Sex With Emily - Doggystyle Hacks & Vagina Facts

Episode Date: July 3, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is giving you a myriad of vagina facts – and some might just surprise you. Plus, she’s answering your emails.  She reveals the right amount of time to take before trying to be friends with your ex again, what to do when doggystyle is getting a little too painful, and if having a BDSM session without sexual contact is still considered cheating. Plus, whether or not there’s a way out of the friend-zone. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Magic Wand, pjur, Apex, We-Vibe, SiriusXM Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm giving a myriad of adjina facts and some might just surprise you. Plus, I'm answering your emails, topics include. Okay, so you broke up, but you actually want to stay friends. How much time has to pass, and is it possible? So, doggy styles get a little painful how to make it rock. If there's no sexual contact with some BDSM, is it still considered cheating? And you've been friend-zoned, is there a way out? All this and more, thanks for listening. Betrubized, they called them in a bike on me. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, but all of it? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. Because you're going to love it. We got a lot of posts there. Blogs to help you have better sex and relationships.

You can also find our podcasts where every listen to podcasts we love when you subscribe to the show right as a review That's helpful and you can also find me on serious XM radio It stars channel 109 and I'm there Monday through Friday 5 to 7 pm Pacific in the evening 8 to 10 East and it's been amazing you guys and if you want to call into the show Even if you don't have serious that's colds Triple 8 9 4 7 8 2 7 7 or get a free trial at sexademily.com slash SXM. Also you can follow us on all social media at sexademily across the board.

Alright guys, enjoy the show. So vagina facts, I mean we're never done learning, right? And did you ever really learn it in the first place? So get your note pads out, you're gonna want to write some of these down, I promise. Here's the first point, is that your vulva is not your vagina. So I often, like if you were, a lot of like my sex ed friends could be listening and they might say that I sometimes don't always,

I try to use the word here, but just so you guys know, there's a difference between the vulva and the vagina. The vagina is like the internal part that you think that it is a three to six inch long canal that runs from the cervix, the lower part of the ut that is a three to six inch long canal that runs from the cervix, the lower part of the uterus, to the outside of the body, the vulva, the vulva on the other hand is all the outer stuff.

Like that's like when you're performing oral, that's the vulva, right? The labia, urethra, the clitoris, the vaginal opening. And I just think for men and for women, it's important to know the difference, to understand your own anatomy, because I think it helps to actually, like, when you're like having sex, and you can just distinguish it yourself. And I think the reason why the vulva doesn't get as much attention is because

we talk about the penis vagina, like they're equal. But when it comes to, when I'm talking about sex, sexual instruction, I'm mostly talking about the vulva. Like I'm mostly saying the clitoris, the labia, this is the thing vulva, but then I feel like I often don't. I'm not sure this is as well now. This is something that I like to bring up every day. So I will again.

Most people cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. So only 18% a little bit, 18% over a vagina owners say they can reach orgasm from penetration alone. For the other 80%, the key is the clitoris. That is where the magic is happening for them. Now we can all sometimes experience a vaginal and a clitoris with the same time that's a blended orgasm, totally achievable. And there's a lot of people who never get there, who never have a blended. And it's also the way it has to turn that into me, how close your clitoris is to your

vaginal opening. There's a lot of things going on here. But if you haven't tried yet, the blended orgasm was something that I figured out on my own, do myself love and time. So that's something. Not all people with vaginas are women. So it's not an indicator of gender, and it can be harmful to assume so. There are many people who aren't women.

They also identify as a man or non-binary. Vaginas and childbirth, yes, they're going to change. I understand they might change a little bit. They might tear a little bit, but that is totally normal. So 79% vaginal deliveries include tearing and require an incision. And these injuries are an apesiatomy, it's called. That's that sound scary, but it's not insurmountable. And so your vagina is super resilient, just so you know, having a baby does not mean

your vagina is the game is over. It's resilient, it's got a lot of blood supply, it will heal quicker than a lot of other parts of the body. That's actually cool. I did not know that at all. We did it at Terrace. Well, no, I knew it, Tared, but it, Tared Tor. I didn't know.

But I didn't know that it heals quicker. That's really cool. Yeah, it is cool. It's like a problem, it's gonna take care of it. Oh, the human body. It's amazing. If you do have a G-Spot, if you're controversial, if you're like think it's controversial, whatever,

it's likely because you're clitoris. So I agree with this. So we are obsessed with the G-Spot, thinking that people feel like they, oh, I have to have a G-Spot orgasm. I only have a clitoral orgasm. The G-Spot though, if you want the front wall of your vagina touch or stimulated,

it could be your literal internal network. So I think that we have a G area for many women, that's the internal, like, towards your belly button, but an internal orgasm could also be just the internal, literal legs and maybe it's all the same thing. I don't think we have to put a name on it. It could be your internal, literal nerves. If you want the front wall of your vagina touch,

which is actually where, yeah, it could be. How do you know? Clitoris G's spot. Either way, if it feels good, touch it, touch it. And if you don't know, it feels good. Like, try it out, if you've never tried it. The Clitoris, you guys, just the tip of the iceberg. It's not just a little pea-sized nerve endings tucked

away under the Clitoral Hood. There is a hood, you know. If you use a mirror, like I tell you, to like master bait and pleasure yourself, you'll see the hood has to move back a little bit when you get aroused, and then there's the Clitoris. And it can be hard to find, but just so you know, it wasn't total 2009 when a group of French researchers

created a life-size 3D printed model of the clitoris. And now we know it's an expansive network of nerve endings. So a lot of the nerve endings of the clitoris are beneath the surface. And it's like 10 centimeters from tip to tip, you guys. It's like a four-pronged wishbone. It actually looks like a wishbone. There's now a huge... Well, there was a clitoris monument statue in France until

someone stole it. I wonder if it's been returned. Remember? There was a, they're like, let's make this like reality, so no one can find it. Yeah, exactly. Right. They're like, we do still want people to find the clitoris. But yeah, there's a lot of different things Exactly. That's funny. Another thing. For the vagina facts. The A spot. That's another possible pleasure center. The interior fornic or the A spot. It's a little alcove.

I left out a little bit of alcove. The vagina twists and turns. It's alcove that's way back on the belly side of the cervix. It's a good distance deeper in the vagina than the g-spot. So it's a way to create more lubrication in the vagina. 15% of the... they say that they can reach orgasm with intense 15-minute-of-a-spot. Similar to enough for this as well. I've had orgasms all over like I think it's can be you have to be very this is why it's important to be in tune with your body.

If you're in tune with your body if you're in tune with your body You'll know the difference if you have an a spot interior wall orgasm or a spot or I'm starting to Find that spot the a spot and not like During that's why I actually really like Doggy style because it gets in a lot deeper. Yes And it's more of like, it's true.

It's like, you don't want to be like too rough because it could hurt. But if you find that right amount of pressure like in the, that's when thrusting actually feels good. It does, but you got to find the spot. So it's up to us, dude, and move around and make sure that they find that spot. Like if sex doesn't feel good the way it's happening, don't assume that it just can't have like you could, you could alter your positioning. You could move to the left of the right,

know which way you have doggie style, go down and you'll leave your button there, go down in your hands, your forms, I mean there's different ways to find. That's why I also kind of like a slightly curved penis. Slightly curved, or slightly curved toy. What would be a good old, the California dream of the calaxotics,

they make some cool ass toys that could help you find your interior love spots. Yeah, and they're pretty. They're like pretty different colors. I know I love them. We just got a lot in. Pretty colors. And some of them are curved to the rabbit ones. Yeah.

Well, a curve, a curve. That's what we've been calling it. Oh, I wish I'd be curved. It's sort of about my curved penis. No. The clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis. So the penis, which is very sensitive, we always hear our sensitive, has 4,000 nerve endings.

And the clitoris, 8,000 nerve endings. And they're a lot more concentrated, because of that. All in one place, the penis is spread out through all those shafts, the tip. Just the clearest is 8,000 of them. Just think about that for a minute. Clotterous. They're running everywhere. Sorry, I thought you were going to make clicking sounds for all of them.

Click, click, click. No, I'm telling you, this is the reason to pay attention to it. If you have an orgasm during intercourse, that is fine, but have you had an orgasm on your own. And do you continue to stimulate yourself on your own, whether you're in a relationship or not? It's so important for vagina holders to pleasure ourselves all the time, you guys. It feels good. You're getting better moods.

It helps you through everything. That's my nude. I love that. What? Vigina holders? Vigina holders. It sounds like shareholders. It's my nude. I love that. What? Vagina holders. Vagina holders. It sounds like-

It's like our holders. Like shareholders. They're taking stock in the vagina. Vagina holders. It's true. It's gonna be the new raising stock on walls. I'm gonna do that. You guys have been having really great one liners

and I'm writing them all down. They're amazing. Vagina holders. Vagina holders. Vagina holders to the left. You're not gonna be a concept. Take it all. Hahaha. I got Wilco, yeah, Wilco.

Exactly. Got all the giant holders at Wilco. So, Vagina's you guys, how's about this? They're supposed to have a scent, a smell. So, it has a lot of bacteria that work to keep your vaginal pH healthy and balanced. And it could have a scent, it's true, like bacteria they do have a smell to it. So if it's a little tangier, you get a whiff, totally normal, and please don't use duchess

or ascended body washes or perfumes. Now if it's a new scent, it's an odd scent, it's a different scent, then definitely get checked out. But the vaginas are, they're self lubricating, they're self cleaning. Look at oven, self cleaning oven, we're self cleaning the vagina. We're pH, we clean it ourselves. Okay, so this is one thing that regardless of what sex that is teaching, when we learn about the body, why don't they say this?

I don't know. Because it's not good, because a lot of people are washing with soap, and you're like on the inside and you're not supposed to do that. You're not supposed to do it. Because we don't tell anything. We just scare people. We've got something about sex. That's just like hygiene.

I know. We don't teach hygiene in schools. We just help the parents. They're going to do it. And the parents are going to be like, hey, I've done use that. The parents don't know not to use soap internally in their vagina.

This is why we're here every day. The vagina is self-cleaning. You guys really let it do its thing. So to keep your vaginal pH at the right level and you wanna not have other hostile bacteria taking over your vagina, it's totally gonna clean itself. So using a douche is a bad idea. And if you see discharge and stuff,

it just means that your vagina's cleaning itself. Like if it's a normal discharge, and you know about the abnormal, but normal's like your vagina's like cleaning itself. How amazing is that? It's like, dude, dude, it's like keep it busy. Doing stuff. More things should be self cleaning.

I know how nice is that. Like my life. Your life should be fine. Right? Something in my life should just clean. I know. Wouldn't it be nice if we would do all the goddamn work? I think that's nice of the vagina.

It's very nice about it. It's very nice about it. Whoever created us, you know, like think about it. Thank you for being self-cleaning. You can get wet without being turned on. So you can be wet without being sexually aroused. So people assume when the vagina is wet that the person must want to have sex. And that is just not true. I think it's one of those

fallacies, one of those myths around sex. I want everybody to understand. We get wet for a lot of different reasons. And it might, it's not just because we are aroused. Our hormones change every day. The vulva has a lot of concentration of sweat glands. We could automatically produce lubrication when we're touched regardless of arousal. So it should never be in vaginal wetness, never be consigned of consent. Ever. Consent, we have to always verbalize.

Oh my god, is that... Wow, that would be like... No, like what? How is that like, how is that can be consenting just because well people see what she's turned on she wants it No, we can be wet. We can be touched and get wet It does not mean our house. Oh my god. That's why I lose you guys if you're still protesting Loube if you're like oh, noob is bad Just add a few drops of lube you every time you have sex every time you do anything sexual whether it's masturbate touch a part of a body

Your partners are your own use a little bit of lube because you can't guarantee your rouse. Well, especially if you're playing with your clitoris and a toy, you really do wanna add some lube because your clitoris is not gonna lubricate on its own. It's not gonna happen. What else? The gin is get deeper when we're turned on.

So when your like the vagina opens its doors for you when we're turned on. So when you're like, the vagina opens doors for you when you're having sex. So the vagina normally of a giant is between three and six inches long, 12 to five inches wide, two to five inches wide. But with the rousal, one, two inches, one to two inches wide. Now after rousal, the upper portion of the vagina,

so after you actually are roused, the cervix and the uterus, they go deeper into your body, making room for penetration. So that actually opens more when you're aroused, which is why getting a rouse takes some foreplay, takes some kissing, some touching, and then the vagina's ready.

But if you just shove it in, the vagina can be painful and go out and it hurts. I think that's like the coolest thing. Did it open? Oh, yeah. Doesn't make sense. The penis grows, the vagina has to get deeper. Yeah, exactly.

But it's just like, I just... But we don't know how to walk that. The vagina is... But the problem is the penis gets very hard before the vagina is often open and ready, which is also why a lot of women have pain with sex because they are not getting aroused first. Yeah, that makes so much sense. It's like, no, my vagina literally is not open for business.

Exactly, my vagina is literally not open for business. Like, I will be open for business. And here's how I will be open. I'll be open as soon as you go down to me, like as soon as you use this toy, as soon as you talk to her to me, as soon as you take out the trash, whatever turns you on, then I'll be aroused. But not yet.

So it's like patience is such a huge thing with sex. Like we have to be patient and we have to pay attention to what our partner needs. There's like just like a little sign right there, like the pool rules before entering, but now it's like the vagina rules for entering. That would be the only tattoo I would get. I mean, I don't know, I've got a tattoo yet,

but it'd be like vaginal rules. You'd think that guys I'd do would have listened to the show or something, somehow have some do not. I'm like, can you just, can you just listen? They change color. Oh. So when you guys get a roused, and you have sex, you've, when you're, you're just like blood rushes everywhere. Like a lot of our arousal and really great sex is about blood rushing. For the penis too, when your blood is rushing you're going to get a direction, when your blood is rushing and you get turned on, the blood rushes to your vulva and your vagina. And that makes the color of your skin in that area appear darker. So for women who are like, oh, why is it dark?

Why? What's wrong with me? No, it's when you get a rous. First of all, nothing's wrong with that. You're seeing sun-ized bleached areas or whatever in porn. Or it's lit up or there's makeup on it. But it does go back to its regular shade when it's after you have sex. But please don't trip on the color of your vagina.

That's, I didn't know this either. You didn't know that, right? Yeah, changes, everything changes. That's why I'd love you to look in a mirror, look at it and see what it looks like when you get turned on. You can lift weights with your vagina. Kegels, do your kegel exercises, you guys. There are vascular lifts, there are vaginal balls,

you can do the air lifting weights, so your vagina can become stronger. Kegel camp, I have an iPhone app called Kegel Camp. You could download it, reminds you do your kegels twice a day. You can use it with kegel balls. It can remind you to do it, and then you do your kegel exercises around these balls. It's literally like lifting weights for your vagina, and why this is good is because the stronger pelvic floor is just

part of having a sexually healthy life, and over time it is going to weaken, especially after childbirth, and I know that we all kind of know we're just new kegels, but we don't remember too, so that's why the app is cool, because it reminds you do it, and then the balls are just an extra. Like you do your kettles around the balls. It's just strengthens like any other exercise with weights. Makes sense for the China.

And it does feel cool once you can, because when I started using the bloom, you start out with the first one, and you go up, like you do feel the difference. You're like, oh, I'm actually getting stronger. Exactly. You feel it, you do it. You feel like actually, like,

your orgasms, you feel it like in your, yeah, I like you having sex. Exactly, and it's like you don't wanna start out with like the first, the heaviest weight, like I tried that, it's like, I'm cool, I can do that, I was like, no, I'm not gonna get that. It falls out, no, it's too heavy. You build up, I build up, you'm cool, I can do that. I was like, no, I'm not. It falls out now, it's too heavy. You build up, I build up.

You start with the lighter one. That's what's so cool about the bloom. The wevi bloom is that you put it in the lighter weight, then it's heavier. And you're like, oh, you actually can tell your progress. You can measure your progress. The size and the location of your clitoris matters for orgasm. This is a big one, you guys. The reason some people with vaginas have trouble orgasming during penetrative sex is because

of a relatively small clitoris that's located a little bit too far from the vaginal opening. I'm going to say that again because I wish I knew this. I wish I knew this 20 years ago. The reason why a lot of people with vaginas, vaginal holders, cannot have trouble orgasming. During penetrative sex, when why only 18% of do and 80% do not, is because they have a small clitoris that's located a little bit further from the vaginal opening. So if your clitoris is small and or located further from your fragile opening like a thumbs or more. You're going to have a problem with orgasming.

You just start with each other reasons it could be in your head. You could be on medication. But if you were just never one of those women where it happened, it is because of your anatomy. You were born this way. That's why we need to put, bring in talk about the magic of the clitoris more than the magic of the vagina, though it is magical.

All right, guys, one more of a giant effect. Got cramps, your vagina can help with that. Ooh, I love ending on this one, to give yourself an orgasm, to stimulate the race of field of chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, those are all the feel good hormones and chemicals that come after orgasm. There are some natural pain relieving effects,

and these can help you with menstrual cramps. The afterglove and orgasm relaxes those muscles. So using a vibrator, touching yourself, is so helpful for you to get the feel good chemicals that make us happy that make us get rid of pain. And it's like, I think there's one, it definitely works. I use it for migraines. I also use it for when I'm having menstrual cramps. Because I didn't realize until you told me actually that cramps are your muscles contracting. Yes.

And then I was like, oh my God, that makes so much sense. Because when you orgasm, you do relax. It's automatically. Right. Because they're clinging all the time. We walk around tense, clenched up. All right, guys, we're going to take a quick break. When we come back, we're gonna get into your emails.

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Alright guys, I'd love answering your questions. It's why I'm here on the planet. And if you'd like a question, answer it on the show, go to my website, sectordummy.com. Click the Ask Emily tab, fill out a short form, and check yes, if you'd like to be called. Or to see Mommy feedback at sexwithmme.com, but you have to always please include your name

your age, where you live and how you listen to this show. Thanks guys. Alright, this first email comes to us from Veronica 29 in Kansas City. Hi Emily, I recently ended things with my boyfriend of a year and a half due to a lack of communication and effort on his part. He's only 25 and was not ready for how serious we were naturally becoming, in truth it is a relief. I've been working hard to keep the relationship both float for a long time, but the truth

is we're not compatible. That said, I think it is because we had such a strong connection in the beginning and we're friends for a few months before we started dating. As a listener, I know that you have stayed friends with the many of your exes for the same reason. I don't want to lose him from my life entirely because I really value him as a person and I'm wondering if he can offer some insight on staying friends. How much time is a good amount of time to take away before reconnecting? Can you help me with this situation so I don't lose my friend?

Thank you for your help. Okay, Averonica. Yeah, I've talked a lot about how I am friends with many of my exes, but I have to, you know, not all of them though. Not all of me want to stay friends with, but many. And here's the thing Veronica, I mean, really you have to gauge this and see what feels good to you, because our instincts is like, well, we can be friends right away, you know, it's okay. We still love each other, but no, I'm telling you, you're going to need a separation. I think three to six months without contact,

so you guys can kind of move on with your lives and rebuilding your friendships and doing things and healing. And then you could test it. I say go for a lunch, a coffee, not a dinner. Even the first time you see each other in a few months, you don't know, it can get tricky. So make it kind of like a coffee or something quick and then see how does it feel. So you don't want to go too fast too soon. You know, when you after the first time you see him, because this has happened to me before, I was once broke up with someone and I was still really bummed and I think I saw him about four months after he broke up.

And I wasn't ready yet. And I said, you know what, I need a little bit more time. And I think like after another few months, I was like, not in that work at friends. So you have to judge us to yourself, but I'm telling you, I know he's a dear friend of yours, and he still loves him. So really the best way not to lose him is to be respectful to each other, give yourself time to heal,

and then circle back when it feels right to both of you. And also, here's something that could happen, you might realize after time passes, maybe he's not someone that you wanna have in your life. So you guys get to decide, or you get to decide what works for you. Thanks for Anika. This next one came from anonymous 32 in the United States.

Dear Emily, big fan of the show and love all the work you do to keep us educated and entertained. My girlfriend has told me on numerous occasions she really prefers doggy style and enjoys having her hair pulled and being spanked. This turns me on and I really want to be able to do this for her, but I actually find the position to be somewhat painful for me. She prefers sex to be on the harder and rougher side sometimes, but this causes soreness and bruising on my pelvic bone

and also hurts my balls when we go at it hard like this. I find that the best way for me to get the most pleasure and least discomfort is when she's on top, but I know that doing this position repeatedly is getting boring for the two of us. My question is, is there something I can do to minimize the discomfort and pain I feel from doggie style?

Also, is this pain normal for men or is this something I should be concerned about? Appreciate any advice you can offer me love the show. All right, Mr. Anonymous, here's the thing, just so you know that it's 41% of men have fractured their penis during doggie style. That is the most challenging position for men where there's been discomfort. The second is missionary and the third is woman on top. So yeah, I don't know how common it is,

but if they're gonna fracture themselves during sex, it's gonna be during doggie style. So really what I'm concerned about is you right now. If the pain is really intense and you feel like something has happened, you know, there's been some recent developments, definitely go to your doctor and get it checked out. Just in case, a few other things, you said that your girlfriend's really into, you know, hair pulling and being dominated and spanked, there might be other paths here

to pleasure. For her to get the same results and it's not just in doggy style. So you guys can get to explore this together, but you can do some research, you could watch some porn together, you could figure out like what other, what other acts would actually make her feel better and have that same feeling of you being dominated and rough and bad. Now there's something else that's new we want wanna mention, it's called the Onut, and it's a silicone ring that you put it on your penis that just doesn't let you go all the way in. So it can kind of act as a barrier,

so you're not hitting your pelvic bone, your pubic bound too hard, which actually sounds like that's what's happening. So if you're comfortable with that, it means you won't be going into the deep, but it's like a penis stopper. You could also try different variations of doggy style. You could, you know, her with her legs closer together and when she's lying flat on her stomach, this can be a lot more pleasurable for women as well because for many women when they're squeezing

their legs together, they also get to activate their pelvic floor muscles and that's where the magic happens, orgasms. She could also have her face down or be in her forearms with her butt high up. Also a pillow, if you have a pillow that is between you that still allows you to penetrate, that could kind of make things a little bit softer. I always think pillows should just be used.

I have a lot of pillows on your bed that you don't mind using for sex. They can help with a lot of pillows on your bed that you don't mind using for sex. They can help kind of, with a lot of different uncomfortable positions. So I think it's all about exploring and finding research. I mean, I love that she's so vocal about what she wants, but again, doggie-style isn't the only way to go here. So I want you to be careful, not fracture your penis.

So I think you guys, you know, she's just like she's pretty open, you guys can have some fun exploring. I have a book called Hot Sex. Over 200 things you could try tonight, and it's awesome, because you can just open it to any page, and there's so many positions,

there's different variations of all the different sex positions. And I think you'll like it. Thanks for the email, and just be careful. All right, Anon. That's why my bed is full of pillows and comfortors. I love it, Jane. You gotta make it comfy. It's sex toys.

And sex toys is very true. All right, this next email comes to us from Wesley, 24 in Georgia. Dear Emily, first off, love listening to the show. I drive a lot and someone told me to listen to podcasts. I came across yours and within a week, I've listened to every single one.

I've made my wife listen to some of them to be able to help us with our sex lives. Part one. I'm relatively new to pegging. I decided one day that I wanted my wife to put something in my butt, and we gradually worked our way up to buying a strap on her Peggy knew with it. I absolutely love it. She doesn't seem too enthused to do it.

She says she does, but when it actually comes down to it, I don't feel as if she's getting into it as much as I'd like. What do I do? Part 2. I love the Pegging so much that I want to feel a real man inside me. I'm not sure how to try to find someone to ask. I actually want to feel a guy finish inside of me, and with all of my experience mental thoughts, even considered wanting to give a guy a blowjob just to see if I like the

feeling and like doing stuff with men. I'm not quite sure how to ask or tell my wife the way I feel about all of this, so how do I bring this up to her. I want to try experimenting with men because I can't think of too many other things to do with my wife or any female that I haven't already done. Please help me Emily would mean so much. All right, there's a lot to unpack here Wesley. Let's start with the first part.

Well first I wanna say, I think it's awesome that you found the podcast and that you have had your wife listen to it because a lot of couples email me and they love, they enjoy listening to the show together because I know this text conversation's hard. So by having me say, you can be like, hey babe, what do you think about what Emily says? Should we try that? So I think that's awesome and I think that's a good tip for all of you in a relationship.

Okay, so you're new to Pagging. Let me just say this, part one. She might not be as into it. That's okay. Like she might not be as into all of your kinks as you are. This is going to happen in a relationship for sure I love that she's she's actually participating that is amazing She could

Experiment try to find more pleasure for her she could put a vibrator between her vocal and the harness. So she's still getting pleasure We love the boxie from we vibe. I want you to love the boxie like this is like the best vibrator I mean to be sure you've got the vibrator words of the year. I mean, I think this would be like in my top. Oh, yeah. Five, three. Yeah. I mean, this is like the panty vibe.

When I was cleaning out my garage with Kristen, I showed her like the older versions of other companies that try to do panty vibes. That were not good. They were not. Like, it's a good in theory, right? It's essentially this goes into underwear. It's a remote control wearable

panty vibe has a really strong magnet so it stays in place. So she could put the harness, like I said, and also she could also, well, I guess he doesn't want to be controlling anything when he's getting packed, perhaps, but she can control it with the We Connect app or the remote. It's really strong. It's really silent. And we just love it. You can check it out. It's sex with Lmy.com slash Wevibe. That's a side note. Or any other small vibe she could put in there to get pleasure for herself.

You could also ask her, like, what are ways that would make it more pleasurable to her? In reading your email, I'm thinking, okay, have we talked much to your wife about what turns her on? Like, what are her fantasies? What does she wanna try? You know, that might make you feel like, you know, not as like guilty or she's not as into it.

If you guys both do exploring together, which is something I encourage all couples to do, is to keep exploring on this journey, you know, in your relationship and your sex life, that's true and you're married, you know, keeps seeing what feels good to her. Okay, number two, well first I wanna say this. When I was reading this, I thought, okay, no,

I don't think you need to like, lead with this with your wife. I don't think you even know yet. For sure that it's something that you wanna try because when you say here, you wanna try experiencing with men because I can't think of too many other things to do with my wife or any female I haven't already done. To me, that's a different question than the other part of part two.

You know what I'm saying? That little side thing and what I can't tell is, are you saying it because you kind of feel like maybe you don't, you're not ready to look at the fact that it's something, like it's even harder for you even though you're wrote me a email that perhaps you might be bisexual, or you are attracted to men. Or is it really just like, I've done it all with women, and I'm might as well try men, because you're 24 years old, and I'm going to say there's a lot more things that you can do with women, believe me, that you just haven't tried yet, because you have it as many years on the planet. So even if a lot of sex, I believe if you and your wife go on a journey

together, perhaps one of the first things you could do is download our guest, no, maybe list, from our website. A lot of couples find that to be a great facilitator of conversation. Essentially, it lists a lot of different sex acts and you can figure out which ones you're into, about spanking, dirty talk, using a toy.

And then you could start from there and see where you both meet and maybe you'd find out. And again, also doing toy, and then you could start from there and see where you both kind of meet, and maybe you'd find out. And again, also doing research, you guys. I mean, I love that you're all listening to the podcast, but there are some great books out there and blogs and things that you could, some movies, things you can read, movies. There are movies, porn. I mean, there is some helpful porn that could help you. So, um, but let's say that's going back to your question though, specifically, no, I don't think that you want to lead telling your wife that you want to be the other men. But once you start this process of exploring with her and just saying, because I think both

of these questions, your questions go together and say, you know what, babe, I so appreciate the indulging. It's been so hot of my fantasy, but I don't really want us to be able to team it, be able to team in this together and figure out what really turns you on, what really turns me on, and then we can kind of go from there and create like an even playing field. So I feel like once you guys are talking about fantasies, then you can say, you know, I've been thinking about it after pegging. Maybe, you know, I've thought about having experiences with men and see if that's something you should be into. But again, this is not the first conversation you have. This might be after a few conversations with our talking about your sex life and how

you can prove it. I mean, who knows? Maybe it should be like, yeah, I'm into a male, male, female, threesome, you know. So I mean, you guys are married, though. You are committed. So I feel like you have to take this slowly and carefully and just have some really honest conversations. But you don't have to, I appreciate your honesty here with me, but I think you can get there with her, but just remember to go slow and to really do some, do some inner thing together

of your sex life. So I think, yeah. I'm not sure if that's true, maybe. Yeah. Guys, maybe if she was just super into it. Right, well, yeah, and that was my point. Yeah, I mean, and also, what you might find during your exploration phases, perhaps you are just as inspired by what you could do with your wife, and you'll no longer be thinking about being with men

and what else is out there, although I can't tell you. We don't know. All right, thanks for the question. Keep me posted. I love when you guys send me your follow up emails about how things have worked. I always try. Or not worked, I'm cool. Yeah, you always want to know.

Give me another answer. Another try. This next one comes to us from GS, 32 in Massachusetts, dear Emily. My husband and I have been married for 11 years, two kids. Every time he comes inside me, my vagina gets itchy after for a while. This has been happening forever. We both have never had sex with anyone else. He was my first, I was his, when we use condoms, I'm not itchy. But when I was on birth control years ago, he would come inside me, I would get itchy. Both pregnancies, I would get itchy after him coming. I thought

I was allergic to sperm, but he recently got up a sect to me to January 2019 and now when he comes inside me, I'm still itchy. Can I be allergic to semen? My friend said to take a clariton before sex. There's never any order or discharge, just itch that lasts about 12 to 24 hours. All right, here's the thing, Jess, I gotta tell you, you can be allergic to his semen. It's way more common than you think. I like that you're using an allergy medication that could, you know, that definitely probably is working. But for now, he might just need to have to pull out or you can go back to using condoms or using dental dams, which I know is kind of a bummer. I'm thinking she could also see like us, I mean, I don't think that you should just take my word for it though. That's what it sounds like to me. But I think you're getting to see a doctor.

I mean, there's a lot of things we could take these days. And maybe if you want to take something more organic, there just might be other workarounds for this. But I would get tested and see if it's actually as a cement to confirm that and then see what you can do. But the allergy, if the allergy medication is working for now, go with that. But that would be, you know, I wonder,

I wonder if with the vagina being such an interesting place, with our pH balance and things are changing with hormones, I'm wondering if there's like a lifelong, you know, that she would always be allergic to it. You know, we change, we can have certain allergies that change, I'm just wondering if there's something that she could do with a doctor or a holistic practitioner that could maybe help with this as well.

Maybe interesting. And then I'm not sure if she's actually trying the allergy medication yet. But that can help for. But I think, yeah, I think that that. That's just like a, yeah. I mean, it gets, it's a bummer, but also. Yeah, no, really.

Yeah, I just want to get a little more. I just feel like right now there's so many different ways. But yeah, allergy medication is a good first step. Yeah, I mean, it just, it's an interesting problem to have. Yeah, it is. We don't hear that often, but it is a real thing for sure. Okay, this next one comes to us from Mike, who's 50 in the United States. Hi, Emily. Love your show. I'm Mike, 50 years old. I've been married for 15 years. I've always been into

bondage until the last couple of years, I've finally gotten my wife to give it a real try, meaning impact play such as spanking. She also lets me tie her hands up, but is very apprehensive about taking it to a higher level, such as flogging or whipping. What having a BDSM session with an old flame, no sexual contact whatsoever, be considered cheating. Please help. Okay, Mike, I would say that yes, this would be considered cheating, please help. Okay, Mike, I would say that yes,

this would be considered cheating, absolutely. So if you're hiding from your spouse and you think it's something she's gonna be mad about, yes, it's cheating, if she finds out, you know, in fidelity. I feel like though, you're kind of jump on the gun here, Mike. If you found out that your wife, you know, you guys have been together for 15 years, and the last couple years, she's into it.

She's tying your hands up, but higher level of vlogging or whipping, I feel like you could also talk to her about it. You could try to give her time to warm up and be patient. Our partners are not always gonna be what we are into, but maybe she needs a little bit more information about, it needs to experience it. You know, a lot of times we're just fearful of things,

we're like, oh, that would really hurt. So I would recommend, when I first read this, you're like, would having a BDSM session, I thought you were gonna say, like, with a dominatrix, who could help us out, and maybe she could learn from professional, and they could kind of test it, because it's not just about,

like I think that when people, we have very limited views, especially someone who knows much about bdsm like there might be other ways to play with it Like just because she's down to the vlogging or whipping part you guys might be surprised if you visit dominator Xer did some research on your own that you don't need to cheat You don't need to go outside of marriage, but there is like a workaround so you guys could find you know Perhaps a way that you could still get a rouse, she could get a rouse, and I'd love to know more about her fantasies as well. Two ways to treat her.

So I feel like the fact that she came on to everything else in a few years after 15 years is a good sign. So be patient and do some exploring with her. I know this thing you really want now, Mike. He's like, you know, I want the whipping and I want, but just be patient, ask the questions, explore, and again, you guys, I think this is for everybody. but just be patient ask the questions explore and again you guys I think this is for everybody. We all need to do a lot more research This is what the soul shows about is how do we actually explore?

I think our view of what sex is is so limited and what was on the table We don't even know what's on the table. We know like doggy style and we know missionary and we know like spanking with this BDSM but that again together You know a lot times our partners say no to things or they're shut down for things because it just sounds awful or painful, which it can be if you don't do it right. But maybe in your path for exploration, you might find something else that works for both of you.

So please don't cheat, thank you. Yeah, and a BDSM dominatrix or coach might be able to just give you a talking consultation. Yeah, exactly. They could give you a talk You could go visit a dungeon. I mean you could find out there's like so many where did you live in Texas? I'm sure it's everywhere Yes, he lives in the United States somewhere in the United States of America and you could find someone who's

Rapid will you can go to a fat life fat life which is a website where you could I find someone to kind of help you guys out to see if she's into it kind of fun I went to a dominatrix once with a guy No, what? Things just pop up my head. Oh my god putting a pin in that and we're talking about that later. Okay, perfect. Okay. All right Okay, okay, this next last one. No seriously. We need to bring that seeds one of those things not gonna glass up No, I'm not gonna gloss over it. I'm not gonna gloss over. I'm gonna bring it up later. Okay, perfect. All right, this last one comes to us from Walter, who's 29 in Texas.

Hello, Emily. I recently met an amazing girl. We really hit off and have been going out for about a month until this week. I asked her how she thought our relationship was going, and if we should think about being exclusive for each other. Her response was, we haven't even been intimate yet,

and then says, I think we should just be friends. I'm devastated that she put me in the friend zone slash. I'm going to be haven't even been intimate yet, and then says, I think we should just be friends. I'm devastated that she put me in the friend zone slash broke up, basically. She did stand me up on date the day before we had this talk. How do I get her back and how do I get out of the friend zone?

I really need her in my life, my heart is broken. Walter, Walter, I hear you. It is tough, it is so tough when someone doesn't return the love that we are showing that we are giving them and the rejection. It is painful and I get it and I get that you want her back right now, but I'm going to tell you, you don't. You're not going to get her back and she's let you in at least right now. The cool knows what could happen, Walter, but you definitely have to go about your life right now of letting go. It doesn't know if she's she flat out told you that she is not interested in anything more with you and I think that you you have to respect that.

And definitely if you're asking her to be exclusive you guys hadn't been into me yet. So maybe your enthusiasm for her was really intense and perhaps you know I my advice to you would be to get to know the next person you date and just to kind of maybe be a little bit more. I know this is tough when you're really into someone, but really get to explore and see how you feel with them, go out them a few times, wait till it gets even a little bit sexual to maybe talk about things, about exclusivity, but at your age and where you guys are at, maybe, you know, it just, she wasn't returning the feelings. So here's a thing, Walter. I understand, like, I hear it in your voice here and I hear the devastation, but I think this is going to be a great learning tool for you if you choose to accept it that way.

That, you know, we learn from all of our relationships, you know, how long or how short they are. We can learn from all of our relationships, you know, how long or short they are, we can learn from them. And I think in the future, you know, you're going to realize it like, you know, in relationships, obviously, you know, you want to look for the signs. Like, are they returning the same emotions? I think that before you get overly excited, it's so easy to do. We meet someone we like. We start picturing us like spending the rest of our lives together.

But I think that maybe you just kind of, you know, instead of asking me exclusive, maybe you say like, well, so how are you feeling about this? Like, where do you see it going or what kind of relationship are you looking for? There's some questions that kind of can lead up to that rather than just asking for exclusivity right away. So I think Walter, this is such a good time to learn. There's so many women out there. There's so many right matches for you, but learn from this. And, um, and I would say to you that so many great matches for you, but learn from this and

And I would say to you that you're in the friend zone, but I would I would beg you Walter if you take any my advice You guys are gonna be friends right now because you can't be friends with her because you still have emotions for and you want to be with her So you're going to torture yourself for another three six million years if you're like friends So I would say get yourself out of the friend zone, cut off ties with her and continue to build your life, meeting people, women, friends, building your life in a really rich way, and then you're gonna be able to find the next person. All right, Walter, thanks for your email.

Thanks everyone for your emails. We read all of your emails and we love hearing from you. So thanks everyone. Thank you for listening to this show and let us know what you think. You can always email us any questions you have or comments. Thank you to my amazing team. Thank you Jamie.

Thank you Ken, Kristen, Michelle, and Michael. So was it good for you? Eat how me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. www.family.com