Sex With Emily - Does Size Matter? 15 Years of Penis Questions

Episode Date: July 24, 2020

We’ve come a long way since Sex With Emily started 15 years ago, but there’s still more we could do to end shame around penis size. Just last year, our culture was bubbling with praise for Big Dick Energy. But does size really matter? In this 15th Anniversary Episode, Dr. Emily gives plenty of reasons why we should stop our fixation with large members.Also in this episode, Emily talks to Jeff Abraham, CEO of Promescent, about reaching orgasm too quickly. Emily and Joanna Angel talk about the best sex positions to help you orgasm with a penis, whether that's yours or your partner's. We hear calls from Emily's early days as a podcaster and get her latest take on how to deal with size issues.For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. On this show, we talk about basically how to prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex, because hey, remember this, there should be no shame in your sex game. I know you're going to enjoy today's episode, because whether you're a new listener or you've been with us since the beginning, we want to celebrate 15 years of sex with Emily, by bringing you some of our favorite clips and content over the last years. In this 15th anniversary episode, we're talking about all things penis.

But the episode isn't just for penis owners, it's for the people who love them too. We talk about everything from how to please a penis, how to deal with erectile challenges. Once we cover that, we move on to how to get pleased by the penis with porn star veteran Joanna Angel. And of course, a compilation episode of 15 years of penis advice would be incomplete. Without addressing, the 8-old question does size matter. We're talking about all this and more, so stick around and make sure you like, subscribe. And most of all, share this episode with a lover or a friend.

Because believe me, if you got something out of it, they will too. All right, hope you enjoy the show. You're thinking about baseball school. If you're thinking about your grandmother naked, you're thinking about dead skunks on a soccer field. You're like, everything possible not to ejaculate. Right.

I know women who have left men because they were unimaginative and had a little pain. But if he's imaginative, he can really blow their socks off. I have special powers where I direct people having sex. You know, I'm like, I know you think the dick's all the way and you put it's really not. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a bygone day.

In this special anniversary episode, we're starting with some old calls about common penis perplexities. And by old calls, I mean early on in my career. Do you trouble coming to climax with the partner, or are you reaching orgasm too quickly? First, I'm throwing back to an episode with Jeff Abraham, CEO of Promessant.

Enjoy. Hello, Jeff Abraham. I'm so glad you're here. Glad to be here. Jeff is a CEO, promising you guys. I've been talking about promising for three years on the show. Little over three.

Little over three. Wow. We're like old friends. I love this. I'm so glad to see you. I do get a lot of questions about a Ractylized Function and PE as well. So tell me, Jeff, if people don't know

they've been listening for a while, let's just give them the load on and promise it and how it got started and why it's immediately started by a urologist, Dr. Ronald Gilbert, a new port beach. And the reason he developed promise and being urologist, if someone came in and they had problems with ED, he had biagrosial, a little feature or try and make shots, they came in with incontinence, he had three to four options, they came in with prostate issues, he had biagres, he had allos, of each or a try and make shots. They came in with incontinence, he had three to four options. They came in with prostate issues, he had three or four options.

They came in with PE, it was like a good luck. You know, learn how to do, yeah, learn how to do, learn how to be real good at Conolingas, because you know, there's something I can do for you, you know. But then it was like, well, wait a second, they can be good at Conolingas and also less, a little bit longer. So they actually had a medical solution,

so-called solution, it was SSR rise, depression drugs, the serotonin reuptake inhibitors. And what they do, unfortunately, is they give you dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, loss of libido, you're like, excuse me, that's worse than having PE. So he didn't wanna use those, he said there's gotta be something better.

So he in conjunction with a research chemist at the University of Georgia developed a eutectic formula that changes light-accounted, changes a crystal structure from crystal to oil-aquias. When it does that it penetrates the dermis of the stratum corneum. So it gives the man a higher degree of surface sensitivity because it goes beneath but you still have that control and it doesn't transfer to the female. Right, so let's talk about using it. So I've used it, I think everyone here is using

promise him. So, but like, let's just talk about work. So your guy who, maybe you have PE, but you just would like to last longer, bed. So you've got a bottle of promise him next to your bed. And you just, you put a pump or two on your penis and you put it on and you have to wait. This is important.

You do have to wait like 10 minutes. It takes about 8 to 10 minutes for to absorb. So if you want maximum efficacy with the product, but the one thing I need to make clear, everyone always goes, if you have PE, you're obviously familiar with the arousal gap and the orgasm gap, that the average man lasts 5 and a half minutes. The average female takes 18, 19 minutes. So there are guys that go, I don't need it. I last long enough.

And I ask them this question. I go, if you ever been in a situation that the last two minutes are like, oh, please, I hope she doesn't get on. I last long enough. And I ask them this question. I go, if you've ever been in a situation that the last two minutes are like, oh, please, I hope she doesn't get on top. Oh my God, I hope she doesn't go. The reverse cargo. Oh my God. And then you're thinking about baseball scores,

you're thinking about your grandmother naked, you're thinking about dead scunks on a soccer field. You're like, everything possible not to ejaculate. And they'll go, well, yeah, but everybody does that. I go, how would you like not to do that? That is actually a larger segment of the population than people who have PD. That's true. That is actually a larger segment of the population than people who have PD. That's true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That is true. That anxiety, if you go, oh, she done yet, I can't go. And we laugh about it because we have people that email us

and they'll go, the question now is not gonna last long enough, do I want to give her two or three? You know what I mean? You know, I want to, you know, and it's, to me, it's all about making the most out of everything you do in life. And we're a society that wants to maximize things. Why wouldn't you want to, if you're a man,

achieve the maximum pleasure? Why would you want to be have anxiety written during intercourse, or whatever type of sex you have to be having? You want to, if you're a man, achieve the maximum pleasure? Why would you want to be anxiety-ridden during intercourse, or whatever type of sex you have to be having? You want to enjoy it. You want to take one more variable out of the equation. Right, and I think there's a lot of guys who, yeah, it's not necessarily Pete, but they just want to, that's true.

I mean, they want to last longer, and I know especially like when I'm with guys for the first time, for a second time, they were like, don't do that, because I'm going to come to the clinic. That's exactly. I'm like, I don't do what, I've got to do that. Don't do what, that's what I want to do. You know what I mean? What do you mean, don't do that, because I'm gonna come to the clinic. That's exactly. I'm like, I don't do what, I've got to do that.

Don't do what, that's what I wanna do, you know what I mean? What do you mean don't do that? And I get it, this happened to me recently. I was like, really like one of those, but he was a kid in a sex and a while. But I get it, and like if he's a- But one of the things too, I gotta tell you this, if you're a man, the first time you're with a woman,

there is a heightened sense of anxiety. Right. And with a heightened sense of anxiety, there's a higher predisposition to not last as long because you're so turned on. And I tell this to people all the time. It was like this first. Oh, yeah. I've never been married. So I've never been in any more than a four or five year relationship. But I, I know this for a fact, even at this point in my life, I'm 59, the very first time you're with a woman, that idea of,

I don't know exactly how she's going to act in this situation. It's extremely enticing. And it's, I'm just being honest, you know. That's just you. It is. It's fresh. And even though everyone has two breasts and a vagina and every guy, the first time you undress someone.

It's hot, right? It's hot. It is frickin' hot. you undress someone. It's hot, right? It's hot. It is freaking hot. I swear to God. There's no denying it. Right. Yeah, it is. It's extremely hot. And anytime it's hot and you're aroused, you're obviously going to have a higher degree of arousal.

And it's going to be harder to maintain a longer period of time. When you've been in a relationship, eight, ten years, I don't care how creative you are, certain things become a little bit routine. So even though it can still be a pleasurable relationship, there's not that heightened arousal. Like, I know, you know exactly what's gonna happen next. I know, Bryce.

You had sex 4,000 times together. So you have- That's the other tough question we get asked is, you know, how do I, you know, how do we spice it up? How do I keep it interesting? And it is possible, but it is possible. It is possible. People don't realize that relationships take work

and that even sex, you gotta prioritize your sex life. If you're, you know, you wanna keep, you wanna keep interesting, then, you know, you gotta like try new things. You gotta talk about it. Like talking about it is so hot and couples are so afraid. Like especially guys who are, you know, and women just having challenges with anything.

Yeah. Or with making time for sex and keeping it hot and people just don't realize it, it does change over time. We have this happening. It's okay. They can't be excited about the fact that, like, guess what? Sex won't always be like this, but look where sex can go. It can be like this, and be excited about talking about sex with your partner, and be excited

about trying new things. That's what I want people to think about when they think about like long term sex. We have John from San Francisco Sex Information. He can answer all your questions. Any sex questions at all? Okay, we're going to talk to Joe in Livermore. Hey Joe, thanks for calling Sex with Emily. How you doing, Emily?

Great, how are you? Oh, great, great. I have a question. Sure. Every time I can masturbate and you know, it'd be good But then when I when I'm with a woman, I don't know maybe a shyness or what but I mean, I love it The sex is great. I just can't finish you know, I mean yeah, you can't have an orgasm when you're having sex with the woman Yeah, John says this wrong. I give I could give a woman. I mean multiple multiple. I think I go online

Really? Yeah, Joe I can give a woman I mean multiple multiple I mean I go online really Show multiple multiple but you can't your my space account. So what's the problem? No, just kidding. Okay, no joke. I've heard this a lot Joe. I can't I don't know It's because I'd never like my dad left. I was nine months old or something I don't know if they had something to do my hand or I mean I'm kind of worried about it It's what you have to do with your hands. You're usually masturbating a certain way and used to a certain form of stimulation and a completely different form of stimulation is going to be different and something you have to get used to and sometimes it could be oral with your partner to you, different and you

have to let it go and relax, and it'll happen. It might not happen the first, second, or third time, but it's not that you're broken. It's just that you're used to a different form of stimulation, and you have to get used to the new one and understand that you're going to have a lot of different forms of stimulation. And you can do things to, you know, shall we say, finish the situation. They can be really hot. You can deal with your partner that really brings you both into each other more sexually

and more intimately. And- You could have her fit like, you might not, you tell me like you can't, you're not able to ejaculate when you're actually inside, but she could help me. She could help me. I mean, yeah, I don't give you a raw,

it just stays up, I'm not- No, baby, that's fine, I hear you. I hear you. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot.

This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot.

This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. This is a lot. Here's something to try. You know, it's not like let her go at it for another hour or earlier whatever It might be that's gonna be traumatic for some people at a certain point. You have to go common sense We're doing this for like 10 or 15 minutes. Try something different even a warm shower between the two of you

Which will you know relax you a little bit you can start up again? You know if you're you're sitting there in a situation where you can have a shower with your partner, that's going to, you know, relax you, go back into it and start being sexually again in a different manner, it's going to be like resetting you. There are different things you can do that way. It shouldn't be like, you know, people toiling in a coal mine, you know, trying to bring you to the orgasm. It should be something fun and pleasurable, and you can do things to mix it up. You can do it yourself.

Yeah, mix it up. I don't think it has a do mean I don't know he shouldn't you I don't know if you should stop but I think it's a good point is that like a lot of times in your head you think you're not going to be able to and then just to kind of like try alternative you know other ways have her help you might not be during a traditional intercourse but nothing's wrong with you baby. Okay thanks Joe thanks for calling sex with Emily. Yes, menace, menace are boredot, producer, what's up? No, I was going to say that it happens to me all the time.

Really? You can't. Like 80% of the time. You can't have it orgasm during sex. Why? Yeah, I... What do you think? What happens in your mind?

I mean... As your turn on it and then you lose it or what happens? No, no, it just doesn't happen. Do you finish it off after? Yeah, yeah. You do or she does for you. I do and then sometimes she does in other ways. Um, I, I, interesting. Okay. So why do you think that you don't menace during sex during intercourse? Honestly, I don't know. That's why I tell you that I can go for, you know, are you wearing condoms with this? Do you wear condoms? Yeah, but here's the thing. Stay away from intercourse when you're not being able to get to the point like you are,

remove the condom and have her do something or have you do something. Here's something else. You can finish yourself, but if you're making eye contact and she's telling you what to do or whatever, that can be so hot and interesting and different than what you've done, you might have a pretty interesting orgasm, and that's the other thing we get. Guys go, oh my God, I have the same orgasm over and over. Well, say, dude, don't do the same thing

over and over again, masturbating. Well, you may as a same orgasm over and over again. They don't understand the differences, like, oh, well, women are so lucky, because they can have a little one or a huge one and all the stereotypes that go around female orgasm. Guys can, if you sit there, practice, you know, masturbation is sort of like working out with a gym.

You know, you go there and it's sort of in a way of practicing and understanding your own body. Now, if you do the same thing with the same hand at the same whatever your fantasy is in your head at the same time of day, every, you know, whatever, then it's gonna be programming yourself. If you mix stuff up. Manus, do you mix, whatever, then it's going to be programming yourself. If you mix stuff up, Manus, do you mix, yeah, do you mix it up, Manus?

Oh, yeah, I mix it up. Oh, yeah. Hey, Randy. Hi, the most important thing is creating an environment where both people are comfortable talking about what their wants are and what makes them happy. And you know, it's very important to read your partner and always be rereading your partner because people's tastes, I'm 32 and I've learned that over the years my sexual preferences and tastes have evolved.

And you know, reading your partner on a constant basis and really kind of being in touch with what's going on creating an environment where they can express the health. Right. It kind of helps you stay to where you're able to please them, but with a lot of guys, like, and I wanted to comment on your small penis, uh, call her earlier. Right. With a lot of guys don't really spend a lot of time learning about sex. So, you know, I say, yeah, most of them do not learn about sex. You know, and, and I mean, it's always been something that's really, really fascinating.

I mean, so I studied it. And well, the difference between a G-spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm is major. A blended orgasm is a fun thing to give your partner. And you don't necessarily need a large penis to be able to stimulate a woman with a G-spot orgasm. Yeah, it's true, exactly. So like, if that guy is really concerned about his pain and size, I know women who have left men because they were unimaginative and had a little pain. But if he's imaginative, I can really blow their socks off if he's really willing to learn

and develop some confidence. It's true, Randy. I totally, I've heard that too, and it's really not about, it's not about the size, and I think she was kind of using that to hurt him or something like as like the you don't I don't know you guys You don't recover from that stuff Well, you you know what what kind of helps both your ego is even if you know you have a small penis If you have the capacity to make a woman have multiple orgasms Exit

You can find some security and some solace in that right like I've been I've known men who had small penis isn't they were they knew it But they were creative yeah yeah randy we're on the same page here well i have a lot of female friends and i've heard a lot of small penis stories and some have happy endings right exactly and all unimaginative guys so i really have to put the onus on the guy and i you know not really put it

i've never discussed with a woman of thirty to have never discussed with a woman how large but he is that i really don't know how i write back up and compare and we'll be re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-repeat re-re-re-re gotten reactions that were tell tell reactions but at the same time it it it's just an awkward point of conversation you know okay cuz i just feel like guys know like they the locker room thing and they just kind of know a certain point and i remember asking some a guy friend he said um... he said and i had to know when did you know that you were had a nice penis and he was like oh i just knew his girls started saying to me like wow

you've a really nice penis But then I wonder if guys who don't or they're smart, maybe they don't get told that, I don't know Randy. Well, to care too much information with it feels like that's what this shows about, which is why I'm enjoying it. Sure, yeah, sure at Randy. To share too much information with you,

I've watched quite a few, you know, porno's, I mean, every guy has at some point. And I've watched quite a few. We talked, pornos. I mean, every guy has at some point. And I've watched quite a few. We talked about that last week. You're good. I've gotten a good gauge for where I am. Right. But at the same time, I still, huh?

And you're good. You're good. I think I could probably do for a little bit more length for certain positions, but I think it's pretty satisfying for us women. Yeah. Okay. Randy, okay. Randy, you sound like good.

Like you know this. You've got to know what you're doing. You got to know what you're doing. And you know what another thing. I think people, men and women, like we blame the other one. Like this woman's like, well, you're not satisfying me with your size.

And I think that we all point the fingers. Like she doesn't not this or she's not doing this to me enough. And I think it's just communicating what we want. And we can all try to make it. They're happy. Just like what you started with, Randy. Yeah. Women make the best teachers.

Like I learned a blog about how to do a clitoral orgasm and manual stimulation from a woman. I learned oral sex from a woman. I learned about a G spot and where to find it from a woman. And a lot of women are where their G spot is. It's true. A lot of women are having this book. It's not even at work as them.

It's true. It's amazing to me. Because we're not taught this. So I think, and I think A lot of women are having fun. It's amazing to me. Because we're not taught this. I think a lot of women, you know what's Randy, is amazing is that I think a lot of women wait for men to figure it out what they want. What you're saying is you've been lucky enough, Randy, to have women that actually taught you. Oh, yeah. And that's good. You've got to put your ego aside. Exactly. Randy, you're a good guy. Thanks for calling.

Good luck to you. Well, I'm a radio guy too. I've worked in radio for 10 years. You guys have fun. You're doing a great job. Oh, thanks. Thanks, Randy. It's true.

I have to say that, yeah, I think a lot of times women are like, oh, he's not doing this or that. And we're expecting our partner. Someday, my, what was it, Elizabeth? Someday, my principal comments, so will I? Yes, that's it. That we think our principal comment. No, I'll call you. Some day my principal comments, so will I? Yes, that's it. That we think our principal come, and then, Her own queen.

Then, Carol Queen to this to us, will, Prince will come, and then I'll come, right? Not always gonna happen. You gotta make yourself, you gotta make yourself feel good, and then tell your partner. I'm here tonight with the lovely Anderson. Hi, sweetheart. Hi, I'm good, how are you?

I'm good. So a big penis, sex with a big penis can hurt. every man's dream about having a huge penis There are a lot of men whose penis are actually too big I've had a lot of people call in and a lot of listeners email me over the years saying my boyfriend's penis is too big I don't know what to do and guys you say I can't have sex with women I want I use an excuse to me once and he's like I said we had a Zikandam and he's like no my penis is too big It won't fit and they actually was like the, the condom wouldn't go on as penis, but I didn't have sex with him.

Because I was not going to have an unprotected sex. That's the trick that he probably does. He probably applies to sex just some more. It was the trick exactly. It was he's strong, or something. Shex is, you know, magnum's aren't even longer. They're wider. Right.

The girth, exactly. So maybe it's said, magnum, but really stuck in some faux condom. Um, but sex with a big penis can't hurt. So make sure you spend a long time on foreplay before having sex. Because women, they love foreplay. It's not only that they need it, you know, but they need it to get ready for sex. So it's not just like, we're like, oh, foreplay would be really nice and I enjoy going shopping and hanging out. No, no, we need it. We're not warmed up. So if you're wondering why, perhaps your lover is not wanting to have sex as much, it might be because you're not doing for-play.

And by for-play, I don't only mean like making out with her, and dressing her slowly. You could have for-play all day long. You know, send her sexy notes, make her feel good about herself, whatever it is, it turns her on. A women, the brain, as our largest sex organ. So do what you can to make sure. It's true for men, too, man. It is true, right? Hardly largest sex organ, sir. what you can to make sure. It's true for men, too, man. It is true, right?

Hard largest sex organ, sir. It's true. It is true. Stick around because you're not going to want to miss advice on navigating your penis dilemmas with porn star, Joanna Angel. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Up next, you're listening to my conversation from 2017 with porn star Joanna Angel.

I so enjoyed listening back to this. I mean, think about it. There's no one better to hear sex position advice with your partner than from a porn veteran of 15 years. Then, a conversation with Dr. Clark Grove from a super early show. I think it was 2007 and listening back. I remember I was still learning so much since then, and I've learned so much since then,

but you'll also see not a lot has changed, at least when it comes to penises. So I hope you learn a little with me while listening back. I'm excited for my special guest today. Joanna Angel. Hi Joanna. Hi, how are you? Can we be back?

Good to see you. Joanna Angel is amazing. She's an award-winning performer, writer, director in the adult industry. I call myself a porn trouper newer. Porn trouper newer. Yeah. I love it. Okay now, run to your emails. Dear Emily, after being with a few guys, I've noticed that it doesn't matter the size of a guy's penis or we're having sex, it be the couch the floor of the bed If I'm on top of him either front facing or reverse cowgirl his penis always slips out It's always when it's getting good and I probably get carried away

But my question is am I doing something wrong and how do I stop it from slipping out Mandy H27 Australia she's having some slippage. I'm thinking she's probably doing a little two up and down and she'd do some more grinding. She might be, she might actually be doing something wrong. Oh really? Okay, tell me, what you're doing. I don't know. It could be like, his penis might be like a little curvy

and she's not like, she's kind of like going against the curve. Oh, okay. I've actually seen this happen a lot in porn movies. It's like sometimes the girls try leaning back. You know what I mean? Like, so when you lean back, it can really go all the way in. Okay. You know, it's probably, it sounds like it's almost

like going halfway in and then falling out. Right. So she should lean forward back. She should lean forward back. When you're not facing the guy. Reverse cow girl. I don't know why I always get this from. It's only been informed for 15 years.

You know, when you're... Because you don't even need a name. It's like a name. You lean back and then the guy can kind of fuck you. Right, almost. You know, when you're laying back on him, you're leaning back. Like, you know, you're leaning back and the guy can be like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, So then he can kind of get deeper in you. I think he's not going deep enough in you. Right.

And so how should you do that, is by, what she, there's how girl lay back on his chest. Yeah, lay back. Yeah, like put your arms back and lay back. You know, not all the way back. Not like lying down, but just lean back. And so his penis is kind of like sliding up into you in an angle.

Okay. And then the other way, lean forward. Right. You need to like a 90 degree angle here, but giant. Exactly. She might be too much like up and down. Straight. I think a lot of women would get missionary or not missionary. They look at how girl and reverse is going up and down. Yeah. Because I'm going to have porn a lot up and down. But for me,

even I need more, but thrusting. I need more. Yeah. The grinding. Yeah. And my clitoris like then, if you're grinding back and forth, he's not going anywhere. So I kind of think that's good too. But try and make sure, I mean, it is, it might be the shape of his dick, but it's like, when you first do it, I go all the way up and all the way down,

like really slowly to make sure you're actually getting the whole dick inside of you. Right, exactly. That's true too. It might not already be there. It might not be fully hard. Right. Yeah. It could have hurt. That's a good point too. Yeah, I think she might have to angle herself a little bit.

So she's saying for the first cow girl and it's cow girl. So yeah, I would say that's a good point. I have a feeling just from I watched this a million times where the girl does it and she gets into the groove and it slips out and she gets into the groove and she slips out. It's because the dick's not like really fully in her right and I can see it from the outside I am the I'm the I'm fortunate of powers I have special powers where I'm what I direct people having sex you know I'm like I'm like I know you think the dick's all the way in you but it's really not I can I can show you you know maybe his dick has never been in his three inches longer

this time time maybe his penis is never really been inside. There's a hole and it's like kind of going in and falling out because she might be, you know, so she's so slow. I think it's slower. Go all the way up, all the way down, all the way in, all the way out and like get yourself in an angle where he can kind of fuck you too. Right. Yeah. I think this is great. And I think that's great advice. That makes sense. It absolutely does make sense. It makes sense in porn. And I think that, yeah, I think it'll be slowing down making sure that it's actually, you know,

you got it fit right. And also, I think it's happening a lot and that can be annoying, but really, it's kind of normal. That's not just looks out. Yeah, I wouldn't say like that. No, I've seen it happen. Yeah, it happens.

I mean, you could also use his penis to like stimulate your clitoris. Right. Use your hands to put it back in. Yeah. Make sure that I mean, just, you could also use his penis to like, stimulate your clitoris. Right. Use your hands to put it back in. Make sure that I think when you're using your hands to guide it and you're going to know if it's in the right position. It's very helpful. Thank you, Joanna.

We're talking to Dr. Clark Grove. He's an expert on getting inside the sexual minds of men and women. Okay, we're talking to Lisa and Sametteiro. She has a question. Hi. Hi. Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for about six months now, and we've had an impotency problem.

However, he's been able to have no problem while watching a porn online or also just using magazines or whatever, but it just seems that there are certain times where we have it, and I just wanted to know if there's a correlation between the two. That is a really good question. The doctor was furiously shaking his head here. He has something to say about that, but so you're saying when you're together there's problems,

but other times he's more right. Okay, Dr. Grove. Okay. So, when we start looking at erectile dysfunction, we try to separate out what's going, what's happening because half of what's happening is usually a medical condition. But if he's able to have erections and ejaculation, then it's usually a psychological or emotional issue. Okay.

I don't know if it's necessarily, it's not necessarily related to sex addiction. Do you think that's an issue that's going on with him also? You know, I'm not sure. I haven't asked. So I'm comfortable to talk about. So I haven't gone down that with that. He's just going to shut off completely. Yeah, and I understand that fear. Are you able to talk about other things in the relationship fairly clearly? It depends on the subject, but for the most part, we do have a good communication.

Well, let me add a little bit to, in terms of when there is some kind of a sexual addiction, such as pornography. Often the relationship suffers, the intimate relationship suffers with the partner. So your question is a valid one but without really talking with him it's hard to really know what is going on whether he has this dysfunction that's more generalized or it may be in response to him looking at pornography online and kind of desensitizing himself to his relationship with you.

And how would you suggest having that conversation or what questions would you ask? I'd suggest coming from a place of your fears and your concerns and not asking him questions, but saying, you know, this is going on inside of me, I don't know if it's right or if it has any validity at all and I'd like to talk about it with you. Okay. Okay. Thanks, Lisa. Thanks for calling.

Thanks for family. You too. Thanks. Thank you. This can't be a coincidence. I mean, what is it with the numbers? A third of men, I read, I have some kind of erectile dysfunction. Let me give you some fairly recent numbers. And for the men out there, I also have a reference

a book that's really wonderful book. And the book is called The New Male Sexuality. And it's by the author is Bernie Zilbergaard. And in the, it's a wide-ranging book that really helps men kind of feel normalized what they're going through. And I'll give you some statistics that he quotes. Seven percent of men have chronic erection problems, ongoing, often lifelong. They're always, they're always a record,

they can't get a record. They can't, they can't get a record. They can't, oh. 37% of men have chronic rapid ejaculation. Could be premature or rapid. 5% of men have difficulty ejaculating with their partner. I've heard of this lately, okay.

And 10% of men have low sex drive, or hyposexual, it's called a hyposexual disorder. Okay. And that can be related to low levels of testosterone or psychological emotional issues. Okay, so let's go back to what we're talking about men. They don't want to be given directions. They don't want to be told what to do.

But yet, if a lot of men are we saying have some sort of erectile dysfunction, then what do we do about it? Because they're not going to get help. I mean, you're right near you're talking about it, but I think a lot of men just don't want to deal with it. And they don't really think it's a problem, or they get over it, or they drink, or they take viagra, perhaps.

But what do you, I think you said that you first, you grew out the physical, but a lot of times the stuff could be rooted in other issues. Right. The physical is important because often erectile dysfunction can be a sign of an underlying disease process. So someone can have hypertension or heart disease or something like that that's causing it. Also, medications can cause it. There is a 50% risk, increased risk

of erectile dysfunction if you smoke. Also alcohol and drugs can create the problem. So the other half, the other half has a lot to do with psychological emotion issues. Okay, let's get into this. Okay, we rule out physical and not to smoke or you're healthy. It's psychological. So a primary issue for men in life, not only in sex, but in life, is being able to produce

and- Produce. Anything. Interaction. In their work? Okay, right. In their family life. In sex, etc.

Yeah. And there's a real difference between men and women in terms of feeling value in oneself. Women tend to have a natural value in that they are biologically able to have children. There's a sense that in terms of evolutionary forces that their value is set. For men, they don't have a value that's set so easily.

And so what they often, what men feel like they have to do, and they're taught they have to do, is that they have to produce and protect women, produce things in the world and protect women. And if they're not able to do those things, then often anxiety or depression is a response to that situation. So they can't get an erection and they're feeling like they're not fulfilling their basic manly duties. Yes. They get depressed and they get anxious and they're less likely able to have an erection. Yeah, the anxiety is often like a snowball.

When they have an erectal difficulty, they get anxious and worried. And so, the next time they go into the situation, they're anxious and worried going into it. And it like triggers. And it triggers again, because to have an erection, you need to be relaxed, because you need to have the blood be able to flow. And so, when you get anxious, you tighten up,

and you decrease the possibility that you're going to be sexually stimuli. So, like, what can they do? Like, how do they get through it? Sexual dysfunction. Can people get through it? Absolutely. Depending upon the condition, there are sex therapists who specifically work with these issues. For instance, for like premature ejaculation. There's some real behavioral techniques that you can do that actually help mend a decrease of their premature ejaculation. There's some real behavioral techniques that you can do that

actually help mend a decrease of their premature ejaculations. Good, so everyone can all be helped. Yeah. Okay Dr. Grove, thanks for joining us. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Stay tuned after this message from our sponsor for the ultimate answer I'm penis size. That's sexwithemily.com slash hashtag open. Okay, so I have the Z-Melt today and I was like, hold up. This needs to be addressed tonight with all of you because it resonates deeply. Dear Dr. Emily, I'd like to make a plea for sex experts to change the way they talk about small penises because it concerns me greatly. I read a lot about the subject and experts are

forever saying the most women don't care about penis size, I find this problematic. If women don't care about penis size, why do they always talk badly about small penises? Minus 3.5 inches. You don't see women sharing memes that are nice about small penises like they do about big ones. You've seen endless roster of female celebrities like jakey rallying Madonna lady Gaga famous women body-shaming small penises But they don't do big ones. You don't hear your female work colleagues but they don't do it big ones. You don't hear your female work colleagues making fun of big penises like they do with small ones. You don't see female contestants on naked attraction,

which is a dating show in the UK. Picking men with a small penises, I know how we feel about it because they never stop saying it. I know how the lady reacted one time I got intimate and she put her hand to her mouth, left at it, and kept asking me, is it in? And all the time, I read sex therapists saying women don't care about penis size.

What they mean is, women don't care about penis sizes long as it isn't small. The experts always quote study showing that 85% of women are happy with their partner's penis size. But that study tells us nothing about women's attitudes towards small penises. For the simple reason to ask them about the penises they've accepted, as opposed to the ones they've rejected.

He works for a psychologist in the UK who also works as a sex expert. He's like she talks about the importance of body positivity, but in her private and social media and DMs, her friends mock small penises all the time. He was hoping that in the private sea sex experts do things differently. And he feels that sex experts with the platform should pretend most women don't like it, but women really don't like it. And he thinks it's deeply hurtful, compounded when I see sex experts. So it's a lot about sex experts, but just women in general.

It might be uncomfortable truth, but it's never going to be challenged if we don't start by admitting that the overwhelming majority of women hold a biased against small penises. Thank you for your time. Kind which is James. Okay, so I want to unpack this here because first we dress just the one part is I don't secretly turn off the mic and say, oh God, this weekend I was with a small peanut. You know, we don't body shame. Women, men, well theknowners, penis, anyone. But what I wanna say is this, is that, first off, in my 15 years of doing this,

and I have had the podcast for 15 years, I've been with you for two years on series, almost two years on series XM, I've received thousands of emails. Tens of thousands, but like thousands on this topic, and I could tell you that most of the emails about penises size has to do with this penises too big and it's painful and we can't have sex and I can't get it in and it's really uncomfortable and what do I do about

it? And then we have met with big penises calling in and saying it's a problem, you know, what do I do? And some people they literally calling in and saying, it's a problem. What do I do? And some people literally can't penetrate anyone because it's that big. So that's what I hear the most. Now, I hear what you're saying. Your penis is small, smaller. Average penis is about five inches.

But what I want to say is, it is a preference. I can't tell you. Not only do I just hear about big penises, let me just pre just preferences. I hear from women who say, I don't I actually want a big big big pain. It's just hurt or whatever. People say I actually only get off from smaller penises because listen, the internal literal nerves, the G spot, the most sensitive part of the vagina is in the first third, the first two inches, three inches inside. It's not even about deep penetration.

So for many women too, they find a penis that they like because they know how to hit all their hot spots. And we also know that only 20% of women actually orgasm from penetration, 20%. So that's just the facts, okay? Now, are there some women who only want to be with a large penis, 100%, yes, that is very true. Are there some people who prefer to be with women with large breasts?

Yes, I'm not with those people because my breasts are smaller. I'm not with those people because my breasts are smaller. I'm not their person. I'm okay with it. Is there a lot of media and memes about women with small breasts and they're glorifying it? How sexy it is? Nope. Large breasts?

Yes. All the time. Not only that, we now have porn, right? So then in pornography, we see women not only shamed about their breasts made perhaps. But then about their vulva thinking that oh my lips are different colors. My labia Oh, one's longer than the next or I look different from the women in porn and you know, we get shame for that Right are our butts, right? We don't talk about men's asses. We talk about women.

So it's like, I get what you're saying. And I don't know how to change culture. Like I don't. I mean, I think I could start setting around memes. I don't even do memes. No, I can't do that. But what I can tell you, because I think this has some more to do with you, because I actually how angry you are, James, I hear like you're like, and I, and first off, I have to say

that I'm so like sorry that, that you were shamed like that. Because what I found is that it just takes one person, one person shaming us, telling us we're a bad kisser, telling us our labias of a funny shape or color, telling us that our penis isn't working. And we carry that around for the rest of our lives. We just wear it like a shame blanket.

We are with a partner every time and the first thing we think is, I can't kiss because I'm a bad kid. Oh, my penis is going to be bad. And it just fucks us up. And so I think the first thing to do is to kind of look at that messaging around the shame and now you're bringing in culture and everyone hates a p-my penis, not only this past lover, but everybody. And that's how we get stuck, sexually.

We get stuck there and then we live there. And so I don't want you, James, to get stuck in a place where you cannot show up for your partners, you can't meet someone new because the second you did in the bedroom, you're like, oh God, my penis. Listen, the sexiest thing is somebody who is invested in a partner's pleasure. So let's just lead with you being a great lover

is about you knowing your body, but also thinking like, what does my partner need to be turned on? How can I be a great lover? How can I go down there? How can I do all these things? Not even to talk about oral. Like I'm talking about kissing and making out and touching her breasts.

The breasts are so ignored. And then it comes time, you know, then she goes down in you or penetration. I'm just saying that you will find somebody. There's a lot of men with your size penis who are in relationships and happy. So this is not your dead end. This is nothing to be shamed about.

And that's what you do. I live with my breasts. You live with your, you all live with our things. And it's not even telling them that I'm saying you to live with. I think you're, you are, it functions. It works. Learning about sexuality is a process,

but we're all in this together. I'm always learning, aren't you? We're learning together. Subscribe to Sex with Emily for more sex, dating, and relationship advice. this together. sex with Emily on Instagram and Twitter, where I'm always posting the best tips and tricks to help improve your sex life.