of I think that's kind of funny. I like it because then you got then you get real you're not like so where where did you grow up? What's your mother? Do you have a brother sister? You want to fucking treat yourself right here if they were brother sister? So then it gets real, you might, but not her brother.

Yeah, no. Is he out of the youth then I might want to know if you were brother. Right, but then you can be like, well, I meant, what, what, no one ever asked them. Because we assume dating should be like, we're not going to talk about it or what. But then it goes on for three hours maybe or whatever.

I don't think this was like three hours. You can't get, you. This was like three hours. You can't get, you can't get that time back. Never. So what if it was 50 minutes? I think you can find the check to be like, you know, as going. As going.

Play me, whatever. This like expert told me that like 50 minutes in, I would know whether I wanted to sleep with your nonsense. Well, this and that, I know. I have to jump in. Okay. Men I think know, there's tons of studies about men, men know if they want to fuck you or not. Women, guys can grow on them way more.

So I've even had that experience with the guys that I've dated, fallen in love with, was like 50 minutes in. I was like, I don't want to fuck this person. Third day, I'm like, I love you, marry me. Right. So, but men actually, it is more proven that women don't just like grow on them. They want to fuck you or they don't from like sight, first sight. I agree with you.

So I had that same thing. I've told you guys grow on me, but then I thought about it. I thought, okay, but what if this conversation, like what, let's say I'm not into them at the 50 minutes, maybe I'm honest. I'm like, I'm just, and he's like, I'm into it. I'm like, you know, I'm just not sure. And then you make why? And I probably wouldn't say, I think I'm not sure if there's chemistry.

Like, what if I even said that? And he's like, say, I think I'm not sure if there's chemistry. What if I even said that? And he's like, and then what if he says something hot? Like the thing that I have to wait for the third date, that he's actually sexy, I'm just playing it out here. What would he say to you to turn it around? Really? Like, let me kiss.

What if he tried to keep, what if he, well that would be crazy if I was like, I'm not into this. What if he didn't have a way or what if he said like, something that was, what if I gave him a chance to be, to be like a man, he's like, I'm not going to, what if he said like something that was what if I gave him a chance to be a Leave to be like a man is like I'm not gonna. What if you just think funny or turned it around? Yeah, I get what you mean But I don't know I feel like guys would claim on the spot Okay, what if it wasn't the chemistry thing and I was just like let's say it wasn't an attraction thing It was more like let's see 50 minutes in while let's think of a scenario the last date you're on Why were you maybe not into the guy or why were you not into them?

He was like boring and stupid so boring and not funny. I mean humor is my turn on right? You're like we haven't laughed yet. Yeah, and then what if he cracks a joke? But I think you joke now like hey, he comes up with a whole standup said What if he says something I'm just saying there's this has got to be a way I'm just trying to be efficient at dating. dating. I don't want to have three hours go by. I can't get that time back, that money back. I think that's how you leave. I think if you're like, I'm not in this anymore. I want to leave. Then you say to the person, I feel like 50 minutes in,

I should just know. That's not a way for me to get somebody to act better. I think you're not vibing on any level. It's doom. This is just when I think when women, when men grow on women, quote unquote, it's because the woman has something to do. I think when women not vibing on any level. It's doomed. Okay. This is just when I think when women, when men grow on women, quote unquote, it's because the woman has something that's blocking her, whether it's their looks, whether it's their level of success, what they make, but they do vibe with them. Like the

connection and the banter and the chemistry, I don't know if that grows like my experience with my ex was like, I was like, he's just doesn't have a shit together. He's not successful. He's younger than me, but I am feeling this connection. So I think if it's none of it's there, you don't want to fuck the person, they're not making you laugh, you are not vibing, just get out of there and never look back. Like I don't think 50 minutes in,

someone's gonna say some crazy thing that you're like, yeah, no, I want to fuck. Like I just don't, I think. Take a java cross table and stick a tongue there. That wouldn't be. Yeah. Okay, but it's just a good way to get out of it. I heard a study.

Yeah, I feel like it's a great way to get out of it. Yeah, and I was I was really ashamed myself But like I didn't just say to this guy like hey, you don't really seem to want to be here either You know like why did I stay I wouldn't be that polite to Ashley if she was being rude to me So why am I being that polite to a total stranger who I owe nothing to but see this is a good lesson because you won't do it again Yeah, right? This is such a good lesson for women too because I think we're pleasers and we come up We we we we were there to like I don't want to hurt his feelings and now he's already here maybe it'll get better. Um, that's a good drink

or good alcohol. We're good food. But I also think we do that sexually too. We like I'm going to give him a blowjob. I'm not care if he goes down on me like I think it's just a good sign to say that like you know women right like yeah quite they got to give to you too. We love Mickey Glazer's friends of our friends of ours, the comedian, she's in here, you know, she's a series. She, we love her role of like, I'm not having sex with a guy unless he makes me one too

so bad, like, I wear, I'm just like, I'm turned on, I'm wet, I'm ready for it, like, stop sleeping with guys you don't wanna sleep with. Because you're scared of how they're gonna react, because you know, not to get too dark dark but women are scared of the way that rejected men were act it's if it's they could be scary yeah you don't want to get into a harmful situation the amount of times that women do stuff they don't want to do just because they're scared of awkward or like anger is just staggering so you know we try to give women the tools

like this is how you can leave a date and this is how say, no, I don't want to have sex with you. Right. Disclay it. You can. We've both done it, kind of stuff with so many people. Yeah. Sometimes because you're like, what do I do? No one puts a hand job.

I don't want to blow this guy. So it's just fine. Yeah, I'm here, you know. I'm here when you're 22, you don't know how to get out of it. When I'm in my 30s, yeah, I guess I could say no and leave. But I'm 2021 years old. I guess I'm here. Like, I don't know. We're like halfway there. I can't say no. I guess I could say no and leave, but I'm 20, 21 years old. I guess I'm a little newer. Like, I don't know, we're like halfway there.

I can't say no. I guess I'll just do this. But you can. I mean, that's the thing. We didn't know that either. Yeah, I've had so much sex. I'm like, oh, really? Did I need to do that?

Right. But luckily, I don't remember a lot of it now. But, but you're the same. You block it, you block it, right? Well, unless you have your blacked out going into it, it's not happening. Yeah, if you're blacked out exactly. You're blocking it out somehow.

You're blocking it out somehow. Exactly. Because sometimes you might want to have sex with them, but it's going too fast or they're not doing something right. And then you can just say, you know what, let's go back to that kind of pulling back up and then let's go back to the kissing, the making or whatever it is. And not, but are you saying, what's your advice if you just want to leave? Is that it?

Just to not get it? Leave during sex or leave on a date? Everything. Leave during sex. I personally am probably not at a man's apartment, like after I've been drinking late at night, if I'm not gonna sleep with them and maybe that sounds sluddy to some people.

It's just, I know me. And I know I'm dirt. You're gonna have sex with that. Yeah, I know me and after like a few drinks, things seem like a good idea that like, sober me does not think is a good idea. I'm not out here, like, I'm not an alcoholic, sleeping with people I don't sleep with.

But yeah, you have a couple drinks, things are like fun, it's late, you're kissing, you out here, I'm not an alcoholic, sleeping with people I don't sleep with, but yeah, you have a couple drinks, things are like fun, it's late, you're kissing, you're like, well, I'm here, you know. And then you wake up in the morning, you're like, I just, what did I do that? I just think, do whatever you want. I had a guy that was over my house, and we were making out, and I'm like,

I don't want this at all. My lips are chapped, it was his beard was hurting. He had this little tiny pencil dick, and I was like, I don't feel well. Yeah, I'm sorry, I just, I don't feel well. I might have had too much to drink, and he was like, do you want me to, I'm at my place. It would have been easier if I was like, I don't feel well. I'm sorry, I just, I don't feel well. I might have had too much to drink. And he was like, do you want me to, I'm at my place. It would have been easier if I was at his place.

I could have left. And he was like, do you want me to leave? And I was like, yeah. Yeah, that's the best feeling to me. Just go. Yeah, just leave. I don't feel it. I don't feel good worth it.

Because you really don't feel good about my decision to have you over in my bed. Right. Yeah, I don't feel, whatever you need, we always say, like I do not lie. Like I'm just the worst at it. And I hate it. And honestly, it's number feel whatever you need. We always say, I do not lie. Like, I'm just the worst at it and I hate it. And honestly, it's number one policy for me, but you can lie your way out of an uncomfortable situation

with a man. Like, if you need to make something up, my dog is sick. I mean, whatever. Like, I'm sick. Yeah. Get out of there. A girlfriend has an emergency. Do what you need to do and deal with it later.

Like, he might be a little annoyed, worst case. Something happens. You go to the police. But you know, I'm just kind of like, that's probably not gonna happen. He might be a little annoyed. Who cares? What's not gonna get a tell us, friends?

Chew and fuck me, and I'm so pissed. They can't say that. They can't. No, get yourself out of there. You're in the right. No, absolutely. Oh my God, you guys. Well, thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

I love your TED Talk, you're right. Women just say no. Or just do you. Yeah, I just leave. It's your TED Talk, you're right. Women just say no. Or just do you. Yeah, I just leave. It's okay. Well, you guys, this is awesome. Girls got to eat podcast. I have to ask you guys five questions first,

but girls got to eat podcast.com. And we're also thinking they find you at Girls Got to Eat. That's the answer to you. And you guys have to. Oh my God. And they, okay, so they also have Instagram fame before their podcast, which is awesome, 100 Joe. Yeah, I'm a hungry Joe too.

Yeah, we've tons of them in New York. I love it. I love New York. I'm obsessed with New York. I feel like I could be in New York. You look like you could be in New York. Yeah, you're here. Okay, and yours is Ash.

Wait, your other one. Don't you have another podcast? Yeah, I was being basic. Girls being basic. That's something. That's something. Rose being basic. It's like a basic.

No, I know it. I've seen it. I love it. Rose being basic. Yeah being basic. It's like a basic. No, I know what I've seen and I love it. Rose being basic. Yeah. Check it out too. And girls got a podcast. Okay, five questions I ask everyone. Okay. Ready?

We're ready. Here we go. Biggest turn on. Let's go back and forth. Humor. Really, you weren't going to say somebody who tells you the third and you? That's my number one.

That's my number one. That's my number one. That's my number one. Yeah, I don't like guys. It's don't like me. What's wrong with you? Like, exactly. Humor. If we, it's hard to find the banter that, I mean, it's number, no.

No. Exactly. Yeah, I think, I think, I think a lot of women would say that, right? I think that's what. Humor is really tough for me. Some people. Yeah, I need it.

Like, I need banter more. Do you have a date comedian? Pretty much anything. So I know. Does she take a comedian? I don't know your date. I'm trying to fuck every comedian that came on our show. That's why she's laughing so hard.

Because I'm a comic and I do not dick me. Right, right. Because I know too much, but Reyna is new to the scene. Because you're so charming. But you're talking about that. You guys need to have fun. Yeah. But it's good stories.

Biggest turn off. Ooh, somebody who negs me. Someone who just needs to poke fun at me in a way that I don't enjoy, because I have a sense of humor. Nobody on earth would say I don't. I know when something's funny, and I know when you're just being shitty, and I don't like it. I don't fucking first need to get these.

I don't do that. I don't like that. I got you. We're not going to fuck with Reyna. Okay, biggest turn off. Just any dishonesty. I'm done. Also, if you don't like me, like,

you're so like, you cannot, you guys, I cannot tell you if I'm into a guy, right, I know this. I was obsessed with this guy, and then I just felt like he lost interest in me. I'm like, I'm out, vagina dried up, went inside of it, cells. You have to, do you like me? Are you sure he didn't like your duver pre-maturely thing?

It's a whole thing, I was like, he doesn't have a dad. It's a no. Tall, hot no dad. No dad, tall, yeah. Funny and no dad. Okay. It is a recipe for disaster.

And beautiful. Oh, like the hottest guy you've ever seen. Yeah, but he, I could tell, I was like, he pulled back, it was a whole thing. I mean, I don't, that's a very long story, but I don't time for it. But when I felt like he wasn't interested in me again, I was like, I'm out of here.

Right. That's my number one thing. I've never chased guys that don't like me as so gross. I know, I get like, I'm outta here. That's my number one thing. I've never chased guys that don't like me. It's so gross. I get it. I have a ban on issues. Yeah, before they even get, I pre-leaf. I get it.

Okay, number one, sex tip. Ooh, I don't have a question. Oh, geez. I think Jai's be honest about what you want. This is a time for you to enjoy yourself too. You're there as well. So if you like dirty talk or butt play or whatever it is that you like, ask for those things.

And you know, if you don't enjoy what's happening, ask for it to not happen too. Yeah. Okay. Did you answer that? I was like, cosine. Okay, cosine, perfect. Thanks, girl.

All right, guys, we're going to take quick break. And then we come back. We're going to get into your calls and your emails. Right now, we want to answer an email because it's just got us all thinking. It's got us all in a Twitter. Yeah, a flutter. A flutter in a Twitter. We tweeted that we were fluttering about this. Okay, so this comes to us from Ashley, who's 27 in Georgia.

Hi, Dr. Emily. I'm so formal. I'm reaching out because I could really use some help. My boyfriend of over a year just announced to me last week that he's unhappy with our sex life. FiI, we have sex multiple times a week because he doesn't see me as a sexual person in the way that I behave, dress, talk, etc. and that he's beginning to believe that I'll never exude sexuality. I'm so worried this will ruin our relationship, Emily, what on earth do I do about this?

I like to think I'm a sexual person, but clearly I'm not showing it. How can I become more of a sexual person without changing who I am? Thanks in advance for your input. Okay, Ashley, I love this email. We all love it because I was like, what does that mean? Because first I read these and I'm like, okay, well, you know, I read I love this email. We all love to, because I was like, what does that mean? Because first I read these, and I'm like, okay, well, I read it a few times, you guys. I take your questions very seriously, just so you know. Because first I read this, and I'm like,

well, don't let him label you and say that you are not a sexual person. And they're kind of like, what does that even mean? And so obviously in his definition, he's saying that maybe she's not dressing the way he thinks a sexual person should act or talking. And then he's labeled her as not being sexual. So in his mind, a sexual person means someone who's, I don't know, showing cleavage or talking

about sex all the time. I mean, how do you define it? What does that mean to be a sexual person? And like, what does that mean to you? I mean? And like, what does that, you know, does what does that mean to you? I mean, it's like, what I think we all get to decide and I would tell Ashley specifically, but then I want to talk about this more

is that you get to ask him for some clarification. Like, what does that look like to him? How would you Ashley have to change your behavior? What would him would make him go, ah-ha, you're finally sexual because an A, you're chasing your tail around and trying to figure what that means, but I want to know what being a sexual person means to you, Ashley, and like, and then finding out like, now perhaps like let's just do some talking

here. He's saying the way you dress like that to me is stuff. You can dress sexy. You can not dress sexy, but also would it could also mean like maybe he would love a few initiated sex more. I know that one of the top questions I get asked from men or requests are like my partner does not initiate sex enough. So maybe for him initiating is more of a thing or maybe are you talking about sex? Are you sharing fantasies? You know, I just need to know, you know, more about that because in thinking of like what a sexual person thinks, I was like, okay, well, even before I did know, you know, more about that because in thinking of like what a sexual person thinks, I was like, okay, well, even before I did this show,

we were talking about this earlier, I was like, people always assumed I was a sexual person. Like, oh, you're sexual. Like my boyfriend's like, you're a sexual person. I was like, oh, I know that I was always really flirty because I could also be taken. Someone could think someone who's flirty as sexual but they're not necessarily as sexual.

I think if you're comfortable with sex, meaning probably comfortable, I've always been comfortable talking about it and comfortable. Naked. Not because I thought I have the best. I love my body. It's not that you guys. I do love my body now. But I think I've just, you know, you go through things. I think just being naked was just, I don't know you guys. Maybe I was lucky. There wasn't as much porn around or I just fucking know that about with the guy in bed. I'm not thinking about my body or his body. There's chemistry. there's a connection. I am someone who's felt comfortable.

Didn't feel like I was a sex expert all the time, but I felt like, okay, we're in this together and I feel comfortable and comfortable naked and comfortable with him. And I was never taboo and caught up in sex thinking it was weird if someone requested anything. And so, another thing could be like, maybe you masturbate a lot

that some of that person could be seen as sexual. I thought this was super interesting as well, because also too, I would rather have someone who doesn't exude sexuality, but is sexual, they're having sex multiple times a week, then someone that's exuding it, but is not sexual actually. Well, that happens all the time. Well, that's what I'm saying. So that's why I'm like, it's a little confusing here and I would be the same with her. I'd be like, well, what do you, what do you mean?

Does he need more language from her? Does he want to make more noises and beds? Do you want to like, kind of say like, oh, baby, feel so good. Like, maybe she's one of these women who isn't as vocal. I don't know. I just like, I wonder if he's a sexual part, like exe is that? Exactly, you know? Maybe he's learned up, we're exactly.

Maybe he's not exuding it, because you guys, a lot of times, when we go after a part and personal thing, it's actually something within ourselves that's lacking. Like a mirror, it's gonna be, look at someone, and we, oh, you never do this, and maybe he's actually having some things about, the way he expresses sexuality.

So, we understand that a good portion of the world believes that porn is real and that porn is actually a literal adaptation of life of how sex should be. And it's not, it's made for entertainment. So maybe that's all he's seen. And so he thinks, well, she's not purring in the ways. Or, you know, that's the, yeah, that's what's the blow job in the way I've seen in porn. This email reminds me of that saying, a lady on the streets freaking the sheets.

Yeah. That whole sexual essence that you give off, it's like, do you only keep that in the bedroom and when is it too much out in public? Yeah, and they're in the south too. Like let's just be, you guys, sex in the south, it's different than maybe how we are in California. You know, there might be different morays.

So, I mean, I guess the desperation or things like help, what on earth do I do? I'm not, how can I become more sexual without changing who I am? You know, it's like, I just want every woman, every man listening to the thing about like, you get to decide what it means to all things sexual mean to you. And then if you don't know, then I would say that's your job to like figure out what your

fans these are what turned you on how often you want sex and I don't even think that you might fully know it 27 okay but we are going to talk to an Eric oh Eric that's what it was oh 52 in Texas his wife says he's too big and it's uncomfortable during sex hey Eric how do. I'm not sure what to do. You know, it is messing up my action. So, you know what I'm going to do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I get it, Eric. So how long have you guys been together?

Did you do your two big? It hurts. How long? Well, we've been together for 34 years. 34 years. Yeah, but what has taken place in the last two years is that, you know, I lost about 130 pounds. She lost almost two.

So we're at the gym every day. We're fit now. Wow. Congratulations. Thank you. So now it's a big problem. When we were younger, it wasn't as much as a problem. But as we was being, I guess, it wasn't too much of a problem, but as it was being, I guess,

it wasn't too much of a problem, but now it's really a problem. So your penis, it's too big, it's too hard, and how will, I mean, too big for her, it hurts. Your penis, okay, so here's the, you probably had some skin like in the cover, if you guys lost that weight, it probably just wasn't able to go in as deep,

but here's the other thing, Eric, how old's your wife? Is she the same age? She's 53, she's a year older than I am. Okay, because, I mean, I do have some positions, it's funny, because there's a parlay guy's going, oh, we'll share that problem, but no, I actually hear from men.

More men who have a large penis and it's a problem, because it hurts their partner than small. She might be having more pain now also because of menopause. I don't know if she's gone through menopause, but for women, they can have more sensitivities that every the lining unbecomes thinner inside their uterus and they've lost of estrogen just causes.

So that's part of it. My other thing is just using a ton of lube. I don't know if you use lube but you need to use a lot of lube and go slow. I use lube but I'm not sure what kind of lube because the other lube I have one that I use in Walmart but that they sell at Walmart. I recommend I love Uber Loop. Uber Loop is an amazing loop. It has a pump, it's silicone. And you just use a pump and it's by your bed, which I love,

because you don't have to, like, it's a beautiful glass bottle. It's easy to use and you've got to apply, reapply, reapply, and it's more slippery. just use a pump and it's by your bed, which I love because you don't have to like It's a beautiful glass bottle You just it's easy to use and you got it's apply reapply reapply and it's more slippery it lasts longer You're gonna love it But also really when you've a larger, you know, penis the positions that are better like shallow thrusting Positions where it's just it's more shallow so like First of all if she's on top she can control the depth and the motions and all that and then like more like shallow thrust

Like also if you put like a pillow if she puts a pillow underneath her that could also help and It's really just more about what are some of the more shallow-thusting positions when he's a the coil alignment That's another great position the coil alignment technique But is that for the large penis? I'm just trying to think. Well, just because he's on top. It's more of a sliding pan. Yeah, I don't ever pan. But the coitle alignment technique, this is great for everybody. Actually, women, it's called the cat position.

Women are more likely to orgasm in this position because it's when she's on the bottom and you're on the top. So, missionary, but you're on top of her and it's more of like a grinding, I mean, it's more of an up and down than like going, like your head's above her and you're sliding up and sliding back. And so those are some things and making sure that she's really turned on, that she's warmed up. You know, maybe she has an orgasm first

and that kind of helps her be more, you know, be more lubricated. And we're gonna put this position in the show notes if you go to sexfamily.com. Spooning can also be another great position for larger members. And what did you say to a sex family.com. Spooning can also be another great position for larger members. And what did you say the name of the loop? Uber, loop.

It's amazing. Uber, we've got it at sex, family.com. Like an Uber driver, right. It's like an Uber driver. But no, it's seriously the best. It's such great loop. But it's silicone. It lasts longer.

You don't have to reapply it. Just remember, go slow. Make sure she's turned on. And then my other thing is we will put some of these positions in the show notes, It's such great, Lou. But it's silicone. It lasts longer. You don't have to reapply it. Just remember, go slow. Make sure she's turned on. And then my other thing is, we will put some of these positions in the show notes, but it could be more painful because of menopause. And women have to, she used to go to a doctor, get a hormones check. There's a lot of great technologies now for women who do have pain during sex.

I can help her. Okay? Okay. All right. Thanks, Eric. We have Christy, 40 in California. She said she can be bold on the phone or over text, but gets timid in a person. That's a good one, Christie. Thanks for calling.

Hi. Hi. Christie, what's going on? So I hear what you're saying. So you're confident in the texting and the phone and then you see him and you're just like tongue tied? Tung Tied? Tung Tied? Exactly. It's like, it's like, um, he's set over the phone the other night. You know, you're so bold over the phone or through text. And then like, we get into the bedroom and it's like, I just, I'm like a deer and headlight. Oh, in the bedroom! Deer and headlights. Okay, so has this always been the case or is it just with someone new? Like, well, I was in a marriage for like 15 years

and it was all about him, never about me. Yeah. So it was like the minute, the minute I'm with my boyfriend, it's like that's the first thing I think about. It's like, okay, it's just about him and that's it. Right, okay. Okay, so you're in a relationship now. Yeah.

Oh, good. Okay, this is good, because now you guys can work on this together. Does he know that this is what your experience is in the bedroom that you had the whole 15 years of it's all about his penis. Your ex is hot penis and his penis pleasure. Not yours. Exactly. Basically, yeah, I've told him that.

Okay. And he and he told me, you know, I really want to make, you know, to make you happy. It's all about you first. Yeah, he's right. Then we get there and I'm just like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to ask for. How to ask for it. You know, I'm so bold and like, and over the phone, I tell him exactly what I want.

Well, and I have a hard time articulating that. Okay, but the things that you're saying over the phone are those of things you actually want in the bedroom? Okay, so could you just bring your phone? I don't recommend phones in the bedrooms, but maybe you could look at what you read and just say it to them. That would be good, actually.

Yeah. Hopefully do that. Yeah, I'd just say I'm gonna get used to this. You could say it in the shower to yourself Just say it 10 times out loud next time you're driving us or just read it on the phone and be like yeah I meant it I meant that I want you to go down on me for 45 minutes or whatever you say Yeah, that's a little hop you gotta get you mean here's the thing first of all what I love about this Kristie is that you recognize it. Yeah your husband

It's done. It's the past but we all get patterns. Like, our entire life is about beginning in patterns and then breaking those patterns. So I love that you know what it is and that you have a lover right now who's like, I'm down, babe, I wanna please you. So baby steps, if you actually want those things, just say it in the user phone, just say like, I'm sorry, I'm nervous to say it,

I want it and then like, try to just breathe and not react and get, you know, maybe you get nervous, that's fine. And then just practice it and then like lay back and let them please you. Yeah, that's what happens. I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't know what to do. You just go ahead and do what you're gonna do. No, let him know.

Say, and you could even text him and say tonight, we're gonna try something new. I can't wait for you to do blank, whatever you're gonna say. And I'm gonna tell this to do again. So, you know, I'm gonna be waiting for you on my back whatever you want But I think set the stage and don't you know allow that you know just breed it again and read it in front of them You'll be fine. It'll get easier. I promise Especially because he wants to please you so and especially because The first time you just just make a promise you're gonna just do your best to do it next time because

Because it sounds like you're going back into the same pattern. I've like no, I just wanted to be you But he's already saying you know he wants to please you. So I think you're gonna be okay, Christie Alright, thank you so much. You're so welcome. Let me know how it goes Alright guys, thank you so much for listening to this show I hope you like the girls got to eat had such a good time with them and I just love you all Thanks for supporting the show and thanks for sharing the show with a friend, letting them know if you heard something on here to share with them.

Also, you know we all need a little bit of sex help. Also, we love when you subscribe. So wherever you listen, it totally helps us. If you wanna leave a nice review on iTunes, thanks for supporting the show, and thanks to my incredible team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you?

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