Sex With Emily - Episode 344 - Why They Didn't Call

Episode Date: November 26, 2011

Emily knows that men fake orgasms too but proclaims they aren’t as good as it as women. Emily talks about how to have more confidence and the stuff you should never say on a first date. Also, why they didn’t call you back - unless they have amnesia, it's usually not because they lost your number. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Look into his eyes. Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that lock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got to understand.

Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off here. So, I'm going to be in bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about

sex relationships and everything in between. For more information go to sexdummy.com where you get all your sex and dating information that you need is right there because we've got hundreds of shows about every topic that you've ever imagined in your entire life is all there. We've talked about it. We've discussed it. And today we're even discussing more. Today's show, we're going to talk about why they didn't call you back.

Why here? She did not call you back after the first date. What did you do wrong? What was the trigger? We're going to get into that. We're also going to be reading your emails that you sent to feedback at sexwithelm.com. Some topics include faking orgasm, sex with your ex masturbation and other stuff like that. You know, they use, hey, man, what's up? Nothing much. I am excited to be here with you. The holidays are coming.

I know. It feels it, doesn't it? Like, it feels that the holidays are coming, but it, like, you can feel it in the air. Yeah. I mean, Thanksgiving for America. Because we have a lot of international... We do have a lot of international listeners, but we do have a big Thanksgiving coming up. I'm going to Michigan for a week with my family. I know. I'm very disappointed. I think you totally dodged it, so I can go. Because when you first announced that you might be going to Michigan, I said, oh, I totally want to go. I totally want to go. And then you're like, oh, I'm not going. I'm not going

I go, okay, cool. Then I made other plans You're not of comfortable Michigan once I made my plan. You're like, oh, I'm going to Michigan. See you totally set all that up So I don't I want to go I would have told you I love going to I know and you could have made some cute western girls I would have loved it. I know but you're going to Vegas, but I really want to go to Vegas and kind of envy so that I need like a good Vegas weekend. It's been a while. It's been like years since I've had like a crazy Vegas weekend. I would totally show you around Vegas. Yeah. I think we should. I haven't I been mentioning that. Why do we do a sexy only show from Vegas? That's what I've been saying. I know I'm sorry I do pay attention

to what you say all the time. But I'm asking for us to do a show in Vegas right because we can finally get the drunk show out of the way which we shouldn't done like a hundred episodes ago. I know. And we would we'd be in a safe environment where we can well I don't know how safely we've not done the drunk show yet. No. Oh my God. We were going to do it like show 69 or 169 or something. Yeah, we promise that so long go to listeners and I feel so bad that we haven't done. I feel that we just never we're just never in a good place where we can do it. I know we can't like right now where it's sit your studios, which you love Stitcher. Stitcher is an app that you can download for your smartphone STITCHER. really easy to listen to this accidentally that way. Anyway, they probably wouldn't be psyched if we showed up

with like a cat or something. Yeah, we're just totally fine. Fouls of champagne. What would you want it? What would you want? What do you drink again? Margaritas or...? Yeah, some nice dequila.

I'm really into, I just recently I sat on the show that I especially ordered Justin Timberlake's dequila, the 901. Did you get it? Yeah, it tasted a lot like Patron. Okay. Also, I'm really into, I don't know how available it is across the country, but Trissa Gavés is a cheaper.

Yep, that's good. It gets the clear. It's a cheaper Dekila, but it's really good. And then I got this new Dekila that's really fantastic. There's this kind of sore. Yeah, from Sean Parker's party, which I'm really excited about. How you haven't cracked into it yet?

I do, but only special occasions. Because it's like if I came over and you invited me over, we'd have some. It's a $280 bottle of Dequila. Oh my god. I'm not gonna just finish it off. No, no, no, no, you're not. Okay.

It's $104. I don't have any alcohol sitting around that's like, are there anything? No, I don't have enough alcohol on my house. You have a liquor store by your house though. I know, exactly right. I still have to kill her though, left over from when you were over that time, months ago.

You made me excellent Margarita, but then, I forgot how. You forgot how to make it again. I got to write it down. But I'll make you another one sometime. I promise. So what's going on? Any dates coming up? No, again, just extremely busy with work right now.

We have some holiday shows with artists and three of them. Are you gonna come out to any of them? Yeah, I totally want to come out to them. You said like in December, yeah, totally. You should come out to the one that we have Florence the Machine and Muffin and Son. Oh, I like Muffin and Son sort of. They're kind of like all sound the same all their songs.

And then after a while, you can kind of tire them out. They're very banjo-ish, but I think you can, you can, uh, I want to come if we get like special passes and stuff. Yes, you will be so VIP if you roll that's I just roll VIP. Yeah, because I hate lines and crowds sometimes. Yeah, it's weird. No, it's going to be really fun. It's December.

What? December. I don't know. Okay. I think it's like. It's your busy, I'm busy with work too, but I'm having dates. It's number five a two, so no work next day. Perfect. Just get hammered. I love it.

We are due for that, menace. We are totally due for that. So, can we set up the Vegas strip? Yeah, what do you think? Which hotel do you want to stay at? I don't even know what's cool right now in Vegas. I'm excited. I'm in, so I'm like, so. I was in Palton is where I'm staying.

It's the newest hotel. Okay, I'll just do it. But you're, you see more of a, a win type? I like the win. That's where I say, I actually went two years ago and I stated the win something. Well, the Cosmopolitan is supposed to trump the win, so I'm not saying that.

Okay, so then why would I not like the Cosmopolitan? Because you don't know about it. Yeah, they're like, ah, it comes Palton all about the win. I'm not a snob. I'm about it? Yeah, I mean like oh it comes up all about I'm not a snob. I'm not a hotel. Well, I am a hotel snob. I shouldn't say that I'm not I like the five star hotels If I can swing it so you promise me also if we go to Vegas that you will shoot guns with me. Yeah, where I've never done that There's a gun range right off course. There's a gun range of Vegas. Oh my god, and then you can shoot like Burrera's M16s, and another radio show I used to do. There was a girl that's even smaller than you,

and she was shooting M16. I'll totally do it. It was really good. But you're not shooting anything. No, no, you're shooting targets. Yeah, I should do that. I've never done that before. You never shot a gun.

Never. In your life. I'm kind of scared now, not thinking about it. No, no, no, no, look at you little tiny gun first. They have like pink ones too. Oh, I want a pink gun. Never. In your life. I'm kind of scared now, not thinking about it. No, no, no, get your little tiny gun first. They have like pink ones too. Oh, I want a pink gun. Oh, there you go.

I just feel like I've never thought about shooting guns before it, but I think it'd be cool thing to do. Yeah, I never want to do it while I'm here, but when I'm in Vegas, you know, you're out of your element. When in Vegas. Yeah, she guns. Exactly. So I think that's probably a good thing for us to do.

Well, shoot guns.. So I think that's a good thing to for us to do. Well shoot guns will get drunk and gamble I've good luck in Vegas too. Good because I need money. So if you can win someone for me, we all need money. We all need money. But yeah, so today, okay, this one thing I just got to give a shout out to Adam and Eve intern toy day reviews are coming up the next few weeks, few months. We're doing, yep, we're doing intern toy sex toy reviews, which are always so fun because you never know what my interns are going to do with their sex toys. They're getting like, apparently they all got to pick what they wanted from Adam and Eve. They got sea rings, coccrings, they got porn DVDs,

vibrators, they got a bunch of stuff. So they're gonna come on and actually use them and Talk about that and also one of the interns even shopped on the Adam and Eve mobile site You can look up porns and vibrators while on the bus or walking around streets to San Francisco because Adam and Eve is a new mobile site And the best thing is if you use coupon code Emily at checkout you get 50% off most items a free Adult DVDs three free gifts and free shipping. Free shipping is my favorite thing. Like I hate tacking on for shipping. Like charge me more for the product and don't even tell me that you're a little bit

but just give me free shipping. Yeah, because not that Adam does it, they don't. But they give you free shipping. Yeah, totally sucks. We're like, oh I'm getting such a great deal. Yeah, and then they're like 25 bucks for shipping your vibrator. I'm like, what's they don't do that there?

I don't think we love Adam and Eve. It's cool. My buddy owns a company and then he's very proud to say that he has free shipping around the world, which is cool. He just started doing that. That's amazing. So yeah, free shipping, such a fan.

Such a fan. Okay. We could get into a little news. News? What do you got? Well, this is what I got for you. Pomegranate perks up sex life and fights heart disease. Pomegranate is virtually nature's elixir.

They can help stave off heart disease relief stress and perk up your sex life. A 2 million pound study, 2 million pound study has found that an extract of the whole fruit, including pith, peel, and seeds, was given to 60 volunteers every day for a month in the form of a capsule. They found a significant decrease in a marker associated with cell damage. We can cause impaired brain, muscle, liver, and kidney function, as well as aging effects

of the skin. This decrease, unknown benefit of being pomegranate, pomegranate slows down the oxidation or rusting. So anyway, this helps with their sex life. And it's, I didn't know all this about pomegranate, pomegranate slows down the oxidation or rusting. So anyway, this helps with your sex life. And it's um, I didn't know all this about pomegranates. Did you? I like pomegranates. Pomegranates? Pomegranates. Yeah, well pomegranate, you know, it's just super food and they help you with your sex life. Yeah, I mean, you know, pome wonderful.

Yeah, it's been like huge for the past couple of years. There's always like new trendy fruits though, in vegetables. Well, the trend has been around for a while. The trendy thing, and I've totally followed into the trend. I fell into the trend totally, 100%. I love the coconut water. Me too. I'm obsessed with it.

All about it. I'm obsessed with coconut water. I don't know about the flavored ones, but just all natural. Do you get the pulper without pulp? I get without pulp. Oh, I like it with the pulp, because then at the end you shake it

and you get these chunky pulps. These little white chunks in your mouth. Ah, I want one now. I love the white chunks in my mouth. Menace, how do you know? Oh, but I, uh. Maybe that's why I like it so much. Yeah, just these little white chunks.

If only Steven tasted like coconut, yeah, it does not. I heard you drink enough. It might start tasting. You think I would of them by now. Okay. My favorite brand is the, and they're not, they're not in doors or anything like that. Is the Z, I, C, L.

I heard Madonna endorses it. Oh, I don't even know what brand mine is. It's the really big can. That's like two bucks and there's always like, oh, there's a pair on it. You got to watch out because some of them, I don't even know what brand mine is. It's the really big cam. That's like two bucks and it's always like, oh, good luck. Does that have the parrot on it? You got to watch out because some of them, they're the parrot one.

Yeah, because they have some of them have some of them have some of them. I just want the coconut water. Yeah, that's what I get. So good. Oh my god, we both like the same thing. Can we make alcohol drinks with it? Yeah, I mean, like some teaky drinks and stuff like that.

Okay. I need to get up on my teaky, my teaky combinations. I have an, when I went to bar, I don't know if I ever talked about this. I had to do a background check recently and list all the certifications that I have. Did you know that I went to bartending school?

No. I did. I didn't tell people too much, but you know that I used to work at a bar. Yeah, but I had to, I think when I met you. Yeah, I had to learn how to make those type of drinks. So I need to brush up and like read my manual again and then I'll make some cool teaky drinks.

That is so cool. Yeah, because I went to, remember I said I went to Disneyland and they have a teaky bar at the Disney hotel and it made me fall in love again with like trying to make those. I totally, I totally would love you to make that. That's why you're so into drinking and you're a bartender. Why? I don't know.

Like, what are the tiki drinks though exactly? Tiki drinks are like a really fruity type drinks. Oh, okay. But they have like a lot of ruminum and stuff. Got it. Yeah. They're delicious. I, um, yeah, I just want you to make me drink

more often. That's what I want. I'm, we're gonna do our drinking show. Okay, Katy Perry needs babies. Does she? Katy Perry and Russell Brandt just celebrated their one-year university, which is like five years in a Hollywood time. So naturally, everyone wants to know when Katy Perry

plans on starting a family. The 27-year-old singer told Ellen DeGeneres on her talk show that she would love to have children. I think that's one of the reasons you get married, she said, especially the person you marry. You think that person is going to be a good partner or a good parent, but I'm not sure it's time yet. We'll see, you know.

When asked if the singer wanted to have a lot of children, she applied. It doesn't hurt the first time. I'll keep popping them. If it doesn't hurt the first time, I'll keep popping them out. I wonder if they're going to stay together or Kate Perry and Kate Perry and muscle fans. She seems to be head over heels for you. I know, right?

I mean, I'm not knocking them breaking up. I totally applaud them sticking together, even though he's like conformed as a certified man-hore that he is very in love with this woman. Right, right. Because, you know, some guys were like, oh my God, if I was with Katy Perry, I would never cheat on her.

And but he's just he's just in the UK He is just as popular or even more popular than Katy Perry So he can get any chick that he Right right right so you know, I'm I love yeah, and why are you rooting for them to break up? I'm not I'm just saying that they probably will break up soon so Budget airline to offer porn as in-flight entertainment So, a budget airline to offer porn as in-flight entertainment. Irish budget airline Ryanair, which I've flown before,

is known for its bizarre, controversial cost-cutting measures and headline-graving tactics, the most notable example being CEO Michael Leroy's proposal to charge passengers a Euro per bathroom visit. Wow, for this reason, the airline has established a rep for basically being the Gary Bucy of the aviation industry, which is why it's income is surprised that those students are offering porn on flights allowing budget conscious travelers to get off after takeoff. Would you, would you watch, you don't want your neighbor next to you jerking off or watching

them watch porn? Yeah, I mean, I definitely been on planes where I kind of peaked and they're like, they're not looking at porn but You know what are they looking at they're looking at girls and bikinis and stuff like that guys do that really That's crazy to me and it sucks because sometimes you know because some friends with the A lot of suicide girls and then that there's nudity a lot of nudity and that and sometimes I'll like click on one of their links Because I just follow them on Twitter and I don't know what it is and then it would just pop up on the plane I have to like I didn't I just was in me. I was just clicking

I'm not totally masturbating on it, but I mean if it's a bunch of adults and you got a you know guys Guy a bunch of guys right next to you. I'm sure they're not gonna mind if you share yeah Look at this. I mean it's not something that I would do. Right. I wouldn't do it either on an airplane, but they say hotels around the world have it. So why wouldn't we? Because you're sitting next to all these people,

and then I want to guide Jack. It wouldn't matter already, Jack and off at the wrong inappropriate times. I don't want to do some guys' bludes to come on my pants while it's flying. I don't want to do that. And you know what? It's, I don't know. It's tough these days for airlines. I know. It is tough to make it, but that just seems

desperate. Well, desperate times. By lip rhinitis, cheap. And I have flown right there before. So I'm not saying I'm not going to fly right there. Okay. David Arquette and Courtney Cox, they say they're over. They won't reconcile. Why is this just coming up now? I don't know, it was in the news. She was sad, we were sad, we both cried. She said, because she was talking about it publicly, but they're not going to repair their broken marriage. That's just what I got for you to do.

Yeah, I mean, David Arquette has definitely been out there dating, hanging out with a lot of girls. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But they were together a while, and like Hollywood terms, they were together like how long, 11 years, they were married. That's all, to, they were together like how long, 11 years they were married. That's all, to me that is not a failure. That's not a failed marriage.

That's like a really good 11 years you put into it. Yeah. Maybe I'm a cynic or whatever, but I'm like that's pretty good run. And he's had problems with sobriety and I actually know people that hang out with him and they said that he's doing really well. Oh good. So he's sober now, huh? Yeah. So he's just moving on to the next thing. Onto the next thing. I'm not going to be a little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more that hopefully your divorce is amicable enough that you could work so there. So yeah, they're still totally friends.

That's good. I like Courtney. I like them. I like her. People say I look like her a lot, so that makes me feel good. I don't believe that. I don't see that at all, but I guess that's not. But maybe some of the same mannerisms.

Really? A little bit, yeah. Like when I go like this, when I talk with my hands, like I'm doing right now. Yeah. OK, let's get into some emails. All right. Funded to people.

Funded to people. We love hearing from the people. Thanks for emailing me at feedback at sexwithemily.com. Emily, I recently found your podcast and I've been working my way through all the episodes. The real purpose for my email is to ask for some advice on my situation. I have been married for 15 years this June, but in October 2009, my wife wanted to leave me.

We have been trying to save our marriage since then, but it never 2009, my wife wanted to leave me. We have been trying to save our marriage since then, but it never really never really improves. I'm moving out this week to my own apartment to give a space. My parents are divorced and I was young, our shared religious beliefs and that we have two children. I am having a very hard time calling it quits. I know this is extremely simplified, but we are just prolonging the pain by continuing, but I know this is extremely simplified, but are we just prolonging the pain by continuing, but I know this is extremely simplified, but are we just prolonging the pain by continuing to try and save the marriage? We tried counseling,

but it only seems to make our relationship worse. At the current state, my wife feels trapped and unsupported on her new career. Well, I feel like I only get the leftovers or avert near the end of the day. Additionally, our sex life is died off, specifically there isn't a strong connection anymore. It feels like my wife is off in a decent land

and not in the moment with me. Since I'm moving on to my own, I've joined Match.com is at a huge mistake. Thanks so much. No. No. No name to it. So that's anonymous. No, it sounds like you guys since October 2009, it's 2011.

It's hard for me to say because you didn't give me a lot of details. You said that counseling didn't work for you. I'm wondering when I hear first thing is, when I hear couples say that, I want to know how many times you went to counseling. Like couples who go twice, it doesn't work. You need to go for months. You need to go for months and months and work on your relationship because if you really want to save it, you both have to, you both have to really, really work at it. And it doesn't mean that you've got the right therapist either.

Mm-hmm. So I would say that. I was going through that. I went for months. Did you with someone? Yeah. You were married, you were married too. I weren't married, but I was dating England.

I didn't. I married. Yeah. But there was, after a while there wasn't any progression, and I just knew how to cut my losses. That's all. So I would say your parents divorced a new young, your ship, it sounds like,

and it also sounds like you're having transitions right now, which happens with couples. She's got a new career and you feel like you get left over the end of the day because she's two kids. She probably just wouldn't, sounds like you have two kids together. She just went back to work so she's probably exhausted and not used to working or maybe it's a really stressful job,

whatever it is. And then you feel like she's not bringing it like she was. So it just sounds like you guys have to reprioritize it, but reprioritize your relationship. She's like, I got a job and you're like, you got a job, but you got nothing left for me. So it sounds like you're having the same argument over and over again. So a therapist can help you get through that,

but it sounds like you are moving out, getting your own apartment and if you are and you feel like you've done, if you truly feel that you've done everything and you're moving out and doing your thing, I don't think there's a problem joining match.com. Millions of people have joined match.com and found other dates and found people. So I don't think it's too soon.

If you're ready, if you're really over it. But if you're still thinking you're gonna get met together and it's gonna work, it might be hard for you to date. It could be a waste of time. Because if you're hard still with someone else and you're trying to date, it could be hard to do. But once you get out there and you see somebody You're gonna start forgetting about that other person guaranteed not always

This has happened to me a billion times. Well, they say you got to get under to get over. Yeah. No seriously It's easier to start forgetting Okay, but if you find yourself hanging out with somebody and still Thinking about the last person then you need to stop hanging out with a person that you just you just started hanging out with because that's not cool Yeah, exactly I agree. Okay. Well good luck to you anonymous. What? I forgot to put on deodorant today and I hate that Freaking out really we had a walk up all the freaking stairs And it's hot in here. Is that the smell?

Just kidding. I don't smell you know me. I'm afraid of like bad breath and Stop it. Stop it the drugstore on the way on my Yeah, I just didn't have time. I was gonna stop here Before I got here to put some on didn't have time now. I'm freaking out because I constantly think about it I can't even do the show. I'm thinking about my armpits. Oh seriously Do you want to go to the bathroom and like no? We can just put on hold for a second. No, no, no, you're gonna be fine You know you should do you should go to the bathroom put soap under your armpits do that and then go buy some dupes

I'm gonna faint you're gonna be fine And you're sitting far enough away from me that I can't smell you so don't worry about me Okay Dear Emily just heard the highlight clip regarding faking orgasms. As a man who's been married for seven years, I can say yes, men do fake it. I have and I know friends who have. It's not done very often, but sometimes when we're both drunk, I have faked it. When I've had a whole bucket of beer, it can take a very long, long, long time to come,

so I just get bored and make the motions. Get faster, deep thrust twitch and stay still with some noises. She has never said anything, but as I say, it's when we're both drunk. So don't know if she guesses or not, but as things are pretty damped on there anyway, how would she know? Great shows, John from the UK. I meant you fake it. We were talking about thinking orgasms on a show recently and a lot of men, whenever we talk about thinking orgasms, there are guys who recently, and a lot of men, whenever we talk about thinking orgasms, there are guys who do it.

I don't know. I mean, I think, but there are some times where I'm with a guy and I'll be like, did you just because I can't tell? Like I don't know if he did or not, but if you're wearing condom, you can easily like rip off the condom and be like, oh, they're, you know, a throw away pretend there was come in there. But if you, I feel like if you usually come inside your partner that they would be able to tell, because you go to pee and then the comm comes out. Yeah, I mean, I never, to be graphic and true.

I mean, I never encounter that. I mean, usually this finish yourself off. You don't fake it. You're like, oh, or you just sometimes, but have you ever not been able to have an orgasm to come? Cause you're too drunk or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you don't fake it. You're just like I'm done. Yeah, yeah That's it. But you wouldn't fake it But some guys fake it because they feel everyone's the only reason people fake it is because they feel so insecure

Yeah, like the other person's gonna judge that but to be honest people everyone men and women should just stop faking it It doesn't do any sort does a disservice. So what if you were too drunk? And then you, if you're spending the night, you just take a nap, wake up, and then you have sex again, and you're cool. Exactly. Hi, Emily. My name is Mikhail, 22 years old from Denmark. I got my first girlfriend age 16 and was a virgin before that. We were together for four years and went through a lot together. I really loved her, but eventually we grew apart. My problem is that since we split up two years ago, I've not been with any other girls. I really loved her, but eventually we grew apart. My problem is that since we split up two years ago, I've not been with any other girls.

I tried on my dating and met with a girl and the day went really well, but just dinner and nothing more. Then I put on a couple of pounds, and my self-esteem has been totally shattered. I feel ya. And to make it all more weird, my ex called upon me and asked to meet about all times.

I went and we had hot sex again, but I don't have feelings for anymore and she really doesn't get it. I would like to meet about old times. I went and we had hot sex again, but I don't have feelings for anymore, and she really doesn't get it. I would like to meet up with other girls so I can move on for real. Any thoughts on how I can do that? Do I start working on my physical shape first? Yes.

How do I boost my self-esteem? Please, please, please, I need some help to move on. Look forward to future podcasts, Mikal. Okay, Mikal, I would take it. Sorry I got to interrupting. I just feel like I wrote half of this letter to interrupting. I just feel like you've I wrote half of this letter. Really? Do you feel like it's your way that I'll hold you back from dating? Sometimes, yeah. Oh, I believe it does. But you know what? And then also like when

I did, I mean, when I've gotten older and thinking about it's like, all right. I do weigh like 40 pounds and I normally do, I weigh more, sorry, it's a long, freaking day. 40 pounds heavier than I normally do. And I just think, okay, if I can find some chick that likes me now, like this, then okay, then she's a full-ass chick, and then I can get in shape.

But I mean, there was a lot of chicks when I was 40 pounds. Seriously, 40 pounds, I would never think that you needed to lose 40 pounds. No, but that's how much I weighed. But we're never going to go back to how we were when we were a lot of times ago. But that's not like too long ago. How long ago? Didn't you gain 40 pounds? I've known you for years.

Yeah, cool. Were you 40 pounds lighter when I met you. Yeah. I can show you videos. Trying to remember. It's only like five years ago. And I know, but I just don't think of you that, but it, but it does affect your self-esteem. Mm-hmm. And it does make you think like, so I would say, yeah, everything, anything that can help yourself, a steam would, would be great because it sounds like you're having a hard time meeting women because you're feeling bad about yourself, just like menace and you should join gym and start working out.

I mean, really, I know a lot of women, like I friends, like, who do I have a lot of cake calls from friends all the time, we're like, I don't wanna go out tonight, I feel fat, nothing fits me, and they just feel bad. And when you don't feel healthy, you don't really want to date. So I think that's a great way to start, and you might meet someone at the gym.

Yeah. Meekal, you might meet someone at the gym. Yeah. Michele, you might meet someone at the gym. But I would say dating online is a good thing to do to meet other girls. And again, join it. Maybe if you don't like the gym, maybe there's another sport, like a lot of cities.

I don't know what it's like in Denmark, but they might have like in a mural sport. What are they in a mural or extra cook? What they called here in what? Coed. Coed sports that you could play with someone with someone with another, you know, and you could just meet chicks casually that way. That's super popular like in the Silicon Valley here in California, which is the big

dot com area. The 20 somethings. They're they're all about that. They're playing like softball flag football soccer and it's all co ed. And that's where a lot of people are meeting each other. Exactly. I don't know if it's like that there. But that's great to play sports.

And to just start talking, it's what we always say, but if you feel like you're out of practice, it's good to just start talking to women. Wherever you go, like talk to women, talk to men, feel comfortable and feel confident and strike up conversations because that will bode well for a future. Like a lot of guys are like tripped up about talking to chicks though, like, oh, I talked to her. Just start talking to any woman you see. I mean, not like, letharsely, but just like women that you find in the bust

or women at school or women wherever and just see your comfortable talking to women because some guys don't have those skills. Yeah, I, you know how I recommend on the show here and there and it's, and again, I always say this that it's weird coming from me because I think all that stuff is kind of dorky. here and there. And it's, and I get and I always say this that it's weird coming from me because I think all that stuff is kind of dorky. But I always say, if there's improv class, you can

find improv class anywhere. Yeah. And it's great advice. And then that just builds your confidence to, you know, don't be afraid to be stupid in front of people. Exactly. And my buddy, who, you know, just recently single, he decided, you know what? I'm gonna try to do comedy. I'm just gonna go up to open Mike Knight, a couple minutes in front of everybody, and I'm just gonna try to crack a few jokes and see how that happens, right?

And I was actually on the phone with my friend, it was on speaker, and my assistant was there, and she thought it was like the sexiest thing ever that he went into. Wow, that's so cool. I think that's totally I think guys in comedy are hot. Yeah, exactly. But just to have the confidence to go out there. They have the confidence. Yeah, but any guy who performs. I would totally die, you know, but I would try it.

No, when you perform every day. I do, but. Comedy's tough. Comedy's tough. All the other things. Sometimes I've actually been there. We're in the situation where I'm supposed to introduce some people, I had this happen to me once where this movie kickass was supposed to, I was supposed to introduce the cast of the movie kickass. Okay.

I was in front of a huge theater of people and they're like, oh, the cast is late. And I've already introduced like, oh yeah, we're here blah blah special screening and they're like oh they're gonna be 15 minutes I'm like I'm supposed to stand here for 15 minutes and from everybody and then I was able to just like crack jokes and have people laughing. So you were great.

It was great but I've also been in situations like that again and I was just it was just crickets and I wanted to say. Right like as I said before public speaking is like the second biggest fear of everyone, it was just crickets. And I wanted to get that. Like as I said before, public speaking is like the second biggest fear of everyone besides death. By people freak out. But it's just, it's a great conference builder. It is.

improv classes. I love it. I've taken improv class. I did years ago. And it's kind of, you do learn a lot from it. You just like, you let things go. Like all the stuff that chips you up, you're like, I can never walk around like a duck

and quack in front of people Mm-hmm, but they make you do that stuff. Yeah, right? Awesome Okay, let's get into the show topic Why they didn't call you back You ever been on a date with someone and you thought I went really well and you didn't get a phone call back She didn't call you back. You didn't call her. She didn't he didn't call you Um, that is actually never happened to me.

I mean, I left her in the middle of a date. I've talked about the things that she'll started because she's wearing too much perfume and make up. Right. You got nauseous. But, um, I have a lot of friends or females and they go crazy when guys don't call them back. Well, yeah, it makes us crazy.

Even if we don't like them, like, I've had guys not call me after a date and I'm like, I didn't even like you, but you need to call me back. Or you need to call me. So most everyone's been there, right? We've had an amazing first date. Things go really well. And we're like, wow, he's gonna call me.

Like, this was an awesome date. And then like, three or four days go by and you're like, oh, he's not calling. It's not happening. So you replay the date and you start consulting yourself and you can tell your friends and you're like, well, I did this. Is it because I talked about this? Is it because I mean, when you never know, you never, ever really know.

But there are some chances that it could be some of these things that we're going to discuss right now. You might have failed to connect emotionally with the person. So I know for like, if a guy seems totally shut down or he just like cracking jokes and he's not being real and he's not emotional at all like he doesn't Not that he needs to break down in tears but If I feel like I have an emotional connection with a guy then I feel like we've connected

But if he feels like he shut down and he's just talking about things that not connecting then I probably wouldn't call him back after that So you need to make yourself stand out among others If it's someone you find attractive there are definitely others who find them attractive too. You have to, this is for men specifically, because women tend to be more emotionally evolved or open on dates. Distinguish yourself at an emotional level, put you at the head of the pact as someone they can connect to in the long run.

So, what can you can do next time? What are three things that I learned about them? What did I share with them? So think about it. Like believe it or not, connecting with someone is a skill that can be learned. Start talking to a woman as if you were talking to a friend. Remember to respond, respond, respond, and not just listen.

She's talking about skydiving, respond by talking about skydiving. Like don't respond. I'm going, oh, see when skydiving, oh, this one time, I jumped out of an airplane is the same thing or this one time I, whatever. Like, just try to listen, but then also give, give feedback. And it's good to be personal too.

Like, say, like, I had a great time on a date last night and I especially, I especially enjoyed, I specifically enjoyed hearing why you're tripped to Italy. Like, it's good to be very specific. Like, that's what you would do in the next time if you didn't connect your, your, your really your eyes. No, no, no, no, I was just, I was thinking about what you were just saying and it brought up a memory that I had with a girl

that I loved. She was freaking amazing. And she was telling me about a day that she was on. And she's like, I just wish that guys would learn to not say I so much. Oh, you know, I know what you mean. And then we would have such better conversations if you just kept on saying I. And then sometimes what you just brought up, I get so excited also where you're talking

about something. I want to relate on level and I do catch myself and I make myself stop. Good where I say when she talks about something, I go, oh, yeah, I did that too. I did that too. Right. And you got to stop doing it. I got to stop doing it. I catch myself. I notice it.

It is a learned. It's hard. It's hard. You can learn. If you're not connecting with someone, you can learn. And like I said, it's a skill. And if you're silently the whole conversation and start talking about the results of the game, you just kill the dates.

So just start listening and connecting on a real level. Okay, other reasons why you might not have called back if it was online and you've talked to someone, it could be because there was no profile photo. It's fine to be a little mysterious, but when you don't have a profile, we've done a show on this online dating. If you don't have a profile picture,

you're probably not gonna get a call back. You're probably not gonna get a response back. Or a keybrae. Or if your profile doubles as a novel, statistically shorter online profiles get more responses. Most people see very lengthy profiles as desperate and needy. Did you know that?

If you do like a lengthy like silo liquid on your entire life, people are gonna say like, that's too much, like it should be shorter, a briefer, every corner of your life should not be laid out in the profile. And it should be a snapshot only to pick the curiosity, but not to tell them everything. Yeah, I'm my Instagram profile.

I've been going back and forth on what it should say because some people have like these elaborate things like all their titles and what they're part of and mine says Radio DJ on live 105 director of social media San Francisco. I love taking pictures of I love taking pictures of food and cool places. I visit. Is that cool? That's really cool. Yeah.

I think that's perfect. Yeah. Why? Because you don't want to say where you work or eat. No, no, that's fine. Because I want people to know. Because I have people that search me out. Because they listen to me on the radio. I want them to know that it's actually me.

Right. But I think that's cool. I think that's cool. I think that's good. I think that sounds cool. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like I think that's cool. I was just, is that quirky and quirky? No, I think that's good. Okay. I think it sounds cool. I like it. I like it. I'm happy people find you on Instagram. Just white menace on Instagram. Okay. I got all the white menaces on lock. He's like white menace everywhere. So every time I hear about a new website, like I already locked down the username. Really? Yeah. What do you mean a new website? Like if I hear about a rumbling of a new website about to be big, then I just go to that website

and I'll make the username and just sit on it and tell that website's big again. I'm really into Tumblr too, so I'm on Tumblr. No, you love Tumblr. White men's on Tumblr, white men's on Facebook, white men's on Twitter. And I'm sexually everywhere, except for Instagram, which I will be soon.

Except for Instagram? Well, I don't have that on my iPhone yet, but I'm doing it. I can't wait till you doing on Twitter? And I'm sexually everywhere except for Instagram, which I will be soon. Except for Instagram? I don't have it on my iPhone yet, but I'm doing it. I can't wait till you're on Instagram. I'm very excited. It is my favorite. Can't wait either. It's going to happen today. Yeah, my phone.

I think I am getting it today, yeah. Yeah. Can you say why? Because I can share stories or no. Can I say why what? How are you getting it? My brother? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say it, say it. How are you getting it or not? My brother? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And my brother's getting me an iPhone with my birthday. That's really cool. I know. He's awesome. If you're birthday past, right? Yeah, it's he's saying it's my birthday.

I wrote this in my first first six months, but seven months. Wait, I thought you wrote this in his habit. Did I bring cupcakes with you, birthday? Yes. Okay. He didn't get me anything. So he's making up for it. I didn't get nothing for it.

We don't ever get each other anything. He's just like being really sweet and wants to study by my iPhone. I think I brought more than cupcakes. I brought cupcakes. You bought the most amazing cupcakes this year, I remember it. We have a video about the cupcakes. That's how good they were. I don't have, I didn't get no cupcakes or anything on my birthday.

Oh my god, I think I've gotten you some stuff. Don't worry. OK. But can I share something to you? I think that's really cool because you know what what it might I have a younger sister And I bought like every like cell phone. She's ever owned and her like I That's so sweet. I think I got a place station. I need her once my sister. No never where did she live? She is in Chico. Okay. She's in Chico She look up to you

I don't know I don't know. I don't know. Because I'm always getting her crap for stuff. Because she's doing things. Do you nag her like your mother nagged you? No. Think about it. Do I nag her? No.

I mean, she does stupid things on Facebook. She does stupid things. She does stupid things on Facebook where she's drinking and stuff like that. I'm like, oh, that's going to be good when you're looking for a job. Right. How old is she? She's younger. Yeah, she's like, she just turned's gonna be good when you're looking for a job. Right. How old is she? She's younger. Yeah, she's like, she just turned like 21. Oh my God, she's a baby.

Yeah, so I mean, she does do with stuff on Facebook because she's young, she doesn't think about that everyone can see it. Right, right, right. So I'm looking out for stuff like that. I know, you're good older brother. But, other than that, like, you know. You buy your phone, it's at the speed.

Yeah, I try to spoil her when I can because I don't feel that I was really spoiled because my family was divorced like you know. You buy your phones at the suite. Yeah, I try to spoil it when I can. Yeah. Because I don't feel that I was really spoiled because my family was divorced and so they always, they would always fight on who should spoil me. Right. You know, and then I never got spoiled. Oh, I want to spoil you. No, my family did take care of me.

Did you get your kids when they could, but it's just like, I know. You know what, if I had an opportunity. I didn't get spoiled either, but that's how my brother feels too. He's like, I'm going to buy you an iPhone because I've been talking about it. Yeah, and if I have the opportunity to, but that's how my brother feels to he's like I'm gonna buy you and I feel like I'm talking about it Yeah, and if I have the opportunity to do it, then I'll do it right and it's a new I I'm gonna have a nicer new iPhone than you But she should totally Appreciate me because you know what I've given her some pretty cool opportunities

Do to my my job like I got her when she was a teenager and meet like Paramore which is a huge band like when she was a teenager and meet like Paramore, which is a huge band. Right. Like, you're good brother. You're good brother. So she should never give me shit. No, does she? She does sometimes.

So gives me some attitude. I'm like, what the F man? Wow. Did she come visit at me? She's your friends and their brothers. She visits sometimes. She hasn't visited me. I'm a new place yet.

I want to meet her. Okay, we're talking about why here she didn't call you back. So here's some more things. Okay. Suggesting a late night date. If you suggest something after 8 p.m., don't be upset if your call doesn't get returned. If you're really interested in meeting someone a first date shouldn't start at 9 p.m.,

a woman will surmise that someone else was scheduled for dinner and she doesn't want to be the menu. She doesn't want to be on the menu for dessert. Wait, are you talking about like last minute? Yeah, last minute. Like tonight, if I say, hey, what are you doing at nine? Yeah, I go, I go though. A totally. I like late updates, but this is just a reason reason why I shouldn't call back.

A repeat offender. That could be another reason you found the perfect yin to your yang. You're sure they are among the millions you write to them. They don't respond with the 24 hours you write again. The next day I asked them why they don't write back. Perhaps you even write them a third time out thinking they could be the one. Some singles are just busy with work, vacations, or other activities and don't log on daily. Others have an overflowing inbox to your email get lost in the crowd.

A woman will consider you needy and there's a good chance you've entered the creep zone at this point if you keep following up. If you really think they're worth pursuing way to week or two and right again, patients is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for. After two patient well-written emails wait. Don't keep following up. I've had guys like following me every day and it's really annoying and I would not call them back after that. See it's a balance man. It is you gotta be balanced. You gotta do two times is okay, but then get the message Yeah, I just don't

It's it's very hard because You guys are so hard to figure out because they say oh, you know, I totally wouldn't win out with you But you never really pursued me and I'm like You don't pursue the minutes, but there's been times like'll, I'll like message you online and then we'll talk or we'll have like, sort conversations. And I'll see that you're online. Like, you can message me too. And then they'll never message me. And then I'll go, okay, then I'm, I'm a freaking creep because every time we talk, it's

like me initiating the conversation. Then so I go, okay, then she's not interested. But I always wait for guides to initiate too. Yeah, but she's just every single time. I've gotten better at that, but I used to every time. Yeah. It's like, okay, I've hit you of the past 10 times we've had cool conversation. Right. And then you stop after that. She never puts me up. But that's different than hitting her up. Well, I guess what you're saying is you might have felt like you were being creepy, so you stopped hitting her up all the time. So yeah, I kick.

Women have to show interest after a while. Yeah, definitely. So then I hate you. Especially with you, because you don't wait for the woman to come to you. And I hate then, okay, I stopped showing interest and then they go, okay, then what happened? I'm like, are you just effing with me?

Right, you're like, Oh, it was female you every day. Yeah, chatting with you. Are you just ethnic with me just because now you're not getting any attention and then now you just want to know what happened, but you're really still not interested? That's the stuff that I think about. That is the worst you're right.

She's just like, I just need another man, another chick. Yeah, another guy following me up. And listen, Hor, are you down to F or what? That's what I should just say. You should see that on the first chat, the first time, the first message. Yes. And then you'll know. And then you will make sure you're time.

Hor. Hor. In the body of the email, are you down to F or not? Right. This is my number call me. That's good. Some girls might be in the morning. I should just hit up my entire contact.

Do it right now. Do it right now. See what happens. We're always looking for new tactics that work. OK, finally, the last reason they might have called is the X factor. Divorce singles are signing up for online dating sites and record numbers.

Some of the biggest turn-offs for people are talking about their ex spouses, ex girlfriends, or even an ex-job for that matter. Everyone deserves the opportunity for a new beginning, leave the baggage behind. Sadly, some singles use their online dating profiles as an opportunity to get back at their X. It's just not appropriate and it's a total turn off.

I think it's true. You really shouldn't talk about your X in your first date, at all. Not first date, but what about if it's like third date? Third date is okay. I'm not saying, look at me. I'm never gonna talk about my X, but if they start talking about their X that's open ground at least you say

Yeah, I'll add next to but I think on the first date You know don't ask questions about previous relationships. Don't complain about your difficult divorce Don't talk about your spousal support. Did you know you that you share a dog with someone? Don't don't share online dating stories together. Just don't talk about dating or your past relationships. I know a girl, a woman who would not have date with someone and she told him on the first date like oh my terrible X blah blah blah and he didn't call her and I think it's because like yeah stupid thing. Just don't talk about your ex in the first second or third date. Third date is fine but first second and third do not. I am yeah I never want to hear

about your exes or your past days. Exactly. I don't give it. I date guys sometimes for years, well, two and a half years is my longest relationship, but I've dated guys for a long time and we never talk about our exes. So it's really not necessary like fodder for conversation. I just want to think that you're a virgin

that's extremely good and bad for some reason. Exactly. For some reason, I don't want any. I don't want any of it. You know how to give excellent filatio. Exactly. The butterfly, the rabbit. You just know how to do it all.

And it was your first time. Exactly. We don't want to hear about it. Men don't want to think about you being with another penis ever, except for their own. So that's what I got for you today on why they didn't call. How many times have they haven't called you? You know, I'd say a few times it's happened to me. And it's a bummer.

And it hurts your ego so bad. My ego's like broken into a million different pieces. And I'm like, you are really not calling me back. Yeah. You have really decided to not call me back. Do you know who I am? Don't you know who I am? But it sucks.

And I never know why. And actually I have found out that since the guy thinks that I'm not that serious and they want in a relationship and I probably like shot off my big mouth and said like I'm not really looking for Kim and right now. That was years ago. Some guy I really liked and I slept with him and we dated for like a month

and he's like I kept doing all my like, I don't really want to commit or I don't want to be like just something. I'm gonna waste my time on this shit. He thought I was a waste of time. Yeah. And I think I did want a relationship with the time, but I was just saying stupid shit and whatever.

So just be careful, we say, pay attention to what we just told you and that's what you're gonna do. So thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback. Sexwithemily.com.