Sex With Emily - Episode 334 - Reignite the Spark

Episode Date: November 12, 2011

Emily’s recaps the launch party for her book, Hot Sex at Harlot in San Francisco. Guests were served up champagne and JimmyJane toys. Also, online dating after a divorce, how a threesome could solve your relationship woes, and how to reignite the spark in your relationship. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're panacuse. The girls got a hair stand, it's so nice. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, though? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks? And we not talk about sex so much.

Are you kidding me? I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. We can listen to all of our shows, watch our shows, vote for our polls, read our blogs, do all the sex stuff. You can find all the sex information and release some information that you need.

It is free Friday everyone, happy free Friday. As you know, we do shows on Monday, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, but Friday is free for everyone. So, happy Friday, happy free Friday, hi menace, how you doing honey? How you doing? I'm doing really well. I'm still recovering from our amazing book party

the other night. I know. I mean, I didn't get drunk because it was too hard for me to get alcohol, probably, which was a good thing. It's a good thing when it's busy, right? Yeah. But yeah, it was an amazing party. We tied that.

Yeah, it was an amazing party. I know. You would tell me, too. You'd be like, you would just be like whatever, it sucked your friend's suck, but right, you liked it good. Yeah, it was a very eclectic group of people, all types of shapes and sizes and backgrounds. I really liked that kind of a mix.

Me too. And it was fun. It was fun party. Yeah, we had, we had Jimmy Jane was our co-sponsor who makes the most amazing toys if you haven't checked them out yet. And our alcohol sponsors were blue angel and Laurent Perry a Where's my bottles? Do you know look out for me? I'm never okay. I'm so sorry

They were for the party and we had a charity raffle where people won $1,300 worth of Jimmy Jane toys and the money goes to Seekus. It's the sexuality information and education council of the United States They provide education information, education and information about sexuality and sexual and reproductive health. We had a Jimmy Jane kissing booth and vibrators at the tables. It was super fun. Lots of people. And it was celebrating my book, Hot Sex, which you can buy in stores now.

And you can also order it on Amazon. It's called Hot Sex over 200 things you can try a night. And people love it. They've already, and my found out from my publisher who was there that I already went into its second printing, which it's way outsold their expectations. So I'm very happy it's doing so well. Yeah, that's really cool. I enjoyed your speech.

You did? You thought I'm in a good speech? Yeah, it was cool. Well, what did you like about it? Okay, critique me. Maybe you had a couple glasses. No, I hadn't. I had half a glass of champagne all night

I kept oh yeah, I see you're holding one. Maybe you're just nervous. Oh, I was probably nervous Because Yeah, yeah, it's so funny because it's so funny because I don't get nervous on the show over here Like I just like what yeah, I just just be talking to you but and hundreds of thousands of other people listening But there I was like, you know all the people the publishers and whatever. I seem nervous though. I didn't feel nervous. That's a little nervous. You seem a little nervous. Okay, that's fine. That's the wrong part for the course. Yeah. I actually, I hate that situation too. If it's, um, you do hate that.

A couple hundred people. I hate talking in front of them, but if it's 20,000 people, I'm totally fine. That's weird. That is weird. Yeah. Because, because for my other job, I get on stage a lot. Oh, right. And it's, it's seriously like 20,000 people. But I don't see really past the eight rows. So it's kind of, you know, right. You just, so it's not that bad. But when I strike a couple hundred people and you can see everybody's face, oh my God. It's, I can't do anything. I know it's scary. And people force me in that situation all. I can't do anything. I know, it's scary. And people force me in that situation all the time.

And I hate it. I know, do you know the public speaking is the biggest fear like next to death that people have? It's like death is number one. And number two is public speaking. People have like serious, serious anxiety over it. So. I'm not afraid to go up there.

It's just, I know I'm not really good at forming senses. Right. Farming senses. So I know. Not even right now. I know a bomb. Now you are, honey. You always say that. It's like, why would you be on this talk show with me if you were not good at forming senses? I don't know. I mean, sometimes you're a little aggressive and annoying, but you can always form sentences. Just kidding. Are you really going to get into that? I'm totally kidding. I love you, honey. You know much. I love you. Okay. Today know how much I love you. Okay.

Today's show is how to reignite the flame. You might have been with your partner for a while and, you know, maybe you just need to kind of kick things into gear. We're going to give you some tips for how to reignite the sexual flame and how to reignite the relationship flame. We're going to get into that. We're also reading your emails today. Some topics include foot fetishes, kegels, threesomes, and online dating after a divorce.

You can always leave us a message at 415-9927-392 on our voicemail and we might just play your question that you would leave for us. If you want to leave a question or comment during the show. And we've got a new poll up that's been up for a few days now. Do you like being dominated? A, yes, but only the light stuff, like being pinned down. B, yes, I'd be down for handcuffs and whips see Yeah, bring on all the all the stuff. Do you know I'm not into that kind of stuff? So let us know what you think

Good what do I get we get into another subject real quick? Yeah, what about your brother? That's a big part I know everything we kind of just blew over it my brother was here yesterday I guess for a show where the audio is we're looking for the audio so we can post it and he was awesome. I love brother was amazing We got into some serious it was like an Emily therapy session yesterday I thought I should lie down on the table or bring a couch roll a couch in the room was they were analyzing me But what was the highlight you think what do you think you got from that? I am my brother's amazing man. Of course I love the favorite, my favorite parts where he's like, you're acting like you're still in college.

You need to check to see if your eggs are still good. Like he was pretty brutal. I know. But I think he gave some good insight on, that I never heard from you about how your father's dating life was and it seems very similar to how you act today. Yeah, exactly that my dad was, oh, my parents got divorced when I was nine,

and my dad was always dating women. Like, we only saw him twice a week, like 30s and Sundays, and like sometimes he'd bring one woman, and we'd feel like three months, and we'd get really attached to her. And then like the next date, there'd be like, the next time we see him,

there'd be like a new woman three months later, and then another woman. And he was always like afraid to be alone, I think, so he married three times and all that stuff, but then he died when I was 19. But anyway, the difference is that I don't have children, but I guess my dad was a serial dateer. But that was a really good piece of information

that I never knew. Yeah, good, I love that. That's I think. Yeah, we got real. We got real, man. I really like your brother because he's not really Well, at least what I got from when I got to hang out with him. He's not really free with his words like you are You know you just blurred out anything and everything even when I tell you not to say anything You just go ahead and do it. That's when I do say it

But yeah, but he was he seemed like really confident chooses his words wisely and he's handsome too I mean I don't really go that way, but yeah, he is a handsome man. Hey, the handsome man Yeah, I'm just like you should hang out with us. He's here all weekend We're gonna go some parties and we're gonna see some friends and hang out. That's cool I really I really enjoyed hanging out. I'm so glad I'm so glad he liked me. He probably only thought you were awesome. Oh my god He totally thought you're awesome. He's like you guys got a good good go and he's awesome He thought you were great really doesn't think you're great. I mean other than you but he is family

So you might not think I'm great also. Oh, you thought you're great. He loved it He loved being on the show so everyone's gonna check out yesterday's show when we post it only find it when we find it It's gonna be here somewhere But and yeah, that was a big thing and then what else do we talk about this week? We did some good shows this week. Sex tips, topics. What else do we do? I mean, what I like is also that we mentioned yesterday that you got a couple dates going on. I got a couple dates. Yeah, one of your friends asked me out and going out with them Sunday night. Which is crazy. Do you see us together? Do I see you together? I don't know if I see you together because I'm afraid that you're going to run away. Because again, what I mentioned yesterday is he might be the realest guy that you've ever hung out with.

Oh God, I'm, I think this guy might be so knowledgeable about life experience that you wouldn't even know what to do. I don't know. I've got a life experience. I've got a lot of life experience. I've got a lot of life experience. Okay, I can't wait to talk to them. Yeah. I'm really good. We're going to go out and we'll see what happens. I think the conversation between you two is going to be amazing.

Wow. You should come. Do you want to come? Come along on the date now. But did you have another date? No, I have another date. I have another date. I didn't have a date this week, but I have another date next week too. But I don't know about that.

That was a blind date that my friends fixed me up. That one was actually going to be on Sunday. But now that one was moved, and then your friend asked me out Sunday. So I'm going out. I put in first. Well, it's hard to keep track of all of them. But yeah, it's a friend of men. This is a date of mine. You know all my friends that I talked to are amazing. I mean, all my friends. You and your friends are the night. Yeah, I had a girl with me. She's cute. We all thought she was cute. We approved. She's cute. Yeah, I have your interns like throwing grenades and uh, in me hanging out there like, oh, uh, are you going? What are

you doing for Thanksgiving? They're all trying to find out who you're taking a Vegas for Thanksgiving. And then she talked to me later after we left and she goes, that was a really odd question that randomly came out from the one of the interns. What are you doing for Thanksgiving? I was like, I know. But I kept it real. I tell her what was going on. I thought I was leaving to Las Vegas and I was going with somebody. we all want to find out we're sleuths my interns are sleuths the work in working overtime trying to find out the message whatever sorry I hope that wasn't too awkward oops yeah I just kept the real man yeah you always keep it up but she was adorable and

everyone was I thought it was a good looking crowd good hip cool crowd yeah that's fun that's it yeah that's what we got that was a fun way way. It's going to crazy week. And we apologize for like the shows being kind of off and stuff like that. Yeah, I know they haven't been too consistent like so many things have been going on, but we'll be back on track. Yep. And we get starting next week like for sure every day at one o'clock, except for Wednesdays, we will have shows. It's just been we've had some technical stuff, but we're great. Yeah, and we've been all over the place and we've got to think, we've been moving the studio around, like, trying to make things better. And we really got to thank Stitcher for dealing with us. Yeah, we love Stitcher. So download the app, it's free,

STIT, C-A-E-R, there's a big sign behind you. And the app is free and all you've got to do is download the app and you can search sex with Emily and you can listen to sex with Emily on your smartphone. And they also have an iPad app too. Oh, okay, that's cool. Yeah. I love Stitcher. So yeah, everyone download ASAP. And also download my app, Kagell Camp, which is just skyrocketing through the iTunes store.

No, since I played the, I played the, that's why. That's right, exactly, Because it's my voice. Guiding you through all the, guiding through your kegels. And another thing too, can we email our friends so we don't forget to help us out with the show, technically, a lot of people are asking us about HTML5 for the video.

I know you have no idea what that is, but that's so, Well, that's good because we're having a call with them on Monday, so we're like, yeah, right there, don't do it. So I just wanna let people know that we're working on it. This is what this is so people can watch the video on their own. Right.

OK. Because a lot of people still listen to the show, which is great. You listen, but you can also watch it every day. Yeah, it's a video. So right now you can see me on camera. Yeah. Follows working. OK, let's get into some sex in the news, buddy.

Go for it. All right. Sexting teens are more likely to be depressed. Cable television's favorite teen crisis, sexting is back in the news again. According to a new study by Education Development Center in Newton Massachusetts, Newton Massachusetts, teenagers who sext are more likely to have symptoms of depression. The sextors who make a pretty low portion of the sample were more than twice as likely to report to breast-depressive symptoms as their non-sexing peers. They were also more likely to have attempted suicide.

The study found that girls who sex were spread often, girls who sex were spread often turned to frightening self-harming behavior like cutting, bulimia, burning themselves, pulling out eyelashes or pubic hair. Furthermore, teens who identified as gay lesbian or bisexual bisexual or had sexual more likely to send provocative photos. Pulling out pubic hair. Well, you know, girl teenage girls do that kind of thing. They pull out their eyelashes and stuff like that. Well, sexing probably as a teenage girl, you're doing that a little bit for attention.

Please don't do it. Girls, teenage girls, if you're listening to the show, do not send provocative photos. You don't know where they're going to end up. I don't want you to get depressed. Well, if you're 18 or not, you can send them to me. They will be safe. Menace does lock everything, I guess, but he's like four knocks, but don't send them to

menace. Just don't take the pictures. I wonder if sexting adults are likely to be depressed too. Sexing adults? No because probably sexting adults does lead to actual sex. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. So can I ask you real quick? Yeah. I was thinking about things I just got a text message from a friend in Los Angeles who's coming to town for Thanksgiving. Have you decided what are you gonna do for Thanksgiving?

Yes I'm going home to Michigan. You are gonna go I am going to Michigan. Oh my God. Yes, so so What's up with the potentials in Michigan? They're you know, it's funny because my brother was saying that he might have some guys to fix me up with the Michigan I feel like I know everybody in Michigan like everyone's there. They're married But there's some new new bloody says so maybe I'll be dating someone a Michigan. I'll let you know But I'll be there for like almost a week. I think what should be sad. I know I totally wanted to go to Michigan now You're just telling me you're gonna come I wanted to you now. You love my brother What are you going really fun? And like November 20th to the I don't know 28th or something really Because we don't celebrate Christmas, so it's are you confident you're going to Vegas though?

I'm going to Vegas for just like two days. You're not gonna eat turkey in Vegas I just want to find a restaurant that serves turkey. Okay, because you got to have turkey honey I don't like you being in Vegas for things but I guess I hold Thanksgiving in such high regard because that's my family's Christmas That's what when we all get together. So I just I worry I love I love big Thanksgiving dinners But it just doesn't happen in my family anymore So I'm not gonna go to some you should come home with me. I'm not gonna go to some depressing I'm not gonna go to some depressing dinner whereas like a quarter of my family is gonna be there right that's true

It sucks because back in I know it's huge extra avaganza which I loved and I love cooking the I love cooking some of the food To right right right does it happen. I'm sorry, but you're gonna have fun in Vegas. I'm not really worried about you, but it would be fun to have you home. You've met my mom now. Even my brother. Like it's good. I want to experience Michigan. It's really fun and beautiful.

And it might snow and we'll say yeah. Another place I want to visit is Ohio. There's a lot of beautiful women. I know there are. I've tons of friends from Ohio. I want to go there. You should just move to Chicago or Ohio. Find yourself a wife and then then move back like move there for three months. Find yourself a check and then move back because you like the Midwestern girls. I do. They're amazing. They're so cool.

Well, a myth that speaking of Midwestern girls, another highlight of the interview with my brother yesterday was that he said I've always kind of been the same. You assumed that I was something someone different growing up and then I moved out here and become crazy wacky San Francisco chick, but I've always been crazy wacky chick said my brother. No, he kind of alluded to it got heightened when he came here. Well, yeah, but everything gets heightened when you come San Francisco because it's a crazy town. Yeah. Okay. Madonna on boy toys.

They're more than just sexual appendages, she says. Madonna explains what she looks for in a lover. Well, it can be more than just sexual appendages. I don't necessarily like to use the word lover because it sounds like they just came over enough sex with you. I aspire to more than that and I need more than that. Respect for women and understanding that's everything must be earned. Those are two big ones. Someone to share my inner life with. That's extremely important.

It's also important that my children in my own respect is partner that I would choose for myself. Is she dating some new boy toy right now or something? Well, last time I heard about her, she had like a 20-year-old boy friend. She's like 52. Yeah. But he's not in a appendage.

Yeah. She shares her inner life and her outer life with them. I'm sure she has a lot of life experience to share with. I'm sure she does. If you, would you say with Madonna? No. No. I don't want to see you with the lower half her body looks like.

Dude, she's not old. She's like 50 something. That's not old. But she's had a lot of life experience, so I'm good. I knew you were going to say that. What? OK, Blake, OK, we already read this one. All right.

What? What are interns laughing because she got what I was saying? I know you're saying that she's a lot of life experience and you don't think her vagina would be something you want to look at. You think I missed that? You think I'm an idiot? No, you just kind of blew over it.

Well, because I didn't fight, I don't like to entertain your things that you say about women's vaginas. I don't like women's vaginas. When it's just women too, I don't like women's vaginas. I don't like women's vaginas. I take personal offense to it. I would hope that you're like, oh, I don't want to get with a guy that's like, you know, the same age

that you know that's been with a thousand chicks. I mean, I hope that I would feel the same way, but maybe you don been with a thousand chicks. I mean, I just want to be with you guys. I don't think I would feel the same way, but maybe you don't. You're like, yeah, what if? What if? I don't feel, yeah, and I just, I just don't like you ripping on the vagina. Anyone's vagina, even if I don't know with the vagina, like I don't know Madonna.

I'm talking a lot of, you can, you can, you take a lot of defense to that. I'm talking about your vagina. I don't care. I stand for all women. All of a gynas are one. We are one. We all have a gynas stand in unison. God. You're acting like a vagina right I don't care. I stand for all women. All of the gynas are one. We are one. We all of the gynas stand in unison.

You're acting like a vagina right now. Thank you. Okay. That's good. Jonah Hill says filming sex scenes is never sexy. When it comes time to film the sexy and briefly shown in the red band trailer for Hills upcoming from the sitter, he was lucky enough to be working with a friend. He says Ari Granger plays my girlfriend and she's great. We're really good friends so it was

not weird or anything. He told MTV first. It was actually really funny and we laughed about it. She was committed and cool. For Hill the key to surviving a sex scene is to make sure your friends with your partner beforehand. If your friends with the person is funny, if you're not it's just awkward. But funny is the best you're gonna do he says. It's never sexy. You know what I mean? It's just awkward, but funny is the best you're gonna do he says it's never sexy You know what I mean? It's never like oh man. That was sexy. It's like 8 a.m. Are they been drinking coffee? It's very mechanical There are a hundred crew dudes around blah blah blah I don't can't I don't know do you know John hell What do you? Oh?

No, is that him from where? It's from super bad. Yes, yes, that's who it is. That is. Is this like his first sex scene? I've never seen him do any sex scene. I don't even want to see him in a sex scene, I don't think, but okay. But yeah, you always hear celebrities say that.

It's not like it's hot filming a sex scene with cameras around. And literally, you know, you've been on movie set. There's like 800 crew and you're like doing it so if you're doing sex things you gotta shoot them yourself like my name is that yeah when can I come over and watch your sex tape library well uh when are you free tomorrow tonight my brother and I could come over the big bonding experience yes and I can make you guys margarita I had a great margarita last night my My brother and I had this really long dinner. We talked about everything. We went to Beetlemont in San Francisco, which is a great restaurant. Have

you been there on Union Street? Never heard of it. Does it take reservations? Yes. It's one of the best restaurants in the city. Yeah, you've never been. I'll take you this awesome place that doesn't take reservations. Although your friend who I'm going out with on Sunday night said, I'll make a reservation somewhere. Yeah, that's crazy. That was nice. And him. Okay, Kim Kardashian losing her reality show question mark along with the divorce Kim K has got risks of losing the reality show that made her famous worldwide with her news of her divorce.

He is going to cancel her reality show. Oh, whatever. No, Kim recently visited her husband Chris Humphrey's at his house. People are thinking that she's going. She's going positive or she changed her mind about the divorce. But the real reason why Kim got in a plane is not that she changed her mind about the divorce and can't live without him. She was afraid that he might cancel her show considering the divorce.

It came to hear that Chris is connected to E-Network. If E-Cancels are show keeping up with the Kardashians, she'll lose 2 million per season. She will also have to lose 30% of the gross from commercials blah, blah, blah. Wow, wow. How much money is Kim Kardashian made right now? Whatever. Oh, she's worth, um, think, I think the brand made over 30 plus million. With all the money. Yeah, I don't think she needs any more money. I mean, she has an awesome car collection that I admire, like, kind of leaves. She just bought recently this white Ferrari that's super awesome. Oh my God. I think she drives them.

Yeah, she does. She knows how to drive a stick. I don't know how to drive a stick. So when I make it big, what did you say? I'd love to teach you. I would love that. I would love to drive a stick. I can't believe I don't know how.

But so when I get mine, my fancy car, I will have to have you teach me. I'll teach you how to drive her Ferrari. Okay, thank you. But she already told you that she has an entire series that hasn't even aired yet where it's them together in New York. And now that would just be like no one will watch it

because they're divorced or people will watch it. No, people are totally gonna watch it. So that's why I don't believe oh, it's gonna get yeah That was a question mark. It was probably some gossip thing Yeah, and then they have to do another season where they see her life after the divorce right so she least got one more I'm not worried that they're kicking her off television They love her whatever so those stupid sex and the news Yeah, I need to be... No, no, no. I mean, I...

It's important, it could be. Yeah, I really would like to see the... Because the family are the ones that are really funny. The people around her. She's not that funny, is she? She's very serious. She doesn't... She doesn't want to be seen in a bad light at all, so like when they make fun of her,

she like loses it. And she's not as open as everybody else. Okay. So everyone else around her is like super entertaining. And so if they, if they do another season where they're around and like just antagonizing her about it, then I think that would be a really good. That's fun.

Do you watch it? Yeah, I watch all the episodes. Okay. Yeah, me too. Of course. Okay. We should get into some emails. Okay. But I up. Yeah, I need to watch. I'm going to watch it too. I'm going to watch a lot of television

next week. I've decided, Hey, Emily, I told my girlfriend to listen to your show with me and she heard it all and she said to herself, John, two years, she seemed pretty confused, but then okay with it. I asked her about, Oh, okay, wait. This is in response to an email about foot fetishes that we read the other day. Okay. And he responded back to it because he has a foot fetish and he was afraid to tell his girlfriend about it. So he told his girlfriend to listen to my response,

which was probably something like, you're totally fine, just tell your girlfriend about it and it'll be okay. She seemed pretty confused, but then okay with it. I asked her about foot fetishes and how she felt. She said she didn't really think about feet sexually but would be happy to try new stuff. My foot fetish has standards, FYI.

The foot needs to be clean while taking care of, smells good, pedicured, et cetera, of course. So I asked her if she would do the foot fetish to ax on me as I do it on her and she said maybe, but she did give me a good foot massage. slowly it's working I guess LOL. I feel so much better for getting this off my chest but would love if she had a foot fetish too. Thanks John. So I told him to open up the communication, not to hide it from her and things are fine. Yeah and females don't have foot fetish. No it's usually guys who do but he's

probably just saying and make life easier if she had one too. Well, this is, I don't think a woman should be complaining about footfish because usually guys that have footfish, at least I had a friend that had a footfish. Again, he couldn't, we've been trying to break this code for a long time and figure out what brings a fetish. And to be psyche, right? You know, and then he always liked to buy her shoes. So why? Why would you do that? Oh my God, I want to go with the foot-fartage email me. Feedbackatsexfile.com.

Send shoes. I'm obsessed with shoes. What size? Boots, size seven. Size seven? Yeah, if you and if you're a shoe manufacturer and you want me wear shoes and their five and shields are over, I'm totally down. Four to five inches.

Okay. Yeah. So you need a PO box like my friends. Oh, you're right. I have friends that are I used to have one, but now I have my office. Seriously, if you want to send me shoes, we'll talk about it. I will wear them. I wear high heels every single day. Because you don't even know, you told me yesterday, that was a big thing too. You were like, how will I tell you? Yeah, I know you know, because you're always in heels that are super tall. Exactly. So I'm not even going to tell you unless you have to listen to yesterday's show. Dear Emily, I purchased your Kaggle Camp iPhone app.

I've been using it for a week and I really like it so far. I like the audio direction as it takes you to the exercises and the fact that it starts you at a level that is easy enough to not be discouraging, but not so easy as to be a joke. Thanks for the great app, Kevin. So that's Kaggle Camp. Kegels are important. The reason why Kaggle people, and I love that so many guys are using it,

because it's for men and women. People think that Kaggle exercises are just for women, but it's for men helps you have longer stronger erections. So if you're having some erectile issues, it can help with that. For women, you've longer stronger orgasms, more intense orgasms, so download Kegelcap now. And we are coming out with the droid version soon. Good. Thank you very much.

Finally. Okay. Can I, can I, before you get into that? Yes. I'm totally wearing different glasses right now. You didn't say anything. I did, I like them. They're saying nothing.

This will, it's cool. You don't have to compliment them now. No, I like them. They're saying nothing. This will, it's cool. You don't have to compliment them now. I just want to know what other. No, I like them. What's the brown? The brown. Usually we're in black. Yeah.

What happened to your red ones that you used to always wear? Are you over it? They're at the house. I just wear them when I'm intoxicated. I have like the crazy one. That and the, um, I like, Tinky Winky.

I have Tinky Winky. I have like bright red glasses. I have turquoise glasses. I have white bright red glasses. I have turquoise glasses. I have white glasses. And then, so when people come over, we just drink and then wear funny glasses. Sounds like a good time. Yeah.

Yeah, I never get invited to those parties. What, you want to come over? Do I have to bring, you know I want to come over to your parties and hang out with your friends? They'd like me even though you don't like my friends. I have to show I'd like your friends. These are my friends are awesome. Dude, I just keep getting on my own.

Hard time. Just because that one chick rode me the wrong way, now I like it. One time, you think all my friends are like that. Yeah. OK, Emily, my husband and I had a threesome with a friend. He watched her and I go to town. Hell yeah.

And he only had sex with me. Hell yeah. Now he wants to do it again. But this time, he wants to have sex with the other girl too. Oh, she doesn't like that. I don't think I'd mind, but we have a rocky relationship. He doesn't like sex as much as I do nor does he like having sex as often as me. Would letting him have sex with another girl light the flame again?

Sharr. From Post Falls, Idaho. Okay, Sharr, here's the deal. Do not have the threesome again. You are having a rocky relationship. The only couples that should have threesome are. You are having a rocky relationship. The only couples that should have three sums are People who are in a good stable relationship and you can set rules and guidelines and boundaries and I can tell you this that just by letting them have sex with your friend Is not going to change your issues with him. You're not having sex as frequently as you'd like

He doesn't enjoy it as much as you do sure It could add a little spark to it for a little bit But I wouldn't but I wouldn't jump. I wouldn't say that having a threesome is going to solve your sexual woes or your relationship woes. So I would say stop with the threesome and start working internally on your sex life. Talk to him about the fact that you feel like you need more sex. There might have to be some compromises made. So I would steer clear of threesome for now. You already did it. Sounds like things aren't great.reesome for now. You already did it. That sounds

like things aren't great. I'd say no. Yeah. That's a no. That would be a negative. No, I really would root for a threesome because this guy can get laid by both chicks and I don't want to hate, but you're a woman. You're never going to let a go. Never let walk. Oh, if she sleeps, if he sleeps with a girl, it's hard to watch a guy do that. I mean, you bring it up every single fight every five seconds. It's going to destroy your relationship. It's hard to get rid of that. Yeah.

That it's funny. I was talking to a lady yesterday. She was 65 years old and we're joking around and talking about how she was married for like 30 plus years. And she's like, I never forget anything. She goes, we were fighting just yesterday about something and she goes, I brought up something that happened two years into our marriage.

Oh my God. She's like, we don't forget anything. Oh my God. I go, yeah, that's why I choose my words wisely. Yeah, you have to be careful. People don't forget and in this image in your mind of him having facts with your friend could be tricky. Yeah, okay, let's get into the topic.

All right. It's called re-igniting the spark, which is kind of what she's talking about, which Char was talking about, is she was hoping to have a threesome. That is not on my list here of things to re-ignite the spark. I'm sorry to say, but

when you have to read, this is what the bummer, okay, I'm just going to break it down for you. All couples need to read Knight the Spark eventually. So let me just say the good news. The good news is that you're not alone, that when you're with someone for over two years, usually you're biologically speaking, it's going to be more challenging to keep up that same passion and that fire that you had at the beginning. You're always gonna need to rekindle the flame. So if you wanna go back to how it was, don't expect anyone other than yourself to make it happen. And if there was a spark there once, it's still there, it just might be turned down just a little bit. But it can be re-ignited, and there's a lot of reasons why a lot of times the sparks are not there, why there's lack of spark and lack of intimacy

And a lot of times it's because couples like two of the main reasons are because couples don't have enough time and They're also tired. So maybe they have kids. They're really busy. They're running around their schedules Don't meet so there's no time and also they're just exhausted at the end of the day They're like I just want to watch TV, I want to chill out, and that's what they want to do. So I would say that... So this is the big reason also for you,

why you don't want to get married? Well, it bums me out, but I think that if I, I think that well, for example, there are things you can do to be ignited, so I wouldn't have a problem with that because I know all the tricks, which I'm going to share right now. I have to agree with you though that one of my big fears about getting married is that

the sex life will go bad, but again, I know the answer. So here's some. Couples to keep the sparkle I have to do intense planning. They can't take their sex life for granted or it's just not going to happen. You have to work and plan for it. So the whole date night thing is totally true. Couples need to have a date night in the bedroom and outside the bedroom. If you have kids, you can have sex in the shower so they don't hear it. And also

make the bedroom your space. I know a lot of couples who do this, they kind of like the bedrooms off limit to the kids. The kids can't come in the bedroom. And you also have to also remember that your sex life is going to change. If you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, your sex life is different. It's different at different points in your life. You've to adapt and find what works over the years. So that's just some basics there that like you're not alone and that's why your sex life might be waning. And you always promote date night. Date night is important. You've got to plan for it. Okay. So plan on surprise, here's some tricks.

Plan unsurprising them sexually. For example, if she's planning on having missionary sex, ask her to sit on top of you so you can look at her. Say I wanna look at you babe, I wanna check you out. A lot of couples just have missionary sex. Ask her to lower your breasts so you can play with them. Lower the breasts. I love remembering my breasts.

I feel like men stop playing with your breasts. I feel like when you're in a relationship for wild, guys stop playing with your breasts. They just do. They're like, I want your vagina. I don't want your breasts. So always play with the breasts. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh my god, you know what? I just thought of another million dollar idea for you apps It's kind of like a virgin of your book Where some we can hit a start button and then you just instruct them what to do in a sexual act What do you think like twister? Yeah, we're like Hit start and then your voice that's guides them through a sexual act like move your leg to the left. Yeah. Put your leg, fondle her breasts. Inter, you know, talk dirty.

Insure your wiener into a vagina. That's good. You think you're going to have a million diallerides. Okay, write that down. I'm drunk. Okay. You're drunk? I almost drunk.

How soon to your drunk? It's what time is it right now? It's not margarita clock yet. It's not margarita clock. It's 135. Okay. clock, it's 135. Okay, so. It is Friday though, free Friday, which I really enjoy.

Okay, what? It's free Friday. I know it is free Friday, everyone's listening to the show. Okay, so discuss and live out your fantasies. This is another big thing. Before you even go near acting out your fantasy, you must feel comfortable in your relationship. You must be prepared to accept your partner's fantasies

in a non-judgmental way. You must be honest and say when you're okay with something or feel uncomfortable, and we even had a yesterday show, we read an email from someone who said they did the trick of each one of you wrote down your top five fantasies. You might only have three, you might only have one, but whatever it is, you write it down, and then you switch pieces of paper.

And then you kind of learn a lot about your partner by knowing what their Fandances are I can't tell you how many couples have been together for a long time and they never ever talk about their fantasies So that's a big thing to do There's some fan it's some what we talked yesterday with your brother how you want to act out your fantasies for your dream guy, but that's fine If you want me to dress in a hamburger or uniform I'd probably go for your man. I? I go for, I gotta be honest. I think it's hot when a guy knows his fantasies. And if he's like, Emily, I think it'd be super hot

if you did blank. Most things I'd be probably be done with, not most things, but if it's not too friggin' crazy out there, dangerous. I thought you liked some danger. Really, like, I don't wanna have sex like on a cliff or anything. Why not? I don't want to have sex like On a cliff or anything why not? I know nature I Like nature sex, but not scary sex. Yeah, so some fantasies you can try out domination domination submission fantasies

That's popular three sums nurse and doctor of voyeuristic and exhibitionism Those are some common fantasies We've talked a lot about domination and submission this week. Yeah, I mean, you didn't really break down like a fantasy that you would like. I don't know, I don't know my fantasy. I mean, you don't have to talk about like sexual act but just like something that would happen. Okay, for example, if you have a fantasy of,

that's a great point, man, that's thank you for having me elaborate. So I think that let's say you're a guy and you have a fantasy of having sex in public, for example, but she's like really nervous about it. You could try to have sex like in a Parker nature or something. Maybe there's no one walking by yet, but you could start to test it, you know, when you're on a hike or something, go in the woods and have sex. So that would still be like outdoor sex, but it wouldn't necessarily be someone you could see

how she feels about that. And then you can move it into a different venue. Maybe more public place. Let's see if you can get away with it. Yeah, that's the thing. That's, is that yours? Nope. Okay.

I don't know, what's yours? I think like one is just like, she initiates, like she totally like hits me up, hey what are you doing? I want to hang out with you and then the moment like we hang out, she's just down. I don't want to, I don't want to like, she's dominating me, but I just, I just want like one time I don't have to put any work into it. Does that ever happen?

That's ever happened to you? No. You've never had a woman initiate talk to Theo. I that ever happen? That's never happened to you? No. You've never had a woman initiate talk with you. I mean, yeah, yeah, but just not in that way. Right, like I want you menace grabbing you. Yeah, it's like we have to get in here for a couple hours. You got a talk. You got a twag, right?

Yeah. You just want a woman who like, is it doesn't talk? No, it's just fantasy. That's your fantasy. One time where you're like, you'd like to date a mute. No, no, I definitely don't want to date a date of mute because I love having I do love having conversations I just you want to control mute so maybe she's partially mute Maybe I just never clarify this is because I'm always joking about talking because I always go to the negative where I

Believe that the talking is gonna be nagging and I just don't want to do that. Is your mother a nager? Yes. Of your father or a view? Everyone. That's what it is. But she had good intentions. It's not like she was being negative. She was just extremely worried at all times. Right. Right. She's one of those. High strong. High strong. Yeah. So I would love just one time. I don't have to be like do all this work. That's a really common lots of men. I mean I have to say of all the studies I've read

and polls and all that stuff that's the number one thing that men want is women to initiate sex more. So if you're a chick and you're listening to the show why not try tonight. When he comes home on zipping his pants and giving him a blowjob on living room floor. That be amazing. You get to me. When you love that, I think it's every guys, like I picture a guy coming in, dropping his computer or briefcase, whatever you carry, or backpack, and then she gets underneath, unzips your pants and takes your weeners in her mouth as Ben is going to say. No, why can't you ladies just do that? We do that.

You just got to be with the right checks. No, I got to take you out. I'm going to do the same. Love, love, love, love, love. See some movie with Justin Timberlake. You just got to date a girl more than once. You got to date a girl checks. No, I got to take you out. I'm going to do the same. I'm going to do the same. I'm going to see some movie with Justin Timberlake. You just got to date a girl more than once. You got to date a girl more than once, honey. I do, I do.

You haven't had a girlfriend in forever. I have not. So I think when you're in a relationship that you should do that, but I like when guys, I may have said some things like, I'd like to be tied up. I'd like to. I like dressing up. I feel like if a guy, I would love those with a love those guys like into me dressing up because I love dressing up I think it's super fun like heels and little outfits and stuff that would be a fantasy

yeah because you'll be buying new clothes yeah I'd love him to buy me the clothes but he likes and that he thinks are sexy and then I would wear them sounds like a plan good plan okay other than sex the things that you can do to spice up your relationship is to engage in a new activity. Try things neither of you ever done. Plan a treasure hunt around your city, leading to your date destination. That's something fun. Jumpstart your adrenaline and your arousal.

So the thing is, when you're in love and you're young, it starts with an adrenaline rush. Your heart races, you get butterflies in the stomach. There are studies that show that the arousal that's created through an adrenaline-producing activity can get transferred to your partner. So go skydiving, go to theme park, exercise together at home. Anything that can get your adrenaline going together

will help you reign that spark. You can take a vacation or a staycation. Get out of the house if only a night or two allows you guys to experience memories together, have time away from home, no laundry, no bills, no all that stuff. Yeah, because that's where the nagging comes in. You are both on both parts. I'm both parts, everyone next.

Touch each other more often. Touch produces a rousal comfort and support both psychologically and physiologically. So when you start to touch, even if you are feeling like, we're not connecting sexually, how often do you touch? I need to be with an affectionate person. I want touch all the time. Some people less so. So if you're in a relationship where you don't touch each other that much, start touching

a little more, even if it's just like a little tap on the shoulder or tap on the behind. Dress up. Don't forget to just take your relationships seriously. Don't throw on your sweats as I can you get home from work. We all want to still look hot, and that's a big part of it. And lastly, you should play. Relationships have to be about fun

if they're going to go to the distance. Shake things up constantly, remember why you fell in love. So play together, decorate the house together during the holidays. The holidays are coming up. Just do more activities together. I feel like a lot of couples kind of live these parallel lives

where they're not interacting. So that's what you should do. You should play together. Couples that play together stay together and that's what it got for you today. I'm free Friday. I know, we're wrapping up, right? We're wrapping up.

What do you think about that? It's good. I fix the computer. Oh good. I'm sorry people, also if you've been trying to call our computer diad in the studio, we just replaced it and we'll be taking calls we will be taking calls soon again I just had it we had to put them new all the new programs exactly so I love that we did that now you're staring at yourself

Well, because I can see myself in the video All right, and I don't like the way the camera set up. Oh God Anyway, we're done. Thanks everyone for listening to sex with Emily happy free Friday was it good for you? Email me feedback at sex with Emily dot com Anyway, we're done. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Happy free Friday. It was a good for you.

Email me feedback at sexwithemle.com.