Sex With Emily - Dirty Talk, The P-Spot, And Polyamory

Episode Date: June 16, 2017

The world has come a long way in trying to create a sex positive environment, but still has far journey ahead. That’s why Emily’s here for you. On today’s show, she’s giving you tips for all your sexual tribulations, no matter what they are! How do unleash the power of your prostate? Are there rules for role-play rookies? Can you make your sex orgasm as intense as your masturbation orgasm? Emily gives guidance for these sexy situations and more, as well as going over the myriad of polyamorous relationships. Plus, she discusses what words you shouldn’t use during dirty talk. Get sexy, get positive, and tune in! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep this podcast FREE: Magic Wand, Sportsheets, Intensity Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show. I'm happy you navigate your sex dating and relationship questions. Topics include what not to say during Dirty Talk? How to pleasure the prostate? Rules for sexy wool playing? What to do about premature ejaculation and how to have better orgasms during intercourse? All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. All this and more, thanks for listening. You hear, you just got his heart broken, you think she kind of cute. The girls got to understand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Is it a common knowledge?

What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

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and all those fun places that you're wasting your time and distracted from things. That's what I do, too. I get it. But at least you could watch it and get some sex education and some laughs along the way. You guys are awesome. And thank you so much for emailing us, and we're going to be getting through emails. And remember, you can also, when you send your emails, you can also call in.

You guys call into the show. Check that box. You can text me. We you guys. Call into the show. Check that box. You can text me. We'll get into all that later. But I need to talk to you about some things going on here in the world. So Scarlett Johansson apparently is so over this type of shaming, OK?

So when it comes to women's health and sexuality, she tells it like it is. And she says, we're having a sex-positive moment right now, but there's too much shaming going on. And she says, when women talk about enjoying sex, it's forbidden, just like having a healthy sexually attitude, you're labeled as loose and wild and a slut. And the minute you start talking about enjoying yourself,

being curious, it's still taboo. And I thought about this, and I'm like, okay, Scar Jo, that's awesome. You can, she's quoted because she's anytime a celebrity talks about sex, it's like front page news, and you know what? I like it. I'm like, good for you. If that's going to get people to read it and to feel like, you know what? There is still taboo, and I'm going to talk about how much I enjoy sex. I'm happy. So if it takes that, if it takes this, I'm fine with that. But it is true you guys that that no matter how much we talk about,

it is changing. There has been a shift. Change doesn't happen overnight. But I feel like the more that we all talk about sex and then we talk about pleasure, especially women and we talk about enjoying sex without apologies that the world is going to be a better place. I mean, I think it's really interesting that,

even today I got a press request. And I get these requests from reporters who want my quotes and for things. And she was saying, like, what's deal with, like, women still being, like, defined by, like, the number of people they slept with. And I'm like, that still happens. They're still like, oh, you've slept with 10 people. First of all, the fact that you guys are still asking each other how many people you've slept with, can you please just stop that now?

It is a lose, lose situation. Because that's another place where women, I think, get chained and get judged, that you're asking because I think you want to orient yourself and be like, well, if she's had a lot of partners, I think she's a slut. And if she's not had enough, she's an experience. So I think it's just another way that we want to define

women and understand women's sexuality. When really, I think the is another way that we want to define women and understand women sexuality. When really I think the focus should be more on just the fact that we are sexual beings, we are all men and women, and that we have pleasure in talking about what we want and what we like sexually. It does not make us sexual deviance. I think that the more that we do it, not just Scarlet Joh your hand, somebody everybody talks about what they like and how they enjoy sex. I think that we'll get rid of some of these stigmas. But like back to the number thing, I just want to finish this thought. I used to talk about this all the time, but it hadn't come up until I got this call today

is that the reason why it's a lose, lose, lose though you guys is because like I said, you're going to get judged either way. And I would rather have you turn the conversation to, if your partner says to you, how many people have you slept with, you can just say, you know, babe, I'm just focused on the amazing sex that we're having right now. And here's something we could do to make it even more fun. And let's talk about how hot the sex was last night and just don't even answer the question. So all these things that people are trying to label you just don't even go there. Just say no.

In other sex in the news, seven words you should never use when you dirty talk during sex. Now, I'm not gonna agree with all these, but I am gonna agree with the fact that it's a dirty talk can be super hot. And I get a lot of questions about it. Like, what do I say?

What don't I say? And I, what shouldn't I say to my partner? And really, it's a case by case basis. But I think it's important to get down and you don't wanna push your partner off and you should always start slow. You know, start slow and kind of build up to see, you know, your partner might take it in direction that could really excite you and delight you.

Again, there's nothing that's wrong here per se. But let's see what, let's see how they break this down, okay? Okay, here's what you, they say you shouldn't say. Tits, okay? Now, I think I agree that like show me your tits or tits, like do people even say that still? It says your breasts can be a better term to incorporate into your foreplate rather than tits.

God, I didn't want to even read this because I didn't want to say tits, but I keep saying it. It is a little less tasteful to most women. There's also like jugs and twins and watermelon, which I think you probably just say to your guy friends so don't be like, hey, or bazookas, that's another one, right?

Hey, bazookas. Yeah, I don't think I was in this. I think tits are the best boobs. I guess you'll say boobs. And pee, what? I like breasts. I think breasts are like better than tits and just play around.

Say I your partner likes it, but don't forget them. Don't forget the breasts, you guys. I feel like you just kind of skip right over the breasts. Like I always say, go right for the vagina. Don't say vagina either, but we'll get that in a moment. Okay, number two, come. You shouldn't use come.

Whisper in your ears that you want to come inside or my nuts sound that hot. Do not even use ejaculate or spurt. Just erase those words when you're a carably before you even get laid with her. Just say just saying I want to get off. Okay. I don't think whispering your ears and you want to come inside or mean I don't know. I don't want to say I'm going to

ejaculate inside you right now. Well if you are going to come inside your partner or ejaculate you need to let your partner know. Best sure not wearing condom. I mean obviously you need to let them know. But I don't have a problem with come at all. You know what I have a problem with? If you guys like I want you to go. If you guys says to me like I want you to come I want you to come. Gu know. But I don't have a problem with come at all. You know what I have a problem with? If you guys like, I want you to come.

If you guys says to me, like, I want you to come, I want you to come, guaranteed I'm not going to. That is a lot of pressure. And we don't like it when you say, like, come for me, come for me, because I'm not gonna come when you say that. And it's just annoying. I find it annoying when you guys say it. But for a guy saying that to me,

I don't have a problem with this at all. Whatever. Okay, pussy. So, okay, this is calling it the J vagina can be sexier than calling it pussy. And this was like a published in the Journal of Sex Research that vagina ranked higher than any other term. And I totally disagree with you guys like how you're letting me in. You guys know that I have an issue with with the word vagina. Actually, it's vulva technically is the right word for vagina. Like that's like as a sexologist, we use the word, Volvo.

I don't love Volvo either. And, but I don't think any woman sitting there is like, oh, your vagina is so pretty. I just, I don't know, you guys, it doesn't work. And I feel like that sort of, I wanna rebrand the vagina. It's kind of one of my missions, just so people feel better,

but not just the name, but everything about the vagina. But I don't think pussy so bad. I think case by case basis, some women might be offended by it, but, just the name, but everything about the vagina. But I don't think pussy so bad. I think case by case basis, someone might be offended by it, but you know, tread lightly. But I don't know, and if you think vagina's hot, that's cool too. Here's the thing you guys, you know me. I'm sex positive. I'm like, whatever works for you, I'm not going to judge you.

So whatever turns you on is fine, but I think this is just some things to think about before you start talking dirty all over the place. Okay, testicles. Just call your nuts what they are balls. Steer clear of all the clinical terms, like please hold my testicles, you're not a doctor. I don't know, I guess balls is probably the, you know, family jewels, like breaking down testicles and saying,

you know, oh, would you find out my testicles is like me saying like, would you please, lick my labia majora, my labia minora, I mean, I don't think we have to get that specific. So balls is fine. And I think pussy is fine. I'm coming around to it. Okay. Magic stick.

I don't know that anybody's ever used a term, magic stick, but I guess you're not supposed to use it. Do away with magic stick, call it penis. No woman in the world is going to take you seriously. If you're like, can you roll this condom onto my magic stick? It's like you think you're some kind of superhero. I didn't even know that was a thing.

Speaking of magic sticks, I'm wondering, I feel like it's split between guys if you want during Dirtitalk. If you want a woman to say cock or dick. I feel like dick is coming back and they're like suck my, the guys, and I'm just noticing that. It's more dick than cock and I always thought it was cock so actually you guys are uninterf me.

So you can tweet me, follow me on social media, you can email me. But I feel like dick is making come back where it used to be cock. That's just what I think and I want to hear from you. Okay, eat out. So this is, don't ever say I want to eat you out. I agree. Don't say I want to eat you out. You could say I want to taste you.. I agree, don't say I want to eat you out. You could say I want to taste you. I agree with that. Maybe I want to taste you or you taste so good or I want to go down and you'd be like, eat you out, just like makes me not hungry

and makes me just want you to leave, I guess. So women are more comfortable, I think, with their lady parts and they're more game for all sex. You know, we love all sex, you're like, I want to eat you out, like you can know. I mean, I guess if you're describing to your partner, like your oral sex. You're like, I wanna eat you out. Like, you can know. I mean, I guess if you're describing to your partner, like your guy friend, you're like, I ate her out.

But I don't know if people say that anymore. I think that has gone the way of magic stick. And your magic carpet. You can eat her out on your magic carpet. Okay, ask. This I don't agree with you there. Don't make the mistake of calling her booty ass. Just call it butt.

Like, I like your butt. I mean, butt's okay, but I think ass is hot. If he's like, of calling her booty ass. Just call it butt. Like I like your butt. I mean, butt's okay, but I think ass is hot. If he's like, you have a hot ass or your ass is hot. I mean, I think that's, I think ass is perfectly, perfectly fine. It says you could say fanny. Now, fanny packs are coming back. They are like an in fashion sense. Like people are wearing fanny packs,

but no, I wouldn't say fanny. I think ass is fine. But again, you guys up to you. These are some tips, but let me just tell you that dirty talk is here to stay whether you're like sexting or you're texting or you're sexting Selfies naked selfies. Don't show your face whether you are What else are people doing and you're not having fun sex anymore? Which I totally think you should you guys phone sex was a good time

But however you're doing it just just start so with your partner. You don't want to get too wrong, too, too fast. That's just one of my always my tips and that we did do a show recently called Top Tips for Talking Dirty if you want some more tips. Okay guys, thank you so much for listening to the show. I'm gonna give a shout out to our sponsors now. Thank you for supporting them and we'll be back.

We're gonna answer your emails. Thanks for listening. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Thanks for listening. Okay, now we're onto your emails. If you have a question, you want me to answer on the show. That's amazing. You can just go to sexbelomey.com, click on Ask Emily tab, ask away, you guys. Ask away, you can also click on the call button because that means that we will give you a call or you'll call us and I'll answer questions.

It's going to be a good time. And now you can also I'll answer questions. It's going to be a good time. And now you can also text me your questions. Just text Ask Emily, which is one word, Ask Emily 279, 7979. How easy is that? So easy. And then you get the actual same form that you get on the website and you fill it out. Send me your questions.

I change your life. You have great sex. It's all amazing. You can also leave me a voice mail, 818, ask SWE1, 818, 275, 793, and as always I love it when you include your gender, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Okay, hi Emily, I discovered your podcast a couple of months ago and I've been listening ever since. I love your advice and think it's great how sex positive you are.

I'm reaching out because I recently started dating guys after thinking I was 100% straight all my life. I've been seeing the same guy for a while now and the sex is great. Even though I've never been with a guy before, everything came naturally to me. Our connection is great. We're both into the same things and I'm just so happy to have discovered this part of who I am. We're both very into anal play and have very erogenous butts. However, neither of us have been able to figure out how to unleash our full pleasure potentially by tapping into our prostate. What do you recommend we do to unleash this hidden pleasure spot? Are there toys, other techniques, thanks Patrick 29 Minnesota. Okay Patrick, this is awesome. I'm so glad that you have found some pleasure in a male partner and you know what, we never

really know, you're right, our sexuality can be fluid, right, for men and for women. So here's the thing about your rodent's butts, a lot of us have a rodent's butts, especially for men you guys, here's the thing that that is also for a lot of straight guys listening. I've talked a lot about men looking for, it's called like, I was gonna say milk in the prostate, cause some people call it, but the prostate massage and the prostate can have, it's like the male G-spot. There are guys who think, oh, it'll, it's gonna make me gay if someone plays my prostate and all that stuff. But I gotta tell you that it could feel amazing and there's a lot of straight men and gay men who derive a lot of pressure from it. So this advice can be for any guy

who wants to go searching for their prostate. So Patrick, I haven't done this in a while. So for you, I love your question. I'm gonna break it down, you guys. This is how you can find your prostate, you ready? The most important thing is that, you remember that the skin around the anus, but the butt, God, there's no great words for any of the genitalia.

I don't love a jina. I don't love. Penis is fine. Pussy and like I said, okay, anus, okay, I'll be like the doctor, I'll be like, no seriously, the area around the anus is very sensitive. You guys, it is a contair, you want to make sure that you're, you've trim nails, clean hands, very, very important. You also, you guys, Loub, I don't think I've mentioned Loub yet. Wow, we're like a few minutes in. No, you guys, Loub is very important. You have to use Loub and you wanna warm up first, okay? So a lot of what I'm gonna tell you right now

about finding the prostate is very much, it's similar to women searching for the G spot. So it really helps to like warm each other up first. So foreplay, kissing, teasing, you can like massage his butt and you can tease around his anus like around the opening. In fact, the nerve endings around there are super sensitive. So make sure that you know he's a little bit turned on because the prostate actually swells when aroused.

And it can be accessed. The prostate can be accessed in two ways. So you can actually access it externally through the perineum, which is that little area between the scrotum and your anus. And your partner can achieve orgasm just by applying pressure to that area or the taint, you know, for anyone who's with a guy, like if you're giving a blowjob, you have execs, and you reach down, you put some pressure on there,

that is actually indirectly stemming the prostate. Don't know if you knew that, a little fun fact. And that can feel amazing. But I think what we're talking about is internally. on there, that is actually indirectly stemming the prostate. Don't know if you knew that, a little fun fact. And that can feel amazing. But I think what we're talking about is internally. How do you get in there and how do you find it? So the prostate is located like two inches below the rectum towards the scrotum. So picture this, you insert a finger or two fingers if you're feeling comfortable, but

I always taste out with one finger and lots and lots of lube. And once you put your finger in there, you might feel if it's a rouse or ready, it's easier to find a chestnut-sized ball. And what you do is you move your fingers in that come-hither motion. Again, the same way you kind of find the G-spot, the come-hither motion towards the naval. Okay, so you're this motion is towards a naval and you can stimulate the prostate to the point of orgasm. Now, this is not going to happen perhaps the first time. You might just want to like explore either on your own or you can both kind of find your

own prostate. It could be like a prostate date or you can do it for each other. But again, it's going to take some practice like a lot of women don't find their G spot on the first go round. This might take some time but it's actually fun looking for the prostate. You stimulate it that way when it's aroused, put the fingers inside and some things that can help you also find it is, do your kegels, you guys. Kegel exercises are for men and for women and the stronger those muscles are,

then we're easy, you'll also be able to locate it. And I have to mention besides lube, that breath is the most important thing because typically when we're going, this is for anyone doing anything anal, anal sex related, anal play is that we tend to clench up our butt cheeks when we're nervous, you know, the whole up sphincter, like, oh, something's going in there and that is when things get painful. So your breath is so, so important here. So make sure that you're breathing, you're going slow, and you're exploring. Now you also asked about toys, which is amazing because there are so many great toys right now for this kind of stimulation. You know that I love Wevibe, they have a new toy, it's called the Virge, and it's just

for men, it's the perennium stimulation, and it can be like a warm-up. So it's sensitive, you put your penis in there and you put your balls inside and it rests like perfectly in that spot. And that can also stimulate your prostate. It's amazing. Then there's also the ditto, which is a brand new Weveb toy. It's an anal play toy. It's really small and comfortable.

And it's a great prostate toy and has separate remote for the controls, which makes it easy to use. And also, there's the Vibratex black pearl, which is also a great toy, small, strong, made specifically for the prostate. So we actually have a review, I think a new review on the website of the black pearl, you can check it out.

So wow. Okay, Patrick, there you go. That's a lot of information for you there. I wanna know how it goes, good luck, go slow, and have some fun. Another email, hey Emily, I've to know how it goes good luck, go slow and have some fun. Another email, hey Emily, I've been listening for a really long time but I've never contacted you before.

You've opened up my life to so many things and I can't thank you enough. I'm finally sending in a question. My boyfriend sometimes has difficulty keeping an abduction and he almost always has an orgasm quickly when we do have an abyss. With that said, he's amazing, attentive lover and you always make sure I have multiple orgasms. With premature ejaculation, I've heard that edge play can help when we've tried, he loses his erection completely. My next step is to try promising, but is there anything else we can try? Thank you Denise 44 California. Okay, Denise, premature ejaculation. So here's the deal. Yes, edge can help, but he's got to do some of this practice on his own.

And when I talk about edging, that's when it's basically an exercise for men to recognize there, to get a handle on their ejaculatory control. So he would masturbate. And when he's masturbating, he would stop. When he's about to ejaculate, he'd recognize that point of no return as we call it. And then he'd, you know, slow down his it, and then he'd slow down his breath, and then he'd start to escalate again. And then he would edge towards the point of orgasm

and then bring it back down. And that's really a process, and it can take months for guys to keep practicing and doing it, and when you stop, you're no longer gonna have this skill built up. So it's an ongoing process, but it's totally worth it, and it absolutely works.

And you're saying it didn't work during intercourse because he doesn't have the practice in place. So that's one thing. Also doing keg exercises again, you guys, I'm an app called kegel camp. You can download it. He can remember to do them every day. Men and women that can also help him with ejaculatory control. Okay.

Fleshlight also has a stamina training unit, the STU. It's like law and order, STU, special training unit. No, but really the stamina training unit, the stamina training unit is awesome. The Fleshlight has one that's specifically made for working with premature ejaculation. So yeah, that's what you gotta do. It's really those exercises.

And promise that you guys quickly absorb into lace spray that allows, you know, really, he can last twice as long and it doesn't transfer to your partner and, you know, why not try it? But it's a practice and he's gonna have to keep doing it to the knees. And you can do it with a mutual masturbation. You can help him out, but he's gonna have to start moving along. And I love these giving you multiple orgasms. Hey Emily, I love the podcast.

I listen to a you multiple orgasms. Hey Emily, I love the podcast. I listen to a new episode every day. I know of my wife listening to and it's on Wonders Far relationship. Thank you. Recently my wife bought up the idea of role-playing. Her idea from the movie For Christmas is is to pick her up at a bar.

Can you share any pointers you have for role-playing, do's and don'ts, et cetera? I'm open to any advice or any other ideas for role-playing. Thanks for all that you do. Best Brady 30 Utah. Hey, Brady, I'm so glad that you guys are listening to this show. I think it's awesome that you guys couples are listening to this show together, because it's just,

I think it really does help. You guys, it's nice to see you say, well, Emily said, whatever works. Okay, I love the idea of role-playing at the bar. I'm telling you, this is a great thing to do you guys and it's like you go in and you're like sexy strangers at the bar. You pretend that it's the first time that you meet and the reason why this works and I know you're like, well that'd be weird. I already know a partner. Hear me out. Because first of all, a lot of you email that it's no longer exciting. You no

longer have that same novelty and newness that you had at the beginning of the relationship. That happens in all relationships. But how great if you could recreate that like newness of not knowing each other. So I love the like, that's an easy place to start because you don't have to buy me like costumes and dress up. You just like literally meet at a bar at a certain time and you show up. You come up with a different name Brady, you know, whatever like your alter ego is and she'll come up with her own, you know, a different name for herself. And you just show up and you just start talking

and you're like, hey, you know, Barbara or whatever, you can ask her what her name is. And then you just start talking to her. And here's what, here's my dos and don't, it's ready? Don't worry if you laugh over to your team's awkward or you're like, this is stupid because you will think that you will have a moment Where like oh, it's funny, but what you got to stay in you got to stay in character, you know It's like you guys be like okay, this is funny

But let's keep going and you're gonna get over that uncomfortable awkwardness and you're gonna be like oh my god That was really really hot. I promise you because again anytime you're trying something new in any Field you know, especially something sexually, it's gonna be awkward and uncomfortable, but it doesn't matter because I'm telling you what this is gonna give you is like some kind of new, found excitement that you guys can bring into your relationship with role-playing, like you literally take on the persona of somebody else, and also with this particular case that you guys are channeling your, like,

that new, just when you met in all that excitement and creating different personalities and then you can like take her home, you know, and have a one night stand with your wife. So I think it's awesome. I think you should do it. So my don'ts are don't give up. Don't worry about laughing and my do's are just do it. Like really do it. Just do it.

Don't overthink it. Like next time you go out to say let's do that game tonight. I think that we overthink things and we plan it. You'll never do it. So I'm just telling, let's do that game tonight. I think that we overthink things and we plan it, you'll never do it. So I'm just telling you, I know that this works. I have several friends, couples, long time partners, relationships that have told me that it was like the best night and it was so fun.

So go for it. I love that you guys are doing this. Hey Emily, I love the show. I just want to mention that I've been listening for a few years and it's totally helped me understand that my preferences are normal. I'm bisexual and go open a homophobic area. I'm pretty sure I'm poly as well.

I had a serious relationship for three years in a closed triad. Three-sums are hot when it's an ongoing thing. Could you mention types of poly relationships on your show? One of my friends requested that I ask you this question. I think others can learn from this too. PS say hi to menace for me. Thanks, Augustine.

Okay, Augustine, I think it's great that you're asking about polyamorous relationships because I feel like this has been, people are just kind of looking at an algorithm and going, really, is that my only option? And I think we're seeing more and more people kind of experimenting at it. We're seeing more like shows and movies

and just people are talking about. So I think that's cool. Okay, so in polyamous relationships, I think the one that's the most common is that when you have a primary partner and then you each have like secondary partners, you can have third partners, but you have your primary relationship perhaps it's a person that you live with and that you love and you're go to partner, you know, your emergency contact, but you both sleep with other people. And these can all be organized in different ways.

You know, maybe you want to hear everything about your partner's other lovers or maybe you don't. But there's definitely rules and there's definitely very specific boundaries and guidelines that people follow. And people are like, wait, but how could you do that? Like, I don't understand. I'd be so jealous. But there is something called compulsion, you guys.

And this is what I think that a lot of people It's hard to wrap your head around that that's like a state of happiness and joy that you experience when you're When you're current or former romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through another lover You know and not not you not yourself people like what that really happens like you really cannot be jealous And you can really just be happy for them having joy Yeah, you can and you can actually learn to kind of transcend jealousy. I mean, you still experience it on some levels, but you can also go beyond it. Then there's like an open relationship. And so like an open relationship. So let's think of it this way, though. Polyambory is kind of an umbrella term, right? And all these things are underneath it. So an open relationship is when like you can be

with your partner, you have a pro, you know, your romantic relationship and you can choose to have other romantic relationships in addition to their own, but you might not, you know, it might just be like, you hook up with another couple or it's kind of more sporadic. And again, you guys it's really hard to say like, this is how everybody in an open relationship defines it, but it's not necessarily the same thing as polyamory because, for example, I know couples who wouldn't say they're polyamorous, but they have some nights where they go out to play parties and they might find a really hot chick and have a threesome or they might hook up with another couple, but they're not, they would never say they're polyamorous because they don't

have ongoing relationships. There's also polyq. Polyq was a little more complex. It's like an interconnected relationship where the primaries and the secondaries may or may not be linked. So your secondary partner might be with their secondary partner and it's like a whole polycule, monocule. Okay, then there's polyfidelity. And that's where all the partners are primary to the other partners. And it's kind of like they're having group sex and it's only, but it's only shared within the group.

So the only way you can add other partners is if everybody agrees and I don't know if you guys sit around and bow down and I don't know how it works. I've never been in a Polly Fidelity relationship. So that's just some ways you guys that I can go on and on and on. But there's some other versions of it. Another thing I want to do is being solo-pally. So you can be like single. It's kind of like single-pally. I can be a single and I can be dating multiple people and sleeping with several people. But I'm not, I don't have a primary partner. I'm just on my own, sleeping with other people and letting them know that I'm dating

around, which is what I think a lot of people are doing right now, but they're not necessarily talking about it because they're afraid they'll be judged or whatever, but I think it's great to be honest and open that you are seeing other people when you are indeed doing that. Okay, so obviously that was an awesome question. I think that was really helpful for people

because I think this whole new world is gonna be confusing for people, but remember, you get to figure out and define it however you want to. Hi Emily, I've been dating my amazing boyfriend for about a year now and I'm very happy. He's the first partner I've ever had that was able to get me to come during intercourse, and truly makes the effort for me to come. It does take a lot to get me to the point of orgasm.

Write tempo, mindset, literal stimuli, believe me. It's nice when I occasionally do reach it, but my orgasm has never been as intense as my masturbation orgasm. I'd like for sex to be engaging, fun, and somewhat rough, but that kind of stuff throws off what I need to orgasm. I get a bit jealous seeing my boyfriend feel so good and I'm frustrated because I want to reach that point of intensity. Either you have to sacrifice an orgasm for good sex or sacrifice good fun sex for a mediocre orgasm.

Any advice? Thanks, Katie 22 Ohio. Okay, Katie, this is an awesome question because I think that a lot of you can relate to the fact that like, they can masturbate, it's the sure thing, it feels awesome, no one's watching you, nobody's like looking at what you're doing

and your orgasm phase and you can get off how you want to and it's amazing. And then you have a partner and you're like, why can't I orgasm with my partner? And I think that, you know, if you've been listening, that only 30% of women can actually have orgasms during and of course with their partner. And so for women, that means just with stimulus, PV, penis, vaginal stimulation. So the thing is, Katie, is that what I would recommend that you do is you don't have to trade off any of these. You can still have rough, fun, engaging sex and have your orgasm.

But what you need to do is I would like let your partner know what really turns you on during masturbation. So what are you doing during masturbation? You're saying it's mindset and tempo and clitoral stimuli. I'm thinking that might mean that you're using a toy to stimulate your clitoris because that's the reason why most women can't have orgasms during and of course because they're not getting enough clitoral stimulation. So if you are using a toy or your fingers on your clitoris, I would

say, can you engage in that? Can you use that during this rough sex? I mean, he could like tie you up and then, you know, hold a vibrator to your clitoris or go down on you and work with you on your mindset and work with you in the tempo. You know, maybe I always recommend mutual masturbation. It's like one of my favorite things for couples to do like that and like vacation sex. Because mutual masturbation is an excellent learning tool because you're watching each other, you could be masturbating, he's masturbating, he's watching how you get off, he knows how to do it, and then he could take his hand and show him where you want to be touched. So really this is just a point of you guys like literally coming together and then maybe coming together So he can like learn the process with you

But I don't want to you think that you can go that you need to give up on for the other You just have to learn how to bring it together, okay? So Katie let me know how that goes and Thank you everybody for listening to the show. This was awesome. I have so much fun you guys I love my job because of you. So thank you everybody and please check out all the podcast you guys know that The website has tons of podcasts. SexSolomy.com slash podcast to find our entire show archive because this is 12 years podcast up there and they're not all available on iTunes. We also have our store shop with Emily and SexSolomy.com. A lot of the great things I talk about are available there. Thank you for

telling your friends about the show and for following me on social media, which is all at Sex with Emily. Thank you to my amazing team, Ken, producer, Lark, and Jamie, and Michael. And thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.

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