Sex With Emily - Elevate your 5 Sexy Senses

Episode Date: May 26, 2020

On today’s show, Dr. Emily gets personal and helps us understand why this quarantine has affected our overall sensual experiences.She gives you tips and tricks to dig deep into your 5 senses to make sex and masturbation the best experience of your life - taking advantage of this extra time at home!For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Dr. Emily Morse. Welcome to Sex with Emily, the podcast. I believe that vulnerability and honesty when it comes to our sexual health is vital for us to live a fuller life. Your life of healthier intimacy starts now. On today's show, we're talking about our five senses and the one thing we can all do to awaken them simultaneously during this time of social distancing and working from home. We'll talk about the tips and tools we need to get more in touch with ourselves activating all five of our senses, which you know leads to better sex naturally. Specific sex choice to use that you can even find around the house.

Plus I'm answering your sex and relationship questions. We can take advantage of this time at home and sort of turbo charge our sex lives right now, whether we have a partner there or we'll buy ourselves. And we can definitely bring more joy into our lives during this time and create a more central experience. Let's not have like okay sex. Let's figure out how to have great sex. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man up to less by sex.

Eyes that mock our secret institutions. Bit revised, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. Find us on all social media. It is

Sex with Emily across the board. All right, intentions with Emily. For each show, join me in setting intentions. So when you're listening, while you're trying to get out of listening to this episode, it could be Emily, I just need to figure out how to navigate this new normal at home, but I really want to explore my sensual side. My intention,

I want to help you get in touch with all of your senses, help you set the atmosphere to get you in the mood, and also a reminder that I need to do this myself as well because hey I'm homelone and this time can get challenging for me and for you. You guys, it's funny because I've been thinking a lot lately how I'm super comfortable with sex. I can talk to you all about sex.

I've learned how do you have incredible sex in my life, but often I don't share a lot about my relationships and what's actually been going on. And so I just want to share with you how this quarantine has been impacting me because I've been having a hard time and it's even having a hard time even telling you guys about it, which is why I know that it's important. So I met somebody right before quarantine happened like in February. And it was one of those relationships where it's important. So I met somebody right before quarantine happened like in February and it was one of those relationships where it's just, it was one of those like deep, soulful connections that I don't even know anything

to compare it to. It was like the kind of connection where we, it was so certain, we both felt it. We both, the time we spent together, you know, it's four days felt like four months. We spent a weekend together. He came to visit and we would just be sitting here in my home.

We didn't do anything. We just looked into each other's eyes. It had incredible sex. We, so this is the part that's really hard for him because I have a hard time, like I've nailed sex. I know I have great sex, but the vulnerability part and the fear of being hurt and being essentially abandonment is hard for me. And so I've kept myself a lot safer in relationships and I haven't often often risked my true heart and opened up as much.

And what I realized, a lot of this has to do with like core wounds. And so this week I actually had this anniversary of my dad's death. When I was 19, 30 years ago he died. And I realized that in that way, losing losing the person that you love more than anything in the world, vulnerability and love and connection becomes a very scary place. It doesn't feel safe. Now, I could have told you all this throughout my adult relationships. It's become sort of a joke with family and friends like, oh, you're just shut down or you aren't as open. And so when you really truly open to somebody again,

and it feels right, it's amazing, and it can also be really scary and vulnerable. And on top of that, so since I've been feeling this for somebody, when quarantine happened, right, when we're feeling all these, all the oxytocin, the feel good hormones, he had to fly back to his home. And he lives really far away. He lives in South Africa.

And so for the first month of quarantine, we could actually face time and connect and we could do all the things. And so I did feel that we were still able to have our connection and he wrote me love letters and we had face time sex and we would just connect. But then he decided to do this incredible experiment where he's now been living in a tree for 37 days.

And even telling you about this is vulnerable because I don't know what the hell is gonna happen when he comes out of the tree because I haven't talked over 37 days. So he's in an experiment to like see what would happen if he went into a tree and lived there for 40 days and 40 nights, kind of like all the mystics have gone to search for meaning, man search for meaning in a tree.

And so as a result, there's no talking, there's no iPhone, he's not watching Netflix. As far as I'm concerned in the tree. So what I'm saying is the struggle here has been real. I've actually been grappling with my heart and a lot of things that I haven't really had to look at before. So I've been going through that. And I know, I know that I'm not the only person going through this, you know, a lot of people are separated from their partners, their loved ones, you know, because of the quarantine

or their partners and essential worker or their across the world. So the struggle is real, you're all facing it in your own ways, and that's why I'm here to help. I started thinking about this because there's so many issues that come up who are working from home. It's a huge, huge life adjustment to be working from home, first off, if we've never done it before. And even if you're not working from home, you're just home. And there's a lot of things that are coming up

that we're not having human interaction and like loneliness is an epidemic, we're not seeing as many people. But what I started thinking about was how important our senses are. Our actual five senses, site and touch and taste and sound and smell. All of these peak activities,

things in our life that we love doing, where we usually use all five senses, they're just like chopped off, they're just cut off. We don't get to experience them all anymore. Like going to restaurants, we can't go to restaurants. We are losing the ability to feel the ambiance, hear the music, the lighting, and feel the energy from the people

and taste delicious food that wasn't dropped off or frozen initially or left over. I mean, what a high sense your experience or like the laughter like you hear like the glasses clinking. I don't think I'd ever thought that I would miss that or you're just touching yourself. You're leaning across the table and you're touching your date or you're hugging your friend. Losing all this is just going to impact overall experiences or we can't go to live concerts You would have just to go to so many concerts this summer and as you all were going to weddings or sporting events Even going for a walk outside which is actually by saving grace right now I try to walk outside a few times a day and every morning. I'm going for walks

But if people are like walking past you in a mask, we can't even see their faces. So now we're getting cut off from the body language. Was that person smiling at me? Were they growling at me? Were keeping our distance from each other? Or whether it's going to the office every day like I miss the smell of the elevator going up to work. I miss walking to the office and like the perfume of the woman who's the security person at Sirius XM, just the sound of the way the mic sound differently in my studio and touching and hugging all my staff. I mean, I break it down every area of our life, every experience has just been truncated.

There's no experience at its whole that is like it once was. And as a result of that, since our human body is a super complex machine and our nervous system and our five senses all work together and help us feel calm and help us feel stable. And when we're not using all of our senses, we get more anxious. And that's why all of these goddamn Zoom calls are probably making you insane, and now there's something called zoom fatigue. It's a perfect example of why cutting off senses is going to make us anxious. There was a National Geographic article that actually explained this zoom fatigue, and it's interesting because in our previous non-zoom world, our brain focus

partly on the words being spoken, but also derived additional meeting from dozens of non-verbal cues, such as, is someone facing you or are they slightly turning away? Are they fidgeting? And since we don't have all that information, we're emoting more. It takes more energy. It's exhausting because now we're just looking at like little boxes on the screen. And since we're not getting all these other cues, our brain is using it more energy. We can't process the nonverbal cues anymore. And then all of our other senses are paused and wiped out. When you're on Zoom or you're on FaceTime, you can't like relax into a conversation naturally because our brain is constantly trying to make sense of what's

happening. And then there's those delays. It's like, did you hear me? Did you not? So we're actually talking faster, which isn't great for me, who's always trying to talk slower, and I'm talking over people, and I'm cutting people off, more than I used to. And then when you are silent in a conversation, you feel like you have to fill it more on Zoom because there's not the natural,

like I'm just gonna turn around and get something, or we both looked at a bird flying by or we heard something down the hallway. It's like we're not having shared experience and then we get more anxious because we're on the calls and there's all these other things happening that isn't used to us. So we're like all in this weird state of transition now. We'll also trying to still go through you know businesses usual. So now it's like we're relying on these two senses. We're only focusing on sight and hearing. What we're missing is the other senses

that are just really helping us make more sense of ourselves. You make more sense of the world and our lovers, our partners, and then when we take away the senses since we are trying to make sense of the world, we tend to feel less safe, because everything's new, and we feel a little bit lost, and we're constantly trying to interpret what people mean. There's a lot more disputes happening.

There's a lot more people fighting and arguing and leaving their jobs and leaving partners. There's been a lot of studies right now that have been studying what's happening in quarantine and couples are having less sex right now. Even though there's a lot of time to do so, we have a lot more time in the day. But since there's all these other changes happening, we're just not feeling like ourselves, we're auto-wack, and so we're stressed.

Wine consumption has gone up. But sex frequency has gone down. And couples are also saying they find themselves less appealing, like we don't feel appealing, we feel our partners aren't as appealing, and we know, well alcohol, you know, a glass here and there feels good, it can kind of help relax our mind, it is a depressant. So if everybody is drinking more and we're drinking too much. It does eventually slow our body down and we'll decrease our sexual desire. And we're also grooming less. And so that's also going to make us feel way less appealing. We're going to feel less appealing to our partners. We're going to be less appealing to ourselves,

making less effort. I mean, most of us, myself included, I'm super, proof is presentable from the way stuff. Like I look pretty good in a Zoom call. It's like our lives has become a personification of the mullet in calls. Like we are parting on the top and on the bottom, we're just like, who knows what's happening down there? Like I'm wearing my pajamas sometimes, but I'm like really wearing a great top.

And I'm on video with my team and I'll get up and do something like, oh, I'm on my pajamas. Let me thank God I'm remembering where pants. But you don't feel, you don't feel as sexy, you don't feel as desirable. And I guess when people are like, oh, you're doing that just for your partner, no, I'm telling you right now, all this stuff and all this grooming is because of, it's for me. It's how I'm going to feel by myself as a result of how you're going to feel, as my partner is going to feel. And just remember that we do, you know, I always talk about how we have to keep our own pilot light lit.

It is important to feel sexy for ourselves and not just for our partners. There's some reasons why you might not be feeling that you are in the mood for sex right now. When I'm thinking about the senses, I thought of a way that we could all figure out how to tonight feel much more in our bodies and much more sexual because our senses when activated allows us to be more in our body, feel more sensual and definitely feel sexier. So in my deep dive around senses, there was a really great TED Talk by this guy, Jinsop Lee, and he was a designer, industrial designer, and

his belief is that all great design is one that appeals to all of the five senses. But what he said was, the top peak experience across the board where all of your senses are firing and all cylinders is sex, such as always the top of our sensory experiences. all cylinders is sex. Sex is always the top of our sensory experiences. So this guy was totally speaking my language knowing what we know about the senses. We can take advantage of this time at home and sort of turbocharge our sex lives right now whether we have a partner there or we're by ourselves and we can definitely bring more joy into our lives during this time and create a more central experience. Let's not have like okay sex. Let's figure out how to have a great sex. It is completely possible. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back. We're gonna be dig and deeper into all the senses.

I'll be giving you some sexy homework plus answering some of your sex and relationship questions questions. Alright, welcome back. Welcome back to the show. We're going to walk through all of our senses and give you tips on how to turbo charge your sex life. Let's start with touch. Here's the interesting thing about touch.

It's often an ignored sensation. We often think about touch last. For example, in every moment we're always touching something. So even right now, think about what are you touching? Like my my butt is on the chair and I feel this cushion beneath me that's sort of like a faux fur cushion. In my hands, one hand is on the mic and I feel the cool metal of the mic. So if you think about it in every moment, we can anchor into that. And so, with our sex lives and with our intimate lives with partners, we can easily find materials around the home that will amp touch. So look for some feathers.

You might have some feathers lying around the house. Ice cubes are a super fun way to play with a partner. You know, if you incorporate a blindfold, and then one of my favorite tips is if you put a blindfold on your partner, because when you take away one sense like sight, all the other ones become more heightened. And what I love to do with ice cubes is, if you're giving your partner a massage a great way to play with this is you put like an ice cube in your mouth, or you just drip it down their body and they feel the cool of the ice, that's a fun way to have sensory play with

a partner. You can use coconut oil, massage oil. I love womb or play. Womb or play makes the most delicious coconut massage body oil lube. And to me, that is just the most fun way to amp up touch. You could use silky fabrics. Think about the things the items around your home.

We like to call them pervertibles in the sex industry. And that means taking something like a hairbrush, and you can take that hairbrush, and you can drag the bristles like slowly over your partners, your wrists or their stomach or their thighs, and use it to tease them. A toothbrush. So playing with sensations around the home, using different surfaces to have sex. You could use a desk, you could use the stairs. If you're never on the couch, feel the cushions on the couch.

So I'm thinking about like a peak sexual experience I've had just right here in my home where I'm talking to you. And sexy, exactly, right where my desk is right now. It's actually the location of the last place I've had sex. And my fireplace was on, so I felt the heat of the fire. I always blade on this faux fur throw, and I felt the heat of the fire. I always blade on this faux fur throw. And I love the feeling of this throw on my body. And I love that, you know, feeling my partner's body on my skin and feeling the fire. And then we had just used a massage

candle. I love using massage candle because it's a great way to ignite all the senses at once. And so massage candle is the actual candle. We have some on our site. There's one from Jimmy Jane on our website at sexathemely.com. If you look at our store, but what they do is you light the candle for a few minutes, or as long as you want. It's not messy or waxy or sticky or hot. Don't try this with a regular candle.

But a massage candle you pour it on your partner's skin. And immediately, it feels incredible because it's warm. And it's like the most luxurious coconut oil. And then I got to move my hands on his body. Then we had a playlist. The playlist was his playlist. So for me, I loved it because it was new songs that I hadn't heard before.

But they were so perfect for what was happening in the moment, and I was like enraptured in the entire sexual experience. And this was all following an incredible dinner that we made together. We just used my grill for the first time, and we had grilled steaks. The entire evening was such a sensory overload, and as a result of that,

having such an incredible sexual experience where we were just really engaging on so many levels, it was freaking out. See, God, I miss that right now. This is why that was so good because it combined all of these different experiences, which I'm actually gonna give you right now, different ways to play with the senses right now.

So you can do this at home if you're alone or with a partner. You know, I've had to actively think about these things for myself because I am alone without a partner. So I am making efforts and I find that whenever I do this, whenever I pay attention to lighting my favorite candles, using my favorite toys in the shower. And now I'm realizing this and talking to you all when I'm using all of these, when all of these things are firing, they're much better experiences

that I'm much more inspired to want to self pleasure when I make the experiences that more engaging. Like just lying down, using my toy, or using my fingers, isn't as interesting and isn't gonna get me going when there's so many other things going on. But to know that if I create a sensory experience with my favorite candle, my vanilla massage candle, and my toys, and the shower, and my playlists, I'm more

engaged with myself. So the other idea right now is it's why sex the shower, why we also love sex in the shower, we're like, oh, I love sex in the shower. We have the sound of water, which is super calming and soothing. It also feels good on our body. Also vacation sex. The reason why we all love vacation sex is not just because we're It also feels good on our body. Also, vacation sex. The reason why we all love vacation sex is not just because we're on vacation

and we're not working. It's because we're in the moment. We're listening to these trees blowing in the wind. We're smelling the suntan lotion. We're tasting the salt in our hair. You know, it's such a sensory experience, plus it's all novel and new. That's why we love vacation sex.

And if we're having sex in the shower, bring some toys into the mix. Bring some waterproof sex toys in. You actually also need lube in the shower. I love the J-June Mimi because it's actually waterproof. There's a lot of great toys that are waterproof these days. So I just leave mine in my shower. So I'm like, oh yeah, it's a signal where,

if I am brushing around, I don't have a lot of time today, then I make sure that I have my orgasm. I'm clean. And move on to next. That is your touch inspiration. So site. So when you think about site and how it pertains to sensuality, I always think about lighting because lighting is really important to not only send the mood, but certain colors are going to bring out different emotions in us. And I definitely don't want the fluorescent overhead lights. The first thing I do when I am, I know, I can with my partner and I know that sex is going to happen, I always turn off the lights and light candles.

I finally found the perfect bulb for all of my lamps because they were just too bright before. It really does make a difference to have the right lighting. So I start with that. You could also shut off all the lights and then rely on your other four senses to kind of really get enhanced. Think about how does my partner taste right now? How do they feel underneath my fingers? What's the scent? We're listening to each other breathe and so when we want to change things up because what often gets really boring is the novelty and we crave variety. We really do. We crave it all the time. So this is another

way to do it and for those of you who are huge fans of shutting off the lights which I'm not in a fan of you turning off the lights because you don't like your body. I know we've all done this because I don't want you guys to shut off the lights and then disassociate where you're thinking about, oh, I hope they can't feel me right now because I don't feel right either or when is it going to be over? If you're actually going to do this in turn off the lights, you've to make a commitment with your partner that you're going to engage in connecting without the lights on. So you're both going to pay attention to what you're feeling and what you're smelling and you can share that experience

together because I don't want anyone going numb here. Tuning out. Watching shows together, whether it's porn or watching some sexy shows on TV right now, what I love about this is you're watching it together and it's also giving you ideas about how you can actually, you know, perhaps have sex, it's turning you on while you're watching it together. You can also even just shut off all the distractions around you and just look into each other's eyes. There's so much power and intensity actually just looking into each other's eyes. There's so much power and intensity actually just looking into each other's eyes. It's a very popular like tantric practice.

It's the art of just looking and kind of getting through the period where it feels awkward can really enhance your connection with each other. And this is why it's also fun to role-play or to change the way you look. This is why dressing sexy and something that makes us feel sexy or our partner surprising us when they're wearing something different is because it's new and it's a novel experience for our eyes. So it's another way that sight

can also enhance your experience with the partner. Okay, smell. Here's a thing about smell. Right now, we're not getting to engage our sense of smell right now because we're not getting to engage our sense of smell right now because we're not getting it from our daily interactions in the office. We're not able to flirt. We're not able to see our partners. You know, we're not seeing that cute, you know, person we have a crush on at the coffee shop. I'm talking about

pheromones. Our pheromones actually play a role in our attraction to each other. These are actually chemicals that we produce which impacts the behaviors of our others and our hormones are impacting other people's behavior towards us. And so they're kind of like hormones, but they work outside of our body and they're released from our sweat or a scent that's going to impact sexual arousal.

So that's why it makes sense if we're not seeing our partners as much or we're just relying on video or we're just relying on ourselves, we are not stimulating smell as much. And the thing about smell is it's actually our Olympic brain, which processes memory and emotion and sexuality. So trying to figure out ways to kind of think about am I really using scent right now and I do this every night I have my diffuser and the diffuser is filled with like lavender and lemon grass and scents that I know kind of ground me and they

help with anxiety and you can find ones that also work for sensuality. Perfume and cologne I don't think I've worn my perfume since this started. What am I saving it for? I mean, we're not going anywhere, but it also helps to boost our confidence and helping our pheromones. It's important for ourselves and for our partners, you know? Even our natural scent is also just as sexy sometimes. What we're talking about is the variety is that if we haven't been using it, how delighted will it be just to spill your perfume again right now, whether or your clone, whether it's again with yourself or with your

partner. Sound is also an important part of a feeling fully embodied and feeling present with ourselves and with sensuality. So music can definitely awaken our senses, tune us into sensuality, stimulate erotic emotions. So having a playlist or having music that you know, God, I can definitely get intimate with these songs, or this is my masturbation playlist. And what I love is that when I was like I sang when I was with my partner,

I loved his playlist because I hadn't heard it before. So we were listening to the playlist, as well as the sound of our breath. So here's the other thing. If you're like, I'm not a music person because some people are like, that's too distracting for me. My favorite way to bring sound into every sexual experience is when you focus on your breath. When you start to pay attention to the sound of your breathing, the sound of your partner's breathing, you'll realize that your mind is calmer, you're not distracted and thinking about a million things that anchoring in the senses also sort of has a way of calming ourselves and kind of getting rid of anxiety and bring us to the present moment.

The same thing happens when we are talking dirty, when we are even breathing in your partner's ears, saying the words in their ear, yeah. I don't know you guys, it's time to talk, it's time to talk to them. I mean, you're all, I feel like it took me a lot later in life to realize that like my orgasms went at the more like like, sound egg.

It was just much more gutter oil. It's much more primal. So if you're still making sounds sexually that you saw on porn or you, or that you thought were the right sounds to make, find your own sex voices. Find your, you know, you could do when you're in the shower. If you don't know how to talk dirty and a lot of you email and call and you're like, I want to. I don't know how to talk dirty and a lot of you email and call and you're like, I want to, I don't know how. One of my best piece of advice for that is practicing when you're in the shower or when

you're alone, like looking in the mirror, nobody is born with the ability to talk dirty. It is a practice over time. And if you don't feel like you have that skill practice, like, and you're actually probably not turning yourself on. This is the time to practice and to experiment with your sex life, with your intimate life, definitely with masturbation. I mean, even 10 minutes a day,

imagine where that's gonna take you. So this is the time. And the final five of the senses is taste. Get creative here. You can first start off by cooking a meal together. I'm telling you that really, it's such a fun thing to do with a partner where you've actually engaged in activity. You know, couples that cook together and play together, they stay together, maybe you've

never made the recipe together before. Think about different things. I mean, the reason why we always talk about like chocolate or oysters. I mean, they actually are pretty sexy foods. You can feed it to each other. You can do taste tests. You can taste different alcohol or food. But sometimes just tasting our partner.

I mean, that can really heighten our connection during sex. And I know. I know that's not easy for everybody. One of the reasons why I started this show 15 years ago was to eliminate all of the shame and judgment that we have around not only talking about sex, we're so afraid to even talk about it to anybody, but we have shame that we carry about our own selves

about our body parts, about how we perform, how we look, and how we feel, and how we taste in the bedroom. I mean, I think a lot of us hear this from women all the time that we're so afraid to have our partner go down on us to allow ourselves to receive pleasure because we think we taste bad and that our partner won't really want to be doing it. And that there's a certain way that we're supposed to taste and I'm telling you, this all comes from a societal shame.

This is not real. We don't need to do, we don't need to do all those things that society has told us. In fact, our vaginas are naturally cleaning. Our vaginas are actually like a self-cleaning oven, to be honest. We actually find the way we are. We all process shame differently, men and women, but for many women, we get embarrassed. We turn inwards. We think that, you know, I don't deserve this pleasure. And men tend to get angry and they blame each other and they isolate they blame others and then they isolate themselves So I just want to say right now that I would like to get in front of your shame right now

I think a lot of us get in our own ways and we block our own paths to pleasure and we forget that We are fine just the way we are. We deserve pleasure. We're allowed to ask for what we want, that this whole notion that maybe we don't taste good or smell good actually isn't even true, that it's our own creation and our mind that we've used to hold us back from actually having great sex because life is too short for mediocre sex. We all deserve 10 great sex. And that note, let's get into a question for

one of our listeners. Hey, Dr. Emily. My partner doesn't live with me. He delivers people's prescriptions. He can't quarantine himself because he lives with other medical professionals. If he came over, I went to him. I'd be at risk, so phone sex is our next best thing. And that's more for him than for me considering I'm craving his touch. How do I make that more exciting? All right great question especially in these times how do you make phone sex more interesting right now? So this is actually a practice of figuring out it's all in our words and it's all being really descriptive. So this really helps to think about what are the most memorable times

you've had sex? Maybe you could jot it down before you talk to them next and think about oh these were three really hot moments because what's helpful is if you talk about something that's happened in the past like oh babe I've been thinking about the last time we were together when you came in and you you know you brought me you know my favorite bottle of wine and then you sort of kissing me we couldn't even make it into the bedroom and you brought me my favorite bottle of wine and then you started kissing me and we couldn't even make it into the bedroom. And you started like really describing experiences

where you both were there using words, using all the descriptors. And then that will eventually lead to him remembering it too and then you go back and forth. You could also think about things that you want to happen in the future. That's a great thing too. What I love about phone sags, it's a great opportunity for people to talk about things

that they might not be able to talk about face to face because it's really awkward. So maybe you've been wanting your partner to kiss you more. You could say, when we're together next, I keep thinking about the way you walk in the door and you slowly kiss me and we make out for hours and your tongue swirls around my mouth and then you slowly like bite my lip and then another hour goes by and we're still kissing. I mean whatever you want to do to hammer on the message that you want, maybe you want spanking. You could say I've been thinking about you know how it feel if you spanked me and you know that one time you did it. I mean I loved dirty talking in

phone sex because we can just kind of eliminate the awkwardness of being in person. So use it as an opportunity to explore, like use it for yourself and use it for him. And a lot of it again is like being descriptive, slowing down, finding your phone sex voice and making it fun and not taking yourself too seriously and also

knowing that like any new skill you might giggle, you might laugh, it might be awkward. So what? Just go back to it again. Keep going back to it, that's how we learn new skills and how we make it more exciting. And if you want to make it really more exciting, you could also try video chat and on there, like I like to think of it as, and I think of this way with dirty talk and phone sex it's think of it like a sexy strip tease you're sort of a verbal strip tease you're sort of slowly walking your partner through a moment that is either happening the past could happen in the future or it's

happening in present day go easy on yourself just try it practice and now it's gonna help your time apart, but it's really going to enhance your sex life when you're back together again. So thanks for your email. Anonymous. you