Sex With Emily - Episode 336 - 7 Year Itch

Episode Date: November 16, 2011

Emily is excited because she has lots of dates coming up. Hopefully none of them are living with their mother. Also, science gets closer to understanding the female orgasm. Family law attorney Erik Newton joins the show and talks about the truths behind the "7 year itch” in marriage, Facebook's influence on divorce, and what you have to discuss with your partner before getting married. Also, can making a prenuptial agreement be romantic? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that block our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them a lefigh on me. Hey, Emily You got a boyfriend because my man he here. He just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair stand Oh my the women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way?

What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off here. So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithendly.com where it's your daily sex information, all the information you need, all the news, everything happening with sex, you can find at sexwithanley.com. And I want to give a big shout out to all of our friends with benefits members. Thanks everyone for subscribing to the show. We totally appreciate it. We love you. We appreciate you. And as you know, you get four shows a week, you get access to us, you get your emails answered ahead of time,

and a bunch of fun stuff. So thanks for joining. We hope you'll all become friends with benefits member right now. Today's show, I'm so excited. We've got Eric Newton here. He's a family law attorney in San Francisco. And he's realized through his practice in family law that there's a lot that people can learn before they get married.

They can help them save their marriages and just tips and tricks and all the information he's gathered. We're going to talk about what makes a successful marriage, what makes a not successful marriage, and what are the main factors that contribute to divorce. And God knows we're going to take it because he's a really smart guy and he's starting to eat workshops on it and all that stuff. So we're going to get into all that a little bit. We are also have your emails and some topics include, I don't have that written down right now. So we're

going to have lots of your emails and you're sexy on the news and stuff like that. Hey, Matt, what's up? What's going on? I'm great. Did you have a couple of Martinez before? No, why? Why? You've fumbled on a couple of words. I like fumble sometimes. Sometimes you're like just dead on and then sometimes you know, you're hanging on the ball. I wish I had more. A little bit. Then you pick it back up and then exactly but thanks for pointing that out in case you will miss that I fumbled now But everyone knows that I fumbled. Well, it's good because they can play it back and listen to it. I appreciate that I wish you had a couple drinks before that I feel so good when we do in the drunk show come on We have to do the show where we get drunk. I think you get you become a mute when you get drunk

So that could be a problem. No, no, no. Oh my God. If we were talking back and forth and I had a couple, you know, thousand shots, I'll be fine. All right. All right. We got to do the Las Vegas show. I don't think you're down. I'm totally down for the Vegas show. I can't wait. Oh my God. I'm so excited. We'll do it like soon. I'm totally ready to go back after your big trip. Oh yeah. I can go to Vegas every week. Don and Don, we're going to do it. So I appreciate that.

As you know, you can always leave a message and a voice about any time and we'll answer your questions on the air. It's 415-992-7392. And you also have to go to my page, section of the Emily dot com or Emily Morse dot com. And check out Jimmy Jane because Jimmy Jane is our amazing sponsor. And if you click on it, you're going to see that I've got these picks of things that you could buy on their website. And if you go through my link, you get $25 off purchases over $100. So go to the Emily's pick page. I love their massage candles. Like I'm obsessed

with their massage candles. They smell amazing. They burn at a different temperature. They're like soy base and you pour them on your partner's body and then it turns into misogyny. And it's this really sensual hot sexy thing you can do. But you can see all my other picks there. I was thinking about those when you displayed your book at the book party. Yeah. And you just showed the inside because you have a part

in the book. Yeah, all about dedicated to misogyny. It's because I love them. They've, it's called the afterglow candle. They also have the form two vibrator, which is amazing in the form three vibrator, and you're just gonna have to check them out. I think you will love them.

And what about the app? Can we talk about the app? Yeah, Kaggle Camp. Yeah, can we go back because you mentioned it's exploded. It's exploded. And I just have to say that it's exploded ever since i played a clip of it on the show i think you're not true that's true

because it's my voice of kegel exercises are really important exercises for men and women i'm amazed at the number of emails i've received from men and women who've used the app and it's changed their sex life because for women you've longer stronger more intense orgasms for men it can help you with premature ejaculation or any erectile issues you're having and they're really easy to do. And it's my voice that walks you through the commands, which menacing the big soundline.

If you weren't such a control freak, I could totally handle the marketing for you and you would sell into the millions. Do it. Yeah. Right. Did I just cover it all? No, because you would have me explain like why I would do something every five seconds And then it would just drive me insane. Yeah, yeah, why do you think? Why do you think?

Why do you think we should do this? Why do you think we should do that? No, I just want you to take the ball in on with it I just know what I take the kegdle ball in with it. I'm good. Okay cool, but I'll give you some suggestions Thank you. We'll do that. We'll do that. Okay, perfect. Yeah, I love it. Everything's good with me You know just work like crazy holidays or just Thank you, we'll do that, we'll do that next. Okay, perfect. Sounds good. Yeah, I love it. Everything's good with me. You know, just work like crazy holidays are just the busiest time of the year for me. I know. For work wise, because we throw a lot of holiday concerts.

Which I'm going to with you this year. Yeah, I mean, I hope you come to a couple of them. Yeah. There's three. One of them, you probably had the most fun at. Okay, I want the one that I think I want the one that I'm only want the one that I'm going to fun at because I have to be very efficient with my time lately. So I don't want to mess around with events that I'm not going to fun at. Yeah, yeah. This one,

and you know me. Yeah, yeah. This one. I don't want big crowds and I want VIP. Yeah, so you'll be so VIP. There will be drinks flowing. Perfect. Done. Let's go. It's in December, right? Yes. Okay, cool. Yeah. I've even looked into the future. What are you going to do for? I know you're going to Michigan Michigan for Thanksgiving. What about after Thanksgiving? Everything. I have nothing. I've gotten invites to things, but I haven't totally committed. There's always like a billion holiday parties. Yeah. There'll be a lot of fun stuff coming up. I've got some dates coming up. I don't know. They're all like friends. It fixed me up. I don't know who they are, but I've got like four dates

and then like before I go home for Thanksgiving. Before you go to think. Yeah, or three. No way. That's where it got. Are you serious? Yeah, I don't know anything about them either. Like three maybe.

I don't even know when they're happy. I kinda know, but. That's scary. I know, that is really scary. So I have a lot to report on my dating life shortly. So I know you're all on the edge of your seat waiting to hear if I actually like someone. I'm very excited. Because it's been a while.

Yeah. So but I think I'm a good data. I think it's fun. And even if you don't like the date, like this is the thing. I feel like you should say yes to every date that comes your way. And that's someone totally offends you and they then you don't think you're down with them. It's like a job interview. Like you should accept every job interview because it's good practice and dating is good practice as well.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I think. Oh, I have something to share for you. Okay, please. I sent a friend of mine who's a girl that I'm not trying to get in her pants, but I, uh, sure. I sent her a postcard and she loved it.

Yeah. Like, A. Fellas, I'm just saying. I sent a postcard and so. You have some girls in some other states. Send them some postcards. It's so retro. They love it. I know.

I love mail. I go to my mailbox every day thinking I'm going to get a letter and I never get it. Yeah, because no one gets mail in you. I know, I get bills. It's so boring. The only problem is when I wrote it out, it looked like it was a third grader.

Oh, because you're writing? Yeah, because no one even wrote it anymore. What was the postcard? Why did you send this girl postcard? Because I was in Disneyland. Oh, I didn't get a postcard from Disneyland. Because I see you every day. Yeah, but I still would have enjoyed it. It's the same city. Right. So you center one and she appreciated it. I love

when people do people use to send postcards all the time. I have every piece of mail I've ever received, which is kind of a problem because it takes over my house. But not boring postcards, but like good letters and emails that I've received from guys I had saved them all. I really appreciate it. I actually have all the letters from like, they in high school. When we used to write letters. Yeah. And now it's all emails and texts and they delete,

they go away. It's so fake. I know. So I love that, to this girl, you're trying to get her pants, but you have an answer. I don't know. Why you said her postcard? Because I'm just, she lives out of state.

I'm just cool with her. I used to do that. I had a lot of people, I used to say postcard. You never remember when you're trying to get in someone's pants. Like Like I don't get it. Like just she's the one girl you sent a postcard to and it was just because you're wondering how she's doing it. Because I it's I know it's weird. We can call some other chick that I know that I used to send post cards

to. I just like sending postcards. Okay, that's fine. I just want to bring it back. I just want you to be real with me if you if you are trying to get in her pants. I'm not trying to get in her pants. Okay pants But I do think the postcard thing is a really good idea. Yeah, I Just the excitement that I got from it. I could just imagine like you know, I know guys just do it It costs a lot of our sudden email it costs like 40 cents exactly That's a great that's a great thing because it is kind of retro now because no one does that so I think that's a great great tactic. I love it and we've also got yeah like said we're gonna get in some sex in the news and

What else anything else that we need to discuss at this moment? We've only got a few days left before our we break up for Me I know I'm sorry. It's anything else new that I heard in the news lately No, we're still waiting on that Bieber The TV, right? Yeah. That's why you take a few days. No, nothing else is really stuck out there. Do you know what I, what I was thinking about the other day?

What? When it comes to, you know, those type of tests and all this stuff, you know what this kind of like was huge for a moment, now it's totally falling off. What? It is the source of nigger kid yeah whatever happened with that there's been so many youth pal misder so many

sex scandals in america that that's just like it gets pushed down yeah and then now what the chain who cares no no cares divorced i don't even know if they're actually we should find this out there's been nothing in the news because we scour the news for sex news every day And I have not seen a thing. They're totally gonna get a divorce But I think they're still working that out. Oh right, but the kid and all that stuff what happened She's gonna get like a hundred plus million or something really yeah, not bad She done you and father another child

You might have a Mary so long. I know it's sad. They were like truly in love Like I had a friend tell me he was doing some work for Maria Schwarzenegger. He was doing a Maria Schreiber He was doing some work with her and he was working out of her house He was doing some public policy work. He's a policy guy And he said that it was so cute that he was in her house and that Arnold came home with a he's like Maria I can't see who his accent. Yeah, I was gonna try Maria Maria. I've got the present for you And he brought up these M&M's with her initials on it and she was like so excited and he said

that they seem so happy and so cute. Yeah. I just remember that story. It's just like your paranoia that you that you put into women that you read it off the other day. And you probably don't remember it. If he spent if he's paying more attention to you, he's probably cheating. No, I didn't say that. If he's paying less attention to you, then he's probably cheating. I didn't say that. If he's paying less attention to you, then he's probably cheating. I didn't say that. I didn't say more attention or less attention,

but he was cheating. I don't know if he was cheating the whole time though, or he was just cheating earlier on in the relationship. Well, that kid is like what, 13, 15. Yeah, so that's not good. That sucks. You have to jump on. Okay, I've got some sex in the news for us.

Go for it. Okay, female orgasm captured in brain scan animation. Scientists have created the world's first video animation of the female orgasm using a series of brain scan images. To capture the brain activity, researchers monitor women's brain as she lay in an MRI scanner and stimulate it herself. Psychologists hope the research will help them to understand the reasons why some men, women, cannot reach sexual climax.

Through the computer, spit out a piece of paper and says, look, I still can't forget this shit out. Right, they're like, sorry, I tried women don't orgasm, I don't want to do. The general aim of this research is to understand how the orgasm builds up from general stimulation and what parts of the brain become recruited and finally build up into orgasm. Over the course of the seven minutes, the participants approach orgasm, reach orgasm, and then enter a quiet period.

So it says, as can be observed, an orgasm leads to almost the entire brain illuminating yellow, indicating that most of the brain becomes active at orgasm. We're using orgasm as a way of producing pleasure. If we can learn how to activate the pleasure regions of the brain, and then we get wider applications, I love when they're studying female orgasms

because they're so elusive and so confusing. Yeah. Yeah, I love that they're doing studies on that. It's so funny that like the smartest computer still can't figure it out. I know, I know. And they're psychologists and records. So we'll see what they figure out.

But yeah, I'd love to know why some women can't. And it's a problem. But I think that a lot of women are just pre-organic. We shouldn't say that they're an orgasmic and they just haven't gotten there yet. And if you don't have not reached orgasm yet, it does not mean that you are a lost case that we will figure it out, especially with these new studies. What? I just wanted them to do the study of like, you know, like I always say, if they wave like a Louis Vuitton person from home, if it like it height right right right if she just explodes yes and then you show a guy with

his pockets like hanging out like this with dad oh oh and then like she's totally not right like because women are that super fish at all yeah I think that's a great that's you should you should conduct that study in your off time and let's I want to you should see that like if he's got wise cash is she like yeah super horny. And then there's like three pennies in his hand. Yeah, and she's like, check please, right. That'd be interesting.

I don't know, minus. I'm not sure that that's gonna be an accurate research, but we'll see. But you know, the brain is the largest sex organ, especially for women, so they really do need to be stimulated in the brain visually, and no, in their brain.

Like they need to be like turned on, like by the things that you say and things that you do It's confusing. No, it's not confusing. It's just overwhelming. It is overwhelming Visuals everything Shadow puppets and shit exactly Shadow puppets maybe little central ones where your finger looks like a penis going in the vagina Jesus age Nothing it's so much that. Jesus, age. What? Nothing is so much work.

Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner call up their engagement. They've been in the hearing aids. They've been together for 20 years, apparently. I'm just telling you, this is sex, and these are what I got. The wedding is off for Melrose Place coasters. Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner. No reason was given for the shocking news. I don't know.

I'm shocked, which comes just three months after the couple announced their engagement. They started dating in 2007. They were last seen in September celebrating her 50th birthday. How their luck layer is 50? She looks really good for 50. I thought she was hanging out with other people. I don't know. She steps solo out and breaking Dawn, premier last night in Hollywood and walked the black

carpet without her engagement ring. Wait, wait, wait. Is she in a new show? Breaking Dawn? I don't know. She she in a new show, brinking Dawn? I don't know, if she's in it or she was there for the premiere, why? I got to research that. Why?

Because if she's in a new show and she's doing better than a man, that's when they dump her. Oh God, Manus, this is the most ridiculous thing. We're gonna ask our expert Eric Newton in the few minutes if he sees that in divorce. He is an expert. I love that you're here. Manus has a theory that a woman gets more successful

than a man she dumps him in hollywood in hollywood i'm not saying in the general happens everywhere i think if you think it happens in hollywood it probably happens everywhere okay but i'm just saying i get to see all the stuff from like celebrities every time

uh... uh... check it to new television show or she gets a starting war role she dumps her man mea lacunis was married to the homelong guy when she got into black swan started in more shine done you don't know if it's because i feel like men feel a masculated when women gets more successful in the dozen they feel like they have no penis nothing and that's your theory to

yes we'll find out we're going to talk to aric the experts you're like looking at him say please agree with Please agree with me Eric. It's important. It's my show. All right. Okay three reasons today the guy who lives with his parents wow Why you should give a mama's boy a chance nearly one and five men in their late twenties and early thirties are living at home with their parents Only half as many women the same age are living at. Despite the stigma attached to a man living with their parents, mom and his boy co-dependent immature broke, these men could still be worth dating. So if you happen to meet a guy in this situation here, four reasons not to write him off. You would never date a guy in this situation. I would never. I'd be like, is your mom home? Should we sneak upstairs and have sex? No,

I don't want to have to have conversations with chatty chatty with the parents and then say for dinner Different men live at home for different reasons. Maybe he's helping out his parents saving money Student loans anyone or needs time to get back on his feet. Maybe his stay is temporary You don't know the exact circumstances and you should take the time to learn more about them before you decide he's on dateable Number two the lack of privacy forces you to be spontaneous on date of all. Number two, the lack of privacy forces you to be spontaneous. Sure, you can't get too crazy or have to be really, really quiet when his mom and dad are downstairs,

but why limit yourselves to the basement or bedroom anyway? You have the perfect excuse to get it on in crazy locales, such as the park or mall dressing room. What are we promoting here? What? No, you're just, look, it is, believe it or not, Emily, it's not easy out there right now for people to have jobs. I know, I know, it's really tough.

I take the guys with roommates lately and that used to be a total loan for me. Yeah, I've been like, you have a roommate really? Okay, do it, break your deal, break your deal, break your deal, okay, fine, we'll go out. You just understand today's economy. I understand, I understand, but I would prefer a man who could get his own place. Okay cool So just letting everybody know if you want to get laid you gotta get your own place. No, I'm telling you reasons Why you could sleep with these men. I'm not saying I'm sleeping with them, but I'm saying that someone oh It's but it's perfectly fine for the listeners to sleep with them. That's cool. Whatever. You can date these losers who I consider losers

Yeah, you just said that sometimes it's hard out there for people. Yeah, but you're still stating that you would not date these people. I'm not saying never, never, say never. I've dated people that are like astounded me that I've dated. Okay, it'll help you get in good with his parents. What's better for the longevity of your relationship than a great relationship with his parents?

I spend more time in their house, you get a better feel for who they are as a family. So it's not so bad. I'm just saying in my age, I'm gonna date a guy who's with his parents. By spending more time in their house, you get a better feel for who they are as a family. So it's not so bad. I'm just saying, in my age, I'm going to date a guy who's with his parent, like, really, like I got to talk to them and have make short, shit chat talk and ring the door, well, hi, is Johnny home? Can you come out and play?

Like, not interested. But I just wanted to share that with you. OK. Yeah, that's what we got for Zubin. I'm sure you're happy you shared it with me, because I totally agreed with you. You did? OK. No. I'm being so casting. Okay. Yeah, that's what we got for Zuz. I'm sure you're happy you shared it with me. I know. Because I totally agreed with you. You did?

Okay. No, I'm being so casting. Okay. We've got some emails too that we're going to meet in two. All right. Okay. So I think that Eric might be able to help us with some of these emails. So let's pull the camera back.

All right. Let's get Eric on camera. Come close to me. Honey. Hey. Okay. Move your mic and talk into your mic. Hey, you know on this on this living with Oh, hey, just go ahead and don't worry about looking at her. It's just talking to the mic

Okay, everyone does the same thing don't worry about it. I can do you know, yeah, but on the living with the parents thing What about co-housing? What do you mean? I thought about that this whole Danish concept of you know Saving resources creating communities very hippie right I like it. But it's kind of hip too. Co-housing. Yeah, this is the new thing. This is what everybody's doing now. I never heard of it. Okay, so here's a quick primer. Basically, they take a physical space and they built it around like a central community center where everybody shares like meals or cooking or playtime, you know, or child rearing, whatever.

And then everybody has their separate autonomous private units. And a lot of people are doing this in a multi-generational way. Oh, wow. So you bring your parents in and you've got, you know, if you're raising kids, you've got a village to raise. Takes a village. It does. I think that makes sense. Right.

It's resource efficient. So you've got more money for more people. You can dump it into green living, sustainability, plus focus on community. Yeah. That sounds very wacky, San Francisco. But I feel like I already live in a community. Like I've got this dog now, which is kind of crazy. Yeah. And it's insane. But the point is it takes a village and I have all my friends help me out with the dog. And it's like, I just think if you've kids, why not have the same thing? My suggestion is get a duplex. Have your tenants pay your mortgage and then when the mortgage

is paid off then have your kids move into the other unit. That's my suggestion. Okay. If I can afford a place that would be great. Okay. Dear Emily, we're going to answer emails. And you can always email me at feedback at sex at mme.com or straight through the website where it says Ask Emily. That's another great way to send me your thoughts. All right. I was married 15 years till about 10 years ago

It was a credit marriage with poor sex my age of 46 seems to be affected me sexually yet It's hard to tell since sex has been rare. However, it has been difficult to get or keep an erection My girlfriend often on the last couple of years who who's 23, has had rotten boyfriends who have only wanted her for sex and drugs. Her view is that guys have tried to rape her, she's not been interested in sex. She says she wants to spell down now and get married to me. However, even though she lives with me, the only sexual activity she's okay with is rubbing only her clitoris and showering without any sexual contact. She has lied and stolen from me since I've known her when she used to do drugs yet she

seems to have changed. I just would like to be able to know she's not playing games with me again so she can live with me. I want to marry her yet really no need to know if she's going to get into sex. I'm wondering if there are ways to get her interested and not afraid. I'm tired of being told no when I want to touch her when she changes clothes in front of me or when we cuddle. Okay, I heard your whole show now.

Good stuff, I'll make it a favorite. Thanks, Emily. Steve from Kansas City, Missouri. Steve, I heard you. Okay, Steve, this is like so chock full, I need an hour to help you, but I don't have an hour. She's half your age A, so that's a red flag right there. She's been sexually abused, so she says she needs tons of therapy. I don't think there's anything

that you can do to get her more interested in sex until she goes to therapy and figures out what is still holding her back from her abuse. She's got to like clear that stuff out. There's all the talking, all the touching, all the Louis Vuitton bags you buy in the world, per menace and suggestion would not make her, I think, right? Oh, no buy or anything. Yeah, don't buy or anything. And she used to do drugs and she stole from you. It sounds like she's not your ideal candidate. I'm just telling you, from the outsider here, I mean, I'm glad she's rubbing her clitoris

and she's getting herself turned on, but it sounds like you guys are not having sexual contact. And you want to know if you marry her, if she's going to get into sex, I say no way. No way, right? Mr. Divorce Turnie, who's family law attorney. You know what strikes me about this email is that I think he already knows the answer, right?

He gave you all the clues. He highlighted everything for you. He knows what's going on. Right. He knows that she's not going to suddenly, you know, emotionally develop to the point where they can have a fulfilling and adult sex life. This is not going to happen. But what's going what's curious to me, I think, and I think he gave you the clue to this at the beginning too, I think he's insecure because of his perceived

direction problem, which I don't think is a problem. Right. You can unpack that for another hour also. Exactly. But his concerns about his ability to get an erection are having him choose somebody that he knows is in a right match. Right. He doesn't have to face the phone. Exactly.

I think that is such a good point. I think it's such a good point. If you're having erectile issues, I would talk to your doctor. I would try doing Kagle exercises. Hey, Kagle. Kagle camp. Download on your iPhone.

But I would say, yeah, I think that's true. I think a lot of times we're attracted to people so we don't have to face ourselves. Yeah, and this is an opportunity. I mean, right? When you notice something that's not going right sexually, it's an opportunity to dig in and find out what's really there, what's your next place to develop as a human being. So this is a great big clue for you, Steve. This is your opportunity. Jump in, find out.

Go to a fantastic therapist. We'll find out if it's just physical, get some bag. Yeah, exactly. Get some bag, or not a big deal. You're 46 years old. A lot of guys take bag, or not. But there are ways you can work on it too without taking meds. So I would just go see a doctor, but that's a great point.

Like he's feeling insecure about it. I love it. So he's a good, right? She seems like a great kid, but put her in therapy. Put her in therapy. Put yourself in therapy, maybe. You were married 15 years until 10 years ago, and you had a credit, it's interesting too, that you're repeating your pattern because you came out of a credit marriage with poor sex, and now you're having, you're in another relationship about to get married with poor sex. Why do they repeat? Why not just get into

the fact of why you're having bad sex, because this is two situations now where the sex is not good. And when you have to look at the common, you know, the common denominator, it's you done and done. Okay. And I was going to say something similar like as he was writing this email and I've dated girls that I've had problems before. Believe me. And I'm trying to work through them. But as you're writing the email, it should just like hit you go Wait a minute. What the f am I doing right now? Right right right, but sometimes it takes a while to wake up Exactly. So hopefully this is a wake up. I'm here to wake y'all. I'm wake care wake y'all Okay, hi Emily the only way I can orgasm is if I rub my thighs together while lying down. Is this normal?

Also, will I ever be able to reach orgasm through sex? I am in my early 30s and I have yet to orgasm through oral or penetrative sex at this age I'm starting to get frustrated. Thank you, Erin, from New York, New York. Okay, first of all, Erin, it's totally normal that you have to rub your thighs together while lying down to have an orgasm. I've heard that from many women and as long as you can orgasm, totally fine. Yeah, a lot of women need to have their thighs like they each have their legs closed

and rub their thighs together. That's totally normal and common. As far as not being able to orgasm through oral or penetrative sex, have you tried rubbing your thighs? There are positions that you can do where you keep your thighs together. Wow, like keep your legs together. He's on top of you and he's rubbing your clitoris.

There are ways to orgasm. So working with the way you orgasm, can you try to incorporate that into your sex life? I do not think it's all lost. It takes a lot of women, only 30% of women actually have orgasms during intercourse. And also, if you, I don't know if you ever use sex toy, it's great to bring sex toys into your intercourse

and to your lovemaking that could help too. You know my question about the female? What? I'm just wondering why the issue of normal versus not normal. into your intercourse and to your love making that could help too. You know my question about the female? I'm just wondering why the issue of normal versus not normal. I know that's why I'm saying normal. I say most things are normal. Yeah. Everything's normal.

Everything's normal. Even orgasm? That's right. But maybe on a bell curve, it doesn't fall in the center, right? If you have to stand on one leg and click like a chicken to have an orgasm, that's not probably quite normal. That's probably not normal. But that's fine. That's what it writes. You know. You know how have an orgasm. That's not probably cool. That's probably not normal. But that's fine.

That's what, right. You know, right? You know how you've an orgasm. I was so go for it. Exactly. I think that's what I spend a lot of time doing on the show is telling people that they're okay and that everything is normal or everything's fine.

Unless it like wreaks havoc on your life and you feel like, you know, like people would ask me like, is it okay that I masturbate to porn every day? Yeah. It's totally fine that you're masturbating to poor him every day. But if it's like you're doing it 15 times a day and you're missing work and you're no longer able to participate in a normal healthy

relationship, then we have a problem. And that's not necessarily normal. That's something that you need to look at. But rubbing your thighs together, no problem with that. Well, everything's okay. And then there are consequences. Exactly. Right? 15 times a day masturbating to poor, there's some consequences. There's some consequences. If there are negative consequences, we have a problem. If you're rubbing your thighs together and you're getting an infection, we have a problem. Right.

But if you're rubbing thighs, we have an orgasm. Good for you. Go for it. Right. I like it. I think it's kind of hot anyway. Yeah. Okay, two.

You think it's hot, man? I do think it's hot. Sorry, I was distracted by something right now. Okay. I want to bring it out, but later later but I can just bring it up right now No, why not it's a little ADD show here. Why the hell? Do your friends or family or anybody? Effing calls you during the show like every single friend I know like knows that I'm doing the show

I know my phone is rang because you know it's people who don't pay attention like what the f man I know I tell off that I'm not available Every day from once you and yet my mother calls me and people call me Maybe they want to be on the show I should have answered it and yelled at that person I'm like you don't you know me don't you know me? I think you're right, minus I have issues with the two and I've actually yelled at people I'm like I'm never answer like you like Understand even pay attention to anything anything I do yeah they was they

was hate me and not pay attention to me it's weird pay attention to what I've tell them because I tell you all the time do you have do you have the technology to plug the phone in so that people can hear the caller yeah yeah yeah do that and menace should we tear them in you know and they would learn or I'll say would love it They'd keep coming. Oh, no. I would totally destroy them. This particular person who just called me Yeah, I've told her never to call me between one and two she wants to be on the show It's a it's a cry for attention. I just cry for attention. Everything's a cry for attention

She's raised Tuesday. I think it's ridiculous. Okay Sorry, I think you need to address everybody with it. Stop calling me between one and two Pacific standard time people. I'm not going to answer your call ever. Alright. You call me instead. I'll call you instead. Okay. Great. Hey, Emily, I'm a huge fan. I love your show. My question is I enjoy masturbating more than intercourse. And the only way I can get really excited is through oral sex and dirty talk. I've never experienced an orgasm with a woman unless I masturbate. I'm 25 currently married and it's ruining my marriage and advice. And advice, please send advice, please thank you. Dante,

I would say again, just like I said to the other woman that you have to incorporate your masturbation into sex. If that is how you currently are able to orgasm, there is nothing wrong with masturbating or finishing yourself off during intercourse. And you can also try mutual masturbation where you look at what your partner, what turns her on. I mean, you're married. Is he married? And I don't know why it has to ruin your marriage. You're still able to orgasm.

And I think there's nothing wrong with masturbating in front of her. And once you get comfortable with that, with the fact that there should not be a stigma, I mean, one of my favorite things to tell couples to do is mutual masturbation. Because then you're seeing what turns her on her on. She's seeing what turns you on. And maybe one day she can masturbate for you when you pull out or whatever and it's all good. She's not like staring at me and masturbating because that's creepy, right? What do you mean? She's not like staring, looking at me and saying, oh wow. What's wrong with that? You mean looking in the eyes like the whole? Yeah, so creepy.

You would rather rise close, masturbating? No, I'm just like looking the other way or something. What are you going to be doing? Like, on your iPhone, you're like, are you done yet, babe? Yeah, you're done. Yeah. But I'm sorry that it's ruining your marriage. I feel like it's not ruining your marriage at all.

I feel like at least you're having sex. There's plenty of men who are not able to orgasm during intercourse too I hear about this all the time I think it's normal, but I think there are ways that you can start to incorporate how you can masturbate Into your situation and then see what happens there from there Yeah, you know, I I'm really curious about this statement that it's ruining his marriage Right, yeah, I don't want to say I have a lot of sympathy for the I have empathy for these people that are right to be male So I don't want to say it have a lot of sympathy for these people that are right in the email. So I don't want to say it's not true. I'm curious though.

What is it about this? Is it ruining as marriage or is it something deeper? And what I would say to just that surface issue, and this is something we do in the seminars, is there's an opportunity for sex mastery in marriage. And maybe that's one of the main points of marriage is to become a genius of sex and sexuality because you can go so deep with a partner you've done with for 10 or 50 years. Exactly. Like you can't with anybody else.

But the process of doing that means communicating very, very clearly what you need. You have to communicate. And I don't know if you guys are communicating because if you're telling me that it's ruining your marriage, I'm wondering if you guys have even talked about it or if she's just feeling frustrated because she feels like she can't get you off and you can't get off. Shame around it totally because you feel like you're not performing like a real man and she might not even have as many issues as you do.

So I would say communication is lubrication and it's time for you guys to talk. Do it. Let's get into you, Eric and Newton. All right. Yep, we've got some questions. So Eric Newton is a family law Yep, we've got some questions. Eric Newton is a family law attorney and you've been practicing for a long time now. Yeah, so let's see, I've been practicing family law first as a solo and now in a partnership

with my partner and I, how long have I been doing? I used about six years. Okay, six years. And you're in San Francisco. Okay. And so let's talk about what you've learned because you're now, I mean, it's amazing. You've probably dealt with hundreds of couples and seen marriages, crumbles, and families be ripped apart. And so now you're starting these, do you want to start off by

talking about seminars or... Or whatever. You know, telling the truth, I completely forgot everything I was going to say because you guys are so... Or I don't think I need anything going on here. I do have a question right off the bat. Does the seven year itch exist or has it even been heightened? There's six or seven itches every year. What's the common year have you found? Of divorce. I don't know what the statistical number is.

I do see a lot of people coming in right around 678 though. But I think that might have to do with chemicals. There's another big itch that happens at year two and years three, years two and three. Wow. It sounds like paradise. No, that's why I always say two years sex drive. It's biology. We are not meant. We are not meant to. I'm not saying we're not meant to even agmas. I'm saying that our biology actually changes that attraction that you have to somebody your biology it's just just changes you don't have that same connection that same attraction and you have to work at it.

Yeah well if the current research is right you're transitioning at that right about then your transition from serotonin into oxytocin as a dominant chemical that's defining how you're feeling by your mate and that's a big transition for people. Because your wife's not hot anymore and you're like, damn, stuck with this chick. No, I don't think that's true. Speak to yourself. What would you say are the most common problems associated with divorce? What comes up?

Problems, well. Common issues, we talk about money. Yeah, well, okay, if you're asking the question, what makes divorce so hard? I don't know if that's a question or answer, but I'm asking what are the common reasons that people report for a divorce? Yeah, so people report that it has to do with fights about money, fights about sex,

lack of passion and fights around child rearing and those are the I call those the zombie ears the first three years of your marriage when you've got the new kids on the way. Right. And then, and this is a more, I guess, complex one or abstract, but fights about third parties and quality time within the family. Okay. And it's not necessarily cheating. It's just, why are you spending so much time with Bill and you could do that? Right, exactly. That's sort of thing.

Whatever it is. So that's what people report. Now, I'm skeptical that that's what's really going on. Okay. And we can dig into that later. Yeah So that's what people report. Now, I'm skeptical that that's what's really going on. And we can dig into that later. Yeah, that's what people report. And Facebook. They say Facebook is like, why people are one out of every five divorces is because Facebook they said.

Sighting Facebook. What? Sighting Facebook. Yeah. I don't know. They put somewhere in the divorce they mentioned Facebook. Yeah, I don't know about that. They put somewhere in the divorce they mentioned Facebook at one out of every five This is statistic now. Huh. I would call that a symptom And not a cause right because if you're if there's something at root that's causing your relationship to break up

It's probably manifesting itself by you doing something inappropriate on Facebook or it could be yeah I know three three marriages broken up, three marriages broken up by Facebook. Really, broken up by Facebook. Yeah, well, but they might, but what he's saying is the symptom they weren't as happy at home, so they start looking up their acts from high school and then they may or may or may or may not. Yeah, that is what I'm saying, but I'm curious

now about the stories. I mean, we're seeing Facebook being used in litigation. We're using Facebook. Really? People are like, look at this message you sent. And it only matters really in custody cases or domestic violence. But it's a really great evidence to it because people have no idea how stupid they are to be posting some of the things. Some of my buddies that are going through divorce and it's a custody battle stuff. They had me actually adjust their Facebook settings for them So people can't like it's like Fort Knox, dude

You can you need a SWAT team to try to get into their Facebook to see what's going on But Facebook is still tracking that data, but that's a whole to come. Yeah, right right right okay So what are some of the things that you've learned you think from all these couples that you want? I mean we can get into your seminar like we can get into what you'd like to mean I've done to me from the last time we talked that it's like, you have unearthed all this knowledge from all these couples you've dealt with. And it's probably gotten to the point where like,

I got to, like you kind of feel like your inner duty is to like, you've got all these answers to save people. Like, how can I save people from divorce? Like, what can we get to these people before they get married? And have them talk about the issues they didn't talk about when they were planning the wedding for a year and they don't talk about the fact that one doesn't want to have kids or they want to raise the kids one religion and not another or they want to one wants to live in the country

and one wants to live in the city or whatever it is, they don't talk about this stuff. They're like, what kind of cake should we have at our wedding? Right. Yes, you're summing it up for me. You're just, I mean, being a divorce lawyer brought all this up, because deep down I'm a romantic. I mean, I believe in marriage and I believe in lifelong partnership. And I'm a proponent of all of that. And here I am divorcing people. And yeah, I was tough at first.

So I started thinking exactly that. How can I get to people in advance? Right. And the first thought was, well, write a book. I'll write a book. And I'll just put in all of the conversations that I know people need to have in advance. Right. And the first thought was, well, write a book. I'll write a book. And I'll just put in all of the conversations that I know people need to have in advance and we'll put some exercises in there and you know, sell it at, you know, I don't know, bed, bath, and beyond or whatever. Right. And whatever, right. So we started writing the book and it was just it was just it was

trite. Right. I hate to say that about my own writing. Right. But Emily it was just trite. So I started thinking about what's really going on and I realized which is something we already talked about. Right. That I think it's more about what's going on beneath these surface issues. Right. What's going on underneath people you know know, in the darker parts of their unconscious mind, from borrow from popsiclejee. Issues that they haven't even dealt with themselves. Right.

They haven't done their work. That's why I always say in people, like, what kind of guy are you looking for? I'm like, a man who has done his work. He's emotionally, he knows where he's at, he knows what his challenges are, his struggles, and he knows himself. And people think that finding someone else, oh, I know I know myself because I found my partner, but they still have their internal demons that they have in on our camp. We're not complete because I found my ideal mate, and that makes me whole, which is just

such a fallacy. It's such a fallacy. You're just rude to go to camp. Yeah, because you're only like half a person, and you're finding another half person. Because if you even done your work yet, you're like not evolved or developed. And you're finding someone else who's not evolved and developed and you're tracked to each other, it's just going to explode. So I think that's really true.

So what are some of the topics and questions that people need to talk about before they get married? Well, the obvious topics. I mean, the topics on the surface, and we got to get deeper than this. That's one thing. Just to cover the topics on the top, I love deep. I love deep. I'm talk about money and sex. Okay, money and sex are the biggest factors, right? Yeah, you know, it's, and in fact, this is a way to go deep, right?

This conversation because the money and sex conversations are so core to who we are. They're so deep. They're so deeply rooted in what we think of ourselves. Why are you laughing? No, you figured out women like the money, right? Like the money, right? And why? That's a whole other question too.

But yeah, I mean, they're so deep to what we think of as a successful relationship. Exactly. The whole thing. So yeah, you've got to have the conversations. And part of it is about being honest with yourself first. About where you stand on these various issues. Right.

You know, if you have to, like we said earlier, stand on one leg and collect like a chicken or rub your thighs together to have an orgasm, you should probably be clear about that with yourself and you should probably communicate that with your partner. Exactly. And you should probably do that through some, you know, at a safe time and a safe place. Right. And the reason why people, I think money is so low, I know that my brother and his wife actually, they've been together 18 years and years ago, they were like in lots of therapy and they were doing these workshops

and they actually spent an entire week in doing a money workshop. Which I thought was so amazing. Like, for example, this is probably revealing too much but I'll just try to not reveal too much but like basically one of them grew up with like money and this is this comment. And I'm not even talking about my brother I'm gonna talk about it in general like what people for an example of a money issue is that

Not that like you have too much or too little. It's like okay I let's say I was raised with no money I was raised with parents who like didn't provide and I was always scrapping and struggling and I'm really nervous about money all the time And I'm nervous by the way, I spend it. I don't spend it very frequently like I'm just careful about everything I can't coupons and then I'm married to someone who is just very frivolous frivolous about money and It doesn't never talk about it and just spend spend spends and it starts to make me nervous Because I'm like we don't have that much money or I was raised in a different way It may be he was raised away like don't like a price tags just spend spend spend and so they just have different

Philosophies and ways of dealing with money. We all have our own ways of dealing with money. And if they're different and they don't jive and they rub each other wrong, right? Yeah, and I think it's fair to acknowledge the part of the value of having those conversations in advance is that you may not get to the bottom of the issue, right? You may not get to the answer. This is who I am about money or sex, right? Because these things are going to evolve over time. But you've put a, you've highlighted

an issue that's important, right? And you've developed a method of communicating about that issue. And so then when something changes in the future, when you change, and suddenly you have a new insight about something that you want. You can communicate it in a fair and, you know, a predefined way and in a safe way that doesn't feel like a challenge because one of the things that we see breaks people up is feeling blindsided by their spouse. Oh, you thought that about money or sex or kids from the blank and then they're furious. Like, who did I marry and how could I have been so naive? Whereas if you've just talked about it in advance,

you don't have to deal with that blindsided loss of blood. And do you think couples should reveal all the money that they have? Wasn't there a lot of that too? People who are like, they keep separate bank accounts or they're private about their money? That's a great question. My personal philosophy is is yeah, transparency.

I mean, I believe in the concept of transparency as a lifelong practice. Right? Another word for freedom is nothing left to hide, is this. Right. Right. So, yeah, I think so. Yeah, freedom is nothing left to hide.

That's so true. Right. And that's something that we do with pre-nubs. I handle dozens and dozens of pre-nubs. I handle dozens and dozens of pre-nubs every month. And you've got to be transparent about your finances or they're just not binding. Right. Because you need to know what you're getting into and what kind of deal you're making. You do with pre-nubs a lot. Do pre-nubs ever deal break? Have you read a relationship where they're like, I'm not signing the pre-nub?

I had two pre-nubs in the last couple of months that broke up during the negotiation process, the marriage broke up, or the engagement broke up. I could see that. I'd be like, I'm marrying you for your money. No, just kidding. But I could see that pre-nubs being just like, you're in this great state of love, we're about to get married and we're already talking about divorce.

Like we're talking about the fact that we can get divorced. It's just kind of depressing. Can I reframe it for you a little bit? So I have this philosophy that pre-nubs can be, if handled gracefully, they can actually be romantic. Oh, okay. Yeah, and I know it's a little bit. No, I wanna hear it, I wanna hear it.

So all right, there's a couple of preliminary points you've gotta, we've gotta get first. You have a pre-nub anyway, whether you want it or not, wherever you live in the country, there's a set of rules in your state for what happens to money during marriage and what happens to finances and money after marriage. And that's a prenup. So the question is, the first question is, do you want the prenup

that the state has set up for you, the default prenup, or do you want one that actually supports your peculiar and distinct marriage. Right. Probably the wrong word, peculiar. No, I know what you mean though, like what's unique to your own situation? Right, you want your own customized set of rules, right? So that's the first point, you've got one anyway. You might as well have a custom crafted one.

Right. And then the second point is, what we've already been saying, people never talk about money. Right, never. Because it's not romantic. Who wants to talk about checking accounts? Exactly.

Who's going to pay the bills? Right. But you've got to. You have to, before you get married. How do you recommend a couple of start that conversation? By being very honest and transparent. And I think it's also important to express how you're feeling about things.

Before you talk about it, you know what? I really don't want to talk about this. I think it's a little to express how you're feeling about things when you're before you talk about it You know what I really don't want to talk about this. I think it's a little bit scary. It's not romantic And I'm maybe I'm worried that you're not going to like me after we talk about this But I feel like I have to because you know what I really love you and I want to give this relationship the best shot It's possibly got so let's talk about these really hard things. And that's why a prenup can be romantic. Okay. Because it addresses all of these issues. Right. It brings up everything. Yeah. And they're terrifying issues. And they're real issues. Right. And what you're essentially saying is, I love you enough to talk about something that's really hard to talk about. And I love you enough to beat,

and I trust you enough to be honest about these things. That makes sense. Emily so this guy is we're two billion dollars and he wants a prenup. There's not really gonna leave you with much if you do break up. I would get no if he has two billion dollars I think that the prenup would leave me with more than I have now for Christchurch we're just that hard to say right wouldn't I still get something? Yeah you know when they're when our clients are in that stratosphere, it's a completely different reality. Yeah, okay, okay.

They're really, right? Three million, he has three million. Three million is a different story, right? Because pretty much anybody can get there in the state of the state, and it's just not a ton of money. Yeah. Which is crazy to say.

But it's really not. And you've got to account, particularly given what you can earn an interest on that, and how long, you know what they say? That from retirement to death, people need nine million dollars just to support themselves in the bill. Oh my god. That's the new statistic that's so scary. That's so scary. All the cuts they want to do too. Right. Yeah. So so they okay so yeah three minutes so then I'd still get money like by the state law.

But what does he leave that part out? What he comes with you with a book? I'm going to have enough money. It'll be fine. I'll be the one who had given them a prenup. Well, you probably will, but not every woman will. But this is the conversation, right? And what's great about menace is

he's being really cynical about this particular perspective. And it's totally right. Hey, look, I've made this money before marriage. And honey, I love you, but I don't think you're entitled to half of it. Let's be clear, state law in California does not give, would not entitle you to half of his money. Anyway, let me give you a quick breakdown. So anything that you earn prior to marriage remains separate property in California. Anything you are enduring marriage is community property. Oh, I'm retiring once I get married. Yeah, that's the good way to do it. Actually, hey, that's also probably not make

anyone money. You can marry her. Right. He has been marrying me one day. Wouldn't maybe marry her. You get to see a couple. Well, I think you guys got the dynamic. No, hell no. No way. He hates me. He loves me, but he hates you. What about the sex conversation? So do you have a lot of couples who come in and they're like, our sex life is just rude.

We never have sex in the film. Yeah, I hear that a lot. And then I wonder, I always ask them, like, was it good at the beginning? Like, what happened? Because sometimes you get married, you've kids, you're stressed, there's no time for sex. And this is what I talk about at Nauseam on the show,

I think, is like, you need to make time for sex you need to schedule sex It's not romantic. I know but if you're not making the time for it So couples just let sex go and they can't get back to it like you know what I mean? They let it go for so long and then they're like we haven't had sex in months or years and and so how do you advise them on that? Well, you mean the pain operand in the sex in the sex part do you mean them on that? Well, you need the pain up or in the stomach. In the sex part. In the sex part. Do you mean the sex part?

Because some people actually do come in and ask if they can put sex clauses in pre-nappiness. Oh, that was an ask. I thought that wasn't true if that's what you were asking. No, but that's a good one. It's a good one, right? No, they're not enforceable in California because we live in what's called a no-fault divorce state.

OK. But you can include clauses about anything you want if you just want to memorialize an agreement. Okay. What about outside California? Is there states where you can? There, you know what? I really ought to know the answer.

It has to be Florida, it has to be one. There are states that are not no fault of our state. And I think in those states you can have clauses regarding infidelity. Right. I like those states. Oh right. It's like Atlanta, right? Atlanta's a big one where if you...

Georgia. Yeah, where they could totally... Like actually the wife can sue the chick that she is as like... Oh the... Yeah, the Doltrus. Yeah, the Doltrus. Whatever. Yeah, I... Interesting. I don't know anything about Georgia law.

That sounds... Yeah, it's really cool. It's crazy. I like it. Yeah, I interesting. I don't know anything about George a lot. That sounds yeah, it's really cool It's crazy. I like it. Yeah, that is crazy No, I remember like I was watching I think it was like the real housewives of land I like one of them or like basketball wives or something was getting sued because They thought that she was at fault for this This is why we need to watch more pop television. I know didn't that it does I don't that's how I learned I just got one you just got I don't't mean that. That's how I learned. I just got one. You just got, I don't even have a TV.

That's how I learned everything. See, I knew a lot. He knows a lot. I know. I know. Thank God for anything. He watches Jersey Shore and the topic of anything.

I watch Discovery, History Channel, all the way to your friends. I haven't seen any of your stories. I've heard about this just as a quick aside. I've heard about this person called Snooki. Yes. She's amazing. The only reason I remember her was South Park.

I was watching a South Park episode in the other cartoon. Oh, they were. Did you see that one? Yeah, yeah. It was pretty disc... Is this person anything like the cartoon? No. It's crazy.

This person is actually only like... She's shorter than I am, right? Oh, wow. Yeah. She's crazy short. Wow, wow. Yeah, no, I never saw that one. Make it work. Okay, so what

out what back to sex? So what about sex? So you would you say do a lot of couples who sit there in the in the mediations or whatever and they're like we haven't had sex in you know, they don't once since California's a no-fall divorce state and we don't have to deal with sex issues in the divorce itself. They don't bring that up when they're already there. They're already seeing it. $50 an hour to listen to their sex lives. But they'll usually mention it in the beginning. So I can always get a flavor, so to speak, of what their sex life was like or what led to the divorce.

And yeah, a lot of people come in because the sex has died. But again, I think it's a symptom of something deeper. Yeah. I think there are those couples who are sexually incompatible from the beginning. Exactly. And I really do honestly believe that's a disaster i think it's exactly i always say if you didn't have a beginning you're not gonna have it now there's a lot of this guilt and we were talking about this before the show right there's a lot of this guilt around you meet somebody who's a fantastic person and you just don't have any physical chemistry and you you think, well, I should be able to get over that. I'm an a human.

I'm an adult. I'm rational. I should be able to fall in love with them with who they are, but you can't. And if you do, if you fake it, you're going to live a lifeless marriage. Right. Because that's that you may be able to fake it

for a couple of years, but it's going to catch up with you. It absolutely will. Can I? Yeah, go ahead. What is the, sorry to get out the sex subject, but I always have to ask you guys. Yeah, why? There is no question.

There's no question. It's always rumored that California is one of the worst states to get the worst in. Is that true or untrue? And is California, I'm not California, New York, Super Hardcore, like everyone says. Like it takes 10 years to get the worst of something like that. Well, so if you're in California

We have some of the higher spousal support and child support spousal support being Alimony We don't call it Alimony here. Spousal support and child support figures nationwide Because cost of the intends to be pretty high in California so in that sense It's a bummer to get divorced in California because you are likely to be paying out more in spousal support than you would in another state on the flip side if you're the recipient. It's a great place. Right. Also, the courts are having some real cutbacks right now. I don't know if you've been following the news, but we're losing clerks and judges left right. It used to take several months to get divorce paperwork back once you submitted it to the court.

Now it's taking up to 18 months and so on. My God. So people are getting these final judgments and then they're having to sit on them for two years before they actually get divorced. That's crazy. You just want to end it. When you want to end it, you want to end it. You want to be out. Plus if you've got a net case on the other side and you've got a contract but not an enforceable judgment. And this is an area of minutia but point But point being, you can't enforce the contract

that was signed. There's no teeth in it until the judge signs it. Wow, that's crazy. It can be really, yeah, I can be. Oh my God. So what do you, what do you say? No, I was just saying. In New York it's tough too.

New York. But for a different reason. Do you know what the easiest place to get divorced? I think it's Nevada. I think it's Nevada. I think it's Nevada. And again, it's the easiest place to get married. It's hard.

Right. And I think that's why. It's tough to quote me because I'm not a lawyer in those states. But from what I can tell's Nevada. Oh, probably. It's the easiest way to get married. It's hard, right? And I think that's why. It's tough to quote me because I'm not a lawyer in those states, but from what I can tell, Nevada, you can get divorced really fast. Sweet. Yeah. Yeah. So what about all this? By Elvis, exactly.

Whatever. Mendes is going there next week and maybe he'll get married. Yeah, I'll get married. Are you going to do a drunk show there? Yeah, I'll get married. Are you going to do a drunk show there? Yeah, I'll get married. And I'm not next week.

That's going to be so fun. I don't even drink so. I'm a lightweight. I'll drink for you guys. Okay, good. I'm a by the way, it's gonna be so fun. I don't even drink so I'm a lightweight and I'll drink for you guys. Okay, good. I'm lightweight too. I'll have one drink and I'll be like, menace. Is my end of in the hospital if you drink with me. But I want to know, so what, what, talk to you a little bit about your, your, your seminars.

I know you've been taught them yet, but what, what's gonna be some of the, the main factors? I know you're still formulating it. Well, let me, yeah, look, so let me tell you, let me tell you about Katrina, my co-leader. Okay. Okay, so when I was thinking about how can I jump in and help people with these marriage, we went past the book concept because it wasn't working.

I thought, what about seminars? And my best friend, Katrina Gillespie, who's in San Diego, has been in a 23-year marriage. She's in a 23-year marriage, two kids, and she's a clinical psychologist down there, so she does a lot of personal development and work, and she's deep in that world. And we basically, our conversations all revolve around relationships and love, and you know, how to develop as a human being, and that's why we're such good friends. We're talking about it, so we thought, hey, why don't we turn this into the seminar? And we use all of these conversations, her clinical work. We were talking about it, so we thought, hey, why don't we turn this into the seminar?

And we use all of these conversations, her clinical work, my experience is an attorney, and we'll bring it together. And we realized very quickly, like I said, or that we wanted to go deep and up in the surface. So that's what we do. And Katrin right now, as we speak, is in San Diego in her tiny office,

smaller than this studio, with the walls covered with paper, constantly writing it coming up with new content and pulling it out of books and researching and pasting it and takes me, she takes these photographs of her walls in her office and sends them to me just. All the ideas of what you're gonna cover.

I think it's a great service that you're doing. It's like marriage prep almost. Like people need, before you get married it should be like a right of passage. You've got to go take it where you've got to fake. Answer, get into these questions so you don't get divorced. To prevent that.

And tell me what you think of our thesis. So really, the core principle of the whole thing is that a marriage relationship can transcend the individuals, that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, that it can be a bigger and better thing, and it can be more powerful than the people involved. That's our thesis. That's what I like about the whole book. Okay, the marriage is a bigger thing than both of you and that you have to learn how to navigate it, kind of thing, or... You can learn mastery. You can become a genius of marriage. I mean, you've heard all this

out there right now, about the 10,000 hours is what it takes to master something, right? 10,000 hours of practice. Okay, so this is the... Are we there yet on radio? No. You guys are there on radio. Let's get you there.

God, I'm working on it. Okay. 10,000. You guys are close. You've been talking about sex for 10,000 years. Six years, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, okay, good. I'm an expert. I'm an years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, okay, good.

I'm an expert. I mean, sex, ah, anyway, go ahead. So. I thought you weren't supposed to talk about numbers. Yeah. That's my rule, too. Yeah. So, where were we talking about?

Oh, yeah, mastery. It's the idea that you can, by thinking about and working about and focusing on relationship and intimacy, which includes sex and includes communication, includes all these elements that are important to a marriage. You can become a genius at this thing. And really our idea is to jumpstart that. And so that's what we dig into.

We dig into what is at the core of people's choices and relationships. What's going on unconsciously that they're not aware of? Let's bring it to the light. Let's look at it. Let's talk about it. And then if we have to, we can deconstruct it, or rebuild it from our own.

And can change the therapist and your family. So it seems like a good, as well. I think we have a good book ends. That's good to have. How can we find out more about you if you guys have the site yet? We don't have the marriage planning site. We do have, I mean, you can go to my law firm website if anybody has a question.

If anyone's getting divorced or a family or a friend of yours, or a prenuptial, if they just want to talk to me about the relationship. Okay, which are website? It's heathneutin.com. Okay. Heath like the fig or a... We'll have it on our website too. If we can't have a burden, we'll make the fig.

Okay, good. Thank you so much. My total pleasure. This was awesome. This was great. Any more questions? Menace and I are both products of divorce so anyone that can help save marriages. Yeah. Yeah. Has it turned you off from marriage? No, I'm totally into it. Okay me too. See but I'm not lucky. I'm not lucky. I think about Emily issues a hot commodity. She's easily one of the hottest girls in

San Francisco. Oh, thank you. And when you're that hot, it's hard to, it's hard to, it's hard to, shut up menace. Let me take a compliment. Let when you're that hot, it's hard to, it's hard to, it's hard to come with it. Shut up, menace. Let me take a compliment, please. Let me take a compliment. We need to learn to take compliments gracefully. Thank you very much. I appreciate that.

Thank you. I'm one of the hard-travels in San Francisco. You are. No, thank you. Okay, thanks, Eric. This was awesome. Eric Newton, you can find him at HeathNewton.com. Is that what it is?

HeathNewton.com. Okay, we're going to have it on our website too. Thank you, Menis. Thank you to everyone in the world for listening. So thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. It was a good for you. Email me. Feedback.

It's sexwithemily.com.