Sex With Emily - Don’t Kill My Vibe – In Bed

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is giving you tips on how to successfully use a vibrator during sex, and she’s taking your calls. She shares her knowledge about female ejaculation (because you’re never too young or too old), what to do when your fiance excludes you from social events, and whether or not your should stay or go in a relationship that needs saving. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Woo Freshies, Womanizer, BTL Emsella, SiriusXM, Promescent. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm giving you tips on how to successfully use a vibrator during sex, and I'm taking your calls. Topics include some question answered about good old female ejaculation. Alright, your sex life is great, but your fiance never asks you to hang out with their friends. What's the deal? Ain't Alinguist anyone? How to get your partner on board?

And should you stay or should you go? You think you tried it all But have you done all the work to save the relationship all this and more thanks for listening Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our secret institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Avaline's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

For more information, you gotta check out sexwithemily.com. And you guys, we so appreciate it when you review the show wherever you listen, and you, you know, give us five stars if you like it and review totally helpful and subscribe. The subscriptions help us make a better podcast and you know we released three a week. So thanks for doing that. And also you can find me five days a week on SiriusXM Radio. It's stars channel 109 and I am there Monday through Friday, five to seven Pacific. And the cool thing is you can just call in and ask your questions.

Triple 8, 9, 4, 7, 8, 2, 7, 7, 7, and if you want, you can just call in, but if you want to get a free 30-day trial just to listen as well, it's sexwithenley.com slash SXM, and follow us on all social media at Sex with Family Across the Board. And please, if you subscribe to our newsletter, we give out an awesome newsletter, and people love it, and you can do that on the website. Alright guys, I hope you enjoy the show. Okay, here's my sex hack. How to hold a vibrator or use a vibrator during sex, during any kind of sex, during rural sex, intercourse. I guess not during masturbation, but you know, if you got questions about that, you can call us. Why? Why do we need to know this?

Well, a lot of times, let's talk about the reason why we aren't bringing it in. We're not bringing a toy into our partner play because we have no idea where to start or what to do with it. First of all, we're worried like what's our partner going to think? Are they going to feel inferior? Because the vibrator brought us to orgasm and they did the vibrator 80 in our orgasm. And then what do I do? Where do I place it?

Where does the hand go? And the thing is though, it's really pretty simple and it is an awesome way to spice it up. And it also helps you along in the orgasm department because let's be honest, if you haven't heard this yet, I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna say it, say it, say it. I'm gonna say it every day for the rest of my life,

which I actually do think I say, I even said this weekend, this conference. Women's eyes bulged out of their head. They were shocked. They were shocked. Shocked when I shared this information with them. In fact, this would happen. I was at lunch and this woman said to me,

well, I just, maybe you can help me. She was like, 20 seconds, she was like, I, I can't orgasm with my partner. And I was like, well, what's going on? Have you had orgasm? She said, yes, I've had one, but I have to use a vibrator. But I've been my partner for two years, and I don't know what to do.

And I'm like, well, you just gotta bring it in. You just gotta let him know. This is, and she was like, oh my God, I can do that first, but I had to tell her this thing. I had to tell her that only 20% of women orgasm during intercourse. 20. Now I understand that it is a shock every time people hear that they're like, oh my god,

how could that be true? And I get it. Why you think it's not true? It's because every time you see sex in the movies or wherever it's like penis goes vagina, explosion happens right away. And we're just told that's what sex is. But the sex for orgasm for women is about the clitoris. It's about the outside action, not the inside action.

Sorry to sorry to all the penises out there, if this is shopped to you. But for women we need a lot of external stimulation. We need the clitorial stimulation, we need the playing, we need the fun. So, just make sure if you want to bring a toy and you have one of your favorites, do it. First, make sure that

your toy is out. Like, I get to ask that question, like, what do I do? Like, really, like, how do I, do I stop? It's awkward. Do I pull it out the drawer? No, why don't you have it out and have it cleaned and charged? Nothing sucks. Like, when your toy dies mid-organism, mid-play. Worse be trail of old toys. Of course. Be trail. It's like, it's like it's like um exactly what happens to you

you're like fuck and charred my toy that's haven't you I mean yeah but not everyone's as lucky as me to have like another toy at the ready yeah I always have so many like ch ch ch ch ch I'm literally like in the German I do that with like like yeah I'm gonna be charged yeah something starts something's charged here.

Although I've had times where, near your vibe is charged and it was not pretty. I was like, how is this my job? But now they're mostly charged. I'm like, I have 85 vibrators here next to my bed. There is not a charge rub. Okay, mostly are. So make sure they're charging clean and next to the bed.

And then you have to worry about your fumbling. It's clean, it's not gonna die, believe me. Not gonna die. And then you have to worry about your fumbling, you know, it's clean. It's not going to die, believe me. Not going to die. And then make sure it's the right kind of toy. So the deal is all toys can technically be a couple's toy. But for sure you can talk to your partner and say which ones they're into. You can show them you're like, listen, I've got this rabid vibe, which is a like a dual simulation vibe, like a rabid vibe goes inside of you. And then it has an inter-extra total climber cliterator cliterator simulator cliterator can we make that a word? Cliterator is a good word. I'm writing it down write it down. But a small and then also a small cliterator one is great and that could work and not get

in the way as much. So like a handheld vibe like the touch or the tango by WeVib or any of the other great toys that we work with the one or the whoever's pave Small vibrators and as long as your partner knows what to expect. It's easier to navigate and I got to be honest with you guys You hold it in your hand like it's like a you can just cup it over your clitoris So your partner does or maybe on your nipples or maybe you tease them around their balls, test it out. So here's the thing, if your partner's never experienced vibrations, you wanna try it on a lower setting, especially for penises.

Some can take the hybrid vibration, but what others just spot like a lower, like the low setting that you probably don't use, I never use low setting. But that's why they make it, I think, for penises or for people who have sensitive clearances. So start off slow, low, work your way up to a more comfortable setting.

If you use a vibrating penis ring, those are very popular for couples. Put some lube on it first because it can kind of pull the hairs and you wanna make sure you lube on it. You can even have in your hand first, it kind of trace it around his shaft or his balls. Make sure the setting is comfortable.

And I would say the best position for a penis ring would be when you are on top, when the vulva vagina's on top and you are facing forward riding position. That way, if it's over there penis, you're on top, you can grind on it. And then the vibrations can really hit your clitoris, your vulva. And that feels great on the penis as well. So using a small clitor revive, there's a few ways to do it.

You can use them before, during after penetration. So we do like the tango, the wish, the joe pen pave, or the grace, are great ones. So to use during. And then before, gosh, you can use all of them beforehand, for a play oral sex, you could hold it on yourself on the spots that you know work best. You could check your partner where to hold it. You can trace each other's bodies and erode new zones and look for like the inner thighs, like you guys, what you're craving, I think a lot of people is the teasing. You're craving that teasing on your inner thighs

on the nape of the neck, your nipples around the breasts, even around your butt. Like there's all these areas, your knees, the perineum or the balls. I mean, go slowly there, but I'm telling you guys that it might just be exploratory. You may have never, ever tried any of these things. I remember when telling me went that she was,

she'd been married for a long time. And then afterwards she said that she was with someone and he kissed her back. And she was like, and it was the most intimate thing because she'd never had someone kiss her back. I guess her partner didn't ever get. She's like, and it was, and maybe it feels so connected and so close

and so intimate and just something like a back kiss. Like, like to slowly like trace kisses to all over your partner's body. You know, I think was it will earlier we were telling or Jonathan about, maybe Jonathan about finding his wife's orgasm. Like when it's all about her that night, kiss her all over her body. I'm telling you, you use your lips slowly on her body.

Maybe some massage oil, a little bit of vibrator like that could very well get it or orgasm. So if you're in, if you're having sex, you're in missionary position, let's say you can use the vibrator between both pubic mountains. So in both you will both be pubic mountains. And you can keep that in place. So you can do slower shallow thrusts,

like if you're both on top of each other. And if you're on top, either partner can hold it in place when you move. If you're in doggy style, this is a great position to have your partner hold it over your clitoris, so you hold it over yourself. I also like the finger vibes.

So here's a pro tip about finger vibes. These vibrators are awesome, because it stays in your finger like your finger becomes a vibrator. Like the Joe Pen has the pave lizz, and it stays on your finger. So it's kind of like a ring. So anywhere you touch becomes a vibrator like the Joe Pen has the pave lizz and it stays on your finger so it's kind of like a ring so anywhere you touch becomes a vibration. So I think that's the easiest to use during part and play because wherever you put your finger you normally can just vibe it up, trace their nipples, their stomach, their legs. It's super fun because you can also easily switch it. That was one of my favorite ones

that I've used during sex. So bigger things like the Magic One, you guys. The Magic One is the one of those popular vibrators, and it can be used for both partner. It can be used during sex. You can get out of the couch or take two pillows and stick it nice and snug between the two and hold it in place because it's a big vibrator. And then your partner can enter you

as you rest upon the vibrator, which is pretty cool. You could be lying on your stomach. You could also use a sex wedge. It's a big vibrator, and then your partner can enter you as you rest upon the vibrator, which is pretty cool. You could be lying on your stomach. You could also use a sex wedge, and the vibrator even as a spot to hold the magic one. So neither one of you have to hold it. You can just use it to vibe on you, which is great. It's really all about just finding like the different angles, comfort positions, and knowing

that it doesn't have to be so well choreographed if it rolls under the bed or makes a weird noise and you laugh at it, that's fine. But I think when you're all asking me every night of the week, what do I do that's different? How do I spice it up? How do I ask for what I want? What is it with the toys? Why should we use them? Well, there's why. There's why.

The vibration is not that it's better. It's not that it's superior. It's not that it's even necessary. But what it is, is adding a little vibe to your sex life. It's just a way to kind of make things more interesting. It's like having dessert one night, having ice cream every night, and sometimes you have some chocolate sprinkles,

and sometimes you wanna add some marshmallows, and you wanna make it a little more tastier, a little bit more robust, and I would say, that's what the vibe play does for you. So check that out. It's so interesting, because there are certain toys I feel like I want just for masturbation.

And ones that I'm like, oh yeah, definitely with a partner, this would be so much fun. Like the womanizer to me, it's like that's all on my own. Yeah. It's all on me, me and- Because it like is the sucking and the-

We just have a very bon, like a very private bond together. I know, we might like shut down if you bring someone else in Right. Well, no, and also it's like it really is like a for me One of the more powerful orgasms literally that I've ever had And I just think that a guy watching that Would feel a little like

Whoa, right. I understand that or Or he might be like, that's so fucking hot. Let me do that. That's true. Yeah. I think a woman orgasming secure man, seeing his woman orgasm intensely would just be really turned out and happy for you. That's the guy.

That's the guy. Do you have like a favorite you like to use? I like using the touch. The Weeb Touch, I like using the tango. I like using the the the Jimmy Jane form to. Oh, that's a good one. I like that one one. The plus one vibe. Plus one vibe. Guys, plus ones are awesome. They're really reasonable. You You get them like at Walmart's and in stores and stuff and they're actually good Sometimes stuff in drug stores. I was like, eh, but I like it What else have I toyed with over the years the pivot? I like that as a cock ring. I like the hot octopus. Mm-hmm Cochrane is amazing I

Think all my clever vibes. I like the jazzy Mimi The the pivot was the first one I ever used with a partner. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. That wasn't even the long go, was it? It wasn't. It was honestly. It was like this year, last year.

Because I was never in like the place where all my sex toys were held. And then I was like, I'm gonna just put this in my purse and one of these days and then that, it happened. But I always have the mimic in my purse, which is hilarious. That is funny. It's still there now, is it charged? I I always have the mimic in my purse, which is hilarious. That is funny. It's still there now, is it charged?

I like them. The mimic is a great one. It's still there. It's charged? I take it out to charge. It's hilarious. It's good. You're back up.

I think the mimic is a very cool one, too, because it matches that it lays over your labion. It sort of fills into the grooves of your robot. Oh, that's the shaped one, right? It's a stingray. Yes, it does. It really does. I have a question about sex toys with partners for beginners.

Do you have any suggestions for? Oh, because you've never used one? I have never. I used, well, my partner tried using a cock ring and then things, so yes, no. I haven't used one. I don't count that one. So no, I have a new song.

What do you have? What would you? I don't count that one. No, I have it. What do you have? I don't have anything specifically for a partner. What do you like? You sure have a partner. What do you want? You know, all the toys here. I would say something that fits in your hand, like the tango or the touch.

Just like a little vibe that you kind of can show them, like how they do something they like to do it. Yeah, just something that fits in your or like you can hold with your fingers. Yeah. Okay, because the the finger vibe sounds very intriguing to me. That's a great one. Yeah. For as a beginner. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The finger vibe is great. Do you have any more of those? No. I think we have we don't have the p one here, but we have like a couple other different ones in the closet. Two, two peruse and candor. What if a partner just can't, doesn't like the sensation of the vibration.

Is there a way to work around it? Yeah, you know, that's a good question. Some people might not like it. They might not like it at all. And I think there's a way to keep it. So it's just on your clitoris and it doesn't have to be on them. Like, not every penis is going to like the same sensations or they're maybe they'll just like it on their balls, but on their shaft or vice versa.

But I think if you can also keep it on your clitoris and then you don't have to. But then I think that some women don't like it either. So I think it's just, I think that's okay too. You could also decide that you're just gonna like mutually masturbate. Mm-hmm. Yeah. If you already have a toy as a male, how do you go about that? Oh, if you already own a toy from a past relationship? Well, because what if you were the one that bought it, and it was expensive, I don't know, to me, I would just throw it away, but I don't know.

It's already the full shit. That's trick. I mean, that's trick. That's tricky, because I know that happens sometimes like, oh look what I've got here. And then the woman's like, oh my god, did you use that on someone else? And it can become a thing. But I think if you clean a toy, it's fine, like it's kind of like using their toaster oven, like it's an appliance, it's a, it's a, at least in their video game, like you bought something.

And yes, it's very intimate. You might have used it in another vulva, but I think if you clean it or you give it to your acts as a party gift. A parting gift. I love it. I mean, the same thing is like the, their penis.

It's also been another. Yeah, your penis was somewhere else too. I bet you that has more risks than the toy. I'm just saying. But all these strains of herpes going around. I don't know if you should worry about the toy. I know the thing at Coachella, the outbreak. Oh goodness.

Oh my god you guys. Yes. Is that all from sex or was it just for people like, I don't know what? I've never been to Coachella but I can only imagine that at least in the camping section you know people are. That's what it was in the article. It was reported by people who were camping. Oh, God, I'm so glad I wasn't.

And who do you tell? Like the kitchen? Like who is collecting the data on this stuff? Yeah, I was like, how about we just reporting to the med tents? I don't know, you know people. Oh, you would fuck up out there, yeah. It can come up right away. It can, that can happen, but, whoa.

I have back to the sex toys and relationships. you are not used to it or if you're uncomfortable with it. What are the kinds of things that you can say to your partner to introduce it to them? You could just say you know what? I think I would love to show you my favorite toy and what it does to me and I'd love to use it on you, would you be interested in that? That way you mean just saying? Yeah, just like, because I'm thinking, you know, I'm just thinking of all these scenarios and how it would go down in my mind.

And I feel I'm like my hands are getting sweaty, just thinking about saying it to somebody. And then like if somebody were to say to me, I'd be like, oh yeah, sure, like let's try it. Yeah, I think there's a lot of misconceptions too. Like I think what you're probably gonna hear from people is like, oh no, I haven't really tried that. Like I think it's more comp, you know, I'd be like, yeah, well, let's try it. I think it's a lot of misconceptions too. Like I think what you're probably getting here from people is like, oh no, I haven't really tried that. Like I think it's more comp, you know, I,

and be like, yeah, well, let's try it. I think it feels good. And usually I just start on them. I'm be like, doesn't this feel good? And I'll trace around them, give them massage. And then I'm like, here's it on me. Err. And it, and usually they're cool,

but I think it just like, that's what'd be fun. What do you think? You wanna see my toy collection? I think you keep it light. And you just say, it feels good. I think you'd like light and you just say it feels good. I think you'd like to see it. I love the sex we're having. Re-inforce, reinforce, reinforce. Nothing you're not doing. Sometimes I just need a little extra, my little friend here. Meet my friend. Alright, we're going to take a quick break and we come back. We're going to get Let's talk to Ali, 45 in Colorado, who's got a question about female e-jaculation.

Hey. Hey, Ali. Hi there. I am so glad I have been trying to call you. Can you hear me? Yeah. Yes. Okay. I have been wanting to get a hold of you. I told my daughter I would call you

a couple months ago and I just haven't had a chance to do it. I'm so glad you did. This is our time. Yeah. We got a date. I love your show. Thank you. I think it is so awesome that you are talking about these kind of issues. So outwardly. Thank you. And I did get a

womanizer the first time that I listened to your show and I had not had a toy for 20 years. Okay. So I got one of those. It's awesome. Right. Yeah. It's just right. Okay, good. Yay. Okay. So yeah. Yeah, you board with it. I love it. Okay, right? The womanizer, yeah, it's amazing. What I called you about was female ejaculation. So my 16 year old daughter is having sex and we talk about it a lot, which is great. And she is having female ejaculation. And I have never experienced that myself, because I don't, but I know actually from talking to my husband about a past partner that, you know,

that it's something that's somewhat normal for females to do. Yeah, yeah. And so, but she's having an issue with it because it makes such a mess when it happens. Exactly. And she's like, mom, it just soaks through the bed, like down to the mattress, or it makes a huge mess on the floor.

And so I said, well, I'm going to call sex with Emily, and she's having suggestions about what to do. Yeah. Okay. Well, that is, yeah, this is such a good, you know, I'm glad you called with this. So is it the first time she's having sexes right now? Is this recently? Yes.

And is it usually, is it every time, is it like when she's on top? Because typically it's from G-Spot stimulation or internal stimulation. I think it is generally, I know like when he's just, you know, manually manipulating her. Yeah, it happens. Yeah, that happens a lot manually.

Yeah, that's common. Okay. I think it's pretty much all the time. Okay, and she's having orgasms, right? And pleasure. Because some people can't ejaculate not orgasm. Okay, good. So here's the thing.

It gets missing. She tenses out a lot and when it happens and it feels good and so I'm assuming that that's coming along with orgasm. Right, exactly. We're gonna let hope them, but I hope she masturbates and all that stuff. I mean, here's the thing about 20. She does? Good.

She does not. Oh, she does not. I would love her to masturbate. Nope. Yeah, maybe get her a joint. I try to encourage her and I've showed her my toys that I got from you and I've showed her like, you're awesome. You're awesome.

You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. I just wonder if she is having an orgasm or if it's just ejaculation because that can happen. I'm just curious. I don't know. Sometimes you can know, I've ejaculated your orgasm.

So I want to say the thing is there are a few things that you do with this, you either go in the shower, not that you always wanna have sex in the shower, but if it's annoying to rush, they could have sex in the shower by a 16. So towels, just have a bunch of your old, where is she having sex at the guys house, at your house? Mostly at the guys house.

Okay, I mean, honestly, you just put a bunch of towels down and that's what, and you keep some wipes by the, maybe she keeps some, some, like, a smaller towels by the bed. We had someone call in talk about having puppy pads, like pee pads on the bed, which I thought that was kind of a brilliant idea. And there is, if you want to splurge, there's something called the liberator. That's the brand. It's a fascinator. It's called the fascinator throw.

It's like a throw for your bed. And it looks like a super fancy plush throw, but it's actually like a sex blanket for this very specific thing. It's called the fascinator. Yeah, we're going to put it if you go to the liberator, if you go to, oh, liberators the brand. And it's called the the fascinating. So it's just liberal You just members the liberator throw but we're gonna go if you go to sex with Emily calm We're gonna put it in the show notes. It's right there and you can click and take a look at it

But I mean honestly like there's nothing I Think she just got to go. Yeah. Hey, yeah I mean this is what you when you squirt you just have a bunch of blank you literally just Adapt to it and you make sure it doesn't it's annoying that it sinks through go through the sheet So you just kind just have a bunch of blank, you literally just adapt to it, and you make sure it's annoying that it sings through, goes through the sheets, so you just kind of put a bunch of stuff on top of it. And... Yeah, and that's what she's been doing.

And I told her, why don't you get like a waterproof pad like that was on the baby crib? Exactly, you know, I adjusted that. Yeah, honestly, it sounds, but that's why I know I'm so big. Where do you say they're so big, right? So I think they're, well, they're only so big. And she's said to me, she's like, Mom,

it like sprays out of me. Yeah, maybe on the floor, they could put some things on the floor, kind of put some pillows down, old pillows and blankets, like, because they're young, right? I mean, she's 16, she's an, I don't know, me, the family's got some old blankets and things and they just wash it, like I'd say, because it isn't knowing it gets all over the some old blankets and things and they just wash it. Like I'd say,

because it isn't knowing it gets all over the bed, but those are some precautions she could take. Just tons of pillows, do it on a floor. You probably have a little beach towels and that's just what you gotta do. Yeah. So, but I think that's cool. Okay, so can I ask you about a comment

that you made though about like maybe she's ejaculating but she's not worth it. Of course. What could I ask her to identify if that's the case? Well, I guess we won't know, Willi, but I feel like it's hard to explain, but I just, because the reason why I brought it up is because you said she never masturbated.

And so, and if it's the first few times she's having sex, she's 16. I think that ejaculation is not orgasm for some women, it is for some women, it's not. So if she still won't masturbate, has she ever had an orgasm without ejaculation, I guess, is what I'm asking to then. That would be another way to find out. You know when you have an orgasm.

I should ask you. Yeah, that would be quite, that would just ask some more clarifying questions. Okay. I was like, you've got this, Ali. You know how to talk to about it. So just say I want to just make sure. Don't just like, I'm just saying curious about the orgasm thing, like have you ever had one

without the ejaculation? Here's what text Emily said. And she was wondering if you've had one without. Just curious. No, don't try that. You know, keep it light, see what she says, and then you can call me back and we can go from there. Okay, yeah.

She's super open. I mean, she's been trying to look it up online and stuff and she was excited that I was gonna call you. Oh, you are a good mom. So I love that you call it. So see what she says, but I'm just curious. I just want her to be comfortable with masturbation. If she's having sex, it's 16, it could get so much better for her just to like masturbate and figure it out. But I think it's just confusing to girls. They don't know where to start. We've got a ton of beginner masturbation blogs at sexcellany.com.

You know, there's a great book called Sex for One, my friend Jamie wrote a book, Waxman called Getting Off. I don't know if she's a reader, not everyone learns that way, but just to get her into it, why she should do how to do it, you know. So, because she's still young,

it's okay, it doesn't do anything wrong. But thank you for calling. It's a good, good good good good. Yeah, keep me posted. I'm glad you found the show, Ali. Thank you. All right, we have Tony, 33 in Illinois, wants to ask about conflict resolution solutions. Okay. Hey, Tony, thanks for calling. Hey guys, how you doing? How you doing? Good. Thank you. Good, good, good, listen. So, I feel like a unicorn here. I have a completely opposite ordeal or dilemma going on with my fiance. Okay. Sex is amazing. Sex is great. I mean, it's like, off the charts, okay. Never been disappointed, never had a,

or heard say no to me, whatever, or vice versa. It's like the best thing that comes to it is that the two plus priority number one in that category. Amazing. But then I'm not priority number one in any other category. And I don't know how to wait this difference. Wait, I'm sorry. So you're saying that your sex life is the priority, but your needs are not met in other areas.

Correct. Correct. Can I use the priority of sex? You know, not met it is a priority, but like it's important to her and she, she's always there for me with that. Like it's never been an issue. It's been a problem. You both agree upon that and everything.

Got it. But when it comes to like, give an example. Social activities. OK. OK, social activities. Right now, we're in kind of that limbo of engagement where we're, we had a date, we had it all planned out.

Things got a little dicey. I wasn't happy with how things were happening. And we called off that thing date but we still maintain communication and counseling and everything and we're doing everything normal but like for instance she got talking about me to her friend or her family. I see. She's going away soon to a wedding that I was invited to several months ago, and even though we're talking and doing the therapy and all this stuff and having wonderful great sex, all these things are working

out and we are communicating, she won't go there with like, why are you going A, B, why aren't you incorporating me in this? And I can only believe it's because there's a fact that she doesn't want anybody to know. I don't know. Well, okay, and you guys are going to get your fiance. Right. And how long have you guys been together? Uh, total, um, over two years now. Okay.

We've got it for a year and a half, two years, we're in our 30s, you know, kind of on the impression way, you know, it's up the pot. So I wanted to make a decision and, you know, I, so has it changed. Yeah, no, no. Yeah, I think. path. So I wanted to make a decision. And so has it changed? Yeah, no, no. Anything. And I wasn't going to pass it up. Yeah, see, these are basic things. It sounds like you feel like, in their relationship, there's always one person who feels

like they need their freedom. And typically, there's one person who feels like they are about to be left to abandon in some way, like that they need more. So it sounds like you are in a place where she might be needing some space from you and you feel like you're needing more from her. And so there's like this push pull and that can also shift in relationships. So it sounds to me like there might just have to be some more compromising and getting to know each other.

Like I didn't really understand the situation about the social event, but that does sound weird. It definitely talked about the stuff in therapy, but that she invited you and then uninvited you to a wedding, a destination wedding, right? Like why doesn't she want to do that? And then we'll talk about it now. Well, it's not okay that she's,

that okay that she won't talk to you about it. Like listen, so you said you're in therapy? Yeah, I mean, there's more, where's the headache than anything? No, I know, you're in there once a week. What's the headache? No, I know. You're in there once a week. Okay, so what you got to say is that you got to maybe find another therapist if it's not working, but these are like really basic.

These are things that are just deeper rooted in who you both are and how you want to live your lives and seeing if you have the same values. Like you might have values. You should have the value discussion. It's important to me that we spend time together at these certain things. These are the things I'd like to do. Families important, sharing special occasions are important. She might, you know, I think you guys have more talks to do. Serious talks in your therapy before you walk down the aisle. Okay. Let's see if we can make this possible for Bill, 37 in Florida, who wants

to know how to satisfy his woman, Analy, with his tongue. Oh, hey, Bill. Happy Friday to you. Hi. How you doing? Good, how you doing? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no We're all chilling. Thank you. Well, so there's just girl that I've had experimented with lately. And I'll focus on stuff like you've been saying, but live before passing into it. Nice.

And I feel like the next step might be to go down there. What I can say on phone. You can say anything. Ane Lee Her be hold If you know that my sound weird no not at all bill no bill Ane licking no 2017 was the year of analicking I'm telling you bill I got more calls and more emails about analicking in 2017. It is on the rise. So you, it is not a weird question at all. And

I understand it. Like it's um, you know, we have a lot of nerve endings all over our body. And when I was talking about earlier that we don't know how to explore them, we don't understand all these points of pleasure. So Bill, now we understand awkward to call into a radio, but you came to the right place. So Bill, as she said that she's interested in it or you just kind of wanted, if you ever guys ever talked about it. Alright, so I'm one of those guys that can not really pick up on vibes. Okay. Yeah, a lot of guys can't catch up. I feel like she's a she's all more than what I'm giving her. Hmm. I really do enjoy her. So that's the main reason why I want to try something new

and I'm figured, you know, and another question, some side question on this, it's my sound little weird, but what does she would want to do to me? Is it the same effect? Oh, yeah, if she wanted to penetrate you, Analy, or lick you, Analy, yeah, is it the same as that? Oh yeah, if she wanted to penetrate you Analy or Lik you Analy, yeah, is it the same effect? Oh, okay, got it. No, got it. Okay, sorry, Bill. He's like, I'm not doing that shit. Yeah, go ahead. Just like maybe Lik or something like that because I know there's like something. Yeah, prostate. Yeah, that could

feel great to you too. Absolutely. Well, but here's what I want to say, Bill. So right now, you're making assumptions that you're getting a sense you said that she wants great to you too. Absolutely. But here's what I wanna say, Bill. So right now you're making assumptions that you're getting a sense you said that she wants more from you. So tell me why you think that. Did she say something? Was it body language? Yeah, it's just been the same, you know.

Oh, oh yeah, then for sure you have to spice it up. So here's what you should do, Bill. Why don't you have a talk with her and say, you know what, I've been driving, thinking about you and I love our sex life. God, I can't, and I want to, I want to be the best lover you've ever had. Tell me something you've wanted to try or what are you into like, um, and I let's do it and hear some things that I was thinking or maybe you guys go to like a sex toy store together or you could say I was thinking about licking your ass would be really hot. You know what I mean mean so rather than just guessing um having a talk

with her about it and that's just really hot too because remember the brain is the largest sex organ so when you talk to us about sex or any man we hear the words that you want to please us like that's part of the fun bill so you don't have to like figure it all out in your own right now but by talking about, you'll get all the information you need. All right. All the keys. Got to hand them over to the question. Yeah, Bill, keep going.

These are all good, yeah. What is a... The spare bones, I know spare bones come from down there too. If that have anything to do, like maybe rub and all me or something like that, maybe soon it's kind of like a half-dose idiot. Oh, like, pheromones, like, if you, I mean pheromones are like why we're attracted to like certain, like, our pheromones, like, they always, like, all the studies that a woman like with men sweat, like, sleeping with his t-shirt over time and like, the reason why

we're attracted to each other, but there's no, you're asking me, are there pheromones that you could buy or is that why you're attracted to each other. But you're asking me, are there fair mones that you could buy or is that why you're attracted to each other? What's the question? Like, if you like like, if you like it, then some kind of spray. You know, they do sell fair mones, sprays. I think it's really about our natural sense

of what attracts us to our partners. So I think, I don't know, it's tricky. I think you guys could go to a store maybe and spray some pheromone stuff on each other and see if you like it. But I don't think that's going to be the thing that's going to get you there. What will be is talking to her. And if she's like a lot of women, she probably wants more for play, some more oral sex, some compliments, maybe some gifts. You guys should take the love language quiz. We'll put it in the show notes.

It's amazing, Bill. Send it to her. You'll find out if she wants touch or words of affirmation or fit you know or get. There's all these different ways. I feel like you really want to be a good lover and a good man to her. And so, you know, why don't you just have some talking to her about it and figure it out. And all right, okay, Bill, we'll be here for you. Thanks for calling. You did great. Okay, let's talk to Tony 38 and Wisconsin who wants to know when you know it's the right time to walk away from a relationship Hey, Tony Hi, ladies. Hi I like this question. I

Feel like I can always help people like tell me what's going on. Let's see if you should stay or go I feel like I can always help people. Like tell me what's going on. Let's see if you should stay or go. So, I've been in a relationship for about 20 years. I'm married for about 10. And just like the young lady who wrote that, it's kind of tuned in a little later. It's a female and every student. We actually were really young.

And one thing I'm definitely going to say is definitely be nagging Mary until you build a hundred percent trust because it kind of went the other way and now I'm kind of in a way to paint a price. I find my husband to tell a lot of like little it could be white life to him but they're big life to me because he I know that one thing I absolutely not do not tell our is lying even if the little is things because I take me a long time to feel trust. But my wall is super op-ed. We just been struggling and every time I give him a chance, he messes up and tells me another lie, whether or no matter how sick or solid it is.

And I'm starting to think of it. I feel like I've already checked out. And so I just don't know when to say like, okay, it's good enough enough. And we've actually got the counseling and we're on the right track, but then it happens again. So, oh, God. Is it okay for me to call it cool? Like, I'm done. Yeah. What's he lying about? We could be about the, sometimes the littlest thing, it could be like, oh, I'm not sure if I can see where your app is. I think he's having an affair. reason. Yeah, because of the reason he kept me honest with me is because I, I blow up,

but it's not the fact that I blow up, it's the fact that I know when you're lying and yet I kept you in a line and you don't want to give the test to be honest, you're not. Right. And that's my blow up. And so what does the therapist said, like have you guys been in continual therapy once a week for a year? We have. I think we're going well. And then it's just kind of like we just fell off the wagon again. And I know it's part of me.

I'm not like maybe the simplest person. What she doesn't understand, I told them, is that I wasn't always this person who blows up when I'm being lied to. It's just that I just, my wall is super high now and I just can't, it's harder for me to get over it because, and to trust again, because I know it's going to happen. Well, it's been 20 years of lying, so I don't blame you. I don't blame you at all.

Like, I don't know, like, what does a therapist say? Like, I don't, I don't, I don't I mean I understand like and there's a thing He's not like a horror. It's like both of you guys have in 20 years You've created a dynamic of your own that like he's afraid to be honest because he thinks you're gonna blow up Maybe you did blow up in the past, but now it's like maybe it's a compulsive. He doesn't realize he's doing it But that's just doesn't feel good to you or to him probably so Do you still love him? Do you still want to sex with him? Is there intimacy?

Are you just, you know, what else is going on in the relationship? Not really. Not really. I think at this point, we're kind of doing the fake it so you make it kind of thing. Right. But you've been talking about it.

Yeah. Well, and it's hard for me to get over things and I already know and I told them like listen, I think I need to go and have a seat, and have a therapist, have some counseling because it's hard for me to get over this. I just can't.

Well, I absolutely think you have to on your own too. Yes. Because I don't want to tell you on this one call. Yeah, I mean, Tony, I'm not going to tell you on this one call, yes, you should leave him for sure. But it sounds like that I'm just telling you, this is why I love therapy. Because we all at some point in our, we can't figure out in our head, in fact we lie to ourselves,

we tell ourselves different, we lie to ourselves. Are we create facts, we think our thoughts are facts and they're not, so yes, I think that you should get to find a really good therapist and if you need to go twice a week right now, if you're in crisis mode, I've done that before in my life where you just got to get some answers. I think if you find someone you trust, you explain everything that's going on, you can get some answers and decide if you should say it or go. Because right now it just like, it sounds like you guys have tried together with your own

therapist, but I absolutely think you need your own and she can help you make that, or here she can help you make that decision. I think you should just do that. But at this point we're kind of, yeah, but at this point we're kind of, please, we're not really feeling like we're a married couple anymore in these changes. And not just the crazy thing is that we still enjoy each other's company, but I just don't feel in love with him anymore. I must say this completely for now, but I just don't feel it, and I don't want to feel it because my guard is so.

Of course it is. So I've come to the realization, I think, by listening to you as well, that I think I need to work on letting the letters go so I can try to forgive them forward, I guess, and see if even it's in this narrative even worth anything because I suppose that I did critical honor my marriage a little bit, but I don't feel guilty about it. Okay. I just need to see. Right. So I don't feel, and I never said anything in order, I don't think I've ever been well. Yeah, I don't think, yeah, I don't think you have to, but that's a sign.

Yeah, this you should not say anything to him at all, because then he's going to be like, well, you're lying to me. But like, is he a person of integrity? Like, do you respect him? Is he a good at his job? Does he lie? Is he an honest person overall? He looks like it. Overall he is.

OK. So he's not lying to his mother. Not lying to his people in his life. It's just you. He's like somehow. I'm sure he gets a little white line. I'm sure this is a little white line. Like a little white line that we tell everybody.

Yeah. okay. I mean, I still need to be a major. Yeah, I mean, I think after 20 years, too, and you're feeling, I think you definitely should should talk to someone here and get some help, but it just, sometimes it's too late. I mean, sometimes it has moved on. If you feel like you just don't feel it anymore, but I can't, I think, when I think before you leave, it's always good to know that you've done everything. And Tony, if you haven't done everything, like if you feel like, yeah, you know what,

I'm not so sure yet that I'd say, yes, get yourself into therapy, work it through, and then make a decision, give yourself a deadline like in the next few months. Because 20 years, you've got to figure it out, you know, but I think committing to figuring it out with the help of a professional will do you wonders. Okay. And actually, just thank you. to figuring it out with the help of a professional world. Do you wonders? Okay. And actually, just thank you. And then actually just from that, I don't know if we'll

be able to email her a letter from that young lady, but I do believe that absolutely definitely don't get married. I kind of did it that way and it didn't work out for me. I can put people for anyone else to go through that also. Oh my God. Thank you so much, Tony, for calling in. Yeah, because Emily's 24 years old, and she was thinking of getting married

to someone who was lying to her. So I think people lie, and you can learn not to lie. You could like get into, figure out, and do your work, but if you don't do your work, it's just gonna wreak havoc on yourself and the people around you. So thank you, Tony. Why is it that people get stuck on this,

that do say that they lie because you blow up? It's like, but I only blow up when you lie. I know, well, that's when you get into that we could like chicken egg thing, like that whole, like, yeah, it's so weird to me, because it's like, I've been through that. Yeah. And I've been like, literally, if you just tell me

the truth, I'm not gonna get mad. Right. And it's just because they're past conditioning, like all the women who has gotten mad at me for this, that could be it too. Or maybe they just, you know, I don't know, there are a lot of reasons for it, but I think it's frustrating.

You have explained that to me, I remember, about your ex, it's so frustrating. So if this is when I say couples won't be able to figure it out on their own until they get some help, but a lot of times, I think I've heard men say, like, oh, you can't tell women anything, because my last girlfriend would get upset about this,

but you don't know that you're new partner, so they lie. You know, they're like, oh, I'm not going out with my buddies tonight, but I really am, because girls, well, they just get mad, and like, no, not everyone. So don't know that you're new partner, so they lie. You know, they're like, oh, I'm not going out my buddies tonight, but I really am, because girls, well, they just get mad and like, no, not everyone. So don't make assumptions. I think that we, I think the truth, when they say like the truth you said,

it was set you free, you know, we'd be truthful. Like I think, I think that when we just lead with the truth is just, it's just in relationships and don't make assumptions that people are going to get mad is when we really have great breakthroughs and connections and vulnerability and all those things. All right, guys, thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed the show.

I love hearing from you. So let me know. Feedback about the show. What kind of guests do you want to hear? What's your favorite episodes? And of course, you can always send your questions. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you?

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