Sex With Emily - Emily and Dr. Drew Discuss: Porn Sex vs. Real Sex

Episode Date: April 18, 2017

Emily and special guest Dr. Drew do what they love doing best: taking listener calls! In this week’s show, Emily and Drew get to the bottom of each caller’s issues, helping them solve their love, sex and relationship worries. The two experts address common condom conundrums (how to stay hard!) and how to meet in the middle when it comes to mismatched libidos. Also, does your guy get his ideas of what sex should be like from watching too much porn and spending too much time masturbating? Are you stuck in a cycle of loving someone who has you in the friend zone, and if so, how do you move on? These specialists provide skillful responses to your most compelling questions, and have a lot of fun while doing it. Join us! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep this podcast FREE: Intensity, Sportsheets, System JO and Promescent. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm so excited for today's show. I've got Dr. Drew Pinsky here in the studio and we are taking your calls. All your love and sex questions we're going to answer them. Thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information go to sexwithemily.com where you can check out all the amazing things we have going on here at Sex with Emily. Follow me in social media just because people are pretty good time here. So you want to see what's going on, you want to see all the sex toys and the fun we have

here? Birthdays, we've got a lot of cake this week. No, that's not that interesting, that's not going to drive you there. How about the huge box of, what did we get this week? Loobs, pounds of loob. It was amazing. Anyway, it's all at Sex with Emily across the board. You can also shop at my store on the website and I just love you all.

Thanks so much for listening I'm gonna welcome my guest Dr. Drew Pinsky. Hey there. It is fun around here. It's why I can't stay away I know right? I keep coming back the pounds of Loub, especially do don't leave that pondyleb I got a backpack for you You would yeah, it's not true. It's so funny. So I never listen to my podcast So I've been doing it for 12 years. Yeah, I don't listen either to mine anything I do ever I never listen to my podcasts. So I've been doing it for 12 years. Yeah, I don't listen either. To my, to anything I do.

Ever? No, almost never. My wife listens to stuff, so I sometimes hear it at the background, and I cringe. Right, exactly. But it's not even so much because my boy, I've already gotten over the fact that my voice is like this, and I say, way too much, it's more like I was there,

and I feel like I've been listening, and I really have an hour, I wanna listen to something else. Absolutely. And if I were gonna value it myself, I'd probably listen for five minutes ago, and I'd have many,. I want to listen to something else. Absolutely. If you're going to and if I were going to value it myself I'd probably listen for five minutes ago and I'd have many many notes in five minutes But that's the thing and then I want to change everything so I just I just don't but then so you're coming back You've been on the show you were on one other time there were two other Twice we had a really good conversation. We had a party that was a party like that was fun

And then you saw me speak at the human gathering that's right You thought that stuff was interesting. Exactly. That's different stuff than we were talking about. Different stuff. What I was going to say is, well, right, because that's what I want to talk about as well. Wow. I never listened.

But I happened to listen to that. Our yesterday I was running. Oh. I want to listen to it because it was our top down loaded podcast. Oh. Because it was that kind of a conversation. And maybe you tweeted it. And it was really interesting.

Like we talked about female, of course, I didn't remember all the details, but like female sexuality and what are the questions that women have to ask about. Why don't women know how to connect with their body sexually? Yeah, that always mystified me. Right. Still does. We were starting like a movement. It was just a good show.

So if you guys haven't seen that one, check it out. There is some new data, by the way, that sort of piles on to this. And it makes me think we're in a little bit of a, well, I know we're in a different historical moment here. And I think anybody doesn't sort of feel that way. It's not living in with rest of us. Right. And some data came out of Connecticut that shows that women,

although they don't say they evaluate potential partners so much by physical appearance, when they measure it now, it turns out they are. And even their moms are. So in other words, if you hold personality and character traits constant, he's nice, he's giving, he's thoughtful, he's blah, blah, blah, hold all those things constant and show you five pictures of guys, you will pick the better one guy for sure. Of course, who would? Well, they say they'll do less than they would, and the moms do a little less, but the same

kind of thing So I thinking I think in this age were bombarded by images of porn and pictures of beautiful people It's it's not just affecting men anymore So you know women have always complained like the body image stuff because there's so many images I think it's now translating fully over to man where they're getting these adonis complexes, right? They're worried about how they look you're giving me shit for worrying about my diet before we begin. I'm like, I got M&M's for us. And you're like, don't leave me there.

Don't leave me there. Don't leave me there. It's our normal thing. I know, we do. But, and now the choosers are also being affected, I think. Like, the men have more, you think the men. Women are being more choosy about who, the physical care.

But I feel like, I guess that women are like more, not that they would never have any. They always, they, in previous studies, it didn't show as much, and they reported less even than they're doing now. That's interesting. I wonder if it does have to do with all the social access. I'm not sure what it does.

Well, I would think of everything, I would think that would always be the same with all B else being equal. If empirically, there's a photo of a guy that's being there. You're right. However, it seems to be more powerful now. Okay. All else being equal, right.

Okay. And they're gonna start to look at different age groups, things like that. But I think there's a little shift going on. And why not? Why shouldn't there be shifts in? Well, there's always shifts, I guess, going on that. And that goes to what you wanted to talk about, which is that we are an embedded species. And we don't like thinking about that.

We like thinking about our individualism, we like studying individual brains, and individual systems and talk about our individualism and like studying individual brains and individual systems and talk about our individual experiences But we are deeply embedded in a history and a social context exactly and I'm thinking a lot about that these days So let's talk. Okay, so that's the other thing I was gonna talk about is that I saw you speak at the human gathering project Does that was a human? What is it? TH something the human gathering human gathering

T.H.G. How was there? I was there for three days and you opened it was random T.H. Something, the human gatherer. The human gatherer. T.H.T. I have to have them. I was there for three days. And you opened it. It was random. I met the guys that were starting it or who were a part of it creating it. And they're like, oh, we're doing this thing tomorrow. And then they asked what I did.

And I said, I do this radio show. And I think I heard you on Love Line. Well, actually, Dr. Drew Speake and like, he is a good friend of mine. I'm going to show up. And I was so blown away because I've heard you speak so many times. I've watched your show. I'm in love. I'm in love. I'm gonna show up and I was so blown away because I've heard you speak so many times I've watched your show Next each other I love line and I've watched your show at hln and I've actually listened to more your podcast than my own And you were on stage and it was captivating because it's kind of like the environment was sort of like set up like a Ted Tad-Taki kind of thing right it was kind of thought leaders and I don't know how much they've even told you what it was

I didn't even really had they didn't you know always those things are they're very difficult to define we're gonna change the world who's we're gonna do we change but it was the consciousness though in connection and I do want to get into it but I did have another funny thought about I woke up a couple days ago and I thought you know what scientists and physicians and engineers never do those kinds of conferences we are too god damn busy trying to figure the facts out, figure the truth out and apply it rather than,

we're gonna save the world here. We just discovered how to save the world. We're gonna go do it. No, no, we're actually trying to actually figure this stuff out. Are you saying you don't do the navel gazing kind of things or what? Not navel gazing, we don't, you never see physician groups going,

we're gonna have a gathering, we're gonna figure out how to solve that, no, we're too busy actually doing it And I'm sort of like saying like why are they wasting their time? But you're saying in general the physician should be the ones who maybe you're gonna know they may be wasting their time Or not I don't know you only find business people doing that Because right because everybody else too busy actually applying their skill and developing their craft and stuff And and it was sort of what I was talking about too. Remember I was saying, listen, it's one person at a time and it ordered to really change one person.

You have to have a lot of skill and a lot of wisdom, a lot of experience. And they missed that part. They want to go solve clean water for the world, which I applaud them for, absolutely. I didn't get any of that. I don't even remember that part. I'm like, we're talking about that.

See, this is why you were there, but you... Well, no, but this is the part I didn't emphasize, because I was get any of that. I don't even remember that part. I'm not even talking about that. See, this is why you were there, but you, this is the part I didn't emphasize, because I was afraid people were gonna get turned off by that, I don't mean to turn them off. I mean to say they're looking for something more. They made a bunch of money, they're looking for something more. I've seen a million of these guys. Right, I know all these guys before they,

and they're like, I know they're like, I always get pissed off, I'm like, dude, I've been making a difference for a long time, and I'm very grateful to have that. I wish I had your money. I mean, that would be fantastic for my family But they're talking about philanthropy and giving back and then how they've had to It's grandiose, it's grandiose and my point is you really want to get that feeling of you Dimonia, which is what I was talking about, which is a certain kind of happiness you get at one person at a time We're covering people have it, right? They have it like crazy.

People that are in helping people have it like crazy. And they don't want to do that. They don't want to get the skill, they don't want to take the time, they don't get the patience. It's a really interesting thing. But you were talking to people. And I don't want to discourage it from them

because I want them to solve the water problem for Africa. Whatever it is. I think they were talking about, it was more about consciousness and it was about the mindfulness. Well, I was talking about that. Was that, but that's what they went on? Yes, yes, yes was a lot of people.

Yeah, it's a lot of people. I mean, no, because I told you people were talking about company culture and I'm like, oh, God, I even have a good company culture as everyone here happy. And there was some businesses you start. Like, you guys start to have a pretty good sex toy closet. Oh, I see the point of the closet. They're always happy.

They're always happy. Do I talk to my staff? There was stuff like that and there was about businesses and making connections. But you were like, on the, like, there was a moment in Valerie, your publicist who's been with you for 20 years. I did not know she was there. And then we both look at each other,

run across the home, she's like, I've never seen him like this. So it was when you were on the floor and you were like talking about how, we were talking about what happiness first of all. And you were talking about how it's a looser thing and there's all these books had happiness and no one ever defines what happiness is. And then you're saying, you know, it's actually about, you know, you were saying about how it's a looser thing and there's all these books on happiness and no one ever defines what happiness is

And then you're saying you know, it's actually about you know You were saying that you're grateful if you're grateful a few times a day That's what you know can make you have the sun. They could be happy and it also adds happiness to it Yeah, it kind of adds happiness But then also when you were talking about and this might be too much because we do have callers We have things that we're doing it's a weird away from sex a little bit But I don't know I just when you were talking about your experience, I think it was with your therapy, emotional therapy.

Is that what it is? Emotions focus therapy. Oh, God. Emotions focus therapy. And you were talking about how you had the patient and you heard the... Yeah, to hear these things and I feel these things. Yeah. And then that's, I think that's, but it's like the embodiment and it's the work.

Right. And it's so a lot of what people are feeling They don't know what even know what they're feeling and how it manifests in your body And I learn to connect with people and then you got on the floor and you're talking about our parents I feel like if you're a parent you have to mimic back their emotions Somebody got on your knees and well this woman was like how am I gonna be a great parent? I'm like do this get down down to your kids level and I was trying to show and be face-to-face Let your body attune and when it does attune, guess what, your heart rate will mirror the kids heartbeat,

you're even your hip, do the pubular movements and your iris will actually mimic your kid and then just stay open and reflect back on your face and appreciation of what the child's experiencing. And that little model is in exchange that we can use in everyday life. The mirroring in our face, women do that almost automatically. They do. They do. You're doing a little bit of right now with me.

And I'm acutely aware of it because I had to really do a little bit pronounced as a male in order to set the boundary and to show that appreciation of what they're experiencing. And if you remember, I in Slebby rehab, the patients used to give me shit about it. They go, no, there is with that sad face. It's like, no, I'm signaling. I'm not, I'm signaling.

It's a different, I'm not catching your feeling, but I am deeply appreciating your feeling, and I'm signaling you, I'm not telling you, because telling goes to a different part of the brain. The signal goes to the deeper right side, and holistic embedded part of the relationship. It is that something that you think, as a physician learned it, or more through the therapy?

I feel like you were talking about your therapeutic experience. It allowed you to connect more with yourself and then with your patients and with everybody. I was talking about my therapeutic experience as a patient. I was talking about my therapeutic environment as a practitioner. And then I was talking about my disciple. What's the word for all? Like the disciples? I was talking about all the people.

What were Jesus's followers called? Disciples, yeah. There are disciples out there that I am their Saint Paul. There's a guy named Peter Fonighi, who's stuff I'm describing now is guy named Alan Shor, is a guy named Stephen Porges, a guy named Dan Siegel, a guy named Bessel Kivander Kokuev, I forgot to mention it at the end.

These guys, I'm telling you, these guys have worked this stuff out and I listen and read their stuff like I'm reading the Bible. I'm just, I'm just in awe of it. And so it's because deep, deep application, it's the next 100 years. I'm telling you. So beginning of the next 100 years of understanding the human experience. And I think that a lot of what we talk about is where we're saying, in the end, love line, you should see a therapist. You should go to therapy.

You should do this. You should do that. I don't know. It's another way of showing that, how much that experience people don't really get it. Like, I go talk to myself and pay 300 bucks. There's lots of bad therapists. So many bad therapists.

So many bad therapists. So many bad therapists. So many bad therapists. So many bad therapists. Therapies which have a bit evidentiary sort of practice associated with them. They work. They work for short-term problems. But really, I almost thought, I thought,

I think I said this, we should have a different sort of term for this sort of finding meaning, fully evolving mental health stuff. Well, that's where it's all, but I think that's not your thoughts. It is, but it's not mental health. It's like mental evolution or something. It's mental realization. It's mindfulness.

No, it's realization rather than health. Self-realization again, we're back to that. But this is important, I don't know. Okay, let's mental realization. It's mindfulness. No, it's realization rather than health. Self-realization again, we're back to time. But just as important, I don't know. Okay, let's do it. This is what I just said. But our crazy is comes out in relationships. No where does relationships come out more than, and no crazy is coming out in relationships.

That's how we all need a little bit therapy. I have a hard time, I think, too, with people who dating someone who hasn't, and I think we have a lot of colors to say that we can help online, but what I wanna talk to you about first is little sex in the news. I wanna talk to you about the dick click. The what?

Oh, when you're when you're ligament clicks. No, that's not the dick click. It's new. This was in the news today. You might have you probably do it when you're practicing. When you're practicing it. No, dude, listen to this. So there are plenty of male contraceptives in development at the moment, but a new switch

device has been revealed, which maybe the strangest of the lot. A new device called the dick click works in the same ways as a phasectomy, but a new switch device has been revealed, which maybe the strangest of the lot, a new device called the dick click works in the same ways as a phasectomy, but it's like an alternative. It operates via surgically inserted valves. Do you know this? And there's literally a click on your penis that they could be like, I want this for a month,

I want this for a month. Who's getting around with it? It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not,

it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not really drunk or something. Reversible vasectomies have been tried a million times and they're sort of, hmm. They don't work or they do what they're talking about before, I'm like, do they work? They don't work reliably. And this is a company that really doesn't have the research yet to say that I don't know what they're doing. You see the pictures of it, have you seen the pictures of it? What's going on with your hands?

Why? Why they read? I don't know. Is that they read? No, I didn't even, come out. Do do you have a cold when you put on the refrigerator? Yeah. You have rainbows. Oh, I brushed my teeth.

That can't be it. I brushed my teeth with the hydrochlorozoam by mistake earlier, would that do it? No. That's pretty smart, though. That's pretty smart, though. No, you're answered. You're answered in a wide way when they get their refrigerator

freezer. During a break, we're gonna go see your hands and the freezer and see what happens. Do they hurt when you get in the cold? Sometimes, yeah, but I avoid the cold like the plague. Because your hands. Do you think I've that renounced in the world? That's what I think, that's what that looks like.

Because they're red like that? I've never noticed that before. Oh my God, I don't know, it's pretty. I don't know what it is, Drew, God. I'm glad it's not the high-pitched zone. I feel like I'm pushing against, I don't mean, that my arm is warm and yours. I'm glad it's not the high record zone. I feel hot there, push them against, I don't mean, my arm is warm and yours. I am hot. No, you're not, you're just your hands.

They are warm and I'm just freezing. Your arm is not, your arm is not. I wish you could all see this, this is fascinating. Okay, well, I'm feeling good. Good, it's not, Rino's, Rino's as an isolated thing is not a good deal. My mom has it. So it tends to be,

but I never had it, but now I'm just becoming my mother in every way, shape and form. I'm gonna start talking like this. Like, I'm like, No, that is not gonna happen. I promise you that's not gonna happen. You pass that window. I don't know.

Okay, so this thing probably would have a man who won't take responsibility for this at all, but. But it's a good idea. I just wanna show you the switch, you guys. We'll put this on our website, but look at this. Yeah. This, it's like, put the switch in their scrotum. Yeah, yeah.

Literally, that's everyone wants. Yeah, well, that kind of thing. Maybe we'll take responsibility, then. Well, no, when you look at the penis implants, the penis pumps, they're kind of like devices like this, but this is a lot of hardware. It's not a minor thing, it's a big deal. So yeah, I had read about that.

And it started like, yeah, it's not gonna, probably not gonna happen, might be. Okay, none of this could happen. The male pill won't happen, because then, I will have it. No, no, no, no, no. I have a headache, it's not gonna happen. No gonna happen. Okay, none of this could happen. The male pill won't happen because then, I will not be able to try out this. No, no, no, no. I have a headache. No, no, no, male pill will have something like that

will have because it's, it's, now to about, they're, they cannot do it harmonically and then, you can't do it. But they can't stop the sperm. Right, you can't, you can't, so it's gonna be some sort of blocking agent, either blocks capacitance and, but before the sperm can penetrate the egg,

it has to do something called capacitance. Right. The head of the sperm has to change in certain ways that helps it penetrate. So it's either gonna interrupt with the movement of the tail or the capacitance, I think. That's the only way. And you think it's really gonna happen?

Someday, some day. It's gonna go well. I just feel like that we're spending so much time in the female pills, that's why that, because they're not gonna. The men wouldn't take it, they wouldn't be responsible. I don't know. Okay, that's another thing.

Should we get some some calls, Drew, or anything else going on in the world? Oh, oh, finally. No, no, no, no, no get some calls through? Is there anything else going on in your world? Oh, finally. No, no, no, no. I was just going to say, finally, they have some, some, finally, they're admitting. Oh, guess what? Oral contraceptives cause depression and female.

Oh my God. They're just saying that. They're just really sort of coming out with it in a big way. It's like, no, how many times on a loveline do we say, are you on the shot? Every day, every day. Right. That's right. Why don't they warn me?

I would think that there's more information now, but now we know the fact, I mean Anna, we're very back flush. Who's the libido up? Everything. Anna, did Anna have a problem with this? Anna, no, did I say Anna? I thought this was you.

Oh no, I said, and on the last show, no, but Anna, I don't know for Anna, but when I was on the last show, we were talking about how women have no information about sex, they're disconnected from their bodies, they younger girls, like when they're first having sex. So now? Yes, we talk. You're like me, see, I didn't remember either why everyone loved the show.

Yeah. Because everyone here loved it too, so I was like, okay, I'll listen, yes, I ran, I'm like, I'm going to listen to the show. And I'm like, oh, this was pretty good. We talked all about how women don't under what I was going to do, because I'm sure what I was talking about, though, was how mystified it makes me that in this day and age how that's possible. That's what I was upset because I had family and friends who have kids who are 17 and

they're like, sex, I don't understand sex. I don't masturbate gross. Yeah, so they hurt inside of me. The penis, the condom, ew. And they don't understand, they don't understand sexuality. They don't understand why they should masturbate. They don't even know why they don't want to be vulnerable so they don't even want relationships with anybody so they're just having sex to please the guy.

Nothing's changed because I felt that way. Right. And that means there's something biological in this, right? And so we have to ask. There's a difference and guess what? Everybody, a man who underdifficum biologically. So you have to help them with that biology. You have to treat the men.

You're trying to get them not to do something. But you can't get them to stop. And the females, you're trying to get them to engage with it and to be a part of it. Exactly. You know, it's funny. I saw something on, do you watch that show? Oh, this is way out of your demo, but Frankie.

And this is fun to say. Yes, yes. Just because everyone's talking about it. Yeah, I've seen one episode. OK, Susan loves it. So I love this show. And in there, they eventually get a vibrator business. They're right, they're right,

they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right,

they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right,

they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, they're right, and he leaves the vibrator behind the mom for the vibrator device, which is supposedly this wonderful, super special device. They are super special. I'm sure something like that exists in your closet already. We'll get some treats. And he hears her after they've had this long session masturbating and making a different sound and it freaks him the hell out.

And I thought, oh, that is so much about the man. And he confronts you, goes, look, how come I couldn't make it? This is like the man. We want you to have the ultimate experience with our penis. Exactly, that's it. That's it. I couldn't use it, he was like so upset,

and he goes, oh no, no, it's not better, it's just different. We're like, okay, here's what I heard. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, we missed out, we didn't hit it right. It's weird and we can't imagine, we can't literally can't imagine that there's an equivalent experience that's better or good, that's not about orgasmic intensity. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely.

Because we're fully in that sort of biological zone in our sexuality. No, that's true. Even though we appreciate the connection, we like the intimacy and stuff in terms of the orgasm part, there's an orgasm, it's either intense or super intense and that's it.

And if it's super intense and you weren't there and it was different, then the ego, it's the ego too. It's more than an ego because it's not a lie. By all the deep, but it's a language we don't understand. Because I still, as someone who tries to be very attuned to all that, I really don't understand. I watched that scene, I have no idea what she's talking about. And yet, that's a real thing.

Of course, right. I know that's a real thing. You say because- I really don't know what she's talking about. It would be like if you used to say a fleshlight, like a male masturbation sleep. All you could think about is like, that's still your hand though.

I mean, I guess a vibration doesn't matter. You're just saying having an orgasm with a vibrator and a penis is not, what do you- No, see, you don't understand what I'm saying. I understand what you don't understand. Right, right, that's the craziness here. No matter for Mars, what I mean is. Men will have more intense experience

based on who they're with, novelty, what their eyes are perceiving, and what you're experiencing. Right. That's the rest, that's the, right, is there any other that you'd like to do with the vibrator? I'd rather be with a man and like,

more nor is the vibrator. I'm more jealous. More nor is the vibrator, what are you talking? Maybe my orgasm, maybe you said the orgasm sounded different on the team. I know and you just said you make more nor is the vibrator. Sometimes my orgasm is,

and I'm jealous for your partners. I'm immediately jealous. I make a lot of noise I'm right look. There's another man sitting here. You know, it's weird and there's no reason I understand it totally What about when you masturbate? Is it different like no? It's just just what we're looking at so we're looking at Yeah, but then that couldn't we but as a women are threatened all the time by male masturbating. They're like I don't understand We're not threatened. We're hurt. We're disappointed right but women are disappointed all the time by by the partners who watch porn They're like oh my god. Does it want me to threaten? We're not threatened. We're like why why I'm hurt Why can't why can't I do that? Why can't you do vibrate? You just can't vibrate

There's actually ones that can attach to your penis your fingers We could turn your penis to your fingers. We could turn your penis into a wrap, something around it. Yeah, but then you guys won't bring it all together like that. No, we would. Then you go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that we didn't talk about this at all. And it did come by. No, I was just saying we talk about women and sexually and how confused they are. But no, I don't. But this is the difference that is a perceptual difference.

And we're not teaching kids about it. Well, but it's the perceptual difference is so profound that we don't understand what each other are talking about. And here you and I are trying to open to it. And we can't do it because it is such a different experience for a man and women. I know. So people have to go easy on themselves, I think too,

because it's like relationships, they're gonna be, it's gonna be a challenge if you choose to be, I remember that. But that's just the sexuality part. I mean, you layer in all of our histories and psychologies and interpersonal craziness then here we go. That's why I'm really happy living alone

with my 16-line prayers. Truly endating. And then I have a choice to go home. Okay, what about, did you get in? Anybody interesting? No, not yet. I'm dating. And then I have a choice to go home. Okay, what about? Did you get in? Anybody interesting? No, not yet. I have like three days to go.

I hope you're listening. I hope not. They are listening. Here's the problem. So I'm dating that. I'm meeting that. If they weren't upset enough about knowing they couldn't give you the certain sound with their penis,

now they're truly crushed. Well done. Well done. Different sounds. It was a little cast-trade involve us, right? I never knew that. We've been making different noises too. It was like made in calls. It was cast-riding ballvests, right? I never knew that. We made different noises too. Like, you know, the evolutionary speaking wasn't it when they were with a man, a different

man, it was like their reading call. Like the more sound, the more they made noise louder, screams, it was because their partner was coming home and they were like, you know, they were like, what kind of like cave man? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So that's why it's all about like, mating calls. Yeah, it is. So I'm like, mating call with my vibrator.

No, I just can't, but it's something that your actual mates are concerned about. They are listening, some of them, but I, because they find out what I do, I know. And then they listen, and then he's like, so you're gonna bring, and I said, Lou, we sent me like an emoji,

he sent me an eggplant emoji as a joke today, of a date tonight. And then he's like, I wish there was a Lou emoji. I'm like, we've never met. And you're talking to me about Lou, but you've been listening to my podcast. How inappropriate. How dare you.

So cancel. What are you doing tonight? I'm always getting you to cancel dates, I don't know. I know. OK, so Dr. Drew.com, by the way, is it so always that everyone? Yes, yes, yes. I wouldn't have known that.

I'm not listening to our answers. All our podcasts. It's really interesting to listen. Dr. Drew.com, you've a million podcasts, which just go there and you can. I got this live, got weekly infusion. We have Dr. Drew podcasts. We have the me and Adam podcasts.

So if you have any fans of Love Line out there, Adam, we're still together. We're contemplating Mike and I are contemplating doing one. They've been a lot of people. Because a lot of people, like, Mike, they're one of those other ones. They're the other ones. Yeah, a lot of people, we have a lot of international listeners.

You might not know about Love Line. So you guys are going to do, maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe. You can just do it at the KBC, whatever. Yeah, we could. Yeah, a good point. Okay, good. Should we give a shout out to our sponsors and we'll be right back. Thank you everyone for listening to this show and thank you for supporting our sponsors. We love them and we only like talk about people and work with brands and sponsors that we

actually use, try, believe in and we hope you will We're back Okay, so we're gonna take calls because we have people in our first class from Australia And you woke up. He's been waiting for us to call fantastic. So let's do that. Jeremy's 23 from Australia And he's got some condom conundrums. Hey, Jeremy I'm here with Dr. Dupinski my special guest. It's kind of conundrum a new phrase. It's good one It should be a little corner kind of conundrums. The kind of conundrums. Conundrums, nice. Yes. Oh, you have good hour. You hello. Thank you for coming from Australia. Good morning. You're a first call. Thank you

I'd just like to say a long time this is a first time caller. Love you work. I'm talking about Thanks Yeah, and if it wasn't for listening to your podcast, I'd be doing everything wrong because of you know Oh, so glad to hear that you get from porn Exactly. That's what we're talking about. You can't learn from porn. You can enjoy porn. Not gonna tell you what you're not gonna learn from. Oh, Jeremy, what did you found us? I did just have kind of my first sexual experience recently.

And I think everything was going all right. Full play was really enjoyable for both of us. And then yeah, I go to put on the plastic and yeah, my bone, I just sort of just goes limp. That's a way. Okay. She's kind of looking at me and I'm looking at her. It's really open. I got it. This happens. This is we're gonna help you. Okay, how do you? How do you? 23? 23. And this was your very first attempt at intercourse? Yeah. Okay. There's a little secret that the majority of men have some type of major sexual dysfunction

in their first outing. It's just absolutely going to happen. And many times that's merciful for your female partners, provided it's not delayed ejaculation. But you can have delay, you can have premature, you can have rectal dysfunction but you can have delay, you got premature, you got rectal dysfunction, you got pain, any form of sexual dysfunction is exceedingly common first time out and seemingly out of the blue. You don't feel anxious, you're having a good time and all of a sudden nothing's working and you have somebody else's penis all of a sudden. Now, is that what it felt like?

I suppose so, yeah. This was just the first time. I mean, I'm going to be cleared up. This was just one time it happened. Is that what you're saying? Or you're talking about life? A couple of times now. Oh, and so, yeah, a couple of times.

So, okay, so the next time you worry it's gonna happen again, it can make it happen again. And that becomes a thing, even if it was- But a lot of men have difficulty sustaining erection when they put it at condom on. That's just a chronic problem for some men. And we've always told people, we used to tell people on the level I'm,

what do we tell them? We would tell them to practice. To practice after I'm home. I've shortened you practice, skateboarding and surfing and a million other things. Practice, when you masturbate, practice putting a condom on without losing erection and masturbating with condom on.

Yeah, that's exactly right. Practice. To tune your penis up to the condom. And find the one that works for you and find one that's good. But practice putting it on and then practicing what it feels like having an experience with the condom on, with your whatever, whatever, Emily devices you're using. Exactly. No, I think that's a really good point. I remember that to practice with the condom, because I think if you've only had sex a few times and you remember, like it does, it's true.

The first time you came to quickly or you got limp and then you think, oh, it's gonna happen again. The other thing is, I'm not sure what kind of condom using, but there's so many kind of condoms out there right now that it could be the wrong size. You might not have enough lubrication. My favorite, you probably talk about skin condoms, SKYN, they're poly isoprene, they're non-latex. They are the best condoms.

Is this a skin? Yeah, SKYN. SKYN. I've heard of those. I'm sure they have, they're by lifestyles, like lifestyles makes great condoms too, but they're like a brand underneath the lifestyles brand, and they're amazing. And so I think even just switching it up, you get a variety pack online, go to my website, I think we have a bunch of them on my website, but you're a do we have a do we have a do we have a do we have a do we have a do we have a do we do? Awesome. So check them out, try it, it's all this of getting new information, but you're a do we have mail to Australia? I'm not sure. We do awesome. So check them out.

Try it. There's all this of getting new information, practicing and getting new condoms. You're going to be fine. So now we're going to be able to do it. And by the way, your female partner, she doesn't care. Well, she's either is having one of two experiences. She doesn't care and she feels bad for you. But there's always a little twinge of, he's not that attracted to me.

They always have that weird and it's never about that. In fact, they rectal dysfunction, if we're like to occur when the guy's too attracted, too into it, the anxiety that makes you not work. That's true, she's thinking, maybe she could be thinking, oh, he's not hard enough. You gotta reassure, you gotta reassure.

I can't repel. It's because I'm so into you, the game three, but I'm not gonna worry about the rock stuff. Oh my God. That's what we can do another show on too. Body image, but it's true. Yeah, so she's not thinking about, I would hearts. Yeah, we're about the rock stuff. Oh my god. That's what we can do another show on to body image But it's true. Yeah, so she's not thinking about would reassure her tell her, you know, don't just ignore it If it happened three times the same person because she knows she was there. Yeah, you know, I'm saying so yeah, okay Good normally normally we

In a course just you know goes off the table and we just sort of play around instead Of course, it just you know goes off the table and we just sort of play around instead That's good to you I can try practicing. I love it. I try skin condensate with this. Yeah, more all for the right size and all that Okay, let me go Okay, my Crateau to all man Thank you males All my more oral sex for female partners, dude. Yes, right? I mean, yes, don't be ridiculous

Except for that one little 5% that's stealing all the orgasms that don't like oral sex and like it. I don't even know who those women are. You said they're very rare. I feel like it was the thing you made up. No, no. No, no. Because now other people are like, well, she must just, yeah, she must be like, I have to

wear orgasms. In my field work. In my field work. Women, I know. I don't really think you made it up. You wouldn't make stuff like that. I might. Our next call is Amy.

She's 29 from Seattle, and her boyfriend wants more sex than she does. What? Never. Hey, Amy, this is Emily, and I have special guest, Dr. Drupinski here, for both here at a hugs. Hi, Emily, how are you? Hi, I'm good.

How are you? I'm doing well. Thank you. Welcome to the show. So, Miss Max, Miss Match, Sexual Desire desire probably the most common problem that a couple ever get sexually anyway Yeah, and the first thing to ask always is what's he looking for and what are you looking for? What are the actual numbers? He would be happy with

Twice a day probably if not more. Oh my I'm sick I'm happy with like maybe four or five times a week. Okay. Yeah, I would say that's pretty fair. Yeah, so when that's pretty good. When guys go crazy like that. Yeah, that's pretty crazy rate. It's not I wouldn't call it abnormal, but it's like, huh, even that either that guy's got an amazing engine, which some guys just do, that's just their rhythm. How old is he? 32. But more often than not, there's something else going on. When it's really at that rate, we go, oh my God, how could you even physically do it?

Then you worry about manic episodes, like you may have hypomanic, is he a bipolar disorder? Anybody like that in his family? Nope, not that I'm a weirdo. Okay, and then sex addiction is the other thing we kind of think about when somebody's really going at it to a point where it's physically almost impossible. Now, or it's just him, and there is such a thing as just that twice a day.

What do you, yeah, I mean, does any of this resonate with you at all, Amy, because I feel like, is he, how is it, how is he handling it when you're like, no, I don't want to have it twice a day, like is this a fight? Are you guys, he like that's cool like how are you guys dealing with this? It doesn't always escalate to a fight, but it definitely is a 10th area in our relationship and he takes it personally like you think that it's not Like I don't want to be with him like why wouldn't I want Women says no, we always do. We always do. We always do. And we have to get used to it chronically because every one of us males gets in that

position where their female partners are saying, no, God forbid if we turn them down once, they'll freak the hell out. But we get used to it. What happens when you try to talk about this? It really depends, but he's really open. We've been best friends for over four years. We communicate really well, but it's hard for him not to let his testosterone take over and he gets kind of frustrated and kind of angry. And not like the violent way, but just like you can tell he's like, he isn't getting what he wants and therefore he gets frustrated. Really, it is about compromise. It's about saying like, you know, we got to talk about this

because that's just not going to happen twice a day, but maybe if you have expectations about when it is going to happen. What do you, what do you, what do you able to maintain? What do you actually pull it off for him? So to speak. Um, probably right around four, five times a week. Well, okay, so, so I'm happy with. Yeah, but maybe you want to, you got to meet him in the middle a little bit, right?

Maybe you got to... No, no, that's what she wants. Maybe she's got to go beyond what she wants and do a little bit more, right? Five times a week. Maybe why should it be only what she wants? Right. Because like, yeah, I mean, so what would that be? Six or seven.

Six or seven days a week. Yeah, I think you would... I think you would... I'm trying to balance and make sure I get like my personal time into like I really like just going a bit Earth. Yeah, you know what, there's some, you know, I just want to do me.

There was some research came out that show that partners will take sleep over sex most times. And I found that they will what they'll take sleep over sex. They prefer, you know, when they're tired, they will choose sleep over sex. And I thought to myself, that's a mistake. I understand it, I get it, but it's not, you know, when they're tired, they will. Oh, choose sleepover sex. And I thought to myself, that's a mistake. I just stand it, I get it, but it's not, you need to prioritize your relationship.

Well, I always think you gotta prioritize your sex life in relationship. It really is important. It's just the guy you're gonna be with. You think you're gonna get married, have children, spend the rest of your life with them? Yep, that's the plan. Okay, well, if that's the plan,

then this is the most important thing. So you're going away. There's probably a sex, if there's a problem with sex and there's a problem with all's the plan. Okay, well, if that's the plan, then this is the most important thing. So you go on away. There's a problem with sex. If there's a problem with sex in the relationship, there's going to be problems all over the relationship. So I think you guys do have to find a healthy way without fighting, with, you know, really communicate, you know, just say we've got to talk about this. If it's a compromise or if it's like, you're not going to get it every time you want it, but maybe it's like, you know, maybe it's 20 sun Saturdays or something like the weekend

when you're not tired, or you adjust the times, you get up a little earlier so you can sleep at night. But it is about compromising, it is about talking about it so he doesn't get frustrated. He knows what to expect. Scheduling sex, I always thought it was a horrible idea, but I know that it can actually work. It could take a lot of the pressure off you, a lot of him. But don't, don't, don't. This is the one I hate. Don't schedule it and then back. Yeah, you can't bail on a sex date. You can't bail on't. This is the one I hate. Don't schedule it and then bang out.

Yeah, you can't bail on a sex date. You can't bail on sex date. Yeah, Greg, just think you have to find a way of communicating to him about this in a healthy way without anger, without escalation. When you're not in the home, when you're not having bad things, you need to step up a little bit

and then you need to look at him honestly because there it is, he's sort of hypomanic. hypomania is not a bad thing, but you know, our president's hypomania. Does he masturbate? Does he masturbate? Does he masturbate? And on the other things he can do to take care of himself and ask him like, hey, you need to take some responsibility

for your own sexuality too. You can't, what is this? See, twice a day to me is a little, I'm sorry, but I would think like, it is, I don't think she's just set up to that. I feel like to me. If she gets six or seven times a week, I bet he settles down number one.

I'm exhausted. And then number two, we don't talk about it now, is that we shouldn't be burdening our partners with the totality of our sexual needs whatever that might be in the words that's kind of unfair that's why the vibrator why you guys hope that I'm using the vibrator what you what it sounds like when you do that sorry you were talking about now vibrators men don't get whether they just feel different not better than you know yeah and I get you on yourself love times I think there's a way to talk to them about this. That's like, you probably have the same conversation

over and over, guys, it's not going anywhere. So it's like taking it out of the house when you guys are like, you know, not in the bedroom and just saying, listen, I love you. We've got to find a way to work this out through compromise, without you getting angry, buy them a flashlight, you know, get them time to masturbate, do their own thing.

So you're both like satisfied. Which I think you can do. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think that's definitely the key. Okay, cool. Thanks, Amy. So glad you have to tell to you. Bye. That is a big, I would say that is one of the top questions we could ask about, Miss, Miss,

Match the Beatles all the time, and it's men and women. And to me it's bizarre that people aren't aware that that's likely to happen. They sort of prepare for it, work it out, figure it out and stuff. None of these things. People are huge fit, but they ask every day, every day, it out, figure it out and stuff. None of these things. People are huge fit, but they ask every day, every day, so we're gonna help them.

That's why we're here on the planet. Okay, next call is Marie 33 from Boston, and she wants to know how to have pleasurable sex during pregnancy. Hi Marie, I'm here with Dr. Dupinski, my special guest today, so we're both here to help you with this. Hi, good afternoon. Good afternoon. Good afternoon.

We're so good. So tell me what's going on. Yeah, and I'm super excited about the guest as well. Yeah, it's good. Dude, she's excited about you. Yeah, you got it? Hey there. She may be one of that 1% I was just talking about. What?

Okay, tell us what's going on. Drew's already jumping to conclusions about you here. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, no worries. And first of all, can you hear me? Okay, I'm using my headphone that sounds great. You sound good for the day.

You sound amazing. Okay, great. So basically, so right now I'm 20 weeks pregnant. I'll be 21 weeks on Friday. I found out on, it was week 19. So it'll be two weeks to go Friday that I so the baby is fine We have the the full on ultrasound everything with the baby is perfect. My health is great So that is a huge plus but one thing we found out is I have a condition called placenta previous Uh-oh, which as a phrase that's the one time you got to be extra super careful with all this. Right. Yeah.

Huh. Exactly. Have they forbidden intercourse because of it? They have. Okay. And plus that's a tell about it. The percentage of it is where the placenta, it's not in the right position, not right.

It's in an unusual position, so it lies over the cervix. And as such, if you stimulate the cervix, you can start bleeding and cause all kinds of problems. You don't want to disrupt the attachment of the placenta. Right. So you can't, so yeah, you're, you're, you're, you can't have intercourse, you're trying to figure out what else to do, right? I told you this is somebody that likes intercourse. Did say that. Yeah. I am. And this is somebody who orgasms with you. Do you orgasms through intercourse? I am and this is somebody who orgasms with you orgasm through in a course

She has and she and you have more than one orgasm typically right? Typically one what but I do it is like a build like smaller orgasms up into like a bigger orgasm right and is that is any of that change during pregnancy? It has not actually and It's got more. It's got more. I will say I do feel more stimulated. Yeah, it's going to get even more later on. But your question is about how you guys can really connect now that you can't have intercourse.

No, here's the problem. You got a zero in this. She's in the category that doesn't really like the oral sex so much. You see? Do you not like oral sex? So really like the oral sex so much. You see? Do you not like oral sex? So I do, but not as much. So what I want to really get down to you is how I can... So hold on, so hold on.

That's why I brought this up. Okay, I was teasing. Okay, when Drew and I were in love, or his whole life in love, he says that women, there's a lot of women who don't love oral sex. Not a woman, tiny minority. Tiny minority women. They prefer intercourse and they orgasm with intercourse more

readily. And when they have, but I thought you said that you said this women don't like oral. No ones that are super sensitive, they have multiple multiple orgasms. They find oral sex unpleasant. That's the part I thought it was in the middle. This guy, this lady's in the middle.

She prefers intercourse. I was trying to prove a point because I told him, okay. Drew, let's. Look, everyone, they're all snowflowers, honey. They're all snowflakes. We talk about the less, they're snowflakes, we don't have to. We don't have to.

We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to.

We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. Right. So. Exactly. And also I find, you know, I love my husband to death and we have great sex and we've had great sex throughout our relationships. So this is the huge thing to lose that.

And he tries to reassure me it's not all about that. And I get it. And he's been really good about it. And for me, I feel like with that lacking, like without that, it may affect our relationship. No, no, no, no. See, that's what I wanted. No, no, no.

He's gonna be fine. Like if you're okay with it. Good, good man, get their shit together when he is protecting you. And treating like the vulnerable person, you know, this vulnerable state you're in and he's responding to all that. Believe me, his whole brain shifts into that mode. Absolutely.

We also have a blog that we just put out our website this week, Collina, who works with me. She's actually pregnant and she just did a lot of toy recommendations and it's about a pregnancy sex blog and she might be. Put in the percent of freebie thing too, so people, you know, they can't really do that. So anyway, it gives you a lot of ideas about which toys to use, which positions are more comfortable, but I really think, because in your email, you were saying when you initially contact as you were like, you're really worried about your husband.

More than you, because you're okay, you're getting pleased, but I feel like, yeah, he's a good guy. He's gonna be fine. He's gonna be fine. It's not gonna damage your relationship. You're totally fine. That helps because,

I swear to God. Because I'm not able to give him like the actual set and he reassures me, he's like, I'm fine. I can go wild without it. Oh no, listen. You're fine honey. It's a given blow. You can use a flashlight.

We need to study this one. She's like the perfect wife. She's perfect. I know she's not really the only one I was about to be worried. He's gonna leave. No, no, no. Well, if that's your worry, that's then that's. Not leave, but she's not really the whole email was about she's worried he's gonna leave. No, no, no. Well, if that's your worry, that's,

that's not leave, but it's gonna ruin the relationship. But she thought he's gonna be really upset. I feel like there's a lot of other ways to connect. But it's different when, it's different when you're just not into it. It's not like you have a headache for six months. Right, you have extremely important medical needs

that are being attended to, that are prioritized and believe me, he will share that priority with people. Yeah, fleshlips, blow jobs, you're fine, he's gonna be happy. Hand jobs. Yeah, that makes it. Lots of loo. You're good. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. We are doing those things and over the last couple of weeks, this is just settled. I have felt better, but I feel like I did. I'm so glad that you responded because at least to my email, we feel like I feel like a lot of women out there

have this or cannot have sex during pregnancy. So true. They're wondering what else I can do. And it's just something that's not, I need to know this was a condition before I got to it. Yeah, exactly. I didn't even know. Yeah.

You guys have to figure it all out as you're going along. So trust me, there are many medical things out there. Many medical wondrous things. That's true. Waiting to interfere with your sexuality. Right. No, I know. Honey, just stick with it.

And again, we have this great blog on our site. We just published, and you should check that out. We'll tweet it out this week, but you can go to our website now. And I just wish you luck and don't worry. And it helps you. Yeah. And one quick thing, one quick thing for Dr. Drew is, or orgasms, still, like, my doctor doesn't seem to be worried about the orgasms

with this condition. And if you read things online, they're like, oh, stay away from orgasming. And I just want to know. You know, I'm not an obstetrician, but that's not, it's usually the actual disruption, you know, the mechanical disruption, rather than the contractions associated with orgasms.

So unless you really have a very unstable placenta preview, and you certainly always ask your your doctors or ask the nurse who picks up on their at their service, whatever, and just double check. But I don't think there'd be any problem with that. As long as you're not inserting anything. Yeah, no insertion for a little bit. Okay. Okay. Good luck to you. Bye, Marie. Thanks. Thank you so much. Thank you. Bye. Okay. So there's your one, two percent maybe she's in the middle. I've always said there's a middle zone too I just see that middle zone. Yeah, no, I did that. I can I know how did I know? I know

I did I know the woman like before they speak you know her vagina No, no, there's there's a Too many years on the radio. I know I got it. Yeah, pregnant sex. It's like this whole mystery Because when else would you study pregnant sex until your pregnant? So what is the purpose of all this sex stuff anyway? If not to reproduce and have a pregnancy, there's that, that's one of the, I'm trying to, to rule, that I just like, what am I doing in my life? What, your pleasure, and you're intimacy, all this stuff too,

but it's my, but I've tied your blogging about it, because that's good, because that's gonna get people need that information. I, I, I've encouraged you over the years to do certain, maybe, well, just kidding, no. What? You have not, I encourage you over the years to do certain, well, just kidding. No, what? You have not. No, I've encouraged you to like, you know,

incurring, what's the real looking for, including this conversation, things about medical conditions and sexuality, because that's, you know, it's common. Very common. And the pain, a lot of women feel so much pain during sex. Yeah, and people don't think about pregnancy as a medical condition, but it is. It is a medical condition, right? That's our doing, and how he is, you know, pregnant. It's very interesting.

We've got a lot of toys. She's keeping very busy. What's the best one? What's, oh, she's tired. What's the best one? Best toy. Magic. The magic wand.

It's magic. It's magic. And the searing, and you try the wish yet, I'm obsessed through the wish. The wish. Get out of the closet, somebody. It's a. It's magic. And the searing, and you try the wish yet, I'm obsessed through the wish. The wish. Get out of the closet, somebody. I'm gonna see this thing. Literally, it's like,

I need to do it. It's like, oh my god, I got to see what it is. You know what I said, it's a literal vibe, but it's, you know the clitoris has legs. Like there's the legs. Yes, it's like a long time. The interlock. So it's your internal and external,

external, literal nerves. Yeah. And that's what I'm all about. Like the label you put, yeah, yeah. It's squishy and soft, it's by Wevibe. Oh, yeah, literal nerves. Yeah. And that's what I'm all about, like the label you put in. Yeah, yeah. It's squishy and soft. It's by WeVib. Oh, yeah.

I'm obsessed with it. Okay. And remember, I love the J.J. Mimi. Yes. This is like a mushy version of that. This is a mushy, bigger, more literally stimulating vibe that I would change. I'm gonna name to wish.

It's hope right now. I was like, forget how about it's gonna be Emily Wish. Okay. Morse. Is this rechargeable? Yeah, do you want it? Yeah? We do it. Just don't lose the charger. Okay, should we not you? I hear from his wife. Can we get a charger to things again? Just from Susan. Yes, you can't keep track of one charger. I know! So all these things you give us if they don't have a laptop.

Check it and label on it. If they're not battery operated, we quickly... But they don't make the battery happen once are not as powerful and fun. We've got R. He's 40 Miami and he feels stuck with dating and he's falling for women where he's clear he's not necessarily their first choice. Hi R. I know I'm here with Dr. Drew Pinsky my special guest today. So you've got two of us here to help you through this dating challenges. Hi, what's going on? Well, kind of stuck in, I guess, the eternal friendship. The friends of.

Yeah, I don't know if it's, you know, we've got a great chemistry. We talk a lot, I mean, this is one person in particular. Okay. We met through a dating app three years ago and dated for a while, nothing really happened there. And she got back together with her boyfriend and there's a lot of relationship trauma there that has continued on over. Okay. Yeah, but she over that to it. You're you're stopped thinking you're going to rescue her from that. Stop it. You're after like a friend she's going to treat like a friend.

See, that's how you get into the friend zone as well. Start being a friend also women put you in the friend zone. Once you're there, you are there. Yeah, but you could avoid yes, that's true. You're not going to get out of it are like are you in love with her? You think she's going to all of a sudden get through all this men's stuff and come to you because that probably won't happen. No, I mean, I even does happen when it does when they retreat to the friend.

It only lasts a few months and then really shatters the guy. Yeah, I mean, gotta be out of it. Yeah, listen, I just feel like for guys and this is a lot of your own work to do on yourself, but really, when we see you as a friend, you're saying you're talking the phone for hours, and maybe you put the gas in our car, you did this errand, and you listen to this.

I'm gonna be a little harsher. I'm gonna look a little harsher. Dojo. Because we're seeing a lot of this in millennials right now, and let's call it what is, it's stalking behavior. That's what it is. It's stalking light. It's your stalking her in hopes of cultivating relationship one day. And she has no idea that's what it is. It's stalking light. It's your stalking her in hopes of cultivating

relationship one day. And she has no idea that's what you're doing. She just thinks you're the friend. And it is a little obsessive. It is. And now if you can settle for just a friend, you want to be just a friend that's fine, but don't kid yourself that it's part,

because if you're cultivating, if you're grooming, I'm gonna stalk her and get it. No, but that's what it is. It's stalking behavior. I'm not calling you a stalker. I mean, I hit no, okay. It's stalking behavior. I understand. She's still, okay. And it's unhealthy talking behavior. I'm not calling you a stop. I hit no. Okay. It's talking behavior. I understand Okay, and it's it's unhealthy for him. I don't want him stock

No, I think it's unhealthy No, I understand for you that it is unhealthy to keep hanging out unless you're getting a lot of them and she's helping you as well With your issues and whatever is going with your life, and it's like a mutually beneficial relationship But if you're just kind of you're there and you're the friend But you're waiting you're pining away for her. They they all this is a sort of a typical construct which is the woman who goes after the powerful Abuse of male Repeatedly because of dad that's a relationship with dad and she keeps in the bullpen the guy she should be with and just keeps on There because she knows she should be and she likes she needs that kind of connection on hand It's to exploitate of the man. I don't want to, she's guilty too,

but he's in the meantime falling for it and stalking. What do you think about this? How does that make you feel? Does that resonate with you at all? I can see some of it. I mean, I definitely see her as a good friend. I'm probably one of my best friends. I don't necessarily stalking.

I think it might be a little bit hard. No, I think if he's just saying in general, like that the fact that it's not reciprocated. I'm saying it's a construct as a construct. It's it's stocking behavior. Not a stalker. You don't mean anything wrong with her. It's not unethical. It's not. Yeah, it's just it's for you. For you, it's that kind of behavior. It's an obsession. It's you. And if you can just be her friend, then cool, be her friend. Then it's not anything. Is that what you're, was that your question? This is kind of a pattern or was it for you that like a lot of women,

or is it more about this one woman, your question? I think it's more this one woman. It's been three years. It's been a complicated relationship because it's not only, Yeah, it's been a complicated relationship because it's not only, you know, we not only talk about ourselves and we don't really talk about her current situation, you know, we talk like really good friends, we check in with each other really. Right. Then your friends, but there's no sexual energy that would make it a relationship.

You know, I mean, we've never even kissed. So then what's the question then then what's the question then? How can we help you? I guess I'm I'm trying to emotionally move on. Yeah One is that's that's kind of the hardest part is as I try to start dating I always find myself just coming back to her energy, her attention. Right. So you got to pull back on that. If it's facing it for me.

Right. Of course. So we sleep with our exes, and you know it's the same thing. It's comfortable. It's safe. She knows you. You know her. But if you really want to be in a relationship, the more that you talk to her and the more that

you keep her in your world, it's not that you can't be friends, but you're just going to have to ease, you know, you're going to have to ease up on it. It's practice. And she has been a part of her life. And I get it. But it's like, would I tell her it'll break up with somebody? It's like, you can't keep talking to but you're just gonna have to ease, you don't, you're gonna have to ease up on it. It's practice, and she has been a part of her life, and I get it, but it's like, when I tell people, it'll break up with somebody, it's like, you can't keep talking a lot of time. And what do we tell people?

Tell people to tell six months a year without talking, delete, don't talk on Facebook, don't do it. Because it's like an addiction, it's the same part of the brain. It does like an addiction, I was like, it's the same part of the brain going on. Yeah, it is addicted. No, exactly.

You have to break it, you have to break the biology, and then you can go back and be okay. Yeah, but if you really are serious about our relationship, you do have to break it with our. I know it's really hard because you're close and intimate, but you're just gonna have to, if you can pull back, that's great, but you probably do a cold turkey. Okay? Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. I can see that. Okay. Or you have some therapy, you get some support, or you have some in your corner,

or really process all that. He's trying to therapy. Yeah. If you haven't had therapy yet, just like go tomorrow. Oh, definitely. Okay. My emotional support group. Perfect. Okay. Good.

Your emotional support group. You have an emotional support group already. Yeah. That's code for something. Yeah. What does that mean? Well, we've got a very good group of friends. Okay.

You know, between health issues and personal issues, we just, we just try to be the health issue. Yeah, what's your health? Okay. What are the health issues? Within the social circle, there are members that are, no, no, we're, we're, we're about you. We're about you.

No, me, no. Okay. None whatsoever. Okay, I'm just saying therapy. You and your friends, I have amazing friends and family too, but therapy does it like nothing else? This has been something that's been in your life for a while, you know, could be helpful. Okay. Bye.

Thank you. Thanks for calling. Bye. Bye. Yeah. Stalker. But he's not a star. He's not a star. I'm like, oh, I don't, but I have to use that language to get through to people. I think I think it does.

It's true. Or we can use the addiction language. It's the same thing. You're addicted to this woman, you're craving, you're fine, you can't break the habit. It is just like the breakup. You gotta do it. Yeah. And it's the same part of the brain. I'm familiar with that part of the brain.

And so I know what people are responding to that reward system. I mean, we were saying we heard so much. He was 40, but we hear about this so much more now from men. Young men. The show. Millennials men, more than women who are like obsessed with their first love, they're part of it. They really are stalking those guys.

Those guys are, let's see, that's what you're talking about. Those are the stalkers that we talk about. I didn't, I put my language carefully. Stalking behavior is not, you are stalking or you are stalker. It's like, stalking behavior. Stalking behavior.

I know, I got it. It's on the spectrum of stalking. Yeah. It's related to it. I get it. That's why I want people to think about that because it kind of wakes you up. You go, oh, that is kind of what I'm doing, I got it. It's on the spectrum of stocking. Yeah. Well, it's it's it's related to it. I get it That's why I want people to think about that because it kind of get wakes you up. He go, oh, that is kind of what I'm doing It isn't I'm really not doing that but if I did a little more that's what that would be But if you sing it as a mutual They're both, you know, I'll do it. Well, let's see what happened

He is a addicted behavior and it's true even with friends if you talk about I want to protect him from this I do too. I think he's going to wake up. I think we woke him up. We have Carmen 31 from San Francisco. I love San Francisco. Carmen and her boyfriend haven't had good sober sacks and they're both struggling to

find her G spot. Wait a minute, slow down. Really sober sober? We're like, you see? I don't know. We're going to ask her. Carmen, hi. This is Emily and Dr. Drew's here with me,

Dr. Drew Pinsky. You've got two of us here on the case today. Hi there, how are you? Great, what's happening? So like Emily was saying, I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. And since the beginning, I would say about two to three months into it, he had opened

up feeling sexually frustrated. And was that mean? Pretty much telling me that was right. Exactly. So I asked him to elaborate and he pretty much told me that I wasn't aggressive. And I hang out. Hey, I got to hold it. I mean, he means you usually I'm thinking of I'm trying to translate through the young male prism. Is he in his 20s still? No, we're both 31. Okay, so I'm imagining he means you're not initiating enough. Well, that's the funny part because he's even admitted that I initiate more than him.

So then what does he mean by aggressive? You want you to dominate him? See, this is what I've asked, because he's not, I've asked him that. Like, he's not into like the BDSM thing or anything like that, but he has trouble explaining the aggression. I'm not sure. I know that he's been married before and his past relationship with his wife.

They had a very abusive relationship, so I don't know if it's more like he expects that he's referring to, but apparently he wants me to take the lead sometimes i guess and i'm not doing it even though i feel like i am can you be more ecstasy is going to be more like you watch them for together that shows what kind of sexual acts he's depicted you know he's he's has in his mind right like to mean i really think this is this is interesting to me like i'm thinking you guys watch big little eyes did he like

that kind of sex that's funny i've been wanting him to see that Well, if it's that if it's that then run air lift into a therapist You need some right you need some visuals here You need if you can't express it in words which I can understand sometimes it's just hard to explain things that you're feeling or that you want But it's not fair for him just to say aggressive. I want more of this I want you know, and to initiate more than I do. It would be fair.

Young men really have trouble. We have tough times. But he wants something so bad. This is the main issue. I just want to, it's hard for us to describe it sometimes. So I get that. But I totally agree with Emily. Watch things or look at it.

Would you like that? Do you want this? How about that? Kind of like poor things like a kid. Like a little picture about it. But I'm a little worried. Are you nervous too? What you're going to find out?

Not so nervous. I just wish he was more opened with me about it. Because he shuts down. He tells me that he's never had an issue in his past relationship with, you know, maybe a girl not climaxing or... Oh, you're not having orgasm. Yeah, that's the other problem is I'm not having orgasms. And I'm obviously not taking it with him and I'm explaining him this and he gets frustrated and he says that he's never had that issue before in the past and that I need to figure it out. Hold on, I'm going to go over one. That's not true. That's not true. How many partners has he had, you know. Um, he divorced about two years ago. And since that, he said he's dated a lot.

But I don't think he's actually seriously dated anyone since me. I think they're all been kind of like one or two people in his life. He doesn't have to scan how women work. Women, most women don't have orgasms during a course. Yeah. Vast mature. Already. Only 30% do. He doesn't believe you. Does he not listen? You guys should just, this what you do. Watch him porn. Listen to this podcast together. A lot of couples find it really helpful to listen to this podcast because it's so worth it. What's that? He's not focusing on oral sex for you.

How do you have an oral sex? Oh no, yeah, no oral sex. He, yeah, he does oral for me and I'm fine. I usually get off like that. It's more vaginal. I cannot calm him. No, that's you. That's just the way you are.

If I do oral on him. Well, that's, I'm a, some matter that way too. Yeah. But it's okay for him not to come from's a mess. I'm out of that way too. Yeah, but it's okay for him not to come from your blow job, but then you can't come during sex and he still hasn't gotten the memo, which everybody should know by now that women don't or has them don't work.

Most women have an orgasm with oral sex. That's how they do it. Yeah, many. He's gonna be, that's most women and he's gonna be very disappointed out in the world. He's only been, yeah. That's so ridiculous on his way. Yeah.

And he doesn't want to work with you. I'm not afraid. He's like, told you. That's so ridiculous on his way. Yeah. And he doesn't want to work with you. I'm not afraid. He's like, told you to go figure it out. I'm not loving this language. I know you're not worried about what he's going to find out. But I was feeling a little nervous too when you were saying aggressive, but it's not about initiation.

I think it is, I think it's all about the orgasm. I really think it is. And so he thinks of she could, well, no, he thinks if she can do what she needs to do, she'll have an orgasm. But she's not doing what she needs to do. She'll have an orgasm. She's not doing what she needs to do. She won't take it. She won't take it. She can't do anything,

except have him give her oral sex. That's what she can do. No, but he wants her to have an orgasm during penetration. It's not gonna happen. Right, but he doesn't believe her. Right. So, gotta be good. Google it, go to my website.

I have a million blogs on there. I mean, this is just scientific. Facts, evidence, women, polls, a million of them have been done that women, it's just, they just not common. I mean, 30% can in a vote's women, it's not every single time. But you could go looking for your G-spot together

because you haven't yet, though, here's the other thing, sweetie, just because you haven't had it orgasmed yet with him, doesn't mean won't during it, of course. I wouldn't give this guy that yet, because that's for, that's for, that's for, that's for, that's for this guy. He's got to first really get it right.

It could be fun. You guys could go doing it together. Like it could be but I'm just saying if she then he would be like totally focused on the memory. He won't let you know he's I just know how he's going to be. He's going to be completely about that and you know all about fixing her and getting making it right and why can't you. It's better than to go fix it on your own. But but first though I'm saying focus on her pleasure and do that for a few days that you know that the problem is that she's not it's not that it's not a side to know you not satisfied

i'm not satisfied because i can't come but like he he is very passionate and he does focus on me a lot but i would say honestly the last couple months though they have been purely quickies and that's i think that's been i think the most unsatisfied yet and you see making sure that you're at least having another kind of orgasm when you do the quickies now not really okay well then that's the conversation you say with him say i

can't explain this unlike your aggressive sex you want guess what i can explain during that quickie i wasn't even turned on. I didn't even see you walk in the room. You had an orgasm and I'm not even turned on. I'm not. Let me translate for him. I know what he means by aggressive sex now.

I know what he means. He wants her to take control and do whatever she needs to do with him. So she has the orgasm. You can leave. That's right. 15 minutes or less. Well, whatever, but she's not taking control

and showing you what he needs. He wants you to be riding on its hop like in porn and having like three orgasms to hop his penis. showing him what he needs. He wants you to be riding on at the top, like in porn and having like three orgasms to have his penis. That's what he wants. I got it, you're right, you're right. Yeah, he's watching porn. He's like, do that be aggressive.

Meaning be aggressive with yourself so you can make yourself calm on his dopamine. Exactly, or wear a photo. We got this, yeah, that's it, honey. And you know what? Fuck him. Sorry. No, I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm angry. Yeah, I's it, honey. And you know what? Fuck him. Sorry. No, I'm with you.

I'm with you. I'm angry. Yeah. No, I'm angry. That's right. That's why I'm saying, don't go to the G spot thing yet. Well, I just think you're going to learn something about female anatomy and the way women work.

And like, it's not that simple. Like, you're not turning you on. He's not doing foreplay. Maybe you did at the beginning and now he's into quickies. But just do your thing. Like, you know, and I'm not saying you can't learn this, I don't mean fuck, I never say that. That's really not something I would say.

I'm sure he's a great, do you're making me all aggressive? Just like, you're a boyfriend, this is gonna be like me, tell him to fuck out, no. But I really think that if you do love this guy, how long have you been together? A year. Okay, I mean, I'd say the sex don't let it, you're gonna keep having quickies

and then you're gonna have minute minutias, which lesson quickie? Well, but the point is, listen, all we need to do, here's the bottom line here, let's wrap this up. We gotta wrap up. Drew's gotta go. The bottom line is, bottom line is, it's Carmen, right? Carmen.

Carmen, the bottom line is, you're on it. San Francisco. You got it right, we are backing you 100%. We support you. There is nothing wrong with what you're saying and what you're feeling. He's a little off base

He's been distorted by his marriage where obviously she was a different biology and he thought you know men are porn Or porn which doesn't help and what men think they figure one woman out They figured that's how they all are that's we do that as men And you've got to bring him up into reality and that's not his fault But he needs in the meantime be much more what would the word be empathic? I don't think that's not his fault, but he needs, in the meantime, be much more, what would the word be in Pathik? I don't think that's quite enough. I don't know, he's saying. Reasonable, just reasonable about what he is.

Yeah, he's gotta be willing to know what he does it know. He gotta admit that there's some things that he doesn't know. That he might be wrong in this case and to listen to some podcast. But we got you, we're in your corner. Yeah, we got you, carbon. Okay. We'll take care of yourself, okay?

Thank you. Don't give up the fight, bye. Bye, sweetie. Have a great day. That was always fun, I gotta go. Oh, Drew, so fun. I'm saying you, thank you for being here. Have a good check out. about you, it's always fun. I gotta go. Oh, Drew, it's so fun. I know. I'm saying you, thank you for being here. Have a good time.

We just go right back in our old mode. I know. We gotta come back soon. I'm gonna check out our Drew's podcast, Dr.Drew.com. Yeah, please check out our website. No, Twitter, stuff okay. Thank you for the We Wish vibe, whatever. The Wish vibe by We Vib.

You're gonna love it. I should give you some Jo Lu before you go. Okay, you got a backpack full of it, you said. Oh yeah, yeah. Oh, whatever you want. Okay, that was a good full of it, you said. Oh yeah, yeah. Whatever you want. Okay, that was a good time. I love having my friend, Dr. Drew here, and it's really such a pleasure talking to everybody. It feels really good.

I feel very connected to you during the calls and reading your emails and all that. So thank you everybody for listening. And thanks for subscribing to the show. We're actually doing three shows now a week, at least for a little bit. We definitely did shows on Tuesdays and Fridays. We've got some quickie shows coming out in the middle of the week.

It really helps if you subscribe to the show just because then you never miss a show. And you can also review us on iTunes. We appreciate that. I just appreciate you. And thanks to my amazing team and thanks everyone for listening. It was good for you. Email me feedback at sexwith Emily dot com.