Sex With Emily - Dr. Phil and the Secret to His Marriage

Episode Date: November 19, 2020

On today’s show, I’m joined by the amazing Dr. Phil with a special appearance from his wife Robin McGraw. We talk about his new show That Animal Rescue Show, tips for dealing with isolation, and how his daytime television show is operating under social distancing limitations. Plus, together they give their advice on how to make relationships stronger based on their almost 50 years together!Before that, we’re talking all about breakups: when to know if it’s time to call it quits, how to move on from an ex, how you can overcome feelings of insecurity, and how to spot red flags. Plus, some quick lube tips for anyone looking to slip it in.For more information about Dr. Phil, visit: drphil.comFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You don't want to change people and when you think you do, you're just trying to be controlling. That's not going to work for you. Think why you fell in love with that person to begin with. What drew you to them? Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on days.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. liberate the conversation around sex. Today, I'm talking with one of the most well-known mental health professionals in the world, and host of TV's number one daytime talk show, Dr. Phil McGraw. We talk about his new show, that animal rescue show, and his best advice for people who are either feeling really lonely because there is a loneliness epidemic these days, or for couples who are just spending a lot more time together. Plus, it was so fun because Dr. Phil's wife, Robin McGraw, just jumped into the interview. We

were on Zoom and I'd been her podcast last year and it was such a delight and they both ended up giving great insights and how they've built and kept their relationship strong for almost 50 years. Before we get into that, we talk about breakups, different stages of breakups and how to navigate the healing process so you actually can move on. And then pick partners that are actually right for you. So we have to keep repeating patterns over and over and over again. You know, we so often carry that baggage

into the next relationship, but we don't have to. So I'm here to help you work it through. So your new relationship can start fresh. All right, intentions with Emily, join me in setting an intention for the show. So when you're listening, think, well, what do I want to get out of listening to this episode? You know, how do this episode help me? Maybe it's, I want to hear Dr. Phil and Rob have kept their relationship so strong.

And my intention was just to give you some simple, foundational tools to help your relationship thrive long-term, and if you're starting a relationship, making better choices from the beginning. You can find Dr. Phil's new show that Admiral Rescue show now streaming on CBS All Access. All right, enjoy the show. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ You gotta give you a quick recap because we've got a great story here to share. So we had a call last week from Wayne,

and Wayne called in and he was really upset. His fiance broke up with him because he was caught cheating. And it was really, really devastating. You know, he really loves her. He doesn't really know why he did it. But he also thought that she should have left him for cheating because well, when they met, they were both having affairs. And hey, we're with those people that have affairs, but we quickly talked through it. And you know, I said, you know, I just think you need, here's what I think about cheating. I think that people like to say that trope wants a cheater, always a cheater. And I think that that's

only true for people who don't decide they want to change. Don't think, you know, why am I a cheater? Let me get to the root of it. It doesn't actually feel great to me anymore. Let me do some digging, back to my psyche, and figure out my childhood and my background. So anyway, he called in, and I was trying to get him to see that, you know, I understood why Patty, his ex, wasn't just going to forgive him because I saw his pattern. And then we got into it and realized he treated all of his relationships. So have you ever been in this situation where you're dating somebody and they do something

that is very upsetting? And they're like, I promise, I won't do it again. Whether it's, I'm not gonna get that drunk again. I'm not gonna cheat again. I'm never gonna lie to you again. I'll never be late again. I mean, when you live life long enough, you know that making promises that you're just gonna change a behavior on a dime, 99% of the time it is not successful.

Not because you don't truly want to not get so drunk again or not cheat again. It's because we don't have the skills or the habits in place to actually make that change. I mean, those deep-seated things like being late, drinking, cheating, don't just get solved because you want it so badly. I wish it was easy. I wish it was easier to change habits by just wanting something. It takes steps. It takes therapy.

It takes accountability, right? Having like accountability coach or having a therapist. So I knew that when you said that, you know, I told her I wasn't going to do it again if there was more to it. So then we get an email from Patty. Patty sends us an email saying, I heard your show with Wayne and I read this on yesterday, yesterday's show, the day before show. It was on Tuesday.

Tuesday's show. What a week you guys. I'm not even, this is a week. She said she heard the show and she explained more about the situation that she kicked him out because, you know, if he was deceiving her that long, you know, with someone that wasn't even his type, she kind of gave a dig at the woman he was cheating with,

she's like, and she doesn't give even give good blow jobs. Why would she talk? And when I want to know their side note, was waiting like, babe, I'm not gonna leave you for her, she doesn't even give good blue jobs. She's so vanilla. She's so vanilla. The sexist's so vanilla boring.

You know, I would never leave you for that, but that's just a side note. It's like, where did that information come in? Babe, I won't leave you for her because she isn't suck me the way you do. Anyway. Why is she sucking you at all? Exactly.

So, so Patty had some confirmation here. She said, you were spod on when you asked about what you would do when he's drilling for something because he's a handyman and he's a policeman. And I was like, listen, if he just falls into relationships, someone could be like, oh, you got that drill there.

You want to drill me? And she said, yeah, that's right. He'll just fall into it again. So we actually read her letter on the show. And then we got another letter. Yeah, last night. Well, I told her, okay, tell me. I owe me. Yes, I told her that we answered her email. On the show, we said we got another letter. Yeah, last night. Well, I told her. Okay, tell me OV. Yes, I told her that we answered her email. On the show. We said, we read your

email on the show. Thank you for, because for, let me just one second. Yes. That's never happened in the history of the show that someone called in about a partner or a spouse and that they were actually like happened to be listening at that time, not knowing that someone listens to the show and he, and he uses name and because a lot of you call in and I don't care if you change your name and your location, it's just good to know your age. And she had heard it. Yeah, I mean, another side note though,

is like, can you imagine you're just listening to sex with Emily, and you're like, holy shit, that asshole. Yeah, it's so funny. So then we let her know, hey, we had your email. Yes. And then she responded again, Emily, what did she say? This is what she said.

This was last night. This came in. She said, Emily, that's so sweet. Oh, because we're also sending her vibrator. I was like, girl, you need a vibrator. You need some toys. She said, Emily, that's so sweet. Wayne, listen to the show with my email. He was surprised I contacted you and thought the segment was good. Good content. You made, you did make a difference. He did take your advice to heart. I scheduled my first session with a therapist, and I sent him a list of therapists I had

from my health insurance. I don't know where we'll go from here. I know he loves me and he's sincere. But I also know that I'm damaged and not the same person I was before, D-Day, the day that she found out he was cheating. Hopefully we'll go on to have healthy relationships either together or apart.

So I just want to say that's really closure. It's come full circle here. Not totally closed yet for them. We'll see what happens, but by calling into the show and talking about, I don't think this was the outcome he expected, anyone could have expected. But that's just an extreme example of what could happen. But I think just calling in with these questions,

with wherever you're at right now, wherever you're stuck, because he was calling in for advice, I think I had to get her back. I think that was his initial intent was, what do I do, she should get back with me, but now, and I love what Patty's got to level that under shoulder, because she's just like, we're both gonna go to therapy, not together,

and either we'll be together or apart, but either way, we're gonna be healthier. Nobody goes to therapy and comes out unhealthy. Like, you don't come in less healthy. It's not like, I went to therapy and man, I'm my fucked up. Like, that doesn't happen. It's almost like guaranteed. Like, if you go to the gym every day for 30 days

or you commit to something like that, there's no way that you would commit to getting healthy and actually showing up at the gym and that you wouldn't be in better shape in 30 days. That wouldn't happen. And the same goes for therapy. If you go once a week and you don't cancel and you prioritize it and you show up early and you five minutes early even,

and then you go, you will have an impact on your mental health. So that was, that was interesting. That was a really good, I'm really excited to follow them along and see what happens. We're happy. We're proud. We're proud. We're happy. Speaking of breakups and things, because we don't know if they're going to break up, we're

not. We're actually thinking about this. We get a lot of, a lot of you email and you call in about what to do about breakups. How do I, how do I deal with a breakup? How do I get over somebody? And you have to remember that we are going through a breakup, it's like a mini death. You were with somebody who you loved and you cared about and you were your most vulnerable and you were your most open self.

And then they're gone. And then it ends. And it's really hard to know how to heal from that, especially if you've never experienced anything like it. But also every time you go through a breakup, it's a little bit different, and it can be harder to heal. And so, you know, people wanna know about breakup sex.

We get a lot of stuff about the one that's phone sex with an X and how do I get over a breakup? So, this is from Reagan, 23 in Louisiana. And she said, I started listening to your podcast two months ago, and I love it, by the way, after googling best podcast to listen to after a breakup. I was in a three-year relationship with an older man, and we recently broke up three months ago.

I'm having such a hard time getting over this breakup because we had fantastic sex life. We were so comfortable from the very first time we had sex. We were equally as nasty in quotes. We played with toys, we would watch porn, he loved to watch remaster bait. I really think I'm having a short time getting over this relationship because of the great sex. God, I love this question.

I've never had sex with someone who makes me so comfortable. We really just vibe and I think that's why we stayed together for so long as we did and because the sex was good, it made it emotional for us. We met and started dating after a one-night stand and I'm really struggling here. Any advice as to how get over this? I know I should be going out and meeting people, but I cannot find anyone even appealing to approach. I think it's because I'm not over my ex. Okay. This isn't my take on it. I believe that once you start to learn what great sex is and you know what feels good to you, you can start to dissect that and you can actually have that with other partners.

I don't think it's the magic of this one person that rocked your world and that that's the only person you've great sex with. I can tell you from experience and from 15 years of doing research, right? They say research is me search and I've been doing this for 15 years and I used to believe that. I used to think, well, do you guys ever hear that saying, well, you never marry the person you have the best sex with? And I was like, I refuse to believe that. Like, that was part of my motivation.

I was like, okay, I am not going to commit to someone that is not my best sex. That seems like that is such a, that's so sad. And that seems like so depressing. So you're gonna tell me, I'm gonna commit to someone for a life or whatever, for a while. And it's not gonna be as good as what I've had. So what I wanna say is Reagan, this is,

I get it in your 23, meaning that it's really hard to know this when you're going through breakups and heartache because it doesn't. If when I was going through breakups at 23, if someone said, oh, it's just your 23 and it'll get, you know, you'll, it'll get easier and you'll meet someone's like, I feel like, but it hurts. You don't want to hear that stuff, but you learn more about yourself through being in relationships, through been starting and ending, and you get to look if you choose to take this on, which I think is important, to say, what did I learn from this relationship? What do I want in my next relationship?

What made the sex so great? So what I want to say is to circle back what I've learned in these 15 years is you can pretty much have really great sex with, I don't want to say with anybody, but you also won't mess around people who aren't great sex, like people who don't have potential, right? People who you can't, at least it's got to be good, you know, and I know she's like, how the one night's damn was amazing, but you're 23, like it's that nudist and maybe the best

sex you've had in your 23 years and let's be honest. Probably she's not that much. Not that much quality sex. I know that my sex got better once I left college and moved to San Francisco and I was 22 years old and it was my first adult relationships and those felt, oh my god, I loved like I'd never loved before when I was 22. So what I'm saying is there's that, but also when you get comfortable in your body and you've experienced great sex,

what I love is that Reagan experienced great sex. That is so amazing that you've got that. And now you know, what was it about us? I think we like to think, oh, it's just, you know, we had this magical thing that brought us together. And yet there is something to be said for chemistry and attraction and all those things.

But I believe you can create a fantastic sex life with partners that you consciously choose to be with. Because you know that having great connected sex, exploratory and kinky or whatever your values are, is a priority. You won't spend time like I did with someone in my 30s that was spent two years with this guy. I might hate saying that's about him, but it was a challenge because he didn't work on his penis challenges.

I'm just gonna say that. And it was disappointing, but I loved him. I thought he was so great. I'm like, well, I could deal with this. No, it was a disappointing sexual relationship. I didn't know how to handle it, but I was like, oh, but he's all these other things. He's all these other things. So that's what I want to say about sex. I believe that if you

prioritize sex, you will not, like I prioritize good food now, right? I like healthy food. There's certain foods I know that I can tell by looking at a menu or a Yelp review or walking past a store if I will find anything in there to eat that I like, I like it to be fresh, I like healthy food, I don't like processed food. If I'm going out to eat, I just know. I can figure that out. And if I go out with someone, I date someone, I can tell, is there potential here? Is there chemistry?

Can we make it work? And so that's what I want people to do with dating. I don't think that you should compromise. Maybe you can compromise on things that are more superficial. Like height. That's your art color. High or hair color or things like that.

You know, job. That's stuff you're like, if the person's great, but I don't think you should comprate on your values around someone who is interested in sexual health and wellness and my our own progression of our sex life. I don't think you should compromise on people who care about your pleasure. To me, that's a deal breaker. So just know that you will find somebody that works for you. I don't know if she said why she broke up.

She said it was an older man, right? And I don't know why they broke up, but you might not be over him yet either. So here's the other thing. I don't think that you should rush through a breakup. In fact, there's a lot to be said for actually feeling our emotions and going through the process because what a lot of people do, and I've done it all, I have gotten under to get over, you know, I've been going through a breakup and then found went out that night, found someone else and had sex and so I could help kind of numb feeling in my emotions. I was really good

at putting up those guards. But I think the best thing you can do is just to feel the feelings. You know, most of the feelings that we're so afraid of and that we spend life repressing, they actually last a lot longer than allowing yourself to go into it. Like allowing yourself to feel it and mourn them and cry and reach out to healthy friends to hang out with. keep a journal then. This is why it's such a good, I felt all my journals about like white,

like my pros and cons, so I remember, because we also tend to have you fork recall and we put people on a pedestal when we break up with them and we were like, we only remember the euphoria. We only remember how great it was. When a lot of times that's not that great, I remember my friend once,

took up to someone and like a month later, she's like, did I make a mistake? Did I make a mistake? I'm like, let's go back to your list, because I had a right of lesson. I'm like,

which part do you miss the part that he missed your birthday two years in a row? The part that he took money from you or the part that, you know, he cheated on you with your friend? She's like, okay, you're right. And like, we had it written down,

like he was the worst. He was the worst guy. But, but that's what we do. So, we had it written down, like, he was the worst. He was the worst guy. But that's what we do. So I think what you can do, and it's how great to start at 23 Reagan is to say, okay, what did I learn from this relationship? What were the traits that made me feel good? What were the things that really worked for me?

Who was I in this relationship? Why did I feel so good? Because let's be honest, we all like people who make us feel good about ourselves, like ourselves. We feel like the best version of ourselves. We don't crave, I hope we don't crave the emotional abuse of people who made us stressed out, criticized us, controlled us. Once you leave those relationships, hopefully you're on a path to healing.

I just want to say that breakup is a process and I can certainly talk about that more on the show and give you some more steps, but we are going to take a break. Sex with Emily will continue after this quick word from our sponsors. Let's talk to Carl 65 in Nevada. Hi, what's going on? Thanks for calling. I have, well, I like this girl, but the sex is a bit great. I feel like, well, the first thing we went to bed to early,

you know, the first night I met her, we were in bed, you know. She gave me a blowjob that was out of sight and I caught her with them feelings. And now, after getting in the North, I don't think she's the right girl for me. Okay. I tried to break up with her a couple of times, but she cries, know and I just said you know I only want to see you on the weekends now I'm too busy to the week but it's just like the more I put this off I don't know where to go with this. How long have you been together? How long have you been together?

About two months, two and a half months, three months, maybe. Okay, well that's not that long. I mean, she gave you a great blowjob three months ago and it's been kind of downhill from there. So I would say, Carol, you gotta just meet up with her. You gotta, I know you're a nice guy and I totally hear that in your voice but I think you have to meet with her one-on-one or call her on the phone, you got to just meet up with her. I know you're a nice guy and I totally hear that in your voice, but I think you have

to meet with her one-on-one or call her on the phone, you know, face time and just say, you know what? I think you're a wonderful person. I've enjoyed the time together, but I'm really not feeling that this relationship is, it's not you. Unless you want to tell her something in particular, but you could just say, I'm working on myself right now. And I think I'm so grateful for the time we spend together.

Thanks for sharing a part of yourself. I'm really sorry if this is hurtful, but at 65 I kind of know myself and I know what I need and right now I just don't feel like we're compatible in that way but you're fabulous and just be really honest. And don't let her push you around. How do you get, I know, how do you get past the tears

when we cry so hard and I'm thinking, oh, God, I can't stand this. I think you just have to comfort her and just say, I'm sorry, I know it hurts. I know it hurts. And I know that you will be with a man who is at the same place that you are in your life. And I'm not there right now.

And I'm really sorry to hurt you. And then I would just hold space for her if you can. Because she's okay and you're doing her a favor. The sooner when we know a relationship is over, the sooner we can end it with integrity and empathy and dignity, the better. You're doing everyone a favor. Yeah, I guess the right about that is just so hard. I know. I know, I'm sorry to go through this car, but just know it has not like two years. It's been two to three months. Yeah. And it's, it always hurts and maybe got intense real fast.

And that's why you maybe feel like six months, but the sooner you do it, the better. And it should feel and she'll find someone and you will too. I think it's the right thing to do. I hope so. Okay. I know. Of course, Carl, let me know it goes. I'll be someone and you will too. I think it's the right thing to do. I hope so. Okay. Okay. No, of course, Carl, let me know,

it goes, I'll be here for you. We can talk about it. You got this. Thanks for calling Carl, I appreciate it. It is not easy ending a relationship with somebody when you know it's just not working, but the sooner that you know the better, if you think about it, it is a disservice to the person

that you're just kind of dragging along. If you know it's not going to work, let them off the hook as well, even if it doesn't feel good. I think we've been in those situations before, a lot of us have. Even if it's at work, like laying off an employee or a playing off a partner and it ever feels good to disappoint somebody, but I think honesty is so important here and integrity. You know, it's a favorite. Think of all your relationships that have ended. I don't know. For me, I'm just grateful for all the lessons. The lessons, we all learn lessons in these relationships. And I wish I knew how to end things sooner and I trusted my gut more. I think I talked myself into staying in relationships a lot longer than I needed to,

because I didn't wanna hurt anybody. And I think that's something that you have to practice and now I realize, oh, this is gonna be better for everyone. Let's talk to Natalie, 25 in Texas. Hi Natalie, what's going on? Thanks for calling. Hi, can you hear me? Yes. I want to know what a good starter is.

I've never used that before. Okay, I'm going to have a night stand. You're going to love it Natalie. I mean, here's a you in a relationship right now. Yeah, we're married. Oh, okay, great. I love pure loube. It's spelled PJUR. I'll give you some options. I don't know if you ever had any sensitivities. Do you have a rash or anything? I mean, all lubs are really safe right now. I'm just trying to pair this down. No? Okay. Yeah, I guess I would prefer something like on the natural clean side. So if you want something

clean to start with, I would start with pure. It's clean. They have a woman's formula. They have a water-based and they have a silicone-based. Silicone is great because it only has one ingredient and it lasts longer. I mean, I'd like to start people on silicone, to be honest. I think that you could buy either the water-based or the silicone. Silicone lasts longer. It's slippery. You're with your husband.

You're not with a bunch of different partners. But with toys, you can't use silicone. So if you use toys, I would get the water-based. But I think at one of the things if you like it, I'm telling you, Natalie, for any sex act. Before you even start sex, put it on its penis, rub it into your clitoris, your vulva. It is a game changer.

Yeah, I've never used it before. What about the taste and adjusting it? Like, that's totally fine. Totally fine. Yes, it is like the taste and ingesting it? Like that's totally fine. Totally fine. Yes, it is fine to taste lube. But if you want, I mean, I really like the muse, lube, muse makes these flavored lubs that honestly, they are healthy, they're good for me, lies.

And it is delicious. It has a pump bottle, which I also like. They have a mint chocolate. Are you a chocolatey per, are you like a dessert person? Are you like a fruit? Do you like fruits? Because they also have watermelon strawberry. So they have this friggin' creme brulee and they have a salted caramel and a mint chocolate.

And I'm, they have a new bottle that they just came out with. So I'm just sort of obsessed with those too. It's called Mews MUSC. And so that is really fun because it tastes so great. The other loobs taste fine too. There's no taste to them at all. So I wouldn't worry about the taste at all because they don't have none of them have tastes except for the ones that have a taste because they're flavored loops. But I wouldn't worry about the taste

for oral and all that. They don't taste, listen, you can't get in a drug store at the ones I'm talking like the pure and the muse. They're a little bit of high quality. Maybe they're 16 to 20 bucks of bottle, but you know, don't get KY, don't get something. If you can't understand all the gradients, you don't want to put it inside of you. But a bottle will last you. You know, you just, if you want to know how to use it, because some people get lubed and they're like,

well, how do I use it? Put a pump or a few drops on your hand, right before any sex activity. And then you have in your hand, you could rub it on your clitoris, he could rub it on you, you could put it on his penis, and then he can enter you. Or it's great for oral sex because then you have in your hand, you could rub it on your clitoris, he could rub it on you, you could put it on his penis and then he can enter you Or it's great for oral sex because then you're always wet enough. I mean now it's a game changer and 80% of women are more likely to orgasm when they add Loop to any sex situation. Okay

We have a lot of the website too. Of course Natalie have a good night. I feel like I'm getting there I feel like you're all realizing that it's not a sign of weakness. It doesn't mean that you're broken. It doesn't mean there's a problem. I think that Loub is the solution. Loub will change your life. I don't know anybody who, and I can say this, that I don't think in these 15 years, anyone has ever said Loub was bad for me.

Why did you tell me to get Loub? No one says that about toys either. No one says, you were wrong. The toy didn't feel good at my balls. That does not happen. So yeah, your wetness is not an indicator of your rousal. You can be wet and not turned on. And you can be turned on and not wet.

So Lou was just a guarantee that everything is gonna be smooth and wet, which is what you want and consistent. Because you know what happens when we're not wet, because we're shameful or whatever, we don't take the lube precautions. You can get tears, that's when you can get infections, you can use it with condoms, everyday hell is like my five minute loop rant, but Natalie started it, she asked. Let's talk to Bentley, Forty and Kentucky. Hi, Bentley, what's going on? Thanks for calling.

Hi, thank you. So I have a question for you. I'm kind of struggling with the repercussions of a recent relationship that lasted about four years and it was a very toxic relationship primarily from their side, just dealing with a lot of neuroses on their end and something I wasn't used to dealing with, but during our relationship, we had good sexual relations with each other, we had good intimacy for the most part, but a lot of the time I couldn't

climax, and I was just doing everything to kind of please them. And when they would do things to please me, it wasn't like, it didn't feel like it was enough, or like it didn't feel like it was clearly to my satisfaction. But you know, now that the relationship is ended, I still find self-arousal and self-pleasure more stimulating than I did being with them, but I have a hard time climaxing with any partner, and I may be climaxed with them two to three times in four years I was with them, and that was very difficult to kind of deal with. So I wondered if it was something with me if I would be able to get over this.

Yeah, Bentley. I, you, yeah. Well, first off, what about before this relationship where you, how are you able to climb actually the partner? It was, it was kind of the same. Oh, okay. So it's always been delayed, delayed ejaculation.

Maybe it takes you about 30, even over 30 minutes. You think 30 to 45 or you just don't. None at all. I wouldn't. So I don't, how about during masturbation? Masturbation, yeah. I mean, I can climax. But when I'm with a partner, sometimes it's like,

I couldn't do it. And I don't know if it was because I felt like I was being judged or or just for what. I mean, well, here's a few things that I'm picking up on. You were with your partner for four years and you said they never were really touching. You were doing things that made you feel good, right? Well, that's because, you know, Bentley part, they tried.

But were you able to tell them, were you able to say, hey, this is what I need. This is what feels good. If you didn't feel safe with them and you didn't feel like they really had your best interest and it was pretty toxic, it can be hard to orgasm and let go because sex is letting go. Sex is when you have no worries and you're just sort of letting go and you feel safe and you feel cared for and you feel like that person really cares about your pleasure. That's the best sex.

But if you, you know, so if you haven't had that Bentley yet, I really, I don't think anything is wrong with you at all. I think a lot of our orgasms have to do with our brains. How healthy is our brain? Yeah, that's what I think. I don't think you, this is anything. Have you got, I mean, it sounds pretty toxic. You said it was toxic.

Did you get into a therapy and figure out kind of what, what, what your partner, it was, had a void finding people like that in the future? Well, I ended the relationship because they had been separated from their spouse and during the time that we were together. I realized that they were really never going to leave their spouse, so I ended it. I've cut off all ties with them and stuff. And it's, you know, I'm at the point now emotionally where, you know, I like the idea of finding

somebody, but in my circumstances, you know, being a 40-year-old gay man, I have serious trust issues with gay men in general, where there's loyalty and commitment concerned. So I'm really just worried that I'm never going to find anybody and I'm never going to be able to enjoy a normal sexual relationship with someone. Well, Bentley, is this something that you want, though? Because the only thing that's telling you that is your brain. So I think some therapy, like a commitment to a really good therapist and you see them and you go away with the intention

of working on your own self-love and confidence in yourself knowing that you will find it. You know, you're forward to your young, you're like a strong, healthy man. Like I don't, I mean, I haven't met you, but you sound very articulate and we all make choices sometimes that aren't so great for us. Usually it's based on some family patterns and something in our childhood, but I think if you You sound very articulate and we all make choices sometimes that aren't so great for us. Usually it's based on some family patterns and something in our childhood. But I think if you really get into therapy with this thing, I want to be at that like it's not going to happen because those are self-defeating thoughts which we all have. Okay. Never going to find anyone who's to sit. This isn't it, Bentley.

This could be the beginning because now you're saying, I don't want to repeat my past. I do want to be with a good lover. I do want to be with somebody as I back and who feels safe and who wants the same things I want. And things like that don't just happen. We don't just stumble upon those people and that's to be clear out the things that's holding us back. Your roadblocks to pleasure.

Like it could be messaging. Yeah. Yeah, Bentley, that's what you need. That is it. I mean, I'm telling you, I don't, because I don't want you to go another day thinking I won't find anyone because you will. I mean, everyone who really wants to, and they tell me they've done the work, they've worked on themselves, they find somebody.

But this, if it's 40 is the time to figure out what those patterns are that you don't want to repeat. So, that will help you. Yeah, Bentley, and then it'll get you on a track where you're knowing that it's going to happen rather than the defeating thoughts. That's what happens. I mean, it could be a factor that I think I do suffer from like body dysmorphia. And I am, you know, I'm not unfit, but, you know, my BMI is a little too high. But, you know, by most most regards, I'm pretty average looking

and whatever, but I do suffer from body dysmorphia where I never feel like I'm good enough. And that may have something to do. Yes, Bentley, that's it. I mean, the fact that you could even articulate that because you couldn't work on that as well. First off, you can work on your relationship to your body, where that came from.

Did someone shame you? Was it just a thing of control growing up when you felt like you weren't enough? Like there was probably a time in your childhood where you didn't feel that you were enough. And so now in all your relationships, you feel that. And so you're going to pick people who will treat you that way, maybe. And so even though we can intellectually talk about it, it will help you so much to unpack it on a deeper level, because then you really won't be able to repeat them. It just won't even be attractive to

you anymore. Because part of body dysmorphia too is like, I don't know, I mean, there's a lot here at unpack. I don't even want to get into it, but you'll find someone who won't be looking at your body, won't be like what's your body mass index unless you want that. You know what I'm saying? Like, especially in our 40s, you get to pick people that are going to want you as the man that you are now in all your, in all the things.

I thought that I had that with my last partner, you know, and I told them, you know, reluctantly, I told them that, you know, I had some of these issues and within the very next day or two, you know, they would like, if I was just eating lunch, they would give me this look like, you know, I see, I see, you know, this expression. And it's very like emotionally abusive and I found it very disturbing that you could feel your heart to someone and figure self in a vulnerable place. And they would try to use that against you. And so it does make me feel, you know,

it's though, I don't really know whether I can trust, you know, the community at large is very, um, bitchy. Can I say that? Yes, totally. No, the ones that you hang out with, they are. I get what you're saying, but not in every. You could find your people that are. I know a lot of wonderful gay men who are not that, but I know what you're saying. That's the stereotype or that's, you know, I live in LA. Everyone thinks everyone here is superficial and whatever. You find your people wherever you go. Yeah, you got it.

I'm in Hollywood. Yeah, but then I'm like, well, those aren't my people. But Bentley, the fact that I'm like the second, right away, you revealed something. So here's what it is, Bentley. You revealed something so vulnerable to him that you would body dysmorphia. And the next day you're eating lunch, maybe you had some extra french fries

and he gives you a look. Just all that look, that is so damaging. Like, you probably were like, oh yeah, he's right. I shouldn't do that. But you want someone who's like, you eat that up. You have that extra fry. Have your rest of your sandwich. Like keep going.

You want someone who's just gonna celebrate you and take that information and hold it dear and work with you on it. They want to make you a better person. They don't want to, like that's what a toxic relationship is they take your stories you tell them, your vulnerabilities, your perceived witnesses, and then they use it against you.

They put a knife in your back with it. And that is just so, and then you're, yeah, so I don't want that for you, Bentley. That's not how every man is. You will not, there are so many people out there for you, but I want you to believe that, and know that you deserve that. And I think if you get into therapy and unpack the stuff, it'll help you get on the right track, and you'll know it, you'll know it too, because you got to know it. You can't, you can hear me go, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I know it for you.

But there's just a little bit of work you got to do. Thank you, Emily. I love your show. You're really brilliant. Aw, thank you Bentley. Stay in touch, okay? I got you. All right, let me take a quick break.

There'll be more sex with Emily. Thanks to everyone for supporting our sponsors. You know, we only work with sponsors that we enjoy ourselves, and I hope you do too. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ So excited to welcome my guest, Dr. Phil is here, host of TV's number one daytime talk show, Dr. Phil. All of his New York Times best sellers, and now he's here to talk about his new series

that debuted today, that animal rescue show. And I saw the trailer and we were all so moved by it. Especially now Dr. Phil, everyone's adopting animals, and it's really, it's really so good for our mental health to be close to animals, and to, I just think it's fabulous. Tell me about the show. Well, thanks for talking about it first off. And I want to tell you a lot of executive brain power went into naming this show, that animal rescue show.

But let's have everybody's going to refer to it. Hey, have you seen that animal rescue show? So we just named it that. What the hell? I like it. Yeah, I've been an animal advocate all of my life. I've picked up strays when I was a kid, cats, dogs, anything I could find. And certainly if they were injured in any way.

And this is a show about animals that but for these sanctuaries and these amazing people, these animals would be put to death instantly because there are animals that were born with physical maladies, they are congenital defects, spinal defects, or they've been hit by cars or injured in some way, and instead of being put to death, they were taken to these sanctuaries. And what we've done, and you'll see in the first episode, and some of it's in the trailer, we've paired them up, I'm bringing out children, that face some of the same challenges. And these kids sometimes are so overwhelmed with their problems, whether it's their paraplegics or they just have a malformed hand or foot or whatever. Maybe they're autistic, they're on the spectrum in some way. And they come out and they see these animals

who are so amazing. They don't know that they have a problem. An animal can lose the use of their legs. You put them in a wheelchair and three days later, they're just as happy as they were before. And they see like three dogs and a goat and a wheelchair playing tag and crashing into each other and just having a great time and the children say,

what am I so worried about? If these animals can do this, I can do it. And the bond between them is just absolutely astounding. So these people rescue these animals who turn around and rescue them right back. And it's just a great thing to see. And I think reminds us in this divisive time that human nature really is good and that it's still there. And I think it's just a great distraction from everything that's got us so upset right now. First of all, I love that it's just a feel good show for these times right now because you're right, we do need it.

I think that we're going to see a lot of mental health challenges. We already are. People experience the anxiety and depression in ways that they never have before, but also have a show that is, and it's so well done. It's not only feel good, but there's so many great messages in it. And also, I was thinking, well, this is really well-produced. This is well done. It was like watching a many movie. And then I realized Richard Linkletter directed it. Yes, he directed several of the episodes, I think three in total, and really was kind

of the tone director for the entire series. And you know, he did school of rock and a number of other things and it's just a great talent and We've got really good people involved in the project from start to finish and you know the real star in this show Are the volunteers the people that come out and give of their time and their energy and And a lot of these people, I mean, they came out not really knowing what to expect or really wanting to get involved. I know one of the guys that I talked to, I think it was at safe in Austin, his father had died and it was a long battle with cancer and he came out of it just feeling like,

I have no power. I can't change anything. He just felt totally inept and he came out with a friend under duress and he really helped an animal that was in distress and then he saw these animals helping children and he was part of that transaction and he went away feeling like you know what there is something for me to do and he was part of that transaction, and he went away feeling like, you know what, there is something for me to do, and he's now been volunteering for two, three years, and he said, without ever speaking a word, these animals did more effective therapy on me than I could have gotten in 10 years sitting on a couch somewhere talking to a psychologist or psychiatrist. And it's just really a very healing thing

when you connect with an animal that A needs you and then gives back to you so much. It's really inspiring. It really is. I mean, I love all those examples because it's like, it really is, first off, the act of giving back and of volunteering when you're actually going through something

that is so traumatizing, you know, someone sick in your family and you just, you know, it's so easy to isolate, especially now, and we are, you know, been forced to isolate, but that act of actually going out and volunteering and doing something like that for someone else. I know a lot of the shelters now, they've been adopting so many dogs right here, but they still need volunteers to walk dogs and even adopt pets right now. I think there there's more than ever and that it's I'm actually looking for a rescue right now And I've had one in the past and I always thought that was kind of funny when people like oh, it's my dog They I didn't rescue her. She rescued me and I'm like well that's silly until you get a rescue And then you like oh, I get it. I understand now. Yes, they have rescued me

They have you know, we are this mutually beneficial relationship here and that healing power of the oxytocin and the endorphins that you get, like the cuddle hormone, oxytocin is released from being closer. So it's it. Thank you, Dr. Phil, for doing the show. I mean, I think if we're going to love it. Well, I think so too. And, you know, animals are so intuitive. And when you rescue an animal that has been abused or neglected or just on the side of the road hungry, then all of a sudden you're nurturing and attending to and feeding and giving that animal home, they know.

They know what you've done for them. And they are loyal to the core. And so unconditional in their love and commitment to you. That's something you just don't get anywhere else. Yeah, that's true. That's true. So Dr. Phil, you've been busy, so now you're back doing your show, right? You said without a live audience. We have a virtual audience, but we've really worked on the technology to the point that I can interact with them much like we're interacting right now. And it wasn't that way in the beginning.

We had the virtual audience, we could see them, and they could see us. But we kept upgrading the technology until we got to the point where I now see all their names. I can talk to them, no echo, no delay, just like we're doing right now. And they can vote, show their mood,

everything that's going on. If they're buying what's happening, their squares turn green, if they're not, they turn red. You get all of this feedback from them, it's absolutely amazing. We're trying to make the best of it that we possibly can. Well, I saw that, Dr. Fos, watching some clips of the show and you have the whole wall,

you guys get this, I've never seen this before. Maybe this is just your innovation, but all kind of like the Brady brunch squares, right? But like picture at 30 maybe. And they're all on the wall behind them and you see all of their faces and it is the audience. Just like we're all getting really used to Zoom right now. And then the fact that they have the technology now, the capabilities to let you know if they're a red or a green and how they're feeling about things, I would say that you're still getting

that same energy. Obviously, we can't be touching people and be as close to them, but that's really cool and innovative. You know, the show must go on. It does have to go on. And I think right now, we're in our 19th season, but I think this show is more relevant and more timely than it ever has been because, as you said, as this quarantine goes on,

we're social animals, as you well know. And to be into forced quarantine and isolation, we're seeing really great increases in loneliness and depression, stress meters are pegging, where people are living in a family environment. Sometimes we're seeing grown kids coming home now because of lost jobs in a tough economy. So you kind of have reflexes biting in the home, divorce rates or spiking. And you see a lot of people vending at one another when the

frustration is not really with the partner, it's with the situation, but they're a ready target. So they're vending at them. And it's really not about them, but still that's where they're aiming their guns. And so there's a lot of tension and stress out there right now. So I think what we're doing is probably more relevant and timely than it's ever been.

Well, tell me about some of the shows that you have coming up on the Dr. Phil Shodes. Tips for coping with where we're at right now. Well, we really are. And one of the things we're trying to do is warn people off of some of the pitfalls that you get into with stress. And recognizing some of the issues

that people are having with PTSD and some of the fear that is associated with this invisible enemy that we have in this pandemic and so many people are losing their identity because so many people have their worth tied up in what they do and when they lose their job a lot of times they lose their identity and they feel like, okay, I'm not providing for my family. So their self-worth is dead, whether it's a mom or a dad. And then they feel like, I'm really not protecting my family

because I don't know how to fight this virus. I don't know what to do in that regard. So people are feeling like they're not filling their roles. And when their self-esteem's eroded, their self-worth is eroded, then that begins to take a toll on them and their internal dialogue changes, and then it starts a snowball effect. So we're trying to get people to recognize that.

I didn't understand. Number one, you're not in this alone. And, you know, my message to people is always, look, the best way to fill a void that you're experiencing in yourself is give away what you need the most. If you're feeling lonely, find someone in your building, find someone in your neighborhood that's worse off than you are, and go see what they need. Knock on their door of an elderly person.

Back up, respect social distancing, give them their space and say, look, I know you live here and I know you're alone, is there something I can do for you? You might not want to give a stranger your phone number, but here's mine. If you'd like to call, do so. I'm going to the store. Can I pick something up for you? Do you mind if I check on you?

Can I mow your yard? I just mowed mine. Do you mind if I knock yours down for you? Is there something I can do? And I promise you, when you give away what you need the most, you're going to go to bed feeling better that night. Yeah, it's true. And that's so helpful, Dr. Phil, because I was thinking

about what you were saying about that animal rescue show, because it started out from the premise of someone who was suffering. And then when you give back, you're giving back to the animals, they're giving back to you. And that's something that I think we forget, especially now, that we think we can't do anything, or we can't help people out, but you're right.

It could just be going over, bringing in neighbor, some food and smiling, well, we can't really smile with the mask. But doing a favor, doing something for others, I think that not until you start really giving that you realize that loop of giving, receiving, giving, receiving really is why we're here. It's one of the most beautiful things we can experience. Money, if you can't afford money, that's okay.

There's so many different kinds of currency, social currency, emotional currency, spiritual currency, find out what somebody needs and give them that. There's more than one type of currency. Yeah, it's true, Dr. Philip. But I mean, we are gonna see a lot of this now with people sort of suffering.

And I'm always recommending people do their work and they go to therapy and they work on themselves and now you could do it over Zoom. So for couples who are struggling and they've been home right now and maybe they didn't have the best communication skills when it went into the pandemic because they were kind of avoidant,

they were busy with the kids and work and now they're home and now everything's getting exacerbated. Are there any quick communication skills you have for couples just to kind of start breaking through that stuff? There are. I think it's really important for people to give a voice to their feelings and to own those feelings. And there's no sense in pretending.

And the more awkward it feels to do what I'm getting ready to say, the more you need to do it. That is to get the kids to better, whatever, and sit down and say, look, this is a tough time. And I'm feeling crowded, you're feeling crowded. Let's talk about this. I mean, are there ways I can do something different

to give you some space? Are there things that we can do together that maybe we haven't had the time to do before. You know, not everything during this pandemic has to be negative. We have time now that we didn't have before. Let's seize that time and do something with it. What do we wish we had time to do? What were we talking about last year? We said, gee, we wish we had time to do this or that. But we haven't done it. Now we've got the time. Let time to do this or that, but we haven't done it. Now we've got the time.

Let's not let this slip away. Let's do something with it. What would you, how can we spend our time that's valuable? And turn the television off and actually look at each other. People don't make eye contact anymore. Look each other in the eye. Don't look past each other in the eye and actually listen and see what

each other needs and talk about. You could actually create great value out of this forced time. I mean, maybe you didn't plan on it, but it's forced on. You flip it, flip the script, turn it into something positive. Exactly. None of us plan on it, but I do, I mean, I actually do think there's going to be a lot more positive than negative. I mean, I guess also we don't have a choice right now. This is what's happened. But just like many things in life, I think a lot of us see the glass have empty, but right now, this is what we know.

These are the facts that's been happening. We're home, we're isolated. How do we make the best of it? How do we look at it? Because I think a lot of us, we didn't have time. We didn't have time with our kids. To me, that's been a great silver lining for many people I know who, finally, are getting time with their kids, or are they getting time to slow down?

And having these conversations that are difficult with your family, with your kids. And then also, I don't know, I think that we have a lot of what I'm learning to, even from myself, there was a lot of, you know, escapism or there was a lot of things I did. I was always really busy running around doing a lot of things. Well, now you just can't, all right? So we've kind of been forced to slow down. So I think that's really important too. A lot of us are just moving so fast.

And so Dr. Phil, talking about successful relationships. So I had the pleasure of meeting your wife last year, Robin. And she's got a podcast called I've got a secret. And we had a wonderful conversation about sex and relationships and you guys have been together for 44 years? Yes, well, we've been together almost 50 years, but we've been married like 44 years and she just came flying in the room here. Hi, Robin. Oh my god, you guys are adorable. Hi, Robyn, how are you? I'm sorry, he was dead.

This could not be with you. Oh, I'm excited too. Look, I have your picture here. Tell me, desk. You know, that's great. I loved your show. We were listening back to it. Look, hey, look at you guys.

Enough about me. Let's, what is the 50 years you don't hear this anymore? Look, hey, let me just give you the picture. I'm talking to Dr. Phil and his wife Rob and just came over and sat on his lap and he just smiled so big and she's like a little schoolgirl giggling in his lap and they've been together almost 50 years. Please tell us what is the secret? So I'm married way over my head.

That's the secret. I mean, what? She's as cute as she was today. I married her. I'm under no illusions about that. I don't think that's true. I've always thought he isn't adorable. He's adorable. He's brilliant. I don't think that's true. We are recording this, are we? I want to copy in that. She says I'm going to play it back each morning. I'm excited to hear the sound of the word. I didn't know he was going to let me come be in this part in this review. I'm excited. This is so great to get both of you because we actually have some questions

too from our listeners because people wanted to know number one tip for lasting relationship. We are asked this question a lot and can I just tell you what I really truly believe the answer is in my opinion for us. we had a lot of conversations before we got married because we worked together over three and a half years before we got married. And so we had a lot of conversations. We took it very seriously. I said, I don't want to be just married. I want to be happily married. And I want to be married forever. This is forever. And he agreed. So we took it very seriously. We have a lot of conversations. And we had enough conversations that he was very honest. I was too. And he told me the things that were the vulnerable points. Like, here's what I don't want you to do. Here are the things I don't want you to send,

or don't want you to do that really upset me. And here's what you can do to really make me happy. So, okay. You got very vulnerable and so did I. So, I learned what to do to make him happy. So, I choose to do that. And he told me what I can do to make him happy. So I choose to do that. And he told me what I can do to upset him. You know, the what I could do to really push his buttons, I choose not to do that. And I never have.

Wow. You've never have. So because he knew himself. He knows what his needs are and how to how to get that met. He's like, don't don't trigger me. So did you? And then you've probably learned and maybe they've changed over time. Or have they never changed? But there were, we got very specific though. There were like, it was very, very specific. Can we do we get to know any of them? Person in his life, he said, never ever refer to me like that person.

Don't ever say I'm like that person. I'm gonna say it, it is. It was just a certain person. And he said, no, never tell me I'm like that person. I've'm going to say, it is, it was just a certain person. And he said, no, never tell me I want that person. I've never done that. Yeah. Because I know I could do that. I could that would push his buttons that would upset him. If I ever really wanted to upset him, well, why would I do that? I want to upset him. Well, you know what I love? It's like the vulnerability thing. It's like saying, like, this is who I am. We so many people show up, they date someone, and they show up as their representative.

They're like, oh, I'm just gonna, I'm so perfect. I have no needs. Everything's great. I'm just easy going. And this is all, no, like these are my triggers. This is what I'm gonna need. What are you gonna need? Let's be real.

Let's throw it down. Let's be honest and develop healthy communication from the jump. I mean, I have people calling in every night saying, oh, we're having intimacy issues. Nothing's wrong with our sex life. What should I do? I'm like, well, have you ever talked,

we've been together 25 years. I'm like, well, have you ever talked about, oh, it's like a shot. No, no, no, we've never, we've never talked about it. I'm like, look, that might be a good thing. We talked about it. We talked about it. I think it's bait and switch.

I think if you, if you, I understand putting your best foot forward, but if you represent yourself one way and it's, you lie by omission and then you show all of it once you get married, that's bait and switch. You gotta show the whole deal up front. So there's no, it's not what happens

in life that upsets you. It's violating your expectations. And if you manage the expectations, you're gonna be good to go. Yeah, you know, I totally know. I totally believe I made this decision when I was like 13, 14 years old because I grew up with my father being an alcoholic. I can remember being in bed one night thinking to myself, it was a truly a life decision. I will never marry an alcoholic and I'll never raise my children

in a home with an alcoholic. And with we were dating ice, maybe the first day I said, it was first date. Rick alcohol, like he really really drink a lot of alcohol and he said, you know what, I think I'm allergic to it. And I was like, oh, I think I love you. Yeah, we've been married 44 years, and I've never had a drink in 44 years. Wow. Never. But I like that drink. I like all of the glasses. Why? I have a glasses. Why would dinner tonight? I'm not that alcoholic, of course. But that was just something very important to me to not be married to an alcoholic. Like he could have a glasses.

Why? Of course. Why? He doesn't want to. I have a glass of wine for you. I think he's allergic to it, so that was a plus. But I'm just saying, and then I went on to tell him, this is a need I have to never be married to an alcoholic or raised by children in a home with a not-cully. It was a need, I made it very clear to him. That's a big reason I don't drink.

Yeah, well, that's a big thing too. The fact that Robin, you knew how to take care of it because there's a lot of people who call in, who I talk to on a daily basis, who they meet in alcoholic and they don't think, oh, no, they think, oh, this is really comfortable. This feels familiar. This is something I can get behind.

Well, they're a private teller. Yeah. That's something I can't live with. They think, well, maybe I can live with it. Maybe I'll sacrifice what's important to me for this relationship. I was not willing to do that. Yeah, I don't think that we, I think that once we start giving up our needs and what's important to us,

then that's when the resentment starts. We think, oh, when I met you, I was all these things, but now I'm not because of you. So it's just not authentic. So I think it's also like learning how to be vulnerable. I mean, we're not taught this stuff. Funny. I have to tell you, Dr. Phil Asturram, my mom said this to me recently. And I said, you know, I always have been therapy and worked out a lot of issues with her. And she said, I said, well, mom, you know, we've never talked about this growing up. She goes, well, when you, I was raising you, there was no Dr. Phil. Like we didn't know how to talk about emotions and issues

and we didn't know how to be good parents. We didn't know. We couldn't turn on the TV and see, you know, what to do. And I think that, but in many ways, we do have Dr. Phil, we've had for, you know, a long time helping people, but unless you try to really do the work, a lot of us are just gonna keep repeating stuff from childhood.

So, you know, and I wish in schools, they taught us how to communicate, how to pick out toxic relationships from healthy relationships. And I wish you had therapy in third grade, you know, but we don't, but you know, here we are. So I think we're always on a journey, right, towards our betterment, mental health and wellness. So first before I'm going to ask each one of them, the five questions we ask all of our guests, but Dr. Phil, we did get a few questions from listeners when they knew that you were coming on and they wanted to ask. So one of them is, why do I constantly want to fix all my partners? Well, of course everybody wants to have that perfect mate, right? We have these expectations

about what we think we need. But, you know, I have this belief that we find that person in life that we need. And, and, you know, I said this to Robin early on. There were times where she would say to me that, you know, I wish you would be more emotional. I wish you would be more sensitive. And I said, look, you really don't. That's not why you married me. That's why you married a middle linebacker instead of a male cheerleader.

If you wanted that, you should have married the male cheerleader. Instead, you married the middle linebacker. And when things go down, I'm gonna be the guy that stands in the gap. I'm gonna be the guy that stands in the doorway. I'm gonna be the guy that stands in the doorway. And there's nothing wrong with being a male cheerleader. There's nothing wrong with being in touch with your feminine side.

But that's not what attracted you to me. And if I became who you say you want me to be, I wouldn't be who you were attracted to to begin with. And the same thing, I don't try to change her because I don't want her to become more like me. I don't want to be married to me. Are you kidding? I don't want to be married to me. Are you kidding me? Not in the million years. I'm married to her the way she was when I met her. That's what attracted me to it. You don't want to change people. And when you think you do, you're just trying to be controlling. That's not going to work for you.

Think why you fell in love with that person to begin with. What drew you to them? And there are certain deal breakers. And you're not going to fix those anyway because they're above your pay grade. If they're violent, get out. If they're a drug or alcohol problem and they won't get help, get out. They're drop dead deal breakers. Don't try to fix those, get out of those relationships if they won't get help.

Yeah, that's great advice. And often we want to fix people because there's actually stuff we need to fix in ourselves. We have to look at going word. But then you should say, there's something about that old boy I can't stand about me. And he was exactly right. Okay you guys I'm gonna ask you the five questions we asked our guests you can just go back and forth the first one is your biggest turn on. Dr. Phil and Robin McGraw it can be anything. Well she's sitting in my lap. That was easy. That's so sweet. Okay, my biggest turn-off is when I make him laugh and smile. Biggest turn-off.

Oh, can I go first? Yeah. Yeah, please. Oh, it would be trusted Dr. Filmy. Oh, you don't do that. Unless I ask. Okay. Unless I ask.

Yeah, my biggest turn-off is people that try to control other people. OK, what makes good sex? Oh, man. Just I think sex without emotion, without emotional commitment and involvement is the. And I'm not a very emotional person, but when it comes to that, when it comes to sex, if there's not emotional involvement, it's terrible.

If there's really emotional connection that goes with the physicality, that's the winning formula. All right. What makes good sex is when you make that eye contact, and you both, no, yeah, let's do it. Okay, something you tell your younger self about sex and relationships. Oh, you only have a minute.

Something you tell your younger self about sex and relationships. It's phenomenal, never say though. Trust yourself, go with your dad. Real quick. Yeah, for me, it's that this is not a sport, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun. I love it.

Thank you so much, Dr. Phil. Robin McGraw for being here. Check out his new show, That Animal Rescue Show, and CBS, and Dr. Phil. Number one daytime talk show on right now, you can check it out. Thank you for being here. Well, that's it for today's episode. I'll see you on Friday. And thanks for listening to Sex with Emily.

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