Sex With Emily - Ditch the Drama for Better Sex

Episode Date: July 1, 2016

On this show, Emily and Menace take a call from Emily’s instructor and Somatica Institute founder, Celeste Hirschman to discuss the benefits of sensual intimacy training. Emily talks with Celeste about her experience with somatica training so far, from the first lesson to homework assignments to her most vulnerable moments. The two discuss how this training can help increase your self-awareness, leading to amplified arousal and more pleasurable sex! Also, Emily and Menace divulge answers to your emails about whether your long-distance relationship is worth it and how to get past your porn habit. From the power of breath to getting in touch with your inner child, this eye-opening podcast is sure to teach you something new! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show we've got a very special treat for you. I check in with Somatic of Teacher Celeste Hirschman about my experience in somatic attraining which has been extremely powerful so far. Also answers to your emails are long distance relationships worth the hassle and how do you masturbate without porn? All this and more, thanks for listening. So what's in a name? It's not often you can look at a product's name and know exactly what you're getting. Then along came the rabbit company. The rabbit company is focused on one thing, pleasing you with their selection of high quality

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Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair stand, oh my The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm gonna feel so gone Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can. Check out our podcast and you know what you should do? You should subscribe to our podcast. It's so easy now because you can subscribe at iTunes,

Google Play, Spotify, what's the other one I always forget? SoundCloud. SoundCloud, the last show I was like, I don't remember, soundcloud, it's so fun, so easy. This and everywhere on the planet right now. SoundCloud.com slash sex with Emily. Exactly. Google Play, all that stuff, and I'm review the shelf.

We like when you review it. Do you know what I really like about SoundCloud too? Tell me. It's like people can leave little comments. So as the video is playing, they can select a little part of it. And just write a little comment right there. Really? Be like at minute 20. Yeah, it's cool. It's great. I mean, if you're a big SoundCloud user, go ahead and do it. And just write a little comment right there. Really be like a minute 20. Yeah.

Oh, that's great. I mean, if you're a big soundcloud user, people are like, oh, yeah. Soundcloud. But if you're not a soundcloud user, it's a great site. Yeah. But if you're like, ask with that, I'm all about it. iTunes. And stay in iTunes. It's all good. Don't worry about it. But it is important, though, please, Emily works hard with her whole crew to put this show together. I'm just a guy that presses the buttons.

Please write a review, rate it, whatever place that you listen to the show. That's the, you're a little part that you can do to help. Yeah, that's all we ask. That really helps us. Thank you, Dennis. People listen to you. You love it when it's five stars. I say, do whatever you want. Well, yeah. I mean, if you want to give us one sort of like, email listen to you. You love it when it's five stars. I say do whatever you want.

Well, yeah. I mean, if you want to give us one sort of like email me what you're not happy about. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. I'm like, oh, men, it's that guy sucks to hate him. Yeah. If you say that too, whatever you want. Whatever you want.

I love it. No, we don't love it. No, that's okay. No, but thank you, men. Thank you for saying that. And thank you for being here. Hey, no problem. Good to see you too.

And also one more thing is that you can follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. It's all at Sex with Emily and Facebook.com. That's sex with Emily, which we're thinking we're going to be a million like in the next week or so and you should be that millionth person. And I mentioned this on other shows, but I'm definitely going to help you guys set up so you can do some Facebook live stuff. I think that would, Facebook live. That'd be great.

I would love to do it. That would be awesome. We have a whole little here now, and I'll be pretty easy to do We have recorded in the section on the offices. We are so very excited. Yeah, I think I know how we can do it really We be on it too. Yeah, I'll be on it too I'll be I'll be ready for the feedback of people not liking me. Well, who doesn't like you. No, I mean look I Would love to be the guy in here and be like, yes, you know what? Effet, I want some chick to like,

ram shit up my ass or whatever, you know? But I'm just not that guy. I get it. But I know there's a lot of people on that listen to the podcast that are art into that, you know what I'm saying? There's people that are into Game of Thrones. I don't watch Game of Thrones. But you know what? I'm not gonna judge you because you're into that, You know what I'm saying? There's people that are in the game of thrones. I don't watch game of thrones. But you know what? I'm not going to judge you because you're

into that. Right. You know, just because men are says in the book plugs, you can still listen to the show. It's all good because you know what? We're totally open here and we'll have a discussion about it. Exactly. That's good. You know, I will have some feedback about it. Right. You know, men is not one to hold back. I'm not going to hold back and be like, why the F are you into that? But I'm not gonna dislike you because of it. Exactly, so don't dislike it. I mean, I'm not a dead mental person

and I know that a lot of people are. That doesn't feel good, but hey, poor and so it's sex. If there's something for everyone. So that's the part that I want to define. It's like, I won't dislike you because you're into a certain thing. That's all.

At least to your face, you won't. No. No, he doesn't dislike you. No, it's like you, you'll know it. That's all at least to your face. He won't. No. No, he doesn't just like you. He really does. No, it's like you. You'll know it. Oh, yeah. Thank God.

And I'm so, so surprised. Because you did not like me. We first met 11 years ago. I mean, you liked me, but it was like I didn't know what I was doing. I'm like, who the F is this? What you doing? What is she doing?

Saying F on the radio and stuff like that. It's all good. But we're past that. And 11 years later. So we've had some great shows lately. Did you not love that the lady freaks who were here? Yeah, they, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love when people talk on the show. They're so good. And if you don't know what we're talking about, please look up that. Yeah, it's called the best sex of your life. And it was a really, it was a great show. We had some really good shows, aren't we? So they're all, although I'm...

I talked about them actually later when I was at work doing the Woody show, Morning Show and All in Leningere 7 and Los Angeles, because it's just the stories that they were sharing about one guy's penis was the stories that they were sharing about. One guy's penis was the circumference of a co-can. And then the other one was like, oh, went all the way down his leg to his knee. And I'm like, what the?

Have it. I was telling my co-workers about this. And then they were, yeah. And then they were just dying. Because then they're like, then they brought up the story about, you know, what's the average penis size in America, and then I had a disqualify, because it was a guessing game, and I had a disqualify myself. I go, you know what, I do the sex with Army podcasts,

already know what the average size is. What is it? Well, you've, I think this is a great measurement. You said that it is about the size of iPhone 6. Right, not the success. Yeah, the 6. The 6. That is the average size of a penis.

Not the Coke can go down the surface. Yeah, but they were telling funny stories about penises. Yeah, so they blew my mind. It's a great episode. You got it down there. You got it check, you know. And this is a great episode. I gotta say, well, I already know this week,

because I'm doing the somatic training as you know. And we're going to talk to less than 10 a little bit on the show many many times there. They're esteemed sex and relationship coaches and I chose to take their training. It's a six month training and I'm going every other month up to San Francisco on. I think it's changing your life. I did change my life. It just revived from you.

You different things happening. Different things are happening. It's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. I'm deep, I'm breathing deeper. I'm feeling my feelings more. And so we're going to talk, we're just going to be checking in with me about my practice. And I think everyone's going to be learning a lot from this.

And that's at somaticinstitute.com, but we'll be talking more. You'll find out. But let's do a little sex in the news. All right. What do you got? Do men fake it too? Do men fake it too? Do men fake it too? What do you think?

Uh, do they fake? I mean, I think there's definitely points where they give up, but do they actually go, um, yeah? Pretend they finish. Apparently they do. Oh, really? I've never had, I've never done that in my life, but I'm sure, out of the millions upon millions of people live in the world that it has happened

But I don't know if there's like no listen to this new study because I actually Demented I'm gonna be honest when I started this 11 years ago. I didn't know that either And I remember one of that first years I was doing it that I Learned that that man actually do figure but this is a new study that came out that it's no great secret that women fake orgasms from time to time in fact survey studies have reliably found that most women admit to having done at least once before, but is it something unique to women or do men fake it too? According to research, the male fake orgasm is indeed real and it's surprisingly common. It wasn't until this decade that researchers begin looking into whether men fake orgasms

because for a long time, no one thought there was something guys actually did. A recent study published earlier this year in the Journal of Sex and Relic Ship Therapy took a closer look at men who actually do fake orgasms. For this study, they recruited 230 men, ages 18 to 29, who said they had a fake, at least one orgasm with their current partner. These guys said that they do it,

that these guys, 29% of all sexual encounters with their partner and further that they had started faking orgasms more than a year ago. What? Most commonly these guys said they were faking orgasms during vaginal sex. That's 71% of them. But many also said they'd fake it during oral sex, 27% and anal sex, 22%. What? Yeah. how does this look? Like, what does it look like when it's 20-something guy fakes it? According to participants, the descriptions

range from, I just made some extra noises and told her how good it felt. I just stopped and told her I was done and left. Clearly, some guys put some more work into the climax, but why do they fake it? Was it because the sex was bad or because they weren't really into their partners?

Generally speaking, no. I've never faked it, but I've definitely been so tired at the point that I can't fave. I'm done after, you know. But this is really, you're like, I'm done, I can't come. I'm over. It's going to bad, or it's going to hurt. Or pizza, right?

Exactly. But these guys, bad sex and lack of attraction were the least commonly reported reasons. Yeah. Most frequently, guys said they were faking them because they wanted their partners to feel good or because they wanted to have an orgasm at the same time as their partner. So they faked it, which is why a lot of women say they fake it, which you should never do. I know.

In general, guys, you faked it more frequently. We're actually more sexually satisfied. Really? Uh-huh. They said they were faking it because the sex wasn't good. They weren't fake because the sex wasn't good. Satisfaction was higher for the guys who were faking orgasms.

And here's why. Number one, they wanted to make the sex better. Number two, they were too drunk to reach orgasm. So they just faked it. Whereas men, as we just say, I'm too drunk. I'm done. I'm tired to go to bed. They were having sex when their partners just say, I'm too drunk. I'm done. I'm tired of going to bed.

They were having sex when their partners wanted to, but they didn't. And so they just faked it. So when should you and when shouldn't you fake it? These say make it clear that men do fake orgasms and the guys who fake them seem to do so fairly often. But should you find yourself faking orgasms with any frequency? Stop and think about why you're doing it. Like when you fake it because there's a problem with the sex with your partner,

you're probably not doing anyone favors. So just you better be sure by taking the effort, you were going to put into faking it and spend some time in communication. So the truth is, this is kind of surprising. You're thinking, how would you not know? Like isn't there like stuff, you know, is it ejaculating? So but if you're wearing a condom, aftermath, yeah, no woman's like, wait a minute, did you fake it?

Let me see that condom. Bust out that condom. Yeah, like this right, that's not happening. Do you guys fake to with you Emily? Well, with this 29% no, I don't, yes, probably. Just like, I'm not gonna be the chick who says, well, guys do open now with me. Because guys are like, well, no, the guys are like,

every woman orgasms with me. No, no, you know, women's ever fake it. Not true. Yeah. Produce or mass. And do you think your boyfriend ever faked it with you? Should call. Yeah, let's call him. Let's put him on the spot. I'm, I mean, I'm saying, let's mess with them and say, I know you did. Oh, my God. I'm sure that guys out there that I've had sex with have faked it. I don't think that my boyfriend has faked it. He would tell me honestly. You guys are very open.

Yeah, like we talk about it. I mean, he gives me feedback while we're in the middle of sex. Like there's no way he wouldn't tell me, you know, and the very community. We've never even had a situation where he was like, it's not gonna happen. Like it always happens, right? Yeah, come on.

He's early 20s. It always happens. I'm surprised she didn't say, yeah, he's with me. Come on. Now she wouldn't talk like that, but he is a sexy hot mama. So I gotta say that But it's you let me just say this about faking and I've said it before and I will say it again It is it's such a disservice to fake orgasm because first of all you're not having the kind of pleasure that you want As you for women and for men like just talk to your, communication will get you so much further in life than does faking anything. So that's what I'm gonna say about that.

But also, and for women who fake it, like your guys think, oh my God, like I'm amazing, I'm so great, and you're not teaching them how we could do it better, so you can get more pleasure. So, but these guys are saying they're sexually satisfied because they just want the woman to be pleased. It's a whole confusing thing, but I think you can miss it, don't fake anything.

Like fake, don't fake it. Don't fake your Louis Vuitton bag, don I think, you missly don't fake anything. Like fake. I mean, what do you mean, don't fake your Louis Vuitton back? Don't fake orgasms. Don't fake. OK. What? I mean, OK, so yeah, they did that study above. What's the point of it?

Would you be offended, really offended by that? Or would you even care if you found out a guy faked it? I don't know. I mean, honestly, because the interesting thing here is that the fake thing is- I don't think guys care if a woman faked it here is that the guys care of a woman fake did or not I Think a lot of guys would care. I think a lot of guys are like no woman's ever fake Didn't they find out like I was faking it the whole time to know that time filled episode

Everyone's like I fake did a fake it Elaine and they're like jury I fake it up Yeah, but that's a TV show. I think it's real life guys really care. They will get butter by it I think they would if they would I think if they're like, girlfriend's always faking it. Like there's a lot of women who are like serial fakers. Like they've actually been around. No, I know that. I understand like that affects the woman

and then that sucks for them. But for a guy like do they really care? I mean, they would pretend they care. I don't know, I think like everyone's a while. I'm really gonna try harder next time. Buh, buh, buh, buh. Sometimes you just can't get there. I'm really gonna try harder next time. Bub-bub-bub-bub. Sometimes you just can't get there. I'm just glad to hear the men can't get there too.

You know, I may have known this, but like now you hear why. But since women, you just no matter what, we're really turned on like the just times you just can't. Just like there's times that you can't and you just end it. That's what you just be on. It's like you're not tonight, baby. It's not gonna happen, but love you. Feels great.

Let's go to bed. Okay, now we're gonna take a quick break. Give a shout out to our sponsors, and then we're going to hop on the phone with Celeste. Sweet. Am I semantic at training? All right, I have a confession to make. I'm not what you'd call a good cook.

What? I don't believe it. Yeah, okay, to be honest, I've never really tried cooking, so let's just say I don't cook. There's nothing in a refrigerator, for the way. At all, there's nothing. There's some champagne. At all, it's not because I don't want to. I love food, but I just never make the time.

But I've tried at least a few times and I get super inspired. I buy a lot of groceries, I commit to cook lunch and dinner every day. And the next thing I know, I'm tossing out old produce two weeks later. I've done this so many times, menace I won't even let myself by lettuce now.

So typically, I get home at night, I'm starving, I want my dinner, and I have zero food and zero plan. But this has all changed thanks to blue apron. Blue apron is like the best invention ever. Do you know about blue apron? They develop complete gourmet meals. They measure all the ingredients,

and they ship them directly to me. 100% ready to cook. I open the box, I found the simple instructions and I'm telling you they're simple because you know that I can do it and I have amazing meals that I cooked. I love everything about blue apron, the quality ingredients, the easy to follow recipes and of course the incredible meals. I mean I look like a gourmet chef. Each week features a new round of available recipes and they rival anything you'll find in a high-end restaurant. And because they tend to

exactly what you need, nothing goes to waste. I meet Swaginger Pork Meatballs and New England sales salmon rolls. How about that? And it's so high-end and quality, I impress myself. Now, I know this sounds like way too easy to be true. Like, you're like, how does that happen? How did you make pork meatballs? But get this. It's also affordable affordable, like incredibly so. Blue aprons, gourmet meals, costs as little as $10 a person. And right now you can get two meals free and free shipping. Just go to blue aprons.com slash sex with Emily to see this week's recipes, two free meals, two free meals, and free shipping,

blueaprim.com slash section of that link, check it out. Okay, right now we're gonna talk to Celeste Hirschman, who runs a somatic institute, somaticantstuit.com, I've been taking this life-changing training with her and I can't wait to talk to her. Okay, well we've got my teacher Celeste Hirschman on the phone from the somatic institute

and Celeste and Danielle.com, he's been on my show a bunch for like the last 10 years and Celeste, thank you so much for calling in. Absolutely. I'm so excited. I am too. And my listeners know that I've been talking about the Somatic training that I went to last month in San Francisco and I had to I talked about the boundaries a few weeks ago on the

show and how that's been so helpful for me. Like after the training I came back I just started setting boundaries left and right. It was amazing. I didn't even know I had it in me. And I realized how important they are. Yeah, good work. Yeah, but I was helping that you in your own words, since you are the teacher and the founder

and the creator of Semanaca, that you could just kind of explain it in your own words before we get started on my homework. Sure, I would be happy to. I mean, I think the hardest thing about learning how to do sex and intimacy well is that there's so many places to go where somebody's actually willing to be in emotional and erotic connection with you and then guide you through the tools of that so that you can get better at it and be being really authentic in that connection.

So the somatic amethyst is really about engaging with our clients from a vulnerable, connected, emotionally intimate place, and then helping coach them through everything from sharing feelings to how to seduce and show passion and throw somebody against the wall. So there's a whole range of skills that we need in order to have the hottest sex

and the most intimate and emotional relationships. And you actually have to practice them with somebody who is really willing to be there with you and be open in order for you to learn anything. And that's why we created this method. Yeah, it's a really powerful method. I mean, when I said, because I didn't really know, you know, I've read your book and I've had to in the show, but I didn't know until I was there for five days, actually experiencing it. And, you know, I got so much out of it, but just thinking of how many couples I think could, or individuals,

could really just benefit from it. And I know I did. So yeah, there was here. How was it for you? I'm curious how it was for you to go into that level or that depth of emotional intimacy with all of those different people who you just met. You know, I was nervous.

The first day, I have to say, even just the first exercise, which is so funny was, um, it was looking into your partner's, you know, eyes and just like someone's eyes, you just met for like how many seconds was that? It felt like, it felt like six hours, but the first exercise was just looking into someone's eyes. Yeah, it was about the 30 seconds and you had turned someone you don't know the first exercise right and just staring into their eyes and you realize like We don't even do that when you were such as this intimacy and I thought oh my god

This is gonna be a really long five days, but surprisingly it was just this really instantly like this is really intimate It was comfortable in a way like at first I was nervous, but the second it started I felt like really connected to the person and it and then after that The next one was like someone was pulling my hair and I'm like I'm down. I'm into this,. But it was, no, it was, I'm like, it's starting. Oh, no, we're already starting partner exercises because typically I've done things where I don't know. I'm like breaking into groups. I don't know, but it was the first time I've had that kind of experience of taking a class where I don't know. I was just immediately like, it's just disarming everyone there was just made you feel comfortable on you and Danielle or excellent teachers. But in a way that you don't feel like you're being so taught and that you are so knowledgeable,

but yet we're all on this equal playing field, trying to learn together. And it was powerful. I loved every moment. I have to say I got so much out of it. I had so many great breakthroughs. I came back and I was like setting boundaries with people and I realized that setting boundary, that it's okay and that in my relationships

personally and professionally and that how they were lacking and how I was had so much fear around people not liking me. But that really when you do set boundaries, it's really effective with people. The people want you to set boundaries. It doesn't have to be, it's a hard thing and that it helps everyone understand the relationship Emily's has has been such a free spirit and then you you are a pleaser, you know, I am yeah You want to say okay? Even though maybe inside you're like, I'm not really down with this So I've been checking myself on that Celeste to help you know where I even have come back and said you know what?

That's that's really not comfortable for me and I have to say that it actually doesn't feel right for me. That's how you build trust in relationship actually setting your boundaries and of course there's going to be disappointment sometimes but I think in the long term it really makes people know, oh she's only going to do what feels comfortable for her and that's what makes people trust you. Right, so I appreciate that. And also one thing that was just really powerful for me

was a quote. And there wasn't much writing on the, it was a lot of like, you know, what I love is that it is very hands-on and experiential. You know, we're not listening to lecturing, we're really experiencing these things. And I learned by doing it, I think a lot of people do. But when you did write that quote on the board,

and I've quoted this so many times since, that relationships are not about perfection. They're about repair. And I thought that was very, very powerful. I'm wondering if you could speak to that. Yeah, I feel like all, you know, just by being who we are, completely in earnest, our suites that wonderful self, we're going to step on other people's toes. Like that's impossible not to because people have different needs, they have different beliefs about the way to live a life, they have different boundaries.

And if we try to tip to all the time, we are screwed. You know, we don't get to be ourselves. But if we just say, okay, I'm not perfect, I'm going to be who I am, and then if I do happen to step on somebody's toes, I'm going to be there and listen to them, and hear their feelings, and share my feelings, and be willing to reconnect when there's these distances or disruptions. That's what also builds trust and relationship and makes you know we can get through things that

are challenging because we cannot have a relationship that's not challenging but we can have a very amazing relationship if we can get through those challenges together right so if we can repair then we have the opportunity for sustainability. Right and it doesn't mean that anything's wrong, that's actually a normal part of a really a healthy relationship is that you're you're constantly repairing and growing and getting closer through this process. It's mental. There's no intimacy. If people say they never fight or they never have problems with each other, I'm like, oh really? You must be living separate tracks. Exactly. You're not

impacting each other. Then to to me there's not intimacy. I know. I agree. I think about that too because I think about I used to be that person in relationships like you know in my early 20s. I was like we never fight and a lot of you might think still believe like well we don't fight we get along so well so therefore we have this perfect relationship. Yeah.

And that's not necessarily the case. So I also went so we have a homework and I and I wanted to talk about the embodiment. Actually, so we were focusing on breath and focusing on moving the breath because I do a lot of meditation. So every morning in the night I do like 20 minutes of meditation. And so a lot of that is just, you know, again, it's like a vipassana focusing on my breath and when your thoughts come in, you move it back to your breath. But I was able to incorporate the exercise of moving the breath through my body

and moving the erotic energy down to my pelvic floor and realizing that it just has really awakened me and that I am getting more turned on and that I am just throughout the day after I've been incorporated into my practice, I'm just feeling much more embodied. which I realized that I wasn't as much before. Through all my yoga, my meditation, all that it wasn't connecting.

And I wasn't able to. That's why I was so thrilled because I didn't know much about that, even though I read your book, I didn't understand the somatic of method until I was actually there practicing it as much, obviously, like a lot of things in life. And I realized that whenever people would say to me, like, where do you feel this emotion in your body? You know, I was like, I don't know, I'm feeling things, you know, I think I've very shut down

that a lot of it, you know, I had a tightening of my chest and I realized that a lot of my, a lot of my breath was about that. So now I'm just so conscious about, you know, breathing and moving it through my body and just feeling a lot more sensations. Yeah, I think until we get the PC involved, until we get the pelvic floor in the mix, it doesn't really register. At least you don't feel as alive and erotic and connected if you don't have

your whole pelvis involved in the breath and in the connection. Yeah, it's been powerful for me. So thank you. And it's funny that it does, because I've been meditating for years, and that now it's just, it's really, I mean, I'm looking, first of all, I'm looking forward to my meditation more, because a lot of times it turns to like, you know, an erotic session.

Let's just say that. And a little bit more masturbation. Which I don't think there's a chance of me on, I'm gonna get it. I'm so turned on now. But immediately though, and I've always known this, it's sort of a joke so turned on now. It's like it but immediately though and I've Always known this like it's sort of a joke in my office too. It's like you know a lot of times when I go Take really deep breaths and everyone's like what's wrong? I'm like no, no, I just realized I probably haven't breath breathing

The last four hours I haven't taken a breath in four hours So you know, I don't do that anymore because I feel like my breath is just more easily flowing and I'm just you know more in touch with You know, I've slowed down don't I sound really slow right now yeah feel relaxed aren't I just chill I'm just chillin yeah but I really I don't you've talked it all but I feel like it was really brave of you to get up in front and do that demo did you get a chance to talk no let's talk about that I have not can you talk about that from your experience? And I could talk about mine.

Well, I just felt like it was so beautiful and vulnerable for you to really let yourself get up there and talking about dropping in, letting yourself be emotional and show your emotions in front of all those people and let your inner child be seen. I just felt like it was so beautiful and powerful. Thank you. Yeah, there was an exercise. So inner child work is where you really, you go back to partner life that might have been more challenging or where a lot of us get

stuck at certain points in our life that things had happened. And yeah, I was able to really drive, you know, they said, do you want to volunteer? And I raised my hand because again, I heard about inner child work and I intellectually, again, I'd heard about it in her child work, and I intellectually understood it, and I know how powerful it is, but I'd never really done it. So they said, and I was hoping I got picked, and I got picked.

I went to the front, and we're talking, there's like 60 people in there in the room. Yeah. And I went up there with Abdenyal, who's your partner, and I was sitting in her lap, right? Was I sitting in her lap the whole time? Wow.

I know, it was intense? Was I sitting in her lap the whole time? Wow. I know it was intense. And I dropped in and we she took me back through. She guided me. They're through breath and through my eyes were closed and going back to a time of my life that was really, really, I'd say the most difficult time of my life was when I was about nine or 10 years old and I had a very like abusive stepfather.

Man, I don't know if you even know this about me. And it's really been something that, you know, there was a lot of anxiety he lived with us from age 10 to 14 and that was a very traumatic time of my life where I think, you know, I'm stuck in a lot of ways. And Danielle was able to guide me to go back to this time where I felt that fear of living with this man who was abusive, mostly emotionally abusive, and I would get so afraid whenever he would come home from work. And like, I'd forgotten all of this. And like, the garage door would open and my brother and I would run out to our rooms because we were so scared. And she was able to be there for me and

comfort me to that space where then I was able to take the place of being like the adult Emily comforting the little 10-year-old child Emily who needed it at that time. Like I would have needed an adult to be there and to be caring for me. I was able to give her that little Emily, the big Emily, was able to say little Emily It's okay, and I'm here for you and things are gonna be okay, and I protect it I don't actually, I don't know,'t know so less you want to speak more about that But that's kind of what I was in another place. Wow. I cried I cried like I cried the whole room was people were crying. I mean it was Emotional very emotional. I did some serious work. It's amazing like I could be in therapy for 15 years

And then you an exercise you know in front of a bunch of people for five minutes and it changes that your whole life. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a little bit. I feel like as adults, you know, we sometimes our little child just sort of takes over because we get hurt or scared in the same way that we did when we were young.

And then we'd start doing what a little child would do and to have your adult there as sort of an advocate saying, OK, I'm going to pick up for you. I'm going to be your advocate out in the world, I'm not going to let you get hurt in that same way, but I'm going to do it by communicating and sharing your needs and your boundaries right, all of these things. But getting in touch with that child in the first place is what helps us learn how to do that and not saying, oh, let's forget about that, that ever happened because she's

still there, right? She's still there and sometimes she runs the show So actually being tuned into that younger part of you helps you feel how helps you be more Empowered out in the world. You're like I got your back now. Don't worry With all this and you know when people go through These exercises that thing like that what What is the angle in everything? Just to learn more about yourself or, you know, I don't know, because what therapy and things like that,

what's always the angle, do you think? At least with you, what's your angle, Emily? God, for me, and then Sus could speak this after, what my angle is, I know that I experienced as we all do, and I think I experienced some trauma in my life, like the divorces and my dad dying. There was a lot of things in my life, but that particular period, such formative ages, I feel like I have a lot of anxiety, and I think a lot of it comes from that time in my

life. And like Celeste said, you don't, a lot of it just from that time of my life. And like Celeste said, you don't, a lot of just repress things that happened to us and we keep moving through life, but they don't actually go away. We sort of just learn how to cope with them, but when you actually zoom right in and you can go back to that time,

there is a healing that can take place. And the comforting that I can go back, I saw myself sitting on my bed as a 10 year old child and I saw myself in my bedroom sitting on my bed as a 10-year-old child, and I saw myself, like, in my bedroom, that was, like, at this yellow room with flowers, and, and, and, and feeling, like, scared. Like, I, I got in touch with that anxiety and that, that fear that I felt, and knowing that I would have been so nice to have, like, an adult come in and come for me. So, for me, it was sort of, like, it, it brought me, it kind of married my adult,

self with my child, that could when Celeste said running the show, we all have little parts for ourselves, fears that still show up. We don't even know, like in your daily, things that make you nervous, menace, or things that make you scared or insecure that happen at work, a lot of that stuff stems back to stuff that happened in childhood. And so for me, I was able to like bridge that connection and kind of like go of a lot of it. I don't think things ever go away, but you learn to kind of soften them and they don't have as much weight, you know, once you're in touch and you feel vulnerable.

Again, there's also the process of being vulnerable and having someone there wouldn't think, having whole room witness. And so, how would you explain it, Celeste? Well, I think if you increase yourself awareness, then you can be responsive, I'm sorry, there's a motorcycle coming out. I think you can be responsive instead of reactive. Sometimes when things happen to us and we aren't self-aware or mindful and we haven't done any of our healing,

then we just freak out in the ways that we did when we were younger, or something like that. And I used to be just crazy when I was younger in relationship because any time I felt like somebody was even like leaving me in the slightest way, or I couldn't say what I wanted, because I was scared that they would leave. And so I was just constantly in drama, drama, drama mode.

And as I healed and learned how to understand like what was scaring me and be able to talk vulnerably about that and be open, and be able to self-sue, and just not get so freaked out, then I was able to just, I'm so much more calm and easy and connected and my relationships are much more time-in-fun, much less time-in-drama, and then around sex, just knowing your body and being more embodied and arousable and learning all the things that turn you on. Then your sex life is so much more pleasurable also.

And so it's like way more ease, way less drama, way more pleasure. To me, that's the end goal of therapy. Yeah, how about that, Mass? I, it sounds like a long road, yeah. It is a long road, but I think men is going to sign up for the next sematic of training. Which one is that? I think I'm just going to send him. I men is going to sign up for the next somatic training, which when is that? I think I'm just going to send them.

I'm not going to let them come back. Yeah, but we're starting in April. We can't wait to have you, men. All right. I think it would be good for you. Are you ready? No, but I think that's a really, I mean, we do. It's true in relationships.

Obviously, I, you know, a lot of intimacy issues, a lot of not wanting to get close. The way I've reacted in relationships in the past have just not always been so healthy. I didn't think I thought I didn't want relationships because relationships always end. And then realizing that a lot of it is just our own fears that we're bringing from relationship to relationship and then learning how to stop that cycle. Sometimes we forget, like I did and sometimes people shut down and distance. There's lots of ways that we're reactive. They don't always look so dramatic.

They can seem very quiet, but they are a distancing and that's what takes us out of things that are most pleasurable in our lives, like, intimate connection and touch, you know, so we can get more and more of that once we are less reactive. Exactly, so that's my process so far. Well, thank you so much, Celeste, I appreciate your time and for being in on some pictures. And we'll be checking with you again next month. And obviously, we would San Francisco and I can't wait. This has been really powerful for me.

And I think for a lot of people, everyone in the class. So thank you. Nice pleasure. Okay, enjoy the day. Thanks for your time. Bye. So last. All right.

That was interesting. Wow. You got pretty deep right there. I know, right? You were sharing things. I know you did to do learning stuff. I did learn some things. I know. This seems like this course has been changing your life.

That was just like the first one. Yeah. I got to buy more. Just wait. It's crazy. New person. I love it. Thank you for being here for me. Okay.

Let's get on to emails. All right. Okay. Everyone, thanks for emailing us. Feedback at sexwithme.com. We love getting your emails. And we love and you include your name, your age. We're listening from and how you listen in your email.

Hey Emily, I love this show, especially the theme. But I have a predicament for you. I've been together with a girl for five months, but she lives an hour away by train. She tends to be busy with the work often, so I only see her about once a month. She's great, feisty and interesting, but I'm wondering

if she's worth the hassle. Should I find some better where I can see more often or keep at it and try to make the situation better? Thanks, Bailey 18 Eatonburg, Scotland. He's 18. Scotland. Scotland. What's up, Scotland?

What up, yo? Okay, so my advice for long-term relationships is they're fine as long as you have in a date. Longest relationship? Yeah. LDR. If, you know, there should be an end date, like we are doing long distance right now, but we know eventually we're going to move to the same town. Yeah. You know, because then you know, like, because otherwise what's the point?

Like, seeing someone once a month, it's no way to have like a real relationship. So I think yeah. Oh, so what? Oh, it's only hour by train. But she can only see him once a month. She's busy. Oh, it's crazy.

But once a month is not like, I think, enough for him. So he wants no shitty work on it. She just break up with her or, you know, what to do because he really likes her. But once a month is like, no relationship. Yeah, once a month is crazy. Yeah, I don't know what to do in the session. I don't want to say automatically break up

because if you really dig this person, then you should just keep on going and tell. I think he's got three options. I think that let her know, like, hey, I want to figure out a way to see her more. I mean, I know she's working a lot, but can you go see her barely? Like, you didn't mention like, you know, that. Are you FaceTiming, Skyping? That helps you.

Do you see each other more over the internet? Is that why, like like actually seeing each other all in once a month is actually not that big of a deal? Because you feel like you see them every day? I don't know. Face time can help that, it's true, you know? But can she come see you? You know, does she work?

Can she work while she's in town? Like, is there compromise? That's your first choice. Number two, continue to see her, but also see other people. If that's possible with your relationship that you're in right now, the arrangement that you two have. Number three, your other option is if you want to be in a monogamous relationship with someone you see more often as a lot of people do, you might have to end this relationship and look for someone in your city. So I say definitely talk to her first, let her know how you're feeling, but if you can't

compromise, it might be time for a different approach to this relationship. Because long distance, you're just like, he's young, he's 18, there's probably lots of hot chicks right next door. That's what I got to say. And what's that thing that you can have sex over the internet? Because I'm still obsessed with that. The key, though, the key you're looking at over there, the key rule. The key rule.

My flashlight, yeah. You can have sex over the internet, that's true, but he still can't cuddle. Okay. Um, you love it. You're fasted because you invented it first in your brain. That's why you're fasting. It doesn't mean that there's not room or room in the market madness. If you've had spare time, I'm still trying to understand how it works. You can take it home and try it out with your girlfriend in the next room. Because the thing is like, yeah, this is the part that because the okay, there's two pieces to it, right? And then there's the part that's the dildo, okay, I'll just call it a dildo. And then there's the other part where it's the insertion device, which the guy has, right?

So the guy is doing the motion where he is, let's, I'm just going to say Jackhammer, right? Let's say he's Jackhammering it, right? So how does the dildo part actually have the up and down motion instead of vibrating? Or does it just vibrate? It's connect so she can, it is vibrating, but he's using like a flashlight, his penis.

So the way that he's moving it up and down, it's like his vagina's on her, his pibial penis. So the way that he's moving it up and down, it's like his vagina is on her his pibial penis. And then so she's feeling the motions that that he's doing with that that. So he's making a vibrate faster. Yes. Yes. And then she's feeling that that makes sense to you. Yeah, it does. It does. I'm just I just figured that it would actually have the penetration motion, but I okay, so now him inserting makes a vibration. So now I get it. Yeah, okay, good.

All right. Cool. Got it. Good. And you're welcome to take that out. Welcome to take that home with you. Okay, hi, Emily. I've been trying to get into podcasts, but I haven't found one that I care to listen to

until I found yours. It's so entertaining and enlightening, and you talk about my favorite topic, sex. I do have a question for you. I masturbate often like almost every day but I have to watch porn. I just can't do it without. I've been wondering if I should cut out the porn and just try to enjoy it myself but I can't get myself turned on. And he thought, thanks, cheers, stay amazing. Izzy. Izzy. This is a great question and it gets a lot of attention lately. So I understand like she's wondering, I'm thinking it's a girl, it's funny. At first I thought it was a guy, but is he, I guess that's why.

I don't know why. I always think that men are asking. Is it going to be a guy too? Yeah, I guess I'm thinking that men are always asking like, you know, asking how can I stop watching porn more so than women. But this is again, it's a great question. And the thing about watching porn is, I understand that you just want to be, no, like, can I get turned out without it? Yes, you can.

The brain is our largest sex organ. You just need to, you know, start thinking about, you know, what turned you on? Sex, a thought, scenario, past, scenario, past scenarios. But also, you know, it's more that you're like, you've grown accustomed to the erotic scenarios

you're watching. It's not that you're addicted to porn. So I would rebuild your masturbation practice, like focus on the touch and sensation in your body. And I know it first, you're like, no, I can't do this without porn. But I would just try to like, you know, have a date night with yourself.

Take a bath, they start touching yourself, you know, play music, whatever it is, it turns you on. And make this about your own mind and your body connecting. So how does it feel when your hands are on your body? How does it feel when you touch your nipples? How does it feel when you glide your hands over your clitoris or maybe and really just every time you're thinking

I need the porn, start just focusing on the sensations that you're having in your body at that time. And it's kind of like, you know, taking it away from the porn, which is something that's outside yourself and focusing on what you're feeling in the time of your body. And now, again, since you're so used to porn, you might first feel like, oh, I can't do it and get frustrated, but the thing about sex is you can train your body to respond to different sensations during masturbation.

So, you know, visually you just were kind of like standing by, like, watching. But now if you get more involved with, you know, your body and the touch and the sensations that's happening, you're going to realize that your masturbation could go to a whole different level. You can also, I mean, there's nothing wrong with like also like fantasizing and just thinking about, you know, scenarios that have happened to you in the past or what you want to happen in the future. And you know, remember, there's a time where there was not porn to watch and it wasn't

that long ago or a lot of people had to use their minds and they had to think of the sexy thoughts or, you know, focus on their bodies, either one, one or the other or both. So, you know, this is something you can do. I mean, I didn't sound like you like or having a particular problem with it, but you just want to try it out. And I think that's great because I think just like having sex with your partner, it's great to always mix things up.

Yeah. So, I would say focus on your breath, your touch, do your keg-electricizes while you're masturbating because that's a great way to, for a lot of women, they need to actually, they actually do keg-electricizes that tensing and relaxing, tensing and relaxing when they are masturbating.

So you can do that masturbate in the shower. When you masturbate in the shower, you can't actually have, you don't have your computer there. You can't watch porn. So you have to use your imagination. Yeah, to use your imagination, you can just focus on the feelings in your body again, one or the other. And I think you're going to be very surprised.

You're going to realize that you can do it. But don't be frustrated the first time. You're like, oh, I just can't do it. And even if you're like, oh, I'm just gonna watch porn right now, that's fine. But as long as you're working on the practice, I promise you can get there. You do not know one.

Actually, men and women, you do not need to watch porn to get off. You just don't. Men doesn't. No. You don't like porn? I don't, because it just, again, it goes to the cheesy factor, but yeah, so your

imagination you can come up with anything you want on demand. Exactly. You know, in a second. Right. You can have a second. You're not worried at. Absolutely. So, you know, again, focus on your breath, touch, and in fact it's like it's so important

to be in touch with your body. Like I was talking about whistle-ass. Like I've learned so much about just, you know, I think I'm a very connected stuff of a we're a person, but a lot of times, you know, we just have this like 12 inch journey that we have not done from our head to our heart. We don't connect them like our body,

like our mind to our body, and we're either living in our mind, earn our body, and we're not connecting them. So, I want you to do all of that. It's amazing, sex is amazing. Move your breath through your body. Okay, I want you to do all of that. It's amazing. Sex is amazing. Move your breath through your body. Okay, that's all we get time for today.

Great show, Emily. Thanks for sharing earlier on that call. Thank you. You opened up to a lot of listeners. Yeah, I feel good. You know, I love sharing and I love evolving. Just so you know, it's never too late to be evolving and learning and growing.

Madness to your next. Oh, really? Yeah. I have a long way to go. You're all trying to understand. I'm kidding. You know what? I'm kidding. We all do. I think you're never, you are never done learning and growing and evolving and changing.

That's a beauty of life. Okay. So find menace everywhere at menace. At menace. Yes. And thank you. I still get comments on Chiro's page. My dog, my little baby.

My dog, my dog, my dog girl. You bring Chiro up sometime. I will. She would love it. My dog Chiro on Instagram. I, because I don't know how many podcasts ago. I said, if you listen to the entire podcast all the way till the end, I want you to go to my dog Chiro on Instagram and comment and say, I listen to the end and people still comment. I love it. From a long time ago, so thank you so much.

Okay, so what's the, okay, I want you to go look at my bikini picture. Oh yeah. On my Instagram because apparently you all really like it. And if you go comments on that bikini photo or any of them and tell me that you listen to the end of the show, I hope you very, I'll send you a special kiss. Yeah, so Instagram.com slash sex with Emily.

Right. And slash on my Instagram. I do. And subscribe to the podcast. Oh, and go shopping at our website. We've got a store there. And also you can leave your messages. You've got a voicemail. It's actually the numbers on the website. I don't know what it is. This is my sexy Emily dot com. So guys, check it out. So thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you?

Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. So, you know what I've never get tired of? Talking about the Magic Wand? Seriously, it's like telling stories about your best friend. I actually think I have more stories about Magic Wand than I do my best friend. But anyway, the Magic Wand was part of my life long before it was part of the show. Now it's time to make a part of your life as well. For more than 30 years, the Magic Wand has been the trusted toy that women around the

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