Sex With Emily - Emily & The Guys We F*cked

Episode Date: November 29, 2017

On today’s show, Emily is joined by Corinne Fisher & Krystyna Hutchinson, creators of the podcast “Guys We Fucked” and authors of the new book “Fucked…Being Sexually Explorative & Self-Confident In a World That’s Screwed,” to talk about confidence and self acceptance, not only in the bedroom, but in all areas of your life. Emily, Corinne, and Krystyna cover a range of topics, including sexual shame, embracing your sexy imperfections, why it’s necessary for women to celebrate other women, masturbation by imagination, and the right way to communicate before a threesome goes down. All this and more, in a jam-packed show. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Magic Wand, Womanizer, System JO, UVee Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show I'm drawing by Karin Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Creators of the podcast, Guys We Focked, an author of the new book Focked, Being Sexually Explorative and Self-Confident in a World That's Screwed. I loved hosting these two women for an extremely frank and fun discussion about confidence and self-acceptance, sexual shame, masturbating with your imagination. Hey, that's a new concept. Ah, the right way to communicate before a threesome. Why it's important for women to celebrate other women.

Yes, even the hottie you're ex-sleeping with, and embracing your sexy imperfections, once and for all. All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute.

The girls got a hair standard. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, but only? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. Can we're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithmai.com. Check out our podcast, we released it two times a week.

If you don't know that, and you can easily subscribe to the podcast, and check out all the blogs, we do post things on the website every day. So you guys can have better sex and relationships, because that's why you're here, right? And also social media is an awesome way to stay connected, pre-usual, at sex with Emily across the board, Instagram. Facebook, Snapchat and Twitter. I'm jumping into the show because my guests are here. I so excited to talk to them. A very special guest, they just flew in,

they came to the show. I have the infamous women from the podcast, the very popular, amazing, successful podcast, guys we fucked, or F, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, D, right? If you guys are now. Corinne Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Hi. Welcome to the Sex with Ellen Podcast.

Hi. This is a big moment. It is. I'm so glad you guys are here to Sex Podcasters, Uniting. Yeah. And in honor of your new book, which we've all read in the office, we're very excited about it. The full title, I'm just going to, I'm really excited getting off and saying fuck so much.

I said on the show. So, fucked. Being sexually explorative and self-confident in a world that's screwed. Congratulations. Congratulations. Thank you. It feels really good. So if you guys want to follow them all, this will all be on the website as well, but

it's all your social media's at, at sorry about last night, Facebook and Instagram, and then there's the at SRI about last NYT. That's our Twitter. Nailed it. I did, I nailed that. Tell me about you guys, how you met, how you got started, and for people who haven't been listening to your podcast, I love the story. So let's just get into it.

Yeah, so I moved to New York City to intern for us and I was my, what I wanted to do. And my first internship was with a management company, talent management called Lehman Entertainment. Corinne was one of the three people who worked there. So I was pretty much, I was her intern, which is how we met. I was a sophomore in college.

And I, you guys met that, okay. Yeah, and I had just graduated and it was, I mean, being an assistant in the entertainment business in New York or LA is grueling. You're working super long hours. You're not getting paid a lot. So an intern was extremely helpful. Chris, you know, it was very helpful when I was crying at my desk

on like Friday nights at 10 p.m. because LA likes to take their time in sending things to New York. And she was so, yeah, and like every Friday would happen. You know, I mean, my 20s, I want to go out and live a life. And so Christina then approached me one day and said, I'm doing a stand-up comedy show. Would you have any interest in coming?

I did. She was very good, very charismatic, funny jokes. And I had been kind of like undercover been taking classes at like UCB, and going to shows like spending all my nights in comedy clubs. And so we started, our comedy duo, which is called Sorry About Last Night,

which is under the umbrella, that guys we fucked is under. Okay. So we just started stand up at the same time. We would produce, for sorry about last night, we would produce these like really wild, weird late night shows where we would make, we would get donated vodka and make punch,

jungle juice with it and drink for donations. And at the end of the night, we were like, I hope we have enough tickets to pay for the venue. I was like, he said donated. We were definitely stealing those from employees. We saw it. Of course.

The one real estate company I worked for did donated, but I made it seem like it was for a cause. Right, we saw it. Of course, exactly. One of the one real estate company I worked for did donated, but I made it seem like it was for a cause. Right, right. The cause was us. The cause. Exactly, everything's but I was thinking that she is. I'm like, should we have some wine? It's Friday afternoon, but we're not.

We could. But you had such great chemistry. Did that happen right away? Were you guys taking the classes together? How did you book me? There's so many comedies in the world, right? I think we just been working together for a really long time.

We were talking about this earlier, like we have a twin thing. Secret language. You know, a twin speaker secret language. We speak that language fluently. Yeah, and sometimes we'll say like 15 word long sentences at the same time, and we're like, what the fuck? And we have to go shopping together a lot of the time so that we don't buy the same thing.

Even though we have different senses of style, but we'll come down from the hotel in the hotel lobby before our show and then we're, we're in the same thing, we're like, it's a, yeah, when we're on tour, we have a, we're a very interesting track record of coming down in the same color and style. We're, it's too close.

We used to go formal the same time or casual the same time, it's weird. I think maybe we understand the guys, we fucked audience so well that we know what Alphic is called for on any given day in any given location. That's a way better way to say it. That's a great, I love that. There you go.

About the positive, because you guys are both like glass half full. No, I mean for a minute, I read this. That was me bullshitting. Okay fine, but who really? She is empty. She is empty. Glass empty. Totally empty. Yeah. Yeah.

It's pretty empty. Mine's overflowing. It's so pretty. So that's why you guys balance each other out. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Right? So the next part of the humor is the reality. And we all go down and up. Let's be honest. Like I would like to say I'm glass half full, but a lot of times it's, you know, it's dark. You guys help each other see the light. Sure. I can help you go listed. Well, you know, one thing we have in common is there sense of humor and we both like laughing at dark shit, like really uncomfortable things, and so that's what bonds us. I want to hear the story about when you actually started, like the whole like let's do a podcast

about Guy's Reflect. Okay. Take it away, Corinne. I mean, this is just the way. The very clear impetus for this was me being dumped in a panera bread by this guy that I was dating for two years. And I mean, not just any guy. This is, I thought was the person I was

was spending the rest of my life with. I called them my idol couple. Like, really? Can I lie? I want to be like you guys. And it wasn't fake. I mean, a lot of faith. A lot of it was a great.

He was like in your 20s, not early 20s. It wasn't the age. It was, I mean, he was, he was 30 when we ultimately broke up, but I mean, it was, I think it was just, you know, like, it was your first one, right? Your first serious relationship. No, I had a five year relationship before that. Okay. Yeah, I mean, it was just,

it just, I needed to go on to my career, and I was more like supporting him in his career, which is I think what a lot of, especially men need, and now the person he's with is that person, and she seems great and like a great fit for him. But, you know, I also think that Shmeet Mubi has some dreams that she didn't pursue fully. Right, it's tricky, right, because you're like supporting him.

Right, I got it. Okay, so you got dumped in the bread, Penaire bread, which isn't even a great place, let's be honest. I don't know what to say. I was just there last night, and I kicked, there's this homeless guy who was very schizophrenic and he was saying racial slurs and I was like, you need to leave.

And then I was like, don't stab me. And then they fucked. They fucked, right. We did another right. I mean, you can have it to put in your bread. Okay, so then you were like, after you had dumped and you're like, okay, we should just start a podcast. Well, I was heartbroken, I mean, I was going through it.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be like, wait, you're 20, I get it. No, wait, I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, I get it. No, it was going through it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be like, where you're at 20s, I get it. No, wait a time. No, no, no. I get it. No, it was fine. It just wasn't about the age. I'm kind of a very old soul anyway. It was just the timing and what he needed for me

and what I needed from a partner. Have you ever kind of dumped before that, Corinne? No. And it's also like the first time you're dumped is terrible, especially if you don't expect it, even if you look back at the time. No, it's always terrible. It's the worst thing I've known, right?

So rejection, if you are, exactly. Completely. And so I just spent a year wallowing in a pool of my own self-pity. We were working together, making a lot of sketches, and still doing live shows. And I just really immersed myself in comedy. And then after a year, I kind of pitched this idea to Christina and the idea for guys we fucked was very much like John Q. Sack high fidelity like let's go back and interview all the people we've had sex and relationships with to use it as a mirror to hold up to ourselves and find out

what we could do better right and then that very quickly changed into number one you just are who you are it's not so much that you need to change everything about yourself and opened up this much larger conversation that got a lot more serious than we expected. And we were just inundated with emails about things that we have no level of expertise and kind of had a read and research and did not know what happened as often. Like we have a very unique window. And I feel like you probably do too, when you hear from your people.

This is my neck. Into what people are ashamed of sexually, excited about sexually, and are want to talk about, but just won't. I say no to the person that are having sex with me. Exactly. So let's talk about that for a minute,

because you said your audience knows you, what you'd want when you come down, the outfit, but they do. They really don't you feel like you're audience knows you, and you know your audience now. So what have you realized? What surprised you? Because I know you said in your book, which everyone has you know, the outfit, but they do. They really, don't you feel like you're artisan? Yeah. And you know your artisan. So what have you realized? What surprised you? Because I know you did, you said in your book,

which everyone has to check out the book, which I love the way it's written, it's fun, it's light, but it's also got like, it's got, it's media and light at the same time and entertaining and comedic. Oh, let's get into the Instagram. Love. Okay. Hello. I'm excited. We're in the middle of a podcast here. And I've got guys we fucked here. I've got Corinne. I've got Christina. We fucked here. I've got Corinne

I've got Christina all the guys we fuck all the guys we fuck all guys. They fucked up Okay, you guys they're awesome. We're sitting here. We're having we're just getting into their book check out their new book Okay, it's fucked you should all get the fuck to see it being sexually. I can't read it back Confidence actually exploded in a world that screws. Thank you And we're getting into now world that screws. Thank you. And we're getting into now, so welcome. Thank you for joining us. This is a good time to be here.

OK, so into your book, we'll get into the book and everything. But no, you did say in the book, thank you very much, that you were surprised that people started emailing you. You got the target. You started it four years ago. Yeah. And you're like, holy shit, these people are emailing with all these questions.

And a lot of it kind of came down to shame and not accepting themselves and feeling you're like, wow, people these people are emailing like with all these questions. And a lot of it kind of came down to like shame and not accepting themselves and feeling, you're like, ah, people are really going to do some things. So what have you learned? What have you came up to? I mean, I think about that shame. Yeah, I think I mentioned in the book very succinctly. It's that I realized from doing the podcast,

what a different experience I've had living my life because I haven't walked around carrying shame and how differently I see the world And I think that's like for my half of the podcast I think that's what I'm really bringing to the table just I When people come on and tell their stories or email us sometimes I'm just sitting there and I really just feel so disconnected from these people because I can't imagine having gone through these 32 years of my life carrying that weight. Like life is hard enough feeling good about yourself. So if you hate yourself and are ashamed of what you look like, what

you love, what you believe in, I mean, that seems to me like an impossible feat. It is. But you are saying that if your more class have empty then, you don't have a lot of the shame. So where does all of your other stuff come from? The reality that people are terrible on the world is a bad place. And I mean, just, I mean, for me, what's our purpose on the plant?

Existential angst? Yeah, it's like purpose. I mean, I sometimes I can't fall asleep at night just because I'll watch like something like the confession tapes on Netflix and two young men were wrongly accused of murdering the one guy's parents and then I can't sleep for a week. I mean, I don't guess that's not normal, but then again, that sets me great.

No, I get it. I get it. I think either we're wallowing in our own stuff or we're like, then you get to play, we're like, I actually love myself. I do and look at the world such a messed up place. I think those are our choices because the brain we love suffering. And we don't love suffering. We can't help it, we're like, I actually love myself. I do and look at the world such a messed up place. I think those are our choices, because the brain we love suffering. And we don't love suffering.

We can't help it that we're wired to go towards suffering. We're comfortable with it. We're comfortable. It's like a comfy blanket and we get into suffering. But I think also that's where our mind, I mean, the mind's no default towards happiness. They just don't. The Buddha was all about suffering.

If you go back to every self-help and every kind of suffering. I know. I don't love suffering. We do that. Right, but that's our default. I don't mind that. So we do what we can to bring in.

Yeah, I was just saying she's a change to play. To change. Right, exactly. Well, you know, hey, we've got to make comfort with whatever it is. Okay, so let's talk about the emails and the... So from women, so I love the way you guys talk to your listeners and talk to women

and they advise you to give, because it's kind of like, I think it's so opening, because women do worry so much about, let's just start with it with their vaginas. I love your book, like, I'm like, could you pick your vagina out of a lineup? But I had Lark and Jamie co-oper this morning, I'm like, which vagina are you?

Because it's like women, I didn't have the same thing, like maybe because I wasn't watching porn as when I was growing up learning about sex, there wasn't porn as much, where I might have worried about other things, but never my vagina. So that didn't carry over into me right now, but there's a lot of vagina anxiety.

Well, I didn't realize, I think there's a moment in every woman's life where she realizes that not all the vaginas look like the one I have. Right. And I didn't know that until like later. You thought they were all like the same, kind of like we have five fingers and we have like,

right, yeah. I think it's cooler that they don't look like. I know. You never know what you're gonna get. I didn't know about like, like when, like when Kryn started talking about like meaty pussy's, I'm like, what, what do you mean by that? I mean, meaty pussy, right. Yeah, because I didn't know what that meant.

And then, yeah, so I think the first mention I saw, that I even recognized that that was a weird or different thing was on like the hills. When I used to call like Lauren Beef Curtains or something. Oh, yeah. Put that on TV on the hill. Yeah. Yeah.

Cool. That's terrible. That's terrible. It's where it started. It's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it ever even thinking or noticing that I had anything different or weird or less valuable between my legs. And so it's funny because actually doing this podcast about confidence, I feel like I'm giving my confidence away. And then people's insecurities, I have to really, really be careful to protect myself from them, kind of coming and infiltrating my bubble because it's hard to, it's hard not to take that on to you and then start thinking, oh, well, maybe I should have been worried

about this the whole time. Am I just a huge narcissist? Which I absolutely am, but I don't think that. But also confident. Always a good thing. Right, cultivating confidence is the most important work that we can do on the planet. For men and for women, whoever you are on the planet,

because it doesn't naturally come so easily. And since we talk about sex a lot, people, women and men, we have a lot of insecurities around sex. So what would be a message that you think is the most important thing that you tell? I feel like I'm always saying this but I love the way you guys just sort of talk about. I think you're nipples.

Oh, yeah. Well, I think with women, it's like, like yourself first, and know how to pleasure yourself first. And those two things, and then when you know what makes you come and you know how to, you know what you like, then you could, you have the tools to at least enter a sexual situation with a partner and say, this is what I like. This is what I don't like.

Exactly. The most important thing. So how did you guys know that growing up? Did you masturbate, right? You both masturbated. Oh, I masturbated like, I hummed everything in the goddamn house. I didn't find any of the onwards.

Yeah, my first swipe of fag can beat me. You had a masturbate. You did? Yeah, I mean, I was like, I had just turned 18 and he was, I mean, going on 26. So I was very lucky that I had someone. Panera? No. Oh, different guy. Yeah, before my 26. So I was very lucky that I had someone. Penaera? No.

Oh, different guy. Yeah, before my college boyfriend, who I dated for five years, and he was great, and I was really lucky to have someone who was so sex positive, and so knowledgeable, and like accurate knowledge. Right, not like fake news. Fake news, 20 years old guy knowledge, yeah.

No, that is really great for formative years, because most women, and I probably get this from your emails, I know every day we get emails fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news.

Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news.

Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news, fake news. Fake news. Fake news. Fake news. Fake news. Fake news. body, what makes you feel good? And I don't, I don't know how else to like, and you know, how many ways I say it, we still get the questions. And every day, of course, there's new listeners, but it's just really the most important work you can do. And sex is going to get better. I was thinking about this the other day because there was a news piece on female sex dolls, sex robots. And it was very, I was very creeped out by it at first, because I'm like,

dooh. But then I thought, because I don't because I didn't hear of the making male ones yet, and maybe they have, I should have an oath. But I'm like, I think the women, women actually could use a male sex doll so they can experience what it's like to fuck without giving a shit about what the other person thinks of you. Exactly. And that's women, I think women,

and I was certainly did this to myself all the time. I always cared about, do I look, is this a good position? Do I look, I'm like, do a fucking cares. When you have an orgasm, you're like, it's not sexy. It is in the moment because you're both having sex and you do, hopefully like the person,

but sex isn't really that sexy. If you think about it, everyone tries to pretend it is, absolutely. They are. That's true. I hear from a lot of people who are sleeping with women. I would say women in their 20s, they're, you know, learn about sex for watching porn. Like, I don't understand

if she's into it or not, I feel like they're kind of acting like the women in porn. Like, they're doing these things that are so, they're so out of their body. And I feel that they're not spent the time exploring and figuring out, looks and feel good. And I, and taking time with your own body, you know, and that is the sex, the irony of it all is that once you learn, that is the sexiest thing. It's not making noises like this woman in porn or moving in a certain way. It's when you truly love yourself, love your body,

spend time in your bedroom with a mirror between your legs and like literally like wow, look at my clitoris. Once I start to get turned on, it swells or it's hidden behind this clitoral hood. I mean, it's kind of, it's really great work to do. And you're like, that's mine and I love it. But until you do that, or until you just, you're comfortable doing that.

If you're comfortable, yeah. You don't need to start with that today. But that is a good exercise for everyone to do. It's a good for homework. You know what I mean? It's homework. I think clearly. I went to sex school.

We had to make our vagina, we had to do things, but like, snow, we had to like, sex school. Yeah, well, I got my doc, I called sex school, but where I got my doctor, it was like, it was sex school. I would sex parties, but nope, in sex school parties. But you had to like, one of the classes was, we had to get up naked.

Interest extra quick there in front of class, and we had to like, look at our, you had a choice, but I don't think we ever told a story. You're looking to be like, she has an apprentice one. No, but we had to get in front of class, we could wear clothes or not. I think I wore underwear, we took everything else off, and we had to say like, what we love, what we didn't like this one. No, but we had to get in front of class because we could wear clothes or not. I think I wore underwear, we took everything else off.

And we had to say what we love, what we didn't like. And why? It was really intense. And we had to, yeah, I know, but it's really cool because you're like, oh, why don't I love this? And I could really, I looked at it. I'm like, do I really hate my neck

or whatever it was, my elbow and you're thinking, oh, no, I'm actually, I am beautiful the way I am. And then we have to go home and get around. It's all, it's, it is. Like, shame is made up. And I remember I've had this example for, when I was in fourth grade, I remember we did a project, like a fact sheet about ourselves

and we had to write down our weight. And I remember overhearing a woman go, I'll never tell somebody what I weigh, or like days earlier, whatever. And I was in fourth grade. So I remember writing down my weight and covering it up. And my teacher was like, why are you doing that? And in my head, I was like,

women are supposed to feel obscure about their weight, right? And so I'm like, I don't want anybody to know. And I was in fourth grade. And I remember, mom are from here. Not my mom, not at all. I got a lot of shit from my mom. Don't get me wrong. But she's got the moms under the butt, but not that, right?

No, not with that. But yeah, I just remember over hearing it and going, oh, I guess this is how we behave. I don't know. And so I think of that example. And then I think of just all the ways we're fucked because we're really being presented with things that aren't realistic, like opinions of ourselves.

And we're adapting them just because we're leading by example or something. Well, I think there's like a hard push to love yourself. I don't even think it's, like you should love your soul as far as your body. I don't even think you have to love your aesthetic body. I think you just have to accept that that is what you have. And realize that you have the choice to either,

you can work out, you can die, you can make it better, you can just say, you know what? This is how I am and this is what I like and I'm gonna accept that this is what I, this is what I have and this is what I look like and I'm gonna do the best. And I mean, the important thing is, is like, are you healthy, do your parts work correctly?

I mean, that's so much more important. Do they bring you pleasure? Do you know how to use your body to get the things that you need? That's more important. So I now love just even being neutral, don't hate it. Yeah, just accept it. It's all they have.

You know, everything could always be better. I mean, that's no way to live. Right. Well, like, right, living that you're, oh, questions, we've got questions. Oh, guys, we fucked. Hi, Kryn, Christina, they're awesome. Hi, ask, guess what are the steps you can take to desensitize from these unrealistic standards of sex? I think first things first masturbate with your imagination.

I, for me, you're not porn. Yeah, I do porn. I think first things first masturbate with your imagination. Not for me. Not for me. You guys would have been farther apart. I do porn. I watch porn a lot and then I'll challenge myself. And I'm like, just masturbate to your thoughts. Mental challenge. It takes so much work. And so disappointed because I'm like,

oh man, porn is a lazy way. It is. To just put exactly what you want to see in a search field and get it and come in like 10 minutes. And it's, you know, it's just, you're more in tune with what you want to see in a search field and get it and come in like 10 minutes and it's, you know, you're more in tune with what you want to what you like and what you find a track and what arouses you if you do it's your imagination. It's true.

And that's a skill too, building it. Because what is your, what is your self-interference you want? Asking yourself for a lot of women, it's very confusing why they're not turned on at the same time as their partner, right? Like, why don't I want one? He walks in the door, for example. I have all sexual couples, he's ready to go. I'm not, because women aren't, we're not,

many women not as in touch with what actually, really truly turns on. What is our erotic theme? Think for my life. I've told a lot of women that. Think for me. We're pussy. Right.

Think for my, right, come with your own stuff. Because then it's just more top of mind. I think that women like, they get blindsided. A lot of them, they're like, I didn't even know sex was happening, or it was coming, or I don't know what I like, and I don't know my body. Yeah, I mean, I think when you're using your imagination,

a lot of times you're gonna be using real people in your life, so they're imperfect already to start with, and I think that's interesting, so you know them, it humanizes them, and it highlights imperfection as still being hot, whereas in porn,'re seeing like the person acting their sexiest looking their sexiest and then I don't I just feel like a big show to me. I like porn I just digest a little bit I just get to wrapped up and like how people are being treated

so right. Right. So how was it answer that? How do we answer that? How do I think it has changed your views of sex doing this podcast for four years? Because I, first of all, I feel like there's so many questions about being kindred spirits in that way. Like there's been doing this and then also I've talked about dating, but go ahead. How has it changed? Well, one thing I didn't think that I think now is I truly feel like 97% of women have either been raped sexually assaulted and Alested something and yeah, and and half of them who at least email us have never told anybody and

I never understood why somebody would stay with an abusive partner or why somebody won't report a rape and now Oh boy, do I understand? Oh yeah. Hearing horror stories of like, I went to the police, I did all the right things that you're supposed to do and then they just asked me what I was fucking wearing. And I'm like, What? Right, we should've worn it button to the top.

Oh yeah. Terrible, right. But yeah, for me it's been kind of nice like because we talked about sex so much that I don't have to think about it in my regular life as much. So it almost created more space for me to care about other things. You were okay. So before the podcast, then you were then consumed with sex and relationships

or just how to... Yeah, more, I mean, more so. Just definitely more interested in sex than I am now. Not that I... It's so weird to say, I'm not disinterested in sex, but we talk about it a little. Other things are... Glad you guys have each other. I feel like I have my staff too, but we're like, you know, yeah,

you talk about all the time and you're like, people ask you do you get sick of sex, talk about sex and I'm like, I don't get sick of it. There's a lot of topics under the umbrella of sex. I didn't even realize. Oh my God, it never ends, right? But you were saying that,

yeah, I just could, I can make room for other things in my life and realize that other things are equally important to me, if not more so important to me. But do you feel like it's improved your sex life? It sounds like you guys came out of the womb like, yeah, you know, your body's your hump and things, but I wasn't like that. I had a shame for sex.

Because when I told my mom, I lost my virginity when I was 15, 16. She, I was in a restaurant and she had never given me a sex talk and then she like walked out of the restaurant and didn't talk to me. But the crazy thing is when she found out about the podcast, obviously I held the, I withheld the title of it for, for managed that for three years.

Wow. And then she found out, cause somebody else said about Facebook. Cause she saw the book. Facebook. She is a book that at that time, yeah, but. But you know, when you mess out, right? Everyone should buy their book.

She's gonna check it. My brother texted me and he, mom knows. And I knew exactly what that meant. And so I didn't call her. And she was kind enough to not call me and yell at me. And she just waited until she cooled off to have a conversation about it. And then coming to find out why she had that crazy reaction when I was 15 years old to me losing my virginity. She was sexually assaulted when she was 11. And she, when she heard I was sexually active, she was so afraid that that would happen to me. And I was like, you would have gone to the grave without ever telling me that. Exactly.

We don't ask. And my fucking mother, even my mother, like, wow, that was insane. I was in the same moment. Right. And she probably hadn't even really thought about maybe your know what, that's why she reacted in that way. That's why this is the problem or the crisis around sex education, which I truly think it is,

which is why I think it's so great that you, you know, that we're all doing this podcast and you've got people are listening, and they're, they have places to go now where they can actually learn some useful information and people are just hiding it from us or repressed it. They're repressed or they don't know how to talk about it. And I don't think we necessarily want our parents.

I don't think we want to hear about sex with our parents. So that's where I'm kind of my head's going to this, like, what's the bigger thing around sex? No, I'm like, I want there to be stronger sex education. I can't talk to everybody. I can't talk to everybody. But I think it's like a pure thing maybe if you're training peers in schools or it's

the ants program. I'm like, I have three nieces and then all their friends begin on FaceTime and I'm like, okay, this is what we do. But you know, it's like, what do we do? Because my parents might have failed, but I don't even actually think if I knew what the questions were, like, my mom was'm like, okay, this is what we do. But you know what's like, what do we do? Because my parents might have felt, but I don't even actually think if I knew what the questions were, like, my mom was always like, if you have questions, you should come to me,

and I got ya, I will. I didn't know what the questions are. And even if I did, I'd wanna hear about you having sex. Yeah, at all. I agree with that. Is there because you were in politics, I have a question. I believe, and if there's steps to do it, I'll do it. How do we get sex education in the United States

is at a dire position where you don't have to teach, you can teach abstinence only if you choose a public school, which is insane to me, but the ways to combat that is you get on the school, your local school board, run for, run to be on the board and get elected and start these things with a curriculum, and that's even an uphill battle. But is there a way to propose a new legislation

to require discussion about sexual assault, sexual abuse in middle school sex ed? Well, I think there should be, I don't think it's well right now. I don't think it's anything like that's gonna happen in our government. But if we want it to, what will we do? How will we even start?

Get a senator behind it, like I don't even know. Yeah, I mean, you would. I think everything starts locally with politics. So I think that if you start local, it can like I don't even know. Yeah, I mean, you would. I think everything starts locally with politics, so I think that if you start local, it can go more global, go national. So I feel like, you know, where you guys live? If there's like, yeah, local people, like, they're just school board, actually.

I know they can San Francisco, they're in here, but sure, there's like the school board, school and county board, when they are elected officials and they eventually want to be senator, and that's why they climb through these ranks. But there are school boards, there's just a regular, like those kind of programs. And so, you could be on a school board,

even if you know the kids, I could be on my local school board. You could those kind of programs. And you could be on a school board, even if you know, I could be on my local school board. You could be on the school board. Yeah, you could totally be on the school board. And it is because I'm paying the taxes for the taxes. You're paying the taxes. That's where you would start. But I think a lot of it is programs that come in from outside of the school. That's like a nationally recognized program that is sort of, maybe it's like some kind

of digital, like it's online or it's an App or it's something people come in and speak as well, but it's I don't think it's coming from the school to the government each Boy, I decide if they want it and then maybe there's some kind of Because the dare was a government thing. Yeah, I know yeah, Chris a bit about dare to stand up And it's like we know all about angel dust and PCP But we didn't ever know that women had orgasms because that's not required for pregnancy. Right.

We know what orgasms are. We know what pleasure it was all about fear, fear-based education. So I literally think if we want something happen quick, it's not going to happen. They're going to that point to the system. Yeah, I mean, in the book, I talked about this website that I discovered while doing research

for the book called Scarletine and the Curiam at 31 years old. Oh, it's the best. Learning more from this website that's obviously meant for teenagers, then I learned my entire life combined. And that's why I wanted to point it out. I was just like, guys, go here.

This is so much more valuable than like reading some weird article from like Maxim or watching pornography. I have to say, we've been on the question, but I was gonna say the same thing. It's for the 12 years, our 13 years, I've been doing this scarletine is the only, is the one site that I've always mentioned. It still is great.

So if you have kids or anybody, like go there and learn about sex. I have a parent be part of that. You know, the conversation. We have another question. Hello. Hi. Good question.

Is there a way to apologize to someone that you might have harassed or assaulted or better not the same thing? I think that's going to be very dependent on the situation and the person is going to be responsible for knowing what was the last time we talked what were the circumstances on my friends with this person's friends Can I maybe check in with them first before I contact this person because this person might really not want to hear from me. But I mean, I think that in an instance where maybe you don't feel like that person will be dramatized, retromatized, like hearing from you

because it was like a violent rape. Nah, I don't think you want to be like, sorry about that by the way. Sorry about the rape. You look good. That's gonna feel, you're gonna feel insulted and demeaned, you know, on top of everything, you already feel.

Yeah, I think there's definitely different levels. I actually had a really personal experience with that, this, that was the past couple of days. I got this DM on Instagram from a comedian who, I recognize the name as being a comedian. I honestly couldn't pick them up out of the lineup if my life depended on me. And he was apologizing for like a couple of years ago apparently he brought me up at a show

in a way that implied because of the name of our podcast that he wanted to fuck me and then wanted to explain that that's not what he and I was just like and I get messages like this every now and again and I guess especially in times like this when, when, when, when sent like people, people's emotions are flaring up and everyone's afraid they're gonna be next to it. And it kind of rubbed me the wrong way because I feel like he was just trying to cover his basis. Like, cover his basis and also like, they've assaulted. Let me go through my list.

He wanted me to congratulate him for this incident that number one did not affect me at all and also that I did not remember and then almost got aggravated that I wasn't like, oh my God, thank you for being the most shivered. You did, man. I was like, it seems to me that you just delivered a hack joke in that I was not amused by it. Exactly. That's what it's like to do.

Like, don't you get that also another thing too, like that kind of thing, like we get brought up on stage by, by comp, male comics when it's done in a bad taste way. All the time, and it's to the point where, I think the bigger point in that is like, it wasn't even a speck on my radar because that's how often it fucking happens. Well, that's the other thing,

is that it happens all the time. I mean, because all these things have happened in my life to these aggressions or sexual assault. Not assault, but, no, it's not my life that's happened in like that time, that time, that time, that time. I remember them ring the ring. They're like, who's that sexual Emily?

This is me, sexual Emily, wherever I go. Oh my gosh, fun. Yeah, I'm happy with that one before. Yeah, great question though. Thank you for that question. I think that was helpful. We're gonna take a break. We love you all.

Thank you for being here. Okay, you guys, Corinne, Christina, Guy's Refupt, Amazing Podcast, their book, check it out. We're gonna do a quick shout out to our sponsors. You guys get to go shopping in the sex toy closet. I know you guys get a lot of sex toys, but we said we're going to do a cure- We did. We did.

We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did.

We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did.

We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. back. In your book, Focked being sexually explorative and self-confident in a world that's screwed. I love the term, Fmasculate them, because I feel like a lot of the things that we hear from women too, you know, what is it about comparing ourselves to others, right? And I was, you know, I learned this at a young age, like I'll never be as good as being someone else. There's always going to be others, right? And I was, you know, I learned this at the beginning of age, like I'll never be as good as being someone else. There's always gonna be somebody, right? So I learned this, right? So I don't do this, I mean, that's not one of my things,

like thank God I've other things, but I don't often compare, I think, why are I like that or why, you know, I do so many other things, but that was a way that, it's a what? It's a what? I didn't either until the ex girlfriend, that's one to my soul. Well, let's talk about the fl promesculation of you, of Christina, but then let's talk about

the promesculation. It feels like you're never good enough as a woman because we're perhaps not comparing ourselves to other women. Let's talk women with this plague, guys. So I was always, I always kind of felt in my head that I was the hottest person, the boyfriend that I had at the time had never dated. And not by a landslide, but like being attractive was important way too important to me.

And then I kind of started to let that go and realized, oh, there's like other things that to be good at, you could be proud of and it looks whatever, who cares. And then when I met my boyfriend now, Steven of six years, when I first met him, he was dating a famous porn star. And he had told me about it and I was like, let's do it. Let's do it. You talk about it all the time. I cheated on the show, of six years. When I first met him, he was dating a famous porn star, and he had told me about it and I was like,

we'll see. We'll see. He talked about it all the time. I didn't show up. I was so many times. I'm like, can I hang them on the screen? You want them to see me? I'm going to look.

And I was like, that's amazing. And then Steven and I had like a really instant connection that I filed him under my head as, you can't date a music girlfriend. So I kind of like categorized him there. And, Stoya is a porn star who is beautiful, intelligent, really in the geeky, and into doing porn and making porn

for women from the female perspective. And like she just, she rules. Right, she fucking rules. And so when I met up with Stephen a year later and he was like, yeah, my girlfriend don't mean, I was like, oh, and then I started dating him and he was kind of getting over her. That was the first time that I felt so threatened by Stoy.

And that would be tough. Yeah. And for the longest time on the podcast, we didn't, I didn't say her name because I didn't want to talk negatively about, I feel gossipy, but I did have these feelings of like, she is so sexy and so effortlessly sexy. And that is not who I am as a woman.

I am a goofy person. I am, you know, I can be, I'm sexy in a totally different way, so I felt so undervalued compared. Like, he was dating this crazy, exciting rollercoaster of a person and now he's just, hey, I'm Christina. And so I felt like shit about that.

And then I was like, there is no word for the female version of a masculinity. That's so fucked up because so many women always compare themselves to other women via the advertising industry and every billboard and every commercial. And so yeah, and then interviewing her was like one of the most nerve racking experiences of my life.

Did you interview her on the podcast? Yeah. Three years into the podcast. I was two and a half maybe, maybe it was two, but it was three years of me feeling that way about her. And I just, I remember one time having sex with my boyfriend, this was during that stage. And I wanted to tell him, so bad, I feel like you don't like me as much. And I feel like your last

girlfriend is so much sexier than I can ever be. And is more better and better and is capable. And I wanted to, I remember sitting on the edge of the bed and wanting, I'm like your last girlfriend is so much sexier than I can ever be and is better in bed and is capable. And I wanted to, I remember sitting on the edge of the bed and wanting, I'm like, something is not letting me say the words. And he would have been so receptive for that conversation, but instead I was acting bitchy to him or acting like I didn't give a shit and sweeping it under the rug.

And like, when you feel that way, you gotta go internal, but you have to start confronting it. Yeah, absolutely. Because it's gonna surface into something very ugly. So, and then so you did, you brought it up to him and you talked to her and it kind of took, like everything else that you admit, when we talk about our fears,

when we talk about that, that kind of takes away all the power, the whole thing has to be. Oh my God, why humanized her? Because I was putting her on the pice pedestal and the highest mountain in the clouds, and then when she sat on the podcast, she said, I feel like I'm standing on top of a pedestal inside of a garbage can because people treat her like shit.

She can't get into the apartment. She can't get a bank account. She can't get people come up to her and say, degrading things when she's just trying to fucking go grocery shopping. And so I had her as this, but that's not. We do that too. We do that too. Right.

And so you can't put anybody on that pedestal ever. It's not healthy. It doesn't make any sense. And especially when you're doing it to the detriment of your own soul. Exactly. So that made me go, and I just felt all the weight of three years ago. I can imagine, well, I love that.

I mean, first of all, that's like an extreme like your ex was dating a hot porn star. How did you happen to know? And she's like hot and cold. I know. I know. Or so you have to be like, when we be in everything. When we aired know, and she's like hot and cold. I know. I know. Or just, you have to be like, when we be in everything.

When we aired the interview and people were like, it's stoia, oh, I didn't know it was stoia. I would feel like shit too. All right. All right. I'm in settle down, settle down. But the reason why I like that sort of, because you've come through that,

you've obviously had to help them probably about you closer now, you're sex is even better. Who knows? But I, we get those emails every day for women who are like, I'm really concerned because my boyfriend, I'm really inexperienced. You guys get those emails a lot for women who are like, I'm really concerned because my boyfriend, you know, I'm really inexperienced. You guys get those emails laugh for women who are like, I'm really an experienced. Sorry, I know that he's been

with more women than I have. I know that she, you know, and that just all this worry about our sexual performance and that we're not going to meet up. We're not going to add up. And that's not going to make you in the moment. Oh, exactly. You're not going to have to come. What is your best advice for staying in the moment during sex? Look, look at each other in the eyes. Yeah, intimacy. Yeah, I mean, going slow. Like using an acting technique,

there's an acting technique that an actor named Josh Peiss created. I can't remember the name of the acting technique, but basically it's like you just have to be present in the moment and when you find your mind drifting, you literally say out loud, I'm back. I use this technique. I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back in my life all the time. Obviously, you can't say out loud during sex. I'm back, but I'm back. I'm back. All the time. I'm back. All the time.

It's called committed impulse. And I think I'm back all the time because I have a really hard time staying in the moment. And I think a lot of it's due. Say it all the time. I've been out for 16 times. But that's good. I'm back.

I mean, it's so hard. Can you imagine? It's hard to be. I've always been this way. And now with everything else going on in the world to be focused, I like I'm back. Steven and I did this thing recently where I was like, can we just have set like two four play and then like, you're inside me. And then we just like breathe and just like stay there and don't move.

We don't move except we breathe deep and it was, oh my god it was so hot. It's tonnt, that's tonnt, basically. And I was very, I was sort of the sound silly but I've been doing this, you know, for a while and people were like, oh tonnt or tonnt, I'm like, yeah, I'll get to tonnt or eventually. The commasuit drill, like I was kind of putting them in the same category that like you, like one nail, do those positions with your leg, go that, like that. But the thing about tonnt, so I thought I was,

then I'm gonna have a full body orgasm. And I'm gonna sit there for six hours and stare into someone's eyes. I'm like, I can't even like sit by myself. Yeah, I can't count that. But then I started to do a little like tantra light. I went to this five day retreat in Hawaii because of where else.

So you can do tantra with this guy. But it wasn't even about, it was John Wyneland. And he's great at like the masculine and feminine and there were singles and then there was couples there. And there was also his girlfriend who's a Kundalini teacher. Have you ever taken Kundalini? Which is also about like breathing into your pelvic floor and how we're so disconnected with our. It sounds like Italian. To me, but it's not. Okay. I tell you.

I can tell you in kind. Oh, good. The lady. Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system. That's amazing. So what it was was, and I didn't really know what I was in for, but he was on my show, and he was very powerful, the way he talked about the way we are in our, the way women are, they're feminine.

Well, a lot of women lose our feminine because we're sort of mimicking this toxic, Mexican-linally that we think we have to be like in the world to kind of compete with men. So feminism, what it kind of brought was, oh, we're gonna be tough, we're gonna that we think we have to be like in the world to kind of compete with men. So feminism, what it kind of brought was, oh, we're gonna be tough, we're gonna be strong, we're gonna be independent. I know I'm very much like this and this,

like I'm going to support myself and I'm going to be independent. I don't need anybody and that's sort of how I was raised, which is super sexy in the bedroom. But no, but it's saying like how do women get back into their bodies? Because we've lost a lot of that. And because when we are really in our bodies and feeling

Sexual that's we could get taken advantage of and so there's just all these messages The society has passed down that we're not really in touch with our bodies So that was kind of the premise of his Podcasts and men learning to be men because a lot of times we look at men and we're like that's not sexy because he's not There's a lot of layers so the point is I went to this thing and really, we sat there, we had a pick partners and I sat with this one guy and not met him and we're, you know, we were there for a few days, but we would partner up and it was like 45 minutes. We'd learn these techniques and we sat there.

Just like my legs, like I sat on his lap with like my legs wrapped around him, but we have clothes, no, no, there was no sex allowed. We all had clothes on, but this was an exercise. We'd be building up to it when We had to look each other's eyes, and then we had to regulate our breathing, so which isn't something we don't really think about. It kind of starts to happen. It is uncomfortable with a stranger.

Exactly. It can be very uncomfortable. Because you're vulnerable. And it's so intimate and so vulnerable, but and we'd been learning about bringing your feminine energy, because men actually, the masculine, so you could even be a woman who's in your mess, so if you're gay, couple of lesbians, there's a masculine energy in a feminine energy because men actually, the masculine, so you could even be a woman who's in your mess.

So if you're gay, couple of lesions, there's a masculine energy and a feminine energy with sex whoever takes that on, it's great. But for women, typically, the feminine brings the energy, right? And the masculine brings sort of the more of the stability in a sexual, in the sexual realm. So the man, he's supposed to regulate to my breath. So we're sitting there and we're looking into those eyes. And so my mind wants to control it, be like, did he just breathe it?

And he's like, no, I've got that, you know, we're not allowed to talk, but I'm just thinking, okay, he's gonna pick up my breathing. And then eventually it didn't take very long, a few minutes, we're like staring each other. And we're in each of those eyes and we start, the breath is going and we're looking and it does. And then he says, like, start bringing your energy.

So I started just to like, and it wasn't like, he was like, bring it, but it was like, I started to breathe into my pelvic floor, like all this stuff moving up and down. And I felt like it was the most intimate experience I think I've even had. With someone I did not know, and there, and it could have asked, like, I could see like this guy being so sexy, I was aroused. Oh, cool. I was aroused. I was turned on, but it wasn't like, I wanted to, um, I was present. I was present. You were just present. I was present. Yeah, I didn't. How did you pick partners, was it based on like,

were you physically attracted to the person? No, that's a thing, but here's the amazing thing, is that people who I was not, I wasn't attracted really to anyone in that way, but we realized, and this is the beauty of this work, is that when you connect with someone on an intimate level and you're really present with them, I find them very attractive. I found them very clear. I wasn't looking at everything else does fall away.

And so you just kind of would move through partners. But there were couples that were there working and they did breakthrough amazing work. And then there was like this. Oh my god. This is my next level stuff I've been doing the last few years. It's kind of like on my own path. Because a lot of the stuff I've been doing on the show is, you know, I love giving advice and talking about very basic,

you know, not basic, but you know, the tips and stuff that people need to know about sex and relationships and things. Simple things, the one on one. No, but I'm saying is, yes, but so much of it is that we are just, we are so disconnected from who we are from our bodies. 100%

We don't know what we want. We lose ourselves, we expect sexes and out of body experience, we were trying to place our partners and so I've just been trying to get back into my feminine, if you will. So my only thing with that is I've been open to that, but the whole time I literally would be worried about being like sexually assaulted. Yeah, but people who are gonna take this court,

you're gonna stay space. Yeah, I don't, no, but I don't trust, I think some people, I mean, I know actually people in like the sex role who have taken advantage of that position. So like, how do you, what's hard to do? But you're in a yoga, it happens that if you work it, it happens, I mean, it happens.

So how do you like kind of like calm yourself down? I mean, and it's like, it's not be cautious because that's gonna make you not present if you're like, are you gonna fucking touch me wearing a money without? I feel like you gotta pick your people, you gotta pick like, I knew that, I, you know, there's two,

probably know a lot of people in this sexy intimacy space. And I haven't talked about note to listeners, I haven't really gotten into this retreat that much, and I really would like to, but I feel like we were in a safe space. Everybody there, you could just, we'd been there for five days, this wasn't the first day.

We're like, so don't wrap your legs around, so look at the rise. So I kinda think, that's a difference You got to vibe. But here's the thing, we learned this, and there was a few guys that I would pair off with with, we'd do another thing where the guy had to do, not pair off in the room though. Yeah. Or in a big room.

Sure. And he had to do this thing where he was like, without speaking, he had to summon me over to him, like just not something. I see. But like to show that I, back in, like, would I want to go sit on his lap? And I just felt like he, I got this, like, creepy vibe from him. I did. Like, not creepy, but I was like, that's interesting.

And then I had to tell, so I told him, I said, I'm feeling not connected. He's like, well, what, and then they get, they get pushing you though. He said, well, what would I have to do to make you feel safe? Because a lot of times we don't feel safe. So that was another tool we learned that

if you're ever out with somebody, and you feel like this could be going somewhere, but I'm not feeling so safe. I'm feeling like we had a connection but he just went off the rails, he did something weird. He said, I'll come up to your apartment. You say to them, you would I would need right now to feel really safe, to feel comfortable with you.

Do you know what would really make me feel comfortable? And of course they're gonna say like, yeah, like what would you want? You're like, God, I feel like if you, maybe take a deep breath or if you kind of set back or if you just sort of sat here for a minute and talk, and you're just like, oh, it kind of resets the moment.

So when the sky was doing that and saying, come over to me, I was like, I really don't feel like you are seeing me right now. Like, I feel like your eyes are flitting around and I feel like you're kind of like not really present in this moment. So there's nothing that you're doing now that is like sexy and is making me to want to go send your lips. So we had to get really like every man

is on that conversation now because I really, I was talking to my boyfriend was really dwelling. The the air right now, he's like, is someone gonna come at me and say, I'm like, you don't have anything to worry about unless you assault somebody, Steven, okay? So like, don't make it like, but it's interesting because he's like men don't know how to communicate and they don't know what they're doing wrong

And they don't and a lot of them are like that guy who was who you fell out of it with the trying to summon across the room He could have had the best of intentions and just truly didn't know he's there trying to learn Yeah, and that's amazing. I wish every man could go through this is the things that I've been going through thinking Oh my god, this is mind blowing work Yeah, I'm sorry to think about what do we we do about what's happening in the world right now, and especially in the States, this sexual harassment. And of course, we could talk about that for days, because I might bring him up at night going,

like, I can't talk about anything. I feel like I need to figure this out. We all need to figure this out and solve this. And I'm like, well, what is it? Is it education? Like, you know, my friend's taking work right now. He's like, we're having sexual harassment, Dave, you just set me like a multiple choice quiz. They're taking like, oh, that's gonna quiz or shit. No, it's like, which one, my friend's taking work right now. He's like, we're having sexual harassment day. He just sent me like a multiple choice quiz.

They're taking like a mask and a quiz or shit. No, it's like, which one of these is harassment? I did. So like, that's not gonna work. Like, I had to take that CBS radio, but it's really just, we men and women have not learned the right behaviors and how to do with each other like in the workplace, if it's not sexual,

then what is the appropriate way? Then what is it exactly? I think masculinity, I think there's this great documentary on Netflix called The Mask I Live In. Yeah, The Mask I Live In. And Jennifer's my friend. Oh my God, that documentary. It's so heartbreaking interviews with little boys about them.

They can't act like a girl. I can't tell my feelings. Some tell people how I'm feeling. That'll make me seem weak or girly. And I'm like, oh no. And I was at a, weeks before I watched that, I was at a pool with my friend and this dad and his son where the pool, and he was about to jump.

And the dad goes, come on, don't be a girl. Jump in the pool. I'm like, oh, no. Right, well that's where it starts. But I think feeling deserving of pussy. Straight men. I think that's what, that's a big thing of, even if they don't outright say,

I don't feel like I deserve stuff But they a lot of the actions would say otherwise and it makes sense given what you're taught to be as a man What is a man and then that's exactly it's so toxic and then we're told which is what we you know I think all we talk about our shows you guys talk about your book a lot which is such a good I don't think we could say this enough that Women are not put on this planet to serve men. No, we don't, we don't owe them anything. We don't have to give them a blowjob. We're not giving them, they don't, like, have to show us how to have an orgasm.

It's like, we are responsible for our own sexuality, our own pleasure. And just that still, and even like I said, talking to my young friends, nieces who think like, yeah, it is about people are going to like me more because I do this thing. Or it's like, new picks. I think I was a sincere show and you were saying that there was a girl Who said that she was getting dick pics and that she was saying guilty about guilty? Like I feel like oh young yeah, she's young and she's like oh, I feel like I should talk

We said that we read her thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we were Ted talk. I watched your Ted talk She was 14 and she's like oh, what do I do? We feel like we owe cuz we're pleasers and we feel like well I should do this now. I said, no, you don't. So this is the kind of unwinding, but it starts so young. So that's why I'm like, yeah, we could go to legislation at our senators, but it starts with behavioral stuff from such a young age.

So it's like, how do we unravel everything that we've been taught? And with the environment right now, it's like is, okay, is Louis K. K. a bad person because he did some really shitty things. Like, it's this, it's this like, you're either great or you're a piece of shit. And it's like, well, you can also be both, I think.

I think I can be both. And I, and one of the things that I've been so fascinated with the podcast is I've solicited emails from rapists on the podcast. I'm like, statistically, we hear about rapist rooms every goddamn day. There has to be somebody. And the latest one that I remember reading was,

this guy who said he would see all these douchebag guys, lie to women and play them and they would get laid and he would never get laid. And so by the time he turned 30, he cracked and we put ads on Craigslist and raped the women. And I was like, to me, I was like, well, the first problem here is you thought you deserved.

Right, because he gets it, you deserve it. Like, that's not, it's just, they're so. I know, there's so much. There's so many layers. There's so many layers, there's so much to do. So I, but I think that, um, even just these talking about, this is so important to let women, I'm worried about, I'm worried about men too, but I am really worried about,

I'm worried about, um, I don't know, just everyone. I know. You could be more worried about women. It's okay. I guess I feel like. I say it all the time. Hopefully because men have found an energy we are ruling the world.

We just, it's the repression of our relationship. But I always think too, like, with the whole masculinity stuff, I've been like having internal arguments in my head of like, I do worry more about women, but then it's like, well, men need a hug too or something.

Something's up messed up with the way that they're approaching talking women. Right, because I'm not angry. I'm like really not angry at that, because I feel like it's, I can just see where it's all gone wrong and how we have to rewind it. And so I'm putting this,

I don't know, we can all fan together. I keep, I came the other day, I'm like, you guys, I'm sorry, I just have to do something. We need to do something now. I need to figure it out alone, because this can't go on. It's a discussion.

Let's be start talking and someone runs for senate. Not me. I've done too many drugs and stuff. Okay, sure. I can't. So, everybody. We've got emails. Cool.

Thank you guys for saying here. This is really fun. Oh, yeah. Thanks for having me. Okay, so emails. Do you guys thank you for emailing me on the show if you have a question you want me to answer? That's amazing.

Text, ask Emily. All one word, two, seven, nine, seven, nine, seven, nine. Or you can also, oh, wait, when you do that, let me to answer. That's amazing. Text, ask Emily all one word to 7979, 7979. Or you can also, oh, wait, when you do that, let me explain this. Ask Emily one word to 7979, 7979. What happens is you send that and then, boop, you get a short form right back on your phone where you can enter your question and contact details. If you want me to call you and do what we're doing in future call or show just indicate yes on the form. And if you want to go to the website, that's cool to sexualtoemlee.com via the ask Emily tab as always include your gender, your age where you live and how you listen to the show. Hi Emily, I'm a

23 year old hot and confident female learning new sexual experiences here and there. I was in a long relationship and now that it's over I'm proud to say I'm happier than ever. Am I setting my sexual standards for men too high by constantly masturbating and learning what feels good for myself when the reality of a one-time hookup to be that amazing is so low. I feel like I'm stuck in trying to find someone who satisfies me and I'm not enjoying sex as much, but I love to have fun with myself. What can I do to help myself and the future guys I'm with a confused and horny fan, Christina 23 Boston. It was me guys. I'm skinny. What did you say? It's what?

It was me, Christina, not me. Exactly. Yeah, I mean, here's a thing about Christina. I, first of all, you're doing everything that we would tell you to do. I love that you're figuring out your body. What makes you feel good? So many women, these are the messages that we're trying to get across. So I love that you are figuring that out right now. And I don't think it's selfish. I don't think that your standards are too high, but I feel like, I mean, what do you guys

think? She can go have sex with someone. I have a thought. I have had this weird thing where when we started doing the podcast, it got me better communicating sexually. And one of the things that we came out of it was three ways. Steven and I've had three three ways since we were in the podcast. I kind of accidentally set it on air.

He edits it, so he's like, hey, don't wait for us. How we do it is, we had this app, two of them where we had this app called Thrender, take it for three ways. Now it's called Field with two ease. And we, my comfort zones, after we talked about it, were let's go off for drinks, go off for coffee first. We will not be going home all together that night. 100% no, so there's no pressure.

Guys set those, right? Right, and so, but that gave me the opportunity to be like, okay, well, this is something that's sexual, obviously, we're both on this app, and we're not trying to be in a relationship, we just wanna have sex, and so I get to ask, like, what do you like? What turns you on?

What makes you come, I wanted to meet with you because I like cuckolding, I kind of want to see my boyfriend and another woman fuck in front of me. I think that would be really exciting. Is that something you'd be interested in? And I just, I'm like, damn, I'm not. That would have saved me a lot of bad sex if I had that conversation with my fuck buddies.

Right, exactly. I can't believe, to you, right? And this is in your book too, in the chat. And I was thinking from my pussy. Right, exactly. And that I'm really worried about. I'm worried about his judgment. You're like, that was hot. Because I'm like, we're all here on this app.

Clearly, you want to have possibly one have a three-way with each other. So let's do the interview. So why not, Christina, on these dates, you're saying like, why not just add, you're these ones? Just look up to the one-eighths to grid. Why not?

Why the better time to do you? You lose nothing. Like, you're not, you're not. Yeah, all you're doing is possibly communicating to have better sex enough. How do you even know is the one night stand ahead of time? I guess I haven't had, I mean, when I'm traveling, maybe I know,

but I don't really like, I'm not a pre-med, and that's not for that girl who's on a date, you're like, well, what's this gonna be? Are you gonna do my future or whatever? I'm just like, let's be present. I'm just, that's what my work's. But I don't think that, I think a lot of men would, you know, find that attractive

and don't go into it tripping that it's already something that it's not. And if a guy doesn't find that attractive that you are into having good sex and want to talk about it first, then maybe that's not the guy you want to fuck. Exactly. Well, I think also sometimes women can maybe think that it's a one night stand just because of the fact that they are having sex like so quickly and so they can talk themselves out of any future relationship because they're like, well, why had sex day one?

And I never get to know this person. Right. I mean, yeah, I don't, I don't live that way. So it doesn't personally bother me. No, but it doesn't bother. Well, of course, I'm saying it bothers me that there's this whole notion of, if we have sex on the first date,

then that means that we're not gonna do. What does it, does it mean? Stop with your imaginary rules for yourself and all the handling. Everyone's making up these freaking rules. It doesn't, there are no sex police. There's no sex police. Like they're not like, oh, you had sex the first day.

There should be questions. Like sex positive police. There should be, like, hello, yes, do you, keep going. I just don't get it. Okay, so the second one, we'll ask you the question. So yeah, I think that, well, to in some Christina, you're not enjoying sex as much because you're so in your head.

And so, because she's not enjoying sex with these one-night stands, so I feel like these one-night hookups can be what you want them to be. I mean, you'll learn right away if they're not, but just bring all of you to them. All the great work you've been doing masturbating, you get a napalas on that, bring it into these situations. You'll be surprised. Hey, Emily, I love your work. You inspire me.

Anyways, I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half, long distance, and we only see each other every other month or two. When I do see him, I want to be attached to his penis because I miss sex with him that much. Problem is, my sex type is way higher than his, and while he insists that I really turn him on, he only wants to have sex a couple times a visit, really only showing affection when he's actually inside me. I miss all the hot and heavy foreplay that makes sex so hot, and I don't mean just making

out. I also wish he had said sexy things during the day, sent hot text, grabbed my ass, basically any signs of sexual interest. I've asked him, but he acts like it's a hassle. I love my boyfriend, and it's the best sex I've ever had, but great sex takes effort on both sides, and he's the best sex I've ever had, but great sex takes effort on both sides and he's not pulling his weight. Is there a way I can gently help him see

I need more from him? I feel like we're doomed to have the same vaginal intercourse for 10 minutes before just going to be good about every single time. Suggesting new things is becoming exhausting because he never picks up on what I'm putting down. For now, I'm stuck having sex on his terms because it's the only sex I can get.

Please help Erin, 20 Maryland. I'm pretty bad. Sex here, I'm stuck having sex on his term because it's the only sex I can get. Please help Aaron 20 Maryland. I'm pretty bad. Sex, you never had. She's 20. Oh yeah. Okay, so this is what I'm saying is that why he's a lot from young moon like this is the best release to ever had sex or head by your 20 and you can't tell everyone boy your 20 or 18 Which is like you want to do a lot of course? Clip in your 18. You're like no, but I'm really in love and I'm going to marry this person

and it is the best sex I ever had. So, I mean, I get it, your sex drives, you're not gonna match up at this young age and I think that changing, if you're still in something, it's not good. Right? It sounds like a battle. No, it's not the best.

If you are, it has that conversation. And also, like, you can, I mean, just when you're that young, I don't think you're emotionally mature enough to handle the complexities of a long distance relationship where you're only seeing someone like once a month, that's a really, really challenging thing even for adults who are really comfortable with themselves. I can't imagine trying to navigate that at age 20.

There's too much change going on. There's too much finding out who you are. And then, but then, so I feel like you're probably kind of like freezing yourself because you're constantly waiting for this other person Yeah, instead of just consistently developing. Yeah, it's true I know I believe that long-term relationship should only usually pursue them if you eventually have plans to be living in the same city Like give a time alone

I think it could be happened in three months six months nine months. Right. I'd also you're very young You are 20 years old and then you're already having all these sexual complications Like I thought I didn't get to the bottom of it. Like how old is she's 20? It's like, it's just already sounds really, really complicated and you could actually be with someone right now who's in the same city and you can work on these things.

And I do believe though, for anyone listening, because this is a very common conundrum that you're like, how do I get my partner to do what I want? And I've already asked him for and he didn't hear it. But when we're asking our partner to drink sexually, the thing is that it's a whole new behavior. So if someone just says once, like I really, you know, I really wish

you would go down to me more. Let's say we hear that a lot. Just hearing that, you're like, oh yeah, I get it. You want more oral sex, I'll get on that. And then the next time I drink sex, they might not remember. They're not really sure. Like I did it for a minute. What does that mean?

And I don't think that we often have enough information about changing behavior or what that even means. So maybe the partner is not going down in you, for example, because they think you don't like it. They don't know what they're just so many layers to it. But when we think we've said, told someone something once, we get mad. We're like, Oh, I've told them once that I want this. It doesn't work that these conversations around sex need to be much more expansive and detailed. And so you can't write off a person or a partner because you had that once or twice, then it's done. These are the kind of things where you have to figure out

how you both learn, because learning new behaviors, how you both listen. And so just because we think we told our partner something in mind times, you probably haven't. They probably didn't hear it right. There's a lot of layers. Also too, I like, like, with the going down on, and I always say when I talk with Stephen,

like I would say I love when you go down on me. Right. Really, it's like my favorite thing. Like if that's what I wanted to communicate. Right. And then that's what he tells me too. And then I responded to that because I'm like, oh, okay, I'm gonna do that.

Because I wanna please him, you know. Exactly. So always pleasing, always saying like exactly, the compliment salmon. I love God, that's a great, I love when you came in and you went down and you made it. That when you were kissing my neck earlier, I don't know what you're doing, that was amazing.

Yeah, reinforce. We love that. Okay, guys, this was fun. Thank you so much. You're awesome. Thank you for being here. Cringfisher, Christina Hutchinson. Guys, we fucked, is there awesome podcast?

The Anti-Slamming Podcast and fucked, being sexually explorative and self-confident in a world that's screwed. Everyone check out their book. Check out their podcast, your social media. We said shout out again to it. SRY about less NYT on Twitter. Sorry about less than everything else.

I'm Christina Hutch on a land copy gal on everything. Yeah, that's a great book. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All the work you're doing, helping people. It's amazing.

Thank you so much. And you guys are hilarious to their podcast. It's super fun. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. And you guys are hilarious to their podcast. It's super fun. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thanks to my amazing team, thanks to Ken and Jamie. In turn, Shannon and Jenny are pretty so large. I'm Michael.

I love you all. And thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamely.com. you