Sex With Emily - Episode 330 - How to Successfully Date Online

Episode Date: November 8, 2011

Online dating is about marketing yourself. The first message you send someone is extremely important. Be specific and show them that you have common interests. Emily gives essential online dating advice to improve your experience and success rate. Emily and Menace discuss the best famous landmarks to do it at, the pros and cons of dating a criminal, and should you tell her about your foot fetish? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Am Hey anything she can't kid. The girl's got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry?

It shrinks. And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm all for sure. So, I'm grown. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play good.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemlead.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts and it is your daily sex news information. Just give it a go. It's your new center. Thanks everyone, happy Monday, made it through another weekend.

Amanda's probably barely made it through another weekend. Oh my God, I got back into the Bay Area at 1 a.m. Oh my God, you're so tired. And then I woke up at 4. Yeah, I don't know how you do this. But I feel fine. You do? You look good. I was going to tell you that you looked good.

You had your hair cut or something. Well, I shaved. Oh, you shaved? Shaved a little bit. And I got maybe a little bit of sun while I was in. Oh, good. In a hymn. You love getting sun.

Yeah, I love it. Yeah, that's good. So Disneyland was fun. Oh my God. It was the best ever. Really? The best ever. Really? The best ever.

So let me tell people that are gonna, if they're gonna visit Disneyland, what to do. Because my entire life of going to Disneyland never able to consume alcohol because they don't sell it, right? Well, most of people are going when they're children, but you. Yeah, but you know when you're older. Okay, you want alcohol? You want some alcohol?

Okay. Check this out They have this thing called electronica right it's at California The venture land whatever the hell it is the the park outside the park right at night They have a tron themed like rave Whereas just giant just like area where people just dance and they have a DJ in the middle, and they sell alcohol. And it's called, they have these things called glow heatos,

right? And they're like, the- Well, heatos that glow? That is so cool. They were amazing. Wow, what was the crowd like? It was like all types of people.

It was awesome. And everyone was like dressing like tron outfits and stuff like that. Oh my God, that's so cool. I had no idea there was a rage of like rave going on at Disneyland. It was so much fun. And then at the Disneyland hotel, they have a Tiki bar.

Oh my God, full on bar, you walk in. Menace likes his alcohol. Yeah, and they had, they had, how many bucks Disneyland are Mickey Mouse? They had these, the theme drinks. So, this is called the shipwreck, right? So you order a shipwreck and then they change the lighting real quick

and they hit all these sound effects, like a ship is going down. Oh my God. And then the bartenders are selling, save yourself, save yourself. I thought I was like, you know, at senior frogs or something in Mexico. Right, right, right, right, right.

Senior frogs totally in there. Ridiculous. That is so great. But I left out a quick story. What? I pissed off some people that I know really bad. Why would you do? In between going from the Tron thing to the Tiki bar, I stopped at this place because some other people I know from the Bay Area were in town and there were these two girls, right? There you go. So I go in there and I immediately see them with these bros like these douchebag type guys, right? And it wasn't my place and it was me. I can say it was my fault I start talking so much crap to these guys, right?

Such a dick. Yeah, and I go, so what do you guys do? They're like, oh, we're club promoters. I go really I'm already disgusted right And then I go, okay cool what clubs in the city and then they name off these clubs I'm like, oh really? I go, oh do you know the owner because I knew the owner of those clubs personally And they go, no, I go, oh you must be really high level then. Oh god. Did you get you gonna fight? My friends started yelling at me and told me to get the F out of there. Yeah, honey, why do you have to pick fights? Nothing, these guys are like totally like,

I know, they're like trying to pick up your friends and they were trying to be cool guys at the promoters and you're like, you're so not a promoter, you're lucky if they let you in. Yeah, you're so like such D bags, like Fratboy looking dudes. Right. But it wasn't my place to do that,

and I did feel about it. Oh, I'm glad that you didn't get your ass kicked, because that would have been. You think I would get my ass kicked seriously? I don't know, would you? Hell no. Okay, okay, glad you did. I wouldn't have punched anybody,

but I would defend myself. With these tricks that you liked? No, but I, it's because I know them very well, so I was like trying to be protected. Right, no, I get that. I get that. The guys are being D-bags. They're D-bags.

D-bag, good work. So yeah, I did have women tell me off. Okay. Over the weekend. But it was an amazing way. I'm so glad that you had fun. I went to a party Friday night with Shaka Khan was playing. Really?

I love Shaka Khan. I know. It was really funny. It was for the Amphar Benefitala and it was it was it was really fun There was lots of people there and it was a good party drinking. It was a Moroccan theme party Uh-huh, I had to dress up colorful and Moroccan theme. I didn't know what a man to do really But I wore like colorful dress and Shacka Khan and then You know that guy Andy Cohn from Bravo who's like does all the talk shows of Bravo. He was there and he's like,

the MC, he was so funny. And he's like, oh my God, I saw you on the today show. So that was really funny. And then I know, it's really cool. So I'm at lots of interesting people. Did you go out with anybody? I didn't go out with anybody, but I have a blind date, I think next Sunday night.

I know nothing about him, yeah. Did you, then who did you go with? Oh, my friend Heather. Really? Yeah, no, dude, it was a joke. Did you get any numbers? I didn friend Heather really yeah, no dudes it was a Getting numbers I didn't get any numbers. No, it wasn't that kind of thing. It was a big gay party lots of gays Uh-huh, so guys, and that's I couldn't get gay phone numbers, but nothing for dating no really No, no numbers for dating. No, that's lame. I know that is lame kind of right and then starting I just went

Just went to the friend's house for dinner and hung out Oh, my friends my friends my good my good friends that went just went to the friend's house for dinner and hung out. Oh, my friends, my good friends, my good friends and I always go to the cabin with. My good friends, oh it was your friend and those are friends. It wasn't a dude's house, I mean it wasn't a dude's house, it wasn't a guy that I've dated. It wasn't a guy that I've dated, it was just a good friend. I was working all weekend boring, I know, but it was like mellow and we just Oh, okay, I gave my dog the baby daddy fair few days because it's too busy for me to take care of her But I actually missed her right now and I'm sort of like it's the first time I miss her a little high

I love how you're changing subject, but whatever. No, there was no dude. So there was no sexual contact I did not have any sexual Adventures or anything. I had no sexual relations. Did you? No, I didn't. No sexual relations. No, but I really, I was so excited because this, uh, this girl that I knew in high school, uh, who I haven't seen in like 10 years, and every time I go, uh, down south, I tried to, um, hang out with her and, um, there was, like, it always, it never works out, but she lived like 30 minutes from Disneyland.

So I hit her up and she came by and she couldn't be more like, it never works out. But she lived like 30 minutes from Disneyland. So I hit her up and she came by and she couldn't be more like the coolest person on the set. Oh, that's awesome. So you're like new VFFs again. Yeah, and my friends loved her and she's super cool. Yeah, she's super hot too. She's super hot. Cool.

You want to see Vigia Rocha? You know, you friends with only super hot chicks? No, no, but just she just happens to be super hot. That's awesome. I love that. I love that. Well, today's show, I can tell you a little bit about it. We are talking about online dating, tips, tricks, myths, what you should do, what you should

do, what you should say in your first message, what you should say in your online dating profile. We're talking about some of the dating sites because everyone's dating online now. So we thought we'd give you the information about what to do. Before one one. I could totally tell you how the tips and tricks. Okay. The biggest thing you got to try to not come off as a creeper. Yeah, you can't be creepy. You can't... We have a lot to stuff about what kind of photos to post, what you're saying first. Message to someone. So we're going to get into that. We've also be reading your emails and different topics there, foot fetishes,

and stuff like that. Fetishes of the foot. Fetishes of the foot. Because we've been trying to diagnose that for years. I know, well, we're gonna talk about it a little bit today. And we've got stuff on just the normal, like bandwidth my partner for years and the sex is great, stuff like that.

And you can also call us anytime, leave us a message for 1-5-99273-9-2. We'll play your message during the show. If you want to ask us a question that way, instead of emailing, but you can email us at feedback at sectionmoo.com. You can also find me on Twitter and Facebook, sex with Emily.

So also, I have to say that I tweeted out my Adam and Eve stuff the other day that, you know, if you go to Adam and Eve.com, which has every sex toy, sex accessories, sex clothing under the sun, you go to Adam and Eve.com, which has every sex toy, sex accessories, sex clothing under the sun, you go to adamaniv.com, you put in coupon code Emily at checkout, you get 50% off most items, you get three adult DVDs, you get free shipping, you get free gifts, you get all this stuff.

So if you wanna buy any sex toys at all, I'll attach you magic wand, a packet rocket, a sea ring, that for a couple, it's great for couples, if you wanna get sex games to play, you can get them all at a minute. And they have this super cool new mobile site that you can just do down your phone. You can just order right now.

You can just pick up your phone and buy some sex toys. That's good because you're a girl on the go. I'm a girl on the go. I don't have time to sit on my computer. No, no, no, no, no, I'm really busy. And then the new poll on the site, which you put up on Friday is, what's on your sex bucket list?

What do you want to do before you die sexually? A, sex in the rain, B, get handcuffed, C, sex on an airplane, D, a threesome, or E, sex on a famous landmark. And you... We don't have the results yet. Okay. Or people are still voting.

We talked about this. Yeah. We knocked out a couple of them. We did knock out a couple of them. We've done them all. Medicine, I, are like a little bit more advanced now. Except for the landmark, I would like to do a landmark what landmark What landmark

I Don't know I don't know maybe Disneyland maybe Disneyland. Maybe you look at the castle You should have sex in the castle. I have people have a text of Disneyland. I wonder if I have no I don't think I did I went there in high school After high school, but I did but I did mention that I I don't even want to have sex. I just want to kiss a girl at the Coit Tower, which is so easy. Right.

No, that's cute. You should tell it. It's super easy. It's so doable. I know. That's easy, but I haven't been to Coit Tower in years. Right. Me neither, but it's so years.

Yeah, but you know, why not? It's very phallic looking. Yeah. It's tower in San Francisco. That's a big phallic object that men would like to do. It's a lighthouse. It's a lighthouse. It's a phallic lighthouse. It's a phallic symbol in San Francisco. If you look at the skyline, it's tower and San Francisco. That's a big phallic object that men would like to lighthouse. It's a lighthouse. It's a phallic lighthouse.

It's a phallic symbol in San Francisco. If you look at the skyline, it's phallic. Yeah, because it's upward. That's why you want to kiss someone. No, because this is the reason I did that. Just the blue. No, this is the reason I want it. Unconsciously.

Pre-consciously. No, this is the reason I want to do it. It's because I actually went up there with a chick one time and I was too shy to get her. Oh, it's one of those. It's like a makeup. Yeah, I gotta. You gotta. You gotta. Right. Go back. I gotta right my wrong. Exactly. You gotta write your wrongs. I'm my days of being a pussy. At landmarks. What'd you say? I said of my days of being a pussy. You're not a pussy anymore. I don't think you just do wait for chicks to come to you, but that's my only issue with you.

Well, not my only issue with you, but what. What? You wait for chicks to hit you. You up and I think there's chicks you want to be with that you don't ask out because you're afraid of getting shut down and I just don't get it. No, you know me. I have to do our diet mentality. The thing is, if I really like them, I move way too slow.

Right. And then they're already dating someone and have three kids. So I, yeah, I know what you mean though. I'm going to start asking guys out and dating online and I got blind dates coming up. So I'm kind of kicking it up into high gear right now. As you should. As I should, right?

Like why I've been like kind of not really dating and single and so I was just really busy with other things but now I'm like, I gotta do all that. It's like the time, like I wanna be the guinea pig, like I wanna try all the stuff I haven't tried for dating. Like the device I give to everyone else, I want to do myself. Dating online. What do you think is the number one thing that I want to do?

Well I think I'd like to try dating online just because I haven't done that and I get fixed up on dates a lot but this will be interesting. So I'm going to, I feel like just for my own knowledge too, my own edification, I should know about that whole process. I mean I know a ton about it because we've talked about it for years, but I'm gonna do it myself. So I think that'll be fun.

Yeah. I've already got to blind date, so I'm going to more. But. You should do, I'm sure you've very had crazy ones like this, but the, the extreme 12 hour date. Because last night I was driving on the five back here to San Francisco, and we had a girl in the car

and we're all talking there like oh what's one of the craziest nights you ever had and I go I think one of the crazy nights I ever had was when I it was my first date with some chick and I decided I'm gonna go to Vegas that's great and then I planned it out from like beginning to end to be back in San Francisco. I love it. 630. Okay. We left at 9 o'clock at night to Vegas. Wow. And yeah, and it was. It was awesome. I don't know. Exactly. I don't know. The craziest date I've ever had. I've never had it. No, I've never had anything really like fluently to Vegas for the night. That would be awesome. I think I've like second Day it was in Mexico. That was kind of crazy like we went to Mexico for four days. Wow. Yeah, it was fun

Yeah, but I only was crazy crazy But it was kind of like for it was kind of like wow really? I guess we had a good first day and he's like yeah I got I got tickets. It's gonna Mexico. I was like I know things cost money But you can still do extreme things without totally. Oh my god Just that jet setting. Yeah, exactly. You don't have a jet set. I had a really cool first date one time with the chick where I was in Los Angeles And I didn't even know but um Last minute I got I got tickets to the Grammys. Oh, that's so cool I was supposed to like go out with the chick a bunch of times and we just happened to be in LA at the same time

And I go what are you doing? She's like nothing. I go all right let's go to the Grammy. I love it. You're so the man. If I go out of that I'd be psyched if I wanted to go to the Grammy. That's really cool. I mean I've had guys take me to nice places and do cool things like I think I mean I just like when they plan something I just want to be planned out today. I don't care what it is like dinner or going to the museum or going for a walk or going for hike. I don't care care just like plan it out the first day. I just be like I don't know. I was just talking to my friend today actually about that where She was upset because her man wouldn't make plans. Ah She knew that he was free and then

Then he wouldn't make plans so she goes all right and this is weird for a woman to give a guy like three options or things that we can do and he's still can Decide it was like role reversal Wow, there are some women who are more controlling who date men that are less dominant Yeah, so maybe she liked have like had being in charge of the no no, she didn't she was turned off She just want she wanted him to take control right that's all we want We do want guys to take take control not every time, not all the time, not forever. I'm a feminist, I'm just saying on the first date, like a guy can take control and have a plan. Yeah, that's what we're saying.

And don't say, oh, so what do you want to do? What do you want to do? Right, just have a plan. This is what we're doing. We're going in this. And if you don't like it, then too bad. And I have to say something else, especially on the first date,

maybe some people are more judgmental and whatever, but I just like that the guy who makes an effort. And I've been on a lot of first dates. And never have I ever been like, oh, I don't want to do that. Oh, I dread that. I'm like, oh, cool. You plan something new, fun, whatever it is. I'm just like to go on the first date. I don't care me that much. What we do, it's more important that he made a plan than it is what we're doing. So make a plan. Okay. I've got some sex in the news for us. Do you know? Do you decide? Any updates on Zoe Dishonel because I've been out of town. No, I don't think so. Did you see anything in Zoe Dishonel? No, I don't think so. When are you setting up a date with me in her? I will hook you up, man. I will hook you up. You were texting me the other night. I was

already in bed. Don't you know that I go to bed early? Yeah, but what did I say? I'm like, oh, I met somebody that hook you up with oh I met this really cute chicken. I was trying to say I took a picture of her for you But then I never got around to sending it to you. You totally don't know my type. She's hot. No, she is your type I want to show you this picture. She was really cute. I'm like, oh my god. She makes sex toys She's Already okay, I don't I don't want to She's cute, but if she's already designed sex toys. I'm good. Look how she's your type Just because she's Asian No, she won't she won't she does is on the side no

Anyway, I was texting to fix you up, but whatever fine just you could just you know I always see how you doing in your dating life on your own. You know what I'm saying, baby? I'm good. Yeah. I'm fine. Okay. Song is your cool. That's fine with me. Okay. Um, cervical cancer sores in young rise in unprotected sex sees cases soar. So cervical cancer has risen dramatically among women in their 20s despite rates falling for all other age groups. Over the best decade, the number of new cases of the disease among women in their 20s has risen by more than 40% there,

and now 300 cases diagnosed in this group annually. And here's the kicker. Scientists blame the rise in the fact that girls are having unprotected sex at the young age, and with more partners, people use protection. It's all paracelotines fall apart. Why? Because she didn't use protection.

The earlier a girl starts having unprotected sex, and the more partner she has over time, It's all paracelotines fall. Why? Because she didn't use protection. No. Use protection. The earlier girl starts having unfortunate sex and the more partner she has over time, the chance of being infected with the cancer causing strain goes up. It kills about 900 feet annually and I'm just saying people use protection. All right? You have to. Okay. Thank you very much, everyone.

I just need to tell you that. Lindsey Lohan's free after grueling five hours in jail. She was in jail for five hours and she said it was scary even though she was never placed in the general population. She's always in jail. She's always in jail. She's alone in her cell during the time in

custody and she says that it was cold. It's it. It's a jail cell. Of course it's cold. I don't believe if Lindsay Lohan I swear to God and people will say that you're lying If Lindsey Lohan said Menace I Got a room at the four seasons your favorite place and I would like to have sexual intercourse with you. I don't think I would do it. Why you don't think she's hot

She just to skank you right right She's like not even trying to like change her Change her image. Yeah, she's like a crazy bleach blonde hair. I know. I'll talk crap about her because I met her and she's a F and bitch really? Yeah, so you know, I usually don't like to talk about Yeah, you do I do Talking crap about people. I met this one. He's a douche. I met this one.

Yeah, but it's weird because like all the chicks that people say, like, you know, I'll just make a front and parcel. But I met, I met Paraselton. Super cool. Sister super cool. Yeah, I'm not. Part of the action is all cool. Lizzie, a little hand, go F yourself.

Okay, got it. Well, and you look like crap. But at least her teeth were like all wrong. At least she fixed her teeth. Oh, she did. She just did recently. Yeah. She posted a Twitter tweet about it.

Really about her new teeth? Because people are giving her so much crap. Why were her teeth all messed up from like smoking or whatever? Smoking or whatever. Oh God, people stopped smoking. Yeah. Okay. Scarlet Johansson laughs off nude photo scandal.

She's proved she's going to get some naked, she's proved she's got some naked nerve after laughing laughs off nude photo scandal. She's proved she's gonna get some naked, she's proved she's got some naked nerve after laughing off her nude photo scandal. The loss in Trans-Asian star told Vogue, it's not like I was shooting a porno when asked about the saucy photo she sent her former husband Ryan Reynolds. The photos were stolen by a hacker and polished online,

and while many women would be mortified at the intrusion, the 26 year old actress was upbeat. I know my best angle, she joked. Having a sex tape, you made me with a former love, plastered all over the internet, and the media might seem like the most embarrassing and incident and mesmeral. But if you're even mildly famous, it could set you on a path to more success. History shows that sex tapes don't actually harm a celebrity's career. In fact, they often turn out to improve them. So I was going to do a sex tape this weekend. I thought I should, right? The Atlantic cover story, all the singles ladies, all the single ladies is option for a TV series. So there was a, I read this actually, there was a November cover story in the Atlantic called

all the single ladies. And it's a piece about how more and more women are choosing not to get married right away or at all. And they're fine with it. Today she's a piece about how more and more women are choosing not to get married right away or at all. And they're fine with it. Today she's 39. She says with too many ex-boyfriends to count. And I'm told with two grim seeming options to face down. Either stay single or settle for a good enough meet. So that article is very timely because it's kind of what's talking about how women of higher standards and fewer men are living up to them and women aren't wanting to get married. They don't see the need to get married. They're working. They're like, what's a common theme in that? What do you mean? She's a common theme. That she has so

many ex-boyfriends account. Yeah, but what do you mean? So she's like, I've got her ex-boyfriends. I've been dating. Oh, maybe she's not good enough. Maybe she's not good. Maybe take a look in the mirror. Yeah, that's true. Maybe. But I think it is true that that is a trend that there are so many, most of my friends are like single, like it's funny, like in our 30s and whatever's single. Why are they all single? By choice, my friends all have like active careers and they date, but they're not like all married, you know?

How's their backgrounds? They're good, they're not like Gordon and JL and stuff. They're just, yeah, they have good track records, but I do think this is a trend. That's where's the option for television series or movie or something because it says it's for TV series because I just think that's the way it's going now that women don't need a minute. I think that it's changed out that women don't feel like they need a mallet.

They used to 20, 30 years ago. It's like it's nice to have a guy, but we have so much other things around. We have a baby without a guy. We could. If it's a movie, I can't wait for other things around. We have a baby without a guy. We could If it's a movie, I can't wait for the sequels when they're old dried up women and they don't have any Men, that's so dark and they're That's you when it comes to to marriage Whatever say I think they're wrong. I think that I will get married one day. I just don't know when it's not in my

Like it's not on my like to do list, but if it happens that would be great. I'd be happy It'd be good be fun I'd invite you to the wedding you can stand up and give her toast to make fun of me All right, okay be awesome Okay, we can't wait to you'll be so wasted my wedding. There'll be so much alcohol Okay, we can get in some emails do it. Okay. Hi, thanks. Please don't feel weird about this email My name is John and I'm 25 and I've been going out with a girl for two years and I have a foot fetish but never told anyone about it. I wanted to tell her but I don't know

how to tell her. I don't know why feet is a turn-off for me but I guess it is. I heard you guys I'm talking about foot fetishes a lot on the show and never gotten to details about it like licking the feet, sucking the toes, foot massages. I think it's a very common fetish these days but don't know if females would react to it, from Mr. Foot fetish. So I have to say, there are many men who find women's feet extremely arousing since there are plenty of women who enjoy having their feet massaged. It's likely that this could satisfy his needs.

But if you reveal that you have a foot fetish, maybe too soon in the relationship before you know someone, like on the first date, so I've got this foot fetish, and I'm not against being honest right away. It made it my kind of turn some woman off. However, if you are really into your foot fetish and that's something that you're into, then usually just find someone who's like down with it, who's like, okay, with it. And as far as the origins of a foot fetish, a lot of fetishes go back to our childhood.

So I don't know if there was something like maybe you saw your first grade teachers feet and maybe like that, some impact on you or maybe your mom had you walked around the house barefoot. I know it's weird. It's like some edible complex thing, but it's actually high heels on it. Sexy high heels on or something. And yeah, a lot of times it's heels or pantyhose or garters or things that men are attracted to. And I don't know what clicks in your brain that turns you onto that, but it's it is very normal.

It is it's a normal thing and it is very common. And so I think that I wouldn't let it get in the way of your relationship and make sure that make her know that she turns you on, not just her feet, but her feet would be nice. And I thought I was at the foot of Fr. Sky and he's like, I just really want to massage your feet. I'd be psyched. I want to flip massage. I love foot massages. You'd probably buy you a bunch of shoes. He'd buy me shoes. I think that's what I'm going to put in my dating profile. I'm looking for a foot fetishist. I want free shoes.

I want massages on my feet. And I want, yeah, I'm down with that. And you just got to be perfectly normal and that's just your thing. And you can give a hand job with your feet too. Yeah, you put a loo between your feet. Like a monkey. Like a monkey. So did we talk about that a few weeks ago? Yeah. So I feel like foot. Yeah, like a monkey. Like a monkey. So did we talk about that a few weeks ago?

Yeah. So I feel like foot fetishes are like a win-win. I think you had nothing to worry about, Mr. Foot fetish. I think you're all good. You're fine. I'm fine. Um, my phone keeps on going off breaking news. What?

That a Conrad Murray found guilty of manslaughter in my whole Jackson case. Oh, wow. I wonder if his hot girlfriend is going to stay with him now. Oh my god he's convicted of murder. Oh manslaughter. Manslaughter. I mean, do you think that was going to happen? No, I thought he was going to get off actually. Yeah, that's a big deal. But would you wait for your man for seven years? No way. No way. I mean, I wouldn't wait. I'm not I wouldn't wait for seven minutes. I mean, I'm busy. You think I would be loyal and faith. And I don't know are they mad? How long have they been together? I don't

know. Well, let's say, let's say you're dating a guy for four years. He messed up, gave Michael Jackson, Phil Michael Jackson, Pope icon, Pope icon, screwed up, gave him a little extra, he died. Now he has to be locked up for seven years. You've already been in a relationship with him for three years or four years. What are you gonna do? I'm gonna just mourn those four years of my life

that I spent with the criminal and break up with them. Are you serious? No, no, no, honey, I don't know. I, you can't say because I don't know what the relationship was like with them. Maybe they're madly love, they've got kids and she's gonna wait for them. But if you come any reasons that you would dump her man. I know. I know. I know. I'm done. I get

done. But you get done too. Yeah, but that's right. There are. I mean, yeah, like jail sentence for murder for murdering a pop icon. Like to me, that's enough to break up. What about if it wasn't a pop icon? It was just like a random, you know, it was an accident. I just think someone going to jail for seven years. I don't think it takes like, you want to get your sexual intercourse for seven years. At amiiv.com, you're supporting your sex toys all the time. I've got someone.

What about this person that you're in love with? But sometimes you want to cuddle. Get a pillow. I've got a pillow. I've got a cuddle. I miss cuddling, I miss it. So does done. Do you found the love of your life,

this guy's a doctor. I don't know, I've never found the love of my life. Like if I found the love of your life, this guy's a doctor? I don't know. I've never found the love of my life. Like if I found the love of my life and I really loved him and we had a connection, I don't think I would necessarily dump him. You totally would. But seven years without sex, I'm just being loyal. Like hopefully he'd be cool and he'd be like, I'm okay if you get down with other people.

That's your dream. That's my dream. I can't believe. What would you do if a woman you were with was convicted for seven years and going in jail? You wouldn't have sex with anyone else? I Mean if it was something that was an accident Probably then you give up your sex life and you would just masturbate for seven years probably I don't know sex is not that important to me

That is so that that is your first problem What that it needs to be my number on priority and I should I'm on a relationship with somebody You know, but sex is very important if people if couples don't connect sexually It's hard for them to connect in other ways even though I know plenty of couples who write it off Oh, it's fine. We're not having sex anymore. We're best friends bubble up bullshit I think imagine the amazing sex I'm gonna have with their after seven years.

Seven years, seven years, a long time, seven months maybe, but not seven years, no way. Okay, hello Emily, I was. I miss the A by your man. I mean, if I'm in love and we've got kids in a family, I can't say anything, but. It all goes back to you. If you found the love of your life that I,

and he wanted you, his fetish was he wanted you to dress up in the hamburger outfit from McDonald's. You want to do it. See, that's, that shows how down you are for your man. I would. The hamburger outfit. I just wouldn't feel sexy in it. Oh, it's so it's always all about you.

Yeah. Well, if he thought I was sexy, that might turn me on, but I can't imagine clumping around in those stripes and those big feet of the hamburger outfit with the crazy head. I have no idea what kind of Superman needs to come by for you to fall head over heels. I know. I mean, you know, Ethan clue who that would be. I don't either. And I'm waiting for him.

I can't even paint a picture of that guy. I don't believe that I think it's timing. I think a lot of finding the right person to do a timing and I don't think I a picture of that guy. I don't believe that I think it's timing. I think a lot of finding the right person is to do a timing and I don't think I was necessarily ready before, but I think I'm getting ready. See, the problem is, I think I'm got a lot of nice guys

and I just wasn't ready. I think the guy that you're gonna follow head over heels with is gonna be a player because he's gonna know how to talk to you and this like spit words out and you're just gonna melt. And then you're gonna end up being the one screwed. Yeah, you think Definitely, you think I'm just a player. I'm so not a player. No, but I'm just saying that's what's gonna happen

I don't want to think sunny. That's great. That's like a little It's like a hex you just put on me or something. I didn't put a hex But I'm just being a really you're saying that some man is gonna come along and hurt me I think that I think that's what's gonna happen. A player. That will happen. And then you, then it's gonna click your brain like, oh, all these like cool guys that I should have been with. It's gonna be like this whole scenario

that you should have had in young, why are you projecting negativity into my future? I'm not. I don't think that's gonna happen. I don't think I'm gonna, I don't fall for players and I don't fall for D bags. Really? Cause I seen a couple. I know you're right. They were But the one I had to change my locks after we broke up that wasn't

Don't get over that one. That's like one of a couple that I've seen. I know you're right So I've made the best choices now. I've made good choices. They just weren't the right guys for me. It's okay Hello, Emily. I was wondering if you could do show on men that don't meet society standards of an attractive guy tall slim Well and out etc Because I don't seem to fit any of those characteristics. I've slimmed down a lot in the past few months And I said a huge psychological impact on my life. I'd be glad to hear what you have to say Leo from San Jose San Ho San Ho

Leo, I think that's that's great that you slim down slim down because it's better for your health and when you start working out, it makes you feel better about yourself and then you feel more attractive to people, to women and to others. I think you should keep on that track. I think that a lot of guys don't fit the tall slim well endowed. If they did, if they did, and I don't think that that is necessarily that is necessarily the standards in society. Um, I think that many women are happy with many different types of men. And I, I don't have a, I, that's what I have to say about it. I think that you're fine. It's good that you're slimming down. You're

taking care of yourself. That will boost your confidence. Therefore, you will be more, more attractive to women because your confidence, confidence is the sexiest thing. I think for women, you ask them across the board, what do you like in a man and as confidence? So if you've got youriest thing. I think for women you ask them across the board What do you like in a man and it's confidence? So if you've got your confidence together I think you're gonna have no problems even if you're not tall and well in doubt I I gotta give them some props for you know taking a dish Totally, it's hard to do. I don't even want to post and I'm

Honestly like all the photos I took over at Disneyland. I don't even want to post any of them. Why? Because I'm like, I so need to get back in the shape. Oh, honey, you've been sitting there for a while. I know. So what can you do? You just have no time. I just don't have time.

And I really want you. After work. Yeah. There's gyms in your neighborhood. You can go five or six o'clock. I just saw myself and like, wow, really? Like, when I looked at it on Sunday, like you don't even realize it sometimes.

I know you look at the photos and you're like, when did my ass get so big, right? I'm like, what? Right. Because you can't see yourself. But you always look adorable. No, no, no, I really want to get back to your way. When if you were f'd up drinking a ship rock or whatever.

Oh my God, that was so much fun. I know, you're the last time. So glad did you drunk in tweet? Not too much. Okay, because I was with you, I was looking forward to it. I was with my friends and I was with my friend that haven't seen right over so much. Good, you put your phone down. Yeah. That's so healthy.

It was cool. I love when you put your phone away. Okay, hi, I'm Liam Menace. I love your show. It's definitely helped me evolve sexually and make me want to be more adventurous. Question for you. I've been doing some online dating lately and a problem throughout my dating life is that as soon as I really like someone enough to sleep with them I want sexual exclusivity. I'm not asking them to do a boyfriend just yet. How soon can I ask a man for a sexual exclusivity? How many dates? Sex is such an intense intimate thing for me that I really don't like the idea of my partner being with anyone else And I don't want to increase the risk of STDs. In today's dating scene, everyone just sleeps with everybody

after two to three dates, and men in general don't seem to feel the way I do. Thanks, anonymous data. So this is from a woman, and she says that online dating, I see that there's a lot of people who do want, after they have sex, someone they want to be sexually exclusive. How soon is too soon? How many dates?

I can't say, I think it's a case-by-case basis. But I think that the problem is, I think that you should wait to have sex. Wait until you feel really comfortable with the person having sex. Because I think what happens is we rush into sex too quickly. We get attached to the person, especially as women, because the chemicals go crazy in our body. And we get attracted to men sometimes that we have sex with. We think, oh, I want him for my own, because it's like literally like our oxytocin levels are like, oh, I need to have this guy.

And it's not even that you even want this guy or know anything about him. It's more that you are attached to him because of this of having sex with them. So I'd say first way to have sex. And I understand that it's intense and intimate and the SDD thing you're right. But I don't think that you should, and I can't give you a thing like after three dates. But if you start seeing each other for a few weeks and you're sleeping together, continually, I think it's okay to have the conversation after a few weeks. Yeah, and then if they say, you know, I'm not really looking for a relationship now.

Yeah, then you should jump and don't think you're going to take them. Yeah, just bail. Exactly. If that's not what you want, do not stay with it. I know so many people are not happy in that situation. Me too. Just pull the rip cord man. Exactly. He says no to you. I think that's a big thing that people always want to do. I was talking to a woman last night who's been married for 30 years. She said people always ask me the secret to my success of my marriage.

She said it's because we never tried to change each other and I thought that was such great Advice because when you get into a relationship thinking that you're gonna change your partner I did all the time and I used to do this. I was like oh if only he were a bc Then if you were these three things and it'd be perfect So I'm gonna go about trying to change it men do that to women too But you can't ever be with anyone thinking that they're gonna change only if they want they want to change and they initiate it, because if you think that you're going to do it, it's not going to work. Yeah.

That's what I thought. I totally agree with that. You agree with me. I love when you agree with me. Okay. Let's get into our sex tips about our dating tips about online dating. My favorite. I know.

Okay. So, so writing your, okay, let's see the thing. Okay. So writing your profile. Uh, the profile is all about show, not tell. So use details. Get that means. Oh, okay.

So don't be like, I like, you know, hiking and running and biking or whatever, but be like, you know, I really enjoy, just be more whatever and but be like, you know I really enjoy it Just be more descriptive and more specific about what you like like I think it's so lay when someone's like I like hiking dating fishing swimming jumping running. Yeah Okay, the goal of your profile is to create entry You don't have to write your whole life story. I think you to be a good writer and you've do something that's interesting and fast It's gonna catch someone's attention. So look at what everyone else is doing and then do something different I'm not good writer at all.

I know you have your assistant do it for you, Palli. Oh yeah, but I mean on my online profile, you're totally describing like what my profile is. It's totally nothing. I mean, I have a couple of funny things on there. It goes religion, I go radio, political beliefs, I put pizza, you know. Just like something. That's fine, you sort of. It's, you know, just quirky, something sort of, you know, just quirky stuff. Right, I think that's better than being like,

I like hiking, I don't know, I live in the Bay Area, everyone likes hiking, who cares. It goes, books, I put the giving tree, that's it, that's all I have. Which profile, how is it going with, did you find a lot of dates? A via Facebook? Yeah, that's my Facebook, I never thought,

I mean, I never read your Facebook page, but I will, it's all about sparking interest and providing just enough information to make them want more. So it doesn't have to be like your whole thing, but you want to be intriguing. Make sure the entire profile is written to the proper length and free of spelling errors, right?

Short and snappy paragraphs. It's an ADD culture don't go on and on about your whole life history for paragraphs on end. Just write some few short sentences, even I think would be fine. Yeah. Yeah, now that I know, and now I'm learning,

what photo mistakes do people make when online dating? What do you think? What are the big photo mistakes? Photo mistakes, I talked to actually about a couple of these last week, and the big one is, face shot only. If also, I'm totally turned off by a chick that only has portraits of herself.

What else do you want to do? What else do you want to do? This is our house. No, but maybe trips that she went on are out with her friends and stuff like that. But there's some girls that if you click on it, it's only photographs of themselves. Well, that's what I would do, I think. That's totally narcissistic. I totally turn off.

I know what the F you look like by the 10th photo. Okay, honey, you were saying last week that you shouldn't post pictures with your friends. That's only if you're fast. No, I said, I said you can tell if it's a fat girl and not knocking fat girls. I again, I am a big boy right now. It's, yeah fat boy.

I know, it's just, if you totally give it away when nothing but the photos are all group pictures. I got it We know guy as guys we know who to look for in those group pictures in which one you are right and it's not the one that you One day, okay, but here's the thing the photo is the most vital part about attracting singles online if you don't post a picture You are wasting your time. I guess some people don't post photos. Oh, yeah, you just look like a stalker or a spammer. Exactly. Right, like I know photo. Nearly 90% of online data won't read a profile without a photo.

And maybe scary putting yourself out there, but there are millions of singles who have had the courage to do so. So just put your photo. Have you ever gone to see 90 people without photos? Hell no. Okay. A photo taken from a bad angle

with an awkward facial expression, poor lighting, and a confused background is going to hurt even the most stunning individual. A great photo has a person's eyes peering into the camera with a confident look on their faces. Okay. Like that. You can't change your overall attractiveness,

however, you can choose pictures that make you look best. True. The closed-cropped picture of a person who's probably overweight is a classic example. Minimizing your flaws is the opposite of what you should do. If you have a big nose, play it up. How about that? Play up your flaws. Yeah. Big nose just have a picture of your nose. They're not saying that but play it up. Don't try to hide it. Yeah. Yeah. Don't try to hide your things because once the people

meet you in person, then they're gonna know that it's it's all exactly of sod on the line. Right. You must be honest. Don't lie by your age and all that stuff. If people meet you in person, then they're gonna know that it's all of sod online. Right, so you must be honest. Don't lie by your age and all that stuff. Avoid these common photo mistakes, blurry photos. Too far away. Yeah. Bad poses are showing too much skin.

This is for guys and girls. Yeah. You know, no skin, total skin. I de-friend any guy that takes a picture of them. I take pictures of a shirt off. They have their shirt off, taking a picture of themselves. I don't think I have any friends like that.

I think on Twitter I do. Like, most of my Twitter followers, and they're shirts off, I'm gonna say. No, do it. Every chick that I ever talk to, they don't even think that's attractive. I go, is this attractive because then I won't knock, I won't knock the guy and they're like, no,

instant douchebag. Now to track, I don't wanna see it guys chest and everything like that first. No, just a picture of you, just being normal. Please people. Okay, what is the perfect first message? How do you capture someone's attention? It enters without sounding creepy or generic. What do you think? Creating a magical first message. Magical first message is a fine and common denominator. Like I noticed that you like, um,

or like I noticed that you like Ghostbusters 2. I really love Ghostbusters 2. I actually have a collection of toys from Ghostbusters and I notice here in this Florida area. Right, exactly. You say something like that. You know, don't waste the first line with a nightmarishly overused. I can't believe I'm doing this. Oh no. Oh, no. Yeah, people do that.

I know I've never done this before, but be unique and be fun in your profile. Be patient. It's time to have fun. This will be the first impression of you. So a captivating first message which must pick their interest, separate yourself from your online competitors.

And sometimes girls, they don't really react if you're being nice to them, because if they're like, you know, extremely attractive, they're always, always getting people messaging them anyways, saying how to raise their... Right, they gotta really stay in the out. So sometimes you just, if you see something

that on there that you can make fun of, make fun of it. Right. Is that a message, like really, you really like that band? They're terrible. Yeah, if you can do that, or you could just be unique and funny Yeah, I think that's funny too. Yeah, be like how about like everything about your profile is on a great until I got to the Ghostbusters part Yeah, that's what you could say okay be literate that's you know, that's bad grammar and bad spelling our huge turnoffs

I know you have your assistant do it avoid physical compliments our huge turn-offs. I know. You have your assistant do it. Avoid physical compliments. How about that? Don't say nice rack in your first email. Although the data shows us advice, holds true for both sexes. It's mostly directed at guys. People like compliments. I love them. But when they're used to pick up lines before you've met and personally don't work. On the other hand, more general comments do work like saying someone's particular interest is cool. So wow, I love that you drive in movie theater, so do I. Yeah, it goes back to the Ghostbusters, do you think? I think Ghostbusters, right. Use an unusual greeting.

Like, yo. I'm trying to think of my ever, oh, in the subterge line. No, but the way you choose to start your initial message to someone is your first impression. the three most popular ways to say hello from the beginning were all actually bad beginnings. Hey hello, hi. Even the slingy, Hala and yo form better even though they go against the best literate rules. In fact, it's smarter sometimes to use no greeting at all. Just dive into whatever you have to say rather than saying hi. How about that? Don't say hi, hello, or hey. Just go, just say, um, came across your profile and even though you have big nose, I'm psyched at you. I would say also whatever you're going to use as the opener should be in the subject

line, not in the subject line. It shouldn't say hello or anything like that. Right. It's just like, oh, you go to, oh, you go to your alumni of San Francisco State, San Francisco State alumni question mark. Right. How great. So my totally, you know, nothing like,

because the hello stuff is definitely in the scene. It seems like, it seems like something more unique. No, well, it seems like spam. Like anybody that says hello to me online, I don't even open it because I'm like, oh, that seems like spam. Like anybody that says hello to me online, I don't even open it, because I'm like, oh, that's some spam thing. They would have to put something in the subject. Interesting, you got to say, intriguing.

I totally agree. So you can bring up specific interests, talk about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone in ways to make a connection. In fact, every niche word that we have significant data on has a positive effect in messaging. Even more effective, our phrases that engage the readers don't interest.

So show you've read their profile. So that means that again, specifically, like hone in on specific things they said, not like, love your profile. Let's go on a date. Like we really it really is your first impression. So here's some common online dating mistakes. Common mistakes. All right. what's the first one? Number one, mistake is hoping the right person will find you.

You shouldn't help your dream partner, partner will email you out of the blue, you will get much better results if you pay for premium membership and right to people yourself. This is for men and women. Thinking that you're just putting a great profile up there and someone's just going to come knock on your email door, it's not gonna happen. No, what happened? Especially with girls, girls won't approach you.

Okay, they won't, right? No, not at all. That's why you see, that's why you don't take it online because you gotta approach them. Yeah, but I mean, I've met people through every social network there is. I know, and you've banged chicks from every social network. I know, you've loved to tell you love them.

No, I don't see that. I'm just saying It's not like I wait you're trying to say that I wait for them to hit me up online. They don't so that's what okay I'm saying you can still be successful So you should never hope the right person will find you ever no matter if you're a single man or a single woman And you're whether you're dating online or not you have to do your work to find someone to think that that person Just gonna fall in your lap is probably not the right person for you. Because you have to know what you want and go out there and get it.

Mistake number two, sending one liners. It's amazing how when you will send letters of the type, hi, like your profile, please see my profile. This is what we're talking about. Most likely they will just delete your emails to write letters and have some substance to them. I bet you so many people do that. Hi, like your profile, look at my profile.

That's so nice. That's stupid. OK, number three, sending form letters. Don't do it. If there are no personal references in the letter, although no, the letter was not written specifically for them. That's like when I put up post for listing for my interned, for interned list curd, like a job listing,

and someone's like, hello, here's my resume. It's like, no, say something unique. And I delete all those. Like, I got hundreds of responses for interns. And the ones that are just like, here's my resume. It's like, no, say something unique, and I delete all those. Like, I got hundreds of responses for interns. And the ones that are just like, here's my resume, and comfort, here's my resume, done, delete. Like, take some time, you should do the same thing

with online dating, like if you're applying for a job. Be specific, okay? Number four, sending, writing boring letters. Remember, it's not about you, it's about them. Tell them what you liked about the profile so much that you decided to write them. Some things may be uncertain in their profiles. Ask questions and guess the answers.

Yeah, because they want to talk about themselves. Write interesting letters, the types of letters you'd like to receive. Anyone could do that, even if you can't write matters, you know what to say, you just dictate it. Yeah. Yeah. In listen people, I found this new amazing tool.

It's on the iPhone 4. It's called Siri, Siri. I don't know. I don't have it yet, but my friends had it. And it will tell you everything you want. Like it will spell everything for you. You just have to talk to it. Oh, really?

Oh, cool. I mean, it is amazing. How many miles is it from here to the sun? Boom, tells you. It is. It is. It is. Do you have the new one?

No, I want it. It's okay. I'm getting it. I'm going to get it before you. That hurts my feelings. I'm sorry. But, yeah, it's a new tool to help you be a Pimp. Honestly, like, to have so much game game you could use this thing. Like,

if you want to say something swav in a different language, you just say, how do you spell there? That is amazing. It is amazing. And it's an app that does it or I thought that was the only way to call. It's part of the phone. That's really cool. I know people tell me. Like, use that to your vantage people. If you know a girl's birthday, say, hey, set

birthday for, then you'll never forget it. The camera fell down. The camera fell down. This is your new tool for men, actually. To never forget anything. To never forget anything. Oh, right.

And does it write it and put it in your calendar? Yeah. It's crazy. That is amazing. I totally want to get it. Yeah. Okay. Um, I'm going to get it like this week. Go for it. Mistake number six, giving up. Oh, no, no, sorry. Mistake number five, I'm sorry. Mistake number five, contacting dozens of members at once. Once you'll pay for their premium membership, they tend to contact dozens

at members at once. Stop for a minute. What are you looking for? All you need is one person. All you need is only one person, but the one who is right for you. Spend more time reading the profiles on the site and select the few you most want to write to. So don't just blitz it resume, same thing. Don't just blankly email everybody

and they did their sell your profile. But they'd be like, oh, I'm interested in this person. I could do this. Yeah, then you can't even keep track. You're like, which one were you? Yeah, what did I say? You gotta do it right. Okay.

And then number six, giving up. You tried this and that. Nothing works. You give up. That's the biggest mistake of all. With all dating giving up is a mistake. We get so many emails. We were like, there's no man in my town.

There's no women in my town. I think that's BS. We've told you so many times, time and time again, that you have to make the effort. If you're single and you're looking for someone, you tell everyone you know, it's just like again, like looking for a job, you tell everyone you know what you're looking for.

And then you can take some time getting clear on what you want, like what kind of person do you want? What's not negotiable? If you do something in a profile about someone that's a turn off like a smoker or whatever it is, you just, you know, you have to learn, you have to spend time figuring out what you want and weeding out those people.

I think that's what I'm doing these days. When I was younger I was definitely doing hitting up multiple people at this time. I'm sure. But now it's just like... Now they're just a few. It's just a few. Not even any. I don't hate up anybody online. I know you don't. Any more. Yeah. Number of these things.

I've learned also people can, you know, just be real too when it comes to this stuff. Like we were talking about the photographs and all that stuff, but just in all the statements that you're putting online of, you know, your work history or some of the you like, just be real because all that stuff is going to catch up with you. Exactly. You know, and if you don't want to fill something out, there's things don't, but don't lie with you. Exactly. You know, You know, You know, You know, You know,

You know, You know, You know, You know, You know, You know, You know, You know,

You know, You know, You know, You know, You know, You know, You know, You know, You know,

You know, You know, You know, You know, You know, can't afford to go to an expert, you could talk to your friends. Have your friends over for dinner and be like, okay, I want the four of you to remodeling parallel, the two of you to remodeling probellic, and have your friends give you honest feedback. That's not you, dude.

That doesn't represent you. Here's a better photo. Or ask around, because maybe that's why you feel like you've been failing. I want to write yours. Will you? No, I would never let you write it. Why?

Maybe I have you on the committee. The committee. The committee to help me write it. The committee to help me decide if it's a good one. Why can I just write it for a week and see what happens? Because I don't trust you at all. Why? I would write an amazing one for you. No, you wouldn't. I would. No, you don't know. And it would probably have the guy contacts you after I write it about you. If the guy contacts you after I write it about you, then that is the guy that you're gonna follow head over heels. I don't think that you know what I like. I think you think you know.

You don't know what I like either. Yes, I do. You like this chick that I just tried to picture up with, I think you'd like her. No. Okay, whatever. So listen, make it your habit to check new listings every day and just write to one person.

One person. So if you are, this is if you're giving up, this is mistake number six. If you're just if you're like, I'm done, I know a lot of you were like, it's so frustrating. So just say I'm gonna do one people, and then borrow ideas from other people. Look at other profiles again that you like,

borrow ideas from other people, and I just wanna say that online dating does work, they say, and you just gotta gain experience, practice makes perfect. That's what we got for you with online dating, and I'm gonna be an online date or very shortly. I know I can't wait. And you're not writing it, but you can be on the committee when I have people over to

analyze it. I love analyzing. I love them people. This is good. This is bad. This is good to be on the committee. So I can analyze them. Yeah, I know.

Maybe you won't be. Why? I don't know if you're good at mixed company. You don't want me to be a ranger friend. I don't know. You think they'll me to be a ranger friend? I don't know. You think they'll start yelling at me? Maybe, like these, like, teach men to speak.

My friends are not debags. My friends are awesome. No, they're cool. You've met them? Yeah. Yeah. They're all right. Just like one, you don't like whatever.

No, there's a cowboy don't like that. Oh, come on. I've never really met your friends, but hopefully you all meet them this week. You met all my friends, my friends are amazing. I bet they are, you're amazing. And I'm amazing and we're all amazing. And sex amazing.

You're amazing just hanging out with amazing people, other than me. Dude, you're so wrong. Okay, thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithemely.com. Thanks for watching.