Sex With Emily - Episode 274 - Jealousy Junction

Episode Date: August 18, 2011

Today Emily’s talking tips for overcoming jealousy - unless it’s your transportation or recycling routine, there’s really no need to turn green. Also, find out why she's really moaning during se...x, what to say on your first online dating message, how to deal with body image issues, and if there’s a platonic dating site for those who don’t want to get down. Emily’s dog bites people's crotches at the dog park, but to make up for it, she’s got a new Kegel Camp app that can greatly benefit their sex lives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 To his eyes, they're the eyes of a man of specified sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Ben rule eyes, they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my!
Starting point is 00:00:18 The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm all for some.
Starting point is 00:00:27 So, going. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just playing with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information about sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can get all your sex news, information, tips, polls, answers to your questions, all your sexual needs.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Well, most of them, taking care of at sexwithemily.com. And thanks everyone for becoming friends with benefits members. We so appreciate it. It helps us, helps you, helps your sex life. It's 15 cents a day. We all got to make a living around here and we appreciate it. And it's been awesome. And there's a lot of perks for you if you become a Friends of Benefits member.
Starting point is 00:01:06 For example, you get 30 minutes free of Fire TV, which is FYR TV, when you become a Friends of Benefits member. All you got to do if you've already become a Friends of Benefits member, go to FireTV.com and you get a super hot movie called Wellthand Deception in your library, in your library to watch your TV computer computer, phone, and tablet, but you also get 30 minutes free to watch whatever you want, wherever you want, any kind of porn. And if they're like the Netflix of porn, they're so cool.
Starting point is 00:01:33 So what you have to do is you have to sign up and register. You do have to put in your credit card, but they'll never charge you. And then you have to launch the chat window, tell them you're a sex assembly, and they'll give you a three-minute. We're going to like work out the system, so it's a little easier, but that's what you've got to do.
Starting point is 00:01:48 So check that out. Also, if you want three months free of sex with Emily, all you have to do is like the sex with Emily page, our Facebook page. And if you've already liked it, you're already entered. And every day, one person will be randomly selected to win sex with Emily membership. So if you're selected, we'll send you a message and let you know, it're already entered. Every day, one person will be randomly selected to win sex with Emily membership. So if you're selected, we'll send you a message and let you know.
Starting point is 00:02:08 It'll be awesome. You'll have three months free. It'll be so happy. It'll be the best thing that ever happened. We're going to try to up the numbers. Well, I'm loud right now. Sorry. It's okay.
Starting point is 00:02:17 We're going to try to up the numbers on the giveaways, too. Yeah, we are going to try up the numbers on the giveaways. You might need to be giving away more than one a day. So just pay attention and go like the page ASAP. And so also you can call in. We've got a Skype number here. You can call 415-9927-392. So call us if you've got any questions at all.
Starting point is 00:02:34 We will answer them. We'll do our best to answer them. And usually we're pretty damn good. And every Friday, you can tune in for free. And that's what I gotta say. We don't do shows on Wednesday. So if you were looking for 3S, we were here. Today's topic is how to overcome jealousy. I know you've probably been jealous before in a relationship or maybe you're with a jealous partner. We're
Starting point is 00:02:53 going to get into all of that of how to deal with it because people get jealous they do. Can ruin your relationship. And yeah, that's what we're doing. Hi, Menace. What's up? How you doing? I'm great. How are you? I'm awesome. Oh. I was actually this morning that you brought up just a jealousy because in the intro, we play some clips from Entourage and I've been watching the new season. Oh. And there's a whole thing where Ari Gold, who is the
Starting point is 00:03:18 publicist slash manager. He's the agent. He's the agent. Yeah. In this season, he's having trouble with his wife. Like there's the agent. Yeah. Uh, in this season, he's having trouble with his wife, like, there's a separation. He, uh, well, she's gone on and she's dating Bobby Flae, the, the famous chef.
Starting point is 00:03:35 Right. And then so he gets pissed off. He starts dating somebody else, but then she doesn't believe that he is, he's with somebody else. He's like, what, I can't get other, I can't get with other people. And then, so what he does is take the chick, right? To Bobby Flay's restaurant. Oh my God. He's there. No way. And then they have like this whole discussion. The chick finds out that it's Bobby Flay
Starting point is 00:03:56 that's dating his ex. It blows up in his eyes. Oh my God. That's great. I've seen one episode of this season so far. Yeah. And it sucks because they're only going to have eight shows this year. Really? It's the last episode of that. That's it. No, nothing is going to be a movie after that. So he missed the last season when he became a drug addict. In any case, miss that whole thing.
Starting point is 00:04:13 Well, it's been a long time. But yeah, jealousy is, yeah, happens all the time to all of us, to a lot of us. People are snooping. And there's more reasons are who will come jealous now, right? I mean, every day there's a reason to become jealous if you log onto your person you're dating or your access Facebook page And they became friends with some hot chick. Yeah, there was a funny conversation actually I Don't know what even sparked it
Starting point is 00:04:34 But some people started tweeting me like listeners of my other shows and then friends of mine Saying that one of my ex-girlfriends, current boyfriend saying like he's a better man than me and blah blah and all the stuff. I never even think about this ex-girlfriend. This guy doesn't even cross my mind. So he's threatened by you. Well, I don't know. I don't know because I can't see what you say. Most DLC comes from insecurities. I can't see what you're saying. But anyways, I just like blew it off and go, that's cool. I don't care. you're saying. But anyways, I just blew it off and I go, that's cool. I just kept on responding with, I go, I don't care, whatever.
Starting point is 00:05:09 I never think about my exes. I only think about the girls that I never took a chance on. Oh, that's... And was just true. And also, something came up where she was talking about there was a photograph where her current boyfriend is in and I'm also in it and she's in it too. And I don't know why this is brought up.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Right. So I also responded with, I don't care about whatever he's saying, I go, but on the side note, I have many photographs of girls that I hooked up with that she's taking pictures with. So I wouldn't be praying that around. I think my count is a little bit higher. You already said. Who are these two?
Starting point is 00:05:54 I know, like I was just, I was just like, He's obviously some dude that's dating your ex who's like threatened by you because you're super cool. I guess, I don't know. I don't even know with him. I was just wondering if it was just other people that were just building out trying to start crap.
Starting point is 00:06:08 But I just, I thought it was funny because I, they were trying to rob me up and I just didn't care. Right. Good. But I thought I would share the story anyways. That's a good story to share. I mean, I've gotten caught up in jealous things before, typically a lot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:22 I don't get jealous, but I've dated people who get jealous because I'm a really flirty, you're overly flirty. So that's why. I just want to say that. You think I am too? You are, of course. Oh, man. And then, of course, in somebody's dating you, they're going to get pissed off when you. Yeah, they get jealous, and I'm just a flirt. I can't, I've been this way. I hate to say I can't help it, but really, like, I'm naturally in my bones, a flirt. I don't even know I'm doing it. What's that about? We can analyze me if you want, but we don't have to. I'm not a jealous person at all. I don't care. Right.
Starting point is 00:06:52 And I also am not going to waste my time worrying and trying to prevent somebody from cheating on me. If they didn't cheat on me, they'd cheat on me. Whatever they cheat on me, I find out that they're done. But there's only one thing that annoys me and I've brought this up on the show, which I hate when, and it doesn't matter for it's a girl or a guy, waitress or waiter.
Starting point is 00:07:14 I just don't like when I'm at dinner or at a meal, and you're overly talkative. To the waiter or the waitress. I don't want you to be a dick to the waitress or waiter. I want you to respect them. Well, do you think it's because they don't want to talk to you? Anymore, why do you think they're you to be a dick to the waitress or waiter. I want you to respect them. Well, do you think it's because they don't want to talk to you? Anymore, why do you think they're talking to you?
Starting point is 00:07:28 They're talking to you. I just feel like a tool, a jack-off. When I'm just saying they're saying nothing to us. What do you mean they're talking to the waiter? Are they saying could you please repeat the daily stuff? No, they just get into this whole conversation. They're like, oh, hey. Do they do that with everyone though?
Starting point is 00:07:42 Like the checkout person at the store? Do they I mean do they know there would just be like Talk to Waiters, you just don't like women who talk? No, I like you every day bringing a point where women should talk I don't know no. I don't like women that nag should we vote? Nagged we drive cars go ahead drive cars, okay? You can vote just as long as women Should we vote? Should we drive cars? Go ahead, drive cars. Okay. You can vote just as long as you vote. Women, dad, you know what I was doing,
Starting point is 00:08:08 dad, I'm gonna go to a snagger. I mean, all the things you say, I was like, I just think you've dated women who are psycho. Oh yeah, I guess. Who nag or jealous, who whatever. Nah, just people. That's why you say shit like that. Stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:08:21 Oh yeah, what's up with you and your filthy mouth lately? I can't help it. It just pops out. Yeah? Yeah, I can't help it. It just pops out. Yeah? Yeah, I can't help it. I'm just me, man. I'm just being me. Keep it real.
Starting point is 00:08:29 Yeah, so what's up with you and your life? I have a million birthday parties to speak and they've all been really fun. I think you called me the other night about something and I was about to have having girls over and we were heading out to some party. Drinking some wine. Drinking some wine. My friend owns this really cool art space, loungey club called Project One in San Francisco. party. Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us?
Starting point is 00:08:46 Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us?
Starting point is 00:08:54 Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us?
Starting point is 00:09:02 Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join us? Do you want to join Nope. Do you like beaches? I don't go to beaches here because they're too cold. I know, but this beach is cool. You should come. You won't come. But whatever. Then I have another party in Sonoma with a friend and another friend's birthday party.
Starting point is 00:09:12 And yeah, I've just been like, I hanging with friends, working, hanging with a dog. I'm freaking dog park people, man. I've made all these friends, but every day there's like a new dog park person that comes and they're like, my dog is super, super cool because I'm with every dog and is very friendly and she's a puppy and she plays with everyone. But she's like, your dog's still my dog's ball. People get angry. I was like, there's some reality TV show about the dog part drama because people are so
Starting point is 00:09:38 obsessed with their dogs. I'm not obsessed with my dog yet. They fight in the yell and this one was literally yelling. They'd be like, your dog's so my dog's bald. And I was like, I'm leaving this place. You people are meeting angry. Yeah, I hated them. I hated the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:09:50 There reminds me of a clip of a woman at a dog park. I have to. I have to find it. I'll be able to play for you guys. My friend has this really funny porn site, a porn site website. They started called Hot Chicks Picking Up Dog Shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:04 It's really funny funny and it's just Hot chicks picking up dog shit. It's hilarious. So yeah, I go there my five and sheels and pick up dog shit. Nice. Yeah, it's fun It's good times. So yeah, and then I Don't know I've got some sex in the news here. I could read unless you've anything else that you're gonna share with me That's gonna change my life right now. It will, it just, do you know what sucks? What sucks, dude? Is that on the keyboard here, the computer, the freaking V-day.
Starting point is 00:10:31 The hey one day that the numbers break on, the letters break on keyboards. Like I can't press V, which, you know, we use the word vagina a lot. I know, what the hell? What are you doing this weekend? Even though it's the only Thursday where it feels like Friday.
Starting point is 00:10:43 Tomorrow's free Friday. You better bring it tomorrow for the show. Yeah, I am, well, luckily I'm not leaving, I was gonna leave for Los Angeles tomorrow, but I'm not gonna do that tomorrow. That's what it was. Don't do that.
Starting point is 00:10:56 I'm not gonna do that. I'm more so, I'm just hanging out. Yeah, I don't really have any plans this weekend or case I'm going to Los Angeles the weekend after for the VMAs Cool, what are you gonna wear fancy suit or something? I guess I don't know I don't have any fancy clothes. I'll think you're shopping. Not that you don't do a good job yourself and you love shopping I know okay
Starting point is 00:11:18 Sex and news. I love this first one because I really makes me think I think it's true Do women really make sex noises to help men reach orgasms? Study finds women's sex moments are voluntary, not a reflex or consequence of orgasm. Expert Dr. John Grohal recently wrote about a study published in the Archive of Sexual Behavior which found that women's sex noises are not generally a reflex or consequence of orgasm, rather an effort to help the man reach the finish line. The researchers found that a woman's vocalization is most often occurred around the man's orgasm just before her simultaneously with ejaculation.
Starting point is 00:11:57 So it's true when you make noises, you know that a man's going to ejaculate. It's kind of true as a woman. You kind of know that, but it's funny that it's someone's like doing a study on this. Did you know that that women's noises get a little bit quickened when you're about to orgasm? Did they quicken? Did they get louder? They have more vocal.
Starting point is 00:12:13 Everyone knows that. Yeah. But they actually like did a study to prove it. It's a disassociated. Or they get in this money from a step. I need to see. Some thing. Can we like spend it and cancer research or something?
Starting point is 00:12:23 That dude who was here, Billy Sunday, Mars the other day on the show two days ago, if you guys want to check that out, he was saying that if you really rock a woman's world sexually and give her these intense orgasms, she's not going to make a peep. So all the sounds that they're making, I mean, are just for the men's pleasures with their sake. That's not true though. There's times that I make noises that are real. I'm not just like faking hands, I'll get it over with. So it says, yeah, that it clearly
Starting point is 00:12:51 demonstrates a disassociation of the timing of a woman experience, so whatever. So she's making noises to get you, because I know she's done and you're not done yet. We're done. So make it noises. I just want you to fall asleep after. I get a word. That's where I want you to shut up. Is that part? I know. Let's talk about that. Let's talk about what just happened right now. Was I vocalizing in an inappropriate time?
Starting point is 00:13:18 So what are we? What are we? Where are we at? Oh, we're two people that have said sex. That is what we are. Can we talk? I used to have that joke with one of my exes. I'd be like, can we talk?
Starting point is 00:13:31 Because it's such a cliche that girls women say to men. And I was like, we really need to talk about us. But I've never said that to a guy ever. Candy Burris is releasing a sex toy line. Who's the Candy Burris? Exactly. She's from candy bird? Exactly. She's from the Real Housewives of Atlanta. I thought you knew television.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Candy, oh, okay. She's branched out from her online talk show and housewives of Atlanta and started making her own sex toy line. We won't know much about the products in the line until launch party, which is happening sometime in the near future, but lots of people are at animal prints. She was the one that I was her and Dr. Drew said, or maybe I'm quoting the wrong person, but was bashing her because she was saying
Starting point is 00:14:13 that you should put sugar in the vagina. Never put sugar in the vagina. Never put sugar in the vagina. You can use whipped cream, you can use chocolate, you can do all that stuff, but leave it on your breasts or leave it on your stomach, but do not get it inside the vagina. It's a very bad bacterial things build up.
Starting point is 00:14:29 Don't do that. People should all of this stuff all the time. It's bad. Okay, before you go on to the next thing, I found that clip that I want to share with you. And it's a woman at a dog park, okay? Okay, can you like do the volumes? Is that what you do?
Starting point is 00:14:41 Some smart. I love how smart you are with the technologically. Alright, so this thing is about a woman probably like yourself that lets her dog just run rampant around the dog part in her noise other people. Even after 10 years of teaching, I never know what's going to happen. No, hold on. Oh my god. Oh, and he's going to do the math.
Starting point is 00:15:01 We can add this to the website. We can do the middle of teaching and I look over my, and he's gonna be mad. We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web.
Starting point is 00:15:18 We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web. We can add this to the web. It's good. Well, I think it's taking years. This is like my dad parked at all these personalities. People are like angry. I'm going to have the dog taken. All he was doing was walking to the park. That's what's rough.
Starting point is 00:15:32 I've had some things happen with this woman's dog before, where I've been out at the park training my own dogs, and that dog has gotten away from her and has come up after my dogs and myself, and have had to run. And I just throw myself in my dogs and my car. What if it was one of these? What if it was a child? dogs and myself and I just throw myself in my car. What if it was a child? Oh my god. What if it was a child?
Starting point is 00:15:51 I can't find it. What if it was a child? Like one of these kids? He died on the dogs, he died on the dogs, he died on the dogs, he died on the dogs, I thank everybody. I thank the dogs, my son, I thank the bestie. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:16:02 So let me break down. I'm going to be a child. I'm going to be a child. I'm going to be a child. I'm going to be a child. I'm going to be a child. I'm going to be a child. And you don't fight, I talk to the bestie in the dog, what do you want? Oh my god. You're giving me glory, I'm a right now. I'm going to give you glory. So let me break down real quick, what's happening? Yeah, you have to. And then it's going to get awesome right now.
Starting point is 00:16:14 OK, so what happened was there's a dog park, and there's a bunch of people at the dog park, and this woman's dog gets loose, and the dog bites. So there was this man that was walking by the park and the dog ran up and bit the man. So now the man is upset and then there's a bunch of children out there and then so he starts pointing out the children and he goes, what about if it was one of these?
Starting point is 00:16:38 What about if it was one of these? And now this woman is about to go ballistic and share pretty funny story, okay? is about to go ballistic and share a pretty funny story. Okay. So here you go. The dog has some serious aggression problems and just because a dog is small doesn't mean that it can't hurt. For many days I didn't bring him here because I suffer when he bites me He bites me and my by John When I walk and he sees all the dogs he by the way
Starting point is 00:17:11 He jump on my vagina because he gets so crazy He bites by the vagina, oh my god He bites every ear and he bites the labrador and his penis I don't want him to bite the door and the penis Good bite to death It bites the dog. It's beautiful. Uh, what's the one person I'm in this room? It would be Van Aizel APD.
Starting point is 00:17:31 Van Aizel APD. You get the point though. But this one is crazy. So you should get rid of that dog. You should go on YouTube if you want to watch the whole thing. It's hilarious where she just goes on and on how the dog bites or in the vagina and bites other dogs and the penis. That's hilarious. So is that what your dog is doing?
Starting point is 00:17:48 No, my dog is awesome. My dog is like, the people tell me that they're like, when's Daisy coming back? When's Daisy coming back? Cause Daisy exhausts all the other dogs, cause she has more energy than any dog. It's cool. So when are you gonna give Daisy to one of those people?
Starting point is 00:18:02 When we're gonna give her up? Yeah. I've got a few more weeks to decide. Thanks for asking. I don't wanna give her up. I would feel like honestly, the dog is such a personal thing. Like I feel it would feel like a failure. So just to prove everybody wrong,
Starting point is 00:18:16 you're gonna be the one who did what? No, I'm not that stupid either. I just feel like I should be able to, as a grown woman, have a dog. I like dogs and figure it out, but I'm also insanely busy and have a lot going on that it might not be the best time. Yes. Rice fun.
Starting point is 00:18:34 This is perfectly... So I'm trying to figure it out. Good way to get out of it. But it's like, she's a lover. She's a stupid little face. Okay. A dating site for lovers who can't have or don't want sex. Imagine that.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Sex. A dating site without but not about getting laid. Love relationships from romance satisfies the need of many of us that is as strong if not stronger than our sex drive. Unfortunately, when a person is unable to have sex for whatever reason, this often disqualifies them from enjoying the romance and companionship that makes up 99% of a healthy relationship. To address this problem, to dateforlove.com was launched by a woman with the intention of connecting singles who are looking for love without sex.
Starting point is 00:19:17 It enables people who can't engage in intercourse or experienced love and intimacy and all that. You can upload photos, blah, blah, blah. So for whatever reason, if you don't want to have sex or you don't want it to be all about sex, to date for love. Sounds fun. Daning sites for every friggin thing and every friggin person. I was just talking on the phone last night. I mean, like, really?
Starting point is 00:19:36 With my buddy. Yeah. I share the story where he's been one of my longtime friends. Right. And then he started, last time time in hung out he shared with me He's like, yeah, I started dating chicks off Craigslist And then he sat a couple bad experiences Okay, as you would if you you'd or I'll get a few on Christmas I don't say to hook up on Christmas anymore. They used to but
Starting point is 00:19:58 Now he's on a dating website forgot which one he told me but he said who were trying to break it down He already has a date with somebody. Okay. So he was asking me about places in the city, what he should do, and should we meet up or should I pick her up? And I go, well, did you already go on a date with her once before? And he's like, yes, I go, well, then you got to go pick her up. Even though it's like really all the way.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Right. I go, go pick her up and go out on your date. But then he was telling me that whatever the dating website is, it recommends a new person every day with your criteria. This is why no one's committing. Yeah. And what happened was we're trying to break down and trying to figure out why,
Starting point is 00:20:36 but he keeps on getting connected with little people. Oh. And he doesn't know like, nothing that he doesn't have anything against little people But he's trying to tell he is not little he is a very large man. Okay, he's yeah He's six foot way tall and okay, that's odd bigger than me and He's like a linebacker like he'll oh Okay, little people like real people like like little people like for
Starting point is 00:21:06 10 9 no for no it's like for 8 4 7 And then he's like he's trying to figure out Where's the glitches? There's not a glitch, but he's thinking maybe there maybe I don't know how it works But maybe they're criteria. That's they like, is like what his description is. So we're trying to figure out, you know, how is- Yeah, there's some scientific study to be there, like why is he so similar to what little people want,
Starting point is 00:21:33 what he wants. Yeah, when he is a very large person. When he's like, that is very interesting. We gotta break that down. And now- We need to get some detectives on that or something. We gotta call them up on the sky. Call them in the sky, man, that's interesting.
Starting point is 00:21:44 I should, we should all date online. Just for better content, better improved new daily content for me. Yes. To go on dates. I know I've just never I'm the only person I know isn't done it because everyone else I know is done it. You've done it. Sort of. All through the social network. Right. But not a. I can ask out on Facebook a lot, but I don't have any attention. I don't know what those people are. All right. Not that you're not my friend or friend on Facebook because we're friends. Okay, we've got some emails. Okay, what do you got? Some topics on today's show include what to say on your first online dating message, which might be what your friends says something that I wonder what he says.
Starting point is 00:22:19 What is initial? Kegel exercises, menopause and sex and body image. And then later we're going to be talking about jealousy and how to overcome it, because you really can. You can. You can. You can. I can.
Starting point is 00:22:31 There's some people that are just insane. I know, but I've learned to overcome it. I'm not a typically jealous person, but when I find myself having jealous thoughts and I'm going to get into this more, you really can, like, just change your thought patterns and to not going into that negative place. I'm going to keep on talking, but can you turn on the fan? It's Ken Han. Oh yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:49 And another thing is with me on the social networking, if I'm going to ask them me out, like my conversations will be so short because I'm not a writer. So it would just be like, oh yeah, cool. Let's go hang out. So like the hanging out part would happen super fast. Because I'm not gonna sit there Right right like I'm better in person. Yeah, I'm so much better in person writing not my thing. I know well actually We're having a or the English language are the English language right no better than you give yourself credit for
Starting point is 00:23:18 Go ahead. No, we're actually having I don't know when the show's gonna air But we have an expert he's an online dating expert names Evan Mark Katz He's gonna be on the show this Friday, but we're doing having, I don't know when the show's gonna air, but we have an expert. He's an online dating expert. His name's Evan Mark Katz. He's gonna be on the show this Friday, but we're doing it later in the day. We're gonna play it in a few weeks, but because he can only come up and I'm gonna light it up a certain time. But he, it's amazing what he does.
Starting point is 00:23:33 He's a dating coach. And he profiles. He helps people write their online dating profiles. So for example, someone can go to him and be like, I've had this up on match.com for three months. I've got nothing. No hits, no interest, no one wants to date me. And then like, he'll come in and be like, I've had this up on Maths.com for three months. I've got nothing. No hits, no interest, no one wants to date me. And then like, he'll come in and be like, did it, did it, did it change the whole thing?
Starting point is 00:23:49 It's like marketing. And then he gets like this person like a million times. Or he helps them individually with dating. Yeah. Yeah. So he's going to be interesting. That's good. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:59 Word up, Emily. I just recently signed up with OKCupid to give this online dating thing a try. That's so funny. We were just talking about this. Being that I am a newbie, I'm not up at all the rules and hidden rules. My question is, would it be cool to tell a girl she's cute in the first message?
Starting point is 00:24:14 And is there any tips on what girls want to see in the first message? Thanks. Stan from Costa Mesa. He's a premium friends with benefits member. And if you're a friends with benefits member, you get your emails answered right away. We answer your questions PS by Tommy read this I would have sent a message to this girl calm. Yeah, I'm really interested in just seeing if the message
Starting point is 00:24:33 I sent was the right one so he wasn't way in for us to get back he was right here. I would say Yeah, I never I never do but I don't know I'm As a woman I mean I think you could say that she's cute in the first message but i would really focus on like her interest and show that you really read her page and maybe you have like a similar interest or something that you can talk about because for example like i just posted on credit let me just totally separate thing but it's like you want to know that the guy
Starting point is 00:25:02 has read your profile and is just like like, hot chick, hot your hot, let's go out. Because then the girl feels like the woman feels like, I spent all this time on my profile, you didn't even read it, you're just looking at my face. We just probably what most guys do anyway, okay? But try to pretend that that's not what you did. Yeah, you look deeper. Just look deeper. I mean, I'm interested.
Starting point is 00:25:19 Wow, I noticed that you like the Appalachians, that's how it must have been amazing. I was going to do that. It's amazing, your boots look excellent in the show. Yeah, and then your titties look hot. No, don't say that. But I would say that I would focus more about that and ask her a question, like try to find a question about something specific on her page,
Starting point is 00:25:33 try to come up with something funny. And you could say I found your profile attractive or something, but I wouldn't leave with your hottie because if she's hearing that, you're believe me, you're not the only guy who is sending her that message. That's why I've saved that. So we don't wanna hear that right away, because we already know that.
Starting point is 00:25:49 I know. I am. I never tell girls that they're cute. No, don't do that. Which I don't recommend either, because you should tell her 10 times a day. Yeah, right. What else we can say? There was something else that I just texted my friend to see if we can call him. might be all by this little people debacle no not that i want to see uh... what kind of conversation he has when he's messaging with the people that would be great that they're interested
Starting point is 00:26:13 to go out totally and i think that's what it's like dating coach focus on is that there are right and wrong ways to go this is a so for example i was looking for new interns right so i posted in krags and i said very specifically in the thing, I'm like, okay, please send me your resume, please send me this, that. Some people just are like, here's my resume, they don't even read the job profile, they don't even read the job description.
Starting point is 00:26:33 I'm like, delete, you didn't even read it, you didn't send me what I asked for, you didn't send your resume, you didn't send a cover letter. And I deleted those people. I think that people do that when they're dating, too, when they're online, and they're like, this person obviously didn't read my profile. He just thinks it's cute, delete. That's what I would do. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:50 I just wanna thank you for developing this app. She's talking about my Kegel campaign. My boyfriend and I both use it for Kegel's regularly, and I must say that our sex life has never been better. I did not write this, this is true. The feeling of a challenge in different levels have helped me to be successful in doing kegels with this app. Will there ever be any additional levels in the future?
Starting point is 00:27:10 I think a few more levels will be great. Thanks again, Alicia. Alicia, thank you so much. That's awesome. We'll do up the levels. Yeah, we'll be updated a few times and we're going to do another update. And I forward this to my engineers, so hopefully we can do that. But just a few, don't know this.
Starting point is 00:27:25 I have an app called Kegel Camp that you can download for the I-fo iTunes store. And Kegel is, Kegel is really the most important sector size that you are not doing and that you need to be doing. And Alicia just said it improved their sex life. They're doing it together. How cute you and your boyfriend can do the Kegel together. Do you have a friend that we can call about online dating? Does she have friends that do that?
Starting point is 00:27:48 10. Text them, say we're going to call them because I want to see, oh girl, because then we can see what does the guy say that gets you to go out with them. Who can I text right now? Let's take it online. Hold on. Let's take it. Okay, I know. I know. I know. I called her by mistake. You're filthy mouth friends?
Starting point is 00:28:11 Yes, it's my filthy mouth friend. Oh, he said sure. Okay, I'm going to call him first. I call. Okay, this is going to be good. I love this guy. It's one of my favorites. Go ahead and keep talking while I.
Starting point is 00:28:23 Oh, you want me to talk? Yeah. Okay, dear Emily, I'm just kidding. Okay, so um this is hilarious. Okay Dear Emily going to start another question. Yeah, dear Emily my wife and I have been together almost 25 years We love each other to death She is going through menopause and that as meant that sex may only happen once or twice a year I have a very hard time in my mind dealing with it And she has had a very hard time talking about it. What can we do to allow us to continue
Starting point is 00:28:49 the much needed special moments together? Love your show. Menace is a slut. Yeah, right. Seriously. Didn't say that. It does. Look.
Starting point is 00:29:00 Mark from Ontario, Canada. How's Mark from Ontario, Canada? You think she's a slut right. How I don't know Maybe it's an older email. He used to be a slut. I love him. What? Can you hear me? So coincidentally Here on the sex with Emily show we started talking about online dating and you and I just had a conversation yesterday about online dating.
Starting point is 00:29:27 And the part of online dating that we want to know is, what do you even say to a girl that you want to talk to? Like, what's the first initial email? What do you say? It matters how, you know, like you can check off cranks, which are be talking about, you know, like a piece of my status. I'm can check off cranks, which are the top and the top. If I could teach some like that. If I'm doing off of cranks with, I'll probably base it on what they posted on cranks.
Starting point is 00:29:52 So if you kind of go, oh, I have this similar interest or, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The same thing, you know, if you do this, it's kind of like, oh, you're looking for a guy who has these qualities. Oh, you know, I have these type of qualities. Oh, you have these type of similarities. Oh, I do too. And you know, I asked you questions. Now, what do you do? Or, you know, you like alternative music,
Starting point is 00:30:14 or kind of bands, you like, and stuff like that. That's good. I got a buddy. So you don't say like, nice rap or anything. I love your titties. You don't say like, I like your tits. I mean, if you see a picture of the balance, it's good. No, son, you said, I'm glad you don't say like I like your text. I mean if you see a picture of the balance that you're
Starting point is 00:30:25 going. No, I don't know from the point of view. I'm glad you don't send a picture of your penis until our her nights are rack is that would be bad. Do you do you ask her to rate her blow jobs on a scale of one to ten? No, you sound like a good guy. Do you handle it well because we just had a guy ask like, should I tell this girl she's hot? I'm like every guy is emailing or telling her she's hot you don't tell her she's hot pay
Starting point is 00:30:46 attention to what we want to feel like we are heard as women when you read our profile you took the time you're not just like hot chick want to go out so you sound like a good guy how's the online dating going for you? I mean I mean a few people here and there go on to dates. Don't you have a date? That's good. Tonight or this weekend? I have a Sunday this weekend.
Starting point is 00:31:09 Sunday. Wow. What kind of a hug? Okay. So, are you excited? Oh, yeah, most of the time. Did you plan the day? I was a throw one before in the prior.
Starting point is 00:31:18 So, you know, did you make out with them on the first date? Sure. You did? You did? You made out on the first date? Made out on the first date, yeah. Did you do other stuff on the first date. Sure. You did, you made out in the first date? Made out in the first date, yeah. Did you do other stuff on the first date?
Starting point is 00:31:28 Did you touch your boobs? Did Uncle last far? We were out in the street. You know, we kind of met in the street. I did not have a street on the stand. I can't talk over them on the internet thing. You cut it out. There's no other way I can tell you.
Starting point is 00:31:42 I have to tell you live on the show. Sorry. No, that's fine. I kind of assumed, but you know, that's all good. No, no, no. Um, go ahead. You can ask me a question. No, I feel no, I feel quieted. I'm sure I feel shushed. No, I'm just saying you have the way for a week. Okay, so okay. What is so this girl? So what you found her on Craigslist? No, no, I'm not getting serious. Okay, another outline dating site. And what was it about her profile that you like? Was it her picture? I know you thought she was happy. I was like, what it was or something? She said, we're trying to give people advice
Starting point is 00:32:12 about like writing online dating profiles. Like, as there's certain things that a woman says that like catches you, like, can you think of a phrase or something that was like, oh, wow, she seems like a cool chick. Or conversely, the things that they say that you're like, whoa, run for your life. Like she has 10 cats. And one other thing thrown there, and you can be honest, is it the first thing, the photo kind of catches you a little. Yeah. Well, sure, that's like the initial catch.
Starting point is 00:32:34 You know what I mean? Because it's kind of when you first search somebody online typically, it's going to be just a quick contact information. Like their photo, their location, and how old they are. So it's kind of, well, if the bat is coming to your judge, if you're going to click on this profile to see this person further, so right off the bat, yeah, you have to at least see this person, see all of this person kind of something I could be into, and then if yes, then click on the picture and kind of see the different, you know, text on the profile
Starting point is 00:33:01 and everything. Different, you know, signs that might be good. Just similar interest. I'm a type of person. I don't want any drama or anything like that. I kind of want something that's similar to me or at least interest that like, hey, me and my friends, we do these type of things.
Starting point is 00:33:17 I want to go on days and do these type of things. And this person has those type of things I'm into. Right, got it. Anything that's kind of scared me away or just, you know. Right, right, right, right. You just kind of run out of time. Oh, there's a little smart guy. In decisive this maybe, what kind of like, you know,
Starting point is 00:33:36 maybe it's what you're looking for. You know, if it's kind of like, oh, I just got out of relationship, I'm just kind of looking like. So you kind of know if you get into this, you might be in some indecisive this or you might be that rebound type of person which, you know, if you're open to that, that's fine but I'm kind of, you know.
Starting point is 00:33:53 Okay, so before we look at the program. I'm getting online, that's good. I'm thinking about doing it myself. Is that my list of things to do? I think that's good that you're doing it. I love these shared stories. Thank you very much. Good luck. Can you call us back on that?
Starting point is 00:34:05 No, if you touch our boobs on Sunday. No pressure. You don't let us know. I just want you to have a good time. It's not about sex. I have some some warning signs. What? What the online? What's the warning signs? Chicks that you do not want to talk to. Okay. Here we go. Go.
Starting point is 00:34:28 And it all starts with the rain image. Any chick that has a rain image of a scenery, the sunset or anything like that. Any chick that has pets in their main photograph. Any chick that only has one or two photographs. Right. And they're all waste up. And they're all waste up. Or no, but if they only have one or two photographs,
Starting point is 00:34:52 it's most likely I would say 99.9% not them. Because why do you only have two photographs of you? Well, how much do they take to post? You can post thousands of photos there if you want to. Oh. Well, it's not the jit. And the other one the lookout for is the group photos. When there's a large group photos and you look through it and it's all group photos. Right.
Starting point is 00:35:15 What does that mean? She doesn't think she's the less attractive one at a, just look for the least attractive one out of the group photo. Oh, man. And that's the person's profile. It's science. It's science, scientific, really. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Okay. This is a scientific study. Mm. I don't know. Let's check that out. But like her being an unattractive group. You should have those group pictures of yourself. I mean, of you in a group, if you're trying to get someone's attention.
Starting point is 00:35:41 Yeah. And then you know what? I mean. I hate the guys with their drinking a beer. Oh, one of those like, cooies on it with a cat. Yeah, I don't want to date a guy. No, no pressure, no vents. I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? Okay, so my wife and I, this is going to read this again or sum it up again. 25 years, we love each other to the death. She's going through menopause and sex only happens twice a year and he's got a really hard time dealing with it in his mind and she's got a hard time talking
Starting point is 00:36:13 about it and what can they do and he loves to show and menace is a slut. I don't know why you think she's a slut. I don't know either. The loss of estrogen following menopause can lead to changes in women's sexual drive and functioning. They may not be easily aroused, it may be less sensitive touching and stroking, which can lead to decreased interest in sex. You may want to lower levels of estrogen, cause the decrease in blood supply to the vagina, which can affect vaginal lubrication, causing it to become dry and uncomfortable for intercourse. So you can really try to take a warm bath, relax and use lubricants. You
Starting point is 00:36:50 can use a water-based lubricant like AstroGlide, which you can purchase at Adam and Eve. You can get anything at Adam and Eve.com for 50% off, most items plus three adult DVDs in a free gift if you use coupon code Emily checkout. So I think Loub is great for a lot of sexual situations that people are having because she probably is more dry. And if the sex drive isn't what it once was, you don't think you need counseling, you should just try to take some time
Starting point is 00:37:17 to have intimacy with your partner and rebuild the intimacy. It doesn't mean that you have to have intercourse. Maybe there's ways you can take intercourse off the table and start connecting in other ways because I have a feeling that it's not just about the sex that you have to have intercourse. Maybe there's ways you can take intercourse off the table and start connecting in other ways, because I have a feeling that it's not just about the sex that you're not connecting, but there might be other ways in your relationship that you're not quite connecting,
Starting point is 00:37:31 and that you might need to go back and repair whatever's happened. Maybe you guys have got some issues with each other. You've been together a long time, and there's ways to get in there with issues, or whatever issues you have and heal them. First, what? I'm sorry I always go to the alcohol, but maybe she needs to loosen up a little bit.
Starting point is 00:37:47 Take the stick out of her ass. She's going through menopause, dude. It happens. Yeah, maybe, you know, Sue's menopause with, you know, some alcohol. It's a little bit in the life. I think you. Or maybe some, you know, you, you recommend some
Starting point is 00:37:59 wacko drugs. Like, what is that? Lubricant? No, not lubricant. But that lubricant doesn't get you in the mindset. Oh, I know. That's why I wish I could just pop up a Vagra. That's why, you know.
Starting point is 00:38:13 I'd be a horny dog all the time. All the time, just banging. No, you need something to help her get in the mindset. Exactly. You've got to get her in the mindset. I mean, that is the thing is that so many times women don't want sex. Like like yes, she's going through a lot of bad, she's greater challenges not because her sex drive literally has taken
Starting point is 00:38:29 a nose dive. But for women, the brain is a larger sex organ. She does need to be warmed up. You do need to do things to set that intimacy, to set that romantic mood just because you come in and you have a boner, does not mean that she's ready to go. And it's kind of a bumper for you, but she's gonna need more time warming up. You might need to romance her, you might need to plan a special weekend away.
Starting point is 00:38:49 There are ways to get it back. And on a side note. Yes. I got tweeted by Marilyn, who's a listener in Arizona right now. Okay. And she said that she totally agrees with me on the profile pics online.
Starting point is 00:39:06 Oh, the cats, the scenery, the group photos hilarious. Yes. So I'm in tune. I know, I know the scientific. You do know. So if I do date online, you'll help me shape my profile. Yes, I will. Okay. I'm glad to say I stand back from Baghdad all one piece. I'm getting caught up in the podcast because I've missed the last few. I'm writing tag on my sexual pet peeve. I can't tell you how much of a mood killer it is to have a woman after we're both naked and about to make love instantly become self-conscious. When we're both naked, it's absolutely the wrong time to lose all of her confidence. I don't care. One bit if she's 10 pounds away from her to ID08. I'm no personal trainer.
Starting point is 00:39:48 I'm just trying to share an orgasm or two or three with her. If that's not enough to at least temporarily remove those insecurities, then it's a major buzzkill and I'm not into the sex as I once was. What I'm saying is she's got to see what's in front of her and what she's got as a man who wants to be with her, all parts of her, even the flawed parts as always cute The good work and I remember go Navy Jamal hell yeah Jamal
Starting point is 00:40:09 Preach dude. It is so true one of the biggest issues that women have sexually across the board is with low self-esteem and insecurities about body and body image and I Think that if you're a woman and you're experiencing like issues sexually You're not connecting with men. A lot of it has to do with your body image issues. And there are ways to get past it. Maybe you need some therapy, read some good books on it. God knows just so many of them.
Starting point is 00:40:33 But really, just start loving your body, start working out. If you don't feel good about your body, make yourself go to the gym, go once a week. That will make you feel better. There are things to eat healthier. I know it's easier said than done. And you've heard this a million times. But truly, if it's wreaking havoc on your sex life and you're having problems and you should start to take, because no matter how many times a guy tells
Starting point is 00:40:50 you like you're so attractive and you're so hot and I don't care if you gain 10 pounds or whatever, no one's going to believe it until they deal with it on their own. Yeah, and then I also should say, hey, you see my dick right now? Is my head, is it not erect? Does it not like what it's seeing? Well, women feel like I know, I know. It's a bad time. It's a bad time. So when should she ask you for ask looks fat in the jeans, not when not when you guys are going to address during sex? Well, you should never ask that. Never ask that. I'm just kidding, but you know that joke. You know, I ask like fat and these things. Yes, they look totally fat.
Starting point is 00:41:27 Fuck you, I don't know. Okay, so yeah, insecurity's huge. I mean, I think we've done shows on that body image as you just women, but that really is like the reason why women can't orgasm, the reason why men aren't enjoying sex and sometimes the reason why women don't want to get on top of a man is because they feel like they look.
Starting point is 00:41:43 They're over analyzing everything. I know, guys are just like, I'm psyched, there's some boobs bouncing up and get on top of a man is because they feel like they look They're over analyzing everything. I know guys are just like I'm psyched. There's some boobs bouncing up and down and Okay, I'm 45 in good health and I have the problem of too much stamina So much so that often after a vigorous weekend my girlfriend needs a couple days off and sex to rest because her vagina is sore My girlfriend isn't complaining. I'm just saying as she often says I'm not bragging because it isn't as, I'm just saying, as she often says, I'm not bragging because it isn't as fun as some I think. When I say stamina, I mean an hour or longer of a full on heart on an active sex the entire time. We move through many positions, oral, vaginal, and she even tried anal a time or two and helps her bring me over the
Starting point is 00:42:18 edge. It is so bad that I often do not orgasm myself and it isn't from the lack of trying or any lack of enthusiasm for my girlfriend. I've had several partners over the last over the years, and this is one is the only one so far that can stay with me long as without tapping out, so to speak. So, anything I can do to encourage an orgasm on demand, how do porn stars do it for the camera all the time? You're the best, sincerely. Paul from Heartlifred, Connecticut.
Starting point is 00:42:42 Well, there are theories of delayed ejaculation and they suggest that it's caused a fear of loss of control, hastily and anger, and too much reliance on fantasy during sex to get aroused. It can also be, so maybe there's ways that you have your body trained during masturbation and you just can't with a woman.
Starting point is 00:43:01 There could be some earlier things from childhood, some deeper things going on here. Also, the problem can be caused by a man learning to masturbate in a particular way, which cripples his ability to reach orgasm through normal stimulation. So again, it has to do with the way you masturbate. But there's got to be ways that you could work with her maybe because it's not an hour every time full on hard on like, we don't all want sex for an hour every time. We just don't.
Starting point is 00:43:22 Who is time? Well, unlike I have to walk my dog. You know how you say women once they think about it, it's gone. With men, I mean, you just gotta think about it the entire time. Just think about it. Think about the orgasm. Yeah. What do you mean you think about it?
Starting point is 00:43:35 What do you mean you think about it? Think about orgasm. You're like orgasm or has them. That'd be awesome. Yeah. And just think, you know, how awesome would feel and all that stuff. Then it will happen. We're different that way.
Starting point is 00:43:46 It's not working for him. So there might be some other underlying issues, but yeah, just think about your orgasm and breathe a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds good. Okay. Should we get into our, um, I think we should get into our topic of the day, which is jealousy.
Starting point is 00:44:01 What? Okay. What are you looking at me for? Nothing. I'm a little tired today. I'm tail. Yeah. Go ahead. What? What? Okay. What are you looking at me for? Nothing. I'm a little tired today. I'm too. Yeah, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:44:09 We should, we should, if I have to alcohol, like we need some kind of like offers or something. Woo! Red Bull back in my other office. I wish you brought me one. Sorry. Okay, so jealousy, let me just say this. A lot of things about jealousy. Jelsie comes up with every relationship, whether you're in a monogamous relationship or you're in an open relationship or you're a singer
Starting point is 00:44:26 or you're whatever. Jealousy's gonna happen at some point in a relationship. It just happens. So, and usually jealousy is a byproduct of someone's insecurity because we feel threatened, this girl's hotter, she's with someone who's better than I am, she's her new boyfriend is a football player, whatever I'm jealous.
Starting point is 00:44:45 So while everyone gets jealous or suspicious, experiencing jealousy on a daily basis is a problem. So if you're with someone who is really jealous all the time, like I've dated guys like that who were like super jealous and I wasn't even, okay, yes, I'm a flirt, we established that early on, but there are people I've dated that are like, you were with the waiter, I saw it.
Starting point is 00:45:04 I'm like, I was ordering like my chicken. Like I wasn't you'd probably didn't have a way. I wasn't. I literally wasn't. I'm willing to say when I was fighting, when I wasn't fighting, it was like it was like a disc.
Starting point is 00:45:14 It was like this association. And I think a lot of times people have issues with mistrust and jealousy when they come from homes, from alcoholic backgrounds or from parents who are distrustful. It's true. Like parents, if you let's say you come from family of alcoholic alcoholic backgrounds, or from parents who are distrustful, it's true. Like parents, let's say you come from family of alcoholic parents. A lot of times it builds, you don't have trust in people
Starting point is 00:45:33 because everything your parents said, for example, we're like, oh, for sure we're gonna show up at your first birthday party and then they're wasted on the couch and then you feel like you constantly distrust people. So a lot of the issues that people have in relationships are untrust, don't even have to do with the person's behavior. So dating like me, if you're someone who already has a problem with Kelsey and you need to be like me who's a big
Starting point is 00:45:50 flirt, you might have a problem. But a lot of it is like predisposed, okay? So, according to the US Department of Justice 49% of nearly 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members were committed because of spouses due to jealousy. It's become a problem one-third of couples seeking marital therapy today, and 44% admit trust issues have put a big dent in their marriage. So 70% say, you'd be jealous if your husband had a close, botanic female friend. 53% of people say they secretly check his phone messages and emails.
Starting point is 00:46:27 53% of women flirt to make their man jealous. Maybe women think flirting is innocent and fine, but it's a way of testing your husband's love but ask yourself as it's contributing to the problems. So again, why do we get jealous? Maybe because our partner was unfaithful, something that our past girlfriend or boyfriend was jealous, but it's just there with you and we have the jealousy. I thought you said that you don't get jealous. I don't get jealous. But I have gotten jealous in the past.
Starting point is 00:46:56 What made you jealous? I'll tell you. It's interesting that you talk about that because I think that when people are like, I never get jealous. I think we all have an in us to experience a range of emotions. You can, someone can make you jealous. So I do the guy who brought out my jealousy in me, but it wasn't, I wasn't jealous the first year we were dating. But after that, because of like some, like he was with some chick, we were broke, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:47:21 He lied to me about something and he was with this girl. He sort of cheated on me, but not really, because we were kind of broken up. Long story short, I instantly distrusted him. Like everything he did, I was like, he says going to the drugstore, but he's really probably going to meet that girl in the corner. Like crazy thoughts going your head. You become obsessive and jealous and from one thing, from one little thing that he did. So I think like I have in me, because I've saw that, but typically I'm not looking for it I come from like a trustworthy family my background is pretty healthy
Starting point is 00:47:51 I don't have a history of men cheating on me and I'm pretty confident person in many ways that I feel like If you guys with me, why would you want to lie and be with anyone else? I do believe that. On the best. So, when jealousy does strike, it's often because people are insecure, they feel like they're not good enough. A lot of times they compare themselves to their rival. So for example, if we were dating, I'd be like, or if I found out, for example, whenever you find
Starting point is 00:48:19 like, like, accelerating someone, we always assume she's like some tall hot. No, but you guys always talk crap about it all the time. Yeah, but we make the assumptions our brain goes to like the worst possible place, you know, they feel threatened. They imagine the worst case scenario that our partner might leave us for someone else. And so not only jealousy unpleasant, but individuals who are chronically jealous or suspicious, often misinterpret what's going on.
Starting point is 00:48:42 So they create stories in their mind. Like, do you know what I mean? It becomes a create stories in their mind. Like, you don't even become so self-perpetuating thing. Like, you get a little jealous and you're like, he always go, he always, you know, he never drinks too cups of coffee, like he must've been up late. Like, whatever those crazy thoughts you have for exactly, you know. Being with a Jellis person is difficult because highly suspicious partners
Starting point is 00:49:01 can be over-controlling, needy, and invasive. So there's some, yeah, have you been with Jellis checks, right? Yeah. as highly as a specialist partners can be over controlling, needy, and invasive. Invasive. So there's some tip, yeah, have you been with Jellis checks, right? Yeah. And like, what do you do? I just kind of blow it off because there's no reasoning with those types.
Starting point is 00:49:16 Right. It's not like you're really doing anything wrong. And if it gets overbearing, then it's like, just kind of loose. Right. OK. I'll offer some specific of loose. Right. Okay. I'll offer some specific advice here. So for dealing with jealousy and for steps, for steps deal with jealousy.
Starting point is 00:49:31 Talk about your insecurities. So this is the hardest part. Because if you're a jealous person, you want to be like, no, it's you, it's you, you're constantly blaming someone. But you have to be like, you know what? I'm a little insecure about it. I've got issues. I'm afraid you're going to leave me.
Starting point is 00:49:42 I'm afraid that every time you walk out that door and you just talk about it and you bring some like no one ever does that That's what you do need to be like and this is the concept that I think people need to talk about before they get married too I mean like I'm jealous. I get jealous. It might make I might be threatened if you all of a sudden become BF out with a co-worker And you start texting her late at night or whatever even if it's not sexual, but we might become jealous I don't know if I get jealous, but I do get annoyed. I do get annoyed sometimes. You do get annoyed with what? I'll be upset.
Starting point is 00:50:12 I'm like, why are you doing that? It's not like I'm jealous, like I'm mad in that way, but I just get annoyed. I'm like, why are you even doing that? Right, right, right, exactly. So as a general, when talking about jealousy, it helps to focus on your feelings and not your partner's behavior. So you don't want to say like, you did this and you did that, but it's like, no, this is how I feel when you do something like that, because sometimes their behavior can be inappropriate, right? If they're flirting with a coworker or whatever. So another thing about interpreting about jealousy is that you can learn to interpret things differently.
Starting point is 00:50:40 So if I have a relationship with someone and I interpret that every time he's working late in my mind, he's sleeping with them or whatever, you can change your thought patterns. So it's trying to think about the events that make you suspicious and you think about them differently. So for instance, if a husband or wife or a girlfriend does not answer the phone right away, we can be thinking like, oh my god, he's outboning some chick. But you can also think like maybe their phone died, maybe they don't have their charger. I mean, it is true. Like you can switch those thoughts in your head because you're going to make yourself a little crazy, right? You just got to like, because people who are very jealous, they jump to the worst case scenario. Always.
Starting point is 00:51:18 What? No, they do. And then they go to the extremes where they, you know, follow you. They hire a spy, right? Well, the best part is when the TV show cheaters, when they are cheating. Well, that's a thing. I mean, your partner might be cheating too.
Starting point is 00:51:35 So we're gonna get to that. Well, a lot of stuff, yeah. I mean, a lot of suspicion comes from a true place too, sometimes. Well, then then we get into the whole, how do you get more information? Like if you tried to interpret things differently and you try to talk to your partner,
Starting point is 00:51:48 you're very delsy and that's still not working, you gotta get more information. So do you snoop? And okay, so when you do snoop though, and you don't find anything, that's when you need to drop it though. You do need to drop it. If you keep it going, then you're going to destroy your relationship.
Starting point is 00:52:01 Right, right, so you can snoop, I guess, if you have to. But that's what it's going to take to, you know, to destroy relationships. Right. So you can snoop, I guess, if you have to. That's what it's going to take to make everything far. But often, the suspicion is fueled by a lack of information. So you don't have enough information so you're suspicious. So if you do need to do some stuff, but if you find, if you look and you just set a time limit on it and you look and you don't find anything, then move on.
Starting point is 00:52:20 It's your own issue. So I mean, when you're looking for it, so so the thing is like okay, so the whole thing is about Snooping if you mean do you think it's right for people to like I feel like in a way It's good to look for information, but also you're always gonna find something like there's always gonna be some ambiguous weird XX-O Flirty text from someone don't you think? You're looking at the phone if you're looking at your phone. Yeah, for sure I don't want anyone ever looking at my phone. That's why I delete Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete. You delete all your texts? Yeah, I'm time
Starting point is 00:52:51 Why? Because you girls looking at your phone. I don't even know whoever will look at my phone if you lose it like I do Okay, asking a lot of invasive questions is usually not a good way to go out but discovering the truth If someone is trying to hide something from you, they usually aren't gonna go on up to it immediately. So you do resort to snooping, but there are ethical issues, but if you don't discover anything by a certain time, then you just gotta let it go.
Starting point is 00:53:15 So how do you deal with this jealous lover that you have? Okay, you gotta deal with your fears and anxieties through communication. It's the same thing. A lot of times, Chelsea, like when I've been with jealous men And I recently I was last year when I was a crazy guy who's car crashed By mistake he was like so jealous about things that were just unfounded like I know that I can be a flirt But he was like making up stories and every time I was out
Starting point is 00:53:37 I was like I'm sorry I was at Whole Foods. Oh, no, you are out I mean the people who are like Obsessively jealous. How do you deal with it? I mean, I think they're really hard people to deal with and they've got a lot of issues and if you're willing to sit with this person and go to therapy and figure it out, but someone who's like obsessively jealous and is unfounded, it's a problem. So you don't want to dismiss or just count their feelings. You want to work them on it, but you want them to get to the bottom of their feelings and not keep blaming you. Yeah. Yeah. It isn't really hard to deal with. Really hard. You've had that. Yeah, yeah. It is really hard to deal with really hard. You've had that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Yeah. You just gotta, yeah, again, cut it off or go to there being try to work it out with them. You do. I mean, you really do. And maybe someone cheated recently or their past partner cheated. I mean, again, a lot of it is just like deep underlying issues. But I think that one of the key things is to really interpret things differently, like in your mind. If you are the one who's experiencing jealousy and you feel like, I'm sort of obsessed with this jealousy, I've sort of feel like it's taking over my life and I'm thinking about too much about stuff you can, like I've had to do that, like dating several people now, for
Starting point is 00:54:38 example, not being in a monogamous relationship. You can, there are things that can happen that I can be like, oh, he's out with so-and-so. I'm out with so-and-so, but I can think of him. I can think of him. I can go to the worst place and just think, not really think about it. I'm just be like, I'm being honest. He's being honest and it's all fine.
Starting point is 00:54:53 I've learned to transcend jealousy. How do you're above and beyond it? When did this happen? I'm not saying it wouldn't happen. It's been a process that I've been working on. Been working on it. So it's still going on. Yeah, it still goes on, but I really just like flip it.
Starting point is 00:55:08 I do. I flip it. I'm like, that's not happening. And I don't really care. And I'm awesome. I love myself. I love me. Cool.
Starting point is 00:55:16 That's what we got. Okay. That's it for the show today. Yeah, that's it. We got for Joss. You said one. Don't be jealous. I go person.
Starting point is 00:55:21 And I really like the couple things real quick. Go ahead, miss. We sign off. Number one. We're at jealous, I go person. And I really like the couple of things real quick. Go ahead, miss. Side off. Number one, we're at the Stitcher Studios here in SerumSosco Stitcher.com. You can download the app and listen to the show on your smartphone, your droid, your iPhone, and iPad, and all that kind of stuff on the go. And I really enjoy talking to people on the phone. So I know you just put the
Starting point is 00:55:45 phone number now on the window. So or people can go to the website and write it down. And then when we're having the show going on, give us a call. I want to talk to people. We want to talk to you. Call us. We'll answer your questions. Okay, everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Family. It was a good for you. Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. email me feedback at sexesemily.com.

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