Sex With Emily - Dirty Talk & Dating Dilemmas

Episode Date: April 1, 2016

What’s blocking you from finding satisfaction in the bedroom, your relationship and most importantly, in yourself? This show is all about breaking down those barricades, no matter what they may be! Whether you’re struggling with dating self-doubts, dirty talk or a long distance relationship that’s lost its spark, Emily helps you get to the bottom of these issues and so much more.When it comes to love, sex and dating, obstacles are all but inevitable. Finding the confidence to put yourself out there, the courage to communicate your needs to your partner or even the right words to text can be a challenge. Luckily, Emily is here to give advice on this wide range of sex and dating topics, and even provides some stellar sex toy hygiene tips along the way!From online dating do’s & don'ts to bedroom distractions and beyond, this show delves deep into practical methods for resolving real life sex and love issues. You don’t want to miss it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's show is all about you. Still stuck in your past relationship and unable to move on? Does your long, distant relationship need some sizzle? And finally, is there a best way to clean your toys? All this and more coming your way? Thanks for listening. I get a lot of emails looking for advice on just about everything, but I'm always excited to get questions that I can offer a definitive solution to. Although some of you are embarrassed to write me about lasting longer and bad,

you should know it's way more common than you think. And there is a clinically proven solution, promess it. Promess it is a quickly absorbing delay spray that was developed by urologists to address issues premature ejaculation or PE. Magnum mistake, this is not the old fashioned delay spray that leaves you in your partner numb.

It still allows your maximum sensation without any transfer to your partner. The makers of permessent have been dedicated to helping men for years now, and they've taken the product through rounds of clinical tests that have proven its effectiveness. It is FDA compliant and has been endorsed by a host of medical professionals. Promescent is the real deal. Even if you don't always experience PE, promising can help you and your partner experience longer, lasting sex, boost your confidence, and eliminate performance anxiety. Try it for yourself and see, promescent is available without a prescription from a variety of retailers. For more information or to order, go to sexwithemily.com and click on me. Hey, Emily. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off here. I'm so gone. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information go to sextoelmy.com and when you get there, you should do. You should subscribe to our podcast.

It's right there on the right hand side. Here's a deal. When you subscribe, automatically, we do two podcasts a week and you'll just get them wherever you listen to about your podcast app on your phone, and then you never have to worry about missing show. And we love that, because you don't ever want to miss a show, because they're so good and fun, and educational, right, Intersem?

And it's not like it takes up space or anything. No. They're just there. So they're easily inconvenienced. It's not like Tivo, or like Tivo, like you know, you have 32% left, that doesn't happen. No, you can choose.

And what I do is like if I go for a run, like I've subscribed to a few podcasts and then I downloaded at my house on Y5 before I go for a run. Just in case you can't stream on your out there. Yeah, because you keep, you don't want to waste. Well, people are confused. I think that you got these. Well, I know you just press the download button

and then send them you delete it and you're done. Right. And then if you don't listen for whatever reason for like, you know, 10 episodes or whatever, just unsubscribes. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So easy. So check it out. We do appreciate what you do. We actually had a fun episode this week, even though you weren't there. We're sad. But we are recording sometimes at the Gibson showroom Beverly Hills. Gibson showroom. Yeah. guitars. It's amazing. We decoded people's text messages, talked about guys who get noisy in the bedroom.

And you know, I always say or who don't get noisy. I always had this thing about the guy who's like, like, did he come or not? And he's like, you can't hear him, and you don't know. Like, we want to know. Maybe he's got a single grunt guy. I'm not the only one who's had an issue with this guy. We talk about that. What's proper etiquette?

I guess you talked about that one. I just want him to make a noise, so I know. That's countdown. Is that good? You like countdown? No, I'm blown alone. No, you don't like that. I just want him to make a noise. So I know. We'll go to countdown. Is that good? You like to countdown? No, I'm a blow below. No. No, you don't like that.

I would just like to have someone through. I think guys train themselves and hold back. Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, we use this talk about promising, right? Guys, I like to hold back. No, I'm saying, but when you, if you, if you jack a noise, I'm gonna know it. Hold the back of the noise.

Hold the back of the noise. Hold the back of the noise. Hold the back of the noise. Hold the back of the noise. Hold the back of the noise. Hold the back of the noise. Hold the back of the noise. Hold the back back the noise. It's the single grunk guy we talked about that on the show. It's called ghosting threesomes and the single grunk. I got that show. You know what it sounds like a Japan animation movie, right? Ghosting threesomes.

Ghosting threesomes and the single grunk guy. It's on iTunes. I'm interested. It was fun hanging out with you. We never got to have like a beer together. We totally sat next to each other drinking. I don't know what you're talking about. I was fucking no, I'm saying until this last weekend.

I was really fun. Yeah, you are. You're a little bit of a life mate. I got a little drunk at night. I did. I got a little nauseous. I had two glasses of wine. Was it too glad that's all you had? Does not like you did.

Do I seem drunk? You seem like maybe you're pre-gaming with some vodka, straight vodka in the parking lot. No. No, I always seem drunk when I got there. No, not really drunk, but you're a little bit, little drunk. You little drunk.

I wasn't drunk when I got there. Little tipsy. Maybe I had a drink. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I wish. You're just a little thing. I wish you when you got up. I wish you when you got up. When you got up to go get drinks from the bar, my wife leans over, she goes, I didn't realize

how little she was. Yeah. My give matter before, she's like, yeah, but I didn't notice how little she was. Yeah. Little eight. That's why you need to go. You're so attached to your wife, wife. A little dog. A little dog looks perfect on your little lap.

I don't know, we talked about the fact that you're having a baby on the show yet. I don't think we have, no. You can talk right now, right? And since it's gonna be a man, and he's gonna have a child. I'm gonna have a dad, I'm gonna have a child, I'm gonna be a dad.

Uh-huh. And I got this next to his lovely wife, the other night, and talked to her. And I was saying, you're gonna have your hands full and if you need me to watch Stanley I will. I don't get how this is supposed to work Emily because literally I don't have any free time right now.

I allow myself to watch hockey twice a week maybe three times a week and take showers and go to the gym. That's it. That's everything else is work related. So what happens? Do I do the work with the child on my back?

Yep. You have to you have to become a man and you have to realize what you can come back on, how you can be more efficient. Granted, a lot of my work involves drinking and writing and watching movies. So those things I guess I'm gonna have to scale back or I maybe I could do with child. You could do the watching the movie with a child

or she or she naps on your chest. If you're so great if they came with mute buttons, I'm really worried about the crowd. I know, pacifiers, you'll be worried about the crown. I know pacifiers. Yeah. You'll be okay. Don't feature trip on it. Okay.

I think I'm I'm happy. I'm happy. So she's almost at the end of the trimester first trimester and there'll be there'll be news and whatnot. I'm sure coming off soon. Well, what kind of baby you're having? Yes, what kind? Well, black, white, Mexican, Asian.

Exactly. We have no idea that will be interesting. Exactly. But that was fun. We should do that more because you have about seven months less six months Yeah, we should do that more. Okay, I was fine I'm dropped up. He's a silverware during the performance and the performer actually made note of it He did my car now are my car on a new show. Yeah, you just put that anywhere

We were helping him in the front when he loses crayon thought and you'd say hey Like you were talking about this it was good time. You were you're very supportive and very sweet And I love to see you there some of us all you there. I got I can know I seem drunk God. I what was I drinking early? I'm giving you a little bit of shit now. You're right. I should drink more though I feel like I I when I do I'm you know you actually said out loud hashtag something which is so not you But like you sound like a millennial just now no at the show You're gonna go to hashtag baldagles in the middle of the show like that was your way of showing support at that moment as you said something

funny and I would hashtag that it was funny you said it was funny that so many bald eagles they're like on the top of flag polls like they actually have them up there and then actually ironically prevents real bald eagles from landing on top of flat I Know I know I said something like that but anyway as long as that was funny. Oh, you're totally funny You were my favorite person there in the audience Far and away that makes me feel good because I know that you probably didn't like anyone there I hate everybody. I know and I even talked to wife around I felt like a bad because I'm like

Oh, I don't know if she doesn't even want to talk. I know you guys are, I want to leave, but it was really good talk. No, no, no, she was fine. She was happy to be able to talk to you. All right, okay. So we've got some sex in the news. Yeah. Zeus, dating site.

It's a dating survey. It reveals the biggest online dating turn off, okay? We all have our own deal break. We talked about this a couple weeks ago on your show. I asked you your biggest turnoff. Yeah. You had a hard time. Because I'd not-

He landed on Persians, which I thought was really rare. I did see the hot land on Persians. I think it's true though, it gets hard for me because I know that there could be something online that can fairly innocuous. People can blow up and I'm kind of like, let me see this person meet them and see if it's really a deal breaker. But from bad shoes to table manners, bad table manners, the wide range of personal no-nose,

can often be one girl's trash as another girl's treasure. So the study surveyed more than 9,000 Zeus singles looking at the extent to which poor grammar affected individual attraction. And they say poor, it's found that poor grammar is a deal breaker and that survey found that nearly half of all singles consider grammar to be a deal breaker and all I'm dating.

Now, what about spell check? Yeah. It's like, is that we're all moving too fast or they don't like LOL, they don't like acronyms? Well, like, what, do they give examples? Because like a lot of the time when I'm texting, I will be like, coming over to, you know what I mean? What they would have to do all the time. Even in my office, like I'm profound the boss, I'll be like, hey Madison you know what I mean what I do

I'm in my office like I'm providing the boss I'll be like hey Madison I like misspell 8 million things I'm like I'm not correct to get in the next you don't want to be too formal sometimes too so like sometimes like you know the coming over or should have watched yeah I'm sorry this is really distracting watching you do this Well because I got Stanley on my lap because I will never like go of him if I get Stanley or the dog if you've heard me talk about my obsession But I he does I do have dog Whether I should bring him you during the show or do it do it do it do it He's petting him and you're petting your face though much more than you're petting him I know because he's he's shedding out my nose, but I don't care. I really don't like I love him so much and he's make the co-happam

But you remind me like of I got I'm gonna sneeze and they're stiff in my nose Okay, I love this dog so much. You're like a hay fever victim in the middle of like a wheat field. It's just because I keep heading on and all the hair is flying. Okay. Okay. Poor spelling is even a bigger deal breaker not to be confused with grammar. So blatant spelling errors are turned off by the majority of singles, 72%.

Even slightly more forgivable mistakes like forgetting that space between a lot will decrease response rate by a good 12%. Spelling and grammar isn't your strong point. Get the dictionary out as if you have a dictionary. It's okay to use full stops. Remember we talked about this a lot too. Previous studies, I love that everyone's pretty so much time and money into studying text messaging,

but it kind of makes sense, because that's how we all communicate. Yeah, it's the thing. Previous studies found that using a full stop at the end of a sentence comes across as aggressive or insincere. Okay, stop. That you mean a period.

A period, yep. But according to the survey, a period at the end of a text impresses single. See, this is so confusing. With 93% saying they'd be happy if they received a text message with this proper punctuation. But explanation marks is next.

First message, so with the explanation mark, produces a 10% higher response rate, just don't overdo it. You don't want to sound like you're shouting, but shouting is your default register. Right. Women are more critical programmer, and the older you get, the less it matters,

which I totally agree. Like, I'm not going to be like, I'm going to rule this dude out, because he can't spell. Because I know we can probably spell this. I feel like the older you get the more, oh, you know what, it's the ladies, the more desperate you get. Oh my god, that's can't spell this. I feel like older you get the more, oh, you know what, it's all 80s, the more desperate you get.

I feel like the older you get, the older you get, the more you should be alert to somebody who can't spell. And be down on them. I just say, if you have a pulse and a penis, I'm in. That's what you say now. And a couch. And a couch. And a nice, a big, big TV.

First of all, a lot, it is really stupid that it's not a word. I mean, it should be, and I feel like the webster should get on board and just make it a word. A lot, a lot. So I really stupid that it's not a word. I mean, it should be, and I feel like the webster should get on board and just make it a word, a lot, a lot. So I took me a while to do that one, but also this is Zeus. And it sounds to me like Zeus might be a little bit like higher echelon. I don't know, but I bet you for the same study with Tinder peeps. Maybe I'll get everything. Yeah, no, you're right. You're right. Like he spelled the word properly, so he's out. I know. It's true. I think you're right. You're right. I like he spelled the word properly. So he's out. I know. It's true

I think you're right. This is more there is more writing. There's more emailing like like tinders like a check It's like a I like to we matched let's bang Zeus. I haven't heard about them in a while No, they put it. Yeah, but they show up on porn sites a lot. They do a lot of advertising on the porn sites They do properly spell porn sites properly spelled properly spelled It also says that match though ran a similar survey on 5,000 US singles and next to personal hygiene, the quality of a person's grammar was considered most important, 88% of women, 75%.

So despite all the date in the world, you could go on date with someone who's a perfect grammar and not find that spark. So go with your gut and enjoy yourself. Now I love a survey as much of the Ness pertinent as the next person, but it's all interesting. Texting is important because it does get you in the door with someone, but if you suck in person,

it won't matter if you're texting is like, you get no peace prize for your texting. Seriously, like, I dated guys that were amazing textures and I just loved the banter and then I'm with them and I'm bored to tears. And I'm like, can you just, I'll go to the bathroom and I just loved the banter and then I'm with them and I'm bored to tears. And I'm like, can you just, I'll go to the bathroom and you just text me. It's the same with anything like I've worked in radio a long time and we've had writers on, you know, shows as guests and where they go.

This guy wrote some really funny stuff, can't wait for him to be a guest. Come on, he sucks. I've used to, I actually had a lot of authors on too early on and I was like, I'm going to do a great, but you're right. They write for a reason. Yeah, and I'm better talker than I'm right. I mean, I like to write, but I can't focus on it a little longer. As you can know.

You're great at both, huh? I'm great at everything. Okay, so another survey... You give great email. I give great email. I do have you guys sign up for my mailing list yet? On my website? You should see the link in the face.

You should totally do that. How have you not? I give such good email. People compliment me near and far worldwide about my emails and I want to brag. Just the right amount, too. Yeah, they don't talk to a plan about grammar, they like it, they get laid.

Okay, maybe survey women more likely to compare current partners to past lovers. I found this very interesting. So sexual fancies, fancies, as we know are perfectly healthy but new research suggests women are thinking about real-life memories when they let their imaginations run wild. So a whopping 59% of women regularly pine for sex with their ex.

Oh. Yeah, they're constantly comparing current boyfriends to past lovers, especially when it comes to their performance in the sack. Men, however, aren't so bothered about looking back at old times unless then half the guy's revenue is fondly about sexual liaisons with the next. And then only a quarter, 24% would rather visit a past partner.

And I was surprised by this. I'm shocked by this. Because I always, and this is my ego talking, but I have often ex-boyfriends who are like, you're my spank-bang. Top 10 blowjob. And I take that as a compliment for Tart. You do?

Well, are they lying? What's more important to you, that being in someone's spank bank or having to be a subscriber to your podcast? I'd much rather have you just write away podcast. I'm just saying that these guys are like, you're my spank bank, but maybe I'm just, I don't know, but I guess guys don't want to think about it. I feel like there was a bunch of liars that they talked to about in this study. Yeah.

Well, they say the grass-to-weez greener syndrome is a significant driver of female registration. So they're becoming increasingly sexually assertive and less prepared to settle for second best. So women are always saying, I was better before, that you fork, recall, we have more past magic, but I think men do it too. I mean, you know what? as far as this study goes,

I don't know that speaking as a guy, I look back and go, my guy was so much better back then. But you're gonna remember it fondly, and it sounds like the study suggests they don't even really think about it, but I don't think that's true. Have you ever heard that saying that you don't marry the person you have the best sex with?

Well, because they're on the whole crazy, I think because of the old cliche, the crazy they are are the better they are and they all bed there. I don't think that's true. I don't know if it's true, because you guys are all crazy. So it's our age.

Or all exactly. Like on the spectrum of craziness. Because really are all crazy. We are all crazy. Even me who you thought maybe wasn't crazy. Oh, you're crazy. Yeah. But I'm, I realize,

I think you're crazy when I called you a crazy bitch on the show and you got very upset. And I'm like, oh, she's really crazy. Yeah. What do you when I called you a crazy bitch on the show and you got very upset and I'm like oh no She's really crazy Don't call me crazy bitch. When was that to be cut out? I love you guys are all crazy you really are I don't know it's an old cliche Like you guys are moody and you've got issues women are crazy and I'm just not even gonna battle this right now because People say this like women are crazy. Yes, women, we have moods, we have cycles. You guys have a little landmines

and it's really difficult to gauge, even no matter how well you know them. Like I know my wife so well. I know my wife so well. No, I'll still surprise her and myself. Like oh my God, that upset you, really? That upset you to this point that you're that really? I had no idea.

There's so many layers though. So many other things that it might be right. You're right. It's hard. Crazy. Okay. We're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back. So I've been giving sex advice for 10 years and most sex takes place in a bed.

So the bed is like the playing field and you got to be comfortable in your playing field, right? That's why I need to tell you about Helix. Sure beds are for sex, but hey, sometimes you gotta sleep, and I wanna make sure you're making the most of that too. So when was the last time you bought a new mattress? I've always dreaded the process. It's expensive, you have to drive from store to store, you gotta test out the other dirty

beds and other people tried, and one sales guy even got creepy and asked me to try out the mattress with him. Thanks to Helix, those days are over. Buying a mattress with Helix is so easy. And you always hear risk-free, but this really is risk-free. They deliver the mattress to your house, you undo the box, and it inflates itself. Like a magic trick.

You sleep on it for a hundred days, and if you don't like it, no questions asked. They come pick it up. They take it away, move on with your life, game over. And these really are her great beds. I have one, and I love it. And trust me, I know beds. And like I said, at the end of the day,

there's no risk to you. These beds are super comfortable, and they wouldn't give this guarantee if that wasn't true. They don't want to pick up your mattress. They know you'll love it. So for once, make something easy in your life. Make this easy and get a great sexy, comfy mattress at helixleap.com slash Emily. They'll help you create your own custom sleep profile and they'll custom make a

mattress that fits your preference. Sounds expensive, right? Wrong! It's really affordable, much more affordable than those mattresses you'll see in a showroom. They cut out the middle bend and the overhead and they can afford to do this for you. Just go to helix sleep.com slash Emily. Figure out your profile and your custom mattress will arrive at your door in about a week and shipping is free. Plus, when you go to helixleap.com slash Emily,

you get 50 bucks off an already very affordable mattress. That's helixleap.com, H-E-L-I-X, sleep.com slash Emily. Once again, trust me, because I know beds. Okay, I have to introduce a new segment that we just started. It's called Emily, please tell my partner. Because sometimes it's really hard to approach a partner

about something you want in the bedroom. Like maybe you try to like bring up something that you want to change and it just hasn't quite worked yet and you're great your way to end. You're like, I've tried it. We went to therapy. We tried everything in here. She just won't listen for me.

Listen to me. So for example, I asked on Twitter, what do you wish you could tell your partner about your sex life, but don't know how? So a few things we got were like, you know, you want your boyfriend to shave his pubes because they got in the way when you're going down him or maybe you wish your girlfriend would talk dirty to you.

I will call them for you. I will walk them through it. Don't worry, I'm totally, I'm a professional. I won't do breakups, I might do proposals. We actually did one on the last show that we just released the Gibson show about ghosting and what we did was, what did I do? I like say, I called a guy whose girlfriend was like,

Emily, I do not, I will not have a threesome. Like I love him. We've been together two years. He won't let it go. Can you please calm? So I called him and he was told to go with it. It went really well. I feel like I saved their relationship. And he's that first that he think you're like calling to say hey

It's Emily. He's like hey, oh she listens to your show. Yeah, I'm like he likes three songs He's like oh, man. It's all work out. I'm like sorry Not so good. I'm like you're gonna turn on them. I'm like you're gonna from really likes you except for this boom So if you have anything that you're just got you're gonna roll back with your partner email me feedback It's such a family and I'll help deliver the news in a really really classy way So if you have anything that you're just got here to roll back with your partner email me feedback at sex with Emily And I'll help deliver the news in a really really classy way Don't you wish you had a microphone though in their house for after the call? Yeah, he was like yeah, he's like never Through them what the hell did you do to me? I know, but he was he seemed nice

I don't know. We got it. We got to do phallops to we should do like a follow-up Ten years later. I like this. So email me feedback at saxofathemely.com. Okay, now we're on to emails. Thanks for emailing me again. Feedback at saxofathemely.com. I love hearing from you all and I read your emails and it just honestly, I want to just take a moment to thank everybody for listening to this show

for 10 years and for subscribing because you know when you subscribe that really helps the show. And we were number six in all of iTunes number six Like it was like cereal Sex with Emily this American life. I brag and I thank everybody. I brag to like my mom about that You did like that you know that Emily girl Yeah, we're gonna show some of them. She's number six in all of iTunes. What's it? What's it?

That's cute. I'm gonna tell you that. That podcast, I've heard of Siri all the time. I'm gonna tell you, I'm glad you brag about it to your mom. You should be proud. This is you, baby. This is all you and my listeners. So we are nothing without you.

Can I just say this? The last two hours of my life, maybe two and a half hours, I've just been miserable and angry and upset, because a lot of stuff's going on over here. And it all just washes away. As soon as we start doing this back and forth, and I'm with you on the show, I just, I love that.

I love that you can have a little bit of preview for an hour. And I like to think that that's what a listener gets too, when they listen to you. Yeah. They feel better. I hope so. That doesn't go like, I do not want you to leave this listening feeling worse.

Trying to help you all. That'd be a weird. Especially Anderson. A weird angle, like a weird service. I love the show, but then I want to kill myself. Every time I'm done, because I watch movies and like after the movie, I'm like, oh, I feel so much worse about everything now. You know what I mean?

That's a bad service. That is a bad service. You want to get a good service. I want you guys all to feel really inspired to go out and have sex after this. Have really good sex. That's what I want. Okay, so thanks for emailing me and including your name, where you listen from and how you listen and you're reminded of age.

Okay, Emily, I love your podcast, and despite what some people think is fast talking, I listen at 1.5 speed just perfectly. Wow. That is an impressive ear. I do talk fast. This is a lady. Right here.

Yes, it is. So, I find the pace, entertaining, and fun, so just keeping you. Thank you. A lot of people have been saying that, they just keep you. You know, we all as artists, you die yourself as a, but thank you.

I'm just going to talk a lot faster. You want to say something like to somebody like back in the office, like, you hear that? Madison? No, yeah, no. It's that I also know that sometimes I get all ramped up and I try to slow down because I think it can be sort of hard to sing. With you, if I hear you say something and it was kind of hard to understand, I'll

repeat it for you or I'll say, excuse me. I appreciate that you offer that service translator for my listeners. I've got a question about sex toy hygiene. I know you use a lot of them and keep them around, but I'm worried about them remaining clean and sanitary for use. What's the best way to store and clean them? Also, is there type of of material, material that's bacteria resistant? I've got this down. I'm 27 and I haven't had sex in a couple years, and I'd like

to start experimenting with myself, but I've never actually put a toy inside of you because I'm concerned about yeast infections. I used to be in balance. I don't want to mess it up. Also, I rules, she follows the rules. I live in LA, I'm single, I'm straight, I'm 27, I listen to iTunes, thanks, that was our rules. I rule. These are my rules, I ask people to, I hate to say rules, but they ask people to give me their name, how they listen, where they live, and she says, now for the rules.

So thank you CJ, you're awesome. She's good rule-fower. Okay, this is a great question, because not enough people know that they need to clean the toys every single time after these effects. We just posted a video about that today. It's about cleaning your toys. It's kind of funny if you go to my YouTube channel,

which is actually themally. Tell me on my website. Because you really do people just think like, oh, it's sitting there, but it gets bacteria. You should be cleaning after you can clean it with like a damp cloth, warm water, and soap. You can buy special wipes. You can buy unscented baby wipes.

I'm loving WeVibes Sex Toy Cleaning Sprays because I have it by my bed, and you just spray it on your toy, and you can just wipe it off with a towel, and it's gonna put it under the water. So you can just go to bed, clean it, put it back in your door. It's awesome.

No trip to the sink. No trip to the sink, which you know is a pain in the ass, right? So just make sure there's no dust, residue, or debris. And also, like I said, our latest sex tip video is how to clean up after sex toys as far as storage. Okay. I have spent way too many hours of assessing, dreaming, fantasizing, sketching plans

to store my toys. I've done the hanging racks, I've done the plastic shoes holder things. I'm also just, I have too many though. Not many people have like 200, they're trying to store. I understand this. So I keep them wrapped like in my drawer. I have a bunch of drawers.

I have like a storage mat and I wrap them in a towel to make sure they don't get like damp in the drawer. So I clean them and wrap them in a towel. That's what don't get damp in the door. So I clean them in my wrap them in a towel. That's what I do. If you're concerned, you can also buy a joy box that's J-O-Y-B-O-X-X. It's like a special

antro microbial material. It's a box specifically designed for toys. It's ventilated. It has locks. And it's P-V-H, P-B-A, and phallate-free. So no cancer for the vagina. No cancer for the vagina., it has locks, and it's PBH, PBA, and phallate free. So no cancer for the vagina? No cancer for the vagina, and it automatically like will... Just self-clean it a little.

Yeah. Because they have those for like toothbrush heads as well. Yeah, that's what it is. That's what it is. It's like the same kind of blue light-diving. Exactly, but I need six of them. Yeah, you need more than that, I would think. What about a dollhouse for your sex toys?

That would be creepy. I can make dollhouse in each room. It's got its own little sex toys in it. That would be creepy. That would be creepy. I mean, it's so hard to know what else is hard to all the chargers. So now I go through when I get in my possessive, I labeled the charger, so I know which toy it goes to. Was that a label gun?

Yeah. I am a possessive label maker because I believe that a label maker will someday make me super organized. One day. It's got a label on it. You need to get one of those signs that one day I'll get organized. Yeah, exactly. Oh my God.

You are freaking out, Layla. I just, there's a lot of hair going on. It really is. I take them home. No, you can't. She looks like a snow globe. I would say pictures. I make literally this.

OK. OK, Emily, my girlfriend, I've been dating for three years now. And for the past year and a half She's been working overseas recently. I would often visit her for two weeks After not seeing her for three months of course. I can't think we'd have sex and we admit our passion But she has been continuously shutting me down She insists there's nothing wrong and the affection is still there

But she simply doesn't feel like having sex. I'm worried that I'm the problem and she won't admit it. I've tried everything. Gave her massage, I did the dishes, I work out more frequently, I tell her how beautiful she is, all this. But no matter what I do, she doesn't even approach a subject. It's been like this for the past nine days. I'm only here for a few more. He's visiting her after not seeing her for months.

I've just stopped trying to get her the mood completely. I'm trying to say positive and not talk about sex because I'm afraid that will only make things worse. Please help me. So my question is this, how do I get her to want to have passions, steamy sex like we're used to? Answer D. Do we know where she's been for three months? Well, she's overseas. In Paris, Italy? No. I know that Paris isn't in Italy,

I was like maybe two separate locations. I get it, I get it. I don't know where she is. Three years long distance overseas. I don't know if they've plans to be in the same place. I don't know where she's been. I don't know. You know the answer to this, right?

My gut tells me if you're at a long distance relationship, you've been together three years. You have been here in three months and you're with her for nine days and she's not having sex with you. Something's up, but D, it is not you because the way he's talking is what have I done, what can I do, what can I do. And maybe she's not into the relationship anymore, but there's nothing you can do. It's not about that. So that, my God, is that something's going on. Yeah. They're telling me I'm afraid there's another penis. It really sounds about that. So that's my gut is that something's going on. They're telling me how. I'm afraid there's another penis.

It really sounds like it. There might be another penis thing. And she doesn't have the heart or the guts to actually make the big move, which is break up, but she also doesn't want to think of herself as a slut because a lot of girls are like that. And she can't be a girl who's having sex with two different guys.

So she feels like maybe she can still continue this relationship as long as there's no penetration. Who knows what's gonna happen with the other one, but this sounds like there's another dude. There's something, there's another sub going on. Maybe I have a giant. Another giant, who knows? But typically, after being apart,

there should be more passion right away. Like usually I've been along, that's the best part. You miss each other, you're gonna close off. A straight answer. Exactly, so I don't know why you will, I don't understand either why you're not talking or about it, because your fridge is gonna shut you down, guess what, buddy, you're already being shut down. You've I don't understand either why you're not talking or about it because your fridge is going to shut your down. Guess what buddy? You're already being shut down. You've been there for nine days and you're not having sex.

Sex is the glue. That's what's going to keep you guys together, especially in long distance relationship, because what people don't realize about LDRs is that most of the intimacy building and the maintaining of it takes place while you're apart. So it's like you're skipping your FaceTime and you're keeping connected. So there isn't like an awkward reentry phase, which this might be if it was two days, but not nine days. So, um.

That's a long distance relationship. It's not a strange relationship. LDR, exactly. So I get that you're blaming yourself, but you know, again, there's gotta be something going on. There could be another penis. There could be medication, low self-esteem. And maybe the connection's gone.

Maybe there's someone else. Talk to her about it. I know it sucks. I visited people and not wanted to have sex with them after I got there. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, how long? Sometimes you just, sometimes you just know

you see someone and you're like, I'm done. It's gone. Has it happened to you? Yeah. Like that. It's happened to me on both sides too. Like I've been the guy where it's like, she's like, yeah, it's done.

Yeah. And I've gotten to the place where I look and I'm like, I can not feel it. I can not feel it. I feel like she's a family member, not like a partner. I know. It just, the thing is, it feels like it's happening like that, but it's probably been building for a while. But so maybe she saw you and she thought,

you know what, I'm not into this anymore, but it's not because of anything that you are doing per se. So I think even if it's uncomfortable, you look, I get why it's uncomfortable. You don't, part of you wants the answer, part of you might be afraid of the answer, but you have to talk about it. Sex is so important for every couple, and especially long distance relationships,

you need that physical intimacy to connect. So get the answers before you make another overseas trip. Yeah, and we don't know, we don't have the answers. So we don't know if this is like, I got a light at the end of the tunnel. She could be moving back to your town after a few more months. Or it's just, I had a really good friend who she had like a three-year-long, long-distance relationship. She actually got engaged to the guy he lived overseas in Europe. And she lived over here.

And you know, she, he finally came out to visit and she's just like, I don't know what I'm doing. What I'm, she was making herself unavailable on purpose by dating a guy right a lot of people do that because they I've done that too where I'm like they're ideal long distance you can pick and choose but that's kind of flip another side of another reflection of commitment issues I don't have those anymore you got a cup wow that really so I mean I almost got a dog, I mean, that's major. Okay, so dear Emily, a little background on me, I'm a 32 year old black male from London, England. I work as a physiotherapist and I'm also

an aspiring fitness YouTuber. My last relationship was about six years ago. We worked together for seven years until she broke up with me and my world was turned upside down. Fast forward, 2016. I finally got to a place where I'm over that relationship and doing well in my career and other aspects of my life, apart from my love sex life which is not existing. In fact, I'm completely hopeless with women. I have no idea how to talk to them. I'm very socially awkward and I have no confidence.

I feel so unattractive. My self-esteem is at rock bottom. I just don't know what to do to get out of this rut. I'm beginning to feel that I'm destined to die alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Love the show, by the way, I've been listening for years. Key kind regards Sean from London. There's a lot going on here. So one, past relationships, something messed them up with the X, taking them six years to get over it, and you're completely recovered. And so if there was some trauma related to that, just because you think you're over it, you might not be with some kind of bad ending. Confidence, you've got this confidence thing. Again, I don't know if it's from this relationship, but you're also a fitness model, and you're on YouTube, so I'm wondering if there's something,

you know, a little bit more... A little bit more paper. So I'm wondering if there's something, you know, the body, there's more feel for it. Yeah, something has to do with this, yeah, the occupation has to do with the self-esteem that you already be beating yourself up but it wasn't about women that you need to, you know, we've done tons of shows and building confidence, but really that should be your, your priorities, you know, without working on your confidence.

You really don't. And I feel like it'd be an easy fix to cost a couple bucks for this guy, but he just took like a weak lung trip slash vacation call for work if you like, and come out here to the States. Black dude with the English accent, he's gonna kill it. I know. He's got probably got a good body,

and he's doing the YouTube get fit thing. Oh, you're right. Come out here. Go to a yoga class or two. You'll meet ladies like the first time here. Oh my God, yoga, yeah, they're crawling with you. And they will love you. Just make sure you open your mouth and speak that with your velvety tongue.

It looks so true. Like I almost went out with this British guy last week and it's like, some of the black British dudes too, they're so cool. Yeah, so cool. You're right. You should just pull a geographic. Yeah, just use some miles. If you got miles on a card or something, come on here.

Just for a week though, we don't want you to stay out here because there's too many people. Hey, just for confidence. Put that again, it could be like feeling that empty hole. If he doesn't feel good about himself, it doesn't matter how many women want to bang him or suck on his penis, he still doesn't feel great about himself. Because he's feeling hopeless, he's gonna die without a loan, which is not true, honey.

You know that you're not gonna die alone, so. That's what ladies think, okay? Guys are supposed to think that way. I know, I don't know why he's catastrophizing this. So, you know, it's like a muscle. It is rebuilding a muscle, the dating muscle, and it's practicing approaching women, talking to women, and just being comfortable

on your own skin again. Like if you use these a builder, a bodybuilder. So, if I was a client of yours, I think he's a fitness trainer, and you were trying to rebuild muscles that they lost, what would you tell them? You'd say, hit the gym, work slowly, build it up,

and I'm telling you that you got to build these muscles again of dating and socializing and putting yourself out there. Like I always say, start a conversation with a stranger, just start practicing talking to people and you'll forget that you had this kind of anxiety when she just do it. And maybe a little therapy. A little therapy. There's a lot going on here. There's the X, there's the body image.

So I, yeah, huge fan therapy. Huge. Yeah. A man called therapy. Look at this yeah, huge fan therapy. Huge. Yeah. A band called therapy. Look, there should be. I don't know. There should be a band called therapy. I don't know. There should be. There should be a band of therapy. There should be a village called therapy. Where does it ever go? Like 7, 11, they're like, how you feeling today? Oh, that'd be so great. If it's just like the

guy, like instead of making you feel more angry and stressed, though, I actually nice. They make you feel good. How are you feeling? So you show you what that kick at. I got a couple places like that where I got frequent and they're very, very nice. That was hand me a whiskey. But yeah, they're really nice. They're a copy to see me. Everybody knows your name.

Do I have a place like that? I don't know. Here, you make me feel good. Oh, that's a time. Yeah, you walk in, Dr. Drew is like, oh, Emily. Yeah. And he's a therapist, right? Yeah. Except you administer in, Dr. Drew is like, oh, Emily. Yeah. And he's a therapist, right? Yeah.

Except you administer therapy to him. Yeah, sometimes. I've seen it impressive. It's impressive. OK, hi, Emily. I'm a huge fan, and I will never stop supporting you. Wow, that's a huge statement. I love it.

I'm 21-year-old female in a relationship with a 22-year-old male. She's young. She doesn't know. She'll stop supporting me. She'll stop supporting me next week. I've been dating my boyfriend since Halloween since doing kekele camp and listening to you every day

as well as getting used to each other's bodies. We've been exploring in the bedroom and having great hot sex. This is my issue. He doesn't shut up. Normally, isn't this the other way around? I'm not the best at dirty talk. And he likes it when I talk dirty.

I'm not the way. I'm not the best at dirty talk. he likes it when I talk dirty. I'm not the way. I'm not the best at dirty talk. So he won't shut up in the bedroom. He likes it when I talk dirty, so I'm working on it, but he won't shut up when we're having sex. He makes comments like, do you love me? How much do you love me?

Over and over and over again. And he repeatedly asks, what do you want? How much do you want this dick? How much do you like it? Oh no. I have no clue what to say to these? How much do you want this dick? How much do you like it? Oh, no. I have no clue what to say to these. How much? Terrible. Like, how do I answer the how much questions and like, how do I respond to the sexy way? She just answered three. Three. I want three dicks. Yeah,

three much. Seven. He's one of those. He's one of those that has a big ego and constantly needs it stroked. Oh, it's a meaner's really penis. When I don't answer, he'll keep prodding. If I were writing him, maybe make it less awkward, but is this normal? He's had many more partners than I am, and I'm aware men want to feel masculine, and I don't want to make him feel bad, especially in bed, and you write help.

Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks to Tundlauren, love Lauren in New York. My God, this is a tough one. Because you know, it's funny, and we don't get like, I mean, there's plenty of books out there, but it's like you kind of learn as you go. And nowadays you learn from porn. Right.

Like there is no like right and wrong way. You kind of got to do it yourself. You're like dancing. It is like a dance. This guy dances. Like a dance. He's dancing terribly, and you want to step on his foot.

Horrible middle age white man. Right, exactly. I think she's got to talk to him. You've got to talk to him, sweetie, outside the bedroom, Lauren. You just got to be like, babe, I love you. I love your penis. I'm so attracted to you. Sex is great, but I realize that when you're talking to me,

in the moment, it's really hard for me to like be present and I need to be focused to enjoy sex at my orgasm and I got to focus my to enjoy sex at my orgasm and I gotta focus my attention to my body and your body and when I'm trying to answer your questions, I lose track and I can't enjoy sex as much. How would you relate to that if you were a guy? Well, she's riding them, right?

She's riding and he's like, baby, how's my dick? How much do you want me to do? Maybe she can support herself by putting her hand over his mouth and kind of. Don't speak. Or I'd be like, hey, I kind of want to hand over his mouth and kind of don't speak or be like, Hey, I kind of want to try a little little less than them over there. I'm gonna grab your mouth and start with the ball game. Exactly. That's not a bad way to go. That's terrible. Um, tell me it turned you on when you hear things in bed, but you're losing

orgasm. I don't think any guy wants you to lose your orgasm. And I think you just got to find some middle ground and find out what he wants from you. You're saying that he wants you to lose your orgasm and I think you just got to find some middle ground and find out What he wants from you. You're saying that he wants you to talk back and talk sexy Maybe he just wants to talk he doesn't even realize he's don't you feel like during sex? I do think you don't realize you do Like When you do this, he might not even realize he's doing it as much, at least the degree to which he's doing it. So, you know, I would just talk to him and say,

you're doing this, you gotta be kind, gentle, and direct because obviously it's driving you insane. So I would say you gotta talk about it. I almost understand the whole state of mask is like, or the SNM, like, control thing because this would be a great, and I'm not kidding, this would be a great reason or excuse to kind of go down that road like she's like, all right, tomorrow night when we have sex, I'm in a total control, you only can do what I tell you to do. She could, if you're,

she's in a dominate, Lord, if you're into that, that's how you just get them like a ball get or you get a ball. Not even the ball get, because she starts to talk, he's not allowed to, you hit them. Yeah, yeah, so you don't speak, no talking. Yeah. Yeah, I had a boyfriend try that with me once, but that was like down the bedroom. He was like, just don't talk after eight o' talking. Yeah. Yeah, I had a boyfriend try that with me once, but that was like down in the bedroom. He was like, just don't talk after eight o'clock. What about this, after eight o'clock was this like downtime from M? I'm like, no, no freaking way,

I was gonna start it again, this won't work. He was like a real subscriber. Like, he was a player. He was like, yeah. He couldn't unsubscribe, because you're right there. He couldn't not unsubscribe, because I was like, so we should talk.

And he was like, it's eight o' one. Oh, we should talk. What about this, and I'm not kidding either with this. Like,'s like, um, it's 801. Oh, we should talk. What about this? And I'm not kidding either with this. Like, what if she said, this gets a little dicey, but I mean, if it's important to her, she's young and this isn't gonna be a guy anyway. So you say, like, hey, maybe tomorrow night,

we'll have sex just the way you want to have sex. I want to see what that's like. You're completely control, control, like, you tell me what to do. I know what's some limits. And then the next night maybe could be her turn. Like, she gets, and it's not totally dominatrix style. It's just like, no, this is how I want to have it.

Squat. Right. I like the quiet sex. There is quiet sex, like, slow sex. But I think you threatened it when she, if she threatens the orgasm, that's going to be a little bit sick. Yeah, she's like, you know what, I like it a baby. I've got this, you know, women, it's true, but the truth is, when there's distractions, I can't come.

Like if there's going on, bells ringing, like my fire alarm's going off, which it does beep sometimes, I just pulled it out of the wall. Of course you did. I should fix that. Or a dionifier. But yeah, it's hard.

Women, you know, it's like a per se science that like, you just forgot to have everything right. So, okay, Laura, let me know how that goes. Okay. I want to ruin your relationship But you think you gotta talk about it. It's driving me crazy now. I can't orgasm when you talk right done Yeah, yeah, if he cares about your orgasm, you can say that over lunch Yeah, totally. Oh, it's crazy. I'm gonna get the Rubin and hey don't talk when I sex Okay, Anderson, this is all we got time for. I was good to see you. What's going on with you? Yeah Hey, don't talk when I'm sex. Okay, Anderson, this is all we got time for.

I was good to see you. What's going on with you? Yeah. What is going on with me? I don't know, same old stuff. Cinematics is still kicking strong. Oh, it's cinematics. It's in the 13 coming up on 14.

Oh my god. Some of the really good movies are starting to come down the pipeline now. So I got some really fun ones to talk about. Right. Cinematics, he just type in cinema, and then it will pop up there on the old iTunes. Okay, and after this.

My serious film. Seriously, it's called podcast. And then the after disaster strong is ever doing it with my carano and Tyler White, we do it usually from the Hollywood improv once a week, during off hours, but we go from the main room into a to nobody, which is kind of fun. That's kind of that is fun. I love that main room. And then of course the film about which is the actual money making show that I do where we do top five list every week as well as a couple recent movies or movies that are in theaters now. What's all bright? Well, you all listen to

podcasts. You should listen to the annotations too, because I'm sure you probably already do. You know, we were we all that in improv. This guy's like, Hey, I, what is that? I heard you heard about it. You found out about your show for me. So yeah, look at this. Look at that because I think there is a lot of crossover. There's not a lot of crossover with you and I. There's starting to be, but I, with Loveline, obviously, have a lot of crossover, but with you, it's a very large audience.

And I think a lot of those people would also like to hear about movies delivered in a fun fact. I would like to hear about movies because I'm going to start seeing movies this year. It's already. That's what you've been saying since I met you. Uh huh. This month is all about it. Movies. So that's what I gotta say. So thank you, everyone since I met you. This month is all about it. Movies, so that's what I gotta say. So thank you everyone.

I love you and thank you for, God, making our podcast a top podcast and for supporting the show. Or six. Yeah, and you know what it is, though, it comes from people who subscribe. So the more you just, it's easy, click the button. That will, that will help us stay there and keep the show going.

So thank you, Anderson. And thanks so much for listening. Was it, oh, follow me on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and Snapchat at sexual memory. Anyway, thanks for listening. A lot of demands. A lot of demands. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you?

Email me feedback at sexwithamily.com. You get a Snapchat, your boob? I might Snapchat my boob. Okay. I have a question for you. Would you go to the grocery store and pick out just one type of food to eat for every meal every day? Of course not. So why would you limit yourself to just one type of sex toy?

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