Sex With Emily - Emily's Blind Tinder Date: Live!

Episode Date: March 24, 2014

Emily's been spotted on the popular Tinder dating app. The app is all the rage as you swipe left of right to "like" or "reject" a prospect. If they like you too, it's a match. Some call it 'the hook up' app and yet others have found true love.  Too busy with work, yet always with her iPhone Emily joins the app and brings in her Tinder date to the studio for the first live date ever during the podcast. Anderson comes up with a code phrase in case the date's a bust. Her date, "Chad", isn't afraid to get into his past, voice his opinion (about everything....) and give Emily a hard time. The two get into marriage, why relationships fail and sex as you age. Chad reveals secrets about his past and Emily shares her dating patterns. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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So guys, if you take care of your balls, your partner will take care of you. So help us keep this podcast free. Use code Emily to get 20% off your first purchase at Emily and Tony dot com Trust me. You'll love them and you're welcome The eyes of a man obsessed by sex eyes that block our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a bag on me. Hey, Aveline, you got a boyfriend? Because, uh, my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my!

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. But, you know, Aveline's not the kind of girl you just play good.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information go to sexwithamely.com When you can listen to all of our podcasts, you can also go right to iTunes and subscribe, which is so damn easy, because then you'll never miss one of our shows again. Ever, because we're doing more and more shows now, two to three new shows a week. And you, as you know, these shows change your life and change your relationship.

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You get the five biggest mistakes you're making in bed You can choose if you're a man or woman and you know what? I know got to think we're perfect. Adonis isn't bad or goddess isn't bad But we've all done to make a mistake here and there so that might help you as well And then I'll just send you a little letter every now and then a little email with some tips on it for better relationships And sex and maybe some discounts for your favorite stuff. Hey Anderson great to be here with you tonight Great to be here with you sex. This is a really big night I stuff. Hey Anderson, great to be here with you tonight. Good, great to be here with you, Zach. This is their really big night. I like literally big like literally big.

He's big. He's big. I was in the bathroom with him. Oh my God. You were. I love that you did some reconnaissance. Okay. So here's what's going on. Everyone.

This is a first for sex with Emily. I've probably done about 2000 shows. And so I've just started Tinder. Have you all heard Tinder? It's a popular app, sleep in the nation. It's kind of started like Grindr was the gay app. And everyone thought that you meet people by geography and they're like, oh, that'll never work. Everyone hugs up. So Tinder is an app you download for your smartphone. They're not my sponsor. Anderson wanted me to make that clear. Just my friend, I was in New York a few weeks ago, she's

like, you're not on Tinder. And so all you do is you put in your, what you're like, it's very simple, which is why I think people like it. You put in your age range that you're looking for you put in if you're looking for men Or women and you look at how far away you want them to be I don't want to be anywhere from I only want to be eight miles away or less so Pictures show up it. Oh, then I put up a profile. I put up four pictures and a little bit about me You're a little nervous right now. I am you're a little bit nervous. I'm talking, because I have a private, okay, so with the parts of the chase, I did Tinder, and I met this guy and he said, so you have a match.

If you like, so you see that all these pictures come up, right Anderson? Right, I've never done to, because I'm married and it sucks. Right. It doesn't suck that I'm married, but it sucks as technology with that. I know, right?

So it's kind of fun because I'm, you know, I'm barely busy. I don't have a lot of time to date It's kind of a game So you just swipe like you basically look at the pictures if you like them Is it like buying a car though? Can you put in like what kind of like size? No, you can't put in like how tall and how much money? No, it's not like anything like match or those sites Which are also great, but it's just you just literally put in age range and geographical proximity to

you. And you don't put ethnicity, you don't put height. And then, so what happens is if you have an X and a heart, if you like someone, you press a heart. Now, if they like you, eventually let's not say they're swiping through and they like you, then it says you've got a match. And then it puts it in the right, then you can get remessage each other. But if you like someone and they don't like you, or if you're not matched, that means they didn't like you, it doesn't matter. So I had this guy that I liked and he liked me, we had a match.

And he was funny, we just started messaging and I said, I do this show every night and I said, I didn't tell him anything about him. But just to make this clear is that he said to me, I recognize your picture, I knew it was familiar. He had worked briefly, I did a reality show a few years ago, I'm Bravo. He briefly worked at the production company,

and he recognized a picture from that. So he knows, it was called Misadvised I'm Bravo. So he knows that about me. But I know nothing about him. All I know is his name is Chad. And that, so I said, uh-oh, when he said that, so he knows that about me, but I know nothing about him. All I know is his name is Chad and that. So I said, uh-oh, when he said that, and he was funny. Like, I love funny. And we were texting.

He said, well, can you get together Monday, Tuesday. I said, I'm doing a show, doing a show, doing a show, which is kind of early, too. And he said, what do I have to come on? We have to have a date on the show. And I thought to myself, that's a friggin' great idea. I've never had a blind date or a blind date on the sex of that on my show and I thought to myself, that's a friggin great idea. I've never had a blind date or a blind date on the sex of that on my show. So let's do this. So I've never seen him, he's like a hidden in the room Anderson, seen him gave him a thumbs up. I did, he's a good guy,

but he might have just put him put on, you know, I'm kind of like father. He's trying to impress you. So I'm a little nervous I guess. I've never done a date with anyone. Why well on television, but this is real Well, all all Curtains now we've got some wine here too. Yeah, you're drinking it's it there's candles There's actual your candles are lit in there smell so many candles which smell have you ever smelled all of them three of them together? I just now when I live all three it's people don't realize that they all smell Amazing and they make your person smell pretty good too. I used it on my wife over the weekend. You did?

Because she was having lots of pain in her back. And I'm like, all right, let's light this thing up. And I gave her a little rub down. It looks smelly. You know what it was? Her butt was hurting. She would kill me, sure. Her butt, because she went horseback riding

for the first time in a long time. Her butt was like really sore from the horseback riding. Right above her butt, like to lower back butt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her haunches. So I gave her a little more. Then the next day, next morning, woke up and she always smells lovely,

but she smelled fantastic. That following day, yes. What kind of a dream ever we used, co-bubble? Whatever you gave me, there's no. They all feel amazing. They're not sticky, waxy, hot. It's massage, it's warm.

You know, burner, it's like warm, coconut oil. Are you gonna roll some on your day? Well, here's the thing, right now. So I use them at my house as atmosphere all the time, but if you wanna give some more massage, I feel like everyone needs a goddamn candle. Maybe I'll, who knows what could happen here Anderson? Maybe I'll be giving massage in 10 minutes. And the next half hour or maybe I'll be coming up with an excuse to end the show because I

haven't tracked it. You know what before it gets in here, give me a signal or we should come up with a safe word for things aren't going well and you want me to end the interview somehow. How about... looks like we gotta go! That's not a very clever one. How about um... It's not about yourself Anderson. This red wine is very dry. All right and if it's going good the red wine is...

This is good red wine. Lauren my assistant just picked this up and like get the wine. All right so a comment good or bad about it. If the wine, if the date's not going good you talk about how you don't like the wine much. If it's going good you talk about it. No I'm not gonna mess it up and say it's really good. Okay, so it's bad wine. If it, no, it's a bad date, it's bad wine. If it's a good date, it's good. Oh, this is easy. This is easy. I'm nervous. Okay.

You are. You're very nervous right now. Now, you said to me last night, now on Tinder, you see pictures, right? Last night, you said, I saw a picture of him. So I kind of have seen him now, but you already saw the picture on Tinder. I saw a picture on Tinder. Can you say you another picture? No, no, no, just on Tinder. I just saw like four pictures on Tinder. Oh, how many pictures can you put up there on the Tinder? Like six. Okay, and that's all I know nothing about him, but he knows that.

Six, Emily, because he- Good pictures. Yeah, it is hard to find. For some people, yeah. So that's all I know, and then I don't remember what he wrote in his profile. Hmm, I just liked him, because I thought he was cute. Should we bring this dude in? Yeah. You are really nervous. I can- I just have never had a date on was cute. Should we bring this dude in? Yeah.

You are really nervous. I can't. I just have never had a date on the air. No lies at all. Emily's more frazzled than she normally is. I'm normally really frazzled, but right now I'm... I'm good. I can handle this.

And we're doing a show. I'm telling you guys aren't going to learn anything about sex debating. You know how I can tell your nervous is you never pop the microphones and you were popping them. I am popping. Yeah, you're a little bit... Little poppy. Can you change that in a post?

No, I won't. I won't. You're gonna make me pop? I want to listen to notes. Why would I be popping more? Because you're nervous and you're like, I'm not. You're getting close to that big, like, black,

all right, let's get them in. Oh my god, Anderson, you promised you said he was cute. Yeah, I can't tell if I got cute. I can't tell, but he's cool. Would you stack him into the front of the television to watch sports? I'm like here, dude. There's a, did he like sports?

I run on the corner. I have no idea. I'm not so into a guy who loves to watch sports. Oh my dear dude, there's a Did he like sports around the corner? I have no idea. I'm not so into a guy love sports. Maybe like sports. It's okay. Well that's a good sign because when I went to check on him, he wasn't looking at the sports. He's looking at the phone.

Oh, well, then he's obsessed with his phone. That's bad. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, hi Chad. I know I said a special atmosphere for you. My date has arrived. Hi Chad. Hello, are you? Hi. I think so. We're going to hug. I know I said a special atmosphere for you my my data's arrived hi Chad

Hi, I think so we're gonna hug So nice to meet you have a seat there Lauren and we got some wine for you people usually hug on the first day Hi, you know, yeah, absolutely why not hug in the first why not hug in the first date So far so good. So I don't know what he does now. You already know he's married. I saw the ring on the finger He's married. He likes like what he's married, which is kind of I don't know if you share enough. Although you did the share that you gave her a butt massage last night I appreciate put this way I know more about Anderson than I know about you now what really yeah I know I know where he lives. I know where he used to live.

I know where he grew up. Okay, but I did just let people know that. Okay, so I filled my audience. Cheers. Oh, so nice to meet you. I know, my manners. Hello, welcome. Yeah.

Welcome to the section that we know. You did that look and she did the look in the eyes thing with the cheers. Yeah, you're supposed to. I know. And I'm still looking at you. That's a thing like with dating girls do that. They're like, look in the eyes. Oh, I don't do that. That's annoying. I know. And I'm still looking at you. That's the thing, like, with dating girls do that, they're like, look in the eyes.

Oh, I don't do that. That's annoying. I know. I'm not annoying like that. I wouldn't be like, look in the eyes, do this, do that. But I did it naturally. You did. I'm just a natural like that.

But I think you were waiting to see if I was going to look at you. No, I wasn't. I wasn't waiting to see. Okay, so this is what I said, Chad, is that you said you know more about Anderson, but I got to be honest before you came in there. I had to explain to my audience that I've done 2000 shows I've never had a date on the show and I said I explained to them about Tinder if they don't know which they've been living on a rock maybe or

they're married but everyone's kind of doing Tinder and I just started recently and I said that you message me we like being mutually like each other right and then you said that my picture like familiar because you kind of knew me from misadvised. With the television show that I did. Yeah, it took a second for me to put it together. I'm like, she looks familiar. And then I was like, oh wait, she was on the show

and I knew about the show because of work and. Right. So, okay, but so you could have Googled me but I don't even know your last, I literally don't know your last name, I don't know nothing. Yeah, yeah. So, but that's all we know, but you probably didn't Google me much or anything. No but I don't even know your last, I literally don't know your last name, I don't know nothing. Yeah, yeah. So, but that's all we know, but you probably didn't Google me much or anything.

No, absolutely not. No, cause I remember you from the show, I remember I liked you when you were on the show and I was at the premier party for the show. Okay. And I was like she's smoking hot. And, but you were too busy being, that's nice.

You were too busy being sort of a celebrity in the moment. Yeah, that was like five minutes of fame. Your show was launching and I'm like, oh, you would never notice the guy like, you knew him. And look, I noticed you in Tinder. That's why Tinder is great. Exactly. So how many Tinder dates do you have this week?

None. Come on. No, none. I'm not like a big Tinder date or no. No, I've only been. That's the also. No, well, first of all, I think we got to be honest that the fact that there was some sort of connection.

Connection through work made it a little bit easier to do. Right, because then because Anderson, when I it a little bit easier to do that. Because Anderson when I told him I was going to do this, he's like, we should get it secure to garden. I'm like, no, there's sort of a connection. Although I don't know him. Right, Anderson? There was some legitimacy to it all.

The legitimacy to it all. It feels like a plug, but it's not. Let me just tell the listeners. It's not a plug for Tinder. I know. Anderson is really upset. I should have gotten a sponsor to the show before. Or just call them Binder or something. I don't think we should be giving them free. Whatever. I'll have them

tried. I'll have them sponsored before we release it and I'll give you a percentage. We can talk about other dating sites like Grupper and okay, Cupid. Yeah, we were going to because I've actually, I've never dated online before. I have quick question guys. Go. Quick question. So on Tinder, you got your swipe and through. You're just looking at randoms and then somebody's got to like somebody first, randoms And then somebody's got to like somebody first right and then somebody's got to like somebody back Exactly, where to begin, but you don't know who went first. We don't know who in first. Oh, you guys don't know no But if I like someone and you instantly like them, then you know that they liked you It could have been five minutes ago. It could have been ten minutes ago or I could like someone

And then the next day you could have a bunch of likes both you guys could have a bunch of likes But you have no idea and There's floating out there waiting. Yeah, there could be there could be likes like backing in the distance waiting for me to like them back. Hot commodities waiting exactly, but here we are. So you haven't have you done to Tinder's new. You what made you go on Tinder? It's not that it's new. I mean, I've been again, you know, so little about me, but I know nothing. I know. So no, I mean, I mean, I've been, again, you know, so little about me, but I know. I know nothing. I know. So, no, I've been, I mean, I've been out there. I date in the real world and I just, I, I sort of like the whole adventure of all of it.

And I don't cut, I don't, you know, cut off my nose despite my face. I try it all. It's, I can meet someone at a bar. I can meet someone through work. And like, why not cast the net wider and meet people online? And it seems much more acceptable. No, it's not. Yeah, it's not like the owners that was on it online. And it seems much more acceptable to do that. Yeah, it's not like the owners that was on it way back one

or so. You know, when you go to a dating guru and they have to help like a matchmaker. Right, exactly. There was such a stigma. I feel like it's sort of like how people used to not talk about their therapists. And now I was like, oh, it wasn't therapy last week.

I feel like with online dating, everyone's like, oh, yeah, I was on this site, that site. And it's almost like, I think they see like three out every five people met online, but maybe it's the dating sites releasing those site. And it's almost like, I think they see three out every five people met online, but maybe it's the dating sites releasing those stats. But it makes sense. It's a weird culture because from people I've spoken to about it, apparently really, things like OKCupid, their job is really to keep you single.

Really? Yeah, because that's how they make their money. Yes, they have their success stories, obviously, but someone was explaining it like the business model is really because what happens is you find it's like you go on all these dates like on okay, cupid or group or whatever and they're fun. I mean, it's like these social experiments, but you don't really meet, I mean, yes, it happens, but on the over like the majority don't meet that person. Right. And so. Because the why the why would the okay, keep it, for example, or why not because but like

is Matt you're saying all sites are just that site. I think it's dating sites in general. Okay. Because again, they make their money off memberships and subscriptions. Yeah, but don't they all have these like money back if you don't find your I don't mean I don't I've never I've never done pay date sites. Okay. I feel I feel like there, I think when you're paying

to be on a dating site, there is an inherent expectation right away because you're paying to be there. So you're expecting something or, and again, I've been, I, God, it's so funny because you're gonna learn so much about me. This is the point, hello, it's our date. But it's gonna explain so much, I guess, about like what I used to be looking for, what I'm looking for now. But yeah. But the point

being, I feel like there's a vibe when you go on online dating, especially where there are people who are really on a mission to meet the one. And it really, it shines through like the sun basically. It's so it's because you're not women, for example. When men too. Okay, so they do they, because it's because what they say in their profile, like I don't know. I'm looking for the one or don't and that just maybe throw my mouth a little bit. Sorry. Look, and I'm a romantic to agree. I do believe. Just because you should say it. Okay, go ahead. It's it's sort of like an active

desperation almost. Right. And it's hard because I mean, I say it. Okay, go ahead. It's sort of like an active desperation almost. Right. And it's hard because, I mean, I get it. You really want to meet someone and there are people, men and women who, and again, it's not just women. It's men too who have a hard time just breaking through and figuring it all out. And, um, and then it just gets to that desperation point and it's like that, are you my, are you my husband? Right.

Are you my, are you my wife? Right. And I right and I and things like for me and this is my personal opinion of course like things like J.D. or match.com I think it it it's it's built for a certain kind of person true there's different profiles for like every kind of site I think like plenty of fish just for certain people and and people everyone I tell my auntinda they're like that's a hookup site I don't know I mean I have a good friend who I think is gonna marry a guy she met on Tinder. See, this is what I'm saying.

I don't think, I think it could be like, okay, so I don't want to call out Lauren, my 22 year old assistant, but I'm going to, is that she, what up, Lauren? Is that she, okay, she just moved here from LA. And she moved from San Francisco, from San Francisco. She's not a big deal. She's Lauren.

Yeah, not a van, but a me, from me on the day. So we can show the atmosphere. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, we're keeping you in Cognito. Please. I'm on a date and drinking wine during the show. OK, so she was showing me some profiles, some guys. And I get it, like, she just moved here.

He was like a body builder. He was no shirt. No shirt. All pictures were no shirt. And she said to me, and she's like, what do you think? I'm like, yeah, like maybe you want to hug up on the night She's like but it's weird. He's not asking anything about me. I'm like, okay So he's already showing you that he's gonna be nice more interest himself than you he wants like his buddy

But go out and fuck with him tonight. I don't care if you sex them. So I think for some people it just depends on Lawrence like that, but there are certain people Yeah, it depends. We're looking for it's not like if I went out with someone tender It's like I he's expecting a goblin out It's all out. I think every variations out there, you know, I I have a thing that I've been Unless you thought that I was gonna hang up with you night and then no, no, I wasn't think I wouldn't All right, well, hopefully we'll see what happens really what about it. Okay, what Anderson doesn't approve So the site's hook it up. Yeah, so the point I was gonna make the quick point about like women who talk about Especially on like okay cute, but it's you know if you're looking for that one night stand keep walking right but

Meanwhile their photo is is them Salt tree with their boobs out and I'm not it's I don't want to take the line of like oh they're looking for it But I think it's how you present yourself and I think if you present a picture of yourself looking for it, but I think it's how you present yourself. And I think if you present a picture of yourself with, you know, laying on your bed, with your, in your lingerie and saying, I'm not looking for fun. It's like, it's a little contradictory.

Exactly. And I think you can be beautiful in any number of ways. Like, I think there's nothing sexier than a woman in T-shirt and jeans. Right, totally. So I agree with you. So the guy without the shirt on, I'm just like, okay, you're just there to hook up or the girl.

But I do picture me, my first pictures you saw, is kind of, I'm lying on a couch, I'm just like okay, you're just there to hook up or the girl But I do picture me my first pictures you saw is kind of online on a couch. I thought that's a hot picture I know what I like I didn't know this is better than the red carpet shot you got yeah, yeah, but I didn't know I'm like should I because then like I just was reading about like online dating tips. Yeah, she's got a red carpet shot on there Is that lame? Yeah, wait what is it? Take it off? It's like a step in repeat behind her. It's like I'm in show business I'm taking it off now I'm seriously I'm in show business I don't even pay attention to this now. I'm taking it off What's hot that's hot that's what my friends in in Napa and I mean that's a napa in Palm Springs

And I'm lying on a couch to my foot up and I guess it's got a hot it's a hot opener it's a good it's a good opening shot hey that's a separate I thought I took that down no because Facebook grabs your photos I don't spend a lot of time on it to be honest like I don't see now I'm so embarrassed but that brings me to a point that I was gonna make about online dating is they say the last these are some tips Revolve the last picture you should post should be your interesting picture so now that's been fun to look atlooking, they need something to help start a conversation. Interesting.

Yeah, so these are just tips that people say. Have to start, you know, set yourself apart, have a bold intro out or whatever. I didn't even write anything. My friend told me that there's a guy that has it down to a science where he knows how to message a girl to get a response. Oh, I know these guys. There's like a certain, I think it's just cocky confidence.

And I think women tend to like someone who just has that sort of, like if a guy says, hey, like your picture, hi, I'm, how, how's your day? I don't even answer them because I'm already bored, I already fell asleep on the date. I just projected and I was sleeping. So, see what's worse is like women who pose,

don't message me and say, hey, it's like anytime you try to dictate something, you're set up for failure. Exactly. I'm just thinking it. So if they do it, I'm not going to answer. Exactly. And that's all it should be. It's like it's my flower rule.

Like if you're in a relationship, I think you have, you at the onset, you should say, you know what, I really like when I get flowers once in a while. At that point, it's up to the guy. And if you have to keep reminding him, game over. People do not pay attention to the cues. And a lot of men and a lot of women don't, but I'm glad that you brought that up because that I just get Anderson in trouble. No, no, but it's really funny because, okay, I'm just going to tell you right now that I, I love receiving flowers. All right, good to know.

And sending flowers online kind of sucks, because a lot of time people send flowers and they're really, really bad. They've been burned, like you put in the money and then this chick you're dating gets like really ugly flowers. So we've all been burned, like you spend like 1999 and somehow it becomes $74.50. And what shows up is in what you order. I can tell you that that's why the geniuses

at thebooks.com, THBOUQS.com launched a whole new way to send flowers. That's h e b o u q s because they took bouquets and they simplified them so the books sends flowers straight from sustainable farms located on an active volcano in south america what's that part dude i don't know what's like a like people who are here but so i know like maybe they blow up when they get their thing, but it's true. Seriously, that's real.

Volcano flowers. So it's kind of a little twist to it. And they try to flat rate of only $40 with flat delivery. So your loved one gets beautiful flowers, you save cash, and you have to worry they're going to get some cruelty flowers. So for a limited time, the book is offering 20% off with promo code Emily. So go to thebooks.com. That THG B O U Q S dot com. Click on the shop button at the top of the page. Send me a book. Don't forget order today with

promo code Emily to get 20% out of flowers from a freaking goddamn volcano. Now here's a deal active volcano. So here's the deal though is it it's true. So we're talking about at the beginning of a relationship. If someone has to tell you something a few times, I hear this all the time from listeners. Like, I've told them, I've told them, this coming the door, to ask me how my day was, please pay attention to our anniversary.

Valentine's Day is important to me in a lot of men and women, equal opportunity, don't listen. Absolutely. I think it's unfortunately, people go into these these things you sort of have to accept the onset um you really can't change somebody unless they want to change and that's just the truth I mean I trust me I know more than anyone um that and I'll say that in a bad way but I think you have to just you know people just so feel they can change somebody and it's it's It's up to the individual to sort of they may agree with you and then they change But they have to it's sort of like self acceptance. It's like trying, you know

If it's like an intervention of someone's you know, they have to accept what's wrong with them You can't just do what someone's telling you like you need to do it. You need to get help because they're not gonna want to I always Don't date on potential. Don't date on what they could be exactly Nobody nobody changes unless they want to change. And so there's so many people who are in a relationship like, well, I think he's going to get a job and he's going to start being nice to me. And then we're going to get married. It's like, no, no, no, you should date with what you see right in front of you. And if they want to change, and then you see them saying, taking steps towards that change, but that's like one of the biggest mistakes

the people make, we just did a show on this about deal breakers, about how people just pay attention to like you just so much people and a lot of women, I think, I think Ben do it too, but women more than ever, like I can change them. Like I know that for me, he's a bad boy and I'm going to tame him. I'm like, no, no, no, no, you're going to be wasting your whole life with this guy because everybody pretty much shows you who they are on the first date or third date. My mom says the issues you have in the third date you have forever. Well, first date sort of like the presentation, you're not getting a true representation of who they are on the first date or third date. My mom says the issues you have in the third date you have forever. Well first date sort of like the presentation. You're not getting a true representation of who they are. Exactly. I'm totally not like this. I like a girl

actually who doesn't wear a ton of makeup because I feel like they're they're putting on the facade and I really like I always say I like to see what a girl looks like in the morning when she wakes up. Right. Really that's the person you're waking up to. Are you saying you wanted to wake up with me? No. I have a little makeup on tonight. No, you look great. Like you're not overly done. I'm not okay. No, no, no, no.

I didn't know what I was by the time. But to your point about people changing, the problem with that is if you're really in a long-term relationship is in time, we all change. And so even if you are truly in love with someone in the beginning and it is great, 10 years later 10 years later, you know, people just evolve. That's just life. Exactly.

And your needs may change and you may become different people. And so there is, you know, there's, I guess, inherent signals. I can say, oh, I can change that. Right. Then yeah, that's probably a bad sign if it's in the beginning. Exactly. But no, expect someone in a long term relationship to change. You hope you change and grow.

We're always changing our entire life. Yeah, we are. But if you should date someone thinking like, oh, it's okay that he drinks too much now, or it's okay that he's always, you know, he's mean to me in public. Yeah, I'm not good. Talks bad to his friend. That's not going to change. But yeah, you can expect and hope that if you're with someone for life or partner, whatever

you want, that you will grow and change together and you'll have active communication, and you'll see them changing in like a positive way and support it. Yeah. Yeah. It's an interesting conversation about relationships, I think, as far as, you know, I don't know what you're, do you have a position like on marriage and those sorts of things? A position? I think it exists. Some people don't believe in it anymore. You know, I've never wanted to get married. I've never been like a goal of mine or a focus. And it's funny because he was a union married,

which I think, and I've never, so personally, I've never been focused on marriage. I've never thought, I've never was a little girl picturing myself in like the wedding dress with the white picket fans ever. But I just, you know, I thought, well, if it happened, I'm open, like I'm such an open, like if it happened, that'd be amazing.

If I met someone, I thought, oh, wow, we should be married, but it was never like, I think I'd be disappointed if I didn't get married. And my another position I have is that people probably shouldn't get married before they're 30. I disagree. Really? Yeah, absolutely.

Why? You get married with 30? Nothing beats being young, dumb, and in love. It is the most fun you can ever have. Oh, really? Oh, absolutely. Did you get married in your 20s? Uh-huh, absolutely. Oh, you did. So that's why, okay, so how did it go? It was fantastic. I was married for, well, I'm sorry, I tell the truth. People know it's me though. Well, like so they won't fake it first. I was no no. Yeah, so say I was married for 14 years. Oh, Wow. Yeah, yeah, but we were together for like 19. Oh my god. That's amazing. I

want to toast that. I know. It was actually people who's like his divorcees like failure. Do you got to work as soon? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I don't want to make assumptions. Yeah. But I always assume that like people are like think of divorce as a failure. Here's my other position. I'm like fantastic. Yeah. I'm like 19 years like that's that's That's really a personal. It's a successful. We had a, I buy all intents and purposes. It was a success. Yeah. Until it didn't work out, right? Right.

And actually, well, my belief, it's sort of like this. I look at it, I mean, obviously, I think I've had a valve way of thinking, because most people take divorce very personally. Right. It's rejection. And it's, you know, most of them are ugly. I, both my ex and I came from very nasty divorces with our

own parents. So we were just sort of resolute. Like we're not going to go down that path. We get along very well. We're very good friends. But I think a relate, a marriage is neither a beginning nor an end of a relationship. Right. You know, you meet someone, you start dating.

It's going great, you know, you fall in love, whatever. And then, oh, hey, we're going to live together. And that's another step in the relationship. Right. And oh, hey, we're going to get, I'm going to ask you to marry me. We're going to, you know, now we're fiance's. Right. And hey, we're gonna live together. And that's another step in the relationship. And oh, hey, we're gonna get, I'm gonna ask you to marry me. We're gonna, you know, now we're fiancees. And then now we're married. That's fun.

So that sounds fun, the fiance part. It is. But then, and then you're married, and the married part's fun. And then, should happens. And, you know, it's, sometimes it's better not to fight it. Or again, it's not about, it's not a personal thing, I think. Unless you're outwardly mean to someone.

Like you said, like said, sometimes life happens. Yeah, and you do go to a part, no matter how I'm sure you tried when to therapy, maybe, I say. A little bit, yeah. It's more to it, but. You have it, right? Okay.

And then, obviously, I think when there's kids involved, there's more, I think to me, yeah. There's more of a reason to, there's more of a reason to, I think, have a good connection. Absolutely, right. But obviously, most people don't when they get divorced. So for me, it's more of a reason to, there's more of a reason to, I think, have a good connection. Absolutely. Right. But obviously, most people don't want to get divorced. So for me, it's like, so okay, so we're

no longer the married couple, but I still, because you just, that's it. Yeah. And the truth was, I mean, when I met her, when I met her when I was in my early 20s, my mom was like, you know, ill and she really, you know, she became my family. So that's 100% it. She is my family and she's a mother of my children and she's a strong woman. And, you know, I got nothing but respect for her. So for, like I said, for me and I got to be single and 40 and have my shit together. How fun is that? The most, I've had the most fun. Yeah, I've had the most fun the past five years that I didn't have in my early 20s. Exactly. Right. Exactly. So I've had fun all the way. That's great. And I didn't have in my early 20s. Exactly, right, exactly.

So I've had fun all the way. No, I haven't. I worked a lot in my 20s. No, I worked, I still worked on it. I don't know how old you are, so I'm not gonna assume. I'm not gonna say, ask. I know I'm not gonna say, ask. But I, um, you know, been in long term relationships.

I just, what's the longest? I'd say about three years. That's, I thought that long compared to you. Well, again, I don't know, I don't know how old you are. So I don't know here in your 20s. Yeah, I'm 21. That's fantastic. So yeah, my fascination with sex coming from.

That's what I want. Oh, OK. You were like, you're 24, 7, flat flight. Yeah, exactly. Well, I like the flashlight because I think it helped men think that they talk about toys all the time. They're not just for women. They're for women.

OK, so this started for me. It's interesting how it happened. It's not just for, you know, women. They're for you. I know, but when did the start for you? Okay, so this started for me. It's interesting how it happened is because my background is actually politics. Okay. Funny enough, I worked in politics in San Francisco. I moved there. I went to University of Michigan. I moved there after college.

Are you from Michigan? I am from Michigan. Bloomfield? Yeah, close by. Yeah, Birmingham. Bloomfield. Do you know it? Yeah.

Are you from there? No, no, no, no, no. I have, no, my, my ex's family. Oh, okay. So you've been there. I'm not once, not with her, but I've been there once. But anyway, so I'm from, yeah, suburb of Detroit, and I grew up there. And then I, I went to University of Michigan, and I was starting studying psychology and politics. But I was really interested in political science. I was really interested in politics. And so I thought I moved to San Francisco after college, because there's all these, I wanted to work

for women, and helping them get elected to office. Move to San Francisco, work in politics. And so I thought I moved to San Francisco after college because there's all these I wanted to work for women and helping them get elected to office. Move to San Francisco, worked in politics for a while, like six, seven years. And then I sort of became just a lesion.

I loved it. I was helping women. But then I became just a lesion with it sort of because there's all that money. And I didn't, at first I was really idealistic.

I was like, I'm going to teach you. I was about money. No, this is about, but this for me, unfortunately was about, so back up is that my whole life I was like thinking I was never driven by money. I was all about Because my parents raised me they to my mother told me never rely on a man to take care of you

And my father hated what he did think my parents are divorced too, but my dad did was a good divorce. I was good to worse That's good. Yeah But but then my dad didn't love being a lawyer. And then I realized I was going to law school if I'd sit at him and he said, I don't like it. So I thought, okay, I can never rely on anyone else to take care of me. And so I better figure out what I love. So for me, my big passion in life, and I've always been a very like, as like a straight

a student, like I've worked really hard because I was like, I've got to find out what my passion is. So politics was my passion in college until it wasn't. And then, oh, and then I read this book Do what you love the money will follow after college and I really really truly believe that I thought like if I find my passion And I'm really good at it and when politics it did but that I wasn't anymore because it was the whole thing So then I decided one day to make a documentary film which I'd never made a film about Willie Brown who was the mayor. Yeah, it's never to. So I'd never made a film to know anything about it.

And I, whatever, I don't even know. I found someone who had a camera on, I started shooting this film. And I made a film, got in a film festivals. And I, you know, took me like three years and edited it, shot it, directed it. That's awesome. Yeah, it's good. It's called See How They Run. You can get it on iTunes and Netflix. Very cool. I'll check that out.

Yeah, it was on PBS. I love documentaries. Do you meet two? So I was obsessed with documentaries. That would happen. I started becoming really interested in film. So from there, I decided, okay, I did not like the producing as much. I didn't like all the, I like I'm a good editor, but I just, I loved interviewing people. And everyone talked to me because I'm pretty open.

I'm like, okay, I love the journalists excited about it. What can I do for my next project that is something that that obviously you know when you do documentary or film anything creative you got to be like passionate about it. I was like I've always been passionate about relationships why they work why they because I've never wanted to marry it's like why they work why they fail and why do you think you never want to get me just to stop there why do you think you're because your parents are like each I attended four, my parents, like, each, I tended for my parents' wedding as far as 25. Like, they each got married through times, my dad died when I was 19.

Like, I had a very like tumultuous childhood. So, I think that, I think that, I think that, no, we could have a tumultuous runoff here. What's it called? I had a stepdad who walked around naked. Oh, that's pretty bad. Yeah, it was pretty bad. You had a good body at least. Oh, it was awful.

You would yell at me in the nude, it was the worst. Oh, that's terrible. Mine was abusive. But he wasn't naked. Thank God, although I did walk in. You haven't lived until you've been yelled at by your stuff, father with his neck on your face. That's terrible. No, are you still married? A big of Vainey is a Vainey. Oh, you'll never forget that. It's so white. Oh, I love I should drink more during the show. Absolutely. This is really good wine. It's a good stuff. It's really good. I love that that. I love I should drink more during the show. Absolutely. This is really good. It's really good. I love that one. I came and tasted it. Do you want some? I kind of do it. But here's the deal. Guys, I'm not paying attention to the show. I'm letting you down. But like you guys should be awkward and you're not.

You're totally natural. I feel awkward because I feel like the overbearing matradite staring at both of you. That's why I'm looking at them. Did you have any questions for us? What's the soup? No, we're having like a real date. This is for Rizzo. I know you a couple times you guys are getting a divorce. Did you just say Rizzo?

I am sorry. I say it ironically. I don't say it. I don't say it. I don't say it. No, but I don't see it. Whatever. You don't know me.

Don't judge me. Okay, so then, so then, no me. So then parents, whatever. So I was like, I realized. No marriage. You want to be relationship. Whatever, right. And I thought, so I invited a bunch of friends over. So I was like, I realized no marriage. You want to relationship? Right. And I thought, right. So I invited a bunch of friends over. I thought I'll do a podcast. I'm still waiting to see how this gets to sex. I'm telling you I did a podcast. I thought, I'm going to be saying about sex

and relationships tied in together. Like, how do you have good sex? Because those are all the things that can find me. I thought, okay, but wait, stop right there. I had not the best sex of my life. You had not. I knew that I had not. Okay. I thought everyone else was talking about the best sex of my life. You had not. I knew that I had not. Okay. I thought, everyone else was talking about the best sex, and whenever someone would say to me, oh my God, it was the best sex. I'm like, what do you mean? Cause I'm a questioner.

But don't you think they're full of shit? Yes. Because I ran into so many girls who, who they promote sexuality, but they are indeed not. How do you know, because you got them in bed and they stopped or what? Yeah.

Right, exactly. I mean, a deal breaker for me is making out. Right, if you can't kiss them, exactly. Well, you can get better. I'm like, it's a there and go. No, you're not. It's like, it's like, it's a deal. It's a deal breaker.

I can't be a deal breaker. That doesn't mean they're not great and bad if they couldn't kiss you. I don't think that's a good limit. No, but as far as like a relationship, making out is so amazing. No, it is. It's true. It's very important. But sometimes the first time you're with someone, you would be nervous.

So no. OK. Got it. That's your deal breaker. That's your deal breaker. Now there's all this pressure of God forbid we make out. God forbid. Date two.

But this is really going to say is that just so I can finish my thought, which I don't often do. No, no, because just because then I want to get back to the kissing because I have a lot to say about that. Oh, jeez. So I thought, so combine my interests and relationships, which I think you hadn't had to attack everybody. And then I thought to myself, I don't think I've had the best sex with my life.

In other words, so I invited a bunch of friends over my house. No orgasm. Gay, straight, I had orgasms, gay, but not, you know, gay, straight, married, divorce. And I said, I'm just going to interview you guys separately on a pod, I create a podcast. I called it sex with Emilates, came with that name, and I posted an iTunes. And it became very popular after a few months, probably because of the sexment title.

And then I got a live show on CBS Radio, and that's how it all happened. So when I started, I was not necessarily an expert. Everyone's like, oh, you know, but then I got a live show on CBS Radio. I started getting callers and questions. And then I interviewed a hundred to people. I read every sex book, and I got my live show in CBS Radio. I started getting collars and questions. And then I interviewed hundreds of people. I read every sex book and I got my doctorate last year.

And I feel like, you know, now, not eight years later, I'm an expert, but that's really where it started because I thought, you look at all these failed relationships and there's many things that can grow on. But a lot of times it's turned in, you see all the problems people have with sex in relationships after a while, the sex wanes or together.

And I just became really, and I think it's something that I get very bored easily. And and I thought this is gonna keep me interested for life because it's so expansive there's so many things to learn and I still never run out of idea for the show. But are you one of those people that feel like you got to keep it spicy in the bedroom and dress up in costumes. No, see the thing is okay well I'm not gonna tell you but people expect that so. I think people who try that hard have much bigger problems. Yeah, well, no, but I think the couples who have been together for all might need to do that, but I'm not. If they needed to keep the relationship going, then that's a bit like, if they're inherently

like, yeah, let's, you know, if it's just sort of, or I'm all about organically, things happening organically, I think when, you know, it's like we've got it We've got to try something and it's like well To me those are just symptoms of a bigger problem that are happening underneath. Yeah, but sometimes you go together for a long time And they don't talk about their sex like I'm not I've never been with someone where that happened But many people are together for a long time and they don't talk about sex So they might need to say no sex was much better post Right see but why but here's the thing

I would never say it was bad. No, but why wasn't it amazing? Because you would kill so you know I was so young probably just I don't regret it. Okay, I don't believe in regrets either I know but anyway, I thought so sex was a thing so yeah, I thought no, okay So the number one question I get asked on personal was like our guys like Intim intimidate date you or do they expect I think yeah, they expect that they're gonna Go and date with me. I'm gonna have like a sex swing in my bedroom, and I'm gonna have sex hoys laid out and I'm gonna be dry No, I mean honestly, I'm like I'm like a nice. That's the image at least totally and that you can understand why they think that I know But it was weird because when we were texting each other before this all came down today. I didn't get that vibe

Like like your persona and I don't want to like ruin anything Yeah, you're listeners, but like I was like oh, she seems cool. No, and then it's like You mean like my Twitter and my yeah, oh yeah, you have to pee or you're about to blow your g-spot, you know That's not my educate. I'm educating you know. I just I'm trying to hear who the real who the real Person is right, you know, that's not educated. I'm educated. No, I get it. I just, I'm trying to figure out who the real, who the real person is. Right. You know, so, um, yeah, who is the real person with a real Emily, please stand up. Who is the real Emily? I'm, you know, I'm all about helping people have better sex.

That's my professional thing. Right. How people build their sex and relationships and sex information. Communication, I think, is the key to better sex. Period. I always say communication is a lubrication. It's sure, that's a good one. Communication is lubricating.

You hate what I'm saying, but it's true. No, no, no, no, I think, no, it's just a great catch. No, you put that on a t-shirt. I should. Right that down there. Communication is lubricating. No, but it's just true, and I think that couples who don't, and I think that couples need to communicate

at the beginning, if, just what they want. They're just like, you said, even about the flowers. Like, talk about it. So the problems come and relate to just where people like, don't talk to the media, if they want. They're desires, like you said, even about the flowers. Like, talk about it. So the problems come and relates to just people like, don't talk to them. They've been to the other 10 years. I'm like, well, do you know what? Because all I do is answer emails, questions,

callers about how to help people with their sex life. It's like, well, have you ever talked about your, no, even the other 20 years, you never talked about it. You don't know what turns around. Do you know what she's at in the market? I mean, people like, you can't believe how far they get in relationships. So I'm like, talk to the beginning.

It's very hard. I mean, sex is so taboo. Society and an orgasm? I mean people like you can't believe how far they get in relationships I'm like top of the beginning. It's very hard. It's so taboo Society and talking about it. I mean we don't we're not trained to we don't get like there's not like a class on how to talk about sex Unless you listen to my podcast, but yeah, I think that I'm not I'm like a nice girl from the Midwest really No, you seem very cool actually, but I'm not but I do have a sex talk show So that is runs into some problems when yeah people don't know me and they do think That I'm gonna be this creative sex girl. And to be honest, yeah, that's not going to say. I mean, I'm not, look at, I'm pretty open-minded.

So I come in, I think I have a reasonable, reasonable expectation of people. I wasn't expecting to come in and be on the doctor season block. Did you think I was going to have a sex swing in here? No, no. You have sex toys not ready to go? No, you don't. Because you think I was going to be wearing lingerie? No, because I no, no, no, no, you don't because I was gonna be wearing lingerie. No, because I'm pretty aware and so like if our tech like I again

You you text like a normal sensible person. I am normal. That's what I'm saying So but if your text were like, oh, it's gonna be great. We're gonna pull out dildos and My bag I'm gonna pull them out after that doesn't have minutes Yeah, a couple weeks ago No, yeah, I do have what sexes are sex toys a lot because I do think that a lot of women I think they're hot. I love I mean that's you. Oh my god. My tummy my fetish You want my my girl a woman masturbating is probably the hottest thing in the world. Right. Yeah, I don't watch porn with guys in it Emily's thinking you've come to the right place. Oh my god

I always talk about mutual masturbation is like the hottest thing you can do or just a guy watching woman because a it's hot And B you learn know exactly what she does So you're on and you can kind of repeat that so I'm actually cut down on my amount of sex a lot now Why because I I did it so much after my divorce right that you like I kind of killed it I kind of killed it. I think and for me just using the flashlight. No, no, no, no, but I think there's a lot of other fun things to do besides the inter I think intercourse is a very personal act, right? And I think I, I obviously had my fun, but I it it lost something for me. And for me, if I'm with a

woman, there's so many things you can do besides actual intercourse where you can get off. And for me, that I have a I've just as much fun. I'd rather I'm holding the sex closer to the vest. That's good. It's good. That's just to like a blow it all at once. I was a bit slutty. Were you? Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Like a reaction to. Oh, it was great. Was it fun? Because I was a really awkward kid. I was a really awkward kid. So I wasn't like worldly experience going into marriage. So coming out of it, I had a whole different attitude about it. And you probably weren't having the best accent

where you were married for a while. You don't say that. You don't have to confirm it or deny. But then you know, it was fine. It was fine. It was fine. It was fine, whatever. I was with the same person for a very long time.

But it wasn't. Whatever. You were fun when you got divorced. So I did. So now it's so sex toys. what kind of sex toys do you like or turn you on or have you seen or you from my way? When women use them on themselves? I haven't had, I have not experienced that that much.

A lot of girls are very self-conscious about doing that in front of a guy. No, I know and they shouldn't be because I think it's kind of hot. I think that men, yeah, I mean. Like I said, I don't watch, I don't like watching pornography with guys. I don't, if I'm gonna watch porn it's either a girl by herself or

With another woman because watching a dude have sex is like you feel like the weird guy in the room like Am I watching this guy exactly? What you like what you like what weird guy in the room? You are the weird guy you're like earth or having How do you feel Anderson? What's your commentary? Is that weird? Hey, Seba once said and I've totally agree with him here Who? Anderson what your commentaries are weird hey seibo once said and I've totally agree with him who who oh Steve oh from jack yes okay because he's world-leading yes everyone of steve oh I know I know we're gonna write this down yeah what you said the watching porn without dudes and dick is like watching like skateboard ramps without

skateboarders on them it's weird there's something for everyone I agree I mean I I think that a lot of men have that like one dick theory like they want to be the only dick in the room. Yeah. But then someone like like watching Lesbian Poets, something for everyone, I think. But I was lesbian, poor when I was a lot younger and it's just sort of evolved. And like I'll just watch a girl master, right?

Right, which sites do you watch? Listen to, watch. You don't tell me. Watch, no, I mean, what's great now, what's, I mean, it's killed the whole porn business. It's just all these free websites now. So like, I know it's all free. I'll give, I'll give a plug to nudevista.com.

Nudevista. Okay, let's get them. I don't know. They just they list everything. Is that like a tube jam? Yeah, it's just what we're like list every porn imaginable. I came across one. A friend of mine sent me this horrible email, which I opened my mistake.

And that's how I found out about it. And I've never went back. But there's one called beautiful agony. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Beautiful agony. I was just now waiting on masturbating you just see their faces Well, because you went on you just see their faces and their master I see one of those one That's been around for a long time. Someone gave me their free password once. Mm-hmm

There's nothing beats nothing beats watching a girl have an orgasm Yeah, it's true weeks ago. I've been trying to say I think you've put it into the date the wrong spot Yeah, I'm a true date. I'm sorry sorry It's like would you like any more wine? Emily's the wine good. It's really good. It's really good. Yeah. Do you think it's good? Yeah, I do Emily like I see I like the wine. It's great wine. Redwood Redwood quick quick Redwood Redwood Creek you guys are doing a couple weeks ago Emily had a guest in here who was like the sex toy expert And they were like literally fencing in there with sex toys. There was sex toys.

So I do do that. I have a lot of, like, my entire garage is filled with the sex toys. What's your favorite? I would say that egg shape on the N where it gets the curves up and hits your G spot. There's a million of those. G spot vibrators to me. I'm more into, yes, I do like some, like the, like the G key by, um, J-JU is a popular one.

But I like, I like G-Spot. I like, um, there's a lot of great G-Spot vibrators. But if you go to sexwithendly.com slashgoodvibes, you can see the store of all my favorite toys. But right now, I like clitoral vibrators because the problem is a lot of women do not get enough clitoral stimulation during intercourse because the man's penis is nowhere hitting her. Well, they're not the guys not spending enough time beforehand. That's true. We need to warm up before play. It's such a fine line.

But if you do too, it's just it's tricky and again a girl that communicates is really important because you can spend time in that area. And she's like you're doing nothing. Or you're doing too much or too hard. You got to lighten up. Like you really I've learned so much about like, I'm, apparently I'm going with my hands is what I'm told. Oh, good. So I spent a lot of time working on that. That's good.

That's good skill. Yeah, yeah. But that said, it's like when you're a guy and you're just like, well, I'll just rub it and rub. And sometimes it's too much. Right. So every woman is different. Like, so far.

Like you put a hundred women in a room and they're all going to be like touching themselves differently. And it's hard because there's nothing to say. So guys like when my last girlfriend always had a dog, you know, so I like the Leia vibrator LA. It's a good clitoral one. And then for G spot vibrators, I like that. It's called the G key. How do I even spell it? It's like G I K I. But do you use both at the same time? I mean, it depends or, you know, I don't know. I'm not't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that.

I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that.

I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that.

I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do. And I'm like, can you just schedule like I'm kidding, but I'm like, I need to have like masturbation time. I schedule because I'm so busy, which is ironic. You think I would do all time because I have so many toys, but I have a store sex.com slash good vibes where you can see all my favorite things. But I like all different fun. You know, I just think it's fun to mix it up, you know? Well, is it different for you if you're doing it like a quick sash versus a real sash. Like a real sex like a re in a course. No, no, no masturbation. Like there's like, oh, I got to just get off really quickly versus like the

magic on some candles and what the hotachi. Yeah, it's not called a touch anymore, but it is the mess. The the massager. That's what I love about Brookstone. You go into Brookstone. I know. All those massagers like that's not for your neck. Exactly.

No, the hotach is like the two minute orgasm. It's it's like, I got you. That's a quick. But yeah, exactly. That wasn't the last time. But do you ever put in like a long, like I'm gonna sit here for like 20, 30 hours? Yes, I think that all women should do that

because the biggest, at men. Absolutely. Right, but it's fleshly. No, I'm kidding. I'm not gonna force flesh on you, but I think that I'm not. I think that a lot of women, the problem sexually, because I feel bad for men, honestly.

If I was a man and I had to figure out the vagina, which I think is like the Rubik's cube of life, it would be really hard because there's so, now that the penis are different, but it's complex. It's like what we're different women need. And I think the problem is though, is that men are raised to believe that, like, I got to forget this out and give her an orgasm. Whereas I think that women... You think that? You don't think men are raised to believe that like, I gotta forget this out and give her an orgasm. Whereas I think that women, don't think men are more selfish in bed.

They are, but then eventually maybe they, yes. I do think some men are selfish, but there are some men. Like, I don't have fun unless she's having fun. That's a very, that's a deal killer. Like if a girl's like just finished, and she's like, no, no. Like I'm not, right. But there's a lot of men who aren't like you,

and there's a lot of men who are like, I don't give a shit what happened to you. But I think the problem is that a lot of women expect that the man's going to know, but they don't spend that time figuring out their own bodies because they think the guy's going to know, but he's not going to know and let's you know. So women have to spend more time masturbating, like figuring out what makes them feel good. Like they could have a Roger's zone.

They never even dreamed existed and they didn't spend the time figuring out their own body. So I think it's important for women to do that, take that time. So yeah. I'm talking a lot about sex. It's a sex at that time. I know, I know.

But if we were on a real date, we would be talking about sex at that time. No, I actually always tell me whether you shouldn't talk about sex on a person. That's what I'm saying. However, I can never, I can't escape it because it's a good idea for living. No idea.

And as I try to hide what I do, which I can't, it's hard because the Google Me or something happens. Yeah, I mean, look, we're on a sex talk show. So it's not like, oh my God, I can't believe you talked about sex. No, right, you're not going to judge me for that. No, no, no.

Because normally I wouldn't, like normally. In fact, I prefer if people don't know what I do for living when we get to, I said, uh-oh, remember you messaged me, you're like, I knew you looked familiar to me, misadvised. I was like, uh-oh, because I'm like, there you go, I think sex with them like, like I don't like that people see me as sex with them before what?

What's the doucheyest thing a date's ever said to you after finding out that you're sex with them? The doucheyest. I bet you could guess that. You better be good. It's like a bunch of douchey things. I think they obviously wanted to be, you know, you want to do some homework tonight? Are you all right? You better be like a bunch of douchey things I'm gonna be obvious one. Is that a meme? You know, you want to do some homework tonight?

You better be good better from I don't know I'm going guy, but that was in the show I don't know like just like or they're super enters it all of a sudden You know what that should be? I think it was thought doucheous doucheous and just like like stories about like bad dates Not that this is one this is the first bad date. No, I'm just kidding You are humor. I'm funny. No, no, but I think um The douchey she thinks are just like no, I just think the guys of us have become really interested I think the douchey thing is like Lauren looking at shirtless guys

No, she's 22. She just moved here. Cute guys. She's cute guys She's like she's one of the abs. They have six pack abs. I said that's where she's his trainer She liked that. I talked her out of it didn't I learn you didn't she's the of them. But the abs, they have six pack abs. I said that's where she's the trainer, she liked that. I talked her out of it. Didn't I learn you didn't, she said, we should grab it. I'm like, really, this guy's letting me ask about you. And he's got a shirt off like, this is not your die. But I'm also, you know, I can't tell her what she wants.

It can be Mr. Right now. Right, you can see with them tonight, and as long as you're in time tomorrow to work, I don't care where you go. But the dishes thing, I just think that, you know, they probably don't say it to me, but they're thinking oh So sometimes it's got to the point where they're like, oh, do they only want to do me because you sex them Is she really a good bet is she not whatever so no, I'm gonna have crazy sex stuff going on in our house like a dungeon Which I don't have FYI shows over shows over no dungeon, but I do I did take a tour of a dungeon once you did

I was on it was in San Francisco. Of it was amazing it was it's I think that calm no it was a call I can't believe that I met this girl right you dungeon and it just you know we again I tend to do this thing where I really sort of build like I like the dialogue with women so it's not just about like you know I just like to get to know people and I was up there and I knew that she was a dominatrix or, you know, or I think that was a date. Was it a date? No, we just sort of met up for like a drink, but then she's like, you want a tour of the dungeon? I was like, yeah. But I don't really have interest in doing and I don't. I'd be going to see it like. And I got a whole tour.

It was fantastic. It was like, he was like the sort of church themed room and then I remember we were walking by a bathroom and and she's and I was like oh this is the bathroom and she's like yeah that's where we paint shit on people and she pointed at the the bathroom all that horrible the down the makeshift no they do like I know a lot they make good money and they don't have to have sex they just have to like do crazy shit to them they never have sex it seems like it's just about you know guys like getting stuff rammed up them and they being sort of embarrassed or ridiculed.

Exactly, exactly. That's very intriguing, but that's been my whole sort of post. I just like these periods. It's not a good time. I just like the experience of it all. I really do. That's what I'm sitting here. What's that?

What was your say for the team of people? I said I didn't do anything. I was like, this is a tour, man. I was just trying to catch it. This is why I think that sex is so interesting to me. And so where I said is where I didn't fidget my story was that my whole life was out like what's my passion, what's my purpose, how can I change the world. And the first time I did my show, I thought I finally, like I thought it was politics, I was filming, I was like this is it because I knew that I enjoyed in hearing people's stories. And that it would infinitely, there's nobody, I feel like, this is it, because I knew that I enjoyed in hearing people's stories.

And that it would, infinitely, there's nobody, I feel like who your audience? I'm like, who is in my audience? Like, who doesn't either have too much sex on enough? They don't want it. Whatever it is, it's something that touches everyone. And I'm learning, and everyone else is learning. And I think we all learn from each other.

So to me, I think it's something that's just interesting. Like it's just, it's expansive. And people are so limited, I think, in their sex life, they. It's just it's expensive and people are so limited I think in their sex life they keep doing the same things over and over again And I think it's good to like I'm not talking about doing crazy stuff But just keep your sexuality can be so expensive. There's like so many cool things that you could experience Or feel that you don't even know because you're used to doing everything the same way and just I don't need not even that Just yeah that and just that

When sex dies in a relationship people think there's a lot of people who's kind of right off like it's just, I don't need not even that. Just yeah, that and just that when sex dies in a relationship, people think there's a lot of people who's kind of right off. Like, it's okay. We're friends, whatever. But it's, it's really is the glue a lot of times. It doesn't need to be this important thing. But if you stop having sex, there's a problem. Like if you like years ago, by you're like, well, we're front, I get it for the kid. Well, years go by. Wow. Oh, month people. Even months. I mean, definitely months. I believe. I've attracted anymore. And you don't even want to have it But you tried and too much time and pass I think the venue roommates. Yeah, no absolutely and every all me

I mean unless you're like in less you are not someone's interested in sex It's intense tough. It's it's hard. I mean marriages. I know I'm I congratulate you for your 19-year commitment It was fantastic. I'm sure. It was. It was wonderful. But, you know, it's a hard thing to sustain. And I think that, you know, our grandparents got married for different reasons. And our parents got, you know, my parents were the first generation to get divorced.

And then they were disasters at that. And so they had a bad divorce. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was cool. How did it affect you? It was like, how will we go? I was six.

Yeah, that's rough. Would you grow up? Yeah, let's say or no. You affect it was like how will do you? Oh, I was six. Yeah, yeah, where'd you grow up? You like to say or no, you tell me after. No, it's after. Okay. Got it. That's tough. It was horrible. Yeah, yeah. And but I don't know like, but it's weird to see people who get married now and it ends in divorce and it gets really nasty. Right. Again, because people take things personally.

Right. Exactly. They do. They do what they take it personally. Yeah, I know. And I feel like for people, hopefully you hand it well. Let's do children like you never want to be that couple who's like, no, no, exactly. They do. They do what they take a personally that they, yeah, I know. And I feel like for people, hopefully you hand it well. Let's do children, like you never want to be that couple who's like, you know, no, no, no, absolutely no. But also it is, it is very hard on children.

But I also think that, no, as I'm going to say, is that that marriage, I just think it's great that you, you, I don't look it as a failure, like I said. No, I don't look at a lot of things like. I'm very proud of my marriage. Right. Like it sounds like. I did that. You did it right. I don't know if I'll ever do it again. Exactly, but like your kids and you do the thing

and so it doesn't work. It doesn't mean that like your life is a people just beat themselves up, I think. No, they do. When the best thing to do from any kind of thing that you might perceive as a failure is how can I learn from this? Yeah.

What have I learned about myself? You know, there's so many people who go through breakups and they blame their partner and they never look at themselves. And I think it's such a good, great time for growth and to learn about yourself when you talk through that. But that said too, I would say that as much fun as I've had in the last five years, and it's actually literally coming up on the five years when everything went to shit, that I've been thrown sort of for like in a real tailspin relationship wise figuring out what

do I want? Do I want what I want to be married again. I don't, you know, so many, there's so many external factors that have contributed to who I am now, but it's hard in some ways I'm very lost in the relationship front. It's like I've dated, I've met some really great women who I just couldn't go more than, you know,

I think the longest relationship I've had in the last five years has been a month or two. Wow, okay, and do you end it or they end it or both? I usually, I, here's the thing, like I don't fuck around. Like I, when I, you can tell, it game over. I don't get people who say together for six months and then break up. It's like don't you sort of, if your eyes are open, I feel like most of the eyes aren't open though. A lot of people have to create fantasies about something. I'm going to change them whatever. So you end it. But that said, I also, you can also be very self-defeating.

So it, you know, we're, we're, see that month long relationships in the last five years. So now you're, so now you're the pen jeans that has won. You're like, okay, did that. And now you're like, okay, maybe I want something more. But it also, but then it's also, you have to look internally, well, what kind of people am I attracting?

Right. And again, people who love to complain about, I can't meet the right girls. I can't meet the right guy. They want to blame everyone else. It's like you kind of look at why you're attracting that kind of person. Right.

I always tell people to do that lesson. If you keep dating the same person over and over again, you are the common denominator, not them. Look at yourself. Or if you're going to bars, it all depends on how you're spending your days. Exactly. And so, but all that said, so I feel like I've met some

better people lately, but it's, you know, again, I've been through so much. Right. It's, it's in life so short, and I love having, I love just enjoying every minute, so I don't know, it's hard, because I do, you know, I'm alone sometimes. Right. And sad, and... Do you get lonely? Oh, absolutely. Oh, and there were days, especially getting used to be, when you're with someone, what?

Nothing. Go ahead. You know, when you're whistle on first long as I was with someone, you know, it was a Once you're suddenly alone. Yeah, oh for sure. There's a whole detangling process. Right. Really messes you. I mean, it's like you're wiring You're like this is just not yeah, and you might have your kids have time or whatever. How old are kids? My daughter's 15 Okay, you just get into it. Well, it's gonna barely bring, we're gonna, okay. No, no, I'm gonna say it, but we're not gonna spend time talking about it, because this really isn't the show. Okay.

I actually lost one of my children. Yeah, so we don't have to talk about that. But yeah, so that had nothing to do with the divorce or anything, but again, it all plays into who I am and what I'm doing and I no no no no don't please I It's not this isn't the you know deaf and dying show so Even through a lot absolutely and you can do a date on live on the air. I know it's a show over Yeah, I think you gotta wrap up wrap it up. We got another show going here

But um, thank you so much Chad for being on the show with me. I hope you had a good day. What do you think? It was fun. It was great. Sadly, I left off such a low note. No, that's okay. You're gonna lose a child. Dun dun dun dun dun dun. So anyway, Anderson, thank you for being here as my bodyguard just in case he was a crazy person, but he's not crazy.

He's really sweet. Everyone should check out Anderson's podcast. Where do the kids find it? Yeah, you always forget. The film ball. The film ball is a killer podcast. It is. This week we're doing top five actors that died too young.

So once again, low notes. Sorry guys. But this music is making it nice, date music. It's so damn, it's so romantic. It is romantic with my Emily and the German candles. This is my candle line. It smells good. Massage candles.

This is a turn to massage oil. Yes, so if you blow it out and you you poured on your skin, it makes your skin really soft or you could give a massage, but it's like not sticky or It's like a light blow. The massage is butt with it. Hey guys, before we end the show here, can I get highlights and low lights of the day? Oh, okay. There's a low lights. There could be. Probably probably me talking about the loss of a child. No, no, I don't think that's really all wrong, honest. I wouldn't say that I thought it was good. I thought we could actually really well. We had good connection. I think Chad's low light was when you turn and yelled at me and you get really mad at me.

That part of the fuck I was going to cut out. Okay, I can't remember. I just put off by that little. But I think I just talked too much and talked over. No, you did not. I think it's good. I don't have any low lights except for, let me think. I can't think right now.

Can we do it less? My highlight is Lauren looking at a guy with hot abs on Tinder. So your highlight was my assistant. Do you want her number? No. That's cool. That's cool. She's hot. She is. She's sweet. Are we going to get a drink? Are we going to do that?

Yeah. Do we want to get a drink after? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. We're going to get a drink. So I'll see you next week. Okay, everyone. Thanks, Anderson. And thank and thank you Lauren for being a wonderful assistant and thanks everyone for listening. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, section of Emily. Thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. It was a good for you. Email me. FeedbackItSex with Emily.com. Sex toys aren't just for women. Go to sexwithanley.com slash fleshlight to discover the best sex toys for men.

The fleshlight. A lot of guys say it feels even better than sex and it helps build stamina, meaning it will last longer in bed. Go to sexwithanley.com slash fleshlight to see my fleshlight recommendations and get one tonight. Perhaps play a little game called just a tip. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Hey, this is Jordan Harbinger, host of the Art of Charm Podcast, the number one dating

and relationship advice podcast in iTunes. I'm Emily Morris, host of the Sex with Emily Podcast, the number one sex and relationship podcast on iTunes and it's sexwithemily.com. And this is just the tip. All right, Emily, boobs. What's the deal? A lot of girls want one thing. A lot of girls want something totally different are their guidelines?

I feel like sometimes I'm lost when I get a new pair me a new pair of breasts You don't know what to do about them Well, here's a thing every woman is different some women love their breasts touch They want to have them to be lavish with attention in fact a nipple orgasm second most popular orgasm It's on the planet. However some women they don't want to catch it off for women. Okay. So the deal, yeah, exact, is for women. But I think with every new sexual act, every new pair of boobs you run into, you got to start slowly. Because you don't know what kind of brush she likes. So you can start rubbing her nipples very tenderly, gently start gentle and see how she reacts. Cut her breasts. You don't want to rip them out. You don't want to rip don't wanna like, you know, rip them out,

you don't wanna like, you need that far. Really, you don't wanna rip the boobs out. No, you wanna lightly graze your finger tip around the breasts, and then you might decide if she's cool with that, then you move on to some light tugging and other nipple manipulations. I just, you might have nipple clamps by the end of the night.

I'm just thinking like, jack the ripper mode. Like, you don't wanna rip the breast set. Oh, that's what I've been doing around. Exactly, dude, that's why you didn't get a second date No, but it's all about pay attention to how she is reacting So she's moaning when you're ripping her boobs at the near end of the right track She's leaving the house running out the door not so much right got it So look for a verbal cues size faster sharper faster, sharper, and take a breath, look at our body language,

and you don't have to be a mind reader, but a body reader could score you major points. Excellent. If you guys want to learn more from the art of charm about dating, relationships, and even networking for business, visit us at theartofcharmpodcast.com or check us out in iTunes and follow me on Twitter at the art of charm. And check out the section of the L.A.s at sexwithelmi.com and on iTunes, if you want to have the best sexier life that is, also follow me on Twitter at Sex with Elmi.