Sex With Emily - Dr. Drew, Anderson & Menace on Sex, Confidence and COVID: 15 Years of SWE

Episode Date: August 1, 2020

In this podcast, I take a walk down memory lane with three incredible colleagues and co-hosts, Dr. Drew Pinsky, Anderson and Menace. We cover 15 years of sex questions and advice. We also talk about how screen time gets in the way of relationships and Menace opens up about overcoming his shyness and building his confidence.You don’t want to miss my chat with Dr. Drew Pinsky and his thoughts on relationships, attraction, and most importantly memories from some of our times together. COVID has been hard for us all and Dr. Drew opens up to me about some of his struggles during quarantine. We discuss our hopes for what lies ahead. Our conversations about sex and dating have shifted over the years but there’s still a long way to go before there’s a bottle of lube on every nightstand.For more information about our guests, check outAnderson:TwitterInstagramYouTubeFacebookandersoncowan.com Menace:TwitterInstagramWhat's New Podcast with MenaceDr. Drew:drdrew.comInstagramTwitterYouTubeFacebookDr. Drew PodcastDr. Drew After DarkFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversations around sex. We are celebrating my 15th anniversary of the podcast here at Sex with Emily. So on this episode, I talked to three of my earliest co-hosts and colleagues and now very dear friends from Sex with Emily over the last 15 years. Dr. Drew Pinsky, Menis, and Anderson. It was fun to reminisce with each of them and talk about what's changed since I started

in 2005, where we're at now, and what hasn't changed. I mean, we still have a long way to go until we've got a bottle of lube on every nightstand, am I right? First we talked to Anderson, who is an engineer and love line, but we got really close when we used to tape sex with Emily after hours. And I remember recording, and all the madness that came with it. We talk about how much we miss our badger, even if Anderson gets a little inappropriate at times, and also hear all about the movie he has out at Amazon Prime right now.

Then I chat with Menace, who's recording from his closet, you know, now that COVID has him stuck at home. And we hear about all the radio work he's doing and the love advice he's taken with him since the show. Then stick around because Dr. Drew and I talk about the history of love line, what it really means to be attracted to someone and how do you actually make relationships work? We get into his thoughts on COVID, vaccines vaccines and how long we're going to be stuck wearing these masks. All this and more, you can find me at all platforms at Sex with Emily. Be sure to listen and like and subscribe and share with your

lovers and friends. Stick around. My wife and I, we don't have anything on it, but we do hate things together. One of my very first hand jobs, my leg kicked violently. You go, you look up an STD online, you Google it. I'm now an expert in Climidia. You're not. Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on day. Anderson Cowin was a radio engineer working at K-Rock FM during Love Line. So he had been there for 17 years. And I met him because I started co-hosting love line and we just had a great banter. Emma was gonna get a dog. She had a dog. Oscar was his name, right? I don't remember. Yeah. And she was on camera for some reason. I guess I'm promoting like, you know, dog adoption. And they came out to present Oscar to Emily. I never met him before until the moment.

I mean, this is gonna be her dog. I actually like her vet friend. I've been like saying to you. He's timing with them, right? Yeah, yeah. She's all excited. As the dog is being handed to you, Oscar reaches out and grabs the nose of what's at the host of the show. Fast and Surgery needed to be done. Yeah, grab her nose, let's do it. Oh, yeah, it was a hurt. It was a hurt.

It was assistant to him. And so anyway, I didn't adopt that dog. So that dog gonna go home with Emily because she likes her nose too much. He hosts several podcasts such as The After Disaster, The Film Vault and Cinematics. He also makes films under his company, Cold Cockle Productions.

His movie group versus available on Amazon, probably means he has a YouTube channel in development. You can find him on Twitter and Instagram at Anderson Cowan. Hi Anderson. What is up, Emma? It's so good to see you. It really is good to see you.

It's funny because I think about you all the time, but I don't realize how much I actually miss you until I see you. That's how I felt when I saw you, I screamed. I was like, Anderson. It's occurred to me on more than one occasion that you took a lot of risks associating yourself with me because I'm a bit of a live wire.

And I do push a lot of buttons and I am a bit of a liability. So I know that some of your producers in the past have kind of had off air conversations with you. Like I know you and Anderson are friends, but some of the things he says on our show, just aren't our brand and I don't know if it's really why. So I appreciate you standing by. I do. Of course, I love you. We probably just ended it out. Yeah, you did. You used to stop and like we had one producer who actually stopped the show. We were recording, we weren't even live, and she's like, sorry, we have to stop, and she had a little talking to me about how I can't say.

I don't know what I'm going to do, but what you said. It was about a presidential debate involved with involving Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Donald Trump. I suggested that a spoof porn would be pretty entertaining. And then I think I was putting words in his mouth to say to her. And Madison was not happy. She was very right.

And then there's the whole discussion that we had about Don Circum's ice penises. And that really went wrong for your show. Not so much me, because I got up and left. But then I guess that the phone calls and emails continued about my attitude towards circumcision. So. So. Oh my God. Anderson, that's so funny. Okay. So groupers your film. I'll go into it. Now that's on Amazon Prime. Listen, Adam Corolla has watched it. And you know, my relationship with him is very prickly, right? I can't believe you've done a watch. I can't have you on the show.

Yeah. He watched it. Yeah. Me on the show, gave it a good review. And my good friend, Em, I've said this before all the years that I spent on love line and all the different people that I work with on that show, all the revolving door of co-hosts and screeners and stuff, you were the most supportive and just we just clicked better than anybody else that I worked with on loveine. You were a terrible influence and encouraging me to steal from the company, companies, office supplies, reserve, like- You felt bad printing your script, and I said- I was printing like multiple scripts there.

I was printing like multiple scripts there. I was printing like multiple scripts there. I was printing like multiple scripts there. I was printing like multiple scripts there. I was printing like multiple scripts there. I was printing like multiple scripts there. I was printing like multiple scripts there. I was printing like multiple scripts there.

I was printing like multiple scripts there. I was printing like multiple scripts there. I was printing like multiple scripts there. I was printing like multiple scripts there. I was printing like your script, but I also told you we would sit outside talk and I said, go for it, you will make it happen. Like just keep going with it. Just like you were there, yeah. I was shooting your ear about bending your ear about all the rewrites I was doing. You were right there in the trenches once again. One I was really, you know,

bringing this thing together. And now it's all done, it's cooked. I feel like a little red hen. You gotta watch the movie. It's available on Amazon Prime now. It is a polarizing movie. and it's about homophobia. And the gist of it is, we learn that she's a grad student, so she's like in her mid to early 20s,

and she goes to a bar, and she kidnaps, she's two high school homophobic jocks. And they think they're gonna have a threesome with her, but she overpowers them with a tazer and A whole bunch of stuff happens and she gets back to the house with a band in house and she strings them up at the bottom of an empty pool and They way they come to and she says here's a deal You to think that homosexuality is a choice and you're always giving my little brother shit saying that That you think of's a choice.

Why would you choose to be gay? Well, you get to prove your theory. You guys don't get out of here until you're gay for each other. And they have to become gay for each other in the bottom of the pool. And that's the jumping off point. And then the rest of the movie happens. I think it's brilliant. A lovely Anderson Cowan.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me in. I miss you so much.. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. I miss you so much. Next we have Menace. Menace and I go way back. I mean, Menace, I met in 2006. I'd gotten a live radio show and he was assigned to my show.

At the time, Menace was up and coming, struggling radio DJ, sleeping on the floor at the radio station. So who better to host a nighttime sex show than Menace? He went on to be my co-host for years on Sex with Emily. A memory just came into my mind right now and I've never shared this. I've been talking about it. One of my very first hand jobs where I came to, you know. My leg kicked violently. Yeah.

Menace is currently known for the Woody show. It's a morning show which you could find syndicated all over the country right now and in Canada. He also does a podcast with his co-workers called What's New Pod? And he's at Menace on all social media. I'm here with Menace. What is up, Emily?

The man by what? He doesn't need any other name. It's like Madonna. Yeah, true. This is single name. I know, I've asked you this before, but now we haven't been doing this show together, probably in about three years consistently,

I know sense of time. What have you taken from it? What have you learned over the 15 years, like in your relationship? I have this line that I got from you and I do quote you on the radio with it. I say communication is lubrication. That's absolutely true.

Because if you're just not communicating at all, nothing happens. You wait so much time. We always talked about wasting time if you're in a relationship that you're not happy with. Like just get out, you know, get out of it. Don't, you know, sit there for another year or two years wasting your time.

Or if you just broke up, don't be sad, you know. Just move on. Yeah, you gotta get over to get under or whatever that term or that saying is, you know. You gotta get over to get under. Do you feel or that saying is you gotta get over to get under Yeah, do you feel like that's helped you communicate more in your relationship? It definitely has yeah because before when you met me, you know, I was so shy like extremely shy Like I'll be afraid to talk to anybody. I mean of the opposite opposite sex. Right. And then, I don't know, like after that,

then not giving an attitude has definitely helped me out. How do you think you're confident, because when I met you, you were sleeping on the radio station floor, because you were just a young in, because you were so passionate about radio, but what do you think your confidence has come from, then, all the experiences it? I think the confidence has come with like something that I brought up on this podcast. I think many times the point where I figured out, hey, no matter what happens, I'm not

going to die. It's not going to be the end of the world, you know, if let's say relationship-wise, if I try to pursue somebody and they're not into me or they don't wanna go out with me, nothing physically bad is gonna happen to me. Maybe emotionally for a second, I'm gonna be like, oh, that sucks, I really, we'll like to date that person, they're not into me.

But physically, nothing's gonna be bad, I can move on and, you know, would like to date that person. They're not into me. But physically, um, nothing's gonna be bad. I can move on and, you know, yeah, no, you're so well. You're not gonna die. Like, because we get so attached to rejection. Yeah. But realizing, like, let me feel the feelings and then keep going. Yeah. Well, thank you, menace. I love you. Love you too. You have the best best of luck to you. I miss you. Thanks. Come back. I miss you so much. Stick around. You don't want to miss my chat with Dr. You have the best. Best of luck to you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you so much.

Stick around. You don't want to miss my chat with Dr. Drew about the history of love line and so much more. SCNS today and use code Emily. Remind us about the last 15 years of sex with Emily. And people are saying, oh, what's the highlight? Or what do you remember? And I always think one of the highlights and honors was being chosen as the guest co-host on Loveline and getting to sit next to Dr. Drew Pinsky.

And you know, it's interesting because when I was starting sex with Emily in 2005, everyone's like, oh, well, is it like love line? And love line already been around that time for, I don't know, I guess 20 years. And it was pretty amazing because there wasn't a lot of people talking about sex. And then to get to sit there was just an incredible experience and opportunity.

Right now you can check out all of his podcasts and shows at drdr.com, subscribe to the Dr. Drew after dark podcast on your mom's house YouTube channel and get the Adam and Drew show in iTunes and catch up with your questions live streaming on dose of Dr. Drew at Dr. Drew.tv. Don't forget to get up to the minute news and special report on Fox LA live at 7 p.m. 5 days a week with Alex Michael said. All right, enjoy the interview. Drew! Dr. Drew Pinsky, good to see you. Good to see you too. I'm excited to talk to you. What's going on? Tell me. Congratulations. Thank you. Hasn't it been 15 years?

It is my 15 year anniversary of Sex with Emily. How insane is that? I'm I'm flashing on a trip we took to Cobblestone Lucas when we ran into fans of yours in Mexico. And the show was probably like seven or eight years old then, right? Yeah, yeah, it's true. And Drew, I was slashing on Mexico to thinking we need to do that again. Well, that too, we talk about that all the time, but just that I thought, well, Drew's obviously best known for love line. And I love that you remember that like one person came up to me, but everyone, we, I mean, this happened in Laguna Beach too.

People stop in their cars. They literally, Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew and then they're like, we love you and I'm like, and then I would started polling people because it was like an event. So how do you know Drew? It's like, oh, team mom was my favorite. Oh, celebrity rehab.

Right. You've done, yeah. I like the impromptu poll, Emily. Well, I do, I'm like, but how does everyone poll. Well, I do. I'm like, how does everyone you became like a reporter? You're like exactly where did you? I just wanted to know I was like, how do all these people from all different walks of life and all of you like genders and all the, you know, places they are.

I was like, how and it's you've done so much. But I was reminiscing too over this 15 years as I've been doing because it's the podcast start of 15 years ago. And then when I did me use, and I moved here in 2012, and I had that incredible opportunity to join Loveline as a guest co-host. And it was great, but it was like, can you imagine like the intimidation too, because that was like the only place that people had ever, that there'd been a show about sex and talking about sex. And then to meet you who I'd been following and listening to love line, it was just such an honor. It was such a high point of my career.

Like I think about that as being like, wow, I don't even think we talked much the first few minds because I was like, what can I say that you can? You feel right in. Don't be silly. If you were anxious, it did not come across. Well, I was just chill. I didn't want to get in your way. But like, Dr. Drew, how can I? No, but it was, it was fun. I mean, and then thinking about like, love line really did set

the precedent for this, for what I could do. Well, right. I mean, it was my, it's interesting now to talk about the history. You don't even know some of this now. Tell me everything. I would love to know the history of love line. Well, In 1983, there was a certain Anthony Fauci. You guys all know Anthony Fauci. In 1983, he was championing, he was coaching up all his young physicians to go out there and educate about the transmission of what was then called H-T-L-V-3, now known as HIV. We had just stopped calling it grids and started calling it AIDS. The term safe sex hadn't been invented yet. And he was like,

they're going to be 10 million dead. He kept saying that 10 million dead, 10 million dead, if we don't do something. And so it was that he playing in my head that was sort of my primary motivation to go on the radio. Wow. I had this opportunity and I thought, all right, we're going to the show late in the night. I'm looking into it. We've got to get out there and talk about this. And here were these unbelievable calls coming in for the middle of the night to a rock radio station.

And I thought, oh my God, they're coming here for health information. I've got to keep coming back. And they didn't know, they'd never heard of HIV or HCLB3 or the most they were preoccupied with was herpes. All the other sexually transmitted diseases were were were veiled under this term called venereal diseases. They all had Latin names. We call back in the you know in the 70s we called yeast infections, manilia, maniliasis.

You know, everything had a bizarre name. So so people wouldn't dare think about doing things that expose them to these horrific sounding illnesses. That by the way, through human history, we're fatal. They potential to be fatal, at least. I mean, if you had a urinary tract infection in the 15th century, you could die. If you've developed a gonorrhea, you'd get pelvic inflammatory disease. You would die.

If you develop prostititis from your non-Gonococca urethritis, you could end up permanently impaired or even dead and septic. So people, you know, when people think about the social morays around sexuality, for me, it was all very biological. It's like, of course, you understand. You're a parent and you know these incredible drives, these young kids are having. You're going to tell those kids, that's going to kill you if you do it. And they were right for literally thousands of years.

Yeah. Whenever people, like, compare humans to binobo monkeys, the first thing I say is, binobos don't get sector transmitted years. Yeah. Whenever people like compare humans to binobo monkeys, the first thing I say is, binobos don't get sector transmitted diseases. Right. So they don't get them. So they don't have the consequences from sexuality that humans have.

That's true. And the consequences, including pregnancy itself, which we got command over in the 60s and 70s as well. Once we had antibiotics, once we had birth control pills, we could start to deal with that biology. Then we didn't know to deal with our relationships. And that's what I was dealing with in the 80s was that people did not know what to do

with themselves. Now that there was this unrestrained sexuality and by the way, this deadly disease was burgeoning around the corner. Wow. I mean, okay, there's a lot to impact it because first off, of course, they were blaming on the vagina. So it was a venereal disease. Nothing to do with the penises.

Is venereal the derivative of it? I think it is, isn't it? No, I think it's more like venal. You know, like a synchal. Okay, fine. I just heard that. Okay, okay, let me see. Let me see.

Let me look up. I feel like it is. And then it might be. It might be. That's I never, but I just thought about it. And you said it. I was like, oh, shit. And then also you say that the nobles don't get s's.

What about the koala bears who are now getting Climidia? Oh, yeah. But they, they, the Climidia has, there's many different kinds of Climidia. Okay. So it's not, it's that. Yeah. There's Climidia, it gets, it causes the moment. Okay.

I can see there's a lot of faces that was like, Oh, God, what are the koala bears doing? So all the different, all the different definitions are related to intercourse. That's it. I for some reason, derivation, Latin of venerate sexual love. I thought it was vagina.

I feel like it's from sexual charm, CV-ness. So there's the woman. There's the woman of all. It's always the woman. That's all I'm saying. I don't disagree with you on that. I know.

That's all I heard. Women take the hit for everything. I'm you on that. I know. Okay. That's all I heard women take the hit for everything. Yeah, exactly. So Veneerial to me was like veneer. It just was very like not because the V but like it was a little bit like women near vagina is doing it. So Drew, let's go back to 83 amazing that that was Fauci's role. I mean, well, he was he was big in the CDC then. Yeah. And University of UC San Francisco. And, and he really got into my skin. I took it very seriously. Yeah, well, look, look, look what you did, though, Drew, because it's 1983.

And if I recall part of the story is that you were a young med student sitting there at Loveline at K-Rock with your, with your medical journals. First day, I brought all my, no, my textbooks. Your textbooks, as I met your textbooks. I brought gynecology and infectious disease textbooks. And I was like, Oh my god. I just slipped through. Yeah. How do I answer this? So it was a lot about, you know, eight, eight, eight. Well, the good news is I didn't even open them. I was worried that I'd have to.

But the, the course, this was there again, the naive idea. I was like, Oh my god, these kids don't get the most basic thing. This is also easy. If I just sit here and answer the question, no one is told them about it. They can understand this. It's easy. And that was part of my naive idea. So the piece that we're in, we're in a missed on love line, that for most of its journey,

it was a medical show. The medical issues of adolescents and young adult, medical issues for them, reproductive health, sexual health, mental health, substances, that's their predominant medical issues. But now, but that's the thing is because that's how when we do teach sex ed, it's mostly

about that. It's about don't get pregnant, don't get nasty, it's fear based absence based, but that's still what's going on today in 2020. So in a way, I don't know that it's state that our youth are better set up. Well, it's you're there. I think God. And then the internet is there. And that's, and the internet fuels something called the Dunning Kruger effect. You know, that is. No, but tell me everything. Dunning Kruger, tell me more. Dunning Kruger are two psychologists that coined a term for a

syndrome that essentially explains why somebody can get up and try up for American Idol and sound like shit and then walk off the set and go, I was great. I was awesome. That's Dunning Krueger. And Dunning Krueger is now ruling the land because Dunning Krueger is essentially believing that you have an expertise and knowledge and something you know very little about. Not it. Okay. You go, you look up an STD online, you Google it. I'm now an expert in Climidia. You're not. And it's interesting. Knowledge follows a specific pattern. It goes from you, you're super confident with what you know. Then as you really learn more about it,

you hit a valley and you go, oh, I don't know anything. You stay there for a while. Until you actually start knowing something and then you come back out and then you kind of, then many times you feel like an imposter because there's too much to know. Well, right. That's so true. I mean, I never feel like I know every, I mean, I think I can post your syndrome is like,

you know, it's like, God, there's just so much. You're always great. Well, that's a sign of wisdom. Knowing that you don't know a lot, that's a solid thing. It's the opposite of Dunning Krueger. Dunning Krueger is it's an overconfident in knowing stuff and the internet has given us that. So you're dealing in your show you have some you have some wisdom because you've been talking to people about these things hearing how it actually affects in the

human condition. Yeah. And somebody Googles it and then wants to tell you about their what they know. That's going that's like narcissism too right or like yes. Yes. Yes. Grand's annoying. That's like narcissism too, right? Or like grander. That's the other thing that's the other thing that's pandemic. That is a pan, right? You talk about narcissism, then intruder. Well, trauma is trending too. It really is. That's where it's shifted right now is that we are all,

it is trending. People are like, I've got trauma. And I do see some truth to that. The more I've gone deeper into trauma work myself, we've talked about the EMD on your show, which everyone has to check out because I love your live streaming show. We name dose of Dr. Drew on Dr. Drew TV. Dr. Drew. You get a YouTube slash Dr. Drew Facebook slash Dr. Drew.

I love to see you every night. I know it's been great. And that platform is now going to get distributed in India. And we're going to see if we can build a relationship of people in South Asia too. I drew that. I drew that. Perfect. Because in India right now, there really

has been in the last few years a really big interest in sexual health, all that stuff. That's great. In mental health. So I want to sort of brand challenge who's going on in the world, frankly. Yeah. Oh my God, I would love to.

I want to follow you on that journey. So anyway, we talked about this on your show. Yeah. Um, if you basically go, but it's just like, there, I think trauma we should think, well, it just vet, you know, it was the war vets was a trauma or major. Yeah, that's the car accident. And then you're like, oh, no, no, complex pt. We've little micro traumas throughout our life.

And then you're like, those build up and you get the same symptoms. Yeah. If someone in trauma, yeah, and brains get wired. That's right. It's an issue of brainwired and brain body integration, brain integration, brain body integration that gets off. That optimally, the brain has to be an integrated system and the body has to be integrated with it and trauma fractures it. It divides off pieces. And when we're really worried about trauma, we're worried about a not so much, though this is certainly something very important,

but we're not talking about combat trauma, we're not talking about earthquakes, we're not talking about 9.11, those are traumas, don't get me wrong. But the predominant trauma we're talking about is interpersonal trauma, particularly trauma at the hands of people for whom you're supposed to trust and feel safe with.

That's a shattering kind of trauma. Right, our primary caregivers who did not care and did not give in the way that we need. Or didn't protect us from or whatever it is, there's a lot of variation. But we didn't feel safe, right? Very common, very common. And the reality is we need long periods of time

with those attachments to build that integrated regulatory system I was talking about. And if you get traumatized, you leave that frame and you never go back. And so you end up being dysregulated and looking for ways to regulate yourself and in my world, that's drugs and alcohol. Yes, it is.

And sex can be one of those things. Sex addiction, drugs and alcohol. Yeah, exactly. Then you keep kind of looking for like a different, then you're attracted to partners that we think is gonna be that. That's two things. One is the draw to the sexuality as a drug,

but then we do this crazy, effed up thing. Humans do, which is, when we've been traumatized, we repeat the trauma. And then we are attracted to. So people never talk about where attractions come from, right? Let's do it. Yeah, they always go with fractures. I can't explain that. Nope, turns out you can't.

Turns out you can't. And we have some people call it love maps or some theorists, they call it that, or this call it sort of fiddiness and attachment fiddiness. But one of the really characteristic recreations we pursue as humans is when there's been a traumatic rupture. We try to seek that out again in our adult life. Some people say it's an attempt to sort of solve that rupture or to make it whole once and for all. We're not aware we're doing it. We just get attracted to people in places that are exactly like the rupture. And then of course, like you have the classic thing.

I have an abusive alcoholic father who abandons me when I'm four. Then magically, I'm now a 20 year old female. And I keep dating the same kind of guy. I keep doing it. This last one, I swear to you, he never drank. He told me there was no alcoholism in his family, and he would look for a firm commitment. That was everything to him.

And a year later, he was drinking and he left me. It's a, here's what I think about attractions. We are perfect instruments. And if you have that pattern and you've done it two or three times and you're attracted to somebody, I don't care what package they come in, they will be that person again. Until you do some trauma work until you sort of

reintegrate stuff. As you would say, their pickers broken. Pickers broken. I love that, Cheryl. Like I said, I always get through though, like, and we're like, what is it? And that's kind of like the going deeper into that.

How is it all this going on in COVID? How's what are you finding? Well, I'm finding that in COVID, people are sort are still fun and ways to have sex. Of course. You know, there are people's like they're going to concerts and whatever state they live in, people are still.

Answer it. Well, yeah, I think there's something in the news. There's some crowded, there's some concert like chain, who's it, the chain saw something. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't know, I saw things like that, but the dating apps are flourishing right now. Oh, interesting.

Because what I love is is that now they have like video chat on all the apps. And so now I think always made sense. Mark, smart, smart, smart, smart. Yeah, because why would you, you don't want to go across town and you used to have to be the going on a date with someone and you're like, oh, God, I met you in person. So that's happening. And what I also love is that it's happening is that people are taking more courtships back. So people are actually taking time to get to know someone. That's very positive. I've always said, been saying this for years, we need to call it something

other than courtship because somehow that's some sort of anachronistic, anachronistic antiquity. And even the term dating is antiquated. But yes, we need some sort of evaluative process. Sort of, sort of, sort of time for evaluation. I know millennials gotta come up with it. Yeah, they'll let us get kids. But the other thing is that in that's courtship process, now it's like people never wanted to talk about,

like have you been tested what your STDs, and I think now we're like, have you been COVID tested? Yeah, that's a sort of. Have you been STD tested? Like let's just add, will you been COVID tested? Have you been as D.D. tested? Like, let's just add, will you wear a mask? It's also a sexual fever. I've often wondered if I haven't had enough

conversation with people in the age of COVID to find this and you tell me if this is true. If the more chronic STDs have now diminished in their importance because of COVID, you know what I'm saying? Like somebody to go, I've had herpes of take, I take whatever and it I've suppressed it, is that a concern to you?

Like do you have COVID? You have HIV, do you have COVID? That's all my important things. Why? That's happening out there. I noticed that that series work in progress where that was sort of portrayed in one of the relationships in that series.

And I thought, well, that's interesting. I'm watching Indian matchmaker. I've heard it's amazing. Tell me. I haven't seen it. You have to see it first. I wouldn't call it amazing. I would just call it intriguing.

Entry. 90% fiance is amazing. Indian matchmaker is intrigued. Amazing because do you think that we should be in a range of marriages? Well, that's what it sort of proposes. But it has a wrinkle to it. It proposes that a quote, love marriage and a quote

of arranged marriage are just two sides of the same coin. And there was just some doubt out today. I think you can come out and newsweek. That's, it was some public article I read on the web that said that process is more important in relationship happiness than individual characteristics. Isn't that interesting? I saw that too. Yeah.

And the relationship itself is its own. Yeah. Let me, let me, let me, let me, a way to say that they didn't say it in the article. Like, I've heard it before said this way. And, and I've remembered it for years because I thought it was something to it. Process, meaning the dynamic of how you work through and do your relationship dynamics, the process of that is more important than the individual characteristics you start with.

Not that the individual characteristics are an important, they are, but that the process is somewhat more important. And it's another way of saying a sort of simplistic version of that is, hey, when you fight and somebody wins the relationship loses, don't, you need a better process than that. So resolving conflicts, better having better. Well, whatever that, you know, that's one piece of process.

Well, process would be like how, I always think about its conflicts, like how do you communicate when things go bad so you don't get into the contempt phase of the government, like you don't get into hating each other, what's your process for dealing with who's taken out the trash, how you're raising kids. Exactly. How do you reach a consensus and how do you express and receive love? I mean, that's ultimately what that is. The love languages. Yeah.

Yeah. And you're, you're, you've just quoted three different theories there, the Godman of love language and these said even another one there. And those are people who have struggled with this. Those are ways of trying to help you understand how to do that. That's what this is why I try to think you know we're always coming up with ways to help people. It's like, is there some like maybe it's a dating app and you take the love language quiz, you take the you look at your trauma history like that you have a battery of tests to figure out. No. No. No. Because this is the one thing because you get together and this is what, this

is one of the reasons I was thinking about the Indian matchmaker. I'm, this is going to pay off in a second. Which is, which is, which is that, that this is going to be so, I'm going to go down as exact. You know I can follow. So the dating apps have always been trying to figure that out, right? They've been trying to come up with the ultimate test. Then they keep finding out the same thing. You can't predict it. There's too, there's so many things that go on between people when they meet.

Our bodies communicate in literally hundreds of millions of units of some sort of back and forth that we are just not aware of. So when somebody says they have chemistry, we don't even know what the hell we're really talking about. And no one's been able to really nail that down any meaningful way. I just look at it as two bodies in space that have a fittedness associated with certain kinds of attractions that fit with their traumas and fit with their love mats and fit with all these things But it's something far more is something far when you really have that kind of chemistry it's something far more and so The reason I was thinking of it the the the And I'm not advocating any of what I'm about to say the Indian manchopator

tries to figure out ways to, she's not explicit about it during the series, but I know this is what she's doing. She's tried to increase the probability that that happens. And she does it through these kinds of matching systems and goes into astrology and tries to match them. And she went to a guy in this intrigue, the hell out of me, who was a quote, face reader. Do these faces go together? Will this face be attracted to this face? I thought that is fascinating that there's somebody that thinks, first of all, the

things they can do that. And secondly, he read the faces of all the people that were characters on the show that we had come to know by watching the show. And he was spot on with everybody. Oh, spot on. And I was spot on with everybody. Oh. Spot on. And I thought, wow, there's something, isn't that interesting? I want to look at that. There's some facial features.

There are body features as all these biological elements going that we just ride well beyond our ability to predict at this point. And that's why, by the way, therapy has to be a not in person, because it's bodies exchanging information in space. But it's something more. It's something more.

There's something more that's exchanged between bodies and space that we don't understand yet. No, we don't, but then what, for some reason when you said this, my mind is, because chemistry, we tried to explain it, like some people, like Helen Fisher described it as like the stages of attraction, right?

There's like the lost face. I know. But there are, but what I think what I'm saying, my head explodes is that is going back to the study of the process, right? They're like the lost face. I know. But I think what I'm going to say, my head explodes is that it's going back to the study of the process, right? It's actually got a process of couples coming together. It's about their relationship. That's the chemistry part, like all of my stuff and all of your stuff and whatever we create

creates a third entity. And that third entity is your relationship. Right. And then that is what we, so even if if their faces match, I don't know how far long the episode's gone. And like, do we know that that that all this stuff that they created, that then you got to sort out what that makes, because I might be a great mattress, someone, or I might not be, but they go with someone else who's similar to me. They have a great, they're kind of literally as chemistry that makes people. And again, people have been trying to

make something of the pheromones and make something of a, people have been trying to make something of the pheromones and make something of symmetry. And we try to make something of everything. And it all probably applies. But it's a large understanding biology as I do. It's a big, bigger, bigger kind of thing. It is. That's why it comes back to knowing to having great, to

doing your work in therapy and having better communication skills. So when these things come up, you have words to put around it and say, well, then now that's the process, right? Then now you're talking about the process piece, which is where the happiness comes in theoretically. Because if you're super attracted and there's a trauma in the past that, you know, is fueling that attraction, even if it isn't a reenactment, let's say it's somebody, I always tell people, don't go for people you're super attracted to, if you're somebody that tends to reenact, because a super deep lightning bolt attraction is definitely a trauma reenactment. But a mild attraction, I even kind of worked through that sometimes, or a moderate attraction

when you even, and if you have process, that can really work. You know who told me that? Who? Florence Henderson's husband, 20, 30 years ago on Love Line. He literally was there with Florence Henderson. He was a therapist. From the Brady Blanche Florence Henderson. Yeah, the mom of the way. I'm pretty sure it was Florence Henderson. He wasn't surely John.

There was Florence Henderson. And she was sitting there and they were talking about this. She was doing, he just got, if you have process, that'll get you through it. And I just stayed with me, it was 30 years ago. That's amazing to me. So, what you've often said too, is that like that person that you just feel the fire works with and it's like, be careful. Walk the other way.

Well, none necessarily. I mean, if you're if your pattern is the guy, the guy that you're super attracted to are, why do I keep getting attracted to that kind of guy because you're a perfect instrument. So next time it happens, don't give into it. But if you're not a trauma survivor and you're sort of, you know, it's interesting. People people that don't have a, you know, much psychopathology or trauma childhood, don't get those super intensive attractions very much. It's excessive, right? It's an excess. It can be excess because we're trying to fill a hole. You get you.

You feel my love tank. It's empty. Can you just make me feel good? And most people would be saying that would go, oh, no, no, I felt that when I was 15, I would have this crush. Yeah, yeah, yeah, when you're 15, right, that's normal. A couple of a couple rounds of that is normal in your late teens, but then it kind of tends to still happen. This is why the self-awareness of all of this. So like, I want to go back to just real quick to love line because I just find it so fast-hanging drew because it me looking back 15 years, and now for you, it's 40s. Oh my God. Dude, so long. I'm just trying to understand like it started with HIV that it started

with helping people understand, you know, health issues. But at the end of the day, like, I mean, that's a three decades. How? Because it's always I think in the 15 years what's changed and what my mind would say is porn is ready to be available since 2007 in the 15 years, what's changed, what migrants say is, porn's ready to be available since 2007 in the smartphones. So not only do we have no information, now we have misinformation that porn people think that's real sucks. So that's how it's gonna happen. We have distortions,

the distortions and we have excessive stimulation at ages, at critical developmental age, where you don't fully understand yet what that's gonna do. Right, so there's that. There's still a lot of penis questions, there's still a lot of orgasm questions. Always. Always the penis questions.

Always the orgasm question. Always, but I'm wondering, what else, what did you see change if you had to just say like in those decades? We went from naive biology, which was misunderstood to trauma that on the 90s that just became the theme. We're just oh my god I'm sure everyone's a trauma survivor. That's like You got to the point we were telling us the phone screeners like please not not every call a trauma call

example women or whoever had experienced Anything a lot of sexual abuse sexual abuse. That's why I thought it became very sexual. And then with physical abuse and abandonment sort of streamed between the sexual abuse stories. And the sexual abuse was out of control. I believe in the 70s and 80s. It was insane. And so we started hearing about in the 90s. And then we started hearing about the substances. And that is one of the consequences of trauma, right?

Well, the pills was the late phase of that. It was sort of more alcohol, poly substance for a lot of years, and then, and then it became the pills. Okay, so that was really the evolution. And do you think that we're better set up? I mean, what do you, what's your hope for this? Like, what do you, you know, what do you think? What do you think? You were there, you were there during those latter years.

Yeah, you know, I feel like it was a lot of penis. It was a lot of repelting function. You know, at the Yeah, you know, I feel like it was a lot of penis. It was a lot of retellin' this function. You know, at the end, you know, I know there was the guys, the young guys who were in their late teen jelly 20s, who couldn't, they would get obsessed with a partner and including. A lot of that stuff. A lot of that stuff. Couldn't get out of it. I don't hear that as much.

That's a good thing. I think that's settling a little bit. I think, I think. Yeah, I don't hear it as much, but I feel like it was a lot of, you know, and also how do we keep it interesting? How do we spice it up? We know later, right? That's, I mean, marriage is the long term relationships and stuff, right? But, you know, I hear people there are 20s.

I'm living with my boyfriend. It's been six months. We're in sex all the time. I'm 25. What do I do? They used to, are they still aren't you done into it? They're not into it because I believe that we move in with each other and we think it's going to still be so amazing. But the ingredients that are necessary to keep

arousal is variety, spot and 80, you know, communication. And if you are just like, I'm leaving the bathroom open with everything. Yeah, yeah, that's not hot. Yeah, it definitely erodes things. It does. It roads. So that's, I mean, I don. Yeah, it definitely roads things. It does. It rode. So that's I mean, I don't know how much is to abort. There's more porn reliance. Like I said, interesting. Is that helping or hurting? No, hurting. Well, you know, how about there are couples using much of it? That's where I see the positive. So what I think is the positive of porn is when couples use it together and let's find this is I find this hot. Do you find this hot? Like, let's use this as an aid to a rousal.

But where the problems are is, you know, too, tell me, well, I wanna ask you a thing as I feel that when we would hear about erectile dysfunction a lot, it was mostly an older man. It was like 40s, 50s, it wasn't that 20s. Yes it was. It was biological. And that was the true.

Right. I don't remember hearing from men in the 20s and 30s. They had PE, premature ejaculation. Well, now Drew, in the last year, it's funny because I can actually track it in the last year, year and a half, all these young guys erect out this function. Can't stay hard, can't get hard porn. So now there's been some problems. I don't want to blame porn. Well, there was recent studies that say, yeah, absolutely because you because if that's how you are wiring yourself to be a tractor that you have to keep elevating and exposing yourself to more intense

content. Correct. That's your habit. That's going to impact it. Because I was like, we more anxious like wire men experiencing it. So that's true. Maybe, maybe more anxious more and less able to be intimate, maybe intimacy disorders. But I do think porn is a big issue.

You know, I do this show, Dr. Refter Dark, where we take the, I am, it's a show over at your mom's house and me and Christina P, the comedian, we do this everywhere. And we take a lot of voice messages and videos and things. And we do, and these are, I guess, same kind of questions come as this. And I've been hearing a bit about that too,

and it is always porn. And some of it, and I can't say it's one specific thing about the porn either. Sometimes I think it's, oh my God, we expose these males for 11 years of age, and it burned out their arousal systems at a young age or something, so they can't get as arousal, or something. Something about that early exposure overdid it, or they're actively overdoing it now, and they need, as you said,

they have to step up the intensity of what they're looking at, and the real world just doesn't, can't do that in the real world, you know. Or the other thing is, they're compulsively doing this, and they just ain't got no more chi. They just, they're just, they're just, they're just, they're just, they're just, they're left. Yeah, they're tapped out.

I'm out, yeah. By the way, I've seen that one a lot. Tell that they're saying that they're like, yeah, well, I'm asking you to spend some days at a problem, Dr. Drew. Yeah. And then there's, and then why am I having difficulty performing with my girlfriend? Okay. Why don't we try, why don't we knock it down to once and see what happens? Right. Exactly. That's exactly it because they're just like, and then then the same study again, these are people who. Right, right, exactly. That's exactly it because they're just like, and then in this same study, again, these are people who answered a porn study, but they were saying that they're just not turned

on by their partners anymore. But I think you can get it back. You just, again, it's your habits. It's such a, it's so easy just to go and watch the porn, but to be like, you know what, right now, I'm feeling this urge, maybe I'll choose to turn towards my partner and see what I can do there rather than rely on the porn. But I think it's mostly talking about men in this complaint, aren't we?

Women too. Okay. And I'm not hearing it from women. Not hearing it from women. Not. No, I'm hearing it from men. Young men. So I'm wondering if we've, we've, because men are so visual, I wonder if they have literally visual expectations

of their female partner that just can't, just not, not in reality. No, and they didn't even know this thing was possible, but now that they had to keep escalating their proposal, they're like, well, she didn't, we had sex and she didn't show up with six friends and all this stuff didn't happen. So that, that is the problem. But so let's talk about it in the 90s, for example. Yeah, there wasn't, I guess, I mean, I guess it's always variations. People were two thousand, people were still not, they were still having problems like keeping

up attraction, keeping fire. Right. But not in this way now. Not as bad. Yeah. Now there's 22 and you can't. Yeah, that's bizarre. Not as bad. Yeah. Now there's 22 and you can't. Yeah, that's bizarre. That's bizarre. And in the past, the issue was that there were sort of disorders of intimacy

getting in the way. People weren't, remember all that? Yes. They weren't comfortable close. They were anxious close. They couldn't sustain close. They, a lot of stuff going on in closeness. That was the big problem back in the 90s and even to the tooth well into the 2000s. There wasn't this drug intervening between between the partners. Yeah. Well with all of the with all of your work in substance abuse, would you would you add that to the other like drug's alcohol sex sex important being 100% that's that's in fact, when you do your first step in, you know, on a 12 step program, you have to do a sexual inventory because that's that's always part of the deal. So what do we do about that? What would you say is it's sort of like the difference in your use?

Yeah, you've got to, you've got to the screen. I think we will look at these screens the way we look at tobacco in about 10 years, maybe 20 years. The problem is we're so much more dependent on the screen than tobacco for so much of our life. I don't know how we reconcile that. I don't know. I don't either. I really don't.

I know what's happening every two seconds on my phone. And I don't want to be us to be accused of saying that porn is bad or people shouldn't be. We're not at all. We're just saying that it's having an effect on functioning and we like to see that as well. It's awareness. I'm so like, I'm the one who's like, don't do this

and don't have the last person people I want to come to feel like she's gonna judge me. Not at all. That's why people have the information just to know. And that they have the evidence now. It's again, like if you were saying, should I drink alcohol, should I drink alcohol? Should I smoke pot?

I don't want your family history. You had the only trauma, just assess yourself. And I'm not saying, hey, don't do that. I'm saying, well, if you start doing it, and you feel a little momentum, maybe that's the time to get it under control before it's out of control. Right.

Stick around after this word from our sponsors for more of my interview with Dr. Dupinsky. How are you, by the way, I haven't gotten there yet. Okay, I'm good. You know what? I'm depressed as hell with this COVID thing. I'm depressed, man. Okay, because you're such a, you're such a do-or-me, you're so, want to, is that what it is, like being out of your mind?

I, my life was stolen from me. I had a, I had a, we had a whole six months of stuff going on that I was looking forward to. They just got ripped off. Like what? Like personal professional. Travel and speaking and we were, and finally, we were going to go do some stuff. So we're going to do some traveling and so I just had a ton of stuff. We were going to go do and engage at things I was really looking forward to. Yeah. And just, sorry, you're going to be in your, you're going to be broadcasting in your basement. Is that what you from now? Because you look at me. It's sort of this, this, you feel the kids play a role. And so I felt throughout this,

throughout this whole pandemic, I felt like I was the French resistance broadcasting out of the basement, trying to, trying to give some information to people. They might so useful. I felt, I felt useless. I felt useless. I know. And I noticed I really don't know why I was depressed when, because I have low self-esteem, I do the sing-write beat myself all the time. And I was, and I've like no income all of a sudden, and I need a new car tires. I'm like, you don't deserve car tires. You're going to drive these tires until you're riding on the roof, which I did. And then I was, and I still had trouble.

I troubled like just going to get the tires. And one day I was like, I think it's some tires. What am I doing? I went and I got them, no problem. And I thought, oh, I was so depressed. I couldn't initiate anything. I couldn't get anything done. I wasn't sad.

I wasn't aware that I just knew I wasn't right for sure. And I thought, oh boy, that's a sign that things were not right. That is a sign, the executive functioning of being able to decide what's important, what's not. In each decision making and initiating behavior, both signs of depression. Yes, absolutely. I mean, what have you done for that? I mean, I guess, same, but I think that's my, I always have to, I always have to. That's your baseline.

That's your baseline. To me, this is like, okay, fine. Shit's not going to work out the way it's supposed to. I'm fine. Tell me something. Give me some new information. Good resiliency. Good for you.

I'm very resilient. I have to say that's tenacity. Like when shit's throwing your way your whole life, I am very resilient. Like to me, it's one of the benefits. Yeah, it's funny to do it. The self-esteem. It's like, oh, God, that's a whole other thing. How do you have the confidence and how do you build it?

I think it's, um, confidence is not a steam. You know, a steam is set by about age five. And it's just, it's very hard to change it. It essentially doesn't change. And I've always laid in my life, well, mostly through my wife, I felt it was an asset to have low self-esteem. Because it doesn't, because I have enough therapy

that it doesn't bother me I don't feel bad about myself though though when I get into moods like I was in I was doing that But I don't normally feel bad about myself But because I have low self-esteem I assume if something happens in my life It's my fault. So I better take take an inventory figure I was going on and take a work and do it I take responsibility for it that kind of and That's that's a healthy way to approach that. That is really okay.

That's all you can control is stuff in you. Absolutely, but it's even recognizable first of all, just saying that that it's a low self-esteem, it's a negative self-talk. I do the same thing as you know, like everything is my fault. I beat myself up. I'm not like angry at the world and blaming everyone else. Like this must be my problem. What did I do again?

That's right. But I guess that's, you know, to know. It's good. It's good until you beat yourself up. So, so like I said, I was punishing myself by risking my life on bald tires. But, but, but you said you beat yourself up. I was part of your baseline. And I actually don't do that. I don't know. Okay. Well, you're lucky. You're better. How are you? You are in talk about myself. No, but you thank you for sharing that. That is very real. And I think that that helps people.

Like just they think you're a doctor. Drew's always fine. You know, I'm a sex actor. We're having great relationship and crazy sex. No sex since COVID. Oh, brutal. Well, once. No good thing you have that closet of toys.

I've got a lot of toys. No, I did have sex ones, but whatever one time. Here's the thing. For me, I think what's been good about it. It's been hard. I love people. I love being around my team and my friends. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, me too. That's been very hard at home. I didn't even have a desk here. I was like, my home will not be a sanctuary. It will not be a place for work. So that's what I'm doing. The radio show every night. I love being on the radio. You know, the energy of it. I'm like now I know why you did it every night. And so,

and so that's been hard, but what's been good for me is that it's forced to slow down. Like I can't be running around doing appointments. I can't distract myself and going to stores. And so what I've been able to do is really able to look at my work and my people around me. And we were able to like restructure my entire team and actually bring in people who who who have done the jobs before. We were just at a place that I was like in this, you know, I was way busy and understaffed. So I didn't have the right support. And my executive functioning is not my strong suit ever. So I didn't have, I wasn't a great manager. I was managing like seven people and it wasn't. I mean, so that,

that was hard, but now I've gotten some really great people and advisors and people so I could actually slow down and make decisions based on, you know, just what the reality is and what I actually want to do. But I'm fucking over it. I want to go to Mexico with you and Susan. Yeah, yeah. So you like to, I guess you see your bed, you're okay. You're better, but you like to move around. Yeah.

And I'm so do therapy every and be around people. I want to be around people. And you all sort of realize are the people that I like who you want to see, who you don't want to see, like who are the real people? Like I miss seeing you in Susan, even if it's on my Dr. Drew Mug. But I miss you guys. Like, even seeing you now, I get,

this is why I know I love you. I love our friendship and our connection. I mean, I didn't see anyone the first year I was un-serious. It was a lot. You know how it was too much. Who don't want to see? Who's important to me? Who's not?

But no, I'm ready to get out and see the world. Yeah, well, we got a few more months to go, I think. To you, what's your, what do you think? I vaccine, man, I, I, I signed up for two different phase three trials to be a human subject, because I can't get the vaccine fast enough as far as I'm concerned. I think I have a certain amount of risk for COVID. I get beat up by viruses terribly. I had H1N1. I had that and it almost killed me. Oh, it's brutal. That's back in 2009.

And so I'd figure I'll get cytokine storm and all those good complications if I get it. So I would like that vaccine. I've been reading the technology. I love the biology. I'm into it. I want to be a part of moving this thing forward. So I've signed up.

OK, that's great. I'll be able to see. I get a placebo. OK, but you can't do that part of it, but you've been even at the beginning of COVID. You were there. I was watching you. I was stuck in Hawaii for a month.

You were? Yeah, you know this. I was on a retreat March 9th to the 17th in Maui. And I'm like the 14th, 15th thing that was turning to you. I'm not on the news. Seeing what Drew was saying about it. And it was the child 11 stuff. It was on Fox 11.

Oh my God. Fox all that. And I was like, Oh shit, this is bad. And then, and then, you know, 15th, 16th of March, things started closing down. And then my team was like, don't come back. Like you don't need to. It's really, LA is really scary. And then I was like, huh, okay.

So then were you in the Airbnb or something? Or was that ever treat? And then I moved to an Airbnb. So tell me right now the plans. Are you home then? You're at home, right? I'm doing stuff. Every time we start making plans, it gets subordered.

I'm going to Atlanta to give a talk in a couple of weeks. I'm finally gonna do that. And we may go to New York to see what's going on there, just to touch base and see our friends and stuff go to New York to see what's going on there just to touch base and see our friends and stuff. Okay. Sort of see what's going on. I have a lot of faith in the mask.

I believe mask and hand washing really does work. I mean, I'll just give you a case in point. In Missouri, two women with active COVID, they didn't know they had until the end of the week. They were hair cutters, stylists. Oh, God. And they, to the two of them with masks and proper technique and stuff, cut 140 people's hair during that week with active disease.

How many people do you think caught it? Nine, zero, zero, zero. Except they went into the coffee, the break room, the break room, took their masks off, and then their peers got it. Their peers, the break room, took their masks off, and then their peers got it. Their peers got it. So they took the mask off and transmitted it.

That's a good case example of where the mask, it doesn't transmit, take the mask off, it transmits. So I mean, they sent you almost a double blinded study, you know, that is a good example. Wow, I just knew that it was none because I could tell the way you set it up, but that's pretty impressive. And so I'm not saying that it's zero with mask, but it's really pretty, it's pretty good. And so I, I wish people wouldn't, wouldn't, I deeply understand the feeling of not wanting to be muscled and the government overreach and they've been up your ass with

everything. And they have been, but don't draw the line. It's a mask. It's exactly the wrong place to draw the line. Draw the line. Yeah, draw the line and gatherings of 10 people, it's exactly the wrong place to draw the line. Draw the line and, yeah, draw the line and gatherings of 10 people, go have 20 people gather and wear masks and express your disability experience that way.

So. But where are the masks? Thank you, Drew, that's very, very helpful. Because you're right. Like, just, it's not that hard. And I feel like if they're not gonna wear masks, they're not gonna wear condom either. Just remember that.

They're not gonna care about your sexual health. Listen, I'm telling you that the way public health messaging goes is if you're inconsistent, if a critical or exaggerate, you will lose the public for many generations. I call it the reforemandness syndrome. If you exaggerate the effects of pot, they don't want to talk to you about potting more. Back in the HIV epidemic, we were exaggerating the risks. It's kind of no. I remember I grew up, I was like, oh, God.

Yeah, you don't have sex with you, whoever you have sex with, you're not just having sex with them, you're having sex with everybody, they ever had sex with, not for the aphorism. Yeah, and it's a, it's a, you know, not just straight people, it gave people's everybody, everybody, everybody. You're gonna get it, you're gonna get it.

We just chanted about it, we exaggerated it. Because we were convinced, there were gonna be 10 million million dead and we didn't want that to happen. But because we exaggerated, you can't get somebody to work on them two day. That is the left, that's the legacy of us exaggerating. And so now, here in COVID, we have just confused, distorted, messed up health messaging. Where a mask, don't wear a mask. Mask is the worst thing, mask is the best thing. You can isolate in place unless you're on a demonstration and you can gather by the tens of thousands.

We have a dentist. But it's your first amendment, except if it's religious, then we're not gonna protect your religious rights. We're only gonna protect your, I mean, it's just so confusing and such a mess as no wonder the people just go, I'm out. Stop, I can't trust anything they say.

And that's a fault of their communication. And also, their knowledge base, they claim to be falling science, they're not. These leaders aren't used to making risk reward decisions, the physicians do that. We know that when we make an aggressive treatment in one direction, we're gonna cause untoward consequences in another.

So here we are now with all the mental health stuff going out of control, depression, anxiety, developmental issues, and adolescents, substance use out of control, opioid overdoses, spiking again, alcohol, or something like that. He is right, sure, he's going to ask you about the consequences. Out of control. And they believe now, and the other thing people were delaying coming in for their medical treatment. So now they're coming in with greater complications and overwhelming the hospitals. When you hear hospitals overwhelm, it's not COVID.

It's the delayed medical treatments that we normally were treating that people waited to come in. Now we're coming in sick. So there's, I saw a runnarchly essay that said, the deaths from delay in treatment, mental health consequences substance is going to far exceed COVID deaths. That's the current prediction. Dr. Rue, and in your probably we've seen this too, there is a rise in mental health consequences substance is gonna far exceed COVID death. That's the current prediction. True. So and then you're probably seeing this too. There is a rise in mental health. Oh, it's a sure wild wild.

And and I and we don't yet even know the eight to 15 year old age group. What the full effect is going to be because those kids are traumatized by this. They are their friends are in a room looking at porn. That's how I picture. They probably are. Is it right going to make that problem 10 times at porn. That's how I picture them. They probably are. Is it probably going to make that problem 10 times? Yeah, because their parents are like great. I mean, my friends are like, yeah, my kids on the screen 12 hours a day.

Like I can't. They're like, I got to figure out my life. How much longer? Because I wouldn't know how many masks I need to have. I've masked. Are we going to wear masks for another year? Well, I kind of hope that we will adopt masks the way many of the Asian countries have that we, if we get in the least bit ill with any kind of anything, we will all wear masks.

I'm not saying we have to the well people out for masks, but I'm hoping we'll adopt masks for illness if we're going to go out in the world. That would be nice. I will be wearing it depends on what you do. If you go, I don't know how long the vaccine is going to take to work. My bed is going to be about, my bed is it'll probably become available to healthcare providers in November and probably take six, eight weeks to protect you before it's fully active. In the meantime, you're going to worry masks.

And if you don't get, and if you don't get the vaccine, you should wear the mask. So you're going to see masks for the rest of the year probably. Well, in that rest of the year, probably well into the spring probably, right? Just curious about that. True. This is so good. Wealth of information.

I was a thousand percent full ahead on the vaccine until I spoke to a period yesterday on my stream. You can see it. Dr. Kelly Victory is very good physician. I spoke to on my stream. And she said, you know, you know, I'm 60 whatever and I'm a risk factor,

but I don't know. I'm a little nervous about, you know, vaccines that haven't been a large track worker on them. I think I'd rather just get the COVID. And I thought, oh, that's interesting. That's interesting. Somebody who's treating it every day, she's an ER doctor. He feels that even in a modest risk category, that she's not afraid of it at all. She'd rather just get it. Then risk- Get it at all. She'd rather just get it. Then risk, sexual side effects from vaccine. It just sort of adjusted my thinking a little bit.

I was like, oh, there's somebody that sees it a lot. He's not afraid of it. It would take that one percent risk, or four percent risk of complications, as opposed to kind of an unwrote known risk of vaccines. I'll take the risk of the vaccine personally. I'll happily take that because my assessment of the biology is that risk is very small and my assessment of my own risk for the COVID is that I probably going to get some trouble.

Each one and one almost did me in. But that's not necessarily related to who you are, where you are now, if that was in 2009, to make that experience. Well, no, so it's going to be worse. And let me tell you, I'm thinking. You're so healthy. Look at you. You look amazing. I've seen some terrible cases of coronavirus.

Trust me. People that have the insulin resistance, hypertension, central obesity, phospholipid syndrome, all that stuff. You check those boxes and you're over 70 or 75. It's brutal. It really is. It's really brutal. Oh my goodness.

I'm in the sort of intermediate zone where I'm sort of controlled with the metabolic syndrome. I'm in a, I'm not yet 65, but I'm 60. You know, so it's, we can get another mug for your 65th birthday. I hope not. I'm, I'm, I for bid to let her keep counting up. Bad enough. I love you guys. Okay, since this is a 15th year anniversary, if you could go back and give yourself some relationship, sex advice, and now you've been married for over how many years now? Is it 30? 30. 29, yeah. 29. What would you give yourself if you- 15 years ago? So that would make it like 2005, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. We were deep in the, you know, adolescent child-rearing stuff, sports and this and that. You know what I think.

I would actually tell myself, you're going to love this, if you're an innovative interview Susan. It's going to get, it's pretty good right now, but it's going to get better. The relationship part, because we were holding up a lot back then. I mean, you know, triplets, high school, private schools, and football, and baseball, and ice skating, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and get into college and, uh, and then Susan developed, had Perry Menopause then. You've heard me talk about this a lot. Yeah, let's say what that was untreated. And we, she was, we weren't clear what was going on. And so she had limited interest and stuff. And that was kind of painful. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't as good as it is now Right, you guys taught me about the bio-denial hormones. Yeah, you were like this. This is what happens

So it was very helpful for me to learn that I wasn't there yet, but now I it's very helpful Good, okay, it's better, but it gets better and because you guys have had you know You want to communicate about it too, but you're right, it does. And your kids, I mean, triplets, and they're not like passive children. They're all billion in their own way. And they're all back. Well, two of them are back now living at our home,

which is kind of crazy. Are they? I want to come see you. Can I come over with a mask? Yeah, come over right time. Anytime. It's just cold season. Textures.

Of course, I know seasons in charge. Anytime. And, but I was just thinking this morning that I'm so grateful I kept this house that we reared them in because we were just thinking, and we're going to condo somewhere. And because we have space for them. And it's easy to accommodate them. That's good. Yeah, I love your house.

It feels like, and I just want to thank you to you because when I moved here, I didn't have a lot of close friends. I knew some people from college, but you and Susan had became like just truly close friends here and really just made me feel home and comfortable. Like we spent Christmas together and gone away and just, I don't know, I love you, I love you. I love you too. And I'm so grateful for your friendship

and your support and just spending time with you. And thank you for the same for me. I appreciate it. Really, because you've given me a lot of sport and a lot of interesting times and, uh, we've gone out and done fun stuff. We have fun. But a purse together. We did. I took you shopping. I'm like, this is the most expensive thing I've bought, but I've deserved it. Should I do it? And you're like, I'm like, we talked about all minor OCs around that. Yeah, no, we, we go there. We do, which I appreciate.

So thank you, Drew. And good, so we're going to do an intraffinist. But Drew, that doctordrew.com, all the places. Yeah, the Facebook slash doctordrew, it's all one word, DRDRW, YouTube doctordrew. YouTube is where we're looking for people. And Dr.Dougdrew.tv will give you a blast, and we do that stream, data basis. Okay. And come be a part of it.

I watch a chat. And sometimes we're taking calls too. We sort of change the name. We call it Ask Dr. Drew if I'm taking calls. Okay. The other one is just called DOS of Dr. Drew. But I watch your questions on a chat stream and try to address stuff as well.

Oh, right away you can address it. That's amazing. Everyone go there, check it out. You're still working a lot, even though you're in New York. No, this is all like you're in a fancy house., keep me sane. I'm doing that Fox 11 show locally. You're so you think think it's it's not Fox news, it's Fox, Fox Network. So I think family guy or us, uh, uh, sims, that kind of Fox. And uh, that has kept me sane. That is actually the one thing I've, I've looked at every night.

Every, um, we nights at seven. And it's good. It's like it's like kind of a hybrid newscast slash talk show. And we, oh, it's local. It's it's local, right? So we talk a lot of Los Angeles leaders and things like that. And there's been a lot going on in LA. What have I missed? I don't sure my TV.

Well, I mean, the LA County Board of Supervisors and the sheriff for fighting. And there was these big demonstrations and lots of cities had consequences from that in terms of how they managed it. And there's been a lot of stuff. There's a lot, we've seen the paper, but I have it. Now I'm gonna watch you. I love watching you, I can watch you for hours. Thank you.

Thank you, Dr. Drew. All right, Emily, see you soon. Okay. Okay. Thank you for listening to Sex with Emily where we teach you how to make your pleasure a priority. You can find me online at sexwithemily.com and on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at SexWithEmily.

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