Sex With Emily - Emily's Pleasure Muse

Episode Date: August 9, 2017

Our bodies are road maps of pleasure– we just have to make time to discover new paths. On today’s show, Emily is joined by the Pleasure Muse, Dolly Josette,  who helps people figure out what they truly want to to have the best sex lives possible! Want some tips on how to light that sex spark after it’s been extinguished? Wondering how to gauge your man’s pleasure meter? Need help mastering the art of seduction? These lovely ladies give their best advice on these issues, plus, they talk about what a sexological bodyworker really does. Don’t miss it! Thanks for supporting our sponsors who help keep our show FREE: Sportsheets, System JO, UVee, Womanizer Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show, my guest is Daly Jozette, the pleasure muse, and she joins me as we help you navigate your sex and relationship questions. Topics include what you didn't know about your penis. What to do when the spark has gone out? What your emotional fear is telling you and how to finally have that nipple gasm. All that's more, thanks for listening. You hear, you just got his heart broken, you think she kinda cute. The girls gotta understand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. So you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUT OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ OUTRO MUSIC You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemle.com. You can check out all of our podcasts. You can easily subscribe to the podcast, the newsletter, and everything at sexwithemle.com.

I love when you review this show, you guys. It's awesome. You can review us on iTunes. I know it takes some time to do it, but we appreciate it and definitely helps the show. Now you guys, you can find the podcast and iHeart Radio on their app or their website, which is very exciting because I love all the platforms now. You can find us on Google Play, SoundCloud, Spotify, and iTunes. And wherever you listen to podcasts, we are there.

You can follow us on social media. It's all at sex with Emily Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook. I love hearing from you. I'm excited for today's show. And before we get to my amazing guest, I gotta tell you guys about an amazing gift. This is so cool, you guys. I know, and I realize that I hadn't talked about this

to you guys enough. We have a new box out, Emily's Box. It's sex with Emily's Box, okay? And it's a subscription box that you can get quarterly. It's really cool box that has all these sexy surprises in it. And so it is a great gift. But it's also a great gift for you and your partner because every few months you get a special box. And it has all these like toys and accessories and loobs and like things that you can lick off each other like body paint. It's so fun and it has like information about how to use things

and so think about it. You guys are always saying to me like, how do we spice things up? How do we keep things interesting? Guess what? Every quarter, you're gonna get a box. And that's in that box, you're gonna be like, okay, yeah, tonight, it's on or this week.

It's something new, it's something interesting. And again, a great gift, wedding anniversary, shower gift, bridal shower, or just for yourself, you guys. Remember sex was someone you love, right? That's what masturbation is. It's a lot of time. We all love that. And then this month's called Better Than Basic, it's sexwithanley.com slash subscription

box. And I'm telling you guys, you're going to love the box. So time will you think of it. Also, one more thing. Okay, you guys were amazing because we did a huge Kickstarter campaign last year for UV, which is the cleaning system. It stores, cleans, and sanitizes your sex toys, right? I heard about it. And I thought, yes, sign me up. I will support you because two of the biggest bummers when it comes to using your toys, as you know, is when they are not charged or worse that you can't even find the charger because you lost it. And they're

not clean because when they're not clean, you guys, you can get, you know, it's just not great. You know, we just incidents after we masturbate, we get lazy, we put it away in our drawer, and they're like, oh, I don't want to clean it and charge it, right? So I finally got my UV, because you guys helped me to happen. And okay, so here's my story.

I was going on vacation. What usually happens is, like, the last minute thing is like, charge my laptop, find my sex toys, find the charger, is all that stuff. And then usually I end up like going on my trip and I don't have my toys because they're not charged and they're not used, they're not cleaned and all this stuff and they're never in one place.

But now you guys, the UV is unbelievable. It's better than I could have even dreamed. Like I opened the box and I was like, oh my God, there's all my toys laid out and charged. I'm ready to go. Just thinking ahead for me, it's already done, and you can always do it, of course, it's great during sex, you guys,

because you don't have to open up the drawer and there's all my toys and why is this one charged? Because really the worst sex I ever had was when I was about to have an orgasm in my toy diet. Like, that is the biggest bummer ever. So they've got two systems. They've got the UV go that you can actually take on the road, the UV play.

I keep it by my bed. It's like a beautiful box with a lock on road, the UV play. I keep it by my bed. It's like a beautiful box with a lock on it so no one can get into it and everything is sanitized, charged, and ready to go. So check it out at UVclean.com. It is the purple compliment for your sex toy collection and you guys are going to love it. Let me know what you think.

I'm really excited for my guest, Daly Jozette, the pleasure muse. And I know Daly because we took the somatic training in San Francisco last year. And I know I've talked about that on the show and I've had some other people that I studied with on the show and Daly's got a great perspective because we met there, but she's also a sexological body worker. And she's now called the pleasure muse.

This is her new business that she's launched. She's gonna tell us all about that. I love Daly Is her new business that she's launched. She's gonna tell us all about that. I love Dali, I love everything that she's about. And I think that today's conversation is really going to change the way you think about your own sex life and your relationship to your body. And there's a lot of your Dali. I'm so glad you're gonna be your day to share

all this great stuff you're doing. So talk to us about the pleasure muse. Well, the pleasure muse and thinking about how to launch the business, it's like all things pleasurable in our body. And if we listen to our bodies, like really amazing things can happen because we're kind of walking around like bobble heads over thinking things. And our bodies are really wise. And so it's like what makes you feel good and lean into that. The other thing is people sometimes want to put pleasure as a last priority, even look at up in the dictionary.

It's like extra-curricular. It's like, when we're babies, you want to make the baby laugh and smile and you tickle and you love and you kiss, and it's like they respond to pleasure. So we're made for pleasure. Right. And we forget about it. You're so worried for pleasure. And then we like, we all want to have sex and a pleasure

and we don't know how the hell to keep doing it to keep it good and keep it strong. Yeah. If the pilot like goes dim, it's like how to reignite it. So as the muse, always looking to see what are your best attributes and what your goals are with my clients or people in seminars and how to really start to help them turn the pilot light on. Let's talk about your story about how you got started into this whole world.

A little bit about where you came from, who you are. Well, I think I'll give you a little bit of a short version today. Yeah, is that okay? Perfect, yeah. Because then we got to get into sexological bodywork because I really want you to explain it. There's a lot to talk about. Well, when I married my second husband and we, I never expected not to be a biological

mother. And then I just came up with all these health issues. I was also in my late 30s, early 40s. And I think when it came down to having the last miscarriage and somebody had talked to me about sexological bodywork, and I just said, you know, Jason, if we're not going to use sex for procreation, what else is there to learn about it? Like we have the rest of our lives and we were so fortunate because we had a great, you know, sexual relationship, great, all kind, all around relationship.

But I was like, there has to be more, like we Like, we have so fulfilled, but what else is there? There's all these teachers, there's all the stuff. If I do it professionally, maybe. But for now, let's just you and I have fun with the homework. And it just kind of, and he's so supportive, and just always about, yeah, if you want to learn this, go for it. So what was the first thing that you learned when you brought home homework? Can you remember?

Was it, so it was sexological bodywork that was the first thing that you learned when you brought home homework? Can you remember? So it was sexological bodywork that was the first training? Yeah, I did training out in the UK with some great teachers of mind, D. Jean And Joseph Kramer is the man who started and made this legitimate, you know, profession. And he did all this pioneer work in the 70s to get it, to have the curriculum that we have now. But the first thing was about mindful masturbation or what he calls orgasmic yoga practice. It's about embodiment, like being in your body,

starting to know what feels good to you. Because how can you ask for what you want from somebody else if you don't actually know what your body wants. So I like to equate it that, you know, we all have our go-to, especially when it comes to masturbation, right? We all have our go-to, we know like how to snap the finger and have a little quick ear, whatever our go-to is, our toys, the porn, fantasy, whatever it is. And this actually starts to teach you how to play your body a little bit more like an instrument that we have multiple chords to play. Not just one thing. And taking the time, it's a little bit of the hardest thing for people who are in this fast pace,

but when you get in your body and you sink in, oh my God, I just started showing up differently. I just started showing up my feminine energy. I just started popping out. I just started connecting with my husband in a Way more sensual way Everything just responded because I took the time to get more connected with myself. Right. I talk a lot about I mean everything you're saying, you know, I think I say you got to slow down and make time for for me It's funny. I didn't know I thought that I now that I made it up But I did do it gave it wanderlust I was like mindful masturbation

I want to teach you about mine I'm gonna use that word and I didn't know that that was like a thing before. I always say to people like take the time to figure it out. We have so many of Roger's zones, but you actually did this for the training and I love this. So what I want to get into here is that because I'm always telling you about that and there is so much more people don't realize there's no roadmap. Like I tell you guys what's positive. I say like you won't we know these two Roger's zones, right? We know our generals, positive. I say like, we know these two origin stones, right?

Or we know our generals, like we know our brass, we know our penis for China. But what else? And I explain it, but you really have gone there and gone to these levels. So when you say that you slow down, mindfully masturbated and did homework with your husband, can you give example of like maybe something

that you did or what you learned that wasn't there before? Well, taking a break and not making wrong or go-to's, never taking that off the menu. It's totally there is a choice. Find a knock one out. Yeah, it's totally. Yeah, it's like, I'm not saying you're never gonna knock one out again.

Like keep it on the menu, like choose it, fast food. Sometimes you need it. But this was just like slowing down, how to use more breath, how to use more movement, how to use lights, how to use sound, how do you feel before a bath, after a bath. How do you maybe tease yourself and look in a mirror and touch yourself over clothes? I mean, one time I did that, I can get really light. You get totally, see what everyone here.

So I did that. And your voice is really sexy. So. Oh, you just gave me good thumbs. Yeah. I did that. And your voice is really sexy. Oh, you just gave me good thumbs. Yeah. I love that. So touching just over the shirt, she's touching herself. Yeah. Can we do that? She's so hot.

Do you guys have to check out her? And this is when I discovered how absolutely sensitive my nipples were. And instead of going down and reaching for the goodies and in between the legs, I just kept staying there and playing. And then I tried under the shirt. I was like, now I really like the material of the shirt today. And I just kept going there and touching and then look, I'm like getting to the bumps now. Because when you create new, erogenous zones, then your body gets memory. And that's what's somatic. So I'm a certified somatic, sexological body worker. Somatic means like of your body.

Your body has memory. So I created this whole pathway and I had this crazy, like, nipple gasm. But my shirt was covering my nipples. It was amazing. Okay, you've never had nipple gasm before. I have obsessed with nipple gasms. And when you, and people find them differently,

and that's how I found it. Well, I had still looking. How did you, you had the half a one. No, but really I say like it's so possible to really comment for women to say, except there's a no brain or clitoris in our nipples that give orgasms, yeah, the sensations. And so you did it. Did it one time or was it, I mean, was it the first time you tried or was it a few times of touching yourself? I mean, sometimes you get in your head and you're just like, you know, you're moving through things and you get distracted, but it's just really trying to find that time. But that one time, I went for it with the nipple gauze. I didn't even know I was going to discover this than I did. And then from there, I brought

that into like honey, let's try some other things. So when you see there during the nipple gas, this was during yourself now. You're like my own time. You just try. You truly did what I want every, and what I've done to in my masturbation, how I've gone deeper and how I tell my listeners and everybody that will listen, that they really, it will take some time. I know it's like we don't have enough, but it probably didn't take you maybe some extra 15 minutes or whatever it is, but you really, you all these type of having

sex in your late 30s, you're like, wow, that feels good, you did not know. You were not a virgin. It wasn't like no one touched your breast before, but because you took the time, you were able to experience it. I love this story. Yeah. And the thing about it is, and that's why Joseph Kramer, he calls in sexological body work orgasmic yoga practice, thinking it's like a practice.

Like there's no right or wrong, and to have that self-discovery, how people do like a yoga class, right? Like maybe I bend, you know, I can reach my toes today, but the next day I can't really reach my toes. But one time I took it literally, I'm like, does he mean yoga? Maybe I should try and do yoga moves while I'm masturbating. And let me tell you I tried. It was great. Yeah, no. I found some nice positions like the pigeon position and then the foot of my heel,

or the heel of my foot. In your vulva or something? Yeah, I like, it found right in between my legs. That's pretty awesome. I love the bit that's good for your, in your pelvic floor stretching there too. Yeah, it was awesome. That's a really good one. But you know you said something earlier about we don't have road maps and you know what

the road map is, it's our body. And we don't take the time to discover where these sounds are or to create new pathways. So like everybody talks, it's the clip, it's the clip. Well, did you know that the clip is just the beginning? There's actually clitorial legs that come around the clip, like a wish bound. And if you learn, and we, you know, we all the stuff with my certification

and the work that I do with people, because I'm, as a, as a sex logical body worker, I'm allowed to touch the pelvic floor. The tick sling that is in a minute, yeah. I will. If I can touch, I can touch the body as I need to for healing or helping people find their new pleasure pathways for themselves for their partners, teach their partners. It's really amazing.

But if you go on your outer labial and you just kind of do a little rolling, I'm like, wow, what is that? Those are your cliturial legs, ladies. And if you get in the practice or your partner starts to do the foreplay and you just start on the outside, you can just have my blowing orgasm. Because it's open up a whole new part and it's not just about that really intense sensitivity of the clitoris. The clitorial head, you know?

And when I did that and I continued to do that with my orgasmic yoga practice, and then doing a lot of other homework with Jason, we then discovered a new orgasm for me when penetration happened that right at the base of the clitoral legs, it was like, whoa. And you've never had that. Now because I never even knew, I mean, your OB-GYN doesn't teach you about your toy. I don't teach you any things.

Who even knew we had a wish found? No, I mean, I know. Well, we know because we said it, but I didn't know until I studied it. Until I saw the map. And you had so funny, you remind me that. So I love toys, as you know, and we vibe makes this. They were the first, they came up with this new one

this year called The Wish. And it's for all the External um literal your external in internal literal nerves and it's called the wish I never thought about it because we always say it looks like a wish bone and I didn't think that that's why that happened Oh, because it is an amazing spunt this toy that you put on the outside because I've just gotten through this work I've discovered that area as well, but's just life. I'll know if that's why it is I want me to tell you want to make a wish You do know it's that's amazing and this is what it's like you're right

And this is something that's really when we talk about sex education on that our OBGYN doesn't tell us our parents barely name it What it's even called they don't use the right term They don't say like like who who whatever, you know, they're not even saying vagina. So no, we don't know about the legs at all. Let's talk about sexological bodywork because I think it's incredible the work that you do. I think that it can be so helpful for people and it's, it's incredible. And it's also like, I think can be shocking and confusing. And people will be like, what? So can you explain what it is exactly?

Well, what it is? Dolly. Yeah. My pleasure means. Mm-hmm. So sweet. What it is is people sometimes, you know, my pleasure means. So sweet. What it is is people sometimes have ruts and they have some real serious issues.

There can be premature ejaculation, there can be women who've never felt orgasm, there can be some healing that needs to happen after having a baby, met a puzzled ears. So every person is gonna eventually have some kind of sexual challenge. I would say not just, challenge, I would say. Not just, yeah, I would say I was everybody.

Men and women. And so sometimes being able to figure out where the stagnation is and to be able to do some healing is amazing. But once, but you don't even have to come to me if there's healing stuff, it might just be that you want to learn these new pathways or how to create the pathways or how to be more embodied because it sounds super cliche, but until you can like be your own best

lover and know how your body works, you can't really ask your partner to do things. So this is just the ability. It's one way touch. So if I do work on a person's body, I have gloves on, I'm not bringing neurotic energy with them. It's about them feeling safe that this is absolutely about their healing and discovery. I'm never telling them what they're feeling. Always checking in. What are you feeling in your body?

Do you feel challenged here? Do you feel pleasure potential? Do you feel numbness? Oh my God, that's a huge thing. I was going to talk about women in pain, right? Women can be in pain, but sometimes they don't feel anything. And sometimes too much of one style of sex can just create disconnection and numbness with your body.

And that is the biggest, like one of the biggest things that I'm seeing with clients. A lot of times too, not, there's a time and a place for everything, but a lot, like, of my 30-something guys, if they watch too much porn, they're like, I don't feel, I'm not feeling a lot down here anymore, because they're just touching themselves in the same way over and over again, and they're not moving this orgasmic energy throughout their whole body. And then they're saying, I'm not enjoying sex with women. It's not feeling good to me anymore. And I was like, you're in the same thing. Oh, yeah, all the time. I mean, I think that guys, they don't really know what what it is. They wouldn't

be able to name it, but because they also, they've been, a lot of these guys have been, that's all they've been doing is masturbating to porn their whole life. So they think that's how it's supposed to feel. And they don't even know that they're not feeling until they get to the point where they're coming to you when they can actually have sex with someone. So, Dallie, you just talked about two really important things. You talked about women feeling that they're not feeling until they get to the point where they're coming to you and they can actually have sex with someone. So, Dali, you just talked about two really important things. You talked about women feeling numb and men feeling numb. So let's talk about the numbness that women are feeling like they're doing the same position

over and over again. They're maybe they're masturbating the same way. They're getting pounded during sex or using a vibrator the same way or whatever it is. It's numb and or pain. Well, because people just think sex and orgasm has to happen one way, you know, penis and vagina, the same position or the clitoris, you know, climax or the same position with their toy or a hand. Sometimes they just stop feeling so much because it's just the same area or their imagination goes away or their eroticism goes away. They just kind of get

numbed out like it doesn't turn them on anymore. If your turn on is gone and it's just like the or their imagination goes away or their eroticism goes away. They just kind of get numbed out, like it doesn't turn them on anymore. If your turn on is gone, and it's just like the same old thing, it's like you order the same food at a restaurant all of the time, but we are creatures of habit, right? You go to the restaurant and you're like, oh, I'm going to that restaurant.

I know exactly what I'm going to order. And it's the same thing with sex. Again, no judgment. You have your favorite comfort food, but there are other things to explore. Right. And when you can honestly say, what is my body feeling? And this is what happens with women. Is they sometimes just tolerate? They're so happy to have this connection, they're so, you know, men too, men are so happy that they get, you know,

access to this beautiful body and they're pairing up, but nobody wants to say that. It doesn't work so well. Or can we try something else, or somebody might say, well, it's not good enough, or we don't know. So we don't know how to have those conversations about how to ask for what you want. So other studies that I did within sexological body work, there's a woman she's amazing, called Betty Martin.

She talks about consent, giving and touching and like really understanding boundaries and knowing how to ask for what you want. Celeste and Danielle, who are our teachers from Sematica, how to like get into your body and be able to ask for things in a sexy way and seduce and really feel. But it all comes back to your body being the road map. Asking your body, does this feel good? Or am I just kind of going there because it's what we're supposed to do? Taking the time out and saying, can I, I wanna try something else?

Right, and even if we are eating the same foods everyday, for example, we know that there's other restaurants to go do, we know it, we don't go me one day, we're like, okay, today I'm going to go somewhere else, but with sex, as we're saying, and then the show, I mean, this is why I'm having you here, and we talk about these things, there's so many options, and there's so much potential, and I just don't want, you know, life is too short, I think, to live our unlimited sexual potential. I just think there's so much more, and so I love that you are explaining this.

So what would be a first exercise? I think I know we talk about this a lot in somatica too. But if someone you're listening to this and they're thinking, yeah, that sounds familiar. I'm kind of been numbing or, you know, what would be something to get people more in their body. And then we have to go back to men important because I know all my male listeners are like, go back to that. Don't worry. I will. Well, we'll definitely get back to that. That can be really juicy and in the little bit, you know, conscious, because I think it's confusing.

Yeah, confusing. So, getting in the body, everybody, just the deep breath. Like, we take breath for granted. It is so free. We can totally get high on breath, right? Take a breath with me, right? And it's sexy, breathing deep. And then just really letting that breath settle in

all the way down your pelvic floor and just really start to kind of connect. So almost like if you needed a bathroom, I know you talk about kegels and stuff to you. They know. So you just kind of squeeze kind of that kegel motion. And then I like to always just kind of chat, move my hips around in circles and dies.

You can just put your hands over, over your goods and like squeezing, grab your legs, women, men, just start to kind of feel like, take a moment, just to connect and to tune into your body. And that's just raising the pilot light and then saying, okay, what does my body want? What does it need? And then just starting to listen to it

because our bodies really tell us that we ignore that. We do. We ignore our bodies. How many times do we eat something that we know is going to make us feel bad and we still eat it so much. All the time we do we do this right but with sex like I think that a lot of it a lot of the challenges and we're going to get you're going to help me answer some emails too but I think a lot of our challenges that were in our heads so much about sex and then we're

not in our body and a lot of illness comes that way mental illness and physical illness and sexual challenges because we're not in our body and that's why I did the somatic training too because it's like and you know that I'm still dolly and I have friends we hang out just like getting your body down when it ground you like she came here we did them stretching before this don't do I seem very calm right now for me I probably do because and then dolly that'll laugh dance for me so man a lot of guys you're right I mean it is interesting because porn obviously huge topic of conversation, just wherever I go in the news.

And people say, well, you know, porn is not responsible for a lot of these things. I think that they want to say, Gement have always been masturbating in porn. But now I do think it is, it is a different time and there are a lot of men who are feeling this numbness. So when they're coming to you, are they saying, like, literally, they're having orgasms, but they don't feel good? Or when they're with a woman, they don't feel like, what don't they so when they're coming to you and are they saying like literally they're having orgasms but they don't feel good or when they're with the woman they don't feel like what don't they feel if they're having the orgasm? They feel that it's it's rote they feel that there's no excitement about it that it's just kind of the the one to go to type of thing listen Listen, porn serves a purpose, and it can absolutely create,

the juices flowing and the images are really strong, but it gives these mixed messages that just getting right to it has how it's done. And there's not a lot of embodiment there. It's just right about penetration, right? And so what happens is if you take the time to start to know your body and the men and this longer kind of mindful masturbation, what happens is you start to connect with the body and maybe your fantasies a little bit more and like two of my clients

last week, they both came in and said, I'm actually not watching porn as much this last two weeks, since I saw you, and since I'm doing my homework, and I'm feeling more feelings in my body, and it's not just about that, like I'm not craving it. That's great. I know I can go there,

and I tell people sometimes find the porn that you like because it's important to know what turns people on me. Exactly. I don't wanna bash it, there's a time and a place for it. But because it's so available, I do find some of the folks in the 20s and 30s, they're having a little harder time communicating their desires and needs. Right.

With their partners, yeah, with themselves. Yeah. We talked about the literal legs, which I think that a lot of women, I've talked about on the show, but again, that's one area that women might not know about their Volvo, their vagina. What do you think that men, what's one area that women might not know about their Volvo, their vagina. What do you think that men, what's one thing that you think men don't know about their penis? They should know about one area, one thing. Or two. I know there's hard to choose. I know. I know this is gonna sound crazy, but

enjoy the sensation that the penis feels before it becomes erect. There is like some really nice things that a man can feel. These are so much pressure on a man to have hard cock. Hard times, right. And I feel bad for a man and that's, you know, something else that some of the clients have might have been saying, like this performance anxiety. And there's that performance anxiety because of how things are supposed to look

and how things are supposed to go down because of this kind of porn culture we're living in. So if you just take a little break from that to say, well, what is my body feeling like? And can I have fun? And sometimes some of the orgasmic yoga practice doesn't even have to be about ejaculation. It can be about just moving that energy and feeling things when they're not always

erect. Right. And then pulling a little bit at, you know, the skin, at this, you know, just around the testicles and there's all kinds of things. It feels like paying attention to what it feels like. They literally, yeah, because I, yeah, that's true. Because I used to think, well, men know their penis as they're always touching their penis.

No, they know it one way. They, like, I always think, could the, a man pick his penis out of a line up? And, you know, I'm not sure that he could. I used to think they, of course, they could. Women we know that'll often look at their vagina. So, like, I don't know. Thank you for sharing that. So, everyone go, play with your flaccid penis right now.

If you find. Does that sound, does that sound that bad? Sounds really sexy. But, but, no, but it's true. And that's one thing that I did, I learned a lot, doing our somatic training, about being in our body and all that, but one of the intellectual things I learned in that I, I guess I've known this on the show because I get all the emails

and I talk to my listeners, but I guess I felt a different level of compassion for men because there is so much pressure on men to be sexually ready, to be the providers, to know what we want. We assume that they're gonna take care of everything and they're gonna know everything and making the moves and taking care of the woman and taking care of their partners.

It's just like, we talked a lot about that. I just feel like, oh my God, I feel my heart are making the, yeah, initiating sex and being in charge and being the bread, not I'm saying, I know we're living in 2017 and things are different, but there is some of this basic stuff that men just always, you know, in a prime way, have that pressure on me.

I feel a lot of, sending a lot of love. A lot of love. They need, they need to have the compassion and they need to have the tenderness too. Well, Dali, if people want to see you, but they can, like, how can we find you? Pleasuremuse.com. Okay.

So lots of information, lots of ways that I said it's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great.com. Okay. So lots of information, lots of ways that I should work with couples, with men, with women, in both of the modalities as a Samaritan practitioner, as a sex logical body worker, just about getting in your body, really working with, especially couples are just like amazing. They've really been blowing me away lately with what they want to learn, because they're just like, we want to be together and we want to learn more.

Yeah, tell me, so okay, real quick, how would you, can couples, are you doing, is it all in person because you're in California? You Skype as well? I also do Skype, yes. And I do have some upcoming seminars that I'll talk to you a little bit more about.

I'll move on for you on the website. And this will all be on my website, so you can find Ali. Yeah, but we can do Skype sessions and in person when you're in LA. So tell me about the before we get into the emails, I wanna hear about the couples. I know you have some stories we were talking about,

but how would you work with, they come together and they say we love each other, we've been together 20 years or whatever. We love each other, but our sex is, eh, you wanna spice it up, which is like probably most of the emails we get, questions. Depending on their level of comfort of talking with each other and their honesty,

it's always with one of the hardest things for couples to talk about and be really honest about or what their fantasies are. Because sometimes somebody will hear a fantasy and then the other partner of like, what? Does that mean I'm not good enough? And this is an idea of, you know, things don't, you know, I would have to have the fantasies

come true, but being able to be comfortable in your body to be able to help, you know, your partner fulfill a fantasy. That's just so important. It's so important. There's so very, there's going to be judge and there's going to be shame. And that's the thing, the shame around what people really want to express or feel. And this is your partner. This is the person that we're meant meant to be able to say everything with.

And sometimes there's a lot of sadness when I see couples really just holding it together and trying to be this picture perfect wife or husband, then they don't want to like show this other side. So sometimes depending, I might have to actually have separate sessions with them so that they can be able to talk to me about what's going on. There is no judgment. You cannot tell me anything that I will judge. It's true.

It is true. Same. We're not judgmental. There's no one right way to have sex and have fantasies. We know. Except that. Really having a safe space and just real tenderness for everything that you're going through. There's no judgment.

Like, we totally honor what you're going through. People, you know, you, people in this work, me, and then bringing the couples together to explore different things with, you know, how does to do each other. And, or if we do bodywork sessions, sometimes I'm teaching the men how to do different things with the woman and vice versa. It's like amazing.

That's amazing. I love it, Dali. Thank you. This is so fun. Okay, you're gonna say with me, help the listeners. I love it. I love you all. I love you, Dali.

Thank you. And thanks everyone for listening and thank you for supporting our sponsors. You know that I don't ever talk about any products or services that I have not used myself and that I don't love and recommend to you all. So thanks for supporting them and we'll be right back. Okay, everyone. Thank you for sending in your emails and your questions. I love hearing from you.

And if you have a question you want me to answer on the show, here's how you do it. You can text me your question. And all you do is text Ask Emily one word to 7979, 7979. That's Ask Emily. And now I thought I should explain this because I think maybe it's a little confusing. So what happens is here's the user experience. So pick up your phone and you type in, 7979, 7979, and then ask Emily one word.

And then what happens is you immediately get a link and that link is a form. And in that form, all you do is ask your question and you fill it out, just like you would when you go to the website, which is the second option. You go to sexwithemle.com and you click on the Ask Emily tab and you fill out the form and ask your it out. Just like you would when you go to the website, which is the second option. You go to sex with the ME.com and you click on the Ask Emily tab and you fill it the form and ask your question there. So that's what the text is all about. I guess some people have been like emailing me and asked me about it and it's super easy. So you're

on your phone all the time, I figured, why not make it easier for you? And if you want to be called, because you know we do call shows, you can, when you're submitting your question whether it's through text or the website, there'll be a little box that says, would you like to be called and then we will call you and chat with you. Dally, you have to come back. People call in and we love talking to our listeners. Super fun. As always, please include your gender, your age, where you live and how you listen to the

show and we can't wait to hear from you. All right. Hi Emily, my boyfriend, I've been together for about a year and a half and our sex life is already getting a bit bleak. I really love him and we have great relationship but our sex life just doesn't have that spark. Recently he came on from work and walked in on me masturbating. The thing that bothers me is he didn't seem to care. He just made food and set down in front of the TV.

This made me realize that I'm bored and I do wait for him to initiate sex, mainly because I've tried to initiate it and I've been shut down by him. I get embarrassed, resort to masturbating and I play it off like everything is okay. I know he masturbates too, as I see porn on his computer, hear him in the shower and I seem looking at and liking attractive women's photos and social media.

It's starting to affect myself confidence. I am a sexual person and this is something we've been struggling with for a while. Where do I even start? How do I approach the discussion and get us back on track? I really want to save our sex life. Amy, 24 Toronto. Dalley's eyes are biggest saucers. So I know there's a lot here, right, Dallie? So Amy, thank you so much for your email. And so I want to say I'm glad that you reached out on this because it sounds me like there's a lot going on here. So you're both like masturbating and take care of yourself. And I get that. But I feel like what's going on here is the initiation part. Is it you're waiting for him to initiate because you have felt rejected and you felt that he shot you down

and that's affected yourself confidence. And so then he started to pull away. We don't even realize this is happening all the times in relationships. So while I can give you, we'll both get into like, there's a lot of different things that you could do here. Just realize that it's now become

about this rejection you're feeling and then knowing that he's liking attractive women because you're probably, you know, we all do this a little bit stalking, who's he liked, what's what's going on? You're like, oh, she's more attractive than I am and he's watching porn and so it's just doing this one-two punch on you.

Your self-confidence is shrinking and you're feeling like, you know, what do I do with part of this? You know, he's not into me anymore. And so understand that what you're going through also is really common and we're gonna, you know, help you get through this. And so I understand that you want to broach the discussion with him.

And I'm assuming that maybe you haven't talked about it yet. It looks like you haven't, because talking about sex is really, really hard, which is why I'm here and Dalai is here to help you figure out the first thing to say is it's getting comfortable talking about your sex life. And so I think the first thing would be to just say to him, babe, I love you. I love that word together.

I'm loving the sex that we're having. Like I always talk about when we start positive. It's not like you never initiate sex. And I see you liking all these hot girls photos. And I don't feel loved. And I feel like I'm not a try to do because he's never gonna hear what you're saying beyond that.

So really it's starting from when you're both in a calm space, not in the bedroom, not when you're not drinking too much, or other things are happening. And you're not drinking too much or other things are happening and you're just pops out of your mouth because that's what happens sometimes when we're really frustrated, you could start with a fight. So I think it's really when you're in a calmer place and you want to just say to them, I really love you and our relationship and we really need to, I want to get to a good

place with us where we're having sex and we're both initiating and feeling good. And I think a great place to start, the couple is often, I say like, is there something like with our sex life that you see? Is there some kind of fantasy or something that you even want to try? I talk about that a lot in the show of different tactics of like, you know, your bucket list and what's your turn on? But I mean, Dali, what would you say? I feel like there's been a lot of tension going out with them too. I mean, I feel like with our somatic and therapy, but they've never ever talked about it. Yeah. 24 years old. I think the thing that was the most sad part about the email that hit me really in my belly,

like, oh, it's so sad, is when he came home and she was masturbating and he didn't care and he just went to go make food. Like my heart is just really hurting for her in that moment. And so it's one of these things, maybe people, and that's where the conversation needs to happen, maybe he wanted to mean a respect or privacy. So we don't know why maybe he didn't. So we're making assumptions. So did he just want to respect or privacy and go away, because he did go away and didn't make a comment. Then she's feeling, oh my gosh, I was masturbating. He didn't say anything.

He just didn't turn him on. I'm not good. Food is more important to him than me. So then she's having this spiraling thought process going down, but she didn't go speak to him about it right away. So talking about it immediately, Listen, to continue masturbating, when you're in a relationship, I think it's still healthy. It's absolutely healthy. Like, there's nothing wrong with that. But starting first to say, does it, could, when you came home,

you know, I got my feelings hurt that you didn't make any mention of it. Or to say, oh, honey, I'm going to give you some privacy. Or, honey, would you like me to stay here? Or do you want privacy? Giving those choices. Let them know how it made you feel and that there's some other options. What you would like. Because what would she have liked? In the moment, I'm thinking that when I hear that Amy, that maybe you would have wanted

them to be like, hey, that's really hot. Or like, let's have socks right now that said, such a turn I want to see you masturbating, but instead, yeah, you felt rejected and you felt. So to let them know that, yeah, I think that to be, but they probably, see, I could start with like, but we've never talked about sex. So I was going to hear. Yeah, start with a very specific

because there are a lot of things that are going on in their relationship. So say to him, you know what, that's great. Like, I feel like when you came in yesterday, I would have liked this. Yeah, and you're not to don't blame them. And like, I, you know, just, it made me feel like maybe it was bothering. I couldn't tell how it made you feel. I made up all these stories on my head. So can you tell me what you were feeling in that moment? Yeah. And he would have said, oh, I honey, I was just giving you some privacy. Right. And then you know, but then that's a great launching pad for saying, well,

how do you like it when you masturbate? If I come home and find you masturbating, do you want me to watch you and just like get turned on and like let you be? Or do you want me to start integrating myself? Like what can we say that we can start incorporating our masturbation to like be something that if we happen to come home, this might happen again mutual masturbation I always recommend that to couple. I think it's one of the best. It's so hot and it's a great learning tool Totally, and they could do that the homework. They're like let's figure out what they turned you on

Let's let's find your legs together. Let's go fishing for your literal legs today. I love it I love it But then to to get into the conversation of not making him wrong about the porn, like, what kind of porn do you like? Will you show me what you like? Can we like go, you know, porn hunting for what I like and just seeing the images and saying if there's something that they can watch together? Yeah. And just having like those bridges of like number one, what are the boundaries? Number two, what do you like? And can you show me what you like? Like visually, I just want to know.

Because then it's not showing me. If you'll be okay with that Amy, right? Because Amy, let's just make sure, too, that you have to remember that when you ask for this, you might see stuff that you don't like. You might see stuff that kind of, who knows? Exactly. But you have to understand that what people are watching

and porn is their own personal preference It doesn't necessarily means that what he is looking at is something that he actually wants to happen We don't know so you have to be prepared for that. Yeah, non-judgmental and be open and maybe you just start with one thing Age like can I show you one thing that I might like to look at and you can show me one thing and then you can start building some trust I love this. This is great. Thank you very much Thank you, Dali and thank you. Amy. This is a great question And I love that we said about start with one thing not much. Thank you, Dali. And thank you, Amy. This is a great question.

And I love that we said about start with one thing. Not all the whole mountain of things have been going on, but one thing. Yeah. Okay. Good luck, Amy. Hi, Emily. Please help me save my new marriage. My husband and I have only been married a few months, and we're already having issues

during sex. When my husband and I were just dating, he could last forever, resulting in a battle of who would tap out first. Now that our connection is stronger and we're married, it seems like it can only get a few minutes out of him before he ejaculates and I'm left sexually frustrated. We enjoy all the same thing, sex wise, movement, pace, positions, which makes it difficult because everything that makes me orgasm also makes him orgasm. We've tried the sprays, but they make him lose his erection or he comes without feeling

that sensation. It seems like no matter what we try, I'm always left unsatisfied. I love my husband, but the disappointment has led me to lose my sex drive. Can you share some advice for what we should do or try? Thank you, Brianna, 24 Ventura, California. Okay, so yeah, we hear a lot about, guys, premature ejaculation, we were talking about that earlier, and Brianna, I told you get what you're saying here. It's really can be a bomber when the sex changes and you're like, wow, things were great.

And now he's doing this thing and we don't know how to stop it and we're trying. But here's the good news about premature ejaculation. Is it a lot of it? You know, there's a lot of different theories about it. But mostly it is in his head. He's worried. He's stressed. Maybe it happened once.

And so now it happened again. And then they can then then that creates a new pattern and it keeps premature ejaculate. He knows that he's letting you down. And then he keeps doing that. And then it's becomes this whole thing. And then you're both frustrated, and you don't want sex anymore.

So this is like the loop that you're in. But there are several things you can do that I have not seen on here. First of all, make sure that you're not getting frustrated and angry with him even though it sounds like you really are. And let him know that you guys are both in it together and that you could try to work with him. Again, we're talking about mutual masturbation.

This could be a good time to, you know, tell a lot of men to just practice. I mean, he might have do some of this on his own. Dally works with clients like this so you can talk about this. But for men, it's really important for them to get into their bodies and understand their ejaculatory control. So whether it's like stop start method and learning to breathe and learning to on their own, it's how things should also help them if he doesn't do the exercises on his own. But learning when he's about to go over and then not allowing himself to and kind of retrain

his body again. But I think the good news is that he wasn't like this before. It's kind of a newly onset thing that's happening in the relationship they can fix this. What would you say, Dali? I know you work with men on this as well. I do. It can be in the head for sure. That's like the first part about once you have that pattern that it shows up, it's this

fear that it's going to happen. And what you think about, like where you put your focus and energy, sometimes it just comes to pass. So it is that pathway. So I could be other, I'm not saying it's just the head, there could be other causes, but work, stress, tiredness, I mean, all kinds of things. So maybe starting off, you know, in a little bit of a slower pace without this like goal to get right to it. I would actually suggest to her to kind of just do like this really nice soft touch on his body kind of, like kind of seduce him with touch. And then I like to use this term called the pleasure meter.

So she starts to go in with her hands and starts to work with him and maybe start to manually stimulate him with her hands, always looking to see from a scale of one to ten. What is your body feeling in terms of pleasure? The sweet spot where the men can keep their erection is when you kind of stay at that five and six. When you're moving to get to that seven or eight, and the man starts to know what a seven or eight feels like in his body, then he's going gonna go over the cliff and ejaculation is gonna happen. She can just start off with just really doing kind of like a seduction technique.

Just doing like a mist of tracing your hands over his body. She gets some ticklers or something or some come like, yeah, we can set like all this some sports sheet stuff, like doing give him a central massage. Essential massage would be great in starting with your hands without loop first and like touching and feeling and connecting and having to breathe and always saying, how does this feel? On a scale of one to ten, tell me, does this feel like a two?

Does it feel? As if he's saying, it feels like a nine. It's like, whoa, back the touch off. Move the touch from the penis to like, you know, his knees or his chest and have him take a deep breath in and back off that stimulation. And just do like a really sexy thing for him without having that first goal being about, you know, sex between the two of you to bring it down. So if he starts being able to say, oh, that's a two, okay, then I'm going to bring it up.

And then she can start manually stimulating him with some ticklers or maybe bringing in some of their favorite lube. And because it's a little different. Just with her hands. But she also use her mouth or nose with her hands with her mouth, all of that. And then he's like, whoa, okay, that's feeling like it's a seven. And then redirect her hands. So when they want to get to the place where he's going over the cliff and ejaculation is gonna happen, then you can go all the way, but you can actually just have a lot of fun with the central massage, all the different toys and techniques where you're at the penis, then away from the penis. Right.

At the penis, away from the penis. Stopping and start method, doing it, doing it for him. Because a lot of men, I also take, you know, on their own, they can do this as well. Yeah. They're doing their penis. Exactly. They do it together because then it becomes both of their thing to work through. And it's not just, he's got to go do the stop start method, which is what men do this on their own when they're masturbating and they speculate, or they speculate, same thing.

They're masturbating and they kind of measure their, you know, when they're about to go over, and they stop start. But when you're with a partner, it can be a lot hotter, and it's actually real life practice. It's real life practice, and you want to stay at that sweet spot of that five or six, because then you're able to like move the pressure and then you're not just having the pleasure of being penis focused. Right. You're moving it throughout the body and then you're opening up these other pathways, right?

And then hopefully, exactly. And then hopefully he's going to start to feel like, oh, this is what my body feels like when I'm in a five, my entire body. Exactly. And it's my penis. Exactly. Like, this is what everything feels like. So, I think that's a great method. I'm like, and they transfer it over to sex,

and they can both think, oh my God, that's so hot. Oh my God, I'm getting to a seven. And then you can say, let's switch positions. Right. And then just moving things around or calming things down or just holding and taking a breath and not moving so fast. And it's okay for this to be exercised

where you take sex off the table. And maybe you get, maybe he goes down on you, you get some other kind of pleasure, and you're mutually masturbated, and maybe sometimes that could help too, just saying, you know what, we're not gonna have sex for a week or two, what would play with this, or for a long?

Thank you, it's awesome. Okay, Brianna, good luck with this. You guys will figure this out, and know it. Okay, hi, Emily, I've been listening to your podcast for about a year now. I love hearing your advice to so many people. I've been married for nearly 18 years, and I can't in words how much I love my wife and my love for her and sexual attraction to her seem to grow year by year. But like so many couples we have mismatched

sexual appetite. I'll admit this led me to emotional affairs and that's why I'm writing you. I'm totally aware that it's a form of cheating. I have a lot of fantasies and new things I want to explore with my wife but she tells me she's satisfied with our status quo and doesn't seem interested in sex that's not vanilla. How do I better communicate with her about what I want, well respecting what's comfortable to her? I feel trapped in her sex life and unsatisfied that we don't try anything new. Thanks so much for all you do for everybody out there. Best Scott 43 Perth Australia. Even a lot of us try. Thank you, Scott Scott 43 Perth Australia. Even a lot of us try.

I'm listening. Thank you, Scott. Love hearing from you. Okay, so 18 years, and yeah, just they want different things. They want to spice things up. He wants to say something different, and she's like, this is what I've always done. It can be really scary.

Scott, I can understand for her to be like, why do you want this other thing? I've never gone outside this comfort zone. And she just doesn't even know what lives on the other side of it. And we're saying like, oh, it's so much pleasure. And you're probably thinking, Scott, how does she not want to do this? It's sex.

But there's so many reasons why. It could be because of shame. She never learned what made her feel good. Judgment, you know, that she will fail at it, that she won't be able to be sexy in these fantasies that you're talking about. And so, there's a lot of reasons, but has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn't

love you and she probably really does want to please you. And she probably even when I would say would like to come on board with you here, but she doesn't even know where to start. She doesn't even know, like, because a lot of times it's, I mean, it sounds like you're trying to talk to her, but a lot of times that language isn't even hitting your partner. So we can give you some tools on how to best talk about it. And I think that Dalyb, we can do this in a second, but also I want to address the emotional affairs is that that's a real thing.

So like that's like, you know, you're reaching out to, you know, maybe someone you work with or, you know, that emotional connection that you're not getting with your wife because maybe you shut down around it because you feel like, well, she's not pleasing me and so you're reaching out to someone else. And so I just wanna thank you for this a great time to be emailing because hopefully, you know, through this, we're gonna help you here

and you can turn all that, the emotions and all your sexual energy back to your wife because that still is cheating. But I understand why you're doing it and that's why we're gonna help you. So let's, we talk a lot about communicating with the partner and learning to say the right things. And this reminds me of some of the stuff

we talk about in Somatica too about like how to bring this up to. So what would you say to Scott here, Dolly, about like, she's just saying no, because I was like pictures doing some role playing like we were doing class, but it's kind of like he's like, babe, I think it'd be really hot if you like put on this like, you know, school low uniform, you know, or whatever it is. I'd like to tell you up and say, no, like for 18 years, we've been doing it this way.

Yeah, when you ask something just direct like that, she's in her head, he's in his head, and you're just thinking from up here. So honestly, I would tell you, Scott, high-sknot, Scott seduce her, Get her a bubble bath, get her in her feminine energy, like invite like that soft sexiness, surprise her with that. Have a special ocean and just start to get her in her body so that she is just feeling amazing, she's just feeling all this love and attention. And if you do that a couple times, do that without any expectation just so that she can surrender with feeling

like that you're really honoring her and just doing something as a gift to her. As she starts to build that trust with you, she might start talking about fantasies. She might say, oh my God, that was so. I always thought about doing this or I really love that you did this with me. And then you can just start articulating,

can I pretend that I'm your massage therapist? When next time I do this, can I do that? Can you pretend that you're a client? And maybe just even with your fun interactions, you can start going into these other places. But you have to kind of introduce it in a place when she's in her body, feeling sexy, because if you just ask her,

like let's have a conversation about this. Exactly. I want to do this, or I want to go to a massage parlor, or I want to go to a Swinger party, or be a voyeur. Right. She's like, what? You're not happy?

She's feeling like, I'm not good enough. Exactly. I think this is great. We're saying what I'm hearing people, and I, because I know this is all really the right, you know, take care of her without expectation, too. That was a really good thing that you said. And that we've talked about is like, there are, there is a lot of scenarios in, in relationships where I'm going to say women, but it happens with men too, but typically we hear from women that, you know, they feel like, you know, the partner only makes gestures

or kisses them or touches them when they want to escalate to sex. And I think that for a lot of women, we're just like, can't we just cuddle or can't we just touch without the expectation? So I think that when you're starting this and you're touching her and again, Scott, you prepare that in 18 years of marriage, if you've never given her a sensual massage, this might be like, what are you doing?

What do you want from me? And so I think that it would be important to make it clear that I, you know what? I want to make you feel good. Like I feel like, you know, and maybe she's never had a massage either. We have to assume that. So you might start with a full massage. Like I feel like, you know, and maybe she's never had a massage either. We have to assume that.

So you might start with a full massage. Like it might not be a full blown, so you have to take it, start where she's at. It could be massageing her neck after work. It could be something small like that to build up to full blown massage and playing massage therapist. That's great advice.

The art of seduction is amazing. It is an art and it is so important. We want to be seduced. We want to be seduced. We really do. Not every single time, but a lot of the time. Like we just, we lose that art. We do it at the beginning and that's a lot of stuff

that's missing for a lot of things. And don't waste. For those moments when it's sexy time, like you're in the kitchen cooking dinner and just walk behind her and kiss her back for an act and just say, you look so sexy to me. And just give these moments for you. It's true.

It'll not get any more. It's true. And just start making her body feel really alive. Because then as you start taking care of some of her needs, that she may not even know that she has these needs, she might start saying, so what is it that you want to feel? And then he can start exploring it. Does it mean you're going to move those boundaries? And don't want to not have vanilla.

Exactly. But if you can create safety within your own interactions, there might be things that she might want to just experience or even going even going to a seminar of this conversation of like, you know, sex education going to see sex logical body worker in Australia. Yeah. Going to have some sessions as a couple. You can email Dali, check it out at the pleasure news. She can help you find it. But I think this is all great advice. Really, it's about and a lot of stuff is going back to being in our body and

meeting your partner where they're at, massaging, just the little things matter. And if you're in a new relationship and you're just starting out right now, let me tell you this, this is the kind of thing that pay attention to it now. Like pay attention to what you're liking now, what you're doing, and remember that it's something you have to continue to do.

Because what Scott's dealing with is probably that it's gonna be something from the, you know, she's like, what are you doing this after 18 years, but it's okay, Scott, because for 18 years you've gotten into where you are now and you guys can get to a more intimate place again where you're both experiencing pleasure. But the other thing too,

that's really important for the other listeners to get, is because the wife says, I'm good. I'm happy exactly at how things are. Whose needs are also are not getting met. our scots, that he's not even being heard, right? Like even to be heard to like talk about this. So it's important that we say always chatting to say, how can I hear you? It's good. Okay, thank you. Okay, Dali, fabulous, you're my muse. You're my sex sound muse, the Pejermuse. Dali, thank you so much.

Dali, you've been used. Yeah, you're amazing. And congratulations on your new business, your practice, and everyone should check out at theplejermuse.com, any social other social media, you can find it on your website. Yes.

Okay, and you can find all this on my website as well. Yes, and I am gonna do a free introduction to the different ways in which you can work with me on August 20th. And there'll be information and links to that. So let's talk about sex and it's a co-ed event. August 20th in the Los Angeles area. I love it. I want you to go check it out. Thank you, Dolly. You're awesome. And thank you to my amazing team. Can Jamie and our interns Sharon and Miley, producer of Lark and Michael. Thank you so much everyone. Thanks for checking out the show and following us on social media and just for being the awesome listeners that you are. I love you. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback

at sexwithammy.com you