Sex With Emily - Distance Makes the Sex Grow Stronger

Episode Date: November 7, 2019

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is giving all the tips & tricks you need in order to keep the spark alive in a long distance relationship, because sex & intimacy can prevail no matter the distance! Plus, she’s answering your questions. She shares all the LDR sex hacks such as sexting, FaceTime dates, even to controlling vibrator speeds overseas! Plus, how to recreate the elusive squirting experience you once had with your husband, & ways to overcome brainblocking during sex & relax in the bedroom. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show, I'm giving all the tips and tricks you need in order to keep the spark alive in the long distance relationship and all relationships. Plus, I'm answering your questions. Topics include, from sexting to face time dates, to controlling a partner's vibrator speeds while your overseas, sex intimacy can still prevail, no matter the distance. So your partner made you squirt once, but you haven't been able to recreate the moment. How do you do it like you mean it? And how do let your partner know that your love for nipple play has dropped to more of a friends with benefits type of situation?

All this and more, thanks for listening. So the other day... Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on days. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

The girls got a hair standard. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

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It's strong. It's always be rechargeable. And you can get one of three limited edition phrases. I come first, turn me on or meditate master rate manifest Just go to sex with Emily calm slash Vesper. All right guys. Hope you enjoy the show Long distance sex tips. So here's a thing About our tips is that is that oh this is what I'm like where was my point? I was circling back to something is that that the reason why we, oh yeah, because you're driving along and you're like,

who's talking about sex? No one talks about it. That it's because no one is talking to you about it. You probably didn't have sex education. You're probably not talking about it with your partner and you're not talking about with your doctor. And so a lot of this stuff is just learning the steps of how to actually like, he might want to be

sexing her all day long, but he doesn't know how. So when you're in a long distance relationship, like, there are many things. It could be work to take you away, or maybe you're, you know, you're a broad, although I don't think in college, you should. If you're broad and you're semester abroad, you should not be in a relationship. Okay, so that was a bad example. All right. Um, you know, wherever you work, you got a few weeks away, maybe just once a week, or

it's just a few times a year, and it's killing you. How do you stay connected? How do you keep the spark alive in your sex life? Well, it's hard. You kind of keep that spark alive, and you've got to find creative ways to keep it interesting because I got to be honest if it was just like phones, and I've done that before, there was all the texting. It kind of like you'd be on the phone for hours and it's just like it's sucked the life out of you.

But now you have like, you could FaceTime, you have sexting, you can send sexy pictures, you can play games, I mean, you could literally do like a FaceTime date. I mean, there's a lot of different ways to keep the intimacy alive when you're not together. So I feel like, so here's just some tips not to do it because it is the best time than ever before to be in a, if you've got to be in a longest relationship, it's not so bad. Let me tell you, walk you through it. So, if you are a stranger to dirty talk, to nudes, time to, you know, maybe get used to it if you feel comfortable with it. If you're in a

committed relationship with somebody and you want to send pictures or you want to send something sexy, I really think that you have to like, the thing is it's like, let me say this, it doesn't even have to be a nude. It could be something suggestive. So let me start over. I still have not sent a nude.

I'm just saying, but I'm not married and not long-term relationship, but you can be creative. You can actually send a picture without your face. You could also just send a picture of you like in the kitchen-term relationship, but you can be creative. You can actually send a picture without your face. You could also just send a picture of you like in the kitchen, like maybe, maybe, was it still be? Heidi.

Heidi's like, you know, her husband's a waste. She could take a picture of herself like in the kitchen wearing the kitchen, what's it called, the apron, and just like flash it with like no underwear or something. Like here's me and our kitchen. It can be like her little butt from behind, and it can be something creative around the house, how you, it can be suggestive.

It can be sexy and flirty, and funny. It doesn't have to be totally new, but you can be artful and just have fun with it. But your partner wants to see you. They want to see that you're thinking about them. So I think sending a cute, funny picture, funny picture. It could be cute and funny. Cute sexy picture is great.

But dirty talk you guys and sexting, that's a whole nother thing. I actually had a very good sexting sash last week. I had a relationship that was just, the whole relationship lasted three days, but for one and a half of those days, it was mostly sexting and it was great. It was like the best sexting I've had.

Meaning, it was something I just met and then we realized it wasn't gonna go anywhere else, but good sexting, it's definitely a skill, but it's not that hard, it just takes practice, you guys. It's hard to start, maybe. It is hard to start, so you could really, listen, and you don't wanna start off with all the things you wanna do and all the crazy things that we're going to get into.

You can just say something like, I keep thinking about you, or if I was there right now, what would you do to me? Or you know what I would do if you were here to me with me right now, or guess what I'm thinking about? It has to do with you. You can send something suggestive to your partner

and then see how they respond. It's a conversation like everything else. You don't just don't just drop into the sexy time talk. Like don't go like don't premature anal in the sexting. Right, exactly. You right. Don't go from zero to zero to anal. Zero to anal.

Zero to penis when it comes to anal. Don't go zero to the sexting, to the, you know, the thing. So you could also just start with some leading questions, kind of set the mood. And you could also, you know, just like let your, you could even write these ahead of time. Like you could even be thinking about like, can we just see your body again or keep thinking about last time we were together. And then you just can let it escalate and see if your partner would be into like doing a little bit more. And if not just hearing those words every day that your partner is missing you and thinking about your body

and thinking about things you do together, I think that can really help with, I don't know, that makes that's what I'm awards of affirmation for my partner, my love. So like, could you maybe then too, because I was thinking if you did it ahead of time, you can kind of leave certain blanks for like certain body parts or certain like things that you're going to do to that body part and then just kind of fill in accordingly as the conversation goes on. Yeah, exactly. Just have it all. Like we're like, like a sexting madlibs.

Yes. I've seen those dirty madlibs. It's actually a really good idea. I mean to like think about even after you've sex, if you've been so blown away by the last sex, you're like, right, some note, I've been talking into my phone, my notes and my phone. You can just talk about it. Remember, so you have memories of specific moments in time. Oh, that's really smart, too.

And like writing a rhodica, too. I mean, we had a listener who was so, he called him and he was like, trying it, you know, he was been in with his wife for like, you know, a while and things weren't as interesting anymore and you're trying to spice it up. And he actually wrote her an erotic story. He wrote her erotic based on what he wanted

and they were like, what he wanted in their relationship. And it was like stuff about both of them. That was just like his needs. But like I picture you wearing this black piece of laundry and I come home when you're sitting on the piano bench. And you've, you know, and then I get down on my knee, like he had a whole thing and he gave it to her. And he was like, I didn't know if she was gonna read it, it was gonna happen. And and then he got off a trip and she was like wearing the lingerie. She was sitting on the bat

Like she prepared she read the whole scene now like she was like this is really hot because You know if you don't have to be like a you know a novelist But I think that there's really something about words and you know We know that we that we get turned on in so many different ways in some of his words, some of its visual, you know, so I think it's just another piece of it. So you're in a long distance thing, you could you exchange a story, you could each write a paragraph and swap back and forth. Oh, and then create like a longer story. That's really good. I like that. I'm actually going to take that tip. That's great. I love that. Like when you're telling the story, you go, you finish the sentence like, yeah, yeah.

Oh my God. You get this because then it's not as vulnerable. You can pay out what you want. And then they have to respond because so much of this is like, we're so afraid to make the first move. Right. So when you lead it, you're like, now you're turn. What are they going to do?

Yeah, your husband's going to have to answer. Yeah. Well, I mean, he will send me those all the time and I will, I will do that. But I've never thought about doing it back and forth. That would be fun. Yeah, okay, good. I would love that.

I'm gonna go writing it down. That'd be fun. Yeah, right, she's writing it down, I love it. I really am. And then the other thing you guys is, is yeah, bloody blood video chatting, FaceTime Skype, and I'm telling you, there is a certain, you know, we didn't have that before.

So now that you can actually see your partner, and you could look at them There you can have everything almost butt touch, right? I guess incent but you can plan a date on the Skype on FaceTime You can say we're gonna meet here, you know eight o'clock. We're each kind of dinner We're gonna have a drink of one. We're gonna have a glass of wine We're gonna like and then they try to like have an interesting conversation. There's all these great games You could ask each other really intimate questions. Um, you could play sex games. You could do some mutual masturbation if you're into that. You could use the Weeva again. Another great thing are these toys. God damn it. These toys

that we talk about that can use the Weeva connect app, the Weeva-toys. I think most of them now can do it with the Weeva-toys. I think most of them do. You literally, your partner can be in the next room. They can be next to you. They can be in China and controlling the app like you you are wearing the vibrator using using the vibrator and you could each have vibrators and beyond their we've got to and controlling each other's toys. I mean, it's insane. What's that? That's it really is. The fact that you can do to, like each other's toys, it's not just like one person doing it,

so you both feel like you're part of the fun. Yeah, you're both controlling it. Like you may have the cock ring on and you might be using the, you know, the bloom or the, what else are ones? The rave, the Nova, all the toys, they're great toys. I feel like, I feel like that'd be an interesting way for guys to match, but it more as like wearing a vibrant and cock ring. Yes. Yes.

My husband uses it. He does. He loves that. The vibrant and cock ring. Yeah. Oh, cool. He has it. And he has, we have a ton of toys too, but he, I mean, he has all kinds of cock rings. And that one, he has that's great. Which one do you know? Does he just, uh, stretchy and it's... It is stretchy. And it can fit around his balls too. Oh, that one. Yeah, it's that one. Whatever, it's like the drive. Oh, that sounds familiar.

I think it's the... Not the V. It starts with the V, the verge. The verge. Yes, that's probably it. So I can't even confuse the V, the verge. Yeah, and your balls tap into it. Yeah, that's a really good one.

Oh, and it goes in your head. And I've also written on top of him with that, and it pills so amazing. Yeah, but that balls tap into it. Yeah, that's a really good one. Oh, and it goes into your knee. And I've also written on top of him with that, and it pills so amazing. Yeah, but that's so good. That's so hot. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, if you do that or the cock ring, would you write that, that feels great too.

Yeah, that's exactly. It's so nice. I know, it's so fun, you guys, because toys are, you know, for couples experiences, the one, when I was just several calls tonight, women are realizing that it's okay that they don't have orgasms during penetration. These toys can allow you,

if your partner's using a toy, wearing a toy, or holding up to your clitoris during penetration, you'll still be able to get some fun on. You get your orgasm on. How do you get over like stage fright, I guess, for over video chat kind of a thing. Yeah, like if you're just talking or if you're masturbating. Well, like if you start mat, like if it's the first time doing it, like I can see how someone

would be like, I don't know, because they can just have a room. Like you're in the heat of the moment and that's cool and you can still be mutually masturbating, but when you're over the phone, it's like Well, I guess there has to be a certain level of You know, it's a part of that you're already comfortable with and that you've already been you know with but I think it's um Especially I'm trying to think because I did this in the relationship when it was fairly new We're like a way for like a week or something and I remember doing it first I was a little shy. Yeah, I mean like oh, but then like once you get into masturbation You just get into yourself and doing your thing

You just kind of forget that you're looking at them But you just but I remember being like house the right angle and then I'm like fucking right I feel like you'd want to sculpt it. Yeah, well then practice get your light out and your ring lights and stuff, but I think that every all these things we talk about could potentially be really uncomfortable at first Just looking someone in the eyes is comfortable the first time, you know. But everything gets a little bit easier after you do it. So you could even say like, let's try this and if it gets weird, you know, maybe we could stop for a minute. Like remember, just because you start something also, you're allowed to stop it. You're like, okay, that's all I want to do for

today. Maybe next week we'll, you know, get totally naked. But I think, you know, I think it's just, um, just even trying it. And then just seeing how you feel and then going back next time maybe do more. Yeah, and then maybe like laughing, but then me like it's okay. And then like going back. Well, that's the thing you don't really like be honest. Like if you just hang up in a panic, you're like, oh, no, I don't know. I mean, feel weird, you know, for a moment, I need to take a pause.

And we'll get back to it. I think oftentimes when we get like fearful around sex or something, something happens actually, and we stop it. Like we tell our partners like, oh no, let's stop. They read like, oh no, I I I fucked up, I hurt you or you don't have you to be to me, but sometimes it just means like pause. Like we can come back to this in a minute. It doesn't mean that I don't want to continue masturbating. It means I need to take a breath. So I think that if you can communicate that to your partner sometimes, rather than just like shutting it down, then we'd be more likely to,

even when we're having sex sometimes, don't you ever want to stop or you want to move positions? Or since we're just like, we start having sex or we start doing some sex act and we're like, I don't really want to finish, but I feel like I should. I don't think there should be sheds when it comes to sex, like as far as like finishing an act,

like if you don't, you could say, you know what, I need to take a beat for a minute or let's just go back to kissing or you know And I think that since we just stop and then our partners And know that like you just didn't want that particular thing you could go back to just holding hands being intimate and kissing and if you're online Just go back to Staying in your two days or whatever whatever you're doing I always imagine like someone face timing sex with their partner and then all of a sudden

They're getting close, but then they like get a call from a relative. And they're just like, no. I don't wanna be the worst at answering. Or you answer by mistake. And so no, that would be the worst. Yeah. You look in so much trouble now with all the faith with FaceTime calling someone that, you know,

like just the way you're phone. People are butt-delling all the time, right? It happens to me. My mom does it every day. I feel like it's more of like a thing like Mom's 60 because My dad does it to me sometimes Like not as often now, but he used to and I'm like you have a lock on your phone

And there's not even buttons anymore, right? Right, I did too because I don't like my phone like walk out of the house Yeah, it's the favorites and then it'll call you. Yeah, it's the favorites get me the favorites buttons anymore. Right. Right. I just do it because I don't like my fun about walking out of the house. It goes to favorites and then it'll call you. Yes, the favorites get me that's the favorite. Yeah, the favorites get me too. And then you call people that are, and then the worst is when you think if it calls your favorites, you should be okay with what it calls your like the favorite that shouldn't

be in your favorites anymore. Yes. Oh, that's the worst. Like why are you calling my ex boyfriend? Damn it. Hate that. Guys, you can call us anything triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven. We're talking about long-distance relationships You know, why do you like choking in the bedroom? It can be too much for you or what do you think sex therapy versus marriage counseling

Which is right for you when do you like when this is not really sex-related, but it's still long distance like When is it too long of long distance? Like, when do you need to make sure that it's like an end at some point? Well, that's my thing about long distance. I didn't even, I spared you my long distance speech, but I will tell you that I do think that if you're in a long distance relationship, that you absolutely have to have an end date.

Like, you know that at some point in a year, or some point, like, you, one of you will move to the other city. If you're just trying to figure it out, you're not going to figure it out because what's going to happen is you're going to continue and you're going to stay together in this long distance relationship because they're not like real relationships. I like to call them like vacation relations because your tip, you're essentially on vacation the entire time because every time you see each other, it's so new and exciting and you haven't seen each other and you miss each other and of course like everything's great and the sex

the sex is great and your connection and you have that longing which doesn't happen when you're living in the same city and then that makes everything else taste great feel great with them then you move to the same city and you're like oh I don't know you know so the point is know that there is a time that it's gonna end but if you don't know know that, then maybe it's not gonna work. Because people often call them like, well, I'm not gonna move and she's not gonna move. Like, you shouldn't be together. But I think a year is okay.

Some people are like, we've been longed as for two years, but we see each other every weekend. Or we see each other once a month. Or we see each other. So I guess everybody gets to decide. But if you're in a relationship where you really don't see someone that often or you don't have an end date, like what are you doing then with your life? Like some people we can get so filled up right now on words and texts.

And for some people they've got this nailed the long distance thing. It's very fulfilling for them because they're in their heads about it all day. Like when we're in the same place or once it all happens, that they're essentially living a fairy tale romance with someone that they've never actually lived in the same place with and Might actually work out. So give me a waste of time too. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back. We're gonna get into more of your questions All right, we have a Cindy 55 in New Orleans that wants to ask about squirting. All right.

Hey, Sydney, what's going on? Thanks for calling. So, I have a question for you. I'm very, very lucky. My husband and I have a wonderful sex life. I'm multi-organic. And about four or five years ago, my husband was able to get me to squirt and now he is obsessed. He wants me to do it again and I've been like, no, no, I don't want to try this again.

I don't know what I did that caused it to happen. It just, it happened. So I'd like to go ahead and fulfill his fantasy of having me do that again, but how does it happen? What did I do? A lot of times it has to do. Yeah, you know, it is, it is like, it's, did it happen? Was he using his fingers or were you having sex? Was he using a toy? Do you remember what was happening? And I can maybe I can explain to you more. Sure. He's doing his fingers. Okay. And I was standing and he was sitting on the left seat. Oh, okay. Well, this makes sense. So if you were standing, it means that your legs were closer together. You were probably tensing and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles and you were probably clenching your them together a little bit tighter too.

So when you're standing, I actually, that's a really great way to squirt. I've squirted that way. And so I think that's probably why you were squeezing your public floor muscles. He was using his fingers to penetrate you going in and out and and and hitting your g spot. So maybe try that again. I mean, it's also it really is just continual stimulation of the g spot helps to already be aroused to have like a clitoral orgasm first. For some women it helps to like kind of rub over the pub pubic mound right above your clitoris. Using the magic wand vibrator kind of works for a lot of people. Yeah. Use that over your pubic mound.

Have him use his fingers and then place the magic wand on your pubic mound. pubic mound is just funny word. Yes, exactly. Your pubic mound. But that's where you pie pressure with it. I'm telling you, it's been like this. We had the owners of Magic Wand a few months ago, we love them.

I'm like, have you heard this a lot too? They're like, yeah, all the time. So that's what happened. I was in the first for years. Before I ever even discovered you, I was reading up and found one and I thought, this is a good toy. Amazing.

You know, I don't know when you got it, but they have one that's wireless now, a cordless. Ooh. Yeah, it doesn't even need to plug it. Yeah, you don't need to plug it in and it's just as powerful It's cordless. I know it was huge when that came out four years ago like we had a parade It was only in our office, but we were excited Yeah, so that's what it is. It's all g-spot play with the toys play with his fingers and stand up straight that all makes sense to me So I would try to recreate that. Okay, awesome.

All right, go do me you want to get don't feel pressure Sydney, but you know why not? See how it goes again. Thanks, Sydney. We got Jim 49 in Texas, and he's struggling to relax during sex. Hey, Jim, thanks for calling. Hey, gang, how you guys? We're so good. Okay, gang, how are you guys doing? We're so good.

Okay, so what's on your mind during sex? That's great. I get it. I guess, mostly worrying about getting interaction I get. Oh, okay. Because you haven't been getting one lately? Or... Um, that is, again, it's very inconsistent.

Okay. And at times, like, I've actually lost some weight, and I've exercised in a lot more, and I've been in a lot more things, and I've been, but then, for some reason, I've actually had a harder time getting an erection. Okay. Have you tried, like, have you, you know, you've taken any medications?ction. Okay. Have you tried like, you know, you're taking any medications? No. Okay. And also, have you gotten your testosterone checked, your hormone levels checked? I have not. That's where I would send you first. I'm telling you, you know, over 40, you're with men, your testosterone levels drop. And if there's, if you're otherwise living a healthy lifestyle,

I would think that losing weight and exercising and being healthy wouldn't have an impact and if you're still into your partner and you're still like and join that there's not like resentment spilled up and it's just really like oh my god my penis usually stays hard and out it's not our can't get hard then I would um I would talk to your doctor and get your your levels checked if that's the reason I can't really get it. Yeah. Getting really relaxed.

It's work to watch better obviously, but then other times I'm almost ahead of time thinking of him and I have a problem here And then I am so right okay, so this is so great. So Jim This is like the classic like this happens to everybody men and women were like am I got like one it only has to happen one time for guys Sometimes to premature ejaculate or not get hard and then they all it becomes like the self-affilling prophecy, right? Like self-affilling penis, I've tried to be like self-affilling penis prophecy that you're like, Oh, I'm not going to get out. I'm not going to say it. And then it's going to happen.

So I would say that it's really about retraining your brain. And this is just the same. Have you ever done any like mindfulness or meditation exercises? Jam. Is he gone? Jam, I see gone. I think he's gone. You know, it's like, it's like, that's the thing I want to tell you is that we all do this during sex.

We like orgasm block ourself or we get so in our heads about, how do I look? What is my part and think? Or that like, I'm not gonna have an orgasm because I never have an orgasm. And then sure enough, you're not gonna have an orgasm.

So my best tips is that like, go easy on yourself, but then also learn to kind of retrain your brain to when you're in that moment, the second your thought goes to, I'm not going to have an orgasm, you have to replace it with, for me what works is being in the moment. Like, okay, I go to that thought and then I think, oh, I'm looking at my partner. I'm feeling my hands on their body. I try to incorporate all of my senses so like touch my hands are my partner's body. I'm seeing my partner's beautiful face. I'm smelling this amazing candle that I just let I'm hearing the music. And when you anchor yourself in what's happening present time in the moment, you can't be in your head

tripping about an erection or about your orgasm. It just it immediately drops you into the moment. And I do that even when I'm just like, during the day, if I'm stressed about something, I try to remember to do that. So that also can help you during sex. But then also, and then the other thing is letting your partner know like, so no, it's bringing your partner into it. Like I think sometimes we silently suffer through the stuff when partners were like, oh, I hope he doesn't notice that again in a direction, or you know, he's with her or she didn't notice that I get an erection, or, you know, he's with her, or she didn't notice. Yeah, I hope she didn't notice that like, I'm whatever, that I'm, or I'm concerned that happened last time

and will have happened again this time, or I can't have an organ, and then we just trip it up. If you're like, listen, I realized the last few times I know that one time I make an erection, but I really believe the last three times, because I'm freaking tripped about it. And then if your partner's like, okay, that they can like laugh about,

I'm telling you having some levity, then you'd be like, oh, okay, you don't think it's a deal. I don't think it's a big deal Then I might just pop up there. Yeah, I think it really looks like a pop top. Look at show up. It's my erection Welcome to the bedroom. It's been a while. It's like a snake charmer. Exactly. All right, so we have Jessica from California She is 31 and she is uncomfortable with breast play after breast feeding. So how can she break that to her husband? Hey, Jessica, thanks for calling. Hi. Hi.

So tell me, so your breast is really sensitive right now? Is that what's happening? Well, I've breastfed my son for two years. And after that, it's been such a huge turn off because it's kind of like this this mind game for me where I feel like my breath turned into more of a nourishing thing as opposed to like a sex object so now when my husband tries to like play with them or twist them it just instantly gives me like this like uncomfortable feeling. Right right right. Okay. And how long has that been happening for? About a year now.

Okay. So, so just, this is interesting because I feel like it's just, it's not that it actually hurts. It's more like your brain has associated your breasts for the last two years to, yeah, breastfeeding and like, you know, nurturing, you know, nourishing and nurturing and all those things. So really, I want you to just kind of be honest with him, because that's the only way you're going to like, it's your husband.

And to say, you know what, babe, I realize that since you touched them, it feels a little bit more uncomfortable, and I'm sort of associating with breastfeeding. So let's kind of play together and figure out how we can get that sensation back. And so what I would recommend, Jessica, is to start out slowly, maybe he just starts like slowly tickling around the base of the breast, maybe underneath your breast, a tease,

maybe it's just those nerve endings beneath it, right? And it's not just like he goes full on and grabs them or twists them, but it's like getting to know them again. Maybe he's using some kind of massage oil oil or like a massage candle and it just is like a different sensation on there. And maybe at the same time, he's also perhaps he's also maybe like start slowly with that, but then also like he could be going down on your, you could be using a sex toy in your

clitoris because the nipples and the clitoris are connect the same part of the brain is responsible for pleasure for both of those regions. Nipples clitoris goes to the same part of the brain. And so sometimes like you could maybe incorporate those two again. So I just feel like you're going to have to get familiar with it, but not the same way you were before because you just have to reinvent, you have to rewire your brain around breastplay. So you're not like set this way, like it's been a year, so you haven't tried. So you know what I'm saying, but now like I really think if you tell them about it, then he can kind of work with you on like, you know, do you remember what felt good before? Or did you really like it before?

I just like it before and he has that time like kissed around my nipple and underneath and on the sides and that does always really turn me on. It's just the actual nipple part that I think. Oh! Well, I think that maybe you just let him know that. And actually, maybe once you're honest with him and you're just like, hey, listen babe, but I love maybe you just let them know that and actually maybe once you're honest with him

And you're just like, hey listen babe, but I love when you lick the side and you because I think that's underrated Like licking the side of the breast or touching and then blowing on it and like cool and hot and there's so many nerve-riding So you could say the nipple right now is a little sensitive and then maybe once Like that pressure is tough if you like oh no, I hope it doesn't go for the nipple like then eventually You're gonna realize that you're just gonna, the sensational come back and maybe you'll like it again. But I think just, you know, the more honest you are and say, let's play with everything else but right now.

Yeah, okay. Thanks, Jessica. You're so welcome. Let me know how it goes. That's the good news about a lot of this stuff. We are in our heads thinking that things don't feel good and we can't even orgasm. We can't be touching this way. We can't keep a blowjob because one time

it was bad. Like all these things are all of our limitations in our head. And when we realize that we can learn to rewire, retrain our brains around these things. That's all it is. It's just kind of amazing. Jerry 41 in Alaska and he has an oral sex question. Hey Jerry in Alaska. I love your con from Alaska. How you doing? Happy to help. Oh, what's good? How are you today?

So good. Thanks. Great. OK, I've been married now for just over 20 years. And my wife and I, we have, I think, a fantastic sex life. And I know very open discussion, most things. But recently, she's come up with this thing about oral sex and after we've had intercourse she's wanting me to go

down on her and you know more or less taste my own come and I just can't get my head around it if it's normal or is it a gay thing or no not at all Jerry it's normal or is it a gay thing or? No, not at all, Jerry. It's actually common right now for men to, we've been hearing this, a lot of men want to taste it. The men on their own are like tasting their own con. What's the blog at our site called? I believe, I'll look it up. OK, we'll tell you about it.

But Jerry, no, it's really not a gay thing at all. No sex acts makes us gay. Like, sex doesn't define you make you gay. It's more like um it sounds so she wants you to go down and taste your calm. Okay so it's more like there's nothing wrong with it. It's unhealthy. It doesn't make you gay. It's more like do you want to like because it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable otherwise. Just the thought of, you know, like a man, Seaman or whatever, right? Yeah, that's all it is. I mean, honestly, we, yeah, it's honestly, there's nothing wrong with it. It's not, it's not going to hurt you. It's your own Seaman coming back at you out

of her. So I feel like, and the post on our site is called, is it safe, normal or safe to eat your own ejaculate? That's the post, and we're gonna put that in the show notes for you. So I would really, I mean, maybe you could use a wipe if you wanted to by the bed, that would maybe take some of it away from what she wants, but have you? The other thing that has happened too

is after she has gone down on me, she's sort of held it, and then, well, me really realizing it it she French kissed me and like wow. Well okay so I think that's something you got to talk about first. I don't think it's you know but 20 years of marriage. Have you asked her why she's interested in this? No I just don't know where it comes from

Yeah, and another thing while you're on online here is She has you know brought up and you know put on porn involving a threesome With another man like I don't I don't know if there's something Building up in a fantasy or yeah, it sounds like. I think you've got to ask her. You know, here's the thing. Your sex life is fantastic. You've been together for 20 years, little over 20 years, you said. And I think this is a perfect time to start talking about your sex life.

So this is what I always recommend, okay? I recommend, Jerry, that when you're outside the bedroom, like next time you guys are like having date night, or you're just hanging out with the two of you, just to say, you know what? I'm thinking about our sex life a lot and I think we should just start talking about it. I want to know like what are you know I know the semen thing you want me to you know whatever you want to say you want me to go down and

you and I just want to know more about that. Like I'd love to do things that turn us both on and make us feel good. So let's just start. I want to know, do you have any fantasies you want to try? Maybe think that maybe there's some things you're into. And remember when we're having these conversations, Jerry, they're really calm, they're not shaming, you're blaming, you're judgey, they're just kind of like open, even though you might be feeling inside, like, she wants me to talk to another man, but listen to what she says. And then then it's not, yeah. In the modern world today, is there a lot of this bringing a third party

into the bedroom? If you have a lot of goods to pure marriage. Yes, I have to tell you, Jerry, when I say a lot, I don't know that there's a lot, okay? But what I'm telling you is that if you have a very good secure marriage, there are many couples who that I know of that have called in the show, that have friends that have actually brought a third person in. And it's actually enhanced their intimacy.

And these are the couples that are on really healthy ground. Like you're saying you're on healthy ground and I believe you, but I would also say Jerry, but that before you brought anyone in, couples have to set boundaries and they have to set rules. And like, maybe you don't want a man. Maybe you would want a woman. Maybe, you know, like, does she sleep over? He's sleep over. What are the positions? Is there intercourse? Do they leave after? How do we meet the person? Like, there's a lot that goes into before you bring a third in. But to answer your question, for many couples who are in healthy relationships and then have healthy boundaries it can work it can be really hot and kind of bring that

spark back. Like there's there's part of me that it turns me on to think that you know my wife's you know really to come on and you know I'm yeah I guess I'm not blind to it but I just wonder you know from you know the marriage bond and you know are you committing adultery or you know what's the overall view from it. Yeah no I understand that and that's your own I mean honestly this is what I feel about that is like I think we get to decide what works for us and leave the rest like I'm sure there's other things that you do very well you know abide by your religion or your beliefs. But this one, I mean, I'm telling you, people of all religions and races, they've tried this out and it works.

So that's something that you're going to have to work with on your own. But I think it starts with having a really healthy conversation with your wife about it. And seeing, I love that it turned you on. You could let her know that it turned you on. You could also let her know your concerns. And maybe you guys can kind of figure this out together. But you don't have to make any quick decisions. It's totally a new conversation.

And maybe you watch some more porn with three some's and then talk about it after. Well, that would be hot if we did this. So I would just kind of get curious and have some more talks. Okay. Thanks for calling, Jerry. You're so welcome. I'm here for you. All right, guys. Thanks for calling, Jerry. You're so welcome. I'm here for you.

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